West Georgia Woman Magazine October 2017 by West Georgia Woman Magazine/Angel Media, LLC

Woman

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October 2017

West Georgia

Dawn Dininger Why women

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the walking dead Â®

AN ALL AMERICAN (HAPPY) HORROR STORY

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Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s inside... 7 10

A Message From The Publisher An All American (Happy) Horror Story Breaking Up Is Hard To Do The Last Monster

When I Think Beauty

Why Women Love The Walking Dead

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Tristan Alexander Brooks May 15, 1993 – September 17, 2015

A message from the publisher.

or those of you who read West Georgia Woman regularly, you may have noticed that we did not include my nephew, Tristan's, photo on pages two and three in this issue. As many of you know, Tristan tragically passed away by suicide two years ago on Sept. 17, 2015, and I have included his photo in the front of the magazine as a way of honoring and remembering him. Several months ago, I began thinking about how I could honor my nephew's life in a different way. There were a few reasons behind my thought process. First, I have placed Tristan's image in the front of this publication since the inception of West Georgia Woman – the first magazine was published in Nov. 2015 – and I have very few of the highquality images of Tristan that a two-page spread requires. I have had to reuse the same images over the last two years. If I reduce the size of the image I need for the magazine, then I have several other good photos of Tristan that I will be able to share with our readers. Second, after my beloved nephew passed away, I was determined to make sure that others would know who he was – that he would never be forgotten – and by placing his photo in West Georgia Woman every month, I have done that. However, although you know who he was from his image every month, you don't really know much about Tristan as the beautiful and wonderful person

Tristan, age 16, Halloween 2009.

he was to me and my family. Going forward, instead of focusing on only my nephew's death, I would like to share and celebrate Tristan's life with you. I will continue to keep one page for Tristan in this publication so I can tell you who my nephew was as a person, and what he meant to me. I may even have some family members contribute their thoughts and memories of Tristan in future issues. This was a very difficult decision, because I feel as if I am abandoning him in some way – and the tears flow even as I write this – but I do feel this is the right decision at this time. Of course, on special occasions such as certain holidays and his birthday month, I will continue to place the larger image of Tristan on page two and three. Now, to tell you something about him: I have fond memories of spending Halloween with Tristan. He was a very neat and tidy person – most likely because in reality, his life was quite chaotic when he was an adolescent. He loved Reese's® Peanut Butter Cups. When we would come home after trick-or-treating, he would sort all of his candy, separating it by category into different stacks. I smile now as I recall the way he would stack his Reese's®, one on top of the other, until he had this tall stack threatening to topple over at any moment. I love him. And I will miss him on this Halloween, as I do every holiday, and every day. WGW

Fabulous Fall Wow, I can't believe it's already fall and Halloween is just around the corner. I miss getting my children ready for trick-or-treating. It's so much fun getting their costumes together, carving jack-o'-lanterns as a family, then heading out to collect those buckets of candy. What is your favorite Halloween family tradition? Enjoy these times with your little ones while they last; they will be all grown up before you know it. In This Issue Our cover feature this month is Dawn Dininger. I met Dawn over a year ago â&#x20AC;&#x201C; she was in town as the visiting artist for the Michael and Andrea Stone Visiting Artist Series at the Carrollton Cultural Arts Center. Dawn attended Newnan High School and graduated from The University of West Georgia before she moved to California to work as a special effects artist. She has worked on the special effects for many major motion pictures. Dawn's film credits include "Aliens," "Alien VS. Predator," "Jurassic Park 3," "A.I.," "The Chronicles of Narnia," "Spiderman," "Snow White and the Huntsman," "The Wolverine," and many more. Dawn is just a genuinely nice person, and her story of how she became a Hollywood special effects artist is wonderful. Read about Dawn on page 10. This month we celebrate the success of one of our valued supporters, Lindsey Faircloth, owner of The Sous Chef, located in Carrollton, Ga. Lindsey celebrated her first year as a small business owner in Carroll County in September. She and her husband, Jason, are really terrific people. Please celebrate Lindsey's success with her on page 46. October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. On page 24, Cheryl Francis explains why victims of abusive relationships stay with their partners, and how you can support the women in your life who may be afraid to leave. One of our valuable supporters, Carroll Electric Membership Cooperative, is having their annual meeting on Oct. 5. For those of you who have been to a CEMC annual meeting before, you know how fabulous they are. As usual, delicious food from the Varsity will be available for purchase, and CEMC will be giving away a 2005 Chevrolet pickup truck to one lucky member. Mark your calendars, and I hope to see you there! Check out the ad about CEMC's annual meeting on page three. Another valuable supporter of West Georgia Woman Magazine, West Georgia Technical College, is having a huge open house for prospective students at all of their locations. Be sure to read about their open house in our local events section on page 59. Their event is free, with free food, T-shirts and other giveaways, such as a Kindle Fire. You won't want to miss this fabulous event! I wish all of you and your little ones a very happy, fun and safe Halloween. See you soon! Happy Halloween!

Publisher

My son, Zachary: The man behind the mask on the cover and page 17, and owner of Freaks of Fear Haunted House in Carrollton, Ga.

Finding our voice. Knowing our value. Making a difference. TM

West Georgia Woman is a voice for and about the women who live and work in West Georgia. Our mission is to engage, inspire, and cultivate a cohesive community for all women in West Georgia by sharing our hopes, our dreams and our lives. This magazine would not be possible without the inclusion of our advertisers. Please be sure to show your support by doing business with these VIP’s (very important partners) so we will be able to continue to share with you our stories about amazing West Georgia women! Please be sure to tell them we sent you! Inspiring women wanted. Do you know an interesting woman who should be on the cover of West Georgia Woman? Is there a special project or organization you would like us to feature in our magazine? Let us know! Email your suggestions to: features@westgeorgiawoman.com Share your special events. Send your upcoming events to: calendar@westgeorgiawoman.com Send us your photos! We welcome your local event and wedding photos.

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Woman

Volume 2 • Issue 12 October 2017

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Angela Dailey angela@westgeorgiawoman.com

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Photographer for cover and Page 8

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Zachary@westgeorgiawoman.com Angela Brooks Dailey, owner and publisher of West Georgia Woman magazine, has lived in West Georgia most of her life and has a deep love and appreciation for the area. She received her B.B.A in management from The University of West Georgia in Carrollton, Ga., and is a Civil and Domestic Relations mediator and arbitrator registered with the Georgia Office of Dispute Resolution. She lives in Carrollton, and has two wonderful children, Zachary and Sydney Dailey. Angela enjoys reading, spending time with her children and extended family and loves to watch Sydney play soccer.

Photos by Keith May 10

An All American (Happy) Horror Story By Janet Flanigan

Dawn visits Fortune Teller Madame Zadora, at Freaks of Fear Haunted House, located at the VFW complex â&#x20AC;&#x201C; 1625 Bankhead Highway in Carrollton.

moment of realization, inspiration and insight: one of life’s “Ah-Ha" moments – an instant of recognition that life will never be the same. Most 15-year-olds are thinking about math tests and weekend plans, with career choices on distant horizons. But at age 15, Dawn Dininger had a chance encounter during her high school career week that would change her life forever. With that chance encounter began a dream she followed all the way to Hollywood.

Not Your Typical Career Goal Just before ninth grade, Dawn Dininger and her family moved from Northern California to the Cannongate neighborhood in Sharpsburg, Ga. She enrolled at Newnan High School and quickly became involved with making friends, studying art, joining the cheerleading squad and the girls’

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softball team. Like many other Newnan teens, Dawn and her friends enjoyed going to the movies (horror films were a favorite genre), hanging out at friends’ houses and shopping – in essence a typical American teen lifestyle. For many young people, the highlight of the high school day includes sitting with friends in the school cafeteria, sharing gossip and stories. During Dawn's sophomore year at one such lunch period, Dawn met a man named Chris Swift, and discovered a new life direction. One of Dawn’s lunch companions, Michelle Ray Martineau, had enjoyed acting as an extra on the film “Jason Lives: Friday the 13th Part 6." Portions of the movie were filmed in Madison, Covington, Starsville and Rutledge, Ga. While hanging around on set during filming, Michelle had gotten to know Chris Swift, one of the film’s special makeup FX (effects) artists. He was subsequently invited to speak at Newnan High School’s Career Week, and during lunch on the day of his visit, Michelle introduced him to her friends – including Dawn. “That was when I realized this type of career existed,” says Dawn. “I instantly figured out this career incorporated two of my loves: art and horror movies. That was when I knew what I wanted to do for a living.”

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Dawn speaks to a student during a special FX workshop at the University of West Georgia.

Planning For The Future Special make up FX/effects (prosthetic makeup and FX prosthesis) is the process of using prosthetic sculpting, molding and casting techniques to create advanced cosmetic effects. This artistry can be used in any number of ways: changing the physical features of an actor (Nicole Kidman, "The Hours"); illustrating an aging process (Brad Pitt, "Benjamin Button"); changing a body shape or a gender (Eddie Murphy, "The Nutty Professor"), developing unusual characters and superheroes (Avatar, Spiderman, X-Men, Harry Potter, Chronicles of Narnia, Lord of the Rings and more). It also includes creation of custom props and special “creatures” and animals, such as Yoda in the Star Wars movies. After hearing about this career path, Dawn knew she still had to finish high school and attend college before she could actively pursue a career in this field. “I lived in Coweta County for all my high school years and attended college locally,” Dawn shares. “After high school graduation in 1989, I attended and graduated in 1994 from the University of West

Georgia (then West Georgia College). I majored in art and minored in mass communications,” she says. “The only time I wavered on a career path was immediately after college. I thought maybe I could work with my mass communications minor because no one knew what I was talking about when it came to special makeup FX.”

Go West, Young Woman While she may have had a moment’s hesitation about how to make her dream career a reality, Dawn knew she had to try. In the early 1990s, Georgia had not yet become the influential television and film production destination it is today. California was where she needed to be to get a break. Even today, the special effects shops are primarily located in California. “In 1994, I moved out to Mountain View in the Bay Area near San Francisco because my sister lived there," Dawn recalls. "My mom thought it was a good way to ‘test the waters’ by moving in with my sister and her roommate. It was definitely scary moving away from home. Moving out of my parents' house and leaving my friends behind was the

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hardest part.” Dawn pulled a few of her belongings together into two large bags, boarded a plane and flew west for a few months to see if she could jump start her dream career. “I was testing it out for a few months and when I decided to stay, my sister, her roommate and I found a three bedroom place so we could each have a bedroom,” she says. Since Dawn moved to California with nothing but the belongings in those two bags, she had to find furnishings for her bedroom. She had made some new friends in California who generously gave her a futon and an

Students at the University of West Georgia work on a special FX bodysuit during one of Dawn's workshops.

unused dresser. Since she was not yet working in the entertainment field, Dawn began to work as a receptionist and a waitress to pay bills and save money for an eventual move to Los Angeles. On her to-do list, Dawn had a home and a job. Now she needed to learn about special makeup FX.

Learning the Basics At the time, the Internet was not the immediate resource that it is today. To find information and establish contacts required good, old-fashioned leg

work. “I dialed the operator and asked if she could give me some phone numbers for any special makeup FX shops in California,” Dawn remembers. Luck was on her side because this particular operator was familiar with special make up FX. “She actually knew about a book called LA 411, (now Variety 411), which listed all the phone numbers and addresses for companies working in the film industry,” she shares. Dawn purchased the book at a bookstore and began to research and cold-call companies. Once again, it seemed as if a guardian angel was guiding Dawn toward people willing to extend a helping hand. While making calls to professionals listed in the 411 book, Dawn contacted a man

named Devon Ryan. Ryan’s work appears in such blockbuster films as “Bladerunner," “The Fly,” “Friday the 13th,” “The Lost Boys,” “Pumpkinhead” and “Hellraiser, according to his IMDb page (an online source for celebrity, movie and TV content). He has worked with major studios such as Orion, MGM/TriStar, New Line Cinema, NBC in New York and more. In addition, he worked with the groundbreaking motion picture visual effects company ILM (Industrial Light and Magic), created by filmmaker George Lucas. At ILM, Ryan assisted with creature design, aliens and special prosthetic character make up effects on Star Wars through Raiders of the Lost Ark. In other words, Dawn was in contact with one of the industry’s very best – who would turn out to be

one of the most generous. “He said he was retired," Dawn recalls. "But he said if I wrote him a letter explaining why I wanted to do special make up FX, what my goals were with it and my experience and background, then he might teach me." After receiving her letter, he agreed to teach Dawn for a fee of $75 per session. “He said to show up for each session, even if I couldn’t pay him," she laughs. "I think he only got paid for half of the time he taught me!” Ryan lived in Monterey, which was about 1-1/2 hours from her sister’s house, and Dawn went every weekend for her training sessions. She gratefully absorbed all he threw her way: how to make life casts and molds; how to paint and sculpt and how to apply prosthetics. After four years of living in Mountain View and after many sessions with Ryan, Dawn decided to take her first fledgling steps as an independent special make up FX artist and move to Los Angeles.

Making Her Own Way Once again, Dawn hit the streets calling on special effects shops and sending out her resume. Her very first assignment was at The Character Shop. “I didn’t know anyone there, and I was the

rookie," she explains. "The job was for a Coors Light commercial and was only for three days. I was making rattlesnakes.” She was recommended by a friend for her next assignment. Dawn met this acquaintance through her time with Devon Ryan. “That job was on a film called 'Bicentennial Man' (with Robin Williams), and it lasted for about four months. It was my first big break,” she says. As an independent contractor, Dawn has had to work very hard to develop an excellent industry reputation. “In the beginning, I would get an FX job, finish it and then there would be months before I would have another job,” Dawn recalls. “I took temp jobs and waitressed in between assignments. Gradually the time between jobs became shorter and shorter. Now I pretty much work full time.” Dawn explains that special makeup FX people are mostly independent contractors, and a shop can keep them hired as long as the shop continues to have work and assignments coming in. But if work dries up, the FX people can be laid off with no notice. Currently, she works primarily with a shop called Legacy EFX, and if the job situation slows there, she will try to pick up work with other FX shops. And Chris Swift, that first make up FX artist she met in high school? They actually both work at Dawn describes one of her special FX projects for the audience during the Michael and Andrea Stone Visiting Artist Series, held at the Carrollton Cultural Arts Center last year. Dawn's film credits include "Aliens," "Alien VS. Predator," "Jurassic Park 3," "A.I.," "The Chronicles of Narnia," "Spiderman," "Snow White and the Huntsman," "The Wolverine," and many more. Pictured from left: Dawn, Brad Darvas, Assistant Professor of Theatre, Design and Chad Davidson, Director, School of the Arts at the University of West Georgia.

Dawn takes some time to chat with fans after the Michael and Andrea Stone Visiting Artist Series Program.

Legacy EFX. The first time they worked together was in 1999 on “Jurassic Park 3." “I didn’t tell him the story (of how she met him in high school) until after about three months of working together,” she laughs. A typical work week requires about 40 hours of working in the shop. But when the project gets closer to deadline, the hours can run from 40 to 80 hours per week. “The longest week I ever had was a 92 hour week!" she says. "Luckily those are few and far between.” When working on set, work days can be pretty long, with 12 to 16 hour days a common occurrence. Dawn once worked for 21 hours on set, but that is rare. Dawn has become a specialist in fabrication. Fabrication pulls together all aspects of the special effects process in building characters – from prosthetic body parts to full character creation. While there are many men in special make up FX, women are increasingly joining the profession. When Dawn first started, the mold shop was exclusively a male dominion, but now it is common to see women there. Dawn notes there seem to be more women in fabrication, as sewing is part of the job and many women are more skilled at sewing.

It's Not Easy “A misconception about this career is people do not realize how unstable it is,” Dawn cautions. “You never know what your next job is, and you can be out of work until another job comes in. You have to save money and plan for the times when you are not working.” She says the hours can be really long and exhausting, but for most people in the industry, the uncertainty and sacrifice are well worth it. She does warn that people who require absolute certainty, routine and the ability to plan well into the future could find this career daunting. “You need to be flexible," she says. "One time I had a job in Australia that was supposed to last two weeks and it stretched into three months!”

The Perks There are many exciting duties when working in the motion picture industry. Some artists are fortunate when work is attached to a particularly popular or successful series, such as the “Harry Potter” films. Dawn recalls her pleasure at working

on the “Chronicles of Narnia” (“Chronicles of Narnia," “Chronicles of Narnia – Prince Caspian” and “Chronicles of Narnia – Dawn Treader”), and says work on the series was one of her favorite jobs. “We got to make so many fun creature suits on those films. Being on set with the same people over and over made it kind of feel like a family. And we got to travel to great locations,” Dawn shares. Her most challenging job is still a secret – she can’t talk much about it because the film will not be released until next year. She did share that this assignment was particularly difficult because much of it was in water. The adhesives used in special make up FX do not work well when wet, so she and her team had to continually fix their work on set … over and over again. “We had a really short build time, and the job was difficult to get done in the first place,” she relates. She says the added on-set problems made it particularly stressful for her and the team. Special effects artists often work with famous people and learn about upcoming films well before the general public. On the job for the Hugh Jackman film “The Wolverine,” Dawn first worked on "The Blob" character’s fat suit. When the suit was completed, she was assigned to follow the Wolverine (Jackman) on set, maintain his Wolverine claws and have them ready when the actor needed them. She says not only was Jackman one of the most famous people she has ever worked with, he was also the nicest. “On set, he could tell I was a little upset, and he asked what was wrong, and then he listened without saying anything,” she shares. “I

Dawn hamming it up with the actors of Freaks of Fear Haunted House.

told him all the drama (about a recent break up) and when I finished he said just one thing. He simply said I ‘deserve the very best.'” But that encounter was not the end of her story. When the group was doing a promotional photo shoot months later, the first thing Jackman wanted to know was how she was doing. "If Hugh Jackman says I deserve the best, then I must deserve the best, right?” she laughs.

Georgia Girl At Heart After living the majority of her life in California, it is natural Dawn identifies more with her California roots than with Georgia. However, Dawn might be considered a true daughter of the south as she was born in Virginia before moving to California as a toddler. She and her family returned to Virginia for two years before they moved to Georgia. But during those happy years in Coweta County, she did develop a bit of a southern accent. Her slight southern drawl mostly disappeared after her move back to California, but she says, “Every once in a while people say they can hear it a little bit. Even though I was born in Virginia and lived in California from age 4 to 12, when people ask where I am from, I always say Georgia.” While she has not lived in Newnan for many years, Dawn maintains friendships with her buddies in Georgia. “I try to get back every four years or so,” she relates. Facebook and texting keep them in touch in between visits. One thing Dawn misses about life in Newnan is running into familiar faces everywhere – a lovely trait of small town life. “There is also something I love about being on that old square in downtown Newnan,” Dawn smiles. Even with so much film and television production in Atlanta, so far Dawn has only worked locally on two projects. One was the Ben Stiller comedy “The Watch;” she made alien suits for that one. The other was a horror film in which Dawn worked as an actress, rather than in FX. ”It was great being back in Atlanta, but unfortunately I was so busy working I barely had

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A Fulfilled Life Dawn currently lives in the Valley Glen area of the San Fernando Valley, having previously lived in North Hollywood and Burbank. “I live in the Valley because all of the FX shops are located there,” Dawn says. “Also it is more affordable to rent or buy a place in certain parts of the Valley.” Dawn currently owns a home but says she wouldn’t mind living at the beach one day. That would require renting rather than owning, as beach real estate prices are sky high and out of reach for most people. While Dawn certainly works long hours, her life is not all about work. She has a boyfriend, who is a corporate attorney, and she has a 6-year-old Pug dog named Vader. She shares “custody” of Vader with an ex-boyfriend. Her condo is only 10 miles from work and Vader stays at home while she works – he has a doggie door for balcony visits. Dawn will often pick him up after the regular work day is over and bring him back with her to the Legacy FX while she continues work on a current project. “He loves it there,” she says. When it isn’t too hot, she likes to take Vader for

hikes in nearby Fryman Canyon, but hiking can be tough on Vader and he often gets carried more than he “hikes." People always get a kick out of seeing Dawn carrying her dog on the canyon trails. In her off time, Dawn likes to hang out at the beach and go paddleboarding. She also works out several times a week and enjoys the occasional trip to Six Flags Magic Mountain Amusement Park. She says her life is rewarding and fulfilling, and it’s interesting to recall how it all began with a chance meeting in a high school cafeteria. Dawn is fortunate because she recognized her passion and found a career that capitalized on those interests. So many people simply go to work to get a paycheck and long to find work fulfillment. While she is not a lifelong Georgian, Dawn’s time in the Peach State was instrumental in her career trajectory – some might call it fate. And while she has not lived in Newnan in many years, Dawn still carries her time in Georgia in her heart and memories. Maybe a little bit of that small town girl manages to find its way into her fantastical Hollywood creations. And who knows, perhaps her work will influence another generation of artistic dreamers from Georgia who will create more beloved movie characters, thrilling many generations to come. WGW

The Process for Special Make Up FX Production 1. The design process begins in the shop design department. These people meet with the film director and production people to interpret what they want. 2. The design is created and once approved, the FX fabricators are given a print out of the design. From that image, the fabrication department has to decide how they will create the creature, suit or other object so it looks exactly like the picture. 3. During the time they are considering how to make the project look like the photo, the fabricators also have to decide how they will make the design functional. 4. Whether it is a mechanical creature or a creature suit, it has to move correctly and look like the design. 5. Sometimes the job is fabricated out of foam, and other times it is sculpted, molded and run in foam latex or urethane. 6. Sometimes the effect is grown in a 3D printer, molded and then run in a material that will work specifically for that effect. 7. The team will post pictures for production during the fabrication process so they can make sure it meets production's needs. Sometimes the director or production team will come in person to the shop to assess how the effects are working. 8. The direct supervisors of the effects are the owners of the FX shop. These owners communicate with the directors and production on the team. 22

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Breaking Up is Hard to Do

Why Victims Stay in Abusive Relationships

By Cheryl Francis

omestic violence occurs when one individual in a relationship abuses the other. The abuse may present as physical, sexual, emotional, verbal or a combination of these behaviors. Abusers use these actions to gain power and control over their victims. Most victims in domestic violence situations are women – about 95 percent. When we see or hear about the violence perpetrated against our sisters, we ask ourselves and each other, “Is she stupid? Why doesn’t she just pack up and leave?” Questions such as these minimize the difficulty a woman has in leaving. They suggest the victim has control of the violence. The truth is, the abuser is to be blamed as he is the perpetrator of the violence. When a victim attempts to leave, the abuser recognizes that he will lose control and have limited power. He will then escalate negative behaviors and attempt to sabotage any success in leaving – to the point where she may never make it out. Leaving an abusive relationship is not as simple as “Girl, just leave him!” It is a process that may literally involve life or death decisions. This is because the abuser's rage intensifies when he recognizes that he is losing power and control over the victim. From the outside looking in, we have an inner struggle when a victim chooses to stay. A wise sage once told me “Be careful in your judgment of others, as you do not know their journey." To others on the outside, leaving appears to be simple. However, there are multiple barriers faced by victims when they begin to think about leaving.

The Challenges of Leaving • Shame. “There was a beautiful church wedding, I was the perfect bride, we were the perfect couple, but … the abuse begun the night of the honeymoon. How could I tell anyone what was going on?” Or, “I have read and heard about these stories, but never thought I would experience it, so how can I share my experience with anyone? This must be kept quiet!" A victim worries about how she will be perceived if she leaves and reports abuse, especially when everything looks flawless. She begins to shame herself first through self-talk by telling herself she picked an abuser. From there she begins to blame herself for what she thinks she said and did to cause the abuse. This cycle of shame keeps her trapped in silence, keeps her from being aware of what is happening to her and how to put herself first, so she stays. • Self-esteem issues. The breakdown of self through disparaging remarks from the abuser

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contributes to self-esteem issues. For abuse to continue, the abuser must diminish the selfworth of the victim. This is easily done through verbal abuse. If the victim is blamed for the abuse and called everything but her real name, soon, the belief system begins to incorporate and germinate the negative seeds that were sown in her belief system. She begins to believe and own what is being said about her. The constant humiliation, rage and blame place a severe blow to her psyche, and the emotional war within ensues. When she is told regularly she is worthless, no one will want her; that she is an evil person and she should be lucky he took her in, there is little hope to believe in selfworth. As the abuse continues and the abuser continues to blame, the woman may come to believe that she deserves the abuse, negatively impacting the self and lowering her value. With little or no support, the victim is paralyzed and leaving becomes the last thing on her mind. • Denial/blocking it out. To survive in an environment where there is consistent verbal, emotional and physical abuse a victim uses defense mechanisms. She disassociates herself from the abuse. She may deny that the abuse is happening to protect herself, or she may escape by blocking out the words or becoming numb to the physical abuse to preserve the self. The woman may not know what a healthy relationship looks like. Therefore, when the abuse occurs, she may view it as okay and live in a state of denial. In that way, she does not have to recall or feel the pain of the abuse. • Believing the children are better off with both parents. If the victim has children, this may be one of the primary reasons she stays. If she has more than one child, she may think about the challenges of taking care of the children by herself. If the abuser rarely or never abuses the children, the victim may stay, justifying that the children are being provided

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for and are functioning. Sometimes she stays because of the fear of losing the children. She may be threatened that no one would believe her. She may be told regularly that she is a “bad” mother and cannot take care of the children. Usually, the abuser is more financially stable, has connections outside of the home, and the woman would look at all these factors and believe she has no power. She believes she has already lost, so it is best to stay for the sake of the children. • Economic sabotage. Often in an abusive relationship, the victim does not work, and the abuser is the sole bread winner. If the victim works, she works limited hours and her money is usually controlled. The woman has limited control of the finances and most of the bills are in her name – a form of economic control. If nothing gets paid, it reflects on her credit. When she does manage the finances, it is specifically for what is needed with limited amounts remaining. Without sufficient income, it is difficult to leave an abuser. • Limited social support. The abuser is usually intentional about ensuring the victim has limited or no contact with outside supports. “Where are you going? When are you coming back? Who are you talking to? I don’t want you to talk to those people.” These are tactics the abuser uses to control social relationships for the woman. The abuser will magnify incidents to help the victim see that family members and friends are not supportive. The victim will eventually believe that the abuser is her only and main supporter. Over time, the victim has no choice but to rely solely on him. The victim’s phone is monitored frequently and sometimes access to phone use is limited. This prevents contact with the family system. Controlling what she does and with whom she does it, using jealousy as an excuse, limits social support for the victim. When these things happen, the victim may fear reaching out, feeling there’s no one to trust. • Love. Even after a woman escapes domestic violence, she will talk about how much she loved the abuser. Abusive people are easy to like; charismatic, charming and endearing. At the beginning of the relationship, they know the right words to say and the right things to do. However, as the relationship continues, behavior changes and a pattern of abuse emerges. Abuse happens in a cycle. There is a period of oneness and serenity, then

•

tension increases, and a violent act is done. After this violence, there is a period of intense reconciliation and forgiveness, the honeymoon phase, with a lot of “I will nevers.” This period may last for several weeks and gives the victim hope. Often women will say, “When he is not abusive he is a wonderful person, he is a good father, he makes me laugh, he watches the children so I can work.” These emotions and behaviors are what keep victims from leaving. They hold on to the “good parts” of the relationship, hoping the love they have for the abuser, the glimmer of goodness they experience will be sustained and returned. They hope that someday they may even change the abuser through their love for him. Victims stay because they love extravagantly. They want the violence to end and the relationship to last. Maintaining an image. Maintaining an image is different than shame. If the abuser is influential or has a prominent place in the community, the wife may stay to protect her status in society. She may stay to protect the abuser’s position in the community. If she is the wife of clergy, she may stay for religious reasons, or simply to preserve the family’s name. She may think that no one will believe her because of his public persona. So, she pretends everything is pictureperfect. Sometimes victims are pressured by family members to “work it out” and present a unified front for the community. Doing so will eliminate the exposure of a broken or dysfunctional family unit. Fear of being alone. Many victims are afraid of being alone. In their need for companionship, they resort to staying with their abuser or finding someone who has similar traits. They believe that no one else would want them, so it is best to stay with what they currently have. To demonstrate control, victims are isolated by their abusers. The feelings of insecurity that come from this isolation contributes to the fear of being alone. Mental illness. Many victims may have an untreated mental illness such as depressed mood which keeps them from functioning at their best. Severe depression impacts their cognitive ability to make good decisions. The abuser uses this opportunity to contribute to the worsening of the symptoms to keep the victim from leaving. Fear of creating more violence. On average, it takes a victim seven to eight times attempting to leave the abuser, before she eventually

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leaves. Each time the victim leaves and returns, there is a honeymoon period that eventually turns violent. Each time, the violence worsens. During these violent periods, threats, including homicidal threats, may be made. The victim will stay to eliminate or reduce the threats from happening. Leaving does not usually put an end to the violence. Abusers will increase their violence to coerce a victim into reconciliation or retaliate if felt rejected or abandoned. An abuser is aware of the daily activities and interactions of the victim. Should the victim leave, it is normal for the abuser to check the places he is aware that the victim might go. Work, church, family members or a close friend’s home. Should he find the victim, he may not only hurt her, but may also hurt those with the victim. The victim usually stays to prevent incidents of violence from happening to others. Some victims who attempt to leave are murdered during or after the attempt. With this reality, she usually chooses a black eye and other bruises over the possibility of death. Why doesn’t she just leave? Because she is not

free to leave anytime she pleases. The barriers to leaving are numerous. Domestic violence happens over time, usually, the violence is recognized sometimes too late. With all the barriers a woman is faced with during domestic violence, she will leave only when ready. Staying keeps her battered and bruised, but alive one more day. Be supportive. Do not cast judgment. Be a vehicle for change and remind her there are options. There are safe places, even though the risk is great. Value her choice and allow her to have the little control over her life that staying provides. Learn and share the options for safety. Share the National Domestic Violence hot line with her. It is toll free and confidential 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). WGW Cheryl A. Francis, Licensed Professional Counselor, is the owner of The Heart Matters Wellness Services LLC, a full-service counseling agency. She is certified as a Mental Health First Aid Adult trainer and regularly provides seminars and trainings to the community on various mental health issues. She has partnered with the Georgia Center for Child Advocacy to train individuals in the prevention of childhood sexual abuse. Visit heartmatterswellness. com for more information about Cheryl and her work.

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The Last Monster By Dabney Goydon

any years ago you stole my heart. Or, at least, I thought you did. What you actually did was try to steal my soul because you don't seem to have much of one yourself. You insidiously poisoned everything that I thought was good about you with your anger, your hatred and your rage at your own abuse-filled childhood. And I cannot forgive you for trying, and almost succeeding, to destroy me and for making me doubt all that is good inside of me. You are a sad and wounded person, which is why I've stayed with you for so long. I pitied you because you had very few friends, and no really true friends. I pitied you because you were abused by your father when you were young. I know all you ever wanted was his love and acceptance. I pitied you because from an early age, your children couldn't wait to get away from you, and when they finally escaped they only call or see you when they want you to do something for them or spend money on them. For so long â&#x20AC;&#x201C; too long! â&#x20AC;&#x201C; I took your abuse. I took your shame you projected onto me from your own

M 30

miserable and sad shortcomings. I took your blame and I took your hateful and angry words of criticism to be true. You cared more about playing with your electronic devices, your expensive new toys and making more and more money than you ever cared about spending time with me. You cared more about pornography, than you cared about honoring and loving me, my body and my beautiful, kind and loving spirit. But I know why you do that in particular. It's another of your sick and twisted manipulation games you use to make me doubt myself, hate myself and loathe my body. You take great delight in pointing out what you perceive as my flaws to me â&#x20AC;&#x201C; like that time you showed me exactly where the first wrinkle was on my face, remember that? I do. You express little or no interest in me because you don't want me to believe for one second, that I am beautiful or desirable to anyone else, even though I know that I am. You played games with my mind by "gaslighting" me into believing your truth was fact; when it couldn't have been anything further from the truth. I poured my heart and my soul into you and I gave you everything I had, until I had no more to give you. That still wasn't enough for you. You act as if you hate me when I know that you really hate yourself deep inside. This was the excuse I would cling to like a drowning person when someone who really loved and cared for me asked me why I stayed with someone like you. An abuser. Because that is what you do best. That is what you are. The monster within you sickens and scares me, and I believe that is what drew you to me in the first place. You could see I was vulnerable. You could see that I'd been abused and used and wounded beyond measure. You could see that I was bred to be an empathic caretaker. And you took advantage of my vulnerabilities and my enormous capacity to feel and to love others with all of my heart and soul. Honestly, I thought I could "fix" you due to my own frightening and abusive childhood. For years, I tried to fix my broken parents so I could make things right. So I could have the parents I wanted. The parents I needed when I was just a young girl. I've tried to do the same with you so I could have the man I thought I've always needed in my life. You told me I was worthless. That no one loved me. That your kids hated me and that's why they wouldn't visit. It was easy for you to say those things to me while ignoring the facts about your own children and the real reason they stay away

â&#x20AC;&#x201C; because of who you really are. I was a convenient scapegoat for them to escape, and for them to continue to stay away from you. You allowed your family members to violate me and my family more than once, and you, with your perfect image and facade you present to the outside world, did nothing but blame me. Yet, I still remained with you, like a sad little abused dog, desperately needing your love. Hoping beyond hope for a few crumbs of kindness, love and acceptance from you. You criticized the unconditional love my children and I have for each other. You told me I was too "kind" and "loving" to my own children. You used my beloved relative who passed away, against me to hurt me to my core; don't think I've forgotten that. Don't think for one minute I will ever forget that! All of those evil and soul-stealing words you've told me over and over again that I can't get out of my head or out of my heart. You have never once apologized to me for any of the horrible things you have done to me. Who does those things to someone they "love," anyway, except someone who is a monster? It was easy for you to say those things to me because it's much easier to project your rage and hatred onto someone who is broken, someone who has heard those things before and believed them to be true about herself her entire life, than to look within yourself and see that you, too, are broken. You can barely stand to live with yourself, knowing this fundamental truth. So you lie to yourself and to the outside world and you pretend that you are happy. That people should envy you. That your life is wonderful. That you have collected the perfect woman, the perfect family and all kinds of shiny and expensive objects and plenty of money to make you happy. That all is well within your soul. If only that were true. But you refuse to work on these things. You refuse to seek out the healing of your own horrid wounds. You refuse to come alive and become what I know you could be! I see a glimmer of that man you have the potential to be from time to time. I don't believe you were always this monster you have become. There is some good in you, some kindness and the capacity to love and care inside of you. I've seen it a few times over the years. It is there within you, and that, besides my empathy for you, is why I've stayed with you for so long. You see, while you have been stuck in the same place with your shame, your rage, your sadness, loneliness and self loathing, something has been

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changing within me. I have been working on those same wounds within myself. I have been working on healing and releasing the monster I have within me, and I am not trapped in the darkness any longer. I am growing stronger every day, and that scares you more than anything. Because you know once I am healthy and well, I will leave you behind to face your horrible darkness by yourself, but you won't be able to face it. You don't have the courage, or the strength, so you will find another sad, little abused dog desperately needing love to take my place. But rest assured, she will leave you, too, one day when she is stronger like me. I pity her much more than I pity you. I am beautiful. I am kind, loving and good. I am worth loving. I am special. I am strong! I deserve to be treated with respect and love and kindness. I continue to tell myself this, even though I don't believe it yet, because I can still hear your malicious and hurtful words in the back of my mind and I feel them deep inside my gut. More than 30 years later I can still hear those horrible words that rang in my ears and feel the blows on my body and my spirit, when I was just a

young girl â&#x20AC;&#x201C; younger than the age my own daughter is now. They continue to pierce my heart and my soul, but they won't always. That beautiful and innocent girl didn't deserve that then, and she doesn't deserve that now, and I know one day she will believe that she is deserving of good things. Healthy, loving things. Things that don't cause her pain, sadness and loneliness. Things that won't leave her with a deep and unfulfilled longing for acceptance. I want to feel alive! I want to live a happy life filled with love and kindness; not a life filled with sadness, despair, loneliness and longing. I deserve to have a life like that, and one day, very soon, I will have it. But I will not need another person to give these things to me. I will not need you to give these things to me. I will give all of these gifts, and more, to myself, because I know one day I will feel I am worth loving. I know the kind of life I need and want will never come from being with you. And, although I've endured more than my fair share of monsters throughout my life, I promise with everything that I have in me that you, my love, will be the last. WGW

When I Think Beauty

The surgery had left her questioning Could he still see her as a woman ... whole? Her eyes, her smile, her touch said everything As wordlessly she probed his very soul. He questioned, too, but in a different way â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Would she believe that she was somehow less A woman in her own eyes from this day? Afraid that all he'd see was ugliness? He knew that he would reaffirm his love, But would she learn to love herself again? He prayed for strength, for wisdom from above, For anything he thought might help; and then That one day she would say with certainty: "When I think beauty, sometimes I think ... me!" G.S. Royal ÂŠ2012 33

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A Delicious Halloween Dinner and two Fabulous Fall Desserts

I suppose living at the lake this summer has brought out the kid in me. I couldn’t help but think of things from a kid’s perspective this month! Here are some quick and easy ideas for dinner and dessert that you probably have very handy in your cupboard. I know you probably have a family favorite spaghetti recipe, so I’m not even going to list one, but even canned sauce and pasta would be very quick. Serving the spaghetti in these sweet pepper jack-o'-lanterns might inspire the kids to try this healthier version. This delicious pumpkin cake has all the flavors of fall and the perfect presentation for you to take to a fall get together, and these dipped pretzels are great for taking to parties or school functions during the month of October. They are sweet, salty and crunchy – plus not quite as sugary as candy.

Photos by Michelle Horsley

Jack-O’-Lantern Spaghetti Ingredients Large sweet peppers carved with a jack-o'-lantern face Cooked pasta

Canned spaghetti sauce or your favorite spaghetti sauce recipe Turkey meatballs

Preparation Fill the peppers with spaghetti 35

noodles mixed with sauce and add as many meatballs as desired. Bake covered with foil about 25 minutes at 350 degrees until the peppers are tender. You can also fill the peppers with warm spaghetti and meatballs and serve them raw. Try dipping the crunchy peppers in ranch dressing after eating the spaghetti.

Pumpkin Bundt Cake with Orange Essence Icing and Dipped Pretzels

Ingredients

For the cake (This will need to be doubled and baked 2 times if you want a pumpkin shaped cake) 1 cup canned pumpkin 1/3 cup sugar 3/4 cup brown sugar 1/2 cup applesauce 2 eggs 1 cup plain flour 1 teaspoon baking powder 1 teaspoon baking soda ½ teaspoon salt 2 teaspoon cinnamon ½ teaspoon ground cloves 1 teaspoon ginger 1 teaspoon nutmeg 2 cups prepared chocolate pudding 1 large marshmallow

For the frosting 8 ounces cream cheese, softened 3 to 4 cups powdered sugar 2 tablespoon milk 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 2 teaspoon orange extract A few drops orange food coloring Save out 1 tablespoon icing and use brown food coloring for the marshmallow “stem” For the pretzels Knot-shaped pretzels Orange icing Green icing from a squeeze tube

Preparation For the cake In a large mixing bowl, cream together the pumpkin, sugars, applesauce and eggs. In a separate bowl, sift together the flour with the spices, baking soda, baking powder and salt. Slowly add the flour mixture to the mixing bowl and blend until smooth, about 3 to 4 minutes. Pour the batter into a greased bundt pan and bake in a 350 degree oven about 45 minutes until set. Allow to cool 5 minutes and then flip onto a cooling rack. Repeat process for a second cake if you plan to make a pumpkin shaped cake. For the frosting In a large bowl, mix the cream

cheese with a blender until smooth â&#x20AC;&#x201C; about 1 minute. Slowly add the powdered sugar, milk and flavorings until smooth and creamy, about 4 to 5 minutes. Save out one tablespoon and add 1 drop brown food color to it for the marshmallow stem. Add the orange food coloring to the remaining frosting and blend until thoroughly combined. This needs to be a soft icing so you do not have to press on the cake too hard while icing it and mash out the pudding from the middle. Cover the large marshmallow with the brown icing and set aside until assembly.

the sides of the cake. Ice with orange essence icing and top with the marshmallow stem. The leftover layers could be toasted for breakfast. If baking one bundt cake, just cut it in half, add the pudding and then cover the entire cake with the orange icing. For the pretzels Dip the wide end of the pretzels in the softened orange icing and allow to dry. Squeeze a green dot of icing in the middle for the stem. WGW

Cake assembly For a round pumpkin shaped cake, cut the two bundt cakes in half, using the two top layers that are rounded at the edge. Place the bottom half on a serving platter and spread enough chocolate pudding over the layer to cover the top â&#x20AC;&#x201C; about Â˝ inch thick. Place the second layer over the pudding, being careful not to mash out the pudding over 37

Why women

LOVE the walking dead By Angela Dailey

Â®

Spoiler alert: If your addiction to The Walking Dead® has just begun, you may not want to read this article until you've watched the television series in it's entirety. The Walking Dead® is a registered trademark of Robert Kirkman, LLC. All images within this article are stock images, and are not affiliated with, or endorsed, by any cast member of The Walking Dead® television series. This article is not associated with or licensed, endorsed or authorized by any person or entity affiliated with The Walking Dead® publications or television shows.

ombies. They're everywhere these days it seems. From movies to TV shows to action figures to apparel, zombies have chewed up the competition and spit them out, (so to speak). And the favorite zombie television show in America by far is The Walking Dead®, with 17 million viewers tuning in to season seven's premiere last October. Why are hordes of decent, law abiding, of fine moral character and neighborly Americans eating up (sorry) what seems at first glance to be nothing but a revolting and nauseating display of extreme violence, blood, guts and rotting flesh? There seem to be many psychological reasons behind this phenomenon, but there are also some very simple and basic reasons I believe people, especially women, love America's favorite Zombie Apocalypse drama. In fact, it is the number one TV show among women, according to a 2014 TV panel titled "Courting the Female Audience," and graphicpolicy.com says of the over 24 million Facebook fans of TWD in the United States, 54.17 percent are women. Aside from the obvious reasons that three of the show's leading male characters – America's favorite sheriff's deputy Rick Grimes (played by Andrew Lincoln – my personal favorite), crossbow-wielding survivalist Daryl Dixon (played by Norman Reedus) and the character we love to hate, Negan (played by Jeffrey Dean Morgan) – look absolutely delightful with their shirts off, this television drama appeals to women on many different levels.

Powerful Leading female characters • Michonne (played by Danai Gurira – my favorite!): Her character on the show is an allout bad ass with a big heart. She is as strong and wise as she is beautiful – not to mention she can wield a katana (a long single-edged sword that is used by Japanese samurai)

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like nobody's business. Accompanying her tremendous strength is her huge capacity to love, in spite of losing her entire family during the apocalypse. She has become something of a surrogate mother to Carl and Judith Grimes (Rick Grimes' children on the show), and will stop at nothing to protect her new family. • Carol (played by Melissa McBride): Carol is the ultimate mistress of deception and manipulation. One minute she's wearing a granny sweater and baking cookies, the next she's killing a zombie with a "one way" road sign. She's perfect at pretending to be weak and helpless, and has mastered the art of blending into her surroundings while plotting her next move. It's probably not wise to stop and smell the roses around her if she thinks you need to be eliminated – little Lizzie learned that lesson the hard way. • Maggie (played by Lauren Cohan): This strong female character certainly has shown the world that nothing is going to keep her down for long. She's the only surviving member of her pre-apocalyptic family, and, in season seven while pregnant and deathly ill,

her husband, Glenn Rhee (played by Steven Yeun), was brutally murdered right in front of her eyes by the show's most villainous character as of yet, Negan. Instead of wallowing in selfpity, Maggie rises up and takes over as leader of her new community at the Hilltop and begins to work with the other communities under Negan's rule to avenge Glenn's death and eliminate Negan and his group – the Saviors – once and for all. • Sasha (played by Sonequa MartinGreen): A firefighter in the pre-apocalyptic world, and, sadly

passing away in season seven (as crazy as it sounds, die-hard fans do mourn for the show's characters), Sasha was a truly fearless woman. Suffering from severe post traumatic stress disorder and deep trauma at the loss of her boyfriend Bob and her older brother Tyreese, she struggled with opening up to others and dealing with her inner turmoil throughout much of the show. Sasha was amazing with a rifle, and one of the best shooters in her community of Alexandria. She was also adept at training others in target shooting and knife fighting. In the last episode of season seven, she

infiltrated the Saviors' camp to avenge her boyfriend, Abraham (killed by Negan in front of her). After being captured by the Saviors she made the ultimate sacrifice for her friends – her life. • Rosita (played by Christian Serratos): Although all of the leading female characters of the show have the capacity to take on, and excel at, what might be considered traditional male roles, Rosita, although extremely

attractive, is the biggest tomboy of them all. Her entire demeanor makes you think she belongs underneath the hood of a truck changing the oil or cleaning the carburetor. She is a very "no-nonsense" character, and can often be mean and cruel to others when she is angry. After watching Negan murder her ex-boyfriend, Abraham, and her friend, Glenn, Rosita has a dangerous thirst for vengeance, no matter who gets in the way. But beneath her cold exterior, Rosita is

extremely loyal and truly cares for the other members of her community. • Tara (played by Alanna Masterson): This young woman was originally part of a community (remember the Governor?) that attacked and fought Rick Grimes' community. She is eventually accepted as a member of Rick's group and becomes an important asset,

making supply runs and often shows extreme bravery during battles and great compassion for others.

Character diversity The Walking Dead® cast is full of rich and diverse leading characters that women and men from all walks of life are able to identify with. It's like the Catholic Church of the Apocalypse – people of all races, genders and backgrounds come together to form this powerful family unit, with all of them sharing a common goal. Michonne and Sasha are African American, Maggie and Carol are Caucasion and Rosita is Latina. Tara is an openly gay Caucasion. Other diverse characters who have had powerful and impactful leading roles are Tyreese (Chad Coleman), Glenn (Steven Yeun), Noah (Tyler James Williams), Father Gabriel Stokes (Seth Gilliam), Aaron (Ross Marquand) and Morgan (Lennie James). • Tyreese: With his teddy bear appearance, his tremendous capacity to forgive and his gift of finding the humanity in almost everyone, Tyreese was an African American who stole the hearts of fans in seasons three through five (Tyreese was one of my alltime favorite characters, and I have to admit, I cried the night his character passed away!).

• Glenn: An Asian American who came on the scene in the very first season, Glenn was loyal, kind, resourceful and a team player – his main

The Walking Dead® cast is full of rich and diverse leading characters that women and men from all walks of life are able to identify with. job in the group was as a supply runner. He wasn't afraid to do what he had to do to help protect the group, but because of his kind heart, he still struggled with killing the living. When Glenn passed away in season seven, his dying words were to express his love for his wife, Maggie. • Noah: He wasn't part of the cast for long, only in season five, but Noah made an impact on fans nonetheless. A shy and quiet young African American, Noah showed great strength of character and maturity when he willingly gave himself up in a prisoner exchange to save Beth, Maggie's sister, and later became an integral part of the family. He dreams of becoming an architect and begins to work toward that goal when he is tragically killed by a walker (the group's name for the zombies) in front of a horrified Glenn. • Father Gabriel: An African American who made his debut in season five as a cowardly priest, Father Gabriel confesses to locking himself in his church while leaving his parishioners outside to die at the beginning of the Apocalypse. Father Gabriel had many

haters in the first several episodes because of his betrayal of his new family in the beginning of that season, but he has since redeemed himself and has undergone an amazing transformation into a brave and fiercely loyal member of the group. • Aaron: This Caucasian came on the scene in season five as the first openly gay male on the show. Aaron shares with others in the group that he is somewhat of an outsider due to being ostracized and mistreated his entire life because of his sexual orientation, enduring abuse at the hands of his own mother who strived to make him more "manly" when he was younger. He usually looks at the bright side of things, has a good sense of humor and is a great judge of character – after all, he knew Daryl was the bomb diggity (a person who is super cool and awesome) the minute he saw him. He is a loyal member of the group and completely and unconditionally accepts others who are considered outsiders by taking them under his wing. • Morgan: One of the most complex characters by far, Morgan is an African American who was

introduced in season one. He just lost his wife in the apocalypse, but still has his son, Duane, when he meets Rick Grimes. After the initial meeting with Rick, Morgan disappears for a few seasons, popping up in season three, where he's clearly mentally unstable due to his walker wife biting his son, Duane, which turned Duane into a walker. Morgan encounters Rick during this season, but refuses to join the group because he feels compelled to kill every walker he meets, as well as some other unfortunate people who were not walkers. In season five, he seems to have recovered from his mental breakdown, and he reunites with Rick in his community in Alexandria. But when he comes back, he is a totally different person, an expert in aikido (a form of Japanese martial arts he learned from another character named Eastman) and a pacifist who believes all life is precious and stubbornly refuses to kill anyone – even those who try to kill him. However, in season seven, a teenage boy named Benjamin, Morgan's student and friend, is murdered by one of the Saviors. Fueled with anger, he seems to revert back to his former self and now seems to be quite willing to kill the Saviors if it means saving others. Besides the rich, complex and diverse characters on the show, there may be a psychological explanation of why women love TWD.

It's About Relationships Some are good, and some can be very, very bad, but one thing about TWD that we enjoy is the relationships between the characters. Many – if not most – of the characters on the show have lost everyone they have ever loved in the apocalypse, and the different communities they have become a part of are the only family they have now – for better or worse. In Negan's compound, I'd say it's definitely worse for those poor souls. Regardless of where they end up, the characters know they need to work together to survive, but some of them just haven't figured out those really

important relationship dynamics yet, and still others just don't care to play nice and get along with other people at all. It's kind of like real life. You didn't get to choose your family you were born into, and you sure as heck don't get to choose them during a zombie apocalypse. You just stay with the group you wound up with – if they let you stay – as you all try your best to hang in there and fight the good fight, while trying very hard not to snap and kill each other. And, you just might live to see another day. Similar to Thanksgiving dinner at your mother-in-law's if you need a visual, but on a much larger scale during a zombie apocalypse.

It's about survival There's probably not many TWD fans who haven't contemplated how they would react, or wondered if they would even survive, if they had to endure similar circumstances as the characters in the show. In the book The Walking Dead Psychology: Psych Of The Living Dead, Adam Davis says, "The members of the group must be able to build on and support one another, developing patterns of behavior and interactions that support survival, while being receptive to feedback when the system needs to adjust. If The Walking Dead featured these idealized groups, the audience would have little drama to enjoy." It's true, we enjoy watching TWD because we honestly have no idea what will happen next in the lives of these, sometimes extremely unlucky, fictional characters we have grown to love. No one, as we have learned, is safe in a zombie apocalypse, and even our most loved and revered characters are apt to perish at any moment, and many of them already have. Davis continues with, "In the everyday world, one does not need to fear walker attacks or scavenge for supplies in the ruins of Atlanta, but the conditions for success are similar ... The survivor groups portrayed in The Walking Dead provide a form of research: how people can best survive a zombie apocalypse and how people can best survive the everyday world." I like to think that I could survive fairly well in the

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face of such adversity. In my opinion, fighting with the undead seems like child's play compared to being around some of the people I've worked with in the past. Dana Klisanin, another contributor to the book The Walking Dead Psychology: Psych Of The Living Dead, says "Although it's extremely unlikely that we will ever confront zombie hordes, at some point in life we all face death – our own and that of our loved ones. This intersection – of life and death, of love and loss, of anxiety and despair, of our ability or inability to find meaning in life – is the subject matter of existential philosophy and its offspring, existential psychology." As human beings, we all experience the loss of those we love at some point in our lives, and almost all of us will experience some type of serious adversity. But what do we do with those losses? How do we react in the face of that adversity? If we experienced what the characters in TWD experience, would we even be able to get up in the morning? If we lost everyone we loved and everything we had, would we be able to find any meaning in our lives, or would we just give up, wither away and die? Klisanin says,"Because The Walking Dead is a story about survival, it speaks directly to questions of life and death, morality and meaning. On a

collective level, existential psychology would suggest that while watching the characters struggle to stay alive, we are projecting our own fear of death as a way to confront it vicariously rather than directly. "However, at the individual level, if the show prompts us to reflect on existential questions, we are no longer projecting our fears but instead consciously engaging with them. The show's remarkable success may well be due to its ability to speak to both types of viewers: those who harbor unconscious fears and those who are using it to prompt existential introspection." Maybe there really are these deep psychological reasons behind why we love to watch TWD. Perhaps we just love drama. Or it could be that watching allows us to escape from the pressures of our own lives – our struggles don't seem half bad when compared to the struggles our beloved characters go through every season. Whatever the reasons may be, I can guarantee where my family (they're die hard fans, too) and I will be on the night of Oct. 22 – that's the season eight premiere. I can hardly wait. (Special thanks to Fred Richards, Ph.D., for giving me the book, The Walking Dead Psychology: Psych Of The Living Dead, and for encouraging me to write an article on, "Why women love The Walking Dead®.") WGW

Celebrate

Photos by Keith May 46

HER SUCCESS

Taste of Perfection

Local Restaurant Owner Cooks Up Ways to Make a Difference

s a busy wife and mom of four young boys who are involved in numerous activities, Carrollton native Lindsey Faircloth knew eating pizza, fast food and snacks was not the healthiest option for her family. As a more wholesome option, she tried mail order meal kits, but the high cost to purchase the raw ingredients was a challenge, not to mention she had to prepare the meals and clean up afterward, which took another two hours of her valuable time every evening. Lindsey was exhausted, and knew there had to be a better, healthier and less time consuming way to feed her family of six. "I thought the idea for easier, fully prepared meals without the preservatives of frozen, pre-packaged stuff from the grocery store was something everyone needed," shares Lindsey. In September 2016, she took action, and her restaurant, The Sous Chef, was born. Located at Westover Square on Maple Street in Carrollton, The Sous Chef offers gourmet coffee, a variety of retail products made in Georgia, a light lunch menu, and family style meals made from real ingredients, fully prepared or easily finished at home.

degree in Mental Health Counseling from Cappella University.

Big Changes Ahead Lindsey settled into a career as a mental health counselor, and was employed as an outpatient substance abuse counselor for teens. Jason continued with his construction company, and their family began to grow over the next few years. Then came something no one expected: The burst of the housing bubble. As the owner of a construction company, Jason's business was hit hard. "Probably the biggest challenge was living through the housing bubble bursting while being dependent

Far From Home Lindsey graduated from Central High School in 2000, and jokes that her "Lion Pride" loyalty is being replaced with "Trojan Pride," because her oldest two boys attend Carrollton City schools. After high school, Lindsey attended the University of Georgia, and graduated with a bachelor's degree in psychology in 2004. She was very involved at UGA as a Delta Zeta sorority member and held various offices within the sorority while attending college, and met her husband, Jason, during this time. After graduating from UGA, she and Jason were married and moved to the Ponte Vedra, Fla., area, and Jason started his own construction company. While Jason was busy with his start-up business, Lindsey went back to school and received a master's

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on a construction business for income," she relates. "My husband worked around the clock, and we still struggled financially." Although the housing market did experience some recovery, and they later felt Jason's company may have eventually bounced back, an opportunity to move closer to family presented itself, so they made the decision to return home to West Georgia in 2012. "The choice to return 'home,' have him join Southwire and restart our lives here in West Georgia has proven to be a terrific route," Lindsey shares. After she and Jason started their family, Lindsey was interested in working from home so she could spend more time with her children. As a stay-athome mom with four young boys, she became an online instructor for the Technical College System of

Georgia and eventually began teaching at the local West Georgia Technical College, which she enjoyed immensely.

A Plan With A Purpose As a busy working mother, Lindsey struggled every day to find the time and energy to feed her family wholesome meals. The Sous Chef idea was born to help other moms, and busy people in general, have easily accessible and healthy meals. But it was important to Lindsey that she help others while creating a for-profit business. Her dream to help others became a reality when she learned of a non-profit organization in the community, Open Hands. As a partner agency of the Atlanta Community Food Bank, Open Hands United Christian Ministry provides assistance to those in need who live in Carroll County. They provide food assistance, reading glasses, personal care items, such as toothbrushes and toothpaste, financial assistance for housing and utilities and bibles and prayer support. Since their inception in Sept. 2011, Open Hands has provided over 200,000 pounds of food to over 6,000 families in Carroll County. Lindsey knew that by opening the Sous Chef, she would be able to help the hungry in the community by partnering with the Open Hands ministry, so she began to search for a suitable commercial kitchen. Her business plan was then expanded when the location they found was the site of a long standing community coffee shop, formerly known as Bella Coffee. Open Hands procures their goods from the Atlanta Community Food Bank. This helps them secure food very cost effectively. The Sous Chef takes a portion of the purchase price of each serving of food they sell and donates that directly to Open Hands. Each donation from The Sous Chef gives Open Hands enough to buy one pound of food from the ACF. "We literally offer a pound-for-pound match for all of our meal sales," she says. "This program was really the last piece of the puzzle in starting the business. I would have gone on talking about how much

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people like me needed meals made easy probably forever, but my husband was always commenting on how the people doing the greatest good were always lacking in funding and begging for donations. He and I became convinced that all sorts of community needs could be met by the efforts of for-profit entities. This charitable effort happened to line up exactly with the for-profit idea we had. It was what pushed me over the edge in getting the business off the ground."

What They Offer The Sous Chef has a wide variety of options to help busy folks make meal times easy. They have casseroles, entrees, fitness meals where they count the calories for you, quiches and other pastries if you need breakfast one morning. They serve made-to-order light lunches and have a full-service gourmet coffee bar if you have time to hang out, or you can get it to go for a pick-me-up just when you need it. In addition to the healthy food options, they have a growing retail section highlighting some of the products they use in their recipes. Lindsey eventually wants to expand this offering to include equipment, utensils, aprons and more Georgia-grown items. "We have several 'ready-made' categories," she shares. "The simplest are the casseroles, sides, salads, soups and desserts that can be purchased by walk-in customers from the fridge or freezer. Next, we have what we call 'Supper Club' meals. We have one special meal combo for the week, available in several portion sizes, that are ordered online before 11 a.m. on the day you want it. Then it is picked up between 4:30 and 6 p.m. on that day. No slicing, chopping or sautĂŠing, and no pots and pans to wash! "Most recently, we added 'fitness meals.' These come in sets of five individually packaged, microwavable meals made from fresh, wholesome ingredients. They can be customized to any diet plan and ordered online as well. Most customers want to eat them within three days for max freshness, so they pick up two on the weekend and three midweek or vice versa. These are great for workplace lunches or dinners for busy professionals. They are taking off!" All of The Sous Chef's healthy and wholesome recipes come from a combination of Lindsey's personal recipes, those passed down from her family through the generations and her friends and employees have added their own creativity to

the mix. Lindsey's mission is to provide the finest and freshest ingredients for each recipe offering. The Sous Chef is open Monday through Friday from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. A typical day begins with brewing the coffee, placing the delicious homemade pastries in Some of the Sous Chef's delicious light lunch the display offerings. case and placing the chairs outside for their morning customers who love to use them as a meeting spot. The lunch crowd begins around mid-morning and continues throughout the day. The end of the day brings in the customers to pick up the prepared meals they have ordered online, or walk-in customers who want to pick up one of the ready-made meals in the refrigerator or freezer. The Sous Chef is also open on Saturday from 10 a.m. to 1:30 p.m. On Saturdays they offer coffee, pastries, and lunch in a calming atmosphere.

Her Advice Lindsey's advice for other women on opening a restaurant is simple: You must have an awesome team. "You canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t do everything on your own," she shares. "And you need a team that is gifted in the areas you are not so everything can be done with excellence. But it is certainly a tough business. People are very serious about their food, as well they should be. Our family has learned so much in recent months about the importance of what we eat, and how much of it we eat." She currently employs six other people besides herself and Jason, who helps

In the State of Georgia, 43 percent of adolescents report consuming vegetables less than one time daily, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. out as much as he can when he's not working his full-time job with Southwire." We have a wonderful staff that comes together to share our individual strengths to run the business," she says.

The Challenges Opening a restaurant comes with a unique set of challenges. Because the concept of the wholesome, ready-made meals they provide is still new to the area, it has been challenging for Lindsey to inform potential customers about the services she provides. "While I am still confident that we offer a tremendous solution, it is unlike anything people are familiar with," she relates. "It is so difficult to form new habits, so if our process isn’t super easy, customers tend to gravitate back to what they know. We are all born with the ability to order pizza and go through a drive through for fast food! We are becoming more familiar with mail-order services for meal kits. What we don’t have on every corner is the ability to get family portion meals, made from whole ingredients and offered at an affordable price." This is why Lindsey recently began advertising in West Georgia Woman magazine. She realizes the importance of reaching potential customers – particularly women. Not only is it a wise business decision, but she also appreciates the quality content that the magazine provides to the community. "Sharing our stories can do wonderful things, and as another person reads that story, they may identify with it and not feel alone," she explains. "They may identify with it and feel inspired to keep pushing ahead. By reading another person’s story, they may just in fact feel led to start a journey

they have had in their heart but weren’t sure if they should start." As a small business owner, you want to please every one of your customers and it's especially hard for Lindsey on the few occasions when they may miss the mark. "It is really tough," she shares. "We always want them to know they are of value, and we are always wanting to make things right if we make a mistake or if someone has less than an awesome experience with us. I take it so personally, and I carry it for a long time." She says sometimes customers will ask her if she worries about the challenges of another restaurant or coffee shop opening up in town, but instead of being concerned, she welcomes the idea. "I truly feel that when other businesses – even if they are doing in some way what we are doing – pop up, it’s good," she explains. "It makes us stay on our game, it brings commerce to our community and small businesses should unite behind one another, not against. There is a personal story behind each, and I have the utmost respect for any small business owner. It’s not easy. It’s putting yourself on the line every day, but if it works, or if it doesn’t, you have a chance to impact others and that always matters." Lindsey says it's important to stick with their

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original business plan to make sure they are operating under their core beliefs – making mealtime easy and affordable for busy individuals and families."Whether it’s our family style dinners or our fitness meals, we want to make sure we are executing that to the Don't have time to cook? The Sous Chef has you covered with ready-made casseroles, sides, salads, soups and desserts that can be purchased by walk-in customers from the fridge or freezer. They also have "Supper Club" meals that can be ordered online, and fitness meals that can be customized to your specific diet plan – they will do all of your calorie counting for you. The fitness meals can also be ordered online.

fullest," she relates. "The coffee, lunches and pastries allow us to further engage our community in a face-to-face setting where maybe they have time to sit and stay a while. That also allows us to share our story, why we are here and who we serve. We serve our customers, but because of our customers we get to serve our community through our meal for a meal donation to Open Hands."

Community Support The West Georgia community has been a huge source of support for Lindsey over the last year, and she says the people who live here are amazing. "This is a community that loves people and helping others," she explains. "It’s amazing to see the good that Carrollton does for those who need it in our community. When you really take a look at what is going on, you see so many people doing so many good things – all for the benefit of others. Whether it’s supporting local schools, families battling disease, homelessness, substance abuse, the marginalized and the list goes on, Carrollton residents step up and help." Lindsey is thankful she is able to share her business with the Carrollton community, and says her wonderful staff and the customers who visit

“

For the women who want to cook for their families and just can’t sometimes due to their schedule, the last thing I want them to do is feel guilt like I have before – we can help them with meal time.

“

The Sous Chef make it all worthwhile. "I love knowing that we are meeting a difficult need in many families," she says. "I’ve had customers say things like 'This could save my marriage,' and others literally be in tears knowing they can still keep food on the table after they are instructed by their physician to not eat gluten. There are so many stories! We couldn’t do it without our staff and customers! It’s really all about the people. As a Christian I believe that’s what we are here for, to love others like Jesus loves us. To take care of one another. "I mentioned having customers in happy tears, but we have also had employees in happy tears. I love taking care of our customers, but taking care of my employee family has been a true delight. Several of them have said in different ways that working here is so much more than a paycheck. They believe in it. They want to see it succeed and truly help customers and community charitable groups." Another source of support for Lindsey is her husband, Jason, who she says has had the greatest impact on her professional life. "As a former small business owner and now as an employee of a larger corporation, he has a wealth of knowledge and experience I can draw from and is such a visionary on where any small business could go," she says warmly.

She grew up watching her grandparents, an aunt and a cousin who were all small business owners, and watching them experience the highs and lows of business ownership gave her valuable insight into the process. "It’s real and authentic experiences that have made me realize that everyone’s journey in this arena is unique but what we all need is people around us who support us. No one can do it alone!" she shares. She credits Jesus Christ as having the greatest impact on her personal life. "Because of my deep and personal relationship with Him I know why I am here. I am here to love others, to show them the

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love of Christ in all that I do and all that I am," she says. As for her biggest fan, she says she has four of them – her boys – who motivate her to come to work every day. "My precious boys," she shares with a warm smile. "They have to share Mommy with her work, but they know why I do it." She says Grayson, her oldest son, cares a little more than the other three. "I have a really tough time taking my 9-year-old, Grayson, to the store," she laughs. "He is convinced that he is going to be a real chef, baker, barista and more. When he is there, he insists on 'working,' doing any number of things. I usually tell him he has to start by cleaning the bathrooms, and that knocks him off course!"

Planning For The Future Lindsey is happy with all she has accomplished with The Sous Chef over the last year, and continues to dream about future possibilities for the business. She's had many people ask her if she has an interest in franchising one day, and that may be a possibility in the future. She hopes to expand with more locations across West Georgia, with each one supporting the best local food pantry in their community. For now, she continues to perfect The Sous Chef

business model and all that involves while raising her four boys. As if that doesn't keep her busy enough, Lindsey also teaches Sunday school at her local church, does volunteer work with the Carrollton Elementary and Carrollton Middle School PTVO (Parent-Teacher-Volunteer-Organization) and she just completed Leadership Georgia – a statewide leadership development program for young business, civic and community leaders with the desire to work together for the betterment of Georgia – in 2016. Lindsey invites you to come by and try one of The Sous Chef's delicious and wholesome meals made with only the freshest and finest ingredients, and see the difference it may make in your family. "For the women who want to cook for their families and just can’t sometimes due to their schedule, the last thing I want them to do is feel guilt like I have before – we can help them with meal time," she shares. WGW

To learn more about Lindsey Faircloth and The Sous Chef, call 678.796.6544, visit them at 929 Maple Street in Carrollton or visit the website at www.souschefmeals.com

Womentality

Inspiring quotes by extraordinary women “People say to me all the time, ‘You have no fear.’ I tell them, ‘No, that’s not true. I’m scared all the time. You have to have fear in order to have courage. I’m a courageous person because I’m a scared person.’” – Ronda Rousey, American mixed martial artist.

“A crazy thing happened – the very act of doing the thing that scared me undid the fear. It’s amazing the power of one word. ‘Yes’ changed my life. ‘Yes’ changed me.” – Shonda Rhimes

“The greatest obstacle to your own success is your own fear. Failure is never fun. But each time you fail, you learn something.” Photo By Pedro Gaytan

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“Fear is a good thing. Running away from it is not.” – Kate Winslet

“The key to my success has always been that my desire to succeed has always been greater than my fear. I’ve been scared to death about a lot of things, but then I think, ‘Okay, you gotta buckle up, girl. You’ve got yourself here, so get out there and just do it.’ And I just ask God to help me, and I follow that light.” – Dolly Parton57

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This group meets the last Saturday of every month in Douglasville or Austell. For more information, contact Cheryl at theheartmatters@gmail.com or 678.754.5840. Learn more at www.heartmatterswellness.com.

Each Mommyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Day Out event is from 6 to 7 p.m. on the first Thursday of every month. Locations vary. Contact Jwyanda at 678.739.1740 or Jwyanda@icloud.com for more information.

Hope For The Journey This group meets the third Thursday of each month at 6:30 p.m. in the board room at the Tracy Stallings Community Center at 118 South White St. in Carrollton. These events are free to breast cancer survivors or those currently battling breast cancer. No one should have to face breast cancer alone.

These are free events for new mothers, mothers with children 0-12 months and mothers suffering from postpartum depression. www.needitmost.wordpress.com

Rare Pearls Mentoring and Leadership Program This group meets the fourth Saturday of each month at WellStar - Douglas Hospital from 2:30 - 4:30 p.m. This program is open to all girls from ages 10 -17.

Rare Pearls mission is to enrich and empower the lives of young girls and women. For more information call 770.947.8210, email rarepearls2015@gmail.com or visit the website at www.rarepearlsmentoringandleadership.org

Nursing From The Heart Breastfeeding Support Group This group meets the third Monday of each month from 5:30 to 6:30 p.m. at 500 Old Bremen Road in Carrollton. Please contact Anne Lussier at 470.270.9520 or IBCLC@nursingfromtheheart.com for more information. These events are free to pregnant women and moms looking for breastfeeding support. Free weight checks will be available. Come and share your breastfeeding journey with us. Please check our website for meeting and event updates.

WGTC Hosting Open House Events on All Five Campuses Prospective students interested in attending West Georgia Technical College will get a great chance to discover what WGTC has to offer at five Open House events to be hosted by the college. Whether prospective students are first-time freshmen, wanting to earn their GED, current high school students or returning to school to move ahead, everyone will be able to find relevant information, take tours and have the chance to win some prizes at the Open House events. Open House will take place at the Murphy Campus on Thursday, Oct. 5; the Coweta Campus on Tuesday, Oct. 24; and the LaGrange Campus on Wednesday, Oct. 25. All events will be held from 5 to 7 p.m. Open House events will feature tours starting every 20 minutes, with tour guides showing visitors the campus, special labs and classrooms and an academic program fair, where prospective students can meet their future instructors and learn all about programs offered at WGTC. If participants visit all booths at the fair, theirnames will be entered to win prizes like a Kindle Fire, tumblers and more.

Prospective students will also be able to apply during the event, with WGTC waiving the $25 application fee. Additionally, those who are stumped about their FAFSA will find trained professionals who will help them apply for financial aid. If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re interested in getting help with the FAFSA documents, please bring or have electronic access to your most recent tax returns and Social Security numbers of everyone in your household. The event is free, with free food, T-shirts and other giveaways being provided. If prospective students are unable to visit their closest campus, they can stop by an Open House event on another campus and still apply to WGTC for free. The Carroll Campus is located at 997 S. Highway 16 in Carrollton; Douglas Campus at 4600 Timber Ridge Drive in Douglasville; Murphy Campus at 176 Murphy Campus Blvd. in Waco; Coweta Campus at 200 Campus Drive in Newnan; and LaGrange Campus at 1 College Circle in LaGrange. For more information, email: admissions@westgatech.edu or call: 1.855.887.9482 and ask about Open House.

Optimist Club of Carrollton Annual Golf Tournament October 27 Sunset Hills Country Club Noon shotgun start. Cash prizes/fun challenges Team entry: $400 Hole sponsorship: $100 each. Checks can be mailed to: Optimist Club of Carrollton PO Box 734 Carrollton, Ga. 30112 For more information, contact: Taylor Ash 770.329.3306 taylorash1@gmail.com

Kidz Korner By Charlene Brooks

Super Spooky Tombstone Cupcakes

hese super spooky tombstone cupcakes are sure to be a hit with your little ones. Even your smallest children will have a great time decorating these really tasty and easy treats. The really silly pumpkin cheeseball on the next page is another easy project for kids. Have a contest to see who can make the silliest looking cheeseball!

Candy bones Candy tombstones Plastic flies Black edible icing writing pen Instructions

Ingredients Make or buy your favorite cupcakes Chocolate icing Chocolate bear-shaped graham crackers Gummy worms

Place the chocolate bear-shaped graham crackers in a food processor until they become the consistency of dirt. Ice the cupcakes with the chocolate icing then sprinkle the chocolate dirt on top (for less mess place cupcake on a plate first). Write whatever you wish on the tombstone and place in one end of the cupcake. Decorate as desired using the gummy worms, plastic flies and candy bones.

Happy Halloween!

Really Silly Pumpkin Cheeseball

Ingredients

16-ounce package of sharp cheddar cheese 6-ounce package cream cheese slightly softened 3/4 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce 1/8 teaspoon garlic powder Two candy eyeballs Candy skeleton heads One candy zombie finger 1 gummy worm 2 plastic flies for feet

Instructions Mix together all ingredients in a large bowl. Form into an imperfect ball. Place the silly pumpkin cheeseball on a plate and decorate as desired with the candy accessories. Place the plastic flies last for the silly cheeseball's feet. WGW

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Happy Halloween Word Search Word Bank Ghouls Treats Folklore Goblins Tricks Mask Parties Hay Bats Pumpkins Frightening Eerie All Hallows' Eve Costumes Witches

Word search created at puzzle-maker.com

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