6 minute read
How to Talk to Online Friends in Real Life
By Gabriella Cafarelli (Advertising and Marketing Communications ‘23) Illustrations by Danielle Balce
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Knock knock. “May I borrow a cup of sugar?” Or maybe, “Excuse me, I love your sweater!” will work better.
Starting a conversation, in general, is not always easy. Especially postpandemic, our social skills may be a tad rusty.
Now that the Fashion Institute of Technology has returned to campus and in-person classes, students are adjusting to getting to physical classes on time, the rush hour of the dining hall, crowded seating in the breezeway, and having conversations face-to-face. This means no more leaving someone left on delivered for days, or hiding behind a turned off Zoom camera, or saying “Sorry, just seeing this now!” even though you have been stalking Timothee Chalamet’s Instagram for 3 hours and muted the notification of their text.
It’s back to raw, awkward, butterflies in stomach, which-eye-do-I-look-into, conversations. I’ve had a few of those conversations myself just in the first month at school. I had just finished shoving my clothes into the washing machine, mixing darks with lights of course, and was patiently waiting for the elevator. I glanced over to the person next to me, also patiently waiting, and I realized that I recognized him from my past online classes.
“Hey!” I said, probably a bit too quietly since my mask muffles my voice. No response.
“Hey (insert name)!” I said louder, and probably too loud because
I startled him.
“Oh...hey,” he responded.
There was confusion in his voice and a blank stare behind his eyes.
He turned away immediately, rather to stare at the elevator door.
“How was your move in?” I asked, trying to make him engage in the conversation.
I was awarded another dry response.
Maybe he doesn’t recognize me, I thought. Or maybe he doesn’t like me? Or he doesn’t want to talk? Or maybe he had a bad day?
I pestered myself with questions while we stood in deafening silence in the elevator. That was the longest elevator ride to the second floor.
He scurried out of the elevator, probably to escape any more conversation with me, and I was left feeling like I said something wrong.
But, I realized I hadn’t.
The transition to living on campus and seeing peers again after over a year online is big. No one is sure if they should say hi to someone they recognize, or compliment someone’s outfit, or just start a conversation with a stranger. Some aren’t even sure who is talking to them with the disguise of the face mask. This is even more prominent with students who are on campus for the first time. Many students started their college career fully online, without ever attending a physical class. So making friends can be more of a challenge, and require more effort.
It feels like everyone is simultaneously googling “How to talk to my friend from online class without being awkward” or researching the best ways to say hi to someone without looking weird. That’s why everyone is staring at their phones instead of talking to each other right? All jokes aside, there is a socialization gap. According to BBC Work Life’s “Why We May Have to Re-learn to Socialise,” all of us are going through the same thing and “we’ve been forced to be asocial, at least in physical terms, for a year now. As a result, many are finding that any in-person social interaction is awkward – it feels like we have to re-learn how to sit in a room with another human.”
However, let’s say we really do look up some advice for making conversation; the Buzzfeed articles and bloggers just aren’t getting it right. While I agree with Leslie Horn’s point in her piece “How to Meet an Online Friend in Real Life Without It Being Awkward” for Gizmodo, to bring a friend for support, the buddy system doesn’t always work. You won’t always have a moral support human with you, and sometimes bringing a friend just makes it double awkward because now you have to introduce them, too.
“19 Conversation Tips For The Awkward” by Tabir Akhter for Buzzfeed is not much help either. Resorting to bringing up the weather when the conversation gets silent is bad comedy movie gold, and making up words when you’re feeling flustered is just going to make the conversation more confusing. So, I’ve used the bad online advice, my personal anecdotes, and stories from others to make a short guide to having a minimally awkward conversation.
The first step: put in the effort.
As much as we really don’t want to be the one to say something first, we have to get over ourselves. The other person is probably trying to convince themselves to say something too, so just do it.
“The transition from online to in person was honestly really exciting,” said Meredyth Feit (Fashion Business Management,‘24). “I had to be intentional last year with keeping up a friendship because it’s so easy to not text someone or not call someone and sometimes it was exhausting. But in a weird way, I think that’s helped my transition”.
Feit is right, be intentional.
Step 2: talk to them like you will see them tomorrow.
Chances are you will run into them again. Make the conversation count so that you have something to refer back to the next time you see them. Then you can lead with, “Hey, how did your math test go?” or “Did you end up getting the coffee stain out of your favorite white overalls?”
The third, and final step, it’s not that deep.
Remind yourself that you will probably not remember this conversation in a year and we hold extremely high expectations for ourselves.
“The transition from online to in person classes was very different and unexpected since I’ve never been on campus before,” said Keily Guerra (Cosmetics and Fragrance Marketing, ‘23). “I almost had this huge expectation that I was going to make lots of friends but it didn’t happen right away.”
The pressure of making friends fast and being on campus for the first time in a while, or first time ever, can easily inhabit a good conversation. It will take time, but the time is worth it. While the stress of saying hello to an online peer, or working in groups in person for class, or making small talk in the hallway can be challenging, remind yourself of the excitement of being back on campus.
After online school for over a year and months of poor connection and technologically challenged professors, it’s back to chest-hurting laughter in the dining hall, that “did you hear that?” glance to your friend in class, and people watching in the Dubinsky 5th floor window.
So, say hi to your friend from online class, ask the girl in the elevator where she got her purse, and go ask your neighbor for a cup of sugar.
