Why Being Heard Matters

By Buko Toyi

Humans are inherently emotional beings, and in relationships as well as in the working environment emotion is an essential part of communication. How a person is understood, and how their input is valued, can be very different depending on who is speaking, with implications for power relations at every level of society

Very commonly, without even realising it, we tend to stigmatise emotion when someone else expresses it, and to this day traditional gender stereotypes are preventing women from being effectively heard in many instances. Both men and women are socialised to suppress certain emotions, very often in reference to their gender. Men often grow up being told that ‘big boys don’t cry’, while when a woman feels strongly about an issue, she is more likely to be labelled as ‘emotional’ or ‘overreacting’.

In the work environment, each person has the responsibility to self-regulate their emotions within the professional context, yet everyone should have the space to express emotion, within appropriate boundaries, and to be heard.

When it comes to displays of emotion such as frustration, annoyance or disappointment, the more forceful or uncompromising way that many men tend to express emotion is often interpreted as ‘passion’ or ‘strength’. However when women share what they are experiencing with these kinds of emotions, it is more likely to be perceived negatively as ‘overbearing’ or ‘unbalanced’.

The difference in the way society perceives men and women when they display similar levels of emotion is a reflection of the unconscious gender bias rather than the relative abilities of men and women. When women are viewed as ‘emotional’, this tends to have the effect that others mistakenly perceive them as less rational, and this trivialises and minimises the value and the impact of what they are communicating.

Any group that is silenced is effectively deprived of power, and this reinforces inequalities in our society.