DISASTROUS DATES

As someone that has been on a grand total of 1 date, I figured I am highly unqualified to talk about the concept of dating or date etiquette. Also despite our endless plugging of Gondalove (which worked a little too well with 62 sign ups- give me strength!), we’re not such a fan of Valentine’s Day here at the Echo. It is insipid and gross. The only acceptable Valentine’s outpourings are the yearly cards and chocolate I received from the mystery duo that double up as my parents. Because that is adorable and I like chocolate. That aside, Valentine’s Day is dumb, so we thought we’d celebrate it by gathering a collection of people’s dating disasters. Enjoy! Terry: In Hintertux, I was sat at a table trying to look cool with my mates for a girl at the bar. I leaned back in my seat and set fire to my dreadlocks on the candle that was on the window sill. Stank the room out from my singed hair. NEWSFLASH: TERRY HAD DREADLOCKS!!! Marty: I once ate a salad on a date. It ended pretty badly. Moral of the story, don’t eat salad. DATING

Phil: I crashed my car taking a girl out on a first date in Staines. Still got laid.

Ollie: I went on a date once with a girl who had left her number at the bar. The problem was, there were two of them and I wasn’t sure which of them it was. Turned up to the date and it was the wrong girl. I ended up getting drunk and then meeting her friend that I had actually been interested in. I went home with her instead. 33

Rasmus: I was seeing a girl a year ago and we were out for the night. I got drunk and when we went home, I forgot the code to my alarm for the house so I ripped it from the wall which made the security cameras hop on. The security company called my mom and they saw it in action from the cameras in the house. Al: I had a friend at uni who took a viagra half way through a first date. Unfortunately for him, his date wasn’t on the same wave length and brushed him off straight after dinner which left him somewhere between a rock and a hard place. Nicole: One night, early on in us getting together, Rich and I went to go and watch a live band at a nightclub in Greece. Rich was called into work and so he left me with a 65 year old woman who got me wildly drunk. I decided at 5am to go and find my date at his bar. Got there and instantly turned completely paralytic... Sick all over the bar floor numerous times. He had to drive me home and after a while of my head down the toilet, he made me a bed just outside the bathroom door. He slept next to me bless him. I then woke in the middle of the night, decided I was sober enough to climb into bed and left him there on the floor! And the rest is history! And some friendly advice: Georgie: I’d definitely say don’t go to where you work out here on a date- Dan was in Blue Note on a first date the other day and got quite a bit of heckling from the boys present. Sorcha: Don’t take mdma and then forget your wallet (him, not me). On a separate note, definitely go on a walk during the date. Rhythm of walking makes conversation roll out really easily.

In the Galerie de Thovex at the corner of the Tourist Office Square

SEASONAIRE OF THE WEEK

Tom Franklin

Where do you think wind comes from? I live with a bloke called Graham, he is 65 and I tell you right now, it comes straight from him.

What are you doing for Valentine’s Day? I am actually going to take Graham out for a date.

What’s is your favourite film? Top Gun Best quote? You’re dangerous, you can be my wingman any time.

What’s your secret to your beautiful hair? Aussie Gold shampoo/conditioner. Also my mother had sex with a very attractive man who happened to be my father.

If you had to eat any part of your body, what would it be? Little toe, I can’t cook for shit though, I would get one of my chalet hosts to do it for me.

What would the name of your mixtape be? Ken doll strikes again.

If you were a Microsoft Office program, which one would you be? Microsoft excel because I like spreading the sheets.

What’s the most impressive thing you’ve seen in Val? Julia Jones getting fully sexually assaulted but a dog outside Blizzard.

What skill have you not yet mastered that you would really like to? Being terrible at pulling birds - I am too good at it.

What is the best name for a pet you’ve encountered? There is only one good name for a pet and that is Steve which is the name of my dog.

Death row meal? Caviar to start, a fillet steak for main course and for desert, it is going to have to be a chocolate tort.

If you were in zero gravity aka space, what would be the first thing you’d try? Definitely have a tug.

What are your go to activities in a power cut? See above, Graham wouldn’t be able to see me.

“Seasonaire of the Week” is sponsored by Le Petit Salon d’Antoine who offers our featured seasonaire a free haircut!

TALK OF

THE TOWN

SOGGY FEET After kindly escorting a girl home after a night out, chalet boy was invited in. The mood was electric and the tension was palpable, right up until the girl proclaimed that she had the “soggiest feet in val” and proceeded to ring her socks out in front of the chap. Romantic.

LONELY HEARTS With this edition coming out on Valentine’s day, it is the perfect time to try and find a lost soul. Ben from Hibou met an Irish girl the other day and claims to have fallen in love. Unfortunately, he didn’t get her name and lost her to the cruel winter (La Daille). If said girl is reading this and is interested, please run into Hibou in slo-motion and get your ring finger ready. bar’s back room and left an unsavoury, unsanitary gift. This week, the Browntom Menace strikes again. The morning after a party, Jess came out of her bedroom to find the unholy offering on a chair in the living room. Unfortunately, we were sent a picture of the chair, but we will save your eyes from such horrors. The Echo - the heroes you want, not the ones you deserve. 41

CHAMPIONS DU VICTOR’S Big ups Noah and Vilma for winning the Victor’s beer pong competition last Saturday!

DU GAMLA DU FRIA Although they have been leaving empty bottles and the contents of their stomachs all over town, we don’t actually have that many stories about the Scandi children this week. However, we do have one gem. A Swedish chap went up to Phil Garner this week and asked for the Swedish national anthem to be played. The boy and his mates went to the bar and spent a truly absurd amount on copious bottles of ‘spray’ to let loose when the banger dropped. Either by accident or because he is a comedic genius, Phil managed to put on the Danish national anthem instead which did not go down so well.

RETURN OF RODDERS It is not a totally rare occurrence to go on a night out and forget where you went when you wake up the next day. However, Will Roderick (former seasonaire), managed to go in the opposite direction last week. He was telling his friends how he ended up in Dicks again when actually, he was practically carried home from Fall Line. Sounds like a cheap way to experience Dicks.

JERRY OF THE WEEK JOTW goes to DJ Megan for loudly exclaiming that her jumper ‘smells like dicks’ whilst in the queue at Arctic. We are yet to find out if it was a faux pas or not.

PREMIER LEAGUE FOOTBALL Shown at Le Petit Danois:

Saturday 8th February 13:30 Southampton v Burnley 18:30 Norwich v Liverpool

Sunday 9th February 15:00 Aston Villa v Spurs 17:30 Arsenal v Newcastle

Friday 14th February 21:00 Chelsea v Arsenal

SEPARATED

AT BIRTH

All Football and Rugby shown at The Fall Line. Sport also shown at Blue Note and Le Hibou.

WOoF OF THE WEEK

Name: Hardy

Breed: Staffy/Lab

Age: 10

Dietary Requirements: Bit of a sweet tooth

Relationship status: Submissive single

Favourite Activity: Sunbathing Habitat: SoBar

Fun Fact: You can be accidentally stood on his tail for 10+ minutes before he complains

CORRECTION - Last week we said that Gump’s favourite activity was sunbathing, when actually, it is: Playing with other dogs and saying hello to everyone!