SPRING 2025 FULL-LINE CATALOG
Thanks for ten years of laughs.
And here’s to ten more!
There’s nothing we love more than whipping up charming and humorous gifts… except maybe throwing a party in our honor.
There was even a tiny pin-up girl inside the cake. (Like every good tenth birthday party has these days.)
We hope these 55 new products really get the party started in your stores and on the streets.
VIEW OUR NEW PRODUCT CATALOG
Collections
PULP FRICTION MATCH BOOKS
OLD-SCHOOL LIP BALM TINS
TRIPLE MILLED BAR SOAP
JIGSAW PUZZLES
AWARENESS BANDS
NOTORIOUS AWARDS PEN SETS
SHIT SHOW COLORED PENCILS
PENCILS FOR EVERYONE STICKER SETS
SUBTEXT LINE GREETING CARDS
ASSORTED AIR FRESHENERS
CANDLE AIR FRESHENERS
WTF CANDLE AIR FRESHENERS
ASTROLOGY LINE
SAFETY MATCHES
WTF CANDLES
WTF SOAP
EMERGENCY AMBIANCE CANDLES
HIDDEN FORTUNE CANDLES
VINTAGE PAINT CAN CANDLES
NEW SOAP AND CANDLES
BEST SELLING SOAP AND CANDLES
CLASSIC SOAP AND CANDLES
DISPLAYS AND PRE-PACKS
TERMS AND CONDITIONS
Page 10
Lip Balm Tins
Pulp Friction Match Books
Match Books: Vintage-style matchboxes inspired by pulp fiction paperback novels. Six styles; sold in 4-packs. Match box size: 2 ⅛″ W × 3 ⅝″ H × 3⁄ 5″ D.
Wherever fine books are sold…
You’ll be sure to find our Pulp Friction Match Books.
Inspired by the covers of mid-century pulp fiction novels, these little beauties are sure to scandalize—in a good way! And with even more humor on the back cover, there’s plenty to read when you’re on the toilet.
THE REVIEWS ARE IN
“These matchbooks drove me to a life of petty crime!”
LIZ G. SACRAMENDE, CA
“I used these matches to commit my very first arson in style.”
TOM B. ’LUMBUS, OHIO
LEFT ALONE
GINGER’S REVENGE GIRL GANG
Pulp Friction Match Books
Counter-Top Display Box
Receive this sturdy display box when you order all six styles and watch as our Pulp Friction Match Books become your next bestseller. Display box dimensions:
6 ⅝″ W × 7 ¾″ D × 14″ H. Holds 4 units each of all 6 available styles.
PF-DISP
OldSchool Lip Balm Tins
Problem: It’s difficult keeping your lips moisturized with all the boring lip balms available on the market today.
Solution: Whiskey River Old-School Lip Balm Tins. Problem solved.
Old-School Lip Balm Tins: Made-in-USA lip balm slider tins.
Tin size: 2″ W × ⅜″ D × 1″ H.
Five different natural flavors. Sold in 4-packs or by collection. Counter-top display available.
LB-COUSINS
VANILLA FLAVOR
CHERRY FLAVOR
CHERRY FLAVOR
BLUE RASPBERRY FLAVOR
ORIGINAL FLAVOR
MINT FLAVOR
VANILLA FLAVOR
VANILLA FLAVOR
VANILLA FLAVOR
NEW STYLE!
NEW STYLE!
NEW STYLE!
NEW STYLE!
CHERRY FLAVOR
LB-LITERALLY
FLAVOR
BLUE RASPBERRY FLAVOR MINT FLAVOR
MINT FLAVOR
MINT FLAVOR
CHERRY FLAVOR
NEW STYLE!
NEW STYLE!
NEW STYLE!
ORIGINAL FLAVOR
LB-POSH
LB-SLENDER
BLUE RASPBERRY FLAVOR
LB-PREOWNED
VANILLA FLAVOR
MINT FLAVOR
CHERRY FLAVOR
CHERRY FLAVOR
VANILLA FLAVOR
BLUE RASPBERRY FLAVOR
LB-TROPHY
MINT FLAVOR
LB-SOVIET
NEW STYLE!
VANILLA FLAVOR
LB-WEIRD
ORIGINAL FLAVOR
LB-WHISTLER
MINT FLAVOR
LB-WRANGLER
Hey, hands off my lip balm!
NEW STYLE!
NEW STYLE!
Triple Milled Soap
Our deluxe Triple Milled Soap is made in Vermont, just like the world’s best maple syrup. Yep, we said it—sorry New Hampshire. And unlike syrup, our soap bars won’t stick to your hands. How’s that for an added bonus?
Triple Milled Soap:
Made-in-USA soap bars in sturdy paperboard cartons. Sold as pre-packs of 16 or available to order individually in packs of 4. Net weight: 3 ounces.
Carton size: 3 ¾″ L × 2
Legend has it, back in the 70s all the MILFs had a big bush… We can’t say for certain whether that’s the truth or a big sack of shit (pardon my French) but frankly, we don’t care what your pubes look like as long as you wash up with some Whiskey River before the booty call.
Soap Collection E: 4 units of each soap; 16 total soap bars. Ships in counter-top display box.
dpi edge of your project is needed then use should be saved as CMYK color mode not using Pantone (PMS or Spot) colors it should be color pallet. Black and White images need to be saved to be saved in Bitmap color mode PMS/Match colors used and delete any unused boxes. If custom provide sample to match. Please indicate desired nish typegloss or matte. this die line from Twincraft, you hereby agree not to use such die line for any than submitting artwork to Twincraft (and speci cally agree not to use the die line to artwork to other vendors).
dpi
of your project is needed then use should be saved as CMYK color mode not using Pantone (PMS or Spot) colors
should be color pallet. Black and White images
be
to be saved in Bitmap color mode PMS/Match colors used and delete any unused
HUNGARIAN GOULASH SCENT
HERBAL FRAGRANCE SCENT
If custom provide sample to match. Please indicate desired
this die line from Twincraft, you hereby agree
artwork to other vendors).
line and return to Twincraft according to the following: review
than submitting artwork to Twincraft (and speci cally
6pt.(positive) and at least 6pt. (negative) and graphics even if you have embedded them. All Rasterized least 300 dpi placed at 100%, Bitmap graphics must be at least 1200 dpi past the trim if there is printing all the way to the edge of your project .0625” away from folds and edges –unless bleed is needed then use to print in 4 color process (CMYK) should be saved as CMYK color mode not your project is to be printed using Pantone (PMS or Spot) colors it should be unused colors in the color pallet. Black and White images need to be saved and line art needs to be saved in Bitmap color mode indicate PMS/Match colors used and delete any unused boxes. If custom provide sample to match. Please indicate desired nish typegloss or matte. this die line from Twincraft, you hereby agree not to use such die line for any submitting artwork to Twincraft (and speci cally agree not to use the die line to vendors).
your project needed then use
IN THE HEAD
be saved as CMYK color mode not Pantone (PMS or Spot) colors it should be pallet. Black and White images need to be saved saved in Bitmap color mode PMS/Match colors used and delete any unused boxes. If custom to match. Please indicate desired nish typegloss or
When I was growing up, soap brands had boring boxes, with nary a curse word in sight. Thank goodness the next generation can come of age bathing each morning with a nice bar of Cunt soap, or get their mouths washed out with Your Mom. Progress at last!
Soap Collection F: 4 units of each soap; 16 total soap bars. Ships in counter-top display box.
other vendors).
line from Twincraft, you hereby agree not to use such die line for any submitting artwork to Twincraft (and speci cally agree not to use the
to the
to Twincraft
6pt.(positive) and at least 6pt. (negative) and graphics even if you have embedded them. All Rasterized at least 300 dpi placed at 100%, Bitmap graphics must be at least 1200 dpi .125” past the trim if there is printing all the way to the edge of your project graphics .0625” away from folds and edges –unless bleed is needed then use supposed to print in 4 color process (CMYK) should be saved as CMYK color mode not your project is to be printed using Pantone (PMS or Spot) colors it should be unused colors in the color pallet. Black and White images need to be saved and line art needs to be saved in Bitmap color mode keyindicate PMS/Match colors used and delete any unused boxes. If custom provide sample to match. Please indicate desired nish typegloss or matte. this die line from Twincraft, you hereby agree not to use such die line for any submitting artwork to Twincraft (and speci cally agree not to use the die line to vendors).
We had to draw the line somewhere, folks. And if ANYONE so much as WHISPERS that these designs are anything but decidedly, yet subtly classy, well let’s just say they’re gonna need much more help than an Emotional Support soap. Got it?
Soap Collection G: 4 units of each soap; 16 total soap bars. Ships in counter-top display box.
dpi edge of your project is needed then use should be saved as CMYK color mode not using Pantone (PMS or Spot) colors it should be color pallet. Black and White images need to be saved to be saved in Bitmap color mode PMS/Match colors used and delete any unused boxes. If custom provide sample to match. Please indicate desired nish typegloss or matte. this die line from Twincraft, you hereby agree not to use such die line for any than submitting artwork to Twincraft (and speci cally agree not to use the die
to artwork to other vendors).
JUICY FRAGRANCE SCENT
ORANGE DAIQUIRI SCENT
1200 dpi edge of your project is needed then use should be saved as CMYK color mode not using Pantone (PMS or Spot) colors
to be saved in Bitmap color mode PMS/Match colors used and delete any
this die line from Twincraft, you hereby agree not to use such
artwork to other vendors).
die line and return to Twincraft according to the following: review
for any than submitting artwork to Twincraft (and speci cally agree not
6pt.(positive) and at least 6pt. (negative) and graphics even if you have embedded them. All Rasterized least 300 dpi placed at 100%, Bitmap graphics must be at least 1200 dpi past the trim if there is printing all the way to the edge of your project .0625” away from folds and edges –unless bleed is needed then use to print in 4 color process (CMYK) should be saved as CMYK color mode not your project is to be printed using Pantone (PMS or Spot) colors it should be unused colors in the color pallet. Black and White images need to be saved and line art needs to be saved in Bitmap color mode indicate PMS/Match colors used and delete any unused boxes. If custom provide sample to match. Please indicate desired nish typegloss or matte.
PLEASING SOAP SCENT
die line from Twincraft, you hereby agree not to use such die line for any submitting artwork to Twincraft (and speci cally agree not to use the die line to vendors).
Front of Box
Rumor has it people were actually a lot less inhibited back in the day than we’ve come to think. I mean, who knew there were Manwhores way back in the ’70s? And you’re telling me they had their own soap brand too? Kinda makes sense it would come from the same people who made Slut Cake…
Soap Collection A: 4 units of each soap; 16 total soap bars. Ships in counter-top display box.
your project needed then use be saved as CMYK color mode not Pantone (PMS or Spot) colors it should be pallet. Black and White images need to be saved saved in Bitmap color mode PMS/Match colors used and delete any unused boxes. If custom to match. Please indicate desired nish typegloss or matte. line from Twincraft, you hereby agree not to use such die line for any submitting artwork to Twincraft (and speci cally agree not to use the die line to other vendors).
and return to Twincraft according to the following:
line from Twincraft, you hereby agree
submitting artwork to Twincraft (and speci cally agree
6pt.(positive) and at least 6pt. (negative) and graphics even if you have embedded them. All Rasterized at least 300 dpi placed at 100%, Bitmap graphics must be at least 1200 dpi .125” past the trim if there is printing all the way to the edge of your project graphics .0625” away from folds and edges –unless bleed is needed then use supposed to print in 4 color process (CMYK) should be saved as CMYK color mode not your project is to be printed using Pantone (PMS or Spot) colors it should be unused colors in the color pallet. Black and White images need to be saved and line art needs to be saved in Bitmap color mode keyindicate PMS/Match colors used and delete any unused boxes. If custom provide sample to match. Please indicate desired nish typegloss or matte. this die line from Twincraft, you hereby agree not to use such die line for any submitting artwork to Twincraft (and speci cally agree not to use the die line to vendors).
Front of Box
Relive the halcyon days of your youth… or maybe your grandma’s youth. I don’t know how old you are. One thing I do know: our triple-milled soap is sure to transport you somewhere. Whether that’s to a 70’s home disco, 50’s bathtub, or 80’s basement is up to you.
Soap Collection C: 4 units of each soap; 16 total soap bars. Ships in counter-top display box.
dpi
edge of your project is needed then use should be saved as CMYK color mode not using Pantone (PMS or Spot) colors it should be color pallet. Black and White images need to be saved to be saved in Bitmap color mode PMS/Match colors used and delete any unused boxes. If custom provide sample to match. Please indicate desired nish typegloss or matte. this die line from Twincraft, you hereby agree not to use such die line for any than submitting artwork to Twincraft (and speci cally agree not to use the die
artwork to other vendors).
color pallet. Black and White images
this die line from Twincraft, you hereby agree
to be saved in Bitmap color mode PMS/Match colors used and delete any unused boxes. If custom provide sample to match. Please indicate desired nish
use the
than submitting artwork to Twincraft (and speci cally agree
artwork to other vendors).
die line and return to Twincraft according to the following: review outlines up 6pt.(positive) and at least 6pt. (negative) and graphics even if you have embedded them. All Rasterized least 300 dpi placed at 100%, Bitmap graphics must be at least 1200 dpi past the trim if there is printing all the way to the edge of your project .0625” away from folds and edges –unless bleed is needed then use to print in 4 color process (CMYK) should be saved as CMYK color mode not your project is to be printed using Pantone (PMS or Spot) colors it should be unused colors in the color pallet. Black and White images need to be saved and line art needs to be saved in Bitmap color mode indicate PMS/Match colors used and delete any unused boxes. If custom provide sample to match. Please indicate desired nish typegloss or matte. this die line from Twincraft, you hereby agree not to use such die line for any submitting artwork to Twincraft (and speci cally agree not to use the die line to
Front of Box
CUSSIN’
I’ve been around the fucking block a few times, but these might just be the best fucking soaps I‘ve ever seen! From the supple beauty of Big Cock to the delightfully hypnotic Shit Show, this collection is sure to sell like hotcakes. Or at least like hot soap. Heh heh heh.
Soap Collection B: 4 units of each soap; 16 total soap bars. Ships in counter-top display box.
use saved as CMYK color mode not (PMS or Spot) colors it should be Black and White images need to be saved in Bitmap color mode colors used and delete any unused boxes. If custom match. Please indicate desired nish typegloss or matte. from Twincraft, you hereby agree not to use such die line for any submitting artwork to Twincraft (and speci cally agree not to use the die line to vendors).
project then use saved as CMYK color mode not (PMS or Spot) colors it should be Black and White images need to be
in Bitmap color mode colors used and delete any unused boxes. If custom match. Please indicate desired nish type
from Twincraft, you hereby agree not
and return to Twincraft according to the following:
vendors).
submitting artwork to Twincraft (and speci cally agree
6pt.(positive) and at least 6pt. (negative) and graphics even if you have embedded them. All Rasterized least 300 dpi placed at 100%, Bitmap graphics must be at least 1200 dpi past the trim if there is printing all the way to the edge of your project .0625” away from folds and edges –unless bleed is needed then use to print in 4 color process (CMYK) should be saved as CMYK color mode not your project is to be printed using Pantone (PMS or Spot) colors it should be unused colors in the color pallet. Black and White images need to be saved and line art needs to be saved in Bitmap color mode indicate PMS/Match colors used and delete any unused boxes. If custom provide sample to match. Please indicate desired nish typegloss or matte. this die line from Twincraft, you hereby agree not to use such die line for any submitting artwork to Twincraft (and speci cally agree not to use the die line to
dpi
What’s better than sharing a nice bath with your dog while the cat watches from the sink? Scrubbing away all those weeks of stale B.O. will leave you feeling like the GOAT! And you don’t have to take my word for it either, just take a gander at these here soaps… you’ll get the picture, friend.
Soap Collection D: 4 units of each soap; 16 total soap bars. Ships in counter-top display box.
edge of your project is needed then use should be saved as CMYK color mode not using Pantone (PMS or Spot) colors it should be color pallet. Black and White images need to be saved to be saved in Bitmap color mode PMS/Match colors used and delete any unused boxes. If custom provide sample to match. Please indicate desired nish typegloss or matte. this die line from Twincraft, you hereby agree not to use such die line for any than submitting artwork to Twincraft (and speci cally agree not to use the die
artwork to other vendors).
1200 dpi edge of your project is needed then use should be saved as CMYK color mode not using Pantone (PMS or Spot) colors it should be color pallet. Black and White images
to be saved in Bitmap color mode PMS/Match colors used and delete any unused
provide sample to match. Please indicate desired
this die line from Twincraft, you hereby agree
die line and return to Twincraft according to the following: review outlines up 6pt.(positive) and at least 6pt. (negative) and graphics even if you have embedded them. All Rasterized least 300 dpi placed at 100%, Bitmap graphics must be at least 1200 dpi past the trim if there is printing all the way to the edge of your project .0625” away from folds and edges –unless bleed is needed then use to print in 4 color process (CMYK) should be saved as CMYK color mode not your project is to be printed using Pantone (PMS or Spot) colors it should be unused colors in the color pallet. Black and White images need to be saved and line art needs to be saved in Bitmap color mode indicate PMS/Match colors used and delete any unused boxes. If custom provide sample to match. Please indicate desired nish typegloss or matte. this die line from Twincraft, you hereby agree not to use such die line for any submitting artwork to Twincraft (and speci cally agree not to use the die line to
Front of Box
Jigsaw Puzzles
Wanna get your puzzle on? We’ve been hooked on these little time-wasters for years now. And when winter hits? You can burn them for warmth.
Fantasy Destination Jigsaw Puzzles:
1,000+ piece puzzles bagged and packed in sturdy, colorful boxes. Box size: 8″ × 10″. Puzzle size: 19 ½″ × 26 ⅞″. 5 different styles sold in 2-packs.
Awareness Bands
Not just for disgraced former pro cyclists anymore… Our new Awareness Bands can be worn by anyone with something to say.
Awareness Wristbands: Made-in-USA silicone wristbands with debossed and ink-filled lettering. Dimensions: ½″ H × 4″ D.
Sold in packs of 44. Ships in counter-top display box.
BE AWARE BANDS
Some people just never seem to be aware of what’s going on around them… You know the type, the person who misses their bus stop or holds up traffic, sitting at a green light daydreaming. Now you can help them out with our new Be Aware Bands bracelets! No longer will the unaware among us have to wonder if you’re a Dog Person or whether you’re already “Peopled Out” for the day. Your wrist will tell the story loud and clear. You’re welcome.
Awareness Wristbands Set A (Clean):
2 units of each awareness band style; a total of 44 wristbands. Ships in counter-top display box.
BAND-A
BEWARE BANDS
Has anyone ever told you that you’re a little… “prickly”? Are you the kind of person people might describe as “difficult,” or an “unpredictable bitch”? We can relate.
Presenting our new Beware Bands silicone bracelets. Now you can be reminded of your hard-earned infamy every time you look down at your wrist. We think that’s pretty great, and if you don’t agree… well you can piss off, ya bloody wanker.
Awareness Wristbands
Set B (Explicit):
2 units of each awareness band style; a total of 44 wristbands. Ships in counter-top display box.
BAND-B
Displays for days…
Awareness Bands
Counter-Top Display:
Sturdy paperboard POP display holds 44 awareness bands and is included with each collection. Display size: 6″ W × 6″ D × 9 ½″ H.
BAND-DISP
Psst… there’s a Be Aware Bands display too, in case you were wondering.
Notorious Awards Pen Sets Display
Here’s to the crazy bitches. The poor sports. The bad moms. The petty criminals. The ones who use grammar different. The ones who swear prolifically. While some may see them as notorious, we see real winners.
Pen Sets:
4 black ink ballpoint click pens in a colorful and sturdy 2-piece box. Pen size: 5 ½″ L × ⅜″ W. Box size: 5 ⅝″ L × 1 ⅛″ W × 1 ⅛″ H. Sold in 4-packs.
Holds four each of all six styles. Size: 7″ L × 6″ W × 11 ¼″ H. See Page 110
A SHOCKING NUMBER OF WINNERS!
Four vintage-style pens inside:
Spelling Deal-Breaker Awards · “LOOSE” INSTEAD OF “LOSE”
APOSTROPHE CATASTROPHES 2022 · Best of Poor Grammar New’s
Social Media Awards 2023 · WORST USAGE OF “YOUR”
MOST QUESTIONS ENDING IN “AT” · Winner Bad Preposition Use
BAD GRAMMAR AWARDS
BALLPOINT PEN SET
AP-GRA
Four vintage-style pens inside:
Longest Running Streak 2022 · TIPSY AT SCHOOL FUNCTIONS
BIGGEST DIRTY LAUNDRY PILE · Bad Housekeeping Magazine
Bad Moms Association 2021 · MOST F BOMBS DROPPED TO KIDS
6-Month Family Challenge Winner · RAMEN NOODLE MARATHON
BAD MOM AWARDS
BALLPOINT PEN SET
AP-MOM
Four vintage-style pens inside:
Annual Liar Society Awards · MOST “I’M NOT MAD” DECLARATIONS
WINDOW BREAKING NATIONALS · Social Media Awards 2022
Body Modifications 2023 · LONGEST POINTIEST NAILS
FASTEST MOOD CHANGE · People’s Choice 2021
CRAZY BITCH AWARDS
BALLPOINT PEN SET
AP-BIT
“I never saw a set of ballpoints that I didn’t steal!”
TOM B, SCOUNDREL
PETTY CRIME AWARDS
BALLPOINT PEN SET
AP-CRI
Four vintage-style pens inside:
Voted Bay Area’s · MOST WELL-SPOKEN DRUG DEALER
VAPING ON A PLANE · Sky High Awards 2022
South Florida Regional Awards · ODDEST PUBLIC NUDITY YOUTUBE 2021 Petty Criminals Awards · MOST CHIPOTLE NAPKINS STOLEN
POOR SPORT AWARDS
BALLPOINT PEN SET
AP-SPO
Four vintage-style pens inside:
Adult Charity Sports League · MOST OVERCOMPETITIVE 2022 MOST FAKED INJURIES ON FIELD · Actors Guild Sports Division
Angry Fan Nationals 2023 · MOST HOLES PUNCHED IN WALL KICKED OUT OF MOST GAMES · Bad Sports Parent Magazine
PROLIFIC SWEARING AWARDS
BALLPOINT PEN SET
AP-SWE
Four vintage-style pens inside:
Uncomfortable Poetry Awards · HIGHEST NUMBER OF EXPLETIVES
PUTTING “FUCK” ON A PILLOW · Off-Color Cross-Stitch Nationals Top Performer 2022 · MOST F BOMBS PER MINUTE CURSING IN FRONT OF GRANDMA · 1st Place: Toddler Division
Shit Show Colored Pencils
Who doesn’t love colored pencils? Turn your gray world Technicolor with our Shit Show Colored Pencil Set.
Colored Pencils:
8 brightly colored pre-sharpened pencils packed in a sturdy slide-out box;
7 ⅝″ H × 2 ⅝″ W × 1″ L. Sold in 4-packs.
SHI-P
Pencils For Everyone
Most scientists say that the pencil was inspired by the humble writing twigs used in ancient Mesopotamia, while some insist the first pencils originated high in the mountains of Tibet; others still postulate that the pencil always existed, it simply needed to be discovered. Here at Whiskey River, we don’t really concern ourselves with all that history mumbo-jumbo, we’re too busy thinking up comedic quips for our made-in-USA pencil sets.
Pencil Sets: 8-pack of standard No. 2 pencils made in the USA.
Box size: 7 ½″ L × ¾″ W × 1 ⅜″ H. Sold in 4-packs.
Wow... impressive all-new display!
Pencil Display: Holds 4 each of 5 styles; 20 total pencil sets. Size: 7 ½″ L × 7″ W × 10″ H Free when filled with product!
PENCIL DISPLAY
BAD ATTITUDES
APATHY IS A STATE OF MIND · *SLAMS DOOR* · WHY IS THIS MY PROBLEM? I’M NOT EVEN LISTENING · YOUR FAULT, NOT MINE · I’M NOT RUDE, YOU ARE WHY IS EVERYONE SO ANNOYING? · CALL SOMEONE WHO CARES
THE COOL AUNT
WAS THERE MORE WINE LEFT? · YOUR MOTHER WAS REALLY WILD IN SCHOOL · LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT YOUR DAD LET’S DO A MAKEOVER! · WINE GOES BAD. YOU HAVE TO DRINK IT ALL. · YOUR GRANDMA USED TO BE A REAL “B” POUR YOUR AUNT ANOTHER GLASS, DEAR · AUNTIE NEEDS HER HEALTH GUMMIES
“I prefer to use a nice, dull pencil.”
RICHARD
M, WHISKEY RIVER EMPLOYEE
CAT PEOPLE
IT’S NOT ME, MY CAT LIKES DRESSING UP · WHAT’S ONE MORE CAT? · SEND ME CAT MEMES SO I KNOW IT’S REAL GRUMPY CAT… NEVER FORGET · DID SOMEONE SAY FREE KITTENS?? · 30 CATS IS A NICE ROUND NUMBER WEEKEND PLANS: CAT. COUCH. COCKTAIL · MY CAT HATES YOU
CRAZY BITCHES
DON’T MAKE ME TAKE MY HOOPS OUT · HALF MY PAYCHECK GOES TO MY NAILS DRUNKEST B*TCH AT THE PARTY · ROUND OF SHOTS! · OH, YOU HEARD I WAS CRAZY? I HATE YOU! LOVE YOU, BOO · I’M NOT MAD. · *THROWS DRINK IN YOUR FACE*
DAD JOKES
PULL MY FINGER · THAT’S HOW THEY GET YOU · HI HUNGRY, I’M DAD WORKIN’ HARD OR HARDLY WORKIN’? · BOOM, YOU’RE A SANDWICH I’M JUST RESTING MY EYES · DON’T TELL YOUR MOM · NO, YOUR OTHER RIGHT
“Oh, I wish I were a Whiskey River Pencil.”
J. HENRY, LOCAL ECCENTRIC
THE DAYS OF THE WEEK
CANCEL MONDAYS · IT’S ONLY FRICKIN’ TUESDAY · HUMPDAY THIRSTY THURSDAY · IT’S FRIYAY! · SATURDAY VIBES SUNDAY SCARIES · FEELS LIKE BLURSDAY
DOG PEOPLE
IT WAS THE DOG, I SWEAR · WOOF. · BOW WOW WOW YIPPY YO YIPPY YAY CAN I BRING MY DOG? · I WAS TALKING TO THE DOG, NOT YOU · DOGS, THEN PEOPLE USED UP ALL MY SICK DAYS AT THE VET · MY DOG IS LONELY I NEED TO GO HOME
FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS
THERE’S NO PAMPLEMOUSSE · MY RIPPED JEANS ARE NOW TOO RIPPED · THIS PENCIL ISN’T THE COLOR I WANTED BUT I WANT PUMPKIN SPICE ALL YEAR · OMG, THE CHIPOTLE LINE IS SOOOO LONG MY NETFLIX WON’T LOAD · IDK WHAT TO BRING BECAUSE ONE PERSON IS A VEGAN · THERE’S ALREADY A NEW IPHONE OUT
“I’d trade my both my spleens for one of these pencil sets!”
CHRIS
M, HAS TWO SPLEENS
FUCKING BIRTHDAYS
I GUESS YOU WANT A PRESENT NOW, HUH. · HAPPY. BIRTHDAY. TO. ME. OH, YOU’RE SOOO SPECIAL TODAY · HEY, AT LEAST I REMEMBERED · YOU’RE NOT OLD, YOU’RE ANCIENT YOU’RE LUCKY I HAVE TO BE NICE TO YOU · GO ON. CRY IF YOU WANT TO. · SLIGHTLY EXPIRED
GRAMMAR POLICE
YOU LOST ME AT “YOUR BEAUTIFUL” · *YOU’RE · TO SERVE AND CORRECT THEY’RE GOING THERE, TO THEIR HOUSE, OK? · PUNCTUATION SAVES LIVES OXFORD COMMA TIL I DIE · OFFICIAL GRAMMAR POLICE PENCIL · SILENTLY CORRECTING YOUR GRAMMAR
HAPPY HOUR
A GUY WALKS INTO A BAR · EMERGENCY STIR STICK · POWERED BY: VODKA DON’T TALK TO ME BEFORE MY FIRST DRINK · ALSO AVAILABLE SOBER I SEE DRUNK PEOPLE · IT’S 10 AM SOMEWHERE · BEER ME
“These look perfect for writing ransom notes…”
INTROVERTS
SORRY, I HAVE EBOLA · MY LEGS FELL OFF THIS MORNING · PEOPLE SCARE ME THE DAMN TOILET EXPLODED · I ACCIDENTALLY DRANK SOME BLEACH · THERE’S A WILD BOAR IN THE DRIVEWAY I’VE BEEN ABDUCTED BY ALIENS · I’M STUCK AT THE DUBAI AIRPORT
LEFTIES
THE “WEIRD” PENCIL · RIGHT-HANDED IS TOO MAINSTREAM FOR ME THE REAL RIGHT-SIDE UP · I MAKE THE WEIRD SCISSORS LOOK GOOD · SMUDGE THIS! LEFTIES GET THEIR HANDS DIRTY · MORE PRESIDENTS ARE LEFTIES · LEFT-HANDED BUT ALWAYS RIGHT
LITTLE WHITE LIES
I LITERALLY NEVER DO THIS · I ONLY HAVE ONE GLASS A DAY · I NEVER LIE OMG, I LOOOOVE WORKING OUT · NO REALLY, YOU LOOK AMAZING I DELETED HIS NUMBER · I HATE DRAMA · I ALREADY DID MY HOMEWORK
“Nothing better than a big bowl of pencil shavings for breakfast, right?”
SUSIE M, EATS
PENCIL SHAVINGS BEFORE NOON
LOW SELF-ESTEEM
I’M KIND OF DULL · ALL USED UP, NOWHERE TO GO · YOU’RE JUST USING ME I BET YOU’LL THROW ME AWAY ONE DAY · EVEN MY ERASER DISAPPEARS ON ME · I KNOW I’M YOUR #2 (NEVER #1) WHAT, I’M NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU? · NEVER GOOD ENOUGH FOR LEGAL DOCUMENTS
THE MIDDLE CHILD
HAND-ME-DOWN PENCIL · MATCHES THE HAIR COLOR · ETERNALLY OVERLOOKED ONLINE COLLEGE WILL BE FINE FOR YOU · BUT YOU’RE GOOD WITH REJECTION! YOU NEVER DID LIKE ATTENTION · WHO ARE YOU AGAIN? · NOBODY WILL READ THIS
MIDLIFE CRISIS
BOUGHT A FOOD TRUCK! · I’M SO PUNK WITH MY PINK HAIR · A TATTOO SLEEVE WOULD GIVE ME AN EDGE MY OTHER PENCIL IS A MOTORCYCLE · I SHOULD GO BACK TO SCHOOL · OFF TO IMPROV CAMP! WHAT DO YOU THINK OF BOTOX? · SIGNED UP FOR BANJO LESSONS!
“I wish these were pens. I really prefer pens. You should too.”
JEFF R, LOBBYIST FOR THE NATIONAL PEN ASSOCIATION
NURSES
I’M NOT A WAITER, OK? · NO, I DIDN’T WANT TO BE A DOCTOR · I HAVEN’T PEED IN 12 HOURS ON CALL SOBRIETY BLUES · REMEMBER SITTING DOWN? MED SCHOOL? TRY NURSING SCHOOL · I LOOK TIRED BECAUSE I AM · SCRUB LIFE
I FOUND THIS IN THE TOILET · IT’S HARD TO MAKE NEW COFFEE · COMIC SANS KILLS I’LL PROBABLY QUIT TODAY · THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID · RESTING STAFF MEETING FACE TRY TURNING IT OFF AND ON AGAIN · BEARS. BEETS. BATTLESTAR GALACTICA.
OKAY MOMS
WHAT KIDS? · YAY! CHEEZ-ITS FOR DINNER! · MOMMY’S BUZZED UP · CAN’T YOU JUST LEAVE MOMMY ALONE? I NEVER DID MY HOMEWORK EITHER, KID · DOES THIS SIPPY CUP SMELL LIKE WINE? TRUST ME, I’M THE OKAYEST MOM HERE · WHERE’S YOUR FRICKIN’ FATHER?
“Some of my best friends are pencils, actually.”
RANDI A, WHISKEY RIVER EMPLOYEE
PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE
THAT’S SO NICE FOR YOU · *TURNS READ RECEIPTS ON* · WHATEVER. I’M SORRY YOU’RE SO SENSITIVE · I PREFER PENS, BUT THIS IS FINE I’M NOT MAD · WHAT GRUDGE? · NEVER MIND, IT WASN’T THAT IMPORTANT
PROCRASTINATORS
I ALWAYS WORK BETTER WHEN IT’S NEXT WEEK · LAST-SECOND CRUNCH TIME PENCIL · I’LL SHARPEN THIS LATER PROCRASTINATING IS ALSO AN ACHIEVEMENT · I’LL STUDY AFTER I CLEAN · I HAVE TO FINISH THIS NETFLIX SERIES FIRST I’LL FIND A USE FOR THIS PENCIL TOMORROW · MINDLESS DOODLING PENCIL
TEACHERS
IDK, CAN YOU GO TO THE BATHROOM? · I JUST REALIZED I DON’T EVEN LIKE KIDS OH YEAH? POP QUIZ, SUCKAS · I HAVE PTSD FROM GRADING PAPERS · COUNTDOWN TO SUMMER BREAK DON’T YOU DARE SAY “WIKIPEDIA” · THANKLESS TASKS PENCIL · DINNER… OR CLASSROOM SUPPLIES?
“Chop
I SECRETLY EAT BACON · I DON’T REALLY LOVE YOUR SHOES · I FARTED AT YOGA I’M NEVER TRULY SOBER · I’VE WORN THE SAME PANTS ALL WEEK I THOUGHT PLANKING WAS A FISH · I SPELLCHECK MY SEXTS · YOUR BABY IS UGLY
WRITER’S BLOCK
ADD A VAMPIRE · REGURGITATED IDEAS PENCIL · TRY VODKA KILL YOUR CHARACTERS · LIGHTLY PLAGIARIZE · INSERT COFFEE IV POTENTIAL MURDER WEAPON? · HIT HEAD REPEATEDLY WITH HAMMER
SO FUCKING WHAT? · SO FUCKING WHAT? · SO FUCKING WHAT? SO FUCKING WHAT? · SO FUCKING WHAT? · SO FUCKING WHAT? SO FUCKING WHAT? · SO FUCKING WHAT?
Stick It! Prank Stickers
Ah, nothing beats the original. Before we released these babies, life was bleak.
But out of darkness came light, and a beautiful sticker set was born. Trusted by pranksters the world over, our original collection of 60 tricky stickers has stood the test of time. Unlike my liver.
Prank Stickers Set A:
Two 30-sticker sheets with header card, size: 5″ × 9 ½″. Full-color. Sold in 8-packs.
Taste the perfect marriage of luscious, ripe flavors of peach and pear with the crisp freshness of lemon, grapefruit, and orange blossom. Or, you know, buy these hilarious prank stickers and cover every object in your life with them. It’s one or the other. We’re sure you’ll make the right choice.
Prank Stickers Set B: Two 30-sticker sheets with header card, size: 5″ × 9 ½″. Full-color. Sold in 8-packs.
I think we all know that bigger equals better. Ever heard of Texas? It’s an entire state devoted to the concept. And while these stickers aren’t quite that big, they’re still a damn sight larger than any prank stickers anyone from Rhode Island has ever released. And that’s a fact.
Prank Stickers Set C: Two 15-sticker sheets with header card, size: 5″ × 9 ½″. Full-color. Sold in 8-packs.
Candle Upgrade Stickers
Ever feel like that new candle you bought’s missing something? Or maybe your birthday card for Aunt Clem is lacking a little flavor? Upgrade that shit with our “Fuck It!” Candle Upgrade Stickers. Available wherever zero fucks are given.
Candle Upgrade Stickers: Two sticker sheets with header card, size: 5″ × 9 ½″. Full-color. Sold in 8-packs.
We all love greeting cards right? And eating straight out of the trash can, George Costanzastyle? No, just me? Alright, whatever. Loser. At least I don’t meet guys in the woods behind the old folk’s home. Yet. Thinking of you!
Subtext Line Greeting Cards
Greeting Cards:
18 different greeting cards with pretty pictures and unexpected subtextual comments. Card size: 4 ¼″ W × 5 ½″ H. Blank inside. Includes envelope and poly bag sleeve. Sold in packs of 6.
BROTHER CEREAL DREAMS
Assorted Air Fresheners
Hey, what stinks? Not you, now that you have your very own air freshener to haul around. With any luck, people will quit running for the hills when you open your mouth to say something… Or ya know, you could start brushing your teeth a little more often. Either works!
Air Fresheners:
Designed-in-USA air fresheners with two-sided backer cards and scents to match each unique concept.
Air freshener size: 3 ⅓″ W × 4 ⅓″ H. Package size: 3 ¾″ W × 9″ H. Double-sided, full-color. Sold in packs of 4.
THE WEIRD KID SCISSORS
KINDERGARTEN GLUE SCENT
F-LEFTY
JUMBO SHRIMP
Duo Candle Air Fresheners
Know what stinks? Not you!
Now that you have your very own candle air freshener to haul around with you, people will quit pinching their noses and running for the hills… hopefully. (You still have to occasionally bathe, you know.)
Air Fresheners:
Designed-in-USA candle air fresheners with scents based on the original candle.
Air freshener size: 3 ½″ W × 3″ H. Package size: 5 ½″ W × 6 ½″ H. Double-sided, full-color. Sold in packs of 4.
“Really got the stink out of my fridge.” J. DAHMER
SANTAL 99 SCENT
CAFFEINE ADDICTS
COFFEE SHOP SCENT
AMBER SCENT
FARM FRESH SCENT
“Smells better than last night’s supper.” J. HENRY
CYNICAL CITRUS SCENT
THE COOL AUNT
JUICY GOSSIP SCENT
CRAZY BITCHES
SALTY MELONS SCENT
BLESS YOUR HEART PINK COCKTAIL SCENT
BYH-F
BOS-F FREE CANDY SCENT
NEW STYLE!
BOU-F
ALMOST LOUIS VUITTON SCENT
NEW STYLE!
“These air fresheners look good enough to eat!” SOME HUNGRY GUY
CALM THE F DOWN RAIN STICK SCENT
CAT PEOPLE
“SPIRITUAL” INCENSE SCENT
CRS-F
WARM MILK SCENT CLA-F
SHAMPOO SCENT
DAJ-F
ORANGE YOU GLAD I DIDN’T SAY BANANA SCENT
DOG-F
GRASSY DOG PARK SCENT
Pa always said air fresheners didn’t grow on trees… boy was he wrong.
THE FAVORITE CHILD
BETTER CLOTHES SCENT
FAC-F
FGH-F
CK 1 SCENT
ZEN-F
COOL CUCUMBER SCENT
GAR-F
HCX-F
GARDEN
FERMENTED GRAPES SCENT
MID-F
CRAZY GRAPE SCENT
ITF-F
PLAIN TAP WATER SCENT
FRI-F
GUM-SMACKING CO-WORKER SCENT
NAM-F
CALMING LAVENDER SCENT
ILO-F
YELLOW ROSES SCENT
OLF-F
NEW STYLE!
MOM-F
SOGGY CHEERIOS SCENT
OKA-F
SIPPY CUP WINE SCENT
SUMMER CAMP SCENT
FIREBALL SHOTS SCENT
SPITE BITTERS & SODA SCENT
RASPBERRY BERET SCENT
POISONED APPLE SCENT
TRICKED-OUT PORSCHE SCENT
FLORAL INSINCERITY SCENT
YOU’RE A PEACH SCENT
CREAMSICLE SCENT
SOC-F
ZER-F
VODKA VITAMIN WATER SCENT
SHI-F
TRO-F
TEA-F
SPI-F
THO-F
STW-F
TRY-F
NEW STYLE!
NEW STYLE!
WTF Candle Air Fresheners
What the actual fuck is that smell? Who gives a shit. Just cover it up with one of our colorful air fresheners, complete with your favorite four-letter word. (Except for the one that isn’t.)
Air Fresheners: 5 different curse word candle air fresheners with unique scents. Air freshener size: 2 ¾″ W × 4″ H. Package size: 4″ W × 6″ H. Double-sided, full-color. Sold in packs of 4.
Whiskey River Soap Company
Amaretto Sour
Whiskey River Soap Company
Pomegranate Champagne WT1-F
I DON’T KNOW SHIT TROPICAL IPA SCENT
BITCH, PLEASE RUSTY NAIL SCENT
A REAL BADASS GIN MARTINI SCENT
FUCK CANCER STRAWBERRY FROSÉ SCENT
WT15-F
WT13-F
WT10-F
WT9-F
Astrology Line
We consider ourselves the world’s foremost authority on all things astrology. Seriously, we do. And we’d like to hear anyone make a case that our Astrology Line products don’t describe each sign to a T. You just consider yourself lucky we decided to make these suckers. You’re welcome.
Matches:
Wooden matchsticks with colored heads to match each glass jar’s label. Jar size: 4 ¼″ H × 2″ W × 2″ D. Strike on bottom. Sold in packs of 4.
Stickers:
2-pack of die cut stickers with soft-touch lamination, packaged in poly bag with header card. Sticker size: 4 ¾″
W × 2 ¼″ H; package size: 5 ¼″
W × 5 ¼″ H. Sold in packs of 4.
Candles:
Our 100% soy wax candles. Each lid has a brightly-colored sticker that matches our Astrology Soap and Pencil Sets. Burn time: 40 hours. Size: 2 ¾″ D × 3 ½″ H. Sold in packs of 4.
Soap:
Each 3 ½″ × 2 ¾″ × 1″ soap has a custom color-scheme and scent that matches its corresponding Astrology Candle. Shrink-wrapped with a clear label. Sold in packs of 4.
Pencils:
8 custom pencils made specifically for each sign. Each set features a “selfie pencil” with backwards writing to fulfill all your selfie needs… we see you, Leo. Box size: 8 ¼″ H × 3 ⅜″ W × ½″ L. Sold in packs of 4.
Air Fresheners:
Scented to match our Astrology Soap and Candles. Air freshener size: 2 ¾″ W × 4″ H; package size: 4″ W × 7″ H. Two different sides, fullcolor. Sold in packs of 4.
Birthday Cards: 12 different astrology sign themed birthday cards with tear-off affirmations. Card size (folded): 5″ W × 7″ H. Blank inside. Includes envelope and poly bag sleeve. Sold in packs of 6.
Sexy Zodiac Candles
Forty years ago, NASA launched two Voyager spacecraft into deep space. Aboard both were gold discs with music, greetings and sounds from Earth—a message to aliens. Just three weeks ago, the aliens finally replied. They slid into our DMs with a wave and eggplant emoji, and the following message: “Astrology candles, but make them sexy.” And who are we to deny them their otherworldly desires? Hey, this is a much better introduction than blowing up the planet.
Sexy Zodiac Candles: Soy wax candle. Vessel size: 3 ½″ H × 3 ¼″ D. Burn time: 40 hours. Net weight: 9 ounces. 12 styles, sold in 3-packs.
CAPRICORN
TEAKWOOD & MAHOGANY SCENT
PATCHOULI ROSE SCENT
WAVES SCENT
“It’s tough being so damn sexy…” AN ARIES
ARIES
SMOKED AMBER SCENT
TAURUS
GEMINI
SUEDE & SMOKE SCENT
FRENCH VANILLA PEAR SCENT
“What’s your name again?”
CANCER
GLACIER WATER SCENT
LIBRA
VELVET CASHMERE SCENT LEO
VANILLA & SUGAR SCENT
SCENT
SCORPIO
RASPBERRY & ROSES SCENT
SAGITTARIUS
VANILLA LAVENDER SCENT
WARM
VIRGO
CREAMY COCONUT LIME
“Wow, what a candle!”
Safety Matches to Match Your Sign
PIS-M
ARI-M
LEO-M
Astrology
Air Fresheners
CAPRICORN BERGAMOT BOSS SCENT
AQUARIUS
IMPULSIVE PAPAYA SCENT
ARIES
AGGRESSIVE AGAVE LIME SCENT
SUPERIOR SAGE SCENT
Look Ma, two-sided!
PISCES
DRIFTWOOD DREAMER SCENT
GEMINI
WHIMSICAL WATERMELON SCENT
GEM-F
Wow! Each air freshener comes with a matching header card.
CANCER MOODY MOJITOS SCENT
VIRGO OBSESSIVE ORANGE SCENT
SCORPIO
VINDICTIVE VIOLETS SCENT
SAGITTARIUS
WANDERING WHITE TEA SCENT
LEO-F
VIR-F
SAG-F
Astrology Stickers
CAPRICORN
AQUARIUS
PISCES
“An Aries never comes in second. Ever.”
CAPRICORN BERGAMOT BOSS SCENT
AQUARIUS PROGRESSIVE PAPAYA SCENT
PISCES
DRIFTWOOD DREAMER SCENT
ARIES
TAURUS
AGGRESSIVE AGAVE LIME SCENT TAU-S
CHAMPAGNE CHIC SCENT
GEMINI
WHIMSICAL WATERMELON SCENT
GEM-S
“Everyone wants to be a
VANILLA VANITY SCENT
OVERTHINKING ORANGES SCENT
SAGITTARIUS
CAPRICORN
BERGAMOT BOSS SCENT
DBossy AF
DFull-on workaholic
DFluent in sarcasm
“Capricorns are the most intelligent sign.” - a Capricorn
AQUARIUS
PROGRESSIVE PAPAYA SCENT
DWoke AF
DNew-agey
DSocial butterfly
“Aquarians have the most friends.” - an Aquarius
PISCES
DRIFTWOOD DREAMER SCENT
DHead in the clouds
DImpressionable
DConsummate napper
“Pisceans are the unicorns of the zodiac.” - a Pisces
ARIES
AGGRESSIVE AGAVE LIME SCENT
DExcels at “me time”
DFrequent ER patient
DBorn winner
“An Aries never comes in second. Ever.” - an Aries
TAURUS
CHAMPAGNE CHIC SCENT
DEpicurean
DPersonal space invader
DAbsolute ruler
“Taureans are the classiest of all the signs.” - a Taurus
GEMINI
WHIMSICAL WATERMELON SCENT
DGood at behaving badly
DFickle flirt
DDevious mind
“Geminis have the best sense of humor.” - a Gemini
CANCER
MOODY MOJITOS SCENT
DProfessional introvert
DSecretly clingy
DGrudge collection
“Cancers are the most creative sign.” - a Cancer
LEO
VANILLA VANITY SCENT
DAlways right
DCharming AF
DEasily flattered
“Leos are the best looking sign.” - a Leo
VIRGO
OVERTHINKING ORANGES SCENT
DTrivia champ
DSpreadsheet master
DImpromptu party planner
“Virgos have it all figured out.” - a Virgo
LIBRA
FRENCH LAVENDER FLIRT SCENT
DPeople pleaser
DPassive-aggressive
DLate fee collector
“Libras make the best friends with benefits.” - a Libra
SCORPIO
VINDICTIVE VIOLETS SCENT
DBasic sadist
DDevours the weak
DPower glare champ
“Everyone wants to be a Scorpio.” - a Scorpio
SAGITTARIUS
WANDERING WHITE TEA SCENT
DClass clown
DCommitment-challenged
DEscape artist
“Sagittarians have the nicest bodies.” - a Sagittarius
CAPRICORN
December 22 - January 19
EVERY SILVER LINING HAS A CLOUD MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY EVERY DAY I’M HUSTLIN’ BLESS YOUR LITTLE HEART BOSSY AF
BECAUSE I READ THE MANUAL MY PAY STUBS ARE LIT
Selfie Pencil (Backwards): CONTROL FREEEEEAK
Back:
You are in avid pursuit of wealth and power, but are more grounded than a world traveler on a no-fly list. People like you because you’re filthy rich. And even though your source of income might be considered “iffy,” there’s nothing sexier than a bit of danger and a wad of cash.
AQUARIUS
January 20 - February 18
YOU HAD ME AT REVOLUTION UP FOR LITERALLY ANYTHING
SPIRITUAL GANGSTA
POTENTIAL LIFE COACH
AQUARIANS ARE SECRETLY SMARTER
BFF COLLECTOR
ENIGMATIC BUT ALSO DRUNK
Selfie Pencil (Backwards): WOKE AF
Back:
You have a deep understanding of human nature and would excel at writing straight-to-DVD chick flicks. Your desire to save the whole planet keeps you mindful of doing real work for the people. That said, you’re mostly valued for your non-stop partying and unstoppable quest to obtain the latest everything.
PISCES
February 19 - March 20
TIME FOR MY SECOND NAP
STRAY ANIMAL COLLECTOR
WILDLY UNDERAPPRECIATED
DRINKS LIKE A FISH
AMAZEBALLS IDEAS PENCIL MY ALONE TIME IS FOR YOUR SAFETY
WILL ACCEPT FLATTERY
Selfie Pencil (Backwards): TOTAL DREAMER
Back:
You have a large capacity for helping those in distress. You are sympathetic to the world’s unfortunate, including every stray animal and helpless soul you meet. People like you because of your unbridled optimism. Might want to keep that in check, though. Collecting parking tickets shouldn’t fondly be referred to as a “hobby.”
ARIES
March 21 - April 19
I COULD’VE EASILY GONE PRO FIGHT ME
I ALWAYS KNOW WHAT I’M DOING FOR MY NEXT TRICK... NEAR PERFECTION
UNFINISHED PROJECTS PENCIL
WROTE THE 1ST RULE OF FIGHT CLUB
Selfie Pencil (Backwards): 100%
Back:
You are a natural competitor with very little patience for whiners. You’re a doer, not a dreamer and are not given to long, drawn-out emotional moments. People like you because you look hot in shorts. This is the year to take your shower singing act on the road.
TAURUS
April 20 - May 20
INFLEXIBLE BECAUSE I’M RIGHT WHO WERE YOU JUST TEXTING? I NEED MORE MIDDLE FINGERS I HEARD THERE WOULD BE CAKE JUST CALL ME DICTATOR FOR SHORT TREAT YO’SELF IS ON MY FAMILY CREST
CHAMPAGNE GOES WITH EVERYTHING
Selfie Pencil (Backwards): CLASSY AF
Back:
You are extremely reliable and protective of loved ones. Both loyal and committed, you have a stick-to-itive-ness that others admire and you ensure there’s never a single drop left in the bottle of Dom Perignon. People like you because you appreciate the finer things in life and can party hard without a single hair out of place.
GEMINI
May 21 - June 20
VODKA IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL I MADE MEMES BEFORE IT WAS COOL I DON’T WANT TO GOSSIP, BUT... WAIT TIL YOU MEET MY OTHER PERSONALITY
I DON’T CARE WHAT I SAID 10 MINS AGO GEMINIS ARE LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES I’M NOT SUPERFICIAL, JUST REALLY INTO LOOKS
Selfie Pencil (Backwards): WORLD CLASS FLIRT
Back:
You are a natural flirt and tend to seek out mentors in the form of wise-ish (and sexy) bartenders. In terms of introvert and extrovert, you tend to swing both ways, depending on the day… or cocktail. And even though you’ve been called “out there” on more than one occasion, people like you because you’re the good kind of crazy.
CANCER
June 21 - July 22
CANCERS HAVE ALL THE FEELS PROFESSIONAL INTROVERT
I’M FINE! NO OFFENSE, I JUST DON’T LIKE PEOPLE
I’M STABBING YOU IN MY MIND
BECAUSE I ONLY NEED ONE FRIEND I’M JUST GONNA STAY HOME TONIGHT
Selfie Pencil (Backwards): GHOSTING MASTER
Back:
You’re no stranger to thumb-sucking, but you’re not a total pushover, either. It’s just that you have all those FEELINGS and it sometimes makes you need hugs more than most. People like you as much for your creativity as they do for your desire to day drink under an afghan and watch Snapped marathons with your bestie.
LEO
July 23 - August 22
LOOK WHAT I CAN DO! BUT LET’S GET BACK TO ME DID SOMEONE SAY JELLO SHOTS? LEOS HAVE THE MOST STALKERS EVEN YOUR MOM LOVES ME SPOON-FEED ME COMPLIMENTS MY AURA SHOOTS RAINBOWS & GLITTER
Selfie Pencil (Backwards): HELLO GORGEOUS
Back:
You are extremely charismatic and irresistible to most everyone you meet. You are generally the only person in the room who counts—and you know it. It’s not your fault you were born for such greatness. People like you almost as much as you like you.
VIRGO
August 23 - September 22
I COUGHED NOW I’M DEAD LIST-MAKING PENCIL
LET ME OVERTHINK THAT THAT TOTALLY REMINDS ME OF ME
I EXCEL IN RANDOM WORST-CASE SCENARIOS
SCHEDULING AN IMPROMPTU PARTY! VIRGOS FOLD TOWELS PERFECTLY
Selfie Pencil (Backwards):
NOBODY’S PERFECT (EXCEPT VIRGOS)
Back:
You are cautious and careful when sober, and tend to only let loose during pre-planned events. You have a firm grasp on the number of drinks both you and anyone else has ever had, and prefer to be in charge of the designated driver list. People like you because you look like a sexy professor and always have all the answers.
SCORPIO
October 23 - November 21
CHECKMATE.
WHO ARE YOU AGAIN?
REVENGE IS BEST SERVED CONSTANTLY
TWIRLING MY INVISIBLE MOUSTACHE EVIL MASTERMIND
BEST FRENEMIES FOREVER PROFESSIONAL STALKER
Selfie Pencil (Backwards): FIERCE AF
Back:
You are passionate and fierce and do not suffer fools gladly. You have the ambiance and appeal of a leather-clad supervillain and tend to keep your own entourage in tow. People like you because you always have the best ideas for revenge.
LIBRA
September 23 - October 22
THANKS FOR NOTHING I’M SORRY I SAY SORRY ALL THE TIME I’M DATING SOMEONE BUT WE CAN TEXT IT’S NO PROBLEM!!!!
EASILY DISTRACTED...
WHY CAN’T WE ALL GET ALONG? PRETTY PETTY, BUT STILL PRETTY Selfie Pencil (Backwards): ADORABLE AF
Back:
You’re a lover of art and all things beautiful and intellectual. That’s why you always date hotties with graduate degrees. Not one to enjoy alone time, you are at your best when in a solid relationship, or at least a decent one-night stand. People like you because you tend to agree with everything.
SAGITTARIUS
November 22 - December 21
I EXIST, THEREFORE TACOS
VOTED MOST LIKELY TO LIVE IN A TENT LOL WHY R U SO SERIOUS? I NEED TO BE SOMEWHERE ELSE
I DON’T DO FAKE
RANDOM THOUGHTS SQUAD
Selfie Pencil (Backwards): MENTALLY SINGLE
Back:
You are wild and free and enjoy traveling to the far ends of the earth with your band of merry mischiefmakers. Not one for long-term goals or commitments, you tend to disappear in the middle of the night for spur-of-the-moment road trips. People like you because you always have the good party favors.
CAPRICORN
GREETING CARD
AQUARIUS
GREETING CARD
PISCES
GREETING CARD
GREETING CARD
BW-CAP
BW-PIS
BW-AQU
BW-ARI
ARIES
TAURUS
GREETING CARD
GEMINI
GREETING CARD
GREETING CARD
GREETING CARD
BW-TAU BW-CAR
BW-GEM
BW-LEO
GREETING CARD
GREETING CARD
GREETING CARD
GREETING CARD
SCORPIO
SAGITTARIUS
OldSchool Matchbooks
The Whiskey River Matchbook was first identified from fossils discovered in Amazonian caves and was believed to be extinct until 2018, when a single specimen was spotted in a Nebraska cornfield. While a handful of other matchbooks would be documented in the following years, by late 2022 the species was listed as critically endangered. The prospects for survival were bleak, but thanks to intensive conservation efforts and a very generous grant from the government of Mauritius, the great Whiskey River Matchbook has made a successful comeback in ecosystems across North America.
The Original Matchbooks
Be the envy of your friends and neighbors! Make your enemies weep and your gal swoon with our original set of 16 matchbooks. Perfect for lighting candles, fireworks, and those pesky family photos cluttering up your living room.
MAT-A Matchbook Set A 64-pack of 20-strike matchbooks in counter-top display. Made in USA.
Vintage-Style Matchbooks
Need a laugh? And a light? Look no further than our set of 16 vintage-style matchbooks. Sure, you knew modern businesses were selling a bunch of wacky goods and services, but did you know you could get a hatchback taco all the way back in ’54? I sure didn’t.
MAT-B Matchbook Set B
64-pack of 20-strike matchbooks in counter-top display. Made in USA.
Infamous Matchboxes
Step right up and get your very own matchbox. Sixteen trendy styles to choose from! Follow your dreams and attend The Institute of Self Loathing, plan a trip out to National Embarrassment with the kids, or just curl up on the sofa with another episode of Uncle Podcast. You’ll love what these (fake) businesses are selling.
Matchbox Set C
48-pack of matchboxes in counter-top display. Made in Japan.
What the Fuck? Matchbooks
Yeah you read that right. An F-Bomb right at the top of the page, and in bold font, too! We know some people might prefer we censor ourselves, but we all had a meeting and decided those people can all fuck off. Our bitchin’ new matchbooks have earned it, just have a gander below and see for yourself. It’s a fact that everyone loves the F-word these days (except the people we told to fuck off earlier). From the sage advice of “Let That Shit Go,” to the kid-friendly “Don’t Even Fuck With Fire,” there’s something here for everyone and their meemaw.
MAT-F1
Matchbook Set F1
60-pack of 20-strike matchbooks in counter-top display. Made in USA.
Light a blunt & chill the fuck out. fuck out.
Free display with every order!
WTF Candles
Our 100% soy wax candles aren’t the most polite on the shelf, but as we all know, they won’t stay on the shelf for long. Like it or leave it, profanity is fuckin’ hot. So buy these precious and delicioussmelling pastel candles featuring your grandma’s favorite F word!
WTF Candles:
Soy wax candle.
Burn time: 40 hours.
Size: 2 ¾″ D × 3 ½″ H.
Net weight: 6.5 ounces. Sold in 4-packs.
So watery… and yet there’s a smack of ham to it!
WT1-C
WT4-C WT5-C
I DON’T KNOW SHIT TROPICAL IPA SCENT
A REAL BADASS GIN MARTINI SCENT
THE TAINT MUSK MELON SPRITZER SCENT
WT7-C
WT8-C
WT9-C
WT10-C
WT11-C
WT12-C
BITCH, PLEASE RUSTY NAIL SCENT
I’LL CUT A BITCH SINGAPORE SLING SCENT
HO VODKA STINGER SCENT
FUCK CANCER STRAWBERRY FROSÉ SCENT
I WISH A MF WOULD SPICY MARGARITA SCENT
WT15-C
WT13-C
WT14-C
WT17-C
WT16-C
SHIT’S FUCKED
DOUBLE GREY GOOSE SCENT
WT19-C
CALM THE FUCK DOWN CHARDONNAY OVER ICE SCENT
I swear I’ll do it…
WTF Soap
They’re the WTF Candles you’ve known and loved since 2019, now in soap form! Made by hand in our Ohio factory. How’s that for a fucking innovation?
WTF Soap Bars: 10 different handmade vegan soap bars designed by our in-house soap artisans with fragrance blends to match each concept. Shrinkwrapped with a transparent label. Dimensions: 3 ½″ L × 2 ¾″ W × 1″ H. Sold in 4-packs.
WT2-S WT6-S I FUCKING LOVE YOU POMEGRANATE CHAMPAGNE SCENT
I DON’T KNOW SHIT TROPICAL IPA SCENT WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? CUCUMBER ALOE DAIQUIRI SCENT
WT9-S
WT4-S
FUCKING SHIT UP RUM PUNCH SCENT
BITCH, PLEASE RUSTY NAIL SCENT
THIS HO VODKA STINGER SCENT
FUCK CANCER STRAWBERRY FROSÉ SCENT
WT15-S
WT13-S
WT12-S
WT14-S
Good question…
Soap for What the Actual Fuck? Page 103
Emergency Ambiance Candle Tins
Emergency Ambiance Candles:
100% soy wax scented with fragrance oils.
Burn time: 4 one-hour emergency burns. Comes with “Emergency Ambiance” pack of matches under lid.
Stainless steel tin size: 3 ⅛″ D × 1 ⅛″ H.
10 different 3-oz. candle styles sold in 4-packs.
BECAUSE CHILDREN
EDIBLES KICKED IN
DOG-T
BEC-T
Hidden Fortune Candles
We love Chinese food and all, but honestly the best part is the fortune cookie. And since Veggie Lo Mein is now off-limits–Atkins, man–we had the boys in the lab cook these babies up instead. Through the ancient science of heat and light, your fortune will appear as the candle burns. Confucius said, “Better to light one small candle than curse the darkness.” Smart guy.
Hidden Fortune Candles: Duo-wick soy wax candle with heat-sensitive label.
Size: 3 ½″ H × 3 ¼″ D.
Burn time: 40 hours.
Net weight: 9 ounces.
Sold in 4-packs.
Each candle pack comes with four different fortunes!
ADULT
CATEGORY
ROSE PATCHOULI SCENT
FOUR DIFFERENT HIDDEN FORTUNES
ANCIENT WISDOM
CATEGORY
CILANTRO WASABI SCENT
FOUR DIFFERENT HIDDEN FORTUNES 4-ADU 4-ANC
CAREER
CATEGORY
OCEAN CYPRESS SCENT
HAPPINESS
CATEGORY
AMBER HONEY SCENT
FOUR DIFFERENT HIDDEN FORTUNES 4-HAP 4-CAR
FOUR DIFFERENT HIDDEN FORTUNES
LOVE
CATEGORY
SAGE SANDALWOOD SCENT
FOUR DIFFERENT HIDDEN FORTUNES
DASH OF PROFANITY
CATEGORY
MANDARIN VANILLA SCENT
FOUR DIFFERENT HIDDEN FORTUNES
LUCK
CATEGORY
BAMBOO FOREST SCENT FOUR DIFFERENT HIDDEN FORTUNES
SOCIAL
CATEGORY
MINT GRAPEFRUIT SCENT FOUR DIFFERENT HIDDEN FORTUNES
All my dreams are finally coming true…
Vintage-Style Paint Can Candles
FLYING FUCK
MIDNIGHT MAYDAY SCENT
NOTES OF BLACKBERRY, AMBER, & SWEET TOBACCO
PAI-5
Vintage-Style Paint Can Candles:
12-ounce soy wax candles handpoured into paint cans designed with vintage-style labels .
Candle can size: 3 ¼″ D × 3 ⅞″ H. Burn time: 50 hours. 5 different paint can candle styles sold in 3-packs.
FUCK IT
BERGAMOT, TOBACCO, & YUZU SCENT
PAI-1
WHOOP ASS
SUCKER PUNCH SCENT NOTES OF LEMON & COCONUT
PAI-8
OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE SMOKED VANILLA & TEAKWOOD SCENT
PAI-4
LET THAT SHIT GO
SWEET RELEASE SCENT NOTES OF CUCUMBER, MINT, & VANILLA
PAI-6
New Soap & Candles
They’re the original party starter. Need we say more? Didn’t think so.
Classic Soap Bars:
Handmade vegan soap designed by our in-house soap artisans with fragrance blends to match each concept. Shrink-wrapped with a kraft brown label. Dimensions: 3 ½″ L × 2 ¾″ W × 1″ H. Sold in 4-packs.
Duo Candles:
Always hand-poured and made with our exclusive blend of 100% soy wax and 0% bullshit. Fragrance blends match each concept and corresponding soap. Dimensions: 4″ D × 2 ½″ H. Burn time: 60 hours. Sold in 3-packs.
KINDER KIWI SCENT
D I shouldn’t
D Have
D To say this
SOAP DBD-S
CANDLE DBD-C
Don’t Be a Dick
BOXED WINE SCENT
D Work.
D Eat.
D Sleep. Repeat.
Living the Dream
SOAP LTD-S
CANDLE LTD-C
Chardonnay
Kind of a Big Deal
NEGRONI ON ICE SCENT
D VIP Scent
D Attracts attention
D As awesome as you
SOAP KBD-S
CANDLE KBD-C
D My spirit animal
D Always there for me
D Don’t judge
My Black Leggings
CANDLE MBL-C
SOAP MBL-S
DRY SHAMPOO SCENT
NEW STYLE! NEW STYLE!
BEARD OIL SCENT
D The “hot guy” D Now promoted to: D D.I.L.F. status SOAP MBD-S CANDLE MBD-C
Red Flags
D Raging jealousy
D In-between jobs
D No teeth
SOAP RFL-S
CANDLE RFL-C
BIG RED SCENT
Classic Soap & Duo Candles
Best Selling Soap
BESTIES
THE TROPHY HUSBAND
THE FAVORITE CHILD
DOG PEOPLE
THE COOL AUNT
CRAZY BITCHES
CAT PEOPLE
THE FUN UNCLE
DAD BODS
THE MIDDLE CHILD
Classic Soap Bars:
Handmade vegan soap designed by our in-house soap artisans with fragrance blends to match each concept. Shrink-wrapped with a kraft brown label.
Dimensions: 3 ½″ L × 2 ¾″ W × 1″ H. Sold in 4-packs.
Duo Candles:
Always hand-poured and made with our exclusive blend of 100% soy wax and 0% bullshit. Fragrance blends match each concept and corresponding soap.
Dimensions: 4″ D × 2 ½″ H. Burn time: 60 hours. Sold in 3-packs.
Best Selling Candles
CRAZY BITCHES BESTIES
THE COOL AUNT
THE FAVORITE CHILD
DOG PEOPLE
BOUGIE BITCHES
SHIT SHOWS
CALM THE FUCK DOWN ZERO FUCKS
WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK
99 PROBLEMS ALONE TIME
SANTAL 99 SCENT
D #97: My ex
D #98: My boss
D #99: Me? Nah…
ALWAYS LATE
LEAVE ME ALONE TEA SCENT ABSENT AMBER SCENT
D Do not disturb
D Don’t even text
D Drop by and die
D Sorry I’m so late
D I had a… thing
D …and now I have to go, sorry!
SOAP 99P-S
SOAP ALO-S
SOAP ALW-S
CANDLE 99P-C
CANDLE ALO-C
CANDLE ALW-C
A NEW HOME
TRENDY TERRARIUM SCENT
D A fresh start!
D A clean slate!
D It’ll be a mess in no time
ANIMAL LOVERS
FARM FRESH SCENT
D 3 cats
D 2 dogs
D 1 zebra?
THE COOL AUNT
JUICY GOSSIP SCENT
D Your mom wasn’t always lame
D Here’s 20 bucks
D Wanna sip?
SOAP ANE-S
CANDLE ANE-C
SOAP AUN-S
CANDLE AUN-C
SOAP ANI-S
CANDLE ANI-C
BESTIES
GRAPE HARD SELTZER SCENT
D No one else gets us
D Who cares
D Support your local girl gang
Still slender after all these years!
BIRTHDAY BLUES
SAD BIRTHDAY CAKE SCENT
D I never get carded anymore
D And I’m STILL 21. Pinky swear.
D Will you stop counting already?
CRAZY BITCHES
SALTY MELONS SCENT
D Admit it
D Shit is boring without us
D Facts.
SOAP BES-S
CANDLE BES-C
SOAP BIR-S
CANDLE BIR-C
SOAP BIT-S
CANDLE BIT-C
THE BOOKISH
LIBRARY WATER SCENT
D Eliminates other people
D Intensifies imaginary worlds
D Loves words, too
THE “COOL” BOSS
FREE CANDY SCENT
D Office pranks
D Casual attitude
D Not a damn tyrant
BOUGIE BITCHES
D But also some Target ALMOST LOUIS VUITTON SCENT
D Organic everything
D Designer everything
SOAP BKH-S
CANDLE BKH-C
SOAP BOU-S
CANDLE BOU-C
BEST SELLER
SOAP BOS-S
CANDLE BOS-C
BIG SISTERS
BOSSY BOUQUET SCENT
D Near perfection
D Knows everything
D And a little bossy
BLESS YOUR HEART
PINK MOCKTAIL SCENT
D You shouldn’t have…
D No really…
D No. Really.
CALM THE F DOWN
D Haha, fuck that RAIN STICK SCENT
D Live
D Laugh
SOAP CAL-S
CANDLE CAL-C
BEST SELLER
SOAP BSI-S
CANDLE BSI-C
SOAP BYH-S
CANDLE BYH-C
CAT PEOPLE
WARM MILK SCENT
D My cat has an Instagram
D Lint rollers in the car
D Dog people suck
COOL DADS CRYSTALS
CUSTOM OIL BLEND SCENT
D Mountain bike
D Designer hoodies
D Probably hot
“SPIRITUAL” INCENSE SCENT
D South African Rhodochrosite
D Paraiba Tourmaline
D Can’t pay rent
DAD BODS
TOASTED MARSHMALLOW SCENT
D Pairs well with couch time
D Builds unwavering confidence
D Bring me another beer
DAY DRINKING
MOJITO SCENT
D Pairs well with daytime TV
D Helps pass the time
D Seamless segue into nighttime drinking
DOG PEOPLE
GRASSY DOG PARK SCENT
D Drawer of embarrassing costumes
D Wet chew toys everywhere
D Cat people are freaks
THE FAVORITE CHILD
BETTER CLOTHES SCENT
D No.
D I definitely didn’t buy myself this.
D You’re just jealous!
FAVORITE TEACHER
COOL CUCUMBER SCENT
D Cooler
D Funnier
D And that “A”
THE FIRST CHILD
BRAND-NEW EVERYTHING SCENT
D Reduces parental pressure
D Keeps younger siblings out of your stuff
D Is practically perfect, too
SOAP FIC-S
CANDLE FIC-C SOAP
CANDLE
CANDLE FTE-C
FUCKING MEETINGS
BOURBON IN MY COFFEE SCENT
D Per.
D My.
D Last email.
FUCKING ZEN
COOL CUCUMBER SCENT
D Mindful shit
D Some fucking meditation
D Probably a nap
THE FUN UNCLE
BLACK ICE SCENT
D Illegal fireworks
D Red Bull
D Don’t tell your parents
SOAP
CANDLE
CANDLE
GARDEN GODDESS
GARDEN OF EDEN SCENT
D Beautiful begonias
D Perfect peonies
D Gorgeous gardenias
GET ME A DRINK
ZOMBIE COCKTAIL SCENT
D A strong one
D And another one after that
D Hurry up!
GRAMMAR POLICE
JELLY DOUGHNUT SCENT
D Your/you’re
D Their/there/they’re
D Things I’ve just learned since Facebook
SOAP GRA-S
CANDLE GRA-C
SOAP GAR-S
CANDLE GAR-C
SOAP GMD-S
CANDLE GMD-C
HIPPIE CHICKS
TIE DYE DREAMS SCENT
D Promotes long hair
D Inspires jewelry making
D Has festival tickets
HOT MOMS
FRESH FRUIT SCENT
D Cute joggers
D Playground chic
D DILF approved
HUGGERS
ORANGE YOU GLAD SCENT
D Always warm
D Always giving
D Are YOU my mom?
SOAP HUG-S
CANDLE HUG-C
SOAP HCX-S
CANDLE HCX-C
SOAP HMO-S
CANDLE HMO-C
INTROVERTS
BLUE RASPBERRY JELL-O SCENT
D Great solo activity
D Respects your space
D Won’t ask you to an event
FRICKIN’ TUESDAY
GUM-SMACKING CO-WORKER SCENT
D Wake me up on Thursday
D I’m already four coffees in D Yawn.
IT’S FINE
PLAIN TAP WATER SCENT
D Whatever D I’m not mad
D It’s fine
SOAP FRI-S
CANDLE FRI-C
SOAP INT-S
CANDLE INT-C
SOAP ITF-S
CANDLE ITF-C
KARENS KARMA
SPIKY HAIR STYLING MOUSSE SCENT
D Stable genius
D Blacklisted from Trader Joe’s
D Facebook fanatic
LAUGHING BUDDHA SCENT
A MAN’S MAN
BLIZZARD CAMPFIRE SCENT
D Good for bear wrasslin’
D Doesn’t talk much either
D Will drink you under the hand-hewn table
SOAP MAN-S
CANDLE MAN-C
SOAP KRN-S
SOAP KAR-S
CANDLE KRN-C
CANDLE KAR-C
MORE COWBELL
CHRISTOPHER WALKEN SCENT
D Need
D More
D Cowbell
THE MIDDLE CHILD
PURPLE HAZE (GRAPE) SCENT
D Magnifies misery
D Your sister’s wedding was just beautiful
D Who are you again?
MISSING YOU
SINGING THE BLUES SCENT
D Where are you?
D I need you!
D Jeez I sound desperate.
SOAP MID-S
CANDLE MID-C
SOAP MCO-S
CANDLE MCO-C
SOAP MIY-S
CANDLE MIY-C
BEST SELLER
MOM BRAIN
SOGGY CHEERIOS SCENT
D Pants on backwards
D Car keys in fridge
D Baby in oven
PEOPLE FROM OHIO
CORN ON THE COB SCENT
D O-H!
D … I-O!
D Mating calls?
OKAY MOMS
SIPPY CUP WINE SCENT
D Pairs well with nap time
D Is also tired of perfect moms
D Your kids love you anyway
SOAP MOM-S
CANDLE MOM-C
SOAP OKA-S
CANDLE OKA-C
SOAP OHI-S
CANDLE OHI-C
OLD FRIENDS
FERMENTED GRAPES SCENT
D Deep dark secrets
D Mob-level loyalty
D Mental telepathy
POSITIVE VIBES
RAY OF SUNSHINE SCENT
D You is smart
D You is kind
D You is important
PROBABLY STONED
PATCHOULI INCENSE SCENT
D I was thinking…
D About…
D Something…
SOAP POV-S
CANDLE POV-C
SOAP OLF-S
CANDLE OLF-C
SOAP PRS-S
CANDLE PRS-C
PROBABLY SWINGERS
UPSIDE-DOWN CAKE SCENT
D Frequent “sleepovers”
D Zoom “happy hour”
D Weekend trips to “Vegas”
SHIT SHOWS SLIGHTLY UNHINGED
FIREBALL SHOTS SCENT
D I did what?
D So THAT’S how I got that bruise
D It was fun, though, right?
JELL-O SHOTS SCENT
D 20% scary
D Always exciting
D 35% scarier after cocktails
SOAP SHI-S
SOAP SLI-S
CANDLE SHI-C
CANDLE SLI-C
SOAP PSW-S
CANDLE PSW-C
SOCIAL ANXIETY
VODKA VITAMIN WATER SCENT
D I have Ebola
D My hamster ran away
D I just found out I’m a hologram
SPITE
BITTERS & SODA SCENT
D Pairs well with vitriol
D Washes away empathy
D Is passive-aggressive too
STONERS
CANNABIS SCENT
D Gateway soap
D Antagonizes DEA
D Approved for medicinal purposes
SOAP SOC-S
CANDLE SOC-C
SOAP STO-S
CANDLE STO-C
SOAP SPI-S
CANDLE SPI-C
STAY WEIRD
RASPBERRY BERET SCENT
D Prolly a harmonica
D And a tall hat
D Riding a unicycle
TEACHERS
POISONED APPLE SCENT
D IDK, CAN you go to the bathroom?
D Don’t you dare say “Wikipedia”
D I just realized I don’t even like kids
THE TROPHY HUSBAND
TRICKED-OUT PORSCHE SCENT
D Looks good on your arm
D Looks good in anything… or nothing
D Jealous much?
SOAP TRO-S
CANDLE TRO-C
SOAP TEA-S
CANDLE TEA-C
SOAP STW-S
CANDLE STW-C
MAMA TRIED
YOU’RE A PEACH SCENT
D To raise you better
D To steer you right
D Hey, she tried.
TRUE SURVIVOR
BLUE SKIES SCENT
D Stay strong
D Keep fighting
D We got your back
WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK
D Fuck PRICKLY PEAR SCENT
D What the
D Fucking
SOAP WTF-S
CANDLE WTF-C
SOAP TSU-S
CANDLE TSU-C
SOAP TRY-S
CANDLE TRY-C
ZERO FUCKS
D It CREAMSICLE SCENT
D Tired
D Of
SOAP ZER-S
CANDLE ZER-C
Product Displays
All displays are FREE when filled with product. Additional fee for extra displays.
Air Fresheners
Sticker Sets
Bar Soap
Pencil Sets
Birthday Cards
Sexy Candles
Terms & Conditions
ORDER MINIMUMS:
Opening order: $200
Re-orders: $150
PAYMENT TERMS:
New accounts: Prepaid via check, money order, cash, or credit card. Established accounts: Net 30 upon approval. Credit references must be submitted at time of request.
CONDITIONS OF CREDIT:
All orders must be paid no later than 30 days from date shipped. A credit limit will be placed on your account. If your account exceeds this limit, pre-payment may be required. Customer shall pay Whiskey River Soap Company all costs, expenses, legal and collection fees as incurred in enforcing the terms and conditions as allowed by law. Whiskey River Soap Company reserves the right to revoke credit terms after 3 late payments.
PAYMENT:
Company check, money order, cash, credit card, PayPal, or ACH bank transfers.
CANCELLATIONS:
Orders may be canceled at any time. For orders already completed and ready to ship at the time of cancellation, a 25% restocking fee will be charged.
SHIPPING:
Domestic orders shipped via UPS Ground unless otherwise specified. Fantasy Destination Jigsaw Puzzles are excluded from free or discounted freight promotions. Freight charges will be determined at time of shipping and will be added to each invoice. All domestic freight charges are capped at 15% of the wholesale order total. All shipments will be charged the actual freight cost of the order(s). Rates and service subject to change at any time at the sole discretion of Whiskey River Soap Company.
CLAIMS:
Any claims for damaged or misshipped items must be made within 7 days of receipt of merchandise by notifying your sales rep. Claims must be supported with photos of product, tracking number, and outer carton.
RETURNS:
Returns are not accepted for any merchandise unless items are damaged or mis-shipped. For damaged or mis-shipped items, a return authorization number is required and must appear on all related correspondence. All returned merchandise must be received within 30 days of receipt of merchandise and be in 100% resalable condition for credit. A 25% restocking fee will be deducted for items received in poor condition and/or received
beyond the 30-day return window. Return freight is the responsibility of the customer and must be prepaid by the customer, except in case of mis-shipped merchandise.
PRICING:
All prices are subject to the real object and may change without notice. This catalog and corresponding order form’s pricing supersedes all others. Current prices are effective from January 1, 2025.
A NOTE ABOUT OUR PRODUCTS:
Soap and candles are perishable. Treat them as you would chocolate or a wounded kitten. They must be stored in cool, dry conditions to maintain optimum shelf life. Do not place products in direct sunlight or leave in warm, humid environments like a hot car or a Brazilian discotheque. All our soaps and candles are handmade, so no two look exactly alike. Expect some deviation.
INGREDIENTS:
Some of our soaps contain a few extras, like glitter. The basic ingredients (printed on each label) are: coconut oil, palm oil, safflower oil, glycerine, purified water, sodium hydroxide, sorbitol, sorbitan oleate, soy bean protein, coloring, and fragrance.
Pulp Friction Match Books Page 6