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INFORM ENCOURAGE EMPOWER
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Specifically For YOU! You are so special, there is now a publication created specifically for you! Sexual abuse has been a taboo topic in homes and communities for decades, which has led millions of survivors to live with shame, guilt, pain, and silence, all alone. Well time has come to put those things aside and begin walking boldly in your healing. No it’s not going feel like walking through green pastures in the sunset, but it will lead you to a life full of purpose and promise.
Letter from...
The Editor
In this magazine you will find survivor stories of overcoming and thriving in victory. My hope is that every word printed will become personal to you, and you begin to see yourself living in complete freedom, the way it was intended. Thank you for allowing VOSAS to be part of your journey.
Dee Marie Editor-n-Chief Founder/CEO 4
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Sisters, Latonya Buford and Dee Marie in Chicago, IL, posing for Project Unbreakable with photographer, Grace Brown. September 27, 2012
Survivors’ Story
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reedom is a wonderful thing. This was one secret that I was going to take to my grave!
was raped and Amnon threw her out, she laid on the floor and cried. She felt worthless, like everything she had was taken from her. She prided herself in being a virgin, but God had been picking at this sore her very own brother took one of spot for at least 4 years before I did the most precious things from her. anything about it. It seemed like The story touched my heart every sermon at church was about because I felt her anger. I will it. On the news, all I heard was never forget sitting in the story after story about children Sanctuary with my stomach in speaking out against their abuser. knots because I knew it was time And finally, on Thursday, to speak up. This was in June of November 24, 2011, Thanksgiving 2011. The very next day, on the evening, I surrendered to God's way to work, I told my sister that I voice and broke the silence my couldn't hold it anymore and I was sister and I had been holding for going to tell. She, without over 30 years. We were victims, hesitation, said okay, lets do it. and were now survivors of After that morning, we still did not childhood sexual abuse. We were say anything until five months later molested and raped by a family on Thanksgiving. member when we were between the ages of 3 and 5. I know some We first told a close relative, who survivors remember the length of convinced us to tell our mother. time and their exact age, but The emotions leading up to the because I was so young I can't moment was torture, because we remember the exact time, or how had no idea what was about to long the abuse occurred. I do, take place. After gaining the however, remember vivid details courage to talk to our mom, she of what happened, what I had on, believed us as we knew she would. and where it happened. This is a But then we decided to confront memory that I will never forget. our abuser. Of course we had no
after 30 years of carrying his guilt and shame, he had the nerve to call us liars. What a devastating blow. Knowing that my sister and I were telling the truth, it turned into our word against his. Even though I knew this was definitely a possibility, just hearing the word liar was horrifying.
Like many survivors we kept this secret hidden for years. In actuality, we kept it "hidden" from each other. Growing up we never discussed anything that happened. There was, however, an understanding of what went on, although nothing was exchanged verbally. The first question that is always asked is, "Why did you wait so long to say something?" If you are reading this and have gone through sexual abuse, then you understand. I don't think it is something you can explain. There is an underlining shame, fear of disappointing other family members, and partly to protect the abuser. I had so many thoughts of other people. How would my mother react to this news? I didn't want to hurt her. What about the family? Everyone is going to blame idea what would be said, but at us for telling this story. People will It was not at all an easy decision to this point there was no turning tell anyone. What really made me back. I felt like I had made a huge call us liars, and say we made this speak up was a story that we mistake by even bringing all of this entire thing up. What about the studied at a Tuesday night bible up, and maybe it was better when I immediate family of the abuser? study. It was the story about kept silent. Deep down I knew that This will be devastating to them. Tamar, and how she was raped by was far from the truth. When the The thoughts would go on and on. You think about everybody else but her brother Amnon. After Tamar phone call was finally made, and you. 7
What I had to come to understand, and other victims as well, is that it was not my fault. I had no reason to feel guilty, or even ashamed. But it's amazing how guilt will creep in and have you believing that you are doing something wrong by telling the truth.
survivors. I cannot thank Him enough for choosing me to be the Voice for so many people. He has given me a brand new freedom, and can give you the same thing. You don't have to be silent anymore.
I now understand that holding on to my story and keeping it a secret would have done more harm than good. Not just for me, but for other women, or even men, that shared the same story. If you are reading this, and want to say something but just can't find the words, they are there. I completely understand how scary it can be. God is the restorer and the healer. He can mend every scar and every broken piece, if you trust Him and allow Him to. If you have to cry, cry. If you have to scream, scream. Whatever you need to get it out, please do. I am not a counselor, I am just someone who has been through the same thing you have. It's so unfortunate that this happens so often in our society. Once I decided to open up about my past, I have found that so many people, both men and women, have the same story.
In November of 2012, I began to take this journey to another level. Not only did my sister and I become free from our past, we began speaking publicly. I started a nonprofit organization to support adult survivors of sexual abuse, Moving4ward Ministries. Moving4ward became a source of healing in our community. During that time we started support groups, educated the community, and held an annual outreach event, Stroll To Heal The Soul. The Stroll was a yearly run/walk during the month of April, which is Sexual Assault Awareness Month, to bring everyone together, whether you experienced this trauma or not, to create an atmosphere of love and support. We’ve had seven annual walks, and each year it is such a blessing to see the sea of teal. Teal is the color of sexual assault awareness and each survivor that was willing to share their voice without having to say a word, wore that teal shirt proudly!
There has to be an increased awareness of sexual abuse. Since that time God directed me to become an advocate for adult
It’s true when they say God can turn pain into purpose.. You may be scared and feel like there is no hope for you. You may be scared of what others will say, or that 8
others may reject you. It’s okay to have those feelings, but once you give yourself permission to heal, you too can be on your own journey to freedom. My sister and I are brand new people. Our lives have completely changed. We no longer are bound to the secrets of the past, but we look forward to the what God has ahead for us, and you can do the same. It’s amazing how one decision changed the course of our lives. We are no longer slaves to our abuser. On this journey, the biggest things I've learned is that in order to heal I first had to acknowledge my truth, gain courage to tell, be okay with therapy, find time for selfcare, and learn to forgive. It has not be any means been an easy journey. Our emotions have been like a roller coaster, but the great part is that we continue to move forward. We feel amazingly blessed to offer a sense of hope to other survivors. I pray that God gives you the strength to Move 4ward, and the peace that passes all understanding.
“Its true when they say, God can turn pain into purpose.”
“Your Voice Has A Right To Be Heard!”
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THE COUNSELOR’S CORNER
Mental Wellness Matters Creator:laflor Credit:Getty Images/Vetta
Moving4ward Ministries, a 501c3 organization created to provide the community of St. Louis and St. Charles counties of Missouri, a place where adult survivors of sexual abuse ages 18 and older, regardless of race, gender, ethnicity, or sexual orientation, can feel safe sharing experiences that has caused lasting effects on professional resources so healing can begin. Andrea is Youth Mental Health First Aid Certified. Andrea is also a member of the International Honor Society of Counseling Professionals, Chi Sigma Iota.
Andrea Jackson, CIT , contributor Supervised by: Jean Moretto, PhD, LPC Andrea completed her Master of Arts degree in Professional Counseling May 2017 from Lindenwood University. Andrea believes that a primary means of change lies in developing a strong therapeutic and collaborative relationship. She utilizes a strengths based approach in working with clients to develop a unique fit to their personal needs and draws from several modalities including, but not limited to, cognitive behavioral therapy and solution based work. Andrea has worked with clients of all ages and has dealt extensively with depression, anxiety, sexual abuse and behavioral issues. When requested by the client, Andrea finds that seeking God authentically in session results in healing and can lead to life forming changes. Andrea is a member and also on the board at 10
Why is therapy so taboo?
A mental health professional may provide a fresh perspective on an issue. They can help give people a better understanding of their own emotions. There's a lot of fear that therapy, especially needing Therapists can also teach communication skills to it, will communicate to others that we aren't convey those emotions. In essence therapy can “normal”. In other words, a lot of people think that promote a person’s self-esteem, relationships, and going to therapy means that they're “crazy”, and they outlook on life. fear that others will think that as well. Psychotherapy - also known as talk therapy, has helped so many people. Talk therapy can help individuals overcome pain from their pasts and develop coping strategies for the future. It can also help a person define their goals, clarifying who they are and what they want out of life. People in talk therapy can explore their moods and behaviors in a safe place. A mental health professional may provide a fresh perspective on an issue and they can also give people a better understanding of their own emotions. Therapists can also teach communication skills to convey those emotions.
Why is there this stigma about people going to see a therapist? There isn't one for going to a medical doctor or to physical therapy so why are people so scared to talk about what goes on in their head? I for one have never been shy about talking about what goes on in my head because it has such a calming effect but I do realize that is not the norm. I would like provide a few statistics as well as some definitions that will hopefully shed some light on the subject of therapy and what people all across the world are experiencing! 40 million adults suffer through an anxiety disorder and 75% of them experience their first episode of anxiety by the age of 22, according to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America. That is a lot. That is a lot of young people suffering in silence who may not be able to talk to someone because they might be labeled "crazy."
One in five American adults has a mental health condition. Research has shown that these mental health conditions can be treated effectively. While mental health professionals are constantly trying to disprove the stigmas surrounding mental health, more people have acknowledged the value of modern therapy. Insurance companies are now required to cover and treat mental health conditions which means more Americans than ever can access the true benefits of therapy. 11
“Talk therapy can help individuals overcome pain from their pasts and develop coping strategies for the future.”
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HEALTHY "It is my mission to improve the health and well-being of my clients by educating, motivating, and inspiring them to live a healthy lifestyle by exercising and making healthy food choices. Losing weight just happens in the process."
BRIANT K MITCHELL BKM FITNESS BOOTCAMP, located in the heart of Ferguson, MO, offers help to a community of individuals to achieve realistic goals they have in mind for their bodies. Chief Editor, Dee Marie, sat down with owner Briant Mitchell to talk about his passion for helping others live healthy lives.
www.bkmbootcamp.com
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When did BKM begin?
LIVING
What was your motivating factor to begin BKM? When my mom passed I fell into depression. I didn’t realize it because I was fine, I didn’t cry, but then all of a sudden it hit me. I was a mama’s boy, and it hit me. I developed sleep apnea and gained 75 pounds. For my stature, that was 214lbs, and I’m barely 5’6! I taught myself to walk run until I met one of my biggest influencers who taught me how to run, and I did a full marathon. At the time I didn’t know I had a gift to help other people. I trained people at a local gym for free for a year, and then brought to my house and trained them for about six months, free. My wife and those that I trained twisted my arm into starting something, which is now BKM.
What are benefits of working out after dealing with past traumas? I struggle with my weight. I struggle with childhood scars. Running and working out are my coping mechanisms. Instead of grabbing a cookie or pastry which I love, I go run. When I find myself under a tremendous amount of pressure, I go run and workout. It helps with my endorphins. What would you say to someone who gets frustrated in the process?
Don’t give up, it’s a part of the journey. Push through it. Communicate with your trainer. I highly recommend people sit down with a therapist. African Americans are in such denial about therapy. That was What motivates you to continue with BKM? the best thing I could have ever done. After I lost my mom I didn't realize how much it affected me, twenty When I see people come through my doors and I something years later I finally decided to go. My ‘AHtalk to them, I realize that this really does help people HA’ moment was when my therapist told me, no matter heal. It really helps people cope. Even during the how much I begged and screamed, my mother was not Michael Brown uprising, I never knew what a big coming back, and from that moment those words influence BKM would be on the community. I had just resonated with me, and I was able to let it go. She said moved here , and we never closed our doors. Even the my mother was in peace, and I had to live my life. I am night of the verdict, I never shut my doors, and I taught who I am because of God and my mom, she still looks spin class, and it was packed. People would come in or over me. drive down the street, they would see us running, and see our slogan, “We Will Survive,” and they would blow Do you ever get frustrated with the fitness process? their horns, and say, “thank you for helping our Every single day! Frustrated at myself more community be a better place.” Our slogan is such a than anything. I won’t give up, I’m up at four in the universal message. It was supposed to mean you will morning, and don’t go to bed sometimes until midnight. survive boot camp, I didn't realize it would be universal I get frustrated to see my clients put their weight back on so many other levels It’s for survivors who are on. They think I will talk about them, but I will not. I surviving breast cancer, any cancer, sexual abuse, can give you all the tools, but you need to have depression, you will survive. It has really taken on a accountability. whole new meaning. What is your vision for the future? What would you say to someone who is begin the How can I take it to the next level? How is God fitness process? going to help me do it? I can’t do it, but how is He going It’s a journey. Take your time. There will be to help me do it. Until then, I surrender. That’s it! 15
BKM FITNESS BOOTCAMP
August 1, 2008
some ups and downs, be truthful, be honest with yourself. It’s not an easy journey.
www.bkmbootcamp.com
murdered the moment you said my name. But somehow, some way, that day at A year ago today I saw your face for the airport a small flower grew the last time. I didn’t know, I didn’t acknowledge it, Somehow my gut knew. but a little bud bloomed in my belly. I watched you walk through the Each day it grows, through the storms terminal on the way to your forever of my panic days, the snow of my destination manic days I kissed you goodbye with dry lips and The little hope within me survives, wet eyes and looked for you until you holding on to the times before you were out of sight. entered my atmosphere But I’m glad I’ll never see you again. Contrary to popular belief I can be my Most people miss faces, miss places, own world, and you will never take misplace a feeling that once took up that from me space in the face of danger You took so much but I’m taking it But I don’t miss you at all. back I don’t miss the black irises or the The anchor that has been lifted from sneaky sniveling smile that spread my gut since I left you now makes a across your face over the phone on wonderful centerpiece in the house the other line you’ll never see You crossed the line, a line had been The scars you left upon my soul are a crossed and it makes me glad you’re rug seen from under the dining table not my first love. where I set my shoes and I promise to The worst love is one you remember walk upon you the way you stomped forever. I hope I always remember to all over me. forget you. The tears you made me cry fill the fish Each day that passes I forget you more tank of fear with flesh and the feeling than ever before of love I avoid photos of you like the plague. And I cry now. I cry more because I’ve I avoid your name like a cursed grown than because of you tongue I’ve grown more than you have or ever I avoid your existence like I avoid my will own self hate that you instilled in me. I heard you got a new apartment, and My middle name is trust issues and I know that one day I’ll have my own you bestowed that upon me. I find comfort in knowing there’s a The shattered windows and pain you place on this earth where the walls punched through to me. don’t know my pain I’m left to rebuild the broken tightrope I hope the drywall never falls like you walked with each breath teardrops or tears like my skin I’m left alone in a sea full of my own I hope the front door handle remains tears and trauma. just as perfect as before it did when When you entered my heart I thought you broke in you parted the Ocean but it turns out The carpets will be free of your dirt you turned all the rivers to blood. and your ink soaked soul your The life inside these waters was sputtering lungs of broken promises 16
and lies wrapped in fake receipts I know that there’s a home, a place to call my own that will never know you existed. One day my brain will rewire the pain to create a life worth living again Mattresses won’t line the walls of my frontal cortex nor will I be afraid of the backseat of a car I hope you never leave Ohio. Because then I’ll never see your face again. The pavement can have your soles and the warehouse can wear your sweat like I used to. I don’t care anymore. The land can take you, because I will never be able to make you see what you’ve done. But despite the unreliable sense of sight There’s safety in knowing my eyes will never have to see you again.
Myranda Cook mcook126
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Sara White is the founder and Board President of Fresh Beginnings Safe House. As a child commercial sexual exploitation survivor, she is passionate about the needs of human trafficking and commercial exploitation survivors. Her desire is to provide them with the resources to help them heal and empower them to thrive in futures free of human trafficking and commercial sexual exploitation. She has worked with underserved populations for the last 10+ years including, working for the state of Missouri’s family support division, working for Center for Women in Transition in one of their transitional homes and working with Church in the Wild’s street outreach ministry which focuses on areas that are underserved and saturated with gang, drug and commercial sexual exploitation activity. She has her degree in Religious Studies and is currently working on her bachelor’s in Theology and Biblical Studies with a minor in Psychology. 18
Sara White, contributor
Throughout the United States, there is a shortage of comprehensive harm reduction and recovery services for survivors of sex trafficking and commercial sexual exploitation. Without these services, many survivors are trapped in a never-ending cycle of violence that, without intervention, can permeate the rest of their lives. This violence and trauma impact not only individuals, but also continues through generations, leaving survivor’s children vulnerable to exploitation and decimating communities. In low-income neighborhoods of St. Louis, the specialized services needed to both prevent trafficking and to assist those already caught in the cycle of violence are minimal to nonexistent, with an endless stream of victims falling through the cracks, suffering from trauma and addiction. The mission of Fresh Beginnings Safe House is to fill that void, providing a holistic, victim-centered safe haven for victims to not only recover from their trauma, but to break the cycle of violence and thrive in their new lives, breaking the cycle of violence and uplifting communities.
outreach program in 2019 working directly with women who are being sex trafficked and commercially sexually exploited. The outreach consists of handing out purses with care package items and safe sex kits, passing out Narcan kits to the women as well as teaching them how to use the Narcan, providing resource information, and building trusting relationships with the women. The outreach program also provides a hotline number that goes specifically to Fresh Beginnings Safe House that can be called when a woman is ready to leave her situation. Once the call comes in, Sara will assess the needs of the victim to create a plan that best fits the needs of the individual calling. The goal is to help the client leave their situation.
The next step for Fresh Beginnings Safe House is to open a drop-in center in the west side of St. Louis city. The goal of the center will be Fresh Beginnings Safe House was founded in to provide victims of human March of 2017 by Sara White. Sara White is a St Louis trafficking and sexual native who is a survivor of child commercial sexual exploitation alternative exploitation. In 2017 the realization of how bad the sex options while teaching them trafficking and commercial sexual exploitation crisis is in how to become self-sufficient St. Louis became the catalyst of a life changing decision to and independent. The Dropbecome part of the solution. Fresh Beginnings Safe House in center will be a safe place was formed, and Sara hit the ground running to make a where women who are difference in the lives of women who are victimized by victims of trafficking and this crime against humanity. With over ten years of sexual exploitation can come experience in social services, a passion for the women and receive resources and served by Fresh Beginnings Safe House, and a boldness to information regarding their go wherever the need is despite dangers that may exist, physical, mental, and emotional needs. They are Sara is determined to help women leave the dark life of welcomed into an environment where they can relax, find sex trafficking and commercial sexual exploitation. comfort and feel safe. We will also provide hygiene products along with clothing, hot meals and resources for Locally, St louis is on the FBI’s top 20 trafficking cities list. short-term shelter. Anyone with a desire to leave the This is because of its central location, serving as a hub for “life” is provided with the resources necessary to assist several interstate highways and international airport, as with their decision. When necessary, the center will well as its increasing economic disparity, stemming from provide transportation to relocation sites, or other an increasingly decentralized metropolitan area and high appropriate services. racial segregation. The work to be done in St. Louis to move towards eradicating the sex trafficking and For more information about Fresh Beginnings Safe House commercial sexual exploitation crisis is demanding and you can go to www.freshbeginningssafehouse.org or send requires solutions that produce evidence-based an email to info@freshbeginningssafehouse.org outcomes. Fresh Beginnings Safe House implemented an 19
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