How Catholic guilt shaped my worldview

By Rebecca Streef

As a Catholic, there’s a lot I feel guilty about. The institution of the Catholic Church is responsible for atrocities such as residential schools and sexual assault scandals.

There is a personal level of guilt as well. The implied pressure to remain “pure” to avoid “going to hell” is a toxic mindset that can affect a young person’s psyche at the most vulnerable time in their lives.

As someone who spent 14 years in the Catholic school system, I can confirm that this pressure is very real.

Growing up Catholic shaped my worldview. Whether it be self-image or relationships with others, a Catholic education guilts you into believing there is one right way to approach sexuality — denying its existence.

To say my education was old fashioned would be an understatement.

There was immense pressure to live up to a standard of “purity.” Strict dress codes focused on being conservative — my friends and I were criticized if our shorts hit too high above the knee or, God forbid, a bra strap was visible. All to avoid “distracting” male classmates. Somehow, girls bear the responsibility to police not only their sexuality, but their male classmates’ too.

The notion that my body was something to be ashamed of made me feel guilty just for being a teenage girl.

This raging misogyny was later emphasized by how my school approached sexual education.

Preaching abstinence outside of marriage — where masturbation, sex and watching porn were considered to be breaking your commitment to God — is a damaging idealism to be surrounded by. It caused me to grow up believing that any sexual thoughts were immoral, despite it being a perfectly natural part of puberty.

No one taught me how to face the pressures of hookup culture in university or how birth control can be used for more than avoiding pregnancy.

Coming to Western University expanded my horizons, and retaught me to embrace my sexuality. The people I met were open and honest about sex — I overheard more than one group discussing it over dinner in the Saugeen-Maitland Hall cafeteria. I learned that sexuality is not something evil or to be avoided at all costs. Discussing sexuality and sex can be healthy and enlightening.

Having those open discussions with friends changed my perspective on myself and the people around me.

The sense of shame I had associated with sexuality began to disappear. I didn’t deserve to feel bad for being a normal teenager just because I grew up going to church every Sunday.

It’s important to embrace your desires as they help you understand yourself and where you stand in relation to others.

By creating a culture of repression in schools, the Catholic community leaves their children vulnerable. Not everyone takes the time to learn what they were not taught and question what they were, furthering a cycle of miseducation and guilt.

While I am grateful to the community I was raised in, I have learned to let go of some of the archaic values that came with it.

Growing up, religion was important to me. But now, Catholicism’s power over me has been replaced with a newfound understanding of sexuality and identity — something my school neglected to teach me.