The Wake - Bizarro - Spring 2022 by The Wake Magazine

The Wake

The Mommy Issue

live. laugh. love.

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The Mommy Issue

allocating these funds that our work matters, both to contributors and readers.

Production

Editorial Editor-in-Chief

Marley Richmond

Executive Director

Esther Chan

Managing Editor

Jemma Keleher

Creative Director

Chae Hong

Cities Editor

Ian Knoll

Finance Manager

Erin Krotz

Voices Editor

Mitchell Levesque

PR/Ad Manager

Hannah Lundquist

Online Editor

Na’Jai Wilson

Social Media Manager

Skylar Neuber

Copy Editors

Autumn Sanders

Art Director

Megan Bormann

Peter Nomeland

Web Manager

Natalie Bluhm

Music Reviews Editor

Tosin Faseemo

Distribution Manager

Shannon Brault

Multimedia Editors

Natalie Aue

Distribution Assistant

Emily Baude

Cecilia Herold

Designers

Gavin Schuster

Multimedia Producer

Noah Berghammer

Makenna Larson Zoë Foster

Editorial Interns: Holly Gilvary, Marie Ronnander,

Production Interns: Patrick Gagnon, Gracie Kibort,

Srihita Raju, Nina Afremov, Carly Quast, Veroninca

Renee Mottet Art Interns: Madison Kuehn, Natalie

Nowakowski, Anika Wilsnack, Erica Bouska Music and

Yang, Katka Trachtova

Review Interns: Avery Wageman, Griffin Jacobs

This Issue

About The Wake

Writers

Ariana Nguyen, Hannah Lundquist, Harriet Bennett, Max Pritchard, Lydia Tallarini, Kinga Mozes, Beatrice

Established in 2002, The Wake is a fortnightly independent

Handlin, Griffin Jacobs, Stella Mehlhoff, Marie

magazine and registered student organization produced by

Ronnander, Jack O’Connor, Nina Afremov, Jemma

and for students at the University of Minnesota. The Wake was

Keleher, Carly Quast, Sanjali, Shannon Brault,

founded by Chrin Ruen and James DeLong. Disclaimer: The

Anthony Vystoropski, Grace Kibort, Jun Lin

purpose of The Wake is to provide a forum in which students can voice their opinions. Opinions expressed in the magazine

Art

are not representative of the publication or university as a

1 Megan Bormann, 2 Natalie Yang,

whole. To join the conversation email eic@wakemag.org.

3 Zoe Hoornbeek, 4 Katka Trachtova The Wake Student Magazine

Cover and Feature art by Madison Kuehn

126 Coffman Memorial Union 300 Washington Avenue SE

“Mommy Issues”, “A Mom’s Review of Lady Bird” images from original sources.

Minneapolis, MN 55455

Mom

Texts from Mom

Can you call me please? I have a question about potato salad Mom

I remember reading Dracula in college and writing a paper about the metaphors of oral sex in that book. Just saying. Will keep you advised on what I find. So far I have written in my book 'is Dracula gay?????? Bi I think.

Mom

Question for Alicia's sake. Let's say there is a lamb chop and its all still connected. Do you cut through the bone?

So you have a bone in lamb chop? As opposed to a boneless chop? Bone in. Alicia is hacking away at it. Why She wants it in separate pieces. Well good luck to the both of you.

Mom

How are you mom?

I don't want to work. I just want to vibe to Adele.

Inside

Upcoming Events

The Art of Reparenting

1/26 @ 6–8:30PM

1/28 @ 7:30PM

The Flaws in Maternity Leave in the US

Juxtaposition winter art

Northrop Presents: Dance Theatre of Harlem

Mom Facebook Damage Control

Apprentices from Juxtaposition Arts (a

Created in recognition of the 400th anniversary

teen-staffed art and design center) present

of the arrival of enslaved Africans to Virginia,

a series of animated winters, projected

the world famous Dance Theatre of Harlem

onto NE Minneapolis’s Highlight Tower. Stay

brings a mix of classic and contemporary to the

tuned for more show locations!

University of Minnesota.

807 Broadway St NE

Northrop

1/29 @ 9AM–5PM

1/30 @ 8PM

Saintly City Cat Club Annual Championship Cat Show

STRFKR @ FIRST AVE

From Westminster to the Puppy Bowl, you’ve

Portland based STRFKR (who’s proper pro-

likely seen your fair share of dog compe-

nunciation I’ll leave up to the reader) brings

titions, but what about a cat show? If this

their uniquely melodic synth-pop sound to

fluffy change of pace sounds right for you,

Minneapolis, this time in support of their latest

join the Saintly City Cat Club and up to 26

album: the more subdued, entirely instrumental

Best Advice I’ve Ever Gotten From My Mom

different breeds judged in four classes for

Ambient 1.

Mother-Son Relationships

175 W. Kellogg Blvd

Letter From The Mom Friend

2/4 @ 7 - 9PM

Food, Questions, and Mom Interview with a Mom-to-Be

Laugh Reviews

The Real Housewives of The Twin Cities

20 21

An Ode to Craft Stores

a fine day of ferocious feline feuding at the Roy Wilkins Auditorium!

701 N 1st Ave

Star Party: In-Person at the Bell The University of Minnesota’s own Bell Museum returns with its in-person planetarium shows this February! Come view some out of this world sights through the roof deck telescopes, or get a sneak peek at Bell’s newly produced planetarium show inside! 2088 Larpenteur Avenue W

Letter from your mom Hey kiddo! You haven’t called your mother in a while. Are you doing alright? How is it up in the Twin Cities? I hope you are settling into this new semester. Are you sleeping okay? It is probably a good time to wash the sheets on your bed. Fresh year, fresh start. New year, new you. I had a dream you got in a fight with your roommates. Is everything okay with them? My dreams are often correct so whatever is going on between you guys, I think you should be the bigger person and clear the air. Do you remember that soup you said you liked that one time three years ago? I’m sending a frozen container of that back up to school with you next time you are home. Anyways kid, I love you. Take care. Stay warm! Hugs, Your mom P.S. Are you wearing a hat when you are outside? I found the one grandma got you here at home and I saw that the weather is going to be rough these next couple of weeks. You know what they say about losing the heat from your head. I don’t want your ears freezing.

Live

The First Red Flag The subconscious truth your child isn’t telling you

By Ariana Nguyen There’s no better feeling than returning to an empty home after dropping your child off at college, but your job as a mother doesn’t end there. At the end of every semester, your child’s new appearance will tell you everything they won’t, and it’s as simple as asking, “When was the last time you got a haircut?” As a mother of one, I’m highly qualified to offer advice for any scenario. If your child comes home with a brand new haircut, know it’s a perfectly natural consequence all birds experience when leaving the nest. Without you around, your child will feel emboldened to make their own decisions, but one day, they’ll realize you’ve always had their best interests in mind. Let them know this fact in order to steer them in the right direction. But if your child has the same haircut, they must have visited a salon— hair grows three inches per fortnight after all! Every hairstylist isn’t created equal, and it’s likely they cut off a quarter of an inch too much, or worse, too little. Your child is attempting to live independently by making their own hair appointments, but they’re struggling. Offering unsolicited advice will remind them that you’re always there to help. And if there’s no haircut at all? Their growing hair is a reflection of their growing worries! Inquire extensively about their academics, social life, and the state of their dorm. Don’t be afraid to get critical! Every little detail is a sign of something bigger! Now that you understand what these first impressions can offer, this technique can be used to analyze other aspects of your child’s appearance. Was your child wearing too few layers this winter break? There’s a reason!

THE WAKE

Live

The Art of Reparenting A brief look into inner child healing By Hannah Lundquist As we approach the leveling out of the pandemic, I have been reflecting on some social media trends. Specifically, I have been paying attention to the therapy movement on social media, led by psychologists, therapists, and those sharing their experiences throughout their mental health journeys. In this therapy movement, there has been a large emphasis on healing the inner child and tips and tricks on how to reparent yourself. Healing your inner child and reparenting yourself are important work, both in and out of therapy. They can address childhood wounds and allow you to rework problems and challenges you faced in younger years. Key signs that reparenting and inner child work are necessary can be growing up in an emotionally invalidating environment or experiencing things like neglect and abuse. However, you don’t need to have had a traumatic childhood to feel the need to heal your inner child. Reparenting and healing your inner child are for everyone. It is hard for any parental figure to meet all of the needs of their children or those they are responsible for. While trauma can intensify the need for healing, it is not a requirement for those wanting to do this type of work on themselves. Typically, when your needs are not met as a child, you will either learn to fill those needs yourself or fill them elsewhere as you get

older. Trying to fill these needs elsewhere can be challenging and can lead to unhealthy partnerships or dependence on others. This is where seeing someone such as a therapist or psychologist can be helpful. During these last few years, I started taking a deeper look at my relationships, particularly at the beginning of the pandemic. I found myself questioning why I had past partnerships and friendships that seemed to end abruptly and why I felt like my world was ending when this occurred. I came to the conclusion that most of my problems stemmed from me looking for things in others that they could not give me. Through therapy, I found a pattern that occurred in all of my relationships that was related to my childhood. I tended to look for things that I was missing as a child. This led to me becoming emotionally attached and dependent on other people. This was dangerous for me because I would depend on other people to meet my needs, and depending on another person to meet your needs will result in hurt, as no one can meet all of your needs.

wanted to have relationships end due to an inner child wound on my part, and I have found that through therapy, I am able to have my feelings validated while feeling the support that I missed at times throughout my childhood. In therapy, I am able to work on healing my inner child, which has allowed me to implement reparenting into my own life. I repeat phrases and words that I needed to hear as a child, do my best to meet my own needs, and set boundaries in new partnerships and friendships to lessen my dependence on them. This work is done inside and outside of therapy and has been extremely beneficial in navigating new relationships and friendships. The pandemic gave me an opportunity to sit with my thoughts, reflect, and seek out the help that I needed. By continuing to reparent myself and heal my inner child, I am headed down a path of healthy healing and healthy relationships, and that is truly a beautiful feeling.

Unintentionally, I had been seeking out what I desperately needed and yearned for as a child, and that was emotional validation and stability. I was willing to go to great lengths to receive this from others, as I wasn’t sure how else to meet my needs. This is where therapy became life changing for me. I no longer

JANUARY 24 – FEBRUARY 6

Live

The Flaws in Maternity Leave in the US

The issues surrounding maternity leave in the US, how it compares to other countries, and the effects it has on mother and child By Harriet Bennett Compared to other wealthy countries, the US is very far behind in terms of maternity leave. While the US offers zero weeks of paid maternity leave, the UK offers 52, Japan 52 or more, Sweden 68, and Estonia 82 or more. That is more than a year and a half of paid maternity leave for Estonians.

than in other wealthy countries, having never had paid maternity leave. It hasn’t changed since 1993, when Clinton signed the Family and Medical Leave Act, which offers 12 weeks of unpaid leave to care for newborns or ill family members. Within this act lie other issues: this unpaid leave is not available to 40% of US workers.

The decades-old notion of the American Dream could contribute to how bad maternity leave is in the US—the idea that people need to work for everything they have and want instead of being given money. But maternity leave doesn’t seem like something that people should have to work for. A shorter maternity leave has negative effects on both the mother and child.

Though the 12 weeks that Americans are offered give them job security, many of those who are eligible for leave do not take it because they can’t afford to take 12 weeks off of work without pay. Not to mention the cost of having a child, which is just under $13,000 annually for a middle-income two-child household. California, New Jersey, and Rhode Island require paid family leave, but are the only states in the US to do so. This means that 14% of Americans have access to paid family leave. There was an alternative House proposal for paid leave which would allow parents to make a savings account that would be used to care for the child and that they wouldn’t have to pay taxes on. The money in the account would be used when they went on parental leave. A similar proposal was made in Minnesota, but so far nothing has come of it.

For example, a study done by the Society for Research in Child Development found that shorter leaves resulted in “lower levels of maternal sensitivity and increased negative affect during interactions with the child.” Another study done at Fordham University found a link between maternity leave and attachment: infants whose mothers did not take maternity leave had more separation anxiety. Other studies have found that shorter maternity leaves can lead to poorer health and increased depression and that mothers who took longer maternity leave were at a lower risk for violence exhibited from their partners. Maternity leave in the US has always been worse

THE WAKE

12 weeks of paid leave at a minimum twothirds salary, with a minimum of $4000 a month. This act would extend to those who are on maternity leave, those who are caring for a family member, those who are battling a serious illness, those whose loved ones have been deployed by the military, those who are mourning the loss of a loved one, and those who are recovering from domestic violence or sexual assault. This act was introduced to the House in 2019 but has not been passed. The new act would be a huge step in the right direction. Even if only four of the 12 weeks are paid, it would make a big difference in the health and well being of 14% of American families. But more needs to be done. To really address the problem surrounding maternity leave, all families need to be covered, and they would need more time for maternity leave to really make a difference.

Recently, the Biden administration has proposed paid maternity leave for 12 weeks. Some lawmakers have tried to reduce it to four weeks, but we will have to wait and see if it passes at all. This new act would guarantee

Live

Mom Facebook Damage Control

A guide on how to avoid a mominduced social media catastrophe By Max Pritchard Social media has plenty of flaws. From spreading misinformation to causing FOMO, it’s hard to ignore the number of ways that social media platforms can do us harm. Some of these threats are so severe that they make us forget another danger hiding in plain sight: Facebook moms. No matter your age, if you have a mother using Facebook, you know what I’m talking about. There’s a certain fear that goes with seeing that your mom has posted on the site—very often, her posts will be related to you, and they are generally as embarrassing as possible. Fortunately, I have written a handy little guide on how to perform damage control on Facebook posts from your mom or a mother figure. You’re welcome! The first step, and the most important thing you can do to combat this threat, is to turn on notifications for your mother’s account. This will allow you to respond to any incident in a timely and efficient manner before a Mom Post spreads and can no longer be contained. The second step depends entirely on the nature of the post, but I have some recommendations for the most common varieties. A common variety is the embarrassing childhood picture. However, I would argue that there are no negative consequences for a picture taken up to a certain age, generally before the teenage years. There’s no need to worry about looks—you’ll either receive compliments for being a good-looking young child or for your development, “glow-up,” or “how much you’ve changed.” Either way, you’ll get a nice ego boost. The same goes for images of you performing certain activities— you will either be praised for your talents as a remarkable young prodigy or for your ability

to develop previously nonexistent skills. In this case, there’s no such thing as bad press. What you really need to be concerned about are recent embarrassing photos. Moms love to take pictures and record as many moments of their family’s lives as possible. In doing so, it’s likely that they will, at some point, capture you either looking your worst, in an unflattering pose, or partaking in some activity that you’d rather the rest of the world didn’t know about. In this case, I find that recontextualization can be very helpful. If a picture of you in a grimy and unkempt outfit is shared, for example, you can comment about how much you enjoyed the family’s hike through a local swamp. By reframing the context of the image, you can make it seem far less humiliating. If you’re good enough, you can even make it seem cool. Another variety of the Mom Post is the extremely specific rant. Many mothers are not afraid to hold back their feelings about their family’s personal lives. This is great, except for when they decide to bash your band instructor, decry your basketball coach as an incompetent fraud, or reveal the family’s latest conflict. The first two can be especially problematic, as they could damage important relationships that may never again be healed. For these, I advise utilizing a specific form of an aforementioned strategy: Pop Culture Recontextualization. Here’s an example: if your mom posts something akin to: Basketball has really gone downhill these days. For Nick to not even realize that my girl is good enough to get into the starting team… just shows how little he knows! You can respond with:

“Big Shot” really is in decline. Nick should be starting your girl (your nickname for Louise, your favorite character, of course). With this method, you carefully imply that your mom is actually mad about something happening in a television show, book, or film. The more obscure the better, as this will ensure that nobody reading the post will know that you’re making everything up. Of course, if the post does match with an actual media property (complaining about a soccer coach called “Ted,” for example), then you’ll have a home-run damage control success on your hands. The third variety is the political post—sharing an article (or, worse, an original political thought) that doesn’t quite belong in the 21st century. This category is least directly tied to the mom’s children, yet it does have a number of potentially damaging consequences. Chief among these is the fear that others will begin to assume your entire family shares these beliefs. To prevent this, it is handy to have a template rebuttal on hand, possibly written in the style of a Head of Communications at some large corporation whose CEO has just tweeted something insane. Feel free to use the following if you don’t wish to write your own: The (insert last name) family acknowledges the remarks made by (insert mom’s first name) and would like to assure all (insert last name) acquaintances that her opinions do not reflect the views of the family. Thank you for your patience and understanding. If the post is so unbelievably unjustifiable that you absolutely cannot allow your mother to be associated with it, I recommend adding the following comment to the post:

You’re right, mom, the television program

JANUARY 24 – FEBRUARY 6

Live

Food, Questions, and Mom

Becoming my mother through cooking

By Lydia Tallarini Apologies, everyone, my mom’s Facebook account has been hacked. Sorry for anything that you see posted in the next few hours, hopefully we’ll have it fixed soon! That strategy brings me nicely to my final piece of political post advice—the eleventh-hour strategy, the last resort, the Hail Mary throw. If in doubt, you can always create a fake account where you pretend to be your mom. You should have enough photos of her to accurately create a profile that could feasibly have been made by her (and you can always take more photos if you don’t have enough). You can copy all of the biographical information from her existing account. “Friend” as many of her friends as possible, and the job should be done. At best, you’ll convince people that you’re the real deal, and at worst, you’ll confuse everyone so much that neither of the profiles will be taken seriously, which is still a win. The third step in dealing with these posts is as follows: you can remember that while some Mom Posts are created to generate clout (for lack of a better word) among fellow moms, and others are an excuse for moms to live vicariously through their children, most Mom Posts are created out of love. They’re created because moms are proud of their children and want to share their accomplishments or because they take such delight in their offspring’s existence that they post about ordinary moments in their lives. Keep in mind that there are many people who don’t have Mom Posts to worry about. As stressful as they can be, it’s important to remember that they can also be something worth treasuring.

THE WAKE

One of the hardest transitions to college life has been changing my expectations about food. The first day I had lunch here—during Welcome Week, at Middlebrook—I was confused. I hadn’t been to a dining hall or cafeteria for more than a year. I chose the sloppy joes and instantly regretted it. They were vegan, something I hadn’t seen until putting them on my plate, so it was time for a culinary adventure. Ever since I was little and got my own pink icing to frost cookies with, I’ve loved helping my mom with cooking. She’s a wonderful cook and a proponent of learning by doing—which is how I absorbed some of her kitchen skills and outlook on life. She’s never been slow to say when something’s not being done right, but her criticisms only reveal her high standards when caring for others. Still, some judgments come out a little harsh, from both of us. The “Why did she use salted butter?” incident comes to mind, as do countless other times when we’ve questioned the culinary choices of family, friends, food bloggers, and professional chefs (I think we would both be eliminated from “Hell’s Kitchen” early on). And it doesn’t just apply to food— books, movies, etc. It’s worth asking why. So after I’d gotten more food and a glass of water, I tried the sloppy joes. The combination of seasoning and texture was unexpected to one who hasn’t eaten much vegan food. My reaction could be summed up in one question my mom and I have often asked each other: “Just . . . why?” As I pretended to enjoy my meal, I realized that I was becoming my mother. It wasn’t a very sudden realization—not like the times I’ve found myself saying her usual phrases. This was different. I didn’t say anything, just ate and thought. In that moment, I saw that my way of approaching the world had become very similar to hers, and it started with food.

Laugh

Interview with a Mom-to-Be Daisy Hopkins is a local artist, dancer, and activist in Minneapolis Minnesota. She is due to have her baby in February and is excited to start a new chapter both in her art and in her life with her baby girl. By Kinga Mozes

: How do you balance being an artist with your future responsibilities of being a mother? Daisy: Dance is my passion, so that makes it a responsibility, but I’m bringing a human life into the world so that’s going to be my top priority. It’ll be different, though, when she does get here. We’ll be dancing together. I can already tell she’ll be a dancer.

: So do you think your kid will be an artist? D: Definitely. She’s in my soul, in my body. It’s inevitable. Even if it’s not her main priority like mine, I know she’ll still enjoy it to an extent.

: How important is art for the youth in general? What impact does it have? D: I think dance could save the future. What’s really messed up about this world right now is mental health and mindset. People can’t trust each other because they don’t trust themselves. People bash art like it’s not necessary to society when it really is. Making their day better while they’re doing their job.

: How do you think being a mother will change you as an artist? D: It’s going to make me better. Because I’m going to push harder. I’m going to want to be an example for my daughter that you have to work extremely hard to get to where you want to be. That’s what I really want to show her, be an example to her.

: Where do you see yourself in ten years? D: Out of Minnesota… I don’t know, I haven’t really thought about it. I

see myself out of this country whether living or traveling. And settled with a basis in my life because personally, I just want that basis in my life. I want that foundation that no matter what I do or where I go in this world, I’ll always have this. Just living my best life, I don’t want to map it out or stop myself from doing something greater than my expectations will be. It just helps me feel more secure. I want to be busy.

: Where do you get your inspiration from? D: It would have to be my mom. I love how she carries herself, even though we’re clearly different. She’s dope but she has that traditional mentality, yet she’s so strong and wise.

: How important is your identity as a woman to you? D: I’ve really been thinking about that. Funny how the universe works. It’s like everything. And I underestimate that sometimes. But there’s such beauty in it. I feel my masculine and my feminine everyday, even though I don’t have those non-binary labels. But for me feminine is the center of everything for me. Although, labels in general I don’t love. Let people live their life and be who they want to be. And that’s the beauty in life: everyone reacts to different things in life in different ways. And ego is a big part of it. It’s the norm to be focused just on you but hopefully it changes sometime. But I’m hopeful for our generation. When we have kids, I just feel like the way we’re going to raise our kids to be so healthy.

: Is there anything else you want to share? D: I am an artist which means I need love and support. So my instagram is @morphdae. Stand for something or fall for anything. That’s my closing statement.

JANUARY 24 – FEBRUARY 6

Laugh

THE WAKE

Laugh

Mommy Issues The problem with Martha and motherhood in “Batman v Superman”

By Beatrice Handlin I once wasted 2 1/2 hours of my life watching Zack Snyder’s “Batman v Superman.” If you haven’t seen it yet, don’t bother. It is a dreadfully boring film filled with toxic hypermasculine posturing, bland greyscale scene filters, and inaudible dialogue. From there, the film goes from bad to cringe when it attempts to use motherhood as proof of the titular characters’ humanity. Fade into a rainy night: Batman is pointing a spear of kryptonite (Superman’s weakness) at his throat. He utters, “You were never a god... you were never even a man,” and goes in for the kill. Superman says, “You’re letting him [Lex Luthor] kill Martha.” Batman freezes, asking, “Why did you say that name?” As Batman is on the verge of killing the Man of Steel, he realizes that their mothers share the same name, Martha, and decides not to kill him based upon this. Batman’s homicidal rage is defeated by name-dropping his mom in an attempt to prove our mothers bring out our humanity. Seriously. This could work as a plot point if it were not so rushed and hedged in awkwardly. It feels too little too late as Batman isn’t going to reconsider Superman’s humanity while he is killing him. His change of heart doesn’t make sense and feels like a disservice to both mothers who lack agency in the movie, one being dead and one being a poorly used plot device.

A Mom’s Review of Lady Bird “Lady Bird” examines the motherdaughter relationship and the difficulties of letting go

By Griffin Jacobs “Lady Bird” is a film that centers around a teen girl’s senior year of high school, navigating dating and friendships, and performing in the school musical. Though the film’s focus is Lady Bird’s coming of age story, one of the most powerful aspects of the film is the depiction of her relationship with her mother, Marion. “Lady Bird” captures how difficult it is to watch our kids grow up and become defiant of who we want them to be or who we think they are. This film encourages us to ask the question: When do we have to let go and accept that our children are growing into their own independent beings? It’s obvious how Marion struggles to accept that Lady Bird has grown up and is moving on with her own life, her own journey. This concludes the film with another question of whether Marion will allow the fear and anger she has directed towards her daughter to impair their relationship. While the film portrays an honest relationship between mother and young-adult daughter, it must be understood that Marion is emotionally abusive to Lady Bird despite acknowledging the abuse she suffered from her mother. In this sense, “Lady Bird” touches on the cycles of trauma that manifest in some families. Though everyone will not be able to relate to Lady Bird and Marion’s mother-daughter relationship, I think an important takeaway for any mother or parent is acknowledging when we project our own insecurities.

A Mom’s Review of The Great British Bakeoff A wholesome, delicious, and inspiring reality TV masterpiece

By Stella Mehlhoff There is nothing I love more than this TV show. It’s a little unhealthy. But after a long day of work, followed by placating PTA moms, followed by making dinner, followed by helping my kids with their homework, followed by being my husband’s only emotional support (because men are helpless), it’s really very soothing. I mean, what could be better than watching wholesome people with lovely accents make delicious desserts that are actually beautiful?! Plus, I’ll admit, while my dedication to the show doesn’t rely on it, I do have intense crushes on the baking dads. I’m head over heels for those scones that you made with basil harvested from your garden, Ian! Please make as many sexual innuendos about your sticky pudding as possible. Too far? Never mind, I’m not ashamed. And, if the hour-long episode wasn’t enough to soothe your soul and revive your faith in humanity, the enjoyment of this reality tv masterpiece can bleed into your everyday life too. Now, whenever I cook or bake, I set myself a timer, and I talk to myself in a British accent. Very fun, very intense. Sometimes my daughter asks me if she can help with the cookies, and I’m like, “NO SWEETIE, IF I DON’T GET THIS TECHNICAL RIGHT, THEY’LL SEND ME HOME.” She just backs away slowly in fear, but I know that the appreciation of fine baking she gains from my twelve perfectly uniform banana muffins is worth it.

JANUARY 24 – FEBRUARY 6

Laugh 1

My PTA Meeting

A Few of my Mom’s Favorite Things

Nothing important ever gets done

My mother’s obsessions and how I’ve suffered through them all

By Marie Ronnander

By Jack O'Connor

As a proud momma bear of two at Young Learner’s Elementary, I feel as though I have a right to be heard—possibly even more so than a snooty single-child parent. However, at the recent Parent-Teacher Association meeting held on Thursday night, I was slighted, to say the least.

I have been the son to a mother for 18 years, and in this time I have learned exactly what my mother is obsessed with. With this in mind, I will do my best to give my level of understanding on my mother’s favorite things.

TJ and AJ may only be kindergarteners, but the elementary environment is highly crucial to their future careers. Where are the congressmen’s interviews? Why do my children not understand why we should tax the rich? How will my babies get into the Ivy League when they aren’t even being taught cursive? To each critical question, I was met with blank stares. Instead, we munched cheese cubes while Kelly talked about banning carbs for the upcoming bake sale. If I hear “Keto is the Key-to living” one more time, I am going to pour sugar straight into that woman’s coffee. Secondly, I believe we should be doing a Kidz Bop concert: PG and catchy, the perfect combo for our kiddos. Oh! And the president! This man cannot lead a meeting for his life. He fully stood in front of the room telling “your mom” jokes and was met with a singularly uncomfortable cough. He then proceeded to use a PowerPoint to address bullying, with my favorite slide being “why kids shouldn’t kick other kids.” I am disappointed, to say the very least, and will be working hard to reform this lax PTA board.

THE WAKE

1. English Royalty Never in my life have I wished to learn about the English Royal Family, yet thanks to my mother, I’ve sat through hundreds of conversations about this family, their drama, and my mother’s opinions of it all. For starters, the Meghan and Harry drama. According to my mom, she was “really ahead of the curve” when it came to knowing the true intentions of Meghan. In her eyes, Meghan is using Harry for the spotlight and that she is the true culprit behind a majority of the Royal family’s issues. Harry and Meghan also constantly lie to the press to hurt the reputation of the family. Is all this true, or is my mother’s English heritage causing some bias on her part? I have no idea, but when I return home, I’m certain she’ll update me on the newest gossip. 2. Watching the same movie repeatedly for a week straight From Hallmark movies to unfunny 2000s family comedies, my mom has spent much of her life binge-watching random films regardless of quality. Here is a very brief summary of my torturous experiences with different movies.

I can safely say that I’ve seen Ramona and Beezus at least 20 times. This was one of the earliest films I recall my mom binge-watching. For those unaware, most of the plot can be summarized as: older sister Beezus is continually annoyed by her younger sister Ramona due to how Ramona causes nearly every single problem. Within about a week, Ramona catches the kitchen on fire, ruins the family car, repeatedly embarrasses her older sister, and runs away. To this day, I despise Ramona. My mom has played enough Hallmark Christmas films to the point where I don’t know the difference between them all. There was the one where a widowed family man and a businesswoman inherited the same property. She wants to sell it, and he wants to keep it, and surprise, they fall in love. I remember watching one where a reporter hates Christmas, goes to a small Christmas town, and falls in love with some dude there. Most recently, there was the one where a woman inherits a Christmas tree farm and plans to sell it before falling in love with a local man and his daughter. The amount of these Hallmark films I was forced to see as a child has to be considered some kind of traumatic experience. While I can’t deny that these obsessions have annoyed me greatly, at the end of the day, these obsessions are what makes my mom my mom.

Creative Submission

The Mom Touch A poem dedicated to moms and the strange power they have to make everything seem okay

By Stella Mehlhoff when i went home last weekend, i lost my keys i searched everywhere for them, sticking my hands in couch cushions emptying all of my coat pockets, listening to the dryer with the vain hope that i’d tossed them in there somehow, and i’d hear their awkward jangle but after i’d exhausted my list of places to look i crumpled onto my living room couch, resigned to replacing them when my mom came in with a familiar shine between her fingers, saying simply, “honey, were you looking for your keys?” every time it happens, and every time i am amazed by it you know what i mean, that mystifying mom thing the uncanny maternal ability to seamlessly solve all your problems making you feel grossly incompetent but also deeply grateful it’s the same thing that sent you running inside when the kids were leaving you out of their game at seven years old when your mom smiled and pressed a teddy bear into your hands so soft and full of love, it made your skin glow to the touch like, somehow, she’d infused a part of herself into it the same thing that made you confess your heaviest secrets at the kitchen counter at 15 years old relieved that it all felt a bit better when your tears speckled her shirt collar with salt the same thing you search for on the phone line from four hours away at 20 years old that you find in your own gut when you’re forced to search for it standing in the cold and the dark, knowing the ember of her will have to get you home the same thing that brought your mom to your grandma’s house at 40 years old, after the divorce upended your lives, that opened her front door with full arms and turned us around with $50, sturdy advice, a little hope, things to fill the fridge the same thing that you discover falling asleep in the nook of her shoulder resting after a month of adrenaline because even at the end of the world even when you are old enough to know the future is out of her hands, she still makes you feel safe a trusty it’ll-be-okay not just band aids and pedestals sometimes lifelines too

JANUARY 24 – FEBRUARY 6

Feature

The Real Housewives of The Twin Cities

Who are the brave women that encompass local mom culture? By Nina Afremov, Jemma Keleher, and Carly Quast

Feature We’ve heard all about the real housewives of Beverly Hills and Miami, but who are the housewives that make up the backbone of the Twin Cities? With each purchase from Rae Dunn, Total Wine, or Hearth & Hand, these mothers bravely carry our economy on their backs. In addition to having good taste, they pave the way for women everywhere with their fearless expression of opinion both in real life at countless retail stores and virtually on their mommy blogs. While hundreds of moms applied to be one of The Wake’s Most Influential Housewives of 2021, three stood out for their brazen grit and overall heroism. The following mothers were chosen as glittering examples of what moms everywhere should (and do) aspire to be.

Alexandra Atkinson Alexandra Atkinson entered her twenties as a bright eyed pre-med student ready to take the world of medicine by storm but left them on the arm of big-shot lawyer Brian Atkinson, who prefers she doesn’t work to avoid the stress wrinkles a career can cause. Brian inherited his father’s law firm and advocates exclusively for white-collar criminals. “People like them, like us, don’t belong in prison,” Atkinson explained. When I arrived at her luxe penthouse in downtown Minneapolis, she stopped me at the door. “You can leave those outside,” she said, looking disdainfully at my knockoff Doc Martens. “Or maybe just throw them away.” She was dressed head to toe in Chanel as though she had attended a runway show before our interview. In reality, she had come from a meeting with her daughter Anastasia’s principal regarding reports of bullying. “It’s not bullying if she’s right,” Atkinson explained. “That girl was asking for it. She showed up to school in Crocs.” As a mother of one, Atkinson’s pride and joy is her daughter. “She’s not spoiled,” she said. “She’s loved.” While Anastasia begs for a puppy to keep her company while her parents discuss

Karen Smith their loveless marriage, Atkinson refuses, saying that dogs are “gross.” “Regarding your article, I don’t adore the term housewife,” she said. “I prefer She-E-O of the home.” She went on to explain that while she doesn’t cook or clean, she does take on the motherly duty of attending PTA meetings at Anastasia’s Catholic school. “We’re not religious. I just don’t trust the public education system to choose worthy peers for my child,” she said. “My daughter learns alongside only the best and brightest.” Judging from the tuition rate, she also only learns among the wealthiest. When asked about her PTA duties, Atkinson scoffed. “I just go to keep the school from going to shambles. If those frumpy, smiling, sweaterdonning moms had their way, our yearly fundraiser would be a carnival,” she said, and then paused for a moment before saying with a scrunched nose, “outside.” “If no one was there to tell them their jeans are ugly, they’d spiral. They’d still be shopping at Maurices if I hadn’t stepped in,” she said. “They need me.”

With a short brown bob, maroon tracksuit, and pair of water-stained Uggs, Karen Smith is ready to bring her suburban neighborhood back to where it belongs—next to a Starbucks. “I just don’t understand,” she said, standing in her driveway as her twin boys chased a soccer ball. “We have all of these ‘specialty’ and ‘independently owned’ coffee shops. Is it so much to ask for a chain?” Smith lives in Andover, a suburb neighboring Coon Rapids and Anoka, which each have four Starbucks in their city limits. It would take ten minutes for Smith to reach the nearest Starbucks, but ten minutes is a minute too long. “If it was eight minutes? Sure. If it was nine minutes? Fine. But ten minutes?” Smith said, rolling her eyes. “That’s ridiculous! I live in the suburbs. It should be easier than—” Before finishing her sentence, Smith began yelling at a jogger wearing a black hoodie who was passing by her home. She explained that the jogger had scared her and wondered if she should inform the police of their appearance.

JANUARY 24 – FEBRUARY 6

Feature

Hazel Green “No Starbucks and I swear this neighborhood is getting more dangerous every week. I really don’t know why I live here,” she said. Smith has attended every city council meeting this year, and she has no intention of stopping if the new year doesn’t bring a Starbucks Coffee to her neighborhood. At the most recent meeting, she stood in front of the Andover city government for 35 minutes, chanting about Frappuccinos and cake pops, before returning to her seat. “The Starbucks lady,” Ted Butler, an Andover city council member, said after the meeting. “Yeah, we know her.” Butler denied any confirmation of a Starbucks being built in Andover. “No,” he said, “we’re not building it.” “All I can hope is that they come to their senses,” Smith said later that day as her husband pulled into the driveway in a new MercedesBenz. “Well, as long as they accept my coupons. Because if they don’t, I’d go somewhere else.”

Motherhood guides Hazel Green in every aspect of her life. During our interview in her communal-living home in South Minneapolis, which she shares with four other moms embracing an alternative, homeschooled, organic, gluten free, coconut water lifestyle, she shared her insights from her experience being a doula and a full-time mother to twoyear-old son Solaris. “If there’s one thing I have learned,” she began, stirring honey that she had harvested into her dandelion root tea, “all the wisdom I need to guide my little earthling child, he gives me. If he wants to stay up into the late hours of the night crying, I feel his pain and I howl with him. If he wants to explore the world like toddlers do, he is allowed and I join in sometimes. Yesterday he was exploring our vegetable garden in the backyard and I followed his lead as we experienced the taste of dirt together. My little human brings me back down to earth.” She bent down from the hip and rustled Solaris’s hair as he sat at the legs of her chair, playing with her dusty bare feet.

so many strong women give birth in their own homes without invasive Western medicine, it feels like I’m a mother to all the children I’ve brought into the world,” she told me, tears brimming in her eyes. “What I love most about what I do is that I help women gain autonomy over their own bodies. They can choose how they give birth and I help them create the perfect environment to do so. But as soon as a mom-to-be asks for an epidural, I pack up my things and leave. That is literally poison to the body and I’m not in the business of baby murder. They can go to Planned Parenthood for that if they want.” Hazel was kind enough to spill the intimate details about giving birth to her own child. “I gave birth to him in a yurt that I spent my whole pregnancy building on the outskirts of Duluth. I put my blood, sweat, and tears into it, just like when I delivered Solaris. Such a meaningful experience.” All in all, it was certainly eye-opening to spend the afternoon talking with Hazel, a woman who supports other women, but only according to her own terms and conditions.

Hazel was anything but short of words about her career as a doula. “In a way, having helped PS. The people mentioned in this feature article are fictional, and all quotes were written by the authors.

THE WAKE

Love

An Ode to Craft Stores Where a mom can cradle creativity rather than children

By Marie Ronnander Great halls full of fluorescent lighting; The automatic doors beckon me in. The sweet, sweet smell of glue and goo Mingle in the air as I graze through The intoxicating isles of art supplies. Pots of paints and much, much more Oh! The joys of the craft store. The scrap-booking aisle smiles upon me, I have been welcomed home warmly. Pushing through papers I finally find the tiny treasures I yearned for: Maternity Stickers. “Blessed is your Baby to Be” A single tear of joy falls gracefully. Rounding the corner I exclaim, There is a new blend of argyle wool! Glints of green and a brush of brown, Perfectly plush and soft as a cat I can use this for Hhannahh’s new hat. It will be as oddly original As the spelling of her name. As my journey comes to an end There is one last thing I look for, An ideal edition to the store: The Do It Yourself section. I trod over, dancing with delight. They have macrame plant holders Oh! What a lovely sight. Now onto the register, I must not falter Though the Christmas themed trimmings Are far too good to be true. Gingerbread kits and elves on shelves; Even little partridges in their pear trees. In the sheer ecstasy of the holiday I become saddened that I cannot stay. As I head out my heart is heavy Yet my wallet is light To exit such a magical place Is always such a plight. For the craft store is where My soul sings with the creative air. Oh! The joys of a craft store.

Thank You Letter to Mom By Sanjali 3

Dear Mom, I’m supposed to be thanking you right now, but I don’t even know where to start. How about we go chronologically? Year 1 I screamed all throughout my first night in this world and you still kept me. Thank you. Year 2 You continued to deal with me even when my first word was “no” and you realized this was going to be an uphill battle. Thank you. Year 3 You taught me my mother tongue, Bengali, so I could stay connected to my culture. Thank you. Year 4 You entertained me by showing me the birds outside our balcony, teaching me to love animals. Thank you. Year 5 I mistaked another woman for you at the supermarket and you tracked me down and actually reclaimed me. Thank you. Year 6 You took me to the ocean for the first time. Thank you. (P.S. Now I hate living in Minnesota.) Year 7 You attended my first stage show and clapped even when I stood there and did nothing. Thank you. Year 8 You moved to the United States so I could have more opportunities. Thank you. Year 9 You dealt with my Webkinz obsession. Thank you. Year 10 You starred in my home-made masterpiece iMovies. Thank you. Year 11 I memorized all the lyrics to Taylor Swift’s 1989 and you allowed me to scream “Boys only want love if it’s torture” in the car. Thank you. Year 12 You encouraged me to sing and learn guitar. Thank you. Year 13 You bought me tickets to my first ever concert! Thank you. Year 14 You did not tell me to take all the AP classes possible. Thank you. Year 15 You were always there as friends moved away or grew apart. Thank you. Year 16 You helped me parallel park even as I hit the cones every time. Thank you. Year 17 You brought a puppy home to replace me once I went to college. Thank you. Year 18 You continue to teach me more than formal education ever could. Thank you. Love from your best (and only) child, Sanjali

JANUARY 24 – FEBRUARY 6

Love

Best Advice I’ve Ever Gotten From My Mom She gives me advice nearly every day and has taught me things in 21 years that some people don’t learn in their entire lifetimes

By Shannon Brault I’ve been in one official romantic relationship in my life so far, and it was not a pretty one. When it was all said and done, I remember my mom making cinnamon rolls to surprise me the next morning. I was bawling to her, saying, “the worst part is, I don’t know what real love is, and I don’t know if I’ll ever find it.” She responded to me, saying, “real love is how I treat you; that’s how you’ll know,” and that has stuck with me in the nearly five years since. My mom and I, luckily, have a good relationship, and I am beyond thankful for that because it wasn’t always that way. She has been an instrumental soundboard for me with the advice she gives me (or that I force her to give me) daily. I can’t think of a major decision I’ve made that I didn’t go to my mom with until I was blue in the face asking her what I should do. In those situations, she will often respond by saying she can’t make the decision for me because I need to do what’s best for me. What she will do is either give me advice or remind me of things she has said before, had to do before, or things that I have done before as a form of guidance. Life is tricky and unpredictable, but my mom has taught me things through her actions and her advice that have taken my whole life up until now to learn, and sometimes I still struggle with it.

THE WAKE

She has taught me that you don’t need to stay in a toxic environment. She loves to say that people come into your life for a reason, season, or lifetime, but they always leave you with a lesson. She always says not to hate anyone or anything because hatefulness only hurts you in the end. My entire life, she has been telling me to follow my gut—which is a simple one but has done wonders and has taken me a long time to get there. How people react to your presence and to what you say or do is not your fault and has nothing to do with you. She reminds me to always listen more than you speak. Perhaps one of the hardest to remember: never send a text or email when you’re angry. Be kind to everyone because you don’t know what they’re going through.

two poems, “I’m Happy Being Me” and “It All Depends on How You Think” by Walter D. Wintle, that were around our house as a reminder to be ourselves and to be positive. If anything self-deprecating came out of our mouths, we had to recite it. She’s told me for years that comparison is the thief of joy and that nothing is permanent. She’ll tie all of this up with a hug and blow a kiss. Sometimes she’ll add an “I love you all the way around the world and back, a million, billion times again,” which she used to sing to us when we were kids. I also have gotten some amazing guidance and continue to seek out advice from mother figures in my life because moms come in all forms and at all stages of life. Your mother doesn’t have to only be your biological one, but it could be an adopted mother, a second mom, a grandma, an older friend, etc. However, this one is for my biological mom and the things she has advised me through. I don’t know how to thank you enough, so I hope this article will serve as a start.

You can be a kind person with a good heart and stand up for yourself when people are being mean to you. You shouldn’t let people take advantage of your kindness. She used to have her three kids recite these

Love

Mother-Son Relationships What are they, where do they stem from, and are they important? By Anthony Vystoropski The Yin and Yang, two halves of a whole. Complementary forces of one another to make each other complete. The same can be compared to the mother-son son relationship, wherein both halves make a whole being their relationship. Let us take a deeper dive into the mother-son relationship and discover more about the phenomenon of Mama’s Boy. People can mock relationships and tease you based on your relationship with your parent, but where does this stem from? I am sure connotations have already started coming to mind. A negative connotation that is associated with a Mama’s Boy is that he never actually matures into a responsible man. If he decides to get married later in his life, his wife is considered a surrogate mother rather than a partner. The good connotation is that if a man puts his mother on a pedestal and makes her a priority, it can be seen as a positive sign that he respects women. These close-knit relationships and connotations do not come from a particular place but rather comes from a shared experience. Taking into account these connotations and experiences, let us see what research has shown on the role of mother-son relationships. Harvard’s Grant and Glueck studies have been one of the longest studies of human development and relationships. Both studies have tracked the physical and emotional well-being of two populations, 456 poor men growing up in Boston from 1939-2018 (Grant Study) and 268 male graduates from the classes of 1939-1944 (Glueck Study). Harvard’s Grant and Glueck studies have found three

crucial factors. One of them was that men who had “warm” childhood relationships with their mothers earned an average of $87,000 more a year than men whose mothers were seen as uncaring. Another is that men who had poor childhood relationships with their mothers were much more likely to develop dementia as they age. Overall, they had found that late in their professional lives, the men’s boyhood relationships with their mothers — but not with their fathers — were associated with effectiveness at work. These results not only show how much impact a healthy mother-son relationship can have in a man’s life, but in turn how much our country misses out on by ignoring it. Many cultures and countries around the world prize the mother-son relationship, and it is quite shocking in comparison to the negative connotations that America has for its motherson relationships. Take Italy, for example, where many men live with their mothers and parents until they are in their thirties. According to an Italian website, “The Local,” 67% of Italians between the age of 18 and 34 still live with their parents, with men making up 73% of that total. The term coined “Mammone” (in Italian “Mama’s Boy”) is not a negative term like here in America, where the man cannot move on from his mother. On the contrary, it is not that Italian men want to live with their mothers forever; it is that they just do not have the means of a higher paying job to be independent with various financial and price factors in play as to why they still live together.

There is something special about the connection with your mother. True, many can find a special connection with their fathers, but the bond of pregnancy is especially unique. I do understand that some men might have not-so-good connections with their mothers, or mothers themselves might think they do not have any grounds to connect with their sons. Now I am not a psychologist to help and deconstruct relationships, but I would say building a mother-son relationship is a process over all. You did not learn to walk in a day, but you did learn how to crawl first. If you are in a position of wanting to start moving the relationship one way or another, it all depends on your particular situation. If your mom and yourself are close but do not regularly talk, try and find some common ground to connect with one another and spark the conversation. If it is more complex and trauma or societal driven, I suggest the possibility of seeking professional help.

JANUARY 24 – FEBRUARY 6

Love

Letter From The Mom Friend More than ponytail holders and gum; an emotional backpack

By Gracie Kibort My own mother has always compared me to a sponge. She dubbed me as such due to how deeply and intensely I have always felt for the people around me, so much that I soak up their emotions and experiences as if they were my own. Feeling the joy and pain of my friends and family is rewarding yet relentlessly exhausting. I’ve felt the compulsive need to take care of my village; the people who make me radiate joy. I’ve done this for as long as I can remember, whether or not this means I am neglecting my own needs and wishes. I feel my emotions in extremes. I always have. My teenage years were supplemented with a close-knit friend group who loved intensely but fought just as fiercely. Regardless of whether or not I was the one causing a fight, I was obligated to pick up the pieces and haphazardly scotch tape the relationship back together again. Being a sponge and being the mom’s friend are synonymous. It’s composed of more than being the one with the backpack en tote filled to the brim with hand sanitizer and ponytail holders, and the one with the gargantuan hand-me-down SUV always driven to hungover brunches. It’s more than being the one with the lipgloss and the snacks. It’s the reward of watching my friends experience growth and character development. It’s the love and care that I receive in return. Maybe I feel the need to take care of those around me because I deeply fear they aren’t being taken care of, or it’s my deepest and inevitable maternal qualities bearing their teeth before actuality. Being the mom friend and a sponge are intrinsically connected. It’s emotionally exhausting, but I’ll always give hugs and gum simultaneously. - The Mom Friend

THE WAKE

Excuse Me? Sorry. Mommy? Sorry. Daddy? Sorry. How the evolving use of gendered slang reflects society at large

By Jun Lin Mommies, daddies, MILFs, and DILFs—these terms surrounding parental figures are ever-evolving and tied to how we interact with gender and sexuality within memes, slang language, and pop culture. The best known term, ‘MILF,’ was brought into the mainstream when John Cho used it in the hit 1999 movie “American Pie.” It was then parodied with DILF, GILF, and everything in between. Another piece of hot-mom-centric media released around this time was the song “Stacy’s Mom” by Fountains of Wayne. The quick acceptance of sexualized mother figures in popular media reflects patriarchal expectations that men should objectify women in their language and behavior. Even earlier are the roots of ‘daddy,’ the popular dad-related term for women addressing men, originating back to the 1600s as a name for pimps. While the gay community also adopted ‘daddy’ in the 1970s, this was shielded from the heteronormative mainstream. The spread of ‘MILF’ and ‘daddy’ in heterosexual contexts makes logical sense after analyzing their dynamics. The acronym ‘MILF’ implies that the speaker is taking an active sexual action, functioning as a dominant and assertive term for the user. In comparison, ‘daddy’ implies a submissive and receptive role for the speaker. Its association with “daddy issues” is also often used negatively towards women. Hence, intentional subversions like the name of the podcast “Call Her Daddy.” The rigid roles of assertive men and receptive women in heterosexual relationships prevent terms like ‘DILF’ and ‘mommy’ from receiving the same popular success. Open TikTok, Instagram, or Twitter today, though, and it doesn’t take long to run into the lesser used terms of ‘DILF’ and ‘mommy’ along with cases of ‘MILF’ and ‘daddy’ that disregard users’ and receivers’ genders and sexualities. This recent shift can be attributed to increasing openness about communicative sexuality and rising LGBTQ-originated content. Social media gives a platform for these lesser heard voices, resulting in anti-norm, diversified slang terms. While fascinating to watch in real-time, this trend ultimately leads to the question of whether these changes reflect real progress in society or whether these changes are still relegated to TikTok’s ‘For You’ Page.