The Wake - Issue 5 - Fall 2021 by The Wake Magazine

fortnightly student magazine

volume 21 — issue 5

Raising Cane’s Chaos

p. 8

Language Barriers in Families

p. 16

Attending Death Cafes

p. 11

I Feel Like a Sims

p. 18

On Being Alone

p. 13

Mutual Aid Will Not Save Us

p. 21

ART

Art by Katka Trachtova

NOVEMBER 29 — DECEMBER 12

Disclaimer: The purpose of The Wake is to provide a forum in

which students can voice their opinions. Opinions expressed in the magazine are not representative of the publication or university as

Established in 2002, The Wake is a

fortnightly student magazine

VOLUME 21 — ISSUE 5 EDITORIAL Editor-in-Chief Managing Editor Cities Editor Voices Editor Online Editor

Marley Richmond Jemma Keleher Ian Knoll Mitchell Levesque

Copy Editors

Na’Jai Wilson Autumn Sanders

Music Reviews Editor

Peter Nomeland Tosin Faseemo

Multimedia Editors Multimedia Producer

Natalie Aue Cecilia Herold Noah Berghammer

Editorial Interns: Holly Gilvary, Marie Ronnander, Srihita Raju, Nina Afremov, Carly Quast, Veroninca Nowakowski, Anika Wilsnack, Erica Bouska Music and Review Interns: Avery Wageman, Griffin Jacobs

THE WAKE

a whole. To join the conversation email eic@wakemag.org.

fortnightly independent magazine and registered student organization produced

The Wake Student Magazine

by and for students at the University of

126 Coffman Memorial Union

Minnesota. The Wake was founded by

300 Washington Avenue SE

Chrin Ruen and James DeLong.

Minneapolis, MN 55455

PRODUCTION

THIS ISSUE

Executive Director

Esther Chan Chae Hong

Writers

Erin Krotz Hannah Lundquist

Max Pritchard, Quinn Mcclurg, Marley Richmond, Nina

Skylar Neuber Megan Bormann

Harris-Hoduek, Avery Wageman, Griffin Jacobs, Nikhil

Creative Director Finance Manager PR/Ad Manager Social Media Manager Art Director Web Manager Distribution Manager Distribution Assistant Designers

Natalie Bluhm Shannon Brault

Marie Ronnander, Alex Hadlock, Matthew Zeichert, Afremov, Esther Chan, Shannon Brault, David Ma, Ashley Kumaran, Kami Kendall, Abby Vela, Lum Chi Art

Emily Baude Gavin Schuster Makenna Larson

1 Natalie Yang, 2 Katka Trachtova, 3, Megan Bormann,

Zoë Foster

Feature article spread designed by Makenna Larson and Chae Hong

Production Interns: Patrick Gagnon, Gracie Kibort, Renee Mottet Art Interns: Madison Kuehn, Natalie Yang, Katka Trachtova

4 Madison Kuehn, 5 Anisha Joshi Cover and Feature art by Marley Richmond

Eternals, Get Over It, Valentine, Spencer, The Future, Permission to Dance On Stage images from original sources

Art by Chae Hong

best place for a breakdown

wink! one page magazine

ferguson practice rooms in the basement nt St

wilson library archive wing in the basement

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asa

Ke e

water library foundations level

Nic

17th Residence Hall Basement piano room

Fo lwe ll

lso

ler 17t

Northrop Rapson

Washington Ave Bridge in the middle of it, at night

Walter Murphy Appleby Lind Smith Ford The Union n ingto Wash idge r Ave B

Willey

Comstock Yudof

Blegen Ferguson Wilson

Rarig

4th St

Middlebrook

NOVEMBER 29 — DECEMBER 12

INSIDE

UPCOMING EVENTS

Raising Cane’s Chaos

11/19 – 01/02

11/29 – 12/23

Historic Contract, Historic Expectations

Winter Lights at the Arboretum

Keg and Case Holiday Market

A Tale of Two Bookstores

Each Winter, the University of Minnesota’s

Located inside the former Schmidt Brewery, this

Landscape Arboretum gets a festive makeover.

local market is adding some holiday flair with

Enjoy the crisp night air as you walk through

new pop-ups, a Christmas tree farm, and visits

over half a mile of breathtaking landscape, live

from the man in red himself (for all you kids in the

performances, and beautiful lights.

audience).

3675 Arboretum Dr

928 7th St W

A Humbling Tournament 11

Attending Death Cafes

On Being Alone

12/02 – 1/30 @ 10am

12/05 @ 8:30pm

Language Barriers in Families

Our Home: Native Minnesota Exhibit

Billy Idol at The Palace Theatre

I Feel Like a Sims

Learn the history of our great state through

With a rebel yell, Billy Idol returns to Saint Paul,

the eyes of the tribal nations who’ve called it

replacing his more traditional punk guitar sound

home for thousands of years at the Minnesota

with an acoustic, unplugged focus alongside

Astroworld

History Center’s latest exhibit.

frequent collaborator Steve Stevens.

Some Thoughts on Coffee

345 Kellogg Blvd W

17 W 7th Pl

21 22

Mutual Aid Will Not Save Us Six Reviews

12/09 @ 6:30 – 10pm Swing Night at the Caves A former speakeasy turned dance hall, the Wabasha Street Caves (which are technically mines) plays host to a weekly night of swing dancing and live music from local groups like The Minnesota Jazz Orchestra. 215 Wabasha St S

THE WAKE

Letter from the Executive Director Dear reader, This is a farewell letter to The Wake as I finish my last weeks as a college student. It has been over three years since I almost didn’t attend my first pitch meeting, debating whether I should walk from Middlebrook to Folwell in the drenching rain during my second week of college. Somehow that first meeting led to me being a freelance writer, then a Voices intern, then the Voices editor, and somehow along the way, someone allowed me to be the executive director of the magazine. Whether it was writing articles, pitching ideas, leaving feedback on writers’ articles, or bombarding our staff with recap emails filled with links to Google Forms, I’ve expelled a lot of words during my time at The Wake (perhaps more than people would have liked, sorry!). Throughout the years, processing my thoughts and finding the right words have been like tugging at an intricate tapestry until all the loose threads flutter around me in intricate revelations. Sometimes it becomes something captivating and meaningful, and other times, an incomprehensible mess. In the midst of this unraveling, I have discovered that the most important part of “finding your voice” is not about concocting the perfect blend of words nor isolating in deep retrospection, trying to find the answer within yourself. I realize the most crucial factor is scraping off your own stubborn preconceptions and relinquishing your complacency towards the status quo. It’s about actually listening to the perspectives and stories of others. Finding new perspectives is not always about traveling to exotic locations or chasing after the next shiny experience that you hope will bring you satisfaction. Instead, pause long enough to empathize and listen to the myriad of stories and diverse perspectives that surround you. This is why I am so grateful for The Wake—why, despite any gripes or stressors that accompany the job, I always believed in the mission of our organization: to provide an accessible platform for the voices of our community. To the writers, thank you for trusting us with your stories. To the staff, thank you for your commitment. To you, wonderful reader, thank you for listening. I hope you’ll keep listening as you peruse our final issue of 2021. Now, in the fashion that I sign off all our staff recap emails... that’s all (from me) folks! Warmly and with best wishes, Esther Chan Executive Director

NOVEMBER 29 — DECEMBER 12

ART

THE WAKE

Art by Grace Weigl room

CITIES

Raising Cane’s Chaos What it’s like to work in one of the drunkest restaurants on the Minnesota campus BY MARIE RONNANDER Chicken, crispy toast, and creamy coleslaw—the dream. If you’ve ever been one of the dozens of students packed into Raising Cane’s waiting for your meal, you know the craze. Standing in line for a miserable 20 minutes is brought to a sweet, sweet relief when you bite into that crispy chicken. Amidst the Cane’s chaos, I have often wondered what it’s like to be an employee. The patience required to deal with tipsy people for hours on end at very late hours is a skill possessed by saints that deserves an award. With a little digging, I was lucky enough to find an interviewee who, fittingly, preferred the pseudonym Queen Chicken (or QC for short). The goal was to understand the inner workings of the infamous chicken company. “It isn’t the greatest, most fun job,” shrugs QC, who found the job through a friend’s recommendation. She does, however, note that the pay is good and hours are flexible (which is extremely beneficial to a college student’s intense schedule). She reveals that Cane’s coworkers are very tight-knit and news travels fast amongst the group. In her year of working there, she’s gotten a lot of gossip and

goes on to explain one of their inside jokes. They like to shout “always one all day” to the cooks in the back. They do this when there is no one in line because someone always walks in at the last minute. A quintessential customer service experience. Of course, many of the most comical parts of the job are just simply the mindlessness of the drunk people who visit late at night. Very frequently she has customers come in and ask for their chick-fil-a sauce or wondering about the chicken restaurant’s vegan options. There has to be a downside in these situations as well. QC experiences the negative effects of secondhand smoke due to the amount of vapes blown straight into her face. Her worst moment was when the supply truck simply decided not to arrive. For an entire day, she had to explain to disappointed customers that they weren’t able to purchase lemonade, coleslaw, or toast. The high levels of intoxication also leads to high levels of stupidity. QC has even had money thrown in her face out of frustration because customers just “have no idea how to use [their] credit card.”

Similar to any fast food restaurant, people forget that the employees are people too. “Believe it or not, asking us how our day is doing, actually makes our day,” voices QC. So next time you find yourself in the restaurant, don’t be afraid to strike up a conversation. Knowing that many restaurants have “secret menu items,” I asked if Raising Canes had anything of the sort. “There aren’t exactly secret menu items, but you can order a bob, which means they will butter both sides of the toast.” QC explained. The more butter, the better the toast. You can also order it “extra crispy” if you’re truly craving the crispy chicken crunch. All-in-all, QC does recommend Cane’s as a job. As stated before, the hours are easy to blend into your schedule, and they do a good job of making the job worth the pay. Of course, you get free food, which is always a big, fat plus. Queen Chicken says she hopes to be out of there as soon as she finds an internship in her desired job field, but she’s okay with where she’s at for now.

NOVEMBER 29 — DECEMBER 12

CITIES

Historic Contract, Historic Expectations Investment in Fleck shows the U’s hopes to develop their first football dynasty

BY ALEX HADLOCK Whether it’s from his Coca-Cola-sponsored cutouts around campus or sprinting the sidelines at Huntington Bank Stadium, you know coach PJ Fleck. The relatively young head coach, who just turned 41, handles the position with the intensity he expects from his players. Fleck’s sociable and charismatic personality found a welcoming home in the Gopher fan base as well, and as the new symbol of Gopher Football. Recently, with a new contract extension worth $5 million a year through the 2028 season, Fleck became the highest-paid coach in the program’s history. Minnesota’s decision to raise their head coach’s salary means they are now spending more than the #3 ranked Oregon Ducks allocate to pay coach Mario Cristobal. It is no secret that the expectation of Fleck is, and has been, to establish a top-tier Gopher football program, where there has never been one before. Investing in Fleck and the program as a whole may be a smart move financially for the university, which collected around $61 million in revenue through a shortened 2020 football season. To free money up for a Covid football season, however, budget cuts during 2020 saw men’s indoor track and field, tennis, and gymnastics terminated. It’s hard to deny the financial incentives generated by football at the university, but it is just as hard to deny the risks of betting so much on the success of one sports team.

THE WAKE

Collegiate football brings in more money across the NCAA than any other sport. If Minnesota were to establish the level of the program they want, the revenue generated by football to the university and the surrounding communities would increase dramatically. There is an undeniable interest in college football, already established here in the Twin Cities metro, that would grow exponentially with any future success. This is, however, an ideal scenario for the football program. What is needed to make it a reality for Gophers? Undefeated seasons are somewhat obvious markers of a good program, but championships take the cake. The Big 10 Conference title was last won by Minnesota in 1967, with their last national championship coming in 1960. Outside of the postseason conference and national championship games are other, essentially meaningless, bowl games. These outlier bowls are easily attainable by achieving 6 wins, or a season record of .500. With more than 40 of these commercially sponsored games, they have become so common and easy to achieve that the only legitimate measure of success is the College Football Playoffs (CFP). The first CFP in 2015 established a postseason bracket to yield the sport’s national champion. With the top 4 teams at the end of the season making the cut, Minnesota would require a season of multiple victories against ranked opponents and an end to their Big 10 title drought. Simply making

outer bowl games is not going to cut it for Fleck and the Gophers. This challenge is not one solved by being laid out on paper, but Fleck is inheriting a program practically void of success. He has a career coaching record of just (62-44), with many of those as head coach of the Gophers. Recruiting talent to every position will be possibly the biggest challenge ahead, as bigger-named schools have a leg up due to their reputation already being established. With a tangible national championship to shoot for, the other bowl games are played mostly for TV ratings, not for any sort of significant title. Now, Fleck has to hinge his future success through undefeated seasons, conference championships, and appearances in the CFP. Whether Fleck deserves the new salary will be a question only answered by time. The length is going to allow him plenty of time to grow with this program, and the opportunity to steer it in a new direction. Personally, I think this move was done too early by the university, and without many tangible things to point to in terms of Fleck’s success. Still, his unique abilities as a coach, figurehead, and the all-around leader of Gopher Football may show he is the right man for the job.

CITIES

A Tale of Two Bookstores Amazon isn’t the only place for your book fix!

BY MATTHEW ZEICHERT There’s no denying that winter is fast approaching, so what better time to buy some good books to curl up with! There are countless bookstores that dot the Twin Cities, but there are two bookstores in particular that I recommend to all University of Minnesota students. The Bookhouse in Dinkytown 1316 4th St SE, Unit 201, Minneapolis, MN Situated just a few stores away from the Varsity Theatre, The Bookhouse in Dinkytown offers a vast array of both fiction and nonfiction works. The cynic in me thought that I would be subjected to exorbitant prices due to its location in the heart of Dinkytown, but I couldn’t be more wrong! The Bookhouse must have a college student’s budget in mind since I walked out of the place spending about a fourth of what I thought I would. The Bookhouse, like Dinkytown itself, is “dinky.” The smallness of the space might annoy some visitors, but I find that the size of the room adds to the store’s appeal. With its creaky floors, crowded bookshelves, and literature-adjacent news clippings greeting you on your way up its staircase, The Bookhouse in Dinkytown should be a must on your to-do list. Midway Used & Rare Books 1579 University Ave W, St. Paul, MN St. Paul is home to a three-storied bookseller with a charm all its own: Midway Used & Rare Books. Upon entering, customers are greeted by a wide assortment of comic books and graphic novels on one side and vintage paperbacks on the other. On the day that I stepped in, foot traffic was light on account of the rain, but I am certain that the store wouldn’t feel cramped even on busy days. The store differentiates itself from other bookstores through its selling of “rare books.” These rare books are mainly first and early editions of iconic 20th-century novels. I even came across a $15 early edition hardcover of the Hemingway classic “The Old Man and the Sea.” If you find yourself in St. Paul, there is no reason for you not to spend a few bucks at Midway.

A Humbling Tournament How I learned that I am the U’s worst bags player BY MAX PRITCHARD When I signed up for the University of Minnesota Student Unions & Activities bags tournament, I was quietly confident of my abilities. While I would never claim to be an expert in bags, I was quite certain I could hold my own. It turns out I could not. My friend and I checked in at the Field House and then got half an hour to warm up—which I really appreciated. Following that, the opening round of games was announced. Teams were paired against each other and instructed to play best out of three games. As is the nature of bags, each team member was separated to opposite boards. This was quite nice, as it gave us a chance to talk to our friendly opponents and meet some people we wouldn’t have without this event. As for the actual competition… We lost 21-7 in the first game, then 21-3 in the next. Most other teams were still playing their first game, and we were already out. The tournament was single-elimination, and we were the first pair to depart. We can quite confidently claim to have been the worst team there, only barely breaking double digits for our overall points tally (to which I contributed a measly three points). All I can really do now is try again next year, which I fully intend to do. Everyone was friendly and welcoming, and it was a fun way to spend a snowy Saturday afternoon. It was nice to go to an event where winning didn’t feel like the utmost priority, where there was a nice blend between laid back and competitive, and where it was possible to have fun while being undisputedly the worst player there. The whole experience was very enjoyable and definitely left me looking forward to future Student Unions & Activities events.

NOVEMBER 29 — DECEMBER 12

CITIES

Attending Death Cafes Breaking the stigma of death one tea at a time 4

BY QUINN MCCLURG Are you comfortable with the concept of death? Have you, dear reader, come to terms with your own eventual death? What does dying mean to you? These are questions many of us will confront but are often too scared to ask given their uncomfortable and upsetting nature. Encouraging these conversations, though, is what death cafes seek to assist in. Hosted all over the world, death cafes provide safe and comfortable environments to confront mortality. Here, professionals and citizens alike gather with no set agenda to discuss death, dying, and grief in free-flowing conversation. Having caught wind of a death cafe myself, I decided to attend one hosted by Lakewood Cemetery in Minneapolis. Admission was free and the conversation was easy, and as the night went on, I became immersed in a world that I had no idea existed. These are the people who attend death cafes and these are their stories. From her careers as a professional counsellor and licensed psychedelic-assisted therapist, Kristen Paradise has developed an understanding of grief paralleled by few others. Kristen works for the Institute for Integrative Therapies, a psychedelic therapy and advocacy clinic in Saint Paul. Here she helps those suffering with grief, trauma, and hopelessness through the legal administration of ketamine. She has been trained in nearly every facet of mortality, grief, and the dying process. She believes what is learned from death can be applied to many different aspects of life, such as the ending of relationships, friendships, or even careers. “Grief is very transitional, it forces you to slow down and recalibrate your identity,” Kristen said. “We must keep going and learn to let go and live.”

THE WAKE

Given her belief that Western culture fosters negative feelings around death, Kristen seeks to dissolve these stigmas whenever she can. “It’s not scary or awful, it’s just a result of the culture. A lot of people are starting to see not being sad around death as a new concept.” To dispel these stigmas, Kristen takes special care to reinforce how natural death is, and that grieving can be seen as a celebration of life. She believes that through memory, tradition, and recollection we may find healthy ways to love and celebrate our dearly departed. Next, I had an opportunity to converse with a certified death midwife, who asked to remain anonymous. “At first, my friends assumed I would be helping the family cope through the dying process, but I actually come to the patient at the 11th hour,” she said. As a death midwife, she specializes in taking care of those who are about to pass, helping with every need, providing every comfort, and assisting them in having a beautiful and fulfilling experience when dying. She describes the experience: “There is no honor like it, it’s deeply personal. It’s a beautiful experience.” She believes that death is nothing to be afraid of and, if anything, it puts life into perspective a lot better. “I feel it makes me hold the ones I love closer, and it makes me live more fully. Every moment you’re alive is beautiful.”

death cafes, Amanda strives for comfortability and honesty. She says that most people drawn to these events are curious or fearful or still grieving, but no matter the reasons they come, she is always happy to welcome them with open arms. “I like to listen the most. There are always new things to hear,” Amanda said. As a staple of the local community, Amanda expressed her excitement for more in-person events at Lakewood Cemetary and more opportunities to see familiar faces. Grieving, death, and dying are never easy concepts, but death cafes only provide comfort and help in finding acceptance with these inevitabilities. Though they may seem morbid at first, death cafes prove to encourage natural, safe, and respectful communication through guidance of professionals and the comfort of peers. So, if we must confront these questions eventually, we should confront them in a safe environment, thus I cannot recommend death cafes enough. After all, death is an integral part of our lives and the sooner we accept it, the sooner we can stop fearing it and the sooner we can live.

Finally, I spoke with Amanda Luke, Lakewood Cemetery’s events coordinator. Working at a museum previously, the cemetery was quite the transition. “At first there was this stigma that people thought I’d be out here with a shovel, but people who work with death professionally are always very loving and nice.” In hosting these

ART

Art by Shannon Brault Music Show Collage

NOVEMBER 29 — DECEMBER 12

FEATURE

An exploration of loneliness through meaningful places in our readers’ lives

“I’ve never seen anyone else there, but there’s a small footpath that leads into the trees.”

“It’s where I go to cry. The trek up there sort of defeats you.”

THE WAKE

13 BY MARLEY RICHMOND

FEATURE

“If I really wanted to, I could ignore that test, drop out, and get lost in the city I’m staring at. Thinking about that reminds me that despite all my stresses, I still have control of my life. That those stresses exist because I’m making a conscious decision to confront them, and no matter the outcome, life will continue long after they’re gone.”

“It’s a spot I’ve found myself at many mornings over my four years, sipping my morning coffee.”

I didn’t mean to follow a stranger’s recommendation on where to go to cry. But when I hiked up to their bench (as much theirs as anyone’s), the tears followed. It was, truly, a good place to cry; that little cove of nature provided so much that my bedroom did not. The orange leaves on the soggy ground muffled my heaving breaths. The empty sidewalks gave no occasion for self-consciousness. I saw no one else among the trees, but not for a moment did I feel alone. I’ve found that living with others can foster a sense of isolation without offering any real privacy, but being alone in nature works the opposite way. As my sniffles died away, I started to hear the sounds of those who shared the space with me. First it was the rustling. I noticed leaves rising and falling as if with breath. Then a bushy tail flew across a branch, pausing just long enough for me to see the squirrel with an acorn in his mouth. That squirrel reminded me of one who had frequented my grandmother’s house; my mom loved him and left peanuts out to encourage him

to visit. We named him Kevin, and I spent the summer sitting with my grandma, watching him through the window and drawing pictures of him that ended up on her walls. It had been a long time since I noticed the squirrels around me. But that afternoon, hours after I had learned that that day would be my grandmother’s last, I wondered if this wasn’t her squirrel popping in to check on me. He, I thought, knew something of struggle. Surely something of death. But despite the weight of the task ahead, he would keep stuffing his cheeks with acorns, would traverse the branches to his hordes, would work until he knew he could make it through the winter. I paused for one more moment, leaning against the trunk of a tree and imagining that the branches reaching above my head were holding me. I watched the squirrel make one more path through the sky. And then I resumed the weight of my own task ahead.

When I asked our readers about the places they find meaningful, I was setting out to think about togetherness. I wondered what it meant to occupy space alongside other people, to have broken out of the walls and screens that have held the last twenty months of our lives. But the more places people told me about—and the more of those places I visited—the more I realized that the world is so often a lonely place. Our experience will always be rooted in our own bodies and minds, even if we share our surroundings with others. The thing is, we are hardly ever alone when we are out in the world—I would venture that we never are. The trees and plants and water and rocks (and, yes, squirrels) beside us hold a spirit. Some more obviously so than others, but they are all still present here beside us. Recognizing this spirit offers companionship even in the most solitary of moments. And there is the fabric of place, too, embossed with all our experiences, stained with stress and worry, but equally so with happiness and love.

“That fountain was the first place on campus where I found space alone. Somewhere I could sit and just… be.”

NOVEMBER 29 — DECEMBER 12

FEATURE “I figured I would find a bench in that area. I look up, and out of the blue, there he is. It was one of those moments you don’t see coming, yet once it does, you know it has fundamentally changed something about your life.”

Nothing has offered me a glimpse into our overlapping histories quite like making a pilgrimage to places other people hold dear. I had walked by that bench in the Knoll hundreds of times, briefly passing through the stories of the people sitting on it. I had only wondered about the lives I dipped into in passing. But that is the bench in someone’s life. I’ve looked at the city outlined against the Washington Avenue Bridge before, yet I had never laid down my worry beside someone else’s, regarding each as temporary, as separate stresses and yet held together. That coffee shop was only ever a coffee shop to me—but it might not be anymore. I walked these paths every single day without considering what they meant to someone else. But think about all that meaning that we are wading through!

Our world is heavy with the weight of history, even on a minute scale. That person’s bench—is it my bench now, too?—holds more stories than I could hope to learn. Sitting there, I was not alone. Even if there is no one present, we can find companionship in the imprints of those who have shared a space with us in the past. My grandmother’s squirrel may have been checking up on me that afternoon, but so might have the people who had cried on that bench before me. Places hold meaning. Noticing our surroundings and wondering about the history of the spaces we occupy might offer a tonic to the loneliness of life. I don’t think we have to know the experiences we walk alongside to find comfort in their presence.

I forgot what it was like to see strangers and wonder about the entire life that brought them to this point, to the sidewalk we traverse in tandem. I’m glad to be back in the world. The babble of coffee shop chatter (especially the embarrassing delight of listening in on a first date), the awkward eye contact made between pedestrians crossing paths, and even the ache of a day spent carrying my life on my shoulders feel like a miracle now. I want to lean into this feeling, this space. To simply be. To stop worrying about being alone long enough to realize that I’m not. And I invite you to join me.

“This was the place where I finally opened up to someone about my depressive symptoms. I had never told anyone about this, but I finally did it here in this space. I remember crying in front of them and felt so uncomfortable doing it in public, but also strangely comforted to finally let it all out.”

THE WAKE

VOICES

Language Barriers in Families One Russian-American’s experiences growing up in a linguistically divided family

BY NINA AFREMOV Growing up with a mom from North Dakota and a dad who emigrated from the Soviet Union, my reality is a blend of Midwestern and Russian culture. My childhood was a swirl of fifty-year-old Soviet cartoons, translated folk tales, Russian schoolgirl braids running down my back, and adult parties where the table was covered with vodka-filled crystal shot glasses and zakuski plates of pickled herring. There were also many American things in my life, like tater tot casserole, Polly Pockets, and Disney Channel. There’s just one important thing that didn’t stick: the Russian language. My dad didn’t speak Russian with my siblings and me at home. Though my mom had studied Russian, she never felt like she had reached fluency and defaulted to English. I had a Russian babysitter who only spoke Russian, and though I understood when she’d beckon me to the kitchen for a warm bowl of kasha, when it was time to pick up my toys, or when I was being reprimanded, I couldn’t understand anything more complex, let alone respond. Even with grandparents who only spoke Russian, I knew little of the language. It is painful living in a world where some of the people you are closest to and who love you most don’t share the same language. We found other ways to communicate, though. I learned how valuable gestures and glances can be. When I’d play with my grandma, she would make faces to make me laugh and call

me a hooligan (a word I understood well). With Grandpa, I’d play the Soviet version of patty cake, which always ended with the tops of my hands burning from the slaps of his iron palms, but we were always left smiling. The loving moments were the little moments together. Without any words at all, I’d help my grandma in the kitchen, washing cucumbers for her and watching her fry up piroshki on the stove. Then Grandpa would show me his cologne collection. With the flair of a magician, he would unscrew the bottles and let me have a whiff before dousing his wrists. The way I spoke with my grandparents was tender and sparing. Yet I can’t shake the feeling that I missed out on who they were as people. I missed out on their storytelling; I missed out on the nuances of their character that language shapes. After my grandpa died, I grew terrified that I would forget the sound of his raspy voice. I haven’t heard his voice in thirteen years, not even in my head; there was no semiotic meaning to attach it to.

references, but something was inexplicably foreign. But as my year abroad came to an end, I could understand and speak Russian fluently, which was what I wanted. The shame and pain of linguistic disconnect in my family didn’t hurt so much. During my time away, I was able to carry a conversation with my dad for the first time in Russian over a WhatsApp video call. I asked him if it made him happy. He told me he was happy to speak to me no matter the language. When I came back, I could finally speak to my grandma. She had been suffering from dementia for several years. Despite her ailment, when we reunited, we had a conversation in which she told me she knew I had been gone, she missed me, she was glad I was back, and she loved me. That was the most in depth conversation I ever had with my grandma before her dementia worsened. At ninety-seven, she’s still with us, but someday soon I will know a world without her. Yet I will always remember the sound of her voice.

This loss paved my path as I grew older. I became dead-set on learning Russian. After high school, I moved to the former Soviet Republic of Moldova, where much of the population still speaks Russian. I became the girl who spoke funny words. My host mom told me I was almost Russian; I had the mannerisms and knew the

NOVEMBER 29 — DECEMBER 12

ART

THE WAKE

Art by Grace Weigl Kitchen

VOICES

I Feel Like a Sims What does “better” even look like, and why does it feel so unsettling? 2

BY ESTHER CHAN As I prepare to graduate in a couple weeks, I realize I experience an unsettling “out-of-body” moment whenever I think too hard about all that has changed for me—both internally and externally. It makes me feel like a Sims. When I play the Sims game, I do all the work to “grow up,” I control all the movements, I make all the decisions—but this control is only as a witness from the outside. I am not experiencing it myself. It is as though I was and am in control, but someone else is experiencing my life and its transformations. No one ever tells you about the feeling of detachment that comes when you experience personal growth—how it feels like you no longer have a firm foundation. If I’ve changed for the better, why do these changes make me feel as though I am not fully anchored to the ground? And what does “better” even mean? It’s unsettling to evolve into someone you do not recognize, even when the change is positive. The way I acted and thought as a freshman, I can hardly recognize that version of myself. By the same token, my freshman self could never imagine the things I have confessed to people, the risks I have taken, and the path I am now on. With such severe detachment from who I used to be, these memories sometimes do not feel like my own. It is as though I am scrolling through someone else’s camera roll and reading a detailed journal entry of their thoughts, or this is all a dream, and

someday I will wake up and exist in a completely different timeline. It is not that I dislike who I have become and mourn for my old self, but part of me struggles to believe that this growth is mine to claim. Perhaps I’m confusing “growth” with feeling “better,” and maybe nothing has really changed. At the same time, how do I even define “better”? Is it something that can be quantified by the number of spiraling breakdowns I have? Is it something that describes the amount of good I do? Does it describe the number of people I’ve trusted? Amidst these bewildering questions, the greatest dilemma is struggling to claim the label of “better,” because “better” implies some sort of permanent improvement. While I know it is not true, part of me believes I have to earn that improvement in order to deserve it, otherwise it is a glitch in the system that temporarily allows me to be happier. The result is anxiously waiting for that faulty code to be fixed or for the other shoe to drop and wondering if I will suddenly spiral again, and all that maturity and growth will have been nothing but smoke and mirrors.

to me, then I am left feeling like neither my past nor present growth is mine. I am left feeling so unanchored—like a smiley face balloon drifting toward the sky: happy but scared of floating too high and popping, yet simultaneously unable to return to the ground. As I float farther and farther, it brings an entirely new meaning to the phrase “change is scary.” And maybe that’s okay. Maybe it’s okay that I’m confused. Perhaps one day I’ll be able to make peace with and benevolently look back at who I used to be. Maybe one day I’ll be able to say with assurance that I was in fact “better.” But until that day, I am content with knowing I am not stagnant. If I’m a floating, detached balloon, at least I’m still moving and not a deflated crumpled mark on the floor. If I’m a Sims going through the motions, at least I’m still getting up each day and not giving up. Maybe that’s all that matters—not that there are clear-cut solutions to all of life’s queries—but that within the intricate weavings that are the game of life, even if the uncertainties feel paralyzing, we keep growing and evolving and simply moving.

It feels terrifying vacillating between the detachment of who I used to be and the uncertainty of who this supposedly new and improved version of myself is. If who I am now and who I was before seem blurry and distant

NOVEMBER 29 — DECEMBER 12

VOICES

Astroworld After 10 people died as a result of the Astroworld Music Festival in Houston, Texas, mosh pit etiquette and artist responsibility should be considered in who is responsible for the tragedy BY SHANNON BRAULT After 10 people died as a result of the Travis Scott hosted the Astroworld Music Festival in Houston, Texas on November 5, which resulted in 10 people dying and 25 being hospitalized after the 50,000 person crowd surged the stage, crushing concertgoers and making it impossible for them to get enough oxygen. The youngest person to die was 9-year-old Ezra Blount on November 14 after being in a medically induced coma from being trampled at the festival. Such a devastating event raises concern over who is responsible for the deaths. The crowd, first responders, security, and Travis Scott himself, who has been charged with disorderly onstage conduct in the past, are coming under fire for a variety of reasons. A deleted Reddit post that has been reposted describes a security guard’s experience at a Travis Scott concert. According to the post, Scott shouted profanities at the guards and encouraged the crowd to jump the barricades and rush the stage because “security can’t stop all of you.” The Reddit user said they were almost killed that night due to Scott’s incitement of violence. Scott has twice pleaded guilty to similar charges. The first time was in 2015, when he was charged with reckless conduct after telling his fans to rush the stage at Lollapalooza in Chicago. The other charge was after a show in Arkansas in 2017. He was also sued that same year after a fan said he was pushed from an upper-deck balcony and became partially paralyzed at a concert in New York. @remi.rich on TikTok said he was an EMT at Astroworld this year and explained his story in a three-part series on the app. He describes the sheer depth of the crowd and the difficulty of maneuvering through it as concert-goers were getting crushed and dropping to the ground. Perhaps the most chilling part of the series was when he explained how he found an unresponsive girl on the ground. No one was trying to help her and when he asked the people around her what happened, they responded saying she had been down for 10 minutes which would have been enough time to save her.

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THE WAKE

Some Thoughts on Coffee Is it really necessary? Probably. Maybe? BY DAVID MA Coffee has become an inescapable part of our lives. But despite our disproportionate reliance on the beverage, few people stop to reflect on it. So let’s think about it, at least for a few hundred words. Overall, caffeine is probably unnecessary; I know plenty of people who are successful without needing its psychoactive influence. It also comes with a bevy of harms: costs, sleep disruption, and fundamentally needing an extrinsic force to be productive. Why, then, is coffee considered an indisputable given? It’s almost certainly due to the overemphasis on productivity that pervades our culture. Tiredness is your body telling you that you need rest. Unfortunately, being unconscious isn’t conducive to getting sh*t done. Caffeine beats back sleep deprivation, at least temporarily, which makes it rather useful for working more than you probably should. And everyone’s supposed to do more, right? Learn new skills, make more money, write more articles, etc. There’s no time to stop and smell the roses in the face of the omnipresent grind. Unfortunately, this tunnel vision on accomplishment isn’t necessarily a good thing, a fact that sometimes crosses my mind when I’m making an 8 p.m. cup of coffee as a final hope to finish homework. Caffeine overuse only leads to more sleep deprivation down the line, of course. But who cares? Just wear that sleep dep as a badge of honor; exult in the shock of your friends as you reveal how little you slept last night. Health is overrated anyways. Maybe that was too harsh, but hey—I doubt this “reflection” is going to change anything. When I mentioned the topic to my sister, she responded rather succinctly. “Everyone has a caffeine dependency now. If you don’t, you’re not cool.” Besides—without coffee, you might not have gotten this article.

ART

Art by Katka Trachtova

NOVEMBER 29 — DECEMBER212

VOICES

Mutual Aid Will Not Save Us My complicated relationship with mutual aid

BY ASHLEY HARRIS-HODUEK Mutual aid has existed since the birth of humanity. It makes sense to be generous in the hope that if we are ever in a desperate situation, someone will come to our aid.

protective services. The very next day, my mom snuck my sisters, aged 2 and 15, and me, aged 16, out of the house and plopped us into Anna Marie’s homeless shelter for domestic abuse.

If you’re reading this, you are closer to experiencing homelessness at some point in your life than to being a billionaire.

There are no words to describe the shock of homelessness. I went to work, whipping up a GoFundMe. I gave up trying to present myself in a socially acceptable way and exposed myself on social media, sharing my story unfiltered—I was grateful that this paid off. This spread to my entire grade, and I raised over $1,000 for my family. My connections paid off.

This also applies to millionaires. The concept is difficult to grasp, even for very lowincome individuals. I grew up with a single mom in a low-income neighborhood tucked away in the suburbs of St. Cloud. My school district’s average household income is $55,000—my mom makes half of that. She has a college degree but struggled to network and was also a low-income student dealing with mental health problems. Growing up, I realized the importance of networking or fitting myself into the narrative of “middle class”—everyone, whether poor or rich, displayed themselves as such. I fit into the cliche of the nerd, then the stoner, associating myself with a wide variety of people throughout high school. My mom was very smart with her money—she wrote down every payment in her checkbook and was careful about what she bought. Eventually, she got a boyfriend. They had my sister when I was 15. We moved in together shortly after, and he ended up being abusive towards all of us, except for my baby sister. He was controlling and cut off our water supply. Eventually, my other sister’s guidance counselor said that she would have to report this to child

THE WAKE

High schoolers homed me. I am grateful to each and every one, but this should not be the reality. Mutual aid, like what I received, puts a Band-Aid on a bullet wound. It is an individual approach with individual solutions, but many of the people who I shared the shelter with are still there. So many children. Most of these families are Black and brown, despite the fact that 77% of St. Cloud’s population is white. While I had access to a community with some intergenerational wealth, this is not true for most poor individuals. If I hadn’t attended a suburban school, if I weren’t able to network there, or if I had faced more debilitating mental health problems, I probably would still be floating from shelter to shelter.

something is not done, more and more children will continue to fall into hell. Mutual aid proves that the world can be human and that most people do care. It’s also important for grassroots organizations that speak out against capital. However, these organizations are not directly able to put the welfare state we need into law. This sounds utopic, but is the reality in countries like Sweden, which is a partial welfare state and has more billionaires per million people than the US. It is possible to live in a wealthy country and not be at risk of starving or freezing to death. We simply have to dream “big” while realizing and shaping this dream into something simple and economically friendly that Americans can support. Fewer poor people en masse will lead to a more educated America, a more innovative America, a richer America. We need our politicians to value us as much as Americans value each other. Mutual aid is the realization of a problem but is not the solution for an equitable America.

With no bottom-of-the-line infrastructure and no safety net for most Americans, victims of medical debt, intergenerational poverty, and tragedy fall through the cracks. Mutual aid pulls a few out from hell, but most fall and aren’t helped back out. Social safety nets were temporarily created during the pandemic but are quickly expiring. If

SIX REVIEWS

Valentine Get Over It Eternals

Summer Walker’s “Still Over It” is a breakup album that plays to her strengths to create some excellent heartbroken R&B unfortunately separated by deserts of empty space.

“Eternals” captures a funny but heartfelt portrayal of immortal BY GRIFFIN JACOBS heroes discovering their humanity BY AVERY WAGEMAN Marvel’s newest installment, “Eternals,” was released this month and follows the story of a group of immortal superheroes known as the Eternals. The Eternals have lived among humans for centuries, tasked with protecting Earth’s population by hunting down alien monsters known as Deviants. The movie picks up their story in the modern-day, 500 years after they believed they had killed the last of the Deviants. While following the expected Marvel formula of incredibly hot, superpowered people punching and blowing up computer-generated monsters, “Eternals” feels unlike any other movie in the franchise. The fresh atmosphere of this film can likely be owed to Oscar-winning Chloé Zhao’s direction, its notably diverse cast of heroes, and its independence from all other MCU storylines. “Eternals’’ is heavily character-driven, making it more of an epic family drama than a standard superhero flick. The dynamics between the Eternals are what make the movie, and their relationships are arguably some of the best depicted in the MCU. The best of these relationships are the unexpected pairings, such as the palpable chemistry between Makkari and Druig. “Eternals” proved to me that while super-speed and mind control is cool, it is the most human aspects of these characters that make me fall in love with them and keep me coming back to Marvel for more.

Summer Walker’s new album “Still Over It” is phenomenal at its best points but is bloated with an unfortunate amount of filler. On tracks like “You Don’t Know Me,” “Section 33,” and “4th Baby Mam,” she manages to convey heartbreak through excellent storytelling and her vocal inflections. This would be standard for this kind of R&B, but it stands out on an album where Walker sounds like she’s only trying to hit the right notes and sound pretty. That advantages the handful of great tracks but works to the detriment of the rest of the record.

At least half of these tracks aren’t worth coming back to. They lack detail and emotion in Walker’s lyrics and voice and all blend together, sounding like what AI would make with an algorithm based on every R&B album since 2016. That isn’t helped by these instrumentals either, whose minimalist sets of drums and bass all sound practically the same. Those instrumental choices are a major problem for this record, as when the beats pick up energy, Walker does as well, producing some of her best work on tracks like “That Right There,” “No Love,” and “Ex for a Reason.” The latter of which makes me feel like more of a hot girl than Megan Thee Stallion’s entire discography. Despite a good amount of filler, I would still recommend it just for its few gems, as this could have been an album-of-the-year contender if it was 30 minutes instead of an hour.

An album about heartbreak BY NIKHIL KUMARAN I hope you have your tissues and your emotional support blanket because Snail Mail will put you in your FEELS with her newest release. Snail Mail, also known as singer-songwriter Lindsey Jordan, hits the indie-pop world hard with her second debut album “Valentine.” In this album, Jordan’s masterful songwriting is complemented by her equally beautiful chord progressions. These powerful tales of heartbreak pull your heartstrings while having you dance in your bedroom. Love and loss are this album’s themes. Hence the fitting name “Valentine.” The album’s first song, “Valentine,” hits Snail Mail fans with a nostalgic effect. It gives the same vibe as Jordan’s previous album, “Lush,” but then quickly hits the listener with an electric chorus that washes right over them. “Headlock” has ethereal guitars and carefully placed piano licks that make you feel as if you’re floating in space. Though the majority of the album fits into the category of indie-pop, Jordan centers us with her sensitive acoustic tracks. “Light Blue” is an acoustic love song with amazing melodies and a chilling cello solo. “C. et al.” is more gentle and pleasant to the ear. It’s the simplicity that makes these songs stand out in particular. The album wraps up with the song “Mia,” which ends the collection of songs on both an introspective and reflective note. With nothing more than an electric guitar, an assortment of string instruments, and her airy voice, Jordan wraps her second album in a melancholic yet dazzling bow.

NOVEMBER 29 — DECEMBER 12

SIX REVIEWS

Permission to Dance On Stage

Spencer The tragically fabled ghost story of princess Diana

The Future

BY KAMI KENDALL

Nathaniel Rateliff & the Night Sweats perfect a remarkable cross between traditional Americana and southern soul in their newest album, “The Future”

Director Pablo Larrain hypnotizes viewers with his enchanting blend of a haunting score and bright, surreal landscapes captured within unique shots that make this biopic read like a refined Ari Aster horror film. Following Princess Diana through a dreaded royal “family” Christmas in the year before her marriage’s dissolution, Larrain masterfully indulges in hints of fantasy and fable while somehow also framing the most intimately accurate portrayal of the princess to grace the big screen. As Diana is dragged into a tension-filled Christmas celebration with the rigidly traditional royal family, the mansion is transformed into a haunted one, full of hidden eyes watching her every move and the imagined ghost of Anne Boleyn mirroring her own experiences. Viewers are immersed in Diana’s unsettled mental state as she copes with a cheating husband and loveless marriage under the scrutiny of the public eye. Scenes contrast between tender moments that she spends as a loving mother to her children and disturbingly harsh scenes of her bulimia and self-harm (which is why this film is not for everybody). Kristen Stewart’s stunning performance is a sweet surprise as her expert reflection of even the princess’s most subtle mannerisms makes it difficult to remember that they are not actually the same person. For someone (like myself) who does not normally bother with royal family affairs, this film is still a must-see simply for its artfully alluring depiction of historical fantasy. Spencer is no doubt a shoo-in for the Oscars.

THE WAKE

BY ABBY VELA Nathaniel Rateliff & the Night Sweats have come back with a fantastic new album, “The Future.” The roots-Americana supergroup brings new life to the traditional acoustics of the genre, and this new record is a perfect example of their expertise. The album opens with its title track, “The Future,” which sets a very distinct tone for the rest of the record. The track is most like traditional Americana in sound, almost country-esque with the use of slide bar guitar. Yet, it keeps a warmth similar to that of the Southern soul. While the track opens the record with a bang, “The Future” quickly reveals itself to be much more than just Americana. “The Future” mixes a multitude of styles that, against all odds, make a perfectly cohesive release. The first single, “Survivor,” as well as “So Put Out,” showcase the band’s complex compositions reminiscent of vintage rhythm & blues. Songs like “I’m On Your Side” and “Love Don’t” unabashedly feature their brass section, whereas “Something Ain’t Right” and “What If I” tone down some of the instrumentals to really highlight the warm hug that is the lead’s voice (not to mention the fantastic gospel choir backup vocals). All in all, I could not recommend “The Future” more. This album serves as the perfect amalgamation of all genres that are ever so American in nature. Especially for those who want to expand their listening beyond the acoustics of traditional folk, Nathaniel Rateliff & the Night Sweats offer a new (or perhaps notso-new) take on Americana.

BTS not only put on another spectacular virtual concert, but also showcased a glimpse of what’s to come for their first inperson concert since 2019 BY LUM CHI The familiar sound of synths and beats of drums filled the stadium. Despite it being online, I, along with ARMY (our fanbase name, which is short for Adorable Representative M.C. for Youth), could feel the energetic pulse of the music rush out of our screens. It was only a few seconds in and the vigor was high. The camera shifted and revealed seven global idols dressed in white, their expressions focused and their stage presence powerful. After a phenomenal act by the drummers, one of the lead vocalists sings out his lyrical part, initiating the first song in their setlist: “ON.” Their wardrobe consisted of bold white clothing, piercings, thorn tattoos, and striking hairstyles. As for their vocals, their mics were on—their voices, growls, and raps cutting and fervid. Unfortunately, Kim Taehyung was not able to participate in the choreography due to a recent injury. But despite having to sit on his throne, he did a beautiful job of exerting his stage presence through his fierce stares, the moving of his upper body with the music’s flow, and through his rich baritone vocals that intensified the emotions of every lyric. For me and many ARMY, it was a huge deal watching BTS perform “ON” (from their 2020 album “Map of the Souls: 7”). That was because the boys wanted to perform the song live for ARMY but couldn’t due to COVID. Fortunately, they’ll soon have their first in-person concert since 2019 in Sofi Stadium in LA in late November and early December.

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