CHASING BUTTERFLIES JOURNALS

by Connie VanHorn

Stay On The Wall

I’m fighting for something kinda big—something that can bring significant change. I’m counting on my big God to pull it off! But there are moments when I feel like giving up.

It’s all too easy to feel overwhelmed and tempted to throw in the towel, especially when life and influences try to convince us to quit! I’ve been in my own battle for many years, waiting on God to deliver me. Yet, even when everything around me seems to scream, “Give up!” I’ve learned to just keep going.

I love the story of Nehemiah. He was a leader who heard about his people in Jerusalem, whose walls were in ruins and whose gates were burned. Nehemiah didn’t shy away from the weight of this news; instead, he took a moment to have a good ugly cry… and then he turned to God and prayed. He felt a deep calling to rebuild those walls, gathering others to help him even though it would feel like walking through fire.

Nehemiah’s story resonates deeply with my own. I’m trying to rebuild something big that almost seems impossible.

What are you fighting for that feels impossible? For me, it’s about seeking revival in my family and breaking generational patterns that have threatened to chain me down.

Stay On The Wall

Revival can’t begin until one person completely surrenders his or her life and says, “Yes, Lord. Start with me.”

In August of 2014, I gave my whole heart to Jesus. On that day, I became new, and my life completely changed. It was that day that the chains in my life started to break. I became the one!

My children now experience a life of being raised by a Christian mother. I am part of God’s greatest mission. I am following the path Christ set for us all those years ago. I no longer have to carry my pain or mistakes from the past. But although God made me new, there is still work to be done.

The vision to build something new takes strength and resilience to withstand the opposition that comes with trying to change BIG things. God needs us to be ready for battle. Sometimes, that means walking through the fire!

Built-In Courage

From the time I was a little girl, God has used difficult circumstances to create built-in courage in me. My childhood was not easy; it was full of trauma. But I had a special way of coping. I would pretend that I was someplace other than the place of my reality. My favorite place to daydream was sitting on an old cement wall that backed up against a canal near my home. I recently realized that God used my time on that cement wall as practice for what was to come!

I can look back and see that God never left my side. He knew I would have to endure hard things, and He gave me built-in courage to survive it. He wanted me to learn to be alone with Him. He wanted to teach me about the wall. I went through hard things, but God was there to catch my tears and pick me up when I had no strength.

Something Has To Break

I long to see a revival in my family and change in the world. My life has been a trail of broken things, but God is putting it all back together. He can do the same for you! It only takes one person to decide to sit on the wall and change the course for generations to come.

Something has to break. No matter how hard it gets or how long it takes, stay on the wall.

The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. (EXODUS 14:14 NIV)

Stay In Position

As I was preparing to write this, God kept bringing me back to Nehemiah. One day during my quiet time, I opened my Bible to a random place, asking God to show me what He wanted me to study that day. My Bible opened to Nehemiah 1. Wow! On the next page was a folded piece of paper with a secret clue from God. I spent all day unpacking Nehemiah.

God put a plan in Nehemiah’s mind. Nehemiah exhibited patience, reminding the people to trust God; God would fight for them and help them.

Nehemiah believed God would use him to get the wall rebuilt. He never tried to attack his enemies but trusted God would deal with them.

I saw from this that God wants us to slow down and wait on His timing.

Nehemiah stayed the course. Through the opposition, struggles, and doubt, he stayed in position. He wanted to see revival. He wanted to do the will of God.

What It Takes

Sometimes, God calls us to sacrifice as we fight for something different from the world’s expectations. I found a good purpose to fight for. In the face of adversity and despite the negative, God has called me to build a wall of faith to protect my family. I have submitted, saying, “Whatever that looks like God. I’m in position.”

God created us to be His kingdom-expression here on earth. You were created for a purpose. Sometimes, it can be difficult to fulfill your God-given purpose. It can even hurt. Be assured that although what He has called you to may be a big responsibility, it also offers a big reward.

In this life, we will suffer.

Suffering might be a big part of your calling.

But suffering will change you, and God will enable you to persevere in your calling.

Don’t give up!

God has a plan, and He is walking through it with you.

It might be challenging and painful, but when we walk through dark places, we learn to be the flashlight.

Believe in God’s promises.

Keep going!

Stay on the wall and keep looking to the day when you will stand face to face with Jesus, and He will look at you and say, “Great job!”

STAY FOCUSED ON DOING GOD’S WILL

Satan will try to discourage you, hurt you, and distract you from doing what God wants you to do. Satan wants you to fall off the wall.

You must hold tight to our Lord and Savior! Stay true to your calling; don’t stop walking toward the destiny God has for you.

Your obedience can become a revival that changes the course of tomorrow and releases you and those around you from the past. You can be the one!

You have no idea what God can do with your obedience as He builds through your focus and commitment to stay firmly on that wall and do His great work in your family, church, ministry, school, or workplace. Know that you are doing a great thing. GOD is doing a great thing THROUGH you.

The impact of one revived heart can change everything.

Stay on the wall. No matter how long it takes. You are not done until God says you are done—and neither am I. Stay on the wall with me and continue in His strength so that others in generations to come may experience all He has to offer.

THIS IS WHAT THE LORD SAYS…'SEE, I AM DOING A NEW THING! NOW IT SPRINGS UP; DO YOU NOT PERCEIVE IT? I AM MAKING A WAY IN THE WILDERNESS AND STREAMS IN THE WASTELAND' (ISAIAH 43:16, 19 NIV)