Washington City Paper (January 22, 2016)

CITYPAPER Washington

Food: charity brewhaha 19

Free Volume 36, no. 4 WashingtonCityPaPer.Com January 22–28, 2016

What’s the most densely populated neighborhood in the city?

Why are chickens roaming our streets?

How do guns find their way to D.C.?

Has anything ever been stolen from the Smithsonian?

Why is the block between 6th and 7th streets on the east side of the District so damn long?

Why are the various entries into Rock Creek Parkway basically unmarked around the city?

Which D.C.-area theaters still use film projectors?

How did listservs end up being THE way to communicate in D.C.?

Clie Job Siz Dat

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2 january 22, 2016 washingtoncitypaper.com

INSIDE 10 The

answers issue You asked. We answered, again.

Photographs by Darrow Montgomery

4 ChaTTer DisTriCT Line 6 7 8 9

Unobstructed View Gear Prudence Savage Love Buy D.C.

D.C. FeeD

19 Brewhaha: Charity, kegs, and a missing check 21 Grazer: Reuben pizza vs. Reuben pizza 21 The ’Wiching Hour: The Chickery’s Parmesan Spiked Chicken Feathers

arTs

23 Theater: Klimek on Between Riverside and Crazy and Equus 25 Arts Grazer: Go-go covers of pop songs, ranked 25 One Track Mind: Bleary Eyed’s “Harping” 26 Film: Olszewski on 45 Years and The Lady in the Van

CiTy LisT

29 City Lights: Julien Baker brings her sad songs to DC9 29 Music 34 Dance 35 Theater 37 Film

38 CLassiFieDs Diversions

39 Crossword

“

ThaT’s why iT’s disappoinTing. iT was jusT such a successful evenT. —page 19

”

washingtoncitypaper.com january 22, 2016 3

CHATTER Equality Act

In which readers debate punishments and Postmates

DArrow MontgoMEry

Will Sommer’S piece on Fred Pagan, the former Senate staffer who was sentenced this week to 30 months in prison on a drug conviction, (“Breaking Thad,” Jan. 15) had readers talking about disparities. There were readers who saw inequality in Pagan’s treatment by law enforcement and the courts. “3 years of probation?” loki5586 commented. “The man was buying and selling distribution quantities of serious narcotics...for years. That ‘punishment’ (if you can call it that) is a mere slap on the wrist. Give me a freaking break.” In reference to a Homeland Security special agent telling Pagan, “We know who you are and who you work for. That’s the reason we didn’t break down your door,” the Washington Post’s Radley Balko tweeted, “Members of the political class are spared the blunt end of police violence.” Another reader took issue with a disparity in the coverage itself. “‘volatile mix of hard drugs and gay sex’. Now think, would you have said ‘hard drugs and straight sex’? Thanks for making anything but heterosexual sex sound foreign and inappropriate,” Tom McFarlin commented.

Take Me Out. Did you know that restaurants cannot opt out of participating in some third-party delivery apps? That was just one of the takeaways from Travis Mitchell’s story (“PickUp Artist”) on the issues some local eateries have with apps like Postmates and DoorDash. Page 7 advocated for common sense: “I have had mixed results with Postmates and this article has made me somewhat hesitant to use them. However people using the apps should use common sense when ordering food; I’d never order steak frites through an app.” While restaurateurs interviewed for the piece were concerned about the condition their dishes arrive in, lapopessa offered a consumer point of view: “I’m in the minority - but as a semi-handicapped person who can’t walk far or well, having things delivered has been a Godsend. From Amazon to Postmates or Doordash or Instacart or Task Rabbit, I am grateful for them all. There have been a few times when the food was colder than it should have been, but nuking it hasn’t harmed it (in my humble, un-gormet opinion).

The delivery folks have been 99% great. I’m sure like anything in life there are problems and issues. But I am glad to see these —Sarah Anne Hughes options available to me.”

Want to see your name in bold on this page? Send letters, gripes, clarifications, or praise to editor@washingtoncitypaper.com.

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PUBLISHER EMERITUS: Amy AustIn INTERIM PUBLISHER: ErIc norwood EdITOR: stEVE cAVEndIsH MANAgINg EdITORS: EmIly q. HAzzArd, sArAH AnnE HugHEs ARTS EdITOR: mAtt coHEn FOOd EdITOR: jEssIcA sIdmAn CITy LIgHTS EdITOR: cArolInE jonEs STAFF wRITERS: AndrEw gIAmbronE, wIll sommEr STAFF PHOTOgRAPHER: dArrow montgomEry ONLINE dEVELOPER: zAcH rAusnItz CREATIVE dIRECTOR: jAndos rotHstEIn ART dIRECTOR: lAurEn HEnEgHAn CONTRIBUTINg wRITERS: jEffrEy AndErson, jonEttA rosE bArrAs, ErIcA brucE, soPHIA busHong, KrIston cAPPs, rIlEy crogHAn, jEffry cudlIn, ErIn dEVInE, sAdIE dIngfEldEr, mAtt dunn, noAH gIttEll, ElEnA gouKAssIAn, trEy grAHAm, lAurA HAyEs, louIs jAcobson, AmrItA KHAlId, stEVE KIVIAt, cHrIs KlImEK, joHn KrIzEl, mAEVE mcdErmott, cHrIstInE mAcdonAld, trAVIs mItcHEll, mArcus j. moorE, justIn moyEr, trIcIA olszEwsKI, EVE ottEnbErg, mIKE PAArlbErg, tIm rEgAn, sofIA rEsnIcK, rEbEccA j. rItzEl, bEtH sHooK, jordAn-mArIE smItH, mAtt tErl, tAmmy tucK, nAtAlIE VIllAcortA, KAArIn VEmbAr, jonEllE wAlKEr, EmIly wAlz, joE wArmInsKy, mIcHAEl j. wEst, brAndon wu dIRECTOR OF AUdIENCE dEVELOPMENT: sArA dIcK SALES MANAgER: mElAnIE bAbb SENIOR ACCOUNT ExECUTIVES: joE HIcKlIng, ArlEnE KAmInsKy, AlIcIA mErrItt ACCOUNT ExECUTIVES: stu KElly, cHrIsty sIttEr, cHAd VAlE SALES OPERATIONS MANAgER: HEAtHEr mcAndrEws dIRECTOR OF MARKETINg ANd EVENTS: cHloE fEdynA BUSINESS dEVELOPMENT ASSOCIATE: EdgArd IzAguIrrE OPERATIONS dIRECTOR: jEff boswEll SENIOR SALES OPERATION ANd PROdUCTION COORdINATOR: jAnE mArtInAcHE SOUTHCOMM: CHIEF ExECUTIVE OFFICER: cHrIs fErrEll CHIEF FINANCIAL OFFICER: Ed tEArmAn CHIEF OPERATINg OFFICER: blAIr joHnson ExECUTIVE VICE PRESIdENT: mArK bArtEl LOCAL AdVERTISINg: (202) 332-2100 FAx: (202) 618-3959, Ads@wAsHIngtoncItyPAPEr.com VOL. 36, NO. 4, JAN. 22–28, 2016 wAsHIngton cIty PAPEr Is PublIsHEd EVEry wEEK And Is locAtEd At 1400 EyE st. nw, suItE 900, wAsHIngton, d.c. 20005. cAlEndAr submIssIons ArE wElcomEd; tHEy must bE rEcEIVEd 10 dAys bEforE PublIcAtIon. u.s. subscrIPtIons ArE AVAIlAblE for $250 PEr yEAr. IssuE wIll ArrIVE sEVErAl dAys AftEr PublIcAtIon. bAcK IssuEs of tHE PAst fIVE wEEKs ArE AVAIlAblE At tHE offIcE for $1 ($5 for oldEr IssuEs). bAcK IssuEs ArE AVAIlAblE by mAIl for $5. mAKE cHEcKs PAyAblE to wAsHIngton cIty PAPEr or cAll for morE oPtIons. © 2016 All rIgHts rEsErVEd. no PArt of tHIs PublIcAtIon mAy bE rEProducEd wItHout tHE wrIttEn PErmIssIon of tHE EdItor.

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washingtoncitypaper.com january 22, 2016 5

UNOBSTRUCTEDVIEW Please Let Us Read You, Washington Times

By Matt Terl

Get your order right.

LEARN FRENCH Alliance Française de Washington

BOISSO

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francedc.org

6 january 22, 2016 washingtoncitypaper.com

N O S S I PO

D.C. is a two-daily-newspaper town, at least nominally. That’s valuable on many levels, but it’s a particular benefit for sports fans, as it should increase the amount of smart writing on the local teams.

Which makes it a pity that the Washington Times’ online presence is so glutted with ads that it’s more or less unusable. Even up against the Washington Post’s browserslowing, memory hog of a site , the Times’ awfulness stands out.

Here’s what happens when you click a link to a Washington Times sports story on mobile* : At first, it seems like everything is OK. The page seems to load. The trouble starts a second later, when the content is completely covered up by a full screen video ad for the Outdoor Channel.

Once that closes, a banner for Unjury medical-quality protein hovers over the bottom of the screen, while a Madden NFL Mobile ad cycles through a banner on the top. The Madden ad rolls up and disappears, although a bit hangs out and flickers cheerfully as you scroll.

So far, this is pretty standard online advertising, annoying but not atypical. With the interstitial ad cleared, you’re looking at the lead picture from the article, as normal.

Then, before you even get to the headline, an embedded video player rambles about Chef Robert Irvine working out with the Golden Dragons.

Only after that do you get the headline, the byline, the dateline, and—finally!—two paragraphs of sweet, sweet sports news... immediately followed by “Web Offers,” an embedded suite of fake stories, randomly chosen from a pool.

Each of these ads is a picture that runs the width of the screen, accompanied by a come-on-you-know-you-want-to-readit headline. Your scrolling must be precise, lest you accidentally click on: ...A stock photo of a woman looking depressed, with: “Breast tenderness affects millions of women each month. Is there anything they can do?” Scroll. ...A picture of four fingers, two a livid red, two frighteningly pale: “4 Blood Pressure Drugs That Should Be Banned.” Scroll. ...A TD Ameritrade ad that is actually

relieving in its banality. Scroll. ...A young woman in Daisy Dukes and a tanktop hiding her face with handcuffed hands as a police officer guides her by the elbow: “New Rule in Maryland Leaves Drivers Shocked & Furious.”

Scroll, and finally you’re back to the article.

This “Web Offers” section can get pretty gnarly, showing pictures of diseased wounds and swollen feet, which is exactly what I’m looking for when I click on a story about new Caps center Mike Richards.

I’m not exaggerating when I say that I almost never make it through an article. I’m also not exaggerating when I say that I now rarely bother clicking at all, unless I’m on an actual computer—where the layout improves the signal-to-noise ratio of the page—with a good ad blocker running. (Yes, I’m aware of the questionable morality of ad blockers.

I’ve worked through it.)

It is a genuinely terrible user experience; tweets about this are met with levels of agreement you generally only see for tweets complaining about Randy Wittman.

It’s not just readers that are noticing— it appears that the Times is aware as well. I reached out to Adam VerCammen, their director of Advertising and Sales, to ask him about the situation.

“We’re in the process of revamping the experience for all visitors to our website, and are always working to refine and improve a business model that ensures our loyal readers continue to get the free content they’ve come to enjoy,” he says.

Hopefully they mean it, because they’ve assembled a good sports staff, a nice mix of up-and-coming enthusiasm and veteran experience—not just some random exbloggers they scraped off the street—and it would be nice to be able to read their work without dodging eight pictures of oozing sores.

But until the revamp is done, though, D.C. is less a two newspaper town, and more a one-newspaper-and-one-overcafCP feinated-ad-circular town.

Follow Matt Terl on Twitter @Matt_Terl. *For precision’s sake, this specific example is from an iPhone 6, first on the native browser on my third-party Twitter client, then on Apple’s default Safari browser.

Gear Prudence: Something keeps happening to me when I’m riding my bike, and I don’t know why: Drivers keep asking me for directions! Why does this keep happening? I don’t get it, and, frankly, I don’t really like it that much. Can’t they just look it up on the maps on their phones instead of bothering me? —Mobile and Peeved Dear MAP: You have accurately identified a common phenomenon, especially in the more touristy parts of town. You’ll be minding your own business, stopped a red light and engaged in deep thought (like “Ugh, red light”), when from a dark green minivan with Ohio plates and bumper stickers promising a cargo of middle school honor-roll students comes the shout, “Hey buddy, which way to the White House?” But rather than simply respond with a noncommittal “Um, that way,” you question the whole affair with a Kerriganian “Whyyyyyyy? Why me?” The “why” isn’t that complicated, and it’s certainly not because you stand in the way of the gold at Lillehammer—it’s because you’re there.

Even though satellites have assiduously mapped the world and smartphones will read out turn-by-turn directions, people still trust other people more than digital maps. And since you’re just standing there, unimpeded by your own window, a bicyclist is an obvious target.

Moreover, bicyclists are assumed to be locals who might be able to provide exacting cartographic insight that Waze can’t. Maybe they ask because helmets have positive associations with firefighters, soldiers, and construction workers, who are societal paragons of certitude and helpfulness, or maybe it’s because the driver is taking very seriously the obligation to not use his phone while driving. Just kidding—it’s not that. Really, it’s mostly because you’re the closest person who might be able to help them, and they really need some help. Do the best you can, and if you don’t know the way, say “sorry” and wish them the best of luck.

There is, however, a problem with relying on bicyclists to provide directions (aside from the problem of unfriendly ones rolling their eyes at you). While it’s true that the average urban bicyclist will be well-acquainted with his or her route (and maybe even some adjacent territory), the navigation needs of a bicyclists and drivers are quite different. The mental map of a place conceived by someone getting around by bike can vary quite a lot from that of someone who goes mostly by car. You run the risk of being directed by a bicyclist not to the most expeditious car route but to the one that makes sense for bicycle travel. Don’t be too surprised if you end up —GP on slow streets with bike lanes.

Gear Prudence is Brian McEntee, who tweets @sharrowsDC. Got a question about bicycling?

Email gearprudence@washcp.com. washingtoncitypaper.com january 22, 2016 7

SAVAGELOVE I am no longer sexually active, but I have a significant collection of sex toys from earlier years.

I’m thinking of getting rid of most of them, and it seems such a waste for them to end up in the landfill. What’s an environmentally responsible way to dispose of dildos? I wish there was a place I could donate the dildos where they could be used again. Many of them are quality silicone types, they’ve never been used on a person without a condom, and they’ve been thoroughly cleaned. I’d be happy to donate them to impoverished dildo users in need, if only I knew where to send them.

—Reduce, Reuse, Recycle Your question comes up frequently, RRR, and there really isn’t a satisfactory answer.

In Seattle, where I live, a community tool bank recently opened in my neighborhood— but they don’t collect and lend the kind of tools you’re looking to donate. I’ve heard about dildo graveyards in other cities (spots in parks where people bury their used sex toys), but burying sex toys isn’t environmentally responsible. And while high-quality dildos can be cleaned and safely reused, most people are pretty squeamish about the idea. Which is odd, considering that we routinely reuse actual cocks that have been enjoyed by others—so why not the fake ones?

But even if I can’t tell you what to do with your dildos, RRR, I can tell you what not to do with them: Do not ship your used dildos to the anti-government militia currently occupying a federal wildlife refuge in rural Oregon. After militia members asked supporters to send them supplies—via the US Postal Service—their spokesperson complained bitterly about all the dildos they were getting in the mail. So if you decide to put your used dildos in a box and send them somewhere, RRR, please make sure the address on the box doesn’t read: Bundy Militia, c/o Malheur National Wildlife Refuge, 36391 Sodhouse Lane, Princeton, Ore., 97721.

—Dan Savage

I understand that monogamy is not something people are good at—and that’s fine. In fact, most of the people I know are in healthy poly or monogamish relationships. Here’s the thing: I’m monogamous. Not the “I’m attracted to other people but won’t act on it because it makes me uncomfortable or believe it’s wrong” kind of monogamous, but the “I genuinely have ZERO desire to fuck anyone but my partner” kind of monogamous. Fantasizing about others is fun, so is looking, so is porn and role-play. There’s a world of deliciously kinky, weird, and wonderful sex stuff I’d LOVE to explore until my sexy bits fall off. But I want to do those things with one partner and one partner only in a monogamous, intimate relationship. Here’s the kicker: I’d like my partner to feel the same way. I don’t want someone to enter into a monogamous relationship with me if in their heart/groin they’d genuinely like to fuck other people. Am I a lost cause? Surely I can’t be the only genuinely monogamous person there is? I’m 31 and still turn heads, but I worry my quest for a partner who feels as I do is impossible and a waste of my time.

—One 4 One

If you’re having a hard time finding partners who want what you want—a monogamous commitment without the stress of maintaining the monogamous pretense/facade/fraud, i.e., pretending they don’t at least think about fucking other people—either you’re living in some sort of poly parallel universe where nonmonogamy is the default setting or you’re not giving others the same benefit of the doubt you’ve given yourself. You wanna fuck other people and you don’t seem to think that disqualifies you from making, honoring, and genuinely wanting both a monogamous commitment and a monogamous sex life. (The two don’t always go hand in hand.)

If you’re breaking up with people for admitting to the same things you’ve admitted to in your question—you might think about fucking other people, but you don’t want to actually fuck other people—then you’re the reason your quest to find a partner has been —Dan so frustrating.

He’s unrelentingly racist. I shouldn’t have children with him—right?

I’m 33, blah blah blah, and live in a big city. I’ve been dating an age-appropriate person for a year and a half. Everything seemed fine (great sex, common interests and hobbies, similar work ethic, we even talked about raising children), but my partner is so damn angry and full of hate. Mostly it manifests itself in racism, and I really don’t like it. He says that I “don’t understand,” like he’s gone through experiences that would justify wholesale prejudice against entire groups of people. The passing of David Bowie has accentuated these differences between us. I want to live better and brighter, to love more, but my boyfriend just keeps hating. He’s unrelentingly racist. I shouldn’t have children with him—right? Better to be 33 and alone—right? This racist stuff is a deal breaker—right? DTMFA—right?

—Racist Anger Gradually Ends Relationship

You value monogamy, you want a monogamous commitment, and you want someone who feels the same. That great, O4O, and you have my full support. But you do acknowledge that fantasies about others can be fun, as can looking, as can porn (watching others) and role-play (pretending to be others). So while you may wanna fuck other people—hence the looking and fantasizing and role-playing—you have no desire to actually fuck other people.

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Right.

—Dan

My best female friend is marrying her boyfriend in March and wants to go on a gay bar crawl on the night of her bachelorette party. She says it won’t be a problem because, as a bi woman, she’s part of the LGBT community too and because gay people can get married now. As a gay man, Dan, do you oppose bachelorette parties in gay bars?

—Queer And Questioning I oppose bachelorette parties in gay bars—or anywhere else, QAQ, and I feel the exact same —Dan way about bachelor parties.

A few weeks ago, you answered a letter from Seeks Discreet Call Service, a woman in an open marriage who was having Tinder hookups in hotel rooms while traveling for work. She was concerned about her safety and wanted to have someone check in on her, but she couldn’t tell her partner about her hookups (DADT arrangement) or her friends (she’s not out about her open marriage). She specifically asked if there was an app that might help, and you told her there wasn’t an app for that. You were wrong, Dan! There are actually several apps.

PCWorld published a roundup of a few of them a couple of years ago (“5 Personal Safety Apps That Watch Your Back,” by Amber Bouman), and there’s an app called Kitestring (kitestring.io) that has gotten some glowing reviews. The gist is that you use the app to set a timer, and when it goes off, you have to alert the app that you are OK. Otherwise, the app automatically contacts emergency services or a predetermined contact and lets them know you are in trouble at your location. So technology does have a solution for SDCS’s problem!

—Technological Enhancements Can Help Man, I really blew that response—so thanks to TECH and everyone else who clued me in to Kitestring, StaySafe, Watch Over Me, bSafe, and all the other apps out there that are exactly —Dan what SDCS was looking for.

Send your Savage Love questions to mail@savagelove.net.

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Thermo jug, $19.99. Hill’s Kitchen. 713 D St. SE. (202) 543-1997.

A Little Sugar in My Bowl Doctoring your cup of joe can be a beautiful part of your morning routine.

Sugar and creamer set, $17. Willow. 843 Upsher St. NW. (202) 643-2323.

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Just Peachy This issue of Lucky Peach focuses entirely on breakfast, and it’s beautiful enough to be a permanent part of your library.

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Where are all of the District’s prisoners sent around the country since we don’t have a prison?

It doesn’t matter whether you Google, you Bing, or you Yahoo—not every answer is found on the Internet. Oh, sure, you can ask Siri how guns get into D.C., but she’ll tell you that “there’s no match found for that.” (No, Siri doesn’t work for the NRA.) Humans, it seems, are still valuable sources of information, for now. So when we asked for what’s been on your mind, you came back with some great queries: Why are neighborhoods still on listservs? Who enforces traffic on Eastern Avenue? What is the deal with our collective New York inferiority complex? Aren’t food deliveries left on doorsteps a health code violation? What follows is the Answers Issue, where we try to put a few of those burning questions to rest. Got more for us? Drop us a line at citydesk@washingtoncitypaper.com, and we’ll see if we can solve them, too.

PhotograPhs by Darrow MontgoMery 10 january 22, 2016 washingtoncitypaper.com

—Steve Cavendish

D.C. Code offenders serve their sentences in federal prison in dozens of states all over the country. They used to go to the Lorton Correctional Complex, located in Fairfax County and which the District operated, but the National Capital Revitalization and Self-Government Improvement Act, which Congress passed in 1997, required the prison to close and its prisoners to move into federal custody.

Ever since Lorton closed in 2001, D.C.’s felons have resided in federal prisons hundreds or thousands of miles from home.

Most D.C. offenders are in prisons in the eastern United States: The state with the most is West Virginia, with 939, followed

by Pennsylvania (747) and North Carolina (486). Maryland, Virginia, Kentucky, New Jersey, and South Carolina fall into the next tier, with at least 150 inmates each from D.C. Some D.C. offenders are nowhere near the District though. California, Arizona, Oregon, and the other Washington combine to house about 174 prisoners total from the District (precise numbers were not available for all states).

Though D.C. is unique in its lack of a state prison, federal prisoners all over the country face the prospect of incarceration in a distant state. It’s the prerogative of the Bureau of Prisons to decide where federal inmates will serve their sentence. The agency aims to place offenders within 500 miles of home, but it often does not, for capacity or security reasons.

The arrangement is not all bad for the District. The city no longer has to bear the huge costs of operating a prison. Lorton’s closure lifted a financial burden off the city, which helped it emerge from the Control Board era.

But the distance does affect prisoners, often beyond their time in detention. Contact with loved ones, social services providers, and members of their religious community may help offenders prepare better for life outside of prison. Del. Eleanor Holmes Norton has pushed to keep more D.C. offenders close to home, and she has had some success. In 2010, the Bureau of Prisons agreed to let offenders with sentences of six months or shorter be housed at the D.C. Jail—and the feds cover the costs. Juveniles convicted as adults used to be sent to a facility in North Dakota. As Norton puts it, “They sent you all the way to Siberia.” Now they can remain in D.C. until they become adults. Norton says her ideal scenario would be for BOP to build a new prison near the District, but that would require the unlikely support of Congress. In lieu of that, Norton says she wants to get BOP to convert its prison in Cumberland, Md., or Petersburg, Va., into a D.C.-only facility. Since that’s a long shot too, Norton has a more modest goal: Let prisoners spend their final year at one of the two or three prisons closest to D.C., assuming they’re not already there. “I think this —Zach Rausnitz is doable,” she says.

risdiction, meaning that if you’re even one percent responsible for the events that precipitated the crash, you’re unlikely to collect any civil damages as a result. This is just as true for the cyclist as it is for the driver—they were both negligent in some way and since neither is 100 percent blameless, neither will win in court.

Takeaway: Avoid this whole situation because it’s a mess. Bike with lights at night, and always look before opening a car door.

—Brian McEntee

How did listservs end up being THE way to communicate in D.C.?

Why are there chickens roaming the streets of D.C.?

Yes, that’s right: D.C.’s streets are teeming with chickens. In December, Popville posted a bystander’s photo of a bird, and NPR last year captured a loose chicken outside of its office and quickly burdened it with its own Twitter account (@NPRChicken). To put a precise figure on the seething masses of poultry running amok in the District: Last year, the Washington Humane Society rescued into its custody 17 chickens, according to Chief Community Animal Welfare Officer Scott Giacoppo. “We get our fair share of calls,” he says, noting the permanent presence of a coop to house rescue birds at one of the organization’s facilities. At least four of those came from owners who surrendered their birds after animal control officers informed them it was illegal to have them.

To reiterate: You are not allowed to keep a chicken in D.C. Do not purchase any chicks by mail in the hopes that you will nurture a quaint, clucking coopful of laying hens. You’re not Martha Stewart, this isn’t Westchester County, and Blake Lively isn’t coming over later to Instagram anything of yours. Do not purchase chicks for your children on Easter. Do not get a wild hair to slaughter your own dinner. No chickens for you, District resident.

There’s another source of roaming chickens in the city: Practitioners of Santeria purchase chickens, goats, and other farm animals for sacrifice, and those animals, maybe sensing their impending public executions, get loose.

Giacoppo says his team has found sites where

ritual slaughter has occurred, and the rescue organization gets about a call a year blowing the whistle on (illegal) religious animal sacrifice. Of course, the actual number of sacrifices far outnumbers the cases reported, so there are very good odds that the next time you see a chicken racing around the city, it’s running for its life. Do not add to its misery by signing it up for a Twitter account, no matter how precocious that idea might strike you at first.

—Emily Q. Hazzard

We have email to thank for that. Even though everyone hates it, everyone has it.

Even better, people check it regularly. And it’s all one needs to register for a listserv, no matter if it’s a Gmail, Hotmail, Yahoo Mail, or a work email address. Google Groups, one alternative to the listserv, requires a Google account in order to participate. That’s a low hurdle to clear, but anything that gives listservs an advantage amplifies the network effect (where services grow more useful as they become larger). Why bother taking up a Google Groups habit when you can connect with more of your neighbors on the neighborhood listserv?

But, eventually, the reason for listservs’ staying power could become their undoing. Email is bad. Nobody likes it. Users of Slack delight over the chat service in part because it eliminates a great deal of intra-office email (arguably the worst kind of email). Perhaps someday neighbors will move their list-

serv discussions to Slack communities, with channels for information about local #creeps or #rabidanimals or #schools. Then, if you aren’t a parent, you can opt out of the #schools channel.

The app Nextdoor, a social network for neighborhoods, provides some of this filtering. It lets users choose to see messages pertaining to only their immediate neighborhood or include a broader geographic area.

They can filter messages by category, too.

But it can’t match the user base of listservs, at least in my neighborhood, where Nextdoor has only 133 registered members and no new postings in six weeks. There may be a future where people reach a large audience of their neighbors without relying on email, but we’re —Zach Rausnitz not there yet.

Which D.C.-area theaters still use film projectors?

I’ll admit: When I heard that the Smithsonian’s Air and Space Museum’s IMAX theater was switching from a 70mm projector to laser digital projection, I figured the only place left to catch movies projected on film was the AFI Silver Theatre. No so. Though digital projection dominates theaters in the D.C. area, there are still some other places that sporadically screen in 35mm. The National Gallery of Art’s East Building Auditorium and Freer Gallery’s Meyer Auditorium still have the capability to project film, but they’re under renovation until fall 2016 and summer 2017, respectively. The Library of Congress’ Mary Pickford Theater also has 35mm screening capabilities.

If a bicyclist isn’t wearing or using lights and reflectors at night, who is responsible if a car driver opens his or her door in front of the unseen bicyclist, injuring the latter?

The two wrongs here don’t cancel each other out. Bicyclists are required by law to have a front white light and a rear reflector. Drivers and passengers are required by law to open car doors in such a way as to not interfere with traffic, so the cyclist’s lack of light doesn’t absolve the driver from responsibility to open the door safely. Both the driver and the cyclist screwed up, and they could both be cited at the scene for their respective failures. In practice, police have a great deal of discretion in these matters, and at the scene could choose to ticket one party, both parties, or neither.

Where it gets especially interesting is when after the incident, either the cyclist or the driver attempts to sue the other for damages. D.C. is a contributory negligence juwashingtoncitypaper.com january 22, 2016 11

I see lots of cabs driving around with a regular license plate and then an additional license plate from another state (often Virginia) tacked on to the back. What’s up with that?

“The dual tags are found on vehicles that are co-titled between an individual who is a Virginia resident and a D.C. taxicab company,” says Neville Waters, a spokesperson for the D.C. Taxicab Commission. The D.C. Department of Motor Vehicles “requires a District address to register the vehicle, and Virginia requires their license plate if the driver wants to park at his Virginia residence,” he continues. So for cabbies who live across the Potomac and don’t want to walk across the Arlington Memorial, Theodore Roosevelt Memorial, or Francis Scott Key bridges to get home every day, doubling up on license plates is the legally sanctioned way to go. They get their taxation with representation, and can be for lovers, too.

Waters explains that “the dual-plate practice is a leftover from the long-ago Councilmember Jim Graham [who] brokered [a] deal when D.C. residency became a requirement for vehicle registration.” This motivated some drivers to co-title their cars with District taxi companies. What’s up with that, you ask? In brief: DMV politics (the region, but also the agency with the long lines).

—Andrew Giambrone

What’s the deal with restaurants getting food deliveries left outside their front doors? Isn’t that a figurative—if not literal— health code violation?

It’s not completely uncommon for bread or produce deliveries to arrive before employees of the restaurant, and leaving food packages on the doorstep is not a health code violation in and of itself, according to the D.C. Department of Health. That said, it is very possible that leaving the food unattended outside could lead to violations. For example, the food, depending on what it is, may reach unsafe temperatures, which is a violation. Or if people or pests tamper with the food, it could be considered contaminated or adulterated, which is also a violation. DOH officials say that they can’t legally prevent establishments from getting food delivered on their stoops, but if any violations are observed or documented, the agency will take regulatory action.

The person posing this question sent along a bunch of photos of deliveries, mostly bread,

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reader-submitted photo

From time to time, Landmark’s E Street Cinema uses its capability to screen 35mm in its largest auditorium, mostly for special engagements and select films in their Midnight Madness series. While none of the other indie theaters in the D.C. area screen film, I’m told the Alamo Drafthouse in Ashburn, Va., is getting a 35mm projector installed later this month, which means District cinephiles will now have a reason to trek out to Ashburn, Va. —Matt Cohen

left at the doorsteps of restaurants, including Duke’s Grocery. Owner Daniel Kramer says they receive deliveries of fresh bread from Lyon Bakery every morning, but it’s not standard practice for them to sit unattended.

“This appears to be the rare delivery that arrived a little while before we did that morning,” he says.

Meanwhile, Michael Bonk, chef of The Pig, says that boxes of vegetables are occasionally stacked on the sidewalk at the restaurant’s front door before anyone arrives to bring them in. Tuscarora Farms delivers the produce twice a week, on Tuesdays and Fridays. “If you don’t like their delivery time, then you don’t order from them,” Bonk says.

“I get here every morning by 9 a.m., but sometimes they get here at like 7 o’clock in the morning… I try not to have it ever happen, if possible.”

Bonk grew up in Wilmington, Del., where he remembers bakeries making deliveries first thing in the morning. “Everyone would have their rolls out for two hours before the sub shops would open,” he says. “So it’s not that odd to me for it to happen… I definitely understand the concerns, but I think it happens quite frequently, depending on what product you’re looking at.”

Bonk says he’s never had any problems with boxes being tampered with. He also insists that everything in produce boxes is washed and transferred into new containers. “We never go straight from delivery to your plate,” he says. And items like meat are never left unattended outside. “That would make me really —Jessica Sidman worried,” he says.

What’s the deal with the off-brand “Sbarro’s” in Union Station?

While the company’s name is officially Sbarro, the Union Station sign reads “Sbarro’s Pizzeria.” Scandalous, I know. Sbarro spokesperson Adrienne Sender says the pizza chain’s branding has changed over the years, and what you see is simply an older style. Sbarro began a nationwide rebranding, including a new logo and remodeled eateries, last fall.

The Union Station outpost is scheduled for its own revamp in the “near future,” so it likely won’t have that rogue signage much longer.

—Jessica Sidman

Where can I learn jewelry design in D.C.?

It depends on what type of jewelry design you would like to pursue. Do you want to learn about beading? Soldering? Precious metal clay?

“Start real simple to learn basic skills,” advises local jeweler Rachel Pfeffer. “Start with beading or wire wrapping, then move on to a class that involves metalsmithing.”

Bedazzled (1507 Connecticut Ave. NW) offers classes on the fundamentals. Check out earring design on Jan. 31, introduction to beading on Feb. 21, or advanced wiring techniques on Feb. 28. If you are willing to travel to Old Town, Art League’s (105 North Union St., Alexandria) metal jewelry classes begin on Feb. 15. You’ll learn about jewelry layout, soldering, chain making, and stone setting.

Sitar Arts Center (1700 Kalorama Road

For how long has D.C.’s New York inferiority complex existed?

What role have certain patronizing New York publications played in this process?

NW) offers a jewelry design class for students and adults, and its spring schedule starts on Jan. 25. Finally, JewelryClassDC (52 O St. NW, Suite 105) offers a number of level one classes in late February. These eight-week courses focus on essential techniques and metalsmithing safety practices. You’ll walk out with four professionally finished products.

—Kaarin Vembar

How does Jerry Edwards feel about WAMU getting rid of his morning traffic reports?

In November, WAMU dropped Edwards, citing a change in the way that its listeners get their traffic news. It seems the smartphone made Edwards, who had been doing traffic reports on D.C.-area radio since 1984, obsolete.

“I was sad and disappointed,” Edwards says from his home outside Sarasota, Fla. “I worked very hard for almost four years to give the best traffic I possibly could for WAMU. That was their goal. They just felt like times had changed and phones and tablets are the way to go. I disagree with that. I believe that radio traffic is still a very viable and necessary piece of the puzzle as far as information for travelers.”

Edwards moved to Florida in 2012 and did his broadcasts, ironically, using technology, like the network of webcams on the area’s highways. But that progress is something you should ignore when you get behind the wheel, Edwards says.

“You don’t want to drive looking at smart-

phones. First of all, it’s illegal and it’s not wise at all. And radio traffic is immediate.

And anyone who says it’s not doesn’t know what they’re talking about,” he says. “Even though I’m in Florida, I can look at the traffic camera on I-395 at Duke Street, see an accident and ‘Pow!’ put it on the radio five seconds later. That is immediate. Since I’ve left, I’ve had literally hundreds of emails from people saying how sorry they are that I’m gone, which is very heartwarming, and I’m very appreciative of that.”

—Steve Cavendish

It’s not a real inferiority complex, OK?! We are just as much of a city as New York. And you know what? New York is not that great, if you really think about it...

Dammit. I see what’s going on here. All right, the inferiority complex is real, especially among D.C.’s newcomers, but a funny thing happens the longer you stay in the District: You find yourself comparing dicks with other big American cities less and less.

And here’s a theory that might explain why this measuring up gets old with time: Because of D.C.’s rich historical association with power and intellectualism, the city tends to perform a kind of bait-and-switch with visitors or recent transplants. You come here expecting to rub shoulders with senators or witness Pulitzer-grubbing journalists having tete-atetes with shadowy sources at historic bars, or at least feel some kind of power infuse your daily life. But usually, you’re not important enough to hobnob with anybody who’s anybody except on the rarest of occasions. And so you find yourself in a perfectly great city with its own everyday kind of charm and wit, and with a music scene that generally doesn’t give a fuck about what New York is doing, surrounded by people going about their lives entirely agnostic to the power boners happen-

ing mere blocks from whatever. If you’ve been here a few years and don’t realize what the District has going for it, and you’re still smarting over how not-powerful the very best parts of the city are, you don’t understand the city.

You probably never will. Go home. You don’t intend to stay, and we probably don’t want you to stick around, anyway.

But here’s another theory: Certain storied New York news media (we’re looking at you, Old Gray Lady) can’t seem to give this city the time of day when they report on the goings-on that happen outside those storied halls of power, so the bait-and-switch endures. Remember when recently one of their travel writers suggested that a solid visit would entail a trip to CityCenterDC, a meal at Momofuku, and a visit to a museum that did not yet have an opening date? Remember how writers at publications worldwide ascribe import to D.C. things according to their proximity to the White House?

If you discovered that D.C. was a city you weren’t at all expecting, it’s perhaps because the District’s charms are still well-kept secrets to those who don’t really care to live here. Maybe we like it that way.

—Emily Q. Hazzard

Why are the various entries into Rock Creek Parkway basically unmarked around the city?

Ah, Rock Creek Parkway: the serpentine road that slithers for roughly three miles from the Lincoln Memorial up to Calvert Street NW,

Which jurisdiction gets to enforce speeding and traffic violations on Eastern Ave? The District handles the traffic enforcement— mostly. Eastern Avenue NE’s position right on the border between the District and Maryland’s Prince George’s County looks ripe for jurisdictional disputes, but Metropolitan Police Department spokesperson Lt. Sean Conboy says MPD handles most traffic issues on the street. That’s because, per Conboy, most of Eastern Avenue falls inside the city limits. But the District hasn’t always had such a simple relationship with the streets on its border. In 2014, MPD realized that it had inadvertently placed one of the city’s many speed cameras inside Maryland, on Southern Avenue. The camera was eventually removed and replaced with another one that didn’t infringe on Maryland’s sovereignty, thanks to a work crew armed with a tape measure.

—Will Sommer washingtoncitypaper.com january 22, 2016 13

1983. Relics of its past remain, though. One of the oldest artifacts is a clock that hangs near the front entrance—it dates back to the late 18th century. “The animal heads along the bar are all from the original Old Ebbitt.

All the steins are,” Managing Director David Moran says. Items from previous iterations of the restaurant aren’t hidden in any back closet. “Most of it’s on display.”

—Jessica Sidman

Why? Just why?

just west of Connecticut Avenue NW, and partially abuts the Potomac. Why hath you so little signage?

The “classic example is that my girlfriend and I were driving up Massachusetts Avenue NW trying to get back onto Rock Creek Parkway,” the reader explains. “We passed the entrance initially because we thought that couldn’t be the entrance to the Parkway...it’s unmarked and next to a school, etc….and is also closed during some hours if you read about it enough! I don’t think I’m the only one that is confused.”

Let’s deal with the second part of the question first. Like some other roads in the District, traffic on Rock Creek and Potomac Parkway (as it’s officially called) changes direction based on the time of day. It goes south one-way between 6:45 a.m. and 9:30 a.m. and north one-way between 3:45 p.m. to 6:30 p.m., Monday through Friday (except on federal holidays). The parkway is open to traffic in both directions outside of those times—which is to say, not during rush hour.

The number of signs is constant: There are at least six entrance and welcome signs to the parkway. But even the National Park Service knows that’s not enough.

“As an urban park in the heart of the District, Rock Creek Park has complex geographic boundaries,” says a spokesperson for NPS, which oversees Rock Creek Parkway and Park. “The NPS is working with partners to seek funding to develop a master plan to update and improve signs for transportation, interpretation, and wayfinding along the park’s roads and throughout its nearly

3,000 acres across the District. We’re committed to making sure park visitors can easily identify locations as part of Rock Creek Park and navigate their way through the park while learning about and enjoying its natural, cultural, and recreational resources.”

—Andrew Giambrone

How old is the Old Ebbitt Grill?

Old Ebbitt Grill claims to be the “oldest saloon in Washington,” but it really depends when you start counting. The restaurant likes to trace its lineage back to 1856, when William E. Ebbitt opened a boarding house called the Ebbitt House with a bar. But that building no longer exists, and the bar didn’t have a name of its own at the time. The watering hole has closed, moved, and reopened numerous times since then. In 1910, it was called New Ebbitt Cafe when it opened inside a newly renovated Ebbitt House hotel at the corner of 14th and F streets NW. In 1926, the building was razed to make way for the National Press Club building, but elements of the decor were salvaged for a new location at 1427 F St. NW (just around the corner from its current digs). For the first time, the restaurant and bar was dubbed Old Ebbitt Grill. Clyde’s Restaurant Group owners John Laytham and Stuart Davidson purchased the place in 1970 in a tax auction.

(As the story goes, Laytham came for the beer stein collection but ended up dropping $11,200 for the entire business.)

Old Ebbitt Grill moved into its current, much larger home at 675 15th St. NW in

14 january 22, 2016 washingtoncitypaper.com

Ah, existential angst. It’s one of the more satisfying angsts a person can have—nail-biting over whether you put your underwear on inside out or whether your retirement portfolio is really as diverse as it ought to be just don’t scratch an itch the way a plaintive wail into the night does.

I feel strongly that there are other local writers who could answer this question handily: Solo-ish’s excellent stable (they truly specialize in angst of all kinds) or perhaps Martin Di Caro, whose angst over Metro’s foibles might be some of the most gut-wrenching this century will ever see published. On the other hand, our own Jessica Sidman’s view of D.C. steakhouses is a very pure and focussed angst with an aftertaste of futile rage… you get the idea.

But it’s my turn at the wheel, so I’ll point you in the direction of an anthropologist named Roy Wagner, one of the wildest thinkers in the entire discipline. He teaches at the University of Virginia, one of the least-wild institutions ever erected, because it’s an ode to old white men, a group his-

torically noted for their primordial fear of wildness and blase disregard for the angst of others. Wagner is none of these things, and his theories are actually so bonkers they can melt steel. His signature idea is that reality, culture, and lives—that is, the thing that you’re doing and submerged in all the time; which is to say, in a sense, the soup of life— are crafted, performed, and constantly built by way of shifting and rearranging and giving meaning to symbols. It’s the doing of the thing that makes the thing and gives it meaning; the symbol stands for itself, as he put it. Actually, in the very preface for Symbols That Stand for Themselves, probably his most psychedelic and planet-shifting book, he writes that “Its argument is that the human phenomenon is a single, coherent idea, organized mentally, physically, and culturally around the form of perception that we call ‘meaning.’” Physically?! Where it gets even crazier is his later work on the work of observation itself (in other words, anthropology), and the idea that by observing cultural phenomena, anthropologists are engaging in yet another act of symbol-creation. It’s a bit like the opposite of definition by observation; it’s holographic representation and creation by observation. Turtles all the way down, and at some point I think we might start talking about actual turtles.

If it’s all just a performance and reflection and yet therein lies the profundity, join the rest of us in the herd and just keep going through the motions. Eventually we will find life’s meaning, although no one will believe us when we tell them about it.

—Emily Q. Hazzard

ra us ni tz Za ch g ra ph ic by

People Per Square Mile of Land 2,033

What’s the most densely populated neighborhood in D.C.?

Disclaimer: The U.S. Census Bureau thinks in terms of tracts, not neighborhoods. Some tracts cross neighborhood lines, and they vary significantly in size, so there’s no surefire way to rank neighborhood density. That said, the first, third, and fourth most densely populated tracts in the city are next to each other in Columbia Heights. Together, they form the slice east of 16th Street NW, west of 14th Street NW, north of Florida Avenue NW, and south of Spring Road NW. An average of 56,104 people per square mile live within those bounds, compared to 10,364 residents per square mile citywide, not counting water. Directly east of these three tracts—still in Columbia Heights— are the seventh, ninth, and 10th most densely populated tracts in the city.

All of this is sufficient evidence for us to conclude that Columbia Heights is the most densely populated neighborhood. Other dense tracts are not far away. Out of the city’s 179 Census tracts, the top 10 by population density form a contiguous blob stretching from Columbia Heights south along 16th Street to the eastern part of Dupont Circle, then southeast to the tract that lies between Logan Circle and Massachusetts Avenue NW. All 10 touch either Massachusetts Avenue, 16th Street, or 14th Street, claiming many relatively tall

66,561

of guns from private licensed dealers and homeowners, those guns can be brought into the District and sold.”

When MPD confiscates an illegal gun, says Parsons, it refers the information to the U.S. Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, which traces the weapon to its original purchaser to determine whether they have purchased more than one gun, or several, or have been involved in a straw purchase. “We work closely with ATF,” Parsons says, noting a difference between street-level policing and the ATF’s more far-reaching investigations.

Likewise, ATF agents don’t investigate the individual cases involving the guns it receives from MPD for tracing, according to a spokesperson from the Washington Field Office, although the agency does recover guns from Virginia that end up on D.C. streets. Such was the case with 24-year-old Lawrence Monte Morgan, of Waldorf, Md., who in November was sentenced to a year in prison for his role in a straw purchase. Morgan, along with co-defendant Jamal Baker, purchased 12 guns from various federally licensed firearms dealers in Virginia in 2014, with Baker attesting that he was the actual buyer. ATF agents discovered, however, that Morgan had helped Baker select the guns, reimbursed him for the purchases, found secondary buyers, and cut Baker in on the profits. Law enforcement later recovered several of the guns, including one that was involved in multiple shootings in the District.

Yet large-scale gun-trafficking cases involving neighboring jurisdictions are not all that common, and in the District, gun trafficking cases in federal court are a rarity. A spokesperson for the U.S. Attorney’s Office

says that MPD and ATF have the most handson information regarding the origin of guns in D.C. Those cases, however, most often involve gun possession and do not extend to where the gun came from.

That may change in the coming months.

D.C. Attorney General Karl A. Racine recently hosted Virginia Attorney General Mark R. Herring and Maryland Attorney General Brian E. Frosh to discuss collaborative efforts to reduce gun violence in part by limiting the availability of illegal guns. “All of our jurisdictions have to live with the consequences of the proliferation of illegal guns, and the trade in guns is regional, so we believe any solutions must be regional,” Racine says in a press release. —Jeffrey Anderson

What’s with the (comparatively) big hill that’s outside the Warner Theatre?

The short answer: The crest is all natural. In the early days of D.C., Pierre L’Enfant widened Tiber Creek, a tributary of the Potomac, and turned it into a canal that would empty into the river. The Washington City Canal ran along what is now Constitution Avenue, so this block is one of the terraces that would have stepped down the valley. If you were standing at the corner of 13th and F streets in the mid-19th century, a hill that sloped toward the canal would have made sense. But because D.C. had no separate storm drain or sewer system, the canal became an open sewer; engineers and planners decided to pave over the existing canal and reroute it under-

apartment buildings. These figures are based on the 2010-2014 American Community Survey’s five-year estimates. Once we get a complete Census again, in 2020, look for the rankings to shift, especially if the big new buildings in NoMa and Navy Yard fill up as fast as the —Zach Rausnitz cranes have risen.

How do guns find their way to D.C.?

Metropolitan Police Department Chief Cathy Lanier has emphasized gun enforcement recently, providing the public with glimpses of all the cold, hard steel her officers have taken off the streets. The numbers are daunting: MPD reports that it seized 994 illegal guns in the first three quarters of 2015, and that guns are responsible for close to 70 percent of homicides in D.C. Over the past five years, the department has recovered an average of 1,922 firearms per year.

So in a city that has some of the strictest gun laws in the country and almost no licensed gun dealers, how does all that weaponry get to the streets of D.C.?

MPD Lt. Leslie Parsons says there are several ways. “Guns end up in D.C. typically by way of straw purchase in surrounding jurisdictions,” Parsons says, referring to the legal purchase of a gun for someone else. “They’re also sold person-to-person in a legal sale and brought into the District. And if you see thefts washingtoncitypaper.com january 22, 2016 15

ground. This explains both why Constitution Avenue is so flat and why its elevation is only seven feet above sea level.

The longer answer involves L’Enfant’s original plan for the city. He made F Street a major residential thoroughfare because it was the first street high enough above the floodprone valley that could accommodate a wide road. According to David Maloney, state historic preservation officer with the D.C. Office of Planning, L’Enfant could have positioned E and F streets slightly closer together to account for the topography in this particular location.

If 14th Street seems slightly flatter, that’s because it was smoothed to allow horses to pull streetcars. Subsequent building over the centuries and the paving of the streets emphasizes the block’s pitch, but the elevation difference has existed since the beginning.

—Caroline Jones

Has anything ever been stolen from the Smithsonian?

Smithsonian Institution spokesperson Linda St. Thomas says the museum currently has “no thefts to report.” If that’s true, it’s a change from the past, when the collection was a favorite target for thieves. In the 1970s and ’80s, the Smithsonian was subjected to what it calls “an unprecedented amount of theft,” with pilfered artifacts as diverse as George Washington’s false teeth and a machine gun.

But it wasn’t just museumgoers doing the lifting—at one point, a crew of felons actually managed to get hired as guards and the crooks made off with swords and medals. While many of the stolen items eventually made their way back to the Smithsonian, they don’t always.

In 1981, two years after the disappearance of Catherine the Great’s gold snuffbox—valued at $125,000—the FBI revealed that its “Operation Greenthumb” found the box had been —Will Sommer melted down.

Instead of complaining, why don’t cab drivers just drive for Uber?

Putting aside the fact that this is a loaded question (not all drivers are kvetchers, you know), why don’t cabbies partner with Uber or other app-based rideshare services like Lyft and Split to make what many riders assume is better money? Well, that’s just it: Not all Uber drivers make more income than traditional cabbies, many of whom are classified as independent contractors like their peers. That means they don’t get benefits like healthcare or pensions.

Still, licensed taxi drivers do drive for Uber. “When consumers summon a taxi through the Uber app, the driver is the same licensed individual who can be summoned through a street hail,” says Neville Waters, a spokesperson for the D.C. Taxicab Commission. “However, many taxi drivers have found that driving for Uber is not as lucrative.” They also may not like the culture of the company, which has been criticized by

some workers’ groups for allegedly not caring about the welfare of its partners.

Kaitlin Durkosh, a spokesperson for Uber in D.C., says its drivers “love the flexibility and the chance to be their own boss…. We have current and former taxi drivers on our platform, and welcome anyone who wants a flexible opportunity to sign up to partner with us.” In other words: Working as a cab driver and using Uber to connect with clients aren’t mutually exclusive.

—Andrew Giambrone

Ask a local drummer: What’s it called when, mid-song, all instruments but the drums and the vocals drop out of a pop-song performance?

After listening to hours of ’80s pop and dad rock (which, to be honest, is pretty par for course for me), I’m pretty sure I know what you’re talking about. I believe you’re referring to moments like the 35-second mark in Joan Jett & The Blackhearts’ “I Love Rock ’n’ Roll,” and the beginning of Twisted Sister’s “We’re Not Gonna Take It.” At any rate, if there were no vocals, what you’d be referring to is what’s known simply as a “drum fill,” but the addition of vocals makes this a little different. From my extensive research (about an hour of Googling), I haven’t found a proper name for the specific technique that you describe. So I did what you asked: I asked a local drummer—two, in fact—to name it.

Jimmy Rhodes, who drums for the lo-

16 january 22, 2016 washingtoncitypaper.com

cal instrumental post-hardcore trio Black Clouds, says he would call it the “Seismic Stop, because you know once the rest of those instruments come back in, that volcano is just going to fuckin’ explode.” Brandon Korch, who drums for the local bands Polyon and Maloso, says he’d call it “Snack Time, because all of the other instruments get to take a break/grab a drink/eat some chips/ catch a three-second nap while the drummer and singer do all the work.”

So next time you’re at a show and witness this moment of magic, you can shout out “OH SHIT, IT’S THE SEISMIC STOP,” or “Y’ALL, IT’S SNACK TIME!” People will inevitably stare, but that’s your chance to explain to them what you mean. This is how —Matt Cohen trends start.

Why is the block between 6th and 7th streets on the east side of the District so damn long? It’s literally twice as long as other blocks around it.

“There’s no official answer,” says David Maloney, state historic preservation officer and head of the Office of Planning’s Historic Preservation Office, “but you would need to look at the process by which an 18th-century city planmaker would draw a new city on a map.”

Yes, for this answer we have to go back to the 1790s, when Pierre L’Enfant was designing D.C.’s historic core. “Starting from the idea of laying out various important points of topography, public buildings, and sites, the Baroque landscape/urban design idea was

to put major landmarks in a visual relationship with one another, sometimes orthogonal [intersecting at right angles], sometimes on various radiating axes,” Maloney writes.

“For Washington, Pierre L’Enfant placed the major landmarks, with the most important ones on the great cross-axes at the center of the city, and then interconnected all the other major points of interest and the major landmarks with the system of radiating avenues. Further, he then overlaid a grid on top, meaning it had to be somewhat uneven grid because it had to adjust to the major sites and avenues that were already plotted. Thus some blocks are longer than others, depending on where the streets needed to intersect. You can see this all over the city.”

In Capitol Hill, Maloney explains, the 600 block of Maryland Avenue NE may be as long as it is “because L’Enfant generally favored streets intersecting with his major parks on the center lines, thus ensuring lots of streets leading people and goods to the major squares.”

Fourth, 5th, and 6th streets frame Seward and Stanton squares; 7th, 8th, and 9th streets frame the square where the Eastern Market Metro station is located; and 11th, 12th, and 13th streets frame Lincoln Park. “The radiating avenues coming out of these parks meant that the blocks that were not among the street triads framing the parks tended to be longer, because the diagonal avenues would otherwise cut up buildable areas into portions that were too small or irregular to be practical,” he writes. That’s why the blocks between First and 2nd streets, 6th and 7th, and 13th and 14th are among the longest on the east side of the city. “It’s the intersection of geometry and land platting considerations.”

—Sarah Anne Hughes

So what’s the deal with the Cosby mural at Ben’s Chili Bowl? Now that he’s been charged, is it coming down or what?

Ben’s Chili Bowl didn’t respond to requests for comment about this question, so the future of the mural remains unknown. Although the offending image of comedian Bill Cosby is visible to the public, it’s painted on the side of a U Street NW building that the Ali family owns, so they’re the only ones who can decide whether to change it. Last October, an artist known as Smearleader pasted an image of Kim Jong-un’s face over Cosby’s, but another artist, Kevin Irwin, removed it because he felt it disrespected the original artist. In that situation as well, Ben’s owners chose not to comment.

Various online petitions encourage the restaurant’s owners to remove Cosby’s image or to replace the mural with one that celebrates women, but they’ve only been signed by a few dozen people collectively (three on a White House petition; 230 on MoveOn.org) and no actions have taken place. If you’re eager to make a point about the mural, vote with your wallet and hold off on ordering half smokes —Caroline Jones until things change.

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YOUNG & HUNGRY

Brewhaha

A beer donation to a charity event leads to a controversial mess On Aug. 14, during DC Beer Week, Molly Malone’s on Barracks Row was packed for an ALS awareness fundraiser.

Local ’90s cover band Mr. Blonde played, and people drank local beer donated for the event.

Funds from the evening were supposed to go to Bottoms Up to Down ALS, a nonprofit that raises money for the ALS Therapy Development Institute in Cambridge, Mass. It’s a cause near and dear to the group’s founder, Teresa Thurtle, who serves in the National Guard and lost her father and one of her grandmothers to the debilitating neurodegenerative disease.

It’s also an important cause to DC Brau co-founder Brandon Skall. One of the brewery’s initial investors died from ALS, and Skall has a family friend with ALS who introduced him to Thurtle’s group. DC Brau, along with Atlas Brew Works, each donated four kegs to the event with the understanding that the proceeds would go to the cause, along with money collected from a $10 cover charge (which included a beer), raffle tickets, and an auction.

Five months later, however, the nonprofit hadn’t seen any of the money from the donated beer sales. After the fundraiser, Molly Malone’s owner Richard Cervera blamed “an overzealous manager,” who’s since parted ways with the restaurant, for poorly organizing the event and failing to keep track of sales. Cervera says he didn’t know about the event and promises made until weeks after it was over, but he eventually agreed to donate $1,652. The brewers say that’s far less than the value of the donated beer, which they estimated to be worth around $9,000 in sales. (The brewers also directly collected $1,212 from the door charge and raffle tickets, which has already been donated to the charity.)

Even then, the money wasn’t forthcoming. Thurtle emailed Cervera four times between October and December about sending the check. He repeatedly said it was coming, but the money never arrived. It wasn’t until Washington City Paper contacted Cervera about the situation last week that he says he finally sent the donation. Thurtle was out of town this week and wasn’t able to confirm the check’s arrival as of press time.

“I thought the check had been mailed to them in mid December—I reached out to our back office this morning and learned that it had not been done, and was lost in the shuffle of the holidays,” Cervera told City Paper.

Over the summer, Molly Malone’s expressed interest in

doing an event with DC Brau for DC Beer Week. The brewery team suggested tying in a fundraiser for Bottoms Up to Down ALS. Later, Molly Malone’s sister restaurant Lola’s was added to the event.

DC Brau Senior Accounts Manager Jen Jackson, who helped coordinate the event, and Molly Malone’s and Lola’s then-General Manager Colin Laverty and Bar Manager Will Boone agreed in emails that a portion of the beer sales would go to the charity. Jackson says they had several discussions about how much of the profits would be donated, but the restaurant managers repeatedly avoided giving them a direct answer.

The first conflict was over the delivery of the beer. DC Brau and Atlas Brew Works invoiced the beer to Bottoms Up to Down ALS and arranged to have their distributor deliver the kegs to the restaurants. (The breweries can’t legally just drop off kegs themselves.) But due to some sort of mix-up, the restaurants ended up paying for kegs rather than getting the donated beer. Skall and Atlas Brew Works founder Justin Cox say they went out of their way to make sure it was taken care of, and the kegs were donated retroactively, immediately following the event.

In the weeks following the fundraiser, DC Brau’s Jackson repeatedly followed up with Molly Malone’s managers about the status of their donation. After a month with no answers, Jackson threatened to go to their superiors and called it unacceptable “to effectively steal from a charity.”

Laverty emailed back that the donated kegs arrived weeks after the event. “Having a month of joggling [sic] inventories has not only been unbelievably frustrating but downright ridiculous,” he wrote. He concluded the message saying, “To think I personally would steal from a charity is…… well there really isn’t much i can say.”

Atlas Brew Works’ Cox countered that they took care of the kegs immediately after the event and questioned why the distributor had only just delivered them. “Is that because you didn’t have room for them in your cooler?” he wrote. “Our issue is the lack of communication and any commitment from you to this charity… We need to see you hold up your end in a reasonable timeframe, which has passed.”

Laverty promised to get everything worked out. “This all could have been handled better on both ends and communication was terrible but i will do my best to have this all resolved… Again sorry we dropped the ball on our end [but] Darrow Montgomery/File

By Jessica Sidman

DC Brau and Atlas Brew Works donated eight kegs for the charity event that was not my intention,” he wrote. (Laverty could not be reached for further comment.)

After this, owner Cervera got involved. On Sept. 22, Boone told the brewers that the restaurant group would donate $750, roughly eight percent of their combined sales from the entire day. Instead, Skall suggested that Cervera and the brewers sit down to discuss the matter in person. They met on Sept. 28. “[Cervera] was not very open to wanting to work things out,” Skall says. “From the start, he was like, ‘Well, we didn’t really get anything.’”

Cox likewise recalls that Cervera was mostly concerned with what additional business the event brought to his restaurants. “So, [the sales] he would normally do on a Friday night, did he do better than that because of the people coming to the event? And then he would donate a portion of those proceeds after he backs out all his overhead,” Cox says.

Cervera tells City Paper in an email that no one kept track of the sales or how many guests were attending the event versus the bar’s normal Friday night crowd. He says by the time he was made aware of the situation, “it was too late to recreate the sales and calculate what the number was, though our sales were fairly typical for a summer Friday.”

Cervera says in an effort to resolve the issue, “we made our washingtoncitypaper.com january 22, 2016 19

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best effort to calculate an appropriate figure and then added in an additional sum of money to donate to the organization. Of course we had to budget for this unexpected expenditure as well.”

He adds that his restaurant group takes pride in working with local charities, citing events benefitting breast cancer organization DC Pink Divas as well as the American Foundation for Children with AIDS. “To be completely frank with you, I am really disappointed in how this whole event was handled from the beginning and was completely blindsided by the issues surrounding it,” Cervera says.

Brianne Murphy, who consults on the operations of Cervera’s restaurants, says the situation was complicated by the delivery mix-up and the fact that they didn’t know many beers were given away as part of the $10 cover charge.

“By the time we realized what had happened, those kegs are long gone, they’re long accounted for, there’s no way to tell who sold what,” she says. “I don’t know how much beer was poured that night, and the people that organized the event no longer are with us.”

As for the $1,652, Murphy says, “everyone came up with this number and thought it was a fair amount, and they rounded up, and it was a best estimate on what was sold.”

But Skall says that wasn’t really the case.

“We just wanted, at this point, to see some outcome for this charity,” Skall says.

Skall and Cox both say that only about three kegs were tapped the night of the event. He says anything left over should have been returned to the charity, not sold for profit after the fact.

On Oct. 20, Jackson from DC Brau sent Thurtle an email introducing her to Cervera and letting her know that he had decided to donate $1,652 to Bottoms Up to Down ALS. Cervera said he’d send the check by the end of the month, and Thurtle promptly offered the address.

Nearly a month later, the check still had not arrived. On Nov. 16, Thurtle followed up again.

Cervera said he’d check to see if it was sent.

On Dec. 1, Thurtle emailed again. So did Jackson.

Cervera responded only to Jackson: “It will be done soon. No one in accounting knew what it was,” he wrote. “Now; stop emailing me any further.”

On Dec. 11, Thurtle followed up a fourth time, offering to stop by the bar to pick up the check. Cervera responded: “Your check will be sent out on Monday then we will be done with this unfortunate situation (not started by your group, but a complete failure by all others concerned in originally putting it together). I was not happy about this deal, and though I reluctantly agreed to a solution it is not something I appreciate being involved in. Especially when your partners refused to participate in what I

would have thought was a quid pro quo; our annual breast cancer event. Enough said.”

The quid pro quo Cervera is referring to is another event he asked DC Brau and Atlas Brew Works donate beer to after the Bottoms Up to Down ALS fundraiser.

“I thought he was joking when he said that, just under the circumstances,” says Cox, who declined.

Skall also said “no”; their charitable budget for the year was maxed out. (DC Brau donated nearly $20,000 worth of beer to various causes in 2015, Skall says.) “He got really offended or something, it seemed, that we couldn’t donate beer to his charity,” Skall says.

“I don’t feel like that should have any impact on this previous event where he sold all this beer for days or weeks after the event.”

As for the check’s lengthy delay, Murphy says the restaurant outsources its accounts payable to a company in Baltimore. “Richard picks up a phone, tells them, ‘Hey, cut a check for this,’ and he assumes it goes out unless he hears otherwise,” she says. “I just think it fell through the cracks.”

“We all want to make things right with this group, and I don’t think anyone feels good about how this went down,” Murphy adds. “It’s just been disorganized from start to finish.”

Skall says he’s never witnessed anything like this with any charity event he’s been involved in before. Likewise, Thurtle says she’s never had trouble getting donations from the bars and restaurants she’s worked with in the past. Bottoms Up to Down ALS hosts a number of fundraisers throughout the year, including an annual cornhole toss tournament and various happy hours.

Thurtle got involved in ALS advocacy and fundraising shortly after her father died in 2011. She and her brothers have familial ALS, meaning they have the gene that can lead to the disease. Thurtle also notes that military members are twice as likely to develop ALS. She and her siblings are part of a research program through the ALS Therapy Development Institute where for six days a month they wear motion trackers on their wrists and ankles—“like the ultimate FitBit”—to monitor their health. “The more we understand about the disease the better we can find a cure for the disease,” Thurtle says.

The night of the Molly Malone’s and Lola’s event, Thurtle got on stage to tell her story and encourage people to do the Ice Bucket Challenge. A few ALS patients were there, as well as a family who’d just lost their 32-yearold daughter to ALS. “It was a lot of energy. A lot of people had fun. The band was great,” Thurtle says.

“That’s why it’s disappointing. It was just CP such a successful event.”

Eatery tips? Food pursuits? Send suggestions to jsidman@washingtoncitypaper.com.

DCFEED

what we ate last week:

Boneless Southern fried chicken, $18, Logan Tavern. Satisfaction level: 2 out of 5 what we’ll eat next week:

Balls on fire Rocky Mountain oysters, $10, Boe. Excitement level: 3 out of 5

Grazer

Pizza, Wut Coincidentally, two pizza purveyors in D.C. are offering Reuben pizzas for a limited time right now. Local chainlet &pizza began serving its delicatessen-

&pizza

MuLTiPLE LoCaTionS What’s on it: Thousand island sauce, Swiss cheese, sauerkraut, pastrami, and slaw with carrots, cabbage, and Brussels sprouts Pros: While you might not expect to find Brussels sprouts on a Reuben, the tangy slaw is one of the better components of this pizza. also, &pizza staff cut the oblong pizza widthwise, so that you can fold each section over into its own sandwich. Clever!

Cons: Technically, a Reuben should be made with corned beef, not pastrami. not that it makes much difference here, because the crisped bits of meat get lost under an overpowering slathering of Thousand island sauce and all that slaw (which isn’t a traditional Reuben ingredient either).

Does it taste like a Reuben? The heavyhanded dressing gives the pizza an unmistakable Reuben flavor, and even some caraway seeds sneak in there, but the underplayed meat prevents it from being a true doppleganger.

Overall score (1 to 10): 7. it’s pretty good, but some of &pizza’s other pies are better.

inspired pizza as a seasonal special last week. Meanwhile, Timber Pizza Co. recently moved its mobile pizza oven into the former Blind Dog Cafe space as it prepares to open a permanent restaurant in Petworth. To kick off the pop-up, Timber has collaborated with DGS Delicatessen on a Reuben pizza that’s available Fridays through Sundays, 8 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. How does each slice stack up?

—Jessica Sidman

Timber Pizza Co. 944 FLoRiDa avE. nW

What’s on it: Garlic olive oil, provolone, swiss cheese, pastrami from DGS Delicatessen, sauerkraut, and Russian dressing drizzle Pros: Pastrami might not be traditional to the Reuben, but technicalities are forgiven with this flavorful cured and smoked meat from DGS Delicatessen. The pizza also has just enough sauerkraut to tame the greasier ingredients.

Cons: The best Reubens are stuffed so thick you might dislocate your jaw. The only thing this pizza lacks is that same excessiveness.

Does it taste like a Reuben? if you took a blind mouthful, you might not immediately think of the classic deli sandwich. it’s missing that rye bread flavor, and the Russian dressing isn’t in every bite. Still, most of the pieces are there.

Overall score (1 to 10): 8. it’s a delicious meat and cheese pizza, just not one that screams “Reuben.”

THE’WICHINGHOUR The Sandwich: Parmesan Spiked Chicken Feathers Where: The Chickery, 1300 Connecticut Ave. NW Price: $8.95, including one side Bread: White sandwich roll Stuffings: Parmesan-crusted chicken breasts, iceberg lettuce, dill, cucumber ranch dressing Thickness: 4.5 inches Pros: With a crunchy and slightly nutty-flavored crust and juicy interior, these feathers (so named because they’re wider and flatter than nuggets or fingers) hit the spot for fried chicken cravings. Though shredded iceberg lettuce usually seems unnecessary in a sandwich, it cuts through the weight of the triple-stacked chicken. Paired with a ranch sauce, the result is a grownup version of the McChicken that tastes much fresher than the $1 alternative.

Cons: The stuffed sandwich is packed with ingredients, but not flavor. While the crust tastes like salt and parmesan, the chicken itself is actually quite bland. More tasteless still is the ranch dressing, which lacks any hint of garlic, onion, pepper, or salt. When mixed with dill and cucumber, the sauce becomes a slightly bitter, watered-down mayonnaise.

Sloppiness level (1 to 5): 4. The chicken feathers are three inches wider than the bun and piled so high that the structure can barely stand. The sandwich is barely contained on the tray it’s served on, sending crumbs, lettuce, and chunks of chicken onto the table. Fortunately, the restaurant keeps forks handy at each table should you need to reassemble.

Overall score (1 to 5): 3. Skip the sandwich and order the feathers on their own. You won’t have to worry about the slightly stale bun or lettuce flying all over the place, plus the other dipping sauces offered—like ginger-jalapeno plum and smoky ancho barbecue—promise —Caroline Jones much more flavor.

washingtoncitypaper.com january 22, 2016 21

22 january 22, 2016 washingtoncitypaper.com

CPARTS

At the Reeves Center, a go-go protest against Mayor Muriel Bowser washingtoncitypaper.com/go/gogoprotest

TheaTer

Crime Doesn’t Neigh

A Pulitzer-winning comic character study and a British meditation on identity each hit their mark under two able directors.

Equus

By Peter Shaffer Directed by Amber Jackson McGinnis At Constellation Theatre to Feb. 14

By Chris Klimek Between Riverside and Crazy, an unruly fable from Motherfucker-with-the-Pulitzer Stephen Adly Guirgis, opens with a lecture about “emotional eating.” Newly clean-and-sober ex-con Oswaldo is explaining to retired NYPD cop/widower/veteran Walter Washington that breaking one’s fast with bologna-wrapped Ring Dings and grape soda is but one example of the sort of doomed self-medicating that leads to other, more damning bad choices. Trying to imagine that clash of artificial flavors is repellent, but it sure is evocative, and before a minute has gone by we’re fully immersed in Walter’s world. He doesn’t lack for company—current, non-rent-paying residents of his spacious if poorly-kept apartment include his ex-con son Junior; Lulu, Junior’s libidinous girlfriend (she claims, without much conviction, to be studying for an accounting degree); and Oswaldo, Junior’s childhood pal, all of whom address him, to his mild alarm, as “Dad.” And yet Walter is a lonely man.

Not that he’s the type to discuss his feelings. Walter is so bitterly unsentimental that he thinks nothing of lounging in his dead wife’s wheelchair—“comfortable seating,” he shrugs, reaching for his fifth of bourbon. In that bathrobe he doesn’t look like a proud man, but his pride is about to cost him what remains of his kingdom: His relationship with Junior, who may or may not still be involved in moving stolen goods, and his rent-controlled Riverside Drive digs, which on the open market would fetch a lot more than the $1,500 per month Walter has been paying since the late ’70s.

Here’s the rub: Walter has been fighting city hall for eight years, ever since a fellow cop mistook him for a perp and shot him. The brief outpouring of public sympathy has long dried up, and his refusal to settle his case for a sum the City of New

York deems expedient has made him some powerful enemies.

O’Connor, a detective who has kept ties with Walter since he was her training officer in her rookie year, is now engaged to a lieutenant who means to climb the ladder as high as he can.

When the pair arrive at Walter’s place for dinner, you don’t have to be Det. Lennie Briscoe to sense a cold agenda behind their warmth and flattery.

Guirgis, who wrote the astonishing The Last Days of Judas Iscariot and the brutal The Motherfucker With the Hat, is one of the most original playwrights working, but you can see him straining here—just a little. The long after-dinner conversation in Act One that fills in the details of Walter’s injury piles on extenuating circumstances so relentlessly you can feel Guirgis’ insistence that we never be permitted to make a firm call of which party is in the right, or at least closer to the right. It’s to the credit of the trio of actors in this pivotal scene—Frankie Faison’s Walter, Emily K. Townley’s toughbut-amiable O’Connor, and David Bishins as her flinty fiancé, Lt. Caro—that even the few lines that seem to have leaked in from a hacky cop show don’t defeat them or even slow them down much (“There’s no black! No white! Just blue!”). While I’m policing individual lines, I have a hard time buying that a sexagenarian like Walter would refer to the white rookie who plugged him back in probably 2006 as “a skinny Justin Bieber motherfucker,” although then again maybe he would; Walter watches a lot of TV. As self-defeatingly stubborn as Walter proves to be with his old partner, he’s tender with the kids, particularly Lulu, with whom he sneaks up to the roof to share a joint now and then.

(Lee Savage’s lived-in two-story set is a marvel, showing us both the satellite-dish-bejeweled brick rooftop and the grimy interior beneath.) Sean Carvajal is earnest enough to break your heart as poor Oswaldo (a character who recalls Jackie, the recovering hero of Motherfucker, which Studio staged beautifully three years ago), and Jasmin Tavarez, in her professional stage debut, makes you suspect there’s more to Lulu than what’s on the page. As Junior, the son whom Walter implores to “Be a man!”, Bryant Bentley shows us Junior has already internalized that lesson, if the definition of “man” is a creature who remains stoic while feeling crushingly disappointed in himself.

The whole ensemble is convincing and, with the exception of Townley, new to performing at Studio. In its

Between Riverside and Crazy

Handout photo by Allie Dearie

Between Riverside and Crazy

By Stephen Adly Guirgis Directed by Brian MacDevitt At Studio Theatre to Feb. 28

second half, Riverside veers into stranger territory, introducing a new character, Cristina Frias’ Church Lady, who comes to visit Walter to solicit a donation for the orphanage she represents. Guirgis seems to have given up the idea of the well-made play by then, ushering Walter into his next phase while allowing the fates of the other characters to remain oblique.

The show is directed by Brian MacDevitt, a veteran lighting designer with a shelf full of Tony Awards. He’s done a little directing before, but never a major production like this. To use a lighting term: It doesn’t show. washingtoncitypaper.com january 22, 2016 23

CPARTS

Equus

Continued

director Amber McGinnis Jackson, the tension and calibration of these scenes never comes at the expense of clarity.

As Alan, Ross Destiche radiates anger and a desperate need to be understood. Though he bares a passing resemblance to Radcliffe, his aquiline features more strongly suggest a young Willem Dafoe. Dysart is at least as daunting a role; like so many headshrinkers of stage and screen, he must show us how becoming emotionally entangled with a patient forces him to considerWashington his own barren life.

CityMiPapersitive work as Alan’s bewildered parents, as chael Kramer makes you forget that this is al- estranged from one another as they are from Wed, Jan. 20, 2016 their fey son. Emily Kester is marvelous, too, ways what happens to fictional psychiatrists.

1/12 H x 1.603”) Non-SAU as a peer of Alan’s who takes an interest, litErik Teague’s costumes for(4.666” the half-doztle suspecting how damaged the boy is. en actors playing the Landmark horses are otherworldTheatres/BP Dysart’s concern that “curing” Alan of ly and almost comically simple—above, impressive horsehead helmet; below, sand- his pathology might consign him to a life colored suede boots with horseshoe-shaped without passion or color is also a theme of A taps on the soles. The floorboards of A.J. Clockwork Orange. Anthony Burgess’ novel Gruban’s striking wood-paneled set, which was published a decade before Shaffer’s play bisects the audience and serves adequately appeared, but Stanley Kubrick’s controveras both an office and a stable, tremble visibly sial film of Clockwork hadn’t come out until and thunderously beneath their steps. Mi- the end of 1971, less than two years before chael Tolaydo and Laureen E. Smith do sen- Equus. The protagonist of Burgess’ story is Handout photo by DJ Corey Photography

A passerby on 14th Street during the press-night intermission of Constellation Theatre’s rich and entrancing new production of Equus pointed to the poster and advised her friends that Peter Shaffer’s complex 1973 drama is “the one where Daniel Radcliffe fucks a horse.” Reductive, but not wrong. The actor who takes on the role of Equus’ horse-obsessed young subject, Alan Strang, is called upon to bare soul and body alike. Radcliffe, who played the role at 18 in a 2007 West End revival and then again on Broadway, was by most accounts tremendous.

The play is narrated by Martin Dysart, the psychiatrist overseeing Alan’s treatment at the residential facility to which he’s legally referred after taking a spike to six horses’ eyes—a grisly and cruel yet curiously specific act of violence. There are other characters, but we experience every scene from Dysart’s point of view. A clever device that Shaffer uses throughout is to have Dysart or Alan perform a scene with a third character on stage while simultaneously recounting the exchange in a therapy session later. In the steady hands of

a rapist and pedophile without remorse; notAdobe original file: a tortured kid who has harmed animals in a single, bizarre episode. But the troubling notion that free will comes at an occasionally horrific cost is present in both stories. That Equus gnaws at the bit of such pat explanations of the unknowable remains its most CP enduring virtue.

1835 14th St. NW. $20–$45. (202) 204-7741. constellationtheatre.org.

1501 14th St. NW. $20–$86. (202) 332-3300. studiotheatre.org.

1000+

BEERS

Fri & Sat, Jan. 22 & 23 at Midnight!

Buy Advance Tickets Online

tickets.landmarktheatres.com

WESTOVER MARKET

• Groceries • Wines from Around the World • Butcher Shop • Great Beer Selection • Open for Sunday Brunch from 9-2

OPENING SOON

With a butcher shop & great beer selection, we are your Beer & BBQ Headquarters!

Music in Beer Garden Wednesdays, BEER GARDEN & HAUS Fridays, and Saturdays IS NOW OPEN! 5863 Washington Blvd | Arlington, VA 703-536-5040 | westovermarket.com 24 january 22, 2016 washingtoncitypaper.com

2015

Fresh Food Market Tuesdays -Sundays Arts & Crafts ~ Weekends easternmarket-dc.org Tu-Fr 7-7 | Sa 7-6 | Su 9-5

CPARTS Arts Desk

Film curator Tom Vick talks about the 20th anniversary of the Iranian Film Festival. washingtoncitypaper.com/go/iranianfilmfest

One trAck MinD

1

Bleary Eyed

Cherry Blossom Standout Track: No. 2, “Harping.” Bleary Eyed, the new band from The Black Sparks and Big Moth teenage wunderkinds Nathaniel Salfi and Ray Brown, is something of a departure from the duo’s previous musical efforts. (They’re joined this time by friends Coby Haynes and Brandon Minor.) With a deluge of reverb and Salfi’s Ian Curtis-esque crooning, “Harping” starts slow and melodic, slowly gnawing until a fuzzy guitar riff launches the song into more bouncy pop-punk territory.

Last month, go-go legends Backyard Band dropped what’s perhaps its biggest single in years: a cover of Adele’s ubiquitous piano ballad “Hello.” With a simple pocket beat and funky bass line, Backyard Band successfully transformed a slow, weepy tune into a bonafide head-nodder. Of course, it’s hardly the first time a go-go band has reinvented and reinvigorated a pop song. Below, a list of go-go covers of pop songs, ranked.

—Matt Cohen Rare Essence, “Pieces of Me” (Ashlee Simpson) Leave it to Rare Essence to turn a forgettable, uninspired pop song into a funky, smooth jam.

Listen to “Harping” at washingtoncitypaper.com/go/ blearyeyed. Bleary Eyed plays WMUC on Jan. 25.

2 3

4

Musical Motivation: Existential angst, essentially. Salfi wrote the lyrics to “Harping” in June of 2015, when he was “in somewhat of a dark place.” The lyrics, Salfi says, “are basically me trying to reassure myself that things will turn out OK.” It’s easy to fall into empirical despair when you’re still trying figure out What It All Means, but in the coda of “Harping,” Salfi clings to optimism among the darkness: “Despite what you say, you’re nothing more than a living thing/ Despite what you say, your life has no inherent value/ Despite what you think, that doesn’t mean you should give it up/ All that’s left is what you choose to leave behind.”

All Fuzzed Out: On its debut four-song EP, released earlier this month on Bandcamp, Bleary Eyed sounds like a weird amalgam of oldschool emo and new wave groups, like if Sunny Day Real Estate did Joy Division. But Salfi says the band’s biggest influences are more contemporary: bands like Ovlov, Title Fight, The Spirit of the Beehive, and LVL UP. “The idea of huge fuzzy loud choruses and wet reverby verses, or the combination of both is really [what —Matt Cohen we wanted],” Salfi says.

You oughta Go-Go

DJ Dyn-O-Might, “Royals” (Lorde) A cover so good it got the attention of the Washington Post.

5

Chuck Brown and Cherie Mitchell, “Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It)” (Beyoncé) The Godfather of Go-Go does Queen Bey with vocalist Cherie Mitchell, so you know it’s going to tear the roof off. Bonus for the excellent horn arrangement.

Backyard Band, “Hello” (Adele) Turning Adele’s sad-sap power ballad into something of a danceable tune is quite the feat.

6

CCB, “Numb” (Linkin Park) Never thought I would admit to liking any version of a Linkin Park song, but here we are.

Go Go Lorenzo & The Davis Pinckney Project, “You Can Dance (If You Want To)” (Men Without Hats) Go Go Lorenzo puts a funky spin on this ’80s new wave classic.

washingtoncitypaper.com january 22, 2016 25

Film

Dowagers Boundless Two titan elders of stage and cinema stay in the Hollywood spotlight.

45 Years Directed by Andrew Haigh The Lady in the Van Directed by Nicholas Hytner

By Tricia Olszewski It’s an often-cited and inarguable truth: There are few meaty roles in Hollywood for women past a certain age. If your hair has started to turn gray, you may be cast as the concerned mother or nagging wife. If you’ve long been eligible for the senior citizen discount at Denny’s, your options narrow even further— study Betty White, lady, because it’s the inappropriate grandma or zilch.

In Andrew Haigh’s 45 Years and Nicholas Hytner’s The Lady in the Van, however, two titan elders of stage and cinema, Charlotte Rampling and Maggie Smith, are accorded the spotlight. Rampling, incredibly, is in a romance.

And Smith—well, her character lands squarely in the wacky old bat category, but there are shades of genuine humanity, at least.

Rampling’s been nominated for an Academy Award for her understated turn as Kate, a woman contentedly living a peaceful, childfree life in the country with her husband, Geoff (Tom Courtenay). They talk about literature and trips into town, and are also planning a party for their 45th wedding anniversary because Geoff had been sick for the 40th.

But then Geoff gets a letter. “They found her,” he says aloud, without giving viewers a clue about who this person is. “My Katya.” Oh. From this early moment on, the couple’s idyll inchingly dissolves. Katya was Geoff’s girlfriend, but more than that: She was listed as his next-of-kin, he later reveals. Kate’s confused and presses: They’d pretended they were married so they could travel together without scandal. Kate knew that Geoff had had a lover who’d died while they were hiking through the Alps. The rest, though, he never told her.

Kate, still a stylish beauty, tries to be magnanimous—after all, this happened before she and Geoff met—but can’t quite get past how the news seems to rattle and distract him. One night, for example, he rises to go to the attic.

Later Kate does the same, hunting for things she doesn’t really want to find. (Even their dog barks a warning, as if he’d seen a ghost.)

Adapted by Haigh from a short story, 45 Years is a taut, extremely low-boiling portrait of marital strife, one unusual in light of the ramifications that an incident from five decades ago has on a happy union of nearly as

45 Years

The Lady in the Van long. The film is all increments—of both actions and expressions—to be read into, such as the couple’s failed attempt to have sex (but note what happens just before it’s cut short).

Then there’s Rampling’s masterful performance, her expressions and tone changing so subtly throughout the film that her increasing jealousy, doubt, and resentment might be missed. At one point, she lends the hint of a hiss when Kate tells Geoff, “Please stop saying her name!” You believe that this seasoned woman comes to have the self-doubt of a teenager, quietly beside herself as she asks Geoff difficult questions in otherwise tranquil moments. Kate’s mood swings at their party are gutting, not only because you feel her pain but because it’s likely no one else there has noticed the sorrow between her smiles.

Courtenay holds his own, playing Geoff as

26 january 22, 2016 washingtoncitypaper.com

a wholly unique character who at once speaks haltingly, like an old man whose mind is slipping, yet still reads Kierkegaard, recalls and muses on dusty memories, and isn’t too tired for an impromptu living-room dance with his wife. (The film’s 1960s soundtrack is terrific, by turns sad and fun.) And, apparently, he’s a man vulnerable to thoughts of a lost love. The message that Katya’s body has been found is, for both Kate and Geoff, initially a tiny crack. But it doesn’t take long before it breaks into a chasm.

At 81, Dame Maggie Smith has earned her actorly pedigree and therefore the freedom to choose whatever role she wants—even if it’s as a cartoonish vagabond in a wacky dramedy such as The Lady in the Van. But perhaps Smith was driven by warm memories, having originated the character in Alan Bennett’s 1999

play. And perhaps the film version, adapted by Bennett and directed by Nicholas Hytner, had received studio notes to drum things up bigger and broader to satisfy audiences not so keen on subtlety.

Well, we can pretend.

This “mostly true story” tells of the relationship between a writer, unimaginatively named Alan (Alex Jennings), and a homeless woman, Miss Shepherd (Smith). Whimsically, there are actually two Alans: the one who “lives” (and thus interacts with Miss Shepherd) and the one who writes (both played by Jennings). It’s 1970 London, and the Alans along with the rest of the quaint neighborhood wring their collective hands over what to do with Miss Shepherd, who parks her ramshackle van in front of various addresses and thinks nothing of barging into a home to use the loo or yelling at anyone playing music, including children. (Why kids are playing instruments on the sidewalk in one scene is a mystery.)

When Miss Shepherd receives a notice that she’s not allowed to park on the street, Alan grudgingly allows her to use his driveway.

Meanwhile, neighbors who bring her food or attempt small talk receive nasty shutdowns instead of gratitude in return. “I’m a sick woman!” Miss Shepherd often barks, the fact usually irrelevant to the situation.

But quelle surprise! As Alan gets to know her better, he discovers that Miss Shepherd speaks French, plays piano, and was once a nun. Could she be a worthy, fully rounded human being and not just a novel nuisance after all?

Miss Shepherd’s personality is enough to grate, but The Lady in the Van has other counts against it. Hytner’s worst folly is his absolute failure to express the passage of time: The story proceeds as if it’s marking days, then suddenly we find out that the woman has been parked in Alan’s drive for 15 years. Scriptwise, although we find out more about Miss Shepherd’s background, there’s only a tenuous explanation for how she ended up homeless. And several details elicit head-scratching, such as a young man who sometimes is in Alan’s apartment (though that’s later fleshed out) or the time Miss Shepherd suddenly takes a joyful day trip to the beach, riding a carousel and savoring a sundae.

The conceit of two Alans, too, does nothing to add to the story. The film is decoratively narrated by Alan the Writer, the stylized words coming from his work. Some of it is admittedly droll, as only British wit can be. But the voiceover eventually descends into triteness (“There’s no such thing as marking time; time marks you”), and boy do the filmmakers take an abrupt turn toward the ridiculous in the final moments. The Lady in the Van might be preaching, one guesses, about behaving kindly and without judgment toward strangers. The highs and lows that shape CP it, however, feel unearned.

45 years and The Lady in the Van open Friday at Landmark’s Bethesda Row and E Street cinemas.

KENNEDY CENTER

Slim Stevens

Winner of the Troubled Troubador Award!

Dylan has written over 400 songs; Stevens 84.

2015–2016 Season

Frank Wess Tribute

Dylan, if we believe him, performs because he has to.

Stevens, if we believe him, performs because he doesn’t.

Members of Frank Wess's final working band pay tribute to the late saxophonist in his birthday month of January.

Saturday, January 30

KC Jazz Club • Performances at 7 & 9 p.m. in the Terrace Gallery.

No minimum. Light menu fare available.

Dylan sings “I can’t speak the words that show no pain.”

Stevens sings “You’re unique, like everybody else.”

Dylan learned a song in the green pastures of Harvard University.

Stevens wrote a song or two in those pastures.

SlimStevens.com

Jason Moran, Artistic Director for Jazz

Does he have a Joan Baez?

See below.

Does he sing like Dylan?

No, but he does sing to Dylan.

So how is he like Dylan?

He met his first real girlfriend in a Unitarian Church in New York.

Fri Jan 22, 8PM

Accompanied by Jessie Fenton

Mack Avenue SuperBand

featuring Gary Burton and Christian McBride

No ticket required Christian McBride

Free Concert

The Mack Avenue SuperBand (Mack Avenue Records) has become synonymous with stellar line-ups of established as well as up-and-coming jazz artists. This year's group features musicians with a collective energy that is sure to be powerful.

Friday, February 5 at 7 & 9 p.m.

Terrace Theater

Discovery Artist in the KC Jazz Club

Matthew Whitaker

This fast-rising, 14-year-old Discovery Artist—who’s performed with the likes of Roy Ayers, Jon Batiste, the New York Pops Orchestra, and Christian McBride— brings his incredible prowess on the electric keyboard and B-3 organ to the KC Jazz Club.

Friday, February 12 Discovery Artists in the KC Jazz Club are supported by The King-White Family Foundation and Dr. J. Douglas White.

KC Jazz Club • Performances at 7 & 9 p.m. in the Terrace Gallery.

No minimum. Light menu fare available.

WPFW 89.3 FM is a media partner of Kennedy Center Jazz.

TICKETS ON SALE NOW! KENNEDY-CENTER.ORG (202) 467-4600 Tickets also available at the Box Office. Groups call (202) 416-8400.

washingtoncitypaper.com january 22, 2016 27

28 january 22, 2016 washingtoncitypaper.com

CITYLIST

Music . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .29 Dance . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3 4 Theater . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3 5 Film . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .37

SearCh LISTIngS aT waShIngTonCITYpaper.Com

1811 14TH ST NW

www.blackcatdc.com @blackcatdc

JAN / FEB SHOWS THU 21

Music

FRI 22

Friday

FRI 22

Rock

ELENA & LOS FULANOS

JUNGLE/FEVER DANCE PARTY 4USOCIAL

SAT 23 FYM PRODUCTIONS PRESENTS:

NEW ORDER DANCE PARTY

9:30 Club 815 V St. NW. (202) 265-0930. Grace Potter, Eliza Hardy Jones. 7 p.m. (Sold out) 930.com. birChmere 3701 Mount Vernon Ave., Alexandria.

(703) 549-7500. Marshall Crenshaw and the Bottle Rockets. 7:30 p.m. $29.50. birchmere.com.

SAT 23

GAY//BASH!

The hamilTon 600 14th St. NW. (202) 787-1000.

Donna the Buffalo, City of the Sun. 8:30 p.m. $20–$25. thehamiltondc.com.

SUN 24

THE GO! TEAM

DANCE PARTY/DRAG SHOW

roCk & roll hoTel 1353 H St. NE. (202) 388ROCK. Those Darlins, Idle Bloom. 9 p.m. $12. rockandrollhoteldc.com.

MON 25 DOCTOR FOECHUCKLE’S

ElEctRonic

TUE 26

MARIJUANA MONDAYS

SEED RAFFLE GIVEAWAY/FILM

bossa bisTro 2463 18th St NW. 202-667-0088.

Bradley Zero. 10 p.m. $5. bossadc.com.

FRI 29

u sTreeT musiC hall 1115 U St. NW. (202) 5881880. Mark Farina, Joe L., Hugo Zapata. 10 p.m. $15. ustreetmusichall.com.

SAT 30

Jazz

FRI 5

mr. henry’s 601 Pennsylvania Ave. SE. (202) 5468412. Aaron L. Myers II. 8 p.m. mrhenrysdc.com.

countRy Gypsy sally’s 3401 K St. NW. (202) 333-7700.

Larry Campbell and Teresa Williams, Erin and the Wildfire. 8 p.m. $22.50–$27.50. gypsysallys.com.

Folk kennedy CenTer millennium sTaGe 2700 F St. NW. (202) 467-4600. Luray. 6 p.m. Free. kennedy-center.org.

DJ nights blaCk CaT 1811 14th St. NW. (202) 667-4490. Jungle/Fever with DJs Mista Selecta and Mane Squeeze.

9:30 p.m. $10–$12. blackcatdc.com. blaCk CaT baCksTaGe 1811 14th St. NW. (202) 667-4490. 4U Social with DJs Mate Masie and Sly Wonder. 9 p.m. Free. blackcatdc.com.

saturday Rock

9:30 Club 815 V St. NW. (202) 265-0930. Grace Potter, Eliza Hardy Jones. 7 p.m. (Sold out) 930.com. dC9 1940 9th St. NW. (202) 483-5000. Peyote Pilgrim, Ian Dansey and Kris Monson, Illiterate Light.

9 p.m. $8. dcnine.com. roCk & roll hoTel 1353 H St. NE. (202) 388ROCK. Aaron Tinjum and the Tangents, Kitchen Noise, Louis Weeks. 8 p.m. $12. rockandrollhoteldc.com.

SAT 6

WRAY EXIT VEHICLES

AWKWARD SEX

...AND THE CITY

ESCORT

ELLIE QUINN PRESENTS:

LIP SYNC BATTLE BURLESQUE (18+) COMEDY’S BEST KEPT SECRET TOUR

VOIVOD THE GO! TEAM SUN JAN 24

SAT 13

CITY LIGHTS: FRIDAY

STILE ANTICO AND FOLGER CONSORT

Early music—music of the medieval, Renaissance, and early Baroque periods – is a nerdy subfield within classical music, a genre that already struggles with a nerdy reputation. So it’s perhaps not a surprise that if there’s any city in which it thrives, it’s in Nerdtown, U.S.A., the nation’s capital. D.C. enjoys a bounty of excellent early music ensembles, from Opera Lafayette to the Bach Sinfonia, Washington Bach Consort, Washington’s Camerata, Arco Voce, Armonia Nova, and the Suspicious Cheese Lords, who at least openly embrace their dorkiness. The longtime standard-bearer, however, has been the Folger Consort. Normally in residence at Folger Shakespeare Library, the group puts on a much-adored annual concert at the National Cathedral based around a specific theme— last year was music from the period of Chaucer’s The Canterbury Tales. This year the consort throws a curveball and performs a new work by rising star composer Nico Muhly with English vocal group Stile Antico, one rooted in the era and based on texts from Henry IV. It’s a treat for those of us who haven’t outgrown memories of the Renaissance faire.

Stile Antico and the Folger Consort perform at 8 p.m. at Washington National Cathedral, 3101 —Mike Paarlberg Wisconsin Ave. NW. $30–$60. (202) 544-7077. folger.edu.

ESCORT

SAT JAN 30

TAKE METRO!

Funk & R&B

ElEctRonic

The hamilTon 600 14th St. NW. (202) 787-1000.

New Orleans Suspects, Glen David Andrews. 8:30 p.m. $25–$30. thehamiltondc.com.

u sTreeT musiC hall 1115 U St. NW. (202) 5881880. Technasia, Shaded, Alex Eljaiek. 10 p.m. $15. ustreetmusichall.com.

WE ARE LOCATED 3 BLOCKS FROM THE U STREET/CARDOZO STATION

TO BUY TICKETS VISIT TICKETFLY.COM

washingtoncitypaper.com january 22, 2016 29

CITY LIGHTS: SATURDAY

ERIC BRACE AND PETER COOPER

In the late 1970s, Eric Brace and Peter Cooper, high school students in D.C. and Virginia, respectively, frequently attended The Seldom Scene’s Thursday night bluegrass gigs at the Birchmere, but they didn’t yet know each other. The Seldom Scene often performed cover songs and invited guests to play with them; visits to the Birchmere and long-gone clubs like the Cellar Door, and hours spent listening to WHFS and records by emerging folk artists helped Brace and Cooper develop an appreciation for the beautiful melodies and acoustic instrumentation of songs by Emmylou Harris, Mary Chapin Carpenter, and Ralph Stanley. Fast forward to this century: Brace left his music writing job with the Washington Post to move to Nashville where he would soon start performing with Cooper, a fellow musician and journalist. On C & O Canal, the pair pays homage to their local Americana roots with 10 covers of songs by artists who inspired them. While some takes are just soothingly pleasant, Brace and Cooper’s vocals have a bit more passion and grit on the mournful melodies of Stanley’s “If That’s the Way You Feel” and Rosslyn Mountain Boys’ “Been Awhile.” Eric Brace and Peter Cooper perform at 6:30 p.m. at Jammin’ Java, —Steve Kiviat 227 Maple Ave. E, Vienna. $15. (703) 255-1566. jamminjava.com.

Jazz mr. henry’s 601 Pennsylvania Ave. SE. (202) 5468412. Maija Rejman. 8 p.m. Free. mrhenrysdc.com.

countRy birChmere 3701 Mount Vernon Ave., Alexandria.

(703) 549-7500. Emily West. 7:30 p.m. $25. birchmere.com.

go-go kennedy CenTer millennium sTaGe 2700 F St. NW. (202) 467-4600. Curtis Johnson & The Band Eternity. 6 p.m. Free. kennedy-center.org.

DJ nights blaCk CaT 1811 14th St. NW. (202) 667-4490. New Order Dance Party with DJs Steve EP, Killa K, and Missguided. 9:30 p.m. $10. blackcatdc.com. blaCk CaT baCksTaGe 1811 14th St. NW. (202) 667-4490. Gay/Bash! with Donna Slash. 10 p.m. $7. blackcatdc.com. roCk & roll hoTel 1353 H St. NE. (202) 388ROCK. DJs Rex Riot and Basscamp. 11:30 p.m. Free. rockandrollhoteldc.com.

30 january 22, 2016 washingtoncitypaper.com

sunday Rock

9:30 Club 815 V St. NW. (202) 265-0930. Alessia Cara, Kevin Garrett, Craig Strickland. 6 p.m. (Sold out) 930.com. birChmere 3701 Mount Vernon Ave., Alexandria.

(703) 549-7500. Rock of Ages Music. 7 p.m. $17.50. birchmere.com. blaCk CaT 1811 14th St. NW. (202) 667-4490. The Go! Team, Glockabelle. 7:30 p.m. $15–$17. blackcatdc.com.

Funk & R&B howard TheaTre 620 T St. NW. (202) 803-2899.

Jimi Meets Funk. 8 p.m. $17.50–$22.50. thehowardtheatre.com.

ElEctRonic 9:30 Club 815 V St. NW. (202) 265-0930. Miami Horror, Mothxr, Foreign Air. 10 p.m. $20. 930.com.

gospEl kennedy CenTer millennium sTaGe 2700 F St. NW. (202) 467-4600. Howard Gospel Choir. 6 p.m.

Free. kennedy-center.org.

washingtoncitypaper.com january 22, 2016 31

Monday

dC9 1940 9th St. NW. (202) 483-5000. Julien Baker, Lucy Dacus. 9 p.m. $10–$12. dcnine.com.

Rock

Folk

9:30 Club 815 V St. NW. (202) 265-0930.

Queensrÿche, Meytal, Halcyon Way. 7 p.m. $35.

930.com.

Gypsy sally’s 3401 K St. NW. (202) 333-7700. The Way Down Wanderers, Chamomile and Whiskey.

8 p.m. $10–$12. gypsysallys.com.

u sTreeT musiC hall 1115 U St. NW. (202) 5881880. Oh Wonder, Pop Etc. 7:30 p.m. $15. ustreetmusichall.com.

classical

classical kennedy CenTer TerraCe TheaTer 2700 F St. NW. (202) 467-4600. Thymos Quartet with Christoph Eschenbach, piano & Yann Dubost, bass. 7 p.m. $50. kennedy-center.org.

Vocal kennedy CenTer millennium sTaGe 2700 F St. NW. (202) 467-4600. Catholic University of America Musical Theater Program. 6 p.m. Free. kennedy-center.org.

tuesday Rock

kennedy CenTer TerraCe TheaTer 2700 F St. NW. (202) 467-4600. Edgar Moreau, cello, with Jessica Osborne, piano. 7 p.m. $35. kennedy-center.org.

Vocal kennedy CenTer millennium sTaGe 2700 F St. NW. (202) 467-4600. Steven Lutvak. 7 p.m. Free. kennedy-center.org.

Wednesday Rock

9:30 Club 815 V St. NW. (202) 265-0930. Jack’s Mannequin, She Is We. 7 p.m. (Sold out) 930.com.

9:30 Club 815 V St. NW. (202) 265-0930. Ani DiFranco, Hamell on Trial. 7 p.m. $40. 930.com.

dC9 1940 9th St. NW. (202) 483-5000. The Grey A, Jumpcuts. 8:30 p.m. $8. dcnine.com.

blaCk CaT baCksTaGe 1811 14th St. NW. (202) 667-4490. Wray, Exit Vehicles, Showpony. 7:30 p.m. $10. blackcatdc.com.

Gypsy sally’s 3401 K St. NW. (202) 333-7700. The Next Step Band, Tumble Down Shack. 8 p.m. $8. gypsysallys.com.

CITY LIGHTS: SUNDAY

“PART FILE SCORE”

Artist Susan Phillipsz’ sound and print installation “Part File Score” was originally inspired by the generation of emigre artists who fled Germany prior to World War II. Many of the artists were able to continue their careers in the U.S., including composer Hanns Eisler, whose music Phillipsz uses in the installation. Later in his life, however, Eisler was accused of being a communist and pursued by the nation that had taken him in. The Turner Prize winner tells Eisler’s story in two ways: Phillipsz’ prints, posted on the walls of the gallery, lay pages of his compositions over pages copied from his FBI file. Phillipsz also examined Eisler’s compositions for the sound component of the installation, distilling them down into notes that, when put together, feel even more mournful and exiling than the original versions. Originally installed at the Tanya Bonakdar Gallery in New York, visitors to the Hirshhorn will be able to experience the cultural and historical significance of this work on their own. The exhibition is on view daily, 10 a.m. to 5:30 p.m., at the Hirshhorn Museum and Sculpture Garden, 7th Street and Independence Avenue NW. —Caroline Jones Free. (202) 633-4674. hirshhorn.si.edu.

32 january 22, 2016 washingtoncitypaper.com

---------3701 Mount Vernon Ave. Alexandria, VA • 703-549-7500

For entire schedule go to Birchmere.com Find us on Facebook/Twitter!

Tix @ Ticketmaster.com 800-745-3000 Jan

22

THU JANUARY 28TH

SLICK RICK WITH LIVE BAND

FRI JANUARY 29TH STRATOSPHERE ALL-STARS

KE

LO

W

TIC

SAT JANUARY 30TH ELLE VARNER

TS !

WITH MEMBERS OF BIG GIGANTIC, STS9, PARTICLE, AND DIGITAL TAPE MACHINE

WED FEBRUARY 3RD

VAUGHN BENJAMIN OF MIDNITE & THE AKAE BEKA BAND

THU FEBRUARY 4TH

ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT BUTCH TRUCKS

& THE FREIGHT TRAIN BAND

FEAT. BERRY OAKLEY JR, BRUCE KATZ, VAYLOR TRUCKS & DAMON FOWLER

SAT FEBRUARY 6TH

GEORGE CLINTON ETS TIC K W LO

GREGORY PORTER

!

& PARLIAMENT FUNKADELIC

THU FEBRUARY 11TH

Rock of Ages Music

24

“ROAM Through Time!”

27

FRI FEBRUARY 12TH

AMEL LARRIEUX KICKING OFF VALENTINES DAY WEEKEND

PRODUCED BY JILL NEWMAN PRODUCTIONS & BLISSLIFE ENT

FRI FEBRUARY 12TH

THE PRINCE & MICHAEL JACKSON EXPERIENCE

SAT FEBRUARY 13TH

THE DREAM:

GENESIS TOUR 2016

SUN FEBRUARY 14TH

MAYSA VALENTINE'S DAY SHOW

THU FEBRUARY 18TH

LIVING COLOUR BUY TICKETS AT THE BOX OFFICE OR ONLINE AT THEHOWARDTHEATRE.COM 202-803-2899

7pm

TH 21

FRIDAY, 2/19 • 9:30 • TIX $12-$15

F 22

An Evening with

RAUL MALO 28 KELLY WILLIS & RADIO RANCH Celebrate 25th Anniversary of “Well Traveled Love” WILL DOWNING

29

H

H

31

DAVID CASSIDY

Jan 21

Feb 2

DWEEZIL ZAPPA (Via Zammata’ Tour)

Jan 22

w/Curtis JAMES McMURTRY McMurtry 4 The STANLEY CLARKE BAND 8&9 TOMMY EMMANUEL “It’s Never Too Late Tour”

Jan 23

10

Jan 28

3

EL DeBARGE PHIL VASSAR

11

Winter Tour 2016 Songs for Winter Tour 2016 All Our Times

Patty TAB BENOIT Reese 14 BURLESQUE-A-PADES

13

Jan 24 Jan 26 Jan 27

Jan 29 Jan 30

Feb 2

TANYA TUCKER Fairground 16 JACKIE GREENE Saints 18 THE MARSHALL TUCKER BAND

Feb 4

15

JUNIOR BROWN

19

JEFFREY OSBORNE Jefferson 22 LEON RUSSELL Grizzard 23 THE ROBERT CRAY BAND 24 JOE PUG 25 ALTAN 26 FIREFALL & PURE PRAIRIE LEAGUE 27 THE FOUR BITCHIN’ BABES

KITI GARTNER & THE DECEITS THE 19TH STREET BAND ZACH SCHMIDT GIRLS GUNS & GLORY VIOLET DELANCEY ROCK’N TWANG

LIVE BAND KARAOKE

HUMAN COUNTRY JUKEBOX JONNY GRAVE & THE TOMBSTONES

Feb 9 Feb 13 Feb 16

Feb 20 Feb 26

WOODY PINES GANSTAGRASS ROGER CREAGER

Mar 5

WILLIAM CLARK GREEN

Mar 17

UNDERHILL ROSE

28 An

Mar 18

GAELIC STORM Mar 2 WYNONNA & The Big Noise “Stories & Song”

Apr 22

CORY MORROW CASH’D OUT THE CURRYS BILLY JOE SHAVER

RACHELLE FERRELL

5 HARMONY

SWEEPSTAKES A CAPELLA FESTIVAL 2016

JESSE COOK

S 30 SU 31

THE HELLO STRANGERS THE 9TH STREET STOMPERS HUMAN COUNTRY JUKEBOX BIG VIRGINIA SKY MIKE & THE MOONPIES / JASON EADY

3&4

TU 26

& THE HOMESTEAD

Feb 6

Feb 25

Apr 21 Jun 9

M 25

F 29

THE KINGBOLTS ANDREW LEAHEY

Feb 18

29&30

SU 24

& THE BACKROADS BAND

H

20&21

Evening of Musical & Political Humor with MARK RUSSELL

S 23

W 27

KAREN COLLINS

H

IN LOVELAND

8

JANUARY

DAN BAIRD & HOMEMADE SIN

As seen on EMILY WEST“America’s Got Talent!”

12

FRI FEBRUARY 5TH

JAZZ AT THE HOWARD

23

MARSHALL CRENSHAW & THE BOTTLE ROCKETS

SYLVER LOGAN SHARP DAVY KNOWLES PLUS GOIN GOIN’ GONE’ CARL’S RARE ROAST BEEF BAND DC FUSION VOCAL WORKSHOP SHOWCASE THE GRAINGER JAM VOICES OF HOPE CD RELEASE THE CHUCK BROWN BAND AN EVENING WITH BILAL DC SOUL LEGENDS: SIR JOE QUARTERMAN + THE HARDWAY CONNECTION FEBRUARY

S13 + SU14

JEFF BRADSHAW & ERIC ROBERSON A LOVER’S WEEKEND - RETURN OF THE GENTLEMEN

JUST ANNOUNCED THUR 3/24 + FRI 3/25

AN EVENING WITH LALAH HATHAWAY

HILL COUNTRY BARBECUE MARKET

410 Seventh St, NW • 202.556.2050 Hillcountrylive.com • Twitter @hillcountrylive

Near Archives/Navy Memorial [G, Y] and Gallery PI/Chinatown [R] Metro

7719 Wisconsin Ave., Bethesda, MD (240) 330-4500 Two Blocks from Bethesda Metro/Red Line Free Parking on Weekends

washingtoncitypaper.com january 22, 2016 33

LIVE

UPCOMING PERFORMANCES

THE HAMILTON LIVE & ALL GOOD PRESENT

DONNA THE BUFFALO

THURSDAY, JANUARY 21 O.M.B. GARAGE BAND

W/ CITY OF THE SUN

80’s & 90’s alternative covers

FRIDAY JAN

FRIDAY, JANUARY 22 COVERED WITH JAM

NEW ORLEANS

performs Pink Floyd’s “Darkside of the Moon” & “Animals”

SATURDAY, JANUARY 23

SUSPECTS W/ GLEN DAVID ANDREWS

SCHOOL OF ROCK STUDENT SHOWCASE 12PM SHOW

SATURDAY, JANUARY 23 ANDREW DEERIN featuring THE DEVILLES 9PM SHOW rock n’ roll

SUNDAY, JANUARY 24 FREESTATE BLUES REVIEW local blues legends

MONDAY, JANUARY 25 SUNFLARE

live Latin jazz fusion every Monday in January!

TUESDAY, JANUARY 26

4THhosted TUESDAYS JAZZ & FUSION OPEN JAM

by PULP FUSION (open to everyone!)

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 27 OPEN MIC NIGHT

hosted by CHRIS BROOKS (open to all musicians!)

THURSDAY, JANUARY 28 TOO MUCH FOR TODD

1950’s through modern day covers

FRIDAY, JANUARY 29 CAMINO ROYALE rock ‘n roll revelry!

SATURDAY, JANUARY 30 SWAMP POODLE

22

SATURDAY JAN

23

FRI, JAN 29

RAYLAND BAXTER W/ MARGARET GLASPY SAT, JAN 30

HOWIE DAY W/ ANNA ROSE

WED, FEB 3

LIANNE LA HAVAS:

GRETCHEN HENDERSON

What do we mean when we call something “ugly”? Author Gretchen Henderson, an academic now teaching at Georgetown who focuses on the intersection between literature, art, and history, asks this question in her book, Ugliness: A Cultural History.

Tracing the evolution of ugliness through the ages and across cultures, Henderson begins in antiquity with the Greeks’ idealized and marbled notions of beauty before detailing Roman Emperor Elagabalus’ pastime of gawking at deformed people during feasts.

From medieval gargoyles to grotesque literature’s Frankenstein, Henderson meditates on ugliness as both a physical descriptor and a cultural construct used to capture something degenerate on a moral, ethical, or philosophical level. Sometimes what’s on the outside coheres with the inside (think Cinderella’s stepsisters), sometimes it doesn’t (the Ugly Duckling), and sometimes it’s more complicated—as we see when European art, in the wake of World War I, shifts from realism to surrealism, turning beauty on its head and distorting the human form. Expect Henderson to challenge preconceived notions about this complicated concept. An idea that evades simple definition, ugliness is not simply the antithesis of beauty. There’s something compelling about its layered imperfections and its shifting meaning. Gretchen Henderson reads at 6:30 p.m. at Kramerbooks, 1517 —Victoria Gaffney Connecticut Ave. NW. Free. (202) 387-1400. kramers.com.

SOLD OUT

AN EXCLUSIVE BLOOD SOLO PERFORMANCE THURS, FEB 4

DR. JOHN & THE NITE TRIPPERS

u sTreeT musiC hall 1115 U St. NW. (202) 5881880. Wet, Kelsey Lu. 7 p.m. $15. ustreetmusichall.com.

birChmere 3701 Mount Vernon Ave., Alexandria.

(703) 549-7500. Kelly Willis and Radio Ranch.

7:30 p.m. $25. birchmere.com.

ElEctRonic

Gypsy sally’s 3401 K St. NW. (202) 333-7700.

Benton Blount Band, Trotter Michaels. 8 p.m. $12–$14. gypsysallys.com.

u sTreeT musiC hall 1115 U St. NW. (202) 5881880. Liquid Stranger, Space Jesus. 10:30 p.m. $15–$20. ustreetmusichall.com.

countRy

funky rock with a zydeco twist

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CITY LIGHTS: MONDAY

THEHAMILTONDC.COM

BEST OF 2016 HITTING NEWSTANDS APRIL 7 Reserve Now! Call the advertising department to book your Best of D.C. ad today: 202-650-6927 washingtoncitypaper.com

birChmere 3701 Mount Vernon Ave., Alexandria.

(703) 549-7500. Raul Malo. 7:30 p.m. $35. birchmere.com.

classical

WoRlD bossa bisTro 2463 18th St NW. 202-667-0088.

Cissa Paz. 10 p.m. $5. bossadc.com.

classical

kennedy CenTer millennium sTaGe 2700 F St. NW. (202) 467-4600. National Symphony Orchestra Youth Fellows. 6 p.m. Free. kennedy-center.org.

kennedy CenTer millennium sTaGe 2700 F St. NW. (202) 467-4600. National Symphony Orchestra Youth Fellows. 6 p.m. Free. kennedy-center.org.

thursday

kennedy CenTer TerraCe TheaTer 2700 F St. NW. (202) 467-4600. Chad Hoopes, violin and David Fung, piano. 7 p.m. $40. kennedy-center.org.

dC9 1940 9th St. NW. (202) 483-5000. Social Station, Time Is Fire. 8:30 p.m. $8. dcnine.com.

ameriCan balleT TheaTre The New York-based company performs a new production of The Sleeping Beauty choreographed by artist-in-residence Alexei Ratmansky. Recently promoted principal dancer Misty Copeland appears as Princess Florine.

Kennedy Center Opera House. 2700 F St. NW. Jan. 27, 7 p.m.; Jan. 28, 7 p.m. $49–$299. 202-467-4600. kennedy-center.org.

Rock

Funk & R&B howard TheaTre 620 T St. NW. (202) 803-2899.

Slick Rick. 9 p.m. $27.50–$62.50. thehowardtheatre.com.

ElEctRonic u sTreeT musiC hall 1115 U St. NW. (202) 5881880. Seth Troxler. 10 p.m. $5–$15. ustreetmusichall.com.

countRy 9:30 Club 815 V St. NW. (202) 265-0930. Josh Abbott Band. 7 p.m. $25. 930.com.

34 january 22, 2016 washingtoncitypaper.com

mr. henry’s 601 Pennsylvania Ave. SE. (202) 5468412. Old Town Tradition. 8 p.m. Free. mrhenrysdc.com.

dance

Company e The local dance company celebrates contemporary and traditional dance from Poland in this new work. Kennedy Center Terrace Theater. 2700 F St. NW. Jan. 22, 7 p.m.; Jan. 23, 7 p.m. $25–$35. (202) 467-4600. kennedy-center.org. liGhT swiTCh danCe TheaTre The group presents NEST: every human deserves a home, a new work by Sandra Atkinson that examines the idea of “home” and what it means to have one or not through movement, visual art, film, and music. At each per-

formance, the company will collect donations for homeless service organizations. VisArts. 155 Gibbs St., Rockville. Jan. 22, 8 p.m. $10. (301) 315-8200. visartsatrockville.org. naTional balleT of Canada The Toronto-based dance company performs The Winter’s Tale, choreographed by the acclaimed Christopher Wheeldon and based on Shakespeare’s comedy about a jealous king. Kennedy Center Opera House. 2700 F St. NW. Jan. 22, 7 p.m.; Jan. 23, 7 p.m.; Jan. 23, 1 p.m.; Jan. 24, 1 p.m. $39–$149. 202-467-4600. kennedy-center.org.

theater

aGenTs of azeroTh The Washington Rogues present this new work based on Edward Snowden’s revelation that NSA and CIA agents spent much time and money investigating World of Warcraft online communities. The company wonders what the agents found and question the surveillance of our online activity in Jennifer Lane’s new play. Flashpoint Mead Theatre Lab. 916 G St. NW. To Feb. 14. $15–$20. (202) 315-1306. culturaldc.org.

The CriTiC and The real inspeCTor hound Shakespeare Theatre Company opens 2016 with two plays in one evening, both behind-the-scenes looks at life in the theater. Jeffrey Hatcher’s adaptation of Richard Brinsley Sheridan’s 18th-century comedy The Critic is followed by Tom Stoppard’s The Real Inspector Hound, a mystery about two critics who become suspects when they see a murderous play. Lansburgh Theatre. 450 7th St. NW. To Feb. 14.

$20–$108. (202) 547-1122. shakespearetheatre.org. equus A troubled young man’s obsession with horses turns violent and a dedicated psychiatrist attempts to figure out how to treat the situation in this dark drama by Peter Shaffer. Constellation Theatre at Source. 1835 14th St. NW. To Feb. 14. $20–$45. (202) 204-7741. constellationtheatre.org. faTher Comes home from The war (parTs i, ii, and iii) Suzan-Lori Parks’ play follows a slave from his West Texas home to the Confederate battlefields. To deepen the emotion of the work, Parks incorporates plot elements from ancient Greek dramas into this messy and powerful work.

Round House Theatre. 4545 East West Highway, Bethesda. To Feb. 21. $36–$66. (240) 644-1100. roundhousetheatre.org. a GenTleman’s Guide To love and murder In this Tony-winning musical, a distant heir to a family fortune aims to claim it by “eliminating” the eight members who stand in his way. Kennedy Center Eisenhower Theater. 2700 F St. NW. To Jan. 30. $64–$229. (202) 467-4600. kennedy-center.org.

GeorGie: my advenTures wiTh GeorGe rose Actor Ed Dixon remembers his friendship with actor George Rose, known for his roles in My Fair Lady and The Mystery of Edwin Drood, in this one-man show that has Dixon playing dozens of different characters. Signature Theatre. 4200 Campbell Ave., Arlington. To Feb. 7. $25–$45. (703) 820-9771. sigtheatre.org.

$10 BURGER & BEER MON-FRI 4 P M -7 P M

TRIVIA EVERY M O N D AY & W E D N E S D AY

$3 PBR & NATTY BOH ALL DAY EVERY DAY

600 beers from around the world

Downstairs: good food, great beer: $3 PBR & Natty Boh’s all day every day *all shows 21+

T H U R S D AY, J A N U A R Y 2 1 S T

SPECIFIC IGNORANCE

DOORS AT 6:30PM SHOW AT 7PM

UNDERGROUND COMEDY SHOW STARTS AT 8PM

F R I D AY, J A N U A R Y 2 2 N D

STAR STRUCK COMEDY DOORS AT 8PM SHOW AT 9PM

S A T U R D AY, J A N U A R Y 2 3 R D

HOT NIGHT PRODUCTIONS

DOORS AT 8PM SHOW AT 9PM S U N D AY, J A N U A R Y 2 4 T H

DRAG BRUNCH

DOORS AT 2PM SHOW AT 3PM M O N D AY, J A N U A R Y 2 5 T H

DISTRICT TRIVIA STARTS AT 730PM

T U E S D AY, J A N U A R Y 2 6 T H

LAST RESORT COMEDY

DOORS AT 8PM SHOW AT 830PM W E D N E S D AY, J A N U A R Y 2 7 T H

DISTRICT TRIVIA STARTS AT 730PM

TERRAPIN BEER EVENT STARTS AT 6PM

T H U R S D AY, J A N U A R Y 2 8 T H

CITY LIGHTS: TUESDAY

JULIEN BAKER Julien Baker’s Sprained Ankle was, hands down, the saddest album I heard in 2015.

“Wish I could write songs about anything other than death/ But I can’t go to bed without drawing the red, shaving off breaths,” she sings on the title track. It only gets darker from there. Baker’s achingly mesmerizing, delicate album might come off as typical early-20s ennui, but don’t be fooled: She’s a songwriter wise beyond her years, singing about depression, substance abuse, and crises of faith with the kind of nuance that someone with decades of life experiences under their belt would. The song “Brittle Boned,” she explained in an interview, is “about having to kill parts of yourself you don’t like so you can be a better person on the whole.” And on songs like “Blacktop,” “Rejoice,” and “Go Home,” Baker—who grew up a God-fearing Christian in Memphis—questions her faith, singing about a God who abandoned her at the times she needed him most. It’s all heavy stuff, sure, but music is best when it’s naked, vulnerable, and—above all—from the heart. Julien Baker performs at 9 p.m. at DC9, 1940 9th St. NW. $10–$12. (202) 483—Matt Cohen 5000. dcnine.com.

UNDERGROUND COMEDY SHOW STARTS AT 8PM

F R I D AY, J A N U A R Y 2 9 T H

BARE NAKEDCOMEDY DOORS AT 8PM SHOW AT 9PM

S A T U R D AY, J A N U A R Y 3 0 T H

INTIMATEAPPAREL VARIETY PRESENTS DOORS AT 8PM SHOW AT 9PM

S U N D AY, J A N U A R Y 3 1 S T

LUCRICIA BELOZIA PRESENTS DOORS AT 7PM SHOW AT 8PM

1523 22nd St NW – Washington, DC 20037 (202) 293-1887 - www.bierbarondc.com @bierbarondc.com for news and events

washingtoncitypaper.com january 22, 2016 35

CITY LIGHTS: WEDNESDAY

WET

Wet doesn’t yet have an extensive discography, but the synth-pop trio’s convincing croons earn its two EPs a listen. Singer Kelly Zutrau has an undeniable ability to overwhelm your senses with flawless lilts. Flanked by guitarist Marty Sulkow and drummer Joe Valle, Zutrau completes Wet, a name formed by the first letter of each musician’s former band. Wet’s lyrics drip with lust, longing, and sultry echoes. If you’re missing someone, yearn for someone, or just want to pretend you’re in a tortuous relationship, Wet can get you there. Each word is ideally placed between sometimes slow and contemplative drum beats and thoughtful strums. When Zutrau sings “I still feel lonely when you hold me” on “You’re the Best,” one of Wet’s early tracks, she proves that the band’s haunting arrangements can keep a fan or new listener holding on to every last word and beat. Wet performs with Kelsey Lu at 7 p.m. at U Street Music Hall, 1115 U St. NW. $15. (202) 588—Jordan-Marie Smith 1889. ustreetmusichall.com.

PRESENTED BY

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Save the Date!

NE PL

Crafty Bastards Cabin Fever Indoor Show! New Location! One Day Only!

1401 NEW YORK AVENUE NE, WASHINGTON, DC 20002 • 571.748.3239 • HECHTWAREHOUSE.COM

Saturday, Feb. 6, 2016 10 a.m. - 7 p.m.

New LocatioN: Hecht Warehouse

1401 New York Ave. NE Washington, DC www.washingtoncitypaper.com/craftybastards

The Glass menaGerie Ford’s presents Tennessee Williams’ dark drama about Amanda, a mother trying to create a suitable life for her dependent adult children. When a suitor arrives to meet her shy daughter, Maggie, Amanda must figure out how to connect reality with her dreams for her family. Ford’s Theatre. 511 10th St. NW. To Feb. 21. $20–$62.

(202) 347-4833. fordstheatre.org.

The hisTory boys Eight boys at an English school prepare for their admission exams for Oxford and Cambridge in Alan Bennett’s emotional coming-ofage drama presented by Dominion Stage. Gunston Arts Center. 2700 S. Lang St., Arlington. To Jan. 30. $15–$20. (703) 228-1850. arlingtonarts.org. a midsummer niGhT’s dream Favorite local actors, including Holly Twyford and Erin Weaver, appear in Aaron Posner’s new staging of Shakespeare’s magical comedy about challenged lovers, fairies, and donkeys. Folger Elizabethan Theatre.

201 E. Capitol St. SE. To March 6. $35–$75. (202) 544-7077. folger.edu. piCasso aT The lapin aGile Steve Martin’s absurdist comedy set in a Paris cafe finds Albert Einstein and Pablo Picasso interacting right before both of them become important figures in the science and art worlds. Meeting crazy bystanders as they discuss the events of the world, the two icons become humanized and silly in Martin’s play. Keegan Theatre at Church Street Theater. 1742 Church St. NW. To Feb. 13. $30–$40. (703) 892-0202. keegantheatre.com. shake loose: a musiCal niGhT of blues, moods, and iCons This new revue pays tribute to

36 january 22, 2016 washingtoncitypaper.com

Thomas Jones II, William Knowles, and William Hubbard, the composers of popular musicals, like Three Sistahs, Bessie’s Blues, and Harlem Rose, that have previously been hits at MetroStage. MetroStage.

1201 N. Royal St., Alexandria. To March 6. $55–$60.

(703) 548-9044. metrostage.org.

The sisTers rosensweiG Three sisters come together to celebrate a birthday and reconnect after being apart in this classic comedy by Wendy Wasserstein. Theater J. 1529 16th St. NW. To Feb. 21. $27–$57. (202) 518-9400. theaterj.org. sTone Tape parTy The winner of the 2014 Capital Fringe Festival’s “Best Comedy” award returns to the stage, this time at Atlas. In this wild event that combines sex, drugs, and ghosts, a woman tries to leave her wild past behind but the house in which she lives has other ideas. Atlas Performing Arts Center. 1333 H St. NE. To Feb. 7. $30. (202) 399-7993. atlasarts.org. sweaT Arena Stage presents the world premiere of Lynn Nottage’s play about factory life at the turn of the 21st century. When workers in one Pennsylvania town hear rumors of layoffs and encounter a horrific crime, each character must figure out how to move forward when the future seems uncertain. Arena Stage. 1101 6th St. SW. To Feb. 21. $55–$110. (202) 488-3300. arenastage.org. wesT side sTory This tragic tale of warring gangs and devoted lovers comes to Signature for the first time. Featuring classic songs like “Tonight,” “America,” and “I Feel Pretty,” this production is directed

by Signature regular Matthew Gardiner. Signature

Theatre. 4200 Campbell Ave., Arlington. To Jan. 31. $40–$96. (703) 820-9771. signature-theatre.org.

the novel by Rick Yancey. (See washingtoncitypaper. com for venue information)

wresTlinG Jerusalem Actor and playwright Aaron Davidman assumes the personalities of 12 characters on different sides of the Israel-Palestine conflict in this solo work, presented by Mosaic Theater Company as part of its “Voices From a Changing Middle East Festival: The War Comes Home.”

Atlas Performing Arts Center. 1333 H St. NE. To Jan. 24. $20–$40. (202) 399-7993. atlasarts.org.

boy A young woman takes a job as a n The nanny, only to discover that her charge is a

FilM

13 hours: The seCreT soldiers of benGhazi Action director Michael Bay turns his attention to true events in this adventure flick, which tells the story of a hidden security team that defended the U.S. Embassy in Libya after it was attacked by terrorists in 2012. (See washingtoncitypaper.com for venue information)

possessed doll, in this creepy thriller from director William Brent Bell. (See washingtoncitypaper.com for venue information) Grandpa Robert De Niro and Zac n dirTy Efron star in this lewd comedy about a young man who, on the eve of his wedding, must drive his grandfather to Florida for spring break. Jason Manzoukas and Aubrey Plaza co-star. (See washingtoncitypaper.com for venue information)

The 5Th wave After alien attacks destroy n much of the Earth, a young woman must do

ride alonG 2 Ice Cube and Kevin Hart reunite for the sequel to their 2014 film. This time, the police officers collaborate to bring down a drug lord in Miami and naturally, hi jinks ensue. (See washingtoncitypaper.com for venue information)

everything she can to save her brother. Chloë Grace Moretz stars in this science fiction thriller based on

Film clips are written by Caroline Jones.

ACADEMY AWARD NOMINEE ®

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM

WINNER GOLDEN GLOBE AWARD ®

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CITY LIGHTS: THURSDAY

AMERICAN BALLET THEATRE

As a fairy tale, Sleeping Beauty goes back past Charles Perrault and the Brothers Grimm, deep into the tangles of medieval European folklore. As a ballet, Sleeping Beauty goes back to 1890, to choreographer Marius Petipa, composer Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky, and the Imperial theaters of St. Petersburg. To produce the American Ballet Theatre’s fourth and most recent restaging of this iconic story ballet, artist-in-residence Alexei Ratmansky delved into archives recording Petipa’s work, deciphering now-obsolete choreographic notation from the early 1900s. His result reproduces the style of the original era, with softer angles, complex footwork, and fuller costuming. Richard Hudson’s sets and costuming jump ahead to the Ballets Russes’ lavish 1921 London performance for inspiration, delivering exactly the sort of opulence one would expect from a $6 million production, running dancers through a wardrobe of some 400 costumes throughout the evening.

Ratmansky’s re-staging makes its D.C. premiere at the Kennedy Center Opera House.

Among the cast of 250 (including 100 local dancers) will be newly-elevated principal Misty Copeland, slated to dance as Princess Florine in two performances. American Ballet Theatre performs Jan. 27 to Jan. 31 at the Kennedy Center Opera House, 2700 F St. NW. —Emily Walz $49–$299. (202) 467-4600. kennedy-center.org.

WASHINGTON CITY PAPER FRIDAY 01/22

“ACTING LEGEND MAGGIE SMITH’S TOUR DE FORCE.” -Lou Lumenick, NEW YORK POST FS/MA

1/8 PAGE ( 4.666" ) X 2.49"

ACADEMY AWARD® WINNER ALL.SOS.0122.WCP

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WASHINGTON CITY PAPER FRIDAY 01/22 2 COL. ( 4.666" ) X 2.49" ALL.LIV.0122.WCP

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BEST OF 2016 OUT APRIL 7 Reserve Now! Call the advertising department to book your Best of D.C. ad today: 202-650-6927 washingtoncitypaper.com january 22, 2016 37

Contents:

Adult..............................................38 Auto/Wheels/Boat .....................39 Buy, Sell, Trade, Marketplace.................................39 Community...................................39 Employment.................................38 Health/Mind, Body & Spirit ...............................39 Housing/Rentals .........................38 Legals Notices ............................38 Music/Music Row ......................39 Real Estate...................................38 Services........................................39

Diversions

Ink Well Crossword....................39

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Legals LEE MONTESSORI CHARTER SCHOOL

PUBLIC

REQUEST FOR PROPOSALS Project Management Consulting Services Lee Montessori Public Charter School invites all interested parties to submit proposals to provide project management consulting services for site control and financing and/or pre-development and development management services for a new facility.

Renovation of this 48,000 sq. ft. commercial property, located on Evarts Street, will require phased in construction and has an anticipated delivery date of August 1, 2016. The complete RFP can be obtained by contacting rfp@ bhope.org, please indicate which RFP you are requesting.

Mechanics’ Lien: 2007 Dodge VIN# 2B3KA43R17H757018. Sale to be held 1/30/16 at 10 a.m. on the premises of SPARTEN BUS WORLD INC., 6666 Walker Mill Rd, Capitol Heights, MD 20743.

Legals The Perry Street Prep Public Charter School intends to enter into a sole source contract with The Achievement Network for student assessment services to help identify and close gaps in student learning for the upcoming school year. *Perry Street Prep constitutes the sole source for The Achievement Network for student assessment services that will lead to student achievement. *For further information regarding this notice contact psp_bids@ pspdc.org no later than 4:00 pm January 29, 2016.

FIND YOUR OUTLET. RELAX, UNWIND, REPEAT CLASSIFIEDS HEALTH/MIND, BODY & SPIRIT http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/

Classified Ads Print & Web Classified Packages may be placed on our Web site, by fax, mail, phone, or in person at our office: 1400 I (EYE) Street NW Suite 900 Washington, D.C. 20005.

Commercial Ads rates start at $20 for up to 6 lines in print and online; additional print lines start at $2.50/line (vary by section).

Your print ad placement will include web placement plus up to 10 photos online.

Premium options available for both print and web may vary.

HIRE AN INTERN.

CHANGE A LIFE.

To sponsor an intern, contact Jetheda Warren, jwarren@theurbanalliance.org, 202-459-4308 FIND YOUR OUTLET. RELAX, UNWIND, Urban Alliance REPEAT CLASSIFIEDS empowers under-resourced youth to aspire, work,HEALTH/MIND, and succeed BODY & SPIRIT through paid internships, formal http://www.washingtoncitraining, andtypaper.com/ mentoring.

www.theurbanalliance.org

Legals

Roommates

Superior Court of the District of Columbia PROBATE DIVISION 2015 ADM 1166 MARX EDWARD ANTHONY TYREE, Deceased Notice of Appointment, Notice to Creditors And Notice to Unknown Heirs DEVERA A. HALL, whose address is 616 BRAESIDE RD, BALTIMORE, MD 21229, was appointed personal representative of the estate of MARX EDWARD ANTHONY TYREE, who died on MARCH 27, 2015 WITHOUT a Will, and will serve WITHOUT Court supervision. All unknown heirs and heirs whose whereabouts are unknown shall enter their appearance in this proceeding. Objections to such appointment shall be filed with the Register of Wills, D.C., Building A, 515 5th Street, N.W., 3rd Floor, Washington, D.C. 20001, on or before JULY 14, 2016. Claims against the decedent shall be presented to the undersigned with FIND YOUR OUTLET. a copy to the Register of Wills or UNWIND, REPEAT fiRELAX, led with the Register of Wills with aCLASSIFIEDS copy to the undersigned, HEALTH/on or before JULY 14, 2016, or be forev& SPIRIT erMIND, barred.BODY Persons believed to be heirs or legatees of the decedent http://www.washingtonwho do not receive a copy of this citypaper.com/ notice by mail within 25 days of its first publication shall so inform the Register of Wills, including name, address and relationship.

Date of First Publication: JAN 14, 2016. /S/ DEVERA A. HALL. TRUE TEST COPY /s/ ANNE MEISTER Register of Wills. Name of Newspapers: DWLR, WASHINGTON CITY PAPER. Pub Dates: JAN, 14, 21, 28, 2016.

ALL AREAS: ROOMMATES. COM. Lonely? Bored? Broke?

Find the perfect roommate to compliment your personality and lifestyles at Roommates.com!

Moving?

Find A Helping Moving?

Find A Helping Hand Today Hand Today

Apartments for Rent

Free Code: Washington City Paper

FIND REAL GAY MEN NEAR YOU Moving? Find A Washington: Helping Hand Today

(202) 822-1666

Out with the old, In with the new Post your listing with Washington City Paper Classifieds http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/

Out with the old, In with the new Post your listing with Washington CityMorgan, Paper Adams Two Bedroom one bath Ground floor apt. Renovated, Classifieds

central AC, Washer/Dryer, DW, http://www.washingtMicrowave.

Backyard. $1800 per oncitypaper.com/ month, water included. Text 202255-7898, or email gmehrdad@ verizon.net

Baltimore:

(703) 373-1000 (410) 468-4000

www.megamates.com 18+

You may contact the Classifieds Rep by e-mailing classifieds@washingtoncitypaper.com or calling 202-650-6926.

For more information please visit www.washingtoncitypaper.com

Capitol Hill Living: Furnished Rooms for short-term and longterm rental for $1,100! Near Metro, major bus lines and Union Station - visit website for details www.TheCurryEstate.com NE DC rooms for rent. $650/mo. utils plus cable included. $400 security deposit required Close to Metro and parking available. Use of kitchen, very clean. Seeking Professional. Call 301/437-6613.

FIND YOUR OUTLET. RELAX, UNWIND, REPEAT Business Opportunities CLASSIFIEDS HEALTH/ MIND, BODY & SPIRIT

ROOMS FOR RENT 14th St NW 2 blocks from Columbia Heights Metro, for international students, men. $665/mo. and $555/mo.

Contact Ana, 202/306-1639.

PAID IN ADVANCE! Make $1000 A Week Mailing Brochures From Home! No Experience Required.

Helping home workers since 2001! Genuine Opportunity. Start Immediately! www.TheIncomeHub.com

Training/Schools

AND REPLY TO ADS

Print Deadline The deadline for submission and payment of classified ads for print is each Monday, 5 pm.

Capitol Hill - Furnished bedroom with private bath in home with all amenities. Share common rooms with professional female and 3 well-behaved cats. Access to 2 subway stops. Excellent situation for interns or those on temporary assignment. $995/mo. includes utils. Avail. Feb. 1st. 202-5478095

http://www.washingtCareer Instruction/ oncitypaper.com/

FREE TO LISTEN

Arlington:

Rooms for Rent

NEW YEAR, NEW AIRLINE CAREERS – Get training as FAA certifi ed Aviation Technician. Financial aid for qualifi ed students.

Career placement assistance. Call Aviation Institute of Maintenance 800-725-156

Driver/Delivery/Courier Drivers/owner operators Earn up to 1200wk making home deliveries using your own insured box truck/van weekly pay, need a helper, and a great attitude. Team players only please.

Call 703-229-0400 x 109

Moving?

Out with the old, In with the new Post your listing with Washington City Paper Classifieds

Find A Helping Hand Today

http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/

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FIND YOUR OUTLET. RELAX, UNWIND, REPEAT CLASSIFIEDS HEALTH/MIND, BODY & SPIRIT 38 January 22, 2016 washingtoncitypaper.com

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1 Directing word 4 Two-way 8 Triangular roof sections 14 Bus. letters 15 Haircut that’s tough to wear a hat with 16 Stick in deeply 17 “Made for Moments” electronics company 18 Berry Gordy Jr. pioneered it 20 Beach Boys song off Pet Sounds 22 Emphatic confirmation 23 Significant other 24 Spray in the kitchen 27 No. 2 stuff 28 “___ minute?”

31 Like a Bostonian’s accent 33 Veep between Hubert and Gerald 35 Bunny’s trail?

36 Food providers for the homebound

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39 City near the Lebanon Mountains 40 Calls at sea 41 Like the verbs “buy” and “sell”: Abbr.

42 Singer ___ Blacc 43 Women driver’s org.

47 Zit head?

48 Plane that burned 2885 gallons of fuel an hour: Abbr.

50 Non-natives, to Hawaiians 52 Comedian who is the narrator on TV’s The Goldbergs 55 Has a beneficial effect 58 Lemon in a lot 59 Country singer Ronnie 60 Bird that lives on cliffs 61 Landing no.

62 Polish change 63 Biblical verb with thou 64 Vegetarian bean

Down 1 The Aeneid author 2 Difficult to read 3 Maine national park 4 Curses 5 One who knows his saucers 6 Affected and then some 7 “Over there” 8 Kind of salami 9 Grading assistant 10 Super Smash ___ 11 Bodybuilder Ferrigno 12 Long stretch

Cars/Trucks/SUVs

NE ED A C NEED CAR, A R, TTRUCK RUCK ooff SUV? SU V ?

Over O v e r 11,000 ,0 0 0 vvehicles e hicle s iinn stock s to c k from f rom 22011-2015!

011-2 015!

FFinancing in a n cing ffor or ““ALL” A L L” credit cr e dit situsi t u aations! tions!

Call C all JJason a son @ 202.704.8213 2 0 2.7 0 4.8 2 13 --Laurel L a ur el MD MD

Health & Beauty Products

ELIMINATE CELLULITE and Inches in weeks! All natural. Odor free. Works for men or women.

Free month supply on select packages. Order now! 844-2447149 (M-F 9am-8pm central)

http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/

By BReNDaN emmeTT QuIgley 1

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FIND YOUR OUTLET. RELAX, UNWIND, REPEAT CLASSIFIEDS HEALTH/MIND, BODY & SPIRIT

Education

Somerset Preparatory DC Public Charter School is advertising the opportunity to bid on Special Education Speech and Occupational Therapy services for grades 6- 9. The may be obtained beginning on Friday, 1/22/16 by emailing sspdc_bids@somersetprepdc.org. Please send all proposals by 2/5/16.

13 A busy person might pick one up: Abbr.

19 Minnesota Lynx league 21 “It’s probable...”

24 Scripting language 25 Big name in laptops 26 Website with Outlook and Bing 29 Conquistador’s loot 30 Of sound quality 32 Waits for one’s time 34 Toils at it 35 Forces into an inadequate space 36 French mother 37 Erse land 38 “Name not ringing a bell” 39 Profession, casually 42 Forwarding letters 44 Comes in second 45 Trattoria dessert 46 Off the beaten path 49 Calls it quits 51 Strong point 52 “Look here” 53 Took in too much snow 54 His uncle was Caligula 55 War perimeter, briefly 56 Target of some divesting protesters 57 Chess rating system

Harmony DC Public Charter School is seeking highly qualifi ed 4th-5th Grade Math teacher. Please visit harmonydc.org to apply.

Licensed Massage & Spas

Cash For Cars We Buy Any Condition Vehicle, 2002 and Newer.

Nationwide Free Pick Up! Call Now: 1-888-420-3808 www. cash4car.com.

MOVING? FIND A HELPING HAND TODAY Miscellaneous

IDEA Public Charter School is soliciting proposals for the following services: • Development & fundraising seeking a consultant to assist with donor relations to establish an annual fund and capital campaign for the school.

• Contractor - install and construction of 2-3 bathrooms for a small remodel of existing unoccupied space; work may also include installation of some new interior doors and several window AC units.

• Building Painting - provide painting services for selected school areas.

Boats/Motors/ Trailers/Watercraft

**Office Trailers for Sale**

***OFFICE TRAILER LIQUIDATION SALE by local dealer in Elkridge, MD. *** Used trailers of various conditions and sizes... prices vary accordingly.

RELAXING SOOTHING MASSAGE 240-463-7754 Valerie@ yourclassicmassage. com People come to me for my gentleness and knowledge of the body.

I listen to your needs and present the massage appropriate for them. Reduce your stress, relax your mind, energize your body and restore your balance. Private offi ce in the Palisades. MacArthur Blvd., NW, DC. Outcalls welcome.

Appointment only.

Out with the old, In with the new Post your listing with Washington City Paper Classifieds

S P R E E

W E I L L

A D V I L

T H R O A L Y I G A R P R I M A O U T S I L L P S A P T R A H M R E T A H E L O N A N A T J A W

J A P E A E N K S D E E N F O O R G G R E A R Y

A M B V I A A I S L S E T S I A R O N A N E R I N T E N Y B E J U E T O T O N T A U N S E L E S S

B U T A P E Y P A L E E R A M V O R E S U S T T H E P L O W O K O P E K E D

Y E R M A L T S O P E D S

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StreetSe StreetSense

Please go to www.ideapcs.org. to view a full RFP offering. Proposals shall be received no later than 5:00 P.M., Friday, Feb 5, 2016.

Update your skills for a better job! Continuing Education at Community College at UDC has more than a thousand certifi ed online & affordable classes in nearly every fi eld. Education on your own. http://cc.udc.edu/continuing_education

Counseling GEORGETOWN PSYCHOTHERAPY. individual, couples, group. Experienced,caring PH.D. therapist. drwendellcox.com, (202) 333-6606.

Antiques & Collectibles Comic Book & Sports Card Show Sunday January 31 10am-3pm Tysons Corner Va. Crowne Plaza 1960 Chain Bridge Rd 22102 dealers selling Gold, Silver, Bronze & Modern Age Comic Books, Nonsports cards of all types including Pokemon & Magic PLUS vintage to the present Baseball, Football, Basketball & Hockey cards and sports memorabilia,Plus some vintage LP records and collectibles & Hobby supplies Info: shoffpromotions.com

Out with the old, In with the new Post your listing with Washington City Paper Classifieds ***Contact Sales Manager at 1(800)544-0745 for more details.***CALL TODAY***

Bands/DJs for Hire

DJ DC SOUL man. Hiphop, reggae, go-go, oldies, etc. Clubs, caberets, weddings, etc. Contact the DC Soul Hot Line at 202/2861773 or email me at dc1soulman@live.com.

http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/

AAAH THE RUB! (301) 7923950. 60MIN/$85-90MIN/$105.

Tranquil home-based Day Spa (near Glenmont Metro) By appointment only/ 7-days-a-week 12pm-5pm. http://time2refresh. com

http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com Events Comic Book & Sports Card Show Sunday January 31 10am-3pm Tysons Corner Va. Crowne Plaza 1960 Chain Bridge Rd 22102 Dealers selling Gold, Silver, Bronze & Modern Age Comic Books, Nonsports cards of all types including Pokemon & Magic PLUS vintage to the present Baseball, Football, Basketball & Hockey cards and sports memorabilia,Plus some vintage LP records and collectibles & Hobby supplies TOO. Info: shoffpromotions.com DC Scholars Public Charter School Board of Trustees Meeting. 01/26/2016. 4:00pm - 6:00pm at Bredhoff & Kaiser, PLLC, 805 15th Street NW, Suite 1000, Washington DC 20005

Volunteer Services

Educating the public and empowering the homeless one newspaper at a time.

Defend abortion rights. Washington Area Clinic Defense Task Force (WACDTF) needs volunteer clinic escorts Saturday mornings, weekdays. Trainings, other info:202-681-6577, http://www. wacdtf.org, info@wacdtf.org.

Twitter: @wacdtf

Free Classes & Workshops

Free Stuff

LAST WEEK: OFF-SHORE BANKING

F H

Moving out of condo. Have the following free USED outdated items available for pick-up immediately. 1)Large microwave 2) Heavy bag for big kids (stable) 3) 2-green cloth chairs on wheels 4) exercise bike 5)gut cruncher bar (floor model) and various drinking glasses

Miscellaneous LIKE NEW BEST CHOICE BLACK ELECTRIC FOLDABLE TREADMILL-500 WATT. $100 OBO or best offer. Cash only.

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St. Jude Thaddeus pray for us.

Thank you for unfailing prayer always. https://www.youtube.com/ watch?v=2Czg5yT9mvM

Counseling Pregnant? Thinking of Adoption? Talk with a caring agency specializing in matching Birthmothers with Families Nationwide. Living Expenses Paid. Call 24/7 Abby’s One True Gift Adoptions. 866-413-6293. Void in Illinois/New Mexico/Indiana.

Pick up a copy today from vendors throughout downtown D.C. or visit www.streetsense.org for more information.

washingtoncitypaper.com January 22, 2016 39

More Job Training for a Stronger DC

“The merger will provide people like Demika with more job skills.”

Carmen Robles-Inman

Program Director, Edgewood/Brookland Family Support Collaborative

“The Edgewood/Brookland Family Support Collaborative gave me the training I needed to find a job.”

Demika Alston

Pepco Customer Southeast DC

The Pepco Holdings-Exelon Merger: Affordability, Reliability and Sustainability for DC. Job training in the District is important for economic growth. That’s why the Pepco Holdings-Exelon merger includes $5.2 million for workforce development to help DC residents get jobs. The Edgewood/Brookland Family Support Collaborative, which trains DC workers and helps them find jobs, knows just how important that workforce development funding is.

Workforce development is one of many benefits of the merger. We signed the petition to show our support. You can, too, at PHITomorrow.com.

For more information or to show your support, visit PHITomorrow.com.

Paid for by Exelon Corporation.