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Social Coaching V1.0

CONTENT Introduction

For who is this method?

Sources and set up

Aims

Expected results

Coaching people with a need for care

Goals and purposes and how to measure them: the Self Reliance Matrix

What is self-reliance?

What do I measure with the self-reliance-Matrix?

The self reliance scheme

Visualisation of the self reliance matrix

KNOWLEDGE OF THE SOCIAL COACH AND AREAS OF ACTIVITIES: skills, attitudes, resources

Attitudes

Skills

Resources

Work processes / Workbook

Starting the job: Intake

The coaching plan

Evaluation and adaptation

Involving the network

Motivation

Resources: The Sociogram

Reporting and keeping an overview

Obstacles

The â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Inner Gameâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;

Motivation and lack of motivation

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Self sabotage Tools The power of feedback

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INTRODUCTION

Help and care is something that is very basic in human life. Evolutionary spoken, human beings would have no chance to survive if care was not part of our nature. Human beings tend to live in groups for ten thousands, maybe hundred thousands of years. The human being is wired for interdependence, which means that we work together and help each other to survive.

The last decade empathy is one of the new “discoveries” in human and animal behavior and a hype in neuroscience1. Latest discoveries show that animals, especially the closer related animals, also show empathy, and in cases the tendency to behave -as we call it- morally and help the weak or vulnerable2.

But is coaching the same as helping? Coaching seems something different than helping. Coaching seems to be a mix of interactive teaching, advising, counselling and mentoring, but it is none of them fully. The term ‘coaching’ means many different things to different people, but is generally about helping individuals to solve their own problems and improve their own performance.

Method:

Coaching

Mentoring

Counselling

The Question:

How?

What?

Why?

The Focus:

The present

The future

The past

Aim:

Improving skills

Developing and committing to Overcoming learning goals barriers

Objective:

Raising competence

Opening horizons

psychological

Building self-understanding

Based on the work of: Clutterbuck, D. & Schneider, S. (1998)

Put simply, coaching is a process that aims to improve performance and focuses on the ‘here and now’ rather than on the distant past or future. While there are many different models of coaching, here we are not considering the ‘coach as expert’ but, instead, the coach as a facilitator of learning.

http://herseninstituut.nl/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/EmpathicBrainSampler-1.pdf

https://www.ted.com/talks/frans_de_waal_do_animals_have_morals/transcript

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There is a huge difference between teaching someone and helping them to learn. In coaching, fundamentally, the coach is helping the individual to improve their own performance: in other words, helping them to learn. Good coaches believe that the individual always has the answer to their own problems but understands that they may need help to find the answer. Coaching is unlocking a person’s potential to maximise their own performance. It is helping them to Context of the partner Countries The innovative aspect of this guide is its ability to effectively train the coaching skills in an environmental awareness. The innovative aspect of this guide lies in enhancing the coaching skills regarding the environment of the coachee. The innovative aspect of this guide is its ability to effectively train the Social Coach, giving to the reader concrete tools and useful tips able to make him a professional in the social field. This guide has been realized as final product of the Strategic Partnership for innovation “We train activity - social coaching as method of work with the disabled” coordinated by ALPI SOCIAL INNOVATIONS (Poland) and realized in partnership with ASSOCIAZIONE UNIAMOCI ONLUS (ITALY) and MELIUS ZORG BV (Holland). The key element of the project is to develop an innovative program of working with the people with intellectual disability based on the method of individual social coaching. The main result of the project are the development and implementation of an innovative social coaching programme, an e-learning course for social coaches, a platform dedicated to the social coaches, selection and training of 9 social coaches. The project was co-funded by the Erasmus+ programme of the European union. FOR WHO IS THIS METHOD? This method is designed for formal (Institutional) coaches, and for people that deliver informal coaching to people with a need for care. You, as a reader, are perhaps a counseller, or pedagogue, or family member. Or perhaps you are a fulltime coach. This book appeals to your role as a coach. Since we believe that people only come to the best performance with the support of their social environment, we hope that we offer you the insights and tools that can help you make the best of your coaching role. SOURCES AND SET UP The basis of this guide is eclectical; We use different methods, combined, as we know from experience work well. The methods we use are derived from the self reliance matrix, motivational theorie, problem solving approach, supported employment and

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AIMS The aims of this method are:     

Self-reliance of the coachee Making the work for people with a care need (i.g. people with a disability) easier and more effective Contribute to the development and innovation on care for people with a need for care or support Changing the way we look at people with a need for care Improving the skills of care workers (formal and informal)

EXPECTED RESULTS The results this method offers:   

An easy method for professional or informal care workers A comprehensible method for the person who needs care or support A flexible method, to be used in different contexts and for different target groups

COACHING PEOPLE WITH A NEED FOR CARE Coaching is an emerging method that “has been broadly defined to describe a goal-focused process of assisting individuals and companies to improve personal and professional achievement (Kilburg, 1996; Nowack, 2003)”. The main feature of coaching is its practice focus and a very huge variety of coaching exists, covering different areas of intervention: there are, among the others, business coaches, executive coaches, leadership coaches, career coaches, life coaches, performance or family and parenting coaches. So “coaching assists with a wide range of objectives, which can include developing leadership skills, realizing life dreams (for example, becoming a business owner, learning a musical instrument), achieving lifestyle changes (for example, increasing family time, dating more frequently), professional advancement (for example, getting a raise, promotion, increasing sales, achieving tenure), enhancing personal development (for example, educational advancement, developing public speaking skills), achieving financial order, or improving internet marketing”.3 “As a method, coaching typically involves assisting clients in articulating what they want to achieve and setting goals in pursuit of that achievement. Another primary role of coaches is to hold clients accountable for achieving their goals and to help them adjust goals as necessary”.4

Coaching and Social Work: Challenges and Concerns By Caspi, Jonathan on the ACADEMIC JOURNAL ARTICLE Social Work

https://www.questia.com/library/journal/1G1-148764836/coaching-and-social-work-challenges-and-concerns

http://www.socialworktoday.com/archive/111516p18.shtml

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The path to autonomy and social inclusion of people with disability usually require a global support able to increase the levels of functioning in all the areas of life, from the social abilities and network, to the areas of independent living and working. At national level the professionals working in the social field have the opportunity to use several effective methods that shows how to develop the client functioning on specific areas of life. The aim of this manual is to provide a method that will allow to train very diverse profiles of people working or wishing to work in the social field about how to take charge of the client with mental disability globally, being able to accompany the client during a path of development that will have a strong impact both on the level of activities (related to tasks and actions by an individual) and participation (involvement in a life situation) and on the level of environmental factors and determining a global improvement of the level of the personâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s functioning. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Social coachingâ&#x20AC;? adhere to the integrated approach and the multidimensional model of functioning and disability of ICF and represents a complete programme originating from the meeting and exchange of good practices among professionals working with people with disabilities in 4 different organizations based in Holland, Italy and Poland who combined their past experiences and know-how and a new and global programme, that was later validated and generalized so that it can be considered as a programme applicable at European level. This innovative programme wants to apply the principles of traditional coaching to the work with people with mental disability, emphasizing on a strengths-based, nonjudgmental, client-driven approach with clients (main principles of the social work) but focusing on the client's present state and where the client wants to go in the future (as suggested by traditional coaching) with much more action-oriented interventions than those with social work clients and with a real global approach.

GOALS AND PURPOSES AND HOW TO MEASURE THEM : THE SELF RELIANCE MATRIX

In the method we use we have to use clear goals and a concrete way to measure the purposes and goals. For this we use the Self Reliance Matrix, a tool that is developed by the municipalities of Amsterdam and Rotterdam, to measure in a simple way, the self reliance of people. What is self-reliance? You can be called self-sufficient if you have realized an acceptable level of functioning in the areas (domains) that you, and everyone in the society, in daily life have to deal with. Self-reliance is not ' alone-reliance'. In order to maintain or reach an acceptable level of functioning you can, or you should, use the skills, expertise, resources and capabilities of others. 'Others' include

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family and friends, but also aid workers can help in maintaining or achieving an acceptable level of functioning. Self-reliance is asking for others’ help when you need it to be able to maintain or achieve an acceptable level of functioning. You should not just ask for help to the person who can help you, you should also ask your question so that the other understands how he/she can help you to be or become self-sufficient. In addition, you should ask for help on time, if you wait for someone else to notice your problems and ask help for you, you are not self-reliant. We define self-reliance in general as: To realize by yourself an acceptable level of functioning on the important areas of daily life. If necessary with the right help at the time that a decrease of your performance level takes place or threatens to take place, which you can’t prevent or fix by yourself. What do I measure with the self-reliance-Matrix? With the self-reliance-Matrix (SRM) you measure how self-reliant someone is. All information about the functioning of a person does the SRM show in a judgment about the degree of self-reliance of that person at that moment. This degree of self-reliance is a result. How self-reliant someone is in terms of a score on the SRM is a result, the consequence of all sorts of factors and processes that had led to the degree of selfreliance at this moment. With the SRM you only look at the result and you disregard the causes. There are two reasons for this. First, causes are not always visible and difficult to map (for example, personality, culture, motivation). Second, the way in which these factors affect each other and the result (self-reliance) is very complicated. You evaluate the self-reliance without saying anything about the way it has become this. The degree of self-reliance is a snapshot. With the SRM you measure how self-reliant someone now is. You take a picture of someone’s functioning. In general you can disregard information about a person’s functioning longer than 30 days ago. Just as you take the history not in your rating, it is also important that you don’t base your rating on the future. You see it functioning at this time, and you expect that this functioning will probably lead to another level of functioning, but you don’t know this for sure. Your expectation of what is likely to happen is different from other evaluators. Moreover, all kinds of factors have influence on what would probably happen. In your assessment of the degree of self-reliance at this moment, you only assume from what you see. Only what is happening now counts. THE SELF RELIANCE SCHEME

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VISUALISATION OF THE SELF RELIANCE MATRIX For a lot of people, not only the cognitive impaired, it can be helpfull to visualise aspects of the way of working, for instance to offer the self reliance matrix in a diagram:

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KNOWLEDGE OF THE SOCIAL COACH AND AREAS OF ACTIVITIES: SKILLS, ATTITUDES, RESOURCES The social coach is a “change trainer”, a professional able to guide the person towards his/her desired future in the personal, social and professional areas; he takes care of the growth and wellbeing of the person globally

in a perspective of autonomy, empowerment and full self-

realization. The role of the social coach is to be a mentor and facilitator - a guide and role model. The potential social coach’s individual experiences and qualifications may vary but he should have selfawareness, knowledge of life-skills, personal attributes and values, which he brings to the role.

ATTITUDES Among the attitudes that a social coach should, the following need to be mentioned: -

Willingness to help

Recognize and deal with emotions

Pragmatism

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Flexibility

Empathy

SKILLS Furthermore a social coach should have or develop some specific skills: -

Ability to motivate

Ability to identify goals and pursue them

Ability to plan concrete action plans

Ability to support people in discovering and train their untapped potential

Active listening skills

Communication skills

Ability to work in team

Organizational skills

Cultural sensitivity

Networking skills

Ability to cope with stress and conflicts

RESOURCES Key to the philosophy of becoming a social coach is the notion of self-awareness, openness and selfdevelopment. Personal skills such as listening, observing, objective assessment, communicating, leading, etc. are an integral part of the development and training of each social coach, as well as familiarisation with the tools which they will apply in planning, empowering, mentoring, facilitating and evaluating the personal, social and job development of people with mental disability. The following chapters will illustrate in detail the specificities of the “Social coaching”, building that background of knowledge needed to be a social coach. WORK PROCESSES / WORKBOOK STARTING THE JOB : INTAKE The intake consists of a meeting between coach and coachee. The coachee is preferably accompanied by a family member, or otherwise closely involved person. The goals of the meeting are: 1. 2. 3.

To make contact, search for the “click” To give information on the coaching program To have an assessment of the coachee

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Ad 1. Make sure you have enough time for the meeting, and that you are in a place that is calm and quiet. The relationship between coach and coachee is not as formal as a relationship between a counsellor and a patient, and is not a teacher – student relationship. Therefore, it is good to thrive for an equal relationship, where it is okay to show yourself, as you would in any other working relationship. The basic attitude is researching. Try to be amazed and grateful of the the insight the coachee, and his / her relative offers to you, and be non judgemental. Ad 2. Be specific about the program:      

When does it start, when does it end Who can be involved on behalf of the coachee? What are the goals? What does the coachee do when he / she does not feel it is going well, or he / she has complaints that are not easy to bring up? How often do you meet? How often do you evaluate?

Ad 3. The assessment is, next to the own observation, based on the assessment form (attachment).

THE COACHING PLAN Six steps for the coach Primarily coaching enables identification and development of the client's social and professional potential as well as shaping the possibilities of taking effective actions and fully using client’s resources. It is also a tool for shaping the skills such as: solving difficult interpersonal problems, focusing on priorities, broadening self-awareness, as well as overcoming internal limitations and building self-confidence. Coaching itself is a process that is characterized by a special discipline. It involves setting a goal, applying appropriate tools to identify socio-professional potential, showing directions of development and verifying the progress according to the adopted criteria. It is not a spontaneous reaction to a recognized client’s individual problem, but a carefully defined six-step procedure, which is determined by a sequence of regular meetings. First step: Establishing the scope and goals of coaching. In this step, should be taken all the actions to determine the purpose and scope of coaching. There can be used: • information from the family or information collected during the interview with the client; • data on the functioning of the client (various types of assessment). Here, should be established: the action plan, the measures of coaching effectiveness and the principles of project management (logistics, applied diagnostic tools, the scope of information transferred). The result is the agreement between the client and the coach on the proposed action plan and measures of the effectiveness of the coaching process. A signed coaching program. Second step: The evaluation process.

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The client's assessment can be carried out using various methods and tools adapted to the client's needs. The aim of the assessment is to determine the difficulties that the client faces in fulfilling his social and professional role, which may result from his attitudes, motivations, ways of behavior and influence on other people in his environment. The assessment allows to determine what competencies should be developed during the proces of coaching. The previous achievements and skills of the client are also evaluated. The assessment is meant to make the client aware of the factors that determine the success in fulfilling social roles and what are his/her strengths and weaknesses in this field. The result is defining the strengths and weaknesses of the client and the choice of competence for coaching. Third step: Action plan. At this stage, an individual development program is prepared, taking into account the specific needs of the client. This program should provide the client with challenging experience and give the opportunity to develop his/her skills. The implementation of this program should result in both personal and professional development. The action plan should include a way of measuring progress, according to which we will assess changes that have occurred for a longer period (3-12 months). Improvement of family relations, increasing self-esteem, undertaking professional activity, increasing social activity or autonomy could be such a measure. The catalog of measures is prepared on the basis of the Self-Reliance Matrix. The result should be establishing of a development program along with measures to assess its effectiveness. Fourth step: Presentation of the results Signing the Coach â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Client concract.

the

evaluation

and

the

action

plan

Fifth step: Implementation of action plan and progress monitoring The client, depending on the needs (but at least once a month) meets with the coach for 6-12 months. . Between meetings, he fulfills tasks resulting from the action plan. . During meetings with the coach, the client should analyze: what he/she succeded in and why, but also what was problematic. Together with the coach, he develops methods of dealing with problems and then tries them out during the next tasks. This method is used until the measurable goals of the coaching process are achieved. During the whole process, the coach is always available to the client through ongoing telephone and / or email communication, as well as two-hour personal meetings every two weeks or every month. The whole process is documented. The result is the improvement of the client in terms of selected competences. Sixth step: Evaluation of the effectiveness of the coaching process After completing the coaching process, an assessment of its effectiveness in the following fields is carried out: obtaining measurable effects of coaching by the client, as well as the effectiveness of the work of the coach and the methods of work he uses. The source of information can be interviews conducted with family, friends, colleagues or the assessment of acquired skills using the tool: Self Reliance Matrix. The result is the assessment of the effectiveness of the coaching process.

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EVALUATION AND ADAPTATION Assessment of action plan effectiveness and adaptation of the further action plan The benefits of the assessment from the coach's perspective. 



By monitoring the effectiveness of his/her own coaching programs, the coach obtains feedback on whether the actions that are taken in relation to clients are right or not. The coach can quickly correct inefficient actions, if necessary. Knowledge about the positive effects of participation in coaching programs is a guide for the clients to their own development.

The benefits from client’s perspective.  

Monitoring of the coaching program allows to increase the client's motivation to keep on working. Systematic evaluation allows to quickly respond to any disruptions in the coaching program and, if necessary, to quickly correct it. For example, it turns out that the participant of the coaching program does not see any benefits from taking part in the program - we can decide whether we should finish the process, modify it or continue it in its current form. When we are aware of the effects, it allows us to clearly demonstrate how coaching accomplishes the client's goals.

Efficiency test methods. When it comes to testing methods of coaching effectiveness, we will not come up with anythin new. The same methods apply as in the case of other activities aimed at development, education etc. All methods can be reduced to three basic ones:  questionnaire,  interview,  observation. Using these three methods, we examine the clients, their family members, partners, friends or colleagues. Models of coaching effectiveness testing. THE KIRKPATRICK MODEL The Kirkpatrick model is one of the most popular efficiency assessment model used to evaluate the effectiveness of training and development processes. We can use the same model to test the effectiveness of coaching programs. The model suggests testing of effectiveness on 4 levels: reaction, education, changes in behavior, business effects. Level 1. Testing the coaching effectiveness at the reaction level. This is the level at which we check to what extent the coaching program met the expectations of the program participant - how many goals were achieved, were the methods used by the coach useful,

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what the coach was like in the coaching relationship, what helped, what bothered the client in the process. The most frequently used methods for testing effectiveness at the reaction level are: questionnaires and interviews. Examples of several questions from the reaction level: 1. How would you rate the coaching program in which you participated? 2. Which coach interventions were the most and the least useful? 3. On a scale from 1 to 10, rate if the coach was: o o o

supporting... challenging... involved...

Level 2. Testing the coaching effectiveness at the level of education. This level focuses on checking what the client has learned by participating in the coaching program. When it comes to learning we mean- new skills, strategies, tools and resources to which the client has gained access. At this level, we use all three evaluation methods: questionnaires, interviews and observations. We can ask the client what he has learned. What is more the coach has the opportunity to observe changes in clientâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s behavior. Examples of several questions from the level of education: 1. 2. 3. 4.

What new did you learn thanks to participation in the coaching process? What new skills have you developed? Did you find out something new about yourself? What new resources have you identified in your environment?

Level 3. Testing the coaching effectiveness at the level of behavior. At this level, we analyze what changes have taken place in the way the client functions in the real world. This level refers to activities that take place outside of coaching sessions. We ask about what the client started or stopped doing. We ask how he modified the strategies of his actions. In coaching, we most often test effectiveness at level 3 using questionnaires and interviews with the client himself, if the coach makes the assessment. In this case the Self Reliance MATRIX 2103 is a useful tool. Examples of several questions from the level of behavior: 1. What new activities have you implemented in your daily activities? 2. Which of the new skills are the most useful for you? 3. What have you changed in your time management as a result of participating in the coaching program? 4. Which of the solutions was the most difficult to implement in your position? Level 4. Testing the coaching effectiveness at the level of professional effects.

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At this level, we check to what extent the coaching program influenced the fulfillment of the assumed professional or financial goals. In this case, we are interested in the concrete, measurable business effect of the program. Level 4 is the most important for the client, he cares about it the most. At this level, the basic difficulty in evaluation is the difficulty in proving that the general development was achieved thanks to coaching. This difficulty is related to the fact that most often the tested indicator is influenced by many factors. The best method of testing effectiveness at level 4, which would allow to control other factors affecting the general development indicator that is examined, is experimantal. It involves the selection of two homogeneous units (homogeneous means similar in terms of key characteristics) and one of them is the subject of coaching. The other unit is the so-called control group. We observe whether units that were similar at the beginning of the experiment are significantly different from each other after the coaching program. Introduction of the control group allows us to control other factors affecting the indicator of general development that is examined. Due to the fact that these other factors affect the control and experimental group at the same time, the potential difference in the size of indicators can only be an effect of the coaching program being implemented.

INVOLVING THE NETWORK MOTIVATION Human beings can be proactive and engaged or, alternatively, passive and alienated, largely as a function of the social conditions in which they develop and function. Accordingly, research guided by self-determination theory has focused on the social–contextual conditions that facilitate versus forestall the natural processes of self-motivation and healthy psychological development. Specifically, factors have been examined that enhance versus undermine intrinsic motivation, selfregulation, and well-being. The findings have led to the postulate of three innate psychological needs—competence, autonomy, and relatedness—which when satisfied yield enhanced selfmotivation and mental health and when thwarted lead to diminished motivation and well-being. Also considered is the significance of these psychological needs and processes within domains such as health care, education, work, sport, religion, and psychotherapy. Being motivated or motivated, we can place in a continuum of totally unmotivated (a motivation), through external motivation to highly motivated and interested (intrinsic motivation) (Deci & Ryan, 2002).

The extent to which someone feels that he can decide what he does, and the extent to which you can regulate yourself or not, play an important part. Schematically, it looks like this:

 

External regulation - you do something because of reward or punishment. Introjected regulation - You do something not to feel guilty or to get some kind of confirmation.

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  

Identified regulation - self-determination, giving direction because you have a personal interest, you are aware of the purpose, the usefulness of something. Integrated regulation - this corresponds to personal goals, fits into what people think is important and has a lot of similarity with intrinsic regulation / motivation. Intrinsic regulation - you are interested in it fits personal goals and things that you find very important.

With each type of motivation, the extent to which a person has the feeling of making choices, plays an important role. As someone else feels that there is a certain space for their own input, own strategies or interests, the more they will be willing to use.

In intrinsic motivation, there is an ideal situation: you do something because it is your interest because you feel good or because it is something you want. It's your choice and you can get started as you like. This is a form of motivation that is sometimes difficult to achieve in coaching, but it is what we aim for. In coaching, forms of external motivation play a role: the coachee goes to action under the influence of the environment. An environment that, in the case of the coachee, is for a part arranged by the coach (see also Chapter Sociogram and social resources).

RESOURCES: THE SOCIOGRAM SOCIOGRAM AND HOW TO USE IT FOR THE CLIENT’S ASSESSMENT A sociogram is a graphic representation of the person’s social links: a graph drawing that plots the structure of interpersonal relations in a group situation. It allows to gather information which will help to understand the person’s life experience and behaviour but also to make the person itself aware of where to find support; it is usefull to plan an effective and more adequate intervention.

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While the genogram gives us precious information about the composition of the family and the interactions and influences between generations, the sociogram shows also the nature of the relationships within a family and those with the exterior environment such as health and education services, leisure time activities, work, friends or place in the extended family and social groups, which may be very useful for a social caoching programme. A practical and concrete way is to use the sociogram of the familial attachment group and the targeted sociogram. Both personal and professional relationships are taken into account. They may involve principally the members of the family (grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, nephews etc.), friends and neighbours, supervisors and work colleagues, school personnel or classmates. But it is also possible to establish more general ties with various institutions such as the workplace, health services, leisure time services, etc. Likewise, according to our needs, this strategy can become more analytical, in which case it takes the form of a “targeted sociogram”. A sociogram can reveal the group dynamic surrounding the person in different kinds of groups: -

belonging group: a family, with parents who protect the person, a family circle and a specific environment, with which, in one way or another, the person maintains a lifelong tie.

reference group: the persons, groups or organisations which serve as role models for the person’s moral, religious or political conduct.

functional group: persons connected because of a professional function, such as worker, nurse, teacher, student or other;

affinity group: it is concerned with the persons who associate by choice.

Another objective of the sociogram is to reveal in a concrete and specific manner the type of relationship which a person has with each family member and with the different groups to which he belongs. This enables the coach to understand the strengths and weaknesses of the person’s support network. The intensity of the ties is indicated by a code of lines: -

a dotted line indicates a weak relationship and as the dots get weaker, the relationship is weaker.

a white dotted line means that the relationship is almost non-existent.

a single line shows a good bond; two lines a closer bond and three lines a relationship which is even more important.

A line with a slash represents a difficulty.

A broken line or with two slashes signifies a rupture, while a zigzag line reveals a conflict

an arrow indicates unilateral relationship, es. the person feels an attachment to the indicated person or group but this is not reciprocal. But the arrow can also indicate a particular responsibility or inversely, for example, the case of a daughter who takes care of her mother.

The coachee, in the gram, is indicated by a double circle, a circle within a square or his name is written in letters of a different colour. SOME EXAMPLES

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The family group

Legenda: The coachee’s family is dysfunctional. The relationship between Mother and Father is not very good whereas the relationship between Mother and her son (the coachee’s brother) is very good and is confluent with her other son (coachee). The relationship between Father and Coachee is conflicting but is good with his other son. The relationship between the two brothers, is not very good. *

*In the sociogram the terms “mother”, “coachee” etc. Has to be replaced with real names.

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Targeted sociogram â&#x20AC;&#x201C; interaction with functional groups

Neighbours

Work collegues

Gym mates

Coache e

Clients of the service

Legenda: We notice that the coachee rejected by his neighbours, that he has a very strong, probably dependent relationship with work collegues, a conflicting relationship with his gym mates and that his ties with the clients of the service are just about non-existent.

Creation of the sociogram The sociogram has to be created in partnership with the coachee, in an environment of empathetic confidence. The use of questions is the major method, but one must avoid that this quest for information becomes an inquest. Everything should take place in a climate of comprehensive empathy where the person is first of all informed of the objectives and the process of this approach and is convinced that the coach is there to help.

Accordingly to the aim of the programme for that specific client it is possible to choose a different focus for the sociogram.

It could be useful to review the sociogram with the coachee at midterm and at the end of the programme to underline some changes in his social contest.

Since we see in the above that a crucial factor is the surrounding

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REPORTING AND KEEPING AN OVERVIEW

Do You Know Your Main Purposes and Goals?5 Name

Date

Do you know your main purpose to come here? ………………………………………………….. …………………………………………………… What are your most important goals and how much do you desire them? 0

…………………………………………………..

……………………………………………………

Score

Finances

How do you score on:

 Explanation

……………………………………………………………

This form is part of the forms, developed by “Social Coaching – Erasmus Plus” that use the self Reliance Matrix and the Resource Group Method combined as a way of assessing and evaluating the development of people with a need for care , support and/ or coaching. It is part of a set of three forms: 1. Assessment form (for clients) 2. Assessment form (family, others involved) 3. Evaluation

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…………………………………………………………… Work / Volunteering / Daily activities

 Explanation

……………………………………………………………

Housing

 Explanation

……………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………… In house relations

 Explanation

……………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………… Mental health

 Explanation

……………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………… Physical health

 Explanation

……………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………… Addiction

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 Explanation

…………………………………………………………… 6

……………………………………………………………

Daily activities

 Explanation

…………………………………………………………… 7

…………………………………………………………… Social network

 Explanation

…………………………………………………………… 8

…………………………………………………………… Civil participation

 Explanation

…………………………………………………………… 9

…………………………………………………………… Judicial

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 Explanation

…………………………………………………………… 10

……………………………………………………………

Your Main Purposes and Goals?

Name

Date

What is your main purpose to have coaching / help ?

…………………………………………………..

……………………………………………………

What are your most important goals and how much do you desire them?

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…………………………………………………..

……………………………………………………

How do you score on:

Score

Finances



Explanation

……………………………………………………………

Work / Volunteering / Daily activities



Explanation

……………………………………………………………

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Housing



Explanation

……………………………………………………………

In house relations



Explanation

……………………………………………………………

Mental health



Explanation

……………………………………………………………

Physical health

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

Explanation

……………………………………………………………

Addiction



Explanation

……………………………………………………………

Daily activities



Explanation

……………………………………………………………

Social network

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

Explanation

……………………………………………………………

Civil participation



Explanation

……………………………………………………………

Judicial



Explanation

……………………………………………………………

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Main Purposes and Goals of the coachee17

Name

Date

Relation to the coachee

What do you think should be the main purpose of the coaching / help ?

…………………………………………………..

……………………………………………………

In what way can you stay involved during the coaching ?

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…………………………………………………..

……………………………………………………

Agreements:

…………………………………………………..

……………………………………………………

How does the coachee score on:

Score

Finances

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

Explanation

……………………………………………………………

Work / Volunteering / Daily activities



Explanation

……………………………………………………………

Housing



Explanation

……………………………………………………………

In house relations



Explanation

……………………………………………………………

Mental health

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

Explanation

……………………………………………………………

Physical health



Explanation

……………………………………………………………

Addiction



Explanation

…………………………………………………………… 18

……………………………………………………………

Daily activities

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

Explanation

…………………………………………………………… 19

……………………………………………………………

Social network



Explanation

…………………………………………………………… 20

……………………………………………………………

Civil participation



Explanation

…………………………………………………………… 21

……………………………………………………………

Judicial



Explanation

…………………………………………………………… 22

……………………………………………………………

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OBSTACLES Coaching can meet inner or outer obstacles; here are some of the most common and suggestions how to tackle them.

THE ‘INNER GAME’ No discussion of coaching would be complete without mention of Timothy Gallwey and his insights into the ‘inner game’. Gallwey’s book, The Inner Game of Tennis, revolutionised thinking about coaching. He suggested that the biggest obstacles to success and achieving potential were internal, not external. His insight was that coaches could help individuals to improve their game by distracting them from their inner dialogue and, in particular, the critical voice that said "Not like that! Concentrate on your hands! Angle it differently!". By distracting that inner voice, the body could take over. It turns out that often the body has a very clear idea of what to do when internal dialogues are suppressed. Gallwey used the example of asking people to focus on the height at which they hit the tennis ball. This activity has no relevance in itself, but the simple act of focusing on it distracted the inner voice and enabled the capable body to take over. The individual relaxed and their tennis improved immediately. Gallwey’s real insight was that this didn’t just apply to tennis, but that individuals generally did have the answers to their own problems within themselves. The essential part of coaching, then, is to help people to learn to silence that inner voice and allow their instincts, or their subconscious, to take over. Sometimes that means distracting it, and sometimes it’s about exploring the ‘worst case scenario’ and removing the fear.

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MOTIVATION AND LACK OF MOTIVATION Questions that we can ask ourselves in this regard are: When am I motivated to do something and what do I really need to be motivated? For example, am I being triggered by another, or is it also related to something I want? What do I really want and what purpose do I have? How important is it to me and what do I expect to achieve? Then ask these questions from the perspective of the coachee. How do you motivate someone? When are people motivated and what are the characteristics of a stimulating, motivating coaching environment or method? The extent to which people feel stimulated to act is personal and has to do with making their own choices and using their own coping methods. The question for a coach is then: Can the coachee choose from different approaches and assignments, does the coach allow the coachee to use his / her own strategies and does the coach encourage this during different phases? In addition, it has to do with a goal. What do you know the personal goals of the coachee and what what do you need to achieve that goal. Finally, having a good relationship with the other, and experiencing the involvement of that person in you as a person is an important prerequisite for the willingness to act. Do you know where the coachee is very interested in, or knows a remarkable lot? Do you also know wahat bothers the coachee? What he / she finds difficult? Do you know when the coachee needs help? And what help do you offer the coachee? If motivation seems to be a problem, you can ask yourself the following questions:   

Am I clear in my communication with the coachee and others about what the purpose of the coaching is, what expectations I have and how much effort it can take? Do I give room for the input from the coachee, and do I offer options connected to the interests of the coachee? Do I provide a warm, stimulating environment with attention to and involvement with, the coachee?

The self-determination theory according to Deci & Ryan In summary, their theory comes down to the following: If you want to motivate your students (and people in general) as a teacher, make sure that your students feel that they are 1. to be able to decide (autonomy), 2. The assignments (whether or not to be processed independently) can handle assignments (competence), 3. Have a number of teachers and / or fellow students and / or parents involved in their or their learning (relationship).

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The more of that feeling, the stronger the motivation. That feeling gives you them by as high as possible on the scale towards intrinsic motivation. ÂĽ So rather appeal to their sense of pride to the parents than to refuse to punish them or reward. ÂĽ More preferably, they ask for their purpose with school and their learning (fulfilling, passing, succeeding in the world) and confirming them in order to appeal to their shame or guilt when they fail to achieve it. In the end, talking to them about what they think is important in the world and what they want to put in the future has the most motivating effect. They want to work for that, even if that work is still stupid school work for the time being. If you then, as a teacher, see the opportunity to provide them with as much material as possible study material (differentiate, tailor-made) or chance to make suitable learning materials by themselves by means of independent research on the internet or elsewhere, then you will completely. Examples of what has been happening in most schools for a long time and in which you see that motivation are the profile assignment / sector assignment or writing, for example, a thesis (if at least they can choose the subject themselves). Incidentally, it's a misconception that you should leave the students completely loose. They do, however, need direction and control. However, this can be done in two ways: ÂĽ The highly unwanted highly controversial authoritarian way in this context (eg 'because I say so') or in a more autonomic sense-promoting way (explain, eg: "Do you want to succeed with at least six or so? Then you really need to master this and that!")

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SELF SABOTAGE What Is Self-Sabotage? Behavior is said to be self-sabotaging when it creates problems and interferes with long-standing goals. The most common self-sabotaging behaviors are procrastination, self-medication with drugs or alcohol, comfort eating, and forms of self-injury such as cutting. These acts may seem helpful in the moment, but they ultimately undermine us, especially when we engage in them repeatedly. People aren't always aware of their own self-sabotage as the effects of their behavior may not show up for some time.

The good news is you can overcome this destructive loop of self-sabotage and move way beyond your upper limits. You can quickly shift out of your zone of competency and into your zone of genius once you finally stop stopping yourself. Follow these five steps and break free from self-sabotage for good! 1. Pinpoint your pattern As with most nasty habits, self-sabotage often follows a predictable pattern. Awareness of how it shows up in your life will help you recognize it when it does show up so you can nip it in the bud quickly. Think back to previous times you’ve self-sabotaged in your life and business. How do you self-sabotage? At one point do you typically stop yourself from reaching the next level of success, happiness, or wealth? What are your triggers? 2. Get intimate with your fear Self-sabotage is really just misdirected self-love. It’s fear of the unknown. Your ego thinks it’s protecting you from danger, but really it’s just keeping you from being truly happy and fulfilled. Fear is an emotion most of us want to hide under the rug, and it does nothing to help you move past it. Digging deep ask yourself the following questions and journal everything that comes up for you. What am I afraid of? Why is that scary? Keep asking why until you get to the root of what’s holding you back. Then ask: If that happened, could I handle it? And finally ask yourself: Does my fear outweigh my desires? For most of us when we really face our fear for what it is, it’s not so scary. We find that we could handle that worst-case scenario. In some cases we’ve already lived our worst-case scenario and lived to tell the tale. When you realize this the fear doesn’t go away completely, but it no longer has the power over you it once did. 3. Recommit to your goals every day Set big hairy audacious goals for the year and break them down so that you have 90-day goals, monthly goals, and weekly goals. Revisit your goals every day. You can even write them down in your journal as a way to kick-start your motivation in the morning. Flood your consciousness with your goals and it will be a lot harder to self-sabotage. You’ll recognize that what you desire is not only possible, but probable. You’ll feel a subconscious shift in the way you

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pursue your goals by doing this one thing. When you have a bad day let it go. You can always hit that reset button the next day. 4. Do less better My business coach always tells me that simple creates wealth and she’s absolutely right. Stop spending hours upon hours doing things that don’t really matter. Ditch the overwhelm and focus only on the tasks that will get you closer to achieving your goals. Create a top 3 or top 5 list every day rather than making a crazy long to-do list you’ll never complete anyway. Estimate how much time each task will take you to complete and set a timer. Say no to anything that isn’t a priority or delegate it to someone else. There is no shame in asking for help. 5. Get an accountability partner It doesn’t have to be lonely at the top. It’s totally normal that as you become happier and more successful that some of your relationships will change. As you grow, you’ll need to surround yourself with fellow growers. The best way to do this is to start a mastermind with like-minded friends. Meet at least once/month to share your goals, successes, and challenges and keep each other accountable. When self-sabotage rears its ugly head you’ll have a safe space to process and move through it. It’s time to stop holding yourself back and start living the life of your dreams. Break free from self-sabotage and you’ll be operating in your zone of genius in no time. Hello freedom-based living!

TOOLS THE POWER OF FEEDBACK Feedback is among the most common features of successful teaching and learning. But there is an enigma: while feedback is among the most powerful moderators of learning, its effects are among the most variable. I have spent many years pondering this problem and have been building a model of feedback that helps to explain how to take full benefits from feedback in the classroom” (Hattie, 2012 blz. 115) In the pages thereafter, Hattie explains what that model looks like. My Summary: Ask questions to formulate their own feedback (self-reflection). These are the questions: 1. What is your goal (at school, in life)? (possibly in the short term (for example: at least one six for biology) is better still closer to its own longer term ideal because it has more impact on motivation (eg: passing, succeeding, medicine and then setting up a hospital in the context of development aid in Africa) 2. How are you doing now? (What are you doing? Eg: just before a test work is very hard work, still unsatisfied)

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3. What can / will you / will you do to bring your goal closer? (eg more homework, supervision, attendance, etc., etc.) These questions, according to Hattie, should be asked either on three levels: 1. Task (good or wrong? How good or wrong then?) 2. Process (Which strategies did you use / needed to complete this task?) 3. Self-regulation level (planning, metacognition, self-monitoring, do you actually do what you planned? Etc.) The most powerful single influence enhancing achievement is feedback In an often cited article from 2007 Hattie and Timperley provide a conceptual analysis of feedback and analyse the evidence related to its impact on learning and student achievement. They develop a model of effective feedback that identifies the particular properties and circumstances that make it work. Hattie and Timperley demonstrate how feedback can be used to enhance teachers effectiveness in the classroom and student achievement.

A Model for Effective Feedback by Hattie & Timperley (2007)

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In addition to taking into account these motivational conditions, you must, for example, be willing to do more than comment on achievements and tell what the coachee should improve. Especially, it is required that you listen to the coachee and his or her goals and then ask, taking into account the feedback levels according to Hattie. This also promotes the sense of involvement with the coachee and thus also through the route. Because you hear so much more of the coachee about what he / she wants and where it already or not is, the chance that the coachee will feel a "competent" experience is significantly greater.

It is important to realize that both directions from the motivational theory and the Hattie feedback story can be used both classically and individually.

It asks:

   

dare; try out; success stories and then continue and sustain. Because of course, that is not easy.

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EXAMPLE YOUR NAME:

__________________________________

TODAY'S DATE:

____________________

8 6

COMPLETE THE WHEEL: 1. Review the 8 Wheel Categories - think briefly what a satisfying life might look like for you in each area. 2. Next, draw a line across each segment that represents your satisfaction score for each area.  Imagine the centre of the wheel is 0 and the outer edge is 10  Choose a value between 1 (very dissatisfied) and 10 (fully satisfied)  Now draw a line and write the score alongside (see example above)

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THE WHEEL OF LIFE EXERCISE – INSTRUCTIONS FOR THE COACH Notes:  Balance is personal and unique to each individual - what may be satisfying or balanced for some may be stressful or boring for others.  This exercise raises a client's awareness and allows the client to plan a life that is more satisfying and closer to their definition of balance. It also helps clarify priorities for goal-setting.  Balance must be assessed over time. A regular check-in (eg. with this exercise) can highlight useful patterns and help your clients learn even more about themselves. You can do this with them, or recommend they do it for themselves.  Another option is for your client to ask someone who knows them well to complete the scores for them (sometimes it's helpful to see an outside perception of your life 'balance'). Important: This must be someone they trust and whose opinion they value - and remember that others may have hidden agendas.

Detailed Instructions: 1. Ask your client to review the 8 categories on their Wheel of Life. The categories should together create a view of a balanced life for them. If necessary they can split category segments to add in something that is missing, or re-label an area to make it more meaningful for them. Examples of changes are: 1. Family and Friends: Split "Family and Friends" into separate categories. 2. Significant Other: Changing the category name to "Dating", "Relationship" or "Life Partner". 3. Career: Changing the category name to "Motherhood", "Work", "Business" or "Volunteering". 4. Finances: Changing the category name to "Money", "Financial Security" or "Financial Wellbeing". 5. Health: The category name could be split or changed to "Emotional", "Physical", "Fitness", "Spiritual" or "Wellbeing". 6. Home Environment: The category could split or change to "Work Environment" for career or business clients. 7. Fun & Leisure: The category name could change to "Recreation" 8. Personal Growth: The category name could change to "Learning", "Self-Development" or "Spiritual" 9. Other categories to add could include "Security", "Service", "Leadership", "Achievement" or "Community". 2. Ask your client to think about what success or satisfaction would feel like for each area. 3. Now ask them to rank their level of satisfaction with each area of their life by drawing a line across each segment. Ask them to place a value between 1 (very dissatisfied) and 10 (fully satisfied) against each area to show how satisfied they are currently with each category in their life. 4. The new perimeter of the circle represents their Wheel of Life. You can ask your client, "Is it a bumpy ride?" 5. Now, looking at the wheel here are some great questions to ask your client to take the exercise deeper:

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1. Are there any surprises for you? 2. How do you feel about your life as you look at your Wheel? 3. How do you currently spend time in these areas? How would you like to spend time in these areas? 4. What would make that a score of 10? 5. What would a score of 10 look like? 6. Which of these categories would you most like to improve? 7. How could you make space for these changes in your life? 8. What help and support might you need from others to make changes and be more satisfied with your life? 9. What change should you make first? And what change do you want to make first? 10. If there was one key action you could take that would begin to bring everything into balance, what would it be? 6. Taking action - the final step. To wrap-up the exercise you can ask your client to identify one action for each area, and then pick 1-3 actions to get started. You could also ask them to choose the 3 areas they most want to work on and identify an action for each. TIP: If your client is extremely busy or stressed try asking, "What is the smallest step you could take to get started?"

SOCIAL SKILLS COACHING Social skills coaching is a program able to support the coachee to improve his social skills and to gain a better functioning in almost every area of life: It will help to expand his social circle, network more effectively, feeling accepted. Because social skills cannot be taught but just demonstrated and exercised, this programme works very good in small groups, where is possible to organize some role plays where the coachee, as actors, can exercise the social skills. Before to start the programme is important to support the coachee in breaking the goal down: follows a list of social abilities, grouped in 5 main areas : Basic Social Abilities; Abilities to make/maintain friendships; Abilities 1 to handle with emotions; Abilities to repress your aggressiveness; Abilities to cope with stress . 1. Basic Social Abilities 1. 2. 3.

Listening To ask for help 23 Being grateful

Inspired to Manuale di Insegnamento delle abilitĂ sociali by Mc Ginnis

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4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13.

To bring what you may need in a specific situation To follow the instructions To accomplish a task To participate to a conversation To help somebody in need Asking questions Ignoring distractions To overcome/correct mistakes To decide what to do To establish goals

2. Abilities to make/maintain friendships 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20. 21. 22. 23. 24.

To present yourself to somebody To start a conversation To end up a conversation To maintain contacts To ask for a favour To help a friend To make a compliment To accept a compliment To propose an idea To share To apologise

3. Abilities to handle with emotions 25. 26. 27. 28. 29. 30. 31. 32. 33. 34.

Self-awareness of emotions To communicate your emotions To perceive some others’ emotions To understand some other’s emotions To show sensitiveness towards other people To cope with anger To manage other people’s anger To show affection To cope with fear To reward yourself

4. Abilities to repress your aggressiveness 35. 36. 37. 38. 39. 40. 41. 42. 43.

Demonstrate self-control Ask for permission To react to provocations Avoiding troubles No getting involved in quarrels Problem solving To accept consequences To face the allegations To come to an agreement

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5. Abilities to cope with stress 44. 45. 46. 47. 48. 49. 50. 51. 52. 53. 54. 55.

To tackle boredom To individuate the cause of a problem To make a complaint To face a complaint To cope with exclusion To face embarrassment To face failures To accept refusal To refuse To relax To face the group pressure To take a decision

ASSESSMENT OF THE SOCIAL SKILLS for the coach This schedule will help you to determine the degree of development of the social skills before the application of the programme and regularly after 2 or 3 months; you can note the level of ability of the client relying on the observation of his/her behaviour in different situations.

You can fill the table with the abilities that compose coacheeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s goal, adding as many as necessary.

ABILITY

DATE:_______________ LEVEL (1=LOW; 4=HIGH) 1 1 1 1

DATE:_______________ LEVEL (1=LOW; 4=HIGH) 1 2 3 4

You may even add a column related to comments on that specific ability where to write down about problematic aspects or specific observations.

How to support the coachee in improving the chosen skills? 1- Support the coachee in the definition of the behavioural steps that compose that ability: discuss with the client, stimulating with adequate questions his ability to define each step. Ex. If the desiderate ability is TO LISTEN, you may as to the coachee How can you make a person understand that you are listening to him? Remind that your role is to help the coachee to discover by himself the steps so you are allowed to make questions to stimulate his reflections but you shouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t answer instead of the coachee. The coachee active involvement is important in terms of a greater motivation in learning that skill. If this process sounds different for the coachee is even possible to create some role playing situations asking the coachee to observe your behaviour, trying to notice some specific aspects of that skill. At the end of the process you should come out with a a list of the behavioural steps. Ex. If the desiderated ability is TO LISTEN, you should have something like this: 1. Look at the person who is speaking

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2. 3. 4. 5.

Keep calm (do not laugh, move around, play with your hands etc.) Think about what the person is telling you Express your consent with your voice or by a gesture Ask a question on the topic to know more about it

You can also discuss on some tips to make listening more effective. (at the end of this chapter you will find the steps related to each social ability that may be useful to prepare the coaching session). 2- It may be useful also give some practical examples of application of the behavioiural steps through modelling even showing some videos that shows the application of the behavioural steps with some verbal narration of the steps that are undertaken, this will facilitate the learning process. 3- Role playing: after the presentation of the model, you can discuss with the coachee about some real situations and how to apply that skill in the coachee daily life (always referring to present or future situations). In this way it will be possible to create, somehow, those situations and act them putting in practice the learned behavioural steps. The coach can make some observations about facial expressions, the body posture, the tone of voice and the content of the speech, but also about possible reactions of the people. If the coachee is not following the right order of the behavioural steps it is possible for the coach to interrupt the playing, give some instruction (or better make them arise from the coachee) and start again. 4- Each role playing should be followed by the informational feedback, where the coachee behaviour will be self evaluated and /or evaluated by the other participants to the coaching session, if any. Possible observations may be for example, in the case of the listening ability, suggestions to make a better performace, tips to not to forget some steps in the sequence, comments about the feelings, or the coherence among the body language and the verbal one. Also the coach should give some feedback about the performance and give some social reinforcement to encourage the coachee. 5- Motivate the coachee to apply the learned competences in concrete life situations in the next days and to self evaluate his performance with a schedule similar to the following:

Name: _________________________

Date: ____________

ABILITY: __________________________________________________ WHEN (situation) _____________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ How do I evaluate my performance? (1=poor – 5=excellent) ①②③④⑤ Please, motivate your answer: ___________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________

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Or (for coachee with lower cognitive abilities) How was I?

Why? ____________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________

6- In the next meeting, after some days, discuss with the coachee the application of the skill to real life situations, review the self-evaluation schedules and motivate him to keeping to apply the ability and observe his improvements in the social skill in informal situations and keep on giving suggestions and motivation till the ability is not completely achieved.

BEHAVIOURAL STEPS FOR EACH ABILITY

SECTION 1: Basic Social Abilities 1. LISTENING: - Look at the person who is speaking - Keep calm (do not laugh, move around, play with your hands etc.) - Think about what the person is telling you - Express your consent with your voice or by a gesture - Ask a question on the topic to know more about it 2. To ask for help - Ask yourself: may I do it by myself? - Evaluate who could help you in that given situation - Contact that person (raise your hand, make a phone call, catch the attention of a passerby etc.) - Ask for help in kindly and friendly way 3. Being grateful - Decide if you want to thank somebody - Choose the adequate place and time - Thank the person in a friendly and kind way 4. To bring what you may need in a specific situation - Ask yourself what you may need for that specific situation - Collect everything you need - Ask yourself: did I take everything? - Check again the material and tidy it 5. To follow the instructions - Carefully listen the instructions - Ask for further explanations if you did not understand something - Repeat to your interlocutor the instructions youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve just received - Follow the instructions

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6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. -

To accomplish a task Ask yourself: did I finish this task? Check if you accomplished all the steps Self-congratulate for the work you made To participate to a conversation Establish if there is something you would like to say Ask yourself: is it connected with what they are talking about? Decide what would you like to say exactly Tell what you have thought to say, when there is a brief pause in the conversation To help somebody in need Try to understand if the person needs your help Think about what can you do to be helpful Decide how to ask if you can help Ask to the person if you can help Provide help Asking questions try to understand exactly what would you like to know decide to whom do you want to ask your question Decide how do you want to ask Choose the adequate place and time ask your question thank who answered Ignoring distractions count up to 5 tell yourself phrases as “I don’t want to look, I will continue doing ...” go on with your task congratulate with yourself To overcome/correct mistakes if you find something wrong, think about it try to accomplish the task again if you don’t understand something, you can ask for more explanations do the task again congratulate with yourself To decide what to do Be sure you finished all your tasks think about what would you like to do choose one thing start to do that To establish goals define a concrete and realistic goal establish the steps to reach it start to cope with the first step make the following steps, one by one reward yourseld after reaching your aim

SECTION 2: Abilities to make/maintain friendships 14. To present yourself to somebody - Decide if you want to get to know that person - Try to understand if it is the adequate moment

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15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20. 21. 22. 23.

get close to the person present yourself wait for the person to say his name, if he doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t, you can ask it To start a conversation choose a person you want to speak with decide what you would like to say choose the adequate moment and place start to talk in a friendly and kind way To end up a conversation try to understand if you feel itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s time to close the conversation try to understand why you feel so decide what to say wait till the person you are speaking with, is not speaking anymore tell him your decision in a friendly and kind way To maintain contacts think about if and how would you like to keep contact with that person think about how to ask that person for her contacts ask the person in a kind and friendly way do not insist if the person is reluctant thank the person contact the person periodically, but be sure to not disturb him To ask for a favour decide if you want or if you need to ask for a favor decide what you want to say ask the favour in a kind and friendly way remind to thank who is doing you a favour To help a friend it is a good habit to offer help a friend when he is in need Try to understand if the person needs and wants your help Think about what can you do to be helpful Decide how to ask if you can help Ask yourself if it is the right moment to help Ask to the person if you can help Provide help To make a compliment decide what you want to say to the person decide how to say it choose the adeguate place and time make the compliment in a kind and friendly way To accept a compliment try to understand if somebody made you compliment thank if you like, say something about it To propose an idea Decide what do you want to propose decide what do you want to say choose the adequate moment make your proposal in a friendly and kind way To share

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24. -

decide if you want to share something decide with whom would you like to share choose the adequate moment and place make your proposal in a friendly and kind way To apologise try to understand if you hurt somebody try to understand what to say to apologise apologise in a kind and friendly way

SECTION 3 Abilities to handle with emotions 25. Self-awareness of emotions - concentrate on your physical sensations - try to define the emotion you are living - tell yourself “I fell ...” 26. To communicate your emotions - concentrate on what you are feeling in that moment - try to define it - evaluate the possibilities: a) tell to the person you are speaking to “I feel ...” b) go out for a while c) make something - put your choice into action 27. To perceive some others’ emotions - Carefully observe the person you are speaking to - make a clear idea of what do you think he is feeling in that moment - Decide if you wish to ask him for a confirmation of your hypothesis 28. To understand some other’s emotions - make a clear idea of what do you think he is feeling in that moment - Evaluate the possible options: a) Ask to the person if you correctly guessed his emotion b) offer your help c) leave the person alone - apply you choise 29. To show sensitiveness towards other people - Try to understand if that person is in trouble - Evaluate the possible choises: a) ask: “may I help you?” b) do something nice for that person - put your choice into action 30. To cope with anger - stop for a while and count up to ten - evaluate the possibilities: a) tell to the person you are speaking to why are you angry b) go out for a while c) make some relaxation exercise - put your choice into action 31. To manage other people’s anger - listen to the person’s explanations

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Evaluate the possibilities: a) going on listening the person b) ask him why he is angry c) Help him to solve his problem d) go out for a while - put your choice into action 32. To show affection - try to understand if you feel affection towards that person - try to understand if the person may be pleased to get to know about your feeling - decide what you want to tell - choose the right moment and place - express what you feel in a kind and friendly way 33. To cope with fear - Try to understand if you are afraid - try to understand why - Evaluate the possibilities: a) talk with somebody about that b) make some relaxation exercise c) try anyway to face what you are afraid of - put your choice into action 34. To reward yourself - try to understand if you made a good job - tell yourself: “I’ve done a good job” - find other opportunities of self-reward - self reward yourself SECTION 4: Abilities to repress your aggressiveness 35. Demonstrate self-control - stop for a while and count up to ten - analyse your physical reactions - evaluate the possibilities: a) go out for a while b) make some relaxation exercise c) write down your emotions d) talk about it with somebody - put your choice into action 36. Ask for permission - decide what you want to do - decide/try to understand to whom you have to ask for permission - decide what do you want to say - choose the right moment and place - make you request in a kind and friendly way 37. To react to provocations - stop for a while and count up to five - evaluate the possibilities: a) ignore the provocation b) explain how are you feeling in a kind and friendly way c) give a reason so that the other person will stop to provoke you - put your choice into action

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38. 39. -

40. 41. 42. -

43. -

Avoiding troubles stop for a while and think about the possible consequences of a certain action try to understand if you prefer to have nothing to do with it decide what do you want to say to the other person tell him No getting involved in quarrels stop for a while and count up to ten try to clearly individuate the problem Evaluate the possibilities: a) go out for a while b) try to talk with the person in a kind and friendly way c) ask to somebody to help you to solve the problem put your choice into action Problem solving stop for a while and tell yourself: “I have to calm down” try to clearly individuate the problem think about how you could solve it choose just one solution put it into action ask yourself: “how did it go?” To accept consequences try to understand if you were wrong in that case tell yourself: “Now, I have to accept the consequences” tell to the other person: “Yes, it’s true. I made ...” add something: promise you won’t make it again or apologise for your action To face the allegations stop for a while and tell yourself: “I have to calm down” think about what you are being charged with ask yourself: “Are they right?” evaluate the possibilities: a) politely explain your position b) Apologise for what happened c) try to fix make up the situation put your choice into action To come to an agreement try to understand if you and the other person disagree on something express your point of view on that aspect/probel/situation Ask to the other person what he think about it listen what he is telling you propose or ask to find an agreement suitable for both of you

SECTION 5: Abilities to cope with stress 44. To tackle boredom - try to understand if you are bored - think about what do you like to do - choose one of them - start to do it - tell yourself: “Very good, I’ve found something to do” 45. To individuate the cause of a problem

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46. 47. -

try to individuate exactly the problem think about what could have caused it try to individuate the most probable cause of the problem verify if it is correct To make a complaint try to exactly identify the problem choose the person you have to talk with choose the right moment and place Explain to that person the problem in a friendly and kind way To face a complaint listen the complaint you are receiving ask explanation in a friendly and kind way, if you don’t fully understand something try to understand if that complaint is founded evaluate the possibilities: a) apologise b) explain the reasons for your behaviour c) find a possible solution d) rectify an incorrect impression - put your choice into action 48. To cope with exclusion - try to understand way you have been excluded - evaluate the possibilities: a) ask if you can participate b) invite somebody else to do the same thing with you c) do something else that makes you feel confortable - put your choice into action 49. To face embarrassment - try to understand why you are embarrassed - think about what you can do to solve the situation: a) ignore this feeling b) decide what to do next time c) tell yourself: “it’s gone, in a moment nobody will think about it” - put your choice into action 50. To face failures - try to understand if you really failed - try to understand why - try to figure out how can you act next time - prepare yourself accordingly 51. To accept refusal - try to figure out why you received a refusal - evaluate the possibilities: a) do something else b) explain how are you feeling in a friendly and kind way c) write down your emotions - put your choice into action 52. To refuse - Decide if you want to do or not what you are asked to do - try to understand why you don’t want to do that - refuse the request in a kin and friendly way

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explain why your donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want to satisfy that request To relax try to understand if you need to relax make three slow and deep breaths contract the muscles of a part of your body, count up to three, relax do the same with other parts of your body ask yourself how are you feeling To face the group pressure listen to the request the group is making to you reflect on the possible consequences decide what do you want to do if you decide to not to join the group, explain them why propose a different activity To take a decision analyse your problem figure out all the possible choices evaluate the possible consequences of each different choice choose the best option