Nobody Likes You When You’re 17...or Whatever Blink-182 Said MICHAEL ANGEL
Maybe I'm writing this at midnight because I'm procrastinating on homework, or maybe I just want to talk about it. One pillar I was raised on was selflessness. I feel like it's something we all should really learn and teach, but when taken to the extreme, it gets a bit out of hand. Believe me, I know. I'm not knocking anyone who tells you to treat yourself, or the people that are emotionally unavailable because they put others first before themselves (even when that other person is in the wrong). Trust me, I've been both of those people. The people that tell their friends to go to sleep before 1 a.m. and take time to rest, but are crying on the inside, I see you. The people that tell their lonely friend that they deserve love and will find the greatest partner in the world, but put themselves down and bury themselves in insecurity, I see you too. The easy thing about self-love is telling other people to embrace it; the hard part is embracing it yourself. Before I make this a cliché, let me tell you guys a story. My junior year of high school was extremely hard. I was neck-deep in homework every day, I was only getting about 4-5 hours of sleep per night (while getting up at around 6:30 a.m.), and felt emotionally and mentally drained. So many things were going on in my head all the time. Loneliness, the struggle between procrastination and the fear of failure, and an overwhelming feeling that I wasn't worth anything crept up on me every day I came home from school. The weather felt bitter every day; it made me bitter. January to May was uncomfortably cold, and that year Palmdale didn't start getting warm until after the school year ended for some reason. Not to mention, I slept on a futon for the majority of my high school life, and at around this time, my body was rejecting it. Lack of sleep and an uncomfortable place to sleep are a dangerous combination. Every day I woke up not wanting to wake up, and it was tough. I realized I was going through a depressive episode, so I tried to combat it. I would try playing video games, which surprisingly, didn't help at all (even though I love video games). Netflix binges, YouTube, playing music, all were no help. I remember for about two months straight I would get home from school, put my backpack down, and lie on the couch underneath the same blanket. I would just scroll through the three pillars of social media: Instagram, Twitter, and Snapchat over and over again to try to distract myself. When I was done with one, I would go back to the other two, and I would do it over and over again. One late night around midnight, I lied down, put in my earbuds, and listened to music. I tried comforting music, sad music, loud music, everything. No change.
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