‘THE VIRGIN’

By Madeleine McColl

Entering university as a first-year student can be terrifying. But the new labels attached to who you are can be the most terrifying part — enter “the virgin.”

One of the most common stressors of beginning university involves dating, relationships and, of course, sex. For people who didn’t have sex in high school, coming into a university atmosphere where condoms are blown up into balloons for someone’s birthday can be intimidating.

But what even is a “virgin?”

According to the Cambridge Dictionary, a virgin is “someone who has never had sex.”

While definitions surrounding virginity can be tricky, defining what sex is can be even more confusing.

Lauren Forster, a Western University alumna from media, information and technoculture, sees the current definition of virginity as overly simplistic and heteronormative.

“[The current definition] doesn’t really even define what sex is,” says Forster. “When we say sex, in relation to virginity, what we’re talking about is penetration. That’s not necessarily what sex is. Many people have many different forms of sex.”

Forster asserts “virginity is a culturally created ideal” and argues “the un- derstanding of virginity needs to shift from being a purely literal definition, in relation to just someone that hasn’t had sex, towards an understanding of it as more of a cultural phenomenon.”

Forster started her journey at Western having not had sex. When she began exploring her sexuality in her first year, she noticed a change.

“When I did begin kind of exploring sexually in university, I think I started to pick up on … ‘I’m seeing myself now in a different way. How are other people seeing me?’”

John Luo, a second-year sociology student, also grappled with this idea of virginity in his first year at Western.

Luo lived in China before coming to Canada and attended a Catholic high school. Both environments shared the belief that you shouldn’t have premarital sex.

“When I came to Western, and I realized how open people are about [sex] … it was a little odd at first, but then I realized I was the weird one for not doing it,” he says. “At first, I was like, maybe I should engage in this sort of hookup culture, but I realized it’s not really for me.”

Luo noticed the stigmas surrounding virginity in conversations with his peers at Western.

“If someone quote on quote still is a virgin, people would make fun of them for being either not attractive physically, or [for having] an off-putting personality.”

Publicly shaming “the virgin” is not new at Western. A banner stating “our roommate is a virgin pls help” was hung on a house on Broughdale Avenue during 2019 FOCO.

Forster notes that these stigmas and shame surrounding “virginity” are also tied to our concepts of gender.

“My friends who were men were facing very different kinds of pressures and stigmas about being a virgin than my friends that were women,” says Forster.

Luo suggests these different gender roles can be attributed to power imbalances between genders.

“If a guy said that they were a virgin at a certain age, people [would] clown on him. But, if a girl said that … everybody’s like, ‘Oh, I mean, that’s respectable,’” he says.

These gendered stigmas surrounding “virginity” are also tied to sexual and gender-based violence. In June 2019, Western issued an apology for a convocation speech by Canadian Musician Stephan Moccio.

In this speech, Moccio shared a memory from his time at Western when he saw a sign that said, “thank you fathers for dropping off your virgin daughters.” Moccio has since apologized for this comment.

Forster also notes the language we use to talk about virginity, such as virginity being “taken” from us, is violent.

“As someone that identifies as a woman, I have felt like I am basically the vulnerable or like a passive party in the exchange of virginity,” says Forster. “[Virginity] shouldn’t be seen as some- thing that can be given or taken.”

Given the various pressures surrounding sex in university beyond, Forster and Luo both agree that if you think the timing is right and you are comfortable, the decision is yours — and that you shouldn’t “lose it” because other people have.

“Your sexual life, as long as you are being responsible and kind, is not anyone else’s business,” Forster says.

“Whether you’ve lost your virginity, and you feel weird about that, or you haven’t lost your virginity, or you have lots of sexual partners, [say that] ‘whatever I decide to do with my body, as long as I am doing it in a kind and responsible way to others, is okay.’”

So, do you really need to begin your university career with a (literal) bang?

Fuck that, or don’t — it’s up to you!