Surviving the Holidays Three Very Simple Guides to help get you through. Photo meditations by Todd Vogel
In certain circles they call it “Hurricane Season.” It’s amazing how much wind a few flapping mouths can generate… This survival guide starts by examining why your buttons are so easily pushed. It will be followed by Boundaries and an old favorite Renting Space in your head
Defective Relations
“The source of all our woes”
No, not your crazy Uncle Richard... When viewed from a warped perspective everything is out of place.
None of this is new. You already know much of it.
Three parts to this piece of the puzzle:
Where we are coming from.
Reasonable expectations.
Rebuilding the foundation..
This book has lots of pictures. Use them to help lift the fog.
In the past I Frustration, anger, hurt, fear, loneliness. Never getting what we needed the most.
In the past II An oddly shaped peg never quite fitting in a square hole despite the use of excessive force
In the past III It got really lonely and then we told ourselves we liked it that way.
Reasonable expectations I We have spent countless hours searching a lumber yard for fresh fruit -
Reasonable expectations II and waiting for someone else to come along and fix us.
Reasonable expectations III Not being comfortable in our own skin we built walls to protect us from ourselves.
Take a deep breath. Start by tearing down the walls. (Unless there is a window you can open) Turn the page.
Rebuild the foundation I Start by understanding much of what we assume about ourselves and others is wrong.
Rebuild the foundation II If we allow it in, our emerging spirituality can fill much of the void we feel inside.
Rebuild the foundation III Accepting what others can give, learning we can not fill the void in others, finding our own strengths, provides a ladder out of the cellar.
If the research grant in Antarctica fell through you are probably going to have to spend some time with “them�. It is good to be prepared.
Boundaries
? e n i l e h t w a r d u o y o d e r e Wh
This is a difficult one and requires practice None of this is new. Much you already know.
Three things to consider:
Doormats have their place.
Walls are not good boundaries.
Defining your space.
This section has lots of pictures. Look at them when you get confused about which side of the fence you are on.
Doormats I It is all about becoming right sized. Notions of being a savior often lead to a path called enabling.
Doormats II Some people do give the appearance of needing to be rescued. While it is nice to be needed (now and then), it can become an addiction and, like a doormat, you end up covered with mud.
Doormat III Is your self image wrapped up in someone else’s issues? Who’s going to pull you out when you get sucked down?
Walls I Walls, moats filled with alligators, fences topped with razor wire lead to a very lonely existence
Walls II Alcohol is a wall, a very effective one, which works both ways. Other substances or behaviors can accomplish the same thing.
Walls III Being in control, running the show is a moat in which you can easily drown.
Take a deep breath. Find your limits. Turn the page.
Defining your space. I There is a possibility it doesn’t have to be all or nothing.
Defining your space II Taking care of yourself does not mean you are selfish.
Defining your space III Saying “no” does not mean “I don’t love you.” Saying no can mean finding your true worth.
The beauty of our condition is that we have the means to make the exquisitely painful moments last and linger...
Why are you Renting out space inside your head?
It is easy to get caught in this trap. Fortunately the remedy is not so hard. None of this is new. You already know most of it.
Three stages to peace of mind:
Why are you giving th1s person so much power?
Letting go is the eviction notice.
Live and let live. (Don’t get sucked back in)
This section has lots of pictures. Use then to help break out of the thought spiral.
Why give so much power I How come you don’t obsess on people who are nice to you? Why focus on frowns?
Why give so much power II If this obsessing does not do any good why bother? It only serves to keep you agitated. So - turn off the blender.
Why give so much power III Truth is, they are probably not spending much time and energy thinking about you. They are too busy being themselves. Too bad for them.
Letting go is the eviction notice I Understand this person has to live with themselves all day and all night
- forever.
Be satisfied with that.
Letting go is the eviction notice II If this is a single instance, it is past. They got off your road several exits back. Get on with your life.
Letting go is the eviction notice III If you are endowed with reoccurring assholes figure out why your buttons are so strongly pushed. More success comes from working on your triggers and learning why you are there. You can’t change them.
Take a deep breath. Become a duck and let it roll off your back. Turn the page.
Live and let live I You have better things to do with your head and your time. Write a poem, sing, call someone you like. Go out and find something as pretty as these pictures.
Live and let live II Focus on today, not yesterday, not the next time you’ll see them. Today.
Live and let live III Funny thing, by not giving them the power you gain it. Use it for love.
Sometimes we need protection from those we love. This set of photo meditations tries to take the edge off.
Photos and text by Todd Vogel Copyright 2010 all rights reserved videos copies of photos, other titles, and contact information available at
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