Life-Changing Transitions As the plane was taking off from the Chicago O’Hare Airport to Paris, I
Looking back, these emotions were a reoccurring feeling in many other transitional
received a text message that would change my life.
moments in my life: when I decided to date again, when I changed my career, when I left
It was the last spring break before graduating from my master's program.
everything behind and moved to Spain, when I turned 30, and again when I turned 40.
I felt a mix of emotions as it was a stressful but also exciting time for me
Another aspect of transition that is difficult lies within our external world. Do we have
as I was close to finishing one of my most important educational goals.
children or people who depend on us? Are there cultural expectations of how we are
Moreover, it was also my “healing trip” after learning that my partner
supposed to manage the next stage in our life?
of 13 years has cheated on me which resulted in him moving on with someone else.
We may have doubts because of what we’ve been taught and the things we observed growing up. If we want a path that is different from what our society expects of us,
That, however, didn’t even come close in comparison to the unfathomable
then worries about what people will think of us may ring through our mind. Questions
pain I felt when the when I received the message from my brother that
fill our head, ”Am I too young? Am I too old? Am I ready to do this? Will I be judged?"
read “Dad has cancer.” In a matter of seconds, my world turned upside down. I went from having a perfect drawn-out life plan to now feeling completely lost. They say, ‘when it rain it pours’, but I don’t think I had a large enough umbrella to withstand the rain that was pouring. If this was a movie, I would have wished to press pause, stop time, or rewind back to the moment before things went wrong.
Fear of being judged in society could discourage us from moving forward. For some people, this fear can become difficult to manage and oftentimes debilitating. Transitions are difficult because often they are out of our control. One of the most difficult and life-changing transitions I experienced was the sudden passing of my father. I don’t think that anything can ever prepare you for death, especially of a parent or someone you love dearly. But the transitioning process after
Unfortunately, life is not a movie, and oftentimes, there are things that
a great loss is more difficult when you are not only thinking and processing your own
we cannot control nor change; the only thing that is within our control is
healing, but the progress of those around you as well. At one point, I felt obligated to
how we choose to move forward.
be strong for my family;to support them. But another part of me was struggling and
Life transitions, whether they are planned or unexpected, can be overwhelming for anyone. In most cases, the impact can be both internal and external. If the transition is coming out of something bad such as an end of a relationship, losing a job, or losing someone you love to an illness, it may take a toll on our confidence and abilities. We might internalize the events and perhaps feel that we failed in some way.
grappling with my own losses; all I wanted to do was run away. Nevertheless, I felt extremely guilty and selfish for doing so. I’d always considered myself a strong person and felt like I could handle anything, but deep down, I knew that I was sinking into a great depression. I realized at that moment that I wouldn’t be able to take care of anyone, if I didn’t take care of myself first. The transition process can be different for everyone based on their upbringing, values, experience, and resources. It can leave us feeling uncertain about our goals and priorities. For women, these transitions may be particularly challenging, as they
Questioning ourselves about what or where things went wrong is normal.
often involve balancing multiple roles and responsibilities, which may in turn, become
We may ask ourselves, ‘ Was it me? Was I not good enough? Was there
a barrier and paralyze us from moving forward.
anything I could have done differently? Did I do everything to the best of my ability to change the situation? The day my relationship ended, I was utterly lost and confused. I was in my early 30’s and had waited a decade for the ‘right timing’ to get married and start a family. More than anything, I was afraid to tell anyone. Feelings of shame and failure washed over me.
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However difficult a transition may seem, setting goals can be an effective way to manage the uncertainty and create a sense of purpose during these times.
