Women Beyond Forty - First Edition by wb40

Issue 1

Cover Art: The Brave Are Free - Cathy Frank - Page 52

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Magazine Issue No. 1 The Hard-Won Wisdom of Women

Contents

Dear WB40

Subscriptions

Recipes with Sandra Reynolds

• •

27 29

Persian Love Cake Strawberry and Rosewater Ice Cream

She Endevours

Cover Artist

44 53 Contents

The Hidden Room

The Job Market – Are you feeling lucky?

5 Great ways to feel more relaxed

Donna Stolzenberg A force for Good

Emotional Load

Pieces of Me – My #Me Too Story

A post-bushfire quest for Joie de Vivre

Lets talk Vagina

WELCOME Welcome to the debut issue of Wb40 – Women Beyond Forty Wb40 is a celebration of the hard-won wisdom of women, written by women for women. Recognising our diversity, our backgrounds and our knowledge. We believe that every woman has a story and every voice should be heard. Wb40 is a place dedicated to women’s vibrancy, bravery and brilliance where women feel supported and encouraged. If I’m honest, as I write this, I feel like a nervous parent watching a child go out into the world. The platform of Wb40 has been a work in progress for what seems like a very long time. From the first incarnation as a blog in 2013 to growing into the Wb40 Magazine and our dedicated podcast, The Good Girl Confessional. Wb40 is a community of like-minded women who want to see positive change around them, who want to help other women to rise and who want to see more love, compassion, unity and empathy in the world. Anyone reading this magazine will not be surprised by the fact that ageism is prevalent and all women forty and over are aware of its presence – in the community, in our careers, on dating sites, in relationships and in film and television representation. When I searched for a magazine that represented kick-ass women who were my age, that wasn’t just about high end fashion or celebrity news, I couldn’t find it. We all want to be seen and heard, but we also know at a deep level, that women are resilient and our wisdom is never handed to us. It is hardwon. So, encouraged by brilliant friends, and with the help and collaboration of many talented people, Wb40 was born as an independently funded magazine and podcast platform. I have so much gratitude to everyone involved and to everyone who is supporting us along

the way. 2020 has been an unprecedented year marked by a global pandemic that has caused much unrest and unemployment, especially within female sectors, and for female creatives. By buying Wb40 – Women Beyond Forty Magazine and supporting The Good Girl Confessional Podcast, you are helping to create opportunities for women to write and show case their talents, for the benefit of readers beyond the age of forty. Thank you for being supporters of women. With love and thanks,

x y d n Sa 7

acknowledgements

The Team

Pay it forward

Founder | Creative Director | Editor

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Sandy Lowres

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Design & Layout Sandy Lowres | Michael Smedley

Wb40 Magazine is committed to giving away free ad space to such organisations.

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work for women should be supported. This is our way of paying it forward.

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We thank all of the women who have shared their talent for Wb40 Magazine’s debut issue, and for our website - wb40.com

Sandy Lowres

Callista Cooper

Amalia Chilianis

Naomi Radke

Sandra Reynolds

Lisa Westgate

Nadine Marsh

Becky Paroz

Kathy Blanter

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Dear Woman Beyond Forty DROP US A LETTER FOR YOUR CHANCE TO WIN SOMETHING GREAT!

Dear Women Beyond Forty

ow! Hard not to be inspired. Loved the ease of the conversations, the flow. It felt better than a coaching call. There is something about women and in the interview with Nicole Brownlee, she sums it up perfectly. Women are generous and kind in spirit. They want to see other women succeed. It is about connection and a genuine desire to push you to see your own greatness in the art of storytelling. I love how Sandy listens and allows the speaker to direct the flow because that is when the real nuggets of gold appear Katie Review: Apple Podcasts The Good Girl Confessional Podcast

t’s not nothing as well to be focusing on women who are forty and over. I wrote about that in The Fictional Woman and the stats speak for themselves about how women have a smaller slice of the pie to begin with and in particular in terms of getting public support and notoriety or acclaim... it’s so focused on younger women and we tend to forget women when they get to forty or older. Some women are breaking the mold or doing amazing things and thankfully they’re there as trailblazers, but it’s the norm at all so I really have to say it’s a wonderful thing [Wb40] and I applaud what you’re doing Sandy

ow, fascinating female leaders! As a leader myself it’s great to hear an inspiring female leader (Debra Cerasa) tell her journey. I love Sandy’s interview style and how it brought out this magnificent woman’s story.” Mike Review Apple Podcasts The Good Girl Confessional Podcast

Tara Moss Episode 26 The Good Girl Confessional Podcast

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25/11/20 11:11 am

The Hidden Room BY ANONYMOUS BLOGGER

ecently my online dating life has taken an interesting turn. By taking a chance and swiping right on a “different” sort of

profile I’ve found myself in the world of kink. I suppose I’ve had an abstract interest in this world since I was introduced to ”Dan Savage’s Savage Lovecast podcast about five years ago. It’s not that I didn’t know that there was a world of kink and fetish out there but I hadn’t really experienced it or known much about it in my personal life. To be fair I previously had a very brief dating relationship with a man who was into this world and while our fledgling relationship didn’t pan out for other reasons I did enjoy the beginnings of exploring this world with him. A memorable Friday night involved us having very hot sex both dressed as French maids, including stockings and heels.

So some years later I swipe right on J* and very

To be fair I watch a lot of kink/BDSM porn so I had

quickly learn of his kinks which are broad and

some ideas about what I might see.

fascinating and exciting. I take a big step into what I call the Hidden Room. It’s been there all along but

Upon our arrival we got changed into our carefully

until someone opens the door for you can easily keep

picked out kink party wear. At this stage I should

walking past, not knowing what’s behind that door.

explain that J is into cross dressing, particularly women’s lingerie and stockings and heels. It is

In the brief period of time I’ve known J, he has been a

utterly erotic to plan your outfits to match (despite

gentle, caring and wonderful guide into the Hidden

my jealousy at his ability to walk in heels so much

Room, at least the part that he knows and explores. For me it’s been like falling into Alice’s Looking Glass. A Wonderland of ideas, people and experiences.... and it’s only just begun. On Saturday night J invited me to come to a well known Sydney kink venue for their regular party. We started at what is called a Munch: a social gathering for those involved and interested in the BDSM scene. It was held in a pub on the outskirts of the city and upon walking in it appeared a regular Saturday night

“So some years later I swipe right on J* and very quickly learn of his kinks which are broad and fascinating and exciting.”

at a bar. People standing and sitting, drinking, eating and chatting. There were young, uni student types, middle aged couples (like us), older people, people

better than I ever have or will). We both wore

dressed in very understated clothes and some with

stockings,

just a hint of fetish in their attire (animal ears, for

stilettos); he wore a short skirt and shirt and I wore

example). J introduced me to the people he knew,

a tasseled cape which barely covered my nipples. I

all were friendly and welcoming. We shared a meal

have never thought of myself as an exhibitionist but

and some drinks and then it was time to head to the

I was incredibly aroused by walking out into a public

party.

domain dressed like this.

I must preface this by saying I spent the week of

We did a tour of the three levels of the party venue.

anticipation prior to the party thinking I would go

Three narrow levels each with an array of BDSM

in with no preconceived ideas about how I would

equipment: St Andrew’s crosses, spanking benches,

participate or how I would even react to what I would

a massage table, even a medical room for needle

see at the party. J made it very clear that I could do

play. There were also chill out areas with sofas, etc.

as much or as little as I wanted and there was zero

There were an array of people there f rom an older

pressure on me to be anything more than be an

gentleman wearing scanty pink bra and g-string to

observer. Having never experienced such a party I

some young single guys, eager as Labrador puppies.

was going in with a great deal of anticipation about

Single people can’t participate in scenes unless

my own reaction.

explicitly asked or given permission so for most of

suspenders,

heels

(mine

boots,

his

the single people these nights are voyeuristic only.

After our tour we decided to play on a St Andrew’s cross. My turn first. I was carefully bound, arms and feet, to the points of the cross and blindfolded. J proceeded to deliciously tease and tantalise, paddle my ass and whip my ass and legs. At this point I should say even if you’re not into kink at all please try a blindfold for sex play. I can’t begin to tell you how much more exciting it is to have someone play with your body while you are blindfolded, all your other senses on high alert. When we started I wasn’t really thinking about other people in the room. I was totally focused on what was happening between J and me. It was intimate and intense. A few minutes after we started he leaned in and whispered “you have an audience”. Again, never having thought of myself as an exhibitionist, I was quite interested to observe my own excited reaction. It didn’t scare me or faze me at all, it just added to the intense pleasure

My Journey into kink

I was experiencing. As our session continued he would come and kiss me and again whisper about us being watched. It was incredible. Then we switched places. One of the interesting things we had learned about each other, thanks to a BDSM quiz, was that we were both Switches, a term that applies to people who enjoy both the Dom and Sub roles in BDSM. It was J’s turn to be bound to the cross and spanked and teased. It was my first time on the side of the Dom role so I’m sure I did a very below par job but it was fun and I have lots of ideas for next time. I was also interested in watching the older couple playing next to us where there was a very definite Dom/Sub partnership and the male Dom was an expert at doling out punishment. His kit of paddles, whips and other paraphernalia was impressive. I did wince on her behalf but they looked like they were expert in their roles so I was comfortable watching their scene. When we’d had enough of the cross J suggested the sex swing and I was all for that. Now things got interesting. We went to the upstairs level where the swing was housed and made our little nest around it. It was my turn first so I was bound to the swing, cape removed and blindfold applied. This time

there were also nipple clamps which, when applied right, are exquisite. I knew J was going to fuck me and I was, again much to my own surprise, very comfortable with this happening in a public environment. Who knew?! What came next was fucking amazing. Again let me say that J was aware of my gang-bang fantasies which is why he cautiously allowed the following scene to unfold. Not long after he started fucking me I could feel hands on my breasts and body. At first I thought it was him but quickly realised he wasn’t an eight legged octopus and it dawned on me that others had become involved. Wow! Mind blown. It was such a fantasy come true and it was SOOOOOO HOT! I think I’m glad I was blindfolded because actually seeing what was happening might have been overwhelming. Instead it was just amazing sensation, just like I had imagined it. Hands and mouths everywhere, with my gorgeous J’s cock where it was meant to be. The sensation of strange hands on my nipples, hot breath of strangers around me, mouths on my mouth, fingers on my clit, the sound of masturbating cocks around me. It was completely intoxicating and hot and I couldn’t have been more turned on. All rational thought drifted away and I was just nerve endings and lust and a dripping wet pussy. When I watch this sort of porn I wonder if you could just fall into that cavern of debauchery and leave “yourself” behind. This experience proved that you absolutely can... or at least I absolutely can. After a while I did get a bit claustrophobic and J asked everyone to stop which they instantly did. I was untied, exhilarated and ridiculously turned on. J told me he saw an opportunity for me to live out my fantasy and he allowed the guys who had gathered to watch and masturbate to touch me. I knew he would stop it immediately if things got out of control or I wanted it to stop. We swapped places and once J was bound I proceeded to tease him and to give him a blow job to remember. I love blow jobs, which are intimate in any context, but when your receiver is bound and blindfolded it is an amazing experience for both people. There was only an audience of

one for this part of our scene. During this I scene I thought about how much “extra” it would be with someone else to play with. Another cock fucking me while I was blowing J, another pussy for J to lick or touch or breasts for him to suck. I answered my own question about the group sex dynamic. Is it possible? I think there is something to be said for that overwhelm of erotic sensation. Every erotic center triggered at the same time. Blissful, intoxicating sex like this is an assault on all your senses (and the blindfold is a way of enhancing the other senses by taking away one). It’s about letting go of all ideas about what’s “right” or “normal” and allowing yourself to float on a river of pleasure. We cleaned up and got changed. On our way out we bumped into a couple we’d met soon after arriving. A nice looking couple similar in age to us. I remember thinking that they looked like they’d be fun to play with (surprising myself yet again). We had a brief conversation and I was sad that we didn’t have a chance to play. (As a footnote, we’ve since connected on Fetlife.... so who knows...) I left on an absolute high. The night was pleasurable on so many different levels. Physically of course... But I had learned so much about myself. What I was capable of. That I was braver than I had ever thought. That I was an exhibitionist. That I loved my body and felt sexy and powerful and amazing. That being with a trusted, caring, sex positive, kinky partner is an absolute gift. After many years of vanilla these were all intoxicating things to discover.

Recipes Sandra Reynolds with Sandra Reynolds

Her Love of food G

rowing up in the UK, my childhood Christmases were always – with one glorious snowy exception – spent indoors. With a focus around colour and abundance to ward off howling winds and darkening grey skies outside, it was the season of spice, of warming heat, of bright pops of colour on the tree and in our meals. But then we moved to Australia, and nothing about Christmas was ever the same. It took us ages to adapt. These days, I haven’t so much thrown out tradition as created new traditions of my own. Christmas is a decidedly relaxed affair – instead of spending hours in a hot kitchen over a roast no-one has an appetite for in mid-summer, we graze on seafood and salads. Long gone as well, is the Christmas Pud. For while I adore it, there are other desserts that are way more popular, including this Per-

sian Love Cake, paired here with a trans-formative strawberry and rosewater ice cream. Packed full of pistachios, almonds and Christmas spices, this is a much lighter take on a Christmas pudding. It’s a ridiculously easy to make one bowl wonder and can be made well ahead of the big event. It’s such a lovely – and gluten-free – cake reminiscent of baklava, that it prompted me to make this ice cream, based around another old love of mine – Turkish delight, also a Christmas fave – and it is such a spectacular addition that I always have to give the recipe to those who try it. For if I tell you dear reader that people routinely drive across town to sit at my table and eat it, then you know it will be a hit with the people who are now gathering around your table. And isn’t that what tradition is all about?

Persian Love Cake

PERSIAN LOVE CAKE INGREDIENTS

◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆

550g almond meal 300g raw sugar 300g brown sugar 180g butter, softened 3 eggs, lightly beaten 375g Greek-style yogurt, plus extra to serve 1 tbsp freshly grated nutmeg 1 tbsp ground coriander seed 1 tsp cinnamon ½ tsp ground cloves 45g pistachios

Image Credit: Sandra Renoylds

METHOD 1. Preheat oven to 180⁰C. Combine almond meal, sugars and butter in a bowl, then rub with fingertips until coarse crumbs form. Spoon half the mixture into a lightly buttered and baking paper-lined 24cm-diameter springform pan, gently pressing to evenly cover the base. 2. Add egg, yogurt and spices to remaining mixture and beat with a wooden spoon until smooth and creamy. Pour over prepared base and smooth the top. 3. Roughly chop and then scatter pistachios around edge of the cake. 4. Bake until an inserted skewer comes out clean (45-50 minutes.) Cool completely in the cake tin on a wire rack to room temperature, then remove from the cake tin. The cake will keep in an airtight container in the fridge for up to a week. 5. Serve slices with scoops of the ice cream whenever the mood takes you. There are no rules after all.

Strawberry and Rosewater Ice Cream STRAWBERRY, POMEGRANATE AND ROSEWATER ICE CREAM INGREDIENTS

◆ 500g ripe strawberries ◆ 1 tbsp balsamic vinegar ◆ 100g pomegranate - flavored Turkish Delight ◆ 1 liter best-quality vanilla bean ice cream ◆ 1 tsp rosewater

METHOD 1. Preheat oven to 180⁰C. Line a baking tray with baking paper. Wash and hull the strawberries, cut them in half and place on the baking tray. Drizzle a little balsamic vinegar over them, scatter 1 tablespoon of caster sugar over the fruit and roast them in the oven for about 20 minutes or until they are starting to release their juices. Place in a bowl of a food processor or use a stick blender to blend the fruit and juices to a smooth liquid. 2. Chop the Turkish delight into 1 cm sized chunks and add, with the rosewater, to the fruit mixture. 3. Take the ice cream from the freezer and allow to soften for 10 minutes. Place the ice cream in a large bowl and stir through the strawberry mixture until the ice cream is darkly pink. Pour the mixture into a loaf tin or clean ice cream container and return to the freezer. It will keep for weeks of course – if you can leave it that long.

29 29

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The Job Market – Are you feeling lucky? BY AMALIA CHILIANIS

ith rising unemployment, underemployment and a recession, although potentially a short-lived one, a strong and consistent sentiment for many is “I’m lucky to have a job.” And possibly the view from those who are unfortunately out of work, this sentiment in their opinion is true. Expressing gratitude for employment and the job you have has many benefits. Practicing gratitude helps build relationships, enhances empathy, improves your sleep and your mental strength. However, can there be too much of a good thing? Yes, there can be too much of a good thing when others take advantage of you because of it, or it keeps you stuck in a job that starts out feeling unsatisfying but ultimately grows into something that negatively impacts your mind, body and spirit. While many organisations are doing all they can to stay in business and keep people employed, it’s not sustainable for people to be content with having a job where they are working full time hours for 80% of the pay, or their hours have been cut back to the point where they are struggling to make ends meet. How long can organisations bank on the lucky to have a job sentiment? The future remains uncertain, as we head into a new year. This uncertainty has many of us telling ourselves a story about our job and career. Like “it is not the time to change jobs” or “there aren’t many jobs out there” or “I’ll just wait and see what happens”, “better the devil you know” or “while they keep paying me, I will keep turning up”. None of these statements sit comfortably with me. In particular the keep paying me and I will turn up, it tastes like surviving rather than thriving. And while thriving may seem too lofty a goal in this climate surely, we can aim a little higher than just surviving. One of my recent coaching clients perhaps has a story you can relate to. She worked in a small financial services office. Prior to COVID-19 and the restrictions enforced on workplaces, she had struggled to achieve the flexibility she was after. She had great relationships with some of 32

her colleagues, her Manager and the person who claims to be a HR practitioner but with no qualifications or experience in the field, both contribute to what amounts to a pretty unpleasant place to work. On deciding to start applying for jobs, her part-

“Luck is not chance, it’s toil; fortune’s expensive smile is earned.” Emily Dickinson ner of 7 years responded “Now is not the time to be looking for a job.” Choosing to ignore this unsupportive response and invest her trust and confidence in a couple of other close relationships who could help support her through her desire to make a change, she started the job seeking process. With expert resume review and coaching through the interview and negotiation process, it was not long before she secured a more flexible role closer to home in what turning out to be a much more supportive and enjoyable workplace. Now in her 50s, it is not about climbing any ladder, but about achieving the life she wants to live and how work enables that, rather than negatively impacts it. If you are frustrated with your job or career, unhappy, bored, or have that nagging voice inside you that tells you’re capable of more and all the gratitude you practice won’t quieten those feelings, then it is time to do something about it.

Five things you can do to make a change; 1. Check the stories you are telling yourself. Otherwise known as self-limiting beliefs. Are your thoughts and beliefs about changing your job true? Are they true in every scenario? Do you have all the information you need to make an informed decision? What would be the impact if you accepted your belief as true and did nothing about making a change? 2. Choose your support team wisely. Any change can be difficult and navigating a new career or job is no exception. However, it is achievable, especially with one or two close relationships for support. Choose people who will respond actively and in a supportive way, and who will also be honest with you when you need it. 3. Gather some data. Look at what jobs are available and talk to a few people you trust. Broaden your search, perhaps outside of what you might normally look for. This information is intended to broaden your thinking and challenge any untruths you may be basing your decisions on. Changing jobs or careers is a numbers game, the more options you have the better chance you have of success. 4. Get ready. The simple act of updating your resume, can help you feel a little more in control. It is good practice to regularly update your resume, so when the time comes to make a change you are well prepared. Again, increasing your chance of success is based on pursuing a change that leverages your transferable skills and experience. 5. Ask for help. If you know you want to make a change, but are unclear as to what to change to, get help. Seek out a coach or if your budget does not extend to a coach, look at your network and talk to someone who you can help you find some direction. Like in step 2, choose wisely and if you are relying on your network don’t rely on a single opinion. 6. It’s likely you are a lot more capable than you think and making a change is absolutely achievable. With the right mindset, good support, preparation and by taking small achievable steps you can move from surviving in your work to thriving. To finding work that is more enjoyable and enables the life you want to live.

About the Author Amalia Chilianis is a coach with over 25 years of corporate experience. Shortly due to publish her first book outlining a holistic and science-based approach to changing careers and jobs. She is a courageous leader and an encourager of others who is determined that the next 20 years of work and life will be different to the last. www.amaliachilianis.com

2020 has been the mother of all years. It’s fair to say that a global pandemic shook so many of us, as we stayed away from friends, work colleagues and family. For some this meant having more time to try new skills – baking sour dough bread, reupholstering chairs, learning musical instruments and figuring out how to video chat! For others it was a tough year of feeling isolated and fearful. In Australia, as we approach summer, we are emerging from tough lockdowns (well done to those in Victoria!) and we do so with a sense of hope, but many people are feeling burnt out and tired heading into the festive season. Here’s a few tips which we hope might help:

5 Great ways to feel more relaxed 34

Tip 1

k o o b d o o ad a g

Turn your phone, iPad or laptop off and pick up a book! Books are a great way to escape the real world for a little while. Too tired to read? Try an audio book through apps like Audible or Sribd.com, pop in your ear buds, close your eyes and just relax.

Tip 2 Tip

2 h t a b m r ave a wa

There’s a reason that long warm baths have been popular since ancient times. According to a 2016 Loughborough University led study, baths have many proven benefits. Soaking in a tub can help reduce sugar spikes after eating, help the immune system, ease muscular pain and improve sleep quality. Adding bath salts or oils can also enhance relaxation.

Tip 3

s t n a l p s wi t h

d n e i r f e Mak

Getting your hands dirty can be beneficial! Gardening allows you to get moving while also relieving stress. The bonus of gardening outside is the vitamin D. If you don’t have a garden, or you don’t have a lot of space, perhaps consider planting some herbs or small plants in pots, or visit a community garden which can foster feelings of connection. Alternatively, get out into nature, to walk or hike. Being around trees can be helpful in reducing stress levels.

Tip 4

e m i t d n Frie

Hanging out with your gal pals can help you relax! Studies conducted at Stanford University confirmed that when women spend time with female friends they are more likely to have surges of serotonin and oxytocin, both considered “happy hormones” which can leave you feeling more positive.

Tip 5 p e e l s e r Get mo While the benefits of sleep are well known, many women don’t get enough of it. Hormonal changes, especially during peri-menopause and menopause can cause restless nights. Lack of sleep can cause additional stress. If sleep is elusive, sleepfoundation.org recommends avoiding large meals, caffeine, nicotine and alcohol before bed. Wearing light weight clothing in breathable fabrics may be more comfortable. Consider using a fan or air conditioning to regulate the room temperature. It may be beneficial to stop looking at your phone or technology at least an hour before bed, as blue light can have an impact on sleep patterns. Regular exercise and relaxing baths can be helpful for quality sleep also. However, if sleep continues to be elusive, consider talking to your GP who can advise about treatments that might help.

50 Lygon Street Brunswick East

The Kala Space is the latest initiative from The National Homeless Collective. In our Op Shop we employ women who are: 1. Escaping Domestic Abuse 2. Recently escaped Homelessness 3. Experiencing Homelessness 4. At risk of Homelessness.

To Support the vital work of The Kala Space,

Please visit our shop, or donate at

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Donna Stolzenberg A force for Good BY SANDY LOWRES

onna Stolzenberg has just been awarded the honor of Victorian Australian of the Year 2021, and with good reason. She hasn’t had a single day off in 2020, such is her passion for her work. A proud Indigenous woman from Ngajtumay and Mirning people, and the mother of five sons, Donna is the Founder and CEO of the National Homeless Collective, working tirelessly for the last six years to directly help those affected by homelessness and domestic violence. When I meet Donna for the first time in a video chat, she greets me with a warm smile. She has

the aura of a woman with stories to tell and a clear purpose. Donna, a powerhouse for good, has created no less than six sub-charities under the National Homeless Collective, which started after a chance encounter. She began with a sleeping bag drive for homeless people from her lounge-room in Hillside, in Melbourne’s west, after she was haunted by the sight of a homeless man, asleep on a park bench on a freezing cold night, whom she thought was dead. She was so impacted that within eight weeks, she had collected 3500 donated sleeping bags

and blankets, which she distributed from a trailer on weekends. Within three months, the project had grown so large that she quit her job at the Australian Tax Office and founded the National Homeless Collective. She was determined to help people on the ground, without messy red tape.

“Domestic Violence

While handing out sleeping bags one day, Donna came across a woman who asked her if she had any tampons. The woman, who was sleeping rough, was embarrassed that she had her period and no means to buy any sanitary products.

you are probably working

“I didn’t have any tampons on me, but I went and bought her some. She was literally sitting there bleeding on the street.”

violence is one of the leading

The Period Project, which provides menstruation packs to homeless women, started in that moment and grew rapidly, engaging people in conversations about this much needed, but neglected, element of support for women experiencing homelessness.

couldn’t go to work because they had just left a domestic violence situation or because they didn’t have access to washing facilities.

Through The Period Project, sanitary products are also distributed to those leaving Melbourne’s women’s prison, Dame Phyllis Frost Centre, along with a voucher to spend at the Kala Space started by Donna. The Kala Space is an Op Shop in Brunswick East in Melbourne’s northern suburbs and employs women who are experiencing homelessness or family violence and supported by a team of volunteers. What sets it apart is there are no set start or finish times. The flexible working arrangements came about when one of the work-for-the-dole participants called to say she couldn’t make it into work until 11am. When Donna enquired if she was okay, the woman explained she had slept in a park in St. Kilda and everything she owned was soaking wet after an overnight downpour. “I remember her telling me that she had to go to the laundromat but didn’t have any money, so she would have to beg first,” Donna tells me. “I started to ask questions of lots of women with unstable accommodation and got some incredible insight into homelessness and employment.” What she discovered was stories of women who

doesn’t discriminate,” she explains, “Chances are with people who have experienced it, and domestic causes of homelessness.”

“If they didn’t show up to work they would be fired, but sometimes they couldn’t have a shower so they were embarrassed. They said if there was a job where they didn’t have to start or finish at set times it would make the difference, but they feared that would never happen.” The Kala Space, changed their flexible working arrangements to accommodate women who need it the most. Kala is the Sanskrit word for time. “Just the fact that they had to disclose these details to anyone for not turning up to work takes away their privacy and dignity. Now they can all start work when they can, finish when they can, and get paid for the hours they do work without giving me an explanation if they need time off,” Donna says, “As the women become more stable, they become more reliable. There is an incentive for them and it’s empowering.” During 2020, the National Homeless Collective have further leaned in to help those affected by bushfires, as well as those in strict lockdown in the Melbourne housing towers during Covid-19 with immediate grass roots support. There is still much to be done on the fight against homelessness, which is a multi-faceted and systemic issue, and Donna doesn’t seem to be giving up the front-line response which is need-

ed by so many. Her lived experience caring for foster children helped her to understand that many children don’t have the basic essentials for school, which leads to them simply dropping out, or not participating. Inspired by these kids, the sub-charity the School Project came to life which gives much needed and immediate school supplies, books and help to kids who need it, without asking questions. “We trust the organisations we work closely with so if they call and say we have a child who needs things, we provide them. Without red tape, or questions.” Donna would love to change the narrative around what homelessness looks like. According to the National Homeless Collective, in 2018 there were approximately 120,000 homeless people In Australia, and 44% of those sleeping rough are women. Alarmingly women aged over 55 are the fastest-growing group of homeless Australians. “Domestic Violence doesn’t discriminate,” she explains, “Chances are you are probably working with people who have experienced it, and domestic violence is one of the leading causes of homelessness.” In the time that we are speaking, Donna receives many calls for assistance on her phone.

When I ask how she can find the time to do so much for others, she smiles back at me, “Homelessness doesn’t take a day off.” Feeling inspired to help the National Homeless Collective, and the sub-charities, here are a few ways: 1. Learn about the issues – head to www.nhcollective.org.au for information about the issues currently facing those faced with homeless community. 2. Donate Money – In order to provide immediate support for those in need, including emergency accommodation for women and children leaving domestic violence situations, and care and support for women who are experiencing homelessness. https://www.nhcollective.org.au/donate/ 3. Share the message on your Social Media 4. Buy from the Kala Space – Donna encourages people to buy pre-loved items from The Kala Space – 50 Lygon Street, East Brunswick, Victoria. All sales at the Kala Space Op Shop go towards paying wages of the women employed by this project. 5. Volunteer – Volunteering is a great way to understand first-hand the issues of homelessness. https://www.nhcollective.org.au/volunteering/

She Endeavours

With Covid impacting so many, Wb40 Magazine is shining some love on female owned micro & small businesses, because as we all know, she works hard for the money...

Be Oil’d Luxury Body Oil

Glowso

After many years of experimenting, Janine Brundle created her own honest, natural, oil based, skin care formula and what she believes is the perfect blend of 100% Organic Natural Oils and Essential Oils, infused with 23kt Gold. Be Oil’d is 100% Australian made from 100% Australian Organic Oils – and the very best ingredients without any toxic additives. Be Oil’d has ZERO chemicals, perfumes, parabens, or hormone disrupters, glycerine, preservatives, colours, flavours, additives, thinners, stabilisers and NO added water. Feel luxurious and enjoy having heathy, vibrant, glowing, soft, supple skin without any nasty chemicals. From $29.95

Natalie McGrath has been a practising naturopath for over 16 years specialising in women’s health. After many years of clients asking what is the best thing they could do for their skin to prevent premature aging she began researching, formulating, developing and the manufacturing of our product GLOWSO. It’s a TGA approved therapeutic medicine so its 100% backed by scientific research.This flagship product that has been 2 years in the making. This unique product is called GLOWSO. www.joso.com.au

https://beoild.com/

Matchu Yu Green Tea Powder

Leadership Wisdom Cards

Obsessed by Matcha green tea, Erin Lindwall’s mission is to help others enjoy the many health benefits of regularly drinking it whilst also looking after planet earth with eco-friendly home compostable packaging. Experience the taste of Japan in a cup with our Award winning, Premium quality Matcha. Packed with antioxidants, helps with metabolism and weight loss, anti-ageing, reduces anxiety , increases focus and concentration and provides a natural energy boost.

Mel Robinson is a business coach and academic teacher who over two decades has helped many people uncover their purpose and live fulfilled lives The Leadership Wisdom Cards are designed to help everyone access their inner knowing. Simple messages on each card can be a daily reminder or select a card to receive guidance for a particular situation. Keep them on your desk, next to your bed or anywhere you might need a nudge towards your true path. $24.95

www.matchayutea.com

www.melrobinson.com.au

Gracie’s Boutique This Boutique is all heart. Love can inspire, as has been the case for this Melbourne business woman Kerrie White. Gracie’s Boutique was formed as a way to honour and nurture Kerrie’s artistic, loving and bright teenage daughter - Gracie - a young woman on the Autism spectrum with a penchant for creativity. The Boutique has fast become a favourite for locals, with a reputation for beautiful gifts, boutique fashion &amp; wares, incredible service and the best gift wrapping in the west! Check them out online at www.graciesboutique.com.au

She Endeavours

The Cocktail Shop Cocktail culture is in full swing and cocktails have found their way out of bars and into our homes. With just a bit of practice, it’s Au-revoir to the obligatory glass of wine or beer at the end of the day and Hello to something a hell of a lot more exciting. Now you can have cocktails and accessories delivered to your front door! thecocktailshop.com.au

Origami World These origami kits are a gift within a gift. Once transformed they can be used as decoration or given to someone special as a gift. Origami is a fun mindfulness activity for the young, adults and elderly. Kids enjoy origami as it is fun, brings out their creativity and helps boost their confidence when they transform nothing into a masterpiece they can treasure. Adults find origami relaxing and as a mindfulness activity especially after a stressful day at work.The elderly enjoy origami as it keeps their mind active and helps with their hand coordination. Gift someone an origami crane kit to wish them well. Crane kit from $16.50 - $19.95 origamiworld.com.au

Formosun Eyewear Formosun is a sunwear and eyewear brand committed to providing affordable, classic and trendy sunglasses for people who enjoy fashion that inspires them, and for everyone else, to achieve the best version of themselves. We offer a range of fashionable sunnies and blue light blocker glasses, see you there at www.formosun.shop.

Black Gold Worm Castings Compost Soil is life and ‘growing’ for us, isn’t just about our love of the restorative power of plants and gardens... and worms and soil... and all things scrumptiously natural! It’s also about sharing a ‘growing’ connection with all the families we meet on our seasonal visits farm to farm to spread the ‘Love’ in their ‘green’ retreats. Bringing this ‘life and joy’ into your realm is not something we do alone. In collaboration with the natural cycles of nature, we ensure our much loved; worm buddies’ dine on the most nutritionally perfect, 100% natural, bio-activated diet to produce the garden ’superfood’ your plants need to thrive. Our philosophy for ‘growing’ is very much about growing the capacity we all have to ‘make a difference’ in the world. www.blackgoldcastings.com.au

Lavender Blue & Co LavenderBlue&Co is an online women’s clothing boutique bringing both affordable and premium brands to you. We believe you can mix and match to create great style and most importantly make you feel fabulous at all times. Website: www.lavenderblue.com.au

She Endeavours

Intentional Colouring Books

Harper & Wick It’s all about the small steps towards living as sustainably as we can. One candle won’t fix darkness but it’s a start - it’s all about those small steps towards fixing the larger problem. As a small, female founded, owned and operated Aussie start up, Harper & Wick was founded on the cornerstone of living as waste-free as possible. All of our candles are lovingly handmade and designed to be as eco-friendly and as sustainable as possible. They are handcrafted from 100% natural soy wax, which is biodegradable and palm oil free, and contain fragrance oils that are non-toxic and palm oil free. We use limited packaging in an attempt to minimise unnecessary waste and our Eco range is contained in sustainable glass jars that we encourage to be reused or recycled. A reusable glass jar won’t make a significant change but it’s at least a conscious step in the direction of ending single-use items. www.harperandwick.com

Beespoke Stitches Creative Custom Cross stitches. These whimsical cross stitches are personalised by Melbourne based artist Bee Timperley. Prices start at $20.00 www.etsy.com/au/shop/BeespokeStitches?ref=ss_profile

www.violetbeeline.com

Red George

Mood Traders

Anne Kierren first turned to crochet seeking relaxation and discovered a healthy dose of therapy. Now that hobby has turned into a thriving boutique business, selling traditional handmade crochet soft toys. Think teddy bears, bunnies, foxes - even the odd unicorn. That’s just part of the Red George of Kensington cuddle crew. Anne says the toys are popular with children of course, but many adults are finding their inner-child. All the toys are hand-made in the Red George Kensington studio - which is code for Anne’s sofa or a neighbourhood cafe, fuelled by coffee and podcasts. She is now kept busy with custom orders, even completing an order for a 30cm-high K-Pop singer!

Mood Traders is all about the good vibes. Needing some inspiration and motivation? Who doesn’t?! Our signature monochrome card packs are filled with positive motivation and words to inspire. Pick a card daily and let the good vibes roll! $29.95

madeit.com.au/redgeorge

Cass is an artist and illustrator who has created her intentional colouring book for self-care. It is an A4 book with 12 of my original intricate mandalas, each paired with a positive affirmation about self-love. The idea is to reflect and repeat the affirmation while colouring which will help the user enter a deep state of mediation and relaxation. The repetition of the affirmations gives the words suggestive strength, the colouring reduces anxiety and stress and the mandalas are structured enough to keep attention but do not require active thought. The book comes with an introduction about myself and why I created it and an instructional page. I created this book for women who may be in need of a little self-care but don’t know where or how to start. I suffered from PND and PNA after the birth of my first child and drawing was the only thing that got me through, so I wanted to share my story and help others. It is printed on 100% recycled paper here in Australia. The books retail at $22.00

https://moodtraders.com/

She Endeavours

Essential Beginnings Candis Underwear Canberra based, Candis underwear are women’s everyday sexy cotton and lace undies because why should pretty undies only be for special occasions! Candis Underwear is a customer focused company and strives to create quality women’s cotton and lace underwear. https://www.candis.com.au/

Launched in 2020, during Covid19. As young (at heart) ladies, we love life and everything it has thrown at us so far - the good, the bad, and sometimes, ugly. We pride ourselves in living life to the fullest and being able to laugh. After all, laughter is life’s best therapy. We are passionate when it comes to the long term health and wellbeing of our children and our families. This is why we choose to use doTERRA oils in our products - which contain the purest and most potent of essential oils and are regarded as one of the safest for our bodies. We are proud to create quality Australian made handcrafted products that not only look, feel and smell amazing, but are sustainably sourced, with no artificial colours, harmful additives or synthetic chemicals.

Little Bird Designs Set among the twisted Ti tree and the distant sounds of the ocean you will find the studio of LBD. Sophia Norris is a designer of jewellery and accessories and dedicate my days to designing and curating gorgeous pieces of jewellery that transition easily from day to night. Little pieces of luxury ready to fit into your wardrobe. littlebirddesigns.com.au

https://www.essentialbeginnings.com.au

Happy Pause HappyPause is not about making menopause disappear, it is about easing vaginal dryness to help us get our groove back. My hope is that HappyPause proves beneficial to you, too. It is gentle and eases discomfort. The blend of the really good stuff, ie ethically sourced Direct Micro Expelled hand pressed coconut oil, with additional plant derived natural ingredients to seal in moisture mean your intimates are soothed with no preservatives or nasties. HappyPause has a lasting effect with no icky residue. Vegan Australian certified. A portion of every HappyPause purchase is donated to The Period Project.

Chickibabes Beauty Salon Theresa Thornton runs this Melbourne based (Altona) women’s only Salon and has over 20 years of experience as a beauty therapist. Her mission is to provide a safe space for all women in a comfortable environment, using quality products, and second to none customer service. Waxing and Spray tan expert By Appointment only: 0418 354 442

www.happypause.com.au

She Endeavours Oak and Wonder Jody Rolph creates Statement handmade Macrame earrings and accessories made with 100% recycled cotton alongside unique wall artworks bringing colour and joy to the bohemian soul and home. www.oakandwonder.com The Wandering Creations Kira started her business ‘Wandering Creations’ in 2018 with the intent of creating eco-friendly candles infused with little gems bringing in the earthy goodness smells. She likes to bring nature into my life whenever possible, which is why your candles are sprinkled with flowers, shells and the prettiest crystals. www.wanderingcreations.com

Amara Bespoke Accessories Tanya Vallally is a Melbourne based jewellery designer making bespoke pieces. Her earrings are made out of soft leather. www.etsy.com/au/shop/Amarabytanyavallally

ARNA Online ARNAonline was founded by two sisters, Arianne and Natasha Ritz, who are passionate about women’s empowerment especially in the workforce and especially when it comes to cultivating courage. When we thought about what we wanted to create it was really about how we could help bring women in business up, together. That means working with other women who are running their own businesses, interviewing and telling women’s stories from across the globe, working with suppliers and people who are aligned with our mission, which is to empower women to make bold decisions. We are striving for every area of our business to create opportunities for women all across the globe and this will continue to be a work in progress. We want to ensure that we choose partners that are aligned with our values so that we can bring you, the best quality, functional, beautiful, work and laptop bags of our own and other brands unique designs. In 2020 ARNA launched our podcast, ARNA Talks where we have so far interviewed an amazing 30+ women about their stories and discussed what we can do collectively to move gender equality forward. It’s been an exciting year. www.arnaonline.com.au

Gift & Forget Gift N Forget was founded by Mia, a busy Paramedic and Mum of 2. She was always frustrated with the gifting process and struggled to remember occasions or find the perfect gift. She wished there was one platform that would take care of it all for her and allowed her to plan gifts ahead of time, but she couldn’t find one. The seed was planted and she developed the platform herself and hasn’t looked back! She has had amazing feedback with the Australian first concept and continues to shake up the gifting world, so gifting is simple and enjoyable for their customers. www.giftnforget.com.au

She Endeavours

Ginger & Olive Cider & Basil - Dog Lifestyle Brand Cider & Basil is an Eco-friendly Australian Dog Lifestyle Brand, where specially curated products and designs are made for dogs and their humans. With inner and outer wellbeing as our ethos, using natural ingredients, we create dog and human products that are natural, eco-friendly and sustainable. From dog products such as grooming products; premium natural dog treats that are ethically sourced, to human products such as dog-friendly candles, fashionable dog print masks &amp; natural spa products, there is something for every dog and their human.

Tarn Radford designs her tees and singlets which are ethically sourced, and printed in Australia. As a Graphic Designer for 32 years, she wanted a little more creativity in my working world and after 3 years of researching different avenues, Ginger &amp; Olive was born. My niche is women, mums, fitness and positivity. “I love fonts, however I’m very much a lover of classics. Your Breakfast at Tiffany’s &amp; Chanel kind of classics. Ginger &amp; Olive has been born out of the want for a little more creativity in my working world. I believe woman are all super warriors and we seem to forget that as we get bogged down in our daily life and I&#39;m hoping that my little Ginger &amp; Olive brings positivity, empowerment and lifts women in their day to day life. Wishing you all a fabulous day and hope you love what you see at Ginger &amp; Olive”. @ginger.and.olive

www.ciderandbasil.com

Masterplan Diaries

Infinate Rose Our floral arrangements are carefully hand crafted from the most exquisite preserved roses sourced from Ecuador, meaning they will last up to a year or more. The Ecuadorian roses are considered the finest and most beautiful roses in the world. Whether for a loved one, yourself or to display at a special occasion or as interior decor, our made to order rose arrangements are truly one of a kind. Presented in an elegant acrylic or Parisian style keepsake box, the result is a classic gift with a modern presentation that will never go out of style. Deliveries in Sydney only. www.infiniterose.com.au

Annabel Cornfort started Milestone Press in 2005 with her sister in law and business partner, Fiona. “I discovered there was a gap in the market for functional, unique and gender neutral Baby Record Books. We wanted to create a product which could suit all families. We believe that A Book About Me is this product! In 2012 I became the sole Director of Milestone Press. This saw a redesign of A Book About Me and The Master Plan Family Diary. As a mother with young children, I aim to always make our products functional as well as to look beautiful and inspiring. I LOVE receiving feedback from my customers and every new print run seems to incorporate at least some tweaking that you have suggested.” www.milestonepress.com.au

Twin mum nursing Twin Mum Nursing Pillows The biggest challenges we faced as twin parents to newborn babies, were feeding &amp; sleep deprivation. As our twin babies grow I am finding these products are essential to not only a twin mums life, but any mum juggling children. Our hero products are designed for juggling twins babies from the beginning of the journey! Our aim is to make motherhood a comfortable and enjoyable ride for all mums! We are expanding and adding new products all the time to Twinmums. www.twinmums.com.au

She Endeavours

Sumarvi Towels Road trips, island hopping, poolside, whatever your thing, keep those good vibes rolling with our Wild One towel. Totally reversible, with contrast colours on the reverse side, so essentially you are getting two different designs in the one towel. Made with the Jacquard loom, at a very slow pace, to achieve such incredible softness. Lightweight, yet incredibly absorbent and fast drying, this towel is perfect for travelling, beach, poolside, sarong, scarf or the gym. When the weather gets a bit cooler, our Wild One will keep you snug as a scarf or shawl. Finished with hand twisted tassels. Wild One Towel in Lagoon and details and more images can be viewed at the below link. The retail value is $49.

St. Jam Designs Melbourne based designer Jen Mayne has been creating one of a kind pieces for 20 years. Each item is lovingly handmade. She is passionate about fashionable and size inclusive designs that allows people to feel beautiful while staying comfortable. www.stjamdesigns.com

https://sumavi.com.au/

My Rituals My Rituals inspires you to embrace rituals every day to create space for love, connection, creativity and health to flourish. Every My Rituals product is designed to provide the foundations for a conscious, deliberate and joyful lifestyle. Our skin and hair care range uses natural ingredients and essential oils to turn your humble routines into a thoughtful and sacred ritual. These tools paired with our hand- selected drink bottles, yoga mats and journals, which are designed to help you create the perfect self-care ritual. By selecting your first My Rituals products, you are already on the way to discovering a meaningful and sacred way of life.

www.myrituals.com.au

The Mouse & Me Store Chanelle Chetcuti is an Australian Artist, located in Thirroul on the South Coast of NSW. Established in 2012 with the concept to create natural yet elegant, environmentally friendly and affordable Christmas ornaments and art prints. Sick of the glitter, tinsel, plastic baubles and all of the packaging that came with the festive season, I set up a studio and made it my purpose to provide customers with handmade - one of a kind products made and packaged with minimal waste. “I also sell my hand drawn art prints, drawing inspiration from diverse cultures, the wilderness, mother nature and the personal experiences gained through travel. TMM prides itself on supporting other local small businesses and Artisans.” www.themouseandmestore.com

She Endeavours

Jubly-Umph Jubly-Umph makes little reminders that you can wear every day: Reminders that you are smart and brave and strong, and r minders to celebrate the things that make us different, because they are our strengths. Their work is exclusive and locally designed. It says something, means something and shows the world that you’re exceptional. Based on the artwork of Me bourne illustrator Tasha Miller, each shiny lapel pin has a motivational message or sassy saying that you can wear on your collar, jacket, bag or lapel.These little mementos are for book lovers, craft addicts and people who believe in embracing their weirdness.

Me Time. Just for Me Sue Brabender is the Founder and Head Me Timer at Me Time. Just For Me. My passion is to encourage, inspire; educate you to stop, take a breath &amp; have some Me Time. I do this through a luxe range of products including apparel, candles, journals, gift boxes and much more. Metimejustforme.com

ES Fit Our ethos at ES Fit centres around uplifting and emboldening women to live their most courageous, genuine, strong, exciting, and healthy lives; and to share that with those around them. We are about empowering and creating strength through support and togetherness. We have created products that we feel will empower you to train at your best, whilst looking your best! #powerfultogether www.esfit.com.au/

www.jubly-umph.com

Plantruptive With the onset of the pandemic, we know that people have been affected by additional stresses rising from changes to routines due to lockdowns, restrictions, home schooling, working from home, and so forth. 1 in 5 Australians have taken time off work in the last 12 months (2019/2020) because they felt stressed, anxious, depressed, or mentally unhealthy. Research has shown many linkages between indoor plants and wellness. Such as increased productivity, creativity and innovation levels and an improvement on both mental and physical health. It all starts with an introduction of a desk plant. We look to disrupt the work space one plant at a time and to take the corporate giving business to the next level. We have curated a range of seasonal succulents and cacti that are easy to care for, and pair it up with locally sourced wellness products such as organic hand sanitisers, aromatherapy roll-ons, scented candles and so on. All packaging used is also aimed at reducing waste, so we only use recyclable or compostable materials. Choose from our range of wellness gifts.

Smiles Clinik Smile please! It is important to us at Smiles Clinik to keep current with all the latest techniques and legislations this is why all our staff are not just experienced but highly educated. Your smile is important to us. www.smilesclinik.com.au

www.plantruptive.com

Cover Artist - Cathy Frank Cathy Frank is an Australian, Coogee-based artist who works in digital and analogue media. Using surrealist techniques, colour and contrast, she creates impossible worlds and dreamscapes that are wistful, melancholy, unique and playful. Her works dissect the essence of memory and pseudo memory - fragmented moments lost in time and dreams, or a place and feeling you have never know. Wb40 is honoured that she has created this extraordinary cover for the debut issue of Wb40 - Women Beyond Forty Magazine. Artwork: The Brave Are Free. An ode, to all the sacrifices that all womxn have made, the pain, the suffering, but most of all their bravery. Background story: During the early hours of just this past Sunday, November 29th, I was dropped by my Uber driver barely two cars away from my apartment gate. I saw two men, drunk, barely 10 metres away. I heard them talking loudly. “Grab her” I didn’t want them to know I heard. I quickly walked up the footpath to my units frantically buzzing to get upstairs and turned around - they were waiting for me at the front gate. The door opened I bounded upstairs and had a cigarette, shaking... I was thinking about if they were still there.

Was it a joke? They’re just f*cking with me? Or were they going to hurt me, rape me, kill me? The scenarios rushed through my mind - I shouldn’t have worn that sexy dress, I shouldn’t have been alone, I shouldn’t have been out so late. I shouldn’t have, I shouldn’t have - They SHOULDN’T HAVE. I was in front of my house. Is nowhere safe? This one really rattled me, I wish I could say this hasn’t happened before, I am scared. but I can’t afford to be. We can’t afford to be. Making this artwork was incredibly difficult. I would often become so overwhelmed with emotion, holding back tears as I paired images together, having to put my laptop away, regain composure. I don’t feel brave today, I’m still scared. I’m worried men will continue to scare, harass and terrorise. I’m worried that I can’t be alone at night but I need to be brave now. We need to be brave. This artwork means and represents so much, and when I look at it it makes me angry, it makes me proud and it makes me brave. The brave are free. www.cathyfrank.net Instagram: @cathyfrankstudio

Emotional Load BY SANDY LOWRES

When my partner first moved in with me, sharing

equally share the housework, sure, but also the

space with him and my young adult children

emotional load.

wasn’t hard to be honest, as they all get along. When he raised the concept of us moving in

Of course he agreed to all of that willingly, but in

together I must admit that, while I was looking

truth, I had doubts. Why is it that this issue remains

forward to it, I also knew from experience that

one of gender and that women generally end up

cohabitating always involves teething problems.

shouldering the lion’s share of emotional labour in

Having been living sans partner for some years,

in this day and age?

I decided, in the name of adulting, to talk about the things I thought might be potential pot

Emotional Labour , as a term, was first coined

holes. What I really needed was a partner in the

by American sociologist Arlie Hochschild in her

true sense of the word. Someone who would

book The Managed Heart published in 1983. Arlie

described emotional labour as having to “induce

the home f ront. Emotional Labour refers to carrying

or suppress feeling in order to sustain the outward

the emotional responsibility of thinking about the

countenance that produces the proper state of

needs of all members of your household, often

mind in others”. In more recent times the term

above your own needs. All the thankless tasks that

’emotional labour’ has been adopted in feminist

women tend to do. Yes, things like juggling work

conversations. In 2017 writer Gemma Hartely wrote

with childcare responsibilities, grocery shopping

a piece for Harper’s Bizarre entitled Women Aren’t

and housework, but it’s more than this.

Nags – We’re Just Fed Up. This article about her breaking point with carrying the emotional load for

It’s about all the tasks you perform above and

her husband and kids subsequently went viral, and

beyond the endless routine of housework. Being

for good reason.

responsible for remembering everyone’s birthdays, including your partner’s family, as well as buying

Gemma Hartley’s story resonated with women

gifts. Or being the one to organise family parties,

worldwide.

catch ups with friends, checking dates and booking venues. It might be feeding pets so they stay alive,

So, what the hell is emotional labour?

and picking up after the dog; being responsible for

everyone’s

doctor,

dentist

psychology

While there have been different interpretations,

appointments.

one thing has become clear. It’s not just about

interviews, and dropping kids at school or part time

housework and the division of cleaning duties on

jobs on time. Remembering which bills need to be

Remembering

parent

teacher

paid and when so everyone can enjoy the privelage of electricity and phone credit. Many people reading this will be part of the sandwich generation, shouldering the responsibility of taking care of children as well as ageing parents, which adds an additional layer of stress to the mix. During this global pandemic, even more responsibility is added if you are needing to be mindful of the mental wellbeing of everyone else in the house, helping children with remote learning, and teaching your elderly parents how to navigate video chats. All while trying to negotiate intimate relationships, nurture friendships and juggle paid work outside of

“My husband is a good man, and a good feminist ally. I could tell, as I walked him through it, that he was trying to grasp what I was getting at. But he didn’t. He said he’d try to do more cleaning around the house to help me out. He restated that all I ever needed to do was ask him for help, but therein

the family.

lies the problem. I don’t want to

Simply put, the incredible pressure of thinking about

micromanage housework. I want a

everyone all of the time can be mentally exhausting.

partner with equal initiative.”

In 2018, SBS and Macquarie University joined forces to create a landmark survey looking at Gender Equality within households. they found that 86%

– Gemma Hartley

of women said they still did the majority of the housework, while 73% of the men surveyed said they

Many women are feeling wrung out. We’re tired.

were the primary breadwinner. 72% of Australians believe gender discrimination exists in Australia

The ways in which men can change this dynamic

today and 65% agreed that more needs to be done

seems so simple. If you see a bin that is overflowing,

to address gender inequality.

empty it. Does the pet’s water bowl needs filling? You know where the tap is. If you need something

So, on top of all of the mental load we carry, it should

f rom the supermarket, go and buy it or at the very

be noted that women still do more housework than

list write it on a shopping list so the burden isn’t

their male partners even when they are working

always on one person. Add your family’s birthdays to

comparable hours outside of the home. Emotional

your work calendar and you figure out what to buy,

labour includes women having to ask their partners

where to buy it and then get it gift wrapped. Are

or children to do tasks around the house, rather than

you side stepping the kid’s runners left at the front

them using their own initiative. Clearly there is still a

door? Perhaps you could pick them up and put

huge imbalance that in 2020, we are still needing to

them away or heard the kids to do it. You’ve stepped

ask men to do chores?

mud on the floor? You know where the vacuum is!

Pay more attention to the family dynamic and think

The opposing argument of course is that men are

about how you can help shoulder the emotional

doing more now than in previous generations, and

burden of the needs of children or parents.

as true as this may be, we are still far from living with equality, both on the housework front but

To buy into the narrative that men are incapable of

more importantly on the emotional labour front.

sharing the emotional load is to do half of the human

We don’t want to be told we’re asking too much, or

race a disservice. They are as capable as women,

be told we’re too fussy because we want equal help

regardless of our hard wiring to shoulder some

on both f ronts.

emotional responsibility. There are plenty of men who carry the load, but it is overwhelmingly gender

It isn’t lost on me that I was raised by a left wing

biased. For example, single fathers are more likely to

feminist who ironically was a stay at home parent

receive offers of help from family and friends than

who chose to cook my father breakfast most days,

single mothers where it is assumed women can just

nor that I learnt to clean on auto pilot from her. I

carry the load without consequence to mental and

have started to notice that my young adult children

physical health.

who live at home have become accustomed to me simply doing things. They can all clean, and they can

Gemma Hartley has since turned her viral essay

do it well, but I am still needing to ask them. This of

into a landmark and aptly named book, Fed Up:

course is learnt behaviour, and I concede that I’ve

Emotional Labor, Women, and the Way Forward

contributed to that learning. If they leave it, I will no

and has subsequently written a follow up article

doubt do it.

for

Harper’s

Bizarre,

Men

Everywhere

Finally

Understand Emotional Labour.

The conversation around emotional labour will continue to rage on, on the basis that it hasn’t ever

I don’t believe that every man is understanding it

been solved. Giving a name to it was a start, but

at all.

since 1983 not much has evolved on this front. As women, we need to keep checking ourselves when

In recent conversations I’ve had with friends, many

we allow this behaviour f rom partners and children,

men seem to expect praise and thanks for doing

and to encourage them to use their own initiative.

any housework, or activities they do with their kids. How often do women get praised for the thankless

Surely in an age of enlightened, feminist allied men,

and endless hours of unpaid labour and for carrying

blokes can understand the simple premise that one

the mental load of the family? I do believe praising

person thinking for all is exhausting. Being taken

others is something women tend do on autopilot. I

for granted isn’t actually a sexy concept for anyone.

catch myself occassionally doing this too.

I guess time will tell.

Pieces of Me – My #MeToo Story BY LISA WESTGATE Trigger Warning: Rape, Trauma, recovery.

2019

marked the 20-year anniversary of my Gap Year adventure. 1999. I had recently completed high school, Cher was singing her way through another comeback, Shania Twain was difficult to impress and the Backstreet Boys had us all doing the thriller dance again. Travelling with the youth group I had been involved with for 8 years, we were to spend ten months in Israel, teaching English, working on kibbutz (commune) and contributing to our local communities. All the while learning about our own personal, familial and cultural histories.

tion often over the following eighteen years. The answer becomes clear when I consider the possibility of a similar event afflicting my now twentyyear-old stepdaughter. “Of course it does.” I can’t honestly recall what I was wearing. I remember it hurt. I remember feeling betrayed and ashamed. I stayed ashamed for 19 years. I am no longer. I blamed myself. I justified the behaviour. I made excuses. I didn’t say NO out loud or loud enough. I decided to drink and take drugs. I didn’t want to be labelled a virgin anymore. I wanted to have sex with this person.

The vast majority of my memories from 1999 are wonderful. I fell in love for the first time. I lived long enough in Jerusalem to catch myself out having moments of complacency in the Old City only to pull myself back into awe and gratitude for my circumstances. I met innumerable beautiful souls from all walks of life, met distant relatives and had profound realisations on my own journey of self-discovery.

I didn’t want to be raped, lying on my front. I didn’t want to be kicked out of his room when I finally got out of the bathroom to find him playing Xbox. I didn’t want to be broken up with a few days later. I didn’t want to make almost a decade of poor decisions about sexual partners and how I deserved to be treated. I certainly didn’t want to be called a slut for seeking comfort in someone else’s arms a week after I was raped. In one week, I went from ’Virgin’ to ‘Slut’.

But it is not all puppies and sunshine when I reflect on 1999. You see it is also the year I lost my virginity to a rape. I only admitted to myself in 2017 that is what occurred that night. I spent eighteen years in denial, explaining it away. Using many other terms but the ‘r’ word. I didn’t want to admit that I had ‘let that happen’.

Before that incident and many times after I have been whistled at, had men help themselves to handfuls of my anatomy, been subject to workplace sexual harassment, been taken advantage of by workmates, mostly in positions of authority to me.

I was intoxicated and ‘high’, certainly not in a position to consent. I honestly cannot recall if I said ‘no’.

I write today, not for sympathy. In fact, my reluctance to join the ranks of ‘rape victim’ or ‘rape survivor’ contributed to my push back in accepting my past.

“Does it still count?” I asked myself this ques-

I write today as evidence of healing. As, if I may be so bold, inspiration or hope that we can overcome. Not just ‘survive’ but ‘thrive’. This rape is not the only trauma I have experienced in my life. In an ‘all too common’ tale, I was raped again in my early twenties by two men after being drugged. I have very patchy, dissociated memories of this event. I then went into over a decade long career in Ambulance, you can no doubt imagine the trauma I both experienced directly and witnessed in uniform. This is not a ‘woe is me’ story. Mine is a story of resilience, strength and hope. I often refer to myself as a substandard boxer with a big heart. I take the hits and sometimes I lay winded on the mat longer than other times, but I always, always get up again. You too have an inner boxer. Sometimes you see the punch coming, other times they blindside you. You too can get up. A Facebook friend of mine whom I don’t know in real life, has taken objection to the ‘#metoo’ campaign, concerned it diminishes the horrific nature of rape and sexual assault when ‘lumped in with’ (their words) apparently lower grade harassment such as cat calling, having someone push their erect penis against you, or verbal abuse. In my eyes, they have missed the point. This is not about lowering the importance or diminishing the severity of rape and serious sexual assault, it is about raising the importance and severity of any sexual harassment, abuse or assault. It’s about tearing down the boundaries between perceived levels of these behaviours and standing up and shouting IT’S ALL UNACCEPTABLE. This is not an excuse to create divisions, this is not an opportunity to race to the bottom and compare trauma.

This is not a time to spout ‘Well, it could have been worse’, to those brave enough to speak out. This is a moment in time for the society that we make up to say, “This is unacceptable!” Whether it’s a wolf whistle, a pinch on the bum, unwanted touching, rape or someone been killed by their partner. This is not acceptable. This is less an issue of sexual boundaries and more one of trust, respect, fear and safety. If we build a society based on respect, loving kindness and compassionately supporting everyone’s right to feel safe at all times, at all ages we can flood the world with the way we want to live rather than focus on what we don’t want. What was essential in my recovery, or whatever is the opposite of living on the couch in your pyjamas, was Mindset Training. Rewiring my brain to look for joy, success triumph and happiness rather than the dark misery I felt trapped in. Moving from victim to victor mindset changed everything. I won’t lie to you and say it was easy but it was simpler than anticipated. When I look at my success in my career, my business and most importantly to me, my relationships with my family, I guarantee you, it’s worth it. So, #metoo. I have accepted what happened to me. I choose how I let it affect me. I have the power to forgive, heal and be stronger for it. My life is dedicated to helping others heal. If this has raised issues for you that you would like to discuss with me, please get in touch or contact your local Centre Against Sexual Assault and speak to someone there. Every day I make the world the place I want it to be. The standard of behaviour you accept is the standard of behaviour you encourage

Lisa Westgate is the Founder of Freedom Mindset Training and delivers speaking presentations and trainings in areas of mental health, preventative measures, self-care and Neuro-Linguistic Programming. Lisa’s e-book “3 Keys to Outgrow Trauma: an alternative perspective from lived experience” is available on Amazon Kindle and Smashwords. www.lisawestgate.com 60

Help Lines

If you have experienced sexual assault or sexual harassment and feel you would like to speak to someone for support or information, 1800RESPECT (Phone: 1800 737 732) can provide counselling 24-hours a day, 7 days a week. If you are feeling unsafe right now, in Australia call 000.

NT - 1800RESPECT

ACT - Canberra Rape Crisis Centre 

6247 2525



1800 737 732



crcc.org.au



www.1800respect.org.au

NSW - NSW Health Sexual Assult Services

Vic - Sexual Assault Crisis Line

web page has local number



 health.nsw.gov.au/parvan/sexualas sault/Pages/health-sas-services. aspx

QLD - Sexual Assualt Helpline



1800 806 292



sacl.com.au

SA - Free call 1800 817 421



1800 010 120



WA - Free call

 dvconnect.org/queensland-sexu al-assault-helpline/ 

1800 199 888

Tas - Sexual Assault Support Service NSW - NSW Rape Crisis Centre 



1800 697 877 sass.org.au



1800 424 017



rape-dvservices.org.au 61

The Good Girl Confessional

Podcast

@thegoodgirlconfessional facebook.com/GoodGirlConfessional The Good Girl Confessional Podcast 63

64 Callista Cooper - Mallacoota - Image: Rachel Mounsey

A post-bushfire quest for Joie de Vivre BY CALLISTA COOPER

I’m

ready for some fun! A warm Spring day arrives on cue, accompanied by sounds of the surf and the birds. What a year! Evacuations, floods, two lockdowns, job lost due to covid, kids at home for months (actually that was pretty special), and a community at multi levels of reconnecting. For joy, today I’m meeting a group of women, aged 40 to 75ish, and we’re venturing out on a dragon boat, setting off on Mallacoota’s lower lake this morning. We launch from Karbeethong Jetty and glide out into a vast expanse of water that ebbs and flows as it has for millennia. Paddling along, laughing and giggling, the covid safe group slowly finds its rhythm, rocking and splashing against a wind that’s pretty much in our faces. But paddling upstream is par for the course for we of Mallacoota this year. Out there with these women arises a childlike delight, no phone, no social media, no cameras, no worries. Suddenly I, we all, are feeling empowered, a part of a group of strong women, on the wild, yet desolate and tranquil lake. Paddle up, paddle in, lift up. I’m a world away from a year defined by trauma, with no one to advise me to be more resilient, not while I have this paddle in my hands, anyway, just the wind and waves to make me feel alive. Christmas songs on the lake was my last voyage on this dragon boat, closing in on a year ago, when the approaching summer was a portentous threat to be dealt with as it arrived, when that threat could be foregone in a brilliant evening singing to all around the foreshore from our colourfully lit, floating gazebo. A riotous evening on the lake, voices raised and warbling Christmas carols as we paddled about in a sea of belly laughs, astonished campers watching on, (who,

we all presumed, were delighted by our raucous performance). None of us were imagining that just a week later images of this very lake, strangely alive with glowing red smoked-out skies and drawn ochre coloured faces, would be beamed into lounge rooms around the world, a symbol of Australia on fire. ‘The fire’ raged towards us just a few days later, this lake was one of the places people were ready to jump into as a worst case. Looking back now, I feel again that sense of foreboding in late December when ash from far away fires started to sprinkle down on me, my family, neighbours and friends, as I pottered in the garden. For months, right back into winter, we had watched the east coast of Australia fight a series of burns as bushfires tore through millions of hectares – of bushland, homes and properties. News came that there were not enough “assets” to stop the lightning fire at the Wingan and a wind change was on the way - it was our turn. We all knew what was coming, well, not all the tourists apparently, but when a friend confirmed the projections when the fire was about 50 kilometres away, and Mallacoota unavoidably in the firing line for the cold front to move across the Great Australian Bight. The fire would arrive with it and predicting the time of its arrival became a matter of life – the alternative was not in our options. Our bags were packed by the door, and fire plans firmly in place to walk to the beach when needed. A few realities unsteadied us late in the piece. Best laid plans do seem to change as threats solidify into life and death situations. The “official” advice by now was that it was too late to leave – and the idea of being stranded in south

east Australia’s largest wilderness with no chance of rescue and a catastrophic fire on the way, meant we felt we had to find a way. Close to midnight, with elderly parents who would be with us and our primary school aged children sleeping soundly, came a phone call – close friends offering a convoy in two hours’ time. Destination Eden, Pambula, Merimbula, or just somewhere in the Bega Valley, itself ringed by fires, but with a few more facilities than the beach. Two hours later, with our house readied as best we had been able, we carried sleeping children from their beds and left in a convoy, some time after 1am, defying the official advice to stay. In a fleet of dogs, chickens, kids and teddies, adults and elders, we drove out of the Mallacoota we then knew. The terrifying drive was slow in the night. The ever present threat of collision with deer or roo or wombat had never had such serious consequence. Slowly slowly we inched out of the winding Mallacoota road towards the highway. A warm night and the road was a zoo– we worried for how every one of them would fare. Close to 4 am we arrived at our home for the next 8 or so hours. We would have three more homes in the next week. We would not see those forests as they had been again. Our time in the Bega Valley is a story in itself for another time. Fires ended up threatening us there days later, and with 25 Mallacoota people in one house trying to prepare it better than we had our own homes. And when we had to leave, we had to run the gauntlet of fires to escape the Bega Valley. By then, there was no going back to Mallacoota – a home we were twice assured had burned. Smoked and ashed, it survived. Not so the homes of some with whom we had left. We all know many people who were left with nothing except the most precious thing of all. We lost one person in our district, whose body failed him while resting up after battling the fires around his bushland home. The hardships for those who stayed at home included fear for family as the terrors of the fires roared through, of surviving with few services amid the loss and heartache and then of the evacuations. For those who left, it was the ongoing fear of keeping ahead of the fires, or driving through them, or in our case, both. Our grievings were for mother earth, for our lives as we had

known them, for the heartache and losses that friends suffered. Almost a week went by before we felt we were out of immediate harm’s way. Little did we know that it would be 37 days before the road home was to officially re-open. Croajingolong National Park - 87,500 hectares of forest which along with the lake and the ocean, surrounds our town – is home to 26 reptile species, 52 mammal species and more than 300 bird species. I come back again to the night we left, often, when for me, the park had never felt so alive. It seemed that around every twist and turn in the road, animals were out and about – possums, koalas, wombats, kangaroos, owls, a python, lace monitors, all bustling around, doing their warm summer night thing. These are some images that haunt me most. Feeling so helpless for all these creatures, whether they knew danger was approaching, or were just quietly going about their typical nocturnal activity, I felt we as a human species, had failed them. Driving back into town under escort nearly a month later, it was clear that chances of survival for most of them were almost zero. From north of the border to our town, the landscape was a parched grey pencil sketch – the sheer scale of monochrome was unfathomable. One-hundred and twenty-three homes lost in our area – but how many homes of animals, how many animals? In recent months we have plied the border pandemic checkpoints. But coming home from our evacuation all those months ago, army checkpoints were like something on some foreign news bulletin. Camo trucks, easy to spot against the charcoal landscape, giving evidence to what we knew but had not seen for ourselves. Surreal for a 20-year-old soldier in the middle of the apocalypse, near the NSW/Vic border in the middle of nowhere, who glanced in at our kids in the back and our escapee luggage and said with genuine, gentle and beautiful sincerity, “Welcome home”. Our emotional return to our home was cut short on learning that asbestos buildings once around our back yard, had burned almost to our back door. As enormous as finding a safe place to live

while so many others with no home at all were also looking, was not my most immediate concern. I was, until losing my job to the pandemic, editor of our local newspaper, and I had been dreading since the fire, what to write in the year’s first editorial. Our community, as diverse and distraught as it was, came up with the answer. The spirit, good humour and ‘let’s get on with it’ spoke clearly and all I had to do was capture it, and hope that I had it right. It was not the time to be conservative, it was not the time to be careless, it was time to be with our readers both high and low at once. That the feedback said it was just right is testament to great ways people supported each other and me in helping know what to write. In amongst finding a place to live while lodged in a motel words came to me, amid the tears and laughs of a roller coaster existence. And so it came to be that the first shoots of green were pounced upon by the community as a real symbol in the recovery process, with the word “epicormic” becoming Mallacoota’s word of the month, maybe even taking out resilience for word of the year. Kangaroo Apple and many wildflowers sprung up from long-dormant seeds in burnt ashen forest floors. And in the open

plan forests now, we ogle at the flying duck orchids that we can go years without noticing, now standing out against the burned trees. It looks like nature is embracing the rejuvenation process, with soft, fuzzy green growth wrapping around torched trees and turning some forests into a Brothers Grimm Fairy Tale. Seas of grass trees are easier to see and perhaps more prolific without the canopies to steal their light. Colour and texture in an otherwise foreign landscape. Artists in the community latched onto this epicormic growth as a lever to express the trauma and recovery journey. Currently and into the summer is a wonderful exhibition at our beloved community gallery charting the emotions of a bushfire-impacted community. It is moving, profound and vital, which could seem strange for pieces made from home debris and other burned objects, but it really is. We still talk about the fire. Sometimes in a practical way, sometimes heavy. It still defines us. For some it’s as raw and as vivid as yesterday, for others a trigger may come in a puff of smoke on the breeze, the crack of a falling branch in the forest, an app alarm going off. The bright yellow sign in the main roundabout in town is hard to ignore. “We

are bushfire survivors, show respect” it pleads. And what about taking charge? A grassroots process created and supported a community-led recovery and future looking group with 800 members in a town of 1,000 adults supporting a way forward through a bureaucratic maze and a myriad of wonderful people and groups offering us help in uncounted different ways. Projects getting under way over the coming summer to better unite the community and create new connections with the landscape include a drive-in cinema, wilderness clean-up projects and multimedia training opportunities – some of the first offerings to the community. Steps forward are so important. As coronavirus restrictions ease, and gatherings take place again, stories continued to emerge of anguish, hardship, pain and terror; and also of heroism, bravery, humility, humour and compassion. Everyone has a story to tell. But sometimes words are not needed. For now, being out on the lake with a group of women who are in tune with nature, I’m content to stop thinking, and fall in love with where we live all over again. Mallacoota is one of few surfside towns that has avoided the fate of development, on account of it being just a bit too far from Sydney and Melbourne (both roughly seven hours drive away). It’s a one fish and chips shop town, alongside two small supermarkets and Victoria’s biggest campground stretching around the lake, all framed by wilderness coastline. It’s the kind of place families come back to year after year, where magical Christmas holidays are spent prawning, snorkelling, and searching for lost treasure in secret coves. For us, after school and weekends are spent watching humpbacks breeching, riding waves with friends, and being surprised at the gruff

sound koalas make when they are feeling frisky, or burping maybe. And just sometimes I can forget the bushfires, and remember that the beauty of Mallacoota is the timelessness which envelopes you through a landscape that entwines with the community ethos to produce a joie de vivre louder than the currawongs who seem delighted to wake me at sunrise. Here, Twitter is really about the wonderful trills, chimes and songs of birds who know nothing of hashtags, and followers are kangaroos grazing nearby completely uninterested in timelines and trends. Here, instead of spending time on Facebook, spending time face to face or by the fire with a book is warming, both inside and out. Here is a world that Instagrammers love, often posted the next day because we are so devoted to the moments – or we are out of range. In the evenings we are reading the kids Famous Five adventures, though in the age of covid they have become prolific readers by themselves, inspiring lashings of cream on homemade ginger cake! We all know fresh air makes everything taste better. Spending the days outdoors, exploring, playing and chatting with friends is a magical kind of time travel tonic – ways forward with the memories of last summer if not beyond them. If some of this sounds appealing, and you think you can deal with the charcoal forests and recovering people, come add to the positive vibes. People are seeking to rebuild layers of what we have lost, and on our journey forward, I won’t stop until I find success in my quest for the joie de vivre – and paddling on the lake with a group of inspiring, strong women, and seeing a kaleidoscope of colours, I think I may have found it. Once this pandemic frees up a little more, the dragon boat is always on the look-out for fresh and keen participants, so perhaps I’ll see you out there too.

Callista Cooper is a journalist with experience in national, regional and remote newsrooms. She is a recent exercise science graduation who is passionate about exercise as medicine and is fond of surfing, skate parks and nanna naps.

69 Image: Michael Smedley - New Growth in Victorian Gipsland area

Lets talk Vagina

BY NAOMI RADKE

Imagine for a moment that you are at

Helen Mirren is quoted to suggest

the point of climax ... you know ... the

to her younger self to say “F#$k Off ”

world is fuzzing out, your body feels

more often! It does not matter if there

like it’s levitating, your energetic

are kids in our life or not, we have had

vibration is at an all-time high, and

enough life lessons transporting us to

they say that we are closest to our

where we are at today, complete with

‘sacred feminine’. At that moment,

perfect smile lines. We are organised,

our focus is so deeply on ourselves

we look after our skin (even if it is the

and our urgent need to release.

bare necessities), strive to eat well,

With such bliss within our reach,

know what good friends feel like, and

we should be seeking this feeling as

probably write lists. We are experts in

much as we feel is a healthy amount

prioritising our day to get through, and

for us! However, when we make

we can pat ourselves on the back for

our list of to-dos for the day, where

what mammoth tasks we can achieve

‘must have orgasm’ falls is often

in a single day. However in my humble

somewhere down near number 4

observation, there is one topic that

behind exercise, organise dinner and

as a sisterhood induces an awkward

take the dog for a walk. Ladies, it is

giggle, a retreat from a conversation

time to move our personal pleasure

or without sounding too dramatic

up the list, take a page out of the

... judgement ... and that is when we

book of men as it’s time to ‘think’

dare to talk about or seek intimacy.

with our vaginas! As an erotic storyteller I know that As 40+ women, we are beautiful mish

intimacy is not a dirty word, I know I

mashes of life experience, and as actor

am not a bad person for

writing about it and I simply enjoy channelling anything erotic that pops into my mind. In fact, I find that when I’m writing and focusing on sensuality without shame, the effect is that my libido rockets up to blissful levels, leaving me seeking out my partner who is well versed in the sexy consequences of my writing sessions ... finally a positive out of lockdown! For me, writing is my way of drifting into a sensual space where my focus can filter out the first four steps of my to-do list and freely experience an alignment of mind, body, and

“

Women have forgotten

how powerful we are. We all know deep down that we have an unspoken power that runs deep into our core, which protects with the power of a lioness

spirit. It allows me to express and delight in my intimate desires, curiosities and ‘direct the show’ in the stories. However, even with this ideal sensual habitat, my powerful busy

but are all careful to make sure that no one

feminine mind still needs a pinch of sensual

knows that we enjoy having or seeking sex! It is

nourishment and effort to ‘flick the sexy

quite a conundrum and we can be forgiven if

switch’. My intuition leaves me suspicious that

this leaves us stuck in our head and taking the

I am probably not alone in this challenge and

easier path to stay quiet about sex, but at what

conclude that the answer may lie in giving

cost? In staying in a state of confusion it is

ourselves permission to let our vaginas ‘write

possible

the stories’ in our minds ... creating our own

unintentional consequence on our beautiful

trigger or tool that ‘works’. In the safety of my

sisters in a form of ‘performance anxiety’ which

office, I enjoy taking 40 something women on

cleverly manifests in a more comfortable

an intimate journey to declutter their minds

position of “it’s just not a priority for me” or “I’m

without fear of judgement, it is my mission. Yet

just too busy”. I can hear the desperate pleas

even being in the erotic story writing business

from our vaginas as our minds stymy their

doesn’t insulate me from still having some

intimate hopes and dreams ...

that

our

silence

projects

hesitation to fully open up about intimacy when I sit in the circle of trust of a sisterhood

As a proudly sassy ‘intimacy seeker’ I want to

group, often taking a few drinks and a careful

challenge ‘we, the sisterhood’ to look under the

assessment of my audience ...

sheets and unlock what we need to do to relax,

which is troubling ...

feel good and seek as many orgasms as we wish for! We deserve them, they feel nice and it turns

I get a sense that there is a disconnect between

out that we are at our most powerful when we

the fact that we are all having or wanting sex 72

are having one! The reality is that some women

can be left waiting for one or find some

had certain roles, even intimately, then we

hesitation on instigating intimacy to reach one,

probably adapted for acceptance. It is easy

and there are a couple of clues as to why this

to unwittingly conform especially with the

may be the case.

messages we are exposed to in the media and movies unless your desire to break the status

1. Women have forgotten how powerful we are.

quo is high. If you have been influenced by the

We all know deep down that we have an

attitude that as women we must only please

unspoken power that runs deep into our core,

others’ then that is probably how your intimate

which protects with the power of a lioness

identity is panning out and that means we are

anyone in her pack, including her partner.

at ‘sensual critical’.

In ancient Egypt Cleopatra ruled, she was

Before you get too worried, there is good news

described in literature as ‘the prototype of the

for EVERY woman ...

romantic femme fatale’, her power so great that it sparked fear in men as they weakened

We can choose to change the environment in

to her charm. It is possible that the definition

our minds, and there are signs that it is already

of femme fatale was misinterpreted as a threat

happening globally. I salute the increasing

if a woman stepped into her true power, rather

number of movies coming out of Hollywood

than her true intention which was to stand

showcasing the female heroine. These are

strong beside and equal to her man. In her

women that often do not understand their

primal calling to maintain harmony in her

power until their mission becomes bigger than

pack, her intimate assertiveness and identity, if

them, remembering back to the beginning

perceived as threat, could easily take a second-

of time where our power flowed naturally

row seat rather than be front and centre of her

and unrestrained. Consequently, in line with

source of power. My friendly reminder ladies

the law of balance, media influence also

is that our power is still there, just masked

contains the very opposite where women are

behind the business and our commitment to a

bombarded with unrealistic expectations and

‘life of giving’ but it’s getting rusty and it’s time

non-authenticity is celebrated. It is our duty

to search for the key (in the bits and pieces

as ageless goddesses to decide to reset our

drawer) and expose our internal chamber of

own needs and desires and pass on a healthier

honourable habits.

version of our intimate identity to our daughters. If our source of power starts with the harmony

2. Women adapt to their environment

within our selves, then our primal calling can

It is suggested that ‘environment always wins’,

naturally evolve to all that we care about in our

that the circle of influence around us ‘conditions’

circle of influence.

us even at a subconscious level and as women

Our intimate identities are unique to each of

we are especially sensitive to this sometimes to

us, what we desire, what we do not desire and

our own detriment. If your parents had certain

what we are yet to desire are as different as our

roles or their belief was that men and women

taste in fashion. What unites us is that we all

deserve and should strive for the ultimate sensual measure and being comfortable with

deserve! •

taking counsel from our vaginas. We may need to shake off some conditioning of the past

your environment •

to be open to the collaboration of our mind, body and spirit so that we can transform our

Embrace that it is never too late to change Practice exercising your intimate muscle through stories, conversation, or play

•

Take a chance on you ... you deserve it Now

environment to one where we know what we

that you have been introduced to your

want and that it is ok to ask for it. I spend a LOT

newfound sage, your vagina can now be part

of time thinking about intimacy and desires so

of the complex, hopefully heated, internal

that I can express it through stories and have

discussions around your priorities. My hope

come up with a few tips to help awaken, re-

is that the ripple effect starts a revolution

claim, or expand our intimate identities ...

amongst the sisterhood that encourages

•

Question your lack of excitement around

and raises up any woman who thinks with

intimacy

her vagina and basks in Sensuality without

Listen to your vagina ... she knows what you

Shame..

•

After 20 years as an airline pilot in Australia, Naomi Radke realised that women deserve to start seeking what they desire, and moved into a sassy side hustle. She created O-Me Time, a sophisticated erotic story club for women to awaken their Intimate Identities and shift their priorities back to the sensual powerhouses that they are. She tackles the taboo around sex, and seeks to empower women to make ‘Sensuality Without Shame’ a good habit. www.o-metime.com

BY KATHY BLANTER

In Ruth we trust... It’s hard to write only a few words about Ruth Bader Ginsberg. Just the initials RBG have a mythical aura. Icon. Rebel. Hero. Powerhouse. It’s not surprising but still utterly exasperating that finishing at the top of her Columbia Law School graduating class of 1959 she found it difficult to find work as a lawyer simply because she was a woman. When hired as an assistant professor at Rutgers Law School in 1963 she was asked to take a lower salary because of her husband’s high one. Seriously, who needs feminism? Once she hit her stride in the 1970s she was a leader in the women’s rights movement with a number of important gender based legal battles to her name. She was nominated to the Supreme Court by Bill Clinton (not a feminist icon) in 1993 and the history of her work there is easily found. What is there to say about a woman who was intelligent, kind, inclusive, wise and powerful? RBG used her abilities and her position to better the lives of others, particularly women, until her death earlier this year at the age of 87. She worked tirelessly to improve the position of women in the US for over 50 years, and her work resonated with women’s rights activists around the world. For her wisdom, her passion and her vision we thank her and will always remember her.

Wb40.com | facebook.com/womenbeyondforty | instagram.com/womenbeyondforty 75

“And just sometimes I can forget the bushfires, and remember that the beauty of Mallacoota is the timelessness which envelopes you through a landscape that entwines with the community ethos to produce a joie de vivre louder than the currawongs who seem delighted to wake me at sunrise. “

Callista Cooper Page 64

ISSN: 2652-9564

Women Beyond Forty - First Edition

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Women Beyond Forty - First Edition