"You Have Good Energy" & Other Ways Men Have Hit On Me In LA

Good Energy

By: Ashley Uzer

Getting Rejected By A Dude From Planet of the Apes, And Dating in LA as an East Coast Girl

It’s around 8:30 PM on a Sunday night, and the guy I just went on a first date with is currently holding my trash bags while I strut around the home supplies aisle at Ralph’s. I couldn’t carry the trash bags myself, because I’m currently cradling a 12-count of toilet paper.

For all the east coasters, Ralph’s is the standard LA grocery store for the non-boujie of us that can’t afford Erewhon. For all the people wondering what kind of person would invite their date to accompany them on a toilet paper grocery run...nice to meet you. I’m Ashley, and I just moved to LA about a month ago.

Most girls seem to hate LA’s dating scene, saying the guys are all fuckboys or divas that expect girls to “work” for them. I’ve noticed LA guys are much less likely to ask for a second date when there clearly was no chemistry on the first. On one hand, this could mean they’re not “working” for it enough, but on the other, I think this just saves us both a lot of time.

There’s also the blind confidence of some of the men here, like the stereotypical stoner bro who said he saw me walking down the street in my The Doors t-shirt and whipped his car around to come talk to me by knocking on my car window in the parking lot (yes, I went out with him and yes, he sells weed for a living). But it’s not the same blind, almost rape-y confidence of east coast guys. East coast men seem to be more like, “I know you said you don’t want to go to dinner with me, but maybe if I invite you to Tao (or Miami) for the fifth time, you’ll decide to say yes.” LA guys, in my experience thus far, are more like, “I’m going to shoot my shot because you have “good energy,” but every step of the way I’m going to check in and make sure you’re still into what’s going on. If not, I’m not going to try to convince you.”

The “you have good energy” thing seems to be how guys say “I like your tits” in LA-lingo. Those same guys may also ask for your horoscope sign and Google your compatibility seconds after your first date.

I always thought the idea of using “what’s your sign?” as a pick-up line was a joke, but I think literally every date I’ve gone on since moving to LA has involved me disclosing my horoscope sign (scorpio, BTW). Countless other interactions have involved guys trying to guess my horoscope sign—whether it occured in an Uber

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Pool or at a bar. According to the people in LA I may have some Gemini tendencies?

While this obviously sounds like a hilarious cliche come to fruition, I honestly prefer it to east coast guys’ refusal to even entertain the idea of the zodiac because it “can’t be real” (or more realistically, because it’s perceived as a “girl thing”). Even if you don’t believe in it, you can discover a lot about a person by discussing their sign. When a guy asks for my sign, I usually describe that, true to my sign, I’m very sexual, a total control freak in most aspects of my life, and emotional deep down but behind a hardened facade. I mean, I think those are good things to know about someone before you continue going out with them, don’t you?

Of course, there are places where these cliches err on the bad side (or hilarious side, depending how you look at it).

My favorite anecdote thus far is when an actor who legit played an ape in Planet of The Apes told me we should cancel our date because the energy was off. We had been messaging on Raya — an invite-only dating app known for its celeb members — for a few days. When he admitted he was an actor, I made a sassy comment about feeling I had been “bait and switched” because he didn’t disclose list it on his profile. He was not happy about this comment. After his defensive statements, he sent me a YouTube link to some of his acting. I initially thought he sent it as a joke, because it was a clip of a bunch of monkeys. Had I not watched it for one more second, I would have messaged him saying, “good thing I love hairy guys.” But, I eventually saw him

getting interviewed about his role as an ape. I’m not sure if I didn’t act impressed enough, or he reflected longer on my former statements, but a day or two before our scheduled date, he messaged me saying he decided we probably shouldn’t go out because he felt there was bad energy.

It sounds funny, but in reality it was a good thing. Like I mentioned before, I think LA guys pick up on things quicker—or maybe they’re just less desperate and don’t need to shoot a million shots hoping one will hit. Ape-y and I were never going to seriously date, and judging by my reactions to his photos upon second glance, we were never going to have sex either. Why not save us both the time and trouble and cancel our date for an innocuous reason? Because truly, you don’t need a good reason not to go out with someone. We’re all busy.

Oh, and back to the toilet paper guy. I did warn him not to come into Ralph’s with me. I told him to call his Uber at Ralph’s instead of walking me the extra block home, because I had to run in and grab something. When he persisted — assuming if he made it to my front door, maybe I’d invite him inside — and asked what I had to buy. I told him straight up. Keep in mind he did not live in LA, he was just visiting—hence the persistence. He said something like, “wow, you really put it all out there.” And, to be honest, maybe I do...but maybe it also had something to do with the fact that I knew I probably never wanted to see him again. And, like I said, we’re all busy.

She Making Moves, Moves

It’s been forever since we spoke to zine homie Jessica Berry, but every time we link up, it’s always a celebration. She actually ran into Bellamy at a concert a few months ago, it was a VSZ divine intervention. ‘Hey! I haven’t talked to you in forever. Life is so great. I love Bellamy. The new Soho house is about to put DTLA on the map. I’m trying to stay focus on my business and launch my Series. You gotta move to LA.” She said all of this in one breath in true Jess spirit. Props to her new dope gig, too! She making moves, moves. It was just yesterday she was waitressing at Sur. Now, you too can party with us at Soho house DTLA. The lifestyle brand’s latest property for cool people will call LA’s art district home this coming August. The renovated 5 - story warehouse features not 1 but 3 restaurants, a gym, a pool, 100+ hotel rooms and of course performance art space. Save your coins. There’s already a founding member list and those under 27 get a special discounted rate membership from the regular $3,300. Better get ya portfolio together, you’ll definitely want to be on this list. Keep it locked on VSZ’s IG page for more insider news. - Melissa Henderson

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