Woman Complimentary
August 2017
West Georgia TM
MEN
21ST CENTURY Featuring:
William Brooks • Ben Chambers • Brent Harris Fred O'Neal • John Paulk • Christopher Pike Charles Procter Jr. • Howard Seeman • Michael Stone
Woman
August 2016
Complimentary
West Georgia
TM TM
e
THE
MAN
ISSUE
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Remember the men in our inaugural Man Issue? They're still here and faithfully supporting West Georgia Woman Magazine! Read what they've been up to this year on page 58.
Christopher Pike, Director of Downtown Development and Tourism, has a bold vision for Villa Rica's future. 1
This publication is dedicated in loving memory of
Tristan Alexander Brooks May 15,1993 - September 17,2015
He will remain forever in our hearts ...
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We have served patients in Carroll County since 1995 as Primary Care Group of West Georgia. In that time we have grown to add specialty doctors board certified in pulmonary disease, sleep medicine and most recently, rheumatology. We now find it necessary to change our name but not our focus.
Get Well. Stay Well. Primary Care • 770.834.3351 Lung and Sleep • 770.838.5864 Rheumatology • 770.834.3351
Professional Park Building • 100 Professional Place • Suite 204 Carrollton, Ga. 30117
www.pcgofwestga.com
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What’s inside...
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21st Century Men
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The Challenge: Becoming A Man And Learning To Love
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A Kiss For Silent Witnesses
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A Clinical Approach To Treating Pelvic Floor Disorders
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Daily Fare
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The Fear That Cheats Us Of Love
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Celebrate His Success
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3 Reasons Men Avoid The Doctor (And 4 Reasons Not To)
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Inaugural Man Issue Update
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Kidz Korner
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Mentality
Is his college fund plan on track? It’s our pleasure to help you work toward a bright, financial future, one milestone at a time.
Your Financial Family
551 Newnan St • Carrollton Ga 30117 • 770.830.0063 www.milestoneinvestmentsllc.com Financial Planning • Retirement Planning • Stocks • Bonds • Mutual Funds
Securities offered through LPL Financial. Member FINRA/SIPC. Investment advice offered through IFG Advisory, LLC, a registered investment advisor. IFG Advisory, LLC and Milestone Investment Management, LLC are separate entities from LPL Financial.
Jennifer, Andrea and Michael 7
Celebrating Men
Summer is over and it's time to shop for school supplies and clothes, register our children for school and implement those routines into our daily lives again – like early bedtimes if you're like me and let the kids slack a little on that this summer. We still have some hot weather to go, and for that I am grateful. I'm not a big fan of winter! In This Issue
This issue is all about the men who support West Georgia Woman magazine. When we published our inaugural Man Issue last year, the response from our readers – both women and men – was incredible, and I knew we needed to keep creating an annual issue about the wonderful men in our community who faithfully support us behind the scenes with their advertising dollars. I hope you enjoy reading about this wonderful group of valuable supporters in our 2nd annual Man Issue. Of course, I would be remiss if I didn't thank the men who are part of the West Georgia Woman magazine team. Kin Brooks, my father, who is a distributor of the magazine really makes sure our product gets in your hands by distributing in over 800 locations throughout West Georgia and Northeast Alabama. Because of his hard work and dedication, the magazine is seen and read by thousands every month. There's nothing like having someone out there working for you that you can trust as much as I trust my dad. My son, Zachary, came on board as a salesperson a few months ago. He has made my life so much easier for me. Not only does he work on the sales side, but he has also taken over some of the social media load as well as runs most of the errands I have to do every week so I can concentrate on my work. It has truly been a joy working with my son. Keith May, our photographer, does amazing work and is always willing to go the extra mile. He also created a branding campaign for West Georgia Woman that I love. He's currently seeking out other businesses who may need some marketing and branding help. Check out his Facebook page, "May Photo & Design," if you'd like to see some of the campaigns he has created for businesses in West Georgia. Editorial contributor Gil Royal came on board a few months ago as well. His poetry is so relatable to women, and he is a dear person. I keep trying to convince him he needs to publish his own book! I am so thankful for one of my biggest fans, Dr. Fred Richards. Fred is truly a champion for the magazine, and for me – he's always giving me great ideas for articles, wonderful books to read and provides me with many of the quotes we place in the Womentality section every month. He also tries very hard to make sure I take care of myself! Last, but not least, I have to thank the men who support our publication through their advertising every month. From our very special charter advertisers who have been with us from the beginning, to those who have just come on board, your commitment to helping us bring West Georgia Woman magazine to thousands of readers every month is so appreciated. Thank you for reading! Be sure to read about what our wonderful charter supporters of the magazine we featured in last year's Man Issue have been up to on page 58, and much of our editorial this month has been provided by our valuable male supporters. Please give those included in this issue a call or stop by their businesses and tell them "thank you" for providing this wonderful resource for you each month!
See you in September,
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Publisher
Finding our voice. Knowing our value. Making a difference. TM
West Georgia Woman is a voice for and about the women who live and work in West Georgia. Our mission is to engage, inspire, and cultivate a cohesive community for all women in West Georgia by sharing our hopes, our dreams and our lives. This magazine would not be possible without the inclusion of our advertisers. Please be sure to show your support by doing business with these VIP’s (very important partners) so we will be able to continue to share with you our stories about amazing West Georgia women! Please be sure to tell them we sent you! Inspiring women wanted. Do you know an interesting woman who should be on the cover of West Georgia Woman? Is there a special project or organization you would like us to feature in our magazine? Let us know! Email your suggestions to: features@westgeorgiawoman.com Share your special events. Send your upcoming events to: calendar@westgeorgiawoman.com Send us your photos! We welcome your local event and wedding photos. Email your photos to: photos@westgeorgiawoman.com All submissions must be 300 dpi or higher.
We welcome your comments and suggestions. Contact us: Angela@westgeorgiawoman.com (404) 502-0251
Woman
Online: www.westgeorgiawoman.com Follow us!
Facebook.com/@WestGaWoman @WestGAWoman
Instagram.com/westgawoman Need a copy? Get yours at Kroger, Publix, Southern Home and Ranch, Food Depot (Maple Street) and A+ Consignment in Carrollton. Publix at Mirror Lake, Piggly Wiggly and CVS in Bowdon and Piggly Wiggly in Tallapoosa as well as over 750 other retail locations and medical offices in West Georgia! Need to advertise? Email sales@westgeorgiawoman.com or Zachary@westgeorgiawoman.com
All submissions will be included as space is available. West Georgia Woman reserves the right to reject or edit any submissions that are not in compliance with our editorial policy. If you wish to have your submission returned, The views, opinions, positions or strat- please include a self addressed stamped envelope along with your submission.
egies expressed by the contributing authors are theirs alone, and do not necessarily reflect the views, opinions, positions or strategies of Angel Media, LLC., West Georgia Woman magazine or any employee thereof. Angel Media, LLC. makes no representations as to accuracy, completeness, correctness, suitability, or validity of any information in this publication and will not be liable for any errors, omissions, or delays in this information or any losses, injuries, or damages arising from its display or use.
West Georgia Woman is a monthly publication of Angel Media, LLC. All contents of this issue are copyright 2017. West Georgia Woman magazine, its logo and “Finding our voice. Knowing our value. Making a difference.” are trademarks of Angel Media, LLC. All rights reserved. Reproduction without permission is strictly prohibited. Mail correspondence to: West Georgia Woman P.O. Box 2782 Carrollton, GA 30112
West Georgia
TM
Volume 2 • Issue 10 August 2017
Publisher/Editor
Angela Dailey angela@westgeorgiawoman.com
Copy Editor Editorial Contributor
Shala Hainer shala@westgeorgiawoman.com
Photographer for cover and page 8 Keith May
Photographer for page 80 Mark Steffey
Editorial Contributors
Ken Boss, M.D., Charlene Brooks, James Cullison, M.D., Julie Culpepper, Sidney M. Jourard, Ph.D. (posthumously), Fred Richards, P.h.D. and G.S. Royal
Advertising Sales
Zachary@westgeorgiawoman.com Angela Brooks Dailey, owner and publisher of West Georgia Woman magazine, has lived in West Georgia most of her life and has a deep love and appreciation for the area. She received her B.B.A in management from The University of West Georgia in Carrollton, Ga., and is a Civil and Domestic Relations mediator and arbitrator registered with the Georgia Office of Dispute Resolution. She lives in Carrollton, and has two wonderful children, Zachary and Sydney Dailey. Angela enjoys reading, spending time with her children and extended family and loves to watch Sydney play soccer.
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21 CENTURY MEN ST
Celebrating the Hearts of Men in West Georgia E
By Angela Dailey
earlier in the year, I was really struggling with the content of our second annual Man Issue. I was looking for something different. I wanted to ask these men who are so important to me, our readers and West Georgia Woman magazine some questions with a little more substance. "What do you think the Man Issue should be about this year, and what questions should I ask?" I asked one day in the spring over a cup of coffee with Keith May, our photographer, and Dr. Fred Richards, my mentor. After all, who better to know what to ask men, than a man
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himself? They each gave me some wonderful ideas, some of which are included in this issue, and it was a question Keith brought up that really hooked me. "How about asking them how their perception of women has changed over the years from child, to adult?" Keith said. That question intrigued me and brought memories back of what it was like growing up with little boys – pigtail pulling, bra snapping, how they would say "girls are stupid" and the whole "Eeww get away from me you have cooties," kind of thing. Then, when we all became adolescents and young adults growing up with those same little boys, all of a sudden there was a significant change in the dynamics of the boy/girl relationship. There was the passing of love notes in the classroom, handholding, first dates and first kisses, and then they were trying to get to your bra for totally different reasons than before. Not much has changed in that respect, no matter how old they get, right? As we all matured, some started working or finished college and most of us got married, settled down and had kids. We all settled into our careers and families. But then a few years later, something tragic happened to many of us – divorce. Boy, that will change the dynamics between men and women. A time in our lives where we are lost and heartbroken, loaded down with heavy baggage
Stop Worrying. Start Living.
and broken dreams. A time where the last thing we wanted to do again was play those first adolescent relationship games that we thought were all behind us. Although I knew many men try to hide their inner thoughts and feelings for fear of being labeled "soft," I thought it would be interesting to see how the men we would be featuring in this issue would respond to some of the difficult and thought provoking questions I asked them, or if they would even respond to some of the questions at all. I was touched by their willingness to open up, and honestly and sincerely share their true thoughts and feelings with our readers. And I am so grateful that a few of them opened their hearts and shared so much more with me about themselves than I ever really expected. To all of the men in this issue – thank you – not only for supporting West Georgia Woman, but also for sharing a part of yourselves with all of us. I am so glad I know you. This issue highlights a few of the men who faithfully support a magazine designed specifically for women. They recognize the impact women make in the community, in their jobs, in their places of worship and in their families. Please join me in celebrating and thanking our stalwart supporters, these wonderful 21st-century men.
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Photos by Keith May
William E. Brooks Attorney The Law Office of William E. Brooks iustitia 12omnibus
Immigration Attorney
Q
uiet and reserved, but with a hilarious sense of humor, William Brooks is a man who is very dear to West Georgia Woman magazine publisher Angela Dailey; William is her big brother, who also happens to be a very intelligent, kind and compassionate immigration attorney. A West Georgia native, William lives in Houston Texas, with his wife, Emma, and his son Nathan, 22. Although he no longer lives in Haralson County, he has many clients in the West Georgia area, and he enjoys coming back home frequently to work with his existing clients, and to spend time with his two grandchildren, Coen, 5, and Finnick, 2. West Georgia Woman: Tell us about your business – what is your mission, your business model, or how do you help/what service do you provide to West Georgia consumers? What is it about your business that makes it different? How long have you been in business? William Brooks: I am a solo practitioner immigration attorney. I have clients in the West Georgia area and visit quite frequently to help existing clients and acquire new clients. My mission simply put is to help immigrants to live the American dream. Having been through the process personally – my spouse and step-sons are Colombian – I connect with my clients on a personal level knowing their frustrations and fears. My personal experience allows me to better serve my clients and add a very human touch to the process that many other immigration attorneys lack. WGW: As an advertiser, what was it about West Georgia Woman that drew you to it? WB: When my sister started her magazine, I was very impressed by its professionalism, its reach and impact in the community and saw it as an excellent opportunity to reach thousands of potential clients. WGW: If you could provide one message to the readers of West Georgia Woman magazine, what would it be? WB: Never give up, never cease chasing your dreams of a better life. That is one thing that draws my clients to this nation. In immigration law, it can be challenging at times, but through diligence, persistence and the aid of a zealous immigration attorney such as myself, it is possible to achieve your dreams. WGW: What is your favorite thing about living or working in West Georgia?
WB: As a former resident of West Georgia, it is like going home every time my work brings me back. The people are very welcoming, and it is always a pleasure doing business in the various communities of West Georgia, where I know I will always encounter citizens willing to help in any way they are asked. WGW: Your business doesn't cater just to women. Why is it important to you to reach out to women through this magazine? WB: Women are often the real movers and shakers, the ones who “make it happen.” I know that if they personally do not need my services, they do know friends, family, acquaintances who do. WGW: Men sometimes have a bad reputation in society. What is the one thing that you wish all women could understand about the difficulties of being a man in this world? WB: I believe it is being a father. Commercials often portray husbands and fathers as bumbling idiots who only care about beer and sports. On the contrary, I believe most men take their role as a father very seriously and do their best to be a good parent to their children.
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WGW: What woman in your life has had the greatest impact on your personal development? WB: Hands down it goes to my wife, Emma, and my mother, Charlene Brooks.
always looking their best. Life is to be lived, is not perfect, and each individual has the absolute right to determine what is best and right for them, whether it be in dress, appearance or lifestyle.
WGW: What type of changes, if any, do you personally think society needs to make to be more inclusive or less discriminatory toward women. WB: I personally believe that women in many different occupations are still not given equality in the workplace, as far as promotions and pay. There has been progress made over the years, but there is still a lot of room for improvement. Not to mention endemic discrimination and harassment in the workplace.
WGW: Have you ever experienced any serious adversity in your life and if so, how did you make it through/overcome that? WB: As the readers of West Georgia Woman will know, I lost my oldest son, Tristan, in September of 2015. It was the most devastating event in my life. But with the support of family and friends, I have managed to live again.
WGW: What generally accepted behaviors (good or bad), in society do you personally think has the largest impact on women? WB: I believe that women are still expected to conform to a "norm" set by Hollywood and Madison Avenue of the "perfect" woman … skinny,
WGW: Can you tell us something about yourself that would surprise our readers? Something most people wouldn't know about you? WB: I am very shy and introverted, not the “type A” personality that most people associate with male lawyers. I have learned this is an asset because it helps me relate to my clients on a more personal level, and also helps me to not lose my cool in what can sometimes be tense situations – in a courtroom, for example. WGW: What does your wife/mother/sister/ daughter (any significant woman in your life) say about you supporting West Georgia Woman? What would she say if you stopped? WB: My wife, Emma, loves to read the magazine every month, and, of course, my sister loves the fact that I am supporting West Georgia Woman Magazine. Frankly, I do not want to find out what would happen to me if I stopped. WGW: Can you share a funny story you've encountered in your career? WB: My wife used to tease me that she just married me "for the papers." When she finally became a citizen, there was momentary trepidation for a little while on my part, which was totally unfounded, thank goodness, as we have been married years after she became a citizen. WGW: Is there anything else you would like to share about yourself with our readers? WB: The one thing that I would like to leave the reader with is the importance of advertising in West Georgia Woman. It is a magazine that not only reaches the women of West Georgia, but impacts their lives in a positive way. And by advertising our services, as in my case immigration law, we further help the readers better their lives.
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The Law Office of William E. Brooks Immigration Attorney Oficina del abogado William E. Brooks Abogado de inmigración: • T Visa (Human Trafficking Victims) • U Visa (Crime Victims) • VAWA (Violence Against Women Act) • TPS (Temporary Protected Status) • Refugees/Asylum • NACARA
• T Visa (Víctimas de trafico humano) • U Visa (Víctimas de crimen violento) • VAWA (Violencia en contra de la mujer) • TPS • Refugees/Asylum (Refugiados/Asilo) • NACARA
Helping Immigrants Live The American Dream! 302.753.4189 1.800.903.7344 Correo Electrónico: williambrks@hotmail.com
The Law Office of William E. Brooks iustitia omnibus
Immigration Attorney
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Payment plans available / Formas de pago disponibles By appointment only / Llámenos y haga su cita15
Ben Chambers
Marketing Coordinator
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B
en Chambers is a Bowdon, Ga., native with a big heart for helping women in the community through his support of West Georgia Woman magazine. Always courteous and kind, and involved as a local and active business leader, Ben is a valuable asset to the West Georgia community. Ben and his wife, Allison, live in his hometown of Bowdon with their two daughters. Allison is originally from Floyd County and graduated from Pepperell High School. He and Allison met while attending Shorter College in Rome, Ga. Ben and his family enjoy living a simple lifestyle centered around family, faith and hard work. West Georgia Woman: Tell us about your business – what is your mission, your business model, or how do you help/what service do you provide to West Georgia consumers? What is it about your business that makes it different? How long have you been in business? Ben Chambers: I’m celebrating my 10th anniversary at West Georgia Technical College this July. West Georgia Tech was founded in LaGrange in 1966, and through a merger in 2009, we now provide higher education, hands-on training and GED preparation to seven counties in West Georgia. I think West Georgia Tech is special because it provides life-changing education and training to people who might not get that chance otherwise. People can come to West Georgia Tech for a year (or less, in some fields) and leave with a career that can support them and their family. A student can come to West Georgia Tech for two years and leave as a junior at a four-year college. High school students can come to West Georgia Tech and have a college credential when they graduate from high school. All those options are pretty remarkable. WGW: As an advertiser, what was it about West Georgia Woman that drew you to it? BC: Many people have an image of “technical education” that was formed in the 70s or 80s. They wouldn’t believe that fully two-thirds of WGTC students are women. They wouldn’t believe that almost 40 percent of WGTC students are taking classes in healthcare fields. They think West Georgia Tech is gritty and grimy – a bunch of hairy men sitting around a water cooler and changing spark plugs. Times have changed. We still offer programs in the trades – automotive, welding, HVAC, truck driving and more – but even those programs are highly technical and involve complicated software and hardware. You wouldn’t believe the computing
power in today’s automobiles! I think our presence in West Georgia Woman might open people’s eyes to what West Georgia Tech really offers – high-tech, hands-on training that prepares people for great careers right here in our own community. WGW: If you could provide one message to the readers of West Georgia Woman magazine, what would it be? BC: Women are welcome at West Georgia Tech – in all of our programs. I think they’ll find a friendly, encouraging environment here where they can thrive. WGW: What is your favorite thing about living or working in West Georgia? BC: I have always enjoyed small-town life. I like living where I know the places and the faces around me. I like the fact that we don’t have every single generic chain store on every corner. I like going to the coffee shop and getting my own coffee behind the counter. I like going to the hardware store where they always ask "what are you gonna do with it?" no matter what I need. I like sleeping with my windows open so I can hear the crickets. I like the fact that four or five generations ago, my ancestors were traveling these same roads and standing in these same spots. WGW: Men sometimes have a bad reputation in society. What is the one thing that you wish all women could understand about the difficulties of being a man in this world? BC: All men are different, just like all women. Whenever we try to judge people with stereotypes, we shortchange them. If I earn a bad reputation, that’s fine, but let me earn it for myself. Some people hate dogs because one dog bit them. The same thing applies to men. WGW: What woman in your life has had the greatest impact on your personal development? BC: I have had so many strong female role models that my wife has occasionally said we have a matriarchal family. My paternal grandmother turned 95 in April, and her work ethic is definitely something that has made an impact on me. She would keep us in the summers growing up, and we’d shell peas, snap beans, cut off corn and cut okra all summer. She worked in the cotton mill in Columbus during World War II and bought and paid for a 50acre farm by herself during that time.
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My maternal grandmother owned a business in Bowdon, while caring for her disabled husband and raising three daughters. My great-grandmother taught me music – piano and organ – and that has enhanced and enlarged my life in unbelievable ways. These three were all great role models in their own ways. WGW: What type of changes, if any, do you personally think society needs to make to be more inclusive or less discriminatory toward women? BC: I think we’ve made progress. We still judge people far too much on their physical appearance instead of their character. WGW: Have you ever experienced any serious adversity in your life and if so, how did you make it through and overcome that? BC: We all have seasons of struggle. One of the worst for me was the transition to adulthood. I never felt like I knew what I wanted to do with my life. I discovered that no one else knew what I should do, either. Basically, I learned that I had to pray a lot and keep moving forward. This same tactic has gotten me through many other sticky spots since. WGW: Can you tell us something about yourself that would surprise our readers? Something most people wouldn't know about you? BC: I’ve been the organist for Bowdon Baptist Church for about 17 years. It’s a lot of work, but a lot of fun, too. One of the most rewarding things I do is help lead worship from the organ bench every Sunday. WGW: How has your perception of women changed from when you were a child, teenager, young adult then finally into middle age? BC: I think I’ve always had a healthy respect for women. I was brought up to appreciate hard work, and I know that it’s hard working women who keep most of our homes, businesses, churches and organizations running. WGW: Has there been one specific event in your life that significantly changed your perception of women? BC: I’ve been shocked a few times at some demeaning things men have said about women in otherwise polite company, but I’ve also heard the reverse of that – though not as often. In general, I find that our culture seems to have lost the ability to disagree with someone’s ideas without denigrating
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him or her as a person. People get so intellectually lazy that they quit discussing ideas and start taking cheap shots at someone else’s gender, race, intelligence or appearance. That’s a sad state of affairs. WGW: If you have daughters, how has that changed your view on how women are treated in society as a whole? BC: I love my daughters and want to teach them to grow up strong and successful – whatever that looks like to them. WGW: Can you share a funny story you've encountered in your career? BC: So many funny things have happened. In 2011, my office moved to Adamson Square in Carrollton. Our building had been vacant for quite some time, and all manner of critters had taken up residence here. We had been battling them for several weeks when a vendor selling promotional products showed up for a visit. He was sitting in my office with his back to the door when I noticed a large rat scurry by down the hall, just like he was on his way to see someone. I managed to keep a straight face and complete the visit, but it was a close call, for sure. I’m grateful we’re now critter-free. It’s much easier to do business. (Publisher's note: So funny!)
Did you know West Georgia Technical College is celebrating 50 years of changing lives? The college held its 50th graduation ceremony at its Waco campus location in June, 2017.
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Brent Harris, M.D.
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A medical riddle courtesy of Dr. Harris … A father and his son are in a car accident. The father dies instantly, and the son is taken to the nearest hospital. The surgeon comes in and exclaims "I can't operate on this boy.""Why not?" the nurse asks."Because he's my son," the surgeon responds. How is this possible?
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ntrepreneur, doctor, innovator, carpenter, friend, husband and father: Dr. Brent Harris answers to all of these and more. A high-quality and efficient patient experience without the hassle, paperwork and bureaucracy of the health insurance industry – that's what Dr. Harris wanted to create for the West Georgia community, and that's exactly what you'll receive at US MedClinic in Carrollton. The compassion and kindness Dr. Harris and his staff shows for his patients are traits not often found this day and age of longer wait times and shorter visits with the medical staff. Dr. Harris strives to treat every patient as if they were part of the famiy. He is married to Dr. Anna Harris, and they have two children: son, Tybee, and daughter Rylee, and they are expecting their third child this month. They live in Carrollton, and have two dogs: a Chi-weenie and a redfox Labrador. In his spare time, Dr. Harris enjoys spending time with his family and building anything mechanical or construction related. West Georgia Woman: Tell us about your business – what is your mission, your business model, or how do you help/what service do you provide to West Georgia consumers? What is it about your business that makes it different? How long have you been in business? Brent Harris: I've been in family practice in West Georgia for 5 years, initially in insurance based practice. I decided to start US MedClinic as a direct pay Urgent and Family medicine clinic to decrease costs for patients and minimize the bureaucracy of providing medical care. Patients know exactly what they will be paying for services. The clinic has been working very well, patients enjoy the transparent pricing and care they receive. We enjoy spending more time on patient care than paperwork! WGW: As an advertiser, what was it about West Georgia Woman that drew you to it? BH: I like the local feel of the magazine and how it reads as part of the community. WGW: If you could provide one message to the readers of West Georgia Woman magazine, what would it be?
BH: Treat your family with love and respect. I think people don't value their families as much as they should. I believe the great majority of people go through life looking at what other people are doing, and wanting things other people have, for example, spending time on social media. They look across the fence and believe the grass is greener over there and think "Why isn't my life good?" Or, they go through life trying to chase the next big accomplishment or paycheck. I see too many people in here that come through my clinic, that have been emotionally battered and abused from that neglect or abuse, and it just haunts them through anxiety, depression, obesity – you name it – all these medical problems that people have – a lot of times their manifestation is from some kind of abuse or neglect in the past and I think that's important. I've never seen anyone who is dying in the hospital say, "Hey, I wish I had gotten a better promotion," or "I wish I had made more money." The main regrets I always see people have are "I wish I had spent more time with my family," or "I wish I wasn't negative toward that person and rectified that situation in my family." WGW: What is your favorite thing about living
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or working in West Georgia? BH: The community has a great family friendly culture. WGW: Your business doesn't cater just to women. Why is it important to you to reach out to women through this magazine? BH: Women are the main medical providers of the household, taking care of the kids, spouse and themselves. We wanted to expose them to US MedClinic and the medical services we offer. WGW: What woman in your life has had the greatest impact on your personal development? BH: My wife, Anna. I get a direct female perspective from her on almost everything I am exposed to in my life. With her being a professional female, I'm able to get her perspective on the workforce, her workplace and how people interact with her as a professional woman. All of those discussions for years I've had with her have molded and shaped how I believe what I believe. WGW: Can you tell us something about yourself that would surprise our readers? Something most people wouldn't know about you? BH: I like working on construction projects like pouring concrete, digging holes, plumbing, welding and rebuilding engines and transmissions – I also built my own jeep from the ground up. WGW: How has your perception of women changed from when you were a child, teenager, young adult then finally into middle age? BH: This question means I’m getting old! It's exciting watching my wife grow our babies; I never appreciated how hard women work for their kids and families.
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WGW: Men sometimes have a bad reputation in society. What is the one thing that you wish all women could understand about the difficulties of being a man in this world? BH: Trying not to say something that may be offensive, when not meaning anything. WGW: What type of changes, if any, do you personally think society needs to make to be more inclusive or less discriminatory toward women? BH: I think there are innate differences between men and women that should be celebrated; furthermore, society should promote strong successful women, from both a family unit as well as a professional one. We have to be careful that we don't blend men and women together as a unisex because I think that devalues the value that both sexes have in society. WGW: What generally accepted behaviors (good or bad), in society do you personally think has the largest impact on women? BH: Objectifying women as sex symbols through advertising, T.V., professionally – you name it – across the board. There is still gender bias in society – some can be healthy and some unhealthy. Breastfeeding, for instance, is an unhealthy gender bias. It is shunned in our society for whatever reason. Breasts are displayed on T.V. for sexual reasons, but society doesn't appreciate breastfeeding for the family value of having a successful baby. What are we as a society valuing in women? Are we valuing the sexual and visual aspect of her, or what her body and anatomy is actually meant to do? We value the sexual side of it but we don't value providing nutrients for a healthy newborn through breastfeeding. WGW: Have you ever experienced any serious adversity in your life and if so, how did you make it through and overcome that? BH: When I was in middle school, my dad lost his job with Eastern airlines when they collapsed in the 90s. He went from being the captain of an airline, to a cabinet maker. I learned there is no sure thing in life – anything can fail. My dad having that professional collapse, and seeing how that tormented and damaged him for awhile was a good eye-opener for me. I think that made me realize that you have to be self reliant and you can't be attached to your professional identity. Who you are and your profession are two separate things.
Answer to the riddle: The surgeon is the boy's mother.
Financial Advisor
Fred O'Neal
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F
red O'Neal has been a pillar of the Carrollton community for over 30 years as a financial advisor and a community leader – serving in economic development, government, health care, chambers of commerce and education. Fred was the 2016 recipient of the Service to Mankind Award from the Carroll County and Carrollton Evening Sertoma Clubs and North Georgia District of Sertoma International. He lives in the Oak Mountain area of Carrollton, with his wife Lillian. They have a cat named Milo, and an old English sheepdog named Pepper. Their son, Wilson, is 24 and their daughter, Maya, is 20. Fred enjoys golf, antiques and traveling. West Georgia Woman: Tell us about your business – what is your mission, your business model, or how do you help/what service do you provide to West Georgia consumers? What is it about your business that makes it different? How long have you been in business? Fred O'Neal: In May 2017, I began my 30th year as an Edward Jones financial advisor. Our mission is to serve the serious investor as we provide financial solutions to meet those needs.
Investing is about more than money. At Edward Jones, we stop to ask you the question: “What’s Important to you?” Without that Insight and a real understanding of your goals, Investing holds little meaning.
Fred O’Neal, AAMS® Financial Advisor 770-832-2141
WGW: If you could provide one message to the readers of West Georgia Woman magazine, what would it be? FO: The magazine is a high-quality read on issues affecting women in our community. WGW: What is your favorite thing about living or working in West Georgia? FO: The people.
Contact your Edward Jones financial advisor for a one-on-one appointment to discuss what’s really important: your goals.
410 College Street Carrollton, GA 30117
WGW: As an advertiser, what was it about West Georgia Woman that drew you to it? FO: I felt that the magazine focuses on a segment of our community that is very vital to our company. Women represent a large number of advisors and a significant number of our clients.
www.edwardjones.com Member SIPC
WGW: Your business doesn't cater just to women. Why is it important to you to reach out to women through this magazine? FO: Angela has established a very high-quality offering. At some stage in the lives of women, many find themselves the decision maker as it relates to finance. I want to be aware of issues that are important to them. WGW: Men sometimes have a bad reputation in society. What is the one thing that you wish all women could understand about the difficulties of being a man in this world? FO: The difficulties of being a man! Really more about the elements that make men who they are and what drives them. WGW: What woman in your life has had the
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greatest impact on your personal development? FO: Without a doubt, my mother, Mrs. Lamargie Glenn O'Neal, who departed from this life April 2016. I learned so much from her about hard work, dignity and kindness. She was truly a source of strength for our entire family. WGW: What type of changes, if any, do you personally think society needs to make to be more inclusive or less discriminatory toward women? FO: I think we should understand the important role women have had and continually have in society. WGW: What generally accepted behaviors (good or bad), in society do you personally think has the largest impact on women? FO: Over the years, I have witnessed the transformation of a society that is more accepting of women in traditional and non-traditional roles. WGW: Have you ever experienced any serious adversity in your life and if so, how did you make it through and overcome that? FO: I am diverse which lends itself to all types of situations. For example, I am the longesttenured African American in our firm's 135-year history. I have maintained an unflinching desire to succeed which has carried me through many circumstances.
FO: I have a number of women associates that are single parents. I admire their strength and determination. WGW: If you have daughters how has that changed your view on how women are treated in society as a whole? FO: I worked very hard to be a good father and husband so that my daughter would have a model to go by in selecting a mate. WGW: Can you share a funny story you've encountered in your career? FO: When I first began in the community, many people thought that my name was "Edward Jones." (Publisher's note: This answer made me laugh out loud.) WGW: Is there anything else you would like to share about yourself with our readers? FO: I am thankful for all that God has allowed me to accomplish!
WGW: Can you tell us something about yourself that would surprise our readers? Something most people wouldn't know about you? FO: I am still athletic. WGW: What does your wife/mother/sister/ daughter (any significant woman in your life) say about you supporting West Georgia Woman? FO: My wife is very supportive of our efforts in this measure. WGW: How has your perception of women changed from when you were a child, teenager, young adult then finally into middle age? FO: I've had strong women in my life as far back as I can remember. As a result, I have learned to appreciate them even more! WGW: Has there been one specific event in your life that significantly changed your perception of women?
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John Paulk
Entrepreneur 26
J
ohn Paulk is no stranger to business ownership – or treating his customers like family. He and his wife, Tammy, own four different businesses throughout West Georgia, and their three daughters have been instrumental in helping make Shot Spot a successful and thriving business in the Carrollton community. John and Tammy have built their lives around their community, and view all of their customers as an extension of their own family. John and his family have a deep commitment to the women of West Georgia; safety courses, philanthropic activities for various charitable organizations and their support of West Georgia Woman magazine to name a few. John and Tammy live in Carroll County in the Oak Grove Road community. They have a very close-knit and loving family with seven children, five grandchildren, three daughters-in-law and three sonin-laws. West Georgia Woman: Tell us about your business – what is your mission, your business model, or how do you help/what service do you provide to West Georgia consumers? What is it about your business that makes it different? How long have you been in business?
John Paulk: Well, we are not focused on just one business. We have multiple businesses such as Great Southern Agency (a personal and commercial lines insurance agency), AAA Private Self Storage (climate and non-climate controlled storage facility with U-Haul available), Shot Spot (indoor shooting facility, outdoor recreation and clothing and apparel boutique store) and Glen Eagles Professional Park (leasing office space in the West Georgia area). We strive to provide first class and best practices of good service for our customers of West Georgia and East Alabama. I have been in business in Carroll County for over 33 years in West Georgia. We strive to get to know each and every one of our customers and their families as our business are family-oriented and managed by my own family. WGW: As an advertiser, what was it about West Georgia Woman that drew you to it? JP: In opening Spot Shot, we knew the largest underserved market in the shooting sports is the female customers. With the addition of our fine clothing lines and accessories, over half of our customer base is women, so it’s natural that we use the West Georgia Woman magazine for advertising and support of our products and services that we
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provide to the female customer. WGW: If you could provide one message to the readers of West Georgia Woman magazine, what would it be? JP: That we are proud and appreciative of the support from women in West Georgia. I want to recognize the strong women who have achieved and succeeded with their dreams, raised their families and are the strength behind this community. WGW: What is your favorite thing about living or working in West Georgia? JP: The great people of this welcoming and supportive community. WGW: What woman in your life has had the greatest impact on your personal development? JP: My wife, Tammy, and my three daughters have greatly impacted my view on business. Beside every business man is a great woman, and I don't just have one great woman – I have four.
WGW: How has your perception of women changed from when you were a child, teenager, young adult then finally into middle age? JP: I believe women are equal and that they don’t get enough credit. I’ve learned that women make great business decisions and work very hard to be successful when given the opportunity. WGW: Has there been one specific event in your life that significantly changed your perception of women? JP: Yes my wife Tammy – man has she changed it. She is strong willed, caring, loving, the best mother, and she has a great business vision. WGW: Can you tell us something about yourself that would surprise our readers? Something most people wouldn't know about you? JP: I got struck by lightning in Wedowee, Ala. It was a life-changing event and I believe that lighting will strike and I always look for shelter when I hear the thunder rumble. WGW: What does your wife/mother/sister/ daughter (any significant woman in your life) say about you supporting West Georgia Woman? What would she say if you stopped? JP: They think it’s a great asset to the community, and my wife and daughters are on the decision board so there is no discussion of stopping our support of West Georgia Woman. WGW: What type of changes, if any, do you personally think society needs to make to be more inclusive or less discriminatory toward women. JP: Back in the 50s and 60s, women had the reputation of working in the home or kitchen, and now they have stepped up to the plate to work and protect themselves and their families, especially single mothers who have to play head of the household and be the protector of the family. WGW: What generally accepted behaviors (good or bad), in society do you personally think has the largest impact on women? JP: They are normally perceived as weaker than men but truthfully, women of today’s society are much stronger than they are given credit for. WGW: If you have daughters how has that changed your view on how women are treated in society as a whole?
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JP: I have 3 daughters, Lindy, Julia and Robin. They are very active in our business, and each has their own interest and role in our businesses. I value their feedback on any project, and they have such a large input on the growth and strength of our business. WGW: Have you ever experienced any serious adversity in your life and if so, how did you make it through and overcome that? JP: The toughest adversity was when our son, Bo, had cancer. It was a tough 18 months that made you really realize how fragile life is. But getting to watch him overcome it was such a great feat. I am so proud of the young man he is today. Bo was diagnosed with cancer at 16, and the strength he showed to get through the treatments was very powerful and motivating. WGW: Can you share a funny story you've encountered in your career? JP: The funniest thing to me is that women are better shooters than the males in their lives. It’s amazing and empowering to have first-time female shooters outshoot the guys. The little scar above her eye – I only see it when we're close Enough for it to beckon for a kiss. That tiny mark, her pretty face, Evoke a passion deep: I'd give my life for this. It's not the only mark she has From taking life by offered horn. Others silent witness bear. Like campaign ribbons on a uniform. They give a glimpse of where she's been, The battles she has won. The scar that's on her abdomen, The one upon her breast, Like medals won in the battle called life These private Purple Hearts attest The strength and character within, The solid stuff she's made of. To every mark a special kiss Is given through the one above her eye. My tribute to this lovely one Who holds her head up high And knows how beautiful she is In her loved-ones' eyes. G.S. Royal ©2006
A Kiss for Silent Witnesses
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Christopher G. Pike Director, Downtown Development and Tourism 30
C
hristopher Pike is a game-changer. Since becoming the director for downtown development and tourism for the City of Villa Rica, the community has thrived under his direction. With his sharp, out-of-the-box thinking, intelligence and humor, he is helping bring the City of Villa Rica to life in amazing ways. Chris has three children: A daughter, Trinity, 13, and two boys: Taylor, 10, and Tayden, 7, who Chris affectionately calls "The Crew." He says when he and "The Crew" get together, they always have a great time. When he's not spending time with "The Crew," Chris is usually out exploring historic downtowns and anything that is related to history. He says he likes food, a lot! – and enjoys trying out new restaurants and exploring new flavors. He says he never goes to a chain restaurant when he's out of town, but as much as he likes exploring new foods he says he always returns to his favorite: a "chili/slaw dog – all the way, please." Chris also enjoys going out and checking out live music, as music has always been an important part of his life. West Georgia Woman: Tell us about your business – what is your mission, your business model, or how do you help/what service do you provide to West Georgia consumers? What is it about your business that makes it different? How long have you been in business? Christopher Pike: I serve as the director of Downtown Development and Tourism for the City of Villa Rica, Ga. My responsibilities include serving as the executive director of the Villa Rica Downtown Development Authority, manager of the Main Street Program and director of the Villa Rica Convention and Visitors Bureau. I am in the “Future Building Business." Everything I do is focused on ensuring that the future of Downtown Villa Rica, and really the city as a whole, is bright and prosperous. WGW: As an advertiser, what was it about West Georgia Woman that drew you to it? CP: I believe in entrepreneurship. I understand the significant economic impact small mom and pop businesses have on our local economy. Plus it was the only way I could get Angela to stop coming by my office! (Publisher's note: This answer cracked me up. Guilty, as charged. But he really likes me!)
WGW: If you could provide one message to the readers of West Georgia Woman magazine, what would it be? CP: Buy Local, Shop Local, Eat Local! WGW: What is your favorite thing about living or working in West Georgia? CP: The people! A community is not made up of geography, land and buildings. A community is only truly defined by its people, and West Georgia has some of the most caring, hardworking and helpful people I’ve ever met. It has honestly been a pleasure to work with so many great people who call West Georgia home. WGW: Your business doesn't cater just to women. Why is it important to you to reach out to women through this magazine? CP: Women make many of the spending decisions that directly affect most of our Downtown businesses. It’s important for us from an economic vitality standpoint to make sure that our local shops, businesses and restaurants are top of mind when purchasing decisions are being made. West Georgia Woman magazine helps us to accomplish that goal. WGW: What woman in your life has had the greatest impact on your personal development? CP: I tell people all the time that my daughter has taught me more about myself than I ever thought possible. I think you truly learn who you are as a person by loving someone else unconditionally. WGW: Has there been one specific event in your life that significantly changed your perception of women. CP: The day my daughter was born. From the moment I laid eyes on her and cut the umbilical cord, I stopped living life for myself and started living life for her. Never has a moment in time had such a profound impact on my life. It’s truly amazing how one little human being can change you. It really is hard to put into words. WGW: Can you tell us something about yourself that would surprise our readers? Something most people wouldn't know about you? CP: I’ve never met my father. I don’t even know what his name is and I’m not sure that my mother does either. It’s one of those things we’ve never discussed. Not knowing my father never really bothered me until I had children myself.
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I remember one year my children were working on a family tree project at summer camp. When working on my side of the family, they put an “X” for my dad. Looking at that “X” really did something to me emotionally. I was not so much hurt for myself as I was for my children. Since that time I have often reflected on the impact not having a father has had on my life. I’m thankful that I have not followed in the footsteps of my mother and father. I take great pride in working to be the best father I can and never take for granted the awesome responsibility I have as not only a father but a DAD. Being a DAD is the greatest gift I have ever received. My life has been enriched in ways that I could
never have imagined. No matter what I achieve in life, no matter the awards or accolades, my children will always and forever be my greatest accomplishment. WGW: If you have daughters how has that changed your view on how women are treated in society as a whole? CP: I was raised to have the utmost respect for women. Most of my life, all I ever had was my grandmother, aunt and mother. So I have always viewed women as incredibly strong but extremely nurturing. So having a daughter has not changed my view of woman at all. I pass my ideas and thoughts about a woman’s strength on to my daughter. I never take for granted the awesome responsibility I have to not only love my daughter but to also teach her how she’s supposed to be loved. A father is the only one that can teach his daughter how a man is supposed to love her.
Chris isn't afraid to get his hands dirty. He does whatever needs to be done to make sure downtown Villa Rica shines.
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WGW: Have you ever experienced any serious adversity in your life and if so, how did you make it through and overcome that? CP: I was born to a single mother who struggled all her early life with drug and alcohol addiction. My mother was only 16 when I was born. Several years after I was born, she had another child, a girl. A few years after that, she gave birth to my brother. To say that we grew up poor would be an understatement. As a child, the longest we ever lived in one place was a year and a half and that was at a homeless shelter. I remember times when we would have to do our homework outside because our power was turned off. Sometimes we would run an extension cord from a neighbor’s house so we could use a Crock Pot to cook some food. To this day, I can’t stand the sight of butter beans. We would eat butter beans and rice for days and days. There were times when I would have to help my mother get off the floor and into bed because she was out drinking all night while I was home watching my sister and brother. There were many mornings when I would have to get my siblings up and ready for school.
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For a short period, we lived in a duplex at the end of a cul-de-sac. This was a pretty big neighborhood and all the kids went to the same school, and we all rode the same bus. One day after school, the bus dropped us off at our stop and all of our stuff was sitting on the side of the road. It was one of the most embarrassing things I have ever experienced. My mother worked at a nearby restaurant so we walked up to her job and sat there until she got off. We had nowhere to go because things like this had been going on for so long our other family members were completely fed up. We spent two nights sleeping in the woods behind the restaurant where my mother worked. I can’t really put into words the feelings I had. Even as an adult writing this, I can’t seem to find the words that properly explain how I felt. On the third night, my aunt finally came and got us. We stayed with my aunt for a few days until we eventually got accepted into a homeless shelter. Over the next two years, we lived in two different shelters. That experience was like nothing you have ever seen. The first homeless shelter was actually very nice. The facility was operated by a church and was housed on a portion of land adjacent to the church. We had our own room with four beds in it. We lived at this facility for about six months. We were eventually kicked out of this facility because of my mom’s alcohol abuse. The shelter was, however, nice enough to refer us to another facility. The new facility was not as nice as the first. The new shelter was two humongous rooms. Each room was lined with rows and rows of twin bunkbeds. We were issued one bunkbed. My mother and sister slept on the bottom bunk and my brother and me on the top. What little items we did have were put in a box and slid under the bed. I have shared many parts of my childhood with my children. I will tell you like I tell my children, the mom I grew up with is not the same Nana you know today. People grow, learn and change. I am very happy that my mother has changed her life and is doing much better. I love the fact that my children have a great relationship with my mom. My life experiences have taught me some very important life lessons: 1. Forgive: The most important lesson I’ve learned in life is that there is power and healing in forgiveness. Holding on to grudges
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2.
3.
4. 5.
and past hurts only holds you back and impedes your growth. Don’t Judge: You can’t judge people based on your narrow view of the world. Just because you have come through a difficult situation doesn’t mean everyone can. You can place two people in the exact same situation and get two totally different results. Define Yourself: Don’t allow people to define your life through their lens. People who spend time and energy trying to tell you about yourself tend to have lives that are out of focus. To put it another way, people who judge the most are often the ones that are the most “messed up." Things Change: What’s true today, may not be true tomorrow. Situations change. People change. Things change. Only the Finish Matters: Where you start in life is not as important as where you finish. In all things remember to FINISH STRONG!
Charles D. Procter Jr., M.D., F.A.C.S., F.A.S.M.B.S.
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D
r. Charles Procter, Jr. is a man on a mission: a mission to serve those who have tried everything, but are unable to lose weight through lifestyle changes alone, and to help those who are suffering from complex abdominal wall hernias. Using cutting edge techniques through minimally invasive surgery, while delivering an outstanding and compassionate patient experience, Dr. Procter is truly changing lives every day in West Georgia and throughout the Southeast. Originally from Carrollton, Dr. Procter lives in the Buckhead area of Atlanta with his wife Nirali Patel Procter – a pediatric dentist who works in Canton, Ga., and John's Creek, Ga. – and his three boys: Dillon, 14, Kiran, 11 and Kamran, 8. Their Labradoodle's name is Boone, who he jokes is his wife’s fourth child. In his limited spare time, he enjoys playing golf with his boys and visiting with his extended family in the West Georgia area. Dr. Procter has offices in Peachtree City and Atlanta. He operates out of Piedmont Atlanta and Piedmont Newnan Hospitals, and Peachtree Buckhead Surgery Center in Atlanta. West Georgia Woman: Tell us about your business – what is your mission, your business model, or how do you help/what service do you provide to West Georgia consumers? What is it about your business that makes it different? How long have you been in business? Charles Procter Jr.: I started Beltline Bariatric and Surgical Group one year ago on June 1, 2016. My first 10 years of practice were spent as an associate with “traditional” general surgical groups that were wonderfully helpful for helping me develop as a surgeon and find what areas truly motivated me. I have, at times, practiced in all areas of general surgery including, breast, colon, endocrine and trauma. The one area that I have consistently loved has been bariatric surgery. Bariatric, or weight loss surgery, was introduced to me when I joined my father’s practice out of residency. With that practice, I learned not only exceptional surgical technique but a true passion for patients struggling with their weight. When I came to Atlanta, I began to see an extensive array of patients sent to our practice with complex abdominal wall hernias. I had the opportunity to practice with giants in the field like Lee Skandalakis who, along with his father, has published multiple texts on hernia repair and anatomy, and C. Dan Smith, the former chairman of surgery at the Mayo Clinic from whom I learned
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advanced techniques in laparoscopy and foregut surgery. Since coming to Atlanta, I have written textbook chapters on bariatric surgery and hernia anatomy. 2016 was a pivotal year for me. Our fourman practice was dissolving and I was offered an opportunity to join Piedmont Hospital as an employed bariatric surgeon. After much prayer and discussion with my wife, I made the decision to start my own practice. For the first time I would be able to design practice around my areas of interest and expertise. Beltline Bariatric and Surgical Group is a practice focused on surgical weight loss and complex hernia repair. I have developed cutting edge techniques utilizing minimally invasive laparoscopy and the DaVinci robotic surgical system to perform complex procedures safely and with minimal recovery time. This is a wonderful blend as I have found that many patients have abdominal wall hernias that recur over and over simply because they are overweight. This model allows me to help them get down to a healthy weight before performing an abdominal wall reconstruction. This is a unique practice model but has allowed me the opportunity to treat patients from all over the southeast. WGW: As an advertiser, what was it about West Georgia Woman that drew you to it? CP: I was drawn to West Georgia Woman because I am a Carrollton native. My parents met at Carrollton High School and married shortly after graduation. My father went on to graduate from West Georgia College (before it was the University of West Georgia) before going to medical school. As we moved around the country for his training and military commitments, summers and Christmases were spent at my grandparents' houses on Kramer Street and Fairfield Plantation in Villa Rica. My move to Atlanta and now Newnan has allowed me to open my practice to the people of West Georgia where my heart will always have a home. WGW: If you could provide one message to the readers of West Georgia Woman magazine, what would it be? CP: My message to your readers is simple. DON’T EVER GIVE UP ON YOURSELF! Failure is a necessary part of the road to success. You get one wonderful lifetime, so don’t let your body hold you back. If obesity is keeping you from living the full life you dream of, get help! If you have a hernia and have been told you can’t be fixed, come see me. Very possibly you DON’T have to live out the rest of your
life with that debility. WGW: What is your favorite thing about living or working in West Georgia? CP: The people of West Georgia are my favorite thing. If you want to see what southern charm and graciousness is, go to West Georgia. If the world were filled with folks from West Georgia, it would be a much better place. WGW: Your business doesn't cater just to women. Why is it important to you to reach out to women through this magazine? CP: While most of my patients are women, obesity and complex hernias are common to both genders. Undeniably, women make the household decisions as to where their families receive their healthcare, so it is beneficial to reach out to women to let them know what is available. WGW: What does your wife/mother/sister/ daughter (any significant woman in your life) say about you supporting West Georgia Woman? What would she say if you stopped? CP: My wife loves that I am a West Georgia Woman supporter. I don’t think stopping is an option. WGW: Can you tell us something about yourself that would surprise our readers? Something most people wouldn't know about you? CP: Growing up, I never wanted to be a doctor and was not a very good student. It wasn’t that I struggled with course material; I struggled with having any interest in school. When I graduated college in 1994, with very poor grades, and a degree in International Relations, my plan was to join the Foreign Service and live abroad. A few cold months living in Moscow, Russia, in the winter of 1995 convinced me of how lucky I was to be from the southeast United States. I returned home with a renewed desire to “buckle down” and make a difference. I decided, at the age of 24, to go back to school. In fact, to start over and go to college AGAIN! So I enrolled at the University of Georgia and three years later graduated with a double major in cellular biology and microbiology. From there, I was accepted at the Medical College of Georgia and completed my residency training at the University of Kentucky and Greenville South Carolina Health System. I remember vividly lying in my bed in my apartment the night before taking my first classes
in Athens and thinking, “Here you are ... you graduated from college a year ago. Most of your friends are in graduate school or already working in their careers. If all goes as planned, you will be looking for your first job as a surgeon in 12 years. Someone out there is starting the first grade tomorrow. When they graduate from high school, you will be looking for your first job. You’ve never been a good student and here you are embarking on one of the most competitive and ambitious goals out there against kids who graduated with honors and as valedictorians. Kids who have never made anything but straight A's. Your chances at earning one of the few spots in medical school are very slim. Good luck …" WGW: How has your perception of women changed from when you were a child, teenager, young adult then finally into middle age? CP: My perception has never changed. I was born at Tanner Memorial Hospital five days after my mother turned 19. She and my father married as teenagers and were in love until she died last year. I was lucky to grow up with VERY strong, Southern women who were dedicated to their families. I know that is the reason I married a strong Southern (transplanted from India and raised in Toccoa, Ga.)
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woman who is the best wife and mother I have ever seen. WGW: What type of changes, if any, do you personally think society needs to make to be more inclusive or less discriminatory toward women? CP: I think this is already happening. Social equality is not something that turns on a dime. It is a giant ship that fights the wind and current as it cruises along. To think of how far we’ve come in the last 60 years with regards to racial and gender equality is amazing. Especially given the poor way women and minorities were treated even in the “land of the free” for countless generations before that. WGW: What generally accepted behaviors (good or bad) in society do you personally think has the largest impact on women? CP: Certainly equality with regards to education has been the most impactful. In my own line of work, women now make up greater than 50 percent of the country’s medical students. We now see CEO’s of major multinational companies and financial institutions who are female. One fun thing to have seen over the last several years is the number of women who have excelled in sports that were traditionally dominated by men like boxing, MMA and CrossFit. WGW: What woman in your life has had the greatest impact on your personal development? CP: Without question, my wife is the person who has had the most impact on my personal development. I was lucky enough to meet her when we were in school together in Augusta, Ga. She is my confidant, my coach, my psychologist and my base of support. She does all of this while taking care of me and raising three of the best boys you will ever meet. I give her credit for this because, with my schedule, she does the bulk of the parenting. WGW: Men sometimes have a bad reputation in society. What is the one thing that you wish all women could understand about the difficulties of being a man in this world? CP: I am a white male born to a great family in the United States of America. While we never had much money growing up (most of my life until graduating college, my father was in training or in the military), I never felt that I lacked opportunity. While my story is one of perseverance, it is nothing compared to the superimposed struggles of many women and
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minorities. I had an opportunity to go to college TWICE! True, I’m STILL paying for it, but many never get the opportunity to go at all. I have nothing to complain about. WGW: Have you ever experienced any serious adversity in your life and if so, how did you make it through and overcome that? CP: Any struggles I’ve had were with my own lack of drive or direction when I was younger. It sounds cliché to say 'You can do anything you set your mind to,' but I’ve lived that. I was a mediocre high school student (graduated #330 out of 600 students), and a very poor college student (graduated with a 2.5 GPA my first time around). I couldn’t focus for more than five minutes at a time but more importantly, I didn’t have a goal that motivated me. I think that’s why I developed a surgical practice that helps people in desperate situations get a second chance. Sure it’s rewarding to remove an infected appendix or a gallbladder full of stones. But it’s LIFE CHANGING to help someone lose 200 pounds and see pictures of them taking their kids to Six Flags or ride on a plane for the first time. It’s amazingly rewarding to repair a “hopeless” hernia for someone who thought they would never work again. WGW: Can you share a funny story you've encountered in your career? CP: Growing up, I never knew there were any physicians in my family other than my Dad. When I expanded to Newnan, I was told there was a retired surgeon in town with a complex hernia and he was sent to see me. Before coming in, he “checked me out” through his old acquaintances in the operating room. Of course, I’d never met him before. When he came to see me for an office consult, he handed me a book he had written about his father and on the back cover was a picture of a family reunion from 1996. There, in the picture, I found my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins! It turns out we were related! I remember my grandfather often talking about the close ties between Newnan and Carrollton but here I was seeing it for the first time and in my own family! Maybe picking West Georgia for my expansion happened for bigger reasons than I thought. WGW: Is there anything else you would like to share about yourself with our readers? CP: Thank you for the opportunity to live my dream and give back to the community.
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Howard Seeman, M.D.
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S
oft-spoken and kind, Dr. Howard Seeman is a man with a passion for helping his patients live longer lives through colon cancer screening, as well as specializing in the diagnosis and treatment for a variety of gastroenterological disorders. Originally from the Bronx, New York, Dr. Seeman opened West Georgia Gastroenterology Associates, P.C., in Carrollton in 1991. As fate would have it, the first day he opened his practice, he met his wife Jana at a party hosted by Tanner Health System. He and Jana are now "empty nesters;" their two daughters, Caroline and Susanna attend Auburn University. He enjoys playing the guitar in his popular West Georgia band, "The Dakota Dodge Big Band," tennis, boating at Lake Wedowee and traveling. He and Jana live in Carrollton with their two dogs – a miniature long-haired daschund named Coco and a wheaten terrier named Sandy. West Georgia Woman: Tell us about your business – what is your mission, your business model, or how do you help/what service do you provide to West Georgia consumers? What is it about your business that makes it different? How long have you been in business? Howard Seeman: When I first moved here in 1991, many patients were seeking gastroenterology consultation procedures and treatment in Atlanta and other areas, so I thought I'd be able to bring a high level of care right here at home. A lot of gastroenterology is outpatient medicine, either office or procedurally oriented, and there's really no reason for people to travel very far to get that. My
vision was to bring that home. I think its a win-win for everybody involved. The hospital community would get a high-level of care right here, and patients wouldn't have to go far, and it would support the community hospital. If someone needed surgery, they would stay here, get X-rays here and get blood work here, whereas if they had to go elsewhere to see a gastroenterologist, they would then have procedures done at an outside hospital. Subsequent X-rays and blood work would be ordered by those physicians, taking those tests out of the community. You want patients to develop continuity of care, meaning I would see the patients and refer them back to their primary care doctor, where things are done locally. Patients could have family visit them at the hospital here instead of traipsing up to Atlanta, Rome or Lagrange. Over the 26 years I've been here, we’ve grown to five physicians and two nurse practitioners, and we can really get most things done here without patients needing to go out of town. Patients also have a choice of male or female, young or old – we really give patients a great choice now. A lot of us have different areas of expertise. Dr. Lucas has a great deal of interest and training in liver disease – she was a transplant coordinator for University of Illinois in Chicago for 10 years. Dr. Arledge and Dr. Sharma do a very high level of esophageal work. Dr Arledge and Dr. Ashura, who is coming within a few weeks, do a high level of ERCP work. (The doctor with a special scope evaluates and investigates the biliary tree or liver and common bile duct as well as the pancreas to open up blockages caused by stones or tumors, and that's a tertiary (specialized consultative care) care level skill or procedure our doctors do very well.) We may be one of the only groups that is independent while working very closely with the hospital. We share many of the same thoughts and values about local highlevel patient care. We actually have a lot of physicians calling us because they've heard about this group. We're not too big and we're not small, and we tend to be available. I think the hospital has learned there’s a really good synergy when you have an independent physician with support, and I think it works well for everyone.
WGW: As an advertiser, what was it about West Georgia Woman that drew you to it? Dr. Seeman shares a photo of his band, "The Dakota Dodge Big Band." HS: I think women have more of a His associate, Dr. Thelma Lucas, is also a member.
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commitment to their health than men do, and we wanted to reach out and let them know that we have three women providers in the practice, in case that's important to them. We work closely with the OB/GYN community because we're all doing health screenings. Colonoscopy, for instance, is an important piece of our practice, and it's really the only preventative cancer screening. Other screenings can find existing cancer, but with the colonoscopy, we can find little growths or polyps and take them out through the scope at the same time so they don't eventually grow into cancer. WGW: If you could provide one message to the readers of West Georgia Woman magazine, what would it be? HS: Get you and your family's colons checked at the appropriate intervals. Colon cancer is a 99 percent preventable condition. Colon cancer, 98 or 99 percent of the time, starts as a little growth or polyp that if we can remove, it's a non-issue.
If men get their prostate examined when something feels funny or the PSA (the blood test for prostate cancer) is positive, it's already cancer. Ladies get mammograms, and as important as they are, if they find something, it's already cancer. With a colonoscopy, we find little growths or polyps and take them out before they become cancer. One in four people without any risk factor at all – no family history, no history of breast cancer, ovarian or endometrial cancer – have a growth or a polyp, and sometime in two or 200 years, it's going to turn into cancer. We really try to take them out when they are small rather than large. For the average person off of the street, male or female, without any risk factors, we do screenings every 10 years. But for people who have a history of breast cancer, endometrial cancer, a history of polyps, or first-degree relatives with histories, it's every five years. For African-Americans, we begin screening at age 45 rather than 50. WGW: What is your favorite thing about living or working in West Georgia? HS: People are very real and down-to-earth, and everyone is approachable. The pace of living is great. I graduated medical school at Boston University and did my internal medicine residency and gastroenterology fellowship in New Haven, Conn., in the Yale University system. People ask me about the culture shock moving here, and there really wasn't any because people in the outer burroughs of New York City like the Bronx, Brooklyn and Queens really are working stiffs and most people get on the subways and go to Manhattan to work. So you lived in different neighborhoods, and it's the same thing here; you have communities here and you could work anywhere; it's really a working class area. The only difference is everyone here has a car. Many of my friends back home didn't have driver’s licenses until they were in their 30s. WGW: Your business doesn't cater just to women. Why is it important to you to reach out to women through this magazine? HS: I always ask my male patients who come in “Who loves you and wants you to get a colonoscopy?” In other words, are you here because of your wife or your doctor? (He laughs.) They smile and they totally understand what I'm asking, and they'll say, “so and so” made me come, and I say, “that's called love.”
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WGW: Can you tell us something about yourself that would surprise our readers? Something most people wouldn't know about you? HS: I am a big fan of the University of West Georgia basketball. My wife and I have the team over for dinner, we try to go to every home game and we travel on the road to away games sometimes. They're just great kids. I've always been a big fan of basketball being from New York City in the Bronx, and my favorite professional basketball team is the New York Knicks. WGW: How has your perception of women changed from when you were a child, teenager, young adult then finally into middle age? HS: I began to understand that women are at least as competent as men in professions and athletically, and professionally in business as well. Given my generation, that was not a common perception back then. Interestingly enough, my growth into adulthood paralleled the feminist movement and its evolution as well, so I was surrounded by strong women, including my mother and my wife. WGW: Has there been one specific event in your life that significantly changed your perception of women? HS: I was very moved and heartened when Geraldine Ferraro ran for vice president of the United States. She was a local New York City person, and I thought she was amazing and that she did a great job. She didn't win, but her effort was really great. Hilary Clinton received so much attention when she ran for president, but Geraldine Ferraro got overlooked. She still held her own, and I think that was amazing. WGW: If you have daughters, how has that changed your view of how women are treated in society as a whole? HS: Being a dad, I want to make sure they have every opportunity that a male or any other woman has, but the hard part is not helicoptering and trying to protect them while not reigning them in. My oldest daughter, Caroline, is doing an internship in Nashville – she'll be a senior at Auburn. She’s loving life and enjoying all the things up there, and I just want to say, “Watch out for this guy or watch out for this business thing or that,” but you know, you have to let people live. My youngest daughter, Susanna, is a chemical engineering major, and she finished the first year after chemistry, calculus and physics. She plowed
Dr. Seeman has a large collection of sports and celebrity memorabilia. Pictured is an autographed photo of Lynda Carter, who played Wonder Woman on television from 1975-1979.
through it and did well, and as a dad, I want to say “Are you sure you want to work this hard?” But you can't; you have to just let them do what they're doing. I respect her intellectual curiosity and her drive as I do my older one, and I'll support them doing those things. It's a balance. I want to show my experience, strength and hope with them, but I don't want to get in their way. Everybody has to stub their toe once in a while; you hope they don't, but you have to let them live. We are an Auburn family – my wife and her mother went to Auburn, and my daughters chose to go there on their own. They were accepted into some other very good schools, but they chose to go to Auburn. WGW: What type of changes, if any, do you personally think society needs to make to be more inclusive or less discriminatory toward women. HS: You hate that there has to be a law in place, but there should be equal pay and equal rights. I wouldn't support regimes that are oppressive to women overseas. Equal pay is still an issue today. I believe it's ludicrous and ridiculous. I don't understand how that can still occur. At what point does somebody say, “We're going to pay this person less?” WGW: What generally accepted behaviors (good or bad) in society do you personally think has the largest impact on women?
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HS: In 30-odd years of being in medicine, physician support – which can be nurses who are often female – I think there is more of an opportunity for professional positions, but also simply for input. There was a time early in my training where nurses, who were primarily female at the time, would not open their mouths to a surgeon, for instance. It was frowned upon unless it was going to be a life-threatening thing, and they didn't want to question them. I think now, more physicians, male and female, are and should be more accepting of female associate professionals such as female nurse practitioners and scrub techs because we're all on the same team. I find when I "smell" sexual harassment, it's a symptom, I mean, it's bad in and of itself. I find bullying tremendously distasteful, and sexual harassment is just another flavor of that which is awful. I don't see much of that nowadays, but it wasn't that long ago that it was accepted behavior, just part of the operating room or hospital culture. Physicians would do it mostly to get a rise out of people or to keep things light, but I still found it distasteful at the time. WGW: What woman in your life has had the greatest impact on your personal development? HS: My mother, Blanche Seeman. She was always very positive and encouraging. We moved her down here with us to Georgia, and she was able to see our
daughters grow up close by until she passed away two years ago at the age of 96. WGW: Men sometimes have a bad reputation in society. What is the one thing that you wish all women could understand about the difficulties of being a man in this world? HS: Sometimes we do try, and sometimes we're not articulate in expressing our empathy. WGW: Can you share a funny story you've encountered in your career? HS: A prominent banker in town showed up for his colonoscopy, and he had put a temporary tattoo of my face on his rear end that I didn't even see until he was asleep. I opened the gown and there it was. Everyone, the nurses, all of us were cracking up. WGW: Is there anything else you would like to share with our readers? HS: How much I'm grateful for my colleagues, my staff and especially my wife for walking with me through the tightrope of medicine these days. I have to give kudos to my wife, Jana Walden Seeman, because she is just amazing. She is very involved in many organizations that help people in our community. She serves on the boards of the Rape Crisis Intervention Service of Carroll County and the Carroll County ARC, which offers support for adults with intellectual or developmental disabilities. WGW
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Daily Fare ”Adapt these recipes to your tastes and your lifestyle. That’s what I want you to feel the freedom to do with my recipes. You are more talented and creative than you give yourself credit for!” Julie Culpepper
Julie Culpepper is a Georgia native who lived in Carrollton for 26 years with her husband Alan and their adult children. She and Alan recently became residents of Wedowee, Ala. Julie became a personal chef after graduating culinary school in 2012 and loves working with two companies that she incorporates into her style of cooking – Branch and Vine in Newnan, and Doterra, an online source for essential oils located in Utah. For further information about contacting Julie or these companies, please feel free to contact her at :
Photo by Keith May
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jculpep4@gmail.com or culpepperoilsolutions@mydoterra.org or go online to: branchandvineonline.org
A Dinner With an Asian Flair and a Quick and Healthy Salad for Your Weeknights This Tamagoyaki with sticky rice and citrussoy beurre blanc sauce is such a great change of flavor for your mealtime. By using just a few simple alternative ingredients, this dish will make you feel like you’re eating something totally new and exciting! Don’t be frightened of what you may think is a complicated Japanese dish. Tamagoyaki is simply a rolled omelet, and the rice is made special with a flavorful citrus soy butter sauce. Since August is hot and you don’t want to heat up the kitchen, one-bowl meals are a great healthy and quick option for busy weeknights. You can use any kind of grains with this salad dish, and freezing large batches of cooked grains ahead of time is a convenient time saver. I’ve made some of the best meals from leftovers, so use whatever you have in your fridge! Plus, you can make any kind of salad wonderful just by whisking up a highquality fresh vinaigrette.
Photos by Michelle Horsley
Tamagoyaki with Sticky Rice and Citrus-Soy Beurre Blanc Sauce
Ingredients
For the omelets 5 large eggs
1 tablespoon mirin (found in the international section of the market) 1 teaspoon soy sauce
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½ teaspoon each of salt and white While the rice is cooking pepper (can use black pepper as well) In a medium bowl, whisk together all ½ cup small diced ham the omelet ingredients until just com½ cup chopped green onion bined. Heat a large skillet over moderOil for cooking. (Use sesame oil if you ate heat and coat with one tablespoon of oil. Add 1/3 of the egg mixture and like the strong flavor) cook until set, about 1 minute. Carefully remove to a plate and cook the For the sticky rice remaining mixture in the same fashion. Place each omelet on top of the other and roll together like a burrito. Cut 2 cups brown short grain California into one-inch slices and serve over the rice (or any rice you prefer) rice. 4 cups water For the sauce ½ teaspoon salt Pour the wine, ponzu and soy sauces into a small sauce pot and stir over For the citrus-soy beurre blanc sauce medium-high heat. Add the strained citrus juices and simmer mixture until ¼ cup white wine (Sauvignon Blanc is it is reduced by ½ in volume. Remove not overly sweet) the pot from heat and add the cubes of butter a few at a time. Whisk until 2 tablespoons soy sauce (I used an melted, then stir in zests. Keep sauce aged Kentucky Bourbon Sauce from Branch and Vine) warm but away from direct heat up to 20 minutes before service. 1 tablespoon ponzu sauce (found in the international section of market) Juices of ½ fresh lemon and ½ orange 1 ½ sticks of butter cut into cubes Zests of ½ lemon and ½ orange
Final Preparation
Drizzle sauce over tamagoyaki and sticky rice and enjoy! Serves 4
Preparation For the rice Boil water in a medium pot and add the salt and rice. Cover and cook according to package directions until soft and sticky, about 45 minutes. Keep warm until service. 48
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Whole Grain Salad with Vegetables and Basil Vinaigrette
Ingredients
1 cup cut cooked green beans 1 cup chopped basil leaves Âź cup lemon juice 1 tablespoon garlic paste Âź cup extra virgin olive oil, plus extra for drizzling
Salt and pepper to taste 4 cups cooked grains (farro is excellent and can be found in most grocery stores) 2 cups halved grape tomatoes in varying colors 1 14-ounce can drained canned chickpeas Any other vegetable, nuts, chopped egg or seeds that you have available
Preparation In a food processor, combine basil, lemon juice and garlic, and pulse until smooth. Add the extra virgin olive oil while the motor is running in a steady stream until smooth. Season with salt and pepper to taste. In a large bowl, combine grains,vegetables and chickpeas. Pour the vinaigrette into the salad and toss to combine evenly. Garnish with an additional drizzle of extra virgin olive oil and serve immediately. Serves 4-6
WGW 49
Celebrate 50
HIS SUCCESS
Heart of Gold
Local Investment Advisor Michael Stone Invests in Families and His Community Every Day
M
ichael Stone, owner of Milestone Investment Management, LLC, has always been a man with a passion for helping others. From philanthropist to community servant to investment advisor, he gives 100 percent of his time and talents to help make the world around him a better place. He lives in Carrollton with his wife of 17 years, Andrea Hutchins Stone, who was raised in Carrollton and is a retired K–5 elementary school art teacher. Michael's hobbies are traveling and playing golf, and he enjoys listening to classical and contemporary music as well as music from the 60s and 70s.
Southern Roots Michael was born and raised – in his words – in the shadows of the oil and chemical corridor of North Baton Rouge, La., in an area often referred to as the “other side of the tracks.” His parents were both high school graduates during the time when school ended in the eleventh grade. His father, a former Marine who fought in the South Pacific during World War II, was a union laborer in the nearby U.S. Rubber Company chemical facility, where he worked for 30 years. Michael's mother stayed home to raise Michael and his brother, Wayne. Michael's first job was as a newspaper delivery boy, delivering papers from a large basket attached to his Schwinn bicycle. He had dreams early on of having a career in the arts, but five have that dream Together, Michael and Andrea l hae Mic n. ildre dch gran two never came to children and e, who has three children: Madison Ston fruition. "When at ition pos has recently accepted a new in Club ntry Cou ch Bea Palm I was a child, t the Wes ollton’s Florida; Marshall Stone, who is Carrn Dog I thought I favorite bar manager at the Brow ried mar is who all, would become Sch gan Mea Cafe; and the to Bill Schall. Meagan and Bill are Darcy, an artist, ter, parents of Michael's granddaugh child but I never 3, and they are expecting another Ryan : developed in November. Andrea has 2 sons support McGehee, a lead services product tion into one," engineering manager at GE Avia to ried mar is he and , Md. he shares. in Baltimore, an Shannon; and Austin McGehee is to "Instead, Episcopal priest, and he is marriedrea's And of nts I have pare the are y Tiffany. The grandson, Alban, 13-months.
associated myself with people I find to be very talented, and I encourage them to continue to excel in their work." After high school, Michael went to college and became a member of the Sigma Chi fraternity at Louisiana State University, where he graduated with a bachelor of science degree in 1971. He later graduated from the LSU Graduate School of Banking. Michael says his mom and dad were always his biggest fans. Although they passed away a few years ago, Michael has found ways to honor them and to keep his memories of them close in his heart. He bought and remodeled the building his business is located in on Newnan Street in Carrollton to dedicate in their memory, and he had his mother's
Michael with his wife, Andrea.
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me of both my mom and my dad, and I get to carry a little bit of them around with me when I wear them."
His Career
treasured earrings made into a pair of cuff links. "When I was a child I only saw my mother wear one pair of earrings," he shares. "They were clipons because she did not have pierced ears, and the stone was something she and my father called 'cat’s eye.' My father had gotten these when he was a marine in the South Pacific during World War II. "I don’t recall her ever wearing any other earrings. When she died, I asked my brother, Wayne, if I could have them. I took them to a local jeweler to have them converted from earrings to cuff links. These cuff links are very special to me because they remind
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Michael has worked in the financial services industry for 45 years. He began his career in banking in 1972 as a bank teller and worked in many leadership positions within the banking industry, primarily in commercial banking for 24 years. He moved to Atlanta, in 1986 and continued his commercial banking career for the next 10 years. Although finance was his niche, Michael wanted to serve others outside of commercial banking. He had a drive and passion to really make a difference in people's lives – and their financial futures – so he began a new career as a financial advisor for Edward Jones Investments in 1997, where he worked for 13 years.
New Beginnings Michael really enjoyed working as a financial advisor but he felt something was missing. He had a strong desire to make more of an impact on
his clients' financial portfolios by providing highly personalized financial services that would focus on those individual's wants, needs and goals – not focusing on satisfying some corporate strategy for a large firm that was mandated out of state. It was also important to him that the fee income from clients stay right here in West Georgia – investing that income back into, and supporting the communities where Michael and his clients live and work – rather than have most of that income (usually 60 percent or more), sent out of state to a corporate employer. The ability to control his own destiny, build a client focused enterprise and support his local
community was top on his list, and Michael knew to achieve those goals he would need to branch out on his own and start his own business. In July 2010 he took the leap and created Milestone Investment Management LLC, an independently owned and operated wealth management firm in Carrollton. As an independent financial advisor, Michael was able to, first and foremost, help his clients achieve their financial goals that are tailored to their own individual needs – a responsibility Michael doesn't take lightly. "As an investment advisor representative with Milestone Investment Management, I am held to a fiduciary standard, meaning that we are committed to placing clients’ interests ahead of our own," he explains. "We act as the guardian of your investment future by helping you build, grow and protect your investment portfolio to achieve your individual goals and dreams.
His Business Model Milestone Investment Management delivers sound investment advice and financial strategies for each client's life, including offering highly individualized
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financial planning for both men and women. Michael specializes in retirement planning, financial planning and designing retirement income distribution strategies, and he is certified as an accredited asset management specialist by the College for Financial Planning and certified as a professional plan consultant by fi360 Global Fiduciary Insights. He
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says the two fundamental questions he receives from potential clients on a daily basis are: "Will I make it?" and "Do I have any financial blind spots?" "With regard to the first question, I have found that the majority of people have not been able to define 'it,'" he relates. "So the first thing I do is gather as much information about what it is they are trying to accomplish with their investments, and then take a look at everything they are currently doing financially, to determine if what they want to happen actually has a chance to occur. "It is important to map out your financial structure to see how well it aligns with your financial objectives," he explains. "If they don’t align, I point out the specific challenges and make detailed recommendations to get back on track. Once this is done, then we address the question of financial
blind spots to determine if there are any risks that have been overlooked that might do you, your family or your business any harm. From here we design a strategy to help mitigate any risk exposure."
Not Alone Although Michael is an independent financial advisor, he is not alone. In fact, he is supported by the nation's leading independent broker-dealer, LPL Financial. They support more than 14,000 financial advisors and approximately 700 financial institutions. He is also a member of Integrated Financial Group, which is a network of LPL Financial Advisors across 10 states, who he says support the notion that many minds are greater than one. "I believe in empowerment through guidance and collaboration," he says. "We call this consortium of expertise 'The Brain Trust.' It employs the concept that we are all independent, but we are not operating alone. I conduct all of my own due diligence on the products and services we offer, and I build customized strategies to meet the individual needs of my clients." He says it's important for potential clients to realize that although he is in business for himself, he is not in business by himself. "I have a strong support network behind me with my affiliation with LPL Financial as my broker-dealer, and my affiliation with Integrated Financial Group, which supports my advisory practice," he explains. "Both of these affiliations provide me with back-up support to run my business if needed. Some of my competitors have told clients I have no back-up support and that is just not true."
Community Involvement Michael is deeply involved in the community through his business as well as with the arts. Every year since 2003, he brings a little bit of Cajun to Carrollton for his annual Christmas Open House. He cooks a delicious chicken and sausage gumbo and welcomes his friends, clients and members of the Chamber of Commerce for their "Networking After Hours" program. In 2016, he served over 100 people. Michael has served on the Carroll Symphony Orchestra board of directors for over 12 years, he and Andrea established the "Michael and Andrea Stone Visiting Artist Series" in conjunction with the University of West Georgia College of Arts and Humanities and are also sponsors of "LiveArt" at the Townsend Center for the Performing Arts. Most recently, they helped organize the Carrollton Main Street "Art Takeover" in and around Adamson Square. In April, he was presented with the 2017 Honorary Alumnus award for his work with the University of West Georgia. Michael believes it takes many people working together to develop a strong community. He actively serves as a member of the Carrollton Dawnbreakers Rotary Club, that supports many projects in the community, including the Carroll County Rape Crisis Center, Special Olympics, Toys for Tots, the Tanner ReadER program and other literacy programs and
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ers who call "Many brokers and oth follow the themselves advisors meaning they can 'suitability' standard, t are suitable based sell you products tha nce and other on your age, risk tolera et your needs," factors but may not me . "Those products according to the AARP s or commissions, can come with high fee from mutual fund or hidden payments have to disclose. companies they don't prospective advisor So be sure to ask your iary or suitability – which standard – fiduc And the AARP he or she observes." sitation to says if there is any he lk away. wa give a clear answer,
"The reality is, when women relate a situation or problem to men, they only want someone to listen to them and not tell them what’s wrong and how to fix things. Men need to be better listeners. My daughter has tried to teach me to be more tolerant of the differences in how men and women communicate, and she has also tried to get me to be more sensitive to the needs of women." Although society's thoughts and perceptions of women have evolved over the years, Michael says there still needs to be improvement. "My daughter has always been a high achiever," he says. "She has experienced some difficult situations because of her drive to succeed. Society still has a double standard in how it views men and women." Beneath his professional exterior, Michael does local law enforcement organizations. He is currently have a less serious and softer side, although, like serving as president of the Dawnbreakers Rotary in most men, you don't always see it right away – 2017-2018. unless you look at his feet. He enjoys wearing really interesting and eyecatching socks. He even The Female has a bright red pair that sport the famous Influence "Superman® logo." "Aside from the fact Michael grew up that I like to wear crazy without any sisters or socks, Jennifer (Jennifer girls who were close Sauls, Michael's director in age to him besides of operations) says his classmates, and he underneath my suit didn't have a serious and my knowledge of girlfriend until he was investments is a loving in college. Most of his his professional exterior, Michael enjoys wearing really and compassionate interactions with women Beneath interesting and eye-catching socks. man! But shhh, don’t as a child were with tell anyone!" he laughs. his mother, teachers The most powerful influence in Michael's life has and relatives, until he started working at 19 around been his wife, Andrea, he says with a warm smile. women in supervisory positions. She introduced him to know and love the arts, and "I think those experiences helped me develop a they both love to travel. Wherever they go, she healthy work relationship with women throughout my career," he relates. "I enjoy working with women introduces him to new galleries and museums that he wouldn't visit otherwise. "She has definitely and the perspective they bring when looking at brought a little culture to this 'Cajun' boy!" he says. challenging situations." Michael also supports women in West Georgia as Being married and having a daughter has also an advertiser of West Georgia Woman magazine. had an influence on Michael's perception of women "My wife agrees that West Georgia Woman is a in his personal life. When he got married, he was great publication to support, and she would not be surprised at how adept women were at multihappy if I discontinued my support," he shares. tasking, and he understands communication is the He believes in the power of reaching future key to strong relationships. "I think as boys and female clients through the magazine. "West Georgia young men, we are taught to be self-reliant and to Woman magazine is a quality publication focused solve problems for others," he shares. "As a result, I on articles of interest to women," he relates. "By think when we hear someone tell us of a situation or advertising here we get to communicate with a a problem, our natural reaction is to offer advice on how we would fix it, or worse, how they should fix it. segment of our community I feel is under-served by
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professional financial advisors. "We want women to know we are different from what they may have experienced in the past, or what they perceive to be, if they have never worked with a professional financial advisor before. Women are the largest segment of our clientele when you consider they represent one-half of a couple, and then we have a large number of women who are single by choice or circumstance." He says their unique personalized approach to working with clients sets them apart from the competition, and he believes a major part of the financial planning process is as simple as just listening to them as they explain their goals and needs. "Since women typically live longer than most men, proper planning is essential to their long term financial well-being," he explains. "It is important for us to learn as much as we can about a person’s current financial situation and to listen carefully to their wants and needs for the future, so we can work with them not only to achieve their financial goals, but to also identify any financial blind spots that might put their financial goals at risk. Then we work to mitigate those risks. "Our goal is to help women determine options that may increase the odds of achieving and maintaining financial security later in life. Expect responsive relationships and clear explanations about financial matters when working with us, and enjoy the benefit of our experience creating custom strategies just for you." Investing does not come without some risk, however. He says there is no perfect investment, and he compares investing to a marathon. "I build diversified investment portfolios designed to help investors achieve their long term goals," he relates. "Investing is not a sprint, it is a marathon. Markets move on a daily basis by fear and greed, As an Investment Advisor and they grow Representative with Milestone am I over the long t, men age Man Investment , dard stan term based y ciar fidu held to a ed mitt com are we on corporate meaning that s rest inte nts’ clie profitability. to placing ahead of our own. We act as The key to the guardian of your investment building future by helping you build, grow wealth is to and protect your investment start investing portfolio to achieve your early in quality individual goals and dreams. investments and continue
“
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Photo by Tim McClain Photo by Tim McClain
Michael with his director of operations, Jennifer Sauls
to invest for the long term. Jennifer schedules all of Michael's client appointments, which usually begin at 9:30 a.m. with the last appointment at 4 p.m., although the business is open from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Monday through Friday. Most of his clients prefer to meet him in his office, but he says he is flexible with clients who are unable to get away from their daily responsibilities, and he is always willing to meet with them after hours or on Saturdays if necessary. He also strives to answer all emails and phone calls before the end of each day, usually staying at the office until 6:30 p.m. "I love what I do!" he shares. "I have a passion for working with people to help them achieve their financial goals. Milestone offers experienced, highly personalized financial advice that helps clients define goals with confidence, gain clarity on financial matters and put a long term plan in place that seeks to help you build wealth one milestone at a time. "Your accomplishments are not finish lines, they are milestones. We believe family comes first, and when you work with Milestone Investment Management, that’s exactly what you become – family." WGW
If you need help planning your financial future, or if you would like to learn more about Michael Stone and Milestone Investment Management, LLC, call 770.830.0063, email Jennifer.sauls@lpl.com or visit the website at
www.milestoneinvestmentsllc.com 57
Woman
Complimentar
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August 2016
Celebrating West Georg The Men Behind ia Woman Magazine
Remember the men in our inaugural Man Issue? They're still here and faithfully supporting West Georgia Woman magazine! Read what they've been up to in the last year, below.
West Geor gia
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THE
MANISSUE
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Ben Butler – Chief Executive Officer Carrollton Orthopaedic Clinic "Life in the Butler house never seems to slow down! Kirby and I stay busy with work and our two young girls, Campbell, 4, and Brittain, 18 months. At the office, I continue to be so grateful for the opportunity to work with such great orthopedic surgeons and a wonderful staff that continues to be the best in West Georgia. This fall, the Carrollton Orthopaedic Clinic is excited to launch a new Sports Medicine & Performance initiative that will provide an elite level of sports coverage for all of our local high schools. Also, we recently welcomed Dr. Bryan Kirby, a Pain Management physician to our growing practice. Dr. Kirby has been in the community for almost 10 years and has a reputation for high-quality care with a servant's heart for his patients. Personally, the Butler's are SO excited about Southern Hills Christian Church and the vision and building of City Station – a project for the entire Carrollton community. We cant wait for City Station to open in early 2018. Finally, a huge shout out to our dear friends at Oak Grove Montessori School. The weeks can be so busy for Mom and Dad, but we are thankful for this school and staff who love on our girls as much as we do each and every day. We are looking forward to fall, football and Disney in November! Thanks for being such a wonderful community."
Mark Foster – Executive Manager Walker Cadillac, Buick, GMC In the last 12 months Mark led the team at Walker Cadillac Buick GMC, Inc. to win another Mark of Excellence recognition from General Motors for increased sales volume and exceptional customer satisfaction. Also, under GM's classification of market performance, Walker has been named the number 1 Cadillac dealer in the state of Georgia. "We continue to focus on the 'basics' of our job and ask ourselves, 'What can we do to make the experience better for each customer?'" he says. Mark was recently named Rotarian of the Year by Rotary Club of Carrollton DawnBreaker's President Susan Hewitt and has completed 10 years of perfect attendance. Foster remains the foundation chairman on the club's board and continues to be an active board member with Carroll County CASA and is chairman of the board for Carroll County School System's College and Career Academy as well as WGTC's Marketing/Management Advisory 58Committee.
Jay Gill – Manager Communications, Public Relations, Governmental Affairs Carroll Electric Membership Cooperative "Since last year, I have taken on additional responsibilities for Carroll EMC, became president of THE Rotary Club of Carrollton and became chair of the Government Affairs Committee for the Carroll County Chamber of Commerce. As my children, and wife, are still very young, we are big into riding bicycles together and hiking trails in the area. My kids are getting into tennis and golf these days too, so those will end up being fun family activities as well. Other than work and family, we're always engaged in some home-repair project or community event and fundraisers. We're fortunate to live in such a family oriented community."
Daniel Jackson – Chairman of the Board Tanner Health System "The Chamber, Carroll Tomorrow and The Burson Center are all having good years. Carroll County is well poised to continue to enjoy business growth and expansion and it is a privilege to represent this community alongside many partners and stakeholders engaged in economic development, community development, workforce development and leadership development. I also greatly appreciate the talented staff I get to work with every day. In June, I completed an 18-month term as chair of the state chamber executive association (GACCE). During that time, GACCE celebrated their 100th anniversary so we had a big year. We are having a wonderful time this year enjoying our daughter Katie, son-in-law Chris, and three grandchildren – Abigail, Emma Claire and Daniel. They live in Mozambique, Africa, and only come home every two to four years. It is such a joy to watch all six of our little grandchildren getting to know each other as cousins and each growing, learning and developing quickly. My wife, Carol, is busy in various volunteer leadership roles after retiring as an educator. I feel blessed to live in Carroll County. Carol and I have now invested 45 years of our lives in this community. It is home and all we know as a married couple. My desire is to be a positive contributor to our community and to continue to enjoy our life in Carroll County; a great place to live, work, worship, learn, serve and play."
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Dan McBrayer – Insurance Agent McBrayer Company Inc. "The 'Unaffordable Care Act' continues to take its toll on people under 65 who have to purchase health insurance. I am very concerned that many people will not be able to afford coverage in 2018. "We continue to see growth in retiree markets with Medicare Supplement business. Life insurance rates are still one of the best buys for people looking to protect their families. "We continue to be blessed with many referrals that our clients send to us on a daily basis. We try and offer the best coverages and great service to our clients. "Thank you for your support."
Clyde Navarro, D.C. Integrative Body Health "I am so pleased to share that our practice has doubled in a year's time. Our busiest month since we have opened for business was this past June. We are so thankful for referrals from patients and friends who trust and believe in our methods. "On another note, I am very proud to share that I was elected to be on the Carrollton Bluefins advisory board. This allows me to continue to share with my son – a Bluefin swimmer – my passion of swimming as my hobby. It feels great to be involved in this community and to give back." Publisher's note: When Clyde was in college, he was a water polo goalie for the National team of Puerto Rico in 1987.
Jeff Reid, M.D. Physicians Care Group of West Georgia, P.C. "I have counted much of 2017 as a blessing. God has given me time with my family and church. In my work life it is always fulfilling to play a role in the recovery of patients. I still love to be out with my family, and I am so impressed with my children as they grow and mature. "I did not go on my annual mission trip, but I am planning to go to Israel with a group from my church soon."
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Fred Richards-Daishi, P.h.D. Psychotherapist and Professional Life Coach "Now 78, still working, reading more, celebrating with Anne 48 years of marriage. Letting go of solid, separate self and its life-limiting fear. Embracing impermanence, the Hello/Goodbye in everything. Preparing to die well by living well here and now. Often seeing each moment, each person as precious, even the few people I prefer to avoid. Still learning from Jesus and the Buddha how to be more loving. Learning from Zorba the Greek, Anne Richards and other friends as well. For years wearing my religion like a loose garment, now spiritually going naked, beyond dogma, befriending both my virtues and my flaws. Joyful with others and joyful in solitude. Declaring with Walt Whitman: 'Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself. I am large. I contain multitudes.'"
Randy Turner – Pharmacist Turner Pharmacy Randy is still working alongside his employees behind the pharmacy counter, filling prescriptions, taking care of customers and doing what he loves to do. He has been in business in the Carrollton community for 29 years this year, and he and his wife Lynde now have 12 wonderful grandchildren. Randy and his team have added a significant expansion to their gift department, where you will find many items that can’t be found anywhere else in Carrollton. Find gifts from beautiful accent pillows, gifts for special occasions, baby and bridal gifts and jewelry to clothing for men and women. Randy and his staff invite you to stop by today to check out their wide variety of gift merchandise for showers, weddings, birthdays and other special occasions.
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Womentality
Inspiring Quotes By Extraordinary Men
“What we run from runs our life. What we face frees us to live.” – Fred Richards-Daishi, Ph.D.
“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men." – Frederick Douglass
“As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand." – Josh Billings
"The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively." – Bob Marley
“When women are empowered, they immeasurably improve the lives of everyone around them – their families, their communities, and their countries. This is not just about women; we men need to recognize the part we play too. Real men treat women with dignity and give them the respect they deserve.” – Prince Harry 63
THE CHALLENGE: Becoming a Man and Learning to
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LOVE
By Fred Richards, Ph.D.
C
ommenting on the fact that men die sooner than women, Sidney Jourard wrote back in 1960: "In principle, there must be ways of behaving among people which prolong a man's life and insure his fuller functioning, and ways of behaving which speed a man's progress toward death." While it's true that the images of what it means to be a man – and a woman as well – have changed and evolved, our ideas about what a "real man" is have not changed enough. We keep killing ourselves and others, writes psychiatrist Frank Pittman, as a consequence of blind loyalty to a concept of manhood that made sense ages ago when we were fighting saber-toothed tigers. Pittman suggests that the prevailing idea of "masculinity has become a problem." He goes on to say that masculinity itself is not the problem, that there are healthy, creative, rewarding ways to be masculine. The problem is the "masculine mystique" – the lethal, toxic, unrealistic image of masculinity that many males are pressured and persuaded to embody from childhood on. Many of us, long before our first shave, get the message that we are supposed to grow up to be tough warriors, to dominate women or rescue and protect them, to be the boss of the household and take care of "the weaker sex." Some men "grow up" to want a woman but don't really learn to like them as people. They are not encouraged to view women as equals and in some ways as more capable than they are. Others, hoping to find a woman to take care of them, feel it necessary to conceal their neediness behind a facade of fake self-sufficiency. Novelists, poets, dramatists, psychologists tell us it is evident, writes Jourard, that men experience a range of feelings as deep and varied as women do. No matter what one's gender identification, we are aware that humans possess the potential for experiencing countless emotions, thoughts, and fantasies. Many men, however, when conforming to a rigid male role promoted by others (parents, teachers, preachers and others) shut down and hide much of their inner life from others and even themselves. The process of shaping boys – to become "real men" with little knowledge of their emotional life or how to share what they do experience – begins early. Growing up male, adolescents feel pressured to appear unsentimental, emotionally cool, tough and aggressive. If a young man drops his guard and exposes himself as vulnerable, sensitive, or tenderhearted, others may view him as weak and unmanly. About twenty years ago, I talked with a man concerned about his son. "I'm worried about him," he said. "He's not manly. Too sensitive. And he writes poetry and reads a lot. I was taught boys are
like horses. You have to break them. You have to break them to make them men. He's the youngest, but nothing I do breaks his will." I was silent. Sad. I finally said, "You've got the wrong guy. I'm not into breaking the spirit and will of young men." We ended our conversation and that was the last time I saw him. A huge problem, writes Pittman, "is our society's bizarre attempt to raise sons without fathers or at least someone to serve as grown-up models for growing boys." We often blame only the mothers for rearing boys who become men uncomfortable or insecure when relating to women. Mothers are assumed to be responsible for sons who grow up attributing too much power to women, who believe that how a woman responds to them determines whether or not they are adequate. Pittman concludes that a major cause of a boy's difficulty becoming a mature man is the boy's inadequate relationship with a father. "It is outrageous," he writes, "to blame mothers for not teaching boys how to be men . . . Mothers, no matter how wise and wonderful, can only point boys in certain directions, but boys need fathers to show them how far they should go." Psychotherapist Terrance O'Connor, perceiving how isolated his male clients were from other men, concluded that their emotional isolation made them more emotionally dependent on women. Experiencing women as possessing power over them, men might feel compelled to hide their neediness and fear behind aggressive behavior or be passive and nonassertive. Women might be subjected to a pattern of being verbally abused and then ignored, being harshly criticized and then punished by the man's withdrawal or abandonment. It's believed boys need the presence of a father or some mature and available male who understands and respects the fact that males may be fearful of female anger or are uncertain how to relate to women who evolve and change, who are or become self-confident, willful and emotionally strong. Pittman insists that "Every boy must have a man who is rooting for his masculinity." I myself am one of those men who never shared a hug with their father. Some men report they never got to hug their father until he was dying. Grown men have also shared with me sadness and shame kept secret for decades, shame and helplessness experienced when as children they were unable to protect a mother or sibling being attacked or abused. But what can a boy do when confronted with domestic violence, which even trained officers find challenging to address? We know there are ways of being a man that can damage a man's emotional life and limit his
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We know there are ways of being a man that can damage a man's emotional life and limit his capacity for intimacy. capacity for intimacy. Boys once not allowed or too frightened to express themselves when confronted by an insecure, controlling, dominating father or other adult may, when grown, have difficulty finding their own voice. They may, if they deny their own hurt and pain, treat their own children or others as they were treated. Others who are able to feel their feelings may "stuff them." They may pretend they are not the person they know themselves to be. Others, still hurting from past or present rejection and neglect may withdraw or explode in anger, in each case failing to connect with others and compounding their loneliness. Psychological research and knowledge acquired in psychotherapy confirm what most of us already know: men are less self-disclosing than women. It is known that men are more fearful of appearing weak or vulnerable. They "armor" themselves and, as a result, suffer chronic stress and tension – and may be unaware of their condition until some medical problem puts them in the hospital. It is known that excessive stress, feeling under attack or threat and being estranged from self and others can undermine one's emotional and physical health. Jourard concludes that these factors point to "potentially lethal aspects of the male role." Most of us would agree that living one's life is at times hard and challenging; life is surely more difficult when being unhappily trapped in a male role that leaves one feeling isolated, unknown and unloved. Jourard in this issue of West Georgia Woman writes about "the fear that cheats us of love" (page 69). All of us have been at one time or another fearful of not being loved or fearful of losing someone we do love. People damaged by earlier
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experiences may take years to uncover and heal their woundedness. They find it hard to trust that others might actually find them lovable. They find it hard to believe that others would not discard them for whatever flaws or shortcomings they have. What is a life if we fail to meet people who see in us value we have difficulty seeing in ourselves? I married my wife, Anne, when I was 30. I was in my early 50s when, breaking down sobbing, the "kid" inside me realized he was loved and wouldn't be cast aside because of my imperfections and inadequacies. One reason I sobbed is because I had the heartbreaking thought that if I had died when I was 45, I would never have known deeply what it means to both love and be loved. Scott Peck in "The Road Less Traveled" reminds us that life is difficult – and growing up and learning how to love is equally difficult. He tells us love is not a feeling; it is a relationship characterized by caring, openness, sharing, and being committed to the welfare, self-realization and happiness of another person. Loving demands courage to let go of lethal, unhealthy ways of being, to encourage others to be free to be who they are, to risk being seen and known, to balance being separate and together – and much more. It's accepting the fact that none of us is an expert in loving. We love imperfectly. We all have a lot to learn. We are only capable of knowing and loving another to the degree we are willing to know and love ourselves. We are not roles to play; we are souls here to love. Finally, I recall some words by author James Baldwin: "We are given only one life to live. If you don't live this one, you won't be given another." Hopefully, our understanding of what it means to be "a real man/person" will continue to evolve, liberating us to even more fully love ourselves and others, right here in this one life we are given to live. WGW Fred Richards-Daishi, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, personal and professional coach, author, artist, published poet, recipient of the Counselor of the Year Award (1999) from the Licensed Professional Counselor Association of Georgia and the Club Herald (since 1978) of the Carrollton Kiwanis Club. He lives in Carrollton with his wife, Dr. Anne C. Richards, Professor Emerita, University of West Georgia.
A Clinical Approach to Treating Pelvic Floor Disorders By James Cullison, MD
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A
s women age, their pelvic health isn’t usually top of mind. You may be surprised to learn the issues you’re experiencing with using the bathroom, vaginal or pelvic pain or frequent constipation are more than just a typical part of aging. Those symptoms may indicate a pelvic floor disorder – a somewhat funny and unusual name to describe a very common condition.
What Is Pelvic Floor Disorder? Pelvic floor disorder is estimated to affect roughly one-third of the women across the country, according to the National Institutes of Health. The pelvic floor is the group of muscles that hold the uterus, cervix, vagina, bladder, bowel, urethra, small intestine and rectum in place so they function properly. A pelvic floor “disorder” happens when the muscles can no longer hold the pelvic organs properly, often because of a tear, loosening or rip in the muscles. Older women, particularly those who’ve had children, are more likely to experience pelvic floor disorders. Fortunately, there are many treatment options to help the pelvic floor muscles work properly again.
Treatments For Pelvic Floor Disorders Care for pelvic health issues, from trouble urinating to trouble during intercourse, has come a long way in the past few years. Those issues that were once considered part of the aging process are now met with a comprehensive clinical approach to help identify and treat a woman’s symptoms. Pelvic floor conditions we treat at Tanner Health System include: • Bladder dysfunction, such as incontinence or overactive bladder • Bowel dysfunction, including fecal incontinence • Prolapse conditions, including vaginal, uterine or pelvic organ prolapse Treatment plans often depend on the type of pelvic floor disorder a woman is experiencing.
Options Include: • Biofeedback to help stimulate and
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Insurance?
You never know when you will need it!
Contact me for a FREE consultation!
Dan P. McBrayer, CLU 770.834.8313
110 East Center Street Carrollton, GA 30117
dan@mcinsure.com www.danmcbrayer.com strengthen pelvic nerves and muscles • Medication • Minimally invasive surgery, including pelvic reconstruction surgery • Physical therapy to help strengthen pelvic muscles If you’re experiencing any pelvic floor symptoms, or have any questions, please talk with your doctor today. To find a physician near you, call our free, 24hour physician referral line at 770.214.CARE (2273) or visit the Find a Doctor page at tanner.org. WGW Dr. Cullison is boardcertified in urology as well as female and pelvic medicine and reconstructive surgery by the American Board of Urology. West Georgia Urology has locations in Bremen, Carrollton, Villa Rica and in Wedowee, Ala. For more information, visit www.wgurology.com or call 770.834.6988.
The Fear That Cheats Us of Love
I
By Sidney M. Jourard (edited to fit the format of West Georgia Woman)
f we want to be loved, we must disclose ourselves. If we want to love others, they must permit us to know them. This would seem to be obvious. Yet most of us spend a great part of our lives thinking up ways to avoid becoming known. Indeed, much of human life is best described as impersonation. We are role players, every one of us. We say that we feel things we do not feel. We say that we did things we did not do. We say that we believe things we do not believe. We pretend that we are loving when we are full of hostility. We pretend that we are calm and indifferent when we actually are trembling with anxiety and fear. We not only conceal ourselves; we also usually assume that the other people are in hiding. We are wary of them because we take it for granted that they too will frequently misrepresent their real feelings, their intentions, or their past, since we so often are guilty of doing those very things ourselves. As a therapist and research psychologist, I often meet people who believe that their troubles are caused by things outside themselves – by another person, bad luck or some obscure malaise – when in fact they are in trouble because they are trying to be loved and seeking human response without letting others know them. For example, a husband and wife may come to me with a problem they think is purely sexual in origin but instead it turns out to be a frustration that has arisen because these two people can't communicate with each other. Of course, we cannot tell even the people we know and love everything we think and feel. But our mistakes are nearly always in the other direction. Even in families – good families – people wear masks a great deal of the time. Children don't know their parents; parents don't know their children. Parents themselves are often strangers to each other. One has only to think of the astronomical rate of divorce and the contemporary conflict between parents and children to know that it is possible to
be involved in a family for years, playing one's role nicely and never get to know the other members of the family – who also are playing roles. Why is this so? For a great variety of reasons, some obvious, some not; some sensible, some profoundly harmful. But the most important reason springs from the very nature of the human enterprise itself. Paradoxically, we fail to disclose ourselves to other people because we want so much to be loved. Because we feel that way, we present ourselves as someone we think can be loved and accepted, and we conceal whatever would mar that image. If we need to believe that we are without hostile impulses, that we are morally superior to other people, we won't give anything away that spoils that image. The truth is that we want to think of ourselves as constant. Once we have formed our image of who and what we are, we proceed to behave as if that were all we ever could be. We "freeze," as though we had taken a pledge to ourselves that even if we did change, we'd try not to notice it. And we don't want the other person to change either. Once the other is labeled husband or wife or partner or child or father or unselfish friend, we have no wish to disturb that image. If something is happening inside others that may make them behave differently toward us, we don't want to hear about it. Still another reason we don't disclose ourselves is that we were never taught how. On the contrary, unless we were very lucky as children, we were taught more about how to conceal ourselves from other people than about how to disclose ourselves. And we are still playing roles that we adopted almost before we can remember. As small children, we are and we act our real selves. We say what we think; we scream for what we want; we tell what we did. Then, quite early,
True Self
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we learn to disguise certain facts about ourselves because of the painful consequences to which they lead. In fact, our own self-deceptions, painfully acquired, are among the strongest factors in our inability to reveal ourselves. All of us hide behind the iron curtain of our public selves. And with our "intimates" we again fail to disclose ourselves because we are so vulnerable to those we love. Under special pressures, we might tell the stranger on the train about our longings and desires and frailties, but how can we talk about them to those we love, who might be hurt by such revelations? And, of course, it is true that we should not gratuitously hurt those we love. In the intimacy of daily life, we must at times hide our feelings. But it is fatally easy to assume from this that we must never tell the truth when it will hurt. Every therapist, for example, is familiar with the people who, because a relationship is profoundly dissatisfying, are carrying on an affair. The involvement with another person may break up the relationship, yet one may say, "I cannot talk about my basic dissatisfaction because it will hurt my partner!" If we have good reasons not to disclose ourselves, why should we? Admittedly, there are times when telling everything is unwise and hurtful. Neither can we always avoid playing roles. Often they are inescapable; they must be played or else the social system will not work. We are teachers and business partners, housewives and nurses, law enforcement officers and athletes; and as responsible people, we feel we must conform to the expectations others have of these roles. Moreover, each person is entitled to be a "self" and entitled to keep that self private when not feeling comfortable or ready to disclose it. Healthy personalities aren't always fully visible. Chronic selfrevelation may be idolatrous or even destructive in certain circumstances. What matters is that we should be able to be private when we wish,
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when that's meaningful, and to be quite open and transparent when that's appropriate or helpful. That is all we should be trying for; but that is a great deal. We are warm, live, human, growing creatures; and when we suppress our true identities completely, serious consequences follow. We must remember, too, we are not mind-readers, for there is a limit to intuitive understanding. If we must spend much time together, if our lives are bound together, if we must collaborate for common ends, we are in trouble if we cannot communicate. Another reason disclosure is so important is that without it we really cannot know ourselves. Or to put it another way, we learn to deceive ourselves while we are trying to deceive others. For example, if I never express my sorrow, my love, my joy, I'll smother those feelings in myself until I almost forget that they were once part of me. If I avoid sharing, for example, early hurt or trauma, I can lose touch with some significant past experiences that influence how I now behave.
What Is The Truth About Ourselves? Often, we ourselves don't know. But if I feel so safe in your presence that I am willing to try to disclose myself to you, I'll find out about myself just by talking about how I feel and what I need and whether my needs are defensible. Perhaps the most important reason for selfdisclosure is that without it we cannot truly love. How can I love a person I don't know? How can other persons love me if they don't know me? Indeed, we often marry strangers. In our society people commonly marry in a romantic haze. They marry an image, not a person – an image spun out of their own needs and fantasies. Often a courtship, instead of being a period of mutual exposure of the self and study of the other, is a period of mutual deception, a period in which the couple
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constructs false public selves. It is not rare for a person to fall in love with, court and marry someone and then, much later, come face to face with that person's real self and wonder, "How did I ever end up in this relationship?" "He changed," a partner complains. Perhaps – but perhaps he never really was the person he was perceived to be. Obviously, it is hard to pick the right partner if our concept of another person is not accurate. And having picked someone we don't know or understand, how can we behave in loving ways that make him or her happy? And how can I feel my love to be real if this person, allegedly so beloved, is not to be trusted with my innermost thoughts and feelings? In my heart I know that if I love someone, I display my love by letting my partner know me. Loving requires trust and openness one to the other, a metaphoric nakedness. We must drop our defenses. The inability to communicate is especially dangerous to a close and meaningful sexual relationship. Given a reasonable lack of prudery, a healthy sex life grows best out of a relationship between two people who can disclose themselves to each other in all areas of their lives without fear of being harmed. Sex deteriorates when a couple
cannot establish a close, mutually revealing, nonsexual relationship; the very defenses one uses to keep from being known and possibly hurt by the spouse or partner one cannot understand are the same defenses that impede spontaneity in sex. I think of this illustration, one that therapists are familiar with: Here is a woman who married at a stage of her life in which she was passive, dependent and easily won over by a dominant male whose sense of his own strong identity was reinforced by her helplessness. In time, she discovers that she has become more self-reliant, more independent and assertive. Now she doesn't know what to do. If she is herself, if she expresses herself, her spouse may feel very insecure or less appreciated, so she may go on trying to pretend that she is what she was before. The same thing can happen to the man who falls in love with a dominant woman because he wants to be taken care of. Eventually he may outgrow this dependency and then, unless she can change too, they are at an impasse. But can they change? Of course they can. Often, a person imagines that the partner is as immobile as a rock and will always be that way. Having decided this, one may dig in for a lifetime of dissatisfaction –
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or institute divorce proceedings. But many a spouse, following a bitter divorce, has been dumbfounded to discover that the discarded partner has changed. The stodgy, unromantic ex-partner has become more attentive to appearance, more considerate, more romantic and playful; the partner who was fretful and nagging blooms with good will. This is certainly evidence that both can change, but it is evidence also that they did not feel free to change while they lived together. Freedom and the right to grow are difficult and painful gifts for a couple to give each other, but there is no alternative. People outgrow the roles in which they have been cast by their partners, and when they have grown and changed, each must be able to let that fact be known so that the loved partner can take it into account. I have been making the point that without the ability to disclose ourselves to each other we are in serious trouble.
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But What Can We Do About It? First of all, we can ask ourselves how many things we feel free to talk about. Can we let it be known that we are full of paradox and contradiction, that we change from day to day, that we are often selfdeceived and unable to understand ourselves? Can we say, "I was the one who was wrong" and mean it? In an intimate relationship can we talk freely to our partner about what's bothering us? Can we discuss our sexual longings, needs and disappointments? Can we really hear what the other person is saying about these things? As parents, can we really hear our children when they are complaining about us or expressing a need we didn't think they should have? In our perplexing world, can we hear and understand people of other generations, backgrounds, races and gender identities? And make ourselves clear to them? We have to be able to realize what
troubles us and what it is in ourselves and in the other person that prevents us from understanding and loving. If we are authentically communicating, we will drop pretense, defenses, duplicity and bad faith. We will stop abandoning and punishing one another by refusing to respond and share real feelings and concerns. Intimate partners need tough and candid talk aimed at dispelling misunderstandings. They need to understand how they differ, what they respect and love in each other, what they hold in common – yes, and what enrages them in each other. If we speak honestly, we must be able to say, "I feel angry when you are doing what you are doing right now." Self-disclosure comes, too, from a grace that I can only call flexibility. We can abandon our fears that the other person will grow away from us or leave us and replace these fears with a genuine concern for another's growth and happiness. Married couples often feel they love each other when they mean they want to possess and control each other. This is not love. People who love each other will be genuinely concerned about each other's welfare. They will actively want the other to grow, even if it shakes their own security. In fact, a good relationship of any kind is one that can be re-invented if necessary, one that carries within it always the seeds of new growth. In any case, courageous self-disclosure is especially needed today in our swiftly moving world, where, in fact, few relationships can stand still. More than ever we need to be able to invite disclosure from our changing, sometimes struggling children. And more than ever people – in marriage and out – need to feel free to talk to each other. But a word of warning is in order. We can get so uptight about our desires to be candid with each other that we probe for disclosure whether it's forthcoming or not. That won't work. Parents should not try to bring an end to the silence a child evidently wants; individuals do not have to pressure distracted and worrying partners to reveal what they are thinking about. Instead, we can invite. We invite by our own disclosure; we invite by behaving toward others in ways that will satisfy their basic needs, helping them to feel safe, respected and cared about. We can say, for example, "If there's something on your mind you'd like to share, I'm more than willing to listen." Human beings appear to have a built-in need for self-disclosure. We want to know the other person is there; we want to know what we are thinking by saying it and hearing it resonate in the other's response; we want to share.
Presumably, we'll never be able to do this fully. There will always be the loneliness of never wholly reaching those we love. Loneliness is not a curable disease for human beings. But we can ameliorate it on occasions. Hopefully the young are more candid about sexual matters, morality, politics, the way they think of each other, than the way people used to be; and they don't appear to have their elders' more limited abilities to communicate across national boundaries, gender identity boundaries, race and class boundaries. Family members, too, may become less well-defined, less traditional, more open to the world and to one another. In any case we need people, in families and out, who will talk freely enough to help one another explore for new understanding, new ways of living, new ways to love and grow. Self-disclosure is a way of sharing, a way of learning from each other, a way of inviting each other to become the persons we're capable of being. WGW This article (originally co-authored by S.M. Jourard and A. Whitman) first appeared in REDBOOK in 1971 (Vol. 137, No. 6, pp. 82-83, 154, 157-158, 160). Reproduced by permission of Marty Jourard, son of the late Sidney M. Jourard. Marty is a winner of the 2017 Bronze award for non-fiction given by the annual Florida Book Awards for his 2016 book "Music Everywhere; The Rock and Roll Roots of a Southern Town." Biography and photo of Dr. Jourard obtained through the authorized Sidney M. Jourard website at sidneyjourard.com. Sidney Marshall Jourard (1926-1974) was a leading force in Humanistic Psychology, and a pioneer in the fields of self-disclosure and body-awareness. Dr. Jourard taught at Emory University and at the University of Alabama Medical College prior to joining the University of Florida in 1958, where he held the rank of professor until his death in 1974. He was involved in private practice of individual psychotherapy for twenty five years: and for the last ten years of his life conducted encounter groups, experiential seminars, and workshops for growth centers throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. He was a past president of the Association for Humanistic Psychology and the author of Personal Adjustment (1958-1963), The Transparent Self (1964-1971), Disclosing Man to Himself (1968), Self-Disclosure (1971), and Healthy Personality (1974). After his death, all of his personal papers and books were donated to the University of West Georgia library in Carrollton, Ga.
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3 Reasons Men Avoid The Doctor (And 4 Reasons Not To)
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By Ken Boss, MD
A
survey last year confirmed something we all suspected: Men don’t like going to the doctor for their annual physical. Despite their steadfast willingness to go the extra mile for their families, they are far less likely to make and keep an appointment with a physician. The top three reasons men gave for skipping a visit to the doctor’s office included: 1. Too busy to make an appointment. 2. Afraid to find out something may be wrong. 3. Concerned or embarrassed about possible exams or procedures. Those are valid concerns, but they aren’t reason enough to skip the trip to your primary care physician. Here are my four reasons an annual physical is worth the hassle. 1. You should always make time for your health. I get it – you’re busy. Between work commitments, shuttling kids around, taking care of the house and just some downtime to spend the way you like, our schedules are full. But your health should never take a backseat to your to-do lists. Your health, in fact, is what enables you to follow-through on commitments and be there for family and friends. Invest some time in yourself and carve out time for your annual physical. 2. Early intervention is key. Many people have anxiety around seeing the doctor. The unknown is always scary, especially if you suspect something is wrong. But, that is even more reason to make an appointment. The earlier you and your doctor identify any potential health issue, the sooner we can begin addressing it. The good news is that many chronic conditions are easily managed, particularly when you catch them early. You can even take steps to reduce your risk of developing conditions like diabetes if your physician thinks you are at risk. 3. The worst part of the exam is the anticipation. A digital rectal exam, for instance, may seem embarrassing, but it’s not painful and it’s usually over before you realize it. Don’t let a simple procedure stop you from getting a physical that can identify any potential health risks. 4. It’s easier than ever to find a doctor. One reason men put off going to the doctor is that they don’t have one of their own. If you don’t have a doctor, ask family and friends or do a little research of your own. Tanner Health
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Dr. Boss is boardcertified in family practice with Villa Rica Family Medicine, part of Tanner Medical Group. 75
Kidz Korner By Charlene Brooks
Wafer Cookie Airplanes T hese delicious and adorable wafer cookie airplanes and trucks are the perfect activity for your little ones to create on a rainy day. These cookie vehicles are so inexpensive to make, and even the tiniest tots will be able to help create their own edible truck or airplane.
Ingredients Vanilla, chocolate and strawberry sugar wafer cookies Candy eyes Vanilla icing
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Instructions Place one wafer cookie on a flat surface. Take another wafer cookie and cut 1 inch off of cookie. Using the vanilla icing as glue, place the cut cookie sideways toward the front of the whole cookie to create the wings. Cut one wafer cookie in half. Take one of the cookie halves and cut in half again – you will have 1/2 and two 1/4 pieces of the cookie. Take the 1/2 cookie and attach it sideways to the back of the plane for the back wing, using the icing as glue. Attach one of the 1/4 pieces with the icing to make the flap on the back wing. Attach the eyes to the front wing section using the icing as glue. Mix and match the cookies as desired.
Wafer Cookie Log Trucks
Ingredients
Vanilla, chocolate and strawberry wafer sugar cookies Candy eyes Vanilla icing Caramel candy covered in chocolate Small pretzel sticks
Instructions Using the icing as glue, take two caramel candy pieces and glue the flat bottoms together. Take two more caramel candy pieces and do the same. Turn the candy pieces sideways. Take one wafer cookie and attach to the top of the candy pieces, using the icing as glue, to make the bed of the truck. Take one wafer cookie and cut two 1/4-inch pieces. Using the icing as glue, attach the pieces – one on top of the other – and then attach the stacked pieces to one end of the truck bed to make the cab. Attach the candy eyes to the base of the truck below the cab, using the icing as glue. Using the icing as glue, attach three or four small pretzel sticks to the truck bed to make the logs. WGW
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