Whitman Pioneer Spring 2013 Issue 1

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Issue 1 | January 24, 2013 | Whitman news since 1896

Community debates bond to modernize Walla Walla High School

by Sarah Cornett Staff Reporter

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bond measure to delegate $69.6 million to renovate an aging Walla Walla High School has community members and school officials both advocating for the measure and debating its consequences.

The bond, set for a special Feb. 12 vote, would designate funds to update and restore Wa-Hi, a community institution built in 1963, to fit technological and classroom needs.

“We want to fully modernize the school,” said Mick Miller, the current superintendent of the Walla Walla public schools. “We currently do not have the necessary technology for our students.”

Most buildings on the sprawling campus, located a little over two miles south from Whitman, have not been renovated since their creation in 1963, and many of the classrooms show signs of serious wear. On walking into the rooms, paint is peeling, desks are broken and ceiling and floor tiles are chipped and cracked. Blackened gum covers hallways and students often run to get to class because the campus is so large.

“Most rooms have only two electrical outlets, making it difficult for teachers to effectively use technology in class,” said Pete Peterson, the principal of WaHi. “The classroom size

“It costs a fortune to heat the school . . . imagine the things we could do with that money— more teachers, more programs and [more] resources for students.”

Pete Peterson, WWHS Principal

needs to increase. The rooms have the original floors and in some cases the original 1963 desks.”

The desks, Peterson later added, are often insufficient for the number of current students. “We had a 6’10” transfer student and it took me a long time to find a suitable place for him to sit,” he added.

The school’s lack of adequate heating and cooling systems provide

another significant motivation for renovating.

“Only four classrooms have air conditioning,” Peterson said.

“It was very hot in most of my classrooms,” said Marcos Medina, a current first-year who graduated from Wa-Hi last year.

Additionally, the current heating system leaves many students wearing coats throughout the day.

On a recent tour of the school, Peterson pointed out a technique used to decrease the room temperate in efforts to make the system pump in more warm air—soaking towels in cold water and placing them over the monitors. A 1986 Wa-Hi graduate who took the tour remarked that she had done the same during her four years.

All windows are singlepane, resulting in another source of cold temperatures in classrooms.

The heating system, another original facet of the school, isn’t efficient.

“It costs a fortune to heat the school,” Miller said. In December alone, Peterson said, the electric bill was $25,000. “We’re anticipating a 30 to 40 percent decrease in energy costs with a new system,” Peterson said. “Imagine the things we could do with that money— more teachers, more programs and [more] resources for students.”

Security concerns are another principal motivator for a renovation.

Wa-Hi has no indoor hallways, and each classroom has doors leading to outside. This poses a significant security concern because of possible outside entry and is now looked upon as a significant risk following new standards and codes post-Columbine, according to Peterson.

“There are 120 doors in this building,” he said speaking of one of the larger classroom facilities. “We would drop that down to 17, which would enhance security and be more efficient for heating and cooling.”

A renovation would create indoor hallways, making these changes possible. Many rooms would expand and new desks and classroom technology would be added. A new music building will be added to fit the school’s thriving fine arts program, and current music rooms would be converted to a black box theater and an acting classroom, two things the school currently lacks. see BOND, page 2

new growth PROPOSED Tennis court expansion HAS BIG IMPACTS FOR WHITMAN CAMPUS

Photo by Bergman

by Tristan Gavin Sports Editor

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n February, Whitman’s Board of Trustees will meet to make a decision on the possibility of expanding the tennis courts in the center of campus. Whether they choose to add the proposed two new courts or go ahead with the planned remodel of the existing is a verdict that will have great repercussions on athletes and nonathletes alike. The expansion of courts would allow for Whitman to host NCAA-sanctioned tournaments as well as provide extra courts to accommodate the tennis program and community.

Whitman College is home to one of the strongest NCAA Division III tennis programs in the nation. Currently, Whitman’s men’s and women’s teams are nationally ranked 12th and 29th, respectively, and annually send players to the ITA National Championships. Very little separates Whitman from regional west coast powerhouses like UC Santa Cruz or Pomona-Pitzer with the exception of the school’s lack of resources. NCAA rules require hosts of sanctioned competitions to have six outdoor courts, but many nationally ranked programs have upwards of 10 courts. Whitman has only four.

Campus Climate Challenge demands divestment from fossil fuel companies

by LACHLAN JOHNSON Staff Reporter

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n its most recent effort to organize efforts to combat global warming, Climate Campus Challenge (CCC) aims to change Whitman College’s investment policy to encourage the college to withdraw funds, or “divest,” from fossil fuel companies.

The new campaign, which will be led by first-year Erika Longino and sophomore Sierra Dickey, will first work to raise awareness about climate change, fossil fuels and Whitman’s investments, and then attempt to impact policy through petitions, letter writing and meeting directly with administrators.

“We’re privileged. We get the opportunity to come here and go to school and understand the system we’re working under. To understand that we ourselves are investing in fossil fuel companies and we have the power to not invest in them is incredibly empowering, and there’s a lot of potential,” said Longino.

The divestment campaign at Whitman aims to build off the momentum provided by the national Fossil Free campaign being organized by 350.org, which aims to divest colleges from fos-

sil fuels in order to raise awareness of global warming and the need to lower carbon levels in the atmosphere to at least 350 parts per million (ppm). Estimates put the amount of carbon dioxide currently in the atmosphere at 392 ppm, up from 275 at the beginning of the Industrial Revolution. The leader of the 350 movement, Bill McKibben, will be giving a lecture at Whitman in April.

Although only a few colleges have completed divestment in fossil fuels, campaigns are under way at over 200 academic institutions across the country, including many liberal arts colleges similar to Whitman.

While every branch of the Fossil Free campaign works towards divestment, the specifics of divestment often differ. At Whitman, the CCC hopes to convince the college to first halt new investments in fossil fuel, and then slowly divest existing funds over a five-year period.

Alternatively, it has been suggested that the campaign could research financial managers and make recommendations to the Support Investment Committee, pursuing further investment in alternative energies rather than a full divestment which would re-

quire the college to choose entirely new managers for the entire endowment. Other colleges across the nation have taken different approaches, such as targeting specific corporations or fuels.

“There are a lot of signs that coal is in decline in the U.S.—it’s being pressured by a lot of other energy sources. So we thought it would be a very strategic first step in the divestment movement [to target coal],” said Will Vanderbilt, an environmental activist who helped organize the campaign for divestment at Brown University in the fall of 2012.

CCC hopes to connect with other student organization on campus, including the Associated Students of Whitman College (ASWC) and the Whitman Investment Company. While there are significant difficulties in divesting, the environmental movement at Whitman has had a number of successes in the last decade. In 2005 ASWC passed a resolution calling for tuition to be raised $5 per year in exchange for the college purchasing 20 percent of energy used on campus from renewable sources, and in 2007 the CCC raised $14,000 in order to further increase the college’s purchase of renewable energy. see DIVESTMENT, page 2

“In my opinion, six outdoor tennis courts are an absolute must. If we want to compete nationally and host national competitions at home, we need six outdoor courts,” said senior Sam Sadeghi, varsity tennis player and ASWC Finance Chair.

Athletics Director Dean Snider sees the proposed construction as having an equally positive impact on regular season matches.

“While hosting a national competition would be great, the project is just as necessary for efficiently hosting competitions within the conference,” said Snider. Northwest Conference competitions involve six singles matches, which force onethird of the competitors to sit by idly until courts open up later in the day during home matches.

According to Sadeghi, the outdoor tennis facilities hardly suffice to accommodate Whitman’s two teams and the community, let alone a national competition teeming with players and teams from across the country.

“There is no doubt in my mind that [more courts] are going to let us have more practice space. We have a team of 12, but with only four courts, space gets limited at the disadvantage of the Whitman community,” said Sadeghi.

With the funding for the

renovation of current courts already in line for summer construction, it seemed like a perfect opportunity to expand the courts. Unfortunately, the project faced two clear obstacles: funding and space.

“The donations and funding from the Whitman College life cycle budget have already been set aside with plans of redoing the present courts, but whether we will get the funding for two additional courts has not been determined yet,” said Construction Project Manager Jeff Donahue.

In addition to finding funds to allocate to the courts, the project also hinges upon finding space to accommodate them.

Before winter break, Whitman students, staff and community members held a forum to discuss the various possibilities. Among the ideas mentioned were moving the courts to Harper Joy Field, the athletic fields north of campus and an expansion of the current courts. Junior Frisbee player Nathan Sany attended the meeting and was surprised by the lack of conflict.

“I had expected there to be a divide between club and varsity athletes at the forum but found that there was nearly a consensus by the end of the meeting,” said Sany. see TENNIS COURTS, page 5

Sheedy at the South Pole

Outdoor Program Director Brien Sheedy stands at the South Pole after several weeks of ski and mountain guiding in Antarctica. Sheedy summited Mt. Vinson, the continent’s tallest mountain, on Sunday, Jan. 19. Photo courtesy of Brien Sheedy.

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ASWC plans student fee ahead of schedule

NEWS BRIEFS New WCTS App Saves Students Time, Legwork Whitman College Technology Services (WCTS) debuted a new website application, Labmaps, that allows students to check which computer workstations are available on both floors of the library as well as in the Olin, Maxey and Science Building computer labs. The color-coded map, updated in real time, is available on WCTS’s website (a mobile version is available as well).

by Daniel Kim Staff Reporter

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Whitman to Host First TEDx Event TEDxWhitman will take place on Saturday, April 27 in Kimball Theatre. The event, an independently organized offshoot of nonprofit TED, is a series of 15-minute talks by local speakers on a variety of subjects, with a focus on “ideas worth spreading.”

This event’s theme will be “Walla Walla and Beyond.”

TEDxWhitman will be open to the public. Applications for speakers are being accepted on TEDxWhitman’s website through Feb. 1.

Faculty Retention Consultant to Visit Campus The Working Group on the Retention of Faculty at Whitman, established last semester to address concerns about the long-term retention of female faculty and faculty of color, has selected an outside consultant to assess the state of faculty retention at the college. The consultant, Professor of Education and Psychology Daryl Smith from Claremont Graduate University, will be on campus April 17-20 to meet with current members of the faculty and administration. She will also contact former members of the faculty to discuss their reasons for leaving the college.

“We are just as interested in knowing what is working at Whitman as we are in knowing what’s not working, and are interested in hearing from people who don’t think there’s a problem with our retention rates as well as people who do,” said Associate Professor of Religion Melissa Wilcox, a member of the working group.

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tudents will have less time than usual this semester to give their input on the new student fee, as ASWC Senate is moving to vote on the fee ahead of schedule.

The Associated Students of Whitman College (ASWC) is already well on its way to determining a new ASWC fee, a small sum that students pay in addition to tuition in order to support ASWC and other student organizations. Currently they plan to start discussing the fee in senate next week.

“The ASWC fee is essentially a small piece of your tuition that goes to ASWC, which is your student government. We take every student’s fee and put it together in a budget. This budget goes towards everything ranging from clubs, club sports, WEB, The Pioneer, KWCW, the interest houses, all to put on programming, all to support club operation activities, events [and] conferences,” said President Kayvon Behroozian.

The primary reason for having an earlier date to establish this fee is so that Whitman College Controller Walter Froese will have an exact number to publish in the next college catalog so that prospective students and incoming students know the exact fee that students are required to pay to ASWC. “This year, we considered that it’s only fair that the incoming students have an idea of what they’re going to pay, especially since were supposed to be serving the students.

So we decided to move the process up a little bit,” said Behroozian.

Behroozian does not anticipate that the fee-developing process will change. The senate will have meetings and discussions to figure out where the funding will go, where there might be a need for more funding or even where there is too much funding.

“I don’t believe that moving the

date that the process starts on up to the beginning of the semester will have any implication on how our Senators will vote and what the discussions will be. It just simply means that the voting and discussion will take place earlier,” said Behroozian.

There is one difficulty that arises from setting the ASWC fee at an earlier date. Some student organizations feel that it is too early in the year to accurately estimate their expenses for next year, so the senate and finance committee are forced to make approximations.

“We are still working with clubs. The difficulty is that we

don’t know how much they will need because we’re planning so much further in advance. At this point I don’t know if many clubs know how much they need either,” said Finance Chair Sam Sadeghi.

However, he also pointed out a possible solution for this issue.

“Last year clubs as a whole got 20 percent more money and so they have a good chunk of change to work with this year,” he said.

Even with this difficulty, ASWC is confident in coming up with a new fee for next year, which will give incoming students a more accurate number for their tuition.

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Students to trustees: investments should support sustainability, campus interests from DIVESTMENT, page 1

“For two reasons, number one that it’s going to affect tuition and number two that I actually think they have more influence, I think that divestment should be student-driven,” said Professor of Geology & Environmental Studies Bob Carson. “[In 2005] students did make it known that they wanted more alternative energy. There were never any protest marches or anything, but ASWC had that v o t e a nd

that the

was

relayed to administration.”

However, not all student activism at Whitman has resulted in success. The last major divestment campaign at Whitman occurred during the anti-apartheid movement in the 1980s. Despite a national movement and student involvement, the

Board of Trustees refused to divest from companies doing business with the apartheid regime until compelled to by legislation passed by the U.S. Congress.

Whitman’s endowment is currently invested in a wide array of companies chosen for their financial success, and divesting in fossil fuel companies would lower Whitman’s financial returns, resulting in a possible rise in tuition.

The decision to divest would ultimately need to be made by the Board of Trustees, who set Whitman’s investment policy. Their policy is then implemented by the Support Investment Committee, which hires an investment consultant to analyze different financial managers. Each manager chosen by the committee decides independently where to invest funds, and the college does not play a role in this final decision.

“The investment committee and the trustees periodically have discussions about social investing, and find it a very difficult thing to attempt to do.

There [are] a lot of different definitions of what should be considered social investing,” said Treasurer and Chief Financial Officer Peter Harvey. “As the trustees have considered that, they have felt that taking political positions isn’t what their responsibility is as trustees; their responsibility is fiduciary, and the best thing they can do to help with all these issues is to have a diversified investment portfolio that provides a good risk-adjusted return to maximize the benefit of the endowment for providing scholarship to our students, supporting faculty sala-

ries, and making a Whitman College education much more affordable than it otherwise might be.

And by doing that they’re helping society the most by generating liberally-educated students who can go out and really make a difference in these issues.”

Recognizing the important role graduates play in sustaining the college’s endowment and making decisions on campus, the CCC has reached out to alumni in an attempt to extend support for divestment. Alumna Camila Thorndike ‘10 has been working with a number of organizations on issues concerning environmentalism and social justice, and is working with the CCC to encourage alumni to express support for divestment. “[Alumni have power through] the financial support that the college depends on alumni providing over our lifetime.

This is a really critical issue, because the college’s mission is to educate and create, as it says on the website, ethical and accomplished leaders. We need a world to lead, and [global warming] is the biggest known danger humanity has ever faced. With the impact we’re looking at, there won’t be much to work with unless the college and all other independent institutions take a stand now,” said Thorndike.

On a national scale, the divestment campaign aims to bring attention to the issue of global warming and fossil fuel. Corporations dealing in fossil fuels are too large and well-funded for divestment to have a significant impact on their business, but activists hope their actions will lead to a collapse of

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public support for the companies.

“If you get colleges to divest, not only are you putting your money where your mouth is, you’re using your money to send a message. That message is sent to the fossil fuel companies in a way that they can feel it; money is their language,” said Dickey. “[The goal is to communicate] they’re not in the public’s favor and people aren’t going to continue to support them, at least in this one manner of not investing in their publicly traded stocks ... I can only hope that they would try to do something differently because they care about their public image.”

While the divestment campaign already has the support of a number of students, alumni and faculty, some controversies remain around the issue.

The concept of global warming as a crisis caused by humans is not universally accepted. On the opposite end of the political scale, not all environmentalists view divestment as an effective means to create change, and believe that other tactics such as government intervention or direct action must be employed to stop the extraction of fossil fuel.

“We’re really open to counter-arguments and feedback, and we want this to be something the entire Whitman community stands behind,” said senior and CCC co-president Danielle Broida. “So I would encourage people who have any opinion, on either side, to come to a meeting, to come talk to us, to give us advice, to give us counter-arguments, because the more voices [we hear] the better and the more powerful we’ll be.”

EDITORIAL POLICY

The Whitman College Pioneer is a weekly student-run newspaper published under the auspices of the Associated Students of Whitman College. The purpose of The Pioneer is to provide pertinent, timely news and commentary for Whitman students, alumni, faculty, staff and parents, as well as the Walla Walla community. The Pioneer is dedicated to expanding open discussion on campus about the issues with which students are most concerned. We provide coverage of Whitman-related news as well as featured local and regional events, and strive to maintain a standard of utmost fairness, quality, and journalistic integrity while promoting freedom of the press. In addition, The Pioneer strives to be a learning tool for students who are interested in journalism. The Pioneer welcomes all feedback and publishes Letters to the Editor in print and online.

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Letters to Editor may be submitted to The Pioneer via email at editors@ whtimanpioneer.com or sent to The Pioneer, 345 Boyer Ave., Walla Walla, WA, 99362. All submissions must be received by 4 p.m. on Saturday prior to the week that they are intended to appear. All submissions must be attributed and may be edited for concision and fluency.

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The code of ethics serves as The Pioneer’s established guidelines for the practice of responsible journalism on campus, within reasonable interpretation of the editorial board. These guidelines are subject to constant review and amendment; responsibility for amending the code of ethics is assigned to the Editor-in-Chief in conjunction with the editorial board.

The code of ethics is reviewed at least once per semester.

To access the complete code of ethics for The Pioneer, visit whitmanpioneer.com/about.

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Rebecca Walker pays anniversary tribute to MLK

by DYLAN TULL Staff Reporter

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ebecca Walker, named by TIME Magazine as one of the 40 most influential Americans under the age of 40, spoke in Cordiner Hall on Jan. 23 on the topic of building upon Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s work in order to cultivate unity and a more peaceful world. The lecture was the third in a series of events this week hosted by the Black Student Union, the Intercultural Center and ASWC in commemoration of the legacy of Dr. King.

Following a warm introduction by Professor Jacqueline Woodfork, Walker began her lecture not by immediately jumping into the deep waters of race and politics, but with a simple observation of her podium. Walker related an anecdote in which a colleague of hers once called a podium the “patriarchal pulpit,” because of the divisive relationship it sets up between the speaker and the listener, giving the impression that the audience needs all the knowledge and the speaker has all of the knowledge.

Denouncing this, Walker said, “I like to just start by saying that if I didn’t need the patriarchal pulpit to actually hold my pages, generally I would be out here in front of you, creating a much more open and intimate space, because I think there is so much I can learn from you.” This appeal to openness between all, the removal of the podium and the exchange of knowledge, serves as an apt metaphor for the rest of Walker’s lecture.

With this openness in mind, Walker then discussed her purpose in coming to speak to college students.

“I hope that as a result of my being here, we can have a brief mo-

ment of contemplation and discussion on some very deep issues, not only regarding the position of race, gender, class and sexual orientation, or politics in American culture, but of our humanity itself,” she said.

She then talked with evident excitement about how this lecture came only days after the inauguration of the first African American president, and only two days after the day on which we honor Dr. King.

“On [this] day [we have] an opportunity to reflect on how we can aspire to be better people, to commit to our own evolution as human beings,” she said.

Fitting perfectly with the series of events that BSU planned in honor of MLK Day, Walker conveyed her respect and admiration for Dr. King. She spoke to the past, the present and the future in relation to his struggle for all-inclusive civil rights.

“He was committed to the end of the racial caste system as well as the American legacy of economic caste. He rallied for the poor, demanding that we look not only at race as a crippling force in American life, but poverty as well ...

If he were alive today, I have no doubt that he, as his wife Coretta Scott King has already, would support the full enfranchisement of gays and lesbians and would strike the chord of urgency still missing in the ongoing pursuit of the full equality of women under the law.”

Walker’s lecture is one of five events taking place this week organized by the Black Student Union in commemoration of the memory of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. The week-long celebration began with a candlelight march through Walla Walla on Monday and will end with a hip-hop concert in Reid Campus Center featuring Seattle rapper International Mo B. on Friday.

Sophomore Alisha Agard, the president of BSU, helped to organize the lecture and Walker’s visit to campus.

“I was looking for a speaker to bring to campus, and I found a couple of speakers who came to Boise State for their MLK celebrations. Her talk really talked about the civil rights movement in the

New year brings changes for Taqueria Yungapeti Staff Reporter

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aqueria Yungapeti was a household name for many Whitman students.

Many Whitman students frequently made pilgrimage there for authentic food and the renowned Walla Walla Burrito.

“I don’t know what they added to it, but they did Mexican food right,” said sophomore George Felton.

Students also said that the menu was delicious, the portions were generous and the prices were affordable— even for college students.

“The burrito is the perfect food, because it’s all the things you need—veggies, beans, rice— wrapped in a tortilla,” said firstyear Aaron Stern, describing the restaurant’s food and atmosphere as something between Taco Bell and homemade Mexican food.

It’s no secret that many students enjoyed Taqueria Yungapeti. But word on the street is that

IN THE NEWS by emily lin-jones News Editor

285

House of Reps. votes submitted in favor of extending the U.S. debt limit to May SOURCE: new york times

20,000

Women who have served in Afghanistan and Iraq with the U.S. military. The Pentagon ended its ban on women in combat on Wednesday, Jan. 23 SOURCE: new york times

800

U.S. military women wounded in Iraq and Afghanistan since 2001

SOURCE: new york times

600

French soldiers being airlifted to Mali by the U.S. Air Force over the next two weeks, to help counter recent movements from Islamist militia there SOURCE: new york times

2,300

French troops currently on the ground in Mali as of Wednesday, Jan. 23

SOURCE: al jazeera

3

People wounded in a shooting at Lone Star College in Houston, Texas on Tuesday, Jan. 22

SOURCE: new york times

58

Percentage of polled Americans who support renewing a ban on powerful rifles

SOURCE: washington post

spect for their opinions even though they’re different than yours; I think that was a great message that I left with and that I hope everyone else who came tonight left with because we still have a long way to go before things are truly progressive,” she said. “Being open to other people and having an open mind will bring us closer to achieving that.”

Visiting speaker and renowned feminist author Rebecca Walker discusses Dr. King’s legacy and the effects of the Civil Rights Movement on the past, present and future. Her lecture took place on Jan. 23, 2013 at 7 p.m. in Cordiner Hall. Photo by Mellema

by jacqueline rees-mikula

NUMBERS

past and also currently ... I think that it fit in really well in celebrating MLK and his legacy,” she said.

Agard stressed that Whitman students can learn and apply a lot from Walker’s lecture.

“Even though there are people who think differently than you do or have different opinions, to still be able to listen and have that re-

the restaurant recently changed, and its patrons now wonder: What does this mean for them?

The business formally known as Yungapeti’s is a local, family-run business. It is owned by the Tello family, and every member spends time working there.

Adrian Tello explained that his aunt, who owns the building where Yungapeti’s was previously located, wanted to use the building for another purpose.

“But my father wanted to continue the business,” said Adrian.

Instead of going out of business, the family relocated to Berny’s Tacos on East Isaacs Avenue. Whitman students are happy to know that the new location is closer to campus, which

spares them about four minutes round-trip when walking.

In addition to the new location, the Tello family intends on providing faster service as well as new additions to the menu, including desserts. The atmosphere at Berny’s is also different. The restaurant now offers free WiFi and 10 percent discounts for students who bring school IDs in hopes to foster a more student-friendly environment.

Berny’s is a smaller location, servicing about 50 customers at a time. However, the owners plan to include outdoor seating in the future to accommodate more customers.

Aside from these changes, old fans are glad to know that the same food, portions and prices still remain.

ASWC MINUTES 1/20 Approved request of $500 by Rachel Quednau to attend Young People for the American Way National Summit President’s Round Table discussion to be held on Sunday, Jan. 16 from 5-6 p.m. in Reid 110

Local voters concerned with costs from BOND, page 1

Current science classrooms would also experience a full renovation, something that is seriously needed. Current lab facilities are not up to code, as standards for safety have undergone extreme changes since 1963. The current AP Chemistry room has an adjoining lab that only fits half the students, making the teacher split her class in half. The countertops and gas burners are chipped and look somewhat rusty, and there are no spaces for depositing hazardous materials that meet current standards. An eyewash and shower, two necessary items in every science lab according to codes, are not present. A temporary eyewash station was added recently, but other features of the room appear extremely dilapidated and unsuitable for projects.

“The AP Biology course can’t perform the necessary labs,” said Kurt Hoffman, a professor of physics and a parent of a recent Wa-Hi graduate. “Other sciences have the same problem. Students can pass the exam but lack essential lab skills that are necessary in a college science course.”

Though the school administration is convinced that the bond is necessary, Walla Wallans are split about the decision.

Many community members have expressed concerns about the tax raises the bond would implement.

It would increase property taxes by a projected 68 cents for every $1,000. After four years, these rates for the public schools will be 12 cents less than they currently stand. The Walla Walla UnionBulletin has published a number of recent opinion pieces written by community members both supporting and questioning the bond.

In one of these editorials, Walla Wallan Jeffrey Bickle ex-

pressed concern that measures included unnecessary additions.

“How does building interior hallways, instead of using existing breezeways, improve learning? Is there something wrong with fresh air?” he wrote.

Others in town question the timeliness of the measure.

“I think it’s a terrible time to run it, but I hope it passes,” said Norm Osterman, a politically active community member whose grandchildren could be part of the first generation of students to attend a new Wa-Hi. “A lot of people here are very anti-tax. But it is a great time to borrow money because of interest rates.”

Whitman faculty members are on the side of the Wa-Hi administration. The Union-Bulletin recently published an editorial by President George Bridges, “Support Our Schools to Meet a Standard of Excellence,” in which he strongly advocated

Photo by von Hafften

for its passing. Professor Hoffman wrote an article in a recent U-B edition, in which he acknowledged the public’s concerns but also expressed his support.

“Fundamentally, people in Walla Walla support the schools, but they are confronted with the dilemma of the continued erosion of their financial security,” said Hoffman.

The measure is extremely significant to the Whitman community. Many Whitman students volunteer at Wa-Hi through programs like College Coaches, and dozens of professors have children that will attend Wa-Hi. Whitman cannot endorse the bond because of its nonprofit status, but many members of the campus community have been active in campaigning efforts. A table in Reid has been staffed at lunch this past week with a large easel featuring statistics and images of what a new Wa-Hi will

look like. Advocates of the bond hope to make Whitman students aware of its community importance and encourage those registered in Walla Walla to vote.

“Every registered voter who cares needs to vote,” said Susan Prudente, the Whitman outreach coordinator and parent of children who could also be part of the first generation of students to attend a modernized Wa-Hi. Ballots will be mailed in the upcoming week and the official election date is Feb. 12.

Though it seems like a significant chunk of money, administrators stress that they’re not trying to do anything extravagant. Newer buildings, including a vocational center and gym, won’t be part of the renovation.

“We’re not making it especially glamorous,” Peterson said. “We want it to be a functioning educational institution, and that requires updates.”

24 A&E International Mo B. raps with purpose JAN

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by Quin Nelson Staff Reporter

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2013

Some people were saying I was “International Mo,” so I just ran with it.

obi Njoku is a senior at Eastern Washington University, where he is an accounting and finance double major. Like many students, Njoku has a side hobby to keep him busy.

However, when other kids are out playing disc golf, Njoku is carving out a nice rap career for himself as International Mo B. International Mo B., along with Warm Gun, will be performing in the Reid Campus Center Ballroom at 8 p.m. on Friday, January 25. The Pioneer spoke with Mo over the phone to get to know him before his show.

Pio: You said your parents are from Nigeria. How important is your cultural background to your music?

The Pioneer: How did you come up with the name “International Mo B.”?

International Mo B.: It’s a play on a bunch of different things. Mo B. is a shortening of my original name, Mobi. The “International” part was a nickname given by a good friend because my parents came over from Nigeria in the ‘80’s. Also, Jay-Z is my favorite artist, and in a song calls himself “International Hov.”

Mo: Man, that’s a good question.

In 2006 or 2007, I started going to open mic at the University of Washington on Monday nights. I read some poems that I wrote during Hurricane Katrina, and I got some good feedback. Then, my friend got a studio in his house so we recorded a couple and put them on MySpace. Soon enough, I was getting contacted by promoters.

Mo: It’s everything to me, man.

Growing up I listened to a lot of Nigerian music. My dad loved R&B and soul, and we listened to it pretty much every weekend. There are a lot of big ideas, and one is definitely to try and blend music with African roots with traditional hip-hop music.

Pio: When did you know you wanted to pursue hip-hop?

Pio: What artists have influenced you, and who are your favorites today?

Mo: You will not find a bigger JayZ fan than me. I’m a big Kanye fan as well, Kendrick Lamar and André 3000 too. Fela Kuti is an Afrobeat artist that not a lot of people have heard of, but he is absolutely incredible. I don’t like label rappers, like backpack rap and trap rap. Right now, I love PushaT and his music. I’m inspired by all of the passion he puts into his work.

Pio: So if you dislike label rap, would you consider yourself to be someone who’s trying to transcend labels?

Mo: No, not really. Most of all, I want people to listen to my music and know that I have a message. I don’t want to spit clichés. I want to talk about social, political, racial issues, and mix it with everyday, “let’s have fun” kinds of stuff.

Pio: Could you explain the title of

your upcoming album Impeach the President, Long Live the KING? Mo: It’s a play off of a lot of different things. People think it’s literal, but it’s figurative. The original idea was that we are all kings and queens in our own right. It also has to do with [Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.], and his ideas. It’s about telling people to forget about having others dictate how you feel, like when people criticize the president but they don’t really know what’s going on and what he’s dealing with. It’s pretty intricate, but I think the main idea is that I’m trying to say “Long live the values of our country, individuals and Dr. King.” I’m always adding new layers to its meaning, though. I’m proud of it because it’s a representation of a lot of the things I’m about.

Pio: When does your album come out?

Mo: I would say that I will release it President’s Day (February 18) at the earliest, and my birthday, July 5, at the latest.

Pio: What are your goals for your

PHOTO COURTESY OF MOBI NJOKU

music career?

Mo: I’ve always told people that I’ll hang up the mic sooner rather than later. I want to put out a whole body of work that I can be proud of. Also, I want to do a couple more sold-out shows, a documentary and two or three of my own music videos. I definitely recognize that not everyone who is an aspiring rapper is going to become a rapper. For me, education is Plan A, and music is Plan B. When an opportunity like Whitman comes up, I have to take it. It might be a start of a college tour in the state, but we’ll see.

You can check out International Mo B. on Twitter (@impeachthepress), Facebook (International Mo B.) and Instagram (internationalmo).

PIO PICKS Each Thursday, The Pioneer highlights several events happening on campus or in Walla Walla during the weekend.

Here are this week’s picks: International Mo. B & Warm Guns Come enjoy Western Washington rising star rappers Mo. B & Warm Guns. Free to students with a ticket.

Friday, Jan. 25 at 8 p.m. in the Reid Ballroom

Mochi Night Come eat and learn about Mochi with the Tekisuijuku! Open by reservation. Contact portessm@ whitman.edu for more information. Sponsored by ASWC.

Nicky Khor ‘14 teaches us how to be playful with fashion while keeping the classic sartorial rules at Goodwill. Photos by beck

Comedy Night at Elks Lodge Get some yuks with opening act Tony Stone and headliner Marc Yaffee. Tickets: $23 for dinner and show, $15 show without dinner. Dinner starts at 6 p.m.

“I think [black, blue and grey] is a very classy-looking combination. Look a little older, a lot sharper.”

Saturday, Jan. 26 at Tekisuijuku

Friday, Jan. 25, 7:30 p.m. at the Elks Lodge

“Beauty and the Beast” Watch Walla Walla’s own Dance Center perform the famous love story “Beauty and the Beast.” Reserved seats $15, general $12, students and seniors $10. Tickets available at Earthlight Books.

Saturday, Jan. 26, 7:30 p.m. in Cordiner Hall

Style spotlight This week, The Pioneer took a trip to Whitman’s clothing hotspot, Goodwill, and asked Junior Nicky Khor to create his best outfit along as give us his best fashion advice.

knows what she’s talking about.”

“This first outfit, I feel, is going back to my roots both figuratively and literally—I look like a tree.”

“The corduroy ... I’m not [a corduroy person] in general, but I want to try to become one. I find them very comfortable ... I just want to try them myself.”

“I would actually buy the brown

corduroys if they were in the right length and the [green] sweater as well.

I also like what I’m wearing right now.”

“Mixing and matching is super important. The right idea is to have a selection of basic colors and then build around that, not to buy specific outfits.”

“My look has been changing a lot lately. I [used to be] the guy in jeans and a sweatshirt. I think that’s really comfortable and [there’s] a lot to be said about that style of dress, but lately I’ve taken to putting a little more thought into how I dress.

Sharper clothes ... simple, but look good.”

“More recently [I’ve been wearing sweaters a lot]. I also tend to wear long sleeves, plaid design. Sweaters are always classy. No shortage of compliments.” “[My general fashion philosophy] is don’t show up nude.”

Style Soundbites: “My mother always told me I looked good in earth tones—a lot of browns and olive greens—due to my complexion ... What can I say?”

“I get my fashion inspiration from my mother, actually. She

OP hosts tribute to outdoor Arnold’s back in ‘The Last Stand’ adventure with BANFF

by Nathan Fisher Staff Reporter

by Mallory Martin Staff Reporter

The Whitman Outdoor Program’s community-sponsored Banff Mountain Film Festival World Tour garnered a huge turnout Tuesday night, with ticket lines wrapping around the building.

A tradition started 19 years ago, the Tour’s stop on campus has slowly but steadily amassed a large following among Whitties and Walla Walla community members. Audience numbers are estimated to have doubled from last year’s event, with Cordiner Hall left full to bursting and seating spilling into the balcony. Everyone was excited to be there.

Emceed by the funny and fully engaging self-proclaimed “Road Warrior of the tour” Paul Price, there was never a dull moment over the course of the evening. This year’s screening featured 10 of the 30 films, hand-picked by Lish Riley, the OP’s rental shop manager and the coordinator of the event. A diverse offering, we saw men flinging themselves through the air on skis, racing down raging rapids, balancing on the rotting frame of a train with a bike and sliding around frozen ice like a seal. The entire three hours was an adrenaline rush in your seat.

Of all the amazing films, there were three clear standouts. Grand Prize winner “Crossing the Ice,” a story of two young Aussies attempting to complete an on-foot journey from the outer regions of Antarctica to the South Pole and back again, was full of worry and laughter, but most of all it had an incredible amount of heart. “Honnold 3.0” focused on easygoing climber Alex Honnold as he free-climbed El Capitan, Half Dome and Mt. Watkins in a day. And “Gimp Monkeys” showed the incredible fortitude and friendship of the first all-disabled crew to climb the face of El Capitan. If you can get your hands on any of these short films, do so immediately.

“They are showcasing a really unique variety of the outdoor

lifestyle in all types of different remote locations, some in the United States, some farther away,” Riley said of the Festival’s draw to Whitman students. “If you are at all into the outdoors, whether you’re like these people or you are just a weekend warrior, even if you just appreciate it from your couch, whatever level you are at it gives you the opportunity to step into this adventure and live vicariously through these amazing people. It’s fun to watch other people’s adventures. It’s inspiring.”

The film festival was started by the Banff Centre in Banff, Alberta, a place that highlights the achievements of nature lovers and outdoor extremists. Hundreds of short films are submitted to the Centre every year, and approximately 75 winners are selected over a twoweek fall screening festival. Each film is unique and diverse, engaging and awe-inspiring. The sole unifying trait: a love and admiration for the outdoors. Of these masterpieces, 30 are chosen to be taken on tour. Every year the Banff Centre brings these amazing films around the globe to 32 countries and an estimated over 245,000 people at over 635 screenings. Whitman College is just one stop on the great road map, and how lucky we are.

“I think it’s kind of unique,” Riley added. “The Banff Centre visits a lot of big cities and more wellknown outdoor locations, so I think it’s kind of special that it comes here to a more remote place. It’s a special opportunity for the college. “ Sponsored by the Whitman Outdoor Program, Graze, The Garden Vegan Cafe, The Bicycle Barn, Allegro Cyclery, Dusty’s Ski & Snowboard Shop and Ski Blue Wood, The Banff Mountain Film Festival World Tour comes to Whitman every spring semester, a free event for Whitman students. Coming up next for the Outdoor Program is the Back Country Film Festival on February 13. The screening will be held in Maxey Auditorium, tickets available at $5 or free for Whitman students.

A

fter the break, I wanted to start off the new year with a bang. Arnold Schwarzenegger’s return to the big screen as the sheriff in “The Last Stand” seemed like a good bet. Unfortunately, the Governator’s comeback flick after a 10-year hiatus did not deliver the pop I had anticipated.

“The Last Stand” is primarily set in the quiet border town of Sommerton, where Sheriff Ray Owens (Arnold Schwarzenegger) enjoys a life of peace and quiet after his hectic years of work on the LAPD narcotics squad. The leader of one of the biggest Mexican drug cartels, Gabriel Cortez, escapes from FBI custody, and Sommerton’s sleepy existence is shattered when Cortez and his men try to cross through Sommerton to Mexico. After easily crashing through one FBI blockade after another, the last things standing in Cortez’s path are two small town deputies (Jaimie Alex-

ILLUSTRATION BY Hampton

ander and Luis Guzman), a newly deputized eclectic gun aficionado (Johnny Knoxville of “Jackass” fame) and the sheriff. Yup, you can pretty much guess what happens ... lots of guns and bullets fired.

Admittedly, Schwarzenegger is not a great orator, but his one-liners like “I’ll be back” in “Terminator” are second-to-none. If you’re an Arnold action fan, you won’t be disappointed because the old guy hasn’t lost his ability to deliver a zinger. However, when the governor tries to emote and conjure up sad memories and mourn his dead friends, the big guy struggles. Forest Whitaker, playing FBI agent John Bannister, who is in charge of capturing Cortez, also struggles

with words and seems to talk under his breath or simply be out of breath after the exertion. Surprisingly, Knoxville, playing a crazy gun collector, is one of the highlights of the movie. Knoxville was hysterical, seemed to enjoy shedding his “Jackass” persona and appeared in awe of starring in an action movie next to Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Although I had high expectations for Arnold’s first leading role since leaving politics and returning to the big screen, the movie was not great, but also not a bust. The violence was comical and unrealistic and whenever someone was shot, a cloud of misty blood would linger where the now dead body used to be standing. “The Last Stand” is enjoyable as long as you don’t have high expectations and don’t think about what you’re watching. The beginning of the semester is a perfect time for a formula action movie with great car chases and little to analyze. “The Last Stand” is worth seeing just to welcome Arnold back from the land of the suits.

Sybarite5 brings zeal to the Walla Walla Chamber Music Festival

by Emma Dahl Staff Reporter

I

f you heard about or attended the Walla Walla Chamber Music Festival this past weekend, chances are you were dazzled by the talent of Sybarite5, a string quintet of visionary musicians.

Sybarite5 has won acclaim among the alternative classical crowd after they sought a reprise from the monotony of classical repertoire. As a result, they’ve reinvented the typical chamber music performance, playing eclectic mixes of pieces from a range of genres, time periods and styles. Their website touts that their repertoire ranges “from Mozart to Radiohead.”

The group earned significant recognition when they won the Concert

Artists Guild International Competition, the first string quintet to do so in the Guild’s 60-year history.

Members include violinists Sarah Whitney, Angela Pickett and Sami Merdinian; cellist Laura Metcalf; and double bassist Louis Levitt.

In an online interview with the music blog “The Glass,” Levitt explained the origins of the band’s name.

“It’s a name from Greek mythology, from the town of Sybaris—the people of the town charmed their enemies by playing music, and it was also a very wealthy town.

When we got together at the Aspen Music Festival, that seemed like a good name for us. It’s also the name of my grandfather’s boat,” he said.

Sybarite5 has played a multitude of venues, including Carnegie Hall, the Library of Congress and

the Aspen Music Festival, as well as performances for the CBS Early Show and for His Holiness the Dalai Lama. They’ve released several albums, the most recent of which is Everything In Its Right Place, a collection of Radiohead covers.

The band stated that the purpose of the album was to capture Radiohead’s “spirit, creativity and edginess on acoustic string instruments.”

If you’ve heard of the Vitamin String Quartet and listened to their extensive covers of popular mainstream music, you probably have an idea of Sybarite5’s sound, a sound that isn’t typical for any chamber group. They don’t just play their instruments with passion; they engage themselves in their music, and play with an ease and energy that only comes from the heart.

SPORTS

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Beth Daviess ‘13 (left) leads the team through an indoor practice. Her teammates Carly Busch ‘15 (above) and Martha Russel ‘13 (below) run through drills. Photos by Bergman

Women’s Ultimate eyes sweet success

by Peter clark Staff Reporter

W

hitman’s women’s Ultimate Frisbee team is a club sport often overlooked on campus. Not only are the “Lady Sweets” competing in a nontraditional sport, but they have also been overshadowed by the national success of the men’s team.

This year promises to be different for the Lady Sweets, whose sport has a culture entirely its own.

Ultimate Frisbee grounds itself in a mutually understood creed that its players know simply as the “spirit of the game.” The “spirit of the game” encourages players to respect their opponents to a high degree, avoid retaliation when opponents mistreat them and, most importantly, to have fun while playing.

Ultimate Frisbee is unique and different from most traditional sports because of its emphasis on virtues that other sports acknowledge but bury beneath values

that instead focus on competition.

Judging by their early success, the Lady Sweets seem to have found a perfect balance between respecting the spirit of the game while maintaining their desire to win. After upsetting the University of Oregon and University of Washington in November, the Lady Sweets have lofty expectations of qualifying for the NCAA Division I National Tournament in May. According to sophomore Julia Bladin, the team’s work ethic gives them a realistic chance of reaching such goals.

“I’ve played on very competitive teams in the past, but there hasn’t been a group this dedicated. This is definitely the most passionate and dedicated team I have been on where it is about the competition, but also focuses on the team,” said Bladin.

The Lady Sweets’ success can be at least partially attributed to the stellar play and leadership of senior Beth Daviess. Daviess

recently received an invitation to try out for the U-23 National Team. While Daviess is looking forward to her tryout—which will take place Feb. 2 and 3—she certainly was not expecting it.

“It was a little shocking because I didn’t expect to be invited. I was really excited when I first heard, but then 10 minutes later I got incredibly nervous,” said Daviess.

Daviess was one of 500 women who applied for the chance to represent her country. Out of the 88 women invited, only 25 will be selected to be a part of the team. If Daviess were to make it, she would train at home all summer and eventually attend training camps with the team to prepare for Nationals that take place in July in Toronto.

For now, however, Daviess will continue to lead the Lady Sweets as they prepare for the upcoming season.

“When it comes down to it, leaders need to have good enough technical skills to lead the team

Men’s basketball makes most of break

by Sarah debs Staff Reporter

F

or most students, winter break means leaving campus to enjoy the holiday season elsewhere with family and friends. For some varsity athletes, however, this is not the case. Instead, these athletes spend the majority of winter break on campus training or travelling around the Pacific Northwest for competitions. The men’s basketball team needed to spend most of their four-week break in Walla Walla, but made the most of their extended time together.

Without classes and coursework, the team was able to focus on improving their game and hanging out with one another. A typical day for first-year Jackson Clough, for example, entailed morning practice and lifting, reviewing and studying film from past games, eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, playing video games, napping and reading. In the evenings, he would head to the senior players’ house, “Sportscenter,” to eat a big spaghetti dinner and watch a lot of “Family Feud.” Clough saw his time spent with the team in a positive light.

“It brought us closer because there were no other outlets for what was going on in your life and you ended up talking with and learning a lot more about other guys on the team,” said Clough.

While most players enjoyed the isolation as an opportunity to improve team chemistry, first-year Dominic Lippi also noted the challenges.

“We got to know each other even better, but sometimes it is difficult to stay entertained for such a long time with no one else around,” said Lippi.

The team planned several fun activities to come together over the winter break such as a Secret Santa gift exchange and going to see the movie “Les Misérables.”

Of course, with the chilly weather, snowball fights were inevitable.

“The snowball fights this year were especially fierce with the coaching staff often taking advantage of opportunities where they outnumbered a group of players,” said sophomore Clay Callahan.

Callahan was central to starting a Facebook page called Whittie City, and worked on developing

Tennis court proposal options weighed from TENNIS, page 1

Ryan Gilkey ‘13 brushes contact to finish ferociously at the rim. Photo by McCormick

it as a side project during the break.

“We are trying to start a fan website for the sports fans on campus. We usually post our videos to the page as well as little updates as to how the various athletic teams are doing,” said Callahan.

One of the most notable highlights of the break was the addition of a new member, Philip Chircu, from Australia, to the team. Head Coach Eric Bridgeland was especially excited and impressed with how the team accepted a new teammate.

“My favorite memory from this break was how much our program welcomed a new member to our culture. I am very proud of

how open and welcoming our guys were,” said Coach Bridgeland.

The team members kept themselves busy between training and hanging out, but also took time to participate in two community events during the break. The team gave back to the community by volunteering at the Christian Aid Center on New Year’s Day. Also, the team had a dinner at a supporter’s house who is a member of the W Club.

At first glance, staying on campus may seem a little dull. With such a big team, though, the experience can definitely be an excellent opportunity for training and team bonding.

by example, but it also boils down to ‘Who do you want hear from?’

‘Who is going to pump you up before the game?’ That is something that Beth has done from the get go,” said senior Lillian Bailey of Daviess’ presence on the team.

Daviess’ response to a question about her individual goals further illustrates the kind of teammate she is.

“I think that, personally, changing this team into a competitive group has been really satisfying and meaningful because I have been playing with these girls for such a long time and they deserve it so much,” said Daviess.

The team’s first tournament of the spring is coming up the first weekend of February, when they hope to set the tone in Corvallis for a long season. With a selfless, talented leader at the helm and a roster full of hardworking players, the Lady Sweets look to turn heads this season and capture a berth in the NCAA Division I Championship.

Of the three proposals, the students pointed to the prospects of expanding the current site as most advantageous for its availability for spectators and community access.

“While we may not be able to provide as many courts as some programs, [Whitman’s] court’s central location offers a unique tennis experience that is attractive to prospective students,” said Snider.

Sany anticipated more environmental backlash, but was pleased with the consensus to save field space that is utilized by club sports, intramural sports and the Walla Walla community.

“I was surprised that so few people voiced their concern about the environmental impact. I thought it would be a focal point but it was not.

I admit that I am indifferent about the trees next to the flagpoles if it means that the courts don’t encroach upon the precious field space we have out at the practice fields,” said Sany.

“Field space is a resource that is both limited and valuable,” added Donahue, echoing the consensus of the forum.

Although the current site has had the most positive feedback, expansion still raises several issues including the removal of trees in the area between the current site and Lakum Duckum and the potentially dominating presence of six tennis courts in an otherwise academic area of campus. The decision to expand still rests upon the allocation of funds and approval by the Board of Trustees in the coming month, but the decision comes down to more than just the ability to host tournaments.

If the Board of Trustees were to approve the construction of six courts, the construction would begin when the ground is broken for the reconstruction of the current courts. This process is set to take place as soon

as July of 2013 with sights set on a finished project by the return of Whitman students in the fall.

At present, the project involves tearing up the current courts, grinding up the material and recycling it as a base to top off with new asphalt. The project will also involve the installation of a drainage system with hopes of creating a more sustainable surface for Walla Walla’s winters. Adding two courts would involve clearing out space between the old site and Lakum Duckum, leveling it and building courts from scratch, which appears superfluous to some students.

“We already have a tennis center and four outdoor courts, neither of which is being utilized most hours of the day. Why spend money on a project benefiting 30 student athletes at the expense of trees and lawn space? There must be a better use of money, like green projects that would affect the entire campus and community positively,” said Will Weckel-Dahman, a sophomore rugby player.

Other students, like senior and varsity baseball player Chris Andrews, see the proposal as an opportunity for positive change for campus culture.

“As a student athlete I’m inspired whenever the school makes moves to support its sports teams. If the tennis team benefits from extra courts and the funds are available, then I see no reason not to be excited about this improvement to our campus,” said Andrews.

Whether0 or not there will be two entirely new courts come September depends upon the school’s determination of its identity as an academic institution trying to remain competitive in varsity sports that only directly benefit a small portion of the student body.

“Nothing is set in stone, but this is going to be an exciting project to follow in the coming month,” said Donahue.

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FEATURE

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24 2013

SUPERSENIORS AND OTHER ‘UNCONVENTIONAL’ STUDENTS Most Whitman students graduate eight semesters after they first start, but 20 percent of students don’t fit this traditional structure of study.

Stats obscure complex realities of graduation

by Hannah Bartman Staff Reporter

T ILLUSTRATION BY MEASE

Super seniors appreciate prolonged time for study

by Serena Runyan Staff Reporter

A

fter an enriching high school experience studying abroad in Latin America, current fifth-year Oliver Wood knew he wanted to take a semester off before beginning his time at college. Little did he then know that this would take him down the path to becoming a “super senior.”

It’s common to find students on campus who have found themselves in similar situations, and this causes them to extend their time at college and acquire a status commonly referred to as “super senior.” For Wood, this sojourn meant first spending a semester in Patagonia.

“I was living in a tent on what was to be the future Patagonia National Park,” he said.

Upon starting at Whitman, Wood was hoping to be a Latin American studies major, but the college was dropping the major at the time he came. So he switched to philosophy before deciding to take a semester off and reevaluate his options.

Wood was encouraged to do so by what he saw around campus in the people who had already taken time off.

“They seemed like they were very focused at school, and also good at being able to set that aside,” he said.

Congruent with his uncertainty in college, some of Wood’s friends were moving to a ski town in eastern Idaho, and he decided in the spring of his junior year to join them in a semester of skiing and leading bicycle training trips in California. This pause in his college career led Wood to mull over his options, and when he returned to Whitman in the fall, he had settled on an environmental humanities major and “jumped right into those classes.”

Of course, many different situations lead students into taking more than four years to complete their college career. More often than not, students’ reasons are far more complex than a lack of organization or completion of classes.

Marisa Poorboy, a fellow fifth-year and economics major, transferred schools twice before deciding to take a semester off and finally to attend Whit-

man as a Jan-start. She’s recently changed her major and is now in her last semester finishing fine arts credits and enjoying her remaining time on campus.

Alumna Sarah Wolf ‘11 explained in an email that she took a semester off for health reasons, and had to stay for another one due to an error by the school in scheduling. But it worked out well.

“Since it was a scheduling issue on their part, I didn’t have to pay tuition that last semester,” she said.

Even so, the term “super senior” can come with some undue connotations.

“When the label ‘super senior’ gets tossed around, it makes me feel like I’m being marked as someone who is lazy or unsuccessful, or just downright bad at planning. But that’s not how I feel,” said fifthyear Katie Hardy in an email.

Wood knew he’d need to stay another year at Whitman to finish. But his fifth year began with a welcomed break from the normal college routine, with the college’s Semester in the West program. As he put it, the program “really added some variety to my two-year chunk at Whitman.”

The group of students was a strong mix of people from all years and academic backgrounds.

Multiple super seniors found themselves on the program and the varied group was a great way to meet others in the same position. This program outside of the straight lines of a college track provided an equalizing force for many students of different positions in the school. Now, Wood lives in a house with mostly other participants of the program, including fellow super senior Hardy.

Hardy transferred to Whitman after two years at another college. She could have graduated on a normal track, but instead, postponed her graduation date in order to also participate in the Semester in the West program. She is certainly happy with her decision.

“I have no regrets, and feel absolutely grateful for the chance to experience so many different learning environments,” she said.

Extending time at college entails not only a nontraditional academic plan, but an unconventional social path as well.

Of course, the personal and social experiences of different su-

per seniors vary. For some, like Wolf, there is social continuity through their fifth year.

“I had lots of friends in the 2012 class and a few of my friends from my original class were also super seniors, so my super senior year was actually quite super.”

Poorboy echoed Wolf when she said that her housemates and strong friendships have made the extra time here worth it.

“It feels normal to be here ... Sometimes I feel kind of old, but other than that it feels like being a regular senior.”

But not everyone experienced such a smooth transition— in his five years, Wood has had to go through some shifts socially due to his unconventional path.

“Last year I had to jump into cross country and try to rebuild a community because most people graduate and move on in four years here. So it’s kind of a revolving door and you get to meet a lot of different people.”

Although Wood has had to make some adjustments, he carries a positive outlook on the school’s organic group of people.

“I feel like every semester is kind of different,” he said.

“There’s new energy in the school with Jan-starts or incoming freshmen, which is really cool.”

Overall, these four super seniors were largely happy with their decision to take time off and stay later at Whitman. Wolf now finds herself in Thailand, and says very good things about her extra time here.

True to Wood’s observations about those who take time off, Poorboy said in an email that her extra stay here seems to have made her better stabilized and ready for the future.

“I’m glad that I stayed in college for another year because I feel much more mature and prepared for the next chapter in my life,” she said.

Hardy echoed this sense of preparation when she explained in her email the chance extra time has given her to work.

“I’m enjoying that this spring is functioning both as a process of culmination for my college education (writing my senior papers) and also a chance to reorient myself towards a working world,” she said.

Wood came to the same conclusion after his own time off.

he generic eight-semester set-up of college is a path most commonly followed

by Whitman students. However, there exists a small fraction of students whose intellectual pursuits take them more than or fewer than eight semesters.

Whitman’s ability to cater to the needs of its students ensures that any track a student takes in his or her academic career is a personal decision and not due to an ineptitude of the school. Neal Christopherson from the Office of Institutional Research compiled statistics between the years of 20012007, in which 2615 students entered Whitman as first-years.

Of these students, 80.8 percent graduated in four years and 6.1 percent (159 students) graduated in five years. The remaining either graduated in six years or more, had their graduation pending or were enrolled in the 3-2 program.

“Saying a student graduated in ‘five years’ is a bit misleading, as there are a variety of reasons why students take more than four years to graduate, and most who do not graduate ‘on time’ do not attend Whitman full-time for more than eight semesters,” said Christopherson in his report.

The reasons for graduating in more than four years did not have a common thread. Of the 188 students who took more than four years to graduate, 47 percent had graduation requirements pending or were involved in the 3-2 program. This would usually mean that the student had one requirement unfulfilled that they would fill off-campus. Then 32 percent took one semester leave from Whitman. Overall, only 0.9 percent (12 students) were fully enrolled in Whitman for more than eight semesters. On the opposite spectrum, only four percent (105 students) graduated in fewer than eight semesters.

Junior Katy Witmer is a current Whitman student who plans to graduate one semester early. She entered Whitman planning to do the Colombia 3-3 law program, but has since discontinued this dream. She now wishes to graduate early in order to “take a break from the ac-

ademic sphere and try something unconventional.” Keeping her options open, Witmer is considering interning at a law firm, working in a monastery or living in Portland for a year.

Even though she took the regular schedule of four classes per semester, Witmer has enough AP credits to be considered a senior. This allows her to graduate after the fall semester of 2013 as a history major. “[Graduating early] is better in one way because of financial reasons,” she said. “Also I feel like if you have an idea for what you want to do after college then it is a good option.”

Having an excess of credits also allows for students to take a semester break from Whitman. This is true for gap-year first-year student Eve Penberthy, who is considering taking the spring semester of next year off.

“Already this year part of me is really restless. After taking the year off last year and working with different organizations, I just kind of want to go and do that,” said Penberthy. “At the same time I absolutely love it here, which is part of the reason why I don’t know if I’ll end up taking a semester off. I might just want to take advantage of the time I have here.”

With her semester off Penberthy considers traveling, perhaps to Tanzania, or working somewhere in the United States.

The isolation of the Walla Walla community is a staple of Whitman College, which is why students who have done a fair amount of traveling, like Penberthy, find it difficult to stay on campus for long. Penberthy also shares the feeling of Witmer that taking a semester off from Whitman is tempting because it would save money. Ultimately, having the freedom to explore in a realistic setting outside of the Whitman bubble is an enticing option.

Whitman’s supportive and flexible academic set-up allows for Whitman students to branch out from the conventional eightsemester track and explore their options outside of Walla Walla. The varied reasons for either taking more or fewer than the eight semesters expresses the individuality of students at Whitman and the freedom they have to express that individuality.

Feature Facts

by Adam Brayton Feature Editor

Whitman’s graduation rate far exceeds its fellow Colleges that Change Lives members in the Pacific Northwest, Willamette University and University of Puget Sound. Within 150% of the expected graduation rate for individual programs, Willamette graduates 77% of students and Puget Sound graduates 73% of students, while Whitman leads by graduating 86% of students.

SOURCE: COLLEGE NAVIGATOR

Between 1972 and 1992, students accumulated a similar number of credits over the course of eight semesters, though the 1992 group earned 9.7 fewer credits per year—attributable to the rising cost of higher education.

SOURCE: NATIONAL BUREAU OF ECONOMIC RESEARCH

“It’s hard to imagine you’re going to come back and be here two more years,” he said.

But lack of engagement in school wasn’t a problem when he came back. In fact, it was a relief.

“It’s actually been the most

refreshing,” he said. “As far as school goes, I’ve become a lot more academically driven after taking a semester off. The enthusiasm you have for school after being brain dead for nine months is really rejuvenating.”

OPINION

JAn

24 2013

PAGE

7

We lost the fight to save the climate Sam Chapman Sophomore

A MOVING FOREST

I

n 1970, the first Earth Day brought 20 million Americans—10 percent of the entire population—to a nationwide protest. This was the tail end of the Vietnam Era, when young people were justifiably outraged at a system that had failed them and their planet. Sensing a threat to their interests, however, business leaders such as future Supreme Court Justice Lewis Powell fought back so that the “enterprise system” might dominate the national conversation.

The burgeoning green movement was hit hard. Anything a good environmentalist wants—transition

to renewable and clean fuels, penalties for poor stewardship of the planet, protection of the wild—is hostile to business interests; therefore, our predecessors found themselves derided as anarchists and shunted to the fringe of politics.

Years later, we found ourselves ignored through an entire presidential campaign, then saddled with a laughable excuse for an environmentalist in the White House.

We seem to have given up the hope of change in favor of begging anybody in power to listen to us. Change seems so glacially slow that, were severe weather to wipe out America’s agriculture and industry, one could imagine there would still be climate deniers. It’s time to face the question: What if our movement has lost?

It’s a question with a number of questions nested inside it. First of all, what battle did we lose? The answer is the battle to make mainstream the view that the change we need is radical. Ever since “green” became a thing you could be, the evolution of thought has been incremental, with the increments shrinking as the years roll by. We can’t seem to wrap our minds around the concept of a

Political Cartoon by Asa Mease

is: What were the wages of this fight? What is at stake if we won’t get the needed change in time?

This one is more difficult to answer. Climate projection is a slippery thing at the best of times, and the exact result of the greenhouse effect seems to be constantly receding away from us. What we can know is that the new Earth will be drastically different enough to change the rules of the game.

The environmental movement lost this particular battle because we pitted an intangible danger—“things will get worse in the future”—against a tangible one— ILLUSTRATION BY JONES “taxes and regulations will hurt our time clock—the more we dither, the markets right now.” The truth is more of the planet is irreversibly al- that the planet does not care about tered, and the change won’t wait for us. It will respond to these changdecision makers to roll the dilem- es and will eventually process all ma over to the next administration. this carbon, and it won’t mind if civThese problems are also evolv- ilization has been damaged so iring faster than we can understand reparably that we are no longer cathem. Since green advocates are al- pable of pollution. Environmenways playing catch-up, we’re unlike- talists must now turn our attenly to implement anything meaningful tion toward our own preservation. until it’s too late. This is what I mean This brings me to the final when I say we have lost: The wall of question that makes up the big one. uncertainty and willful ignorance is What do we, as environmentalinsurmountable in its present form. ists, now owe the movement? The The next question we must ask grip of the enterprise system is too

strong to change minds, but neither can we sit back and wait for our chance to say “I told you so.” What we must do now is take the role of the innovators. Our enemies, Powell’s free-market plutocrats, label us socialists and communists because they have no other words to apply to change which they fear.

Let them languish. No environmentalist will be caught unawares by the new world, nor will we spite one whose mind changes too late. The Kochs have suggested we “adapt,” but they do not know it’s their model which is unsustainable, not ours. This is what we owe the movement now: not to waste our time trying to convince politicians, but to become the guides that inform regular people why their planet is changing, and how they can survive and thrive. The good environmentalist must be well aware that there is nothing we can do to permanently damage the planet—climate change is a human issue. We have built our new world, but only those who acknowledge it will be able to live in it.

The last time humanity was threatened by climatic fluctuation, we invented agriculture. I can’t wait to see what will happen this time.

Fiscal incentives promote doping Blair Hanley Frank Senior

TECH TALK

M

any moons ago, when I asked my mother about whether or not she bought the allegations of Lance Armstrong’s doping, she said she thought that you either believed Lance’s claims that he didn’t dope, or you didn’t, and she fell into the former camp. That’s about how I felt, too.

Whatever last shreds of that belief I might have held evaporated last week, when Armstrong revealed in an interview with Oprah that he had been doping for each of his seven Tour de France wins. That admission was a long time coming and seemed to result, at least in part, from his current ban from all sanctioned competition.

Armstrong is now a part of a dark pantheon of former sports greats, laid low by their unending commitment to victory at all costs.

Before Lance, there was Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa, Barry Bonds, Marion Jones, Floyd Landis, Jan Ullrich, Roger Clemens and many more.

While it will be cathartic to look at his history of deception and watch him fall from grace with the usual contempt and awe that comes with spectacles of this nature, we, the sport watching public, need to start thinking seriously about the next scandal of this nature. Because unless we dramatically change the way we think about sport, these sorts of scandals will keep happening.

As someone who watches technological trends for fun, there is one thing I’ve seen play out time and time again: Human ingenuity will always find a way around a given rule set, especially if there is significant enough incentive to do so.

Armstrong’s case is a perfect example: Part of the reason he was able to say that he hadn’t failed a drug test is that at the time he won the race, there was no way for the authorities to test for blood doping and EPO. The technology was simply too far ahead of them. In the case of professional sports, not only is there a significant incentive for the players to use performance enhancers, but there is also plenty of incentive for team owners, coaches and sponsors to look the other way.

While we vilify the athletes who thought it necessary to dope, or at best call them victims of circum-

stance, we are perpetuating a convenient narrative. We were swindled by these individuals without a moral compass, the conventional wisdom goes. To a degree, that’s right.

But in order for the Armstrongs, Bonds and Joneses of the world to dope, there have to be enough people in their organizations enabling them.

A lot of people made money on improbable performances from the rampant steroid use of the ‘90s and early-mid-2000s. These science-enabled feats were a huge draw for fans and TV viewers, because, let’s face it: Superhuman feats make for great spectator moments. Barry Bonds’s multiple home run record chases drove people to baseball parks around the country as well as bringing them in front of the television.

For many of us, we were along for the ride, rather than wondering why it was that someone who had never before hit more than 50 home runs in a season suddenly managed to hit 73.

The fact of the matter is, the people who made money off of these performances—the agents, the managers, the endorsers whose sales were boosted by their connection to a tainted athlete—their math doesn’t change. Until the sportwatching public actually makes those relationships have a significant fiscal and social cost, we’re going to see the same cycle of widespread doping established in the ‘90s continue in the decades to come.

You can’t half-ass it with multiple partners Spencer Wharton Senior

SEXCETERA “I take issue with the way you make open relationships out to be a positive thing. I’m a straight dude who’s been in three open relationships, and all I’ve ever gotten out of them has been misery, regret and nasty breakups. Communication wasn’t the problem—we dialogued everything to DEATH. We established terms upon terms, checked in, read tons of shit online, yadda yadda. In the end, it just never felt okay. I didn’t like the feeling like I was in some sort of contest with her for who could get more action.

-Open Relationships Not Operating Tolerably

Are you sure you really want to be in open relationships?

I know that anyone who’s in a non-monogamous relationship is sick of that response. Those in open relationships are told with tiresome regularity that their relationship troubles are all due to the fact that they’re seeing multiple people.

This is an annoying double standard—monogamous couples having issues are never advised to try seeing more people—but in your case, ORNOT, I think it’s important to gauge just how much you want to do this. Making a successful non-monogamous relationship takes effort and dedication.

In a culture inundated with monogamy like ours, adjusting to the framework of an open relationship can be tough. From fairy tales to romantic comedies, we’re told that somewhere out there is “the only one,” the soulmate who will fit us so well we’ll never want anyone else.

Our entire model for romance and relationships is built on this “only one” premise, which encourages and justifies jealousy—and this can undermine an open relationship.

If you really want to be in an open relationship, you have to rad-

ically change your thinking. This means abandoning the assumption that you’ll be the “only one” for your partner(s) except in ways you expressly agree upon. It also means letting go of the guilty pleasure of justified jealousy. You have to recognize the autonomy of your partner(s) and accept that their sex life and/or romantic life does not necessarily revolve around you, all without allowing that to threaten your relationship. While these are definitely relevant to any relationship, their importance in a traditional monogamous relationship is nowhere near as obvious as it is in any case of non-monogamy.

Building these up is definitely doable, but it’s not in any way easy.

Which is why I’m asking you if you really want it. If you want to try to make an open relationship work, start by reflecting on why you’re drawn to the idea. Ask yourself if you can be non-monogamous, but also if you could deal with a partner who was, too.

Are you interested enough in nonmonogamy that you’re willing to let go of the things I mentioned above? If you’re dedicated to the idea and willing to make it work,

Voices from the Community

even when it gets hard, then go for it. You’re in for a ride. But if in the end, that doesn’t feel “okay,” then perhaps non-monogamy isn’t for you. That’s perfectly fine— there’s no shame in monogamy.

Successful open relationships require you to be honest, self-reflective and committed to the idea.

What’s more, it helps immensely to have someone you can trust and work through it all with; you can’t build a very stable open relationship if the foundation is shaky.

It’s definitely possible, but as so many of the non-monogamous people I know have confirmed, it’s not something you can half-ass.

Letter from the Editor One of the first things I did after getting back from break was to create a reader survey for The Pioneer. As an organization, I believe we should always be responsive to the students, staff, faculty, parents and alumni who read our paper and view our website.

Many of you expressed a desire for the paper to do more coverage of local and national news. While our core mission will always be campus news, we’re exploring several ways to expand our news coverage without compromising this goal. Starting this week, we’ll be posting a weekly news recap on our website which summarizes the top national news of the week. We’re also introduc-

ing news briefs in print, where we’ll be able to summarize community issues. We have more blogs, including one focused on national sports, and we’re working hard to provide more videos of campus events.

These are just a few of our ideas for the semester, but we’re always looking for more ways to improve. If you’ve got a comment, suggestion or criticism, we’d love to hear it—just drop us a line at editors@whitmanpioneer.com.

Rachel Alexander Editor in Chief

How do you think the college should prioritize divestment from fossil fuel companies? Poll by Becca Mellema

Bill Strampher

Natalie Jamerson

ERik Anderson

Nicole HoDgkinson

Community Member

Senior

Sophomore

First-year

“I like water power. I like the idea of water wheels. They don’t interfere with anything. I wish solar was more efficient but it doesn’t seem to work that well.

There’s all kinds of things you could do.”

“I think that having the support of the students as well as the administration and faculty and staff is really important in achieving these goals. There has to be a campuswide commitment to reducing dependence.

It can’t just be one area or department.”

“Greater understanding of the issues, especially recognition of our dependence upon natural resources.”

“It would be cool to try to make some of the residence halls kind of self-sufficient in terms of the energy that they need to run.

Solar panels, or some other sort of generators that are just for each of the dorms so that it’s not necessarily campus wide.”

BACKPAGE

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8

Pio columnist confesses publicly that he joined staff just to make a joke about jenkem

Humor Writer Tristan Gavin’14 is displayed here under the effects of the drug known as jenkem. Known effects include: the willingness to get brown. Photo by Johannson

I

n a truly disgusting public interview with Whitman professor Chopra Winfrey, Pioneer humor and sports writer Tristan Gavin confessed freely that his reason for joining the staff of Whitman’s newspaper was to “try to make a joke about jenkem.”

Gavin admitted that he “discovered” jenkem, a hallucinogenic inhalant created from fermented human waste, this past summer.

“Over the course of this previous semester, I definitely tried to work up to it in my articles. I couldn’t keep it in me (giggling).

Butt hash!” he blurted shamelessly.

Gavin, an English major from Santa Cruz, Calif., showed surprisingly little remorse in the interview, and couldn’t refrain from making more jenkem jokes. He walked into Winfrey’s studio with what one might call a “shit-eating grin” if that weren’t a wildly inappropriate and tasteless term, and exclaimed loudly, “Let’s do this! Public confession! No holds jarred, am I right?” while trying not to snicker.

Winfrey began by asking Gavin about his most controversial article, crudely titled “21 Dump Street,” in which he wrote that “there are definitely probably some students huffing poop gas” and alluded to Whitman’s “21 percent jenkem community.” Gavin offered, as expected, a foul-mouthed response.

“Look, I’m not going to say that my articles have had a strong effect on the Whitman community, but I’d like to strongly imply it,” Gavin said, making an indelicate joke that he already made in a previous Pioneer article. “If you’ll look at the numbers from the lifestyle survey, jenkem use has ‘ballooned’ (snickers) in North Hall since my article was published.

Also, ‘piping hot pile of justice?’

Come on! That was comedic gold.”

One of the distinctive features of Gavin’s humor writing, which he calls “brown journalism,” is his appropriation of topics like farting, pooping and jenkem that are wildly inappropriate and not remotely funny. Gavin also has a tumblr account titled “Leeeroyyyy Jenkems!” on which he posts pictures of ordinary, sludge-filled jars that bear no resemblance to those used by “brown junkies” and lack comedic value altogether. Winfrey correctly pointed out in one of the more tense moments of the interview that “when we’re talking about methane, there’s nothing to laugh about.” Gavin chortled as he drank what appeared to be coffee from a Mason jar.

The school newspaper’s editor-in-chief was unsurprised by the confession, saying that she noticed some warning signs during meetings.

“I asked a sports writer about the new ‘Sweets’ memorabilia shop downtown, and Tristan replied ‘Downtown? More like Brown Town!’ It was definitely a waste of time,” she reported with a surprisingly straight face.

Though he just received a shipment of brown rubber “MethaneStrong” bracelets, Gavin did hint that he looks forward to altering his subject matter, saying the strain of jenkem jokes was “running out of gas.” He now anticipates building up to making a joke about Whitman’s baseball team.

He will also work on turning the bracelets into condoms.

Winfrey concluded by informing Gavin that a Google search for “Tristan Gavin jenkem” yields approximately 1,220,000 results.

The grin returned to his face.

“Wow, I didn’t know I made over a million jenkem jokes!” he said wistfully. “Man, that was really, really fun.”

Dubblebaby by Sam & Toby Alden

Jan

24 2013

Reaching new highs in low standards

W

ith spring hanging like an icicle precariously over us, Whitman’s top sports team returns to the field for what promises to be another successful year. But while the Sweets toss the disc around as casually as they toss around phrases like “Nice huck, breh” and “Do you think this up-bid will get me in Skyd Magazine, D?”, men’s baseball will also be taking to the field. Despite the fact that the baseball team has won only five of its 35 to 40 games every year for more years than most of its players can even count, they remain optimistic with the hiring of a new coach.

Newly hired coach John Finney has taken a whole new direction with the team that promises much greater success.

“Year after year, this team goes out and embarrasses itself en route to what promises to be a five-win season. This year, we will be much more respectable and efficient in our pursuit of five wins. We have assembled a group of young men—boys, really—that are poised to lose almost 90 percent of their games better than anyone before them.”

The team has been practicing tirelessly to become the best five-win team in the country.

The pitchers spent all practice working out their necks so that they can crane them to watch the massive home runs they trained themselves to give up. Some of the older hitters have stepped up into mentoring roles, showing the first-year players how to strike out against even the slowest pitchers.

“We are really coming to-

gether as a team, which is great because we are one,” said senior pitcher Kyler “Missile” Griswald.

The team has even been sighted watching films in the Sherwood Athletic Center to prepare for the toils of the long season.

Those who walked by most evenings recalled seeing glimpses of the team in the multimedia room watching replays of the Seattle Seahawks Divisional Playoff loss.

“Seattle just manages to #findaway. That is what we aspire to. And the unmerited confidence? The ‘wait until next year’ mentality? It’s like the Mariners on steroids,” said second baseman John Chrandrews, wearing a size extra-small Bret Boone jersey.

Those who follow Whitman baseball, or—more likely, unless they have offspring on the team— those who see them around campus, know that the “unmerited confidence” is a quality the team has mastered over years of poor winloss records. Many a nony mous sources cited times where the team, which costs more than the annual salary of an archives assistant to send across the nation to lose to teams out-

side of the Pacific Northwest, acted “entitled” or “like they were the greatest thing to happen to this school since Macklemore released whatever his last song was.”

Alaskan designated hitter Eric Owen, who was recently reinstated after being investigated for a bounty scandal following a historic year of hitbatsmen, does not let the community backlash affect him.

“Win or lose, I’m still dating the hottest cheerleader at the school,” Owen said. When asked what he meant by “cheerleader,” Owen replied “the hot one.”

Although this season promises the familiarity of badly played games in even worse weather, those involved with the program look forward to reaching new highs in low standards.

“Except with girls,” Owen reiterated.

ILLUSTRATION BYJONES

yerbA MATE

is not your friend M y first encounter with this strange plot occurred this year at Jewett Hall, investigating the strange arsenic poisonings many students fell victim to after eating too many peach pits. While sitting at one of the circle tables alone, I felt a tap on my shoulder.

Before I could turn, a British-sounding voice asked me, “Do you have any herb mate?”

Confused, I looked at the student, a tall male, hardly seeming like the kind of person who would partake in “herb.”

I just shook my head and he left me alone, but not before sadly looking at a strange yellow canister sitting by the coffee.

The mysterious appearance of yerba mate canisters across campus puzzled many students. “Were coffee or tea not good enough?” many students were overheard saying.

With recent accusations of Bon Appétit putting massive amounts of salt in their food, it becomes apparent that we have two pieces of a sinister puzzle.

Just like in “Curious George,”

the missing piece lays in the bellies of all the first-years and sorority girls that “Bon App” uses for their insidious plot.

After hiring a team of investigators to get to the bottom of Bon App’s scheming, it has been revealed that Bon Appétit is secretly running a bootlegging operation.

“No one eats at Lyman, and Jewett is right next door. Why do they have it?” said one insightful student in a series of interviews conducted by the investigative team. Obviously, Lyman is being used as the headquarters of Bon Appétit’s operations.

According to the law of parsimony, the simplest answer is always the correct one. It makes absolutely no sense why Whitman allows the pastry bar to exist with Whitman students’ healthy tendencies. Clearly Bon Appétit is using the fermenting properties of yerba mate

to create the perfect environment within students’ bodies to react to the sugars of the pastries to create alcohol. The salt within Bon App’s food encourages students to drink more water, or, ideally, more yerba mate, speeding up the process. Jewett’s bathrooms then pipe all the alcohol into large collection vats housed in Lyman where the alcohol is bottled and distributed under the name Monarch.

Information is power, and being blind and not r e cognizing the facts is one of the greatest sins a human being can engage in.

Think about Augustine and remember that ignorance is evil.

Do not be blind. Look around at the conspiracies all around you.

ILLUSTRATION BY SCHUH

Read more DUBBLEBABY online at http://dubblebaby.blogspot.com/