The Val Echo Issue 1212

ISSUE 1512 | FEB 14, 2020

THE

ECHO

FREE WEEKLY GUIDE TO VAL D’ISÈRE TIGNES

M A G A Z I N E

HOW TO MAKE SNOW

WHAT’S IN THE BAG?

DISASTROUS DATES

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THE FOLIE DOUCE ART PROJECT COVER ART: QUENTIN Last year, we launched the Folie Douce Art Project, with the aim of adorning the front cover of the Echo with local artists’ creations. It worked! We ended up with 21 stunning magazines and got to meet some thoroughly fascinating individuals over a spot of lunch at La Folie Douce. The famous mountain restaurant, bar and cabaret extravaganza generously support this project and we’re thrilled to announce their continuing sponsorship this winter.

We’re now on the hunt for more creative talent. If you would like to see your work on the front of Val d’Isère’s finest English language publication, and featured on the screens at La Folie Douce, get in touch with us now. Whatever your medium, we can almost certainly accommodate it.

To find out more about how to be involved, email: contact@valecho.co.uk.

Also you can check out last year’s covers and buy prints of your favourite at www.valecho.co.uk/ folie-douce-art-project We can’t wait to see what the Echo will look like this year.

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CONT ENTS

22 EVENT LISTINGS What’s on this week: - Town events - Bar nights - Sporting competitions

27 WHAT’S IN THE BAG?

The Val Echo CCK Intergalactic Ltd

What on earth could be in those bags that every Scandi kid seems to have attached to themselves

www.valecho.co.uk contact@valecho.co.uk Please recycle the magazine once you have read it. Or, better still, hand it on to someone else.

33 DISASTROUS DATES Valentine’s Day is crappy, so here are a collection of dating calamities to get you through it.

Contributors: Sam Box, Ben Pryor, Caitlin Kennedy

06 RESORT GUIDE The down-low on everything from the best restaurants to the numbers to call in an emergency

NEW STYLE

10 GONDALOVE Our very first Gondalovers bare all from their blind date on the slopes and at Pizza Nick.

A satirical spin on the week’s events from our man on the outside, Ben Pryor

Sur rendez-vous à partir de 14h

design www.athoms.fr

16 OUTSIDE THE BUBBLE

Coiffure & Massage Hairdresser & Massage By appointment From 2PM

19 HOW TO MAKE SNOW Val d’Isère leads the world in artificial snow production. We find out how.

+33(0)4 79 06 02 00 info@avancher.com Arrêt de navette UCPA / www.avancher.com

Remise Carte Vie Val d’Is

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GONDALOVING Our very first Gondalovers bare all about their steamy (no really, it was boiling!)

Valentine’s Day ski and lunch date courtesy of Pizza Nick, Lavachet.

are trying to coordinate the schedules of 62 people and it is an absolute pain in the arse when you cancel last minute. You get one shot and then you’ll be swapped for someone else.

Sorry not sorry.

REBECCA: Funniest moment of the date?

Maybe when I was a second choice because his date never arrived, who we then figured out was my roommate.

What did you like most about him?

We both have a Jack Russel.

What was your chairlift chat?

We talked about my worst Valentine’s day.

My ex shat himself in Bali at 7 in the morning and I had to spend the rest of the day on the beach on my own. This Valentine’s Day was definitely one of the best ones I’ve had.

Give us the low-down on the meal at Pizza Nick.

It tasted like home.

For a full half hour, we were under the impression that Filip’s date, Amy, had stood him up and were incredibly grateful that Rebecca randomly turned up and was happy to jump in last minute. However, we were unaware that the Amy we had been messaging was actually Rebecca, who was blissfully ignorant of the situation and turned up for the date despite having never signed up for Gondalove. This was lucky because Amy (who turns out to be Rebecca’s room mate) has in fact broken her leg so would have been unable to come on the date anyway. Confused? So are we.

Separately, we would also like to request that people please, for the love of god, stick to their agreed time for a Gondalove date. We

Were you impressed with Filip’s skiing?

We skied off piste and I was definitely impressed! My roommate has fractured her leg so she wouldn’t have been able to do it anyway.

How did the date end?

Me saying that I will come by Saloon for some Joss shots later.

Would you meet again?

For some good skiing and Joss shots, yes!

FILIP: Funniest moment of the date?

Thinking we both got stood up when actually we were sat next to each other for 40 minutes.

What did you like most about her?

She is really sweet and has a soft spot for

dogs. We petted and fed a few during lunch.

What was your chairlift chat?

First we talked about our families and later, we ended up discussing where to find fresh powder patches.

Give us the low-down on the meal at Pizza Nick.

Nick’s pizza was brilliant. It was the best baked potato and Hawaiian pizza!

Were you impressed with her skiing?

Yes she is a good skier. Blasts beautifully offpiste. I guess all Swedish can ski before they can walk.

How did the date end?

The date ended with battered legs and a happy soul.

Would you meet again?

Definitely!

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Filip and Rebecca shared a romantic meal at Pizza Nick in Lavachet. Pizza Nick make their incredible pizzas in a traditional stone oven and they are genuinely a little slice of heaven. They also have an amazing lunchtime deal of a Margarita midi pizza/Jacket potato with salad/mini fries and a drink for 10â‚Ź. An absolute steal!

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OUT OF THE BUBBLE

By Ben Pryor

The HS2 train line got the go-ahead after an ‘independent’ review conducted by the former head of the project. £100bn seems a lot to shave 20 minutes off the time it takes to get from London to Birmingham but perhaps I’m thinking about the journey the wrong way round. BoJo has bigger concerns, after a minor cabinet reshuffle ended with Chancellor Sajid Javid resigning. Rishi Sunak gets the dubious honour of moving in next to Boris, with the usual proviso not to send recordings of his domestics to the Guardian.

Bernie Sanders has won the New

Hampshire primary, to go with last week’s Iowa Caucus. Pocahontas and Sleepy Joe’s campaigns have been left on life support with Pete Buttgag the nearest challenger.

The Democrats seem as agnostic of the reasons they lost four years ago as the Labour leadership candidates over here refusing to denounce the Jeremy and John McDonnell’s economic suicide pact, you can go ahead and schedule the bewildered metropolitan liberal outrage for the morning of the 4th of November.

The Princess Royal’s son Peter Phillips has separated from his wife Autumn after 12 years. She’s a Canadian citizen but, lest the Sussexes worry she’ll be threatening their franchise, has already committed to staying to raise their daughters. With Princess Beatrice’s wedding lower-key than a Barry White song, if only to keep the father-of-the-bride from hitting on her

mates, the onus is on Charles and William to up their game. The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge visited Northern Ireland this week. Kate Middleton was said to be a natural on a visit to a Belfast farm, the tabloids dubbing her ‘Duchess Dolittle’; problem is Meghan already trademarked the name.

The Oscars dealt a surprise as Korean film Parasite swept the board. Natalie Portman wore a gown with names of female directors stitched into it, in protest at the all-male nominees, despite her production company only having ever hired one female director… her. Hollywood being the world leader in hypocrisy aside, she may have a point. Bombshell, a film based on a true story about sexual harassment in the workplace at FOX News, won its only award for ‘Best make-up and hairstyling’; no question whether Harvey is still a voting

member then.

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Virginia is trying to reverse a centuries-old law which makes fornication illegal there; you always wonder how places get their name. A Massachusetts woman became an unwitting getaway driver on her first date after he robbed a bank and told her to ‘f***ing go’; there’s a decent chance those two statements are unconnected. The world’s first transgender doll, with a penis underneath women’s clothes, has gone on sale in Siberia; presumably where its inventors were shipped upon inventing it.

And finally, a grandmother who went to the supermarket without her glasses on was surprised to discover she’d purchased a bumper packet of condoms instead of Tetley tea bags; got to hope they don’t let flavour flood out. Until next week, I’m off to help rename Virginia.

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HOW TO MAKE SNOW

by comparing a microscopic image of a snowflake alongside a molecule of what is produced by the snow cannons. Essentially, the resulting substance is a globule of water encased in a sheath of ice.

The Alps have seen an awful lot of crazy weather this season. There are waterfalls where there should be walls of ice and buds on trees that aren’t due to arrive until April. Maybe it’s a fluke season, but more than likely it’s a sign of things to come.

Although we might not want to face the facts, rain and long periods of hot sunny weather in January are going to become frequent occurrences as strange weather becomes the new norm. Some resorts have already lost the fight. There’s an incredibly eerie photo series by Tomaso Clavarino of abandoned ski resorts in Europe and the States, which shows stationary ski lifts, still as a photograph, hotels gradually disintegrating into ruins and pistes being engulfed back by nature.

Val d’Isère however, is ready. Obviously it already has a major advantage. Standing at 1850m elevation, the town and its ski area are far more likely to experience snow than its lower down counterparts. But as the average snow/rain limit for the season creeps up year on year, the powers that be have another trick up their sleeve that doesn’t require much input from Mother Nature. With a plentiful supply of water, a little air and a negative atmospheric temperature, Val d’Isère Télépheriques is doing what Science Fiction writers predicted back in the 70s: making their own weather. Although you’ll almost certainly have moaned over receiving a face-full of snow from the cannons, it probably hasn’t crossed your mind the amount of work that goes into producing “fake” snow. The word snow here is actually a misnomer as Pierre Mattis explained on a backstage visit to the snow-making facilities. Because what they are making is neither snow nor ice nor water, but a combination of the three. The easiest way of explaining this is

Artificial snow

Natural snowflake

Val d’Isère has one of the most extensive snow-making facilities in the world, with the ability to produce artificial snow on a staggering 40% of its 450 kilometres of pistes. This is achieved using 650 snow canons which are all controlled from a computerised central hub. It is this underground lair that we visit and through which the requisite water is pumped from surrounding lakes, rivers and reservoirs.

According to Mattis, who is head of the

N E W F I N E F O O D S D E L I C AT E S S E N IN THE TOURIST OFFICE SQUARE. O R D E R O N L I N E AT l m d l m . c o m O R VISIT THE STORE

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Snow Workshop, the amount of water used each season is equivalent to 50cm of the depth of the Lac de Chevril reservoir.

There are 9 smaller control centres across the ski area, some at the bottom of the mountains, some, like the one at the bottom of Fontaine Froid, operate further up. The impressive cavern we find ourselves in is buried in to the rocks underneath the Face de Bellevarde. Here, they pump water from the Isère river all the way up at the Pont St Charles beyond Le Fornet. This water is then filtered for impurities and particles, just like a swimming pool. It is vital that the water is as pure as possible to stop ice clogging up the pipes and sensitive nozzles. To form ice crystals, which would be detrimental to the whole operations’ functioning, water molecules require a nucleus on which to condense, a process that cannot happen if there are no foreign particles.

The aforementioned nozzles are in fact the only part to come from outside of the facility, being shipped from Canada.

Everything else is manufactured in house.

And this is what makes Val d’Isère’s artificial snow making facility so special.

Initially conceptualised in the 80s, every incremental improvement has been achieved by Val d’Isère Télépherique’s own staff. What they have therefore created is a totally unique system that is minutely controllable, from the area covered, to the density of snow produced. This purportedly means that snow can be tailored made to specification. For example, for the Criterium de la Premier Neige World Cup races at the beginning of the season, more compact snow is produced. This runs faster, an ideal property for professional racing.

Mattis and his team meet with the Pisteurs once a week to establish which runs on the ski area are in need of top ups. This decision making process is now greatly aided by measuring devices on pistebashers that gauge the snow depth directly beneath them. If required, each

cannon can produce 100 cubic meters of snow. But whilst the raw materials to produce such a vast quantity of artificial snow may only be water and air, the energy cost of pumping them both out at pressure is large. Despite huge improvements to the devices’ efficiency in recent years, each still guzzles energy at a rate comparable to running a boiler for a family home for a year You might have noticed the cannons functioning through January and February.

This didn’t used to be necessary but is becoming more and more commonplace.

The snow-making facilities are in a constant uphill battle against the effects of warming winters; a fight that requires ever more sophisticated equipment at ever increasing quantities. And whilst Val d’Isère, one of the richest resorts in the world, is in a privileged position to be able to invest in this technology, other resorts await with baited breath to see what the future holds, hoping for a miracle or a breakthorugh to stave off the shrinking winters.

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SATURDAY 15 SALOON Beer-pong specials VICTOR’S Seasonaire Saturday. 5€ beer, 4€ wine, 6€ cocktails 21-23 10% discount on food PETIT DANOIS DJ James French 10pm THE FALL LINE Super Seasonaire Saturday LE LODGE DJ K2

EVENTS LISTINGS SUNDAY 16 PETIT DANOIS Live Music with Ali and Tchai 5pm. DJ Jack Igglesden 10pm SALOON Live Music Big Mountain 17.30 BANANAS Drum and Bass with DJ BigKez HIBOU Sunday Funday! Happy Hour all day & Live Music w/ the King of “One More Song!”, Luke Robinson

TIGNES SALOON Beer pong specials

WEDNESDAY 19 BONNE SANTÉ Power Flow Yoga with Rose 10.30am at Le Hibou PONT ST CHARLES Wildlife Observation BANANAS Live DJ on the decks 10.30pm FOLIE DOUCE WTF! Party SALOON 3€ JOSS!!

PETIT DANOIS Live Music The Mardy Johnny Depps 17h. DJ James French 22h HIBOU Wings Wednesday BONNE SANTÉ Hilltop Candlelit Yin. Refuge de Solaise 7.30pm AVALINE TRAX Night Touring Race up to La Folie Douce. Sign up, La Daille 17h. 5€ FALL LINE Live DJ on the decks TIGNES SALOON Queens of the Snow Stage 22h & 3€ JOSS!!

THE FALL LINE Super Seasonaire Sunday CINEMA 1917 in English 8.30pm TIGNES SALOON Beer pong specials

THURSDAY 20 BACKSTAGE VISIT Discover how the Olympic Cable Car and Snow making facilities work. Sign up @Tourist Office.

SNOWPARK BlackCats contest. Free entry, open to all with prizes & BBQ. 10am BONNE SANTÉ Hilltop Candlelit Flow.

Refuge de Solaise 11am SALOON Thirsty Thursday! 15€ Long island PETIT DANOIS Live Music: The Blazin’ Strings 5pm. DJ Jack Iggelsden 10pm

IN TOWN Festilight- Street Party on the Main Road with performers & live music.

VICTORS Hip Hop Night with Live DJ BANANAS Live DJ on the decks 10.30pm LE LODGE DJ Valentin 11pm-2am SO BAR Karaoke Night

T-SALOON 15€ long island iced tea

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MONDAY 17 BONNE SANTÉ Mountain Flow Yoga with Rose 10.30am at Le Hibou SALOON Messy Monday 15€ Headf*cker LA FOLIE DOUCE Born in the 90s Presents Too Many Left Hands PETIT DANOIS Live Music Mullit & the Machine 5pm. DJ Jack Igglesden 10pm AVALANCHE SAFETY TALK Free talk at 5.30pm in English on the Snowfront SOLAISE Eagle display with their falconers at 10am and 3pm. Free event.

THE MARMOT ARMS BASS STATION with DJ Komissar and friends TIGNES SALOON Messy Monday – the wall 15€

FRIDAY 21 PETIT DANOIS Live music with Karen & Andreas 5pm. DJ Jack Igglesden 22h SALOON 3€ J-Bombs and Open Deck with DJ Lukas SAVONETTE Yooner sledging 6pm FOLIE DOUCE Hedegaard CINEMA Richard Jewell in English 8.30pm SAVONETTE Floodlit Parallel Night Slalom with Dynastar

TIGNES SALOON 3€ J-bombs

TUESDAY 18 FOLIE DOUCE Peyrassol x La Folie Douce SALOON PSD flirting with the scandis on SCANDINIGHT

ESF SNOWSHOW Freestyle display, torchlit descent of Le Face & firework display. Free vin chaud. 18h45- Snowfront FALL LINE Big DJ night!

PETIT DANOIS Live Music The Revolverlites 5pm. DJ Jack Igglesden 22h HIBOU Tignes Film Awards Screening, Sign Up and hot tips from 9pm VICTOR’S Retro Night! All your favourite tunes from the 70s, 80s and 90s TIGNES SALOON CHAMPIONS LEAGUE KICK OFF!

ALL WEEK BANANAS Happy Hour 6.30-7.30pm and 10.30-11.30pm HIBOU Happy Hour 4-7pm. Kitchen open from 12pm for lunch SALOON (VAL) Happy Hour 8-10pm: Jugs 15€ + 3€ Joss. 2-4-1, 4-6pm. Can you beat the highscore on the boxing machine?

LA FOLIE DOUCE Seasonaire Meal Deal 12€ @ Petite Cuisine VICTOR’S Cocktail Hour 10-11pm. Cocktails 6€ Restaurant booking 0479060652 THE FALL LINE Happy hour everyday 3-5pm4.50€ pints. Beer Pong every day 12€ a jug.

BLUE NOTE Happy Hour everyday 3-6pm, Hot Sloe Gin & Tonic and complimentary nibbles.

T-SALOON 2-4-1 @ après (4-6pm). Happy Hour 20-22h: jugs 15€ + 3€ Joss. All sport shown SO BAR Open 4pm everyday with free Aprés pizza & a fab new cocktail menu

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WHAT’S IN THE BAG? What do the Scandi kids have in their funny satchel things?

more obnoxious and sticky. The children are also known for leaving copious amounts of empty bottles around town, particularly tiny spirit bottles. One has to assume they drink so many tiny bottles as they are the only thing that fit in these silly little bags.

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It is odd that the children seem to pre-drink so much given that when they get to the club they start (literally) burning the pocket money their parents gave them for the trip and pouring champagne down the sink, just to flaunt ‘their’ wealth. This disparity leads me to believe that their shoulder mounted fanny packs are actually full of fake 50€ notes for fake ostentatious displays of wealth.

Another possibility we have been investigating, is that the kids keep copious amounts of rubbish in their bags to spread around town. There is just no way they could litter such a colossal amount if they weren’t saving it up over the year - it would also explain how the Scandinavian states are allegedly so good at recycling.

We have all seen the trend of youths wearing bum bags over their shoulders. In wider culture, these bags seem to be largely limited to wannabe road men. However, it seems like every other Scandi child is sporting one. So what is the deal?

Despite Scandis being supposedly known for their very trendy style, it looks like the kids here on holiday haven’t got the memo.

With jeans and chinos so tight that they could be leggings, it is unsurprising that they are unable to carry anything in their pockets. How are you meant to get out your wallet to purchase a bottle of ‘spray’ for the Danish national anthem if it’s wedged in your trousers?

Talking of ‘spray’, we have to assume that these bags are also used to transport carbonated substances that can be used to cover their friends. Think: CamelBak but

Scandinavia does actually have a fair few legit ski brands such as Hagloffs, Hestra and Helly Hansen, to name a few beginning with H. However, the Scandi kids appear not to have realised as we have seen some truly hideous getups this week. The most horrific outfits seem to always be partnered with a silly, over the shoulder slung bum bag.

This has lead us to believe that the gross apres-wear that so many Scandi children have been fooled into buying is so Apres oriented that they actually don’t have a lift pass pocket. Imagine that, 60,000k waterproofing for the ‘spray’ but you still have to bring a bumbag for your lift pass!

One thing you are unlikely to find in a lot of these bags is any form of ID. We call them the Scandi children since they behave as such, but seemingly a fair few of them are literally children below the age of 18.

I have seen two instances of actual Scandi

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children raging at bouncers for not letting them in without ID. It appears that their funny satchels aren’t big enough to fit any manners or common sense.

Mere minutes after finishing this article, I encountered the answer to the big question in the form of a transparent shoulder bag which gives us the real answers about what they contain.

Cigarettes, phone chargers and Snus appear to on the menu.

It has to be said, although a lot of them have been incredibly rude, chundering

everywhere and littering all over the place, we THINK it has been a large improvement on the truly awful behaviour the Scandi children showed last year.

I am going to end this article with a clear caveat that I have nothing but love for Scandis and I have met plenty of the group out this week who have been really nice, decent people. It is specifically a select group of disgraceful Scandi children that have been showing no respect to the mountain or the people working here who I have a problem with and who give them all a bad name around town.

I guess now I see why so many French have such a problem with the English.

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DISASTROUS DATING As someone that has been on a grand total of 1 date, I figured I am highly unqualified to talk about the concept of dating or date etiquette. Also despite our endless plugging of Gondalove (which worked a little too well with 62 sign ups- give me strength!), we’re not such a fan of Valentine’s Day here at the Echo. It is insipid and gross.

The only acceptable Valentine’s outpourings are the yearly cards and chocolate I received from the mystery duo that double up as my parents. Because that is adorable and I like chocolate.

That aside, Valentine’s Day is dumb, so we thought we’d celebrate it by gathering a collection of people’s dating disasters. Enjoy!

Terry: In Hintertux, I was sat at a table trying to look cool with my mates for a girl at the bar. I leaned back in my seat and set fire to my dreadlocks on the candle that was on the window sill.

Stank the room out from my singed hair.

NEWSFLASH: TERRY HAD DREADLOCKS!!!

Marty: I once ate a salad on a date. It ended pretty badly. Moral of the story, don’t eat salad.

Phil: I crashed my car taking a girl out on a first date in Staines. Still got laid.

Ollie: I went on a date once with a girl who had left her number at the bar. The problem was, there were two of them and I wasn’t sure which of them it was. Turned up to the

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date and it was the wrong girl. I ended up getting drunk and then meeting her friend that I had actually been interested in. I went home with her instead.

Rasmus: I was seeing a girl a year ago and we were out for the night. I got drunk and when we went home, I forgot the code to my alarm for the house so I ripped it from the wall which made the security cameras hop on. The security company called my mom and they saw it in action from the cameras in the house.

Al: I had a friend at uni who took a viagra half way through a first date. Unfortunately for him, his date wasn’t on the same wave length and brushed him off straight after dinner which left him somewhere between a rock and a hard place.

Nicole: One night, early on in us getting together, Rich and I went to go and watch a live band at a nightclub in Greece. Rich was called into work and so he left me with a 65 year old woman who got me wildly drunk.

I decided at 5am to go and find my date at his bar. Got there and instantly turned completely paralytic... Sick all over the bar floor numerous times. He had to drive me home and after a while of my head down the toilet, he made me a bed just outside the bathroom door. He slept next to me bless him. I then woke in the middle of the night, decided I was sober enough to climb into bed and left him there on the floor!

And the rest is history!

And some friendly advice: Georgie: I’d definitely say don’t go to where you work out here on a date- Dan was in Blue Note on a first date the other day and got quite a bit of heckling from the boys present.

Sorcha: Don’t take mdma and then forget your wallet (him, not me). On a separate note, definitely go on a walk during the date.

Rhythm of walking makes conversation roll out really easily.

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In the Galerie de Thovex at the corner of the Tourist Office Square

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SEASONAIRE OF THE WEEK Tom Franklin Where do you think wind comes from?

I live with a bloke called Graham, he is 65 and I tell you right now, it comes straight from him.

What are you doing for Valentine’s Day? I am actually going to take Graham out for a date.

What’s is your favourite film?

Top Gun Best quote?

You’re dangerous, you can be my wingman any time.

What’s your secret to your beautiful hair?

Aussie Gold shampoo/conditioner. Also my mother had sex with a very attractive man who happened to be my father.

If you had to eat any part of your body, what would it be?

Little toe, I can’t cook for shit though, I would get one of my chalet hosts to do it for me.

What would the name of your mixtape be?

Ken doll strikes again.

If you were a Microsoft Office program, which one would you be?

Microsoft excel because I like spreading the sheets.

What’s the most impressive thing you’ve seen in Val? Julia Jones getting fully sexually assaulted but a dog outside Blizzard.

What skill have you not yet mastered that you would really like to?

Being terrible at pulling birds - I am too good at it.

What is the best name for a pet you’ve encountered?

There is only one good name for a pet and that is Steve which is the name of my dog.

Death row meal?

Caviar to start, a fillet steak for main course and for desert, it is going to have to be a chocolate tort.

If you were in zero gravity aka space, what would be the first thing you’d try?

Definitely have a tug.

What are your go to activities in a power cut?

See above, Graham wouldn’t be able to see me.

“Seasonaire of the Week” is sponsored

by Le Petit Salon d’Antoine who offers our featured seasonaire a free haircut!

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TALK OF THE TOWN SOGGY FEET

After kindly escorting a girl home after a night out, chalet boy was invited in. The mood was electric and the tension was palpable, right up until the girl proclaimed that she had the “soggiest feet in val” and proceeded to ring her socks out in front of the chap. Romantic.

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bar’s back room and left an unsavoury, unsanitary gift. This week, the Browntom Menace strikes again. The morning after a party, Jess came out of her bedroom to find the unholy offering on a chair in the living room. Unfortunately, we were sent a picture of the chair, but we will save your eyes from such horrors. The Echo - the heroes you want, not the ones you deserve.

CHAMPIONS DU VICTOR’S Big ups Noah and Vilma for winning the Victor’s beer pong competition last Saturday!

LONELY HEARTS

With this edition coming out on Valentine’s day, it is the perfect time to try and find a lost soul. Ben from Hibou met an Irish girl the other day and claims to have fallen in love. Unfortunately, he didn’t get her name and lost her to the cruel winter (La Daille).

If said girl is reading this and is interested, please run into Hibou in slo-motion and get your ring finger ready.

DU GAMLA DU FRIA

Although they have been leaving empty bottles and the contents of their stomachs all over town, we don’t actually have that many stories about the Scandi children this week. However, we do have one gem.

A Swedish chap went up to Phil Garner this week and asked for the Swedish national anthem to be played. The boy and his mates went to the bar and spent a truly absurd amount on copious bottles of ‘spray’ to let loose when the banger dropped. Either by accident or because he is a comedic genius, Phil managed to put on the Danish national anthem instead which did not go down so well.

THE BROWN PHANTOM

Last week, we wrote about the mystery creature of a human who broke into a

RETURN OF RODDERS

It is not a totally rare occurrence to go on a night out and forget where you went when you wake up the next day. However, Will Roderick (former seasonaire), managed to go in the opposite direction last week.

He was telling his friends how he ended up in Dicks again when actually, he was practically carried home from Fall Line.

Sounds like a cheap way to experience Dicks.

JERRY OF THE WEEK

JOTW goes to DJ Megan for loudly exclaiming that her jumper ‘smells like dicks’ whilst in the queue at Arctic. We are yet to find out if it was a faux pas or not.

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SPORT PREMIER LEAGUE FOOTBALL Shown at Le Petit Danois: Saturday 8th February 13:30 Southampton v Burnley 18:30 Norwich v Liverpool Sunday 9th February 15:00 Aston Villa v Spurs 17:30 Arsenal v Newcastle Friday 14th February 21:00 Chelsea v Arsenal

All Football and Rugby shown at The Fall Line. Sport also shown at Blue Note and Le Hibou.

SEPARATED AT BIRTH

HIPSTER DOG

SAM BROWN

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WOoF OF THE WEEK

Name: Hardy

Breed: Staffy/Lab Age: 10 Dietary Requirements: Bit of a sweet tooth Relationship status: Submissive single Favourite Activity: Sunbathing Habitat: SoBar Fun Fact: You can be accidentally stood on his tail for 10+ minutes before he complains CORRECTION - Last week we said that Gump’s favourite activity was sunbathing, when actually, it is: Playing with other dogs and saying hello to everyone!