Failure |
Edition 36 2020
Words Nina Phillips Photography Kaitlyn Davison
The hypnotic blue glow of my laptop screen burns my retinas and taunts my mind, as I stare into the endless void of a blank Word document. It’s three in the morning and my only companion is a lone cursor that blinks at me every 1.25 seconds like an anxious parent. “C’mon. Just type something, anything,” the flashing line seems to implore me. I sigh and clasp my hands together in an attempt to crack my knuckles. Ragged fingernails bite dry, paper-like skin, but, having cracked the joints mere moments before, a satisfying pop does not greet my ears. Instead, my shoulders slump forward and posture crumples beneath the weight of the early morning silence. Ahhh… There’s nothing quite like an anxiety-riddled night of knuckle cracking and nail biting to send the stress levels soaring and crush your sense of self-worth. Am I right or am I right? Perhaps you’ve got a bunch of exams coming up and don’t know how or where to start. Or maybe you’re unsure about an essay topic and have, once again, left your assignment to the day before the deadline. Whatever the situation, it seems to me that the further into my degree I get, the less motivated I am to study and the more unlikely I am to complete assessments on-time. Lately, simple tasks—like typing in a blank Word document—feel increasingly difficult to complete. And I often find myself binge-watching anything I can, whether it’s a flashing cursor or The Office, in order to unintentionally intentionally—or potentially, intentionally unintentionally—avoid my university work altogether. Procrastination is a sly and cunning beast that spares no one. It slithers into our minds and instructs us to avoid unpleasantness at all costs. With a multitude of unwatched Netflix shows and other digital distractions a click away, anyone can fall into its vicious cycle of self-destruction. It’s human nature. We procrastinate to avoid feeling overwhelmed but feel overwhelmed because we procrastinate. Thus, it can be extremely difficult to break free— Even when… God knows, God knows you want to break free!
