A Personal Journey With My Inner Child
By Jeff Pilsner I’ve done a lot of work in the selfimprovement department of my life. I had an extremely challenging childhood that grew into an adulthood that was filled with angst. The juxtaposition, however, is that I was a very smart and talented soul. In the face of so much pain and frustration, I was presented with opportunities that few people ever have the chance to even dream of, let alone experience. So, here I was, presented with opportunity after opportunity to make a big splash in the pond of life, but only after capturing brief glimpses of success, something deep inside of me insisted on slamming on the brakes. Whether it was my forays in the Fortune 500, real estate, or (especially) in the entertainment industry, EVERY time I came close to making it – and I mean REALLY making it…I CHOKED!
I had the fear of success and the fear of failure in spades, and because I was always in reactive mode, I could never quite figure out why I experienced such a visceral response to the plethora of opportunities that fell at my feet. It all came to a head one day shortly after I finished production on a television show that I co-hosted for a couple of years. This gig had been my big break, it led to all kinds of other media and theater work, and in the end, I often got pointed out when I would go out in public. On one hand, it was nice to be recognized for my public skills but on the other hand I would have MUCH preferred being anonymous. Too bad I wasn’t a writer back then instead of a public performer, as you can be successful without anyone knowing what you look like.
Winter 2018
05
