4. What if someone talks to me about their mental health?

4. What if someone talks to me about their mental health?

It’s hard to reach out for help for yourself, but it can also be hard to be on the other side. You might not know how to respond if someone talks to you about their mental health. The guidelines below, adapted from healthline.com, can help you to support them:

Listen. Let the person finish their sentences and complete thoughts without interrupting. After they have finished you can respond.

Let them know if you understand. If someone has just spilled their guts and and you’ve gone through something similar – tell them. It helps a lot for someone to know they aren’t alone. Make sure you don’t switch the topic of conversation to your struggles though; focus on their needs.

Avoid being judgmental and think about your language. Don’t tell them they are being weird or crazy; it’s not helpful at all. Try not to lecture people or assume that the way they are feeling is equivalent to what you or others may have experienced.

Take them seriously. Try not to respond with statements that minimise how they are feeling or what they are going through, such as, ‘You’re just having a bad week’ or ‘I’m sure it’s nothing’.

Make yourself available to talk again if needed. While it can be a big relief for someone to share something that they have been keeping secret, mental health struggles usually aren’t solved with one conversation. Let the person know that they can reach out to you again if they are having a tough time. It’s OK to let them know if there is a time of day or certain days of the week

that you aren’t available. For instance, you could say ‘I’m here for you if you need to talk. I can’t answer the phone at work, but I am definitely available on weekends.’

If you don't understand, do some research and learn about what you've been told. Make sure that your information is coming from reliable sources like government agencies and health organisations.

Part of being helpful is to take care of yourself. If you have ever been on an airplane, you might remember that they always ask you to put your own oxygen mask on first before you offer help to others, if there is a crisis. So remember to look after yourself, too. This might involve setting boundaries and managing the person’s expectations. You will need to think about what you can and can’t offer in the way of support.

These scripts might be helpful for you to establish expectations:

‘I’m happy to support you, but I want to make sure you also have professionals in your corner. When are you re-establishing care with a doctor or therapist?’

‘I’m glad you asked for my help. Do you have a plan for what you’ll do if this gets worse? I want to be sure you have a backup plan in case we need extra support.’

‘I love you so much and I want to support you. It would help put me at ease if you let me know who you’ll reach out to if I’m not available at a particular time, just so that I know you aren’t doing this alone.’

Personal Experiences

It needs to be noted that as the ‘other’ in the relationship, you are also dealing with your own feeling of bewilderment, despair and guilt. What did I do to incite this? You are also not thinking straight and take the behaviour of the person in crisis as a personal assault. A family member who is a doctor gave me the best advice of all. See a medical professional to get further help immediately, the mania is speaking, not the person you love, don’t punish him, help him.