3. How to have the conversation: Reaching out for help

3. How to have the conversation:

Reaching out for help

It can be hard to talk about mental health, whether you’re worried about someone else or if you are struggling. But talking can be incredibly helpful to make sense of and manage difficult experiences. Planning the conversation can help to make it easier. The guidelines

below give some pointers.

• Start with a text if a face-to-face talk is too intimidating. It could be as simple as ‘I have some important things on my mind and need to make time to talk to you about them.’

• Find and share info. Find out more about what you are concerned about. Inform yourself so that you can approach your concerns with some knowledge. Learning about an issue will also reassure you that there are solutions, so this will make the conversation more positive. See our resources at the end of this toolkit for more information.

• Plan beforehand. When you are struggling, it can be hard to articulate how you are feeling so it might help to wait until you are feeling calm to map out what you want to say with bullet points.

• Think about timing. There is no perfect time to speak up, but try to find a time when you know you won’t need to rush off or when the other person is distracted. Also try to plan to have the conversation when you feel calm. Imagine that you have an

‘emotional thermometer’ and wait until you aren’t too ‘hot’, or emotional, and not so switched off from your feelings that you are too ‘cold’. When you are in the middle range, you can really think about what you want to say. This is the best time to open up about your thoughts and feelings.

• Where to talk. Find a place you feel comfortable and where there are no distractions. This could be in your bedroom, over a cup of tea at home, over lunch break in the park or in a quiet corner of the playground.

• Take courage. We all have good days and days when life is more of a struggle.

That’s OK. Remember it is important to deal with issues earlier rather than later, so don’t worry that expressing a problem or negative feeling will put people off. It might bring people closer.

Still not sure what to say?

Sometimes it’s easier to write something than to say it. You can use the letter below, adapted from mhanational.org, and fill in the blanks. Pick from the options we've listed or use your own words.

Dear _________ , For the past (week/month/year/__________), I have been feeling (unlike myself/ sad/angry/anxious/moody/agitated/lonely/hopeless/fearful/overwhelmed/ distracted/confused/stressed/empty/restless/unable to function or get out of bed/__________). I have struggled with (changes in appetite/changes in weight/loss of interest in things I used to enjoy/hearing things that were not there/seeing things that were not there/feeling unsure if things are real or not real/my brain playing tricks on me/lack of energy/increased energy/inability to concentrate/alcohol or drug use or abuse/self-harm/skipping meals/overeating/overwhelming focus on weight or appearance/feeling worthless/uncontrollable thoughts/guilt/paranoia/nightmares/ bullying/not sleeping enough/sleeping too much/risky sexual behaviour/overwhelming sadness/losing friends/unhealthy friendships/unexplained anger or rage/isolation/ feeling detached from my body/feeling out of control/thoughts of self-harm/ cutting/thoughts of suicide/plans of suicide/abuse/sexual assault/death of a loved one/__________).

Telling you this makes me feel (nervous/anxious/hopeful/embarrassed/ empowered/pro-active/mature/self-conscious/guilty/__________), but I'm telling you this because (I'm worried about myself/it is impacting my schoolwork/ it is impacting my friendships/I am afraid/I don't want to feel like this/I don't know what to do/I don’t have anyone else to talk to about this/I trust you/__________).

I would like to (talk to a doctor or therapist/talk to a guidance counsellor/talk to my teachers/talk about this later/create a plan to get better/talk about this more/ find a support group/__________) and I need your help.