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12
OCT
3
2013
now is the time for horsies
D
a letter from ASWC student body presidenT
ear Whitman College Student Body,
As some of you may know, I, Rim Teed, ASWC president of Whitman College, attended a prestigious West Coast boarding school by the name of Batcher. Now I wouldn’t mention my prestigious West Coast boarding school, Batcher, without reason, unless it could benefit Whitman College. In addition to connections I will keep for a lifetime and an excellent college preparatory education, Batcher also gifted me with a life-preparatory education. This education was all thanks to horses. One of Batcher’s best programs, which I, Rim Teed, ASWC president of Whitman College, took part in, had to do with taking care of a horse. Upon entering Batcher as a first-year, each student is assigned and must take care of a horse. Students are expected to feed, clean up and exercise their horses along with their daily school work and extracurricular activities. I would wake at five in the morning, put on my boots and muck out to Lincoln’s stables. Lincoln was a grand black stallion with an attitude and bad breath. He snorted, bucked and would ram into his stall, always attempting to escape. Some days Lincoln spat in my face and tried to step on my foot. Other days Lincoln brayed the other horses into a panic. There was a week where Lincoln simply refused to eat. And no one, including myself, was brave enough to ride Lincoln my first year. I broke Lincoln and that is what has made me the man I am today. Lincoln taught me how to persevere through sweat and tears, and Lincoln taught me how to love. There is nothing that makes a person stronger than taming a beast twice his size and then being able to pat the beast on the hindquarters. Lincoln could not be replaced by an Audi or a boat. I could not learn what I learned from Lincoln canoeing or running, or even swimming the English Channel. So I propose to you, students of Whitman College, now is the time for horsies. New professors, buildings, tennis courts and merit aid will not teach us half as much. Now is the time for horsies. Don’t let others tell you we have to crunch numbers and wear business suits to succeed; it’s all about hands-on experience and your heart. America has lost its roots and passion. So, now is the time for horsies Please join me in proposing Whitman College’s next fund-raising effort: Now Is The Time For Horsies. Sincerely, A grateful Batcher alumnus, ASWC President, Rim Teed
Self-guided
Mythical beasts & where to find them A Crossword Puzzle Across:
Down:
1. Napoleon Dynamite’s favorite thing to draw in class or on the bus
2. A lion-bird-woman, immortalized by a wellknown Egyptian statue
3. Their heads are not well-suited to headers, as they would puncture the soccer ball every time.
4. A lion/eagle that represents military courage
5. Persian legend, lion/ human/shark
ON RU ST
ILLUSTRATION BY HERNANDEZ
D
ig. Dig dig dig. Run run run run.
ACORN.
Climb up.
BY
12. The Little_______ (think Disney)
Campus Squirrel
Climb tree.
TI RA
10. The famous occupant of the place mentioned in the title of the second “Harry Potter” Book
Shelly Acorns
Dig dig run. ST
11. The official mythological creature of Wyoming
8. A man/horse, a colony of which lived in the Forbidden Forest in the “Harry Potter” books
LU
9. Buckbeak is a _______________
quest
6. Puff the Magic ___________________
What a local squirrel thinks about student life
IL
7. Also the name for a summer concert series at the Gorge
spirit animal
Nuts to you
C
lose your eyes. Breathe. Try to breathe slowly — fill you lungs with light, cool air and then let it go. But don’t worry too much about the rhythm or speed. Just breathe as you have always done. Relax. Let the tension flow out of you — let it fall into the ground — and keep breathing. Always come back to that breath, like an old friend. That familiar heartbeat, that quiet rise and fall like waves on a beach. Now imagine your favorite place. It could be a childhood room, or a sunny beach or a cedar forest just as it begins to rain. Remember how the place feels, how it smells. Remember the taste of spring in the air or the feel of shag carpet under your feet. Be there, in that moment — feeling and touching the present — a living memory. Now wait, and continue breathing. Don’t seek out another but wait as patiently as stone. It will come when it is ready — when you are ready. Hear the rustle as it comes across the prairie or through the forest. What is it? Is it a great dragon or a tiny mouse? Is it a dead relative — or a living one? Is it a mist? Is it yourself? Is it a bear? Don’t make any sudden movements, but gently, slowly move towards it. Unless it is a bear. Does it see you? How does it react? If it’s a bear, it will react with aggression, so don’t let it notice you. Just get out of there as soon as you can. Watch it as it moves — does it say anything? But seriously, I’m not kidding. Bears are dangerous.
Climb down. Probably the most dangerous thing in nature. Worse even than sharks. And you can’t scare them off like you can with cougars. Try to look bigger than a bear and he will fucking WASTE you. What does it say to you? Nothing, because it is a fucking bear. Oh shit, has it seen you? Get out of there, man! I’m not joking! Have you seen inception? You can die in there — there is no “going deeper” bullshit here. Did you ever see Leo take on the power of nature? NO! You are about to get eaten by a BEAR! A HUGE, ANGRY BEAR! Is that how you want to die? Eaten by a spirit animal bear? NO! GET OUT NOW!! Oh, no! Its coming after you! RUN!!!! OH NO! ITS FASTER THAN YOU! YOU CAN’T OUTRUN IT! ITS ALMOST ON TOP OF YOU! AAAAAAAAAITSA BEAR A A A A A A A A A! SHIT! NO! DON’T EAT ME! I’M TOO YOUNG TO BE EATEN! NOOOOOoooOOOOo o o o o O O O O O O O O O O!!!!!! A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A RRRRRRRRRRGGGG! And breathe out. Let the real world slowly flow back into you. You are back at Whitman. You are back in yourself. Remember the things yet to do, the thousand forgotten and unforgotten things that make up your life. You are home now. Take a moment to center yourself in this place. In this now. But remember what you have learned in that other place. That place of silence within you, that serenity you can carry with you always.
ABS-VERTISEMENT
Climb up, up, down, up, up, up, down, up, down. Up down. Down down up down. Up down down. Up. Down. Run. French fries? Stare. Fries? Stare. Fries fries. Omnomnomnomnom. Blink. Blink blink. Stare. Blink. TKE? Nuts? TKE? Horse? Metal? Metal horse? Climb. Climb climb. Metal? Styx?
Harper Joy Theatre Presents:
Blink.
equus
BETA?
Starring
Rim Teed ILLUSTRATION BY MEASE
BETA?? RUN! RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN BETA? RUN. Stare.