The Echo Week 13

ISSUE 1413 | FEB 15, 2019

THE

FREE

ECHO

WEEKLY GUIDE TO VAL D’ISERE

M A G A Z I N E

FLORA & FAUNA: VANOISE PARK

SPOTLIGHT ON THE ARTIST

DON’T GET BETTER, GET BITTER

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COVER ART

By Loïc Paulet Interview: Page 10

PROUDLY PRESENTED BY THE FOLIE DOUCE ART PROJECT Each week, the front cover of The Echo is going to be a different artwork produced by mostly local artists, but also several from further afield. This project is being very generously supported by La Folie Douce, whose contribution is allowing the artists to be paid ahead of time for their work, as both Folie and The Echo firmly believe in paying people for their skills.

If you’re interested in drawing/painting/ collaging/ creating something in whatever medium takes your fancy, please get in touch by emailing contact@valecho.co.uk and we can discuss. Equally, if you’re interested in writing for the magazine or have ideas for a feature, drop us a line.

At the end of the season, the plan is to

We want to encourage a community of creators and give people a space to use their talents, even if whilst out here, many are taking a break from “regular life”.

Prints of the artwork are available to purchase on The Echo website, www. valecho.co.uk/shop, with profits going to the artists.

hold an exhibition of all The Echo covers from the winter, and again Folie Douce is supporting this endeavour, as it fits with their creative vision.

We can’t wait to see what the artists come up with each week and look forward to talking to them about their work and life in or out of the mountains.

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CONT ENTS Echo Publications CCK Intergalactic Ltd

www.valecho.co.uk contact@valecho.co.uk Please recycle the magazine once you have read it. Or better still, hand it on to someone else.

Contributors: Sam Box, Ben Pryor, Caitlin Kennedy

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RESORT GUIDE

26 NATURE OF THE VANOISE PARK A look into the world of a Vanoise National Park Warden and the plants and animals that inhabit it

32 EVENT GUIDE What’s on this week: - Town events - Bar nights - Sporting competitions

36 DON’T GET BETTER, GET BITTER I am pissed that I am hurt. Join me as I investigate alternate recovery methods

The down-low on everything from the best restaurants to the numbers to call in an emergency

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SPOTLIGHT ON THE ARTIST

p o w e r e d

Tesla Model X

b y

snowdrone

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VW Caravelle

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We chat to Loïc Paulet, the designer of this week’s cover art. The Echo’s cover is generously sponsored by La Folie Douce

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OUT OF THE BUBBLE A satirical spin on the week’s events from further afield than the Espace Killy

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LEGENDS OF VAL A deadly serious interview with our Seasonaire(s) of the Week. This week, the Carr family take to the limelight

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SPOTLIGHT ON THE ARTIST Artist: Loïc Paulet

10 Are you inspired by other tattoo artists?

Yes, I’m inspired by early tattoo work. And old drawings, for instance from old Newspaper engravings. I draw with just lines, dots and black ink, so a lot of what I do is harking back to a prior era.

How does your freehand work differ from graphic design?

They’re pretty different mediums and sometimes I’m more creative in one than the other. Which I choose to use depends on the mood of the day, the weather and sometimes what I’ve been doing the previous night!

How long have you worked at Folie and what’s the best thing about working here?

It’s my first year and the highlight is working as part of a team. I used to work as a freelance artist and graphic designer and having worked by myself for 6 years, I was keen to make a change and have colleagues.

It’s been great to bounce ideas off people.

Plus, every day is different here.

Did you always want to be an artist/ designer?

Yes, I drew since I was a child but I also used to be a musician playing bass and guitar in a hardcore band.

Wow, you don’t necessarily look like the stereotypical hardcore type…

Well I have a lot of tattoos, but they’re covered up.

What were you doing in the summer before coming out here?

I was working for some big brands such as Red Bull, Jagermeister, doing the design for their events. And I do a lot of tattoo designs.

I’m not a tattoo artist but I do the drawings for some friends of mine.

Did you do any of your own tattoos?

Just some small ones on my feet. I was messing around and they’re probably not my best work.

What’s your go to Day-Off activity?

I live in Anthe and my girlfriend is still there, so most days off I go there.

Tell me about your clothing brand…

I drew some stuff for a friend for his band and off the back of that, I started making things that I would want to wear about 3 or 4 years ago. I regularly update the designs so each piece is a limited collection, with maybe 20 or 30 items. And once they’re gone, they’re gone and I make a new one. I have less time at the moment and it has to be a pleasure to create them, so when I don’t have time, the clothing takes a back seat. Having said that, I have a new collection coming out in the summer (https://www.evhemeria.com/shop/) How did you go about creating your cover?

It’s my style of nature, with a moose and elements of birds and leaves entwined together. It is quite tattoo-esque.

If you could be any animal, what would you be?

I love travelling so probably a bird of some sort.

Does travelling influence your art at all?

Yes, I like to have a new tattoo for every new place I go and almost always, they are my designs. They tend to be a reflection of the lifestyle or the culture of the country.

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PLANKS PHOTO COMPETITION

Each week the winner of the Planks Photo Competition wins themselves a Planks beanie from the flagship store in town.

Prize must be collected within a week of winning.

This week’s winner: Marc Cossar Enter at www.valecho.co.uk/competitions

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OUT OF THE BUBBLE

By Ben Pryor With D-day for Theresa gonebyMay’s Chequered Brexit kicked down the road to the 27th, Parliament faced a simple motion to support the Brady amendment, but it was phrased so it could be construed to include ruling out a no-deal Brexit, so Jacob Greased-Knob pulled his ERG out and the Valentine’s Day agreement quickly became the Valentine’s Day massacre.

We’re into the ‘fruitless foreplay to stall for time’ section of this protracted courtship dance; both parties know where they’re headed but want to avoid the other side shouting ‘me too’. Political brinkmanship,

14 de rigueur in dealing with the EU, may be bad for stock markets and leaders’ blood pressures alike but the search for the worst deal each participant will tolerate makes it the only way. It’s the political equivalent of being forced to wait until 1.55am in a club when the lights go on; the choices are unlikely to be pleasant or plentiful.

Shadow Chancellor John McDonnell branded Winston Churchill a villain, prompting Nicholas Soames to state he was sure his grandfather’s reputation could withstand an assault from a third-rate, Poundland Lenin; the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Talking of left-wingers with a tenuous grip on reality, President Nicolas Maduro refused to allow humanitarian aid into Venezuela as ‘it would allow the US to justify an invasion’. 10% of the population

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has left; the average citizen lost 11Kg last year; cases of malaria are up 50%; annual inflation sits at 1,300,000%; the price of goods doubles most weeks and ‘sovereign’ Bolivar notes, with five zeros slashed off the ‘strong’ Bolivar, are still a cheaper if somewhat less comfortable alternative to toilet paper. An invasion? All the Donald needs to do is sit at the border with a roll of Andrex and a Big Mac and wait.

as it resembles the French word for turd; right up there with Toyota not changing the name of the MR-2. Capital.com was forced to pull an advert featuring Theresa gonebyMay looking ‘sexy’ with a lowcut top, red lipstick and a pearl necklace; false advertising or just too gross to contemplate? A North Carolina student who believed a ghost was stealing her clothes discovered it was a man hiding in her closet; more Top Gun than Ghost then.

A Russian model is facing charges, staging a topless protest after being jailed over a traffic offence, police officers having declined her offer of a threesome to let her off; don’t like her chances of convincing the judge she’s learned her lesson, though I’d like to know what she plans to offer. Audi unveiled its new line of electric vehicles, the ‘e-tron’, in France to stifled giggles

And finally, a Pennsylvania community theatre staging a production of James and the Giant Peach were left red-faced when George Takei re-tweeted a photo of their main prop, which looked like it would be far more at home on the set of The Vagina Monologues; oh myyy. Until next week, I’m off to try and pass the bar in Moscow.

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LEGENDS OF VAL The Carr boys get their MOT

Who’s the best skier?

George: Me. Angus: George.

Dad: George.

Embarrassing stories about the young Carrs?

Dad: Once when George was skiing aged 4, he pissed himself. The next day I was videoing him going over a jump and he started screaming “I need a wee” and holding his privates. It is a great video.

Wow, we would like to see that. Now boys, how many chains do you own between you?

George: One, I keep losing it.

Angus: We’ve got five altogether then.

Dad: A real man doesn’t need a chain.

Who came out here first?

George: Back in 2015 I was going to come out with one of my mates but I couldn’t get a job. So Angus came out as well, we both got accommodation together and both

found jobs!

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Dad Carr, which son are you most worried about?

Dad: Angus. He’s a loose cannon.

You both have alternate hairstyles with fringe variants. Who wears it best?

Angus: I cut George’s hair. I have the best style though because his hair doesn’t curl.

George: Yeah mine’s shit, it’s just straight. His is better I’ll give him that.

Angus: Dad has the thickest hair though.

Dad: So thick that I have to get it thinned out. Was done by a Turkish man yesterday.

Angus, why did you cut Britt’s hair off last season?

Angus: I DIDN’T CUT IT. She thought I cut it. Also because it was awful.

Who is better with the ladies?

Angus: Me definitely.

George: Well I don’t know about that.

Angus: I finish them off for him.

George: That’s just rude that.

Angus: Actually Dad is probably the best.

Dad: Hey, I am a one woman man. I am a loyal man too and I am very happy.

Who would win in a fight if you could only slap each other?

Dad: George, he is faster. If we are talking slaps though I would beat them all, look at these hands.

(We all compare hands, Dad Carr’s are the biggest I have ever seen and Angus’ may be the tiniest.)

Do you ever ski together?

George: Only when Angus wakes up in time, plus he doesn’t even own a lift pass!

Sometimes we start skiing together but he

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can’t keep up.

You’re both wearing stripes, do you come from a sailing background?

George: No, a building/farming background.

Angus: But our stepmum did sail around the Atlantic Ocean!

Who is the best looking?

Dad: Me George: Na, I am.

Angus: Definitely me, I get a lot of compliments at my job. But actually people say we all look very similar! To be fair our stepmum is probably the best looking.

Dad: True, I love her to bits! Not only is she a stunner but she is so nice as well.

Anything to add?

Dad: What you need to put in that Echo is that I am the proudest Dad on Earth.

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23 know what a ski boot should feel like. So make sure you choose a shop that does it properly – a frightening number of shops don’t. By all means sit with your child while they’re being fitted, but don’t interfere – the bootfitter should know what they’re Some half-term advice on the all-important doing and make sure the boots fit correctly.

Watch out for boots that are too big, this is equipment which can make or break the very common (and again dangerous), and family holiday. make sure the bootfitter shows your child how to do up and adjust them properly Choosing Your Shop – they’ll need to do this themselves at ski school.

Make sure you choose a reputable shop with plenty of decent – and recent – kids’ Beware also of shops putting children into equipment. Children’s skis aren’t used adult boots. Even though they may fit in nearly as much as adults’ ones so some the foot they often come too high up the shops just keep trotting out the same leg and are too stiff for a child. ancient kids’ kit every year in school holidays. Don’t accept kit that’s way past its sell-by date – imagine if a ski broke or a If there is a problem once your child gets binding ripped out as your child was skiing on the snow, go back and change the along! If it’s older than 3 seasons, refuse to boots straight away, don’t wait until a small problem becomes a big one. take it.

PRO GEAR TIPS

Skis

Booking In Advance

Don’t be surprised if your child’s skis look short. Small children have less strength in their legs and can’t bend a longer ski, so skis that are too long are dangerous. Midchest height is good for a young beginner, collar-bone to chin for an older and more experienced child.

Book your ski hire to ensure availability, some shops run out of children’s kit very quickly. Booking also saves you time as certain parts of the process can be sorted out before you arrive.

We strongly recommend you don’t pay for ski hire through an agent or tour operator Many shops offer little choice for more – you’ll usually get much better service advanced junior skiers and may not carry and kit booking direct with the shop who the very smallest skis and boots for children will make sure they get all the info they as young as three but a decent specialist need from you in advance. Many agents should have plenty of options for all ages charge you more than you would pay direct and ability levels. and don’t give the shop any pre-arrival information, so there’s nothing reserved for you. All you’ve done is pay a third Boots party more than you needed to months in advance!

Getting the right boots is more important than ever for young children who don’t

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FLORA AND FAUNA If you look up to the side of the mountains not touched by strings of ski lifts and leave your gaze long enough on a rock, quite often, that rock will morph into a living, breathing mountain goat. This is one of the jobs of the Vanoise National Park Guards; spotting the extremely well camouflaged animals clinging to the sides of the slopes as part of their ongoing conservation work.

Spend a little time with these guards and you realise how in tune they are with the surrounding flora and fauna, spotting the twitches of an animal far, far away from their viewing point.

We are lucky enough to be living right on the cusp of an area of great ecological importance, the Vanoise National Park, as well as several smaller Nature Reserves, including the slopes of the Bailletaz area.

The Vanoise Park was the first ever French national park to be created back in 1963. It connects to the Grand Paradiso Park on the Italian side and together they cover an area of 1250 km², making the largest national park in the Alps. The two parks were originally conceived in order to protect ibex, which had been brought to near extinction and were being reintroduced to alpine areas. In fact all Alpine Ibex living today descend from one herd that were encouraged to breed in the Grand Paradiso region back in the 60s. Because of this, they are all genetically very similar.

I was interested to find out about how 26 both species cope with the harshness of winters in the mountains. Contrary to what might seem logical, the animals move to steeper slopes in winter, of 30–45° angles as these are more likely to have small caves and overhangs for shelter. These faces are also more likely to avalanche, uncovering the vegetation below. In fact, it was on one of these grassy patches that we saw our first sign of life through the lens of a telescope.

It was focused in on a lone male ibex with colossal horns, nibbling away at the scrub on the ground. When eventually he raised his heavy head, we managed to capture the picture below. After seeing this photo, Benoit of Radio Val d’Isere, knowingly nodded his head and told me this was Isidore, well known to the people of Le Fornet. Ibex aren’t generally subject to predation and often live to around 20 years. When males get very old, they generally remove themselves from their social group and become more solitary. Isidore is nearing the end of his life so can be recognised by the locals due to his lonesome behaviour.

Many of the animals in the park have tracking devices attached to them so that their movements can be followed by conservationists. In the winter, it is actually easier to spot a lot of the larger Most weeks from now until the end of the species, so that is when a count takes season, it is possible to go and observe place. Other than that, education about the the animals above the Pont St Charles Walking Path with the help and guidance of work of the wardens is a large part of the winter’s work. In summer, walking path and the Vanoise Park Guards. It is a fascinating sign maintenance is carried out by the Park experience to hear about the work of the guardians of the park, and of course to get employees which is especially important after a winter with heavy snowfall like last a closer look at the animals that give the Vanoise Park their emblem, the ibex, as well year. as their smaller and less horny cousins, the So, what does an average day look like for chamois.

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a Vanoise Guard? Every day is different.

The main aim is to keep the region as tranquil and untouched as possible for the plants and animals that call this Park their home. The Bailetta Nature Reserve is special because it covers an elevation gain of 1000m in a small area, so has a large range of mountainous plants and animals. Together with the Sassiere Nature Reserve just over the crest of the mountain, the two contain the entirety of France’s population of the Seslérie ovale plant, which you’ll spot in the summer as these plants are fenced off from walkers.

Occasionally, the work of the wardens requires a more hands-on approach. At the end of January, a cormorant (large black sea bird) got more than a little lost, arriving in Val d’Isère, dishevelled and in distress.

It was brought into the tourist office by a worried passer-by and a park warden picked it up and took it somewhere to recuperate before it was X-rayed the following day down in Grenoble. After being pronounced well

enough to fly, the bird was released in the valley.

Although this particular incident was a little out of the ordinary, more regular occurrences of bird injuries are caused by wild birds flying into windows. This was the case with this tiny Eurasian Pygmy Owl, who was taken in with a hematoma to the wing and injuries in both eyes. The Vanoise Park wardens recuperated her back to full health and earlier this week, she was released in the woods next to Le Face.

Ask at the Tourist Office to find out when the next Wildlife Observation is and check out the Vanoise Park website for more information http://www.vanoise-parcnational.fr/fr

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OFF PISTE SNOW REPORT Brought to you by Henry’s Avalanche Talk www.henrysavalanchetalk.com Wall to wall sunshine for at least the next week, and great skiing conditions!

It’s beginning to feel almost spring-like with milder temperatures and sunny skies. A high pressure weather system is in place, and looks likely to remain for at least a week. No fresh snowfall is expected. We recommend you don’t skimp on the suncream!

Snow coverage is excellent, and only total powder hounds need to fret about lack of fresh snowfall on the forecast.

There is some excellent off-piste skiing to be found, although cold powder conditions are now really only at high altitude, particularly on the colder North facing slopes. Touring skis and skins are now our friends again in helping us to find any untracked snow.

Despite the persistent weak layer in the snowpack, this is currently less of an issue with no fresh snow due for a while. It will only really present as a major problem again once we receive the next amount of significant snowfall. For now the snowpack is becoming more settled due to the warmer temperatures (melting by day and refreezing/solidifying overnight).

30 Over the next few days, avalanche danger ratings will likely go down to a 2 out of 5, possibly even to a 1 in the mornings. They’ll probably go up in the afternoons because of risk of natural slides due to warmer temperatures. See our descriptions of what all the avalanche danger ratings mean.

Off-Piste Snow & Weather Report 14-21 Feb 2019 There are some areas of windslab around, particularly on North’ish facing slopes above 2000 m, which could be triggered by a skier passing by. However, the main risk to the off-piste skier over the next few days could well be of falling and sliding accidents (what Henry calls the ‘whipper factor’). This is already becoming an issue in exposed areas where a lot of surface snow has been blown off by the wind. With no fresh snow on the forecast, and warmer temperatures, things could become very smooth and slick, with a very real risk of sliding, particularly on big steep slopes.

Control your speed, keep your concentration, and make sure your ski bindings are tight enough so that your skis don’t come off and slide a long way.

It is almost one year since a father and daughter were tragically killed in an avalanche on the Combe de Geant in Val d’Isere where they entered an area that was a closed run and were caught by an avalanche that released on the steep south facing slopes above them.

On Tuesday 12th February 2019, the run was closed again for exactly the same reasons and in very similar conditions. Yet

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many people ignored the signs and proceeded onto the slope. Please do not do this. When they close a run it is usually due to avalanche danger. There is no clearer clue than a closed sign. Notice it and follow the instruction.

region. Stationary temperatures and always above the averages, passing from 0 / -3 to 13 degrees in plain like towards 1000 m.

Persistence of a small south wind.

Off-piste weather forecast for 26 to 30 January

If you are not sure – it will be sunny all week! And not too warm to spoil the snow, but very pleasant. The snow should remain excellent.

SATURDAY 16 Conditions remain excellent with lots of sun in a sky almost without a cloud. The wind is weak from south to east. The small morning frosts quickly give way to spring sweetness with maximum temperatures of 12 to 14 degrees up to 1000 m and 5 to 8 degrees around 2000 m (isothermal 0 degree close to 3000 m).

Tip of the week The on piste conditions are outstanding.

We cannot remember it being better than this. With no fresh snow forecast, windblown slopes and milder temperatures ahead, some off piste slopes are going to get very slick. Avoid going for a big slide by managing your speed and staying in control.

SUNDAY 17 In the mountains and on our low valleys, the beautiful weather continues with sun and perfectly blue sky (rare cloudy banks). The wind is weak from South (gusts located near Italy). Temperatures remain abnormally high, evolving from 0/2 to 13/15 degrees in plain, from 0 / -2 to 12/13 degrees towards 1000 m and from 0 / -2 to 5/8 degrees around 2000 m (isothermal 0 degree between 2700 and 3000 m).

Sliding accidents can be very dangerous, and can occur both on and off piste.

Particularly on steep slopes of hard windblown snow, it’s easy to lose control of your edges and go for a long slide. You can pick up frightening amounts of speed and distance, possibly crashing into rocks and other obstacles on the way.

MONDAY 18 and TUESDAY 19 Despite a slight weakness, the anticyclone resists and continues to provide dry and sunny weather even if some cloudy banks sometimes roam the sky. The wind remains weak and rather oriented to the South.

After the morning frosts, the warmth is present in mountain.

WEDNESDAY 20 and THURSDAY 21 The pressures are reinforced again, for sunny days despite a few cloudy periods, especially Wednesday and the north of our

16TH Cocorico - Après Ski Live Music: The Blazin’ Strings Victors - Seasonaire Saturdays. Tacos & Tequila.

Petit Danois - Live Music 5pm: Jaw Bones Two, 10pm DJ Jack Igglesden Le Lodge - DJ K2 11:30pm-1:30am Dick’s Tea Bar- Industry Night hosted by DJ Megan (Funky Tech House) Moris - 2 for 1 1080s. 1/2 price Chicken Wings Next Bar - Michouze (tribal, house, electro swing, techno to trance) Arctic - Seasonaire Wknd Breakfast: Superfood Quinoa & Oat Porridge Pot plus a Latté for 8€

17TH

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La Folie Douce - Too Many Lefthands Le Hibou - Curry Night - Curry & A Pint/Glass of wine for only €15. Served 14.30 - 21.30.

Bananas - Disco/Funk/House Night w B2B DJs Rob & Oscar Cocorico - Après Ski Live Music: Hobo Chic Blue Note - Cheap Cocktails. 22h-23.30h Petit Danois - Live Apres Music: The Mardy Johnny Depps 5pm, 10pm DJ Jack Igglesden Dick’s Tea Bar - Dirty Sunday Hosted by Marshall (Hip Hop and RnB) Doudoune - Summit Welcome Party Moris - Toss the Boss. 22h-00h

20TH Planks - Shred Together Arctic - Midweek Refuel: Sandwich/Salad plus a latté for 10€, swap the coffee for juice for 2€ La Folie Douce - WTF Weekly costume party Cocorico - Après Live Music: Les Lunettes Le Hibou - Wings Wednesday Next Bar - DJ PONE (famous French world DMC scratch champion) Bananas - Jungle & Liquid Night - B2B DJs. Dan & Lorien Petit Danois - Live music - Gallie 5pm, 10pm DJ Jack Igglesden Moris - Live Music: Apres - The Mardy Johnny Depps 20h. Evening- Wingmen 22h30 Dick’s Tea Bar - After Dinner Club w/ Pocket Size Dave, Sophia and Alex (Violin and Sax) Doudoune- Rebecca & Fiona

Cocorico - Après Live M Arctic - Vinyasa Yoga C Arctic Juice. Sign up as

La Folie Douce - Treas

Victors -Hip Hop Thur

Saloon - Bass Station w

Petit Danois- Live Mus 10pm DJ Jez Moris - Toffee Thursday The Blazin’ Strings 22h3 IN TOWN - Airstar Nig entertainment and free Dick’s Tea Bar - LUNA Anthony Doudoune- Club 21

COCORICO - 2-4pm Happy Hour, Live Music every day from BLUE NOTE - Happy Hour with Hot Gin and Nibbles from 3 to 6pm FALL LINE - Happy Hour 3-5pm PETIT DANOIS - Happy Hour 2 for 1 on Beers and Drinks 4-5pm & 9-10pm.

BANANAS - Seasonaire Menu: 3 Courses and a beer/wine/soft drink for €20 Happy Hours 18.30-19.30 and 22.30 SALOON - 3-6pm Happy Hour 2 for 1 on beer wine and more.

18TH

33 La Folie Douce - Discopolis

Arctic - Juice Pump - Do 30 Push Ups and get 50% off Juice or Coffee

19TH In Town ESF Snow Show: Torchlit descent of the Face, Freestyle Display, Fireworks and vin chaud Cocorico - Après Ski Live Music: Wingmen

Cocorico - Après Live Music: The Trends

Bananas - House & Tech night DJ Max Leaver

IN TOWN- Free Avalanche Safety talk with the ESF at 5.30pm @ their hut on the snow front.

Vie Val d’Is - Weekly Language Exchange. Free French lesson for VVD card holders at 8pm Petit Danois - Live Music - Mullit & The Machine 5pm, 10pm DJ PSD Moris - 2 for 1 Burgers. Live Music: Apres- Max Whitthal 17h30 Next Bar - KABBA SELECTA : world music, balkan, cumbia, roots, reggae Doudoune - Clubbing Night by Kevin Delmix Dick’s Tea Bar - Resident DJs Megan and Marshall (Tech House)

Vie Val d’Is - Jam session from 8pm at the CCAS. Open & free for musicians with VVD card Petit Danois - Live Apres Music: The Revolverlites 5pm, 10pm DJ PSD

21ST

Music: Tenacious Ski Class at 7pm with JJ @ s spaces are limited.

sure Hunt

rsdays with DJ Wanne

with DJ Kommissar

sic - Guinea Pigs 5pm,

ys! Live Music: Evening 30 ght. Light show, street e vin chaud on main street Thursday with Brent

Victors - Funky Tuesdays with DJ Joblime Arctic - Tag Us Tuesday: Share your Arctic experience in a post/story and get a free juice shot

Moris - Tequila Tuesday. Live Music: EveningLunettes 22h30

Doudoune- Mark Knight Dicks Tea Bar - Techno Tuesday w Resident DJs

22ND Cocorico - Après Ski Live Music: The Blazin’ Strings La Folie Douce - “It’s Time to say Goodbye” (to the Scandis) Petit Danois - Live Music Karen & Andreas 5pm, 10pm DJ Jack Igglesden Next Bar - PNEUMOTRACKS, beat box, electroswing, bass music, garage, drum and bass Moris - Live Music: Apres Mullit & The Machine 17h30. Evening- Pink Miami 22h30

Dicks Tea Bar - After Dinner Club with Pocket

Sized Dave accompanied by Sax and Violin

Doudoune - Kiss and Goodbye by Kevin Delmix

UNDERGROUND - Après Ski Tapas from 5pm LE PETIT CUISINE - Daily 12 - 3pm - Seasonaire Meal Deal VICTORS - Cocktail Hour 9-11pm LE LODGE - Happy Hour 4:30-7:30pm €4 large beer TDC SKI - Devils courses: Group lessons for 10-13 yrs olds who can ski reds and blacks. €375 for 5 afternoons http://www.tdcski.com/val_disere/group_lessons_valdisere/kids_group_lessons.php

vvv

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DON’T GET BETTER, GET BITTER If you haven’t already heard, I’ve injured myself. Guess I was being too gnarly. It’s not getting better on its own so here are some of the things I have tried and would recommend for your own injury recovery.

The first thing I recommend is to align your Chakra. It may sounds obvious but how on earth do you hope to get better with all that negative energy running through your body. Spend between a week and a month cleansing your soul with crystals that you will have pre-charged last time there was a full moon. If you want to know when you will be back skiing, you can use Tarot cards to see what the future holds for your injury.

For the best effects, combine with Yoga, bare feet and simply not washing.

If you were vaccinated as a child, this is probably the cause of your injury. You may think it was a skiing accident but everyone knows that vaccines cause all major ailments. For further reading on why Antivaxing is so crucial, there are some really intelligent opinions on mumsnet. com. Your best course of action here is to sue your parents for getting you vaccinated against your will and get un-vaccinated ASAP. If the above hasn’t helped, seek Homeopathy or other alternative medicines. Say no to hundreds of years of scientific fact and yes to drinking your own piss. Bear Grills didn’t survive in the wilderness on ibuprofen. Always trust Mr Grills.

An almost guaranteed way to fix your ailment is to start vaping. You will pass the time that you aren’t on the mountain by

36 learning tricks plus you immediately become the coolest person you know.

After a few days you will realise that skiing is boring and making vape trick edits is now your main hobby. There will be no further need to leave the house or use your injured body anyway. If you get fruit flavoured e-liquids then you are probably getting your five a day too. #vapenash Are you familiar with the age old saying - if all else fails, go to a faith healer? Find your nearest Jim Jones-esque squad and get them to channel the Holy Spirit into your poorly elbow. Who knew god was a physio?

Try not to get sucked into the cult and definitely don’t drink the kool-aid.

Everything hurts and you don’t know why?

You’re probably eating too much inorganic, processed food. Everyone thinks that fruit and veg is healthy but if it’s not organic you are almost definitely poisoning yourself and the end is nigh. I recommend foraging around on the mountain for edible plants as if you aren’t allowed to salt the pavements here, I seriously doubt they allow all those horrible pesticides.

So you’ve tried everything but you’re still in pain and everything seems hopeless.

Believe it or not, you’ve actually reached peak mental fitness since you’re bang on everything truly is hopeless! Stay in bed at all costs, don’t let any light in and live off frequent deliveries of Ben and Jerrys. Really just fester, I truly cannot recommend this enough.

Final note: obviously don’t do any of these things. Seek professional help for your injury and seek professional help if you took this article literally.

Sam xx

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TALK OF THE TOWN Outback Mountain

This is how the Aussies do Valentine’s Day: with beer, bucket hats and a good tonguing between best friends.

and watch out for thieves whilst it is busy in town.

Not So Legally Blonde

Where do we even begin regarding the tales of the Scandi children who have been polluting the resort with their idiocy this week? It has to be said that not all of them have been a problem, the majority have been kind, polite and had a good time without causing any disruption. However, the others have been destroying their accommodation, drinking until they end up in hospital (en masse) and getting into fights when things don’t go their way.

But hey, at least it’s nice for once that the Brits aren’t the ones shaming their home country.

Minimum Wingspan

Responsible Adult

Jez was asked to watch a friend’s beer and make sure no one drank it whilst they were gone. He took this job very seriously indeed and did what any sensible person would do, removing his own sock and stuffing it in the beer. True to his word, not a soul went near the beer. His friend did not see the funny side.

On a not so funny note, poor Jez was very sadly mightily screwed over when some absolute turd of a human knicked his bank card, racking up over a grand’s worth of expenditure in one night. Do be careful to shield your pin when paying for things

A four wing minimum has come into effect at Hibou for Wing Wednesday. Surely this is being pernickety, nobody is going to order any less than a basket of wings, right? Well, we are told that the cause of this new rule is one particularly cheeky f*cker who walked up to the bar to order a single wing and a glass of tap water. We guarantee that this is the type of bloke that always disappears when it’s his round at the bar.

Prince Charming

We got sent a Valentine’s Day poem written by a certain Blue Note barman. We’ll let you guess which word we’ve changed.

“Roses are Red, Violets are Plum(ish), Get ready for tonight, I’m going to make you dinner 2-4 times ish”

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SPORT Shown at Le Petit Danois:

FOOTBALL

Saturday 16th Feb: Brighton v Derby 1.30pm Newport v Man City 6.30pm Sunday 17th Feb: Bristol City v Wolves 2pm Doncaster v Crystal Palace 5pm Monday 18th Feb: Chelsea v Man Utd 8.30pm Tuesday 19th Feb: Liverpool v Bayern Munich 9pm (Also shown at The Moris)

Wednesday 20th Feb: Shalke 04 v Man City 9pm (Also shown at The Moris) Thursday 21st Feb Arsenal v BATE Borisov 6.55pm Chelsea v Malmo 9pm Friday 21st Feb West Ham v Fulham 8.45pm

Sport also shown at The Fall Line, Blue Note, Moris Pub and Le Hibou.

SEPARATED AT BIRTH

Guy (This is England)

Joe (VIP)

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SUNDAYS

MUSIC BY