Review: Will You Be My Sugar Daddy?

Grab your favourite chocolate, take a seat and listen to these totally subjective and not at all biased reviews of candy.

Oh also, do not forget to brush your teeth when you are done!

Illustrations + Words Nikki Sztolc

Cadbury Dairy Milk ★ Marvellous Creations

I am not trying to give Cadbury a bad rap because they basically own the chocolate industry, but this is severely underwhelming. The popping candy needs more pop and the jelly kind of sucks. It is not entirely their fault though. Maybe popping candy just does not belong in chocolate.

Musk Sticks

Musk sticks taste like your second grade classroom or the lolly jar in your pantry that you could never reach. It also tastes like the cavity you tell your dentist you have no idea how it got there because you always brush your teeth twice a day and definitely do not binge on candy... Points for nostalgia, negative points for toothache.

Strawberries + Cream Chupa Chups ★★★★

I would scream this from the highest mountain: TOP TIER. Can we normalise eating lollipops as adults?

Is it just me or does your mouth water just at the mention of Sour Straps? They are pretty good for what is mostly just sugar. Although, arguably, they may be sometimes too sour.

Look, I appreciate the sentiment of the holy grail that is Wizz Fizz, but damn it is not worth the cleanup. How do you eat this without getting it all over yourself? The answer is: you do not. Wizz Fizz is basically the sand of all sweets.

Sour Straps

Wizz Fizz