2 minute read
REMAINING IN GOD THROUGH THE THE BATTLE OF ANXIETY
W R I T T E N BY L Y N N E T U G A N G U I
A sudden intense panic ran through my body and before I knew it, first responders were in my apartment taking my blood pressure and asking me questions about what I was experiencing.
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It was after 1 0 p.m. My husband was doing homework for school and our two older boys (who were toddlers at the time) had been in bed for nearly a couple hours. It was my time to decompress, so I sank into the couch to watch the Food Network.
That’s when a burst of adrenaline surged its way through my body, my heart raced uncontrollably, and I sensed numbness in my face. My husband confirmed that my face lost some color and it wasn’t long after that when the first responders arrived.
I left in the ambulance that night and in the ER, I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), panic attacks, and insomnia with emotional reactions. I was written a prescription, instructed to follow up with my primary, and discharged.
To be honest, I was disappointed it wasn’t something “serious” and that my labs were fine. This was proof that even I bought into the mental health stigma and needed to see it to believe it.
So, instead of getting the professional help I needed, I continued to self-medicate and leaned on conversations with family and friends to keep myself distracted. This helped, but I needed more support. So, I turned to God.
I grew up going to church, but never had a real connection with it. My faith wasn't something I turned to when things were hard. But, I was desperate and didn’t want to burden family or friends to operate from a capacity larger than what they were already living from just for me.
Turning to God just felt like the right thing to do.
I attended a Sunday service at a church a friend recommended. The message broke me down and it was the first time I felt God's presence meet me right where I was and filled my soul. My faith started a new journey and I was reaffirmed that God had been by my side the whole time. That everything I had gone and was going through was exactly what needed to happen in order to bring me back to Him.
"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. " Romans 8:28
Through this particular life experience, God revealed His faithfulness in His pursuit for lost sheep. He really was willing to leave the 99 to bring them home. (Parable of the Lost Sheep; Luke 1 5: 1 -7)
I was the lost sheep. The one He had His hand over the whole time. Not because of who I am, but because of who He is!
Over a decade later from that late night ambulance ride to the ER, I have still experienced breakdowns. As much as I’ve thought (and was told) that this was “all in my head” or dismissed as not having prayed enough, I’ve had to challenge the mental stigma through the unbelief of those close to me, unlearn my own biases, and learn to recognize it in myself.
