Farce Magazine by Jerry Wall

FARCE Magazine

FARCE

FARCE mag-ezine

Farce (f盲rs) n. 1. a. A light dramatic work in which highly improbable plot situations, exaggerated characters, and often slapstick elements are used for humorous effect. b. The branch of literature constituting such works. c. The broad or spirited humor characteristic of such works. 2. A ludicrous, empty show; a mockery: The fixed election was a farce. 3. A seasoned stuffing, as for roasted turkey.

Farced, farc路ing, farc路es tr.verb 1. To pad (a speech, for example) with jokes or witticisms. 2. To stuff, as for roasting.

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FARCE Magazine

In This Issue... Crossing Signs page 4 Political Jokes page 6 Political Bumper Stickers page 10 Heavenly Laughter page 11 MisFortune Cookies page 12 Photo Captions page 14 Really Bad Tattoos page 16 Church Signs page 18 Darn You Auto Corrects page 20 The Vid Room page 22 Political Spotlight page 23 Page 3

September 2012

FARCE Magazine

ANIMAL CROSSINGS

Rino Crossing

Mickey Crossing

Dinosaur Crossing

Turkey Crossing

Butterfly Crossing

Scorpian Crossing

Snail Crossing

Roach Crossing

VEHICAL CROSSINGS

Slow Tractor Crossing

Missle Launcher Crossing

UFO Crossing

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Santa Crossing

FARCE Magazine PEOPLE CROSSINGS

Unicycle Crossing

Wise men Crossing

Ballerina Crossing

Rock Star Crossing

Hoola Hooper Crossing

Bowler Crossing

Stooge Crossing

Zombie Crossing

Bond Crossing

Mary Poppins Crossing

Wino Crossing

Evolving men Crossing

Rapper Crossing

Waitress Crossing

Clown Crossing

Old Farts Crossing

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FARCE Magazine

Political Jokes: Difference Between Republicans and Democrats A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person. The Republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him to come to his business for a job. He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person. The Democrat was very impressed, and when they came to another homeless person, he decided to help. He walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. He then reached into the Republican’s pocket and gave the homeless person fifty dollars. Now you understand the difference between Republicans and Democrats Politician in Hell While walking down the street one day, a Politician head of state is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. “Welcome to Heaven,” says St. Peter. “Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.” “No problem, just let me in.” Says the Politician. “Well, I’d like to but I have orders

from higher up. What we’ll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.” “Really, I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven,” says the Politician head of state. “I’m sorry but we have our rules.” And with that, St. Peter escorts the Politician to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him, everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, hug him, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar. Also present is the Devil who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that, before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves while the elevator rises. The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on Heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him. “Now it’s time to visit Heaven.” So 24 hours pass with the Politician head of state joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns. “Well then, you’ve spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now choose your eternity.”

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He reflects for a minute, then the head of state answers: “Well, I would never have thought it, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in Hell.” So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. The Devil comes over to the Politician and lays an arm on his neck. “I don’t understand,” stammers the Politician head of state. Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and club and we ate lobster and caviar and danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. The Devil looks at him, smiles and says, “Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted for us!” A Liberal and a Genie A liberal came upon a genie and said, “You’re a genie. Can you grant me three wishes?” The genie replied, “Yes, but only if you’re feeling generous enough to share your good fortune.” The liberal said, “I’m a liberal. I’m always happy to share.” The genie said, “okay, then, whatever you wish for, I’ll give every conservative in the country two of it. What’s your first wish?” “I would like a new sports car.” “Okay, you’ve got it, and every conservative in the country gets two sports cars. What’s your second wish?” “I’d like a million dollars.” “Okay, you get a million dollars, every conservative gets two million dollars. What’s your third and final wish?” “Well, I’ve always wanted to donate a kidney.

FARCE Magazine You Might Be A Republican If... ÌÌ You think “proletariat” is a type of cheese. ÌÌ You’ve named your kids “Deduction one” and “Deduction two” ÌÌ You’ve tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were just allowed to keep more of their minimum wage. ÌÌ You’ve ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist and opposed to welfare. ÌÌ You’re a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty. ÌÌ You think Huey Newton is a cookie. ÌÌ The only union you support is the Baseball Players, because heck, they’re richer than you. ÌÌ You think you might remember laughing once as a kid. ÌÌ You once broke loose at a party and removed your neck tie. ÌÌ You’ve ever referred to the moral fiber of something. ÌÌ You’ve ever said, “I can’t wait to get into business school.” ÌÌ You answer to “The Man.” ÌÌ You don’t think “The Simpsons” is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense. ÌÌ You don’t let your kids watch Sesame Street because you accuse Bert and Ernie of “sexual deviance.” ÌÌ When people say “Marx,” you think “Groucho.” ÌÌ You’ve ever yelled, “Hey hippie, get a haircut.” ÌÌ You think Birkenstock was that radical rock concert in 1969. ÌÌ You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks your home. ÌÌ You’ve ever said civil liberties, schmivil schmiberties. ÌÌ You’ve ever said “Clean air? Looks clean to me.” ÌÌ You look down through a glass ceiling and chuckle. ÌÌ You wonder if donations to the Pentagon are tax-deductable. ÌÌ You came of age in the ‘60s and don’t remember Bob Dylan. ÌÌ You’re afraid of the liberal media.” ÌÌ You ever based an argument on the phrase, “Well, tradition dictates....” ÌÌ You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch “lives in a trash can because he is lazy and doesn’t want to contribute to society.”

ÌÌ You’ve ever urged someone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, when they don’t even have shoes. ÌÌ You confuse Lenin with Leno

You Might Be A Democrat If... ÌÌ You’ve ever said, “We really should call the ACLU about this.” ÌÌ You believe that a few hundred loggers can find another career, but the defenseless spotted owl must live in its preferred tree. ÌÌ You ever based an argument on the phrase, “But they can afford a tax hike because...” ÌÌ You keep count of how many people you know in each racial or ethnic category. ÌÌ You believe our government must do it because everyone in Europe does. ÌÌ You can’t talk about foreign policy without using the word conspiracy. ÌÌ You don’t understand why anyone was bothered by Jane’s trip to Hanoi. ÌÌ You think solar energy is being held back by those greedy oil companies. ÌÌ You’ve never been mugged. ÌÌ You actually expect to collect Social Security. ÌÌ You think the State of Florida should have tried to reform Ted Bundy. ÌÌ You got teary-eyed during the film “The American President.” ÌÌ Your house smells like a garbage dump because of your commitment to recycling. ÌÌ You think political patronage describes the Kennedy family. ÌÌ Your High School Year Book goals included the words “help people.” ÌÌ You think the Free Market is where they hand out Government cheese. ÌÌ You think Carter should be on Mt. Rushmore. ÌÌ You believe personal injury lawyers when they say they are just trying to defend the little guy. ÌÌ You know that those profit mongering drug companies could find a cure for AIDS if they really wanted to. ÌÌ You actually believe the NY Times and Washington Post. ÌÌ You know at least one Vegan. ÌÌ You trust Teddy Kennedy when he said that she was driving. ÌÌ You’d rather own Birkenstock than Merck Stock. ÌÌ You think the anti-war protestors from

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ÌÌ ÌÌ ÌÌ ÌÌ ÌÌ ÌÌ ÌÌ ÌÌ

‘60s are the real heroes. You think that Supply Side Economics refers to your dope dealer’s stash. You think Michael Jackson is a great example of diversity. You actually think that poverty can be abolished. You think that Joan Baez had something to say. You know that Jefferson really meant to say “Entitled to Happiness.” You think the Flat Tax should be at 95% You go to Gay Pride Day parades so that no one can call you homophobic. After looking at your pay stub you can still say, “America is undertaxed.”

ÌÌ

Little Billy Little Billy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, USA, they decided to send it to the President. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send Billy a $5.00 bill. The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. Billy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to God, which read: Dear God, Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those crooks deducted $95.00. Thanks, Billy The Queens Riddle Barack Obama met with the Queen of England. He asked her, “Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there... any tips you can give to me?” ‎”Well,” said the Queen, “the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people.” Obama frowned, and then asked, “But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?” The Queen took a sip of tea. “Oh,

FARCE Magazine that’s easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle.” The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. “Please ... Semore send Tony Blair in here, would you?” Tony Blair walked into the room and said, “Yes, Your Majesty?” The Queen smiled and said, “Answer me this please, Tony, your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?” Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answered, “That would be me.” “Yes! Very good,” said the Queen. Obama went back home to ask Joe Biden, his vice presidential choice the same question. “Joe, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It’s not your brother and it’s not your sister. Who is it?” “I’m not sure,” said Biden. “Let me get back to you on that one...” He went to his advisors and asked every one, but none could give him an answer. Finally, he ran into Sarah Palin out eating one night. Biden asked, “Sarah, can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it’s not your brother or your sister. Who is it?” Sarah Palin answered back, “That’s easy, it’s me!” Biden smiled, and said, “Thanks!” Then, he went back to speak with Obama. “Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It’s Sarah Palin!” Obama got up, stomped over to Biden, and angrily yelled into his face, “No! You idiot! It’s Tony Blair!” The Symbols of the flag A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag. “Our flag symbolizes our taxes,” the

man said. “We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them.” “That’s the same with us, the American said, “only we see stars, too.” Natural Resources Discussing the environment with his friend, John asked, “Which of our natural resources do you think will become exhausted first?” “The taxpayer,” replied his friend.

I Won The politician won the election and immediately phoned his mother to tell her the good news. “Ma!!!,” He shouted, “the results are in. I won the election!!!” “Honestly?”, His mother replied. “What does it matter -I won!” The economy is so bad CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.

Light Bulb Q: How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb? A: Two. One to assure the public that everything possible is being done while the other screws it into a water faucet. Worlds Smartest Politician! An airplane was carrying 3 people besides the pilot: the world’s smartest politician, a Boy Scout, and a devout Christian. In mid-flight, the engine stalled, and there where only three parachutes. The pilot said, “ I’ve got a family down there. I need to live so I can take care of them” so he grabbed a parachute and jumped out. The world’s smartest politician said, I’ve got an election coming up, so I’d better live so I can win it.” So he grabbed a parachute and jumped out. That left the Boy Scout and the Christian in the plane and only 1 parachute. The Christian said, “I have lived a long life. I am prepared to die. Go and grab that parachute for yourself.” The Boy Scout got his parachute and was about to jump when he said, “Hey, there is one for you too. The world’s smartest politician grabbed my backpack. 1st Politician

He is the One!

was the first politician of the new world because he didn’t know where he was going, he didn’t know where he was when he got there, and he did all of it on borrowed money!

Christopher Columbus

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Late Night Political Jokes “Sir Paul McCartney played at the White House last night. He dedicated the Beatles song ‘Michelle’ to the First Lady. Isn’t that lovely? And then for Joe Biden, he played ‘Fool on the Hill.’” --Craig Ferguson “This week in Ohio, Mitt Romney has been trying to present himself as a blue-collar candidate. ... Unfortunately it doesn’t help that his opening line is ‘Hello, my fellow peasants.’” –Conan O’Brien “While visiting a GM plant President Obama pledged to buy a Chevy Volt after his presidency ends in five years. Today Mitt Romney said, ‘Make it one year and I’ll buy it for you.’” –Jay Leno “According to exit polls, Mitt Romney is struggling with voters who call themselves very conservative. However, Mitt is doing great with voters who describe themselves as being ‘totally freaked out by Rick Santorum.’” –Conan O’Brien “Mitt Romney’s wife said she doesn’t even consider herself wealthy. Then she said, ‘If you don’t believe me, just ask my chauffeur.’” –Craig Ferguson “In a speech on Wall Street the other day, President Obama compared himself to Gandhi. Well, that makes sense. He’s created a lot of jobs in India.” –Jay Leno

FARCE Magazine “A man in Albuquerque has registered his dog to vote. Apparently the dog likes the current administration but he’s not sure he wants another 28 years of Obama.” –Conan O’Brien “Mitt Romney won in Michigan last night. It was certainly a close race — a real nail-biter or, in Romney’s case, a real manicure.” –David Letterman “As of tomorrow, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, and Rick Santorum all get Secret Service protection. Meanwhile, Ron Paul will get a can of mace.” –Conan O’Brien “Gas prices are so high that Mitt Romney’s wife can only afford to drive one Cadillac.” –Jay Leno “Ron Paul announced earlier today his campaign is the only one that’s entirely financed by moonshine.” –David Letterman “Kid Rock gave Mitt Romney an endorsement. He also endorsed porn, Jack Daniels, and hepatitis C.” –Jimmy Kimmel

Political quotes: ‘’Politics is supposed to be the secondoldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.’’ —Ronald Reagan ‘’Being president is like running a cemetery: you’ve got a lot of people under

you and nobody’s listening.’’ —Bill Clinton ‘’Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it.’’ —Mark Twain ‘’If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read: ‘President Can’t Swim.’’’ —Lyndon Johnson ‘’Who is Barack Obama? Contrary to the rumors you have heard, I was not born in a manger. I was actually born on Krypton and sent here by my father Jor-El to save the Planet Earth.’’ —Barack Obama, at the 2008 Al Smith Dinner ‘’Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.’’ —Groucho Marx ‘’Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.’’ —Will Rogers ‘’Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.’’ —Mark Twain ‘’I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency -- even if I’m in a Cabinet meeting.’’ —Ronald Reagan ‘’I’ve noticed that everyone who is for abortion has already been born.’’ —Ronald Reagan, The New York Times, September 22, 1980 ‘’Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.’’

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—President John Kennedy ‘’Many of you know that I got my name, Barack, from my father. What you may not know is Barack is actually Swahili for ‘That One.’ And I got my middle name from somebody who obviously didn’t think I’d ever run for president.’’ —Barack Obama, at the 2008 Al Smith Dinner ‘’Being president is like being a jackass in a hailstorm. There’s nothing to do but to stand there and take it.’’ —Lyndon Johnson ‘’I don’t know whether it’s the finest public housing in America or the crown jewel of the American penal system.’’ —Bill Clinton, on the White House ‘’If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?’’ —Abraham Lincoln Edward Hale, while chaplain of the U.S. Senate, was asked, “Do you pray for the senators?” He quickly replied, “No. After getting to know the senators, I pray for the people.” “If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.” --Vice President Dan Quayle “Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards. If you disgrace yourself you can always write a book.” -- Ronald Reagan

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H E A V N E LY

lAUGHTER

Most people don’t want to talk about Politics or Religion. Too Bad! Here is some Spiritual Humor. Oh Those Crazy Amish

An Amish boy and his elderly father were visiting the big city. The stumbled into a large hotel where they saw an shine elevater for the first time and the doors open by themself.The boy asked his father, “What is this, Father?” The father responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life,” While the boy and his father were watching wideeyed an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights w/numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24 year old woman stepped out. The father said to his son, “Quick, Go get your Mother.”

The Resourceful Nun

A nun was driving to a local hopital where she often volunteers. On the way she ran out of gas. As luck would have it there was a station just down the street. She did not have a gas can but being quite resourceful found a bedpan in the back seat and carried it to the station. She filled it with gasoline, and walked back to the car As she was pouring the gas into the tank of her car two men walked by and saw her filling the gas tank with the bedpan. One of them turned to the other and said: “Okay I’ve heard of turning water into wine but...”

God’s Perspective

A man was taking it easy, lying on the grass and looking up at the clouds. He was thinking about eternity when he decided to talk to God. “God”, he said, “how long is a million years?” God answered, “In my A Rare Find frame of reference, it’s about A collector of rare books a minute.” was driving through an old The man asked, “God, german town when he saw how much is a million someone having a yard sale. dollars?” He stopped and asked an God answered, “To Me, old man if he had any old it’s a penny.” books. The man then paused and The man thought and said asked, “God, can I have a “no” but said he did have an penny?” old Bible that was in his attic God said, “In a minute.” for years. It was rather dusty Golf in Heaven and worn so he threw it away. A cleric loved golf and was He happened to mention wondering if there were any that Guten-somebody-orgolf courses in Heaven. He other had printed it. prayed about it and one day “Not Gutenberg?” gasped an angel appeared to him. the collector. “Yes,” said the Heavenly “Yes, that was it!” said the messenger, “There are many old man excellent golf courses in “You idiot! You’ve thrown Heaven. The greens are away one of the first books always in first class condiever printed. A copy recently tion, the weather is always sold at auction for half a perfect and you always get million dollars!” to play with the very nicest “Oh, I don’t think this people.” would have been worth “Oh, thank you,” said the anything close to that much,” cleric, “That really is marvelreplied the man. “It was lous news.” scribbled all over in the “Good!” said the angel. margins by some guy named “Because we’ve got you Martin Luther.” down for a foursome next Saturday.”

The Christian Barber

There was a barber that thought that he should share his faith with his customers more than he had been doing lately. So the next morning when the sun came up and the barber got up out of bed he said, “Today I am going to witness to the first man that walks through my door.” Soon after he opened his shop the first man came in and said, “I want a shave!” The barber said, “Sure, just sit in the seat and I’ll be with you in a moment.” The barber went in the back and prayed a quick desperate prayer saying, “God, the first customer came in so give me the wisdom to know just the right thing to say to him. Amen.” Then quickly the barber came out with his razor knife in one hand and a Bible in the other while saying “Good morning sir. I have a question for you... Are you ready to die?”

The Rabbi’s Student Rabbi” Shlomo was teaching the kids and little Sammy raised his hand. “Yes Sammy” the rabbi said. “Rabbi, I don’t understand something?” “What’s that Sammy?” “Well you said that accordin’ to the Bible, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea, right?” “Right.” “And the Children of Israel wandered in the desert. “Yes!” “An’ the Children of Israel beat up the Phillistines.” “Er--right.” “And then the Children of Israel drove out the heathen from the land” “Yes!” “And then the Children of Israel built the Temple,” “Yes all that is correct.” said the Rabbi. “So what’s your question?” “What I wanna know is this,” demanded Sammy. “What was all the grownups doing?”

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The Bible Story Terri asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories. She was puzzled by Kyle’s picture, which showed four people on an airplane, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent. “The flight to Egypt,” said Kyle. “I see ... And that must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus,” Ms. Terri said. “But who’s the fourth person?” “Oh, that’s Pontius-the Pilot.

Pest Control Three ministers met for lunch to discuss the racoon infestation in their community. One said “Yes, they run in during the day and disrupt the service every week. I’ve tried everything--to get rid of them.” Another said “Yeah, me too. They are scaring my congregation everyweek and I can’t seem to get rid of them.” The third said, “Well I baptized all mine, and made them members of the church... Haven’t seen one back since!!!”

The Scientist One day God appeared to a scientist. The scientist snubbly said that mankind did not need him anymore. They had come along way and with cloning and science they just did not need a creater anymore. God listened very patiently and kindly said to the man. “Very well, how about this? Let’s say we have a manmaking contest. and the only rule is we have to do it exactly like like I did back in the old days with Adam.” The scientist said, “Sure, no problem” and bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt. God looked at him and said, “No, no, no. You go get your own dirt!”

FARCE Magazine

By Dum Pling

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PHOTO CAPTIONS

• • •

“Dont worry, Its Diet” “Oh did you want some?”

“You think this is bad, when I get home I’m peeing on the rug!”

•

“I had so much to drink, my arms passed out.”

•

• “I really don’t like this water fountain!”

•

“Honestly it’s Narcolepsy!”

•

“I’m trying to catch three blind mice!” ”Somebody told me Ray Charles was a cool cat.” “Okay I had some cat nip and my eys are dialated!”

•

“It was a Cheech Marin look alike contest!”

•

“Can we hurry this up, I’m getting hungry?”

•

“The defining moment when Tommy Chong decided to quit pot.”

•

“The Mario Brothers track team!”

“Alice the Cat falls down a rabbit hole into Wonderland”

•

“The Chess game was a Catastophy!”

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“Shoes so comfortable, you’ll feel like your barefoot.” “Muslims and Japanese love these because they don’t have to take off their shoes to enter a room.”

•

“Always get a size bigger.”

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•

“I like to pretend I’m riding in the car!”

•

”The wind tunnel checks for proper earodynamics”

•

“The perfect thing for a hotdog”

• •

“Hey thats an illegal move!”

”Dog sacrifices knight by swallowing piece.”

•

“Puppy pushes positional play to prove perfect ploy.”

• •

“I’m hanging 10!”

”Just brought Bobby back from the dry cleaners!””

•

“Hey, Thats not Frank the weiner dog is it?”

•

”Well they say its a dog eat dog world”

“My handmade t-shirts with the low neckline!”

•

“Man I hate dogs that play chess!”

•

”Wink the assasin takes aim at the dirty rat.”

•

“Killer kitties in Manhatten, the latest terrorist threat.”

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“Yeah give me two, hold the mustard and put it on his tab.”

“Prisoner escapes by hiding in plain sight!” ”Penitentery displays art: ”Convict in Contrast” “Horse and jokey arrested for beating their opponents!.”

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Seriously! What were they thinking? Not only is it permanent but makes them look like permanent idiots! Wouldn’t you like to be a fly on the wall at their last job interview. I think this goes beyond the influence of drugs and alcohol. They definitely were under the influence of stupidity! Regrets? I know some people absolutely love Japanese Anime and Manga but I never grew up wanting to look like a cartoon character (OK maybe Road Runner - Meebeep). How is her husband ever going to sleep at night... honey are you awake?

He better hope he doesn’t get arrested with his shirt off! “I said drop the gun or we shoot!” He could probably empty a beach in no time. I just wonder what would happen if that gun goes off!

Okay I know sometimes we forget things and yes occasionally I write things down on my hand in ink but dude have you never heard of post it notes or a computer calendar. For the price of this tattoo you could of got a nice agenda and put other stuff in it like Sunday, take a shower, Tuesdays, change socks. How important is bowling anyway?

Okay this is pretty funny... for about five minutes. probably just how much thought he put in to it. Now I think he should put in a guy on the top with a weed wacker.

Do His friends call him Numbskull? If he really wanted to look like this why didn’t he just rip his face off? Probably would have been less painful and quicker. I say when he dies he asks for an open casket. He must be a hoot on Halloween. Have some candy kids!

This guy must love beer but I think he had more than 3 of them when he had this done. I am no expert but pretty sure that no expert did this tatoo. Probably a drunk girlfriend got a hold of his ankles while darning his socks and decided to add some ink to the needles. Maybe she was saying 3 cheers and couldn’t spell.

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FARCE Magazine I think this is as far as he got in his HTML class. The meta tags must be under his hairline. His web page must be on his back. Lets hope on the other side he hasn’t learned Flash.

Rumor has it that this is what he looks like from the front. Or maybe he just has his sunglasses on backwards. You can never tell when this guy is coming or going. Personally I think that if he shaves off that mustache he will look 20 years younger.

Can you say lobotomy? I think this guy should have had one before he started reading Frankenstein. He better hope that when he is older headbands for guys come back in style. Some peoples desire to be different is so great that it translates into the decision to be real stupid.

HAND over all your money or the forefinger gets it. It’s okay; in most states digit napping isn’t illegal. I always knew the middle finger was bad. I heard he is hiding up someone’s nose.

Not quite sure I get this one. Is this his resume or life goal to be a greeter in a superstore. Maybe its a reminder where to buy his pet food and reform school supplies. Now if he only had another hand he could of spelled super wal*mart!

You know even if you can afford an alligator shirt, they just don’t last. He must of got this in Florida on spring break. The hardest part for the tattoo artist was shaving this guys chest. You think he has the fruit of the loom guys tattooed somewhere.

Yeah when he is a big CEO he wont need to worry about name tags at the lifeguard convention. Could be he is just worried about identity theft or that people wont know his name in the prison showers. He probably also has his social security number tattooed to his buttocks.

Now here is a creative way to cover up that unsightly arm hair. Yeah, he always wanted a troll doll that he couldn’t lose. I am sure he thinks that now all the omen are going to come up to him in the bars and say “Oh how cute”. He might want to avoid the gay bars.

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Humorous Church Signs

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FARCE Magazine

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FARCE Magazine When did Smart phones become Smart Aleck phones? Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve all done it: typed away not looking at the screen and the autocorrect feature corrects our spelling and we hit send and now its too late... major embarrassment. Here are some actual Auto correct messages from http://www.damnyouautocorrect.com/

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FARCE Magazine

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FARCE Magazine

Click on video to start. (pdf Version Only- not Flash)-

Barak Obama

Rick Perry

I am Not a muslim

http://badlipreading.tumblr.com

Pepsi Commercial

Mitt Romney -Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re all Romneyites now

Ron Paul

Foriegn Commercial

Barak Obama

http://badlipreading.tumblr.com

The Taxman

Mitt Romney

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http://badlipreading.tumblr.com

FARCE Magazine Things aren’t always what they seem. Reading normally the words below don’t make sense untill you read them downword.

WHAT - ME WORRY?

I DON’T CLOWN AROUND

LIVE AND PROSPER

I AM A MAN OF FAITH

I HAVE A DREAM

I HAVE A DREAM Page 23

Mouse over the photo caption to see the real picture

(PDF Version Only). Revealed for Flash