The
PIONEER Title IX
Investigation Begins by LACHLAN JOHSNON Staff Reporter
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nvestigators from the Office of Civil Rights (OCR) visited Whitman from Wednesday, April 22 to Thursday, April 23 to determine whether or not the college is following its professed Title IX and sexual assault policies. Sexual assault has been a contentious issue on campus for several years, and it has received more attention this year. In the week prior to the OCR visit, the college launched a contentious publicity campaign using door hangers. The faculty also voted to remove the Sexual Misconduct Policy from the faculty code on April 22, which will make it much easier to revise the policy in order to uphold changing legal requirements and respond to student suggestions. “We were asked by the Office of Civil Rights to make it very clear to our campus that they were coming. They asked us essentially to have an ad campaign,” said Title IX Coordinator and Associate Dean of Students Juli Dunn. “I think we succeeded in that because they had turnout [here], while at previous institutions they’d been at of much larger size they’ve had
very few students show up.” According to Dunn, the OCR investigators were impressed with the turnout at events held to connect with the student body at Whitman. Nearly 40 students attended group sessions, including one for student athletes and another for members of Greek organizations. A small number of students also showed up for the working groups and investigators’ open office hours. Dunn credits the large turnout to Whitman’s involved student body, as well as the publicity campaign created by the college administration during which door hangers were placed on nearly every door on campus on the evening of Tuesday, April 15. The door hangers displayed information about the OCR visit, as well as information about Title IX policies and resources on campus for survivors. The door hanger campaign was highly disputed on campus, as many critics from the faculty and student body felt the door hangers did not sufficiently emphasize the upcoming OCR visit. While the door hangers include information and resources, the majority of their space consists of a message reading “I’m Okay” on one side and “Need Help” on the
ISSUE 12 | April 30, 2015 | Whitman news since 1896 | Vol. CXXXII
“[The door hangers] have the effect of trivializing sexual assault ... That may not have been the intent, but that’s certainly the effect they have had.” Melissa Wilcox
“We were asked by the Office of Civil Rights to make it very clear to our campus that they were coming ... I think we succeeded in that.” Juli Dunn
Associate Dean of Students
Associate Professor of Religion and Gender Studies
Door hangers announcing the Office of Civil Rights’ visit to campus to assess Whitman’s Title IX compliance have also sparked controversy. Photo by Dawson
other. In an email to the student body, Dean of Students Chuck Cleveland suggested that these could be used to publicly signal when someone in an office or residence hall needed help dealing with trauma from sexual assault. “They have the effect of trivializing the issue of sexual assault,” said Associate Professor of Religion and Gender Studies Melissa Wilcox. “That may not have been the intent, but that’s certain-
ly the effect they have had.” With the support of several faculty members, students from Feminists Advocating Change and Empowerment (FACE) and All Students for Consent (ASC) gathered dozens of door hangers from across campus and revised their text to read messages critical of the administration and campus community’s attitude towards sexual assault and misconduct. see CIVIL RIGHTS, page 3
Lady Sweets prep for More room for women at regional tournament Ladies’ Climbing Night by RILEY FOREMAN Staff Reporter
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or many on the Whitman Women’s Ultimate Frisbee Team, the regional tournament is familiar territory. This year, that’s not all that will be familiar. A total of eight teams representing the Big Sky and Cascadia Conferences will play in Walla Walla this weekend, each competing for one of five bids to the D-I College Championship May 22–25 in Milwaukee, Wis. Although four of these teams, including Whitman, are ranked in the top-10 nationally, the Lady Sweets aren’t nervous so much as they are excited. For the first time in school history, Whitman will host both the men’s and women’s D-I regional tournaments. The Lady Sweets, who have qualified for nationals both of the past two years, see the home field advantage as a way to share high-level Frisbee with the Whitman community. Junior Brenna Bailey notes how this year will be different than past trips to regionals. “It adds a new dimension of stakes to the tournament,” she said. “It’s not just about how well we do and getting to nationals; it’s also about showing the school what we do and what we work for. There are so many opportunities for other sports teams to showcase their highlevel play on this campus, and I don’t think people really know and no one’s ever really seen us.” The team, seeded fourth, will play in a pool with the University of British Columbia, University of Victoria and Oregon State, hoping to advance out of the pool
to play the winners of Pool A on Sunday. For many on the squad, this year will mark their third consecutive appearance at regionals. While there is certainly some pressure to continue this streak, captain junior Ari Lozano notes how the team stays focused. “One of our goals for the team is to set our own goals and not be guided or influenced by ranking or seeding,” she said. “We are excited more than anything to host because it gives us a chance to show people on campus what we’re actually about.” Both Bailey and junior Marlena Sloss recognize the momentum that the program has built in a relatively short time. “It’s pretty crazy that our grade was the first grade to go to nationals, and here we are with the potential to go again this year and next year,” said Bailey. “I guess we have a lot of pride in the fact that we were the first class to do that.” The Lady Sweets traveled to Boise over Admitted Students Weekend to play in the Big Sky Conference tournament, in which they won 6-0. Although only one other team from their conference will be at regionals, Whitman will face familiar foes from the highly competitive Cascadia conference, who have also appeared at spring tournaments such as the Stanford Invite and the Northwest Challenge Cup. Over the past two weeks the team sought to practice at the same elite level that their opponents had to play at during their conference tournaments. “We just had a very different weekend than [Cascadia teams] did,” said Bailey. see LADY SWEETS, page 5
Josephine Adamski ‘16 (left) and Brooke Bessen ‘16 (middle) spot a climber at Monday’s event. Photo by Bashevkin
s the clock strikes 8 p.m., women start to trickle into the climbing gym. By 8:05, Beyoncé is blasting from the speakers, and women are harnessing up and beginning to climb. Every other week, The Whitman Climbing Center hosts Ladies’ Climbing Night from 8 to 10 p.m. Started by juniors Josephine Adamski and Brooke Bessen, the event aims to provide a space where women can feel comfortable in the gym no matter their
level of expertise. In a sport that is typically male dominated, women climbers often lack space to practice exclusively with other women. “Brooke and I feel like sometimes the climbing gym can foster an intimidating persona to those who do not regularly climb, so the Ladies’ Climbing Night is an attempt to make the climbing gym more accessible to females who may be intimidated or want an environment more conducive to them,” said Adamski. The pair came up with the idea of Ladies’ Climbing Night earlier this semester and spent a lot of time planning the first event,
which took place on March 2. “We wanted to make it really big,” said Bessen. And it was — nearly 50 women showed up to climb the very first time it was held. Offering a space to female climbers revealed a potential disparity in a normal gym day. Senior Jacob Bradley has worked at the Climbing Center since his first year in 2012. “You would never see that before,” said Bradley of the March 2 turnout. “As a freshman when I came here we had three women on staff, and there would never be more than a handful of women climbing.”
by MARTINA PANSZE Staff Reporter
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see CLIMBING, page 6
News
A&E
Sports
Opinion
Social Media
ASWC passed a resolution supporting the inclusion of trigger warnings in Encounters syllabi.
Music reviewer Emma Dahl discusses Sufjan Stevens’ long-awaited album, Carrie & Lowell.
The Whitman Women’s Lacrosse Team recently completed their first ever varsity season, having met or surpassed all of their expectations.
Christopher Hankin reviews Greekend, which he believes could do more to use the power of the Greek system for positive change.
Keep updated on the last month of the semester by liking The Pioneer’s Facebook page at www.facebook.com/whitmanpioneer or follow us on Twitter @whitmanpio
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NEWS
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APR
30 2015
Nonprofits seek to increase visibility of Hanford nuclear site with statewide meetings
A meeting on the Hanford nuclear site cleanup attracted students and community members alike. Organizers sough to increase public involvement with the site by hosting events in smaller cities. Photos by Clay
by ANDY MONSERUD News Editor
M
axey Auditorium played host to a community-led meeting on the Hanford Nuclear Site on Wednesday, April 29. Organized by a collection of advocacy groups involved in the cleanup at Hanford, the event, along with several similar events across the Pacific Northwest, served as a substitute for the Department of Energy’s annual State of the Site meeting, which the department does not plan to hold this year. The event began with a series of five-minute presentations by representatives of the nonprofits Washington Physicians for Social Responsibility, the Hanford Challenge, Heart of America Northwest and Columbia Riverkeeper, as well as the EPA and Washington Department of Ecology. Afterward, all the presenters took questions as a panel. The Department of Energy’s meetings, which usually take place in major cities such as Richland, Seattle and Portland, were forgone this year in favor of invitation-only meetings. As such, the groups involved in this meeting, entitled “Hanford: Our Nuclear Neighbor,” made a point to bring the meetings to less central locations across the state, including Spokane and Vancouver. This, according to the organizers, was intended to help democratize the meetings. “Usually the State of the Site meetings are set up by the Department of Energy, and they kind of have control over the way that they happen,” said Danny Noonan, project manager for the Washington Physicians for Social Responsibility, an anti-nuclear group. “There’s a little bit of room for citizen involvement, but this is the first time that these meetings have been set up by citizen groups.” The Hanford site, once home to a plutonium finishing plant, now holds over 56 million gallons of nuclear waste and other dangerous
chemicals in subterranean tanks. Several of these tanks are now damaged, leading activists and other interested parties to pursue new storage methods. Budgetary constraints have delayed the Department of Energy’s current objective for the site, which involves blending the waste into glass blocks in order to make it more stable. Meanwhile, those involved with the Hanford site have been looking for intermediary steps to contain waste as well as trying to promote worker safety after discovering that workers at the site were frequently exposed to harmful vapors from the tanks. By virtue of the long half-life of radioactive nuclear waste, the meeting focused heavily on the future and particularly on recruiting a new generation of advocates. One presentation by Department of Ecology Communications Manager Dieter Bohrmann gave attendees “10 reasons YOU should get involved with Hanford,” and during the event organizers passed out a survey asking, among other things, how best to communicate with respondents about the site. “If you look around that table, you can see that it’s an aging group,” said Peggy Maze-Johnson, project manager at Heart of America Northwest. “And I think that we need to have more young people sitting around that table, because as we age and leave this planet, there’s going to be a lot still left for the people who are young now to take over.” Junior Morrow Toomey, who attended the event as part of Associate Professor of Anthropology Jason Pribilsky’s class entitled Anthropologies of Cancer, appreciated the event’s democratic nature. “It was really nice to hear from community members and people who really knew what they were talking about in terms of the environment,” said Toomey. “Some really interesting ideas were put out there about what we could possibly do to speed up cleanup or maybe make it less expensive.”
NUMBERS IN THE NEWS by ANDY MONSERUD & DANIEL WHALEN News Editor & Infographic Artist
$30 MILLION Fine levied on California-based Corinthian Colleges for falsifying information including post-grad employment statistics. (Al Jazeera)
28
following collapse of Corinthian Colleges. (Al Jazeera)
16,000 students currently attend Corinthian colleges. The colleges, and the Department of Education has hinted that some students may have their loans forgiven. (Washington Post)
= 1 School,
28 Schools collapsed...
= ...with an average of 571 students per school. 37%
Rate of default on student loans within 3 years for 2008 graduates of Corinthian-owned colleges. (LA Times)
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Tuition hikes at Corinthian-owned colleges in 2011, a move that Corin thian told investors was intended to force students to take out private loans. The company also said that it expected at least half of its students to default on those loans. (LA Times)
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NEWS
APR
30 2015
ASWC passes resolution in favor of content warnings in Encounters by LANE BARTON Staff Reporter
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uring their April 12 Senate meeting, ASWC passed a resolution calling for content or trigger warnings in the syllabus of future Encounters classes. The resolution, which will require faculty approval in order to be implemented, was created in the hopes of preparing students for engagement in particularly difficult materials. “[The resolution aims] ... to encourage the mental health of students on campus, and one way of furthering that could be to have some form of notification on a syllabus warning students of [potential triggers],” said firstyear ASWC senator Emma Bishop, a co-author of the resolution. The content warning resolution focused on three main areas, namely gun and physical violence, self-harm and suicide, and sexual assault, as potential issues for which faculty should consider applying content-warnings in the syllabus. Although some professors already give verbal warnings in classes, the resolution called for written content warnings in order
to create a more uniform safety net from potential triggers. “[The resolution] also suggested that [warnings] be written down because verbal content warnings aren’t necessarily reliable, and if it’s up to each professor individually to decide a content warning, then there’s inconsistency among the sections,” said first-year ASWC senator AnnaMarie McCorvie, the other co-author of the resolution. In crafting the resolution, Bishop and McCorvie had conversations with faculty members, some of whom expressed concerns that content warnings would be used in a way to avoid readings. The co-authors contend that the goal of the resolution is actually to enable students to possibly engage in more provocative readings because they would be prepared for potential triggers. “[The resolution] should allow for more controversial texts to be on the syllabus because you’re giving students the ability to mentally prepare for whatever they are about to engage in,” said Bishop. At this point in time, the resolution has been submitted to the Encounters faculty and
will require approval in order to be incorporated into any individual professor’s syllabus. “I appreciate students’ concerns about sensitive discussions in class. I have mentioned such concerns at the meetings of the Encounters faculty and asked the faculty to consider the inclusion of warnings before the reading and discussion of sensitive materials. Given that the curriculum is the purview of the faculty, however, each faculty member must decide the statements within a particular syllabus on his or her own,” said Director of Encounters Gaurav Majumdar in an email to The Pioneer. Even though ASWC members recognize that the adoption of the resolution is the prerogative of the faculty, proponents of the resolution note that it helps open up dialogue about important mental health issues not only inside ASWC but between students and faculty. “I think that as long as we can get this discussion going and faculty are aware that there are student concerns about this issue, that’s important,” said ASWC ombudsman Nate Higby, a sponsor of the bill.
OCR visit draws crowds, incites controversy from CIVIL RIGHTS, page 1
“We wanted it to be something public, so the OCR [and administration] could see another perspective ... And if the purpose of the door hangers is to start a conversation, I think this will do a great job,” said junior Leda Zakarison, who helped organize the efforts to revise the door hangers. Dunn read many of the revised door hangers, which were attached to the tennis court fences, and agrees with many of the sentiments behind them. She encourages community members with concerns or suggestions to speak with her in person, though none have yet responded to her invitations. “If people want to talk about the policies, if people want to talk about whether the door hangers were effective or not effective, I would welcome that. I’ve invited folks to do that,” said Dunn. “I would love to hear from students how to engage in
a space that they’re comfortable with, that they want to work in.” According to Wilcox, there is a strong sense among critics of the administration that the college is more interested in protecting its image than effectively addressing issues of sexual misconduct. She hopes that the OCR visit ultimately results in more open discussion of sexual misconduct on campus and administrator acknowledgment that mistakes were made in the past. “I would hope that whatever problems there are with Whitman’s responses to sexual assault and sexual harassment, that those are identified and made public [in the OCR report], not to shame the campus but to make clear that the campus has no choice but to acknowledge and address the problems,” said Wilcox. It will be a long time before any results from the visit are known, regardless of whether or not the investigators’ re-
port identifies problems with Whitman’s Title IX policies and practices. While the OCR holds both complainants and institutions to tight deadlines, the OCR can take years to act or give feedback. The OCR investigators who visited campus declined to be interviewed for this article, and the OCR press office did not respond to a request for comment before publication. “We may not hear from them for several months, if not years,” said Dunn. “I think it’s unfortunate because the reality is [that by the time] we hear about it, many of the students who [filed complaints with the OCR about] our policies and procedures probably won’t be here any more.”
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LIFESTYLE SURVEY 2002: 2015:
The year the survey was created in order to improve Whitties’ understanding of certain health and lifestyle behaviors The survey was sent to 1,348 students
=100 Whitman students
Of those students, only 52% responded Which reflects lower participation than in previous years
FINDINGS OF SURVEY Alcohol consumption
FRI.
SAT. 30%
20% Do NOT drink on an average Friday night
DO drink on an average Saturday night
Greek influence
46% 33%
of fraternity members imbibe
of sorority members imbibe
7+ drinks when partying 7+ drinks when partying
10% of Indie men imbibe 7+ drinks when partying
14% of Indie women imbibe 7+ drinks when partying
Drug use
Over 50% of students smoked marijuana at least once last year 16% use the drug once a week or more
Corrections to Issue 11 Guest columnist Emma Thompson is a member of the class of 2015.
15.8% of students have used hallucinogens Infographic by Peterson
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2015 Lifestyle Survey results released by JEREMY ALEXANDER Staff Reporter
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his week Whitman College released the results of the 2015 Lifestyle Choices survey. Completed only once every three years, the Lifestyle Survey has assessed six categories of student behaviors since 2002. The Lifestyle Choices survey was created in 2002 to improve Whitman students’ understanding of certain health and lifestyle behaviors. It also includes a section about sleep and diet habits. Director of Institutional Research Neal Christopherson put together the survey alongside Institutional Research Analyst Kristen Erskine. “The operating theory behind the survey is the social norms theory. It is about educating students how much drinking is actually going on campus. If we can essentially tell [the students] how much drinking is going on in campus, then students can make better decisions about their own drinking habits,” said Christopherson. According to the survey, there is a perception on campus that students drink a lot more alcohol than they actually do. Posters around campus notifying students of their peers’ drinking and sleeping habits, which use statistics from the Lifestyle Survey, are intended to encourage students to make healthier choices by showing them that their peers generally have more moderate lifestyles than they assume. “We do the survey out of professional development and curiosity to look at longitudinal trends. The primary way we use the results is through various posters placed on campus. The most misperceived group of people on campus is firstyear students. People think they
drink twice as much as they actually do,” said Associate Dean of Students Barbara Maxwell. This fall, the survey was sent out to 1,348 Whitman students who were on campus and planned to attend in the spring. The response rate was 52 percent, with only 705 students responding, a far lower number than in previous years. The 2015 Lifestyle Survey found that 29 percent of Whitman students did not drink on an average Friday night and that 30 percent drank on an average Saturday night. Maxwell noted that the vast majority of Whitman students are very responsible in drinking choices. Greek membership is a very large factor in assessing drinking among various campus groups. Forty-six percent of fraternity members drank seven or more drinks when they party; only 10 percent of independent men drank as much. Thirty-three percent of women’s fraternity women drank seven or more drinks while partying; only 14 percent of independent women did the same. The survey also gives a complex breakdown of which drugs students use. A little over half of the student body smoke marijuana at least once a year. Around 16 percent use the drug once a week or more. On average, fraternity men use tobacco, marijuana, hallucinogens and other drugs much more frequently than other students. The most popular hard drugs on campus are hallucinogens, which 15.8 percent of students have used. “I think drugs and alcohol are very visible on campus. There is easy access, but with that being said most of my peers are responsible about their use,” said first-year Bryce Benson.
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2015
WEB, nonprofit partner for film fest by GEOFFREY LEACH
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30 A&E Students produce independent projects at Harper Joy Theatre APR
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Staff Reporter
n May 2, Whitman College will host The Wild and Scenic Film Festival at Cordiner. Whitman Events Board (WEB) in a partnership with the Blue Mountain Land Trust will be showing eight independent films that are deeply rooted in the environment. The Wild and Scenic Film Festival is a national film festival that tours across the country. It has a catalogue of 75 films that are mostly independent and are always about environmental activism. Because Whitman is a smaller venue, it will show 2.5 hours of film, or eight movies in total. These eight movies range from the story of a man traveling the world with his soccer ball to oil fracking in China. Whitman has partnered with Blue Mountain Land Trust to help support the environment. According to WEB Cinema Director senior Sierra Dickey, this partnership made bringing The Wild and the Scenic Film Festival to Whitman possible. “Blue Mountain Land Trust is a local land trust non-profit and we’re putting it on with them. Because the school received a grant from Patagonia ... part of the stipulations of the grant was to put it on in conjunction with a local non-profit in order to help them raise membership,” said Dickey. To help protect the environment, Blue Mountain Land Trust purchases easements of land from landowners for conservation. They pay for these easements through grants or the government. Through this method of conservation, land owners still own the land but they no longer have the right to use it. Blue Mountain Land Trust will benefit from The Wild and Scenic Film Festival by gaining public awareness and a possible profit from ticket sales. “They’re going to reach audiences that they usually wouldn’t, and it’s a great chance for them to sign up for [their 2015 series] called Learning on the Land,” said Dickey. This partnership is what The Wild and Scenic Film Festival wants. They have been focusing on growing the grassroots environmental movement for around 15 years. “If you bring it, you really have to do your part to energize your community around environmental issues,” said Dickey. Dickey and sophomore Jessica Parker have been planning this for a long time. “We’ve been planning probably since two or three weeks before Spring Break,” said Dickey. WEB has done a lot of marketing, and Blue Mountain Land Trust has reached out to a lot of their supporters. Dickey is optimistic that many people will attend the festival. “We’re hoping to fill at least the bottom part of Cordiner,” said Dickey. The Wild and Scenic Film Festival runs from 7 to 10:30 pm on Saturday, May 2 in Cordiner Hall.
Illustration by Cooper-Ellis
by HANNAH BARTMAN Staff Reporter
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tudent-initiated and independently produced theater performances are few and far between outside of the main theater season, but in the upcoming month there will be three plays performed and produced solely by students. Senior Eli Zavatsky created a solo performance, “The Bat-Poet and the She-Wolf,” as his senior thesis, senior Tyle Schuh readapted a trans-feminist version of Jean Genet’s play “The Maids” in conjunction with his David Nord award, and seniors Caroline Rensel and Sarah Ann Wollett will perform “Pariah” by August Strindberg as an independent study project. The utter difference of each of the plays is shocking and a testament to the diversity of interests within the Department of Theatre; from plot to dialogue to production, each play engages with radically different concepts with which the audience can discuss. Zavatsky has been in the process of writing his play over the past year. Describing the play as sitting amongst the new sector of environmental theater, Zavatsky’s play began with a story that he wrote in second grade about “a bat and a wolf that meet and become friends and go on an adventure.” Zavatsky
acquired the bulk of his play during the past six months in which he wrote every day during his summer working as a kayak instructor in the San Juan Islands and his semester abroad participating in Whitman’s Semester in the West program. “Pretty much every sentence in this play is something that I really want people to hear [and] need people to hear,” he said. This solo performance was a project that revolved almost entirely on Zavatsky’s own vision. Apart from some guidance from his advisor, Assistant Professor of Theatre Kristen Kosmas, Zavatsky wrote the play himself and will perform it alone two more times on April 30 and May 1 at 5 p.m. in the Black Box. “I was really intrigued with [a solo performance] and ... I know that I’m capable of it, but it’s not necessarily something I want to do [in the future],” he said. Schuh’s independently driven project was initiated by the David Nord award. The David Nord Award gives 2,500 dollars to two students at the beginning of this semester who wish to engage with projects relating to queer topics. Schuh realized their project after reading “The Maids” in a theater course last semester. In Gadet’s original work, the play consisted of two maids, who are played
by two adolescent boys, who hate and therefore dress up like and perform sadomasochistic acts behind the back of their employer, Madame. In Schuh’s adaption the two maids, who are sisters, are altered to be one transgendered woman and one cis-gendered woman, and Madame is a drag queen. Schuh explains that Gadet’s work is in discussion with sexual orientation whereas Schuh’s adaptation is more of a dialogue with gender identity. “I was really struck by the poetics of [the play] and particularly how the poetics are playing with femininity. I saw so much luxury in it and it reminded me a lot of drag and these ideals of excess femininity, and these characters just started speaking to me,” they said. Schuh’s work touches on topics such as the incarceration of trans women, the harmful portrayal of trans women in the media, the feminist movement and its close-minded approach to primarily cis-gendered issues, and the daily microaggressions performed surrounding transgender and feminist issues. “A large part has been entering problematic territory and understanding the problematics but still going forward with it,” they said. “Because at least if we do something shocking and something problematic and we recognize the problematics that we’re
creating, there is a shock in the audience and that allows for a conversation to be had around that.” The play will take place in the Black Box on May 13, 14 and 15 at 8 p.m., and the last performance includes a talk-back with the three actors and with Schuh. The play chosen to be performed by Rensel and Wollett was written in a naturalist style during the 19th Century. This oneact play consists of two characters, Ms. X and Ms. Y, only one of whom has dialogue for the duration of the 20-minute piece. In order to allow both the opportunity for dialogue, Rensel and Wollett will switch characters and perform the piece four to six times back-to-back in the acting classing on May 12 at 7 p.m., the one night that the play will be performed. “I think we have different instincts on how sympathetic we find each character in different moments, which is really cool that two actors have widely different perspectives,” said Rensel. The initiative of students to perform their own project, outside of the direct supervision of a professor or with a large group of other theatre students, is an occurrence less often seen at Whitman. It is also a unique experience available from which all students can learn and enjoy.
Sufjan Stevens reconciles KWCW Show of the Week: ‘Blast from the Musical Past’ life, love in new album by EMMA DAHL Staff Reporter
C
arrie & Lowell is Sufjan Stevens’ first full-length album in five years. It marks his return to the beautiful folk roots that distinguished some of his older releases, but it’s much more stripped down and devoid of the creative instrumentation that characterized works such as Illinois or Michigan. It’s also a significant departure from his most recent release, the very electronic Age of Adz. There’s a reason for the quiet and subtle style of the album: It’s a very personal collection of music, with every track inspired by and telling of Stevens’ fractured relationship with his mother, the titular Carrie. It’s an album that goes beyond a straightforward production of art; it serves a very personal purpose for Stevens. In order to better understand Carrie & Lowell, you need to under-
Illustration by Cooper-Ellis
stand Stevens’ history with his mother. She left her children with their father when Stevens was only a year old, mainly because she understood that she wasn’t capable of taking care of them. She suffered from depression, bipolar disorder, alcoholism and substance abuse for much of her adult life. As a result, her communication with her children was often sporadic and shallow. When Stevens was about five, she married Lowell; these were some of her most stable years, and Stevens and his siblings would spend their summers with their mother and stepfather in Eugene, Ore. These were golden times, and Stevens remembers them fondly. Unfortunately, Carrie and Lowell divorced after five years of marriage, and her relationship with her children returned to its unstable state. She died in 2012, and Carrie & Lowell is the direct product of Stevens’ grief and catharsis surrounding her death.
The album tiptoes through Stevens’ childhood. Every track contains a microcosm of Stevens’ summers spent in Oregon; the lyrics blur the lines between fantasy and fact, religion and myth, responsibility and innocence, happy memories and thoughts of suicide. There are countless references to locations in Oregon, imagery of hot and sticky summer days, of quiet suburban moments amid the whirring of air conditioners. The music invokes emotions of neglect and loss, but also a slow process of reconciliation and, ultimately, a sense of forgiveness. As Stevens said of the album in an interview for Pitchfork. com, “[Carrie & Lowell] is not really trying to say anything new, or prove anything, or innovate. It feels artless, which is a good thing. This is not my art project; this is my life.” While the style of the music is beautiful, simple and clean, I would never label this record as easy listening; it’s a difficult emotional journey if you listen carefully to each track and let Stevens’ dark lyrics sink in. As Stevens himself warned, you shouldn’t listen to the album unless you’re ready to understand what it’s really about and experience his broken childhood. But the album has an important lesson, and Stevens summarized it as follows: “I quickly learned that you don’t have to be incarcerated by suffering, and that, in spite of the dysfunctional nature of your family, you are an individual in full possession of your life.” Carrie & Lowell is a reminder that we are not defined by our relationships, by what our family history implies we should be. It’s a reminder that love surrounds you, even though it often might be difficult to see or feel. It’s a reminder to forgive, to reconcile and to rediscover that love before it’s too late.
by DANIEL KIM A&E Editor
H
istory is filled with many influential musical artists and styles. For host of “Blast from the Musical Past,” first-year Eric Anderson, classic rock is one genre that has influenced his musical taste. Although his show focuses primarily on classic rock from the 1960s to the 1990s, he also tries to include more under-the-radar musical artists. Within each week’s show, Anderson aims to have one featured artist and his or her musical accomplishments, giving him a chance to explore new, unknown artists. While Anderson has found new musical artists he did not know before, some common featured artists that come back to his show are Jimi Hendrix, B-52, Rush, Boston and Fleetwood Mac. Anderson’s show il-
lustrates the influence of classic rock and will continue to explore its many hidden treasures.
Show: ‘Blast from the Musical Past’ Time: Mondays, 2–4 p.m. Host: Eric Anderson
Illustration by Penner-Ash
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APR
30 2015
PAGE
5
First varsity season exceeds expectations
Anna Melville ‘17 (above) was an important asset in the team’s progress through this season. With their inaugural varsity season behind them, the team now looks for ways to improve for next year. Photo by Kelly.
by KENDRA WINCHESTER Staff Reporter
T
he inaugural season for the Whitman Varsity Women’s Lacrosse Team this spring could be measured in the amount of wins and losses the team had. However, a better measurement can be based on the growth and confidence that the women gained in themselves and in new Head Women’s Lacrosse Coach, Kate Robinson, throughout their season. Robison was quite pleased with the outcome of this season. “I think we learned a ton. We got better from day one to the last game. I think that we became really cohesive as a unit and truly became a team,” said Coach Robinson. “We showed moments of brilliance and moments where we could use some development — all positive. This year was super fun and I was so pleasantly surprised with the level of play that we had.
I lucked out with this group.” The players were equally excited with the outcome and experiences that were had this season, especially with that of having a new coach. “She was a really good fit for the school and with the transition. She understood that it was not going to be varsity level. She worked really well with us to make that transition,” said junior Emily Jordan. With the generation of nothing but positivity this past season, there is a lot of excitement for next season. But with next season comes higher expectations and more preparations. “The thing we need to work on, I think, is work ethic next year, and I think we have that along with our ground level skills, and we are prepared with a plan: lots of fitness and stick skills,” said Jordan. Increasing every aspect of
Sweets excited to host regionals for 1st time from LADY SWEETS, page 1
“We played some great Frisbee, but we need to come back and bounce back from what might have felt like an easier weekend.” Without the typical travel staples of carpooling and crashing at parents’ houses, the team is trying to find a way to maintain their unique bond. Last weekend they performed a Miley Cyrus tribute at Choral Contest. They also plan to eat together as they would at any other tournament. “We’re usually all together for the entire weekend, so it’s easy to get the team
chemistry going,” said Sloss. Whatever their methods, the Lady Sweets are proud of the recognition they are building around club Frisbee in the Pacific Northwest. This weekend they hope to share that passion with their peers and encourage anyone with a spare hour to come support their quest for a bid to nationals. “It’s not easy but we have a good chance to make it there,” said Lozano. The team’s first game will be played against Oregon State at 9:30 a.m. on Saturday, May 2.
the game for this still new team is the starting point for next season and months before that. “Next season is going to look very different, especially this being the hybrid year. We’re going to have an earlier preseason and an extra day of practice. Fitness has to be there, knowing our schedule and developing these habits early, starting this summer. Going deeper into what we did this year, especially with on-field things. We have so much potential,” said Robinson. Now that women’s lacrosse is a varsity sport, recruitment for next year’s incoming first-years is crucial to increase the depth of the team from this past season. “Right now we have about five commits, and we’re waiting to hear back from the other regular decision applicants,” said Robinson. “They have all been to campus and met the team and are super pumped to have an im-
mediate impact for next year.” Boosting the intensity for next season will only increase with the experience of current players and the excitement of new additions. “We struggled with the varsity atmosphere, and having people coming in will really help us with that,” said junior captain Nina Henelsmith. More game experience will also come along with the addition of recruits and ramped-up expectations. Robinson plans to expand the schedule in order to help the team gain experience. “Right now I am working on our non-conferences games,” she said. “We are most likely going to go to Southern California and play a few powerhouse teams, which is good for our strength of schedule, maybe get some neutral site games on the west side. And hopefully get to go down to Colorado and play Colorado College.” With the addition of recruits
Murderer in NFL’s midst by DYLAN SNYDER Staff Reporter
“Y
ou’re wrong.” Those are the very simple words that former NFL star turned inmate Aaron Hernandez mouthed to the jury as they read the verdict for the first of many criminal trials. A few short weeks ago on April 15, Hernandez was convicted of first-degree murder for extreme cruelty in the death of Odin Lloyd, his sister-in-law’s boyfriend. Hernandez, barring successful appeal, will sit in prison for the rest of his natural life, but the fact that he got to where he was in his life is extraordinary knowing what we do now. Hernandez somehow was able to have a secret life
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as a serial shooter without anyone being wiser until he got sloppy. Hernandez always had trouble with the law. He failed multiple drug tests for marijuana at the University of Florida. He fell in the NFL draft down to the fourth round despite being an elite talent, but then he still couldn’t get it together. During the trial, a friend of Hernandez testified that Hernandez smoked up to an ounce of weed a day while in the NFL. How this got past the NFL’s drug testing system that has effectively ended the careers of several players like Justin Blackmon, Josh Gordon and put a huge roadblock in front of Ricky Williams remains a mystery. The fact that Hernandez was never caught is obviously a huge red flag in terms of the effectiveness of the system in place. But smoking weed isn’t the worst thing a person can do, despite what the NFL punishments are. What came out regarding the violence in Hernandez’s past should worry everyone, not just those in charge of NFL discipline. We like to think that we “know” our athletes. We watched with awe as Johnny Football partied his way to the Heisman and then to rehab. We see athletes try to inspire and put their feet in their mouths on Twitter all the time. But we never think that there is a legitimate serial mur- derer in the public spotlight. Her na ndez start-
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and expanding their schedule next season, there are hopes that the depth of the team will increase. “Next year we really need to up the intensity, and knowing that we can actually compete in the league next year will really help us out. And having a fuller and deeper team will allow us to step up even more to the varsity level,” said Henelsmith. The outcome of this season was more than Robinson or the team could ever imagine. The growth that was able to take place during their inaugural season was so immense and positive that it will allow for even more development for them next year and beyond, especially since they will only graduate two seniors, Nicolette Carnahan and Jade Anderson. The preparations for next season are already underway with the conclusion of this season, and there is no where to go but up for these Missionaries.
OPEN LATE
Illustration by Rannestad
ed all this back in 2007 (as far as we know) when he punched a bouncer in the head so hard he ruptured an eardrum. Only five months later Hernandez was questioned about a shooting in which he was involved, but not a suspect. Hernandez apparently was then able to keep his nose clean long enough to win a BCS Championship, get drafted and win a Super Bowl. Five months after the Super Bowl win, however, it appears that Hernandez shot and killed two men in a drive-by shooting. This will be Hernandez’s next legal trial, which he should have plenty of time to mull over in his cell. Then in February 2013, Hernandez allegedly shot an associate in the face leaving him blind in one eye. After all of this, Hernandez killed Odin Lloyd in June of 2013, bringing all of these infractions to light and getting thrown in jail for the rest of his life. How in the world does this happen? Obviously if the cops didn’t know about these instances, it is hard to blame the NFL for not stepping in, but a murderer was in the NFL for four entire years before he got sloppy enough to get caught. The body count as it stands right now is three with the possibility of five. In a world where what Tom Brady eats for breakfast makes news, we intrude on rehab stays, suspend people for having a single beer and have video tape of some allegedly deflating footballs, the NFL failed to kick out a murderer until the courts did it for them. If the NFL is going to have people take its personal conduct policy seriously, maybe it needs to keep a closer eye on its multimillion dollar men.
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6
FEATURE
APR
30 2015
Women climbers push back against gender imbalance in the gym
from CLIMBING, page 1
Ladies’ Climbing Night This regular event intends to let female climbers stake out a space in a largely male-dominated sport.
Where: Whitman Climbing Center When: Next night is Monday, May 11, 8–10 p.m.
Alison Kaplan ‘16 (above) and Dana Bolster ‘17 (below) work on routes at Ladies’ Climbing Night. Photo by Bashevkin
Bessen agrees that it’s the first time she has ever walked into the gym and seen so many women. The unexpected turnout suggests that a space for women in the gym is necessary. The amount of women in the gym surprised many people. “There was one guy there working the desk, and he asked me, ‘Is this how you feel all the time? It’s terrifying!’” said Bessen. Bessen says its important for women climbers to feel welcome. “Josephine and I both are both really passionate about climbing, and whenever we’re in the gym, it’s pretty much just guys or it’s a large majority of men, and the atmosphere in the gym is very male-dominated in a way that it makes women feel intimidated to go climbing,” she said. “A lot of [women] don’t feel like it’s a resource that’s available to them ... Climbing is a sport meant for both genders [but] it’s hard for people to see that when they don’t see women in the gym.” Although there are many successful female climbers growing in popularity, famous climbers in popular culture are usually men, such as Alex Honnold and Chris Sharma. A 2010 New York Times article referenced a study by “Rock and Ice” magazine that reported about 70 percent of the regular climbers in the United States are male. Despite Whitman’s gender ratio, the climbing culture on campus seems to reflect this national trend. The success of Ladies’ Climbing Night has proven that women are interested in having a space to climb without an obvious gender disparity. Although the first night was the biggest, Ladies’ Night continues to have a large turnout every week with both regulars and newcomers. “We wanted to do something that was continuous and consistent rather that sporadic because if females do start to come that haven’t before, they automatically start setting a routine that they get used to. Eight to 10 every other Monday — that repetition helps foster a pattern,” said Adamski. “I like the idea of a Ladies Climbing Night because I know a lot of people can be intimidated, especially girls, because the climbing wall can be kind of a bro-out place, where guys climb and show off and make it seem really intense,” she said. Sophomore Emma Massie is a Ladies’ Night regular. She appreciates the space that the event provides. Massie agreed that guys can be a little less inclusive and less welcoming, which she think might deter girls from coming in. The intimidation factor at Whitman’s gym seems to be a largely agreed-upon issue. “Sometimes guys gather in groups and start campusing, which is where you basically do pull-ups all the way up and don’t use your feet,” said Massie. “That’s kind of intimidating and creates a space where there’s eight or nine guys, and no one, girls especially, really wants to go over to that area of the climbing wall because it’s kind of being crowded by this intensity that’s not very welcoming.” This sentiment seemed to be a common one among female climbers.
“You’re speaking to my soul right now,” said a nearby climber who overheard the interview at the event. The gym is not closed to men during the Ladies’ Night hours and a handful were climbing during the event. “It would really be appreciated if guys could help foster an all-female environment,” said Bessen. The gender disparities in the climbing gym can affect more than just Whitman students. Senior Emily Ford has been taking a local 11-year-old girl climbing in the gym recently. Since the young climber isn’t top-rope certified, the pair needs to be checked off to be able to climb. “There are often no girls in the gym at all, so every time she wanted to climb up the wall, a guy had to come and give permission. And I’m hoping that women’s climbing night encourages more women to come get involved so that this girl doesn’t have to feel like she needs to get O.K.’ed by a guy to climb,” said Ford. Ford has been climbing casually for four years, but Monday was her first Ladies’ Climbing Night. She says that the atmosphere is fun and supportive, and she appreciates being surrounded by other women who are having fun and climbing the way they want to climb. “There’s less pressure and the motivation is different in a way,” said Ford. “Climbing is often seen as a rough and tough sport, which is parallel to stereotypes of men, how you conquer a route or summit something. Right now we’re just enjoying being on the wall pushing ourselves and each other.” Adding to the atmosphere of female empowerment, songs by artists such as The Spice Girls, Shakira and Britney Spears were played over the loudspeaker. Senior Allison Work runs
the desk during Ladies’ Night and is often the mastermind behind the event’s playlists. “I’m definitely going for girl power vibe, which can be achieved in variety of ways,” said Work from behind the counter, gesturing to Spotify. Work thinks Ladies’ Climbing Night is a good thing for the gym. “If you’re comfortable with your climbing ability, [the gym] is a welcoming place for everyone,” said Work. “You do tend to see mostly guys in here. That can be intimidating as a beginning woman. But Ladies’ Night is usually packed and has the coolest vibe.” Unfortunately Ladies’ Climbing Night doesn’t receive funding, so attendees have to pay to rent gear. Adamski and Bessen looked into ASWC funding but were denied. ASWC’s bylaws state that it supports clubs open to all students and cannot discriminate based on gender. “That doesn’t mean we do not support groups like the Ladies’ Climbing Night which is exclusionary to build a community — just that we cannot support them financially,” said first-year ASWC senator AnnaMarie McCorvie. Bessen and Adamski are still looking for grants to cover the cost of the rentals to make the event possible for more members of the community. With or without funding, they see change in the future. “Gender imbalances have historically been an issue pretty much forever, so for a lot of things in the U.S. it’s been an issue, and it’s been an issue in climbing, too,” said Bessen. “And I think that it’s a huge bummer that it’s prevalent at Whitman right now, but Whitman is certainly a place that has the capacity to change that.” The next Ladies’ Climbing Night is on Monday, May 11.
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OPINION
APR
30 2015
PAGE
7
Greekend not harnessing full potential of Greek system CHRISTOPHER
HANKIN First-year
MIRACLE WHIPS
A
s a member of the Greek system, I often find myself becoming defensive when people call on us to do more about issues such as sexual misconduct or a lack of diversity at Whitman. Sometimes it feels as though there is an unfair burden placed on men’s and women’s fraternities that is not placed on other organizations. This seems to be a pretty common sentiment among many within the Greek system who feel they are unfairly targeted as the cause of these problems. The recent Greekend, however, caused me to look at this from a different perspective: an opportunity rather than a burden. Rather than feeling as though we are being forced to take the weight of changing the system, I have begun feeling as though we have the power to change the system. I have often quoted statistics about how expansive Whitman’s Greek system is, with nearly 40 percent of the student body belonging
to a men’s or women’s fraternity. With that huge percentage comes an enormous power to define the social scene at Whitman; the Greek system hosts most of the school’s parties and sets the tone at them. Greekend sees the school’s Greek population come together in huge numbers and presents an annual opportunity to showcase all of the things that make our men’s and women’s fraternities great. This is especially necessary during a time when our Greek system is facing intense scrutiny. Issues surrounding Whitman’s Greek system, and Greek systems all over the country, have become especially controversial in recent years. Whitman is under investigation for Title IX violations, and Greek organizations all over the country are being called out for violating basic principles of human decency. Most recently, frat bros living in Florida were suspended for spitting on a wounded, homeless veteran. With all of this negativity, the Whitman Greek System needs to simultaneously distinguish and improve itself in order to show that we do not support these actions and are working to directly combat the issues on our campus. Simply not participating in these violations is insufficient. This is where Greekend comes in — or more specifically, didn’t come in. Don’t get me wrong; Greekend was a great time. I had a lot of fun basking
in the sun, eating burgers and playing football. But I couldn’t help but feel as though it were a hollow PR opportunity designed to impress prospective students rather than to address issues that are facing our campus. This returns to the idea of viewing our power to change the social norms as an opportunity rather than a burden. With the exception of the Color Run hosted by Alpha Phi, there were no events during the weekend that had goals more significant than simply having fun. Though Greekend’s stated purpose is not to address social issues, it could have. And given the climate surrounding our Greek system recently, it should have at least tried.
Greekend gave us an opportunity to really set ourselves apart from Greek systems all over the country and to begin to use our power on campus. Fundraisers show the unaffiliated community that we are more than just a group of people who get drunk together. Maybe more importantly, we need to be the ones starting conversations about these issues so that we can demonstrate that we are working to fight against them. Greekend could have been an amazing time to come together as more than individual men’s and women’s fraternities, to set our differences aside and try to work to improve the experiences of everyone on campus. Unfortu-
nately that wasn’t quite the case. It has become clear that we can no longer act as though the problems that plague Greek organizations at bigger schools don’t exist at Whitman. Greekend would have been a great place to start dialogue about how we can improve the system from within, but unfortunately we missed that chance. Luckily there are chances every day if we just have the bravery to take them. It’s not enough to simply wash our hands of the problem and say it’s not our fault. If we really want to change the perception of Whitman’s Greek system, we must actively fight against the problems in our community.
Illustration by Rannestad
Learned helplessness keeps women out of tech Sex dates, sandwiches aid communication KATY
WILLS Junior
I
work for Technology Services at Whitman and it’s one of the best jobs I’ve ever had. My co-workers are a patient, kind and thoroughly entertaining team of A/V nerds. During the daytime shifts I complete basic office maintenance tasks like organizing wires and chargers or cleaning projec-
tors. It’s work that I learned how to do in about a day and doesn’t seem particularly challenging. As an additional part of the job, a couple of times a week I set up and take down lectures, film screenings and other kinds of special events. I get to go to work and know that every shift I’ll learn something new about computer viruses, connection cables, troubleshooting and a plethora of other useful tools and tips. They throw me into situations armed with the little concrete knowledge I have, my boss’s phone number in case something goes wrong, and the tried-and-true advice that turning everything off and back on again works nearly every time. I applied to work for tech services because I wanted to learn about technology. Every time I tell someone that I work for technology services I see their eyebrows raise and their heads cock a little to the side. They’re surprised and confused. This isn’t new news. You don’t see a lot of women behind the Helpdesk at Penrose Library or in the WCTS Office in Olin Hall. Technology
Illustration by Cooper-Ellis
Services is a male-dominated field. While this is frustrating to me because I don’t like seeing stark gender disparities in any arena, what’s most disappointing is the response I get nearly every time I talk to a woman about my job. Not only is the woman surprised and confused, but she immediately tells me that she could never work for technology services. She tells me that she doesn’t know the next thing about computers and that she’s helpless when it comes to anything technological. I don’t believe that women are naturally any less capable of turning things off and turning them back on again, so where did the perception that as a woman, you could never work in the technology world come from? Why is the response I get so incredibly consistent? There are several answers to this question, but the one that rings most true to me harkens back to Psychology 110, when I discovered “learned helplessness.” Learned helplessness essentially means that people condition themselves or are conditioned by others to believe they can’t do something. If you’re going on a family road trip and your dad always steps up to pack the car, when you grow up and have a family of your own, it makes sense that you’d default to your husband to pack the car because you think you don’t know how to do it. The same can go for a leaky pipe under the sink or a dead light bulb. Until I started working for Tech Services, it didn’t even occur to me that I could figure out how to backup the files on my computer or run a virus scan without calling my dad to have him walk me through it. I realized that my learned helplessness in technology is just one of many areas that inhibit me from being more independent, efficient and empowered. It’s important to reflect on the areas in your life where you seek help before you even consider doing something on your own. One crucial way to achieve gender equality is for women to start asking ourselves what we can totally do ourselves even if the only people we’ve ever seen do them are our dads, brothers or the dudes behind the Library Helpdesk.
Voices from the Community
CRYSTAL AND CHEVY Anonymous
A
t the beginning of the year we began our column by attempting to follow in the footsteps of rappers Salt n’ Pepa — we wanted to “Talk about sex, baby.” As the temperature has risen, we’ve covered everything from sex with food to how you might go about being in a relationship over the summer. However, we sometimes forget that regardless of what advice we offer or how good (or bad) it is, discussing sex, love and relationships can be really, really hard. Often, whenever we bring up the subjects with our partners, we get awkward, fidgety, stutter, forget what we wanted to say and ultimately leave without making progress. And that’s natural! Even though we’re well past middle school, sex is still awkward and weird and makes us giggle. While we might have gotten over the horror of sex-ed from puberty, finding the right words and the right time to talk about sex with your partner is still difficult. So we’re here to offer some tips on how to make your sex talk a much better experience than seventh grade health class. Remember, these are just some pointers. You don’t have to try them all and you certainly don’t have to like them all, but hopefully they can provide a good jumping-off point for you to have better sex. 1. Set a Sex Date. Set a date that is dedicated exclusively to talking about your and your partner’s sex life. As students, we’re very busy and it’s often difficult to find time to have a constructive conversation about how to improve or develop your sex life. It can also be hard if you and your partner are just lying in bed and they suddenly spring such an extensive and important subject on you. Setting a sex date allows you both have some time to think about what you want and what to say. Coming
prepared will eliminate stretches of “I’m thinking” time. Bonus! You get to go out on a date and hopefully have great, or at least different, sex afterwards. 2. Stack It Like a Sandwich. It’s the classic strategy of sandwiching constructive criticism between a compliment or two. We like to structure the debriefing as A) something we’re doing well, B) sometime we could get better at, and C) something you and your partner try together for next time. 3. Although it may seem counterintuitive, planning to try something new can sometimes be less awkward than attempting to do it in the heat of the moment. It’s always a little cumbersome to stop in the middle of some steamy foreplay to look up new sex positions on “Cosmo.” Instead, do your sex homework together beforehand and then go to bed later prepared. Plus, you’ll be squirming with horny anticipation up until the moment arrives and there’s nothing more fun than delayed gratification... except for the gratification itself. It’s important to remember that good sex isn’t going to magically happen. We’re sorry to break it to you, but movies are not an accurate reflection of real life, particularly real sex. If you are unsatisfied with your sex life, you can take steps to make it better. The first step is learning how to communicate with your partner about what pleases you. The more explicit you are able to be, the more accurately your partner will be able to follow your suggestions, and the more pleasure you’ll get. Warning: having one, five or even 10 conversations about sex with your partner is not going to make everything perfect. Communicating about sex needs to become a habit and key aspect of your sex life in order for you and your partner to grow together in bed. We know it’s hard to do, but there’s no better payoff than a Beyoncé-riffic, “Rocket”-level orgasm.
What do you think about the Title IX door hangers? Poll by HAYLEY TURNER
KATE
WHITTINGHAM
MARIA PTUCHA
JACK WHEELER
HALEY FRIEL
First-year
Senior
Sophomore
Senior
“I think they’re a good idea, but I don’t know how effective they’d be if I found myself in a situation like that.”
“My question is: Who would actually feel comfortable saying they’re not O.K.? They seem to perpetuate the Whitman stereotype that everyone should always be O.K. and happy.”
*
“The Title IX door hangers don’t clearly state their purpose. As such, they cannot show any conviction, and without conviction they make little of an important subject.”
View more Voices of the Community at www.whitmanpioneer.com
“They should say ‘I feel mentally, physically and emotionally healthy’ instead of ‘I’m O.K.’ There’s better, more helpful language that could be used.”
BACKPAGE
PAGE
8
Jackpage: Understanding babies JACK SWAIN Junior
A
week or two ago I went to Safeway and something really wild happened. I was minding my own business, contemplating the cereal aisle, when I came across a baby. She was standing up, wearing a fuzzy blue onesie and a full head of blonde hair. Her parents were nowhere to be seen. It was just me and the baby. We stared at each other. “What are you looking at,” I said. The baby didn’t say anything, so I waved at her. She held up a fat fist and shook it at me. “So that’s how it’s gonna be, huh.” She took a few shaky steps towards me, almost fell and steadied herself. She latched onto my leg and I looked around again for her parents.
“What’s your deal, Blue?” I asked her. She looked up at me and blinked. She had big hazel eyes. Without thinking I ruffled her hair. “Where’s your mom at?” “Da,” she replied. “That’s my middle name. How’d you know my name? You following me or something?” “Da.” “Jesus Christ, what the fuck?” I muttered under my breath. Blue sneezed. “Oh... Sorry? You don’t understand what I’m saying do you?” “Da.” “O.K.” I picked her up awkwardly. “O.K.” At the customer service counter I sat her down and she immediately reached for the display of lighters. “C’mon Blue,” I said “Aren’t you a little young for that?” She held up a lighter, clutched in her pudgy fingers and stuck it in her mouth. “Um, no.” I gently pulled it away and she gave me a look with her big eyes, seriously hurt. I was thankful she didn’t burst into tears. “Don’t give me that look Blue.” I handed it back and she started sucking on it again. “Can I help you?” It was the
manager. “Uh, yes, actually. I found this, um, baby?” Without missing a beat, the manager picked up the phone and said, “Owner of a baby, please claim it at the customer service desk.” Then he walked away and left me with Blue. She gave me a look like ‘Is this guy serious right now?” I looked around and imagined a flustered, out-of-breath woman running up to the counter any second. “So,” I said to Blue, “come here often?” “Da.” “Is that so?” “Da!” “I don’t believe you.” “Da da da da da da da!” We laughed together waited for someone to come to the counter. “Are you hungry?” I grabbed a container of hummus and showed her how to eat it with her fingers. We had fun making a mess until Child Protective Services arrived. They took her off with hummus all over her face. She had that same look in her eyes. I hope you are doing O.K., Blue. I’m going to think of you every time I eat hummus.
Illustration by Revere
APR
30 2015
Boy sneezes in Encounters I
t was 11:37 on a Friday morning in first-year James Leblooze’s Encounters section with Tom Davis when something happened that changed Leblooze’s life forever. Leblooze had been experiencing mild allergy symptoms but had taken a little Allegra and drank some tea and said later that he felt “genuinely good that morning and was definitely not expecting any sort of Vesuvius-like disaster to happen.” But, it seems, that Encounters class was much like Pompeii in 79 A.D. and would witness an eruption almost the size of Krakatoa. In a post-incident interview, one of Leblooze’s classmates described the scene: “We were just talking about some book that’s supposedly relevant to our education at the time. And I was half paying attention, but then I look over, and Leblooze is leaning back like he’s going to sneeze. And there are no tissues in this class dude. None.” “I felt the sneeze coming on, and I put my hands to my face, thinking it would be dry. But it wasn’t,” noted Leblooze himself. Indeed, Leblooze sneezed in the middle of the riveting Encounters discussion, just as one of his classmates was comparing St. Augustine to a Buzzfeed article. “Leblooze’s sneeze mostly went on his hands. Mostly,” confessed one classmate who had not done the reading but had instead watched James Cameron’s “Aliens” the previous night. Indeed, most of Leblooze’s sinus ooze, which was determined to be around five ounces of snot in the post-incident report filed with the school, ended up on the palms of his hands. But some landed on one of his classmates, Jan-start Lauren Harriliy. Harriliy refused to comment on the story and has taken a leave of absence from the college to cope with what her friends describe as a “soiled reputation.” “I feel really bad some of
my boogers ended up on Lauren, but I was the one who truly suffered,” said Leblooze. Post-sneeze, Leblooze noticed there were no tissues in the classroom, and his hands were completely covered with snot. Unluckily for Leblooze, he had to turn a door handle to get to the bathroom. When he lowered his hands, snot was also covering some of his face, which some of his classmates began snickering at. Leblooze managed to open the door after about 20 seconds and left some residue on the handle, which the professor later cleaned up with his tie. Leblooze made his way down to the bathroom, but not without embarrassing himself further by walking past the girl he liked. Leblooze held his hands to his face and hoped that she wouldn’t notice that he was nervously making his way to the bathroom. She however, silently greeted him by offering him an open hand. Leblooze acted on instinct and immediately high-fived her. Another student commented on the incident: “I just heard her shrieking in the hallway and this girl was on the ground with snot all over her hand. I thought she had sneezed her brains out and fainted, but then I saw that creep sneaking away.” “It was an incident I’ll never live down,” said Leblooze. “My reputation has been seriously damaged. I’m thinking about legally changing my name.” Leblooze has since been known around campus as “Snot-boy,” and several chants have been started at fraternities of the nickname upon Leblooze’s entrance. Leblooze has yet to show to his encounters class after the incident. “I just feel so bad about the tie,” he said. “But hopefully, I can still scrape by. If there was a moral to this story, it’s don’t have allergies! They will kill your reputation.”
Tales from beyond the Frat: Confessions in the wake of partaking in the Jaeger challenge N ow while the story I am about to tell is mostly true, details have been changed to protect the innocent as they were involved in the story. But the fear, passion, elation and misery that is discussed is all too real. I don’t recommend doing this to anyone, unless they want to feel completely at a loss for words. For those who don’t act like total morons on a regular basis, the Jaeger Challenge involves splitting a fifth of Jaeger with another human and drinking it as quickly has possible. I decided the best way to do this would be a “reverse Jaeger bomb” complete with shot of Redbull dropped into my 10 shots. Now I wasn’t a total fool. I didn’t drink a drop heading into my highlight for election into the “What was he thinking?” Hall of Fame. This was by far my saving grace, as when I saw my “challengers,” the other pair of dudes who would be racing us, they promptly barfed everywhere. Now I knew I had an iron stomach, trained on McDonald’s and Taco Bell, which prepared me for this very moment.
After finishing my drink in 6.7 seconds, it was one of the most bizarre evenings of my entire life. The first feeling upon completion was sheer terror. As the licorice flavored poison settled into my body my head went into overdrive. Am I going to barf? Where should I barf if I need to barf? Wait, I’m not going to barf. That, repeated about 100 times in about 15 minutes, would be an accurate description of the first wave of post challenge excitement. The next several hours — four, to be exact — were pretty much an exercise on how quickly my stomach could process what I just decided would be a good idea to consume. Now — reminding you that I was completely sober heading into this — after the first half an hour I started to get that nice buzz warm feeling you get after your first drink or two. Over the next hour or so, I got to a nice “very drunk” phase in my night. The only alarming part was that I had since stopped drinking and was continuing to feel drunker every passing minute. This is alarming
Mease not Mooses by Asa Mease
for two reasons. Aside from the whole “health” myth, first I didn’t know when it would stop, and second I could only fear what was coming for me the next morning. I returned home to my house mates blaring loud music and feeling great, so naturally I joined
them in the festivities until the alcohol successfully sedated me. Then I returned to my bed and waited for what I had coming. The next morning could only be described as predictable. My hangover was mild at worst, and I felt ready to go. This all changed
when I returned to the scene of previous nights crime and smelled the black licorice death. The overwhelming odor caused me to immediately question my existence as a man and have not been able to come within 15 feet of a bottle of sweet German liquor ever since.
Illustration by Burch