The Weekend 21 February 2014 by Weekend-BristolPost

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FROM FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 21, 21 2014

PUTTING BEARDS BACK INTO ROCK

DEFY THE RAIN AND GIVE IT SOME WELLY

RED RE D BY

ISSUE 92

BREAKING SECOND RULE OF FIGHT CLUB

THE ONLY WAY IS DOWNTON

OUR GIFT

TO YOU Want to upgrade your boiler?

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We are now offering up to ten year guarantees AND a free central heating system filter on selected Worcester Bosch boilers, for all installations booked by 31st March 2014.

Hurry and call now us on 0117 935 2400 WEÊINSTALLÊOVERÊ1,000ÊBOILERSÊFORÊFAMILIESÊINÊANDÊAROUNDÊBRISTOLÊEVERYÊYEAR

www.gregorheating.co.uk Heating, Electrical & Renewable

Energy

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I ST Over 1000 different adult courses, starting throughout the year. Visit www.cityofbristol.ac.uk or call 0117 312 5000.

& GARDINER HASKINS… THE ONE STOP SHOP FOR ELECTRICALS…

10%

E X T R A

COOKING DEMO

Sat 22nd February rolling demonstration from 10am - 4.30pm Join us at this special 55 MasterPartner event,

Try some delicious nibbles cooked in a NEFF oven by a NEFF HOME ECONOMIST Have your questions answered by experts and pick up some Cooking tips Plus: enter our

WEEKEND

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FRI 21st FEB

Model: WAE240B1

SAT 22nd FEB

SUN 23rd FEB

FREE PRIZE DRAW

to win a set of Designer Saucepans worth £125!

MON 24th FEB

Visit Bristol’s Largest Bosch & Neff Appliance showroom and save an Extra 10% this weekend on all Bosch & Neff appliances including Sale Prices on Washing Machines, Tumble Dryers, Dishwashers, Refrigeration, Ovens, Hobs, Hoods and Built-In Appliances

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Shopping hours: Monday - Friday 9am - 8pm, Saturdays 9am - 6pm, Sundays 10.30am - 4.30pm.

* See Tariff Board. All our prices include VAT. ALL offers subject to availability. Some ‘Save up to’ discounts refer to manufacturers recommended prices.

IDEAS

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SHOPPING

MASTERS OF THE CRAFT Independent of the week Natalie Banyard meets the family who can supply all your craft needs

ith Kirstie Allsopp flying the flag for homemade crafts, Mary Berry teaching us all how to bake from scratch and customised clothing becoming all the rage, independent Bristol store, Craft and More is on to a winner. Set over three floors, the family-run Broadmead shop offers Bristol’s creatives a bewildering array of affordable craft items. Whether you have a passion for painting or a knack for knitting, Craft and More has it all. The bright and colourful store stocks everything you could need for card making, scrapbooking, needlecraft,

knitting, fine art and jewellery making. If your creative juices run more freely in the kitchen, there are plenty of cake making books and accessories as well as classic and contemporary party and wedding accessories.

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Craft and More was launched two years ago by the Khanejas. Angat Khaneja, 24, pictured, tells me, “We had an arts and craft shop in London, but wanted a change. We really liked Bristol because it’s such a

creative city, so we came down, found this great building and decided we’d fit in well. “We’re a family-run business so it was very daunting to open a three-floor store in a city we didn’t know that well,” admits Angat. “My dad, my brother and myself took a risk and we put everything we had into this store – but it’s really starting to pay off.” Over its three floors, Craft and More stocks more than 20,000 items sourced from all over Europe, America and China. On the ground floor, you will find a broad range of general craft, including papermache letters, modelling clay, felt, paper and card. If jewellery making is your bag, there’s a wealth of colourful gems, buttons and accessories

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2 for you to choose from. Children can also get creative on the ground floor, with kids’ art kits, paint-your-own money boxes, magazines and stickers. Artists are catered for up on the first floor, with a vast range of affordable art supplies including canvases, quality paints and brushes, drawing boards, pencils and pens. Nimble-fingered needlework and knitting enthusiasts will discover a kaleidoscope of coloured thread and wool, while cake makers can get creative with edible glitter, modelling pastes, quirky cake decorations and colourful dyes. There’s still some room to grow on the top floor, where you’ll find home decorations, partyware and fabric flowers. Passionate about offering the latest and best in craft, and keeping a finger on the pulse for the latest trends, the store’s ranges are ever-growing. “We basically listen to our customers and add everything they could need,” smiles Angat. “What’s really popular right now is cake making, so we’re constantly expanding that line. “We want to be the go-to craft shop,” he continues. “So we also make sure everything is very

competitively priced.” Something that’s valuable, but which is included in the price, is the knowledge of the staff. “We try to know as much as possible about what we stock – although it’s difficult to be experts in everything when you sell 20,000 plus items! “When we hire people, we make them proficient in at least one department. For example, Amanda, who is working downstairs, studied illustration at UWE, so she knows all about our art supplies.” Their growing reputation for a comprehensive range of items, attractive prices and commitment to great customer service has ensured that word has spread throughout the city and beyond. “Our customers are local craft enthusiasts and artists as well as visitors from across the UK, who come to Bristol specifically to visit us. “We have something here for you whatever your craft or age or budget, and if you can’t find it here, we will find it for you!”

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HOME-MADE HEAVEN Home crafts can be fun, frivolous, functional and frugal. Get crafty with the help of some of these great products.

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SPLISH SPLASH! It’s Wellingtons at the ready as the rain continues to fall, but you don’t have to turn out like an extra from Last of the Summer Wine – look hot despite the chill, with these fab boots!

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HEALTH&FITNESS

FIGHT CLUB Fitness Thought to have originated among Wall Street bankers and their London counterparts, white-collar boxing’s popularity has spread across the globe. Kate Edser meets three Bristol contenders winding up for their first fight

ome men go looking for fights, and some don’t. Falling into the latter camp are the three guys I meet who have signed up for a ten-week training programme culminating in an amateur boxing bout in front of a crowd of 2,500. Chris Player, Brad King and Tom Bircham are all in their early to mid thirties, so a mid-life crisis is not the reason they signed up with white-collar boxing company, Zero To Hero. Instead, all cite the training regime, the health benefits of such and the life experience as motivation. We meet halfway through the training, when they’re beginning to find out what it’s like to punch and, more to the point, to be punched. I wouldn’t say it’s an alien concept for any of them (they knew what they were in for), but the idea of receiving and inflicting pain out of choice is not sitting too comfortably with all of them. Still, there’s another five weeks to get over that! Having quietly observed the contenders in practice, Chris says: “Some are a bit gentle in training. When you’re watching people sparring you’re seeing people backing off because

they’re not used to being punched. “You have to accept a punch. If you’re going to go in with a punch and back out as you’re doing it, you’re not going to be punching them as hard as they’re punching you. Anyone can throw a punch, but not everyone can take it. It’s getting your head around it.” Mental prep is crucial, says Brad, who has nothing but praise for the coaches on that score: “The coaches are fantastic. They know you’ve never done it before and they are behind you 100 per cent. “They build you up, they praise you and support you. “You have to want to go into the fight, and if you lose you want to be able to say I’ve put 110 per cent in and I’ve done everything by the book, so I know I’ve done my best. “I may change my mind nearer the time, but at the moment I can’t wait.” Tom, who put his name down for Zero To Hero on the spur of the moment, is a little more reticent, but he doesn’t doubt that when the chips are down, he’ll be well prepared. “I woke up with a hangover the day after our friend’s fight and thought ‘what a brilliant night, I’m going to sign up for the next one’.

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“I’ve never had a fight and when we spar, to punch someone in the face is hard. “I thought about the training and I’m ready for that – I can really push it – but with the sparring I’m not in my comfort zone. Being punched and doing the punching I’m just getting used to. “I’ll try not to think about the fight too much, but there is so much to remember; your footwork, your guard when to throw punches, when to move.” All of them were inspired to

get involved through watching friends who have already been through the process and are also using the experience to raise money for charity. Chris is collecting for Bristol’s Children’s Hospital Gromit’s Grand Appeal because his daughter, who is now three, was treated there as a baby. Having lost his dad to cancer some years ago, Brad is raising money for Cancer Research, while Tom, whose brother died aged three months, is supporting Bristol Children’s

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Do you have what it takes to be a boxing hero? Hospital’s Cots for Tots appeal. And such is their motivation that each claims it’s not even difficult to stick to the diet plan, which means cutting out alcohol, takeaways and naughty snacks, and to turn up for all training sessions, even on dark winter mornings. Tom has even placed a basket full of his favourite sweets in his living room to remind him of the sacrifice and keep him on track. Tom says: “I’ve given up all takeaways, alcohol and sweets – I’m a sucker for jelly sweets – but the thought of fight night makes it easy – I’m not struggling with the diet or the training. I even like steamed broccoli now!” Of the trio, only Chris is aiming to fulfil a long-held ambition to take his chances in a combat ring, while it’s the increase in fitness which is a draw for Tom and Brad. Chris says: “I wanted to do this for two reasons, firstly my fitness and also because I have wanted for years to get into a ring and I want to do the journey to get into the ring as much as getting in the ring to fight. I used to do Thai boxing about ten to 15 years ago

and I’ve done nothing since. Work got in the way, then I had a family, I bought a house and there were just so many things getting in the way of training.” Brad agrees: “I couldn’t have done it properly last season because of work, but I followed a friend who did it from start to finish and I thought it was something I really wanted to do, particularly for fitness, so it’s about going through all the training more so than having a fight at the end.” There’s nothing easy about the training, though, as Chris describes: “The fitness training is massively intense, with squats, sit-ups, press-ups, burpees, star jumps and more, and they don’t let you rest: you don’t rest in the ring and the coaches are drilling that into us. “The coaches are mentally trying to get us prepared as well as physically. There’s a lot more involved than just turning up and training. It’s probably more mental than physical.”

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Hardcore training in a beautiful lake Plhs{o huk mp{ulzz I kyh~ mvy ~h{ly zwvy{z lu{o|zphz{z mvy tvyl {oyll kljhklz4 \ol Thrl h{ Jyhksl [{vrl pz uv~ h{{yhj{pun h nyv~pun u|tily vm {yph{osl{lz6 Sh{l Mkzly tll{z p{z jylh{vy4 Uprl \ovtwzvu6

ucked away behind the high hedges of Trench Lane in Bradley Stoke is a 12-acre patch of turquoise water dug out of farmland in 1982 by visionary Mike Thompson, who was fed up with the filthy water in Bristol’s docks and needed somewhere cleaner for his windsurfing school. Since then, its use has diversified to include canoeing and jet skiing and, over the past three years, the lake has been attracting rafts of triathletes. Indeed, the number of swimmers taking a dip here has jumped from 1,500 in 2011 to 4,500 in 2013. But while cleanliness is a huge draw here, it’s by no means the only “carrot” since Mike has also built a 960m running track around the edge of the lake, and supplies maps with local cycling routes too. Triathletes come to Bradley Stoke to train from all over the South West. But there wouldn’t be a lake at if it weren’t for Mike’s perseverance. The story dates back to 1976, when he was a pioneer of windsurfing in this country. Alongside a professional career competing and testing new equipment for the sport, Mike opened a windsurfing shop in Bristol and

then a windsurfing school in the city docks. Poor water quality, however, was a distinct turn off, so Mike thought it a good idea to make his own lake. After an exhaustive search, he found an area of suitable, super-deep clay, but it was the highest ground in the area and people thought he was nuts to proceed. Ignoring experts who assured him there was no water table, Mike called in a company to sink a bore hole. Bingo! Drills hit a supply of crystal clean water and the lake was born. Now 73, Mike has been in business at the lake for 32 years and is regularly out on, or in, the water. With a twinkle he says: “I row and canoe – I’ve got to keep my strength up!” He’s keen to stress the lake is for all-comers, not just triathletes. “We teach all sorts here, from Channel swimmers to children. We have a proper circuit set out in the middle which is 600m long and coaches come in to teach during the warm weather, usually from April running through to October, though some hard nuts come to swim in the winter too. Although open all year, things are generally quiet in the winter, but Mike’s not one to sit still. “I do everything here,” he tells me over a cuppa. “I repair the vehicles, I shift all the soil and I’m building an assault course at

the moment – a really tough one – and we’ve got a super-duper go-kart track with 50mph karts.” Somehow, he’s found time to organise planning permission for a new club house, including a 60-seater restaurant overlooking the lake, but is now looking for an investor to take over the business and push that forward. For more about The Lake at Bradley Stoke, visit http://bristolopenwater.co.uk

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Sunday, June 29, 2014, will mark the fifth staging of the Bristol Harbourside Triathlon, which is organised by TriBristol in partnership with the city council. There are two race categories to choose from, Olympic and Sprint. Olympic distances are 1,500m swim (0.9miles), 40km (25miles) cycle, 10km (6.2miles) run. Sprint distances are 750m (0.5miles) swim, 20km (12.4miles) cycle and 5km (3.1miles) run. The swim takes place in the Cumberland Basin, while the cycle routes for both distances take place on closed roads, under the shadow of the famous Clifton Suspension Bridge. The bike routes are principally flat with some technical turns. The run route is a looped course along the towpath on the other side of the Avon Gorge,

with sprint competitors completing a single lap and Olympic competitors tackling two. Again, the course is flat and affords suitable conditions to gain an excellent time. For more information, see www.tribristol.org. If you’d like to get started in the sport, visit Bristol and District Triathlon’s website at www.badtri.org. For details of other local triathlon, duathlons and aquathons, visit www.britishtriathlon.org.

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GADGETS

Write like Hemingway

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Check your Tesco account

The secret of the internet, told via fish Ohknl{ vm {ol ~llr Jhy{ }hu Wswolu ~hu{z {v {lhjo v| {v jvvr mpzo4 pu 9= zljvukz vy slzz6 Vv~ {oh{çz ov~ v| kv pu{lyul{ thyrl{pun

’m going to tell you a secret. It’s the secret of successful internet marketing. Perhaps I should put that in quotes – “internet marketing” – like that, because it’s a profession of sorts. People pay other people vast sums of money to do marketing and promotion and PR for their websites and web services, and in most cases the result is more of what we’ve seen before: press releases, or Twitter and Facebook accounts that push you to visit a particular web page. In truth, successful internet marketing means simply being good at internet stuff. If you can internet well, people will come to you without needing to be persuaded and cajoled. Let’s look at Bart van Olphen’s Instagram account as an example. Bart (www.bartvanolphen.com) is a chef, specialising in fish dishes. And Instagram is a site, now owned by Facebook, that

lets people share photos and short videos. Bart’s Instagrams (at instagram.com/bartsfishtales) are delightful, super-quick seafood recipes. Grab some plain white fish, or some razorshells, or some cockles and follow Bart’s simple instructions. Each stage of the recipe might only last two seconds on your screen, and you might have to watch it a few times to

memorise it, but each one is very simple. The point here isn’t so much the recipes or Bart’s cheerful grin, it’s his grasp of what makes the internet tick. Make great things, and the internet will respond, and people will find you. That’s it, that’s the simple secret of successful internet marketing: just make great things.

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WE HOPE IT’S CHIPS It’s time to give a shout out to the humble spud and its greatest creation. Yes, to celebrate National Chip Week (Feb 17-23), we round up a collection of gadgets and gizmos for that perfect “made-at-home” taste. To keep up to date with all the National Chip Week celebrations, follow @thepotatogirls or #chipweek on Twitter.

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The Bathroom Destination Store for the West of England

scan the image to see more

4000 sq feet of ‘real life’ bathroom displays Ofﬁcial supplier of the major bathroom brands Design, supply and installation service available

Don’t invest in your new bathroom without seeing us ﬁrst! Bathrooms 365 Ltd, Units 14 and 15, Walker Way, Thornbury Industrial Estate, Thornbury, Bristol, BS35 3US www.bathrooms365.com | 01454 417111

Nyvt Nypkh 4 Nliy|hy :94 :89<

DAYS OUT i [{l}l Ulsslu

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f you feel the need for speed, mixed with a bit of adrenaline, then a refurbished family-friendly attraction near Bristol might be just the thing for you. TeamSport Bristol run a karting track and laser combat arena at Avonmouth. It’s one of 13 tracks the company operates nationwide and the recent refurb means its track – one of the longest in the country – can now be tackled in one of a fleet of new state-of-the-art karts. These motors pack a punch. With their 200cc engines they can reach speeds of up to 40mph, but at just two inches off the floor, the driver can feel like they are doing twice that.

The track is 500m long and has challenges all along it. There’s a flyover and underpass, tricky bends and big drops. Precise electronic timing systems, racing suits and helmets all add to the experience of being in a proper race. Friends, family or colleagues can all watch you tear up the track from a special viewing gallery. That’s for the adults, but younger drivers can also show off their racing skills in specially designed “cadet” petrol carts. TeamSport company director Dominic Gaynor said: “Karting is the most driving fun you can have off the pro circuit. The TeamSport Bristol track provides the best facilities in the

Further Afield Hot air balloon flights from Tyntesfield Pv{ hpy ihssvvu mspno{z myvt \ u{lzmplsk ~p{o Jypz{vs Jhssvvuz6 \v ivvr4 }pzp{ ~~~6iypz{vsihssvvuz6jv6|r4 vy lthps zhslzHihsul{6jv6|r

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South West for any wannabe racing drivers out there. Many Formula 1 drivers started their careers this way – and drivers such as Jenson Button still kart regularly.” If driving’s not your thing, under the same roof is TeamSport’s laser combat arena. Clad in futuristic-looking armoury, you and your family or colleagues or friends will face a shoot-out on the high-tech laser battlefield which has multiple tiers, corners and open spaces for you to hide in or attack from. As part of the refurbishment, a new eating area called Fuel has been opened, selling pizzas, baguettes and more. There are also showers and changing rooms if the action on

the track or in the laser combat section has got you all hot under the collar. So if you’re part of a stag party, family or office looking for a team-building day out, it’s worth checking out. For booking information, visit www.team-sport.co.uk/bristol or call 0844 9980844. Karting prices are: Children from £26.99, adults from £29.99, and students, military personnel or emergency services staff from £20. Lasertag costs from £4.50 per person. TeamSport Bristol is at Avonmouth Way, Avonmouth, BS11 9YA, close to junction 18 of the M5. It is open from 3pm to 10pm Monday to Friday and 9am to 10pm Saturday and Sunday.

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In and around the city Floating Harbour Walking Tour Jypz{vs Nsvh{pun Phyiv|y _hsrpun \v|y \|lzkh 4 Uhyjo <4 986;8ht5uvvu6 Khss 899? ;=: >>88 vy {|yu |w vu {ol kh 6

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EATING OUT Lunch: New chef Any resistance crumbles \ol Khu{llu Phtps{vu Pv|zl4 @8 [{vrlz Kyvm{4 Jypz{vs4 J[9 ;Ya6 \lsB 899? A:; :89?6 ~~~6jhu{lluiypz{vs6jv6|r

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Reviews by Mark Taylor

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EATING IN Let your senses take you to the Middle East

he enticing, spicy aromas of the Middle East engulf you as soon as you open Almond Bar, a collection of classic and modern Syrian dishes. Whether it’s fragrant rosewater, tender lamb cooking over charcoal, or the taste of fresh, salty cheeses, the recipes in this lavishly illustrated book will transport you to the exotic world of Syrian cooking. Australian-born author Sharon Salloum was brought up in a traditional Syrian household where the kitchen table was central to family life in a home where a steady stream of friends and family were welcomed with generous offerings of food and drink. Helping in the kitchen, Salloum learnt to cook from an early age and developed a strong sense of pride in her Syrian heritage. She has extended this warm welcome through her Almond Bar restaurant in Sydney. With plenty for vegetarians and meat fans alike, and fairly definitive recipes for staples such as falafel and baba ghanouj (smoked aubergine dip), it’s a book packed with enjoyable home cooking and a firm sense of place. The dishes combine classic and traditional with contemporary and include black hummus; pumpkin kibbeh; cracked wheat and beef stew; almond-crusted scallops; fig sorbet and semolina fudge. The book also features a number of salads, including this one featuring halloumi, lentils and watercress. Salloum says: “My mother always keeps a small jar of fresh halloumi in her fridge. “The twisted balls are normally eaten at breakfast time along with other beautiful dairy products, eggs and slow-cooked beans. “It’s funny how you realise, as you grow up, that not all ‘breakfast’ items need to be confined to breakfast. I began undoing the skeins of halloumi and serving them with salad leaves alongside meat dishes. “The match was a hit and here is the light, fresh result.”

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TRAVEL

BIG APPLE BARGAINS World travel When the question ‘do you fancy a shopping trip to New York’ was posed, Heather Pickstock thought all her Christmases had come at once. Of course, there are a few sights worth seeing as well.

ike other ladies, I can’t say I have a shortage of clothes. In fact, I have two double wardrobes stuffed to capacity along with probably 100 pairs of shoes, an equal number of handbags and enough earrings to make Bet Lynch wince in envy. However, there is always room for some more. In a corner... somewhere. And I just can’t say no to a bargain. My tip for shopping in the States is to have a plan. Go with a relatively empty suitcase, and make sure you write a list of

Nyvt Nypkh 4 Nliy|hy :94 :89<

must-have purchase with which to fill it up. My partner – already amazed by the amount of clothes/shoes/earrings I have amassed – was equally excited about the trip in December. I had been to America before and knew the shopping opportunities to be boundless – and not only for the ladies. So we arrived in New York, with its eye-wateringly tall buildings, on a cold Saturday evening. The area was in the grip of a big freeze, something to be expected in mid-December, so make sure the clothes you do take are warm.

We were lucky enough to stay at the newly opened YOTEL (yotelnewyork.com) on Times Square, right in the middle of Manhattan and just a short walk away from all the main sights. YOTEL, which stands alone among the most modern New York City hotels, was designed by the Rockwell Group of New York in collaboration with Softroom of London and features 20,000 square feet of flexible and dynamic entertainment space, including the largest hotel terrace in the city. There are four main cabin types, which include “premium” cabins with queen-size

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beds, “corner” cabins with dual aspect windows, “first” cabins with king-size beds and some that come with private terraces and outdoor tubs (which we were lucky enough to stay in) and VIP two-cabin suites, which offer the ultimate in luxury. After a night in the Big Apple and a trip to the top of the Rockerfeller Centre (despite the fact I hate elevators and heights), it was off to Woodbury Common Premium Outlets, a shopping oasis in nearby upstate New York. Woodbury Common (for details visit www.premiumoutlets.com) is a popular destination for New Yorkers and tourists alike. Packed with 220 different designer stores and just a 45-minute bus ride away from the city, the coach was packed with fellow shoppers in search of a bargain. Although Black Friday in the States is popular with Americans, Woodbury Common offers bargains galore 365 days of the year, with some stores offering up to 70 per cent off the recommended retail price. As I headed off to outlets such as Juicy Couture, Versace and Uggs Australia, His Nibs was quick to find the Nike store. That was it. He was lost in a trainer, or

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should I say sneaker as they say in the States, paradise. Rows and rows of them in all different colours and styles. He picked up a pair of Nike Air trainers for $41 dollars – about £30. This was a discount of about £100 on prices you may pay in the UK. I too got lost in this store, picking up a pair of rather splendid pink and orange Nike trainers for $17 – around £11. Loaded down with bags, the next stop was the Ralph Lauren store. Here I bought a pair of delicious designer boots for just £31, while His Nibs kitted himself out with a range of shirts and jumpers, all for a fraction of the usual price. It was then on to Aeropostale and American Eagle Outfitters for some other goodies. Shopping can be exhausting, so it’s a good job there is a food court at Woodbury Common, with a variety of restaurants to satisfy every culinary taste, from noodles to Mexican. Feet up and fed up was what we needed before heading off shopping again. The staff at Woodbury Common could not have been more helpful; all polite and courteous in helping you search out those special buys and always with the farewell “Have a good day”. We were looked after by Woodbury Common cars, who ferried us from the Hilton Garden Inn, Newburgh, (www.hiltongardeninn3.hilton.com) where we were staying just a few miles away. This hotel, with its spacious rooms, is a great location for Woodbury Common shoppers. Even better, it is right next to Orange County Choppers, the home of hit USA show American Chopper. Many happy hours were spent in the bar/restaurant of OCC, sampling the spiced rum and browsing in awe at the custom-made bikes made for Hollywood stars including Will Smith. Back in New York, and back to the Yotel for a couple more nights, it was a mad dash to see some of the main sights of the city. Ideally, with so much to see, you need to stay longer than a few days. We visited the 911 memorial, Statue of Liberty and again I faced my fear of heights, this time making it up 102 floors to the top of the Empire State building. One tip here is to get a New York City Pass (www.nycgo.com) from the tourist information centre, since for a flat fee it offers discounts on a number of attractions in the city. We loved our shopping trip. I really didn’t want to leave. Although I’m pretty sure my bank manager may have a different opinion. Nyvt Nypkh 4 Nliy|hy :94 :89<

Nyvt Nypkh 4 Nliy|hy :94 :89<

MUSIC

Weekend full of surprises in cutting edge music festival Nlz{p}hs Jypz{vs Vl~ U|zpj y|uz myvt Nyp :95[|u :; h{ }hypv|z }lu|lz6 Nvy tvyl pumvyth{pvu4 joljr v|{ ~~~6iypz{vsul~t|zpj6vyn

or a city that seems to teem with original music it might seem strange that Bristol had to go to Huddersfield for advice on that score. But when she realised that contemporary music was under-represented on the local scene, that’s where Bristol Music Trust (and Colston Hall) CEO Louise Mitchell headed to look for inspiration. After meeting the people behind the highly successful Huddersfield Contemporary Music Festival, she headed south with the beginnings of a plan. Like-minded partners St George’s, the Arnolfini, Bristol University and Spike Island were identified and thus was born Bristol New Music, a weekend festival of cutting edge contemporary sonic exploration and ground-breaking multimedia work to surprise and delight even the most left field musos. Unsurprisingly, given the open-ended theme of “new music”, it’s a wide ranging menu

that includes Gareth Davies’ solo bass clarinet playing new compositions (Victoria Rooms, Friday), electro-dance constructions (Klavikon/Roly Porter/Addison Groove, Colston Hall Lantern, Friday), improvised choral singing on a staircase (University Singers, Wills Building, Saturday. Colston Hall music programmer Todd Wills is very pleased with the line-up: “For me it was simple – ‘new music’ is anything improvised or composed in the 21st century. It was definitely important to have an electronic music element as well as more obvious classical and jazz forms.” Arnolfini music co-ordinator Alastair Cameron agrees: “At this point ‘new music’ encompasses noise, free jazz, electronic and all the other things you’ll see in the programme.” Composer/pianist Keith Tippett has been ploughing his own musical furrow since the late Sixties. “Even jazz rock was thought of as new then,” he

recalls. “My stuff grew into free jazz, then improvised music and finally compositional music. “For me it’s all part of the same music and I have an affinity for all of them.” Though he’s recognised as a hugely significant musical creator worldwide, Tippett was actually born in Bristol and over the years has introduced much new music to the area through his Rare Music Club evenings and other concerts. Todd Wills is especially pleased that Keith is performing with his Octet (Colston Hall Lantern, Saturday), saying: “We owe a lot to Keith Tippett and he’s still very relevant to new music today, when a lot of other players his age are content to rest on their laurels.” Tippett’s contribution will be The Nine Dances of Patrick O’Donogon, a suite of jazz pieces that refer to his strong family connection with Ireland. He has drawn together a bunch of younger players for the piece, including many stars of the Royal Academy jazz course

introduced to him by local saxophonist James Gardener Bateman. The chemistry clearly works, to judge by the super-positive reviews of recent previous performances, and it promises to be one of the weekend highlights. Tippett himself was sorry to miss Tarab Cuts (Arnolfini, Friday) from electro-acoustic duo John Butcher and Mark Sanders, while Todd Wills is looking forward to Ensemble musicFabrik (Colston Hall, Sunday) who have recreated the bizarre instruments of Sixties US hobo composer Harry Partch. Alastair Cameron, however, is excited about Ellen Fullman’s Long String Instrument (Arnolfini, Saturday), specially assembled on the gallery’s top floor and incorporating views of the city. It’s one of many pieces involving art and music in gallery spaces, and Friday evening’s pass ticket includes the ferry to sail you between the venues – another new feature in what promises to be a weekend full of them.

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n Greek mythology, the Muses were nine goddesses, who embodied the source of knowledge and the arts. These creatures inspired great poetry and literature, and were summoned by Chaucer, Homer, Milton, Shakespeare and Virgil in their texts. In modern times, a muse has been a collaborator, usually a woman, whose presence has provided a creative spark for artists to produce some of their greatest work. French director Jean-Luc Godard famously fell under the spell of Anna Karina and eventually took her as his wife, while model Edie Sedgwick entranced Andy Warhol. Singer Patti Smith was a constant companion to gay photographer Robert Mapplethorpe and petty criminal George Dyer incited

Francis Bacon to create some of his most emotionally powerful paintings. Based on the book by Claire Tomalin, The Invisible Woman charts the fragile relationship between one of the titans of English literature and his muse. Oscar-nominated actor Ralph Fiennes juggles responsibilities behind and in front of the camera, opening in 1885 Margate, where Nelly Robinson (Felicity Jones) is a school teacher with a doting husband. The film rewinds to 1850s Manchester, where Nelly is an aspiring actress in a family of performers headed by her domineering mother, Mrs Frances Ternan (Kristin Scott Thomas). “The rewards of our profession are rarely monetary,” confides the widowed matriarch, “but I would not have

:89< 42 WeekendNyvt 42 FromNypkh 4 Friday,Nliy|hy February:9421, 2014

it any other way.” Frances keeps a close eye on her daughters Maria (Perdita Weeks) and Fannie (Amanda Hale), and the least talented of the brood, 18-year-old Nelly. Mixing in the theatrical circles, Nelly encounters socially awkward writer Charles Dickens (Fiennes), who neglects his long-suffering wife, Catherine (Joanna Scanlan). Dickens’s fascination with Nelly develops into something far deeper, but she is forced to lurk in the shadows for fear of tainting his reputation. “I have been married and it was at times, the loneliest place,” she counsels. The Invisible Woman is a well-crafted if emotionally stifled account of doomed love and its manifestation on the pages of Dickens’s works. Fiennes and Jones deliver

solid performances, but their on-screen chemistry is almost as muted as the colour palette, while Scanlan is magnificent as the wife, who begs her husband to come to his senses. “Don’t be foolish. You cannot keep her a secret,” she snaps. A quotation from A Tale Of Two Cities, displayed at the beginning of the film, argues otherwise, confirming that Dickens was a man who revelled in the “profound secret and mystery” of his fellow man. If only Fiennes’s film revealed a few more of them.

Verdict I ~lss jyhm{lk {hsl vm kvvtlk sv}l4 yh{oly hmmlj{lk i {ol z{pmspun ^pj{vyphu h{tvzwolyl6 >798

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he highest grossing Russian film of all time replays one of the bloodiest chapters of the Second World War through the eyes of German and Soviet soldiers involved in the stand-off. Stalingrad is the first project of its kind shot using IMAX 3D technology and Fedor Bondarchuk’s epic certainly looks spectacular in the eye-popping format. Ash flutters down over the embattled city, bullets whizz out of the screen and several pivotal action sequences are breathlessly choreographed to take full advantage of depths in perception. Audiences get plenty of bang for their buck and eye strain is minimal, despite a running time that exceeds two hours. Scriptwriters Sergey Snezhkin and Ilya Tilkin choose a clumsy

framing device: the efforts of a Russian crew to rescue five German teenagers from the rubble of the 2011 earthquake in Tohuku, Japan. As the youngsters lay gasping for oxygen, one Russian rescue worker distracts the quintet with his remarkable family history. “I had five fathers. They’re all dead,” he claims. The rescuer’s anecdote harks back to September 1942. Captain Gromov (Petr Fedorov) leads a small troop of soldiers against the Germans, storming buildings one by one. The men include sniper Chvanov (Dmitry Lisenkov), who doesn’t believe in mercy, and boyish radio operator Sergey (Sergey Bondarchuk). Having stormed one building, Gromov and four surviving soldiers discover a terrified 18-year-old woman called Katya (Mariya Smolnikova). Her humanity touches the

military men and they become her protectors, which poses a problem for Gromov. “They’re not fighting for their country, they’re fighting for you,” the Captain warns Katya. However, his own feelings cloud his judgement even as the German troops begin to swarm, and when Sergey spirits Katya away to a hideout and dreamily professes, “I’ve loved you for two days now”. On the other side of the town square, German Captain Kahn (Thomas Kretschmann) is infuriated by his inability to overwhelm Gromov’s close-knit team. He takes out those frustrations on a blonde woman called Masha (Yanina Studilina), who submits to the officer’s will. Sadistic Nazi Colonel Khenze (Heiner Lauterbach) eventually goads Kahn into drastic action, lighting the fuse on an explosive final showdown between the two sides.

Stalingrad is an unapologetically patriotic spin on history that papers over the cracks of a lightweight script with stunning visuals, stirring performances and Angelo Badalamenti’s heart-tugging score. Bondarchuk’s directorial brio holds our interest rather than the simplistic narrative, aided by an ensemble cast, who hunker down for the film’s big set pieces. Digitally enhanced skirmishes between German and Soviet troops look stunning, really bringing home some of the sound and fury of that ill-fated autumn.

Verdict [{|uupun }pz|hsz iypun {opz wpljl vm kyhth{pj opz{vy {v spml6 ?798

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ove never dies. Nor do stories of good versus evil, screenwriters with a burning desire to sit in the director’s chair or high-profile actors with dubious Oirish accents. We’re treated to all three plus Will Smith as the manifestation of Lucifer and a white horse with wings in A New York Winter’s Tale. Narrative threads unfold in 1916 and present day Manhattan. In the past, petty thief Peter Lake (Colin Farrell) breaks into a house and is instantly bewitched by a flame-haired stargazer called Beverly Penn (Jessica Brown Findlay), who has consumption. Meanwhile, in 2014, Peter (Farrell again) is alive but not so well. He has no memory of the past but is haunted by visions of a girl with red hair.

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A New York Winter’s Tale has too many elements competing for our attention, and none of them gel. The titanic battle between angels and demons sits awkwardly with the rose-tinted central romance and tear-filled histrionics. Farrell is unremarkable in an undernourished lead role but he does catalyse a handsome screen pairing with Brown Findlay. Russell Crowe’s accent is a treat as an Irish gangster, becoming as thick as mud without warning in pivotal scenes. All in all, a disjoined mess.

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Nyvt Nypkh 4 Nliy|hy :94 :89<

THEATRE \olh{yl4 hy{ huk jvtlk i [{l}l _ypno{

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ownton is in financial ruin – again – due to Lord Grantham investing his money into the wrong thing. So Carson the butler is given the task of drumming up all the downstairs staff into raising some much-needed funds. Mrs Patmore and Daisy decide to enter the Bake Off for Downton. Someone you’d least expect goes to Wimbledon to play against Andy Murray. Mary has some suitors too, among them the Bishop of Liverpool. Upstairs, meanwhile, they’re all watching The X Factor on a Saturday night just like the rest of us. No, this outlandish concatenation of events and personalities from across the last hundred years isn’t, in case you’re wondering, the great lost episode of TV’s Downton Abbey. In fact, it’s a whistle-stop summary of a hilarious one-man show, a kind of homage to the great show, packed with daft comedy and eerily accurate impressions. Visiting the Tobacco Factory Theatres next week, The Only Way is Downton, by comic and impressionist Luke Kempner, is a fast-paced whirl through some 40 characters from Downton and, as you’ve seen, way beyond. The show comes to Bristol direct from a West End season: Kempner, who made his name with last year’s YouTube hit Downstairs At Downton, has also appeared in musicals including Les Miserables and Avenue Q, while his own debut solo show played to sell-out audiences at the Edinburgh Fringe last year. The premise for his parallel-universe Downton sounds as fanciful as it is hilarious. As celebrities start appearing at the Abbey, cultures clash and eras hilariously collide. An evening of lightning-quick character changes must take it out of even the most energetic performer. So what does Luke do to stay sharp throughout the performance? Does he make sure, for example, to avoid any particularly demanding character changes? Or allow the tempo to drop for a few moments while he gets his breath back? “I just go hell for leather, if I’m honest. And in fact, the characters at extreme ends of the scale, for example Carson with his deep bass voice and the high-pitched Daisy, are the most fun to jump between because they jolt the audience’s ears the most. “I wait for the laughs – those are the moments when I can have a slight breather. And I always make sure I take a swig of water between each scene. You don’t want a dry mouth when you’re playing Maggie Smith!”

Nyvt Nypkh 4 Nliy|hy :94 :89<

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Nyvt Nypkh 4 Nliy|hy :94 :89<

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ART

Get your portrait done – the old fashioned way �� ’� �� [h{|ykh 4 Nliy|hy ::4 {v \o|yzkh 4 Uhyjo :84 Xov{vnyhwopx|l4 Jypz{vs6 [ll spz{punz mvy kl{hpsz6

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n the digital age, this type of street portrait is now almost non-existent in the UK. In our small way we hope to keep this tradition alive, and to give the public a unique experience of having a genuine ‘old-school’ photo made for them.” Photographer Martin Edwards is explaining why he and fellow Bristol snapper Luis Bustamante are mounting an exhibition of their unique, old-school photographic portraits of Bristol people. The pair has been making the portraits at various events over the last three years, including Brisfest and the Bristol Festival of Photography, and visitors to El Busta’s Travelling Photography Studio, at central Bristol photography store Photographique, can see the results – and even, on two selected Saturdays, to sit for portraits of their own. Inspired by the itinerant photographers of old, Martin and

Luis use a large-format film camera and portable darkroom to make while-you-wait photos. The duo draws on the Spanish and South American tradition (Luis is originally from Chile) of street portraits made by “minuteros”, or minute-men. “At one time you could find them here in the UK, at the seaside for instance, but no longer,” Martin explains. “In an era dominated by slick high-street studios and digital effects, we simply want to acknowledge, if not revive, the tradition of affordable, individual street portraits. As Martin proudly acknowledges, the duo’s working processes are rough and ready. “We use paper negatives rather than film, which is not just cheaper and quicker, but also gives longer exposure times and makes people stand very still as they would have in older times. Each print has faults and imperfections, and there’s always a bit of educated guesswork in making them. “No two will ever be the same, and none will ever be perfect. A good thing to remember, we feel, in the frantic and über-perfect

Nyvt Nypkh 4 Nliy|hy :94 :89<

world we often inhabit! “One of the things we most enjoy is the fascination – the joy, even – on people’s faces when they see what we are doing, and more so when they have their portrait done and find out how the camera works and what goes on inside our darkroom box. Sometimes we run El Busta’s as a workshop at an event, and people can have a go at doing it themselves. “This slows the production rate, of course, but enriches the experience for those taking part.” The experience is not without its hassles, though. “We’ve had our share of people in ‘altered states’, who can be a bit loud or off-putting for others for a while, and once or twice we’ve had objections from people who are suspicious of photographers. “It seems sad that photography should come under suspicion these days; that motives can be assumed to be the worst, and that a potentially uplifting thing can be regarded badly. Our set-up is so obvious that we couldn’t photograph anyone or anything sneakily even if we wanted to!” So, Martin, what is it about this

older style of photography that so attracts you and Luis? “I’m a bit old-school,” Martin reveals. “I started photography before the first digital camera came along, and learned about film, the darkroom and traditional black and white photography. “Most of my personal, non-commercial work is still done on film. For me, there’s still something much more hands-on and grounded about the materials and processes – not to mention the sloshing about in chemicals! The photograph you end up with has a different feel and quality to it somehow – not better quality necessarily, just more individual. “No two hand-printed photographs are exactly the same.” Not that Martin sees himself as some sort of Luddite, anti-digital crusader. “I use digital photography a lot and it has huge benefits over film for so many things: but good old black and white still has that extra something.” As visitors to El Busta’s Travelling Photography Studio will see for themselves.

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LISTINGS

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COMEDY

GET IN TUNE WITH THE LAUGHTER XQKS WN \PM _MMS Rvuu / \ol Jhw{pz{z _lkulzkh 4 Nliy|hy :>4 \ol Thu{lyu4 Kvsz{vu Phss4 Jypz{vs6 [ll spz{punz mvy kl{hpsz6

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BOOKS

Spare Brides

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What the Victorians thought of Brunel Jvvr vm {ol ~llr Jy|uls i M|nlul J yul ohz q|z{ illu w|ispzolk i {ol Ppz{vy Xylzz pu p{z Xvjrl{ Ophu{z zlyplz4 wypjl ô>6AA

sambard Kingdom Brunel is a major industry more than 150 years after his death, especially in Bristol, where he’s given us our trademark bridge, our rail link to That London and, in the shape of the ss Great Britain, one of England’s finest visitor attractions. It wasn’t always like this, writes Eugene Byrne, author of this new Pocket Giant book. When there were still people living in Bristol who remembered him, he was widely regarded as an irresponsible show-off who was more interested in radical mechanical and structural innovations than profits. The Great Britain set the standard for all later ships, but the time and expense in building it meant Bristol lost out on the transatlantic passenger trade to Liverpool, and never got it back. Even the biggest success of his lifetime, the Great Western Railway, cost twice his original

estimate and was built to his own Broad Gauge with rails wider apart than those of the Standard Gauge adopted everywhere else. Dawlish, recently in the news because of the weather, was the scene of his abortive Atmospheric Railway. Brunel’s final project, the Great Eastern, was a gargantuan ship five times the size of anything else afloat at the time. Now we can appreciate how ahead of his time he was. We can also appreciate his humour, his reckless physical courage, his undoubted genius, the sheer charisma of the man and of the things he built. Brunel’s life is full of great stories. Here’s one – it’s completely apocryphal, but it sums up the Victorian view of him. Mr Brunel was engaged, the story went, to build a new railway. He told the company directors that he planned to use an expensive and untried design for one of the bridges. The day

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after the bridge was completed it fell down. The directors called him in to remonstrate with him. But he triumphantly asserted that he had just saved the company a huge amount of money. Because he had planned to build every other bridge on the line to the same design. But now he would not.

Mrs Hemingway

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PROPERTY

A SURPRISE INSIDE Property of the week Charnhill Ridge, Mangotsfield

rom the outside, you’ll notice the UPCV windows and soffits, and neatly painted render atop a layer of red bricks, not unlike thousands of other Seventies homes around the country. But there are two quite significant factors that up the ante for this house – firstly the interior, which is where things get significantly more exciting, and secondly, the location, which the agent says is “one of the most desirable in Mangotsfield”. Indeed, the manager at Taylors’ in Emersons Green, Jane Cook, goes on to describe the property as “a little bit different, and offers the wow factor”. Nowhere is this more apparent than in the kitchen/diner, but other highlights include the en suite master bedroom, a smart brick-paved driveway, a triple garage with electric door, double glazing, gas heating and solar panels on the roof, which help keep down energy costs. Oh, and the decor is what you might describe as subtle

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contemporary, with lots of neutral tones. The entrance hall is at the side of the house, with an under-stairs cupboard, wood-effect flooring and a sliding door to the study, which might also work as a guest room since it has built-in wardrobes and cabinets with shelving. The lounge, covered with a pale carpet, is a bright room thanks to windows on two sides, while the centrepiece is a full-height stone fireplace with gas fire. Even bigger, at more than 29ft (9m) in length, is the kitchen/diner, lit artificially by ceiling spotlights and naturally through rear and side-facing windows and a glazed patio door, each with blinds. The contemporary feel is enhanced by an upright feature radiator, blue glass splashbacks, Karndean flooring and wooden Magnet units with black granite work surfaces. Very swish. Elsewhere is a Belfast sink and space for a range oven and fridge/freezer, while built-in is a microwave, dishwasher, bin and recycling storage. Next door is a utility

room, with space for a washing machine and tumble dryer, and a cloakroom. Up on the landing is further storage space and access to the loft, while the two biggest bedrooms both have built-in wardrobes. Besides the main bathroom (with corner bath), the master bedroom en suite has a shower cubicle and a wash basin set into a marble surface. Finally, the gardens: at the front a lawn with borders and at the back a decent patio and lawn, a raised deck with koi carp pond, well-stocked borders, apple trees, raspberry and strawberry beds, a chalet with power, lighting and water, a greenhouse, outdoor lighting, three outside taps and a shed. All in all, this property has been finished to a very high standard inside and out, and has considerable appeal.

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ARC LIGHT Looking for some deals to spruce up your home? Alison Cork, from HomesAndBargains.co.uk, has put together these latest offers.

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A no-fuss garden is all in the planning . . . Ohyklupun Isp [tp{o4 myvt Jypz{vs5ihzlk [ljyl{ Ohyklu shukzjhwpun4 zohylz opz pklhz mvy rllwpun nhyklu thpu{luhujl {v h tpupt|t

ur modern way of life means that many of us are really pushed for time, so when it comes to the garden we are often asked to design bearing that in mind. But is it possible to create a garden that doesn’t need any maintenance? Even a concrete back yard will need sweeping and eventually weeds will find a way in – but there are plenty of ways to keep the work in your garden to a minimum. It’s best to start thinking about maintenance at the planning stage. For example, when laying a lawn, one of the traditional and most important parts of a garden, adding a “mowing edge”

means you can just zoom around and cut the grass without subsequently needing to use a strimmer or shears. This sounds insignificant, but it really makes a difference in terms of saving time – and a mowing edge can look brilliant too. A range of materials can be used, including, brick, stone tiles or even railway sleepers, just as long as the mower wheels can easily run over it. Whichever edging material you choose, it should also pick up on other features of the house and garden to help bring the design together. Planting is a key factor for beauty and interest and what you choose can have a dramatic effect on the amount of time you spend tending your garden. Vegetable plots and traditional

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cottage gardens with lots of herbaceous perennials require a lot of attention and weeding to keep them looking tip top. This requires a certain level of knowledge, too. Often we have to find a compromise. For example, when choosing a climber to train over a fence, you could pick a clematis montana. It will cover the fence no problem, but will mean a lot of pruning in the future. On the other hand, a hydrangea peteolaris will grow more slowly and will require very little to keep it looking good. Another example is hedging. Leyland cypress grows fast and pruning must be regular and is essential, as opposed to yew, which is much slower growing and easier to keep on top of.

In my view, the latter is a better option. One of the most interesting low maintenance gardens is a simple area of grass interspersed with trees. When picking trees, you’ll need to take into account whether the size, shape and type (whether they fruit or not) is appropriate for the garden and for your needs. Once that decision is made, all you’ll need to do is whip round with the mower every couple of weeks during the growing season. You could add interest with log seats, or maybe a wildflower meadow. Contact Ali via email to info@secretgardenweb.co.uk. For more information, visit www.secretgardenweb.co.uk, or Twitter @secretgardenweb

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TELEVISION Film highlight �� ’� �� 0[|ukh 4 Q\^4 ;wt1 �� ’� ��

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Bouncing baby show heads to Bristol

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TV PICKS

THE VOICE UK 7pm, BBC1

The final round of blind auditions – the last chance for the remaining hopefuls to win a place on Kylie Minogue, Will.i.am, Tom Jones or Ricky Wilson’s teams.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 10.00 Saturday Kitchen Live (S,HD). 11.30 Food & Drink (R,S,HD). 12.00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather (S,HD). 12.15 Football Focus (S,HD). Dan Walker and guests look ahead to the weekend’s action. 1.00 Live Six Nations Rugby Union (S,HD). Italy v Scotland (Kick-off 1.30pm). 3.30 Live Six Nations Rugby Union (S,HD). England v Ireland (Kick-off 4.00pm). 5.55 BBC News; Regional News and Weather (S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

THE LOST PORTRAIT OF BONNIE PRINCE CHARLIE: A CULTURE SHOW SPECIAL 9pm, BBC2

In 2009, Dr Bendor Grosvenor proved the Scottish National Portrait Gallery’s painting of Charles Edward Stuart was not in fact of the Instigator of the Jacobite uprising of 1745. In this programme, Grosvenor tries to track down a long-lost portrait of the Young Pretender.

BBC2

6.00 Film: The Little Polar Bear 2: The Mysterious Island (S) (2005). ●● 7.15 Film: The Magic Box (S) (1951). ●●●● 9.00 Live Winter Olympics (S,HD). 11.30 Escape to the Country (R,S,HD). 12.00 Flog It! Trade Secrets (S,HD). 12.30 Live Winter Olympics (S,HD). 4.00 Live Winter Olympics (S,HD). 4.50 Final Score (S,HD). 5.05 Live Winter Olympics (S,HD). Further coverage of the men’s alpine skiing slalom. 5.35 Final Score (S,HD).

THE CUBE: CELEBRITY SPECIAL 6pm, ITV

Boxer David Haye and I’m a Celebrity 2013 winner Kian Egan set out to complete a series of fiendishly difficult challenges and win thousands for charity. Phillip Schofield hosts.

ITV

6.00 CITV. 9.25 ITV News (S). 9.30 Dinner Date (R,S). 10.30 Murder, She Wrote (R,S,HD). 11.30 ITV News and Weather (S). 11.40 The Crocodile Hunter Diaries (R,S). 12.10 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (S). 1.05 Film: Casino Royale (S,HD) (1967). Spoof James Bond adventure, starring David Niven. ●● 3.35 Midsomer Murders (R,S). A choir member is killed before a competition. 5.35 ITV News West Country (S). 5.45 ITV News and Weather (S).

SUPERSTAR DOGS: COUNTDOWN TO CRUFTS 6.15pm, Channel 4

John Barrowman welcomes civil servant Dave and his German shepherd, lettings administrator Kelly and her border collie, and retired Denise with her Labrador-Staffie cross. The contestants and their pets take part in a variety of challenges.

Channel 4

6.00 SuperScrimpers (R,S,HD). 6.10 The Hoobs (R,S). 7.00 Trans World Sport (S). 8.00 The Morning Line (S,HD). 9.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S). 9.30 Frasier (R,S). 10.35 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 11.30 How I Met Your Mother (S,HD). 12.25 The Simpsons (R,S). 1.30 Channel 4 Racing (S,HD). Live coverage from Kempton Park and Newcastle. 4.10 Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake!. 10.00 Access. 10.15 Film: Paul Blart: Mall Cop (S,HD) (2009). Comedy, starring Kevin James. ●●● 12.00 Film: Sabrina (S) (1995). Romantic comedy remake, with Harrison Ford and Julia Ormond. ●●● 2.25 Diagnosis Murder (R,S). 3.25 Film: Columbo: A Bird in the Hand (S) (1992). Crime drama, starring Peter Falk. ●●● 5.20 Film: Columbo: The Most Crucial Game (S) (1972). Detective drama, starring Peter Falk and Robert Culp. ●●

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

7.00 Ant & Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway (S,HD). 1/7. New series. The Geordie duo return with the entertainment show.

7.00 The Restoration Man (R,S,HD). 2/8. George Clarke follows a couple’s project to transform a derelict flint mill in Stone, Staffordshire.

7.30 NCIS (R,S). 16/24. A nuclear power plant inspector suffers radiation poisoning, forcing the team to consider the possibility that a foreign power deliberately targeted him.

8.00 Top Gear (R,S,HD). 3/7. Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May demonstrate their love of small cars with a trip to Ukraine. James Blunt returns for another drive in the Reasonably Priced Car.

8.20 Take Me Out (S,HD). 8/8. Mr Wales 2013, a semi-pro wrestler, a champagne importer and a cleaner try to impress the panel and win a date to the Isle of Fernandos. Paddy McGuinness hosts. Last in the series.

8.00 Walking Through History: North Norfolk (S,HD). 3/3. See Choices Above.

8.30 The NCIS Movie: Legend (R,S). 22&23/25. See Choices Above.

9.00 The Lost Portrait of Bonnie Prince Charlie: A Culture Show Special (S,HD). See Choices Above.

9.50 The Jonathan Ross Show (S,HD). 8/10. The host subjects another batch of celebrity guests to no-holds-barred questioning. Plus, musical performances by A-list bands and solo artists.

9.00 Hostages (S,HD). 7/15. Ellen sneaks away to meet a family friend who may be able to help her. 9.55 Transporter 3 (S) (2008). See Choices Above. ●●●

10.00 QI XL (S,HD). 4/16. With Katy Brand, Sue Perkins and David Mitchell. 10.45 There Will Be Blood (S) (2007). See Choices Above. ●●●●●

▼

7.10 Winter Olympics: Today at the Games (S,HD). Highlights from the 15th day of the Games in Russia.

▼

6.40 5 News Weekend (S,HD). 6.45 NCIS (R,S). 15/24. A sailor’s body is discovered in a disused restaurant.

7.00 The Voice UK (S,HD). 7/14. See Choices Above.

▼

The NCIS Movie: Legend, 8.30pm

6.15 Superstar Dogs: Countdown to Crufts (S). 6/15. See Choices Above. 6.45 Channel 4 News (S).

8.30 The National Lottery: Who Dares Wins (S,HD). 8/8. Game show in which strangers pair up to win money. Last in the series.

▼

after

Hostages, 9pm

6.00 The Cube: Celebrity Special (S,HD). See Choices Above.

9.20 Casualty (S,HD). 26/48. Fletch’s daughter lands herself in danger.

▼

Take Me Out, 8.20pm

6.00 Live Winter Olympics (S,HD). The second run in the men’s four-man bobsleigh competition.

10.10 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 10.30 Match of the Day (S,HD). Gary Lineker presents highlights of the latest Premier League clashes, including Chelsea v Everton at Stamford Bridge and Arsenal v Sunderland at the Emirates Stadium. Followed by National Lottery Update.

▼

QI XL, 10pm

6.15 Pointless Celebrities (R,S,HD). 5/6. A TV cooks special, featuring Rustie Lee and Antony Worrall Thompson.

11.55 The Football League Show (S). Highlights of today’s games in the Championship, League One and League Two.

▼

6 7 8 9

Casualty, 9.20pm

1.15 Weatherview (S). 1.20 BBC News (S,HD).

1.15 This Is BBC Two (S). Preview of upcoming programmes.

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10.50 ITV News and Weather (S); Weather.

10.10 Nora Roberts’ Midnight Bayou (S,HD) (2009). Premiere. An attorney investigates the dark history of his mansion to discover the truth behind a haunting. Supernatural romantic drama, with Jerry O’Connell and Lauren Stamile. ●●

11.05 The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift (S,HD) (2006). Motor-racing adventure, starring Lucas Black. ●●

11.55 Cop Land (S,HD) (1997). Police thriller, starring Sylvester Stallone. ●●●●

1.00 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming. 3.00 In Plain Sight (R,S,HD). Mary helps a former bank robber acclimatise to life outside prison. 3.45 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-based information service.

1.45 Boss (S,HD). Kane becomes embroiled in a scandal. 2.45 One Minute Past Midnight (R,S). Short drama set in a shop in 2059. 2.55 One Born Every Minute (R,S). A mother-to-be who was born with a major heart defect goes into labour. 3.55 Kirstie’s Handmade Treasures (R,S,HD). A winter version of a popular drink. 4.00 Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). Omnibus.

12.00 SuperCasino. Live interactive gaming. 3.10 Benidorm ER (R,S,HD). 4.00 Wildlife SOS (R,S). 4.25 Make It Big (R,S). 4.50 The Funky Valley Show (R,S). 5.00 Angels of Jarm (R,S). 5.10 Hana’s Helpline (R,S). 5.20 Angels of Jarm (R,S). 5.30 The Funky Valley Show (R,S). 5.40 Hana’s Helpline (R,S). 5.50 Hana’s Helpline (R,S).

THE NCIS MOVIE: LEGEND 8.30pm, Channel 5

Feature-length episode. When the body of a marine is found strung up at a construction site, the agents travel to LA to work with another NCIS team on an investigation into an international arms deal that escalates into a high-priority case, and Tony begins to pry into Zivaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s life. Guest starring Chris Oâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;Donnell.

Tony Robinson travels along the north Norfolk coast, finding out how the area maintained its rural identity despite the industrial changes of the Victorian age.

ITV2

6.00 Beauty and the Geek (R). 6.45 Coronation Street (S,HD). 9.05 Emmerdale (S,HD). 12.00 Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve Been Framed! (R,S). 12.30 Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve Been Framed (R,S). 1.30 Film: The Mighty Ducks (S,HD) (1992). â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? 3.40 Brit Awards 2014 (R,S,HD). 5.55 Film: The Perfect Man (S,HD) (2005). Romantic comedy, with Hilary Duff and Heather Locklear. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?

The Perfect Man, 5.55pm

8.00 Oceanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Eleven (S,HD) (2001). A suave ex-convict assembles a gang of crooks to help him pull off the daring robbery of three casinos in Las Vegas. Crime comedy, with George Clooney, Brad Pitt and Julia Roberts. Including FYI Daily. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?

6.00 Switched (R,S). 6.25 Make It or Break It (R,S,HD). 7.10 Ugly Betty (R,S,HD). 7.55 Charmed (R,S). 8.55 Glee (R,S,HD). 10.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 11.00 The Mindy Project (R,S,HD). 11.30 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 2.00 The Mindy Project (R,S,HD). 2.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 3.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 4.30 Rude(ish) Tube (R,S). 5.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD).

Sky1

6.00 Glee (R,S,HD). 8.00 The Fantasy Football Club (HD). 9.00 Game Changers (HD). 10.00 Soccer AM (HD). 12.00 WWE Superstars (HD). A roundup of all the latest wrestling news. 1.00 Harrow: A Very British School (R,S,HD). 2.00 Sinbad (R,S,HD). 3.00 Futurama (R,S). 4.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD).

FILM PICKS

WALKING THROUGH HISTORY: NORTH NORFOLK 8pm, Channel 4

THERE WILL BE BLOOD 10.45pm, BBC2

GOLD

6.05 Harry Hillâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s TV Burp. 6.50 Only Fools and Horses (S). 8.00 Open All Hours (S). 8.40 Porridge (S). 9.20 Seven of One. 10.00 Porridge (S). 10.40 Seven of One. 11.20 The Two Ronnies Sketchbook (S). 12.40 Porridge (S). 1.20 Open All Hours (S). 2.00 Porridge (S). 2.40 Seven of One. 3.20 Porridge (S). 4.00 Seven of One. 4.40 The Two Ronnies Sketchbook (S).

The Tomorrow People, 8pm

Volcano, 10pm

The Office, 9pm

6.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 5/20. 6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 14/24.

6.00 Modern Family (R,HD). 1/24. Mitch and Cam make a big decision. 6.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 2/24.

6.00 Porridge (S). 5/6. Godber revises for an exam. 6.40 Fawlty Towers (S). 2/6.

7.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 15/24. Amy suggests moving in with Sheldon. 7.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 3/24.

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 17/22. 7.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 18/22. Homer is recruited to be a deacon by the trendy new reverend.

7.30 Fawlty Towers (S). 3/6. An American comes to stay.

8.00 The Tomorrow People (R,S,HD). 7/22. Stephen decides to have some fun with his new-found powers.

8.00 A League of Their Own (R,S,HD). 2/12. Sports-based comedy quiz, hosted by James Corden. Jamie Redknapp and Andrew â&#x20AC;&#x153;Freddieâ&#x20AC;? Flintoff are the captains.

8.15 Fawlty Towers (S). 4/6. A guestâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s death plunges the hotel into chaos.

9.00 Airplane! (S,HD) (1980). A traumatised war veteran must face his fear and land an airliner when the crew are incapacitated by food poisoning. Spoof disaster movie, starring Robert Hays and Leslie Nielsen. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?

9.00 Arrow (R,S,HD). 10/23. 9.00 The Office (S). 4/6. Brent Oliver faces new enemy becomes a motivational Shrapnel, who has set off speaker. a string of bombs across 9.40 The Office (S). 5/6. The the city, while Thea sees staff celebrate Red Nose a different side to Roy Day. and Laurelâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s suspicions about Sebastian continue to grow.

10.20 Celebrity Juice: Saturday Night Takeaway Special (R,S,HD). With Ant and Dec, Ashley Roberts and Rob Beckett.

10.50 Rude Tube (R,S,HD). Alex Zane presents a countdown of 50 internet mash-ups, including clips of Darth Vader playing the bagpipes and the youngest-ever thrash metal band.

11.10 Hannibal (S,HD) (2001). Thriller sequel, starring Anthony Hopkins. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?

11.50 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 5/24. Sheldon looks for a way out of his relationship.

1.45 Utterly Outrageous Reality TV Moments 2013 (R,S). Matt Edmondson presents a countdown of 2013â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s best reality clips. 2.35 Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve Been Framed! (R,S). A cat that does not like DVDs. 3.00 Teleshopping. Home shopping.

12.20 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 12.50 The Midnight Beast (R,S,HD). 1.25 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 1.50 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 2.20 2 Broke Girls (R,S,HD). 2.40 The Ricky Gervais Show (R,S,HD). 4.00 Glee (R,S,HD). 4.45 Ugly Betty (R,S,HD).

TRANSPORTER 3 9.55pm, Channel 4

A prospectorâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s pursuit of wealth leads him into conflict with a priest over control of an oilrich town. Drama, starring Daniel DayLewis and Paul Dano.

10.20 The Office (S). 6/6. 10.00 Volcano (S) (1997). An David Brent shares his emergency expert and a management scientist try to save the philosophy. residents of Los Angeles when a volcano erupts in the middle of the city. Disaster thriller, with Tommy Lee Jones and Anne Heche. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?

Courier Frank Martin transports the kidnapped daughter of a crooked government minister across Europe. Action thriller sequel, with Jason Statham.

Sky Sports 1

6.00 Football Gold (S). 6.30 Ringside (HD). 7.30 Premier League Preview (HD). 8.00 The Fantasy Football Club (HD). 9.00 Game Changers (HD). 10.00 Soccer AM (HD). 12.00 FL72 Live (HD). 2.30 Saturday Team Talk (HD). 3.00 Soccer Saturday (HD). 5.00 Live Saturday Night Football (HD). Crystal Palace v Manchester United.

FL72 Live, 12pm

BBC3

7.00 Great Movie Mistakes: Revenge of the Fifth (R,S). 7.15 Doctor Who (R,S,HD). The Doctorâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s greatest secret is revealed. Last in the series. 8.00 Doctor Who: The Ultimate Guide (R,S,HD). Part two of two. A look at the seventh to eleventh time lords. 9.00 Little Fockers (S,HD) (2010). Comedy sequel, starring Ben Stiller and Robert De Niro. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? 10.30 Family Guy (R,S). 10.55 Family Guy (R,S). 11.15 Family Guy (R,S). 11.40 Family Guy (R,S).

12.00 Family Guy (R,S). 12.20 Family Guy (R,S). 12.45 Family Guy (R,S). 1.10 Family Guy (R,S). 1.30 Bad Education (R,S,HD). 2.00 Uncle (R,S,HD). 2.30 Live at the Electric (R,S,HD). 3.00 Live at the Electric (R,S,HD). Russell Howardâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s 8.00 SNF â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Game of the Day 3.30 Good News (R,S,HD).

(HD). Sarah-Jane Mee presents a full re-run of the dayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s top Premier League match.

10.00 SNF â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Match Choice (HD). Sarah-Jane Mee presents extended highlights from the Premier League, allowing viewers to access the latest round of top-flight fixtures, including Cardiff City v Hull City.

BBC4

7.00 Wild China (R,HD). Environmental concerns on the countryâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s eastern seaboard. Last in the series. 8.00 Lost Kingdoms of South America (R,HD). The origins of Tiwanaku, the 13,000ft-high ruins of a monolithic temple city. 9.00 Salamander (HD). 9.50 Salamander (HD). 10.40 Ultimate Number 1s at the BBC (R). A selection of chart-toppers from the past 60 years. 11.40 Forever Young â&#x20AC;&#x201C; How Rock â&#x20AC;&#x2122;nâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Roll Grew Up (R). 12.40 Top of the Pops: 1979 (R). 1.15 Sounds of the 70s (R). 1.45 Wild China (R,HD). 2.45 Lost Kingdoms of South America (R).

SATURDAY February 22

11.00 Yes Minister (S). 6/7. 11.30 FL72 Highlights (HD). Jim makes a rash Middlesbrough v Leeds promise. United. 11.40 Yes Minister (S). 7/7. Hacker appears before a select committee. 12.05 The Kumars (R,S,HD). With James Corden, Terry Gilliam and Twiggy. 1.05 Brit Cops: Law & Disorder (R,S). 2.00 Brit Cops: Law & Disorder (R,S). 3.00 Brit Cops: Law & Disorder (R,S). 4.00 Crash Test Dummies (R,S,HD). 5.00 Crash Test Dummies (R,S,HD).

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12.20 The Office (S). Brent becomes a motivational speaker. 1.00 The Office (S). The staff celebrate Red Nose Day. 1.30 The Office (S). David Brent shares his management philosophy. 2.00 Yes Minister (S). Jim makes a rash promise. 2.30 Yes Minister (S). 3.00 Close

12.00 Saturday Reloaded (S,HD). 1.00 SNF â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Match Choice (HD). Extended highlights from the Premier League. 2.30 SNF â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Match Choice (HD). Extended highlights from the Premier League. 4.00 SNF â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Match Choice (HD). Extended highlights from the Premier League. 5.30 FL72 Highlights (HD).

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TV PICKS

CALL THE MIDWIFE 8pm, BBC1

Trixie is excited when a local curate invites her on a date, Shelagh has finally decided what she wants in life and Patsy works tirelessly to diagnose a docker’s unusual symptoms.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 7.30 Match of the Day (R,S,HD). 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show (S,HD). 10.00 The Big Questions (S,HD). 11.00 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites (S). 12.15 MOTD2 Extra (S,HD). 1.00 BBC News (S,HD). 1.15 Bargain Hunt (R,S). 2.15 The Indian Doctor (R,S,HD). 2.55 Flog It! Trade Secrets (R,S,HD). 3.30 Escape to the Country (R,S,HD). 4.15 Deadly 60 on a Mission: Pole to Pole (S,HD). 4.45 Songs of Praise (S,HD). 5.20 Pointless Celebrities (R,S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

THE EDWARDIAN GRAND DESIGNER: A TIME TEAM SPECIAL 8pm, Channel 4

Tony Robinson goes behind the scenes of the National Trust’s £11million restoration of Castle Drogo in Devon and finds out about the life and work of its architect. Edwin Lutyens built glorious houses for the Edwardian super-rich and some of the greatest monuments of the British Empire.

BBC2

6.00 Film: Bachelor Knight (S) (1947). Romantic comedy. ●●● 7.30 Monty Don’s Italian Gardens (R,S,HD). 8.30 Countryfile (R,S,HD). 9.30 Live Winter Olympics (S,HD). Coverage of the final day of the Games in Russia. 2.30 Live Winter Olympics (S,HD). A look back at the 22nd staging of the Winter Olympics. 4.00 Live Winter Olympics Closing Ceremony (S,HD). The 22nd Winter Olympics are officially brought to a close.

TOP GEAR 8pm, BBC2

Jeremy Clarkson drives the hand-crafted Touring Superleggera Disco Volante and Richard Hammond experiences the MercedesBenz G63 AMG 6x6. With comedian Jack Whitehall.

ITV

6.00 CITV. 9.25 Murder, She Wrote (R,S,HD). 10.20 Dickinson’s Real Deal (R,S,HD). 11.20 ITV News and Weather (S). 11.30 Countrywise (S). 11.45 Inside the National Trust (S,HD). 12.45 Film: Evil Under the Sun (S,HD) (1982). Mystery, starring Peter Ustinov. ●●● 3.00 Film: On Her Majesty’s Secret Service (S,HD) (1969). James Bond adventure, starring George Lazenby. ●●● 5.50 ITV News West Country (S).

THE MAN IN THE IRON MASK 6.40pm, Channel 5

The Three Musketeers set out to depose the villainous King of France and reinstate his long-imprisoned twin brother. However, they face an unexpected threat in the form of old friend D’Artagnan. Swashbuckling adventure, starring Leonardo DiCaprio in a dual role, alongside John Malkovich and Jeremy Irons.

Channel 4

6.10 The Hoobs (R,S). 7.05 Freesports on 4 (S). 7.30 Arenacross (S). 8.00 Frasier (R,S). 8.25 The Taste (R,S,HD). 9.30 Sunday Brunch (S). 12.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 1.30 How I Met Your Mother (S,HD). 2.25 The Simpsons (R,S). 3.30 Jamie and Jimmy’s Friday Night Feast (R,S,HD). 4.30 Deal or No Deal (S,HD). 5.35 Film: The Devil Wears Prada (S,HD) (2006). Comedy drama, starring Meryl Streep. ●●●●

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake!. 10.00 Power Rangers Super Samurai (R,S,HD). 10.35 Power Rangers Megaforce (R,S,HD). 11.00 Access (R). 11.10 The Dog Rescuers (R,S,HD). 11.45 The Hotel Inspector (R,S,HD). 12.45 Ice Road Truckers (R,S,HD). 1.45 Ben Fogle: New Lives in the Wild (R,S,HD). 2.45 Film: The Kid (S,HD) (2000). ●●● 4.45 Film: Over Her Dead Body (S,HD) (2008). Supernatural romantic comedy, starring Eva Longoria. ●●

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

▼ ▼

7.00 Hunt vs Lauda: F1’s Greatest Racing Rivals (R,S,HD).

7.45 All Star Family Fortunes (S,HD). 9/10. Dougie Poynter and Sinitta take part.

7.40 Channel 4 News (S).

▼

7.00 Countryfile (S,HD). From the Isle of Portland off the Dorset coast, where Matt Baker explores its three lighthouses. Including Weather for the Week Ahead. 8.00 Call the Midwife (S,HD). 6/8. See Choices Above.

8.00 Top Gear (S,HD). 4/7. See Choices Above.

8.30 Dancing on Ice: The Skate Off (S,HD). 8/9. A battle for the last place in the semi-final.

8.00 The Edwardian Grand Designer: A Time Team Special (S). See Choices Above.

▼

after

Deal or No Deal, 4.30pm

6.00 ITV News and Weather (S). 6.15 Dancing on Ice (S,HD). 8/10. The stars skate solo.

9.00 The Musketeers (S,HD). 5/10. Porthos is sentenced to death for murder, then swiftly abducted by a gang from the slums, leaving the other Musketeers to infiltrate this dangerous district to find their friend.

9.00 Dragons’ Den (S,HD). 11/12. Aspiring entrepreneurs pitch ideas including a glow-in-thedark sportswear brand, a uniquely shaped energy-saving device and a confidencebuilding children’s toy.

9.00 Mr Selfridge (S,HD). 6/10. See Choices Above.

9.00 Bridesmaids (S,HD) (2011). See Choices Above. ●●●●

▼

Dancing on Ice, 6.15pm

10.00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather (S,HD). 10.25 Match of the Day 2 (S,HD). Mark Chapman reviews the day’s Premier League action, featuring Liverpool v Swansea City, Newcastle United v Aston Villa and Norwich City v Tottenham Hotspur.

10.00 Alan Davies Apres-Ski (R,S,HD). 3/3. The comedian and his guests give their take on the latest from Sochi. Last in the series. 10.30 Line of Duty (R,S,HD). 2/6. The missing persons unit looks into the disappearance of 15-yearold Carly Kirk.

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S); Weather. 10.15 It’ll Be Alright on the Night (R,S,HD). Griff Rhys Jones presents a collection of TV bloopers, featuring moments from Coronation Street, Emmerdale and Dancing on Ice, as well as royal clangers.

▼

Alan Davies Apres-Ski, 10pm

6.10 Regional News (S,HD). 6.30 Blandings (S,HD). 2/7. Clarence and Connie’s terrifying sister Charlotte arrives – and threatens to stay for good.

11.35 The Devil’s Double (S,HD) (2011). Premiere. Fact-based drama, starring Dominic Cooper. ●●●

11.30 Of Time and the City (S) (2008). Documentary examining the history of Liverpool. ●●●

11.15 Premiership Rugby Union (HD). Action from the 15th round of top-flight fixtures.

11.25 Sex and the City (S,HD) (2008). Comedy, starring Sarah Jessica Parker. ●●●

▼

6 7 8 9

Blandings, 6.30pm

1.15 Weatherview (S). 1.20 BBC News (S,HD).

12.45 Film: Silkwood (S,HD) (1983). See Choices Above. ●●●● 2.50 Sign Zone: Countryfile (R,S). A visit to a Help for Heroes recovery centre in Wiltshire. 3.45 Sign Zone: Holby City (R,S). Zosia finally gets the chance to prove herself. 4.45 This Is BBC Two (S). Preview of upcoming programmes.

12.15 The Store. Home shopping. 2.15 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S). The host takes his successful talk show stateside. 3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S). The host takes his successful talk show stateside. 3.45 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Textbased information service. 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S). Guests air their differences.

1.55 Boss (S,HD). Kane takes a break from City Hall. 2.55 One Born Every Minute (R,S). A father-to-be cannot be contacted as his girlfriend’s labour progresses. 3.55 Location, Location, Location (R,S). Revisiting two couples who were expecting babies. 4.50 Supernanny US (R,S). 5.30 Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD). Beat-the-banker game show.

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Ben Fogle: New Lives … 1.45pm 6.35 5 News (S,HD). 6.40 The Man in the Iron Mask (S,HD) (1998). See Choices Above. ●●●

9.00 Daybreakers (S,HD) (2010). In a world dominated by vampires, an undead scientist encounters a revolutionary group claiming to have found a cure for vampirism. Thriller, with Ethan Hawke and Willem Dafoe. Edited for violence. ●●● 10.55 The Matrix Revolutions (S,HD) (2003). Freedom fighters Neo and Trinity battle to bring the conflict between man and machine to an end. Conclusion of the sci-fi trilogy, starring Keanu Reeves and Carrie-Anne Moss. ●●●

1.15 SuperCasino. Live interactive gaming. 3.05 Ultimate Emergency Bikers (R,S,HD). 4.00 Wildlife SOS (R,S). 4.25 Make It Big (R,S). 4.50 The Funky Valley Show (R,S). 5.00 Angels of Jarm (R,S). 5.10 Hana’s Helpline (R,S). 5.20 Angels of Jarm (R,S). 5.30 The Funky Valley Show (R,S). 5.40 Hana’s Helpline (R,S). 5.50 Hana’s Helpline (R,S).

Harry organises a patriotic concert to raise money for the troops, and having offered to help the government, receives orders to leave London on a secret mission to Berlin. Alfie Boe guest stars.

ITV2

6.00 Beauty and the Geek (R). 6.45 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 9.35 Coronation Street (R,S,HD). 12.05 Take Me Out (R,S,HD). 1.35 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 2.05 Film: Kangaroo Jack (S,HD) (2003). Comedy, starring Jerry O’Connell. ●●● 3.50 Ant & Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway (R,S,HD). 5.15 Film: Junior (S,HD) (1994). Comedy. ●●●

Ocean’s Thirteen, 7.30pm

7.30 Ocean’s Thirteen (S,HD) (2007). The thieves need the help of an enemy to get even with a casino boss who has conned one of the team. Comedy crime caper sequel, starring George Clooney, Al Pacino and Brad Pitt. ●●●

DUCK QUACKS DON’T ECHO 7.30pm, Sky1

Great British Bake Off presenter Sue Perkins, comedian Bob Mortimer and former JLS singer Aston Merrygold join in the fun on the comedy panel game. Host Lee Mack and his guests attempt to find the answers to all manner of questions, from random trivia to the downright daft.

6.00 Make It or Break It (R,S,HD). 6.45 Ugly Betty (R,S,HD). 7.35 Charmed (R,S). 8.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 9.55 Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). 12.30 Revenge (R,S,HD). 1.30 Rude(ish) Tube (R,S). 2.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 3.00 Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD (R,S,HD). 4.00 The Tomorrow People (R,S,HD). 5.00 Troy (R,S,HD).

Sky1

6.00 Hour of Power (HD). 7.00 Glee (R,S,HD). 9.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 9.30 Jordan & Perri’s Ultimate Block Party (R,S,HD). 10.00 WWE Superstars (R,HD). 11.00 WWE: Experience (HD). 12.00 Sinbad (R,S,HD). A trap awaits Sinbad in Basra. 1.00 Futurama (R,S). 2.00 Modern Family (R,S). 4.30 The Simpsons (R,S).

FILM PICKS

MR SELFRIDGE 9pm, ITV

SILKWOOD 12.45am, BBC2

BRIDESMAIDS 9pm, Channel 4

A nuclear power station employee tries to prove that she and her co-workers have been exposed to radiation. Fact-based drama, with Meryl Streep.

GOLD

6.05 Bread (S). 6.35 Harry Hill’s TV Burp. 8.00 The Two Ronnies Sketchbook (S). 9.20 Seven of One. 10.00 Porridge (S). 10.40 Seven of One. 11.20 The Two Ronnies Sketchbook (S). 12.25 Seven of One. 1.00 Open All Hours (S). 1.40 Porridge (S). 2.20 Seven of One. 3.00 The Two Ronnies Sketchbook (S). 4.00 Seven of One. 4.40 Porridge (S). 5.20 Seven of One.

Premiere. A woman takes charge of her best friend’s bridal party, but finds she has a rival in the wife of the groom’s boss. Comedy, with Kristen Wiig.

Sky Sports 1

6.00 SNF – Match Choice (HD). 7.30 Game Changers (HD). 8.30 FL72 Highlights (HD). 9.00 The Sunday Supplement (HD). 10.30 Goals on Sunday (HD). 12.30 Live Super Sunday (HD). Newcastle United v Aston Villa (Kick-off 1.30pm). 3.30 Live Super Sunday (HD). Norwich City v Tottenham Hotspur (Kick-off 4.00pm).

The Big Bang Theory, 6.30pm

Hawaii Five-0, 9pm

I’m Alan Partridge, 9pm

Live Super Sunday, 3.30pm

6.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (R,S,HD). 6/22. 6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 4/24.

6.00 Jordan & Perri’s Ultimate Block Party (S,HD). 7/8. 6.30 Modern Family (R,HD). 1/24.

6.00 The Two Ronnies Sketchbook (S). 5/7. Renee Olstead guests.

6.30 Live Spanish Football (HD). Valencia v Granada.

7.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 16/24. Leonard and Penny celebrate Valentine’s Day. 7.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 17/24.

7.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 2/24. 7.30 Duck Quacks Don’t Echo (R,S,HD). 3/8. See Choices Above.

7.00 Seven of One. 4/7. The story of a hopeless football team and its coach. 7.40 Open All Hours (S). 3/7.

8.00 Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs (S,HD) (2009). Sid the sloth’s friends search for him when he is taken to an underground world inhabited by dinosaurs. Animated sequel, featuring the voices of John Leguizamo and Denis Leary. ●●●

8.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 17/22. Guest starring Richard Dean Anderson. 8.30 The Simpsons (R,S). 13/23. Homer changes his name.

8.20 Porridge (S). Pilot of the classic comedy, starring Ronnie Barker.

9.00 Hawaii Five-0 (S,HD). 6/24. A man posing as a zombie on Halloween is shot dead, and when it turns out he was dosed up on a drug known as the Devil’s Breath, the team is led to a crazy scientist.

9.00 I’m Alan Partridge (S). 1/6. Alan makes a TV comeback. 9.40 I’m Alan Partridge (S). 2/6. Alan agrees to host a sales conference.

8.00 Live Spanish Football (HD). Osasuna v Atletico Madrid (Kick-off 8.00pm). Coverage of the La Liga match at the Estadio El Sadar in Pamplona, where the hosts have recorded some impressive results this season.

10.00 The Only Way Is Essex (S,HD). 1/12. New series. The reality programme following a group of people in Essex returns. Old favourites Sam, Arg and Jess are back, this time with new faces Elliot and Lewis.

10.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 15/24. Amy suggests moving in with Sheldon. 10.30 My Mad Fat Diary (R,S,HD). 1/7.

10.20 Knowing Me, 10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles 10.00 Football Special (HD). Knowing You – With (S,HD). 6/24. A top-secret Newcastle United v Alan Partridge (S). 4/6. mission to bring down a Aston Villa and Norwich Special French edition of dangerous cartel with City v Tottenham the spoof chat show, terrorist connections is Hotspur. Highlights of starring Steve Coogan. compromised by a the Premier League computer hacker – who matches at St James’ turns out to be a Park and Carrow Road 15-year-old girl. respectively.

11.00 Utterly Outrageous Reality TV Moments 2013 (R,S). Matt Edmondson presents a countdown of 2013’s best reality clips.

11.30 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 9/13. The guys challenge one another to sleep with someone.

11.00 Yes Minister (S). 1/7. 11.00 An Idiot Abroad 2 Jim makes a stand for (R,S,HD). 7/8. Karl equal opportunities. Pilkington prepares for a 15-hour trek to the 11.40 Yes Minister (S). 2/7. summit of Mount Fuji in Jim faces an unenviable Japan. task.

11.30 PL 100 Club. A chance to relive the best of Alan Shearer’s 260 goals in the Premier League.

12.00 The Big Reunion 2014 (R,S,HD). The members of 5th Story speak about their solo careers. 1.05 Mom (R,S,HD). 1.30 Dads (R,S,HD). 1.55 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). Comical clips, narrated by Harry Hill. 2.50 Teleshopping. Home shopping. 5.50 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

12.00 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 12.30 The Ricky Gervais Show (R,S,HD). 1.00 The Ricky Gervais Show (R,S,HD). 1.35 The Cleveland Show (R,S,HD). 2.05 The Cleveland Show (R,S,HD). 2.30 Bob’s Burgers (R,S,HD). 2.50 Bob’s Burgers (R,S,HD). 3.15 Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). Omnibus.

12.00 An Idiot Abroad 2 (R,S,HD). Karl Pilkington arrives back in the UK. 1.00 Road Wars (R,S). Police officers combat vehicle crime. 2.00 Brit Cops: Law & Disorder (R,S). 3.00 Brit Cops: Law & Disorder (R,S). 4.00 Crash Test Dummies (R,S,HD). 5.00 Crash Test Dummies (R,S,HD).

12.00 Spanish Football (HD). Osasuna v Atletico Madrid. 1.00 Live WWE Elimination Chamber (HD). The wrestling extravaganza from the Target Centre in Minneapolis. 4.00 Football Special (HD). Newcastle United v Aston Villa and Norwich City v Tottenham Hotspur. 5.30 PL 100 Club.

12.20 I’m Alan Partridge (S). Alan makes a TV comeback. 1.00 I’m Alan Partridge (S). Alan agrees to host a sales conference. 1.30 Knowing Me, Knowing You – With Alan Partridge (S). 2.00 Yes Minister (S). 2.30 Yes Minister (S). 3.00 Close

BBC3

7.00 Pop’s Greatest Dance Crazes (R,S). 7.25 The Voice UK (R,S,HD). The final week of blind auditions. 9.00 Sun, Sex and Suspicious Parents: Thailand (S,HD). Revisiting people featured in season four. Last in the series. 10.00 Family Guy (R,S,HD). 10.25 Family Guy (R,S,HD). 10.45 Uncle (R,S,HD). 11.15 American Dad! (R,S). 11.35 American Dad! (R,S). 12.00 American Dad! (R,S). 12.20 American Dad! (R,S). 12.45 American Dad! (R,S). 1.05 Ja’mie: Private School Girl (R,S,HD). 1.30 Uncle (R,S,HD). 2.00 Sun, Sex and Suspicious Parents: Thailand (R,S,HD). 3.00 The Truth About Webcam Girls (R,S,HD).

BBC4

7.00 Francesco’s Italy Top to Toe (R). 8.00 The Review Show (HD). 9.00 Bunkers, Brutalism and Bloodymindedness: Concrete Poetry with Jonathan Meades (HD). Part two of two. The post-war work of architect Le Corbusier. 10.00 In a Better World (HD) (2010). Premiere. A doctor working in an African refugee camp and his son back home in Denmark each face a crisis of conscience. Drama, starring Mikael Persbrandt and Markus Rygaard. ●●●● 11.50 BB King – The Life of Riley (R,HD). 1.30 Blues at the BBC (R). 2.30 Francesco’s Italy Top to Toe (R).

SUNDAY February

Thinking of Fostering? Could you help children and young people rebuild their lives? Foster carers are urgently required in the South West

TV PICKS

THE CULTURE SHOW: FORGET THE OSCARS, HERE ARE THE KERMODES 10pm, BBC2

SILK 9pm, BBC1

Mark Kermode presents his alternative to the Oscars, honouring actors, directors and writers.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Operation Hospital Food with James Martin (S,HD). 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 11.00 Countryside 999 (S,HD). 11.45 Caught Red Handed (S,HD). 12.15 Bargain Hunt (S,HD). 1.00 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 1.30 Regional News (S); Weather. 1.45 Doctors (S,HD). 2.15 Perfection (R,S). 3.00 Escape to the Country (S,HD). 3.45 James Martin: Home Comforts (S,HD). 4.30 Antiques Road Trip (S,HD). 5.15 Pointless (S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

DCI BANKS 9pm, ITV

Clive has finally become a silk, but his Part two of two. The celebration party is dramatically cut short when detective races to find a news comes through that the son of the head mysterious tape recording of chambers has been arrested for killing a that appears to link Matt police officer. Martha is assigned to defend the Barber’s father Jack with young man – but the evidence against him rock band the Crystal Kiss. seems overwhelming. Stephen Tompkinson stars.

BBC2

6.00 This Is BBC Two (S). 6.05 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 7.05 The Sheriffs Are Coming (R,S,HD). 7.50 Saints and Scroungers (R,S,HD). 8.20 Sign Zone: Helicopter Heroes (R,S). 9.05 Sign Zone: Ben & James Versus the Arabian Desert (R,S). 10.05 Sign Zone: Great British Railway Journeys (R,S). 10.35 Click (R,S,HD). 11.00 BBC News (S,HD). 11.30 BBC World News (S,HD). 12.00 Daily Politics (S). 1.00 Instant Restaurant (R,S). 1.45 Andrew Marr’s The Making of Modern Britain (R,S,HD). 2.45 Cagney & Lacey (R,S). 3.30 Bergerac (R,S). 4.20 Are You Being Served? (R,S). 4.50 ’Allo ’Allo! (R,S). 5.15 Vintage Antiques Roadshow (R,S).

ITV

6.00 Daybreak (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S). 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S,HD). 10.30 This Morning (S). 12.30 Loose Women (S,HD). Celebrity interviews and topical studio discussion. 1.30 ITV News and Weather (S). 1.55 ITV News West Country (S). 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal (S). 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show (S,HD). 3.59 Regional Programme (S). 4.00 Tipping Point (S,HD). 5.00 The Chase (S,HD).

8 OUT OF 10 CATS 10pm, Channel 4

Team captains Sean Lock and Jon Richardson are joined by celebrity guests including Steve Jones and David O’Doherty to discuss and dissect the events that set the British public’s chins wagging over the past week. Jimmy Carr hosts the topical comedy panel show.

Channel 4

6.25 Countdown (R,S,HD). 7.10 Will & Grace (R,S,HD). 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S). 9.30 Frasier (R,S). 11.05 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 12.00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary (S). 12.05 Four in a Bed (R,S,HD). 2.40 Countdown (S,HD). 3.30 Deal or No Deal (S,HD). Beat-the-banker game show. 4.30 Come Dine with Me (S,HD). 5.00 Coach Trip (S). 5.30 Superstar Dogs: Countdown to Crufts (S).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.10 Police Interceptors (R,S). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15 Ultimate Emergency Bikers (R,S). 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.20 NCIS (R,S,HD). 3.15 Chinese Food in Minutes (R,S). 3.20 Film: McBride: Fallen Idol (S) (2006). See Choices Above. ●●● 5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD).

Food & Drink, 8.30pm

The Agenda, 10.35pm

Secrets of Your Credit Rating, 8pm

Police Interceptors, 8pm

▼

6.00 BBC News (S,HD); Weather. 6.30 Regional News (S); Weather.

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather. 6.30 ITV News and Weather (S).

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 19/20. Homer tries to fulfil his mother’s dying wish. 6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Robbie is determined to get revenge.

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD). Ricky tells Brax about her pregnancy. 6.30 NewsTalk Live (S,HD).

▼

7.00 The One Show (S,HD). Hosted by Matt Baker and Gabby Logan. 7.30 Regional Programme (S,HD). Followed by BBC News; Regional News.

6.00 Revenge of the Egghead (S,HD). New series. Spin-off from the popular quiz, hosted by Jeremy Vine. 6.30 Great Continental Railway Journeys (S,HD). 6/12. 7.00 Top Gear (R,S,HD). 4/7. Jeremy Clarkson drives the handcrafted Touring Superleggera Disco Volante and Richard Hammond experiences the Mercedes-Benz G63 AMG 6x6.

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Jai’s new acquaintance sends him a photo of Rachel. 7.30 Coronation Street (S,HD). Anna tells Phelan to stop flirting with her.

7.00 Channel 4 News (S). 7.55 Paralympic Winter Games – The Countdown (S). New series. Interviews with athletes competing at the 2014 Winter Paralympics.

7.00 The Gadget Show (S,HD). See Choices Above. Followed by 5 News Update.

▼

6 7 8 9

The One Show, 7pm

8.00 EastEnders (S,HD). Stacey puts herself at great risk by venturing outside. 8.30 Kidnapped: Betrayed by Britain? – Panorama (S,HD). The disappearance of a British businessman in Dubai.

8.00 University Challenge (S,HD). 31/37. The quarter-final matches continue. 8.30 Food & Drink (S,HD). 5/10. Tony Singh prepares a seasonal feast of venison with haggis ravioli.

8.00 A Great Welsh Adventure with Griff Rhys Jones (S,HD). 8/8. The funnyman explores the Brecon Beacons. Last in the series. 8.30 Coronation Street (S,HD). Eileen tricks Marcus into admitting he slept with Todd.

8.00 Secrets of Your Credit Rating – Channel 4 Dispatches (S). 8.30 Food Unwrapped (S). 4/5. Manuka honey, caviar and whisky.

8.00 Police Interceptors (S,HD). A van thief takes a disastrous wrong turn, a late-night assault involves a pair of TV legends, and an officer delivers a dressing down to a driver with a taste for rude gestures. Followed by 5 News at 9.

▼

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

9.00 Silk (S,HD). 1/6. See Choices Above.

9.00 Horizon: How You Really Make Decisions (S,HD). Psychologist Daniel Kahneman explores the conflict between intuition and logic that is behind the thousands of choices that people make every day.

9.00 DCI Banks (S,HD). 4/6. See Choices Above.

9.00 One Born Every Minute (S). 1/10. New series. The documentary moves to the maternity ward in Southmead Hospital, Bristol. Midwife Vicki helps her next-door neighbour Louisa through an emotional labour.

9.00 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away! (S,HD). 1/4. New series. Documentary giving an insight into the world of debt collection from the perspectives of people who owe money, their creditors and those who collect the payments.

▼

10.00 The Culture Show: Forget the Oscars, Here Are the Kermodes (S,HD). See Choices Above. 10.30 Newsnight (S,HD). Followed by Weather.

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S). 10.30 ITV News West Country (S); Weather. 10.35 The Agenda (S,HD). 3/10. Tom Bradby and guests look to the week ahead.

10.00 8 Out of 10 Cats (S). 2/9. See Choices Above. 10.50 Troy (S,HD). 2/6. The magician wreaks havoc at a football match, goes on a road trip like no other to Bournemouth and creates a unique way of getting across Tower Bridge in London.

10.00 Thieves and Thugs: Caught on Camera (R,S,HD). 5/6. Nick Wallis shows how CCTV and technological advances are helping tackle the problem of violent crime, from burglaries to muggings and street fights.

▼

10.00 BBC News (S,HD). 10.25 Regional News (S); Weather. 10.35 Have I Got Old News for You (R,S,HD). 7/9. With Robert Lindsay, Johnny Vegas and Deborah Meaden.

11.20 BBC News: The Editors (S,HD). 11/11. John Simpson asks whether there could be a Third World War. Last in the series. 11.50 Regional Programme (R,S,HD).

11.20 Dragons’ Den (R,S,HD). 11/12. Pitches include a confidencebuilding children’s toy.

11.05 The Mighty Mississippi with Trevor McDonald (R,S). 3/3. The broadcaster travels through Missouri and Minnesota. Last in the series.

11.50 The 27 Inch Man: A BodyShock Special (R,S,HD). The life of Colombian Edward Hernandez.

11.00 Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (S,HD) (1997). See Choices Above. ●●●●

12.35 Weatherview (S). 12.40 BBC News (S,HD).

12.20 Sign Zone: Film 2014 (R,S). 12.50 Sign Zone: Animal Odd Couples (R,S). 1.50 This Is BBC Two (S). 4.00 BBC Learning Zone (S,HD).

12.05 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming. 3.00 Champions League Weekly (S,HD). A look ahead to the last 16 of European football’s elite competition. 3.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S). The host takes his successful talk show stateside. 4.10 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-based information service. 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S). Guests air their differences.

12.50 Random Acts (S). 12.55 Scandal (R,S,HD). 1.45 Hostages (R,S,HD). 2.35 Boss (S,HD). Kane manages to regain control over City Hall. 3.35 Paralympic Winter Games – The Countdown (R,S). 3.40 Supernanny US (R,S). 4.25 Location, Location, Location (R,S,HD). 5.20 Kirstie’s Vintage Gems (R,S,HD). 5.30 Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD).

1.00 SuperCasino. Live interactive gaming. 4.00 House Doctor (R,S). 4.20 House Doctor (R,S). A cottage with too many personal touches. 4.45 Great Artists (R,S). Profile of Leonardo da Vinci. 5.10 Wildlife SOS (R,S). The work of a wildlife sanctuary. 5.35 Wildlife SOS (R,S). The work of a wildlife sanctuary.

▼

after

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New series. Ortis Deley returns to the presenting team and visits the Italian Institute of Technology in Genoa, while Matt Littler and Darren Jeffries test portable games consoles.

ITV2 6.00 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 6.25 Coronation Street (R,S,HD). 7.25 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 7.45 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S). 8.30 Dinner Date (R,S). 9.30 The Real Housewives of Atlanta (R,S,HD). 10.30 The Real Housewives of New Jersey (R,S,HD). 11.30 Millionaire Matchmaker (R,S,HD). 12.30 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 1.00 Coronation Street (R,S,HD). 2.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). 4.10 The Real Housewives of New Jersey (S,HD). 5.05 Millionaire Matchmaker (R,S,HD).

MOONE BOY 9pm, Sky1

It’s the dawn of a new era for Martin Moone as he begins secondary school, and while he isn’t impressed with his friends’ talk about girls, he soon changes his tune when he meets art teacher Miss Tivnan (Amy Huberman), a vision at the blackboard who sparks a romantic rivalry between him and Sean.

Sky1

6.00 Switched (R,S). 6.25 90210 (R,S,HD). 7.10 Ugly Betty (R,S,HD). 7.55 Charmed (R,S). 8.55 Glee (R,S,HD). 10.00 New Girl (R,S,HD). 10.30 The Mindy Project (R,S,HD). 11.00 Charmed (R,S). 12.00 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 12.30 Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). 1.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 2.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 3.00 New Girl (R,S,HD). 3.30 The Mindy Project (R,S,HD). 4.00 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD).

FILM PICKS

THE GADGET SHOW 7pm, Channel 5

AUSTIN POWERS: INTERNATIONAL MAN OF MYSTERY 11pm, Channel 4

McBride is devastated to learn his mentor, a talented defence attorney, has been stabbed to death outside his home. The crusading lawyer becomes involved in the case, and it quickly becomes apparent that the victim was hiding a dark secret. Mystery, starring John Larroquette.

A sex-mad British secret agent from the 1960s is revived in the 1990s to do battle once again with his arch-enemy.

GOLD

6.00 Luton Airport (R,S). 7.00 Dog the Bounty Hunter (R,S). 8.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 9.00 Futurama (R,S). 10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). Danno’s former partner is murdered. 3.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 3.30 Futurama (R,S). 4.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 5.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD).

MCBRIDE: FALLEN IDOL 3.20pm, Channel 5

6.00 Ever Decreasing Circles (S). 6.30 Harry Hill’s TV Burp. 7.00 ’Allo ’Allo! (S). 7.40 As Time Goes By (S). 8.20 Goodnight Sweetheart. 9.00 Keeping Up Appearances (S). 9.40 2point4 Children (S). 10.20 Last of the Summer Wine (S). 11.40 Ever Decreasing Circles (S). 12.15 dinnerladies (S). 1.00 The Green Green Grass (S). 2.20 Harry Hill’s TV Burp. 3.00 ’Allo ’Allo! (S). 3.40 As Time Goes By (S). 4.20 Goodnight Sweetheart. 5.00 Keeping Up Appearances (S). 5.40 Last of the Summer Wine (S).

Sky Sports 1 6.00 Spanish Football Gold. 7.00 Spanish Football (HD). 7.55 Live ICC Under-19s World Cup Cricket (HD). Coverage of the opening semifinal. 4.00 Kevin Pietersen Masterclass (HD). A batting masterclass with the batsman. 4.30 The Fantasy Football Club (S,HD). 5.00 Game Changers (HD). Programme aiming to inspire youngsters to take up sport.

Mom, 9pm

My Mad Fat Diary, 10pm

Moone Boy, 9pm

Only Fools and Horses, 7pm

England Special, 8pm

6.00 Dinner Date (R,S). 21/30. A man from Derbyshire takes part in the dating show.

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 18/24. 6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 19/24.

6.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 24/24. 6.30 The Simpsons (R,S). 23/24. Milhouse falls in love.

6.20 Last of the Summer Wine (S). 4/11. Clegg keeps a secret for Howard.

6.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits (S,HD). Highlights of Saturday’s show.

7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 5/23. 7.30 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 10/23. A cat that does not like DVDs.

7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD). 7.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 12/22. Ted tries to get Robin invited to a wedding.

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 22/22. 7.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 15/22. Bart’s graffiti impresses a group of professional artists.

7.00 Only Fools and Horses (S). 6/7. 7.40 Only Fools and Horses (S). 7/7. A decorating disaster befalls the Trotters.

7.00 FL72 Review. A roundup of recent matches, featuring all the goals from the Championship, League One and League Two.

8.00 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 5/24. Judith’s marriage plans are threatened. 8.30 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 6/24. Charlie is attracted to Lydia.

8.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (R,S,HD). 6/22. Amy is forced to wear fancy dress to go undercover on Halloween. 8.30 2 Broke Girls (R,S,HD). 3/24. Max decides to take in a stray cat.

8.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 4/22. Three Halloweenthemed tales. 8.30 Modern Family (S,HD). 3/24. Gloria panics when Joe is deemed too aggressive.

8.20 dinnerladies (S). 7/10. The crew prepares for the millennium dinner.

8.00 England Special – The Footballers’ Football Show (HD). Focusing on the exploits of the England national team.

9.00 Mom (S,HD). 7/22. Christy clashes with Luke’s conservative parents. 9.30 Dads (S,HD). 5/19. Warner questions his own mortality.

9.00 Revenge (S,HD). 8/22. Victoria throws Emily a bridal shower, which has profound consequences for everyone involved. The bride-to-be then has to take drastic measures as Daniel grows even more distant.

9.00 Moone Boy (S,HD). 2/6. See Choices Above. 9.30 The Simpsons (R,S). 12/22. Groundskeeper Willie is forced to move in with the family.

9.00 Little Britain (S). 3/8. Daffyd meets gay Star Trek fans. 9.40 Little Britain (S). 4/6. Emily and Florence hit the town for a hen night.

9.30 Football’s Greatest Teams. A profile of English Premier League champions Manchester United.

10.00 Stella (R,S,HD). 5/10. 10.00 The Job Lot (R,S,HD). 10.00 My Mad Fat Diary The nurse’s professional 6/6. Trish receives life(S,HD). 2/7. Rae skills are tested when changing news. Last in struggles under pressure she accidentally injures the series. as she begins her first Michael. year in sixth form. 10.30 Plebs (R,S,HD). 6/6. Comedy, starring Sharon Marcus plans to make a Rooney. move on Cynthia. Last in the series.

10.20 Little Britain (S). 5/6. Vicky Pollard becomes a babysitter.

10.00 England Special – The Footballers’ Football Show (HD). Focusing on the exploits of the England national team.

11.00 Fake Reaction (R,S,HD). 8/10. 11.50 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 5/24. Judith’s marriage plans are threatened.

11.00 Shooting Stars (S). 3/6. 11.30 FL72 Review. A round11.00 How I Met Your 11.00 A League of Their With Tulisa, Brendan Mother (R,S,HD). 10/20. Own: Best Bits up of recent matches. Cole, Chris Kamara and (R,S,HD). 11/11. 11.35 How I Met Your John Simpson. Highlights from the fifth Mother (R,S,HD). 18/20. series of the sports11.40 The Smell of Reeves based comedy quiz. and Mortimer (S). 5/6.

12.20 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 12.45 The Only Way Is Essex (R,S,HD). The reality programme returns. 1.40 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S). The host takes his successful talk show stateside. 2.20 Teleshopping. Home shopping. 5.50 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

12.00 The Cleveland Show (R,S,HD). 12.30 The Cleveland Show (R,S,HD). 1.00 Revenge (R,S,HD). 2.00 The Tomorrow People (R,S,HD). 2.45 Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD (R,S,HD). 3.35 Bob’s Burgers (R,S,HD). 3.55 Glee (R,S,HD). 4.40 Ugly Betty (R,S,HD).

12.00 A League of Their Own: Unseen (R,S,HD). More out-takes from series seven of the show. 1.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). The team protects a dictator. 2.00 Road Wars (R,S). 3.00 Road Wars (R,S). 4.00 Luton Airport (R,S). 4.30 Luton Airport (R,S). 5.00 Airline USA (R,S). 5.30 Airline USA (R,S).

12.20 Little Britain (S). Daffyd meets gay Star Trek fans. 1.00 Little Britain (S). Emily and Florence hit the town for a hen night. 1.30 Little Britain (S). Vicky Pollard becomes a babysitter. 2.00 Shooting Stars (S). 2.30 The Smell of Reeves and Mortimer (S). 3.00 Close

12.30 SPFL Round-Up (HD). 1.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits (S,HD). Highlights of Saturday’s show. 2.00 Football’s Greatest Teams. 2.30 Football’s Greatest Teams. 3.00 SPFL Round-Up (HD). 3.30 FL72 Review. 4.30 Football’s Greatest Teams. 5.00 Football’s Greatest Teams. 5.30 SPFL Round-Up (HD).

bristol@stablepizza.com | www.stablepizza.com Canon’s Road, Harbourside, Bristol, BS1 5UH 0117 927 9999

BBC3

7.00 World’s Craziest Fools (R,S). 7.30 Would I Lie to You? (R,S,HD). 8.00 Cinderellas of the Slums: Secrets of South America (R,S,HD). The glitz and glamour of debutante balls in Brazil. Last in the series. 9.00 Knife Crime ER: Reggie Yates’ Extreme South Africa (S,HD). A hospital struggling to cope with victims of violent crime. 10.00 Impractical Jokers (S,HD). 10.30 EastEnders (R,S,HD). 11.00 Family Guy (R,S). 11.25 Family Guy (R,S). 11.45 American Dad! (R,S). 12.10 American Dad! (R,S). 12.30 Impractical Jokers (R,S,HD). 1.00 Knife Crime ER: Reggie Yates’ Extreme South Africa (R,S,HD). 2.00 Cinderellas of the Slums (R,S,HD). 2.55 The Crash (R,S,HD).

BBC4

7.00 World News Today (HD); Weather. 7.30 Reel History of Britain (R). 8.00 Amazon Abyss. The team explores the Rio Negro gorge. 9.00 The Joy of the Single (R). A celebration of stories and memories associated with the music single. 10.00 The Life of Rock with Brian Pern (HD). 10.30 Infested: Living with Parasites (R,HD). Examining possible benefits of parasites to human health. 11.30 Horizon (R,HD). Why the world’s weather seems to be becoming more extreme. 12.30 The Brits Who Built the Modern World (R,HD). 1.30 The Life of Rock with Brian Pern (R,HD). 2.00 Amazon Abyss. 3.00 The Joy of the Single (R).

MONDAY February

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TV PICKS

DEATH IN PARADISE 9pm, BBC1

The owner of a private island is shot dead at a family gathering, and when the Caribbean cops investigate, they end up stranded with suspects â&#x20AC;&#x201C; one of whom must be the killer.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Operation Hospital Food (S,HD). 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (S,HD). 11.00 Countryside 999 (S,HD). 11.45 Caught Red Handed (S,HD). 12.15 Bargain Hunt (S,HD). 1.00 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 1.30 Regional News (S); Weather. 1.45 Doctors (S,HD). 2.15 Perfection (R,S). 3.00 Escape to the Country (S,HD). 3.45 James Martin: Home Comforts (S,HD). 4.30 Antiques Road Trip (S,HD). 5.15 Pointless (S,HD).

FILM RATINGS â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? Excellent â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? Very good â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? Good â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? Average â&#x2014;? Poor

THE GREAT BRITISH SEWING BEE 8pm, BBC2

The nine remaining contestants take part in three more challenges, this time testing their ability to match and combine patterned fabrics. They first have to make a pleated skirt, before showing their ingenuity by fashioning a garment out of two shirts and finish by creating a made-to-measure pair of pyjamas.

BBC2

6.00 This Is BBC Two (S). 6.05 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 7.05 Countryside 999 (R,S,HD). 7.50 Caught Red Handed (R,S,HD). 8.20 Sign Zone: Helicopter Heroes (R,S). 9.05 Sign Zone: Great British Garden Revival (R,S). 10.05 Sign Zone: Great British Railway Journeys (R,S). 10.35 HARDtalk (S,HD). 11.00 BBC News (S,HD). 11.30 BBC World News (S,HD). 12.00 Daily Politics (S). 1.00 Instant Restaurant (R,S). 1.45 Andrew Marrâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s The Making of Modern Britain (R,S,HD). 2.45 Cagney & Lacey (R,S). 3.30 Bergerac (R,S). 4.20 Are You Being Served? (R,S). 4.50 â&#x20AC;&#x2122;Allo â&#x20AC;&#x2122;Allo! (R,S). 5.15 Vintage Antiques Roadshow (S).

THE NECESSARY WAR 9pm, BBC2

Historian Max Hastings outlines his belief that Britain was right to enter the First World War and oppose Germanyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s aims, arguing that the conflict was neither avoidable nor futile.

ITV

6.00 Daybreak (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S). 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S,HD). 10.30 This Morning (S). 12.30 Loose Women (S,HD). Topical debate from a female perspective. 1.30 ITV News and Weather (S). 1.55 ITV News West Country (S). 2.00 Dickinsonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Real Deal (S,HD). Memorable moments from the show. 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show (S,HD). 3.59 Regional Programme (S). 4.00 Tipping Point (S,HD). 5.00 The Chase (S,HD).

STRIPPERS 10pm, Channel 4

Documentary filmed at strip clubs in Glasgow, Edinburgh and Aberdeen, revealing how exotic dancers handle the stigma attached to their profession. The first programme follows the girls of Diamond Dolls in Glasgow as they learn to juggle love, life and lap dancing.

Channel 4

6.20 Countdown (R,S,HD). 7.05 Paralympic Winter Games â&#x20AC;&#x201C; The Countdown (R,S). 7.10 Will & Grace (R,S). 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S). 9.30 Frasier (R,S). 11.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 12.00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary (S). 12.05 Four in a Bed (R,S,HD). 2.40 Countdown (S,HD). 3.30 Deal or No Deal (S,HD). 4.30 Come Dine with Me (S,HD). 5.00 Coach Trip (S). 5.30 Superstar Dogs: Countdown to Crufts (S).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.10 Police Interceptors (R,S). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15 Trauma Doctors (R,S,HD). 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.20 NCIS (R,S). 3.15 The Shell Seekers (R,S). Part one of two. Romantic drama, starring Vanessa Redgrave and the late Maximilian Schell. 5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD).

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

7.00 Channel 4 News (S). 7.55 Paralympic Winter Games â&#x20AC;&#x201C; The Countdown (S). Interviews with athletes competing at the 2014 Winter Paralympics.

7.00 The Dog Rescuers (R,S,HD). 6/10. A Grimsby inspector finds two puppies locked in a dirty bathroom. 7.30 Police 5 (S,HD). Followed by 5 News Update.

8.00 Kirstieâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Best of Both Worlds (S). 1/7. See Choices Above.

8.00 Benidorm ER (S,HD). A retired postmistress undergoes a lifesaving operation, a woman seeks relief from kidney pain and an expat spends her birthday in the ER after coming a cropper on a wakeboard. Followed by 5 News at 9.

9.00 The Taste (S,HD). 8/10. Chef Fergus Henderson challenges the six remaining cooks to prepare food using the finest cuts of meat as well as less popular parts of an animal, including bone marrow and tripe.

9.00 The Mentalist (S,HD). 9/22. Jane is living on a tropical island as he remains a fugitive from justice two years on from the death of Red John, but an FBI agent arrives with a tempting offer.

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7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Charity sets out to seduce Jai for information about Rachel. 7.30 Live UEFA Champions League (S,HD). Olympiakos v Manchester United (Kick-off 7.45pm). Adrian Chiles presents coverage of the last-16 first-leg tie at the Karaiskakis Stadium between the Greek and English champions.

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6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD). Irene tries to persuade Nate to stay in the Bay. 6.30 NewsTalk Live (S,HD).

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Law & Order â&#x20AC;Ś 10pm

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 20/20. Lisa gets her own TV show. 6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Baby Katy is rushed back into hospital.

8.00 Holby City (S,HD). 20/52. Jonny struggles on his first day as clinical nursing manager, Zosia is forced to take part in a difficult kidney transplant and Harry plans a holiday â&#x20AC;&#x201C; but Raf stands in his way.

8.00 The Great British Sewing Bee (S,HD). 2/8. See Choices Above.

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The Taste, 9pm

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather. 6.30 ITV News and Weather (S).

9.00 Death in Paradise (S,HD). 7/8. See Choices Above.

9.00 The Necessary War (S,HD). See Choices Above.

â&#x2013;ź

Live UEFA Champions â&#x20AC;Ś 7.30pm

6.00 Revenge of the Egghead (S,HD). Spin-off from the popular quiz. 6.30 Great Continental Railway Journeys (S,HD). 7/12. Part one of two. 7.00 Permission Impossible: Britainâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Planners (S,HD). 1/8. New series. The return of the documentary following the work of council planning officers. Continues tomorrow.

7.00 The One Show (S,HD). Live chat and topical reports. 7.30 EastEnders (S,HD). Kat makes a dangerous deal. Followed by BBC News; Regional News.

10.00 BBC News (S,HD). 10.25 Regional News (S). Followed by National Lottery Update. 10.35 Traffic Cops (S,HD). 2/6. A teenager is injured in a hit-andrun, a woman is lucky to be alive when she overturns her car while checking her mobile and two cops go searching for a car used in a robbery.

10.00 QI (R,S,HD). 2/18. With Noel Fielding, Ross Noble and Colin Lane. 10.30 Newsnight (S,HD). Followed by Weather.

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S). 10.30 ITV News West Country (S); Weather. 10.35 UEFA Champions League: Extra Time (S,HD). Olympiakos v Manchester United and Zenit St Petersburg v Borussia Dortmund.

10.00 Strippers (S). 1/3. See Choices Above.

10.00 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (S,HD). 4/24. Stabler and Benson investigate when a teenage girl is killed in a hitand-run incident. Warner discovers the victim was being starved and had recently given birth.

11.35 Who Do You Think You Are? USA (S). 6/6. Actor Chris Oâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;Donnell traces his late fatherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s ancestry. Last in the series.

11.20 Horizon: How You Really Make Decisions (R,S,HD). The conflict between intuition and logic when making choices.

11.35 Nicola Adams: Sports Life Stories (S,HD). 4/8. A profile of the Olympic boxing champion.

11.05 8 Out of 10 Cats (R,S). 2/9. With guests including Steve Jones and David Oâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;Doherty. 11.50 Random Acts (S). Still life and death among the flowers. 11.55 Poker (S).

11.00 Body of Proof (R,S,HD). 5/20. An arson investigator hinders Meganâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s work. 11.55 CSI: Miami (R,S). 14/24. Two bodies are found in the Everglades.

12.20 Weatherview (S). 12.25 BBC News (S,HD).

12.20 The Super League Show (S). 1.05 Sign Zone: Britainâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Great War (R,S). 2.05 This Is BBC Two (S). 4.00 BBC Learning Zone (S,HD).

12.30 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming. 3.00 Loose Women (R,HD). Topical debate from a female perspective. 3.45 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-based information service. 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S). Guests air their differences.

12.55 KOTV Boxing Weekly (S). 1.20 Trans World Sport (R,S). Including a profile of Russian ice hockey star Alex Ovechkin. 2.20 Beach Volleyball (S). 3.15 Freesports on 4 (R,S). 3.40 Arenacross (R,S). 4.05 Paralympic Winter Games â&#x20AC;&#x201C; The Countdown (R,S). 4.10 Terror in the Skies (R,S,HD). 5.05 SuperScrimpers (R,S,HD). 5.25 Secret Removers (R,S,HD).

12.55 SuperCasino. Live interactive gaming. 3.10 Henry VIII & Anne: The Lovers Who Changed History (R,S,HD). Part one of two. Henry VIII and Anne Boleynâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s volatile relationship. 4.00 House Doctor (R,S). 4.20 House Doctor (R,S). A country cottage in Northamptonshire. 4.45 Great Artists (R,S). 5.10 Wildlife SOS (R,S). 5.35 Wildlife SOS (R,S).

10 11

The Great British Sewing Bee, 8pm

6.00 BBC News (S,HD); Weather. 6.30 Regional News (S); Weather.

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ROSS KEMP: EXTREME WORLD 9pm, Sky1

Kirstie Allsopp helps buyers find a home that provides them with the peace and quiet of a rural idyll and convenient access to the city for work. She begins in Belfast.

Ross investigates the drug epidemic sweeping through Rio de Janeiro. Brazil has the seventh largest economy in the world but despite this new-found wealth it is the largest consumer of crack cocaine anywhere on the planet. Ross witnesses dealers, for whom selling crack is a 24-hour operation.

E4 6.00 Switched (R,S). 6.25 90210 (R,S,HD). 7.10 Ugly Betty (R,S,HD). 8.00 Charmed (R,S). 9.00 Glee (R,S,HD). 10.00 New Girl (R,S,HD). 10.30 The Mindy Project (R,S,HD). 11.00 Charmed (R,S). 12.00 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 12.30 Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). 1.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 2.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 3.00 New Girl (R,S,HD). 3.30 The Mindy Project (R,S,HD). 4.00 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD).

Sky1 6.00 Luton Airport (R,S). 7.00 Dog the Bounty Hunter (R,S). 8.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 9.00 Futurama (R,S). 10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). The team protects a dictator. 3.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 3.30 Futurama (R,S). 4.30 The Simpsons (R,S). 5.30 Modern Family (R).

FILM PICKS

KIRSTIE’S BEST OF BOTH WORLDS 8pm, Channel 4

10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU 8pm, E4

2 FAST 2 FURIOUS 10.50pm, ITV2

A disgraced cop is given a chance to redeem himself by going undercover to bring a drug trafficker to justice. Thriller sequel, with Tyrese Gibson.

A teenager is banned from dating until her man-hating sister gets a boyfriend. Comedy, with Heath Ledger and Julia Stiles.

GOLD 6.00 Harry Hill’s TV Burp. 6.25 Ever Decreasing Circles (S). 6.55 Harry Hill’s TV Burp. 7.20 ’Allo ’Allo! (S). 7.50 As Time Goes By (S). 8.30 Goodnight Sweetheart. 9.10 Keeping Up Appearances (S). 9.50 2point4 Children (S). 10.30 Last of the Summer Wine (S). 11.50 Ever Decreasing Circles 12.30 dinnerladies (S). 1.10 Only Fools and Horses (S). 2.30 Harry Hill’s TV Burp. 3.00 ’Allo ’Allo! (S). 3.40 As Time Goes By (S). 4.20 Goodnight Sweetheart. 5.00 Keeping Up Appearances (S). 5.40 Last of the Summer Wine (S).

Sky Sports 1 6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 9.00 Football’s Greatest Teams. 10.00 England Special – The Footballers’ Football Show (HD). 11.30 Football League Gold. 11.45 Soccer AM: The Best Bits (S,HD). 12.45 Football’s Greatest Teams. 4.45 Live UEFA Champions League (HD). Zenit St Petersburg v Borussia Dortmund (Kick-off 5.00pm).

You’ve Been Framed!, 7pm

Troy, 10pm

Ross Kemp: Extreme ... 9pm

The Vicar of Dibley, 9pm

Live UEFA ... 4.45pm

6.00 Dinner Date (R,S). 22/30. Lois from London chooses three blind dates.

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 20/24. 6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 21/24.

6.00 Modern Family (R). 2/24. 6.30 The Simpsons (R,S). 21/22. Otto breaks up with his new bride.

6.20 Last of the Summer Wine (S). 6/11. Wesley makes a hand-crafted trolley.

7.00 Football’s Greatest Teams. A profile of English Premier League champions Manchester United.

7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 6/23. Including footage of a canine goalkeeper. 7.30 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 11/23.

7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD). John Paul reaches a new low. 7.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 13/22. Ted believes he has met his perfect woman.

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 8/22. With the guest voice of Joan Rivers. 7.30 The Simpsons (R,S). 19/22. With the voice of Frances McDormand.

7.00 Only Fools and Horses (S). 7.40 Only Fools and Horses (S). 1/8. Del encounters an old flame.

8.00 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 7/24. Berta swears revenge when her daughter becomes pregnant. 8.30 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 8/24. Alan tries to cure his insomnia.

8.00 10 Things I Hate About You (S,HD) (1999). See Choices Above. ●●●●

8.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 6/24. A man posing as a zombie on Halloween is shot dead.

8.20 dinnerladies (S). 8/10. Petula’s bizarre lifestyle catches up with her.

7.30 Soccer Special (HD). Featuring pre-match reports and news of all tonight’s goals as they go in, with studio guests keeping an eye on the big games and talking points.

9.00 Ross Kemp: Extreme World (S,HD). 6/6. See Choices Above.

9.00 The Vicar of Dibley (S). 3/4. Alice and Hugo’s baby is christened. 9.55 The Vicar of Dibley (S). 4/4. The village suffers a water shortage.

9.00 The Vampire Diaries (S,HD). 9/22. Wes reveals his plans for Damon, as Stefan decides to look after a dying Katherine. Meanwhile, Elena gets herself into trouble asking for Aaron’s help.

10.45 The Vicar of Dibley 10.00 The Smoke (R,S,HD). 10.00 Celebrity Juice: 10.00 Troy (S,HD). 3/6. The Story (S). A behind-the1/8. Drama about a team Saturday Night magician continues to scenes look at the of London firefighters, Takeaway Special use everyday objects popular sitcom, focusing on a watch (R,S,HD). With Ant and and situations to baffle featuring contributions leader who becomes Dec, Ashley Roberts and and amaze unsuspecting from Dawn French, obsessed with finding Rob Beckett. members of the public, Emma Chambers and out the truth about a this time performing 10.50 2 Fast 2 Furious (S,HD) writer Richard Curtis. call-out in which he tricks at the Notting Hill (2003). See Choices almost died. Carnival. Above. ●●

12.55 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). Berta swears revenge when her daughter becomes pregnant. 1.20 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). Alan tries to cure his insomnia. 1.45 The Vampire Diaries (R,S,HD). Wes reveals his plans for Damon. 2.30 Teleshopping. Home shopping.

11.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 5/24. 11.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 6/24.

11.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 6/24. A computer hacker jeopardises a top-secret mission.

12.00 Rude Tube: Epic Fails (R,S). 1.00 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 1.35 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 2.00 The Cleveland Show (R,S,HD). 2.25 The Cleveland Show (R,S,HD). 2.50 The Ricky Gervais Show (R,S,HD). 3.15 The Ricky Gervais Show (R,S,HD). 3.45 Glee (R,S,HD). 4.30 Ugly Betty

12.00 A League of Their Own (R,S,HD). Comedy sports quiz, hosted by James Corden. 1.00 A League of Their Own: Best Bits (R,S,HD). 2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.00 Road Wars (R,S). 4.00 Luton Airport (R,S). 4.30 Luton Airport (R,S). 5.00 Airline USA (R,S). 5.30 Airline USA (R,S).

10.00 Premier League Review (HD). A look back at recent fixtures in the English Premier League.

11.00 Revista De La Liga (HD). Highlights from La Liga.

12.10 The Smell of Reeves and Mortimer (S). The duo survive a plane crash. 12.50 The Vicar of Dibley (S). Alice and Hugo’s baby is christened. 1.40 The Vicar of Dibley (S). The village suffers a water shortage. 2.20 The Smell of Reeves and Mortimer (S). 3.00 Close

12.00 UEFA Champions League Highlights (HD). 1.00 Football League Gold (S,HD). 1.15 Football’s Greatest International Teams (S,HD). 1.45 Football League Gold (S,HD). 2.00 Football Asia (S). 2.30 Revista De La Liga (HD). 3.30 Premier League Review (HD). 4.30 UEFA Champions League Highlights (HD). 5.30 Football Asia (S).

BBC3

7.00 Snog, Marry, Avoid? (R,S,HD). Makeover show, featuring a wannabe-Wag. 7.30 Snog, Marry, Avoid? (R,S,HD). 8.00 Don’t Tell the Bride (R,S). A daredevil organises every detail of his wedding. 9.00 Hair (S,HD). New series. Eight young hopefuls aim to be crowned Britain’s best amateur hair stylist. 10.00 Pramface (S,HD). 10.30 EastEnders (R,S,HD). 11.00 Family Guy (R,S). 11.25 Family Guy (R,S). 11.45 American Dad! (R,S). 12.10 Hair (R,S,HD). 1.10 Pramface (R,S,HD). 1.40 Live at the Electric (R,S,HD). 2.10 Live at the Electric (R,S,HD). 2.40 Great Movie Mistakes: Revenge of the Fifth (R,S). 3.00 Hair (R,S,HD).

BBC4

7.00 World News Today (HD); Weather. 7.30 Reel History of Britain (R). 8.00 What Do Artists Do All Day? (HD). 8.30 Secrets of Bones (HD). 9.00 Dissected: The Incredible Human Foot (HD). Part two of two. A team dissects a real human foot. 10.00 The First World War (R,HD). 10.50 The First World War (R,HD). Examining the early months in the war. 11.45 Decisive Weapons (R). 12.15 The First World War from Above (R,HD). 1.15 Nature’s Microworlds (R). 1.45 What Do Artists Do All Day? (R,HD). 2.15 Secrets of Bones (R,HD). 2.45 Dissected: The Incredible Human Foot (R).

TUESDAY February 25 ��’� ��

Bristol Times �� ’� ��

Nyvt Nypkh 4 Nliy|hy :94 :89<

TV PICKS

OUTNUMBERED 9pm, BBC1

THE RESTAURANT MAN 8pm, BBC2

Sue and Pete worry about their children’s whereabouts, unaware Ben is meeting lots of interesting strangers and Jake is battling to get home.

Coventry mother-of-ten Nahida is opening a restaurant offering Asian fusion food, but has neither a business plan nor any grip on her finances and is keeping her full-time job as a social worker. Russell Norman is concerned when he sees the size of her costly premises and the confused menu, but Nahida ignores his advice.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Operation Hospital Food with James Martin (S,HD). 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 11.00 Countryside 999 (S,HD). 11.45 Caught Red Handed (S,HD). 12.15 Bargain Hunt (S,HD). 1.00 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 1.30 Regional News (S); Weather. 1.45 Doctors (S,HD). 2.15 Perfection (R,S). 3.00 Escape to the Country (R,S,HD). 3.45 James Martin: Home Comforts (S,HD). 4.30 Antiques Road Trip (S,HD). 5.15 Pointless (S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

BBC2

6.00 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 7.00 Countryside 999 (R,S,HD). 7.45 Caught Red Handed (R,S,HD). 8.15 Sign Zone: Helicopter Heroes (R,S). 9.00 Sign Zone: Nature’s Weirdest Events (R,S). 10.00 Sign Zone: An Island Parish (R,S). 10.30 Sign Zone: See Hear (S,HD). 11.00 BBC News (S,HD). 11.30 Daily Politics (S). 1.00 Instant Restaurant (R,S). 1.45 Andrew Marr’s The Making of Modern Britain (R,S,HD). 2.45 Cagney & Lacey (R,S). 3.30 Bergerac (R,S). 4.20 Are You Being Served? (R,S). 4.50 ’Allo ’Allo! (R,S). 5.15 Vintage Antiques Roadshow (R,S).

LINE OF DUTY 9pm, BBC2

Denton tells Fleming she had a relationship with a high-ranking officer who may have reason to want her framed. The team gains access to the files on the protected witness.

ITV

6.00 Daybreak (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S). 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S,HD). 10.30 This Morning (S). 12.30 Loose Women (S,HD). With guest Fay Ripley. 1.30 ITV News and Weather (S). 1.55 ITV News West Country (S). 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal (S,HD). Highlights from the show. 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show (S,HD). 3.59 Regional Programme (S). 4.00 Tipping Point (S,HD). Quiz show, hosted by Ben Shephard. 5.00 The Chase (S,HD).

CORONATION STREET 7.30pm, ITV

Gary confronts Phelan on the building site after Izzy discloses details of his behaviour towards Anna, while Kal’s father reveals he is hiring his own builder to do the work on the gym as he thinks Jason’s prices are too high. Elsewhere, Beth and Sinead persuade Kirk and Chesney to go out for an evening of bingo.

Channel 4

6.20 Countdown (R,S,HD). 7.05 Paralympic Winter Games – The Countdown. 7.10 Will & Grace (R,S,HD). 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S). 9.30 Frasier (R,S). 11.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 12.00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary (S). 12.05 Four in a Bed (R,S,HD). 2.40 Countdown (S,HD). 3.30 Deal or No Deal (S,HD). 4.30 Come Dine with Me (S,HD). 5.00 Coach Trip (S). 5.30 Superstar Dogs: Countdown to Crufts (S).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.10 Police Interceptors (R,S). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15 The Gadget Show (R,S,HD). 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.20 NCIS (R,S). 3.15 The Shell Seekers (R,S). Conclusion. Romantic drama, starring Vanessa Redgrave and the late Maximilian Schell. 5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD).

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

7.00 Trauma Doctors (R,S,HD). A pedestrian is struck by a car and loses his memory. Last in the series. Followed by 5 News Update.

8.00 Midsomer Murders (S,HD). Detective drama set in a picturesque rural county where death lurks around every corner.

8.00 The Restoration Man (S,HD). 8/8. See Choices Above.

8.00 The Thriller Killers: Born to Kill? (S,HD). See Choices Above.

9.00 24 Hours in A&E (S,HD). 8/8. The team treats a 78-year-old man who suffered a cardiac arrest at the gym, and a 23-year-old paramedic is sent for an emergency CT scan. Last in the series.

9.00 NCIS (S,HD). 4/24. The team is called in to investigate when three dehydrated survivors from a helicopter crash are discovered, and the pilot’s body later washes up with a gunshot wound to the head.

▼

7.00 Channel 4 News (S). 7.55 Paralympic Winter Games – The Countdown (S). Interviews with athletes competing at the 2014 Winter Paralympics.

▼

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Charity and Declan try to track down Rachel before Jai does. 7.30 Coronation Street (S,HD). See Choices Above.

▼

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD). Ricky is rushed to hospital. 6.30 NewsTalk Live (S,HD).

8.00 The Restaurant Man (S,HD). 5/6. See Choices Above.

▼

NCIS, 9pm

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 7/22. Homer’s Las Vegas “wife” turns up. 6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). John Paul reaches a new low.

9.00 Outnumbered (S,HD). 5/6. See Choices Above. 9.30 Mrs Brown’s Boys (R,S,HD). 5/6. Agnes fears her family is planning to send her to a nursing home.

9.00 Line of Duty (S,HD). 3/6. See Choices Above.

▼

Bodyshockers … 11pm

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather. 6.30 ITV News and Weather (S).

8.00 Waterloo Road (S,HD). 18/20. Dynasty has a job interview with the police but her family’s criminal background jeopardises her prospects. Christine visits Darren’s mum about indecent images on his phone.

10.00 BBC News (S,HD). 10.25 Regional News (S). Followed by National Lottery Update. 10.35 A Question of Sport (S,HD). 17/36. With guest captain Graeme Swann.

10.00 Inside No 9 (S,HD). 4/6. A nineyear-old girl’s birthday party takes a sinister turn. 10.30 Newsnight (S,HD). Followed by Weather.

10.20 ITV News and Weather (S). 10.50 ITV News West Country (S); Weather. 10.55 FA Cup Highlights (S,HD). Matt Smith presents action from the fifth-round replays in the prestigious domestic competition, as the teams involved looked to move a step closer to the Wembley final.

10.00 First Dates (S). 3/8. Dating show in which singletons meet up with possible partners at a restaurant, having selected them based solely on an internet photograph.

10.00 Suspects (S,HD). 3/10. Jack and Charlie’s hunt for a serial rapist becomes complicated when the latest woman to be attacked turns out to be the wife of the station’s chief superintendent.

11.05 Film 2014 (S,HD). 6/7. Review of Non-Stop, an Oscars preview and a Wes Anderson interview. 11.35 Blandings (R,S,HD). 2/7. Clarence and Connie’s terrifying sister Charlotte arrives – and threatens to stay for good.

11.20 The Necessary War (R,S,HD). Max Hastings outlines his belief that Britain was right to enter the First World War.

11.55 The Jonathan Ross Show (R,S,HD). 8/10. Celebrity interviews.

11.00 Bodyshockers: My Big Boob Hell (R,S,HD). 4/4. A woman who wants to reverse her breast enlargement surgery. Last in the series.

11.00 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (R,S,HD). 2/19. Benson and Stabler investigate a rape. 11.55 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (R,S,HD). 3/19. A teacher claims she was raped by a 15-year-old student.

12.05 Weatherview (S). 12.10 BBC News (S,HD).

12.20 Sign Zone: See Hear (R,S,HD). 12.50 Sign Zone: Children’s Emergency Rescue (R,S). 1.50 This Is BBC Two (S). 4.00 BBC Learning Zone (S,HD).

12.50 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming. 3.00 Film: Columbo: Lovely but Lethal (S,HD) (1973). See Choices Above. ●●● 4.15 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-based information service. 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S). Guests air their differences.

12.00 Random Acts (S,HD). 12.05 Film: Beginners (S,HD) (2010). See Choices Above. ●●●● 1.50 Film: The Well (S) (1951). Drama, with Richard Rober. ●●● 3.20 Paralympic Winter Games – The Countdown (R,S). 3.25 Supernanny US (R,S). 4.05 Location, Location, Location (R,S,HD).

12.50 SuperCasino. Live interactive gaming. 3.10 My Face Is Eating Me Alive: Extraordinary People (R,S). A 21-year-old Zimbabwean with a facial tumour that is pushing her jaw out of her mouth. 4.00 House Doctor (R,S). 4.20 House Doctor (R,S). 4.45 Great Artists (R,S). 5.10 Wildlife SOS (R,S). 5.35 Wildlife SOS (R,S).

▼

after

Emmerdale, 7pm

6.00 Revenge of the Egghead (S,HD). Spin-off from the popular quiz, hosted by Jeremy Vine. 6.30 Great Continental Railway Journeys (S,HD). 8/12. 7.00 Permission Impossible: Britain’s Planners (S,HD). 2/8. Residents protest against a housing development on a greenfield site in Cheshire. Continues tomorrow.

7.00 The One Show (S,HD). Matt Baker and Alex Jones present the live magazine show. Followed by BBC News; Regional News.

10 11

The Restaurant Man, 8pm

6.00 BBC News (S,HD); Weather. 6.30 Regional News (S); Weather.

▼

6 7 8 9

A Question of Sport, 10.35pm

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In the final edition of the series, George Clarke catches up with Dave and Margaret Hedley, who battled through flooding and serious illness to restore an abandoned water mill in Northumberland.

THE THRILLER KILLERS: BORN TO KILL? 8pm, Channel 5

The return of the programme in which experts analyse the personalities and motives of notorious killers, beginning with Wesley Shermantine and Loren Herzog. In 1984, the childhood friends embarked upon a drugfuelled killing spree that terrorised their rural Californian community for 15 years.

ITV2 6.00 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 6.25 Holiday Airport: Sydney (R,S). 7.25 Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve Been Framed! (R,S). 7.45 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S). 8.30 Dinner Date (R,S). 9.30 The Real Housewives of Atlanta (R,S,HD). 10.30 The Real Housewives of New Jersey (R,S,HD). 11.30 Millionaire Matchmaker (R,S,HD). 12.30 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 1.00 The Cube 2.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). 4.10 The Real Housewives of New Jersey (S,HD). 5.05 Millionaire Matchmaker (R,S,HD).

Sky1

6.00 Switched (R,S). 6.30 90210 (R,S,HD). 7.10 Ugly Betty (R,S,HD). 8.00 Charmed (R,S). 9.00 Glee (R,S,HD). 10.00 New Girl (R,S,HD). 10.30 The Mindy Project (R,S,HD). 11.00 Charmed (R,S). 12.00 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 12.30 Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). 1.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 2.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 3.00 New Girl (R,S,HD). 3.30 The Mindy Project (R,S,HD). 4.00 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD).

FILM PICKS

THE RESTORATION MAN 8pm, Channel 4

BEGINNERS 12.05am, Channel 4

Premiere. A man starting a relationship reflects on the events of the last years of his gay fatherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s life. Comedy drama, with Ewan McGregor.

GOLD

6.00 Luton Airport (R,S). 6.30 Crash Test Dummies (R,S,HD). 7.00 Dog the Bounty Hunter (R,S). 8.00 Modern Family (R,S). 9.00 Futurama (R,S). 10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 3.30 Futurama (R,S). 4.30 The Simpsons (R,S). 5.30 Modern Family (R).

COLUMBO: LOVELY BUT LETHAL 3am, ITV

6.05 Ever Decreasing Circles (S). 6.35 Harry Hillâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s TV Burp. 7.05 â&#x20AC;&#x2122;Allo â&#x20AC;&#x2122;Allo! (S). 7.45 As Time Goes By (S). 8.20 Goodnight Sweetheart. 9.00 Keeping Up Appearances (S). 9.40 Waiting for God (S). 10.20 Last of the Summer Wine (S). 11.40 Ever Decreasing Circles (S). 12.25 dinnerladies (S). 1.00 Only Fools and Horses (S). 2.20 Harry Hillâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s TV Burp. 3.00 â&#x20AC;&#x2122;Allo â&#x20AC;&#x2122;Allo! (S). 3.40 As Time Goes By (S). 4.20 Goodnight Sweetheart. 5.00 Keeping Up Appearances (S). 5.40 Last of the Summer Wine (S).

The sleuth suspects industrial espionage when a chemist working for a cosmetics company is murdered. Drama, with Peter Falk.

Sky Sports 1 6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 9.00 UEFA Champions League Highlights (HD). 10.00 Revista De La Liga (HD). 11.00 Football Gold (S). 11.30 Footballâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Greatest International Teams (S,HD). 12.00 UEFA Champions League Highlights (HD). 1.00 PL 100 Club. 3.00 UEFA Champions League Highlights (HD). 4.00 Revista De La Liga (HD). 5.00 UEFA Champions League Highlights (HD).

Party Wright â&#x20AC;Ś 9pm

Rude Tube: Epic Fails, 10pm

Duck Quacks â&#x20AC;Ś 10pm

Blackadder II, 9pm

Live UEFA â&#x20AC;Ś 7pm

6.00 Dinner Date (R,S). 12/30. Potential suitors woo Harriet from Manchester.

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 22/24. 6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 23/24.

6.00 Modern Family (R). 4/24. Mitchell and Claireâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s mother visits. 6.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 2/22.

6.20 Last of the Summer Wine (S). 8/11. Tom rides Compoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s old bicycle.

6.00 Footballâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Greatest Teams. 6.30 Footballâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Greatest Teams. A profile of Chelsea.

7.00 Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve Been Framed! (R,S). 7/23. Featuring a petrol station collapsing on a car. 7.30 Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve Been Framed! (R,S). 12/23.

7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Patrick orders Maxine to change her statement during Jasonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s trial. 7.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 14/22.

7.00 Only Fools and Horses (S). 2/8. The Trotters mourn Grandadâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s death. 7.40 Only Fools and Horses (S). 3/8. Uncle Albert has a nasty fall.

8.00 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 9/24. Alan tries to leave Charlie with the restaurant bill. 8.30 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 10/24. Charlie faces a difficult decision.

8.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 3/24. Ted writes a list of things he wants to do before moving to Chicago. 8.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 4/24.

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 17/22. Bart sees into the future. 7.30 Live UEFA Champions League (HD). Schalke 04 v Real Madrid (Kick-off 7.45pm). All the action from the last-16 first-leg encounter at the Veltins Arena, where the German and Spanish sides battle it out.

7.00 Live UEFA Champions League (HD). Galatasaray v Chelsea (Kick-off 7.45pm). All the action from the Turk Telekom Arena, where the sides meet in the first leg of their last-16 encounter.

9.00 Party Wright Around the World (S,HD). New series. Mark Wright throws parties around the world, beginning in Miami, where he organises a spectacular celebration for birthday girl Joanna.

9.00 The Tomorrow People (S,HD). 8/22. Stephen plots to get inside Jedikiahâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s head â&#x20AC;&#x201C; but the plan goes wrong when Russell accidentally brings an uninvited visitor back to the subway tunnel base.

8.20 dinnerladies (S). 9/10. A new table-clearing system leaves Bren cold.

9.00 Blackadder II (S). 5/6. Edmund is challenged to a drinking contest. 9.40 Blackadder the Third (S). 5/6. Edmund tries to find a rich bride for Prince George.

10.00 The Only Way Is Essex 10.00 Rude Tube: Epic Fails 10.00 Duck Quacks Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Echo (R,HD). 3/8. Sue (S,HD). 2/12. Reality (R,S). 1/6. Alex Zane Perkins, Bob Mortimer programme following a counts down the top 50 and Aston Merrygold group of people in video clips where things join in the fun on the Essex. fail to go to plan, comedy panel game in featuring a festival-goer 10.50 The Big Reunion 2014 which host Lee Mack who mistakes a urinal (R,S,HD). 3/8. tries to find the answers for a sink. to all manner of questions.

10.20 Blackadder Goes Forth 10.15 Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the Story? (HD). (S). 5/6. Capt Blackadder Sarah-Jane Mee presents hunts for a spy in a discussion show hospital. focusing on recent sports developments.

11.00 My Mad Fat Diary 11.00 Volcano (S) (1997). 11.50 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 2/7. Rae begins Disaster thriller, starring (R,S,HD). 9/24. Alan tries her first year in sixth Tommy Lee Jones. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? to leave Charlie with the form. restaurant bill.

11.00 Shooting Stars (S). 4/6. 11.15 Footballâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Greatest With guests Cheryl Teams. A profile of Fergison, Dominic Chelsea. Littlewood and Jean11.45 Football Gold. Chelsea Christophe Novelli. v Manchester United 11.40 Rev (S). 1/6. from the 1999/2000 season.

12.20 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 12.50 Fake Reaction (R,S,HD). With Ollie Locke, Brian Belo, AJ Odudu and David Morgan. 1.40 Party Wright Around the World (R,S,HD). Mark Wright throws parties around the world. 2.30 Teleshopping. Home shopping.

12.20 Blackadder II (S). Edmund is challenged to a drinking contest. 12.55 Blackadder the Third (S). Edmund tries to find a rich bride for Prince George. 1.30 Blackadder Goes Forth (S). Capt Blackadder hunts for a spy in hospital. 2.00 Shooting Stars (S). 2.30 Rev (S). 3.00 Close

12.00 The Midnight Beast (R,S,HD). 12.35 The Inbetweeners (R,S). 1.05 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (R,S,HD). 1.40 2 Broke Girls (R,S,HD). 2.05 The Cleveland Show (R,S,HD). 2.25 The Ricky Gervais Show (R,S,HD). 2.55 Bobâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Burgers (R,S,HD). 3.15 Glee (R,S,HD).

1.05 A League of Their Own (R,S,HD). 2.00 A League of Their Own (R,S,HD). Comedy sports quiz, hosted by James Corden. 3.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 4.00 Luton Airport (R,S). 4.30 Crash Test Dummies (R,S,HD). 5.00 Airline USA (R,S). 5.30 Airline USA (R,S).

12.00 UEFA Champions League Highlights (HD). 1.00 Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the Story? (HD). 2.00 Football League Gold (S,HD). 2.15 Football League Gold (HD). 2.30 Football Gold (S,HD). 2.45 Football League Gold (S,HD). 3.00 UEFA Champions League Highlights (HD). 4.00 Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the Story? (HD).

BBC3

BBC4

7.00 Total Wipeout (R,S). Adventure game show, hosted by Richard Hammond. 8.00 Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Tell the Bride (R,S). English teacher Grantt creates a storybook wedding. 9.00 Festivals, Sex & Suspicious Parents (S,HD). Teenagers hit the fields of Kendal Calling Festival in Cumbria. 10.00 Jaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;mie: Private School Girl (S,HD). Jaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;mie falls into depression. 10.30 Bad Education (R,S,HD). 11.00 Family Guy (R,S). 11.25 Family Guy (R,S). 11.45 American Dad! (R,S).

7.00 World News Today (HD); Weather. 7.30 Reel History of Britain (R). 8.00 Pandemic â&#x20AC;&#x201C; A Horizon Guide (R). Mike Leahy explores the history of infectious diseases. 9.00 The Fantastical World of Hormones with Dr John Wass (HD). The story of how hormones were discovered. 10.00 Amazon Abyss. The team explores the Rio Negro gorge. 11.00 Parks and Recreation (HD). 11.20 Parks and Recreation (HD). 11.40 Wild China (R,HD).

12.05 Festivals, Sex & Suspicious Parents (R,S,HD). 1.05 Jaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;mie: Private School Girl (R,S,HD). 1.30 Pramface (R,S,HD). 2.00 Hair (R,S,HD). 3.00 Great Movie Mistakes (R,S). 3.25 Pramface (R,S).

12.40 Lost Kingdoms of South America (R,HD). 1.40 Bunkers, Brutalism and Bloodymindedness: Concrete Poetry with Jonathan Meades (R,HD). 2.40 The Fantastical World of Hormones with Dr John Wass (R).

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TV PICKS

INSPECTOR GEORGE GENTLY 8.30pm, BBC1

SUPERSIZE VS SUPERSKINNY 8pm, Channel 4

Bacchus and Gently investigate the suspicious death of a miner, and conflicting reports emerge about the union man’s character.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Operation Hospital Food with James Martin (S,HD). 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (S,HD). 11.00 Countryside 999 (S,HD). 11.45 Caught Red Handed (S,HD). 12.15 Bargain Hunt (R,S,HD). 1.00 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 1.30 Regional News (S); Weather. 1.45 Doctors (S,HD). 2.15 Perfection (R,S). 3.00 Escape to the Country (S,HD). 3.45 James Martin: Home Comforts (S,HD). 4.30 Antiques Road Trip (S,HD). 5.15 Pointless (S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

In the feeding clinic, 35st Michael swaps diets with underweight air steward Sam, and takes a trip to the US state of Virginia to meet a man who is so large he can barely get out of his house. In Las Vegas, Christian Jessen talks to a mother-of-two who is hoping to undergo radical gastric surgery.

BBC2

6.00 This Is BBC Two (S). 6.05 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 7.05 Countryside 999 (R,S,HD). 7.50 Caught Red Handed (R,S,HD). 8.20 Sign Zone: Helicopter Heroes (R,S). 9.05 Sign Zone: Italy Unpacked (R,S). 10.05 Sign Zone: An Island Parish (R,S). 10.35 HARDtalk (R,S,HD). 11.00 BBC News (S,HD). 11.30 BBC World News (S,HD). 12.00 Daily Politics (S). 1.00 Instant Restaurant (R,S). 1.45 Andrew Marr’s The Making of Modern Britain (R,S,HD). 2.45 Cagney & Lacey (R,S). 3.30 Bergerac (R,S). 4.20 Are You Being Served? (R,S). 4.50 ’Allo ’Allo! (R,S). 5.15 Vintage Antiques Roadshow (R,S).

THE HAIRY BIKERS’ ASIAN ADVENTURE 8pm, BBC2

THE HOTEL INSPECTOR 9pm, Channel 5

Church minister John Humberstone has been welcoming guests to the Grade-II listed Alexandra Hotel in Llandudno for the past couple of years, but the business is in deep trouble. Alex Polizzi heads to north Wales to try to revive the establishment’s fortunes, but has her work cut out to transform its failing restaurant.

Dave Myers and Si King conclude their culinary journey around Thailand, meeting a coconut-picking monkey and going seafishing during a monsoon.

ITV

6.00 Daybreak (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S). 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S,HD). 10.30 This Morning (S). 12.30 Loose Women (S,HD). With singer Rebecca Ferguson. 1.30 ITV News and Weather (S). 1.55 ITV News West Country (S). 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal (S,HD). 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show (S,HD). 3.59 Regional Programme (S). 4.00 Tipping Point (S,HD). 5.00 The Chase (S,HD).

Channel 4

6.20 Countdown (R,S,HD). 7.05 Paralympic Winter Games – The Countdown (R,S). 7.10 Will & Grace (R,S,HD). 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S). 9.30 Frasier (R,S). 11.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 12.00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary (S). 12.05 Four in a Bed (R,S,HD). 2.40 Countdown (S,HD). 3.30 Deal or No Deal (S,HD). 4.30 Come Dine with Me (S). 5.00 Coach Trip (S,HD). 5.30 Superstar Dogs: Countdown to Crufts (S).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.10 Police Interceptors (R,S). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15 Ben Fogle: New Lives in the Wild (R,S,HD). 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.20 NCIS (R,S). 3.15 Film: Hunger Point (S) (2003). See Choices Above. ●● 5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD). Josh learns his shoulder is unlikely to fully recover.

Jumbo: The Plane That … 9pm

The Chase, 5pm

Supersize vs Superskinny, 8pm

Henry VIII & Anne … 8pm

▼

6.00 BBC News (S,HD); Weather. 6.30 Regional News (S); Weather.

6.00 Revenge of the Egghead (S,HD). 6.30 Great Continental Railway Journeys (S,HD). 9/12. Part one of two.

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather. 6.15 ITV News and Weather (S). 6.45 Emmerdale (S,HD). Hour-long episode. Mark demands another £10,000 from Jai.

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 8/22. Marge launches an anti-sugar campaign. 6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD).

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD). Ms Montgomery plants a bomb in Bianca’s laptop bag. 6.30 NewsTalk Live (S,HD).

▼

7.00 The One Show (S,HD). Topical stories from around the UK. 7.30 EastEnders (S,HD). Alfie is put in a difficult position. Followed by BBC News; Regional News.

7.00 Permission Impossible: Britain’s Planners (S,HD). 3/8. Continues tomorrow.

7.00 Channel 4 News (S). 7.55 Paralympic Winter Games – The Countdown (S). Interviews with athletes competing at the 2014 Winter Paralympics.

7.00 Royal Funerals: The Inside Story (S,HD). Followed by 5 News Update.

8.00 Pound Shop Wars (S,HD). 4/4. Poundworld CEO Chris Edwards launches an online shop. Last in the series. 8.30 Inspector George Gently (S,HD). 4/4. See Choices Above.

8.00 The Hairy Bikers’ Asian Adventure (S,HD). 3/6. See Choices Above.

7.45 Live UEFA Europa League Football (S,HD). Tottenham Hotspur v Dnipro (Kick-off 8.05pm). Coverage of the last32 second-leg encounter at White Hart Lane, where the sides battle it out for a place in the next round. Subsequent programmes may be subject to change. See Choices Above.

8.00 Supersize vs Superskinny (S). 7/8. See Choices Above.

8.00 Henry VIII & Anne: The Lovers Who Changed History (S,HD). Part two of two. Suzannah Lipscomb examines Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn’s marriage. Followed by 5 News at 9.

9.00 The Storms That Stole Christmas (S,HD). The stories of those who bore the brunt of the bad weather over Christmas 2013 and the surrounding period, featuring amateur footage, eyewitness testimony and expert commentary.

9.00 The Hotel Inspector (S,HD). 3/8. See Choices Above.

▼

10.00 BBC News (S,HD). 10.25 Regional News (S); Weather. 10.35 Question Time (S,HD). 22/38. David Dimbleby chairs the political debate from Newport in Gwent.

10.00 Mock the Week Looks Back at Education (R,S). 3/10. A selection from the show’s archives on the theme of education. 10.30 Newsnight (S,HD). Followed by Weather.

10.10 ITV News and Weather (S). 10.40 ITV News West Country (S); Weather. 10.45 Edge of Heaven (R,S,HD). 1/6. Comedy drama set in a 1980s-themed B&B. Sofa salesman Alfie finds his life in turmoil after his fiancee Carly leaves him at the altar. Starring Blake Harrison.

10.00 The Repo Man (R,S,HD). 1/2. Part one of two. Documentary following the life and work of bailiff Sean James as he confronts debtors across the nation who fail to keep up repayments to finance companies.

10.00 Brain Hospital: Saving Lives (S,HD). 4/4. Bradley Ball decides whether to undergo deep-brain stimulation to control a violent tremor and Jess Johnson prepares to have an operation on a tumour. Last in the series.

▼

10 11

9.00 Jumbo: The Plane That Changed the World (S,HD). The origins and development of the Boeing 747, the widebodied commercial airliner that revolutionised air travel after coming into service in 1970.

▼

6 7 8 9

Pound Shop Wars, 8pm

▼

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

11.35 This Week (S). The past seven days in politics.

11.20 The Restaurant Man (R,S,HD). 2/6. Russell Norman helps a couple who bought a pub in the Gloucestershire village of Selsley.

11.45 The Cube (R,S,HD). Game show, hosted by Phillip Schofield.

11.05 24 Hours in A&E (R,S,HD). 8/8. A 78-year-old man who suffered a cardiac arrest at the gym. Last in the series.

11.00 The Incredible Hulk Woman: Extraordinary People (R,S,HD). 4/4. A mother-of-three who has stiff-person syndrome. Last in the series. 11.55 Access. Showbiz news and gossip.

12.20 Skiing Weatherview (S). 12.25 BBC News (S,HD).

12.20 Sign Zone: Kidnapped: Betrayed by Britain? – Panorama (R,S). 12.50 Sign Zone: The Coffee Trail with Simon Reeve (R,S). 1.50 This Is BBC Two (S). 4.00 BBC Learning Zone (S,HD).

12.40 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming. 3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S). The host takes his successful talk show stateside. 3.45 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Textbased information service. 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S). Guests air their differences.

12.10 One Born Every Minute (R,S). 1.05 Random Acts (S). 1.10 First Dates (R,S). 2.05 Scandimania (R,S,HD). 3.00 Food Unwrapped (R,S). 3.30 Paralympic Winter Games – The Countdown (R,S). 3.35 Location, Location, Location (R,S,HD). 4.30 Secrets of Your Credit Rating – Channel 4 Dispatches (R,S). 5.00 Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD). 5.55 Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard (R,S,HD).

12.00 SuperCasino. Live interactive gaming. 3.05 Big, Bigger, Biggest: World’s Fastest Train (R,S,HD). The engineering advances that made highspeed trains possible. 4.00 House Doctor (R,S). 4.20 House Doctor (R,S). Highlights of the series. 4.45 Great Artists (R,S). 5.10 Wildlife SOS (R,S). 5.35 Wildlife SOS (R,S).

▼

after

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HUNGER POINT 3.15pm, Channel 5

Tottenham Hotspur v Dnipro (Kick-off 8.05pm). Coverage of the last-32 second-leg encounter at White Hart Lane, where the sides battle it out for a place in the next round.

ITV2 6.00 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 6.25 Coronation Street (R,S,HD). 6.55 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 7.45 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S). 8.30 Dinner Date (R,S). 9.30 The Real Housewives of Atlanta (R,S,HD). 10.30 The Real Housewives of New Jersey (R,S,HD). 11.30 Millionaire Matchmaker (R,S,HD). 12.30 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 1.00 Coronation Street (R,S,HD). 1.30 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 2.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S). 4.10 The Real Housewives of New Jersey (S,HD). 5.05 Millionaire Matchmaker (R,S,HD).

Two sisters struggle to come to terms with the legacy of their mother’s obsession with dieting and physical perfection. As they try to beat the strict conditioning she instilled in them, they begin to rebuild their shattered family life. Drama, starring Barbara Hershey, Christina Hendricks and John Getz.

Sky1 6.00 Crash Test Dummies (R,S,HD). 7.00 Dog the Bounty Hunter (R,S). 8.00 Modern Family (R,S). 9.00 Futurama (R,S). 10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 3.30 Futurama (R,S). 4.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 5.30 Modern Family (R).

SATELLITE PICKS

LIVE UEFA EUROPA LEAGUE FOOTBALL 7.45pm, ITV

BROOKLYN NINENINE 9pm, E4

ARROW 8pm, Sky1

Oliver feels conflicted after Laurel asks his alter-ego to look into Sebastian Blood, while Roy struggles to keep control of his newfound powers.

Jake makes an arrest without much proof, and so has to spend the next 48 hours collecting enough evidence to keep his suspect in custody.

GOLD 6.05 Ever Decreasing Circles (S). 6.35 Harry Hill’s TV Burp. 7.00 ’Allo ’Allo! (S). 7.45 As Time Goes By (S). 8.25 Goodnight Sweetheart. 9.05 Keeping Up Appearances (S). 9.50 Waiting for God (S). 10.25 Last of the Summer Wine (S). 11.45 Ever Decreasing Circles (S). 12.25 dinnerladies (S). 1.00 Only Fools and Horses (S). 2.25 Harry Hill’s TV Burp. 2.55 ’Allo ’Allo! (S). 3.40 As Time Goes By (S). 4.20 Goodnight Sweetheart. 5.00 Keeping Up Appearances (S). 5.40 Last of the Summer Wine (S).

Sky Sports 1 6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 9.00 UEFA Champions League Highlights (HD). 10.00 What’s the Story? (HD). 11.00 Racing News (HD). 11.30 Sporting Greats (S). 12.00 UEFA Champions League Highlights (HD). 1.00 What’s the Story? (HD). 2.00 Sporting Greats (S,HD). 2.30 Live Dubai International Racing Carnival (HD).

Fake Reaction, 10pm

How I Met Your … 7.30pm

The Snoke, 9pm

Gavin & Stacey, 9pm

Live Super League, 7.30pm

6.00 Dinner Date (R,S). 1/30. Londoner Charlie chooses three blind dates.

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 24/24. 6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 1/17.

6.00 Modern Family (R). 6/24. 6.30 The Simpsons (R,S). 3/22.

6.20 Last of the Summer Wine (S). 10/11. The trio help a broken-hearted man.

6.00 Premier League World (S,HD). A round-up of the latest news. 6.30 FL72 Preview.

7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 8/23. 7.30 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 13/23.

7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD). 7.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 15/22. Barney receives a mysterious video.

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 6/24. Lisa and Bart help Krusty find his father. 7.30 The Simpsons (R,S). 5/22. The family relocates to a farm.

7.00 Only Fools and Horses (S). 4/8. Rodney joins a band. 7.40 Only Fools and Horses (S). 5/8. The Trotters dogsit.

8.00 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 11/24. Charlie unexpectedly hosts a party. 8.30 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 12/24. Berta discovers Alan has been dating her daughter.

8.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 5/24. Sheldon re-evaluates the time he spends with Amy. 8.30 How I Met Your Mother (S,HD). 4/24. Barney learns how Ted feels about Robin.

8.00 Arrow (S,HD). 11/23. See Choices Above.

8.20 dinnerladies (S). 10/10. Stan hopes for a proposal.

7.30 Live Super League (HD). Salford Red Devils v St Helens (Kick-off 8.00pm). Eddie Hemmings and Mike Stephenson present coverage of the topflight match at the AJ Bell Stadium.

9.00 The Big Reunion 2014 (S,HD). 4/8. Members of boy band 3T – Taj, Taryll and TJ – speak about the extreme highs and lows of their time in the public eye and living in the shadow of their uncle Michael Jackson.

9.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (S,HD). 7/22. See Choices Above. 9.30 The Inbetweeners (R,S). 6/6. The gang goes on a camping trip. Last in the series.

9.00 The Smoke (S,HD). 2/8. Kev becomes convinced Trish is going to leave him, while Mal’s failings as a friend are highlighted by both firefighters’ reactions to a tragic incident on the tube.

9.00 Gavin & Stacey (S). 7/8. Nessa goes into labour a month early. 9.40 Gavin & Stacey – Christmas Special (S). 8/8. The Wests join the Shipmans on Christmas Eve.

10.00 Ross Kemp: Extreme 10.00 Fake Reaction (S,HD). 10.00 The Midnight Beast World (R,S,HD). 6/6. Ross 9/10. With Josie Gibson, (S,HD). 6/6. The guys try investigates the drug Rylan Clark, Natalie to raise money to save epidemic in Rio de Anderson and Matt the bingo hall. Last in Janeiro, witnessing Richardson. the series. dealers who operate 24 10.50 Mom (R,S,HD). 7/22. 10.30 The IT Crowd (R,S). 6/6. hours a day and meeting Christy clashes with Douglas becomes tired those trapped in a cycle Luke’s conservative of married life. Last in of addiction. Last in the parents. the series. series.

10.00 FL72 Preview. A look ahead to the latest round of fixtures in the Championship, League One and League Two.

11.20 Dads (R,S,HD). 5/19. Warner questions his own mortality. 11.45 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 11/24. Charlie unexpectedly hosts a party.

11.00 Rude Tube: Animal Madness (R,S). 2/6. The 50 most popular online videos featuring animals.

11.00 A League of Their Own (R,S,HD). 3/10. With Johnny Vegas, Charlotte Jackson and Harry Redknapp.

11.00 Gavin & Stacey (S). 1/6. 11.00 Ringside (HD). Boxing The gang reunites for magazine. Neil’s christening. 11.40 Rev (S). 6/6. Adam has a crisis of faith.

12.15 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 12.45 The Only Way Is Essex (R,S,HD). 1.30 The Big Reunion 2014 (R,S,HD). Members of boy band 3T discuss their lives. 2.20 Teleshopping. Home shopping. 5.50 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

12.05 Troy (R,S). The magician baffles members of the public at Notting Hill Carnival. 1.10 2 Broke Girls (R,S,HD). 1.40 Revenge (R,S,HD). 2.30 My Mad Fat Diary (R,S,HD). 3.20 The IT Crowd (R,S). 3.45 Glee (R,S,HD). 4.30 Ugly Betty (R,S,HD). Wilhelmina steps up her campaign to conquer Mode.

12.00 A League of Their Own (R,S,HD). 1.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 2.00 Road Wars (R,S). 3.00 Road Wars (R,S). 4.00 Crash Test Dummies (R,S,HD). 4.30 Crash Test Dummies (R,S,HD). 5.00 Airline USA (R,S). 5.30 Airline USA (R,S).

12.15 Gavin & Stacey (S). Nessa goes into labour a month early. 12.55 Gavin & Stacey – Christmas Special (S). The couple make a surprise announcement. 2.00 Gavin & Stacey (S). The gang reunites for Neil’s christening. 2.30 Rev (S). Adam has a crisis of faith. 3.00 Close

12.00 Premier League World (S,HD). A round-up of the latest news. 12.30 Super League (HD). Salford Red Devils v St Helens. 1.30 Premier League Darts (HD). The fourth round of the season from Glasgow. 5.00 Ringside (HD). Boxing magazine.

BBC3

7.00 Snog, Marry, Avoid? (R,S,HD). A tan-lover from Merseyside. 7.30 Snog, Marry, Avoid? (R,S,HD). 8.00 Hair (R,S,HD). Eight young hopefuls aim to be crowned Britain’s best amateur hair stylist. 9.00 Junior Paramedics (S). New series. Following nine student paramedics on their first placement. 10.00 Bluestone 42 (S,HD). 10.30 EastEnders (R,S,HD). 11.00 Family Guy (R,S). 11.25 Family Guy (R,S). 11.45 American Dad! (R,S). 12.10 American Dad! (R,S). 12.30 Bluestone 42 (R,S,HD). 1.00 Junior Paramedics (R,S). 2.00 Live at the Electric (R,S,HD). 2.30 Live at the Electric (R,S,HD). 3.00 Junior Paramedics (R,S).

BBC4

7.00 World News Today (HD); Weather. 7.30 Top of the Pops: 1979 (R). 8.00 Ever Decreasing Circles (R). 8.30 Brushing Up On – Miniature Britain (HD). 9.00 The Brits Who Built the Modern World (HD). 10.00 Storyville: Soccer Coach Zoran and His African Tigers (HD). Forming South Sudan’s first national football team. 11.15 Dissected: The Incredible Human Foot (R,HD). 12.15 The Life of Rock with Brian Pern (R,HD). 12.45 Dreaming the Impossible: Unbuilt Britain (R,HD). 1.45 Top of the Pops: 1979 (R). 2.25 Ever Decreasing Circles (R). 2.55 The Brits Who Built the Modern World (R).

THURSDAY February 27 ��’� ��

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TV PICKS

JONATHAN CREEK 9pm, BBC1

Alan Davies returns as the master illusionist, now happily married, who comes out of retirement to investigate a seemingly impossible attack on a West End actress.

BBC1

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

ROOM 101 8.30pm, BBC1

Broadcaster and former MP Gyles Brandreth, comedian and presenter Adam Hills and singer Melanie C – the woman who will forever be known as Sporty Spice – compete to have their pet hates banished to the infamous room. Host Frank Skinner has to choose between dislikes including passwords, £2 coins and movie spoilers.

BBC2

6.00 This Is BBC Two (S). 6.10 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 7.10 Countryside 999 (R,S,HD). 7.55 Caught Red Handed (R,S,HD). 8.25 Sign Zone: Paul Hollywood’s Pies & Puds (R,S). 9.10 Sign Zone: The Great Interior Design Challenge (R,S). 10.10 The Travel Show (S,HD). 11.00 BBC News (S,HD). 11.30 BBC World News (S,HD). 12.00 Daily Politics (S). 1.00 Instant Restaurant (R,S). 1.45 Andrew Marr’s The Making of Modern Britain (R,S,HD). 2.45 Cagney & Lacey (R,S). 3.30 Bergerac (R,S). 4.20 Are You Being Served? (R,S). 4.50 ’Allo ’Allo! (R,S). 5.15 Vintage Antiques Roadshow (R,S).

THE PITY OF WAR 9pm, BBC2

8 OUT OF 10 CATS DOES COUNTDOWN 9pm, Channel 4

Historian Niall Ferguson outlines his belief that Britain’s decision to enter the First World War was a tragic mistake and led to totalitarianism and genocide around the world.

ITV

6.00 Daybreak (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S). 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S,HD). 10.30 This Morning (S). 12.30 Loose Women (S,HD). With guest Jerry Springer. 1.30 ITV News and Weather (S). 1.55 ITV News West Country (S). 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal (S,HD). A look back at highlights of the ninth series. 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show (S,HD). 3.59 Regional Programme (S). 4.00 Tipping Point (S,HD). 5.00 The Chase (S,HD).

Jimmy Carr hosts the comedy panel show’s version of the famous quiz, with team captains Sean Lock and Jon Richardson joined by guests Kevin Bridges and James Corden. Countdown regular Susie Dent is in Dictionary Corner with Peter Serafinowicz, while Rachel Riley provides the letters and numbers.

Channel 4

6.20 Countdown (R,S,HD). 7.05 Paralympic Winter Games – The Countdown (R,S). 7.10 Will & Grace (R,S). 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S). 9.30 Frasier (R,S). 11.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 12.00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary (S). 12.05 Four in a Bed (R,S,HD). 2.40 Countdown (S,HD). 3.30 Deal or No Deal (S,HD). 4.30 Come Dine with Me (S). 5.00 Coach Trip (S). 5.30 Superstar Dogs: Countdown to Crufts (S).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.10 Police Interceptors (R,S,HD). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15 Benidorm ER (R,S,HD). A retired postmistress undergoes a life-saving operation. 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.20 NCIS (R,S). 3.20 Film: Black Friday (S,HD) (2007). Premiere. Thriller, starring Amy Carlson. ●● 5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD).

Coming Home … 8.30pm

Student Nurses … 8pm

Grand Designs, 8pm

NCIS: Los Angeles, 10pm

▼

6.00 BBC News (S,HD); Weather. 6.30 Regional News (S); Weather.

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather. 6.30 ITV News and Weather (S).

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 9/22. Homer has his jaw wired shut. 6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Nancy loses control of her temper when an old foe returns to the village.

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD). 6.30 NewsTalk Live (S,HD).

▼

7.00 The One Show (S,HD). Hosted by Chris Evans and Alex Jones. 7.30 Regional Programme (R,S,HD). Followed by BBC News; Regional News.

6.00 Revenge of the Egghead (S,HD). Spin-off from the popular quiz, hosted by Jeremy Vine. 6.30 Great Continental Railway Journeys (S,HD). 10/12. 7.00 Permission Impossible: Britain’s Planners (S,HD). 4/8. A businessman fights a pastor’s proposal for a new church and community centre. Series continues on Tuesday.

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Declan warns Jai about using Megan to get to him. 7.30 Coronation Street (S,HD). Jake is rushed to hospital with suspected meningitis.

7.00 Channel 4 News (S). 7.55 Paralympic Winter Games – The Countdown (S). Interviews with athletes competing at the 2014 Winter Paralympics.

7.00 The Gadget Show (R). Ortis Deley returns to the presenting team and visits the Italian Institute of Technology in Genoa. Followed by 5 News Update.

▼

8.00 EastEnders (S,HD). Tina and Sonia accompany Cindy to the hospital. 8.30 Room 101 (S,HD). 6/8. See Choices Above.

8.00 Mastermind (S,HD). 25/31. Five contestants compete in the first semi-final. 8.30 Coming Home: John Humphrys (S,HD). 4/4. The broadcaster traces his family history in Cardiff.

8.00 Student Nurses: Bedpans and Bandages (S,HD). 3/8. Second-year Aimee deals with an emergency admission. 8.30 Coronation Street (S,HD). Owen and Gary desperately try to contact Phelan.

8.00 Grand Designs (R,S,HD). 7/11. Kevin McCloud follows a London couple’s project to transform an inefficient and uninspiring 1950s house into a sleek, modernist masterpiece.

8.00 Ice Road Truckers (S,HD). Alex tries to reach the Yukon before a storm closes the road, Porkchop is assigned to deliver a load of dog food, and Hugh and Rick take on a risky job. Followed by 5 News at 9.

▼

9.00 Jonathan Creek (S,HD). 1/3. See Choices Above.

9.00 The Pity of War (S,HD). See Choices Above.

9.00 Edge of Heaven (S,HD). 2/6. See Choices Above.

9.00 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown (S). 2/2. See Choices Above.

9.00 Booze, Bust-Ups & Brothels: Soho Blues (R,S). 5/6. Police officers in London’s West End are called to assist a man who has fallen 60ft, and later target pickpockets who are carrying thousands of pounds in stolen currency.

▼

6 7 8 9

The Graham Norton Show, 10.35pm

10.00 BBC News (S,HD). 10.25 Regional News (S). Followed by National Lottery Update. 10.35 The Graham Norton Show (S,HD). 19/19. With Ant and Dec, Aaron Paul and Jamie Dornan. Last in the series.

10.30 Newsnight (S,HD). Followed by Weather.

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S). 10.30 ITV News West Country (S); Weather. 10.35 The Americans (R,S,HD). 10/13. In the aftermath of Amador’s murder, Gregory finds himself with limited options, and as the FBI closes in, he makes a decision that leaves Elizabeth distressed.

10.00 The Last Leg (S,HD). 5/8. A comic review of the past seven days. 10.50 Jimmy Carr: Making People Laugh (R,S). The comedian performs a stand-up set recorded at the SECC Glasgow during his Making People Laugh tour.

10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (S,HD). 1/24. New series. Spin-off drama following the work of an elite NCIS division. A naval officer is killed during an LAPD shootout. Chris O’Donnell and LL Cool J star.

▼

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

11.25 Pound Shop Wars (R,S,HD). 4/4. Poundworld CEO Chris Edwards launches an online shop. Last in the series. 11.55 EastEnders (S,HD). Omnibus.

11.05 One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (S,HD) (1975). See Choices Above. ●●●●●

11.35 The Chase (R,S,HD). /148. Quiz show, hosted by Bradley Walsh.

11.55 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (S,HD). 7/22. Jake rushes to collect enough evidence to keep a suspect in custody.

11.00 CSI: NY (R,S,HD). 3/17. A man’s body is found on the Brooklyn Bridge. 11.55 Access (R). Showbiz news and gossip.

1.50 Weatherview (S). 1.55 BBC News (S,HD).

1.15 Sign Zone: Question Time (R,S). From Newport in Gwent. 2.15 Sign Zone: Hidden Kingdoms (R,S). Documentary following a young tree shrew on the lookout for food. 3.15 This Is BBC Two (S). Preview of upcoming programmes.

12.30 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming. 3.00 Film: Hearts in Atlantis (S,HD) (2001). See Choices Above. ●● 4.40 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-based information service.

12.20 Film: Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan (S,HD) (2006). ●●●● 1.45 Random Acts (S). 1.50 The Simpsons (R,S). 2.10 The Simpsons (R,S). 2.35 Paralympic Winter Games – The Countdown (R,S). 2.40 Happy Endings (S,HD). 3.00 Happy Endings (S,HD). 3.25 Franklin & Bash (S,HD). 4.05 Location, Location, Location (R,S,HD). 5.00 SuperScrimpers (S,HD). 5.15 Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD).

12.00 SuperCasino. Live interactive gaming. 3.10 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away! (R). An insight into the world of debt collection. 4.00 House Doctor (R,S). 4.20 House Doctor (R,S). A cottage in East Sussex. 4.45 Great Artists (R,S). Profile of Tiziano Vecellio, known as Titian. 5.10 Wildlife SOS (R,S). The work of a wildlife sanctuary. 5.35 Wildlife SOS (R,S).

10 11

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Carly returns to Margate with a new partner in tow, so Alfie hooks up with a former schoolmate, determined to show his ex he has moved on. Comedy drama, starring Blake Harrison.

ITV2 6.00 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 7.45 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S). 8.30 Dinner Date (R,S). 9.30 The Real Housewives of Atlanta (R,S,HD). 10.30 The Real Housewives of New Jersey (R,S,HD). 11.30 Millionaire Matchmaker (R,S,HD). 12.30 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 1.30 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 2.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S). 4.10 The Real Housewives of New Jersey (S,HD). 5.05 Millionaire Matchmaker (R,S,HD).

STELLA 9pm, Sky1

Michael takes great pleasure in telling smug ex-wife Jan he has a date for the charity gala – now all he has to do is actually ask Stella if she’ll accompany him to the bash. Temptation continues to get the better of Emma, as a few stolen kisses with Marcus spiral into something far more serious.

Sky1 6.00 Crash Test Dummies (R,S,HD). 7.00 Dog the Bounty Hunter (R,S). 8.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 9.00 Futurama (R,S). 10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). The killer of McGarrett’s father kidnaps Chin Ho. 3.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 3.30 Futurama (R,S). 4.30 The Simpsons (R,S). 5.30 Modern Family (R).

FILM PICKS

EDGE OF HEAVEN 9pm, ITV

ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO’S NEST 11.05pm, BBC2

HEARTS IN ATLANTIS 3am, ITV A youngster, neglected by his vain mother and bullied by local youths, befriends an elderly man with otherworldly powers. Drama, starring Anthony Hopkins .

A convict is sent to a psychiatric hospital, where he encourages the patients to rebel. Drama, starring Jack Nicholson.

GOLD 6.20 Ever Decreasing Circles (S). 6.50 ’Allo ’Allo! (S). 7.35 As Time Goes By (S). 8.15 Goodnight Sweetheart. 8.55 Keeping Up Appearances (S). 9.35 Waiting for God (S). 10.15 Last of the Summer Wine (S). 11.35 Ever Decreasing Circles (S). 12.15 Outnumbered (S). 12.55 Only Fools and Horses (S). 2.15 The Green Green Grass (S). 2.55 ’Allo ’Allo! (S). 3.40 As Time Goes By (S). 4.20 Goodnight Sweetheart. 5.00 Keeping Up Appearances (S). 5.40 Last of the Summer Wine (S).

Sky Sports 1 6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 9.00 Ringside (HD). 10.00 FL72 Preview. 11.00 Football Gold (S,HD). 11.30 Premier League World (S,HD). 12.00 Premier League Darts (HD). The fourth round of the season from Glasgow. 3.30 FL72 Preview. 4.30 UEFA Champions League Highlights. 5.30 Football’s Greatest (S).

Practical Magic, 9pm

Airplane!, 9pm

Stella, 9pm

The Royle Family, 9pm

Live Super League, 7.30pm

6.00 Dinner Date (R,S). 8/30. Liverpudlian Mike chooses three blind dates.

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 2/17. 6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 3/17. Leonard asks a woman out.

6.00 Modern Family (R). 8/24. 6.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 7/22.

6.20 Last of the Summer Wine (S). 2/11. The gang seeks enlightenment.

6.00 Champions League Weekly (HD). 6.30 The Fantasy Football Club (HD).

7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 9/23. Featuring a skier caught on a chair lift. 7.30 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 14/23.

7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Tom makes sure Sienna feels unwelcome after she returns to the village. 7.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 16/22.

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 3/22. Homer is paralysed by a venomous spider. 7.30 The Simpsons (R,S). 15/24. Marge has a nervous breakdown.

7.00 Only Fools and Horses (S). 6/8. Del sets Rodney up on a date. 7.40 Only Fools and Horses (S). 7/8.

8.00 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 13/24. Jake overhears his mother having sex. 8.30 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 14/24. Charlie sets Alan up with the new neighbour.

8.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 4/24. Barney learns how Ted feels about Robin. 8.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 5/24. Sheldon re-evaluates the time he spends with Amy.

8.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 5/22. Marge buys a tandem. 8.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 3/24. Gloria panics when Joe is deemed too aggressive.

8.20 Outnumbered (S). 5/6. Ben is determined to enter a school talent competition.

7.30 Live Super League (HD). Hull Kingston Rovers v Castleford Tigers (Kick-off 8.00pm). Eddie Hemmings and Mike Stephenson present coverage of the topflight match at Craven Park.

9.00 Practical Magic (S,HD) (1998). Two sisters descended from a long line of witches try to lift a curse that causes any man who falls in love with them to die. Fantasy, starring Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman. ●●

9.00 Stella (S,HD). 6/10. See Choices Above.

9.00 The Royle Family (S). 2/6. Jim is surprised by the wedding costs. 9.40 The Royle Family (S). 4/6. The family celebrates Jim’s birthday.

10.20 The Royle Family (S). 10.00 Duck Quacks Don’t 5/6. Dave is accused of Echo (S,HD). 4/8. Lee flirting. Mack hosts the comedy panel game in which Miranda Hart, Stephen Graham and Richard Ayoade come up with all manner of amazing facts. 11.10 Take Me Out (R,S,HD). 8/8. This week’s contestants include Mr Wales 2013 and a semipro wrestler. Last in the series.

11.00 Troy (R,S,HD). 3/6. The magician baffles members of the public at Notting Hill Carnival.

11.00 Moone Boy (R,S,HD). 2/6. 11.30 A League of Their Own (R,S,HD). 4/10.

11.00 Shooting Stars (S). 5/6. With guests Mathew Horne, Alex Reid, Penny Smith and Tim Lovejoy. 11.40 Rev (S). 4/7.

12.45 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). Jake overhears his mother having sex. 1.10 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). Charlie sets Alan up with the new neighbour. 1.35 Dads (R,S,HD). 1.55 Mom (R,S,HD). 2.20 Teleshopping. Home shopping. 5.50 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

12.00 Rude Tube: Viral Ads (R,S). 1.00 The Midnight Beast (R,S,HD). 1.35 The Midnight Beast (R,S,HD). 2.05 PhoneShop (R,S,HD). 2.35 Celebrity Bedlam (R,S,HD). 3.00 Balls of Steel Australia (R,S). 3.30 The Ricky Gervais Show (R,S,HD). 3.55 Glee (R,S,HD). 4.40 Ugly Betty (R,S,HD).

12.30 A League of Their Own (R,S,HD). 1.30 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 2.20 Road Wars (R,S). 3.10 Road Wars (R,S). 4.00 Crash Test Dummies (R,S,HD). 4.30 Crash Test Dummies (R,S,HD). 5.00 Airline USA (R,S). 5.30 Airline USA (R,S).

12.20 The Royle Family (S). Jim is surprised by the wedding costs. 1.00 The Royle Family (S). The family celebrates Jim’s birthday. 1.30 The Royle Family (S). Dave is accused of flirting. 2.00 Shooting Stars (S). 2.30 Rev (S). 3.00 Close

10.00 Super League (HD). Catalan Dragons v Leeds Rhinos. Eddie Hemmings and Mike Stephenson introduce another chance to the Super League match at the Stade Gilbert Brutus.

BBC3

7.00 Doctor Who: The Ultimate Guide (S,HD). 7.10 Doctor Who (R,S,HD). The newly regenerated Doctor has 20 minutes to save the world. 8.15 Doctor Who (R,S,HD). 9.00 Little Fockers (S,HD) (2010). Comedy sequel, starring Ben Stiller and Robert De Niro. ●● 10.30 EastEnders (R,S,HD). 11.00 Family Guy (R,S,HD). 11.25 Family Guy (R,S,HD). 11.50 American Dad! (R,S). 12.15 American Dad! (R,S). 12.35 Pramface (R,S,HD). 1.05 Ja’mie: Private School Girl (R,S,HD). 1.30 Impractical Jokers (R,S,HD). 2.00 Festivals, Sex & Suspicious Parents (R,S,HD). 3.00 Pramface (R,S,HD). 3.30 Bluestone 42 (R,S).

BBC4

7.00 World News Today (HD); Weather. The day’s leading stories. 7.30 Elgar: The Man Behind the Mask (R,HD). Documentary exploring the life of composer Edward Elgar, revealing how the seemingly confident man struggled to accept his lowly origins and Catholic religion. 9.00 Hello Quo (2012). Documentary about rock band Status Quo. ●●●● 10.20 TOTP2 (R). Status Quo’s most memorable performances. 11.05 Classic Albums (R). 12.00 Guitar Heroes at the BBC (R). 1.00 Film: Hello Quo (2012). ●●●● 2.20 TOTP2 (R). 3.05 Sounds of the 70s 2 Troubadours – Peaceful Easy Feeling (R).

FRIDAY February 28 ��’� ��

12.00 Super League (HD). 1.00 Super League (HD). 2.00 Premier League Preview (HD). 2.30 Champions League Weekly (HD). 3.00 International One-Day Cricket (HD). 4.00 The Fantasy Football Club (HD). 5.00 Premier League Preview (HD). 5.30 Champions League Weekly (HD).

Homes &Living �� ’� ��

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The hair, and the duffel coat, are back �� ’ ��

he’s only four years old but Alan Davies’ daughter has already heard a lot about Jonathan Creek. “She’s heard the words ‘Jonathan Creek’ so many times that she’s asked who Jonathan Creek is,” says the comedian, who has played the magician and title character in the BBC One drama since 1997. And the questions don’t stop there. “‘Daddy’, she goes, ‘What’s stand-up?’. It’s so peculiar and funny that she’s heard that phrase, possibly from Katie and I talking [about it],” explains the 47-year-old, who started out on the stand-up circuit. “Even if you thought about it all day, you won’t be able to find a way of explaining stand-up to a four-year-old.” Katie is Katie Maskell, Davies’ wife of seven years who is a children’s author and mother to their daughter, Susie, and two-year-old son, Robert. It’s clear that his family is ever present in his mind. Davies was raised in Essex by his dad, after his mum died when he was six

years old. After studying drama at university, he started his comedy career in the late Eighties, before finding greater fame in Jonathan Creek. Last year, after a decade-long break, Davies began performing stand-up again and has suddenly found himself very busy – there’s a new tour, Little Victories, coming up this spring, as well as Apres Ski, an entertainment show to tie in with the Winter Olympics, another series of the panel show QI and a new chat show in the pipeline. “It’s always the way with these things. You sit around for ages wondering what you’ll do and then you think, ‘Oh I’ll do a stand-up tour’, and then you get offered three programmes at once, all of which you want to do,” he says. “It’s nothing to complain about but it does make it a little harder to see the children, so I try very hard to balance it out. But the thing that actually gives way is your own life. Katie and I don’t do anything or go anywhere, all our spare time is spent with the children.” He uses video messaging to

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stay in touch with his family when he’s away. Twitter is something that has lost its shine for Davies, however (although he does enjoy hearing from people who’ve been to his gigs), because he reasons: “Why am I looking at this when my children are in the next room?” The youngsters won’t be watching their dad in Jonathan Creek – “they’re more interested in Peppa Pig and Charlie And Lola DVDs”. And they probably wouldn’t recognise him anyway, given the unflattering extensions he has to wear, now that his hair’s shorter in real life. “I went into the make-up bus and they had a polyester head with these lank, greasy, grey dark wefts [of hair],” says Davies. “I was like, ‘I can’t remember there being a tramp character. The poor, sad actor who has to put that in their hair’, and the next thing I know, they put it in mine!” But the hair, along with the character’s trademark duffel coat (which the actor keeps at home in North London), means he can “look in the mirror and

it’s a very familiar face to see”. Familiar as Creek is to Davies, some of the stunts he had to pull off in this series weren’t. One in particular saw him conquering his fear of horses, so that he could canter alongside a young horse rider. “I’m quite scared of horses,” he explains. “I had a bad experience on a horse when I was about 23 in Canada. “I’d never been horse riding before. I’d been pony riding on Blackpool beach but the thing just set off, I lost the reins, I lost the stirrups, my horse just bolted. “This was all while I was shouting, ‘If I fall off this I’ll sue’, which they said they almost risked because they were laughing so much.” Nowadays, adventures are kept closer to home and Davies is enjoying spending as much time as possible with his young family. “Every parent I know who has teenagers says they suddenly go from wanting to be with you all the time to never wanting to see you,” he says. “So you have to make the most of it.”

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