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27 2014
Wedding (taco) bells ring for senior
arlier this week, senior Holly Johnson became the future Mrs. Bell when her significant other of the past three years proposed to her in the Taco Bell on N. 9th St. Correction: the proposal was made by Taco Bell on N. 9th St. “I’m so happy that I could celebrate with a combo meal. I always knew we were meant for each other from the day we met as first-years during a drunken Friday evening, but when he popped the question I was still so surprised,” said Johnson. “It happened as I was grabbing some border sauce to put on my crunch wrap supreme. One of the sauce packets read ‘Will You Marry Me?’ Of course I said yes,” she said. Senior Heather Roberts, who accompanied Johnson to the Taco Bell and was a mutual friend of the couple, had known about the proposal for weeks and was glad to have the secret finally out in the open. “I’m really happy for them. I mean, they’re just so perfect for each other. They’ve been through everything together. Bad grades, difficult exams, moving off campus, her parents not getting her a car, spending summers apart, questionable in-
gredients and now getting her through her thesis. I know Taco Bell is going to treat my girl Holly right as her spouse,” said Roberts. Upon learning the news of her engagement, Johnson’s other friends have reacted positively. “Yeah, I can see it,” said senior Druple Owen. “Makes sense,” said junior Sarah Green. Senior Josh Davis has trepidations about the engagement. “Can you really know what the future will hold when you’ve only known each other in a college set-
ting? I mean, all Taco Bell wants to do is get his fourth meal on at 2 a.m. on weekends,” said Davis. Johnson had this to say about her future spouse. “Taco Bell has been nothing if not consistent. I don’t see our relationship changing once I graduate. Our lives may be loco, but we’ve had a lot of time to tacobout it, and I think I’m making the right choice,” she said. Fortunately for Johnson, this marriage makes her an heiress to the Taco Bell fortune, which is worth untold billions.
Photos by McCormick
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Sunshine disrupts senior hibernation
am a senior. It is second semester. This means long days and longer nights of sitting in my room, the library or the basement of Reid, drinking too much coffee and pouring over notes for writtens, orals and the most dreaded thesis. It being February, I was prepared for the dark and cold days to help drive and keep me inside, focused and studying in productive senior hibernation—like a bear, except with school work instead of sleep. But the weather has betrayed me. This sunshine, these breezy blue-skied days, what do they mean? Coffee is no longer necessary to keep my fingers warm as I type away page after page of thesis, and I no longer need the light of my laptop to illuminate my 30 notebooks of carefully-scrawled information. It is time to go outside and play frisbee, pretend to read for class but really just lie in the sun and attempt to tan. It feels as if graduation is almost here, I am sure of it. This is what the weather is telling me, and I want to go frolic across Ankeny and through the wheat fields. Yet, it is still winter. The exams are not finished, and the thesis not yet turned in. I ... I do not understand. The sunshine makes it impossible to see my computer screen, and writing anything is now impossible, so how
Students judge books by their covers
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am I meant to complete my thesis? I have been awoken from my hibernation too soon, and now work is futile. I now wander campus in a daze, like being awoken much too early from a deep, deep sleep, not knowing what is real and what is a fragment of a dream I can no longer remember. I try to force myself inside, to study, to learn, but the sunshine keeps calling to me, calling me outside and away from the cold winter of senior exams. I am so confused; I have left my cave and no longer wish to return, but I know I must, and my heart is breaking in two. How can I go on studying when I see that there is a life out there to be lived? Yet I must study on, in hopes that even more beautiful blue skies lie around the corner.
n Feb. 24, while perusing the aisles of the Whitman College Bookstore for her spring Encounters books, first-year Willow Goff was entirely unsure of which texts to purchase until she really analyzed their covers. “I could have looked at the required reading list on cleo, but I feel like I can determine which books I should read by what they look like,” said Goff. Goff cited her art history class as a source of inspiration. “I took this class last semester that made me realize how important it is to analyze artwork. Like, I could get “Hamlet,” but why would I get that when there’s this other awesome book with a cartoon monkey on the front?” said Goff. Indeed, a recent study published by Whitman Professor of Psychology Agatha Stone shows that students often judge books by their covers. “No matter what they learned as children or what their parents told them, our data demon-
strates that the vast majority of students are still judging books by their covers,” said Stone. When questioned about his own habits, senior Brandon Dane admitted that he too bases his purchasing decisions on the books’ covers. “It’s easier that way. I don’t have to do something ridiculous like actually reading the summary on the back of the book or looking at the reviews on the inside. I hate opening books, so my method is much more efficient and useful,” said Dane. Despite Dane’s claims, research shows many good books have bad covers and many bad books have good covers. When this radical information was revealed to sophomore Candace Aims, she was shocked. “I don’t know what to say. I’m baffled, really. I have read some bad books, but I just figured that was because their covers were ugly. Take Augustine’s “Confessions,” for example. Now, however, this information makes me feel like I have to
reevaluate not just how I choose books but also how I make decisions in general. Like, could this whole judging books by their covers thing possibly be an analogy for other things in my life?” Chair of the Sociology Department Marnie Fallon was intrigued by this idea, explaining that it could have larger implications than just book sales. “If students start realizing they can’t necessarily judge books by their covers, then this could cause them to reevaluate other important decisions they make in their lives. When else do they make snap decisions based simply on appearances? Does this affect who they date? Who they befriend?” When confronted with this information, Goff was still confident about her purchasing decisions. “I think it’s important to judge books based on their covers. Life is not about content or character or whatever, but about appearances. I mean, just look at our celebrities, you know?” said Goff.
Harry Potter Crossword Puzzle
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Across:
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1. This mirror shows your longings 4. He was a good elf 7. Trelawney’s “subject” 8. Harry’s mother 9. Fudge’s replacement 11. Hogsmeade sweet shoppe 13. This professor is a ghost 16. Harry’s first crush 17. Someone who catches dark wizards 18. Female Triwizard competitor 19. Mad-Eye’s first name 20. Notoriously strange wizarding family 22. Harry’s first broomstick 23. Pettigrew’s alias 26. Voldemort’s most loyal follower 28. Myrtle won’t stop doing this 29. Narcissistic former professor
2. Harry’s owl 3. Troublesome reporter ____ Skeeter 5. Whatever you fear most 6. Voldemort’s snake 7. Krum’s alma mater 8. Wizard-born but without powers 10. Tonks’s first name 11. Voldemort, kind of 12. Popular wand shop 14. Dumbledore’s phoenix 15. Wizarding daily news 20. Albus’s brother 21. Hagrid’s hippogriff 23. Not her daughter, you ... witch... 24. Moony 25. First to open the Chamber of Secrets 27. Fan of radish earrings