On The Fly

By Abigail Zwirecki (Advertising and Marketing Communications ‘24)

New York City in and of itself is one of the most over-romanticized sites I’ve ever witnessed. After watching countless movies where the guy wants the one girl and the sole girl only, out of the millions of other girls in NYC, I’ve realized it’s not quite as it seems. People here have things to do, calls to make and trains to catch. This fast-paced whirl-wind of a city is definitely difficult to go about finding love. The thing is, we shouldn’t even be looking for it. That’s what makes these movies different. Characters aren’t searching, but they’re discovering love “along the way.” They’re discovering with no premonition and without even asking for it.

There is also a huge difference between finding love in classic romance movies versus finding love in today’s world. Dating apps like Tinder create this toxic notion of “selling yourself” in which you are basically putting yourself up for “auction” on the basis of your looks. I also think, especially after the rise of COVID, we all as a generation have had quite a difficult time with in-person verbal communication. Back then, you had to actually get to know each other face-to-face. People never had the chance to prepare their smart sentences and witty pick-up lines like we do now. It was on-the-fly. One’s actions and words were authentic with virtually no help from a friend to perfect a text sent to someone you’re interested in.

Dating apps also inherit racist qualities. According to Rolling Stone, apps like Grindr removed “ethnicity filters” after the brutal murder of George Floyd in solidarity of the Black Lives Matter Movement. This makes anyone question why the app had the filters on in the first place. Unfortunately, doing this changes nothing in that people will undoubtedly still swipe on the preferred race they desire, which harms certain groups of people. A study by Cornell researchers claims, “Black men and women are 10 times more likely to message whites than white people are to message Black people. Letting users search, sort and filter potential partners by race not only allows people to easily act on discriminatory preferences, it stops them from connecting with partners they may not have realized they’d like”.

I took a week to explore the city and its “ambiance,” visiting spots where famous romance movies were filmed. I first visited the renowned Tiffany & Co. where part of the classic “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” starring Audrey Hepburn was filmed. Holly, played by Hepburn, meets a man, Paul, who moves into her apartment complex and, over time, ends up falling in love. They weren’t looking for each other, they rather discovered one another. And that’s the way love should be.

For many single FIT students, Tinder and other dating apps like Bumble and Hinge are their first resort. Ask anyone here, most people own these applications. Plus, the majority of students attending FIT are, in fact, women. Could this affect straight women in turning to dating apps? Could this affect straight men in feeling overwhelmed by the vast majority of women seeking them? Could it give these men the upper hand because they are so “limited” to straight women? This in turn, leads to more straight women at FIT to turn to various dating apps outlets. Many long for impulsive and immediate pleasure with no commitment, no strings attached. I asked a friend, Emily Chibnik (TSD ‘24) about her thoughts on dating apps. She states that, “after continuous swiping and super-liking one becomes numb, because in reality, no one really sees 100+ men or women in one night”.

Things should happen spontaneously. For instance, take the movie “When Harry Met Sally,” the enemies, to friends, to lovers trope. Harry hitched a ride with Sally bickering the whole way, and later ended up in love. I asked a few students (anonymously) here at FIT if finding love here is “like the movies”. Most told me their “situationship” ended up being a hookup, fail or just a bad date. Not many have the ability to commit and keep up. But for a select few who are in a long-term relationship, have met their significant others in a coincidental way, like the movies.

Maybe it is true, we need to get our heads out of our phones and create real relationships. Maybe we should stop searching for love and start letting love find us. New York City is filled with thousands of people each day experiencing coincidences. Maybe walk to class with the person you were in the elevator with, or compliment the girl next to you in class with epic shoes. We should experience moments and turn our coincidences into something more. It should happen on-the-fly.

Illustrations by Stephen Campanella