DALNOBOY by Vasilisa Ikryannikova

N.001 Issue

Nov. 2020

Дально Boy

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Introduction..... 5 Interview ....... 8 Uber drivers Catalog......... 14 Gas station Reviews......... 18 Music playlist.. 20 Car’oscope...... 24 Crossword....... 26

INTRODUCTION

This magazine is dedicated to the car culture and is associated with things that happen along the way. In this issue you can find many things that uncover and encompass this particular genre ranging from gas station reviews to interviews with experienced truck drivers. This editorial is aimed towards a glamorous and aesthetic audience. It is about seeing the beauty in this masculine profession and finding yourself in it in order to then be completely lost and engulfed by it. Are you interested in cars, in love with chic vehicles, a fan of road trips, a frequent uber user, a person who spends a lot of their time behind the wheel, a stan of gas stations, a shotgun specialist, an experienced passenger,a skilled mechanic, a gasoline sniffer, a tire fitter, a need for speed individual, a race paramour, a Honda dealer, a Volkswagen rental service, an engine voyeur ? Well then, this magazine is especially made for you.

INTERVIEW (with truckdriver Artyom Barmashov) How did you get into the profession? What did you study? I have two degrees. The first is from the Tula Polytechnic University, in the Department of Automobiles and Automotive Facilities. “I can interact with anything that moves on wheels and has bearings.” And the second is from Ryazan State University, jurisprudence and political science. I received it in parallel with the main one. But none of these higher educations were of any use to me in my life.

Did you sit behind the wheel in your student years, or did you do something else?

to Magadan, from there to Yakutsk itself. Then I ended up in Ryazan, and stayed here. During these transfers, there was confusion at the passport office. I left to serve quite late and of my own free will. And when I returned, the real estate agency closed - an irresponsible partner ruined everything.I didn’t want to go back to the office marasmus, where indistinct people give out indistinct instructions.And one day a friend said to me:“ Let’s buy a truck for two? ” I knew that there was a lot of money in the cargo area and agreed.

What kind of car do you have?

Now I have a DAF XF-95. At that time, I worked at the We bought this truck, and I institute’s re-lay: as a loader, still work on it. The money was mine, speculated a little, gambled. and my friend wanted to help me and Just like other typical students. work for me. But everything turned Since high school, I started to out as usual — crooked. My threshold get wrapped up in motorcycles for entering this business was higher altered, repainted, made some kind than I had imagined. of body kits. And at the institute I “The first four years, I sobbed into studied car audio in parallel. And the pillow, tucking my knees to my then I came into long - range combat chest. I was very sorry that I got after the army. involved in all of this. In addition to the debts left over from the How did you get into truckers? agency, this truck, with which I was fucked, fell on me. I bought some proAfter graduation, I opened my own real per rare junk that was not working estate agency. Before opening my own properly.When I first got behind the agency, I roamed about all kinds of wheel of this wreck, I didn’t get office work, and I really did not like home. It just stopped in the middle it. I was freezing my salary, attiof the road, and no one could understude, and most importantly, I realtand what to do with it. ly couldn’t do anything on my own, I wasn’t able take the initiative and realise myself. When I was young, I often moved from place to place. I myself come from a village near Yakutsk. First I moved

How much did you spend on the car? At that time, I bought the car itself for 1.2 million (rubles). In 2014, it was good money. Plus 1 million loan for a trailer.“In total, taking into account the repair, this cattle ate over 3 million.” Today, the threshold for entering this business is about 8 - a truck, and 2 more on top for everything on everything. I was very lucky that I managed to jump into the last car of this business then. But I swallowed so much shit, that people don’t live as long as I have. There were no normal brakes. Didn’t pump the air. The calibers are stuck. It was rubbish, which for two years I meticulously collected on the knee from the most random shitty truck parts.I had to rebuild this truck from scratch alone. My friend quickly realised that there was no need to wait for easy money, so he just stopped giving a fuck. “I remember it was December. It was snowing. I stood there, looked at this huge truck and kept repeating to myself: “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!!! It’s just fucked up! Bitch, what am going to do?” So I stood there until the evening. And the next day I got behind the wheel and drove off.

What categories of rights do you have? I am basically free to ride anything, except for the bus. I don’t really care for it to be honest. It won’t be difficult for me to discover it if I really want to.

Do you only travel in Russia, or have you also been abroad? I started in Russia, traveled to Samara, Volgograd, Rostov-on-Don. I went in this direction at first following the advice of a friend. He said there is a lot of money, and you could earn something. Practice has shown me the opposite. It’s difficult, it’s far away, it’s all kinds of crooked. “In general, transportation is an acquired pleasure. I am now 32, and in my lifetime I saw how the whole fucking industry fell through.” I’ve heard stories about freight transportation before, and the rapid collapse was happening just before my very eyes. You know, it’s like waiting for your suitcases at an airport and waiting for your plane, no fucking dick knows whether it will come or not. And at the same time, my plane was without a wing, without a landing gear, and the pilot was sitting without a roof over his head. This constant waiting left a negative imprint. I was driving a broken truck. It could just stall with 20 tons and go into the ditch. It was a regular story for me. I even knew at what timing the truck would stall. And all this happened because they sold it to me with three burned-out pistons, and the diesel fuel simply flowed into the pan, it heated up and ran out of there.I started from home, and up to Samara an oil trail followed behind me. I took 20 litres of the cheapest oil with me. The KAMAZ drivers stop here to fix their KAMAZ. But I just poured oil into a foreign car because it just oozed out of it onto the road. Really fucked up! This is the truck I drove. To get going on

it, one had to go out, pray to God, knock his head on a pole, run around with a tambourine, and then, maybe, if the truck wants, he will go.Now I most often ride only in my region, as well as Moscow and the Moscow region. I also traveled abroad, but not as a driver, but as an intern. It was a fun trip that I payed for myself. I talked a lot with people in the parking lots of the factories with which I now work for. And in the parking lot you can often meet a lot of Czechs and Poles. And as the Poles would come up. Their equipment was all new, and even if it was an old truck, it was in a perfect condition. So my ass felt like it was lit on fire, so then I decided - I must go. I found people, made the documents, paid and went across Europe, the route was Russia - Italy. First through Poland, then the Czech Republic, Austria and Italy.

the radio: “Oh, come on! There is no coronavirus. This is all fiction. They want to implant these chips in our brains in order to track us.” Do you understand? Who the fuck needs this trucker in a fucking shatted filthy drivers seat, wearing socks with holes and torn pants? He doesn’t give a fuck about anyone! What even are the fucking chips?!” And yesterday too, a conversation on the channel : - Do you know where to catch the coronavirus? - Why do you need it? - I’m tired of wearing a mask. Like some dumbass. Well, at least I’ll get infected.I could not resist it then, I began to yell:“What the fuck are you talking about?” Then they went silent. I am working and afraid. And it makes them laugh. Thinking? Mind? There these things died out as soon as they sat behind the wheel.

What qualities should a trucker have?

source: https://rabdno.ru/intervyu-s-dalnobojshhikom-artyomom-barmashovyim#4

Resilience to stress, ambition, insanity and courage.For the rest of the truckers, you are either a dumbass or agree with them on everything. Truckers need to learn to be loyal to each other. The trucker must fight his own degradation. This is a very dumb job. Slowly and surely you will descend. The most top-notch statements in the parking lot are criticism of the authorities. If you start to express doubt, then you are a moron. You see, there is not only critical, there is no development of any kind of thinking. “Now every car is checked for a pass.” And I recently went through such a post and heard discontent on

DIORX

TRASHY The new glamorous

UBER DRIVERS CATALOG

Greetings fellow traveller, by taking a ride with this charming driver one can only expect an unforgettable experience, my natural charisma, uniqueness nerve and talent will make your ride otherworldly. You won’t even hear the sounds of the engine. Your senses will be overwritten.

Hello! I am Mohammed, I have been driving for 3,5 years now, me and my Nissan Leaf will take you on an unforgettable adventure through the city centre and back to wherever you need to be. Pro Platinum Perfection.

Handling my whip like its my offspring. Handling my clients like they’re my gods. BMW 1 Series — my ride to your service.

Pro gold and pro comfort, lay back in the seat of a Volkswagen Golf. All the best things in life are simple. No need to overdo it. Functionality, comfort and pragmatism is my brand. Driving faster than other Uber gold drivers with an average of 1,5%.

Good day to you! A pro driver here, making your ride experience smooth and comfortable, in the interior of a black Mercedes-Benz E-class. White leather pulled over the soft armature of the seat creates tightness, this soft tension ensures your luxe positioning. Come take a seat.

Easy chitchat about the weather and small talk. Political discussions and economical awareness. Well-being and health. Fashion and taste. This is just a quick scope of my discourse abilities and interests. My philosophy in driving is - language as a tool that eliminates time. Open minded and charming behind the wheel of a Hyundai Hybrid.

Young and energetic. Careful and attentive. Caring and aware. Native speaker of both Englishand Dutch, I salute you. My car is my friendly environment which I intend to share with you for the short period of our encounter. Let’s enjoy the ride and vibe.

At any point in the day and at night my carriage is at your disposal. I will do as you wish and listen to your commandments. I am a strong willed and determined chauffeur. Your safety is my priority. Your comfort is my duty. Your payment is my gift.

GAS STATION REVIEWS I recommend this place. Very nice gas station. It feels like home. The neon lights bring a cozy atmosphere. The staff is smiling and very friendly. When you arrive don’t forget to smile because you are filmed! The food is of supreme quality. I have prepared a personal selection for you so that you can know what flavors to taste in this place that brings together both road lovers and gourmets.

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I highly suggest this energy drink for long road trips. Coffee is so overrated anyways. If you want to feel cool while you’re hitting the road, don’t wait anymore. You’ve found THE perfect drink. First the packaging is so appealing : black and white with this frosty effect, and the logo of monster energy drinks in silver. Completely Mindblowing. I love it. I also like the fact that’s written ‘energy ultra’ on it. Then you can be prepared that it’ll be strong for your body. Not only is the container incredible, but the content is even more breathtaking. When you take a sip you think you’re in heaven. Unfortunately I couldn’t give five stars to this product because there’s a high chance that you might get diabetes if you drink it everyday. So this information goes down the note.

I absolutely love this product ! If you pass by this gas station, please taste it for me! First let’s talk about the name of it ‘TijgerNootjes’... I mean who doesn’t want to try Tiger nuts ?? When you eat it, you suddenly feel like a wild animal ready to roar in your car. Small tips: you can listen to ‘Eye of the tiger’ by Survivor after eating those and while driving super fast to make it more intense. I guarantee you, you’ll feel like you’re on fiiireee. Also you should know it’s bacon flavoured. So sorry for my lovely vegans readers, close your eyes on this review. But at the same time, it’s so chemical that I don’t even know if it really comes from an animal in the first place. So you can cheat a little bit and awake that beast inside of you when you eat those.

I’d like to suggest you to taste the Autodrop candies, especially the ‘Cadillacs’ ones. They will bring the final sweet touch you were looking for in your meal. Not only will these candies soften your heart with their flavor, but they will also amaze you with their design. I mean, they are in the shape of a Cadillac, plus they are pink ! Could you find a more fancy dessert than that ? I don’t think so !

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Have you always wanted to eat a frozen hamburger when you were on the road? Then I guess your dream came true ! It’s not only healthy and delicious, it’s also very practical. Everybody has a microwave in their car, right ? You can heat it up in only 80 seconds ! How amazing is that ? With this kind of meal, you’re really not wasting your time anymore. It’s cheap, easy to cook, healthy and filling. What more could you ask for ? Also if you drink the monster energy drink at the same time you will have an explosion of flavors in your taste buds. I highly recommend this experience.

I’d suggest you to try the Bifi-Saucisson but with the ‘hot’ label on it. I guess the packaging says a lot already. You’re immediately attracted by the neon orange and bright colour of the package and the flame drawings around the logo. You don’t only want this in your life, you need it baby. Who doesn’t want to feel hot and sexy while eating a super delicious chemical sausage ? You don’t need a man’s dick anymore. When you feel you need hot stuff just hit the road and stop by the station and buy you a hot bifi. Treat yourself honey. If you want to embrace your hotness, just listen to ‘hot stuff’ by Donna Summer while you’re driving.

MUSIC PLAYLIST

1 2 3 4 20

Daddy Yankee Gasolina

Rihanna Shut Up And Drive

Ray Charles Hit The Road Jack!

Marianne Faithfull The Ballad Of Lucy Jordan

5 6 7 8

Lana Del Rey Driving In Cars With Boys

A$AP Mob Yamborghini HIgh

Macklemore & Ryan Lewis White Walls

John Travolta (Grease) Greased Lightning

CAR’OSCOPE

Keep calm and treat yourself at the gas station, buy something tasty, not for the stomach but for the soul. Your ruling planet is Mars so why not treat yourself with a Mars bar? Anxiety and stress are getting harder to deal with. Karting is the way to calm down from all that road rage, a simulation that will allow you to release all your toxic energy. Try to reconnect with your inner child.

You aim to avoid creating problems on the road. Your drive is careful and beautiful, full of grace. Cutting someone off and making risky manoeuvres, causing the latter to shock, is not in your habitude this month. Drive at an average speed, stay within the lane and remain polite to others. What you put out into the universe comes back to you. Try something new, otherwise you may stay invisible.

DO: Nougat, Red and silk Don’t: Nails, Scratching and Impulsivity

Do: Leopard, Vitamins and Poetry Don’t: Corduroy, Plastic and Michelin

This is the time to make large investments, set your worries aside and buy yourself a Lamborghini. The end of last month was very emotional for because of the Mercury Retrograde. You’re in a much clearer headspace now. Pulling up in your new ride is the kind of energy you’re seeking for the end of 2020.

The coming month suggests dangerous driving inclinations. Your love for thrills and risks is overpowering. Like Leos, you tend to believe that you are always the priority and because of this you forget that other people exist. This can be alarming. The month is already difficult, so don’t show your edge. Otherwise you may get poisoned by others.

Do: Blue, Engines and Green Don’t: Chamomile, Gloves and Gum You’ll feel the freedom during an amazing road trip. Pick one of your personalities before you hit the road. Take care of your passengers, allow them to enjoy this journey with you. Avoid dizziness and sharp turns. A bad temper will make it dangerous for you and them. Learn to be more selfless.

You feel the need for a new adventure this month, you just can’t wait to get behind the wheel and see where the road takes you. For you this is the perfect time of the month to do a road trip. As mercury is halting its retrograde on the 3rd of November the new month holds clarity and is in need of action.

Do: Pillows, Water and Small talk Don’t: Night, Orange and Navigation

Do: Purple, Roundabouts and Coffee Don’t: Glitter, Sand and Radio

Take care of yourself and your car. Beware of rust. Make sure your wipers are properly adjusted. Double check and ride in safety. Singing ‘born to die’ by Lana del Rey and crying while driving in the rain isn’t just a mood, it’s a lifestyle you’ve chosen. Enjoy the sadness and melancholy in the coldness of your air-conditioned vehicle. It will all be fine.

You feel the urge to create, to push yourself out of your comfort zone, as Mars is exiting its retrograde it can only mean one thing — time to take action. You may feel insecure or intimidated by the road ahead, but fear not as November uncovers and brings to you what you desire most for the price of a risk — a sacrifice.

Do: Lana del Rey, Volume and Cola Don’t: Sun, Outdoors and Grey Typically at the wheel you are a reckless driver, prancing effortlessly. Your car should be the brightest and, if possible, the most expensive, all done in order to appear effective and of course show off. Your car is reflective of you so it needs to match! Be careful, this month may lead to undesirable accidents. Do not; drive fast, undercut other drivers and take unnecessary risks. Do: Flash, 6 and Mirrors Don’t: Overthink, Asymmetry and Neon

Do: Reading, Tires and Grapefruit Don’t: Spice, Racing and Red

You should not let the Mercury Retrograde alter or affect your balanced and calculated approach to driving. Your rationality allows you to plan the route of a long trip in advance, taking into account all the little nuances and details. Like Tauruses, you prefer not to rush. Just beware that this may cause problems later - boredom on the way. Prepair some entertainment for your journey. Do: Podcasts, Snacks and Lights Don’t: Spontaneity, Skirts and Tweed

Do: Lemon water, Green and Leather Don’t: Old music, Heels and Flowers Sometimes short trips are better than longer ones, don’t tie yourself up this month. Short trips to warehouses and garage parking lots, bringing things in that bring you joy. Gemini full moon coincides with a lunar eclipse, creating space for a new chapter in your life. This is the time to buy the things you’ve been craving. Do: Department stores, Yellow and Windshield wipers Don’t: Skirts, Rear view and Motorcycles A trip to the car mechanic will soothe your worries, as the full moon approaches towards the end of the month it is the perfect time to finish started projects and bring things to their end. The eclipse is a symbolic moment for you to appreciate the completed and finished. Be easy on the engine — slow and steady wins the race. Do: Seat belts, Bergamot and Planning Don’t: Air condition, Carpool and Brown

CROSSWORD 1

2 3 4 5

9 10

DOWN

ACROSS

1. As close as one can get to freedom 2. One of the pedals, it’s crucial 3. Rainbow liquid, highly flammable 5. A congestion of idiots on the road 7. Buckle up 8. The stuff people always forget to turn on 9. A man with 20 years of experience behind the wheel

2. Don’t drink and drive 4. The waves that remind you of the existence of other people 6. Where one can spend an eternity waiting 10. Hard-soft black plastic donut structure 11. Beverage of the gods

N.001 Issue