SPACE SAVERS
CHAIRLIFT CHAT
VIE VAL D’IS
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THE FOLIE DOUCE ART PROJECT COVER ART: ELISA BIANCHINO Last year, we launched the Folie Douce Art Project, with the aim of adorning the front cover of the Echo with local artists’ creations. It worked! We ended up with 21 stunning magazines and got to meet some thoroughly fascinating individuals over a spot of lunch at La Folie Douce. The infamous mountain restaurant, bar and cabaret extravaganza generously support this project and we’re thrilled to announce their continuing sponsorship this winter. We’re now on the hunt for more creative talent. If you would like to see your work on the front of Val d’Isère’s finest English language publication, and featured on the screens at La Folie Douce, get in touch with us now. Whatever your medium, we can almost certainly accommodate it.
To find out more about how to be involved, email contact@valecho. co.uk. Also you can check out last year’s covers and buy prints of your favourite at www.valecho.co.uk/ folie-douce-art-project We can’t wait to see what the Echo will look like this year.
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19 CHAIRLIFT CHAT
CONT ENTS
How to become the most popular person on the chairlift.
22 HENRY’S AVALANCHE TALK An in depth look at the snow conditions and up-coming weather for off piste skiers/ boarders
The Val Echo CCK Intergalactic Ltd www.valecho.co.uk contact@valecho.co.uk
25 SPACE INVASION Suggestions on how to make the most of even the most minuscule of apartments.
Please recycle the magazine once you have read it. Or, better still, hand it on to someone else.
33 VIE VAL D’IS
Contributors: Sam Box, Ben Pryor, Caitlin Kennedy
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A run-down of everything the Vie Val d’Is does to make our lives better and ways you can benefit
RESORT GUIDE
The down-low on everything from the best restaurants to the numbers to call in an emergency
NEW STYLE
10 SPOTLIGHT ON THE ARTIST We chat to Elisa Bianchino, the designer of this week’s cover art. The Echo’s cover is generously sponsored by La Folie Douce
A satirical spin on the week’s events from further afield than the Espace Killy
Sur rendez-vous à partir de 14h
design www.athoms.fr
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Coiffure & Massage Hairdresser & Massage By appointment From 2PM
16 EVENT LISTINGS What’s on this week: - Town events - Bar nights - Sporting competitions
+33(0)4 79 06 02 00 info@avancher.com Arrêt de navette UCPA / www.avancher.com
Remise Carte Vie Val d’Is
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SPOTLIGHT ON THE ARTIST Artist: Elisa Bianchino
10 But I am always going off into my imagination. My friends joke about me because I daydream a lot. They tell me they look round and I am just in my own world, not with them at all. I start to see something and I just completely disconnect- I’m usually thinking about drawings. A lot of people tell me they want to learn to draw, but it’s just a case of practicing, looking inside your mind and taking inspiration from what’s around you. It’s something that’s not about you. It takes you outside of yourself. So if you want to start, look around and start reproducing things, or make a collage inside your mind. I think it’s really true that it’s something that everyone can do. Ok, there are some who are very talented artists, but everybody can draw and benefit from how meditative the process is.
Tell us about your absolutely stunning cover, Elisa. Well the symbol of Val d’Isère is the Eagle, and then there’s the dragon of winter which is coming to bring in the season and the two forces kind of oppose each other like yin and yang. I’ve only just arrived in Val d’Isère but I’ve already fallen in love with genepi, so the genepi plant is growing from the bottom. I was a bit worried because when I don’t have a particular subject, I tend to go a bit too far and keep drawing past the point that it’s finished. No, we really love it! Are you particularly drawn to dragons? Not necessarily but I like drawing them because they have a very particular way of moving, like a snake. And they have a belly and a back so you can make them turn as you draw them. And with dragons, because they are mythical creatures, you don’t have to follow any set rules; just use your imagination. Do you watch a lot of fantasy? Actually no, I don’t follow anything specific.
Did you do any artistic training? I can’t say that I’m an architect, but I did 3 years of an architecture course, so started my training in design. Even though I’m not going to be an architect, I’m so glad I went because it was just 3 years of creating. Where do you like to be when you’re drawing? Actually anywhere but it’s important for me not to have too many people around. Because it’s very therapeutic and too much going on can be distracting. It’s nice to have a time when you just go in the zone and don’t think and find the harmony of the elements you’re drawing. It’s intimate, it’s really my moment. Also sometimes I get an idea and I just laugh out loud. Like I drew this upright cartoon cat with its arms out and then thought, why are his arms like that and it hit me; he’s playing the piano!! And that made me laugh by myself and so people look at you funny. We LOVE the cat playing the piano! What is it you enjoy about tattooing? It’s cool because you go into an adventure
with the person you are tattooing. I that you’ve done? always have my gun with me so it brings Yes, probably the girl with the flower for an about some very interesting experiences. eye. Especially whilst travelling. And can we get one? More specifically, What’s your tattoo style? Sam would like a dog on his leg. I design a lot of little fantastical creatures. Yes I can do that for sure. I’ve done a few I’m taking my time with tattooing though little dog drawings. And maybe you could because it’s an important path for me and I shave your leg to have it done and only let don’t want to rush the hair grow back where the it or do anything dog is to make it fluffy. beyond my abilities. It’s very important Hahaha, that is an excellent in this line of work idea. Sam will start to find a mentor shaving! Thank you so that wants to help much for making such an you learn. I’m lucky incredible cover for us. You to have had that, are great! but I still have a lot to learn. Check out Elisa’s work @elibi_ink If you would like to get a tattoo from Elisa, Do you have a drop her a line: +33760902128 favourite tattoo
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OUT OF THE BUBBLE
By Ben Pryor We start on a sombre note after last week’s attack on London Bridge. Any debate over how the perpetrator was automatically released pales against the senseless loss of life, the heroic response by members of the public disarming the attacker with a narwhal tusk and a fire extinguisher, the emergency services at the scene and the continued determination never to bow to terror. South Park labelled every election a choice between a giant douche and a turd sandwich, and Britain finds herself enmeshed in the personification of this quandary with days to go. Shadow Home
14 Secretary Diane Abbott attempted to prevent the Telegraph publishing a story about her son appearing in court accused of assaulting a police officer outside the Foreign Office; a slightly esoteric way of demonstrating why sending your children to private school doesn’t always work but detail was never her thing. BoJo is still running scared from interviewer Andrew Neil after he used facts, ever the enemy of socialist economics, to eviscerate Messrs Corbyn, Swinson and Krankie. We’ll see what nightmare we wake up to next Friday the 13th. At least the NATO 70th anniversary summit in London allowed us to voyeuristically survey the confederacy of dunces that make up the world’s alternatives, lest the suspicion the grass is greener creep in. The Donald called Justin Trudeau ‘twofaced’ after a mic picked up the Canadian president making disparaging remarks
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about His Orangeness; better twofaced than blackfaced. Emmanuel Macron arrived at the reception in Downing Street with the Donald and was pictured warmly clasping the First Lady’s hand. She turns 50 next year, so she might finally be old enough for him. France is gripped by its biggest general strike for years, as millions of union workers protest Macron’s proposed points-based pension scheme, an attempt to raise the retirement age and curtail the 14% of its GDP France currently spends on pensions. Thankfully, the lifts and pistes will still be open but you might have to cope with fewer punters on them competing for fresh tracks; quel dommage! Cougar dating app Lumen had its Christmas ad, featuring a lingerie-clad Ulrika Jonsson with the caption ‘Be my stocking filler’, rejected by London
Underground; already too many people throwing themselves in front of Tubes without providing that catalyst. Justin Timberlake apologised to his wife (via Instagram, obviously) for being pictured holding hands with current co-star Alisha Wainwright; a euphemism or has #metoo gone too far? A duck named Dave had his penis removed after having sex with female companions ten times a day and getting an infection; wonder if that was the alternative to early retirement Prince Philip offered Prince Andrew. And finally, actor Josh Brolin burned his nether regions after trying perineum sunning (aka ‘taint tanning’), which apparently is now a thing. He said, ‘I’m icing and using aloe and burn creams because of the severity of the pain’; anyone who’s had a chicken vindaloo can sympathise. Until next week, I’m off to put the loo roll in the freezer.
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the story of their acquirement. Ask the french girls at the end WHERE ON EARTH they got their incredible fluffy hoods from and how they came to have such exquisite taste in fashion related matters. Finally, be sure to tell the ski instructors on the other end just how youthful their skin looks and how much you admire their dedication to smoking half a pack of cigarettes on every lift.
CHAIRLIFT CHAT Chairlifts provide a much needed break from the tiresome activity of sliding down the hill on your chosen number of planks. Of course they get you up the hill but did you know that they are also a prime opportunity to bond with your fellow chairlifters? This article covers how to make your uplifts more uplifting.
Once you have complimented every kindred spirit along for the beautiful ride, you will have their trust - it is now time for them to open up to you. Just remember you are here to listen, not to judge. It won’t be easy, your best bet is to offer gentle reaffirmation that everything will be ok and to take life one chairlift at a time. Carrying a small pack of extra soft tissues will help wipe away the tears and hopefully some of life’s troubles for these incredible humans.
The very first thing you ought to do is make sure everyone is sat comfortably. Offer anything you can to help these lucky souls have the optimal journey to their destination. In seconds, you have already built up a rapport as the kind and caring member of the chairlift. To seal the deal, be the godsent hero that pulls down the bar, As you get close to the top, you will start cementing your commitment to the safety to feel a warm sensation all around you. of your companions. What you are feeling is the embrace of friendship. Then when you can see the The squad is comfortable, the bar is down lift station approaching, it is time for the and a vista of opportunity is ahead. What toughest part - the goodbyes. The old you do next is where chairlift relations are saying ‘chairlifts fly when you are having made. By far the best thing you can do is fun’ has never been truer and everyone offer up a Charcuterie consisting of local will wish for just a few more minutes in the meats and cheeses (throw some oat cakes company of ‘the chairlift guru’ (that is what in for the vegans). However, not everyone they call you now). Expect a lot of tears, has space in their bag for such delights. If heart felt declarations of gratitude and you carry a small bag, or if you have run promises to meet again. out of salami, the next best thing to do is strike up a conversation. Chairlifts imitate life. You are on a one way trajectory to a higher place. You are As you were the one to pull the bar down no more or no less than your fellow life at the start of your forces sharing the divine group’s grand voyage, passage, so why not you don’t have to worry help their journey be the about people finding best it can be? If you are your compliments ready for fulfilment to disingenuous. Tell the bless your life, just get old man next to you on a chairlift. that his sallopettes are absolutely splendid and …did someone spike my you can’t wait to hear vape again?
SATURDAY 7
EVENTS LISTINGS
THE FALL LINE Anthony Joshua vs Ruiz fight live with commentary. SALOON Beer pong specials BLUE NOTE Biggest Sporting Event of the year, Ruiz v Joshua 2, ring walk at 10pm
SUNDAY 8 PREMIER TRACE Test the new season’s boards and skis for free. Just
HIBOU Sunday Funday! Pocket Size Dave from 10pm with happy hour all day and Xmas themed shots for €2
SALOON Beer pong specials
LE PETIT DANOIS Live music with Mullit & the Machine 5pm
BANANAS DJ BigKez’s DnB night
THE FALL LINE Live DJ
WEDNESDAY 11 LA FOLIE DOUCE WTF Seasonaire Party 12-5pm VIE VAL D’IS Free Boxing lesson at the Leisure Centre 7.30-9.45pm SALOON 3€ JOSS or 10 for 25€ HIBOU Wings Wednesday! 50 cents a wing
THURSDAY 12 VIE VAL D’IS Free French class at the Maison de Val 7.30-8.30pm CINEMA Brooklyn Affairs (in English) 8.30pm SALOON long island iced tea 15€
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MONDAY 9 VIE VAL D’IS Free Kung-Fu lesson at the CCAS 7.30-9pm SALOON Messy Mondays: Headfucker 15€ LA FOLIE DOUCE Back to the 90s. Douce brings you back to the roots of House Music.
TUESDAY 10 THE FALL LINE Live DJ SALOON Tequila Tuesday: 2€ tequila VIE VAL D’IS Weekly Jam sessionbring along your instrument to the CCAS from 8pm VIE VAL D’IS Free class in sewing to fix your clothes 7pm. Sign up in advance.
FRIDAY 13 LE PETIT DANOIS Live music with Karen & Andreas 5pm SALOON J-bomb Friday 3€ a pop THE FALL LINE Live DJ
ALL WEEK BANANAS Happy Hour 6.30-7.30pm and 10.30-11.30pm HIBOU Happy Hour 4-7pm. Kitchen open from 5pm.
CRITERIUM DE LA 1er NEIGE Opening of the World Cup Ski Racing event with celebration in high street from 5.30pm
SALOON Happy Hour 8-10pm. Open 4pm-2am w/ Resident DJ Lukas
BLUE NOTE Friday 13th special with Pocket Size Dave DJing from 10pm.
VICTOR’S Cocktail Hour 10-11pm. Any cocktail 6€ THE FALL LINE Happy hour everyday 3-5pm- 4.50€ pints. Beer Pong every day 12€ a jug. BLUE NOTE Happy Hour everyday 3-6pm, Hot Sloe Gin & Tonic plus great complimentary nibbles during Après.
LA FOLIE DOUCE Seasonaire Meal Deal 12€ @ Petite Cuisine
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SPACE INVASION vv
How to live in the smallest space imaginable and just about survive (from someone who has been there).
It is well documented that seasonaire accommodation doesn’t always offer up the most spacious surroundings in which to spend 6 months of your life. To put it bluntly, you get real intimate real quick with the four other creatures you’re sharing with. I’ve had my fair share of small mattress filled gaps to call home, but last year’s offering took things to a new level of human origami. To give a succinct picture of my situation, there was no bed. Granted this was my fault; the Echo ain’t going to print itself and so out went the bed and in came the printers, taking up approximately 8 of my allotted 12 square meters. This left a table and a single mattress, so like any desperate soul, I gathered up some crates lying around town and fashioned myself a sort-of-bed which curved downwards at either end. “Oh well” thought I. “Who needs a spine?”, to which a week later, my spine answered “Imma make your life a living hell”. Anyhow, all this is to say that although I now have an apartment that is safe-for-human-habitation, I have been there and am offering up a few words of wisdom on how to best manage your minuscule bubble of space. FOLDING Granted it’s not something I’ve mastered, but folding is your friend. Small spaces fill up faster so if you do nothing else, put stuff away. The laws of physics dictate that things that have been folded take up less space than those that have been scrunched into a ball. Einstein would be proud. OWN LESS THINGS This time Marie Kondo would be proud. From one great pioneer to another… if
you’re getting rid of any stuff (because you realised it’s actually quite cold out here and the wifebeaters/crop tops won’t cut it), the Vie Val d’Is have a charity shop going, so feel good about the glaring error of your ways and donate to them. PULL OUT Minds out the gutter! Invest in some pull out draws or shelves that can be temporarily put under beds or attached to walls. You can get that kind of thing down in Bourg. Also, anyone with a car is your friend! BING-POT If cooking is a fiasco, try using tinned veg & beans and one pot recipes. Also, buy smoked paprika- it saves everything. We’re soon starting a recipe series for those with no time, money or space. Until then, Blue Note nibbles are served every day from 3 to 6pm and you can’t beat their hummus. DECORATE It sounds like the least of your concerns but just sticking a few pictures up or buying a cactus from Lidl (on offer at the moment), can make the world of difference when living in a hovel. Echo covers make a good addition to any wall. So there you have it. You’ll be living a life of tiny luxury in no time!
OFF PISTE SNOW REPORT Brought to you by Henry’s Avalanche Talk www. henrysavalanchetalk. com Perfect snow conditions. Snowpack slowly settling, some slabs can be triggered on NE, N, NW slopes especially under the ridges near Italian border. More snow on the way. The season kicked off in style with powder snow and high avalanche danger rating 4/5 in resorts near the French/Italian border. Unfortunately two Italian guides were killed in an avalanche around Mont Blanc. Early reports at the weekend suggested the off piste was variable in quality with some outstanding pitches and others where wind and crust damaged the snow. We wrote that this was an unstable snowpack near the border. Since then all serious slab avalanche activity has been on the Italian border or further south in the French Alps with avalanches triggered by blasting in the Maurienne Valley area and by a skier in Les Sallanches. There was more snow on Sunday and the weather warmed up on Monday and Tuesday and this led to some spontaneous wet snow slides due to warming on south facing slopes. On Nish facing slopes the new snow improved conditions and current reports are exceptional with cold dry sunny weather improving the snowpack and the ambience. This snow is slowly settling and stabilising. So the risk is confined to fewer places on all NW N and NE slopes in shady spots especially under ridges where the wind blew the snow from the E and
26 S onto the N and W slopes. If a slab does release expect it to be medium to large and possibly 50cm or thicker. So could be really quite serious. The weather will stay nice until Sunday with more snow expected Sunday night Monday and maybe Tuesday. Then more nice sunny weather until the 16th/17th December when heavy snow is forecast. Less wind, so the snow quality will be good. There are variable reports on the stability of the snow layers. But there does not seem to be a widespread weak layer yet. This weeks cold dry weather might change that. We will need to read the bulletins to keep up to date. So look out for slabs on N facing shady slopes and read the avalanche bulletins. What is the current avalanche risk in the Northern French Alps/Savoie? It is considerable 2/5. This danger is mostly on NW, N and NE facing shady slopes above >2000m. Especially under ridges where snow was blown by wind from the S and E to the N and W facing slopes. Look out for wind slab. What does this mean for off-piste skiers and snowboarders? Look for recent avalanche activity. Especially when the new snow falls next week. Ask the Piste Patrol for advice. Early season snow is very unstable and it is hard to interpret these conditions at this point. To be sure you can stay safe stick to low angle slopes and avoid wind loaded slopes (where the snow has drifted in and built up. These are generally on leeward slopes but not always. Wind loaded slopes are where there is a higher chance of triggering a wind slab (but tempting to ski on because there’s more snow!). Where is most at risk at the moment? The greatest risk is in high (>2000m) areas close to the French/ Italian border. Areas often become safer through the season as they are skied many times and skier compaction stabilises the base. This effect has
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not had time to occur as yet. So popular places that are often become safer through the season are not safe at the start of the season.
precipitation is frequent with snow from the mountains to the valley floor; significant build up of snow expected. North-west wind quite strong in the mountains. Temperatures low. TUESDAY 3rd: Precipitation is sparse, the What is the likely avalanche activity? weather seems calmer with the return of some The snowpack is unstable and a skier going on clear patches. Moderate Northwest wind, to or close to a wind-loaded slope or a slope remaining locally quite strong at high altitude. with a slab that is steeper than 30 degrees will Slight rise in temperatures. probably trigger an avalanche. Look at the WEDNESDAY 4th: The weather is again results of the avalanche blasting. This will show disturbed, with new snowfall in the mountains, you if the slopes are stable or unstable. rain and snow limit may be quite low. THURSDAY 5th: Rainy and snowy periods in Weather Forecast: the mountains remain present in the region. SATURDAY 30 NOVEMBER: A cooler day in the mountains. The day begins cloudy clearing Temperatures change little compared to quickly during the day. Temperatures at around previous days and remain close to normal for the season. 1800m range from -6°C at sunrise to +2°C in Tip of the week the afternoon. It is a new season. Brush up your knowledge SUNDAY 1st DECEMBER: Deterioration in by reminding yourself and reading the detailed conditions during the day.In the afternoon, definition of what each danger rating actually the sky will become very cloudy, with snow means. It will help you interpret the conditions initially above 2000m and then falling to 8001000m. The wind from the West to North-west and the bulletins. You can see these at henrysavalanchetalk.com/hat-advice/dangerbecomes quite strong in the mountains. rating/. MONDAY 2nd: The weather is wintery,
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SEASONAIRE OF THE WEEK Tom “Blocka” Fielder
30 How was Norway? Average compared to here. Cold, icy, expensive, small resort, although I should probably tread carefully in case there are any Norwegians in town. It was incomparable though. Where do you work? I wish I worked at Fall Line. Why are you known as Blocka? A guy at work in Australia once said ‘you look like the kind of guy that is called Blocka. I don’t think it was a compliment either. I wish there was a more interesting story to it.
How many seasons have you done? This is my second here and I did one in Norway last year.
Is it true that you were deported last season and aren’t you worried that this interview might alert the authorities to your presence? No comment. What do you want for Christmas? A French passport.
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What is the best road for skiing on? Rue De La Balme because you can stop into Fall Line on the way. Get a cocktail, we’ll give you a paper cup and you can take it with you. Where do you hope life is taking you? Not to prison. Honestly if the gendarmes read this, I will be here one day and then disappear the next. Hopefully if I keep shooting for the moon I will reach the stars. Guilty pleasures? I do know all the words to “Ice, Ice Baby” by Vanilla Ice, but I don’t know if that counts as guilty. You are proud of that? Well it’s a pretty long song and my memory is not that great. If you were a dog, what kind of dog would you be and what would you get up to? I fucking love dogs. I would probably be a Kelpie, an Australian work dog. Given my nature I would probably be super loud, bark a lot and, just to be an arsehole, I would shit a lot as my owner would have to pick it up. Don’t bite the hand that feeds you. He has no choice, he shouldn’t have bought me. Can you beat Zac Mann in a thumb war? Depends if his head gets in the way. Actually I definitely can, and I can beat him a beer pong too, even if I haven’t yet. What is your favourite cocktail? Grolsch. Tell me about your shit shirt? It’s Jono’s, I don’t have any shit clothes What happened the other night? I had one too many and barged the door down in my apartment. It was locked so what was I supposed to do?
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THE CORNER
Restaurant COFFEE JUICE BRUNCH BEER Open 08:30 - 18:00 Everyday Next to TUFS Chairlift Tignes, Val Claret The Corner Tignes, Les Neiges D'Or, Tignes, France
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VIE VAL D’IS The Vie Val d’Is and the work that they do to make life better for seasonal and full time residents of Val d’Isère can sometimes go unnoticed, so we took the opportunity to put them in the limelight and discover everything they offer. INSURANCE If, god-forbid, you have an accident whilst on the mountain, it can be extremely costly to be rescued from the hill. But the Vie Val d’Is have you covered. Just one of the benefits of the Vie Val d’Is card is free mountain rescue from anywhere on the mountain, on or off piste. The insurance covers your transport all the way to the hospital. Note that it’s still advisable to purchase long-trip, winter sports insurance, as any hospital bills will not be covered. DISCOUNTS There’s a staggering list of discounts to benefit from with your Vie Val d’Is card, highlights of which include: - 15% off in all of Val’s supermarkets - 15% off all season passes at the Aquasport Leisure complex. - Genepi Galore! Complementary genepi after a meal at many restaurants in town. - Savings in many bars and restaurants. The full list of reductions can be found on the Vie Val d’Is website. HEALTH AND SUPPORT Half way through the season is Health Day, when you can see pretty much any healthcare professional completely free for advice and testing. The Vie Val d’Is also partners with the Pelican Association, a group committed to helping combat drug and alcohol addiction. They’ll be in Val once a month to offer confidential information and advice. Outside of these times, the team can help put you in contact
with a medical professional, such as a psychiatrist and provide info free blood and STI testing in Bourg once a week. Walk in appointments. ACTIVITIES The VVD organises free workshops every day of the week for members of the association. These include French lessons, Kung Fu and workshops on how to fix your stuff. Check out The Echo’s event listings for more details of what’s on with the Vie Val d’Is. Less regular events are thrown too, such as the Seasonaire’s Welcome Party on the 20th December, with free buffet, drinks and live music. AVALANCHE SAFETY TALKS Every few weeks, the Association puts on Free Avalanche Awareness Talks with Mark Jones, a BASI trainer of the highest level and founder of ICE Ski Coaching. These talks are free and open to anyone, even if you don’t have a Vie Val d’Is card. However, if you do, it is possible to rent Avalanche safety gear (transceiver, shovel, probe and ABS bag) for 2€ a day after having attended one of these sessions. ENVIRONMENT Ecomove is the environmental arm of the Vie Val d’Is that incentivises recycling and sustainability. They provide Eco-cups at events (for a 1€ deposit), free portable ash trays to take up the mountain whilst skiing and organise a huge litter pick up in the summer once all the snow has melted. The Vie Val d’Is Office is located in the Maison de Val and is open Monday to Friday, with a break at lunch time. The Vie Val d’Is card costs 21€ and you’ll need to sign up in advance (www.vievaldis.com/ valdisere/en/how-to-apply/ ) and take down a contract, which specifies your employment in Val d’Isère. Oh and the staff are the friendliest, most helpful people you could hope for!
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TALK OF THE TOWN Skin on Skin
If you are wearing a crop top to a busy bar, spare Planks Katie a thought. Clocking in at only 5’ 2“, busy crowds are essentially avalanches for Katie, carrying her far away from where she wants to be. However, asphyxiation was not the problem on this occasion. Rather unfortunately, as the crowd moved, Katie found her face at the perfect height to become pressed up against the bare skinned, sweaty back of a crop top wearing punter. Her face got so stuck to the flesh of the partygoer that she had to move in the same direction so as not to be knocked off balance before peeling herself off like a plaster. Nice.
Gl/ass
When a seasonaire sat on some broken glass this week, the amount of blood coming from her derriere was alarming. Who else but our seasonaire of the week, Blocka, would be the one to attempt to stem the bleeding. We are told that a flatmate came down the stairs to find Blocka crouched over with a singular finger placed firmly upon the butt-cut, heroically preventing any more blood from escaping. A gentleman as always, various sources have confirmed that Blocka was doing his very best to avert his gaze from said posterior. Thanks to Blocka’s actions, the seasonaire survived the night and received a singular stitch the next morning.
Bomb Diffused
TDC ran free transceiver training for seasonaires this week which was an incredibly valuable experience (article coming next week). Just as one group finished up, TDC Terry noticed a suspicious
object in the snow. From his 0 years training in the military, Terry immediately recognised the object as an improvised bomb. As panic set in, Terry lost all his sensibilities and poked it with his ski pole, only to find it was actually a brand new ABS cartridge that had just fallen out of trainee Hannah’s bag. It is unclear at this time who the bigger Jerry is.
1981
Many of the seasonaire apartments/holes in Val are a bit dated. However, we would love to know if anyone can beat Nat’s record. Measuring yourself against a wall and writing the date is a great way to see those vertical gains over the years. However it is this very practise by a presumed French family that has proved that Nat’s apartment has not been redecorated since 1981 at the latest.
Spoons
Comedy gold quote of the week from Skibro Matt about Eireann, Fall Line: “She looks like Reece Witherspoon. But she works in a pub so I guess it’s Reece Weatherspoon.”
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SPORT Showing at The Fall Line and Blue Note: BOXING: Anthony Joshua vs Ruiz fight Saturday 7th live with commentary. Shown at Le Petit Danois: FOOTBALL Saturday 7th December 13:30 Everton v Chelsea 16:00 Bournemouth v Liverpool 18:30 Man City v Man Utd Sunday 8th December 15:00 Aston Villa v Leicester 16:00 Celtic v Rangers 17:30 Brighton v Wolves Tuesday 10th December 17:55 Salzberg v Liverpool 20:00 Chelsea v Lille
Wednesday 11th December 17:55 Dinamo Zagreb v Man City 20:00 Bayern Munich v Spurs Thursday 12th December 20:00 Man Utd v AZ Alkmaar All Football and Rugby shown at The Fall Line. Sport also shown at Blue Note and Le Hibou.
SEPARATED AT BIRTH
Reece With-a-spoon
Eireann from Fall Line
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WOoF OF THE WEEK Name: BeyoncĂŠ Breed: Boxer Age: 20 Months Dietary Requirements: Loves Pizza but may be gluten intolerant Relationship status: Representing all the single ladies Habitat: SoBar / Pizza Nick Fun Fact: Loves shredding the mountain bike routes in the summer.