Allure 22052016

May 22, 2016

g n i d d e W e h T Issue

Wedding SOUVENIRS

NKECHI ALI-BALOGUN

- That Marriages May Last

22/05 Contents

4

15

e m a i l : a l l u r e fo r t h e wo rl d @ v a n g u a r d n g r. c o m

8

FASHION 4 6

Happily Never After

COVER STORY

Nkechi AliBalogun

Wedding Souvenirs

PEOPLE 15

• I REMEMBER: The Autobiography of Ladipo Adamolekun • Kiss Daniel’s Album Launch

Editor’s Note EDITOR’S LETTER There is a huge difference between a wedding and marriage. The wedding is the jamboree, where the couple get to say ‘I do’ while marriage begins when they wake up the following morning; for many, with a banging hangover.

It doesn’t matter whether the wedding was contracted in Dubai, in London or some exotic island in the Caribbean, the success of a marriage is not determined by the expense on the wedding, small or huge.

What guarantees that a couple will stay together for life is friendship first, then all other ingredients may follow. You will have a good soup if you have in the mix: chemistry, potential, if no money - appreciation, ad infinitum.

In my opinion, the aforementioned constitute the tripod-foundation for a long lasting marriage.

When a marriage breaks down within two years or he lays his hand on her and even takes her life, the foundation of that marriage was faulty from the day it was contracted.

This is why couples must go for counselling. But, do they? What type of counselling are they given? See p.11, where our guest contributor, Deedee William-West writes on ‘Does Pre-Nuptial Counselling Make Marriage Better?’

We have chronicled marriages that broke down even before the marriage began starting with the Tiwa Savage and Teebliz saga. Turn to pp.4-5.

Nkechi Ali Balogun, PR guru and wife of esteemed producer, Mahmud Ali-Balogun, turns 60 today. She and Mahmud have been married for over 30 years. She shares with Jemi Eķukunbor, the true meaning of marriage and what couples must understand before rushing to say ‘I do’.

See pp. 8-10. Finally, we wrap up this wedding issue with a look at the gifts that guests cart away from weddings. Jemi Ekukunbor shares an experience. See p.6-7.

Another wedding edition in the can. Hopefully, our marriages will continue and I shall see you next week. Yes? Have a great week! #CHIBOKGIRLS: 500+days

R.

Remmy Diagbare @ Vanguardallure1

Quotes...

“Nothing is perfect. Life is messy.

Relationships are complex.

Outcomes are uncertain. People are irrational”.

- Hugh Mackay

“Before machines the only form of entertainment people really had was relationships”.

- Douglas Coupland

“A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man”.

- Lana Turner

TEAM JEMI EKUNKUNBOR

lookposh@yahoo.co.uk

PAMELA ECHEMUNOR

pamela.echemunor @gmail.com

YEMISI SULEIMAN

suleimanyemisi@gmail.com

FATIMA GARBA

fatigarba36@yahoo.com

EDITOR REMMY DIAGBARE DEPUTY EDITOR JEMI EKUNKUNBOR ASST. EDITOR YEMISI SULEIMAN STYLE REPORTER PAMELA ECHEMUNOR CONTRIBUTORS PRINCESS KATE EMIKO BAMIYO ISELEMA EMINA JEROME CODJO-YAOVI ONIPEDE

CONT. EDITOR LATASHA NGWUBE COPY EDITOR DODOIYI WILLIAM-WEST CORRESPONDENTS FATIMA GARBA DAVINA AYODELE LAYOUT / DESIGN GREGORY OBI OLAYIWOLA AJAGBE PHOTO OSCAR OCHIOGU (08034746487)

Printed and published by Vanguard Media Ltd Vanguard Avenue Kirikiri Canal; P.M.B 1007 Apapa, Lagos.

For advertisement / enquiries, call DEBBIE: 08039675880, Office Auxiliary: EBERE OKOH

ALLURE’S

WEEKLY FAB LIST! By - Fatima Garba

Looking for the latest trends to transition into? Hopefully, our weekly fab list will help you decide the major trends to keep you looking fab all day and all week.

THE PUFFY SHIRT

OVERSIZED FLORALS

Designers clearly were catching up on the 70’s while conceptualizing their season trend, given the fact that white ruffled blouses were popular in that time and are now making numerous runway appearances.

Florals obviously happen every season but this time around, they are going big.

Skip the tiny buds in favour of larger, more artful and geometric ones that way, you are giving more of an edge to a pattern everyone expects.

Dsquared puffy shirt

Prada oversized floral bag

PEEPTOES Your heel of choice for the season should be a revamp of the classic peep-toe with a thick, walkable heel and supportive ankle strap. Do not shy away from mixing patterns, textures, and colors for the ultimate shoe that works for the office and special events, alike

Marc Jacobs oversized foral dress

Louis Vuitton espadrilles

H&M pleated dress

PLEATED PIECES

Christian Louboutin cobra peeptoes

ESPADRILLES

Azur espadrilles

This season the last thing you want are aching arches and blistered feet, which are commonplace when wearing too tight, too narrow shoes. The best way to keep comfortable is with a pair of flat espadrilles. With their woven rope bottoms and rubber soles, espadrilles are a seasonal musthave.

Dress them down with a plain white tee and cropped kick-flare jeans or pair them with a wispy dress and fun clutch for a daytime affair. But considering their flat shape, you want to make sure you look for details that really wow. From stars to stripes to bright neon.

Solange in pleated skirt

There is nothing more ladylike than a dress or top that has pretty pleats. In my opinion, wearing a light and airy pleated piece feels special. So, you can imagine my excitement when I found out that pleated pieces are predicted to be big this year.

Capitalize on this trend by adding pretty dresses and lightweight tops to your wardrobe.

May 22, 2016 /

3

W ED D I N G

Happily Never N After

W ED D IN G

Funke Akindele and Kehinde Almaroof Oloyede

When actress award winning actress Funke Akindele got married to her the sweetheart, Almaroof Oloyede many of her fans and colleagues were delighted, as the couple shared a number of loved-up photos of herself and her husband together on social media. But few months later, fans got a shocker when it was widely reported that actress and her husband Kehinde Almaroof Oloyede are no longer together. What started on blogs and social media soon spread to national newspapers. The separation followed a number of accusations, including allegations that Almaroof, had other wives, he was a serial baby daddy, keeping a string of affairs, and even returning to the women he had prior to the celebrity wedding with Funke Akindele, it was only a matter of time before it was all out in the air.

Funke would later admit in an interview that she only enjoyed the first two months of her marriage and claimed that she was abused severally, as the union went awry.

“I was abused emotionally and verbally.

Really, I felt we could work things out when the trouble started two months after the marriage, but I made up my mind and shut the door of the marriage at him when the trouble was becoming to me too much.”

by - Yemisi Sueiman

W

hen it comes to relationships you never know when you find love and when you lose it. You do not decide who you fall in love with, and obviously cannot decide when you fall out of love with them.

It’s sad to say, but cheating is a pretty common thing when it comes to relationships, from the ordinary man on the street to our celebrities and movie stars, it’s all in the mix. However with celebrities it is a different ball game as the scandal is all laid out for us to see, all thanks to the vibrant social media. For the so called celebrities or public figures, it seems the sanctity of marriage is something they take extremely lightly, or that is what seems to appear. This trend is not new to many society watchers as there are a good number of society weddings that end in less than a year of solemnisation.

However, while some are lucky in love and have a beautiful married life, there are some who suffer heartbreak and have had failed marriages.

Here’s a look at celebrities and actors whose marriages didn’t work out and ended in separation or divorce.

4

/ May 22, 2016

Toke Makinwa and Maje Ayida

When radio host Toke Makinwa got married to her on and off boyfriend, Maje Ayida, a health instructor, in a surprise wedding in 2014, it seem like a match made in heaven. The wedding came as a surprise to many because it happened at a time when every onlooker taught they might be parting away.

However, barely two months into the marriage, there were reports that Maje Ayida has impregnated his former girlfriend, Anita Solomon and she had gone to the UK to deliver their baby.

This news made ‘Toke’ the number one trending topic on Twitter Nigeria. While some of her fans very angry with her husband for impregnating an ex, some mocked the Vlogger who vlogs mostly about topics on how to keep hold of your man. Toke who naturally kicked the cheater to the curb has since moved on with her life and she seems happy as ever.

Pastor Chris Okotie and Stephanie Henshaw

The General overseer of the Household of God’s church, Pastor Chris Okotie is one man that has not been so lucky in the marriage institution.

It would be recalled that the House Hold of God pastor got married to his second wife, Stephanie Henshaw, a widow and mother of three who is also a member of his ministry, in 2008 after he had separated from his first wife due to unresolved issues that were undisclosed. The wedlock lasted only two years however, when Okotie shook his congregation during a church service with the pronouncement of their separation, citing irreconcilable differences.

It was later learnt that Pastor Okotie decided to end the marriage because of some allegations of witchcraft by some members against his wife. According to Stephanie who expressed her sorrow and disappointments on her facebbok page, she was betrayed by Okotie and members of the church. For Pastor Chris it was his second marriage and break up in four years.

Ini Edo and Phillip Ehigwina

Ini Edo’s wedding to Houston, Texas based businessman, Phillip Ehigwina remains the most controversial in Nollywood history.

First of all, Phillip’s former wife, Ruth accused the actress of snatching her husband. However, that didn’t stop the love birds then, as they went ahead and got married in very lavish ceremonies in her hometown and later Houston Texas USA in 2009. Unfortunately their marriage could not defy the odds.

There was a whirlwind of allegations from Philip Ehigwina, her ex-husband who accused her of cheating on him with some state governor. The popular actress however, denied the allegation starting she had never cheated on her spouse since they got married. She also confirmed breaking up with her husband via a tweet “There is a conscious and malicious attempt at tarnishing

my image. This saga is familiar, let’s not forget the past. Thanks and God bless.” the tweet stated. The celebrity couple confirmed their marriage break up in 2015.

Last year the Nollywood actress was a guest on Rubbin Minds with Ebuka Uchendu.

During the show, the actress addressed her marriage crash and many other issues. She revealed that she got married early because she wanted to raise a family while she’s young. “My marriage was an experience I will never regret.

My husband was the last child of his family so his family members interfered in our marriage. He interfered in my career as a good husband but along the line, we couldn’t find a common ground. My hubby and I were apart from each other and this affected our marriage. May be if we were together, it would have helped.

For now I don’t want marriage, I just want to fix my life and move on.” She has since moved on and is reportedly dating a young actor in Nollywood.

Funke Fowler and Abiodun Kuku

Just three years after the elaborate wedding of Funke Fowler daughter of Tunde Fowler, boss of Lagos Inland Revenue’s marriage to Abiodun Kuku, son of Bayo Kuku, the marriage crashed like a pack of cards.

Amongst reasons why the marriage failed was that the couple realized that they were incompatible. It was also reported that Funke Fowler who runs a fashion house called Leila Fowler started complaining bitterly to her parents and close confidants that her husband was abusing her. The abuses a source revealed has to do with her inability to cope with household chores demanded of a house wife.

Report says that it got so bad that after series of failed reconciliation, Funke’s mum allegedly had to take her daughter out of the abusive marriage in December, 2013.

On the International Scene I Jenifer Lopez and Chris Judd

During J.Lo’s early-2000s heyday, the superstar hired professional dancer Judd to appear in her video for “Love Don’t Cost a Thing.”

They quickly became an item, getting hitched September 2001, but parting ways by June 2002.

Kim and Kris

The reality star tied the knot with the basketball player in 2011, to fanfare and glamour. The wedding reportedly cost around $10 million, and was part of a two-day E! Special called “Kim’s Fairytale Wedding.”

After 72 days though, the nups came to an end, with Kim issuing a statement saying “After careful consideration, I have decided to end my marriage. I hope everyone understands this was not an easy decision. I had hoped this marriage was forever, but sometimes things don’t work out as planned. We remain friends and wish each other the best.” Not the shortest celebrity marriage in history, but surely the most infamous. Obviously, many speculated the whole OTT fiasco was a publicity stunt. Whether it was or not, Kardashian only got more famous, while Humphries faded into obscurity.

f we are to believe popular franchises from stables of the likes of Walt Disney, then the words “I do”, should mark the beginning of a lifetime of marital bliss, love and mutual respect. Celebrities all over the world are not opposed to the idea of finding that special someone and as everything they do is magnified and placed in the ‘larger than life category’, fans and onlookers are often in awe and amazement when their favourite idol gets hitched. Everything about celebrity marriages sends the public into a frenzy; from the proposal and enagagement rock to the dress, venue, ceremony, attendees and honeymoon.

We are simply obsessed with the whole idea of perfection on every score and it comes as a shock when we discover that our favourite picture perfect couple are well and truly over. From the short lived duration of these couples it would appear as though they have a lower tolerance for the down times that every couple must inevitably face or perhaps they had no business getting hitched in the first place.

These once-blissful unions crumbled like cheap biscuits and evaporated like mist on a hot summer day. Forget about “Til death do us part” as these unions barely made it to their one year anniversary…

Nichols Cage and Lisa Presley These two tied the knot in a lavish Hawaii ceremony in August 2002, but Cage ended up filing for divorce in November of the same year, stating they “shouldn’t have been married in the first place.”

Pamela and Rick The “Baywatch” star married Salomon (who famously co-starred in Paris Hilton’s sex tape) in Las Vegas in October 2007, a wedding that took place during a short evening break from a show she was appearing in at the time. Pam, however, filed for divorce less than ten weeks later, citing the classic “irreconcilable differences.”

May 22, 2016 /

5

W ED D I N G

Happily Never N After

W ED D IN G

Funke Akindele and Kehinde Almaroof Oloyede

When actress award winning actress Funke Akindele got married to her the sweetheart, Almaroof Oloyede many of her fans and colleagues were delighted, as the couple shared a number of loved-up photos of herself and her husband together on social media. But few months later, fans got a shocker when it was widely reported that actress and her husband Kehinde Almaroof Oloyede are no longer together. What started on blogs and social media soon spread to national newspapers. The separation followed a number of accusations, including allegations that Almaroof, had other wives, he was a serial baby daddy, keeping a string of affairs, and even returning to the women he had prior to the celebrity wedding with Funke Akindele, it was only a matter of time before it was all out in the air.

Funke would later admit in an interview that she only enjoyed the first two months of her marriage and claimed that she was abused severally, as the union went awry.

“I was abused emotionally and verbally.

Really, I felt we could work things out when the trouble started two months after the marriage, but I made up my mind and shut the door of the marriage at him when the trouble was becoming to me too much.”

by - Yemisi Sueiman

W

hen it comes to relationships you never know when you find love and when you lose it. You do not decide who you fall in love with, and obviously cannot decide when you fall out of love with them.

It’s sad to say, but cheating is a pretty common thing when it comes to relationships, from the ordinary man on the street to our celebrities and movie stars, it’s all in the mix. However with celebrities it is a different ball game as the scandal is all laid out for us to see, all thanks to the vibrant social media. For the so called celebrities or public figures, it seems the sanctity of marriage is something they take extremely lightly, or that is what seems to appear. This trend is not new to many society watchers as there are a good number of society weddings that end in less than a year of solemnisation.

However, while some are lucky in love and have a beautiful married life, there are some who suffer heartbreak and have had failed marriages.

Here’s a look at celebrities and actors whose marriages didn’t work out and ended in separation or divorce.

4

/ May 22, 2016

Toke Makinwa and Maje Ayida

When radio host Toke Makinwa got married to her on and off boyfriend, Maje Ayida, a health instructor, in a surprise wedding in 2014, it seem like a match made in heaven. The wedding came as a surprise to many because it happened at a time when every onlooker taught they might be parting away.

However, barely two months into the marriage, there were reports that Maje Ayida has impregnated his former girlfriend, Anita Solomon and she had gone to the UK to deliver their baby.

This news made ‘Toke’ the number one trending topic on Twitter Nigeria. While some of her fans very angry with her husband for impregnating an ex, some mocked the Vlogger who vlogs mostly about topics on how to keep hold of your man. Toke who naturally kicked the cheater to the curb has since moved on with her life and she seems happy as ever.

Pastor Chris Okotie and Stephanie Henshaw

The General overseer of the Household of God’s church, Pastor Chris Okotie is one man that has not been so lucky in the marriage institution.

It would be recalled that the House Hold of God pastor got married to his second wife, Stephanie Henshaw, a widow and mother of three who is also a member of his ministry, in 2008 after he had separated from his first wife due to unresolved issues that were undisclosed. The wedlock lasted only two years however, when Okotie shook his congregation during a church service with the pronouncement of their separation, citing irreconcilable differences.

It was later learnt that Pastor Okotie decided to end the marriage because of some allegations of witchcraft by some members against his wife. According to Stephanie who expressed her sorrow and disappointments on her facebbok page, she was betrayed by Okotie and members of the church. For Pastor Chris it was his second marriage and break up in four years.

Ini Edo and Phillip Ehigwina

Ini Edo’s wedding to Houston, Texas based businessman, Phillip Ehigwina remains the most controversial in Nollywood history.

First of all, Phillip’s former wife, Ruth accused the actress of snatching her husband. However, that didn’t stop the love birds then, as they went ahead and got married in very lavish ceremonies in her hometown and later Houston Texas USA in 2009. Unfortunately their marriage could not defy the odds.

There was a whirlwind of allegations from Philip Ehigwina, her ex-husband who accused her of cheating on him with some state governor. The popular actress however, denied the allegation starting she had never cheated on her spouse since they got married. She also confirmed breaking up with her husband via a tweet “There is a conscious and malicious attempt at tarnishing

my image. This saga is familiar, let’s not forget the past. Thanks and God bless.” the tweet stated. The celebrity couple confirmed their marriage break up in 2015.

Last year the Nollywood actress was a guest on Rubbin Minds with Ebuka Uchendu.

During the show, the actress addressed her marriage crash and many other issues. She revealed that she got married early because she wanted to raise a family while she’s young. “My marriage was an experience I will never regret.

My husband was the last child of his family so his family members interfered in our marriage. He interfered in my career as a good husband but along the line, we couldn’t find a common ground. My hubby and I were apart from each other and this affected our marriage. May be if we were together, it would have helped.

For now I don’t want marriage, I just want to fix my life and move on.” She has since moved on and is reportedly dating a young actor in Nollywood.

Funke Fowler and Abiodun Kuku

Just three years after the elaborate wedding of Funke Fowler daughter of Tunde Fowler, boss of Lagos Inland Revenue’s marriage to Abiodun Kuku, son of Bayo Kuku, the marriage crashed like a pack of cards.

Amongst reasons why the marriage failed was that the couple realized that they were incompatible. It was also reported that Funke Fowler who runs a fashion house called Leila Fowler started complaining bitterly to her parents and close confidants that her husband was abusing her. The abuses a source revealed has to do with her inability to cope with household chores demanded of a house wife.

Report says that it got so bad that after series of failed reconciliation, Funke’s mum allegedly had to take her daughter out of the abusive marriage in December, 2013.

On the International Scene I Jenifer Lopez and Chris Judd

During J.Lo’s early-2000s heyday, the superstar hired professional dancer Judd to appear in her video for “Love Don’t Cost a Thing.”

They quickly became an item, getting hitched September 2001, but parting ways by June 2002.

Kim and Kris

The reality star tied the knot with the basketball player in 2011, to fanfare and glamour. The wedding reportedly cost around $10 million, and was part of a two-day E! Special called “Kim’s Fairytale Wedding.”

After 72 days though, the nups came to an end, with Kim issuing a statement saying “After careful consideration, I have decided to end my marriage. I hope everyone understands this was not an easy decision. I had hoped this marriage was forever, but sometimes things don’t work out as planned. We remain friends and wish each other the best.” Not the shortest celebrity marriage in history, but surely the most infamous. Obviously, many speculated the whole OTT fiasco was a publicity stunt. Whether it was or not, Kardashian only got more famous, while Humphries faded into obscurity.

f we are to believe popular franchises from stables of the likes of Walt Disney, then the words “I do”, should mark the beginning of a lifetime of marital bliss, love and mutual respect. Celebrities all over the world are not opposed to the idea of finding that special someone and as everything they do is magnified and placed in the ‘larger than life category’, fans and onlookers are often in awe and amazement when their favourite idol gets hitched. Everything about celebrity marriages sends the public into a frenzy; from the proposal and enagagement rock to the dress, venue, ceremony, attendees and honeymoon.

We are simply obsessed with the whole idea of perfection on every score and it comes as a shock when we discover that our favourite picture perfect couple are well and truly over. From the short lived duration of these couples it would appear as though they have a lower tolerance for the down times that every couple must inevitably face or perhaps they had no business getting hitched in the first place.

These once-blissful unions crumbled like cheap biscuits and evaporated like mist on a hot summer day. Forget about “Til death do us part” as these unions barely made it to their one year anniversary…

Nichols Cage and Lisa Presley These two tied the knot in a lavish Hawaii ceremony in August 2002, but Cage ended up filing for divorce in November of the same year, stating they “shouldn’t have been married in the first place.”

Pamela and Rick The “Baywatch” star married Salomon (who famously co-starred in Paris Hilton’s sex tape) in Las Vegas in October 2007, a wedding that took place during a short evening break from a show she was appearing in at the time. Pam, however, filed for divorce less than ten weeks later, citing the classic “irreconcilable differences.”

May 22, 2016 /

5

W ED D I N G

W ED D IN G one can imagine, can be shared at a wedding particularly if the couple are people of means.

From sharing everything plastic, it seemed Nigerians got fed up with getting the same gift every time they went for a wedding. Many homes were also littered with unused plastic cups and bowls. And so the switch came. From plastic items, we moved to sharing ceramic itemsmugs, plates, trays etc. This also passed and we arrived at usable household items, mini bags of sugar, salt, satchet powder and liquid soaps, packets of matches, toilet rolls, scrubbing sponge, sachet tomatoes puree, toilet rolls, mini bottles of vegetable oil, satchet toothpaste, cooking condiments etc. During the rains, umbrella held sway as gifts while during the hot weather, hand fans were shared. Through these years, bath and face towels as well as kitchen and table napkins remained a recurrent decimal.

Some years ago at a high society wedding in Lagos, what myself and other industry colleagues who attended the wedding got, was more than we bargained for. The families of the couple especially, the bride’s family, brought their A game on. Thankfully, some of us were lucky to have bought and adorned the aso ebi (wedding uniform) of the day, which was like ticket to a private viewing of a blockbuster movie. When the gifts started going round, we were well qualified and positioned to receive whatever was being shared.

It was like the heavens opened and showered us with blessings. But then, that was when the drama started and this also applies to many other weddings.

• Courtesy TW Magazine

WEDDING Souvenirs:

As mentioned earlier, the family brought their A game on. There were gifts of all sorts. For example, around my table and environs, guests got mini dinner set of plates plus pressing iron for those in uniform. While we were receiving this, guests on other tables to our left, were getting sandwich toasters while those to our right were getting ankara print fabrics by one of the popular brands. This is excluding of other gifts that some people on our table also shared. The gifts were so

good that nobody wanted to miss out on each one and that was when the scramble started. People forgot their dignity and went after the people sharing the gifts, begging and calling out to be given something from the other group. I was a little taken aback by this conduct but to some others, if you don’t hussle, you get nothing. The commotion that ensued was indescribable. But a lady on the table who saw the irritating frown on my face, gave me my first lesson on how to party the Lagos style.

Call it party 101.

She herself was well prepared for the reception.

She had an extra bag under the table where she dumped every thing she got and then sat calmly like she had not been given anything. Out of the three bottles of wine on the table, one had disappeared into her bag as well as two cans of malt and a pack of juice. Anyone seeing her sitting calmly assumed she had gotten nothing and gave her whatever she was sharing. As she received she dumped in her carrier bag under the table. At the end of the day, it was a huge goodie bag she took home. But while chatting with her, she had revealed that when attending a party of people of higher social status, it is expected that their family and friends will shower guests with gifts. The first thing is to “ensure you sit among or around important family members of the bride or groom.

Then also make sure you have an extra bag with which to carry your booties”. That made a whole a lot of sense I thought to myself, as I seemed to be the only one lost as to how to carry my largesse home. Sharing her ordeal at a wedding in Asaba, Chinyere, said little gift items like plastic thrash parker, was enough to cause commotion not to talk of sharing exclusive gifts like ankara. That she says, “is an invitation to chaos”. Narrating her ordeal at her niece’s wedding, she said she was almost eaten alive by aggrieved guests who struggled to get apiece of the gift item meant for only colleagues from the bride’s office who bought the uniform for the wedding. “The people almost lynched me. One lady in particular kept following me from table to table asking me to come give

to people on her table. All explanations to the effect that the gifts were meant for the bride’s colleagues fell on deaf ears. When she could not bare it anymore, she pounced on me and started pulling one of the salon bags I was distributing. It was like a tug of war. She refused to let go and kept pulling and tugging until she was able to pull out two bags for herself”.

“My experience was not a pleasant one” says Funke, who was in charge of gifts at her uncles wedding in Edo state. “Folks back home take these things very seriously. In fact, to exclude anybody from whatever is being shared is not advisable. Some people take offence. And those who can’t bear it come to wrestle it out of your hand. In fact, on this occasion, I fell flat on my face. It wasn’t funny at all” Situations like this are sometimes rare and sometimes common at parties whether it’s a wedding reception or funeral reception. It was Shakespeare in his famous quote that says “there is no art to find the mind’s construction on the face” how true! People turn up at weddings gaily dressed, make up on point, gele at the right angle, smell sweet and all but you never can phantom what they are capable of. A little thing as a towel denied her can bring out the monster within. Not everyone has self control.

But they can be helped. As long as man lives, weddings will continue to happy and this culture of sharing souvenirs has come to stay. It is only fair that everyone who attends a wedding, should be given something. Some have tried to avoid this chaos by adopting this strategy.

All those who buy aso ebi get their special gifts when they pick up the aso ebi. So they get it before the wedding. Then on the wedding day, buy a common gift and buy enough to go round.

This way, every guest gets the same thing and the chaos can be averted.

Note: please if you have any experience you’d like to share please send to: lookposh@yahoo.co.uk

The Pains and Excitement By - Jemi Ekunkunbor

T

he culture of giving souvenirs at weddings have been an age-long practice. For many couples, giving a little parting gift is not only a way of appreciating guests for taking out time to be a part of their big day, but also, a way of leaving memories of the wedding with the guests. In the early 80s and 90s, everything plastic formed gift items. Plastic bowls, buckets, spoons, cups, trays and plates were all the rage and it was such a joy to return from a party bearing one of these items.

In those days, weddings were simple and people organized their reception in tune with their personal economic situation. And so, when such gifts were given out, they were usually

6

/ May 22, 2016

reserved for guests who also brought wedding presents for the couple. If it turned out that the souvenir is quite weighty like a bucket, people get desperate to want to have a piece of the action.

One of the things some greedy guests have learnt to do in other to ensure they get the souvenir, is to quickly look for a shop, buy an envelope and seal it like it contained cash gift and go present it to the couple. By the time the bride or groom would find out, it would be impossible to remember who exactly had given them that particular empty envelope while the culprit would be miles away, enjoying that which he or she had crookedly obtained.

But through the years, guests have learnt to reciprocate this kind gesture of couples by also

bringing to the wedding reception, their own sets of souvenirs which they share to friends and family. This way, guests are not dependant on the couple to get something. Family members close to the couple, make their own gifts and share during reception to ensure that their guests are well taken care of. Today, at most weddings, beside buying aso ebi, guests have had to cough out money to make souvenirs which they usually share to other guests particularly those who belong to their social click like work, church, club, society or Alma mata.

With sophistication and the development that the fashion industry and the glamour that event planners have brought to bear on weddings, souvenirs such as plastic bowls, trays and cups have become plain and mundane. Whatsoever

ELECTRIC KETTLE

TOWELS

PRESSING IRON

MUG

PEN GIFT journal

GOODIE BAGS

May 22, 2016 /

7

W ED D I N G

W ED D IN G one can imagine, can be shared at a wedding particularly if the couple are people of means.

From sharing everything plastic, it seemed Nigerians got fed up with getting the same gift every time they went for a wedding. Many homes were also littered with unused plastic cups and bowls. And so the switch came. From plastic items, we moved to sharing ceramic itemsmugs, plates, trays etc. This also passed and we arrived at usable household items, mini bags of sugar, salt, satchet powder and liquid soaps, packets of matches, toilet rolls, scrubbing sponge, sachet tomatoes puree, toilet rolls, mini bottles of vegetable oil, satchet toothpaste, cooking condiments etc. During the rains, umbrella held sway as gifts while during the hot weather, hand fans were shared. Through these years, bath and face towels as well as kitchen and table napkins remained a recurrent decimal.

Some years ago at a high society wedding in Lagos, what myself and other industry colleagues who attended the wedding got, was more than we bargained for. The families of the couple especially, the bride’s family, brought their A game on. Thankfully, some of us were lucky to have bought and adorned the aso ebi (wedding uniform) of the day, which was like ticket to a private viewing of a blockbuster movie. When the gifts started going round, we were well qualified and positioned to receive whatever was being shared.

It was like the heavens opened and showered us with blessings. But then, that was when the drama started and this also applies to many other weddings.

• Courtesy TW Magazine

WEDDING Souvenirs:

As mentioned earlier, the family brought their A game on. There were gifts of all sorts. For example, around my table and environs, guests got mini dinner set of plates plus pressing iron for those in uniform. While we were receiving this, guests on other tables to our left, were getting sandwich toasters while those to our right were getting ankara print fabrics by one of the popular brands. This is excluding of other gifts that some people on our table also shared. The gifts were so

good that nobody wanted to miss out on each one and that was when the scramble started. People forgot their dignity and went after the people sharing the gifts, begging and calling out to be given something from the other group. I was a little taken aback by this conduct but to some others, if you don’t hussle, you get nothing. The commotion that ensued was indescribable. But a lady on the table who saw the irritating frown on my face, gave me my first lesson on how to party the Lagos style.

Call it party 101.

She herself was well prepared for the reception.

She had an extra bag under the table where she dumped every thing she got and then sat calmly like she had not been given anything. Out of the three bottles of wine on the table, one had disappeared into her bag as well as two cans of malt and a pack of juice. Anyone seeing her sitting calmly assumed she had gotten nothing and gave her whatever she was sharing. As she received she dumped in her carrier bag under the table. At the end of the day, it was a huge goodie bag she took home. But while chatting with her, she had revealed that when attending a party of people of higher social status, it is expected that their family and friends will shower guests with gifts. The first thing is to “ensure you sit among or around important family members of the bride or groom.

Then also make sure you have an extra bag with which to carry your booties”. That made a whole a lot of sense I thought to myself, as I seemed to be the only one lost as to how to carry my largesse home. Sharing her ordeal at a wedding in Asaba, Chinyere, said little gift items like plastic thrash parker, was enough to cause commotion not to talk of sharing exclusive gifts like ankara. That she says, “is an invitation to chaos”. Narrating her ordeal at her niece’s wedding, she said she was almost eaten alive by aggrieved guests who struggled to get apiece of the gift item meant for only colleagues from the bride’s office who bought the uniform for the wedding. “The people almost lynched me. One lady in particular kept following me from table to table asking me to come give

to people on her table. All explanations to the effect that the gifts were meant for the bride’s colleagues fell on deaf ears. When she could not bare it anymore, she pounced on me and started pulling one of the salon bags I was distributing. It was like a tug of war. She refused to let go and kept pulling and tugging until she was able to pull out two bags for herself”.

“My experience was not a pleasant one” says Funke, who was in charge of gifts at her uncles wedding in Edo state. “Folks back home take these things very seriously. In fact, to exclude anybody from whatever is being shared is not advisable. Some people take offence. And those who can’t bear it come to wrestle it out of your hand. In fact, on this occasion, I fell flat on my face. It wasn’t funny at all” Situations like this are sometimes rare and sometimes common at parties whether it’s a wedding reception or funeral reception. It was Shakespeare in his famous quote that says “there is no art to find the mind’s construction on the face” how true! People turn up at weddings gaily dressed, make up on point, gele at the right angle, smell sweet and all but you never can phantom what they are capable of. A little thing as a towel denied her can bring out the monster within. Not everyone has self control.

But they can be helped. As long as man lives, weddings will continue to happy and this culture of sharing souvenirs has come to stay. It is only fair that everyone who attends a wedding, should be given something. Some have tried to avoid this chaos by adopting this strategy.

All those who buy aso ebi get their special gifts when they pick up the aso ebi. So they get it before the wedding. Then on the wedding day, buy a common gift and buy enough to go round.

This way, every guest gets the same thing and the chaos can be averted.

Note: please if you have any experience you’d like to share please send to: lookposh@yahoo.co.uk

The Pains and Excitement By - Jemi Ekunkunbor

T

he culture of giving souvenirs at weddings have been an age-long practice. For many couples, giving a little parting gift is not only a way of appreciating guests for taking out time to be a part of their big day, but also, a way of leaving memories of the wedding with the guests. In the early 80s and 90s, everything plastic formed gift items. Plastic bowls, buckets, spoons, cups, trays and plates were all the rage and it was such a joy to return from a party bearing one of these items.

In those days, weddings were simple and people organized their reception in tune with their personal economic situation. And so, when such gifts were given out, they were usually

6

/ May 22, 2016

reserved for guests who also brought wedding presents for the couple. If it turned out that the souvenir is quite weighty like a bucket, people get desperate to want to have a piece of the action.

One of the things some greedy guests have learnt to do in other to ensure they get the souvenir, is to quickly look for a shop, buy an envelope and seal it like it contained cash gift and go present it to the couple. By the time the bride or groom would find out, it would be impossible to remember who exactly had given them that particular empty envelope while the culprit would be miles away, enjoying that which he or she had crookedly obtained.

But through the years, guests have learnt to reciprocate this kind gesture of couples by also

bringing to the wedding reception, their own sets of souvenirs which they share to friends and family. This way, guests are not dependant on the couple to get something. Family members close to the couple, make their own gifts and share during reception to ensure that their guests are well taken care of. Today, at most weddings, beside buying aso ebi, guests have had to cough out money to make souvenirs which they usually share to other guests particularly those who belong to their social click like work, church, club, society or Alma mata.

With sophistication and the development that the fashion industry and the glamour that event planners have brought to bear on weddings, souvenirs such as plastic bowls, trays and cups have become plain and mundane. Whatsoever

ELECTRIC KETTLE

TOWELS

PRESSING IRON

MUG

PEN GIFT journal

GOODIE BAGS

May 22, 2016 /

7

REPORTAGE

REPORTAGE

Nkechi Ali-Balogun - That Marriages May Last By - Jemi Ekunkunbor

I

n the boardroom, she is a gifted strategist. Yes, she is Principal Partner, NECCI Consulting, a public relations and communications outfit. At home, she is the quintessential wife of ace film maker, Mamood Ali-Balogun, and doting mother of Ikeoluwa. And, in church, she is a minister of God. She is also a counsellor and author of a book, ‘The Talking Couple’.

Mrs. Nkechi Ali-Balogun, a graduate of the University of Lagos who holds an MBA in Management from the University of Nigeria, Nsukka, and honed her PR skills at Frank Jefkins School of Public Relations, London, turned 60 yesterday.

Her new age was well celebrated with friends at the Civic Centre, Lagos. In this enriching interview, she takes a look at the marriage institution, and shares tips that will help young couples.

What has the journey been like to this point in life?

Well, for me, it’s been a lot of hard work, a lot of tenacity, a lot of resilience and clinging to God that tomorrow will be alright. When I look back, everything I have ever achieved in life I have had to work for it. I cannot really say this is the person that really helped me do this or that. It has always been me and God. That is why I like the scripture in John 15:5 which says that without Him, I can do nothing. It’s very meaningful to me. Early in life, I realised this so when things overwhelm me, I run to Him. And you know, because I have this imposing personality, people never believed when I said I needed help. It’s either they thought I was joking or that I will get by and I did get by. I thank God that it’s been one journey worth it.

When you look back, what would you say helped you go through life?

It has to be my faith in God. I was brought up in a Christian home and I saw my mum put her whole trust in God. I saw her go through hard times and good times but one thing remained constant – her God. This, I also took from her.

I can beat my chest today to say that in the work place and in business, I never compromised; not even in the university when I was studying. My faith in God has helped me to put value on myself. I have very high self esteem and confidence and this came

by His grace.

My faith in God brought contentment. I don’t go fighting to have what other people have. That is not to say I don’t love what they have but I know my limitations and I always concluded that if it was something God wanted me to have, I would have had it or will still have it. That has helped me a lot.

CREATIVE DIRECTOR: NELLY MESIK PHOTOGRAPHY: BAMIYO EMINA PHOTOGRAPHY ASSISTANT: SUBOMI MAKE-UP: JOAN for Zaron Cosmetics HAIR: TJ for HairCraft

8

/ May 22, 2016

You gave credit to the values you got from your mother. These values are fast disappearing. What could be responsible?

A lot of things are responsible. Some things are not properly managed. For instance, in my mother’s

time, a woman was contented being just a house wife and the man liked it that way. But today, no man wants a liability in the house. A woman, whether she likes it or not now, has to bring in something to support the family and that has its attendant problems and challenges. That means that she may not be there to make breakfast and comes back same time as the man and is expected to take over and put food on the table. It may not work unless you have support.

The man still expects the woman to fit into all those age-old compartments. The poor woman, today, can’t. But there are women like me, perhaps, because of the way we were brought up, who can balance things. Some of us want careers, we want to get to the top but there is a price tag to it. If you are one of those men who wants his wife to take her career to the very top, then you must also be very considerate in your demands.

Are today’s brides ready for this?

They are not ready. Society has changed, values have changed, demands have changed and even the man has changed. Now, where a man expects the wife also to bring in so much, the wife also sees herself as co-head and, sometimes, head and this brings a lot of conflict.

Today’s woman is assertive; she knows what she wants, she refuses to be a slave so, she is not somebody you want to dangle submission to in order to get what you want. She is a go-getter, she is resilient, she is intelligent and she can play the game in the boardroom. So really, she operates at the same level with today’s man. So, she is not intimidated by the man’s success or what he might do to her if she doesn’t conform.

This is truly disturbing because, we see marriages now that don’t last a year and when you do five (years), it’s like a miracle! Between career and being a wife, which should come first?

I will go back to my faith and my upbringing. I don’t like to castigate mothers but the truth is that we

have all failed. We are not bringing up our daughters the way our mothers brought us up. I was telling somebody, the other day, that God never makes a mistake. Our mothers gave us so much because He knew what kind of children we were going to have.

We were so equipped but we are not there to equip this generation. So, a lot of them think marriage is a contract between two equal people. So, if you don’t want to stay, you check out. Gone are the days when we were told that your husband is the head of the family and you must submit to him. And, the kind of submission I was taught is that you work in agreement with your husband to achieve a common goal at home; not to become his slave or be pushed up and down but a respected partner who will give in to her husband’s authority when needed.

We don’t teach our daughters any more that when you come home, you must put food on the table – not just for your husband but for your children. Noodles is not food!

So, when there is a conflict, she says “You are a banker and I am a banker. You want to kill me”?

We were brought up to know that it’s your primary duty to take care of the home, to support your husband and build a home for your family. This is not there anymore. There are so many things wrong. So we are not teaching them the truth.

We are painting a Mills & Boon or Telemondo or Kardashian world. Marriage and relationship is more than these. We are Africans; we have a culture and tradition. As Christians, we also have a culture.

What we see today is not our culture or tradition. For example, it is like old-fashion when a woman says “I am going to cook or my husband says I shouldn’t go out” and I stay back. People will look at you like you are so old-fashioned, you are not trending.

And, the woman today is not able to know the difference between feminism and being a ‘woman liber’. I don’t see why any woman wants to be (that) anyway because if you understand the whole matrix of marriage, the man is the head of the family but the May 22, 2016 /

9

REPORTAGE

REPORTAGE

Nkechi Ali-Balogun - That Marriages May Last By - Jemi Ekunkunbor

I

n the boardroom, she is a gifted strategist. Yes, she is Principal Partner, NECCI Consulting, a public relations and communications outfit. At home, she is the quintessential wife of ace film maker, Mamood Ali-Balogun, and doting mother of Ikeoluwa. And, in church, she is a minister of God. She is also a counsellor and author of a book, ‘The Talking Couple’.

Mrs. Nkechi Ali-Balogun, a graduate of the University of Lagos who holds an MBA in Management from the University of Nigeria, Nsukka, and honed her PR skills at Frank Jefkins School of Public Relations, London, turned 60 yesterday.

Her new age was well celebrated with friends at the Civic Centre, Lagos. In this enriching interview, she takes a look at the marriage institution, and shares tips that will help young couples.

What has the journey been like to this point in life?

Well, for me, it’s been a lot of hard work, a lot of tenacity, a lot of resilience and clinging to God that tomorrow will be alright. When I look back, everything I have ever achieved in life I have had to work for it. I cannot really say this is the person that really helped me do this or that. It has always been me and God. That is why I like the scripture in John 15:5 which says that without Him, I can do nothing. It’s very meaningful to me. Early in life, I realised this so when things overwhelm me, I run to Him. And you know, because I have this imposing personality, people never believed when I said I needed help. It’s either they thought I was joking or that I will get by and I did get by. I thank God that it’s been one journey worth it.

When you look back, what would you say helped you go through life?

It has to be my faith in God. I was brought up in a Christian home and I saw my mum put her whole trust in God. I saw her go through hard times and good times but one thing remained constant – her God. This, I also took from her.

I can beat my chest today to say that in the work place and in business, I never compromised; not even in the university when I was studying. My faith in God has helped me to put value on myself. I have very high self esteem and confidence and this came

by His grace.

My faith in God brought contentment. I don’t go fighting to have what other people have. That is not to say I don’t love what they have but I know my limitations and I always concluded that if it was something God wanted me to have, I would have had it or will still have it. That has helped me a lot.

CREATIVE DIRECTOR: NELLY MESIK PHOTOGRAPHY: BAMIYO EMINA PHOTOGRAPHY ASSISTANT: SUBOMI MAKE-UP: JOAN for Zaron Cosmetics HAIR: TJ for HairCraft

8

/ May 22, 2016

You gave credit to the values you got from your mother. These values are fast disappearing. What could be responsible?

A lot of things are responsible. Some things are not properly managed. For instance, in my mother’s

time, a woman was contented being just a house wife and the man liked it that way. But today, no man wants a liability in the house. A woman, whether she likes it or not now, has to bring in something to support the family and that has its attendant problems and challenges. That means that she may not be there to make breakfast and comes back same time as the man and is expected to take over and put food on the table. It may not work unless you have support.

The man still expects the woman to fit into all those age-old compartments. The poor woman, today, can’t. But there are women like me, perhaps, because of the way we were brought up, who can balance things. Some of us want careers, we want to get to the top but there is a price tag to it. If you are one of those men who wants his wife to take her career to the very top, then you must also be very considerate in your demands.

Are today’s brides ready for this?

They are not ready. Society has changed, values have changed, demands have changed and even the man has changed. Now, where a man expects the wife also to bring in so much, the wife also sees herself as co-head and, sometimes, head and this brings a lot of conflict.

Today’s woman is assertive; she knows what she wants, she refuses to be a slave so, she is not somebody you want to dangle submission to in order to get what you want. She is a go-getter, she is resilient, she is intelligent and she can play the game in the boardroom. So really, she operates at the same level with today’s man. So, she is not intimidated by the man’s success or what he might do to her if she doesn’t conform.

This is truly disturbing because, we see marriages now that don’t last a year and when you do five (years), it’s like a miracle! Between career and being a wife, which should come first?

I will go back to my faith and my upbringing. I don’t like to castigate mothers but the truth is that we

have all failed. We are not bringing up our daughters the way our mothers brought us up. I was telling somebody, the other day, that God never makes a mistake. Our mothers gave us so much because He knew what kind of children we were going to have.

We were so equipped but we are not there to equip this generation. So, a lot of them think marriage is a contract between two equal people. So, if you don’t want to stay, you check out. Gone are the days when we were told that your husband is the head of the family and you must submit to him. And, the kind of submission I was taught is that you work in agreement with your husband to achieve a common goal at home; not to become his slave or be pushed up and down but a respected partner who will give in to her husband’s authority when needed.

We don’t teach our daughters any more that when you come home, you must put food on the table – not just for your husband but for your children. Noodles is not food!

So, when there is a conflict, she says “You are a banker and I am a banker. You want to kill me”?

We were brought up to know that it’s your primary duty to take care of the home, to support your husband and build a home for your family. This is not there anymore. There are so many things wrong. So we are not teaching them the truth.

We are painting a Mills & Boon or Telemondo or Kardashian world. Marriage and relationship is more than these. We are Africans; we have a culture and tradition. As Christians, we also have a culture.

What we see today is not our culture or tradition. For example, it is like old-fashion when a woman says “I am going to cook or my husband says I shouldn’t go out” and I stay back. People will look at you like you are so old-fashioned, you are not trending.

And, the woman today is not able to know the difference between feminism and being a ‘woman liber’. I don’t see why any woman wants to be (that) anyway because if you understand the whole matrix of marriage, the man is the head of the family but the May 22, 2016 /

9

REPORTAGE

When you have the right foundation, you will fit into any culture that you find yourself

•Nkechi Ali-Balogun woman is the neck. And, if you play your cards right, the neck turns the head to which ever direction she wants.

Cultures differ from place to place. What was it like coming from your culture into another?

Again, I will say that foundation is always very important. When you have the right foundation, you will fit into any culture that you find yourself in.

There is no culture in Nigeria that says you should disrespect s your in-laws or any that says you shouldn’t provide meals on the table or build your home. At the end of the day, you’d find that the cultures are the same, with variations here and there.

If you have the right foundation, if you are well brought up and well trained, you will fit into any culture in Nigeria. If you want your relationship to thrive, you must learn the language of that relationship. Every relationship has a language.

A good wife and a good husband must learn the language of their marriage for it to work. So, if you know that language, you can speak it and as long as you are speaking that language, any culture, any tradition will work.

Coming from the East to marry in the West, were there culture shocks?

Of course, there were culture shocks. The first was that you find that the average man from the South West is very free, very independent. I am from a culture where you do ‘Mr. and Mrs’. You are going to a party, you go together; even when you are going to the clinic, he is there. But I find that life here, you are allowed to be who you are. I wasn’t used to that space but then, I find that I was wise enough to understand that this is who they are.

10

/ May 22, 2016

Years before, I had read a book: “Understanding Why People Do the Things That They Do”. So, once you understand that this person is doing this thing not because he hates you or to put you down, but because, this is who he or she is, you quickly adjust.

I remember one incidence. A friend came and said we were with your husband last night. It sounded like he had committed such a huge crime, unforgivable, unpardonable. He went to these people’s house without me? It depends on how you look at it. He might be seeing my own culture as bondage. Today, if you ask me which one I prefer, I will tell you I prefer my husband’s culture now.

So, what did you do with your space?

I am married to a highly independent human being and I am also very independent so it works for us. It has allowed us to express ourselves individually and helped us to build careers. I also learnt that when they leave you to be on your own, it doesn’t mean they don’t care. It’s to bring out the individual in you and not to stifle your potential. It helps you to bud.

That was my own experience. I have had so much space that I have been able to bloom. I have been able to do things on my own within the ambience of decency, what is acceptable, what is normal. I have never done things because I have the liberty; because of that trust, that space. I value it so much because it has helped me to be who I want to be.

What did you bring from your culture that had appeal for him?

Well, I saw my mum cook until she was 70 years of age. I intend to do that. I come from a culture where you should be at home when your husband is being expected. Except for very few occasions, I

always cook for my husband before he comes back from work. I try hard to make sure that his meals are ready and work in agreement with him; even though I can be stubborn in what I believe in. I try, as much as possible, to open our home to both his relations and my relations.

What areas of conflict would you counsel women to avoid?

Age-old in law issues, finance these days, food and sex!

Africans don’t openly discuss sex. Should we shy away from the things that bother us for fear of being branded as promiscuous?

Even the Bible says that husband and wife should be naked before one another and being naked means talking about anything and everything that bothers you. That is the only way. You should talk about sex with your spouse.

Remember, values have changed. Most men are not thinking that way today. Most men are looking forward to women wooing them also. They are tired of coming to you. They want to know that you also love them, want them, feel them. So, a lot of men will say if you feel like making love, why don’t you let me know? Why do you wait for me to come to you? And, the truth is that men are busy.

Gone are the days when you think that when a man doesn’t make love to you, it’s because he has other mistresses outside. He has other mistresses ‘in quote’ – finance, such mistresses as paying rent, etc.

Coming and looking at the family and not knowing where the next meal is coming from, all those are mistresses that distract him.

DOES PRE-NUPTIAL COUNSELLING MAKE MARRIAGE BETTER? By - Deedee William-West

T

he debate has been raging. The mountain of ‘points’, for and against the imperative, or otherwise, of pre-nuptial counselling keeps growing. It is not an exactly straight-forward debate so there may never be an end to it. But what do you think? Are you for or against?

and shops, and end it all in society divorce? Have we not all noticed that there is general increase of broken marriages? As it is with celebrity marriages so it is with non-celebrity marriages.

The only difference is that celebrity marriages attract attendant undue high focus.

What is counselling? NHS Choices, UK’s leading health website describes counselling as “... a type of talking therapy that allows a person to talk about their problems and feelings in a confidential and dependable environment. A counsellor is trained to listen with empathy (by putting themselves in your shoes). They can help you deal with any negative thoughts and feelings you have.”

This implies that counselling entails one or more interactive sessions with the person(s) being counselled (the counselee) and the counsellor(s), discussing in an open-minded, truthful and respectful manner. The counsellor, employing tact and empathy, asks several questions to ‘dig out’ facts from the parties in order to offer appropriate and practical advice on how to manage the issues the interactive session(s) throw up. Therefore, counselling sessions are always about the counselee and never about the counsellor. The counsellor might learn a thing or two from the session(s) but it is essentially in the interest of the counselee.

Counselling provides insights that enable intending couples to fully appreciate some or all of the following: • How to bond with each other; • The unique similarities and differences between them; • The best way of communicating with each other; • How to manage their differences including temperaments; • How to manage their finances; • How to plan for the birth of their children and how to train them – including managing adolescents and young adults; • How to manage in-laws; • How to balance family and career or business; • How to plan and invest in the future; • How to build and sustain trust and respect; • How to prepare for the post-marriage years of their children; etc.

Perhaps, like me, you are wondering: if marriage counselling is for the ultimate good of counselees, why do many intending couples dread it? Also, why do several couples who had counselling before they got married end up separated or divorced? While you are pondering your position, let us consider a few issues.

Which of these posers do you think is true?

1.

If one or both would-be couples tell half truths or outright lies during their counselling session, the counsellor’s advice cannot lead to a good marital experience? Bear in mind that nothing ruptures the foundation of a marriage like half truths and outright lies.

2.

If one or both would-be couples refuse to meet the other party half-way on areas they do not agree about, the counsellor cannot help them build a good marriage?

3.

If a would-be couple do not seek GOOD counsel or avoid counselling before they get married, they are building an ornament filled palace on sand?

4.

If one or both of them employ ‘effizy bouquet’ (pretending to be what the other party needs in a spouse just to get to the altar), the marriage mirror will be shattered soon after the wedding, leaving many people with regrets and who knows what?

5.

While it is imperative for spouses-to-be to be completely truthful about their past, it is also imperative for both of them not to use information they have about the other spouse’s past – either during their own interactions or during counselling – as tools of abuse or embarrassments whenever disagreements arise?

Counselling is as good as the experience, reliability, words and attitude of the counsellor during counselling session? By reliability one means keeping secrets heard during counselling sessions secret. Therefore, not everyone can give good counsel and not every counsellor can be a marriage counsellor.

Would it then be reasonable to say that celebrity divorce or separation is caused by lack of counselling? No, not necessarily. Such statement is too sweeping and defective. Some mock failed celebrity couples asking: What does it benefit a couple to have a society wedding, pulling all the stops

In a nutshell, the same high level, intensely demonic determination to steal, kill and destroy marriage and family life that was brought • Happy Couple against Adam and Eve is still at work today – celebrity couple or no. The intention is to ensure that the family, which is the nucleus of communities, is driven to self-shred and total ruin while the spouses involved erroneously see themselves as the enemy of one another!

However, it is true that most celebrity marriage fail due to heavy ‘efizy bouquet’ brought to bear during courtship, on one hand, and expecting too much from the other party, on the other hand. In addition, the ‘do you know who I am?’ attitude make most celebrities stand-offish even to their spouses. Who can endure being often put down or reminded that one is ‘lucky’ to be married to a star? Another issue that affects celebrity marriages is if both of them are celebrities or affluent. Many immature celebrity couples jump into negative and negating competition that gradually erodes the anchor holding up the marriage.

Besides counselling, the other issues that can affect marriages, generally, are the priority the couple give to God, His Word and the content and effectiveness of their prayers; the frequency and quality of ‘us’ time the couple deliberately create for themselves; the value-system of each of them; and, how well they insist that ‘three is a crowd’.

The question therefore should be: is counselling necessary for the success of marriage? Yes. But not just counselling but good counselling – as described earlier in this piece. The next question is: how can counselling make the difference in marriage? The answer lies in what the couple tell the counsellor, how they receive the counsellor’s advice and how the couple manage what they know about each other.

(See the five posers listed earlier in this piece.)

In conclusion, counselling on its own does not determine a good marriage. The quality of counselling and the post-counselling attitude of one or both counselees will make all the difference.

(Deedee William-West is a PR practitioner/lecturer, marriage and youth counsellor, event strategist and book editor. He can be reached through ddwilliamwest@gmail.com)

May 22, 2016 /

11

W ED D I N G

Amazing Celebrity

WEDDING

CAKES

By - Pamela Echemunor

CELEBRITY CAKE WONDERS

Cakes have a significance at every occasion, without the cake, an event isn’t complete. The best part about it is, no matter how a cake is designed, it’s sweet and scrumptious nature always makes it a party delight. Cakes vary in size, taste, texture, design, etc and everyone has a preference, but when it comes to wedding cakes, it’s a whole new ballgame. Here are some amazing celebrity wedding cakes that caught our eyes.

Dr Sid and Simi Peter and Lola Okoye

This five layered cake featured a gazebo with two bridges and beautiful flower detail.

This lovely couple opted for a triple layered cake with small statuettes and beaded design, for their traditional wedding. The cake had highlights of white, blue, gold and red.

Stephanie and Linus Idahosa Gold, gold and more gold; Stephanie’s gold cake was fit for royalty and she had a befitting venue to go with it, now that’s a wedding to remember.

Tuface and Annie Idibia With six large layers of deliciousness, Annie and Tuface’s cake stood majestic with black and white ultra modern design.

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/May 22, 2016

Mercy Johnson and Prince Odianosen Nollywood actress Mercy Johnson’s cake featured three triple decked cakes below which acted as the bottom pillars holding up 5 layered cakes at the top. This white and floral cake is truly a beauty to behold.

breast reduction. Also, remember that a significant number of women who have never had surgery cannot breast feed anyway - food for thought.

8. Be specific about what you mean by recovery time.

Dr. Emeka Onyewu

8

Questions To Ask Before Your Breast Reduction Surgery

...CONTINUED FROM LAST WEEK

The Doctors Forum Plastic Surgeon, writes about relevant questions you must ask, before going under the knife.

These are some of the questions that can help you make an INFORMED decision about whether to have the procedure and WHO to allow to do it.

Write your questions down and don’t be afraid to ask them during the consultation. That is what you are there for! After weighing all the pros and cons you must convince yourself that the benefits of having the surgery and the improvement you get from it far outweigh the risks of the procedure (including scars etc) . Then sign up and be the best YOU!

6. Will my nipples still have feeling?

Not that long ago we would remove the nipples and put them back after the reduction. That made all women lose sensation. There really are very few if any reasons to do that anymore. While no one can guarantee a particular result, they should be able to give you some percentages. An 80- 90% chance of retaining your sensation is acceptable...a 50/50 chance: probably not!

Dr. Emeka Onyewu is an American Board Certified Plastic and Reconstructive Surgeon with more than 20 years of experience in the field. He co-founded and practices at the Center for Advanced Specialty Surgery (CASS), a boutique hospital in Lagos, Nigeria. Dr. Onyewu specializes in surgery of the breast, reconstruction, breast lifts, body sculpting using liposuction, and also performs reconstructive procedures to correct deformities or defects, and improve body function. You can connect with him on LinkedIn ‘Emeka Onyewu MD’, or through Twitter and Instagram @ CASSurgery.

7. Will I be able to breast feed?

Most surgeons will tell you no. There is perhaps a 15- 20% chance that you will be able to. That still means most people will not. If breast feeding is important to you, then you may want to wait until after having all your children before getting a

KATHY EMIKO

BodyPerfect not just slimming but fitness

BANANA AND WEIGHTLOSS: THE TRUTH ...CONTINUED FROM LAST WEEK

And remember that some of the carbs in a banana are resistant starch, which other fruits don’t contain. Beyond the amount of carbs, the important factor is the impact they have on blood sugar.

Carbs consisting of simple sugar without fiber or starch cause an increase in blood sugar, which is bad for weight loss for two reasons: First, if you don’t need the sugar for energy, it’s stored as fat.

Additionally, the insulin that’s released when blood sugar spikes sends signals that stop fat already in storage from breaking down. The glycemic index rating indicates the effect of carbs on blood sugar.

The glycemic score of bananas depends on how ripe they are, but on average, they have a score of around

Do you mean how soon before the pain goes away? Do you mean how soon before you leave the hospital to go home? Do you mean how soon before you can go back to work? How soon before I can wear normal bras again? How soon can I have sex? How soon before I can start exercising again or simply how soon before I start to feel like myself again? All these questions have different answers yet they all are considered “recovery”. Be specific about what you really want to know so your surgeon can give you an accurate answer.

50, according to the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition. This keeps them in the low-glycemic range, meaning they have a small impact. However, it’s close to the moderate range, which begins at 56.

BANANAS SUPPORT WEIGHT LOSS Energy density is a term used to describe the number of calories per gram of food, reports the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Lowenergy-density foods provide more food with fewer calories, primarily because they have extra bulk from calorie-free water and fiber. The benefit of low-energy-dense foods is that you can eat more food while keeping calories down, promoting

weight loss. It also means that you don’t have to feel hungry while you’re dieting. In addition to their fiber content, bananas are 75 percent water, which makes them a fairly low-energy-dense food. As you might guess, most fresh fruits and vegetables work well in a weight-loss diet because they’re low in energy density.

TRY THIS 4 DAYS BANANA CLEANSE FAST AND LOOSE UP TO 4KG. What you need: 3-5 bananas daily(ripe): - Almond milk or low fat milk (3-4 cups) - 1 teaspoon blended ginger.

- Bodyperfect cocktail juice lipo detox tea.

Method: in a blender, put 4 bananas,3-4 cups of almond milk Add ice (optional) Add ginger Blend till smooth.

Take a glass 3-4times a day.

Sip cocktail juice throughout the day.

Take lipo tea, before bed (this is very, very important).

Please take lots of water daily.

Keep blended juice in the refrigerator and do a fresh one daily.

Calories: about 700 (for the blended daily juice).

If you like Beyoncé maple syrup diet, then you will love this.

Can’t find recommended ingredient? Call08034545819 or visit Princess Kathy Emiko Princess Kathy is a certified nutrition and fitness consultant.

Princess Kathy is a certified nutrition and fitness consultant.

Email: bodyperfectng@gmail.com | Twitter: @usoorganic | Email: bodyperfectng@gmail.com | Twitter: @usoorganic | BB: 2B679D12 | Blog: princess Kathy Emiko.

BB: 2B679D12 | Blog: princess Kathy Emiko.

May 22, 2016 /

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WITH

OLATORERA ONIRU By - Yemisi Suleiman

O

latorera Oniru is the Chief Executive of Dressmeoutlet.com. A fashion online store inspired by the yearn and desire to make Africa greater. Set with the objective of creating stronger appreciation and global visibility for madein-Africa products, Omotorera is poised to changing the face of online fashion outlets with her innovative ideas. Later today she will host fashion lovers to one of Africa’s largest Fashion Industry Sales and Exhibition aptly tagged ‘Cocktails and Dresses’ holding at the Intercontinental Hotel, Victoria Island, Lagos, She tells us more...

com package will get to New York within 3 days! We also have our in-house fleet of vehicles and motorcycles and deliver to Lagos and surrounding states same day. Applaudable testimonials from our current customers can be reviewed on Dressmeoutlet.com/testimonials. We also offer flexible payments from online payments to internet banking transfers to cash on delivery for customers we trust.

WITH

Give us an insight into the forthcoming Cocktail and dresses event. Is it a yearly event?

Cocktails & Dresses is a movement to celebrate the very best made-in-Africa manufacturers.

The public’s reaction to the very first Cocktails & Dresses event has been amazing and it can only grow from here. We hope for a very large turnout and a very fun event. Cocktails & Dresses will be a mix of fashion, cocktails, shopping, music, networking and generally having a great time.

What stands Dressmeoutlet.com from other online stores ?

We have perfected processes at Dressmeoutlet. com to bring our customers the very best.

From selecting the very best manufacturers and suppliers to work with, to establishing a world-class photography studio, to providing all employees thorough trainings on customer service, Dressmeoutlet.com aims to be number one in the African market for fashion retail.

Our processes are rapid and we are constantly improving. We dispatch all orders within 24 hours from the moment our customers click on the “Place Order” button at checkout. We have strong partnerships with shipping companies that enable us to ship rapidly. A Dressmeoutlet.

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/ May 22, 2016

Why did you choose fashion?

Why not fashion? The industry is talented.

Fashion makes people look good and feel good.

We are very fashionable people. The world loves fashion. Fashion will never go out of style. We are fashion, we are unique, we live fashion.

Fashion helps people date, fashion helps people communicate. Fashion is fun, fashion is exciting.

Most especially at Dressmeoutlet.com where our buyers are trained to look out for the most unique fashion finds. You are guaranteed to be getting fashion pieces of quality, style and uniqueness.

What should people look out for with Dressmeoutlet.com?

Look out for the very best fashion finds sourced globally with 75% made and sourced from within Africa. Look out for unique treasures and stylish clothing from the very best manufacturers locally. Look out for great deals and discounted prices. We work directly with manufacturers so be rest assured that you are getting the very best prices on Dressmeoutlet.com.

olatorera oniru

What inspires you as a person?

I am inspired by opportunities and right now, Africa has many. We just have to work much harder to make those opportunities attain great potentials. It has not been an easy ride with Dressmeoutlet.com. Nothing in Nigeria is easy right now but with hardwork, resilience, determination and perseverance, we can make necessary changes and grow the nation.

What would you splurge on when it comes to fashion?

I splurge on unique highest quality products.

I would buy bags from Nicole by Haguanna, Fine Jewelry from Ciana and Clothing from Kinabuti, Tiannah, Kiki Kamanu and many others. All on Dressmeoutlet.com Where would be your best holiday destination?

Anywhere that gives me relaxation and peace of mind. I love my home, I love Lagos, I love Nigeria. For me, travelling is work so I tend to prefer to stay local when I have a holiday. But if I were to pick a few places I’d love to relax in if it didn’t entail long flights, I’d say Las Vegas, Hawaii, the Bahamas, Puerto Rico and places with magnificent resorts. I love to enjoy new technologies and get pampered.

What is your eventual dream for dressmeoutlet.com?

Dressmeoutlet.com is growing into retailing the very best products sourced globally with lightning fast delivery. We would love to have millions of customers enjoying the products, processes and services of Dressmeoutlet.com.

PEO PLE

“ONE PARTY AT A TIME!”

:08034746487 | 08039675880

I REMEMBER: THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF LADIPO ADAMOLEKUN

By Oscar Ochiogu

Professor Ladipo Adamolekun reveals his life and times in his autobiography, “I REMEMBER”. The book chronicles his rise from a humble background to a distinguished career in academia and public service.

He pulls back the curtains on the riveting recollections of his beautiful family heritage; his transition from a young, promising lad with passion for reading to a fulfilled adult who, through his doggedness and sheer dint of hard work, blazed the trail as a student at the University of Ibadan, Obafemi Awolowo University and Oxford University and reached the pinnacle of success in his career – teaching at Ife, which peaked at professorship at age thirty-six (36) and public administration consultancy for several pan-African and international bodies.

This book is in six parts covering: his early years; his educational maturation in Ibadan, Ife and Oxford; his “Ife Years” - devoted to teaching, research and academic administration as well as several national and international engagements; his “World Bank Years” of multi-dimensional development work; and his activities in retirement as an “Independent Scholar”.

He closes with “A Note for the Millennials: Nigeria and I” - an overview of his personal experiences based on three fond memories of his early years that are missing in his early old age: educational excellence, meritocracy and strong institutions.

Sen. Bode Olajumoke, Prof. Akin Mabogunje, Prof.

Ladipo Adamolekun, & Mrs. Jumoke Adamolekun

Prof. Peter Adeniyi, seye Adetunmobi, Dr Gabriel Ojegbile & Prof. Goke Adegoroye

Segun Ajibola, Gbenga Adefaye & dr. Wale Adeniran

Olu Okeowo

Lt Gen. Alani Akinrinade (rtd) & Sam Amuka

Tokunbo AwolowoDosumu & Femi Ogunsanya

Dr. Ganiyu Owolabi

Kiss Daniel’s album launch By - Oscar Ochiogu

ay

9ice

seyi law

emma nyra

Fast-rising act, Kiss Daniel, shut down Eko Hotel and Suites, Victoria Island, Lagos, on Sunday, May 1, 2016, as he held the launch of his new album ‘New Era’. The event attracted a number of top music acts who graced the stage and thrilled the audience at the event. 2Baba, 9ice, Tekno, Ycee, Emma Nyra, Cynthia Morgan were some of the stars that performed at the event.

Kiss Daniel is gradually ascending the big stage; with each new single or collaborative effort, the man is steadily stamping his feet in the sands of main stream Nigerian music.

He graduated from the Federal University of Agriculture, Abeokuta, in 2013 with a degree in Water Resources Management and Agrometeorology (Water Engineering). While in the university, he decided to pursue music as a career alongside his studies and is currently signed to G-Worldwide Entertainment. He had, earlier, dropped several hit songs like Woju, Laye and Good Time.

2baba & annie

Juliet Ibrihim

mimi

ore peters

Olisa Adebua

solidstar

May 22, 2016 /

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