Issue 4 February 2020
ISSUE 4 — Relationships Editor-in-Chief Matt Comeau
TEAM LEADS
Submissions/Editing Lily Roth Layout Design Clara Xi Art Diana Tran Marketing Grace Benjaminsen Events Jasmeet Chahal Treasurer Irsah Choudhury Secretary Lily Roth
FEATURED CONTRIBUTORS Absalom Abalone Clara Xi Diana Tran Kendra Sleeman Nelson Wu Tiffany Griffith
Cover art Grace Benjaminsen @watiszine | watiszine@gmail.com 3
Letter from the editor
This release marks our first issue of 2020, and our fourth issue in total. Starting the club back up has been both fun and a bit daunting, partly with my absence this semester to Montreal. We’ve welcomed back old faces, taken in new ones, and have begun working more with the KW arts community; something I didn’t expect to happen any time soon but am stoked to be a part of. We also have an event in the works coming up later this term, and some new additions to the zine as a whole. In many ways, these last two months really tie into February’s theme, relationships. Wanting to avoid the cliché of Valentine's day and romance, we wanted to make this theme relevant but poignant. To open a dialogue on relationships of any kind; professional and personal, romantic or not. One of the things I cherish most about this publication is that we can provide a place for people to explore these topics, safe from judgement and for the benefit of the student body. It’s not an easy thing to put your art out there for all to see, the least we can do is make that process even less painless. So, here lies WAT is Zine?’s first issue of the year. It is chock full of good, honest and insightful creations, it marks the next step in our little operation, and it paves a way for a future full of meaningful connections. I sincerely hope you enjoy, and I hope to see some new faces down the line. See you on the flip side, Matt Comeau
Editor-in-Chief of WAT is Zine?
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table of contents 6. mutually assured destruction 11. 50+ years 13. [untitled] 14. hiding my anxiety 16. supernova 17. sun and moon
credits 12. Image by Nelson Wu 16. Background image by Juskteez Vu on Unsplash
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Page 6 Top & Bottom Brooklyn Bridge New York City 2019 Page 7 Top Manhattan Chinatown New York City 2019
Bottom Union Square New York City 2019
Page 8 Top World Trade Center New York City 2019
Bottom Metropolitan Museum New York City 2019
Page 9 Top Times Square New York City 2019
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Bottom Midtown New York City 2019
50+ years Kendra Sleeman 11
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I think of you when cherry blossoms bloom. But not for their flowers. For though they are lovely, they are ultimately temporal and fleeting. Much like infatuation, the sea of rose-tinted sakura eventually fades away. And to me, you are more than that. I think of you when cherry blossoms bloom. Because I think their true splendour lies in the act of their growth. Standing strong throughout each season as they try their best to withstand the toil of wind, snow and rain. How patiently they wait for spring. I think of you when cherry blossoms bloom. Because they remind me that what we have is more than just petaled ephemera. Would these flowers have blossomed had they not survived the harshness of the winter? To me, the weathered bark, twisted roots and ragged branches are just as beautiful as the flowers that come forth from the tree.
Diana Tran
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Hiding my Anxiety Tiffany Griffith
I have a confession to make. For years after being diagnosed with Anxiety & Panic Disorder, I would walk around pretending everything was okay. I would place a smile on my face so no one could see the fact that I was really screaming on the inside. In reality, everything was not okay. I felt like I was screaming at the top of my lungs in a crowded room but no one could hear me. In fact, all they could see was a girl who seemed to be happy more times than not. Pretending like everything was okay was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Only a few people knew the truth about what I was, and continue to go through. It was exhausting, difficult, and I lost what it felt like to just be genuine and be myself. Panic attacks paralyzed me. They scared me so much that I thought if I acted like everything was okay, maybe I wouldn't have an attack.... take it from me, that didn't happen. On the contrary, the attacks got worse, because I tried to fight them off instead of letting them take their course. Trying to fight off an attack is one of the worst things you can do, as it can prolong the attack and make symptoms much worse. There were bowling tournaments where I was beyond anxious, I had to go to the restroom to let out a few tears. There were tournaments where I had to sit alone, secluded because I felt like I was going to panic at any time - but I didn't tell anyone. I remember a couple years ago now, at the Ivan Nelson Memorial Tournament provincial tournament, I had a big panic attack and I mean BIG. I ended up losing the tournament, and by the end of it, I was in tears. Not because I was super upset that I lost, but because of the panic attack I had to cost me the chance to take home the gold. Luckily I have improved so much that this has not happened nearly as often, but that day I was so scared for people to know the real reason behind those tears. I feared people thinking I was a freak. I feared people having to ask me what is wrong with you? Are you okay? I felt like no one would understand. Boy, I was so wrong. So many people understand and just want the best for you. To tell you the truth, I no longer walk around like everything is okay. If I'm not okay, you'll probably be able to tell or I'll tell you if you ask. Bad days will happen, that's how anxiety works. Before you say it, yes there are ways to help prevent panic attacks from happening, but they're not 100% guaranteed to work all the time. Sometimes, attacks just happen and they can happen for an unknown reason.
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My advice to you, no matter what you're going through - don't do what I did. Don't pretend like everything is okay when it's not. It's okay not to be okay. Talk to someone, someone you trust, and it will make the world of a difference. Having someone with you who understands what you're going through, or at least understands how to comfort you and make you feel better can reduce anxious feelings - a big reduction. Tell someone.
*** I am very fortunate to have amazing people in my life to help me through those rough days. To my mom, dad, brother, and friends: thank you for believing in me and helping me keep my thoughts clear and my goals always in reaching distance. Thank you for doing what it takes to keep me motivated and constantly improving myself. To my boyfriend, thank you for choosing me. I know seeing me panic is not easy by any means, and I wish they didn't happen. But I thank you with all of my heart for being that person to hold me and tell me it will be okay. Thank you for being right by my side to face any obstacle that may come my way.
*** On February 4th, 2016 it happened again for the first time in quite a while. At a YBT Tournament, I had a panic attack during the squad. Crippled by the panic, shaking, I couldn't take it anymore. Tears streaming down my face, but this time I didn't hide it. If people knew it happened - the better. The support I received was comforting. Especially from my boyfriend who just held me the whole time - but to know that there were people there who understood and wanted to help made it that much easier to manage.
Don't hide like I did. Someone will be there to help you.
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Supernova
by Absalom Abalone
When I first saw you, you were dancing, Night-sky Polaris, twinkling, shimmering, A waltzing ray of light in a dark place, “Show me the way.” When I saw you again, I knew That one day, a star would be born from you, Dazzled and willing, for once, to dream, "Promise me you'll stay." You and I, we were like binary stars, Dancing in that tango of ours, For years and years, together inseparable, I hoped it would be for forever. "Liar." The vastness of space is lonely, My heart belongs to you only, I think you already know. "You're nothing but a traitor." Your voice was music to my ears, Yet dissonant cadences, sharp as spears, Brought this opera to a close. The last from you I'd ever hear. You became a star, as I thought you would, Light-years away, you shine brightly; if I could Only have you be close to me once more, Have you dance for me just once more! But for all your grace and all your moves I know you loved me less than I ever loved you. For all your grace and all your moves, You loved me less than I loved you.
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sun and moon clara xi
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CONTRIBUTORS CONTRIBUTORS CONTRIBUTORS CONTRIBUTORS ABSALOM ABALONE Absalom is a second-year student in the Faculty of Mathematics. Unironically likes the Sonic the Hedgehog movie. CLARA XI 2A computer science. Layout designer for WAT is Zine?. C-List cryptid. DIANA TRAN Diana is a student at the University of Waterloo who is a collector of curious things, maker of trinkets and rings, and a lover of nature and the beauty it brings. Sometimes she likes to scribble down her thoughts here and there. KENDRA SLEEMAN My name is Kendra Sleeman. I have had a passion for art since I was little, with that I try to put myself in my art. My Instagram is kes_imagery and my Etsy shop is KESimagery. NELSON WU Nelson is an artist working in the photographic medium, capturing candid, unposed scenes of street life. TIFFANY GRIFFITH My name is Tiffany Griffith. I am an undergraduate student in Psychology at the University of Waterloo. I am an athlete and have been a Team Canada member for 10-Pin Bowling. I am a big advocate for mental health, fitness and nutrition, which my blog and Instagram consists of. Hope you enjoy my work and follow my journey! 18
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Issue 4 February 2020
