F
reedom is a wonderful thing. This was one secret that I was going to take to my grave!
was raped and Amnon threw her out, she laid on the floor and cried. She felt worthless, like everything she had was taken from her. She prided herself in being a virgin, but God had been picking at this sore her very own brother took one of spot for at least 4 years before I did the most precious things from her. anything about it. It seemed like The story touched my heart every sermon at church was about because I felt her anger. I will it. On the news, all I heard was never forget sitting in the story after story about children Sanctuary with my stomach in speaking out against their abuser. knots because I knew it was time And finally, on Thursday, to speak up. This was in June of November 24, 2011, Thanksgiving 2011. The very next day, on the evening, I surrendered to God's way to work, I told my sister that I voice and broke the silence my couldn't hold it anymore and I was sister and I had been holding for going to tell. She, without over 30 years. We were victims, hesitation, said okay, lets do it. and were now survivors of After that morning, we still did not childhood sexual abuse. We were say anything until five months later molested and raped by a family on Thanksgiving. member when we were between the ages of 3 and 5. I know some We first told a close relative, who survivors remember the length of convinced us to tell our mother. time and their exact age, but The emotions leading up to the because I was so young I can't moment was torture, because we remember the exact time, or how had no idea what was about to long the abuse occurred. I do, take place. After gaining the however, remember vivid details courage to talk to our mom, she of what happened, what I had on, believed us as we knew she would. and where it happened. This is a But then we decided to confront memory that I will never forget. our abuser. Of course we had no
after 30 years of carrying his guilt and shame, he had the nerve to call us liars. What a devastating blow. Knowing that my sister and I were telling the truth, it turned into our word against his. Even though I knew this was definitely a possibility, just hearing the word liar was horrifying.
Like many survivors we kept this secret hidden for years. In actuality, we kept it "hidden" from each other. Growing up we never discussed anything that happened. There was, however, an understanding of what went on, although nothing was exchanged verbally. The first question that is always asked is, "Why did you wait so long to say something?" If you are reading this and have gone through sexual abuse, then you understand. I don't think it is something you can explain. There is an underlining shame, fear of disappointing other family members, and partly to protect the abuser. I had so many thoughts of other people. How would my mother react to this news? I didn't want to hurt her. What about the family? Everyone is going to blame idea what would be said, but at us for telling this story. People will It was not at all an easy decision to this point there was no turning tell anyone. What really made me back. I felt like I had made a huge call us liars, and say we made this speak up was a story that we mistake by even bringing all of this entire thing up. What about the studied at a Tuesday night bible up, and maybe it was better when I immediate family of the abuser? study. It was the story about kept silent. Deep down I knew that This will be devastating to them. Tamar, and how she was raped by was far from the truth. When the The thoughts would go on and on. You think about everybody else but her brother Amnon. After Tamar phone call was finally made, and you. 7
