Whitman College Pioneer - Spring 09 Issue 07 by Whitman College Wire

LAKUM DUCKUM CLOSES FOR SUMMER

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April Fools insert

APRIL 02, 2009 VOLUME CXXIV / ISSUE 7 WALLA WALLA, WASHINGTON whitmanpioneer.com

ASWC

ELECTIONS

PA G E 4

NEW MULTICULTURAL SPACE

WhitmanCollegePioneer

Bomb threat Bettison-Varga named Scripps president disrupts campus by Elana Congress Reporter

Classes, activities cancelled by Kim Sommers and Molly Smith Editor-in-Chief and News Editor

Whitman College, in conjunction with the Walla Walla Police Department, is investigating the origins of an apparent prank bomb threat for Hunter Conservatory on Wednesday, April 1. In the late evening of Tuesday, March 31 a select group of Whitman community members received an e-mail warning them that a bomb would go off at Hunter at 6:30 p.m. on April 1. The e-mail also made reference to April Fool’s Day. “Issuing such a threat, whether a hoax or not, is a felony offense,” said Dean of Student Chuck Cleveland in an campuswide e-mail alert. The e-mail was sent from a hacked student G-mail account and the identity of the sender is currently unknown. The Whitman administration was made aware of the threat early Wednesday morning and subsequently noti!ed the Walla Walla Police Department. The Whitman community was alerted of the threat at 11:40 a.m. and Hunter was immediately evacuated and locked and the surrounding area was cordoned off. Campus security and the Police Department conducted a sweep of both the interior and exterior of the building during the afternoon hours. According to Chief Financial Of!cer Peter Harvey, no signs of a threat were found. BOMB, see page 3

On Saturday, Lori Bettison-Varga, the provost and dean of faculty, shared bittersweet news with the Whitman community. Effective July 1, 2009, Bettison-Varga will leave Whitman to become the president of Scripps College. Bettison-Varga has served as the provost and dean of faculty since 2007. Prior to her arrival at Whitman, she worked as a geology professor, the chair of the geology department and the associate dean of research and grants at The College of Wooster, a liberal

arts college in Ohio. Her progression from provost and dean of faculty to president, albeit at another college, is common among high-level administrators; President Bridges served as the dean and vice provost of undergraduate education at the University of Washington prior to his arrival at Whitman. Bettison-Varga said she became a teacher to make a difference, and administrative jobs allow her to make a difference on a much larger scale. “As I got involved at Wooster, I realized that I very much like the big picture of an institution,” BETTISON-VARGA, see page 3

COURTESY OF SCRIPPS COLLEGE

Fritz Weis, President of Scripps College, congratulates his successor.

ASWC Executive Council to be elected by Molly Smith News Editor

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ASWC Executive Council candidates hold an informal forum in Reid Coffeehouse on Tuesday, March 31.

The onslaught of campaign posters plastered around campus and the creation of electoral Facebook groups signals only one thing: ASWC elections. Over the course of the next two weeks, Whitman students’ electoral decisions will determine the makeup of the student government for the 2009-2010 academic year. Elections for the Executive Council (EC) are scheduled for this upcoming Monday, April 6. Senate elections will follow on Wednesday, April 15. Comprised of both elected and appointed of!cers, the EC positions up for election include the President, Chair of Student Affairs, Finance Chair, Programming Chair and Nominations Chair. There are 12 students running for the !ve ELECTIONS, see page 5

NEWS

WHITMAN COLLEGE PIO NEER

Ricks on campus by Becquer Medak-Seguin Contributing Reporter

Former senior military correspondent for the Washington Post and two-time Pulitzer Prize winner Thomas E. Ricks will speak at Cordiner Hall at 7 p.m. on Thursday. His lecture, titled “The Three Things Americans Don’t Understand about the War in Iraq Right Now,” will cover his most recent book, “The Gamble: General Petraeus and the American Military Adventure in Iraq, 2006-2008,” as well as the Obama administration’s efforts in the ongoing Iraq War. Ricks’ !rst book on the Iraq War, Fiasco: The American Military Adventure in Iraq, 2003-2005, was a !nalist for the 2007 Pulitzer Prize for General Non!ction and a no. 1 New York Times bestseller. His other books include Making the Corps, where he follows a platoon of young, aspiring marines through 11 weeks of boot camp, and A Soldier’s Duty, a novel about a U.S. military intervention in Afghanistan, published some four months before the actual U.S. invasion of Afghanistan in October of 2001. Ricks was a part of two Pulitzer Prize-winning teams for national reporting. In 2000, he was a part of the Wall Street Journal team that won for a series of articles on how the U.S. military might change to meet the new demands of the twenty !rst century. In 2002, he was a part of a Washington Post team that won for a series of articles about the beginning of the U.S. counteroffensive against terrorism. In January, Ricks joined the Center for a New American Security, a Washington D.C.-based think tank, where he is researching the history of American of!cership. He is currently focusing on the American ideal of a general. Ricks also recently became a contributing editor for Foreign Policy magazine, where he writes a blog called “The Best Defense” (http://ricks. foreignpolicy.com/).

Inside the Pioneer News . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1-6 Opinion . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7-10 Features . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11-14 A&E. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15-19 Sports . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20-24

APRIL 02, 2009

Whitman creates multi-cultural hub by Gabriela Salvidea Contributing Reporter

“It’s been a dream,” said Associate Dean of Students Mukulu Mweu, referring to the student multicultural space debuting sometime next fall, a project that’s been talked about for years and !nally has suf!cient planning and funding for its realization. The new space will be located at 26 Boyer Ave., sandwiched between the dance studio and Boyer House, in a house just down the street from Reid Campus Center that formerly accommodated senior art studios. The space doesn’t yet have a name: “house” doesn’t quite work because students won’t live there, and “center” doesn’t capture the intended comfort and casualness that will characterize it. Whitman can’t be accused of lacking multicultural spaces, but until now they have been program-oriented, formal and scattered: Interest Houses, the Intercultural Center, the Language Learning Center or Penrose Library’s basement for foreign television viewing. The project arose from students repeatedly articulating a need for this sort of space, particularly in light of the dif!culty !nding suitable meeting space. “The beginnings were student-driven, just from conversations. So Chuck and I had been talking about how we could help see this through,” said Mweu referring to Dean of Students Chuck Cleveland. Student input—in everything from the sort of building it should occupy to the space’s furnishings—has fueled the project throughout, and students themselves will de!ne how it is used. The space won’t have any administrative of!ces, per student consensus, and the hope is that is will develop organically instead of having an imposed structure from the onset. The idea was explored and re!ned by student focus groups organized by the Board of Trustees Diversity Committee, and a Mellon grant funded tour of other colleges to learn what sorts of multicultural spaces existed at peer institutions. The tour offered insight into different models. It also revealed that Whitman lacked something similar schools had. “Activities and spaces for students of color and underrepresented groups are something that we have not de!ned well and this gives a real sense of place for both those students themselves and for discussions about diversity,” said Associate to the President Jed Schwendiman, who participated in the college tour. Current spaces utilized for multicultural bond-

COURTESY OF JED SCHWENDIMAN

The new space for multi-cultural activities will be located on Boyer Avenue between the dance studio and Boyer House.

ing and club meetings, such as the downstairs area in Reid for Intercultural Cafe, demonstrated clear limitations. “Reid’s a very functional space and the building is fairly modern so I think it doesn’t really lend itself to being a space where you should come and spend a long time and relax,” said David ChangaMoon, former RA of MECCA who participated in a Diversity Committee meeting about the project. Along with MECCA’s space limitations, Changa-Moon described the dilemma of a public space versus a private one—groups seeking comfort and intimacy might opt for meeting at MECCA, but then worry they’re infringing on residents’ privacy. Beyond the practical limitations, some personal ones emerged. “Some diversity clubs can talk about some issues that are pretty sensitive and personal, and someone who’s getting their mail can overhear,” said Changa-Moon. The new space will be an extension of the Intercultural Center and will offer a range of comfortable meeting spaces—from intimate meeting rooms to larger ones able to accommodate seminars, dinners and campus-wide events. Beyond that, unlike an interest house there will be no programming requirement. “Too frequently, diversity students are expected to educate the rest of us about issues of race, class and ethnicity. At times they are expected to represent entire groups of people. These expectations are unfair and demanding. I see a multicultural

space as a place where students can just be themselves and not be expected to perform, represent or explain themselves,” Professor of History Julie Charlip, who participated in the college tour, wrote in an e-mail. One staff member, who wished not to be identi!ed because of at-will employment status, voiced concern in an e-mail that the new space perhaps is a “sexy new way to market the school.” Changa-Moon pointed out, “I think despite how it’s going to be perceived, it’s going to serve students in a real way immediately.” “The administration and the Board of Trustees have been very genuine in their concerns, otherwise during a time like this when everyone’s budgets are being cut, they still wouldn’t pursue a house. It’d be one of the quickest things to cut, so I think there was some clear passion behind the project,” said Changa-Moon. Gifts from donors have made the space possible. Funding for the project isn’t complete but is advanced enough to commence the renovation. “It’s a balancing act, and we’re still in the process of deciding which pieces of the renovation we can and can’t do,” said Schwendiman. Though it is a multicultural space, it is intended to serve all students. “We’re trying to engage a wider audience from our campus. I really am hopeful that this is going to encourage people who have been on the margins and not as involved in our events to come check it out and do something different,” said Mweu.

APRIL 02, 2009

NEWS

WHITMAN COLLEGE PIO NEER

Provost and dean of faculty to leave Whitman BETTISON-VARGA, from cover

said Bettison-Varga. “And so it did seem a natural thing for me to get into administration because I really do like to help people do their work and ful!ll their dreams,” she said. As provost and dean of faculty, BettisonVarga serves as “a sort of second-in-command after the president,” said Jed Schwendiman, the associate to the president. According to Schwendiman, the provost and dean of faculty represents the faculty within the administration. Unlike the chair of the faculty, who is elected by the faculty, the provost and dean of faculty is hired by the president. Although Bettison-Varga’s time at Whitman has been brief, her impact has been tremendous. “She’s been fantastic here,” said Schwen-

diman. “It would be nice if we could have two of her—one to stay and one to go be president [for Scripps].”

It did seem a natural thing for me to get into administration because I really do like to help people do their work and ful!ll their dreams.” -Lori Bettison-Varga, current Provost and Dean of Faculty

She has worked to improve job satisfaction of junior faculty, untenured professors that are hired into the tenure track, and resolve faculty’s workload issues.

Schwendiman credits Bettison-Varga’s success at Whitman to her creativity, charisma and enthusiasm. “She’s a very energetic and dynamic person, and she builds rapport with people very quickly,” he said. It will be dif!cult to !nd a new provost and dean of faculty, but it can be done. After all, the administration did !nd Bettison-Varga. During the one-year search prior to hiring Bettison-Varga, politics professor Timothy Kaufman-Osborn served as the interim provost and dean of faculty. Every transition is handled differently, though, and this transition is no exception. President Bridges, the three division chairs, elected faculty members that represent each of the three academic divisions, and other interested faculty members are in the earli-

est stages of planning the transition to a new provost and dean of faculty. Sally Hooker, assistant to the provost and dean of the faculty, has experience with such transitions. “Our goal is to give support for continuity and to make the changes as smooth as possible,” she said.

For more information To read President Bridge’s announcement of Bettison-Varga’s new position at Scripps, visit whitman.edu/content/news/bettisonvarga. The Scripps College announcement is also available online.

Bomb threat considered to be April Fool’s prank BOMB, from cover

Nonetheless, the Police Department barricaded the perimeter of Hunter in the lead up to the 6:30 p.m. target. Students and local traf!c were redirected through other parts of campus. According to one police of!cer on duty, all available department personnel were assigned to the Whitman campus. Once the 6:30 p.m. target had suf!ciently passed without an incident, the police determined that the threat had subsided and Hunter was re-opened for regular use at 8:00 p.m. “We now assume this was an April Fool’s joke; a terribly inappropriate one. However… we had to respond as if it was a credible, serious threat,” said Cleveland in an e-mail to the Whitman community. The administration, with the help of the Police Department, is attempting to obtain a subpoena to Google Inc. in order to obtain information about the sender of the e-mail. Harvey con!rmed that progress is being made in obtaining the subpoena, however he could not disclose further information for fear of compromising the police department’s investigation. The Police Department is examining the computer of the student whose G-mail account was hacked into, with the hope that

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traces of the hacker can be found. Whitman College Technology Services is assisting the police with these efforts. College of!cials urge anyone who has information about the bomb threat to come forward. “Campus staff and the Walla Walla Police have spent many hours working on this situation, and we would hope that anyone who can shed light on this incident will notify me,” Cleveland wrote in a campus-wide email. Any information should be directed to Cleveland either by e-mail or phone (of!ce: 509.527.5158 or cell: 509.520.0564) or Whitman College Security by phone (509.527.5777) or e-mail at security@whitman.edu.

Above: President Bridges and other college of!cals stand by as the 6:30 deadline approaches. Police secured the area and blocked off the streets in case of a detonation. At right: Caution tape blocks students and faculty from entering the building.

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WHITMAN COLLEGE PIO NEER

NEWS

APRIL 02, 2009

Undergraduate conference promises creative variety by CJ Wisler

increase from last year’s 165 participants. The Conference will also feature a wide variety of presentations from talk forums, poster presentations Most students are merely thankful for cancelled and artistic exhibitions. classes and an extra day to do homework when The Undergraduate Conference gives underthe annual Whitman Undergraduate Conference classmen a chance to observe and appreciate comes around. However, the Undergraduate Con- the work and effort of student research projects. ference offers the stuThese projects range dent body the unique from junior Theodore opportunity to celebrate Barnhart’s research Fast facts their peers’ academic on wetland vegetation • This year, there will be over 141 disaccomplishments. changes to senior Seren tinct presentations, performances, and The conference was P e n d l e t o n - K n o l l’s posters originally organized in theatrical production • There will be four sessions for talks: 9 - 10:15; 10:45 - noon; 2 - 3:15; and 1998 by the then-Dean on diversity issues at 3:45 - 5 of Faculty Patrick Keep Whitman. • There will be a poster session from and current Professor After completing 1:00 - 2:00 of French Language their research, students • Dining halls are closed for breakfast and lunch the day of the conference – and Literature Mary often !nd conclusions continental breakfast will be available in O’Neil, who was Assisnot just applicable to Science, Olin Foyer, and Reid at 8:15; tant Dean of Faculty at their own !eld of study there will be an all-campus lunch at the time. or even what their reReid at noon “Patrick Keep had search entailed. Barnbeen to a meeting on a hart, aside from !nding campus with an undergraduate conference, and he information to support his original thesis, discovfelt it would be a great idea and a unique program ered the dif!culty in interpreting research data. for students,” said O’Neil. “What I discovered was data is inherently O’Neil and Keith set up the original Under- "awed,” said Barnhart. “Basically I’m showing graduate Conference board, which included stu- an increase in the “wetness” of the wetland, but dent, faculty and staff members. The conference that is biased based on my perception. I learned board structured the conference into four sessions about the subjectivity of research.” of topic-based panels with each session including Another aspect of the conference is its focus on a series of 15-minute lectures. This remains the including multidisciplinary appeal to presentaconference’s current structure. tions. Audience members can and are encouraged Marking the 11th year of the Whitman Under- to attend presentations that focus on disciplines graduate Conference, this year’s seminars will outside of their intended major study. feature 176 student and faculty participants, an “It’s exciting to see the different types of reReporter

search students are doing,” said Pendleton-Knoll. “It’s fascinating, and a really great opportunity to see what other students on campus are working on [that] we don’t know about.” Pendleton-Knoll enforces this idea of crossdisciplinary focus by presenting her thesis, which combines her psychology and theater majors. Her presentation focuses on the results of performing her ethnodrama, “When the Masks Come Off”. She hopes her presentation will appeal to a wide audience in part with its inclusion of theater as well as combining the prevalent issue of diversity at Whitman. “I think it’s interesting because it combines psych and theater, and there aren’t typically undergraduate lectures [on theater]. Ethnodramas have never really been studied in detail, although they’re supposed to produce change. Also, I’ve noticed a lot of discontent regarding diversity on campus, so this was something I was concerned about and could integrate into my thesis.” Students work on their presentations over the course of the entire year, carefully planning and constructing abstracts, data sheets and research methods in order to create a short presentation with scholarly professionalism in order to peak student interest and, in the words of Barnhart, to gather ideas of how to “take their education into a more independent !eld.” While the conference’s original goal to celebrate student achievement is still an important factor to the conference, students have quickly grasped that

the conference allows students to test how their research interests and impacts the public. “[The conference] really gives students a sense of closure, [as well as] a chance to try out their ideas,” said O’Neil. Parents and faculty members are also encouraged to attend the presentations. The Whitman Undergraduate Conference is scheduled for Tuesday, April 7, 2009. Presentations and lectures will be in various academic buildings. Schedule information is available soon on the Whitman Web site and on posters around campus. Conference programs will be distributed a few days before the conference.

MITCHELL

Admissions for 2013 spike despite economy by Cindy Chen Senior Reporter

Decisions for the incoming freshman class were mailed out this week, with a record 3,404 applications received, which is a two percent increase from last year. “It’s quite amazing to have growth in applications this year given two large factors: 1) the global economic recession and the uncertainty it brings 2) the beginning of the decline in student demographics,” said Tony Cabasco, dean of admission and !nancial aid. In the next !ve to six years, the number of high

school graduates will shrink, especially in the Midwest and Northeast. However, an informal survey found that most liberal arts colleges faced decreases in applications, with only a few increases – Whitman included. ‘I would like to believe that Whitman is !nally getting to the cusp of those national liberal arts colleges that will attract talented students from around the country consistently based on its academic reputation,” said Cabasco. “Speci!c to Whitman, we have been ‘on a roll’ in recent years with application growth, expansion in geographic representation, application growth among students of color, and generally good press

–Princeton Review, etc.,” said Cabasco. However, application growth is not the only important measure – “yield,” or the percent of admitted students that enroll, tends to be the more important measure. Many colleges expect their yield to decrease this year. Financial aid is also a big consideration for deciding students, especially during these economic times. The news about the recession hit in the fall, presumably after some families made college lists, so students and parents may have a “wait-and-see” attitude regarding their !nal college decisions. “I would also highlight three other factors: 1) a loyal, rabid, supportive alumni base 2) current stu-

dents who are generally happy with their Whitman experience and 3) a very good admission/recruitment program that gets the message out about Whitman to the right students and does a good job of follow up and recruitment,” said Cabasco. Investments in projects like the new Fouts Center for Visual Arts and the Sherwood renovation also helps the college’s reputation. “In enrolling a class of new students this year, getting applications may only be half the battle due to the recession,” said Cabasco to ‘The Fountain,’ Whitman’s community newsletter. “However, application numbers holding steady, let alone seeing an increase, is a real victory in these tough times.”

NEWS

APRIL 02, 2009

WHITMAN COLLEGE PIO NEER

POSITION DESCRIPTIONS Speci!ed duties of the …

The following voters’ guide is intended to assist the Whitman community in making an informed decision when going to the polls on Monday, April 6 for the Executive Council election. In this guide you will !nd descriptions of the positions up for election, interviews with the candidates and words of wisdom from the current Executive Council of!cials. Visit our website, whitmanpioneer.com to read the candidates’ full platforms and other useful information.

ELECTIONS O VERVIE W ELECTIONS, from cover

EC positions this year. According to current ASWC members, this is an increase from previous years. “Executive Council elections in the past have been pretty non-competitive… which isn’t good if you don’t have a strong candidate,” said ASWC Communications Director senior Rand Biersdorff. Last year, three of the !ve EC positions were !lled by candidates who ran unopposed. In comparison, the only position with a lone candidate this year is the Nominations Chair, after another candidate decided not to run. A candidate running unopposed is not guaranteed of a win, however. It is possible for write-in candidates to gain of!ce. Last year, a senior senator was elected through this process. EC elections use an instant runoff voting (IRV) system. This preferential system of voting uses ranked ballots to stimulate a traditional runoff in a single round of voting. According to ASWC bylaws, “The votes are counted only by tabulating the !rst choice, and then if no candidate has a majority of !rst-preference votes, the least popular candidate is eliminated and each vote which has been awarded to him or her is then transferred to the voters’ nextchoice candidate.” This process continues until one EC candidate receives the neces-

sary majority (over 50%) for election. Current Oversight Chair, junior Kendra Vandree, describes the system as being the most logical. “This allows so that the general opinion of constituents is represented, even if it doesn’t result in the candidate with the highest number of !rst preferences,” Vandree said of the system. Senate elections are conducted in a similar, although not identical, manner. If a senate candidate does not initially receive the majority of the vote, then the other rankings are taken into consideration for just the four highest candidates. The elections are conducted through an online electronic polling system. Students will receive an email inviting them to participate in the election. Students may vote from their personal computers or from a campus computer. Voting stations will also be set up in Reid Campus Center. The online poll will be open from 12:01 a.m. to 8 p.m. on April 6. In light of the economic turmoil the college is currently facing, next year’s Executive Council has a tough road ahead. They will face many challenges and will be called upon to make many important decisions that will have a signi!cant impact on student life.

CURRENT OFFICIALS’ 2¢

P RESIDENT. The President regularly presides over Senate meetings, chairs the Executive Council, sets Senate and EC meeting agendas, attends college policy committee meetings and meets with media chief of!cers. The president also has the ability to break ties in the Senate, and may authorize ASWC fund distribution.

Elliot Okantey, ‘09: “Beside the policy and programmatic responsibilities of the of!ce, there are also a great deal of administrative responsibilities. Students should seek to elect someone who is as concerned with scheduling meetings for agreeable times and crafting a thorough organizational handbook as he is with implementing an ambitious or popular agenda.”

STUDENT A FFAIRS CHAIR . The Student Affairs Chair votes in the Senate, chairs the standing Student Affairs Committee, initiates campus/ASWC policy changes, acts as an advocate for the student body in policy matters and attends faculty policy committee meetings. The Student Affairs Chair also assumes the role of President if the elected president is absent or leaves of!ce.

Roman Goerss, ‘09: “It’s important to pick someone who’s experienced and a good leader … managing your team well is essential to success. A good chair can be a force multiplier for student service, a bad one results in aimlessness and neglect of student concerns. While the work of the chair is largely invisible, it can have a massive effect on student life. So, pick someone who takes it seriously.”

NOMINATIONS CHAIR . The Nominations Chair votes in the Senate, generally manages the nominations process for all ASWC appointed positions, chairs the Nominations committee and collaborates with the Senate and clubs on the formation of nominations committees. FINANCE CHAIR . The Finance Chair votes in the Senate, chairs the standing Finance Committee, oversees all monetary transactions under the auspices of ASWC and keeps an accurate account thereof, makes a report of the !nancial activities of ASWC each !scal year to the Senate and collaborates with the Senate on the budgeting process. The Finance Chair also has the power to authorize and distribute ASWC funds. P ROGRAMMING CHAIR . The Programming Chair votes in the Senate, chairs the Programming Committee, coordinates ASWC-funded campus programs and activities, solicits student input on programming decisions, works with the ASWC Club Clerk and Communications Director to maintain a publicly accessible ASWC events calendar and creates and oversees even subcommittees.

Julia Nelson, ‘09: “A successful Nominations Chair should be able to focus on the nitty gritty details while still seeing the big picture. He or She should also be organized and have strong interpersonal and communication skills.” David Changa-Moon, ‘10: “The ideal incoming Finance Chair will pay close attention to detail, be self-driven and motivated, look for ways to innovative and better provide students access to funding and !gure out ways to provide funding to activities that improve students’ quality of life. He will need to be "exible and comfortable working with a range of students. Most importantly, he will need to be able to make sound judgments when discerning what should or should not be funded according to its merits.” Rachel Stein, ‘10: “The ideal Programming Chair will have experience planning various types of programming events, ideally in the Whitman context. It is also helpful to be organized and able to juggle a number of different activities at one time. Since the Programming Chair also deals with any controversy or problems which arise with events good communication skills and ability to deal with anything that happens is a plus.”

NEWS

WHITMAN COLLEGE PIO NEER

APRIL 02, 2009

Nadim Da mluji ‘10

s e t a d i d n a C l Pr e s i d e n t i a

ONE-SENTENCE P L AT F O R M

A vote for me will foster student autonomy, continued advocation, and better communication across the campus.

Larson Clo

se ‘10

THE BASICS Why are you running for President? I have been deeply invested in Whitman at large and ASWC in particular during my time here, and I want to see ASWC continue its success in spite of the administrative cutbacks made in response the economic crisis. I am running for President so I can use my knowledge of how all the committees and the laws that hold them in place work to implement responsible and effective changes to ASWC’s structure in a way that upholds student interests at all times.

O N E - S E N T E N C E P L AT F O R M Novelty

PLE ASE NOTE All candidates were offered the opportunity to answer questions; however, Larson Close declined to comment.

‘10 a l o i d n e BA M M ONE-SENTENCE P L AT F O R M As Whitman’s !rst openly gay, working class, !rstgeneration, Latino president EVER, I will take an active role in changing the current diversity dialogue to include the experience of ALL Whitman students while sending a strong message to prospective high schoolers that Whitman College is an institution

that is dedicated to electing historically underrepresented students to their governing body.

THE BASICS Why are you running for President? I aspire to be ASWC President to begin the legacy of change at Whitman College. I will represent our college to the best of my innovation and experience while serving as a symbol of the American Dream for high school students everywhere. I will be one of the !rst (if not the only) !rst generation, working class, openly queer, and Latino presidents in Whitman College history. I will send the message loud and clear to high school students across America that that our school is an institution for all students regardless of who they are and where they come from. What quali!es you to be President? My

What quali!es you to be President? I have a vast experience within ASWC and around the campus in various capacities. I am a

dedication to our campus has prepared me to serve as ASWC President with con!dence. I have taken the opportunity to lead as a former ASWC senator on the Policy Committee. I have also helped serve our community as the president of the Coalition Against Homophobia and the First-Generation Working Class Club. Off campus, I have worked at two law !rms as a legal assistant and have become "uent in business procedures and ef!ciency. I am ready. Let’s do this.

ONE-SENTENCE P L AT F O R M After my experience advocating for students at the highest levels of Whitman’s administration, I am ready to dedicate myself to ensuring ASWC not only continues to provide great services, but also increases its power to stand up for students.

JUST FOR FUN What word best describes you? Metamorphosis Fun Fact: I was the !rst person in my family to graduate from middle school and will be the !rst to graduate from college. The fun part will be seeing my brothers and sisters graduate as well.

THE BASICS Why are you running for President? I’m running for president so I can continue doing the ASWC work I love, but help more people while I do it. The times are changing at Whitman and students need an experienced and passionate advocate to stand up for what they need, and I’m excited for the opportunity to continue the work I have done for the last three years. What quali!es you to be President? I have dedicated my

current Senator on the Finance committee, former Programming Chair, student representative on the Board of Trustees, three year Intercultural Center Intern and former Master of Ceremonies of the Midnight Thirty Rap Battles. Beyond these credentials though, I’ve learned how to work with people in groups and advocate for the real concerns of students. I care about this school and the people who go here tremendously, which gives me a dedication and commitment to serve to the best of my abilities.

JUST FOR FUN What word best describes you? Hungry Fun Fact: I am an unabashed defender of pop music. Favorites include Justin Timberlake, Kelly Clarkson, and NeYo.

extra curricular life making sure students are heard when decisions are made that effect them. As the student representative to the General Studies Committee I held fora to gather student opinion, informing my effective advocacy against the elimination of a Core common experience. Despite faculty and administration opposition, the Core tradition is secure for future Whitties. I have represented the student body to the Whitman Board of Trustees for two years, "ying out to Seattle as the only traveling representative. I have written memos, conducted surveys, organized events and sat on panels representing the student perspective on important decisions from housing policy to the school’s diversity initiatives. During the town hall after President Bridges cut the ski team, I stood up and got him to promise he would not cut any more student services without student input. I have poured my life into Whitman, meeting as many people and doing as many things as possible. I am quali!ed to be President because I am an effective and experienced student advocate and organizer and

Will Can

ine ‘10

because I am deeply invested in the Whitman student life.

JUST FOR FUN What word best describes you? Tenacious Fun Fact: I used to be a serious longboarder and, because of a 40 mph crash into a tree, I have a titanium plate replacing part of my skull above my eye. I’ll let you feel the attachment bolts if you’re nice.

PHOTOS BY ZIPPARO

NEWS

APRIL 02, 2009

WHITMAN COLLEGE PIO NEER

Fi n a n c e C h a ir

Programming Chair Mimi Cook ‘10 ONE-SENTENCE P L AT F O R M I will promote collaboration and student involvement in programming.

THE BASICS Why are you running for Programming Chair? I think the events we put on at Whitman are exciting and I want to share

my passion and support Student Programming by taking on a leadership role. What quali!es you to be Programming Chair? I have been an active member of the all-volunteer Campus Activities Board (I am Co-Marketing Chair this Spring) and I have had a blast planning and running events. I want to bring the enthusiasm and skills I have found in CAB into ASWC Programming.

Stephen Stradley ‘12 PLE ASE NOTE All candidates were offered the opportunity to answer questions; however, Stephen Stradley declined to comment.

Matt Dittrich ‘12

ONE-SENTENCE P L AT F O R M

If elected Finance Chair, I will work nonstop to ensure that your ASWC dollars are spent wisely and that your quality of life exceeds standards previously set forth by ASWC and our college.

THE BASICS Why are you running for Finance Chair? I have always had a great passion for serving in student government and helping others out. This of!ce would be the perfect vein for me to continue chasing this lifelong desire of mine.

ONESENTENCE P L AT F O R M I am an experienced member of ASWC with concrete ideas, and I believe with my leadership the Student Affairs Committee will become a relevant and effective voice of student concerns.

Marcus Koontz ‘10 THE BASICS

Why are you running for Student Affairs Chair? Currently candidates cannot talk about the other candidates in ASWC elections. How does this policy help the students of Whitman make an informed decision? I say that it takes away debate that is valuable in inform-

THE BASICS Why are you running for Student Affairs Chair? I know where ASWC stands right now and I have a clear vision of where it needs to go to better serve the students. What quali!es you to be Student Affairs Chair? I’ve been a member of ASWC for !ve semesters as Chair of the ASWC Oversight Committee and a Junior Senator on the Student Affairs Committee. I have the Constitution and by-laws

ing students about the election. ASWC Oversight takes the stand that it is negative campaigning. I aim to make ASWC policies serve Whitman Students rather than ASWC. To do this I intend to look through the by-laws, constitution and policies of ASWC with an eye towards student’s

Ryan Lum ‘11

ONESENTENCE P L AT F O R M

Every major policy change is run through the Student Affairs Chair, since ASWC is going to face major changes next year, I want to reshape ASWC into a more transparent, easier to manage system that works smoother (and therefore faster) with the other groups.

What quali!es you to be Finance Chair? For the past several years of my life, I have held elected positions in various bodies around Washington. I have a very strong background in Accounting, Marketing and Economics, as well as in ASWC’s Finance Committee itself. I know the issues facing ASWC and the Finance Committee, and am ready to get down and dirty. Additionally, I believe that my unique understanding of the position of Finance Chair renders me the most quali!ed candidate for this of!ce.

Kiet Vo ‘11

Student Af fairs C hair Jordan Clark ‘10

ONESENTENCE P L AT F O R M that govern ASWC all but memorized. I’ve run three elections. As a member of the Student Affairs Committee I’ve fought back against the administration’s disproportionate cuts to Student Services, made structural changes through the by-laws, started a project to reform Whitman’s credit system, helped revise the sexual misconduct policy and done research on effective means of increasing campus safety.

Be it something simple as starting a Comedy Club to getting emergency !nancing, I hope to provide the !nancial means for groups and individuals to realize their needs, dreams and aspirations.

interests rather than ease of administration. I will establish an online forum for students to input thoughts, ideas and grievances with ASWC policies. We can improve ASWC together.

THE BASICS Why are you running for Student Affairs Chair? There are many changes that ASWC is going to be facing next year, due to budget cuts, which means that there will need to be major bylaw changes. We have a chance to reshape ASWC into a more transparent, easier to manage system that works smoother (and therefore faster) with the other groups on campus. However, that can only happen with somebody that has an intimate knowledge of the system, and the foresight to handle these issues. Key areas that I want to change revolve around three areas: administration, senators, and outside programming.

What quali!es you to be Student Affairs Chair? With regards to ASWC: Last year I sat on the Student Affairs Committee. This year I sit on the Executive Council, as the Club Clerk. With regards to other Whitman sources: I’m the vice-chair of the Campus Activities Board. I was the SA in North Hall last semester. Outside of Whitman: I sit on the National Association of Campus Activities (NACA) board, which is where Whitman and many other schools nationwide get their speakers, bands, and night and weekends events.

THE BASICS Why are you running for Finance Chair? I am interested in continuing and improving the healthy rapport between ASWC and the student body created by the current Chair. What quali!es you to be Finance Chair? I believe my ability to organize and lead as exempli!ed in current and past leadership positions in various af!nity groups provide a great background to lead a !nance committee to make sound decisions concerning the !nance of our friends, our clubs, and our school.

hair Nominations C Melissa Navarro ‘10 ONE-SENTENCE P L AT F O R M

I’m aiming to reach all corners of the Whitman box and get people interested in working with our community.

THE BASICS Why are you running for Nominations Chair? I’m running for Nominations Chair because I had the pleasure of serving on the committee my sophomore year kind of by luck and it turned out to be a really great experience for me. I realized some of the hard work it took to really connect people of different interests and skills to contribute to the bigger picture like ASWC. What quali!es you to be Nominations Chair? I’ve served for a year on the Nominations Committee my sophomore year and have been actively involved in other aspects of ASWC since then.

OP-ED

WHITMAN COLLEGE PIO NEER

APRIL 02, 2009

letters to the editor E DITOR, I graduated from Whitman College in 1993, and like most alums I have very fond memories of my Whitman experience. Two years ago, I moved back to Walla Walla with my family, and for the last two seasons I have helped out with the men’s and women’s crosscountry teams. I consider myself a part of the Whitman family, and it is in that position that I write to express my concern with the change in direction that Whitman appears to be taking with respect to varsity athletics. The recent decision to eliminate the varsity skiing programs brought my concerns into sharper focus. I understand that we are in the midst of a recession, that Whitman’s endowment has dropped by over $100 million, and that this has resulted in a decrease in the college’s operating budget. I also understand that Whitman, like other businesses nationwide, is struggling to figure out how to tighten its fiscal belt, and that ultimately the administration must make some difficult decisions for the college’s long-term well being. I do not envy the administration’s position, and I am quite certain that there have been many sleepless nights over at the president’s house. However, the decision to cut the varsity skiing programs pains me in that

it meant cutting two of our family members loose (here I refer to the coaches—one of whom has been at the college for almost two decades—although ultimately we may also lose other family members in the form of students who transfer to another institution) in order to preserve and strengthen other athletic programs. While I know that times are hard, I do not believe we have reached the point where we are forced to choose between family members; rather, it seems that in addition to economic factors, this decision was made as part of a larger agenda to change the athletic culture at Whitman. In his letter to the Whitman community explaining his decision, as well as in his public discussion on March 11, President Bridges emphasized the difﬁculty that the skiing programs have competing against NCAA Division I schools that can offer athletic scholarships. This lack of competitiveness is contrary to President Bridges’ stated desire of strengthen[ing] our athletic programs with the goal of achieving an increased level of excellence that enriches the competitive experience of our students and the reputation of the college. In order to achieve this “increased level of excellence,” the college is willing to sacriﬁce some programs in order to emphasize others.

Thus, not all of the savings from eliminating the skiing programs will be used to help the college tighten its fiscal belt; rather, $40,000 of it will be reallocated to other programs that better fit the college’s new athletic agenda. My concern with this new athletic agenda is that it is a significant departure from the Whitman culture that I have always known. When I first came to Whitman in 1989, I joined the varsity soccer team. I had been a decent soccer player in high school, but I was overweight and came from a very small town that lacked any real competition. I quickly learned that my athletic skills were not on par with the majority of my teammates. Nonetheless, there was a place for me on the team. Despite the fact that I did not play at the highest level of excellence, I was allowed to participate, and by doing so my Whitman experience was greatly enriched. Two years later, I switched from soccer to cross-country. I had taken up running in the summers in an effort to get in shape for soccer, but I had never run competitively before. Once again, there was a place for me on the varsity team. Whitman recognized that participation in athletics can be rewarding in and of itself, regardless of whether you are the most competitive athlete on the field. During my two years on the cross-country team, I am not certain whether

I ever impacted our overall team score; however, I still consider my college running experience to be an enriching success. Running on the cross-country team helped shape my life after Whitman—that overweight freshman who entered Whitman in 1989, still runs and will soon be heading to Boston to run his second Boston Marathon. I have always respected the emphasis that Whitman has placed on being inclusive in everything it does. Whitman’s new emphasis on strengthening the athletic programs that it deems have the most chance of being successful, at the expense of others, is a move away from this unique inclusive culture. Whitman seems to be forgetting that success is not always about the end result—there are many athletes at Whitman who are successful, but who may never be all-Americans, may never win conference championships, and may never even count in their team’s overall score. Whitman’s athletic culture is changing, and not necessarily for the better. We just lost the skiing program. I fear that by abandoning our culture of inclusivity, we stand to lose much more.

- Damien J. Sinnot, ‘93

EDITOR, We, The Secession, are indeed an “object of excessive suspicion.” While this is an undeniably exciting thing to be, the anger caused by said suspicion confuses us. A suspicious stranger in a dark alley may cause sensations of danger and fear; a suspicious bi-monthly publication should provoke a non-threatening brand of curiosity, for it presents no chance of physical harm (save paper-cuts ;P ) and a lesser chance of emotional harm than would a mugger. The Seccession has never claimed to be nor has any intention of being a newspaper (though we invite news-oriented contributions :} ). As such, if one expects news, one might be disappointed. Certainly, The Secession has a rather fluid definition, which has unfortunately failed to extinguish the fiery response to our first issue. However, we encourage our critics to see such fluidity as a distinguishing and positive characteristic rather than a fault. We believe that a lack of structure will only open the portal to the Creative Dimension. :-0 It has been said that the “vast majority” of

our contributors have not “participated actively” in the other on-campus publications (Letter to the Editor by Anastasia Zamkinos, 3/12/09). It has also been said that The Secession is “really good!” (Alden, Sonderman, Spiering, 3/30/09). We would like to point out that while many of our contributors are budding ﬂowers of the Whitman publishing community, others are not. We proudly count among the contributors of Sec 1.1 current Pioneer and Quarterlife staff members, in addition to an abundance of Blue Moon rejects and Pioneer quitters. With the benevolent winds of the Associated Students of Whitman College ($$$$$) and the guiding stars of the Whitman creative community, we embark on a nautiphorical adventure which could take us anywhere. We sail not as pirates but as a motley crüe of creatives. :D Concerning purpose, this is but the thoughts of three contributors. We urge you to read the publication and decide for yourself, and/or contribute to upcoming issues if the purpose you discern suits you.

- Iris Alden, ‘10

WANT YOUR VOICE

HE ARD? SUBMIT A LETTER TO THE EDITOR TODAY send submissions to editors@whitmanpioneer.com See Submissions Guidelines for more details

OP-ED

APRIL 02, 2009

WhitmanCollegePioneer SPRING 2009 Editors-in-Chief: Kim Sommers, Jamie Soukup Director of Writing: Gillian Frew Business Director: Megan McIntire

WHITMAN COLLEGE PIO NEER

College leaders fail to respond effectively to thefts, assaults PIONEER BOARD EDITORIAL

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EDITORIAL POLICY The Whitman College Pioneer is published under the auspices of the Associated Students of Whitman College. The purpose of The Pioneer is to provide pertinent, timely information and entertainment for Whitman students, alumni, faculty, staff and parents, as well as the Walla Walla community. In addition, The Pioneer strives to act as a catalyst and forum for communication within the Whitman community. To do so, The Pioneer publishes weekly Board Editorials. These opinion pieces reﬂect the views of The Pioneer, and not necessarily the views of each individual associated with the newspaper. The Pioneer welcomes letters to the Editor or any contradicting opinion pieces.

SUBMISSION POLICY Letters and Opinion articles may be submitted to The Pioneer editors, Jamie Soukup and Kim Sommers, via e-mail at soukupje@whitman.edu and sommerka@whitman.edu; or sent to The Pioneer, Whitman College, Walla Walla, WA, 99362. All submissions must be received by 4 p.m. on Saturday prior to the week that they are intended to appear. All submissions must be signed and may be cut for space and edited for journalistic style.

On Feb. 25, the ASWC Student Affairs Committee issued a security memorandum to the Associate to the President Jed Schwendiman and Dean of Students Chuck Cleveland detailing the state of Whitman’s security. The Committee’s findings are as startling as the recent string of campus thefts and attacks committed against students. In the 2008-2009 academic year alone, there have been three assaults made against Whitman students. Two Interest Houses were burglarized while students were in residence and Jewett, Lyman and Prentiss Residence Halls have all reported thefts and reports of nonWhitman community members entering the premises. And these are only the incidents that have been reported to college security. Countless students have been followed home or accosted or harassed by strangers on campus. “With the recent rise in violence… it is becoming increasingly clear that Whitman’s current resources are simply insufficient to cope with [security] situations that do arise,” the ASWC memorandum states. According to the Student Affairs Committee’s findings, compared to most colleges its size, Whitman has far fewer security resources in place. Whereas most colleges our size employ eight to ten security officers, Whitman only employs five. Given this year’s increase in violent attacks and crimes, it would be expected that the college would improve and expand upon the current resources in place. Unfortunately, this has not been the case. The only action the administration has taken to pre-

vent such incidents is to leave the tennis court lights on during weekend evenings, an action which reflects the administration’s attitude that campus security is not a priority. Few administrators will acknowledge that this year’s attacks deviate from those of previous years. Rather than recognizing the flaws in the college’s security system, they are quick to place the blame on student behavior. That is not to say that students are not accountable for their own safety. Many students have, and continue to, practice unsafe behaviors such as leaving their doors unlocked, their belongings unattended to and walking home alone late at night. But walking in pairs does not change the fact that the campus is not well-lit after dark. It does not make up for the lack of blue security lights in certain parts of campus or for the shortage of officers patrolling the campus. Furthermore, the current security system only adds to the false sense of safety among students. Only two of the three assault incidents were made public to students by the administration, and under the current system, incidents are only made public through e-mail. If students are unaware of increased threats on campus, what motivation will there be for them to change their behaviors? If it takes 15 minutes for a security officer to arrive to escort a student home, is it realistic to assume that students will utilize this service if it is faster for them to walk home alone? As much as students need to take their own safety more seriously, Whitman too must take the safety of its students more seriously.

WHITMAN COLLEGE PIO NEER

OP-ED

Education supported by the pizza industry It’s a sad, sad day when pizza ad on a public school test and placing a public school teachers cross? And if there is, which is less constituhave to sell ad space on tional? And if you can decide, does it matter? tests because their school How did we get to this point? The question of whether our educational won’t buy them paper. system is broken has already been discussed Yes, paper. Unfortunately, Jeb to ad nauseam, and settled. It’s broken. The Lisa CURTIS Harrison, a high school question at hand is, does anybody really and teacher in Pocatello, Ida- care? We called McIsaac to ask about how Alex KERR ho, didn’t have a choice. his customers have reacted since his ads have Columnists His public school “cut made national news. back on paper allowances “We haven’t seen any increase in students for teachers to prevent shortages” according coming into the store,” McIsaac said. “But as to the Associated Press on March 11, 2009. soon as the story ran we’ve seen an increase Without enough paper, yes, PAPER, he did in our night sales. We’ve had an increase in what we all do when out of options: he sold parents who come in and say ‘yeah, we saw out. your story. It’s very Harrison apcool of you guys, The classroom, is ide- that’s why we thought proached Dan ally, a sanctuary, free we’d come in here and McIsaac, owner of a local pizzeria, and of biases or private agendas. give you guys a try.’” proposed a deal. For The separation of church and It’s “very cool,” $315 worth of paper, they say. So it worked. state ensures (most of the Harrison would print McIsaac and Harrison ads at the bottom of time) that the precious hours designed a horrible his tests reminding our children spend in school plot to expose the destudents that they are not used to promote the pravity of their school could buy a 14-inch private beliefs of society. Yet system’s situation, pizza for $5 at Molto and it got people’s athere we are congratulating tention. But what kind Caldo Pizzeria. a teacher who, in order to of attention? Let us be clear. provide paper, YES PAPER, The ad on the test Harrison is an was an act of social American hero for has to promote the private martyrdom, a sacdoing what he had to beliefs of a company.” rifice of morals that in order to educate ought to have made us our future leaders and fulfill his duty say “Good Lord, look as a public employee. McIsaac is just as com- how close we are to the bottom. Let’s make mendable for taking a financial and public- sure this never has to happen again.” What relations risk to support his local schools. if by “very cool,” those customers really But the choice they made, to use students as meant, “look, they’re supporting the schools, market-fodder instead of depriving them of we should dine here more often?” We are at a tests or homework, is the lesser of two evils. junction with our stance on education where The classroom is, ideally, a sanctuary, free we can either embrace the educators who of biases or private agendas. The separation make sacrifices or we can riot and demand of church and state ensures (most of the time) that no sacrifices ought to be necessary. We that the precious hours our children spend can order the superintendent to hear our cries in school are not used to promote the private or we can order pizza. beliefs of any faction of society. Yet here we It should be noted that Harrison’s test was are congratulating a teacher who, in order to on economics. Because of that ad, even the provide paper, YES, PAPER, has to promote students that failed it learned something about how money works in this country. the private beliefs of a company. Is there any difference between placing a

APRIL 02, 2009

MUSINGS FROM

Abroad

Everyone gets fat mothers serve themselves such tiny portions compared to the rest of the family. Contributing Columnist Putting aside the whole body image issue, this cultural judgment doesn’t seem to be based In high school, I read “French Women Don’t on anything. Women from any culture have the Get Fat” by Mireille Guiliano. While I thought the book gave some interesting tips on how to possibility of gaining excess weight. Yes, we appreciate your food, I couldn’t get past the all know that the United States has some ridicutitle. Every time I looked at the cover, the title lously large ratio of overweight and obese peoseemed to smack of pretension and condescen- ple, but why should we be made to feel guilty sion. To me, the author (a Frenchwoman her- by comparing ourselves to other cultures? For self) was insinuating that French women had decades, centuries, France has been lauded as some quality – self-control? more refined taste the gastronomic capital of the world. Intrigubuds? different genetic makeup? – that Ameri- ingly, it’s also one of the major fashion capican women lacked, and she had arrived just in tals. I’m sure French women are under a lot of time to spread the gospel to thousands of pound- pressure in the eyes of the world: to enjoy their packing women desperate to shed some inches. phenomenal food, yet still look stunning at the Granted, I read the book a few years ago, but end of the day. They’ve got the same problem as women all across as far as I recall, the developed countries reason French women Fact: French women – they’re just known don’t get fat is that diet too. They’re just more for their positive they walk a lot, they qualities than their eat slowly, and they as desperate as Americans negative ones. Books savor decent-sized to slim down.” such as Ms. Guiliano’s portions of high-qualperpetuate the myth ity meals. While these may be, in fact, significant cul- that women in other countries are handling tural differences between France and the Unit- body image issues better than Americans. I’ve ed States – the French certainly take their food got to hand it to her – she knows her audience. to a whole different level – I’d have to disagree Thousands of American women are just desperwith Ms. Guiliano on an individual level. I have ate to improve their figure in a way that makes only been in Paris for six weeks, and maybe I them feel good about themselves – what better run in the wrong circles at home, but I know way than one that doesn’t involve strict dieting more dieting French women than American and emulates French culture? No better way – women. Beyond the walking and the slow eat- except maybe one based on truth. ing, the French women I’ve met are making As I said earlier, I’m not disagreeing with active choices to eat less because they are inse- Ms. Guiliano’s practical message. Americans cure about their weight. should learn to appreciate their food. By preMy family hosted a French teenage girl a few paring delicious food and savoring every bite, years ago who wouldn’t let me get her popcorn we can all be happier and healthier. However, at a movie because she and her friends from people everywhere should do this. The stigma home were all “watching their weight.” When Ms. Guiliano places on American women as my host mother makes desserts, she serves compared to their French sisters is simply riher husband and me and eats a yogurt herself, diculous. Fact: French women diet too. They’re putting the leftovers into the refrigerator and just as desperate as Americans to slim down. telling me to eat them up quick so she won’t If anything, we should feel sorry for them: bedo it herself. I’ve talked to several American cause the food they’re not eating is simply delistudents who say they feel uncomfortable eat- cious. ing with their host family, because their host by Margaux Cameron

APRIL 02, 2009

OP-ED

WHITMAN COLLEGE PIO NEER

Networking fails to bring people closer together It’s not what you know, it’s who you know. That’s lesson one in business school and maybe lesson one in life as people our age are starting to think about Gary careers. Networking beWANG comes this all important Columnist mode of social interaction. The idea is that the people you know now in college will be the people who can get you a job and get you that foot in the door 10 years down the road (thank you career center!). This is totally true; experts have done studies that confirm networking’s importance. It’s the difference between a job and a polite thanks, but no thanks. The idea is to get to know as many people as possible, identify talented individuals who can help or be of use to you in the future, and keep in touch so if the opportunity arises, you’ve got someone to call for that job interview. Does a network imply yourself as the center of it? Yes. You, in the egotistical middle of a web of relations maintained by e-mail, Facebook and now Twitter. Now, don’t get me wrong. Let’s not be introverted hermits who shun meeting new people. What I’m interested in questioning

is the why behind meeting people, behind hanging out, behind the words we say and the things we do. Networking is a good example through which to take a larger view of our generational culture. A friend told me once that our generation h a s never been told No. The economy’s been great for most our lives and we live in a gated community called the “U S of A.” Consequently, this culture of advertising gimmicks and cheap toys produces a pressure to sustain itself. More investment bankers, more lawyers, more gadgets, more celebrities and more ways to make green. As we all live weekend to weekend, lamenting how far away Friday night

is from Monday, do any of us question how we view each other? We’re not cynics disillusioned with reality. That

DOUGLAS

would imply we were all once idealists. Maybe we were never idealists. Instead, ever since middle school we’ve morphed into separatists: isolated and alone in front of our laptops and TVs seeing ourselves in the lives of the rich and famous. Instead of getting to know others for their own sakes as interesting people not unlike ourselves, things like networking get in the way. Things like social pressure get in the way. Things get in the way. Money, materialism and all that Marxist ideology gets in the way. In this process of thinking aloud and in ink, what exactly is mediating our relationships with each other. Is it possible to know someone in his or her totality, without all this backdrop of ulterior motives and intentions? People are pretty interesting. Too bad, as Emerson observed, life is often “the play of surfaces.” The question is whether or not we can delve beyond that and overcome all the things that separate us.

Whitman has a genocidal name, state-of-being “...[A] concerted, sustained, and in some ways accelerating effort has gone into making Indians unreal. It is thus of obvious importance that the American public begin to think about the implications of such things the next time they witness a gaggle of face-painted and war-bonneted buffoons doing the ‘Tomahawk Chop’ at a baseball or football game. It is necessary that they think about the implications of the grade-school teacher adorning their child in turkey feathers to commemorate Thanksgiving. Think about the signiﬁcance of John Wayne or Charleston Heston killing a dozen ‘savages’ with a single bullet the next time a western comes on TV. Think about why Land-o-Lakes ﬁnds it appropriate to market its butter with the stereotyped image of an ‘Indian princess’ on the wrapper. Think about what it means when non-lndian academics profess as they often do to ‘know more about Indians than Indians do themselves.’” -Ward Churchill Whitman College is called thusly because there’s a large segment of the population that thinks “white people won.” It’s not called the Institute for the AdSpencer vancement of Human JANYK Freedom and UnderColumnist standing because that’s not what we do here. We perpetuate a colonial legacy. America is an empire and Whitman College educates its citizens. Our sports teams

are the “Missionaries” and our school is named after agents of genocide (or maybe just a male patriarch thereof). We are faced with a choice as a community: Accept the name “Whitman” and embrace a radical politics that reconﬁgures our existence in response to the genocidal project that such a name evokes, or change the name. Right now, all we’ve got is epic failure. Some violence is probably inevitable, and some is probably okay, but most political problems the campus concerns itself with aren’t even bandaids. Look: the Whitman family came to this

place where we live to teach the savages about Christ. That’s what missionaries do; they teach people how dirty they are, and that there is no alternative besides Western “Civilization.” This is despicable. This is hurtful. This is genocide. Yes, the option exists of making Whitman an anti-imperial institution, repudiating the Whitman family and dedicating ourselves to challenging violent constructions in the media and in our communities, but I have two parking lots full of proof that most Whitties aren’t ready to accept any life methodology beyond one of immediate pleasure. Hence,

our concern for the seemingly empty “global environment” as if recycling cans and bottles are going to stop global warming. There’s a bumpersticker that says “If you aren’t pissed off, you aren’t paying attention.” I know your parents are rich and wellconnected and you’re only here because you feel like you should be, or because your parents made you, but being a person means you have an obligation to recognize your privilege. Being pissed off might be a good start, even if your extra-curricular activities still consist solely of rockclimbing, snowboarding and reading rich peoples’ “classics.”

hile past Features have discussed thought-provoking or pertinent issues, the place where we do our “business” seems a bit lighter. I admit, it was fun to read about – some of the survey responses were hilarious! However, there are serious bathroom matters that deserve close examination. Gender-neutral bathrooms are becoming more of issue, gaining national and campus attention with the hope of providing a safe space for everyone. Likewise, tips to avoid illness and the spread of disease are equally important to ensure healthy lifestyle habits, especially in a resident hall. So while discussions of the best and worst are entertaining, there are more layers to this issue than meets the eye.

CORDINER HALL

KLEIN

- AU T U M N MCC A RTA N, Feat u res Ed itor

G E N D E R- N E U T R A L B A T H R O O M S ? F E AT U R E

5 BE ST B

AT H RO OM

LO C AT ION S

( Hunter Conservatory ) Penrose Library * Reid Campus Center + Hall of Science , Baker Ferguson Fitness Center

Library, 4th floor

FUN FACT: A urinal in the men’s bathroom on Maxey’s second floor is dedicated to a retired anthropology professor.

Bathroom Peeve:

Bathroom Fave:

MAXEY, 1ST FLOOR

HUNTER, BASEMENT

“My feet don’t reach from atop that raised throne.”

“Spacious, private, handsome architecture.”

KLEIN

TO P “Because I had sex there.”

LIBRARY, TOP FLOOR

A G R E AT BAT H RO OM P R A N K R E M E M BE R E D

T KLEIN

his April 1st marked the third year anniversary of a bathroom stall relocation effort to play a prank on a Resident Director. Seniors Peter Griffin and Justin Hampton did it together in Lyman House, and treated RD Ben Drury to an interesting entryway. “ “We were sitting in our rooms, our homework was done, it was 3 a.m., and he said to me ‘do you wanna take apart the bathroom?’” said Griffin. The two managed to disassemble a bathroom stall, carry it downstairs and reassemble it in front of Drury’s room. “It took all of [Justin’s] strength to get the metal bands [holding the doors together] off, and every screwdriver in my toolbox,” said Griffin. “It was a double prank, too, because when someone went into the bathroom there were just two toilets sticking up from the floor,” said Griffin. The installation was removed within 24 hours.

Maxey, 1st floor

WARNING LADIES: Olin Hall, East women’s bathroom, third stall This door will NOT stay closed! If anyone even taps another stall, it opens and you are exposed to the rest of the bathroom-goers.

hen the sexy men and women of “Ally McBeal” shared one bathroom in their progressive law firm, the mid-1990s audience was shocked. Sexually non-discriminate bathrooms were an anomaly at the time and something that only lawyers in too-short skirts with fantasies about dancing babies dealt with. Gender-neutral bathrooms are no longer marginalized to lawyer-based dramedies and are now becoming more common in public areas. With a greater awareness of the GLBTQ community, a campaign for more genderneutral bathrooms is growing in popularity across the nation, with its strongest foothold on liberal arts campuses. The move toward non-gender specific bathrooms is one of safety and comfort. According to Assistant Professor of Religion and Gender Studies Melissa Wilcox, an advocate of gender-neutral bathrooms, the strict division and gender specificity of bathrooms can make using one can a “humiliating or dangerous” experience for those outside social gender norms. Though less progressive than many colleges in this issue, Whitman still provides places on campus where gender-neutral bathrooms are an option for students. According to Nancy Tavelli, Campus-Life Director, Whitman provides non-gender specific bathrooms in all upperclassmen campus housing. Douglas Hall, North Hall, Marcus House, College House and the Interest House Community all provide this bathroom option. “Most things are fairly gender-neutral, especially in places where students decide their community,” said Tavelli. In the spaces on campus where students have the option of choosing their community, they also have the option of deciding whether to use gendered or non-gendered bathrooms. According to Tavelli, this ideally allows for everyone’s comfort needs to be met. Sophomore Heather Ferguson, an RA in Douglas, affirmed this democratic method of assigning bathrooms.

“Because when I’m there, so is everyone else.”

April 2, 2009 • Bringing you all the important (t)issues

WHITMAN COLLEGE PIO NEER

Bathroom Peeve:

The Toilet Paper

E D I T O R’ S N O T E

FEATURES

APRIL 02, 2009

Bathroom Fave:

Olin, 1st floor

TO P

3 WOR ST B

AT H RO OM

LO C AT ION S

( Olin Hall ) Maxey Hall * Cordiner Hall HOW YOU

A R E T H E BAT H RO OM S W H E R E L I V E? I like ‘em.

23%

I mean... they could be better.

21%

They’re great!

21% Meh, they are okay.

22% 8%

Wonderful, wonderful, simply wonderful!

They are disgusting!

AWKWARD HANDHOLDING

THIS SH** JUST GOT REAL!!

pg let’s just be friends

WHEN IS BILL PULLMAN’S NEXT MOVIE?

pg your mom

APRIL FOOL’S 2009

pg either 6 or 7

IPHONE BECOMES SELF-AWARE pg 3G

WhitmanCollegeSuck

VOLUME CXXIV / ISSUE 7 WALLA WALLA, WASHINGTON whitmansuck.com

Bridges announces dramatic tuition restructuring by Alma Mater Senior Reporter In a surprise move intended to further combat the economic downturn, President Bridges today announced that, starting this Fall 2009 semester, Whitman tuition will cost either $2.6 million dollars or one penny. “We realized that just cutting the ski team wasn’t going to ﬂy,” admitted Bridges. “So the trustees came up with this slightly more aggressive plan to boost revenue. The reason tuition costs will vary student to student is that we wanted to preserve the rich socio-economic diversity on which Whitman prides itself.” According to Chief Financial Ofﬁcer Peter Harvey, the new system has been implemented through a lottery, and results are totally random. “In the interests of fairness, new tuition rates will be ‘need blind.’ Students and their families have been asked not to submit any FAFSA or CSS PROFILE information this year, because frankly, we’re tired of hearing it,” he said. “Instead they’ve all been assigned one of the two new tuition options, and we’re

really going to be sticklers about making sure all payments are made in full.” Adding, “We have the letters all made out, and if you’re late sending in that check you WILL be politely reminded to do so. And no more free postage on those reply envelopes. Times are tough.” Many students have complained that the new system is unjust, irrational, and mathematically incorrect. A number of campus groups were especially vocal in expressing their dismay at the decision, yet most were soon forced out of the debate after cuts to the student activities budget forced them to disband. “I’m really miffed about the way the administration is handling this,” fumed ﬁrstyear Sarah Smith. “I come from a working class family and my mom’s a single parent. She’s been working three jobs just to come up with tuition, but you know, now that mine’s been increased to $2.6 million I just don’t see how we’re going to make it.” The Financial Aid Ofﬁce declined to comment on tuition changes, citing exhaustion. Not all students have been adversely affected by the new system. After a dispropor-

tionate number of members had their tuition reduced to one cent, the Phi Delta Theta fraternity has announced its plans to ofﬁcially buy back Marcus House from the college. Their charter was revoked in the 1980s after authorities discovered that the house was being used to harvest marijuana. “Now that we’ve got Marcus back, we’re doing the smart thing with it,” said a senior Phi, who asked not to be identiﬁed by name. “No more growing that cheap shit. We’re turning

the whole place into a meth den. And putting in waterslides. It’s going to be so sick.” A campus-wide forum on tuition changes will be held Friday, April 3 in the amphitheatre. Bridges encouraged all concerned students, staff, and faculty to attend, but noted that professors suspected of excessive out-ofclassroom involvement may be subject to further salary reductions: “That’s right, Bob Carson, we’re coming for you.”

Bon Appétit: A taste of paradise in your mouth by Tatum O’Douglas Reporter

In response to complaints about the absence of tropical fruit in its dining halls, Bon Appetit will feature a tropical fruit day to balance environmental consciousness with students’ demands. The day, aptly named A Taste of Paradise, will be Friday, April 3 during normal dinner hours in the Prentiss Dining Hall. “We wanted to emphasize bal-

ance,” said Bon Appétit food purchaser Ian McKeaton. “We went to the extreme in one direction, but we realize that we can have an occasional splurge and still be responsible stewards of the planet.” Bon Appétit stopped serving tropical fruit after last semester in order to reduce its carbon footprint. The tasting includes pineapple fried rice, a choice of chicken or tofu with mango chutney, and bananas foster. The salad bar will also feature fresh, cut-up chunks of pine-

apple, mango, and guava. Whole bananas will be available alongside the usual apples and pears. The normal selection of non-tropical dishes will also be available. Students are excited about the dinner. “It’ll be nice to have pineapple again,” said sophomore Cindy Brown. “It’s one of my favorite fruits. I even bought it at Safeway once, but it’s expensive there.” Others are already looking to make the fruit last.

“I’m going to take a bunch of bananas,” said ﬁrst-year Nick Mellon. “If they’re not going to serve them everyday, I may as well stock up.” While the event is sure to be delicious, it is one meal only. “We might do this again if it’s popular,” said McKeaton, “but it would likely be once a semester or once a year.” That’s enough to give students the slightest taste of paradise.

WHITMAN COLLEGE SUCK

NEWS

APRIL FOOL’S 2009

An almost independent energy future: Mill Creek by Alan Greenspan Columnist In response to the current financial situation, the administration looked for alternatives to cut costs. One of the implemented propositions, based off an idea from a Corvallis, OR newspaper is to dam local Mill Creek. The energy provided would power either one classroom or a refrigerator. It would also be eligible for tax break incentives from the recent energy programs backed by the Obama administration. However, like the ski team cut, this proposition has met opposition from some students, many of whom are concerned about the flooding of Narnia. There is much history behind Narnia, and students are worried that the flooding would destroy the history and legacy of the place. The Narnia area was originally designed as a community gardens for the students and faculty of the college. However, due to student activity, landscape specialists fear the area runs the risk of complete destruction as a garden and instead created a sanctuary. Despite the controversy, the college has decided to move forward with the plan. “Narnia is a place where I like to relax, unwind from all of my academic stresses,” says first-year Natalie Miller. “If the college dams Mill Creek this place will be totally destroyed. It makes a lot of us upset, and we’ve got to take action. A group of us is picketing the President’s house later—you should come!” Those in favor of the move say that the benefits outweigh the risks. Damming the creek would save electricity costs. There is even talk that the savings might go towards the purchase of an extra pencil sharpener for the forth floor of the library. The long term savings and benefit excite the administration, since hydroelectric power is a

Inside the Suck Trapper Keepers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1-2 Soapboxing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3 The stuff you read . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4-5 Movies and music and stuff . . . . . . . . . . 6 Quidditch (it’s a metaphor) . . . . . . . . . . . 7 Space ﬁller . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8

form of renewable energy and is a small step in alleviating the college’s depemdemce on fossil fuel based electrical energy. There will be a panel made to address the issues concerning the matter. If all things go according to plan, and the opposition does not gain too much ground construction is slated to begin in May 2009 and expected to be completed before students arrive. Even though other construction projects are put on hold given the current economic situation, the administration has decided to proceed with this project. It is expected that undisclosed savings over an undisclosed amount time will pay off the project. Overall the dam has its accompanying benefits and losses, but the energy production and cost savings seem to be the driving forces behind the intuitive. Students on the other hand seem to be angered by the flooding of their sanctuary. As first-year Stephen Reed summarizes both viewpoints, “I see why the college is building the dam to create energy for the college, yet at the same time I need to visit Narnia everyday to calm myself from college pressures and stresses—it is the only reason I am still sane...” Editor’s note: Narnia is now off-limits to students following the discovery of two students engaging in intercourse in a tree.

Pan/Pam returns, thirsts for blood by Eric Econ major and terriﬁed for own life Hello? Whoever is reading this, my name is Eric, and I’m trapped inside the Mem clock tower. I don’t know if anyone else is left, and that fuzzy little bastard may have already taken down the WCTS network, so I have no idea if this email is getting out or not. iPhone, don’t fail me now. Today started out so normal. I was just walking to class with my latte (sugar-free, vanilla syrup). Still kind of tired from staying up writing that paper, so I didn’t see him coming out of my peripheral vision. Next thing I know, Lisa was down, screaming like hell, blood spurting from her face, and people were screaming and pointing. It

was...it was just awful. I guess some kind of primal survival instinct took over because I threw the latte and ran faster than I’ve ever gone in my life. I think I stepped on a first-year. I don’t know. It all went by so fast. I just remember climbing a fire escape and finding myself above it all. The blood...God...the blood... It’s quiet now. The sun is going down, but I still think I can catch a little dark shape circling around the building if I squint. Are raccoons good climbers? Shit, I hope not. I guess maybe I should try to catch a few hours of sleep. When sunrise comes I can see if there’s some safe way to escape and contact the authorities. If any of them are still left. Wait, what’s that sou...OH GOD, NO!! OH GOD HELP M

Hair found in Beirut cup “Dude!” shouts offended bro. “Hygiene is f***ing paramount in this house!”

OP-ED

APRIL FOOL’S 2009

WHITMAN COLLEGE SUCK

Bored Editorial: You probably don’t care PIONEER BORED EDITORIAL by Sarah Hatheway and Evan Cartwright Humor Editors Evan: So what do you want to talk about? Sarah: Umm...what are the issues? E: I read something in the New Yorker last week about lacrosse. Man, that makes me sound really pretentious. It wasn’t my copy, it was just sitting out. So I read some of it. You know. Innocently. S: You poor baby, having the New Yorker attack you viciously like that and force you to read. I feel sympathy. E: I’m just trying to defend my personal integrity. Yes, maybe I read the New Yorker once, and let me reiterate that it wasn’t mine. But, you know, I’m down to earth. You should see my bank account. S: I’m not attacking your integrity, personal or otherwise. I’m merely commenting on your reading the New Yorker. And an article about lacrosse? Was there an issue related to lacrosse? Is it offensive in some way now? E: No, it’s just underappreciated, I guess. S: Huh. I thought it was the most rapidly

growing sport in America, or something. In popularity, that is, not literally. E: Yeah, but the deal is it’s not in the Olympics. That’s like the legitimacy litmus test. S: There are some weird sports in the Olympics. E: They should put slamball in the Olympics. Maybe it already is. S: They should put your face in the Olympics. E: Seriously? S: Oh, I’m sorry that I won. E: That victory was only slightly more noble than kicking a puppy. S: You know exactly how to hurt me. E: I’m sorry. S: I don’t believe you. E: I feel like this exchange could go on for a long time if we let it, so I’m going to change the subject and hope I don’t come across as too callous. S: I accept. E: What are hooves made out of? S: Glue that is not yet glue.

E: You sound like a Jedi. S: You sound like a nerd. E: EVERYONE knows what a Jedi is. S: But only nerds talk about it.

open letter to the president

Dear President Obama, My name is Becca and I am in fourth grade. I am almost the same age as your kids. I think we should be friends. Can I come to one of those sleepovers at the White House? I would bring a toothbrush. I am writing because I am so dissap disappointed and Mommy says to write it out when you’re feeling like that. You promised lots of things when you were campaigning but I think you have dropped the ball. You said that you would make everyone happy and safe and ﬁx all of the problems in the world. Well my problem is that I don’t have a unicorn. Where is she? Mommy said you didn’t mean you would really make everyone’s dreams come true but you looked pretty serious to me. My unicorn is named Daisy and she is light pink and has sparkles in her mane. She is very nice

but doesn’t like to eat anything but Funfetti cupcakes and I am worried that your cook won’t make them right. She also won’t let anyone but me touch her because I am her princess. That’s the way it works. So she is lonely being away from me. Daddy is mad about the economic crisis and someone named Freddy but I’m sad about my unicorn. Please send her to the return address on the envelope. Sincerely, Becca G. P.S. Could you please also tell my brother Paul he smells. Thank you.

WHITMAN COLLEGE SUCK

FEATURES

APRIL FOOL’S 2009

Top 10 Hilarious In-Jokes Between Me and My Friends Garret and Juan 1. DAMMIT YOU GUYS, I WAS GOING TO EAT THAT!! And then how Garret just looked up and was like, Hwaa? And it was like, dripping down his face like he was some giant pie-eating baby? So good.

2. That part in the original Transformers movie? Where they’re fighting the Decepticons in the first scene and the black guy turns into a boombox and shoots tapes out of his chest? When we watched that the first time Juan just made this hilarious sound that I can’t even do. It was like Whhhhhaaaaaaaaaa! Completely unrelated to the movie, beeteedubs.

3. “Robin Hood and his Rap-a-thon”. Remember that girl who got really offended by that?

Local woman gives in to despair.

4. Garret said this hilarious thing this one time because all three of us and Joseph were standing in the parking lot of Albie’s and we’d been talking about Joseph’s girlfriend and Garret goes, At least this time she won’t try and kung-fu ﬁght you. No, he was talking about his last girlfriend. It’s not important.

5. Uh-oh, here comes the old man again!. That’s this line from Beatsticks. It was this cop show from the seventies. We found a DVD of old episodes, and there’s this one with this teenager walking around with his friend and smoking a blunt and suddenly he goes, Uh-oh, here comes the old man again! Like that. It’s all about the voice though, you should deﬁnitely check it out. Yeah, it’s called Beatsticks.

6. Biggles McHonkoid (!)

7. Prepare for annihilation, LepraBot!! Do you read Dickbear? It’s this brilliant webcomic about this crazy meth head frog and a gay bear, and they live together in a trailer. It’s super funny, and that’s what that’s from, is there’s one strip with this thing called LepraBot, which is like a giant evil Leprachaun robot. He shoots razor sharp clovers and the meth head frog goes, Prepare for annihilation, LepraBot!! I can send you the link.

8. I just want a family! Juan blacked out last week and doesn’t remember anything but Joseph saw him at Karl’s house sitting on the ﬂoor and sobbing and saying that over and over. I just want a family! I just want a family! It’s like our catchphrase now.

9. I’m gonna come till I’m done! That was this line from some porn on Garret’s laptop called Cavern Divers 2. But how great is that to be able to just bust out randomly, right? It sounds super Dr. Seuss-y.

10. I‘ve no need for a member, I’ve my grandpappy’s blunderbuss! That’s also from Dickbear. It’s this strip where there are zombies attacking their trailer because the gay bear pissed them all off somehow. That’s what the frog says before he starts ﬁghting. You should really read that, Juan and Garret and I fucking swear by that thing, man. It’s one of these comics that you can quote over and over and it stays funny forever, you know?

FEATURES

APRIL FOOL’S 2009

WHITMAN COLLEGE SUCK

From the journal of Dr. Edgar Floppenheimer by Dr. Edgar Floppenheimer A scientist

Never have I seen the likes of this before. I am a scientist – a traveling journalist if you will. I record what I see – and never have I seen such inexplicable activities among our own species. “Whitties,” as Whitman College Students fondly refer to themselves, are highly flammable and explosive creatures. From my experiences within the site, I would say to use caution at all times when traveling within their midst and perhaps obtain protective head, chest, and back gear. Unfortunately, there seems to be no direct time when these students are less active. In the beginning, I thought perhaps in the morning, when most college campuses quiet down slightly, but I was wrong. I recorded five to ten female species running at a rate of 4 miles an hour, as well as one or two slightly older men running at a rate of 1.2 miles per hour. Additionally, I was stunned to be attacked from my hide-out in the bushes by several round, white hard objects that hit me with pin-point accuracy. When I ducked my head out from my coverage to view my attackers, I witnessed several unclean, unshaven “Whitties” smiling at me and holding out their hands for the object in return – it was a Frisbee. I believe the time was 6:35 a.m. Thus, I advocate that one avoids the campus in the morning hours, especially if one finds the morning conducive to deep meditation or yoga. What alarmed me the most about the morning observation were hoards of shadowy figures in the distance entering and exiting what appeared to be “Penrose Library.” Many were singing and they all appeared to be slightly intoxicated. The time was 7:00 a.m. After this early adventure, I thought perhaps

the best way to understand these creatures would be to see them in their more natural habitat. I obtained a plastic entrance card to one of the dorms in hopes of greater explanation and was horrified by what I witnessed. The air had a muggy, rotten smell and I cried out in surprise when my foot sank in the musty, moldiness of a brown carpet. I feared to enter the restrooms and instead turned into the nearest dorm room, which thankfully was completely empty. The time was 1:00 p.m. The dichotomy of the room was instantly apparent. On one side, the bed was made, the books on the book-shelf were vertically aligned, the papers on the desk were shuffled and organized sufficiently, and there was a neat stack of tea-boxes, video-games, and DVDs on the floor. The other side looked like a scientist’s worst nightmare – orange cracker-like substances were crushed at various intervals on the floor, there were no sheets on the bed, only a massive dirty sleeping-bag, beer-bottles were strewn across the desk, papers were ruffled and stuffed underneath the heater, and instead of books – there were boxes of matches and a strange green leafy substance… I was just about to reach toward the papers – when an angry roar bellowed behind me, and I witnessed the keeper of the crib… or at least I thought I had. It was an older man, dressed in grey, a janitor, and he took the green leaves from me, claiming that he had left them there by accident. I ran right out before someone could muster a “Holy Moses.” The time was 1:45 p.m. I had hours until my

HOROSCOPES ARIES: In these tough economic times, I bet you wish you had my job. It’s pretty easy. TAURUS: Oh. Oh God. This is awkward. I didn’t want to be the one to tell you this, but...you know what, never mind. Good luck this week. GEMINI: It’s hard for me to read the stars accurately when images of those beer commercial twins are in my head.

CANCER: Someone close to you is probably going to speak in a really extended metaphor sometime this week. Just ride it out. LEO: Summer birthday, huh? Man, that must have sucked through grade school. Oh well. Go go Gryfﬁndor! VIRGO: A virgin? Really?

next observation session – the classroom. So I decided to visit a nearby house that was inscribed with massive Greek-letters, thinking perhaps a visiting Greek professor lived there. I was surprised to ﬁnd the door open and walked tentatively in. It was…nothing like I imagined. All the couches were aligned just so, the hard wood ﬂoors were well-swept, the air smelled of cinnamonbuns, and I believed I detected the soft jingle of Mozart in the background. I sank happily in one of the couches, when suddenly I discovered a

strange assemblage on a long table in the distance. There appeared to be cups – aligned in perfect pyramids, at either end of the table. Upon closer observation, there was a sticky amber substance

in each of the cups, and one contained a yellow, plastic ball… I was just about to inspect the fluid, when I heard loud voices and fled. The time was 2:17 P.M. Luckily for the classroom session, I had pre-arranged with a visiting professor to use his closet as a hide-out for a more honest observation of the students. I was surprised at the rate each of them scribbled in their notebooks as the professor spoke, while others seemed deeply concentrated at some silver objects in their hands, and giggled every time the object buzzed in their hands. I tried to get a closer look and took out my binoculars, but by then some of the students had actually raised their hands to speak – and when they spoke, it was… well…amazing. From my earlier observations, I half expected them to produce guttural or highpitched sounds, but the students were…actually quite articulate. The time was 4:00 p.m. However, eight hours later, my worst fears were realized. The day of the week was Thursday, and assuming most students – especially the articulate ones--had classes the next day, I thought I’d turn in and have my nightly cup of tea. Suddenly, a series of highpitched screams reverberated in the distance. Swarms of students immodestly dressed (women and men in nothing but their lingerie and boxer-shorts) were skipping, running, leaping, singing, crying, etc. etc. Scintillating, round objects flew across the sky and I almost leapt out of my bushes in shock. They were coming closer and closer and closer and before I could dodge it, one of the objects hit me – surprising me with its pinpoint accuracy, before the whole world dissolved into peaceful blackness. The time was 12:12 a.m.

LIBRA: So hey, can you hit me up with some legal advice? I have this hit-and-run charge that’s really been a pain in the ass lately.

CAPRICORN: You are aware that your sign is a sea-goat, right? Ouch. Still, you’ll probably get some money or something this week.

SCORPIO: You wanna go out sometime? I mean, no pressure or anything, just a dinner and a movie or something. Think it over.

AQUARIUS: Just because there’s a revival of Hair on Broadway doesn’t mean people want to see you naked.

SAGITTARIUS: Listen to the advice of a friend in the next couple of days. You will beneﬁt from their wisdom.

PISCES: There is a one in twelve chance that your sign is the one I was too lazy to read this week.

A&E

WHITMAN COLLEGE SUCK

APRIL FOOL’S 2009

Nicholas Cage predicts the end of own career HOLLYWOOD, CA. – Internationally recognized film star Nicholas Cage was spotted stumbling down Hollywood Boulevard late last night, according to eyewitnesses. The 45 year-old star of National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets and the new Know1ng appeared distraught, slurring his words and accosting passersby. “I have a premonition!” he allegedly yelled, PROMISING YOUTH

gesticulating wildly with a half-empty fifth of Jack Daniels. “The numbers are warning us! I’ll never get another role! I’m fucked!” Cage proceeded to break the bottle against a passing Prius, shouting, “I’m the only one who can walk in both worlds!” His personal assistant reports that he was found asleep in a rhododendron early this morning.

ANOTHER NATIONAL TREASURE

COEN BROTHERS MOVIE MICHAEL CRICHTON ADAPTATION NATIONAL TREASURE

MOVIE THAT SOUNDS LIKE A MICHAEL CRICHTON ADAPTATION

NO CAREER

by Sam Alden

APRIL FOOL’S 2009

SPORTS

T H ROUGH T H EI R EY ES: by Gloria Lewis Sports Editor While Lebron, Kobe, and D-Wade make highlight reels for breaking records or hitting last shots, an overlooked few play a much more important role in the outcome of the game. These forgotten heroes cheer, encourage, slap hands and watch their way to playoffs, conference ﬁnals and NBA championships. They are the benchwarmers. The typical NBA benchwarmer is in charge of making sure each “game participant” (this is the politically correct term for BALL HOGS!) stays on task. “The harder I high ﬁve the game participants at the beginning of each timeout, the better they’ll play,” said benchwarmer Mark Madsen. “Some other benchwarmers like to slap their players on the butt, but I think this goes against our principles. As a group who earns our money sitting on our butts, how can we be so disrespectful to other people’s derriéres?” Madsen cheered the Los Angeles Lakers

WHITMAN COLLEGE SUCK

a bench-warmer’s perspective

to two straight NBA championships in 2001 and 2002, pushing the benchwarmer position to new heights with his hearty handshakes and celebratory dance moves. “A lot of people think that the key to that team was Kobe and Shaq scoring more points than anybody else, but the real reason the Lakers won was because Madsen set a new record for ‘make some noise’ arm pumps each year,” said former high school benchwarmer and current fantasy basketball team owner Pasty White. Still, the position often gets overlooked. One general manager, who wanted to remain anonymous, referred to benchwarmers as higher-paid cheerleaders, a characterization that infuriated Madsen and others. “We are NOT gloriﬁed cheerleaders!” said Madsen. “Can a cheerleader give game participants bro hugs? Can cheerleaders bump chests with a player who has just made a dunk or a three-pointer? In many ways we’re like teachers who give their students encouragement, although I admit that that analogy does not extend to the butt-slappers.”

The position even follows the general trend in basketball towards more international play. There are benchwarmers in leagues on every continent (except Antarctica, you can’t get penguins to cheer for anyone but themselves, selﬁsh bastards). Utah Jazz Power Forward Carlos Boozer got a taste of international benchwarming when he played only 48 minutes through eight games at the 2008 Olympics in Beijing. His well-worn warm-up sweats were sold on ebay for over a million dollars after the U.S. team took the gold medal. “When I was in China, I noticed the different ways each country congratulated their players when they’d come off the court,” said Boozer. “What I learned will improve my bro hugs back home tremendously.” The future of the position is under question, however, with the recent economic downturn forcing NBA general mangers to cut salary costs. As a result, several benchwarmers have been dropped or shopped around the league as part of various trade offers.

The benchwarmers’ union filed a protest against such treatment, but has received little support around the league. The larger, more influential NBA player’s union chose to instead pursue litigation over the tattoo quota that commissioner David Stern recently drafted. The cause does have one backer in Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban, himself a vigorous benchwarmer. “F*** general managers. F*** Stern. People yelling violently near the court is how teams win games, whether they’re players or owners,” said Cuban. It’s unclear what Cuban’s fiery support will do for the cause. It might be up to Obama’s stimulus to save the benchwarmers. In the meantime, Madsen and others just hope for greater exposure. “The next time you’re watching a close game with only a few seconds left, turn your eyes from the winning shot and notice the encouragement from the seated players that made that shot go in,” said Madsen.

Ultimate team DJ demoted by Byron Tibble Sports Reporter

Mark Madsen (second from right, seated) and his fellow benchwarmers use exhaustively practiced and highly developed psychic emanations to help their teammate cinch that vital 3-pointer.

The atmosphere was decidedly tense at Saturday afternoon’s Walla Walla Sweets Ultimate frisbee match against Lewis & Clark. Unlike previous games, which had played out to the raucous sounds and propulsive beats of the likes of Chromeo, Lil’ Troy, and others, this match was accompanied by equal parts awkward silence and several slower tracks from Will Smith’s 1999 album Willenium. The strain was apparent in the team’s performance, as they barely pulled out a 15-13 victory. Later that afternoon, the team captain addressed the afternoon’s events in a prepared statement. “As of this moment, our ofﬁcial team DJ has hereby been tried by a panel of his peers and been found lacking in the latest Ratatat remixes or Young Buck single,” the statement read. “The offending party is required to serve a sentence of disc polishing and other undesirable tasks until further notice.” Regular attendees of Ultimate matches have voiced their approval. “Standards have to be upheld,” said one. “Ultimate highlight reels on YouTube don’t have Vanilla Ice played over them, so neither should our games.” In a counter-statement, Lewis and Clark requested a transfer for the offending player to help ﬁll out their roster.

PERSPECTIVES

WHITMAN COLLEGE SUCK

APRIL FOOL’S 2009

Perspectives: NIGHTLIFE Perspectives takes a look at Whitman life from a new angle each week. 1. Oh yeah, that party was okay. A lot of plaid for some reason. 2. Shit, I take some seriously artsy fucking photos when I’ve been getting my drink on.

3. Oh, yeah. Great. I’m glad we broke up. Have fun with that douchebag. No, don’t touch me, you guys. I can walk ﬁne. 4. Shit, forgot to turn on the ﬂash. 5. Studying? Wise choice, sir. You will go far. No, guys, I’m cool. Boot and rally. 6. Oh, what the fuck! Stronger-era Kanye was there? With Daft Punk? How do I not remember this?

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“It seems like each suite decides for themselves how they would like the bathrooms to be set up,” she said. In spite of the relative national controversy surrounding gender-neutral bathrooms, the ones on campus act as either a non-issue for students or as a welcome reprieve. “I have not noticed any controversy surrounding the bathrooms in Douglas,” said Ferguson. Sophomore Joe Cross, another Douglas RA, told of an atmosphere of support for non-gender specific bathrooms. “Last semester I lived in Douglas and someone put up ‘Men’ and ‘Women’ signs on the bathroom doors... eventually some of us replaced the signs with ‘Humans’ and ‘Aliens,’” he said. The move for gender-neutral bathrooms largely stems from the need to provide a safe and comfortable environment for those who may feel ostracized by strict gender definitions. “People have bathroom incidents because they don’t at first glance look the appropriate gender for the bathroom,” said Wilcox. She cites short hair on women, long or curly hair on men, androgynous dress and homophobia as reasons why individuals may be targeted in bathrooms. Liam Mina, a spokesperson for Whitman Coalition Against Homophobia echoed Wilcox’s sentiment.

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“Gender neutral bathrooms can be beneficial for anyone who is gender variant,” Mina said. “This would include transexual people in the process of transition, trans people who do not ‘pass’ as either male or female, masculine lesbian women, feminine gay men, feminine straight men, masculine straight women, gender variant bisexual individuals etc, etc.” Wilcox explained that androgynous or gendervariant individuals often feel torn or uncomfortable making a definitive decision about their gender identification, especially in areas as private as bathrooms. That weight gets lighter when they don’t have to make a choice. “It’s freeing for a lot of people,” she said. Whitman aims to provide more genderneutral facilities in both residence halls and public buildings. “The move is to have more gender-neutral bathrooms,” said Tavelli. However, the renovations necessary to make these changes would cost more than Whitman can currently afford. The changes would go beyond merely changing bathroom signs. To insure privacy for all, showers and bathroom stall would have to stretch from floor to ceiling. Showers would need to have attached changing stalls to prevent anyone from feeling vulnerable at any time. “Colleges with gender-neutral bathrooms are generally built or renovated with

APRIL 02, 2009

that in mind,” said Tavelli explaining the financial need to make these changes. “And most of the stuff we’re using is from the 50s.”

ALDEN

C O M M U N A L B AT H R O O M S

You’ve known it since you learned how to use a potty, but it bears reiterating. Wash them after you pee. This means you, too, guys. Just because you don’t have to take your pants off past your knees doesn’t mean you’re exempt from germs. Wash them after you poop. Wash them after you vomit. Wash them after you touch the door handles. If it helps, remember that some people judge you when they don’t hear the sounds of a spigot accompanying the sounds of a flush. If you’re in the dorms and it helps, remember when foam soap was really cool and know that it might not be provided off-campus. “The one and most important thing for anyone to do when using any restroom is to wash their hands,” said Administrative Assistant for the Health Center Ginny Matthews. “Take your time—be thorough.” The United States Center for Disease Control has found that handwashing is the single most effective method to prevent the spread of disease. So just do it.

) wea r your f l ip - f lops in t he shower

You don’t have to be athletic to get athlete’s foot, and you don’t have to touch a frog to get warts. “Athlete’s foot and nail fungus are very commonly transmitted in shared showers,” said Dr. Oliver Zong, D.P.M, in an interview with Medical News Today. “Even if the bathrooms are cleaned regularly, that doesn’t help if the person who showered right before you had foot fungus or warts, both of which are contagious.” And while you’re at it, scrub your feet, too. “Often people neglect to really scrub their feet in the shower because they assume the stream of soap and water is enough, but it’s not,” said Zong.

* don’ t store med icat ion in t he bat h room

Despite the common placement of medical cabinets behind mirrors, the bathroom is not the place for drugs. “The humidity and heat in a bathroom can affect the efficacy

of your medications, whether they are prescription or overthe-counter ones,” reads an article from Safe Medicine Cabinet, based in the U.K. “The moisture can also destroy capsules and degrade medication storage containers. Aim to install a locked cabinet high up in an alternate room, avoiding the bathroom and kitchen.”

t h is is about a rea l my t h :

one so unknown that it seems I’d have to buy the episode of Mythbusters just to find out whether or not it’s true. Do with it what you will. INVEST IN A TOOTHBRUSH COVER! Or bring it back to your room, or shove it in a drawer. The stuff in the toilet doesn’t always stay there, and you don’t want bacteria in your mouth. “You get a great spray out of the toilet when you flush it,” said Charles Gerba, a microbiology professor at the University of Arizona, in an interview with ABC News. “This throws bacteria out of the toilet.” The Discovery Channel’s Mythbusters did an experiment to see if it’s true that a toothbrush closer to the toilet gets more bacteria on it than one further away. The result? Fecal matter gets everywhere. To be cautious, you could also close the lid before you flush.

APRIL 02, 2009

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A mild-mannered dinner Documentary ‘This American Gothic’ takes a closer look at iconic painting, town Reporter

your knife.) How do you know if it is okay to order alcoholic beverages? (If it is a job interview, it’s probably not advisable.) Is it okay to dip bread in soup? (No.) What about crackers? (Only if they are the small oyster crackers, saltines make too much of a mess when you crush them.) One important point that Baldwin wanted attendees to take away from the dinner was that it isn’t necessary to stress about being perfect. “One thing I always tell students is that people overlook accidents. So don’t worry if you drop a roll or spill water. But what people do remember is when you use poor manners,” she said. The purpose of the dinner overall was to instill conﬁdence in students who are getting ready to leave the comfort of the Reid Cafeteria and enter the big world. “What we like to say is that we demonstrate good etiquette and you can choose whether or

What are you supposed to do if you get an olive pit hopelessly stuck in your mouth during your boss’ fancy promotional dinner? “The way you put it in your mouth is the way you take it out!” said Susan Buchanan, Career Center Director and coordinator of the annual Etiquette Dinner. “If it’s an olive and you put it in with your fingers, you take it out with your fingers. If it’s a chicken bone, you take it out with your fork.” Sixty juniors and seniors gathered in the Reid Ballroom on March 11 to eat a free meal provided by Bon Appetit and to learn about the rules of table manners. “We’ve been doing this for over ten years, and it’s always been one of the most popular programs we do,” Buchanan said. “The reason why we limit it to juniors and seniors is that we can only accommodate a certain number of people to do this effectively. We want to give everyone a chance to attend, because this is preparation for the real world.” Senior Nick Littman said NORMAN he attended the dinner for that Joseph Zoline-Black, ‘09, gazes at a menu during Whitman’s annual Etiquette Dinner. reason. “You never know when you might need to not you want to use those skills in particular situknow how to sip soup properly from the bottom of ations,” said Buchanan. “Whether it’s a dinner the bowl or where to place your silverware when interview, seeing a family friend or meeting a sigyou are finished eating. Small details can matter nificant other’s parents, it just adds a little bit when a lot when trying to make an initial favorable im- people have these skills.” According to Littman, simple good manners pression,” he said. According to Heidi Baldwin, Assistant Direc- can put you at an instant advantage. “One of the tor of the Career Center and another coordinator most interesting bits of knowledge I learned was of the event, the Etiquette Dinner is meant to be people often judge you based on the first 10 seconds when you walk in the room,” he said. “So educational but also enjoyable. “We try to make it lighthearted and fun. People if you enter with confidence, dressed nicely, emlaugh a lot and they ask a lot of questions,” she ployers or co-workers may be more willing to hear what you have to say and give you the benefit of said. The students fired about a dozen questions dur- the doubt.” In the end, confidence is what it is really about, ing the first course alone. If you accidentally knock salad off your plate, should you pick it up? (Yes, and the Etiquette Dinner was there to help stuthen set it on the side of the plate.) Is it okay to use dents find it. your finger to nudge food onto your fork? (No, use

by Rebecca MacFife Reporter

You all know the painting “American Gothic,” even if you don’t know that you do. The image of the old bald man, the sour-faced woman, the pitchfork and the house in the background has become the often-parodied iconographic image of America. The painting and the town where the background house resides are the subjects of “This American Gothic,” the documentary screened on March 9. “It weaves back and forth through this chronological art historical narrative of the painting from 1930 to today and a more contemporary story of this very small Iowa town where they’re trying to rebuild their community through drawing attention to this home,” said filmmaker Sasha Waters-Freyer. Waters-Freyer is currently an Associate Professor at the University of Iowa in the Department of Cinema and Comparative Literature. Her awardwinning films have screened widely at film festivals and been broadcast on the PBS series “Independent Lens.” Previous works include “Razing Appalachia” and “Whipped,” which follows three

New York dominatrixes. All of Waters-Freyes documentaries are highly recommended by Whitman Professor of Film Robert Sickels. “She’s truly an independent filmmaker,” said Sickels. “She makes kind of small-scale films almost entirely on her own for screenings on the festival circuit.” Inspired by Harvard historian Steven Biel’s book “American Gothic: A Life of America’s Most Famous Painting,” the film looks at Eldon, Iowa, population 998, where the house in the background still stands. It follows the town’s efforts to come back from an economic downturn by building a visitors’ center for the house. Waters-Freyers is known as an experimental filmmaker and has taken part in the Ann Arbor Film Festival, which specializes in the genre. Much of “This American Gothic” was filmed on her own 16mm Bolex Camera, and used experimental techniques like moving image portraiture and stop-motion animation. “It was good to see something that’s more accessible to what film students here are going to be realistically doing; more small-scale documentaries,” said sophomore Nick Wood. “It’s cool to see where you could go in film.”

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APRIL 02, 2009

Schwa-capella secrets, sound and sensation by CJ Wisler Reporter

When Schwa was ﬁrst formed, according to senior music major Blake Saunders, things started off a bit rough. Now the ensemble is one of the most popular musical groups on campus. The group creates a “dynamic sound” and is dubbed the “premier co-ed A capella group” at Whitman College, said Saunders. With their broad range of sound, Schwa is able to create a capella music based on songs from nearly every musical genre. Songs range from country to pop, rock to R&B and even to electronica sounds such as Daft Punk’s “Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger.” “We have a different sound than [Testostertones and Sirens of Swank] because we have both men and women. It’s harder to make the sounds blend together, but it gives us a larger musical diversity,” said Saunders. While multiple co-ed A capella groups have started and ended in Whitman’s musical history, Schwa has lasted nearly ﬁve

years. The group meets three days a week to work on new music and polishing their old songs, and they have a lot of fun. “I joined Schwa my freshman year,” said senior Megan Duffy. “I knew I wanted to be in an A capella group and I chose Schwa because when they performed you could tell everyone was having an absolute blast.” “Although I did a lot of group singing in high school, I like the A capella setting much more,” said ﬁrst-year Kyle Scott. “Being in a smaller group where each individual is invested […] creates an unparalleled ambiance.” Each semester the group hosts auditions to replace members who have graduated, transferred, or are studying abroad. The audition process is, according to Duffy, standard, but rigorous. Students must prepare to sing back scales and recognize pitches, as well as prepare a 30 second song clip. The group, much like Testostertones and Sirens of Swank, is an entirely student-run organization. Saunders acts as the musical director this year by getting

rehearsals started as well as organizing music and teaching songs. Recently, the rehearsals have shifted towards preparing for one of the ensemble’s most important events of the year: the Whitman College Choral Concert. Most of the group’s energy will be devoted to the event rather than creating new songs, according to Duffy. For Saunders, his main concern is what will happen at the end of the year when the seniors graduate. “There’s six or seven of us,” said Saunders. “So we want to prepare the juniors and underclassmen to take over. We’re having many [underclassmen] arrange songs. They’re good leaders, so the group won’t be as decapitated as [the seniors] thought at the beginning of the semester.” When asked about what Schwa is planning for the future, Saunders and Duffy were ambiguous. “No idea,” said Duffy. “Plus, we like to keep our new songs a secret.” “We have new stuff planned,” said Saunders. “But you’ll have to wait and see.”

Schwa What is Schwa? • Deﬁnition of schwa: in linguistics and phonology, it can mean several things. It usually means an unstressed vowel sound, but not necessarily a central vowel. • In dictionaries, a schwa is characterized by the symbol ә to show the vowel’s neutrality, sound-wise. • According to Saunders, former Schwa member Genevieve Baglio, who is currently the musical assistant at Whitman, named the group Schwa because of it’s neutrality of sound which is all-inclusive —appropriate for a co-ed a capella group’s inclusiveness of gender.

All things Schwa! • Although audition processes are rigorous, each audition ends with the Schwa members requesting the auditioner to make a “creative” animal noise • According to Duffy: “Adam Caniparolli takes his shirt off every chance he gets.” • Schwa members also like to make “Schwa” puns, such as the well-known pun “Schwacapella”

KLEIN

Jackson Bellaimey, ‘12, and Laura Gibson, ‘09, sing sweet melodies to each other during a Schwa performance. The co-ed Schwa is one of the three A cappela groups on campus.

APRIL 02, 2009

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‘Lost’ all over again The private, public and TV SHOW REVIEW

by Cindy Chen Guest Reviewer

If you haven’t watched “Lost” before, you are missing out on television’s most audacious and exciting shows. It’s one of the most ambitious shows, as it aspires to be entertainment that succeeds on several different levels: as straight up sci-ﬁ, drama, romance and action. Best of all, it provokes heated discussions, and it’s highly interactive, with easter eggs hidden throughout the show. “Lost” could have easily remained a show about plane crash survivors living on a deserted island, but the character ﬂashbacks throughout the past four seasons allow the characters to become fully realized rather than just archetypes (the pretty girl, the heroic doctor, the tortured musician, et cetera). Luckily, the writers can do more or less whatever they want because they don’t need to worry about alienating other viewers, since all those still watching are the ones who are truly invested in the show. Thank goodness for that, because “Lost” has upped the stakes this season. With the series set to end in 2010, the writers clearly know the end game, and intend to make it a wild ride. “Lost” takes major risks this season by revealing how six of the original plane crash survivors were rescued and adding the extra element of time travel on the island. Apparently the island moves through time, wreaking havoc and major headaches for those who never left the island. Both the mythology of the island (The smoke monster! The four-toed statue!) and the characters are richer too, as the time line of the show changes with every episode. The characters we have come to love and hate continue to grow as we learn more about their past and present. Ben (Michael Emerson), the mysterious leader of the Others, wants everyone to go back to the Island. But it’s fascinating

to watch how far he’ll go this time to get what he wants. After all, a man who lets his daughter get killed by a mercenary is inﬁnitely more complicated and fascinating than any character on “Gossip Girl.” Few shows have plotlines or arcs shaped around female characters. “Lost” has an abundance of them. The ongoing mystery of why women can’t give birth on the island is tied to Juliet, a former Other. Kate’s interactions with Jack and Sawyer, the main love triangle in the show, help to enrich

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the layers of both men who couldn’t be more different – Jack the heroic doctor and Sawyer the ex-con man. With a diverse cast, including three Asian characters and one Iraqi, “Lost” is one of the richest ensemble dramas on TV. With a show like “Lost”, which aspires to be a billion different things, the strength of the show ultimately lies in its layers. You can watch the show on many different levels: as a sci-fi show to see how they could possibly explain what is going on with all that time/space continuum warping, or as a character study about Jack and Locke’s daddy issues, or even just to find out how they’re going to explain away all the island’s mythology that included polar bears and a smoke monster. There are plenty of reasons to watch “Lost.” So prepare to embrace your inner sci-fi geek and your inner romantic, and catch up on the past four seasons of “Lost,” Wednesdays at 9 p.m.

pregnant body in dance by Shannon Buckham Reporter

The human body comes in many shapes and sizes, some scrutinized, some praised, some ignored. Dr. Gill Wright Miller, visiting Whitman this semester as a Professor of Dance, studies women who have deﬁed the stereotypical body type in their profession. Miller was brought in through the Edward F. Arnold program, which brings in professors at an advanced stage in their career, concerned with a line of study not normally offered at Whitman. Miller’s research focuses on the transition from the “typical” body type of a dancer to the pregnant form. Miller, who teaches two classes on dance, gave a lecture on her research on Tues., March 10. Miller’s lecture focused on the concept of how to put personal movement on public display. She studied women who have deﬁed the notion that in order to dance, one has to be tall, thin and move at lightning speed. Over the last 40 years, dance has experienced a movement that has, according to Miller, “reconstructed knowledge about female circumstances” and challenged ideas about the way certain types of bodies are supposed to perform by putting “unexpected bodies in unusual places.” Miller said that by the end of the 1960s, dance had moved into the Fine Arts department of the academic framework. This location in the Fine Arts category allows dance to balance both physical movement and the beauty of art into its natural, theatrical and musical form. The mission of the Fine Arts is “to gain understanding of platforms from which visual and performative operations take place” and the study provides the “opportunity to explore and examine creative process” through means of visual and textual analysis, she said. “The lecture provided an opportunity for the Whitman community to see how dance is treated in formal academic discourse. Just what I was hoping would happen, and what the Edward F.Arnold Professorship tries to make happen, happened in this lecture,” said Director of Dance Dana Burgess.

Miller’s research focuses on the art of dancing while pregnant. She discussed three different choreographers who chose to dance during pregnancy. These women show distinctly different ways of moving during their pregnancy, which Miller uses to deﬁne their style of dance. Twyla Tharp’s pregnancy dance, titled “Confessional,” depicts the difference in proportions and movements during pregnancy. Jane Comfort’s “Diary” progresses through the nine months of pregnancy, with the same dance being performed every month to show how the movement and way in which Comfort used her body changed. In Jane Oberfelder’s “Memoir,” Miller discusses the “deep and true, unembarassed, unsentimental, but full of emotion” aspect of dance that appears in this piece. Oberfelder danced completely nude, but shows command of her large body. The outcome of this dance video as Miller relates shows how the “very private [can be] made audaciously public.” Miller uses these dances to consider the ways of the body in academic work ultimately stating that the dances of pregnant women provide a transformation from public to private performance of the body. “Miller discussed a cultural phenomenon with these dances…Publication of the private body explores the boundary between public and private bodies, making the private, typically veiled body, revealed on stage. She shows how that publication of the private body can help create a work of art,” said Burgess. Currently at Whitman, dance is offered in multiple technique classes. Burgess, who is also the Director of Dance, believes that incorporating academic dance into the Whitman curriculum would provide a wonderful opportunity for students. The Arnold Professorship, he said, often aims to integrate a similar type of program into the curriculum, and educates the community about the speciﬁc aspects of the program.

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APRIL 02, 2009

‘Art-House’ cinema provide much-needed escape MOVIE REVIEW

by Becquer Medak-Seguin Movie Reviewer

It is a bit of a letdown that our quaint little town can’t revel in the wonders of art-house cinema. I read somewhere recently that eight years ago, former Whitman College President Thomas Cronin inquired into whether the school could support its own art-house-style cinema. The answer was, of course, “no” because of its sustainable impossibility. For now, we’ll have to wait until the summer to experience its joys. Here are two reasons for you not to let the chance to go on that odd weekend trip to Portland or Seattle pass you by. The ﬁrst is “The Class.” A devastatingly poor crop of movies, whose recent marquee is “Freedom Writers,” have created a feel-good, anti-racist classroom genre. These movies cannot escape their director’s ideological grasp: They predictably repeat unbelievable twists and turns that don’t make a difference in their alwaysuplifting outcome. Laurent Cantet’s “The Class” is quite the opposite. The director’s inﬂuence is noticed perhaps slightly if at all. The movie is meticulously crafted so that the audience will not entirely bond with any of the characters because, of course, we are all human and no one is completely likable. This is extremely

dent, Souleymane (Franck Keita), but this is frustrating, but undoubtedly engrossing. The camera swivels from different perspec- not nearly the crux of what is at stake. What tives—student-to-student, student-to-teacher, is at stake, and what Cantet seeks to study, is teacher-to-teacher—forcing you to notice the the ambivalent and complex relationship bedifferences between the subjects, whether tween students and their teacher. Is it merely these are audio or visual. Dialogue and re- a mutual learning process, or is it much, much lationships are what propel this film through more than that? “The Class” is an exercise in subtlety and the treacherous, ego-filled waters of a poor, inner-city Parisian middle school classroom. reality without the glossy Hollywood coat. Every problem, emotion and ounce of drama Cantet lets the students speak and, more comes out of language. By the end of the importantly, he makes you want to listen to them. movie, language is They are merely The second is “Gostretched and twisted, gems, hidden beneath morrah.” used and abused so It is safe to say much that all we are bleak, uncompromisthat this bloody mess left with is silence. ing rubble that will always of tangled stories, The title of the remain tainted by the devaspersonal affiliations, movie was poorly and political brutaltranslated; it should tating realities of life.” ity would not have have maintained all of the French, yielding “Between the Walls.” made it to the U.S. had it not been supported The problem with space – the classroom and by the likes of Martin Scorsese. This is not the school’s patio, enclosed or out in the because the movie is bad, but because the open—erupts in teacher François’ (François movie is very complex. In an unjust comBégaudeau) face when he lets a derogatory parison (because of the discrepancy in qualword slip in a heated discussion with Esmer- ity), “Gomorrah” is kind of like “Crash” if it alda (Esmeralda Ouertani) while speaking to lacked the big-name ensemble cast, the director’s handholding of the audience through her outside of the classroom. What results is a tension-filled film that the intertwined storylines and the repeated questions issues of race, class, gender (the political bludgeoning of the prevalence and students question whether François is a ho- reality of racism. An uncompromising look at reality (one mosexual) and, yes, language. The plot centers around the expulsion hearing of a stu- reminiscent of Fernando Meirelles’ 2002 ADVERTISEMENTS

beauty, “City of God”), “Gomorrah” is a stunning look at the Camorra crime ring in Naples by way of a masterfully woven series of plot lines that tangle and twist, but are never tied. Indeed, the only emotive difference between “Gomorrah” and “City of God” is that, in the latter you have the ability to sympathize —a little, if at all—with the murderous children because of their age. If it is frustrating to fully empathize with anyone in Cantet’s “The Class,” you don’t even want to try to empathize with any of the characters in Matteo Garrone’s “Gomorrah.” Garrone lathers the screen with aesthetic beauties, sometimes to point out the stark action-setting contrast—between, for example, blood and a tanning salon—and other times to save you the trouble of listening to the cacophonous violence that frequently ends up in death. Catchy Italian pop songs are seemingly out of place in a microcosm sated with drug deals going south, hundreds of corpses being hidden and up-and-coming thugs taking unnecessary casualties at the mercy of inadvertent explosions. The most arresting scenes of the movie, however, are mainly bloodless. Garrone carefully delves into several of the many connections the Camorra crime ring has made: from its link with Milan’s high fashion to its link in providing funding for the construction of a memorial for the World Trade Center. In one of the coldest scenes in the movie, a group of powerful Camorra superiors reﬂexively decide to take out a pair of kids who have stolen a few precious minutes of their sleep by claiming several lives and disrupting the drug trade. “First we should tell the families,” one of them suggests, captivating the perverse sense of decorum the ring feels they should maintain. Garrone does not guilt-trip you the same way movies like “Crash” do; that’s not his objective. Instead, he wants you to see the horrifying residue with which the Camorra has contaminated not only Italy, but much of the world as well. To trivially claim that both of these movies are gripping would not do justice to either the craft with which they were put together or the cinematic feat which they have both achieved. They are merely gems, hidden beneath bleak, uncompromising rubble that will always remain tainted by the devastating realities of life.

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The Superhero in us COMMENTA RY

by Bryant Fong Columnist

The highly-acclaimed movie â&#x20AC;&#x153;Watchmenâ&#x20AC;? brings to attention the continuing popularity of the superhero movie. Even though each of these ďŹ lms have similar plot lines, they continue to amaze audiences. Why? These movies provide entertainment with more impressive special effects thanks to computer generated imagery. However, only so many special effects can be used before the plot and character development are blurred. These movies can be put off to the side, such as last summerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s â&#x20AC;&#x153;Hancock.â&#x20AC;? The special effects alone do not explain why superhero movies continuously top the charts. Many of these movies, including â&#x20AC;&#x153;The Dark Knight,â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iron Man,â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;The Fantastic Four,â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;X-Men,â&#x20AC;? and â&#x20AC;&#x153; S p i d e r - M a n ,â&#x20AC;? all revolve around a certain individual or group that conquers a certain villain. The setting is usually a city where crime runs free or a vigilante runs loose, such as Gotham City from â&#x20AC;&#x153;Knightâ&#x20AC;? or New York City from the â&#x20AC;&#x153;SpiderMan.â&#x20AC;? This crime correlates loosely with some of the problems that face present society. These issues include, but are not limited to, terrorism, global warming or natural disasters. People might just want a superhero to appear and solve the problems at hand just like what happens in the movies, where in the end the imaginary city is safe from whatever the dilemma. The hero restores hope and power to the people just as the society needs. The reinforcement of hope establishes who is the â&#x20AC;&#x153;good guy,â&#x20AC;? since in daily life those characters are not so clear and explicit. In the movies, the characters are reduced to simpler categoriesâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;good and evil. Viewing it allows us to step away from the dismal reality of uncertainty.

Or perhaps, it is what destroys a hero that interests us. The hero is a mirror of us and in that way demonstrates that even the greatest people have their respective ďŹ&#x201A;aws. The movies touch on identity and what it means to be different. The Dark Knight explores how ďŹ ghting the enemy might blur the division between good and evil. This is Batmanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s weakness, a probable transformation that could result in his downfall. Another weakness is his loneliness, another characteristic that we can likely all relate to at times. The idea of acceptance is one in play in the â&#x20AC;&#x153;X-Menâ&#x20AC;? ďŹ lms, where the mutants are shunned by the public for their genetic gifts. However, in the end they learn to accept and to assimilate into mainstream culture, just as people are trying to do today. People try to join all types of groups, many from which they are shunned from. Or perhaps the â&#x20AC;&#x153;X-Menâ&#x20AC;? are a r e f lection o f A m e r i c a â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s history. N LKI CA Superman continuously searches for his identity and this establishes the black and white decisions that we all strive for. Superman does not know where he comes from; however, he does know that his weakness is kryptonite. The blemish is explicit and Superman can then save the world and earn fame. These movies address all too familiar issues that we face today: war, conformity, identity and global warming are just a few. Through this entertainment it allows the viewers to step away from reality and feel that we are not alone. Even superheroes have the same shortcomings, fears and problems we do.

WHITMAN COLLEGE PIO NEER

Music Video Meltdown â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Blame Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; on Jamie Foxx

Not a passage to India MUSIC VIDEO REVIEW

MUSIC VIDEO REVIEW

â&#x20AC;&#x153;BLAME ITâ&#x20AC;? ALBUM: INTUITION (2008, J RECORDS)

â&#x20AC;&#x153;JAI HO! (YOU DESTINY ALBUM: JAI HO! (2009, A&M RE

ARE MY )â&#x20AC;? - SINGLE CORDS)

by Mike Sado by Mike Sado

A&E Editor

Jamie Foxx goes to an overtly red nightclub with pals Jake Gyllenhall, Forest Whitaker andâ&#x20AC;Ś Ron Howard. Samuel L. Jackson menacingly chomps on a cigar in a corner. Bill Bellamy shows up for a paycheck. Also: furries. So, things that Jamie Foxx likes, perhaps? I imagine director Hype Williams had an elaborate plot for this video at one point, so maybe thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a 10 minute directorâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s cut out there. But even at ďŹ ve minutes, this is unbearable (Yes, even with Academy Award-nominated Howard sipping champagne while T-Pain does his magically spastic â&#x20AC;&#x153;Ah. AH AH!â&#x20AC;?.) And red. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s like a Dario Argento ďŹ lm set in a dance club (without the point-of-view kills, of course). Did I mention the furry? I would, however, like to play Gyllen-ball with Gyllenhall. Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a video Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d watch. Of myself. And Jake Gyllenhall. Make it happen, Hype!

The Pussycat Dolls remix A.R. Rahmanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Academy Award-winning song â&#x20AC;&#x153;Jai Hoâ&#x20AC;? (emphasis on the â&#x20AC;&#x153;Hoâ&#x20AC;? here). Results are as you expect. This is the four minute high school remake of Slumdog with white people. The Schwerz wears a vaguely-Indian-but-not-really sari while the specter of A.R. Rahman chases her throughout a train station. The Schwerz mispronounces â&#x20AC;&#x153;Jai Hoâ&#x20AC;? numerous times. The Schwerz thinks this song represents â&#x20AC;&#x153;an extension of where the movie took off in the end,â&#x20AC;? so I wonder which version of â&#x20AC;&#x153;Slumdog Millionaireâ&#x20AC;? she saw. I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t recall the scene where Freida Pintoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s character is surrounded by exotic burlesque dancers from the West. In summation: Freida Pinto > Nicole Schwerzinger. FINAL WORD: NO. JUST NO.

FINAL WORD: RED

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APRIL 02, 2009

SPORTS

WHITMAN COLLEGE PIO NEER

T H ROUGH T H EIR EY ES:

Golﬁng as a team sport by Noah Moskat Reporter

In visualizing the quintessential images of a golfer—kneeling to scope out a putt, standing ready at the tee, watching the fateful flight or roll of their ball—a sense of solitude tends to emerge. And in fact, perhaps more than any other sport, golf is defined by the single competitor, an individual pitted against not just one opponent but many at the same time. College golf, however, introduces a unique and significant factor: the team element. Unlike most professional events, in which each participant plays for him- or herself, college golfers compete as members of their school’s team. Thus, it is the team’s total score, rather than any individual’s, that ultimately decides the outcome of a competition. But even if it does go somewhat against the grain of the golfer’s standard approach, members of Whitman’s golf teams enjoy the team dynamic that results. Sophomore men’s player Brian Barton has a great deal of experience playing both individually and as part of a team. In 11 years of golfing, he has noticed the positive aspects of each style of play. “I like the team aspect,” Barton said. “Everybody’s there, everyone depends on each other. Building relationships is fun.” In only her first season as a varsity golfer, first-year women’s team member Jennifer Keyes has already discovered the same to be true. “Playing golf with a team fosters a team dynamic,” said Keyes, who responded by e-mail. “It’s so much more fun when you have teammates out there with you.” Both Keyes and Barton observe that competing with a team around them can give a mental or

emotional boost that may not exist playing alone. Teammates enhance the excitement of success, as well as providing support when things are not going well. “If you hit a bad shot, the guys are there to give you encouragement,” Barton said. “It’s reassuring.” Given golf’s very personal nature, though, there will always be instances in which players focus upon themselves. As Keyes noted, this is a product of golf’s signiﬁcant mental demand, an element which oftentimes can be just as critical as the physical one. “It can be hard to always feel like you’re a part of a team because it is such an individual sport,” said Keyes. “But we depend on each other to play well. You have to go out on the course with the idea that you’re playing for Whitman and for your teammates. “It’s all a part of your mindset,” Keyes said. However much the game may give rise to an individual perspective, ultimately these players consider their teams to be the top priority. “While I am playing a round I am deﬁnitely concerned with my own score,” Keyes said. “But it’s all relative. I worry about my score because I want to make a positive contribution to the score we post as a team.” And team success will certainly be something to watch for: the men’s team, with Barton at the head, has high hopes for their newly-begun season. “We’re going to have one of the best teams Whitman has ever seen,” said Barton. The women, too, see progress ahead. “We’re in the process of building the program up,” Keyes said. “I think we’re all going to have a lot of fun together, and I’m excited to get the season rolling.”

APRIL 02, 2009

Linﬁeld up next for women WOMEN’S TENNIS, from back cover

tennis world in Walla Walla, it was invigorating to know that they were part of something bigger. “[Going to Indian Wells] was just a really unique experience and gave me a bigger perspective on tennis as a whole,” said Otto. For the Whitman women, watching and cheering for the stars that they otherwise only see holding up trophies on TV and endorsing rackets on the pages of magazines, helped make tennis real and exciting again. And what could be more real or exciting than snagging Nadal’s practice ball, watching Fernando Verdasco hit a series of showy shots between his legs after a troupe of college girls showed up to watch him warm up, seeing Dinara Safina jog by on her warm up (“She’s huge!” said Otto), grabbing Andy Murray’s autograph on an oversized tennis ball, standing only feet away from Roger Federer as he hit or even getting a wave from Nadal as he drove by in a golf cart? And so, with a little help from the ravenlocked, fist-pumping Spaniard and the other greats of tennis, the team is back and energized, just in time for the two biggest matches of the season. The Whitman women take on Linfield (12-1 NWC), who they narrowly lost 5-4 to earlier in the season starting on Friday at 11 a.m. Then, 2 p.m. on Sunday, they take on top ranked Whitworth (14-0 NWC) for their last home match of the year. While they lost 8-1 to Whitworth in their last matchup, the healthy and rejuvenated team is raring for a second go at the Pirates. “These matches came at the best time in the season that they could have,” said Frank.

Teams

NWC

Overall

Whitworth Linfield Whitman Lewis & Clark Pacific (Ore.) Willamette George Fox Puget Sound Pacific Lutheran

14-0 12-1 12-2 8-6 6-8 4-8 2-12 1-11 1-12

17-3 14-3 13-5 11-8 6-8 5-10 3-15 1-11 1-15

Remaining Schedule Friday, April 3–Linﬁeld college versus Whitman College at home, 11 a.m. Sunday, April 5–Whitworth University versus Whitman College at home, 1 p.m.

KIM

Charlotte Scott, ‘12, and the rest of the Whitman women wrap up their regular season against the top two teams in the Northwest conference. Whitman takes on second place Linﬁeld on Friday and ﬁrst place Whitworth on Sunday.

APRIL 02, 2009

SPORTS

WHITMAN COLLEGE PIO NEER 21

Tough East Coast trip over break tests team strength MEN’S TENNIS, from back cover

versity of Chicago’s top player, and Hayashi and junior Dan Wilson were undefeated in doubles. Talent showed itself throughout the Whitman line-up. “I think the biggest surprise was seeing Adriel [Borshansky], who’s playing number six singles for us this year, come into his own,” said junior Thomas Roston. “One of the fortunate things we have on our team is that it’s pretty deep.” While the team usually travels to Cali-

fornia to play during spring break, this year the team competed against teams on the east coast. “In conference we see a lot of the same teams over and over again, so it’s really nice to get experience outside of our area,” said Roston. “I think that getting that competitive edge and experiencing high-pressure situations is what we were looking for.” Whitman is currently ranked first in the Northwest conference, fifth in the west, and twenty-first in the nation. Over their spring break matches, Whitman slipped in the national rankings, but retained their standing

in the west. “It’s great to protect your national rankings, but what it comes down to is the end of the year,” said Roston. “Our spring break trip is mostly for experience, and I think everybody would agree that the big goal is the conference tournament.” The spring break trip allowed the team to analyze their performance, particularly when encountering more difﬁcult teams on the East Coast. “We learn a lot from our losses, and I think we deﬁnitely learned a lot about what we need to do,” said sophomore Quin Miller.

The men’s tennis team currently leads the Northwest Conference, and seems set to do so throughout the season. “It would be a huge surprise if we didn’t ﬁnish the year number one in the conference,” said Borshansky. Whitman will compete against Whitworth University on Sun., April 5.

Current Team Standings: Conference record: 13-0 Overall record: 19-4

Soccer standouts train with English pro teams in attempt to extend careers past collegiate level coaches, different training, different settings, to see where their level of playing was compared with other players of their age.” Since the system of cultivating young soccer talent differs so greatly between the United States and England, Axelrod and Phillips were in a unique situation because of their age. Conversations with English players helped Phillips and Axelrod realize why soccer in England has a much deeper, more developed tradition than in the states. Most players in Europe start out at a young age—as early as nine years old—and participate on elite club teams, often signing professional contracts in their late teens. For Americans, such a progression is rare. “It’s become a little embarrassing for us to explain the American education [and] athletic system in the U.S. to the guys here,” Axelrod wrote in an online blog set up speciﬁcally for their trip (available at: whitmanlads.blogspot. com). “We’re relatively old, being 21 and 22, and it’s almost a joke to [the English] that we’re trying to start playing pro now, when they’ve been established for three years at least when they’re 21 or 22. It’s become pretty obvious to us why American soccer is so stunted in its growth and why more Americans don’t play in Europe.” Despite having to deal with an unorthodox practice regimen and a signiﬁcant cultural disadvantage throughout their trip, Axelrod and Phillips fared relatively well among the English players. They both feel that playing

professionally or semi-professionally in the future, at some level, is still a possibility. “We didn’t play our complete best. You know, being shuttled around for two weeks, pretty much playing everyday… we were kind

We thought it’d be a good experience for them if nothing else, kind of a ‘follow your dream’ moment, I guess. At least now they have better insight. Hopefully they can bring some of those experiences back and share them with our team.” -Coach Mike Washington

of exhausted,” said Axelrod. “But we played pretty well. All things considered, [England] is definitely a place that we could play right now. We’re both very comfortable playing at the League 1 level, which is two levels below the premier league, the highest level.” It may be the case that Phillips and Axelrod’s situation is really a blessing in disguise. While many of the English players have had more intense soccer training in their youth, Phillip and Axelrod have also benefited from an arguably more thorough education. “One big reflection I’ve had is that a lot of these English guys, though it’s sweet that

they’re so good [at soccer], aren’t going to make it professionally,” Phillips said. “I feel like, after soccer, a lot of those guys won’t have much in terms of an education. So it’s nice that Brett and I have a college degree to fall back on.” For now, though, both Axelrod and Phillips need to prepare for and ﬁnish up their senior examinations. Though many of their graduating peers spent time over spring break studying at Whitman, the soccer duo do not regret their spring break excursion. “Even though I have my thesis due in two weeks—I know a lot of people in my major worked for a whole week on theirs over the break—I don’t really care, I still would have done this whole two weeks in England without any question,” Axelrod said. After graduation, Phillips and Axelrod hope to continue their soccer careers. Phillips is going to play for a semi-professional team in Bremerton, Wash. over the summer. Axelrod will also try to play semi-professionally in his home state of Virginia. Regardless of their future as European 79909

SOCCER, from back cover

soccer players, the trip to England was a valuable experience both for Phillips and Axelrod as individuals and for Whitman’s soccer program as a whole. “We thought it’d be a good experience for them if nothing else, kind of a ‘follow your dream’ moment, I guess,” said Washington. “At least now they have better insight. Hopefully they can bring some of those experiences back and share them with our team. I’m hoping that when we start training tonight, we can get Brett and Stephen to address the team and say ‘Look, here are some things you need to understand, that you can be doing more of.’ Now the team has a reference point.” ADVERTISEMENT

WHITMAN COLLEGE PIO NEER

The

SPORTS

APRIL 02, 2009

FullCourt PRESS OUR FINAL FOUR PREDICTIONS

C O M M E N TA R Y

by Andy Jobanek and Billy Low Sports Editor & Reporter

In the men’s NCAA national semifinals on Saturday, April 4, Michigan State plays Connecticut, and Villanova takes on North Carolina. The winners will play for the championship on Monday, April 6. Andy: With 16 teams left, my entire elite eight was in tact. However, my bracket limped to the final four with only one correct pick—the North Carolina Tar Heels. Despite my busted bracket, I’m still excited for the upcoming final four and am ready to lay down a new set of picks. I see Connecticut beating Michigan State in Saturday’s first game in spite of the home court advantage the Spartans will have playing in Detroit, only 90 miles from their campus. The Huskies match up better than Louisville, who Michigan State beat to make the final four. Hasheem Thabeet will win the battle inside against Spartans center Goran Suton. In addition, the Huskies have a better supporting frontcourt with experience forwards Jeff Adrien and Stanley Robinson that can provide outstanding help defense when Thabeet is drawn out of the paint. The main reason the Spartans beat Louisville was because they forced them out of their fast-paced offense. Connecticut will not have as hard of a time adjusting to slower play and senior guard A.J. Price—a

tournament MVP candidate—will have an easier time controlling the game tempo. In Saturday’s later match up, I have North Carolina beating Villanova. Scottie Reynolds has led the Wildcats on a tear and was the main reason Villanova upset Pittsburgh in the elite eight, but he’ll have trouble controlling the game against North Carolina’s Ty Lawson. Forward Dante Cunningham of Villanova is also no match for t wo-t ime All-America Tyler H a n s brough. H a n s b r o u g h ’s the most passionate player in college basketball right now and back for his senior year to win a championship at North Carolina. Nothing is going to stop him from getting to the ﬁnal. Billy: Your picks sound right to me, Andy. Connecticut will beat Michigan State. The Spar-

tans will need to rely on their guards, including sophomore Kalin Lucas, to provide the offense since their bigs will be going up against that imposing Connecticut front court you mentioned. I also agree that the Tar Heels will beat Villanova, but they won’t have as easy of a win as you suggest. While match-ups of skill, size and heart may clearly favor North Carolina, we can’t always guess the outcome of a game by evaluating the teams’ strengths and weaknesses in earlier games of the season and tournament. In other words, Villanova is not David going up against Goliath. It’s a talented team that I’m guessing will have the same conﬁdence and focus it had when it beat Duke and Pittsburgh. That said, I still believe North Carolina will win the right to face Connecticut for the championship. JOHNSON

I would love to see Hansbrough win the national championship since he stayed in school to continue playing as hard as anyone. Unfortunately, I’ll give Connecticut the edge because of Price and the frontcourt we discussed earlier. To win, the Tar Heels will need to get the Connecticut bigs in foul trouble and another good game from Lawson, who led them with 19 points against Oklahoma in the regional ﬁnal while Hansbrough was limited to 8 points. Andy: I like your pick in the championship game. In the interest of balance, and since I think the title game is a toss-up, I’ll pick the Tar Heels. While Connecticut’s frontcourt depth does worry me, teams with less depth have succeeded in getting the Huskies in foul trouble, which an experience coach like Roy Williams is tactful enough to ensure. In terms of the backcourt, Price and Lawson seem equally experienced and capable of controlling the game. The x-factor I think will be wing play. The Tar Heels’ duo of Danny Green and Wayne Ellington have not always stepped up in big games, but their three-point abilities can stretch the Huskies’ talented front court across the ﬂoor, allowing Lawson to penetrate and Hansbrough to dominate. Picks: Andy Billy

Final Four UConn, UNC UConn, UNC

Champion UNC UConn

Whitman Sweets host multi-team, ‘laid-back’ Onionfest by J. Staten Hudson Reporter

Fun, frisbee and, hopefully, sun will all be in order for the Ultimate Frisbee team’s annual tournament/onion-eating contest known as Onionfest. Onionfest is the biggest fundraiser of the year for the Whitman Ultimate Frisbee team and goes a long way towards covering the team’s traveling and equipment expenses. “The tournament serves two purposes,” said Ultimate player and Onionfest organizer, Luke Sanford, “it is widely known as one of the most fun tournaments around each year, and it is a great fundraiser and attention grabber for the Whitman Sweets, our ultimate team.” The Whitman Sweets had a hectic road schedule this year, competing at the Stanford Qualiﬁer,

the Stanford Invite, the Trouble in Vegas tourna- year we have enough interest for three full teams. ment, and, most recently, a tournament in Santa Because Onionfest is a more laid-back, co-ed Cruz over spring break. The money the team takes tournament, it’s a great opportunity for both bein from the tournament is essential to covering ginners and more competitive players to form teams.” these costs. The tournament is This year, the tourIt is widely known as run very similarly to the nament has attracted one of the most fun NCAA college basket25 teams from around ball tournament, with the northwest, three of tournaments around each teams being seeded acwhich will be Whit- year...” -Luke Sanford, ‘10 cording to their record man teams. One of the going into the tournaWhitman teams, the ‘A’ ment and their seed afteam, will be comprised exclusively of traveling Ultimate players while fecting who they play. Teams like the Whitman the ‘B’ team and the ﬁrst-year team are open to all ﬁrst-year and ‘B’ teams, that don’t have previous records, are seeded lower down on the bracket. interested students. This year is the 135th anniversary of the tour“Anyone can participate in Onionfest,” said Whitman Sweets player, Johanna Leader. “This nament. To celebrate, the organizers are putting

on a showcase game between Whitman’s allstar alumni and the alumni of Carleton College—recognized as one of the best Ultimate Frisbee schools around. There will also be an onion-eating contest during the showcase game and free burritos for everyone who comes out to support the teams. Pool play will begin Saturday with teams facing off against each other based on initial seeding. On Sunday, elimination bracket play begins, culminating in a showdown between the two top teams. The tournament begins at 8:30 Saturday morning and runs until 5:30 on Saturday night. Play resumes Sunday morning at 9 and the tournament concludes at 4 Sunday afternoon. Most of the games will be hosted at the Whitman soccer complex.

SPORTS

APRIL 02, 2009

Whitman Athlete

of the Week Pete Stadmeyer Each week the sports staff will pick one Whitman athlete that performed exceptionally in the previous weekend’s games. The distinction will be judged both on the individual’s performance and their impact on the team.

THURSDAY MARCH 26, 2009

Game 1

Men’s Tennis: Whitman College vs Oberlin College in Hilton Head, S.C. Teams Matches #21 Whitman College (19-3) 9 Oberlin College (0-12) 0

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Whitman (2-14, 1-9 NWC) 0 0 0 0 1 0 0 2 0 Lewis and Clark (4-15, 4-10 NWC) 0 0 3 0 0 5 1 0 X

9 13 0

Pitchers W—Adam Rager L—Pete Stadmeyer

ER 1 5

Singles #1: Quin Miller (Whitman) def. Ben Godlove (Oberlin) 7-5, 6-1 Doubles #1: Conor Holton-Burke/Thomas Roston (Whitman) def. Ben Godlove/Joseph Lefﬂer (Oberlin) 8-6 DePauw University vs Whitman College in Hilton Head, S.C. Teams Matches DePauw University (11-1) 7 #21 Whitman College (19-4) 2

KIM

Over spring break senior pitcher Pete Stadmeyer pitched arguably the best game a Whitman pitcher has pitched over the last few years. Stadmeyer led the Missionaries to their first conference win on Monday, March 23 with a two hit shutout of fourth place Pacific University. Stadmeyer pitched 91 pitches overall, 68 of which were for strikes, fanning 10 batters while surrendering only one walk in the 10-0 victory. Stadmeyer has anchored the Whitman pitching staff for the last few years and has the team out of the conference cellar for the first time this season. by Andy Jobanek

Singles #1: Scot Swanson (DePauw) def. Etienne Moshevich (Whitman) 7-6, 6-3 Doubles #1: Hunter Schouweiler/Will Gates (DePauw) def. Christoh Fuchs/Quin Miller (Whitman) 9-7

SATURDAY MARCH 28, 2009 Baseball: Lewis and Clark College vs Whitman College in West Linn, Ore. Game 1 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 R H E Whitman (2-13, 1-8 NWC) 0 0 1 0 3 0 0 – – 4 5 5 Lewis and Clark (3-15, 3-10 NWC) 5 5 4 4 0 6 X – – 24 21 0 Pitchers W—David LaDouceur L—Blaine Mercado

IP H R ER 5.0 5 4 4 3.0 14 14 13

SO 5 0

WEDNESDAY MARCH 25, 2009 Men’s Tennis: Whitman College vs Carleton College in Hilton Head, S.C. Teams Matches #21 Whitman College (18-3) 6 Carleton College (8-4) 3

Singles #1: Elise Otto (Whitman) def. Sam Taylor (Puget Sound) 6-0, 6-1 Doubles #1: Elise Otto/Margo Lentz (Whitman) def. Sam Taylor/Madison Holtz (Puget Sound) 8-1

of the Week

Singles #1: Ben Guzick (Carleton) def. Etienne Moshevich (Whitman) 6-2, 6-2 Doubles #1: Dan Vollman/Winston Park (Carleton) def. Christoph Fuchs/Quin Miller (Whitman) 8-6

IP H 4.2 3 5.1 6

R 1 5

R H E 3 9 0

SO 5 5

Game 2 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Whitman (3-14, 2-9 NWC) 0 6 0 0 0 2 1 – – Lewis and Clark (4-16, 4-11 NWC) 1 0 4 1 0 0 0 – –

R H E

Pitchers W—Peter Olson L—Colin Dietz

ER 6 6

IP H 7.0 8 2.0 4

R 6 6

p.m. Game Notes: Out of last place for the ﬁrst time in over a year, Whitman, 2-9 in conference and eighth place, faces ﬁfth-place Willamette. Last year, the Bearcats swept the Missionaries with relative ease, scoring 20 and 25 runs in Saturday’s doubleheader. The Missionaries have taken some similar beatings this season, most recently dropping a 24-4 decision against Lewis & Clark College on Saturday, March 28. However, the Missionaries have already matched last year’s conference win total at two and still have to play the teams just ahead of them and below them.

9 8 1 6 8 4 SO 1 0

Women’s Tennis: Whitman College vs Paciﬁc Lutheran University in Tacoma, Wash. Teams Matches Whitman College (13-5) 9 Paciﬁc Lutheran (1-15) 0

Women’s Tennis: Whitman College vs Puget Sound in Tacoma, Wash. Teams Matches Whitman College (12-5) 8 Puget Sound (1-11 NWC) 1

SCOREBOARD

WHITMAN COLLEGE PIO NEER

Singles #1: Elise Otto (Whitman) def. Ashley Brooks (Paciﬁc Lutheran) 6-0, 6-2 Doubles #1: Elise Otto/Margo Lentz (Whitman) def. Ashley Coats/Ali Burnside (Paciﬁc Lutheran) 8-0

SCHEDULE for Next Week FRIDAY APRIL 3, 2009 Women’s Tennis Linfield College versus Whitman College in Walla Walla, Wash., 11 a.m. Game Notes: The Women’s tennis team enters the final weekend of the conference regular season against the two top teams so far this season. Linfield, a game ahead of the Missionaries, at 12-1 in conference and in second place is the first of the two. The two teams played earlier this season when Linfield took a close 5-4 decision on their home court. The two teams split the six singles matches, but Linfield won two of the three doubles matches to narrowly defeat Whitman.

SUNDAY MARCH 29, 2009

SATURDAY APRIL 4, 2009

Baseball: Whitman College vs Lewis and Clark College in Portland, Ore.

Baseball: Willamette University versus Whitman College (2—9 inning games) at Borleske Stadium, 12

SUNDAY APRIL 5, 2009 Men’s Tennis: Whitworth University versus Whitman College in Walla Walla, Wash., 9 a.m. Game Notes: After an extensive spring break schedule, the Whitman men move into the home stretch of the regular season. Whitman wraps up their conference season with two games this weekend against Whitworth and a final match against Pacific Lutheran University. Whitman won both matches between the two teams last year when they met on the same day like this season. Currently, Whitman sits atop the Northwest conference at 13-0 while Whitworth is in fourth at 9-4. If the Missionaries win both games against Whitworth then they’ll wrap up the number one seed in the conference tournament before wrapping up the regular season against second place Pacific Lutheran next weekend. Baseball: Willamette University versus Whitman College (2—7 inning games) at Borleske Stadium, 12 p.m. Women’s Tennis: Whitworth University versus Whitman College in Walla Walla, Wash., 1 p.m. Game Notes: Whitman’s final conference game comes against the undefeated Pirates. The Missionaries struggled in the two teams’ earlier meeting, losing 8-1. Only sophomore Elise Otto won at No. 1 singles 6-1, 6-1. If Whitman wins their final two games and Whitworth beats Linfield, then Whitman will take the No. 2 seed in the Northwest Conference playoffs. Men’s Tennis: Whitworth University versus Whitman College in Walla Walla, Wash., 2:30 p.m. Scoreboard and Schedule courtesy of Dave Holden, Sports Information Director

WHITMAN COLLEGE PIO NEER

SPORTS

APRIL 02, 2009

Axelrod, Phillips train abroad over break A ‘dream’ by Alex Jeffers Reporter

COURTESY OF AXELROD

Brett Axelrod, ‘09, and Stephen Phillips, ‘09, watched a match between Stoke City FC and Middlesbrough FC as part of their two week England trip in which they tried out for several soccer franchises including Stoke. Stoke won the game 1-0 at Britannia Stadium.

Ask a typical Whitman student how they spent spring break, and you will probably get the same answers: traveling, relaxing, partying, working, and maybe a little bit of studying. In most cases, training with professional sports teams, especially ones outside of the country, is rarely mentioned. Men’s soccer standouts Brett Axelrod and Stephen Phillips, both seniors, spent their break doing just that. Axelrod and Phillips practiced with professional and semi-professional English soccer teams for two weeks over break. Men’s head soccer coach, Mike Washington, a native of England and former soccer player, made the trip possible with the help of a friend and former teammate. “What they had was an invitation to go over and—I wouldn’t say ‘try out’—but to go over and participate in two weeks of training,” said Washington. “They were just hoping to get seen. And if nothing more, just gain some more experience, you know, from different SOCCER, see page 21

Men’s tennis returns from ‘intense’ trip by Rachel Hoar Reporter

The men’s tennis team recently completed an arduous two weeks of competition against teams from all over the nation. For the first week, the team traveled to Portland, Ore. to compete in conference matches. The second week, they flew to South Carolina to compete against schools on the East Coast. “The trip was pretty intense,” said firstyear Adriel Borshansky. “It was a pretty solid two weeks of matches.” The tennis team played well throughout the break, winning 11 out of 13 conference matches, and five out of seven matches on the east coast. Many Whitman players were recognized for their outstanding performances: Senior Justin Hayashi was named the Northwest Conference Student-Athlete of the Week, sophomore Etienne Moshevich entered into a super tiebreaker with the UniMEN’S TENNIS, see page 21

KIM

Etienne Moshevich, ‘11, leads the Whitman men’s tennis team in a doubleheader against Whitworth University this weekend. The team clinches the No. 1 seed in the conference tournament if they sweep both games against the Pirates.

season for women’s tennis by Elsbeth Otto Contributing Writer

“Hadley, say something about how all your wildest dreams came true,” said sophomore Elise Otto, looking over at her teammate. Junior Hadley DeBree just smiled. “It’s true,” she said. With a 12-2 Northwest Conference record, a strong and healthy team and a good chance to exact revenge on their only two conference losses this weekend, the women’s tennis team has a lot to be excited about. In addition to team success, DeBree’s wildest dreams this season came in the form of the bronzed, 6’1” Spaniard with biceps the size of cocker spaniels and a wild mane of perpetually-flowing black hair: Rafael Nadal. Squeezed in between their various California matches during the first week of spring break, the lady Missionaries made the trek over to Indian Wells, California for a day of watching the number one men’s player, Nadal, and most every other top tennis player at the biggest event in tennis after the four grand slams. “There were so many sexy tennis players,” said first-year Zoe Kunkel-Patterson. The rest of the team rolled their eyes at this comment, but they weren’t disagreeing. The trip to Indian Wells, though, was about much more than ogling the biggest names in tennis. Just as the team has worked hard for their 12-2 record and maybe even a shot at a shared NWC title, they worked hard to make it to Indian Wells. Coming back over a week early from winter break, they taught a tennis clinic for kids to earn the money for the tickets to the tournament and lodging. The rest of the money was donated by former tennis coach Jayne McCarthy. “Being able to go to Indian Wells definitely gave an air of excitement around playing tennis,” said senior Jacquie Frank. This excitement was much appreciated after a whirlwind eight matches at various NWC schools and Chapman, Claremont-Mudd-Scripps and UC Santa Cruz over spring break. Also, for a team largely isolated from the WOMEN’S TENNIS, see page20