Life-Changing Transitions

As the plane was taking off from the Chicago O’Hare Airport to Paris, I received a text message that would change my life.

It was the last spring break before graduating from my master's program. I felt a mix of emotions as it was a stressful but also exciting time for me as I was close to finishing one of my most important educational goals. Moreover, it was also my “healing trip” after learning that my partner of 13 years has cheated on me which resulted in him moving on with someone else.

That, however, didn’t even come close in comparison to the unfathomable pain I felt when the when I received the message from my brother that read “Dad has cancer.” In a matter of seconds, my world turned upside down. I went from having a perfect drawn-out life plan to now feeling completely lost. They say, ‘when it rain it pours’, but I don’t think I had a large enough umbrella to withstand the rain that was pouring.

If this was a movie, I would have wished to press pause, stop time, or rewind back to the moment before things went wrong.

Unfortunately, life is not a movie, and oftentimes, there are things that we cannot control nor change; the only thing that is within our control is how we choose to move forward.

Life transitions, whether they are planned or unexpected, can be overwhelming for anyone. In most cases, the impact can be both internal and external.

If the transition is coming out of something bad such as an end of a relationship, losing a job, or losing someone you love to an illness, it may take a toll on our confidence and abilities. We might internalize the events and perhaps feel that we failed in some way.

Questioning ourselves about what or where things went wrong is normal. We may ask ourselves, ‘ Was it me? Was I not good enough? Was there anything I could have done differently? Did I do everything to the best of my ability to change the situation?

The day my relationship ended, I was utterly lost and confused. I was in my early 30’s and had waited a decade for the ‘right timing’ to get married and start a family. More than anything, I was afraid to tell anyone. Feelings of shame and failure washed over me.

Looking back, these emotions were a reoccurring feeling in many other transitional moments in my life: when I decided to date again, when I changed my career, when I left everything behind and moved to Spain, when I turned 30, and again when I turned 40. Another aspect of transition that is difficult lies within our external world. Do we have children or people who depend on us? Are there cultural expectations of how we are supposed to manage the next stage in our life?

We may have doubts because of what we’ve been taught and the things we observed growing up. If we want a path that is different from what our society expects of us, then worries about what people will think of us may ring through our mind. Questions fill our head,”Am I too young? Am I too old? Am I ready to do this? Will I be judged?

Fear of being judged in society could discourage us from moving forward. For some people, this fear can become difficult to manage and oftentimes debilitating. Transitions are difficult because often they are out of our control.

One of the most difficult and life-changing transitions I experienced was the sudden passing of my father. I don’t think that anything can ever prepare you for death, especially of a parent or someone you love dearly. But the transitioning process after a great loss is more difficult when you are not only thinking and processing your own healing, but the progress of those around you as well. At one point, I felt obligated to be strong for my family;to support them. But another part of me was struggling and grappling with my own losses; all I wanted to do was run away. Nevertheless, I felt extremely guilty and selfish for doing so. I’d always considered myself a strong person and felt like I could handle anything, but deep down, I knew that I was sinking into a great depression. I realized at that moment that I wouldn’t be able to take care of anyone, if I didn’t take care of myself first.

The transition process can be different for everyone based on their upbringing, values, experience, and resources. It can leave us feeling uncertain about our goals and priorities. For women, these transitions may be particularly challenging, as they often involve balancing multiple roles and responsibilities, which may in turn, become a barrier and paralyze us from moving forward.

However difficult a transition may seem, setting goals can be an effective way to manage the uncertainty and create a sense of purpose during these times.

Here are some steps to help you move forward:

1. Uncover your limitations and limiting beliefs.

One of the first steps of setting goals during a transition is to uncover your limitations and limiting beliefs. Before you can set goals for the future, you need to take an inventory of where you are now. Take some time to reflect on your current situation and identify any challenges or opportunities that may be present.

Take a step back and evaluate where you are and where you want to go. Ask yourself questions such as:

• What are my values?

• What are my strengths and weaknesses?

• What do I want to achieve in the short term and long term?

• What is important to me?

• This process of self-reflection can help you gain clarity on your goals and priorities.

2.

Focus on what you can control.

During a life transition, it is easy to feel like everything is out of your control. However, focusing on what you can currently control will help you to be empowered. For example, if you are going through a divorce, you cannot control your ex-spouse’s behavior, but you can control your own actions and reactions.

3. Identify your priorities and consider your short-term and long-term goals.

Once you have a clear understanding of your current situation, consider what is important to you. Life transitions can be temporary or permanent, so it is important to set both short-term and long-term goals. Short-term goals may help you navigate the immediate challenges of the transition, while long-term goals can provide direction and purpose for your future.

4. Break down big goals into smaller steps

Big goals can feel overwhelming, especially during a life transition. To make them more manageable, break them down into smaller steps. If your goal is to start a new business, break down into smaller steps such as researching the market or networking with potential clients. This makes the goal more achievable and helps you stay focused and motivated. Create an action plan. When you have those goals in place, create a timeline for when you’d like to achieve each step.

5. Seek support

Setting goals can be challenging, especially during a life transition. Seek support from family, friends, or professionals. A life coach can also help you identify your values and provide accountability and guidance along the way. Some people also enjoy joining communities of like-minded women, providing them with a support system.

Bonus Step!!

Mindset plays an important role in every stage of goal setting, but especially if we are going through a life transition. It is very easy for us during the reflection process to look back and compare our current situation with our past. One vital aspect of achieving our goals is letting go of our old story- if you keep looking at things that can go wrong, they will.

To change that belief and relationship you have with your story, you must change the script. The future and the unknown can be scary, but it can also be fun and exciting during the goal setting process because we are slowly shifting our dreams into reality- This part involves gaining clarity of what we want, rewriting and creating the next chapters of our life through visualization and positive affirmations, and lastly, letting go. It’s time to receive. Trust in the universe, trust the timing of your life, trust in your journey. Most importantly, trust yourself and how far you have come.

I’ve experienced multiple changes and transitions in my life: changing careers, leaving relationships, navigating the dating world, relocating to different countries and cities, losing a parent, and finding love again. At every stage, I struggled with not conforming to the timeline of cultural and societal expectations of who and how things should be. It was a very difficult, confusing, and lonely process because I was not only afraid of being judged, but also afraid of disappointing the people around me. At the time, I couldn’t see the future, and I wish someone would have extended their hand to guide me. Today, I want to be that compass to guide others through their life transitions and challenges. What I have learned from my personal and professional experience working with hundreds of clients in the past ten years is that every moment in life is an opportunity for us to start over again. It’s never too late to hit the refresh button. Most importantly, we must be kind to ourselves and celebrate every small win or step taken during difficult periods.

Life transitions can be unpredictable, and goals may need to shift and change as circumstances change. Embrace flexibility and adaptability. Be willing to adjust your goals as needed. This doesn't mean giving up on your goals altogether, but rather being open to new opportunities and approaches that can help you stay on track while creating a sense of purpose and direction as you walk a new path.