The Val Echo Issue 1506

ISSUE 1506 | JAN 03, 2020

THE

ECHO

FREE WEEKLY GUIDE TO VAL D’ISÈRE

M A G A Z I N E

TDC SEASONAIRE PROGRAM

FUTURE CONTRAPTIONS

THE CORPORATE DISPATCH

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THE FOLIE DOUCE ART PROJECT COVER ART: IZZIE LOVEGROVE Last year, we launched the Folie Douce Art Project, with the aim of adorning the front cover of the Echo with local artists’ creations. It worked! We ended up with 21 stunning magazines and got to meet some thoroughly fascinating individuals over a spot of lunch at La Folie Douce. The famous mountain restaurant, bar and cabaret extravaganza generously support this project and we’re thrilled to announce their continuing sponsorship this winter.

We’re now on the hunt for more creative talent. If you would like to see your work on the front of Val d’Isère’s finest English language publication, and featured on the screens at La Folie Douce, get in touch with us now. Whatever your medium, we can almost certainly accommodate it.

To find out more about how to be involved, email: contact@valecho.co.uk.

Also you can check out last year’s covers and buy prints of your favourite at www.valecho.co.uk/ folie-douce-art-project We can’t wait to see what the Echo will look like this year.

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CONT ENTS The Val Echo CCK Intergalactic Ltd www.valecho.co.uk contact@valecho.co.uk

26 EVENT LISTINGS

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What’s on this week: - Town events - Bar nights - Sporting competitions

36 HENRY’S AVALANCHE TALK An in depth look at the snow conditions and up-coming weather for off piste skiers/ boarders

40 FUTURE CONTRAPTIONS Upcoming inventions to make your time on the mountain more pleasurable

Please recycle the magazine once you have read it. Or, better still, hand it on to someone else.

44 SEASONAIRE OF THE WEEK

Contributors: Sam Box, Ben Pryor, Caitlin Kennedy, Yolanda Winston

This week, Filip Mirchev spills the beans

06 RESORT GUIDE The down-low on everything from the best restaurants to the numbers to call in an emergency

NEW STYLE

10 SPOTLIGHT ON THE ARTIST We chat to Izzie Lovegrove the designer of this week’s cover art.

The Echo’s cover is generously sponsored by La Folie Douce

Our woman on the outside lays bare the grim realities of the job hunt

Coiffure & Massage Sur rendez-vous à partir de 14h

design www.athoms.fr

17 DISPATCHES FROM

CORPORATE BRITAIN

Hairdresser & Massage By appointment From 2PM

23 TDC SEASONAIRE PROGRAM All the burning questions you have about TDC’s incredible Seasonaire Program answered

+33(0)4 79 06 02 00 info@avancher.com Arrêt de navette UCPA / www.avancher.com

Remise Carte Vie Val d’Is

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SPOTLIGHT ON THE ARTIST

So do you tend to draw from photos?

Yes, if I don’t have anything in front of me I tend to be at a bit of a loss. For scenery, I can usually draw direct from the real world.

Artist: Izzie Lovegrove

Have you always had a creative outlet?

Yes, I studied art at school and I was supposed to do Art History and Fine Art and Textiles at the Slade School of Art at UCL, but I kept changing my mind about which pathway I wanted to go down. In the end, I decided to just view it as a hobby instead.

How did you make your gorgeous cover?

I don’t have my oil paints out with me, so I just used my little watercolour palette and then went over it with ink. I wasn’t originally going to use the ink but when I finished it, it didn’t pop as much as I wanted it to: the watercolour is quite washy so I wanted to make it stand out more.

What’s your preferred medium normally?

Generally watercolour, but I do use acrylics sometimes too. Generally, I don’t paint on canvas though, because the texture really throws me off. I sketch and draw with pens a fair bit too.

What did you focus on at A-level?

I did a lot of landscapes and also a project on parent-child relationships. For the final show, one of my pieces was an oil painting on this huge canvas- it was the most stressful experience because you could see every little detail due to the sheer scale of the painting. It had to be so perfect.

Aside from that, I did some work on Chinese Art, which I loved as it was such a contrast to British art and not something I had had the opportunity to study before. It was tough to replicate the style though.

Are there any artists or art movements that have particularly inspired you?

I’ve always liked Picasso. He was probably the first artist I ever found intriguing as a child. I recently went to the Leonardo da Vinci exhibition in Buckingham Palace a couple of months ago and it was incredible.

Do you find you do quite a bit artistically It is his 500th anniversary this year and it out here? was really fascinating how ahead of his time I would love to say yes, and every year I he was. The exhibition mostly consisted of promise myself I’ll do more, but with the drawings from his sketchbooks, with a lot of intensity of work, skiing and après, I never do his anatomy studies. as much as I would like. If I’ve got an evening off (and I’m not in Danois), then sometimes I Where can people find more of you work? end up sketching.

I have an online portfolio- isabellelovegrove. carbonmade.com Is this a self portrait?

It is! I took the photo that I based the cover Thank you Izzie! off on my first day on the slopes last season.

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HAPPY NEW

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SNOWBERRY STREETSIDE

SALOON BAR

LE PETIT DANOIS

VICTOR’S

LA FOLIE DOUCE

PLANKS

YEAR FROM...

ARCTIC CAFE

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ESSENTIAL HAIR

LE PETIT SALON D’ANTOINE

MON PETIT INSTITUT

THE FALL LINE

THE BLUE NOTE

BANANAS

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BAR JACQUES

SNOWBERRY SLOPESIDE

SUREFOOT

THE CORNER

LE HIBOU

PLUS...

DELIV’DRINKS SOBAR PIZZA NICK TIGNES CUISINE STARTLINE MTB AVANCHER TDC- THE DEVELOPMENT CENTRE

BONNE SANTÉ

LA MARMITE DE LA MARMOTTE CASH 2000 SNOWDRONE THE MARMOTTE ARMS JO POLLARD PHYSIO

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THE CORPORATE DISPATCH

By Yolanda Winston New Year, New Career? If you’re contemplating a job in the big-bad city when you finish your season, our woman on the outside says think again!

There’s an unspoken secret in the working world. In the towering glass buildings dominating the London skyline. In asbestos-encrusted roadside office blocks where spider plants sit dehydrating. In “co-working spaces” where tiny-hatted MacBook users are filled with oat milk, existential dread and app ideas (CarpentR - ‘it’s like Shazam but for wood!’). All these good people beavering away the whole day through and no one mentions that not a single member of the workforce really knows what they are doing.

Now, of course, doctors, engineers, architects, vets etc have a fairly solid grasp of their respective subjects, due to years of training, pressure not to endanger human/ animal life etc etc. But even at the early stages of these professions, there’s a fair amount of bullshit in the guise of knowhow flying around. This is equal parts terrifying, as you realise everyone is internally screaming most of the time and no one is really driving the ship, and reassuring, as it’s clear that even you, permanently baffled little you can join the fun. In this article, I’m going to show you that swapping your lowkey life on the slopes for the thrills of the rat-race isn’t as hard as you think.

I’m not going to tell you to get a degree because everyone’s got one now. Oh big whoop Miss M.A. in Biochemistry, haven’t you heard? People don’t like science anymore, nerd. Why learn facts when you

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can just make stuff up online? I’m not even going to tell you to be nice to others because if you want to ascend the slippery pole of success, you better be willing to use your teeth and nails to cling on and crush your friends.

Look at our world leaders. Nice is out guys, get nasty. To win this Late-Capitalist game of making enough money to survive in this godforsaken system, you must con people into believing you know exactly what you are doing and follow these simple steps below:

Step 1 - Be wealthy and well-connected!

Call up old Jonty, Daddy’s nefarious younger brother - better yet, have a chinwag at the old boys club. Ask about getting a little jobbo in his firm. No one knows quite what they do there save for batting away sexual harassment suits like they are cricket balls but everyone’s called Monty or Jonty and they all drive nice Jags.

35k starting salary? Jolly good, Uncle J! Step 2 - Spice up your job title!

If the shop assistants working at Apple stores are allowed to call themselves Geniuses, then we all should have the power to grossly over-inflate our employment history. I was once employed as an “Innovation Officer”. My job was literally to be the youngest person in the room and infuse projects with my nascent youth by simply being there and nodding youthfully.

Embrace the power of language. Don’t blend into the crowd and call yourself a bartender. Gosh, how basic of you! No, today my friend, you can call yourself a Beverage Dissemination Officer. Didn’t you spend summer 2012 blowing on a whistle and occasionally fishing a rogue poo out the pool - as a Lifeguard you say?

Wet Leisure Attendant has a much sexier corporate feel, don’t you think? Painter/ decorator? NAH SON, you’re a Colour

18 Distribution Technician now! Working in a nightclub as a cloakroom attendant?

WRONG. Look in the mirror. Do it now.

You see that person, staring vacantly back at you with those tired baggy eyes?

Who nightly drapes a forest of unwashed coats on shit hangers only to haul them out whenever someone fancies a smoke/ barf. That’s no “cloakroom attendant”. No. You’re looking at a true Warden Of The Overgarments.

Step 3 - If you can, try being white, male and able-bodied!

Despite cries from the right of tokenism and “reverse racism” (a concept as nonexistent as the Easter bunny I’m afraid) diversity and inclusivity in the UK workplace is far from the norm. Minority ethnic groups in London earn 21.7% less on average than white employees. The current disability pay gap for all employees stands at 15.5%.

This pay gap means that disabled people effectively work for free for 8 weeks of the year. The gender pay gap? Still a thing, with the UK’s economic gender gap coming in at a paltry 58th worldwide.

Still here? Then clearly you’re not from a long line of Eton-educated, hunting/ shooting Theodore von Dick-Wads. Well, bummer for you. Life’s going to be quite difficult. You’re going to have to try a bit harder. Because if you don’t succeed, there’s no ancestral dosh stashed away in tax havens to cushion the fall. If you slip through that net, you might have to rely instead on a crumbling benefits system and join the one in 50 households below the poverty line who are using food banks to survive. And it’ll be all your fault for not just being rich. Why don’t you just BE rich????

Step 4 - Never rest!

Back in 1980, sweet Dolly sang a song about the 9-5 workday. In the catchy song, she complains about the work/life balance.

The lyrics are pretty cutting but, musically,

she keeps it jaunty and melodic. If Dolly Parton was temping at a financial firm in London right now, this upbeat country song would be released as bleed-fromthe-eyeballs thrash metal. There is no 9-5 anymore Dolly. The workday has no end.

Oh you sweet, naive country gal, we work to infinity o’clock now.

There is no jauntiness to be found in a routine that begins at 7.00am with an hour commute spent sandwiched between an armpit and a sweaty Pret egg roll. There is nothing upbeat about eating your own sad Pret affair at your desk because it’s office culture to feel ashamed of taking a break.

Even you, oh perky Dolly, wouldn’t have any pep left in you, if this same culture of overwork forced you to stay in the building until at least 3 hours after the working day is officially over because you need, you really bloody need that promotion and those who go home at 5pm clearly aren’t committed to the great cause of making heaps of coin.

Leisure is now something to feel bad about. After work, don’t have a lovely alfresco beverage with friends commes les français during apéro. No, you need to binge drink in a chain pub with shit carpets to drown all that internalised guilt you feel for not working every second of the day. Sure, it’s the “weekend” but don’t even think of popping back home for a fulfilling and nutritious Sunday roast. No no little worker bee, you need to cry into a pot noodle, open your inbox of shame and reply to all the emails you’ve ignored since Saturday morning. Because thanks to the dawn of the smartphone - we can all carry our jobs around in our pockets at all times. Money doesn’t rest, little bee, so nor should you!

Step 5 - Craft a killer CV! See right for an example:

An Actual Cupboard Zone 8 Still £850 Bankingshire PLS HLP

ADDRESS

EMAIL

Y O L A N D A 19

W I N S T O N

compulsivelycheckingmyinbox@gmail.com ________

SKILLS

word

Adobe Creative Suite

if I google it

French

watched Chocolat twice

German

wo ist die Toiletten bitte

Russian

I love money and I love ambition. I’m a financial Rottweiler. A hungry hungry hippo. For money. I feel really comfortable writing about myself in this way even though it goes against everything I’ve been conditioned not to say as a woman. Here are lots of words that sounds impressive and tell you nothing: committed, goal-oriented, initiative, self innovator, ventilator, motivator, percolator, respirator. I’ll look nice and wear a tight skirt for the first week and then I won’t bother again unless there’s an office hotty.

________

Microsoft Office

W O W ______________________________________________

um, DA!

_______ R E F E R E N C E S Available upon request

___________________ P R O F I L E ___________________

_______

NB. By pure coincidental coincidence, my previous employer & I coincidentally share the same surname.

I did this thing Don’t ask me about it though This is another reason why I’m dope

Some mundane non-achievement Exactly the same point as above just used a thesaurus to change it up a bit

I M S O G R E A T _____________________________________

Honestly though You will regret it I am honestly going to be massive Don’t pass on the chance to hire a star You’ll see me in the papers And you’ll be like. Damn.

S O S E L F - A S S U R E D _____________________________

NNB. Winston is a very common surname.

Really I’m just repeating myself The chances of you reading this far are slim. Well done to you.

Maybe I’ll get more interviews if I put a subtly breasty picture in the corner In black and white.

NNNB. Mate. C’mon. Don’t play like you’re above nepotism. Daddy definitely got you in this door.

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EDUCATION

_______

2019

Drama School

BA Acting: Pretending to be An Animal and Crying A Lot

A Levels

A’s and A stars because

are you really going to check?

GCSE’s

who gives a

flying

flamingo

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EXPERIENCE

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MADE UP JOB

- So I invented advertising - I won another award that I literally just made up - Honestly though the real challenge was not falling asleep on my desk everyday.

- Most days I was either hungover or depressed and people barely noticed so I’m clearly brilliant at hiding my true self which is key in the working world.

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PROBABLY PR

- I wore the fuck out of my H & M office attire

- Good with budgeting: I stole loo roll and tampons from the office every week - I used to take naps on the toilet after lunch and everyone thought I had a poo problem - If anyone was watching me at my desk I’d shuffle papers around looking stressed and hit the keyboard once or twice.

Let’s face it, PR is not real.

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In the Galerie de Thovex at the corner of the Tourist Office Square

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TDC SEASONAIRE PROGRAM What is it?

The seasonaire programme was created to give all seasonaires in town the chance to achieve their goals on the snow. It’s all too easy to arrive in town with the best of intentions, but to find that at the end of March your riding hasn’t progressed as you would have liked it to. By setting up a series of sessions with like minded and similar level seasonaires, we see people transform their skiing or riding to another level. Each group will have a coach who leads their sessions and tracks their progress, building a bond between the coach and the rider which allows real and long term development.

Why do it?

You get better, you can ride harder and safer and you can achieve things that were previously out of your reach.

Who does the teaching?

You’ll be taught by one of the TDC coaches that suits your level. We have a team of full time professional coaches who can each take any level of skier. We also have a team of specialist boarding coaches. If you have a coach request, then we can take that into account.

Who will I be grouped with?

Group sizes are small, maximum of 6 people. Don’t worry if none of your friends are a similar level to you as this is a great opportunity to meet others that have the same goals as you. People more interested in off piste and touring will go together and people who want to work on their technique on piste will be grouped. Most groups are keen to do a bit of everything and do what suits the conditions. The goals of the groups will evolve along with the sessions and with the conditions we have

on the slopes.

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If you want to do it with a friend or group of friends, who are all the same level as you, just mention that on the sign up form.

When are the lessons?

The sessions start after the chaos of New Year week and continue for 5 weeks, building on what has been learnt before.

The sessions are programmed in to the planner and won’t be bumped by regular clients, so you can plan your weeks around them.

Lessons are 3 hours long from 1pm4pm on the day you select on the form (Wednesday, Thursday or Friday). They don’t have to be consecutive weeks- we will contact you to arrange weeks that you can make.

What if I can’t make a session?

We will try our best to organise all the sessions so that the whole group can make it. If we can’t make it work, the idea of offering 4 free sessions is that it’s still a good deal if you can only make 4 out of 5 sessions.

How much does it cost?

The seasonnaires program costs 200€ for 5x three hour sessions, which blows our normal pricing away. Regular privates cost 285€ per three hour session for 6 people (235€ for 1 or two people). So it really does maximise value for seasonaires.

Do I need my own Avalanche safety gear to go Off Piste?

If you don’t have your own Off Piste equipment, your coach will supply you with everything free of charge for your session.

Where can I sign up?!

Our second of the two sign up sessions is at The Fall Line on the 8th January from 8.30pm. Come and find out more from our instructors!

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SATURDAY 4 SALOON Beer-pong specials VICTOR’S Seasonaire Saturday. 5€ beer, 4€ wine, 6€ cocktails 21-23 10% discount on food PETIT DANOIS DJ James French 22h

EVENTS LISTINGS SUNDAY 5 PETIT DANOIS Live Music with Ali and Tchai 5pm DJ Jack Igglesden 22h SALOON LIVE MUSIC Mullit & the machine 17.30-19.30 BANANAS DJ BigKez HIBOU Sunday Funday! Happy Hour all day

TIGNES SALOON Beer-pong specials

WEDNESDAY 8 IN TOWN X-country race open to everyone. Free to enter, rent equipment + vin chaud. Place des Dolomites 5.30pm BANANAS Live DJ on the decks LA FOLIE DOUCE WTF! Party SALOON Joss Night 3€ a pop/10 for 25€ PETIT DANOIS Live Music The Mardy Johnny Depps 17h. DJ James French 22h VIE VAL D’IS Seasonaire Party- 8PM at the Club des Sport. More details pg 30 HIBOU Wings Wednesday.

BONNE SANTÉ Power Flow Yoga with Rose 10.30am at Le Hibou TDC Sign up for Seasonaire Program at the Fall Line. See page 23 T- SALOON JOSS Wednesday! 3€ a pop or 10 for 25€

TIGNES SALOON Beer pong specials

THURSDAY 9 SOLAISE Sunrise Yoga at the Solaise Lounge with breakfast. Limited placessign up @ Tourist Office and meet at bottom of bubble 7.50. Must have liftpass AVALANCHE SAFETY TALK w VVD. Free but sign up in advance. More info pg 41 SALOON Long island Jugs 15€ PETIT DANOIS Live Music: The Blazin’ Strings 5pm. DJ Jack Iggelsden 10pm IN TOWN Festilight- Street Party on the Main Road with walkabout performers, live music and free vin chaud VICTORS Hip Hop Night with Live DJ T SALOON 15€ long island iced tea

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MONDAY 6 BONNE SANTÉ Mountain Flow Yoga with Rose 10.30am at Le Hibou SALOON Messy Monday 15€ Headfucker LA FOLIE DOUCE Back to the 90s

TUESDAY 7

PETIT DANOIS Live Music 5pm Mullit & the Machine. DJ Jack Igglesden 22h

SAVONETTE Airboard sledgingbodyboarding, but on snow. Come and try for free from 5.45pm

AVALANCHE SAFETY TALK Free talk at 5.30pm in English on the Snowfront

SALOON Jack Attack & Triangle Tuesday FALL LINE Superstar DJ on the decks

THE MARMOT ARMS BASS STATION with DJ Komissar and friends TIGNES SALOON Messy Monday – the wall 15€

FRIDAY 10 PETIT DANOIS Live music with Karen & Andreas 5pm. DJ Jack Igglesden 22h SALOON Open Decks with Lucas & 3€ J-Bombs SNOWFRONT Dynastar Night Parallel Slalom. Split into men, women and kids.

Free to enter and prizes to win.

CINEMA Manhattan Lockdown in English 8.30pm

PETIT DANOIS Live Music The Revolverlites 5pm. DJ Jack Igglesden 22h HIBOU DJ Pocket Sized Dave with Alex on Sax VICTOR’S Retro Night! All your favourite tunes from the 70s, 80s and 90s TIGNES SALOON LIVE MUSIC Queens Of The Snow Stage 22.30

ALL WEEK BANANAS Happy Hour 6.30-7.30pm and 10.30-11.30pm HIBOU Happy Hour 4-7pm. Kitchen open from 12pm for lunch SALOON (VAL) Happy Hour 8-10pm: all jugs 15€ . 2-4-1 at après (4-6pm). Open 16h-2h LA FOLIE DOUCE Seasonaire Meal Deal 12€ @ Petite Cuisine VICTOR’S Cocktail Hour 10-11pm. Cocktails 6€ Restaurant booking 0479060652

TIGNES SALOON 3€ J-bombs SO BAR Karaoke Night! From 9pm

THE FALL LINE Happy hour everyday 3-5pm4.50€ pints. Beer Pong every day 12€ a jug.

BLUE NOTE Happy Hour everyday 3-6pm, Hot Sloe Gin & Tonic plus great complimentary nibbles during Après.

T-SALOON Happy Hour 20-22h: jugs 15€ + free pool. 2-4-1 @ après (4-6pm). All sport shown SO BAR Open 4pm everyday w/ free aprés pizza& a fab new cocktail menu

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OUT OF THE BUBBLE

By Ben Pryor

Former Nissan and Renault CEO Carlos Ghosn has fled Japan for Lebanon, allegedly escaping in a large musical instrument case. He was out on bail of $9m while Japanese authorities investigated accusations he used company funds to buy properties in Paris, Rio and Beirut, as well as underreporting his earnings over the past decade to the tune of $100m.

In case you hadn’t guessed, Mr Ghosn holds a Lebanese passport (which had apparently been surrendered, along with his French and Brazilian ones, to Japanese authorities) and Lebanon does not have a formal extradition treaty with

Japan. Japanese authorities apparently gave no thought to electronically tagging Mr Ghosn, anticipating someone with that many passports might possess an additional one or that $9m as a percentage of $100m might be viewed as collateral damage, no pun intended. Once touted as a presidential candidate in both Japan and Lebanon, it seems clear he’d be very unwilling to take the pay cut and is wholly overqualified for either job.

Australia looks well on its way to keeping up the new Prime Minister every eighteen months batting average. Scott Morrison returned from his Hawaiian Christmas vacation in time to host an exclusive New Year party near Sydney Harbour, while seemingly half the New South Wales coastline is on fire, saying ‘I don’t hold a hose, mate’ in defence of his absence; neither does a pimp but even they do a

better job managing them. He had to cut a visit to a rural town short after residents confronted him over the government’s response; seems the A$189k they paid to receive advice from empathy consultants was money poorly spent.

France’s rail strike looks likely to extend into a second month, as protests at President Macron’s pension reforms continue; Emmanuel waiting until his wife is more than 12 months clear of the upper age boundary is about as obvious as a 15-year-old with a fake ID saying they’re 19… unless you’re Prince Andrew of course. Turkey has voted to allow its government to deploy troops to Libya to support the UN-backed government there.

Egypt, which backs the insurgency under General Haftar (along with Jordan and the UAE), condemned the vote. Given the current trend towards fighting proxy wars in

countries with unspoiled Mediterranean coastline it seems Libya is the new Syria.

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An Antiques Roadshow expert quaffed 150-year-old urine thinking it was port. The mixture of urine, a small amount of alcohol, a single human hair and a small shelled creature turned out to be a witch’s talisman buried in a Cornish house; good to know where Fosters got their recipe from though.

And finally, the Jeremy used his New Year message to say it had been ‘quite the year’ for Labour and that the party is ‘the resistance to Boris Johnson’; the Game of Thrones writers had a better 2019 than Labour and I’ve seen more resistance from one of Bill Cosby’s dinner companions.

Until next week, I’m off to buy Greta Thunberg a glass of Lambrini.

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ready and neon is your friend. Dressing up is encouraged but not mandatory.

SEASONAIRE PARTY The Vie Val d’Is Seasonaire Party is a welcome-evening for the workers of the resort and is a great opportunity to meet some new people, whilst discovering what the Vie Val d’Is had to offer. There will be a free buffet, live music and a bar from 7.30pm onwards at the Club des Sports. It is open for everyone who calls Val d’Isère home this season, so whether you’re French or English, a new seasonaire or an old timer, head on down to the building at the bottom of the Olympic bubble next Wednesday. (Did we mention there’s a free buffet...)

The theme is “La Bronze Font du Ski”, a cult French comedy film set in Val d’Isère, which celebrates 40 years since its release this year.

All you need to know is that it’s hella 80s, so mullets are in, shoulderpads are at the

During the evening, you can also find out about all the things the Vie Val d’Is does to make life better out here. The guys that run all the free weekly sessions (Kung-Fu, Jam session, Boxing, Game night, Circuit training, French / English lessons, Photography and Pole Dancing) will be there. Also present are: • The experts in charge of the monthly “Zero Waste” activities: DIY cosmetics, tailoring and computer maintenance workshops.

• Ecomove: The environment collective, with details of all their actions + distribution of pocket ashtrays.

• Le Pélican: the group who help with drug and alcohol addiction • The avalanche safety instructors.

The Vie Val d’Is are looking for volunteers to help with set up and giving out Ecocups. If you’re available to help. Call 04 79 06 84 78 or email contact@vievaldis.com.

WHAT’S ON WITH THE VIE VAL D’IS

VIE VAL D’IS Pole Dancing Class 10am @ Leisure Centre VIE VAL D’IS Free boxing lesson at the Leisure Centre 7.30-9.45pm VIE VAL D’IS Free French class at the Maison de Val 7.30-8.30pm. Also circuit training at the CCAS 7.30pm VIE VAL D’IS Free Kung-Fu lesson at the CCAS 7.30-9pm VIE VAL D’IS Free Jam session for musicians at the CCAS 8pm. Also, DIY cometics workshop 8pm Maison de Val

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OFF PISTE SNOW REPORT Brought to you by Henry’s Avalanche Talk www. henrysavalanchetalk. com A mainly dry week for the first week of 2020, with sunshine and cloud Over the last few days we’ve been basking in wall-to-wall sunshine and mild temperatures for the time of year. Most of the off-piste snow within easy lift access has been completely tracked out, so we’ve taken to ski touring to find the best snow.

With a very little fresh snow forecast next week, it looks as if we’ll be getting very fit and doing loads more walking with the use of touring skis and skins.

even if, they will release.

2. They are extremely difficult to control by artificial triggering (i.e. by avalanche blasting), so if they appear above a ski piste the piste patrol service will often close the piste, especially later in the day as temperatures rise.

3. If they do release, they can potentially do a lot of damage.

We feel that there’s almost been an overemphasis by avalanche forecasters on how much danger glide cracks actually pose to us, as off-piste skiers and snowboarders. As we say all the time, 90 percent of avalanche accidents (i.e. avalanches where skiers are taken) are triggered by the victim/s themselves. But glide crack avalanches release spontaneously by themselves. Even preventative avalanche blasting can’t move them, and they are not triggered by skiers passing by.

Of course, we’re not saying not to watch out for them. As off-piste skiers, we certainly need to treat glide cracks with respect. We certainly shouldn’t be picnicking under them, and especially Ominous-looking glide cracks (frownnot walking up beneath them. Notice shaped brown cracks in the snowpack that we say these are not so threatening to go right down to ground level) have been off piste skiers. But are a concern for the appearing all over the place. Certain slopes piste patrol. So keep off closed runs, ski seem more prone to these, like steep past them quickly if off piste, do not hang slopes between 2000 to 2700m altitude, around underneath them. Be worried when especially those which are grass-covered there is warming and direct sunshine. in the summer. (Bent over grass provides a smooth surface that snow can slide over Occasionally there is human involvement easily). when glide cracks release, as happened on 31st December in the Aravis mountains Sometimes these glide cracks just appear and do nothing, but quite a few of them have been releasing, particularly in the warm afternoons. They can be quite large in size. They’re not so much a danger to off-piste skiers for reasons mentioned below, but they present a real nightmare for ski resort authorities and for avalanche forecasters in that: 1. It is impossible to predict when, or

near Megève. The skiers did not trigger this avalanche – it happened spontaneously – but they were on the slope below it. Report in French on the Data Avalanche website.

In our previous blog we discuss a snowpack test done by Avalanche Expert, Alain Duclos. According to recent research the fact that the weakest point in the current snowpack is at the interface with the ground suggests that we will continue too see significant ‘glide crack’ activity over the next few days and into next week.

Recent history of the snowpack We haven’t had any fresh snow for a week, and temperatures have been quite mild for the time of season. Off-piste snow depths in the Northern French Alps are still good above 1500 m. Overall the snowpack has stabilised.

What is the current avalanche risk in the Northern French Alps/Savoie?

At the time of writing, the avalanche risk is at a moderate 2/5. It will probably continue at this level over the next week, or could even go down to a 1/5.

What does this mean for off-piste skiers and snowboarders?

With little or no fresh snowfall expected, and a stabilised snowpack, now is a good time to do some off-piste touring to find the best untracked snow.

Where is most at risk at the moment?

The highest risk to skiers and snowboarders will, as always, be on steep slopes exposed to terrain traps. Watch out for the glide cracks. While these are not a sign of snowpack instability (despite their ominous appearance), you certainly wouldn’t want to hang around under them for long, or tour up underneath them.

Weather Forecast: 37 SATURDAY 4th Jan: Mostly sunny in the mountains, cooler in the afternoon. A few passages of very high thin clouds, until the start of the night.

Isotherm 0°C rising around 2500m during the day, 3400m at night. Wind at 2600m: 10-40 km/h from the North. Wind at 3700 m: 40-70km/h from the North.

SUNDAY 5th Jan: The sky remains clear, until sundown.

Isotherm 0°C around 3400m.

Wind at 2600m: NE during the day 10-40 km/h from the NE; becoming calm at night and turning to the South. Wind at 3700 m: NE, 40-60km/h then 10-20km/h at night.

MONDAY 6th Jan The wind from the NNW at altitude turns gradually to the West and becomes gusty.

Very sunny morning, but by night the sky is covered, releasing a little snow at the end of the night. The 0°C isotherm lowers to 1900m and the snow-rain limit drops.

TUESDAY 7th Jan: The blustery wind from the West turns to the NW. Not much sun; the numerous clouds give light precipitation, even at night. The 0°C isotherm lowers a little further, then rises at night to around 2700m.

WEDNESDAY 8th Jan: The NW wind remains strong. Light precipitation with little sunshine. The 0°C isotherm goes down to 2300m.

THURSDAY 9th Jan :The strong wind turns to the WNW. Sunnier. The 0°C isotherm approaches 3000m then descends.

Tip of the week Don’t spend time hanging around below glide cracks. Don’t picnic under them, and don’t walk up underneath them.

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UPCOMING

RELEASES This decade is set to be huge for the development of ski and snowboard technology. We have highlighted some of the most exciting upcoming releases.

Back To The Future predicted that we would have hover boards back in 2015. Rumour has it that they were ready, but we simply weren’t. Here is a picture we have acquired from the future of Marc Cossar having a gentle cruise on his Hoverstick™, as in 2023 we expect to see hoverboards finally hit the general market. Believe it or not, our source says that this style of 80’s Jackets will apparently come back into fashion in 2022, no word on the leggings though.

We have all been waiting for it and it is nearly here. In a year or two the fabled ‘Ski Pocket’ is finally making its way to a ski near you. Gone are the days of carrying a heavy backpack just to hold your sandwich; the

Ski Pocket has you covered. Coming in looks such as denim, Burberry, leather and faux leather for the vegans, the ski bag industry is facing a serious upset when these bad boys hit production.

Multiple studies have predicted that due to the fallout of Brexit and the ramping up of climate change, this decade will find us all miserably depressed and falling into addiction. An entire market is expected to spring up to exploit our misery-charged spending and one of the most exciting upcoming products is the Pole Vape.

Think about poles for a second and you will realise that they are long and thin. This space allows for over 18 AA batteries, meaning you can expect to be blowing addictive (and likely deadly) candy floss flavoured clouds all the way from first lifts until après.

As it is a much harder feat of technology to overcome, the ‘Disco Lid ©’ will not be coming until the late 2020’s. It won’t actually protect your head but much like a lot of ski wear brands these days, it is only meant for après anyway. It does however, come with two subwoofers embedded and once the developers can iron out the concussion related issues when playing

drum and bass, these puppies are going to be everywhere.

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For the snowboarders reading, you are already blessed with soft, warm cuddles for your feet in the form of snowboard boots.

For the skiers, on the other hand, it is a different story. Even the best fitting, comfiest ski boots are fairly bad for anything other than skiing, which is why in 2027, Ugg are finally releasing a ski boot.

Finally, the one we are really stoked for is the BSC (Backpack Snow Cannon). Imagine getting fresh tracks wherever you go - that dream is soon to become a reality. With the space in your bag freed up by the ski pocket, you can dedicate your backpack to making every run knee deep. The best part is, you are not even limited to ski resorts. If you have negative temperatures and a full camelback, you will be able to ski literally anywhere, the piste will appear before you.

Get ready, the next ten years have a lot in store.

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N E W F I N E F O O D S D E L I C AT E S S E N IN THE TOURIST OFFICE SQUARE. O R D E R O N L I N E AT l m d l m . c o m O R VISIT THE STORE

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THE CORNER

Restaurant COFFEE JUICE BRUNCH BEER Open 08:30 - 18:00 Everyday Next to TUFS Chairlift Tignes, Val Claret The Corner Tignes, Les Neiges D'Or, Tignes, France

Followed by thevalecho, tignesofficiel, valdisere and 105 others

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SEASONAIRE OF THE WEEK

Filip Mirchev Season count?

This is my third, I did two a while ago in Tignes.

Which Saloon is the best?

Oh, every Saloon has its charm in a way. The one in Tignes is bigger, I guess!

I used to play water polo and I once scored from the centre of the pool. I have never felt more proud.

Favourite word at the moment?

Bro, I don’t know. Actually it is probably ‘Bro’.

If you could change one thing in Val d’Isère, what would it be?

Let the music be played louder!

What would you be reincarnated as?

My Jack Russel from home, Milo. I miss him so much. He lives the life.

What do you dream about?

I don’t know, I am always too tired to dream.

I did eat a lot of cheese at the start of the season and had loads of nightmares about people doing bad things to me.

Proudest moment of your childhood?

If you could only eat one item of food over and over for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Danish Bacon. You know English bacon is actually the second grade bacon exported from Denmark. I am sorry to have to tell you.

When have you been most embarrassed on your seasons?

In my first year I was really pissed and didn’t realise there was a threesome going on in my room. I had a look, didn’t understand what was going on and went back to bed.

Do you dye your eyebrows black?

No I am just Eastern European.

What is your favourite hat?

I like this one I am wearing. It is a fisherman’s hat.

What is your favourite Bulgarian fish?

Chernakop.

Who would you rather, Charlie from the bar or Reuben from the door?

Both of them, go big or go home right?

What do you want to be when you grow up?

An entrepreneur Ooooh interesting, tell me an idea that will make you millions?

A shipment logistics company.

That is less interesting.

Well you said millions, I have some more exciting things that would only make thousands.

What is your motto?

Never a failure always a listener.

“Seasonaire of the Week” is now sponsored by Le Petit Salon d’Antoine who offers each of our featured seasonaires a free haircut!

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TALK OF THE TOWN THE TABLES HAVE TURNED

Bryoni loves sending The Echo photographs of people after a little too much to drink. However, this week we have received a photo of a high stakes game of Buckaroo Bryoni.

HOLD THE LINE

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When Alex from Bananas featured in the Echo, his kind colleagues decided to rip out his picture and stick it above the bar alongside his phone number. Weirdly he has yet to receive any calls and wants people to keep trying to get through.

JERRY OF THE WEEK

HOW IS THIS STILL HAPPENING? Jerry of the week goes to all of the punters that are still skiing on the roads. Mmmmm, nothing says New Year’s Week like the sound of gravel scraping on skis.

THE SWARM

HYRATION STATION

To see in the New Year, a group including Dougie Denton decided to tour up to the top of Toviere to see the Tignes New Year’s fireworks. While sane people try to make their packs as light as possible for long tours, Dougie’s pack was rumoured to weigh the equivalent of one Katie Reynolds (around 24kg). When they got to the top of the mountain, Dougie opened his bag to reveal that it was completely full of various types of alcohol. The selection included a very fancy Single Malt Whiskey contained in an old plastic water bottle. Unfortunately, with all this booze, he had no space for any water, but who really needs water for a two and a half hour ascent.

We can’t expect much functionality from anyone on New Year’s Day. The Echo team watched The Lego Movie 5 times over because we couldn’t muster up the energy to get up and change the film after round number 1 (or 2, or 3, or 4). So it’s a lot to ask the ski instructors of Val d’Isère to ski in formation down the Face de Bellevarde, at night, ungroomed and after unlimited free vin chaud. Still, the resulting descent, usually a graceful serpent, resembled more closely a swarm of angry bees. One little bee went so far off course we can’t work out whether he fancied a spot of night orienteering or if in fact he just needed a chun. All jokes aside, it was still bloody impressive.

ALL THE TRIMMINGS

Thinking Andy Pulford had been sensible on Christmas Day and called it a night early, it was a surprise to his flatmates when they returned home quite a few hours later to find him sloppily peeling vegetables all over the kitchen floor. Rumour has it, he’d forgotten what time it was and was trying to make Christmas Dinner all over again.

Andy just wishes it could be Christmas every day.

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SPORT Shown at Le Petit Danois: FOOTBALL Saturday 4th January 13:30 Rochdale v Newcastle 16:00 Fulham v Aston Villa 18:30 Wolves v Man Utd Sunday 5th January 15:00 Middlesborough v Spurs 17:00 Liverpool v Everton 19:15 Gillingham v West Ham

All Football and Rugby shown at The Fall Line.

Monday 6th January 21:00 Arsenal v Leeds

Sport also shown at Blue Note and Le Hibou.

Friday 10th January 21:00 Sheffield Utd v West Ham

SEPARATED AT BIRTH

Post Malone

Oli (Hibou, if Nicole has her way)

WOoF OF THE WEEK

Name: Yoda

Breed: French Bulldog Age: 5 Dietary Requirements: Coeliac. Loves chicken or a good smoked cheddar Relationship status: Likes to get dressed up on a Friday night and hunt bitches Favourite Activity: Either finding the biggest stick possible or farting Habitat: Anywhere warm & comfy Fun Fact: Once survived a 30 meter drop after chasing a stick off a cliff

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