Whitman Pioneer - Spring 2010 Issue 11

UP IN SMOKE

JAZZ BASH!

DYNASTY

Whitman smokers explain the attraction of a cigarette

The music department launches a brand new outdoor jazz festival

Men’s tennis team wins fourth consecutive Northwest Conference Championship

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WHITMAN COLLEGE Walla Walla, WA Volume CXXVI Issue 11 whitmanpioneer.com A , 

Grievance policy goes to council, faculty vote

by JEREMY GUGGENHEIM Staff Reporter

ASWC student representatives are working together with members of the faculty and staff to put the finishing touches on the Student Grievance Policy, a procedure by which students can present formal complaints to the college. The policy is scheduled to be reviewed by the Academic Council during its April 28 meeting and if approved, will be submitted for the faculty to vote on during its meeting on May 12.

The purpose and procedures of student grievance policies vary from school to school, but they are normally established in order to provide a process of impartial review for student complaints against actions by the staff, faculty or administration of an institution. Although ASWC representatives have decided the policy will only be used to resolve a limited range of issues students may have with faculty or staff, they still strive to write it in nonspecific language. Senior ASWC Senator Divneet Kaur, who spearheads the student government’s involvement in developing the policy, explained the need for expressing the policy in general terms.

“The policy cannot outline specific procedures for specific types of grievances because it needs to be able to address any situation that may arise,” said Kaur.

Work to develop the student grievance policy began nearly two years ago when Dean of Students Chuck Cleveland and Associate Dean of Students Clare Carson prompted ASWC student representatives to look into developing the procedure; Kaur joined the effort at the beginning of this school year. Since then, she has worked extensively with Andrea Dobson, division III chair and associate professor of astronomy and general studies, to finalize the terms of the policy.

“It would begin with an informal process,” Kaur said of the terms of the tentative policy, which will likely incorporate informal procedures for presenting grievances as well as formal procedures. “Obviously it would encourage the student to go talk to the professor he or she is having an issue with. The next step would be for the student to go and talk to the Dean of Students or the Dean of Faculty.”

If the issue could not be resolved at that level, Kaur said, an investigatory committee would be formed. The current proposal has committees including one faculty member, one staff member and one student. Depending on the nature of the individual case, committees would look into the situation and report its findings to the Dean of Students, the Head of Human Resources or the Dean of Faculty, who would proceed to work with involved parties to come up with a resolution.

Finalizing the goals and procedures of the policy has been a slow process. Senior ASWC Student Affairs Chair Jordan Clark, who has been overseeing the project, explained the delays.

“We have a lot of turnover year to year in ASWC, and so it’s hard to pick up the ball and keep running with it,” Clark said.

“It’s also difficult to pinpoint exactly what’s going to make faculty and staff most comfortable with it. They have legitimate concerns, because they don’t want to be penalized for, say, giving a student a bad grade.”

Dobson said that while the groups working to finalize the policy are closer than ever, adoption of the policy this year is not guaranteed.

“It’s possible it could be done by the end of the year, but then it could take until next year,” said Dobson. She stressed that if the policy vote did get delayed until next year, it would be on the top of the agenda.

When asked whether she felt like there was any resistance from professors, Kaur gave a strong no.

“People have been very receptive. Everyone I have talked to has accepted that there is a need for this,” she said.

Dobson believes the strength and dedication of this year’s ASWC senators has allowed the policy to advance this far towards approval by the college.

“ASWC and the senior senators are really good this year,” Dobson said.

College recruiting new faculty members Positions for astronomy, Japanese and philosophy have been filled, while the search for chemistry, Chinese, studio art and two economics tenure-track faculty remains.

by JOE VOLPERT Staff Reporter

Whitman resumed its faculty recruitment this year after many tenure-track faculty searches were suspended in fall 2008 due to the economic crisis. Whitman has been conducting eight searches for tenure-track positions, along with several other one-year positions, this year.

The college is conducting searches for tenure-track positions in astronomy, chemistry, Chinese, Japanese, philosophy, studio art and two positions in economics this year according to Provost

and Dean of Faculty Timothy KaufmanOsborn. Of these searches, the searches for astronomy, Japanese, philosophy and studio art have been successfully completed thus far.

The process of recruiting faculty members at Whitman is a complex endeavor, involving a significant investment of time and resources on the part of the faculty, the administration and the Board of Trustees.

“Because of our high standards, and because Whitman is a desirable place to teach, members of search committees work very hard, putting in many

hours beyond their time teaching, doing scholarship and participating in faculty governance,” said Thomas Callister, associate dean of faculty and professor of education.

The hiring process for tenure-track faculty begins when a faculty position is empty, usually due to a professor retiring or leaving.

The faculty search begins when openings are identified by the Committee of Division Chairs, the provost and the president and then approved by the Board of Trustees. At this point, the department submits a request to the dean

of faculty and the Committee of Division Chairs to maintain the position within their department. The president, with the advice of the dean of faculty and the Committee of Division Chairs, has the ability to re-allocate the tenuretrack position to another department, but this does not happen frequently.

While on campus, the candidates interview with the search committee members and with a committee of students from the department. The candidates also meet staff, the dean of faculty and the president. The candidates do FACULTY, page 2

Locals line courthouse steps The Dogs for tax day Tea Party protest featured

in Chicago magazine

by CAITLIN HARDEE Staff Reporter

FENNELL Protestors sing patriotic songs at a Walla Walla Tea Party Patriots rally at the County Courthouse on tax day.

Members protested government overspending and high taxes while emphasizing pride in American freedoms.

by RACHEL ALEXANDER Staff Reporter

The Walla Walla Tea Party Patriots held a rally outside the county courthouse on Thursday, April 15, to demand fiscal responsibility from the government.

Theirs was one of hundreds of protests occurring across the country, including a gathering of approximately 25,000 in Washington, DC. According to event organizer Martha Clinehens, holding a rally on tax day sends an important message to the government about its use of citizens’ money.

“If our tax burdens become too burdensome, we will be shackled to the state,” she said.

Clinehens said the intent of the event was to celebrate the things which have made America great, and to rally for what she believes are core American values—limited government, fiscal re-

sponsibility and the preservation of free markets.

“In a time of economic stress and political controversy, we felt it would be useful to remind Americans of the principles that make this Nation unique among the world’s nations,” she said.

To this end, the evening’s events included a reading of the preamble of the Constitution, a recitation of the Pledge of Allegiance and the performance of several patriotic songs. Pride in American freedoms was a recurrent theme in both songs and speeches.

“It’s our men and women in uniform, not any campus organizer, who have given us the freedom to demonstrate today,” said Clinehens.

Clinehens started the Walla Walla Tea Party Patriots last year with several other Walla Walla residents who were concerned about government overspending,

Newly formed Gospel Choir joins Choral Contest lineup

by AMI TIAN Staff Reporter

Typically, the annual Whitman Choral Contest pits singing groups from each fraternity and sorority against each other, as well as men’s and women’s independent groups. A cappella groups like Schwa, the Testostertones and the Sirens of Swank also compete in a separate category. This year, however, yet another group will join the line-up, competing in the main contest against choirs such as Beta Theta Pi, the winner of last year’s ‘People’s Choice’ Award.

The Gospel Choir, started this year by sophomores Daria Reaven and Jo French, will perform for the first time at this year’s contest, Friday, April 23, in Cordiner Hall at 7:30 p.m. Despite its name, the group has no religious affiliation, and sees ‘gospel’ more as a musical style or genre than a religious statement.

First-year Jillian Brown described her experience singing in the newly-created group.

“I’m not very musically experienced

or knowledgeable, and quite a few people are in the gospel choir are, which is nice, so there’s a bunch of people who can offer direction,” said Brown. “It’s just a really fun atmosphere to go be a part of, and everyone’s always pretty lighthearted and ready to have fun and sing some gospel.”

Meanwhile, other groups have been busy polishing their repertoire, such as the Independent Men’s Choir, winner of the men’s category in 2008. Senior Adam Caniparoli, who is leading the choir this year, described his hasty assumption of the directorial position.

“It was all very quickly put together, it was sort of at the last second,” said Caniparoli. “Myself and David Protter were going to put this group together and we really didn’t know what we wanted to do, but I had more of a background in music than David, so I took the lead.”

Nevertheless, Caniparoli is more than confident that the group will pull through in time for the performance.

“We’ve basically been learning our CHOR AL CONTEST, page 3

particularly the stimulus bill.

“We thought we should make a few signs and just do something,” Clinehens said of their first rally, which about 400 people attended. “We saw there were more people who were concerned about having so much debt.”

Clinehens is particularly concerned about government spending on entitlement programs, such as Social Security and Medicare. While she doesn’t advocate eliminating these programs, she believes they need to be reformed, with a focus on eliminating fraud and wasteful spending.

“Funding ever-expanding government entitlement programs simply by raising taxes or issuing new debt obligations is a vicious cycle that is unlikely to be successful,” she said.

“While it is probably unrealistic to TE A PARTY, page 2

“We’re all kind of living in the moment right now,” said junior Matt Bachmann, bassist for Chicago band The Dogs, summing up the wave of publicity the band’s been experiencing in the wake of their last album, Free Write.

“We were just featured in Chicaco Deli Magazine,” said Bachmann. “Deli Magazine, there’s eight of them basically, one in Chicago, New York, LA, San Francisco, New England . . . they wrote us up last year and they wrote us up again this year, and we got nominated for Artist of the Month.”

Mobilizing their fans through Facebook, the band dominated the voting for the title, which was conducted by online survey. In the end, they won the prestigious title, defeating other fixtures of the Chicago music scene, including Them Damn Kids and This Is Versailles. Winning Artist of the Month brought the band not only wider recognition, but a number of material perks as well.

“We get some exposure and some free studio time, which we’ll probably use over the summer to track some drums,” said Bachmann. “We got a lot of positive feedback, we’ve been getting a good amount of write-ups—it’s going really well.”

The band’s energy comes out most powerfully in live performance. Vocalist Rivkah Gevinson spoke about the onstage vibe.

“The best part about The Dogs for me is the performing,” Gevinson said in an e-mail. “Chicago Dogs fans know that that is half of what makes The Dogs. It’s great—there is so much THE DOGS, page 6

ASWC finalizes budget for 2011 fiscal year

by JOCELYN RICHARD News Editor

ASWC voted unanimously during its Sunday, April 21, meeting to finalize its budget for the 2011 fiscal year, which totals $462,400. In addition to funding eight new campus clubs and organizations, the budget allocates more money to its Travel and Student Development Fund as well as to campus media groups.

Sophomore Finance Chair Matt Dittrich explained that in an effort to spend student fees more efficiently, the Finance Committee budgeted for 45 more students this year, or 1,445 students total, which makes available an additional $14,400 in funds. In past years, ASWC only budgeted for 1,400 students, but enrollment growth over the past five years has added more money in student fees, and that money was being placed in a discretionary fund.

Dittrich decided to move the student fees out of the discretionary fund so that the money would be available for direct allocation to campus clubs, organiza-

tions and other funds.

Based on the high number of requests students made to ASWC this year to fund travel and conference expenses, the Finance Committee decided to appropriate a large amount of the money made available from the additional student fees to the Travel and Conference Fund. The 2011 budget allocates $16,043 to the fund, a significant increase from the 2010 allocation of $9,473.

Students not only requested more money to cover travel expenses this year, but also requested funding for eight clubs and organizations on campus that are newly formed or have been granted club status this past year. ASWC granted a total of $4,340 to fund The Secession, Campus Climate Challenge, College Coaches, Dance, the Whitman Student Historical Society, Quiz Bowl, Slam Poetry and the Whitman Premedical Society.

Aikido, Baking Club, Juggling Club and the Peace Coalition did not reapply for funding this year.

ASWC student fees will remain unchanged at $320 per student per year.

NEWS

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April 22, 2010A

FACULTY: Students provide input TEA PARTY: Rally draws few college-age people

 page 1 two formal presentations while on campus, including a demonstration of their teaching and a presentation of their research.

“I think that our best-selling [assets] are the students. In the process, they get to meet our students one-on-one. They are so blown away by the quality of our students that that becomes one of the real selling factors of the college,” said Jonathan Walters, Division II chair and professor of religion.

Sophomore Alexe Helmke participated in the recruitment process for an astronomy professor.

“I was really happy with the fact that students’ input was a factor,” she said.

“People might look really awesome on paper, but getting to meet them and listen to them talk helped us really find out who would benefit the students and the school in the long run,” she said.

If the Committee of Division Chairs or the dean of faculty decide that a different candidate would be better for Whitman as a whole, it can ask the selection committee to consider a different choice. “[The Committee of Division Chairs] is looking out for the whole college rather than for a particular field,” said Walters.

Kaufman-Osborn noted that Whitman sometimes confronts various problems in the recruitment process. These include candidates who would prefer to teach at a large, research-oriented university, candidates whose spouse would be unable to find a suitable job in Walla Walla and those who do not want to be in an isolated location.

In addition, Whitman is vying with other institutions to recruit top faculty.

“The difficulty in hiring excellent faculty is that there is competition for the best faculty. We have very high standards and new faculty who meet those standards are sought out by other institutions as well,” said Callister.

The upcoming change from a 3-3 to a 3-2 teaching schedule may eventually affect faculty recruitment. Whitman conducted a yearlong survey on the implications of switching the course load.

According to Kaufman-Osborn, the vast majority of departments showed that they could in fact move to a five-course load, but a few departments said that that a five-course load would disrupt their major programs.

“We need to take that into account in figuring out what tenure track searches to recommend,” he said.

Walters believes the hiring process, although complex, is working well.

“We’ve got an outstanding faculty and every one of us has come in through this process,” said Walters.

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E. JOHNSON

Faculty recruitment explained The faculty recruitment process is fairly complex. This is the general recruitment process for a tenure-track professor: 1. The process starts when a faculty position is empty, usually due to a professor retiring or leaving.

2. If the dean of faculty, the president, and the Board of Trustees approve a tenure-line search for a department, the department begins the search by publishing the job description in professional publications within the field.

3. For each opening, a search committee is formed. The search committee for a tenure-track position is typically composed of the tenure faculty members of the department that has the opening, the chair of the division, at least one member of a different division, and students.

4. This search committee reads all of the applications and develops a ranked list of the top applicants.

5. Most academic fields have a yearly conference that many of the applicants attend, and the search committee does preliminary interviews at these conferences when possible. After the interviews, the committee makes a list of the top five or six applicants.

6. The committee then sends the list to the dean of faculty for approval.

Of those five or six top applicants for a tenure-track position, the committee and the dean then select three or fewer candidates to come to campus. While the candidates are on campus, the committee both assesses the candidates and tries to sell Whitman.

7. Next the search committee meets again to rank the candidates that came to campus. The committee only ranks applicants that they deem acceptable, so if the committee does not approve of one candidate, that candidate will not be included in this list.

8. The dean of faculty and the Committee of Division Chairs must approve the search committee’s ranked list. The president then must approve the decision as well.

9. Finally, the search committee contacts the top applicant on the list to offer him or her the position.

10. If the applicant accepts, the search is complete. If the first applicant declines, the search committee contacts the next acceptable applicant on the list, assuming that there are more acceptable applicants who have been approved. If there are no more applicants that the committee has deemed acceptable, the search is finished and will be restarted at a later time.

think in terms of rolling back federal entitlement programs, it is foolhardy to allow such programs to continue to evolve into bottomless money pits.”

Prior to her involvement with the Tea party movement, Clinehens said she had little to no previous involvement with politics. She believes this is true for most of the other Walla Walla Tea Party Patriots. This is part of the appeal of the Tea Party for many of its supporters—it is seen as a grassroots movement, which is largely organized at the local level and built on common concerns about government spending. The grassroots claim has been contested by some observers, who note that the movement was encouraged by cable news coverage, particularly Fox News, and supported by current and former Republican Party leaders.

Regardless of how it got its start, Tea Party supporters are eager to claim the movement as their own. Walla Walla resident Douglas Murphy, who attended the rally, said he saw common ground between the Tea Party principles and his own political views. “[The Tea Party] seemed like a unification of people that were discussing political principles that were similar to mine,” he said. “While I may differ slightly in various views politically and socially, I find that Tea Party members are standing up for what I believe to be essential to a strong and ethical nation.”

Murphy was one of a few college-age people in attendance. According to a recent New York Times article on the Tea Party movement, the average supporter

is a married white male over the age of 45. This statistic seemed to accurately describe the Walla Walla rally’s attendees, though there were several families with young children present.

The keynote address was given by Ret. Lieutenant Colonel Larry Adams, a former member of the Marine Corps and the Boy Scouts of America. Adams spoke about the importance of patriotism and standing up for American values.

“Patriotism has nothing to do with politics,” he said. “It is a true emotion. It cannot be summoned.”

He also derided government bureaucracy and overspending.

“It appears that for some, as of late, the Constitution guarantees life, liberty and the pursuit of loopholes,” he said.

Several rally attendees held signs in protest of recent government policies and the Obama administration, including signs that read, “Obama, Pelosi, Reid: The Axis of Taxes” and “I will not be subjugated.”

The speakers largely focused on general principles and beliefs, such as limited government and freedom of speech, rather than attacking specific policies of the Obama Administration.

For Murphy, the purpose of the rally was to engage with other people who are questioning our nation’s government.

“Whether I agree or disagree with what they are questioning makes no matter to me,” he said. “The fact they are questioning in a logical and peaceful manner and participating in their society’s future is what I find truly important and [worthy of] respect from any free-thinking citizen.”

Service day unites Walla Walla’s colleges

Bolick speaks on judicial activism

by RACHEL ALEXANDER Staff Reporter

“There are thousands of people who have had their rights taken away because the courts have abdicated their responsibility,” said Clint Bolick during his lecture on judicial activism in Maxey Hall, on Wednesday, April 21. Bolick is the director of constitutional litigation for the Goldwater Institute, a conservative public policy think tank. He is best known arguing a number of prominent cases about school choice before various state Supreme Courts, and successfully defended an Ohio school voucher program before the United States Supreme Court in Zelman v. Simmons-Harris.

Bolick argued that in an era where government regulations are constantly increasing and becoming more burdensome, an activist judiciary is necessary to ensure that the Constitutional rights of individuals are upheld. According to him, an activist judiciary is one willing to strike down laws which are unconstitutional. He believes that many regulations governing business fall under this category, because the Fourteenth Amendment prohibits any state from making laws which abridge the privileges and immunities of its citizens.

As an example, he mentioned a regulation prohibiting shipping wine across state lines, which existed primarily to protect the interests of an oligopoly of wine sellers.

The judicial system, he argued, provides a place where “the proverbial hammer of David” can be wielded against the “Goliath of special interests”.

The lecture was presented by WEB and ASWC, as part of an effort to bring more conservative speakers to campus.

“We want to present a diversity of opinion, especially with the health care debate going on,” said sophomore Charlie Weems, the WEB Lectures Director.

Bolick addressed concerns he has with the health care reform bill, and said he plans to litigate against the provision requiring people to purchase health insurance or pay a tax if they do not. He believes that this provision is unconstitutional, because it mandates commerce which occurs almost exclusively within

VON HAFFTEN Julian Weller, a student at Walla Walla University, and Alex Pearson ‘12 shovel dirt as part of a landscaping project for the second annual Spring Service Day, Sunday, April 18. The day, which featured a variety of local volunteering projects, brought together students from Whitman, Walla Walla University and Walla Walla Community College.

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FENNELL Clint Bolick, director of the Goldwater Institute’s Scharf-Norton Center for Constitutional Litigation, spoke Wednesday night on constitutional law and judicial activism.

individual states, rather than regulating interstate commerce. He also argues that previous Supreme Court decisions about abortion have established a right to medical autonomy, which prevents the government from interfering this directly in an individual medical decision.

For all the current issues raised by the lecture, only about thirty students attended. Among those students, the reaction was overwhelmingly positive.

“It’s nice to have something like this once in a while that’s the opposite of what most people would think at Whitman,” said sophomore Yonas Fikak. Though

Fikak said he disagreed with Bolick about the constitutionality of the health care mandate, he ended up reconsidering some of his own opinions.

“His definition of activist judge is different than what I expected,” said Fikak, who said he has always associated the term with interpreting the Constitution in the context of today’s world, rather than by the literal words of the Founding Fathers.

For Bolick, the primary duty of courts is to protect individuals from the other, often overreaching branches of government.

“It is imperative that courts enforce the rights in the Constitution,” he said.

NEWS

0April 22, 2010

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Admitted students “Get Whittie”

by NATE LESSLER Staff Reporter

A number of campus clubs and organizations got a boost in participation last Saturday, April 17, as dozens of admitted students participated in “Get Whittie,” a program organized by the Office of Admissions to give students admitted to the class of 2014 the chance to jump into campus life during Admitted Students’ Day. Ben Lilly, an admitted student from Sunnyvale, Calif. felt that the program made Whitman’s Admitted Students’ Day better than those he had attended at other colleges he was admitted to, including New York University and UC—Santa Cruz.

“It was definitely the best admitted students day I went to,” he said. “There were more activities. Most of the others were more help yourself; like they had booths set up with information about stuff and you took one campus tour. But they didn’t have any classes set up or activities. This was more like, ‘Hey, it’s camp for a day!

Go see everything!’ And it felt more organized than the others.”

“Get Whittie” was inaugurated last year after the Ultimate team expressed interest to the Office of Admission in allowing admitted students to come play Frisbee with them during Admitted Students’ Day. “The idea [behind ‘Get Whittie’] is to try to get prospective students integrated with, interacting with and doing ‘Whitman stuff ’ with Whitman students,” said Tony Cabasco, dean of admission and financial aid. “We don’t want prospective students to sit in panel after panel; we don’t want them to come here all day and be talked at. We want them to come here and to go out and experience [the college.]”

According to Cabasco, many more student clubs and groups participated this year, allowing students to choose from a series of different activities such as going to a Whitman baseball game, helping out at the organic garden, playing Ultimate frisbee or touring and participating in KWCW. “I work for the Office of Admission in addition to being an Organic Garden co-president, so when the Office of Admission decided to add a ‘Get Whitte’ part to their ASD last year, the Organic Garden seemed like a great idea to have be part of that activity,” said junior Robin Lewis, co-president of the Organic Garden.

“We worked with seven or so students and one awesome dad. They came down at 2:30 and could come and go at their leisure. The dad that stayed the entire time proved to be a great help as well as a wonderful conversationalist,” Lewis said.

Lewis described the day’s activities.

“First we gave them a tour of the garden to tell them a bit about who we are, what we do and why we do it. After that, we did a lot of fun activities like planting beans and squash. No turning compost on ASD! We also mulched some paths between beds and generally hung out and raved about how awesome Whitman is.”

Senior Joe Gustav, co-general manager of KWCW, worked with the Office of Admission to organize an open house at the campus radio station. The open house was a new addition to “Get Whittie” this year and one KWCW plans to offer again in the future.

“We wanted to get people excited about K-dub even before they arrived on campus as freshmen, and I think it

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worked well for us,” said Gustav. “About 10 students came in for our open house to see the studio (with some DJs on-air doing their show) and hear about having a radio show and how they can get involved at the station, even as freshmen. Everybody who came was really excited about the prospect of hosting a radio show, and had fun going through our extensive music library to see what we have.”

Despite having a good day, Lilly didn’t find the admitted students day to hold any surprises.

“It didn’t really show anything me anything that I didn’t expect to see; it seems like a really cool school. It’s a good blend of quirky and having a typical college atmosphere,” he said. “And the town of Walla Walla is definitely pretty dead, which I was sort of expecting. But it’s a really lively campus considering it’s surrounded by nothing.”

Cabasco said Admitted Students’ Day is just one of the resources the Office of Admissions has established to help admitted and prospective students learn about Whitman life. “[Admitted Students’ Day] is one major activity within a gamut of activities that our staff is organizing and doing to get the word out and to allow perspective students to come visit or get their questions answered,” he said.

Ultimately, Admissions Officer Cate Van Oppen was very pleased with the outcome of the day.

“I think it’s been a little bigger in size and it’s definitely been bigger in the scope of activity,” she said. “As always the students seem really excited to be here and I’m really excited about that . . . I think the day [went] really smoothly.”

CHORAL CONTEST: Indies present challenge  page 1 music for two weeks, which is a little stressful, but there’s a lot of really talented people in the group,” said Caniparoli.

“I think we’re going to be in really good shape.”

The Independent Women’s Choir, too, has overcome obstacles in its preparation. The co-director of the group, junior McKenna Milici, appreciated how well the group rose to meet the challenges they faced this year. “[Junior Emily Allen] and I were more ambitious with our song choices this year,” said Milici. “One of our songs is four-part harmony—and it was actually written for mixed men and women’s choir, and we arranged it for just women . . . And Emily actually wrote the arrangement of our other song. I’m always so impressed by the talent of a group of women coming together, and we wanted to step it up a bit.”

Milici also found difficulty in recruiting members for an independent group.

“I sometimes feel the Indy Women Choir is at a disadvantage because we don’t have the established structure of a sorority to pull members from, but it just means we have to work harder advertising at the beginning,” said Milici.

Although the indy women have not had the comfort of drawing from an established community, Milici has enjoyed the creation of their own community over the rehearsal process.

“The women who I get to work with are incredible—and we become close over the course of our rehearsals,” said Milici.

“My hope is always that this is a fun process for the girls involved, because I’m having a blast.”

Sophomore Paul Kruss, director of the Sigma Chi choir, is also directing a choral contest group for the first time.

“The position of running the choral contest for this house sort of fell into my lap, me being one of the few musically inclined or musically active people in the house,” said Kruss. “So I didn’t really

know what to expect.”

Despite being new to the position, Kruss has high expectations for the group.

“I am putting an emphasis on us trying to do some more actual singing in the house this year though, so we have put some more serious work into our songs this year than I think we did even last year,” said Kruss.

Choral Contest, however, is generally acknowledged by the group as ultimately about having fun.

“I have been pleasantly surprised though with the level of participation and enthusiasm in the house. I think that we, as a house, are pretty excited for Choral Contest and hope to have a pretty good showing this year,” said Kruss. “I don’t think anyone in the house really cares that much about the competitive aspect of the contest, but I think people are looking forward to going out there and having fun with it and hopefully making the crowd happy.”

Where in the world Whitties wander Forty-nine percent of Whitman juniors studied abroad during the 2009-10 school year. Their top countries included New Zealand (29), the United Kingdom (29), Spain (21), Italy (16), France (12) and Argentina (8).

Of the 191 students who went abroad, 70 went to predominantly English-speaking countries, 45 went to predominantly Spanish-speaking countries and the remaining 76 went elsewhere.

Juniors studied abroad in 34 different countries this year.

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FEATURE

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April 22, 2010A

Picture of health Between all-nighters, pizza binges and weeknight parties, college students don’t always put health first. This week, we’re looking at issues that affect students every day, but often get pushed to the back of our minds. From smoking stereotypes to study drugs and the availability of injury care on campus, maintaining healthy habits seems to mean something different to every Whitman student.

LOOS-DIALLO

At Whitman, smoker stereotype proves hazy

BULLION Paul Hamilton-Pennell ‘13 takes a cigarette break. In contrast to some stereotypes, Whitman smokers choose to light up for a variety of reasons.

by AMY CHAPMAN Staff Reporter

“The people who smoke on campus can basically be divided up between Betas and hipsters,” senior Beta Theta Pi member Joe Gustav jokingly remarked.

Now wait, hold on. This is not another typical article about smoking on Whitman campus. Too often over the years you’ve opened these middle pages to find the same article drawing false lines and division between smokers and non-smokers on Whitman’s campus. Instead, investigation reveals that Whitman’s attitudes towards smoking and tobacco use are what its student body aims to be—diverse.

First, the adamant non-smoker.

“I think it’s stupid!” said junior Kate Pringle. “These are educated people; they were smart enough to get into Whitman—why smoke?”

Pringle’s protests against smokers on campus were passionately enumerated, and ranged from the proximity of trash cans to walking paths as well as the unattractiveness of the habit.

“It’s not just health reasons, but it smells bad; I have to hold my breath when I walk by the ashtray trash

cans. But it’s the health reasons too. I see what it does to people when they smoke and I don’t want even a fraction of that to happen to me,” she said.

Yet somehow, and perhaps inexplicably, the attractiveness of smoking seems to proliferate as students progress through their years at Whitman.

Pringle said that a couple of her friends had started just last year.

“I was shocked,” she said. “They all hid it too, like it was shameful. It seemed a rebellious thing.”

Senior Annabelle Bewicke, another non-smoker, agreed with Pringle’s reaction to new smokers. “[It] seems they always feel guilty about it which almost makes it worse [and] makes me more uncomfortable that they have to sneak around us,” said Bewicke about her friends who smoke.

Yet Bewicke also observed that to her friends, smoking seemed like, “a nice little ritual . . . a social thing.”

Bewicke’s observations and personal experiences with tobacco use have caused her to develop a tolerant stance towards the use of others as well as a peculiar rationale for her own tobacco use. After seeing her grandmother die from emphysema and a lifetime of

smoking, Bewicke refuses to smoke.

“It was a long and agonizing death and I was really close to her, so I’ve never smoked a cigarette because of that,” Bewicke said.

However, since winter break, Bewicke has begun chewing Camel Snus pouches, Copenhagen and Skoal Patches occasionally on the weekend.

She rationalizes her inconsistent stance towards tobacco due to chew’s less personally scary health hazards, combined with her personal experience with it.

“I definitely see the hypocrisy when I [chew],” Bewicke said. “But the main thing that bothers me about cigarettes is the smell and the danger of lung disease. The main risk for chewing taobacco is gum disease, which I always figure you have to do a lot of it before you ever get into problems.”

It is this exact question of addiction that fills senior Chris Duncan with indignant rage when he is negatively targeted for his smoking habit. Duncan began smoking when he was 16.

“My parents sadly condoned it because I had gotten in trouble smoking weed, and cigarettes are legal,” Duncan said.

Today, Duncan continues to smoke cigarettes.

“I’d like to quit, I’ve tried a couple of times, but I’m addicted,” he said. “And let me tell you, when I smoke 30 cigarettes in a day, I feel terrible about it; my body hurts.”

What Duncan most wanted to express was the unnecessary judgement and rudeness expressed by non-smokers who are intolerant to his addiction. “[Smoking] is legal—people can’t say a thing to me about it,” he said. “Everyone who drives is giving off more toxic and worse fumes then cigarette smokers, so people who are against smokers should stop driving cars before they say anything to me.”

All parties interviewed agreed that

there is an image related to their tobacco use that makes it appear especially attractive. Pringle insisted smoking was, “all about the image,” while Bewicke admitted that, “pretty much whenever I’m around Beta and I’m chewing I get a lot of props for it.”

Duncan also remembered the influence that his older brother had on his introduction into smoking.

“It had more to do with having a personal role model,” he said.

The diversity of attitudes towards smoking on campus seems to stem from people’s personal experiences.

This realization has changed many

students’ attitudes towards users and nonusers alike from a position of judgment to one of tolerance. For Bewicke, her own addiction to caffeine has softened her stance on the smoking habits of others.

“I’m fairly understanding towards addiction,” she said. “I’m more judgemental of people who start smoking because it seems more of their choice.”

For Duncan, the memory of his own pathway towards addiction will be the motivation for him to finally quit.

“When I have to become a role model, that will be the point I have to quit, whatever that means,” he said.

Pioneer survey: Smoking on campus Do you smoke cigarettes?

How much do you smoke every day?

Results compiled from a Pioneer survey completed April 2010. 194 students participated.

LERCHIN AND MOWE

Surviving swine flu: A year of fears over H1N1

by HADLEY JOLLEY Staff Reporter

Sophomore Lindsay Olson went to bed one night after developing a sore throat, but woke up in the middle of the night with the chills and an even worse sore throat. She took some Advil, but it didn't work.

"I went to the health center at like two in the morning by myself, just walked there. It was terrible," she said.

At Welty Health Center, like many Whitman students this year, Olson was diagnosed with influenza-like illness and sent home with a care packet of painkillers, masks and other supplies for caring with the flu; and they directed Olson to isolate herself in her dorm room. Because the health center did not screen Olson, or many others, for swine flu, it's hard to be sure that what she and other students experienced was the H1N1 pandemic and not another type of illness, like the seasonal flu. However, Whitman, along with other colleges, did experience a outbreak of ILI, with many students falling ill, missing class and isolating themselves.

"It was the CDC and the American College Health Association's suggestions that we don't run a check on every single student who comes with these types of symptoms," said Director of the Health Center Claudia Ness.

Checking for swine flu would have involved taking a swab and analyzing it, and doing it for every student who

came in to the health center would have cost too much, and since the treatment for swine flu is the same as for other flues and flu-like diseases—treating

the symptoms—tests would not have changed policy. The exceptions were students who had prior health concerns, like asthma, that made swine flu esp ecially dangerous. These were also the stu-

dents who the health center contacted unknown." While no stories directly to get the first chance at the early vac- raised fears of swine flu complications, cines. However, of those tests that the most detailed the severe outbreak durhealth center ran, none came back ing the fall, where many students were positive for H1N1. sick and isolated.

Olson, however, still believes that the In fact, the isolation policy disease she got was swine flu. promoted by the Health Cen"I've had the regular flu beter prompted senior Galen fore, and this is definitely Bernard, former news edidifferent," said Olson. tor, to write an editorial in According to Ness, the November. Bernard argued outbreak this year last year that isolation was not necwas different from years essary, hadn't been used in before. The major outbreak previous years and lead to at Whitman lasted psychological consequencfrom mid-October es as a result of the lack of to early-December, human contact. petering out several After the visibility of weeks or so before the flu in the fall, the winter break. In years CDC predicted a past, the flu cases tended to possible outbreak be less concentrated, with fewof H1N1 in er cases at one time but with March a longer-lasting outbreak a n d than this past year, where the outbreak was much more concentrated in time. The concentration of the flu cases likely increased the visibility of the recent flu Apr i l, epidemic compared to but according to years past.

Ness, the flu did During the height of not break out at the outbreak, the flu was Whitman or at highlighted in the media other campuses. every day; even The PioAnother outneer declared its imporbreak next year tance with headlines like is possible, how"Flu hits Whitman camever, especialLOOS-DIALLO pus hard, H1N1 vaccine ly if near" and "Flu the increases at Whiman, strain

virus undergoes significant evolution between years.

American colleges are not the only ones worried about swine flu. According to Olivia Jones, a junior who studied abroad in Beijing, China, her university would check student's temperature with "temperature guns" before letting students into the dorms.

She experienced similar precautions at Chinese airports.

"It was mostly paranoia. One kid in the program did legitimately get swine flu. I definitely got the flu in the beginning, but I was afraid because this was right after the other kid got the swine flu and he went to the hospital and they put him in quarantine, and nobody had heard from him in a few days, so once I got the flu symptoms I didn't tell anyone," said Jones.

She theorized the heavy precautions in China about swine flu trace back to China's experience with bird flu, a more dangerous type of influenza.

While swine flu can lead to dangerous complications, they are not that common. According to Ness, no Whitman students developed complications that necessitated hospitalization, and most recovered within a few days.

College living, however, does lead to increased illness, due to the close living conditions.

"Let's face it, when you're sharing bathrooms with other people, and you're brushing your teeth, and turning the faucet on and off, there's a lot of hand-nose-face contact—washing your face, putting your contacts in, all these sorts of things—that makes it very easy for these germs to thrive," said Ness.

FEATURE

0April 22, 2010

5

Injury care in high demand Whitman reflects on

lenient alcohol policy

by BECKY NEVIN Staff Reporter

The athletic training room at Whitman is located in the basement of Sherwood Athletic Center and frequented by many athletes. However, just how accessible is injury care at Whitman?

The athletic training room provides injury prevention and rehabilitation. It is closed during the summer, but has high attendance during the school year and sports seasons.

“In the fall, we get upwards of 100 people in here a day,” said Nathan Fry, an assistant athletic trainer.

The athletic training room has extensive facilities, including an icebath and a hotbath.

“I’d like to have a whirlpool with a treadmill in it. But to tell the truth this is the best facility I’ve worked in,” said Fry. For students who have access to them, these resources are not only popular, but necessary.

“I’m a fan of the athletic training room," said sophomore Marisa Poorboy. "I love the services they provide and I go there all the time."

However, currently, the athletic trainers can only provide extensive care to varsity athletes.

“It usually comes down to a funding and liability issue,” said Fry. Fry does say that he would never refuse care to a non-varsity athlete.

“I’ll talk to someone if they came in here with an injury. I can’t do a lot of tests that I would do on a varsity athlete.”

Skip Molitor, assistant athletic director at Whitman, shed some light on the services Whitman provides for non-varsity athletes. He clarified that the athletic training room is a varsity athletic facility and part of the varsity athletic services.

For club sport athletes he recommends a different course of care.

“The club sport athletes have the same availability as all Whitman students—the health center,” said Molitor.

Welty Health Center is open 24 hours, seven days a week and is the go-to facility for injured non-varsity athletes.

“We do recognize that the IM Sports and the club sports need a little more support. We’re actively trying to fill the role of the athletic training room,” said Claudia Ness, director of the health center.

The health center has been trying to open up and promote their injury services to the student body. It has an ice bath, a hot bath and a physical therapy conditioning room, and is constantly trying to improve the facilities.

“I don’t have certified athletic trainers. We do have licensed nurses. We

by GRANT BRADLEY Staff Reporter

CORNELIUS Justin Artis ‘13 bikes while Brandon Shaw ‘12 treats his ankle in an ice bath in the athletic training room. Both are members of the varsity basketball team.

have a physical therapist and massage therapist who each come in once a week,” said Ness.

The health center responds to various needs of the non-varsity community at Whitman by providing them free basic injury care such as evaluations, tape jobs and ice.

“The bottom line is as we make changes, we are making them in a direction so we can be of more service to the IM and club sports,” said Ness.

Despite the availability of some aid at the health center, many students remain upset by the fact that club and IM athletes cannot receive immediate care at the athletic training room.

“I just wish Whitman would set it up so other athletes would get better medical care, especially at crucial times like right after an injury,” said one student who wished to remain anonymous.

Sophomore Lizzy Schiller, the wcaptain and founder of club tennis, pointed out that the school’s policy regarding the athletic training room fuels a widening divide between varsity athletes and all other athletes.

“While the athletic training room is a great resource for varsity athletes, in a way it also creates this weird hierarchy between the varsity athletes and ‘the others,'” said Schiller.

Schiller acknowledged that varsity athletes work hard and deserve certain

benefits, yet felt that all Whitman students deserve access to the same support.

“We’re all paying almost $50,000 to be at Whitman so why can’t we all enjoy the resources our school offers?” she said.

Junior Anna Forge, who is a club and varsity sports athlete and a student athletic trainer, offered a holistic view of the athletic training room, as she views it from multiple perspectives.

“The ATR staff is undermanned as is, and adding the club teams to the heavy traffic that goes through it would put even more pressure, stress and require longer hours for our already overworked ATCs,” said Forge.

Forge also understands how brutal club sports, such as rugby, can become, and would love to see some sort of compromise regarding the training room.

“Maybe setting aside some hours/ certain days in which club sport athletes can come in and get treatment, after completing the necessary paperwork,” said Forge.

Schiller agreed with this proposal.

“Maybe the athletic training room could have at least a small amount of open hours specifically for all other athletes while still maintaining large amounts of time solely for varsity athletes,” she said.

Among its collegiate peers in the Pacific Northwest, Whitman College distinguishes itself as one of the very few schools that permits students, regardless of age, to consume alcoholic beverages within the confines of residence hall rooms. Unlike Pacific Lutheran University, Whitworth University, Lewis & Clark, Linfield College or Walla Walla University—institutions that strictly forbid underage students from drinking in any situation—Whitman only requires “no drinking of alcoholic beverages and no open containers of alcoholic beverages in public places on the college campus.” While Whitman does go against the mainstream stance on alcohol policy, both the student body and the administration nearly overwhelmingly assert the policy’s positive impact on student health.

Sophomore Colleen O’Bannon believes that the alcohol policy encourages students to drink responsibly without the threat of reprimand from the college.

“I think that it’s great that they recognize that students do drink and that there isn’t a huge punishment for it,” she said. “You just have to be smart and keep it in your room.”

O’Bannon also emphasized that responsible drinking nevertheless requires students to watch their behavior.

“I do think that, at the same time, people are not as responsible as they should be with their liquor intake, especially at parties where you’re not watching it as closely,” said O’Bannon.

Sophomore Brett Konen reiterated this general viewpoint.

“I think [the alcohol policy] is better because then people don’t feel pressured to drink,” she said. “People know how to be responsible here.”

From the outlook of Residence Life, the non-threatening nature of Whitman’s alcohol policy allows Resident Assistants and Resident Directors to monitor students’ health and safety without compromising a trusting relationship.

Junior Jay Richards, last year an RA in Jewett Hall and currently an RA in Douglas Hall, stressed that Whitman’s alcoholic modus operandi permits authority figures to look out for students while simultaneously maintaining a friendly atmosphere.

“What I like about the policy is that it makes my job a better job as an RA,” he said. “It’s not my job to police, and so, for me, it’s more about making sure that people are safe. I can actually be present when people are drinking and people

don’t try to hide from me. It makes it a lot easier for us as RAs to observe inhibiting or dangerous behavior.”

Richards, a transfer student from the University of Portland, has a unique perspective on Whitman’s alcohol policy. Instead of Whitman’s milieu of tolerance and trust, schools like the University of Portland engender feelings of uneasiness and suspicion.

“When I went to school at Portland, people did everything that they do now; they just had to hide,” said Richards. “Instead of being able to come in whenever they wanted to, or if they were sick, come in early, get taken care of, they had to sneak in after 2:30 when the [enforcers of] public safety left, when they weren’t doing breathalyzers and things like that.”

Whitman, in adopting this open policy that acknowledges the fact that many college students do drink, promotes an environment in which people will talk to the administration about alcohol safety as well as seek out medical help if the need arises.

Welty Health Center—the only collegiate health center in the Pacific Northwest that operates 24 hours a day—not only looks after students with the flu and offers 45-minute massages, but also aids students who consume an excess of alcohol resulting from binge drinking.

Claudia Ness, interim director of the Health Center, affirms that the alcohol policy advances the idea of student responsibility while assuring that students stay safe.

“I believe the Whitman policy regarding alcohol correctly places the responsibility on the individual student and nurtures more responsible drinking habits,” Ness said in an e-mail. “The number of students that utilize the Health Center for alcohol related issues is a small percent of the Whitman College student body. This number has been relatively consistent over the past four years, I do not believe it is an overwhelming number or out of line with the norms of other college campuses of this size.”

“I do believe that more Whitman students come to the Health Center for care because they know it is a confidential and safe and non-judgmental facility,” said Ness.

In spite of Whitman College going rogue in the face of a large majority of colleges and universities that bar the consumption of alcohol with no exceptions, Whitman's policy nonetheless creates a successful model of interaction between students and the administration that ultimately puts the wellbeing of students first.

Among students, study drug use taken in stride

by JENNY WILLIS Staff Reporter

Some students stick with coffee to muscle through college workloads, some use prescription neuroenhancers. According to many students at Whitman, the two aren’t necessarily all that different. In an era of overzealous ADHD (attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder) diagnosis, study drugs—primarily Adderrall, Ritalin and Concerta—have carved themselves a niche in competitive college and high school campuses without attracting a particularly negative or criminal connotation.

“So many kids shouldn’t be on Adderrall daily, but once in a while isn’t so bad,” said an anonymous Whitman student in a survey circulating this week on the use of study drugs on Whitman’s campus.

Of the 193 student respondents, 13.5 percent have used study drugs and the vast majority—87.2 percent—of these students did not have a prescription.

Of this group, 34.5 percent claimed one-time use, while 11.5 percent use study drugs once a month and 7.7 percent use on a weekly basis. A third of respondents specified particular usage habits, predominantly concentrated around finals and major project deadlines.

While we’re nowhere near endemic use, study drugs on the Whitman campus are fairly visible—at least to

students. In nosing around for this article, I received a surprising number of offers, friend-of-a-friend sort of hookups, and general commentary.

“Everybody’s looking for Adderrall these days . . . It’s that time of the season,” said a sophomore on Saturday. Several students expressed passing interest in the idea, piqued by the thought of increased productivity and the fabled focus promised by these study aids.

Conversely, the negative repercussions of using neuroenhancers are rarely discussed. Of course there are side effects—some users say they get real sweaty, and there’s always the danger that the resultant focus, motivation and inability to sleep might be misdirected on extraneous tasks—and it’s obviously illegal, but major problems on campus have yet to surface.

“It’s not an issue we deal with with any frequency,” said Claudia Ness, director of the Welty Health Center. That said, neuroenhancers have high abuse potential and Adderrall is classed as a Schedule II drug by the Controlled Substance Act. Additionally, study drugs often work as appetite suppressants and can lead to potentially severe dehydration.

Senior Nikki Schulz conducted a study for her sociology thesis this year, investigating the role study drugs have for students coping with academic and

social pressure. Of the 14 students involved, whose habits ranged from concentrated usage three to four times a week to singular experimentation, Schulz says most did not consider their use unlawful or immoral.

“A lot of my participants didn’t see it as a crime or a big problem on campus.

They downplayed how deviant it is,” said Schulz.

Essentially perceived as performance enhancers for cognition, how is the use of neuroenhancers different from doping in sports? Might we reach a point where competition leads academia down the same road many feel professional cycling has taken? Is there anything morally wrong with doping if it creates a more capable, productive student body?

Unfortunately, study drugs don’t necessarily improve the quality of student work—they’re more an antidote to procrastination. Schulz found that most of her participants didn’t consider their usage unfair or iniquitous because they didn’t see the quality of their work improve. According to many participants, study drugs seemed to enforce existing bad study habits.

“Once you’ve used them, it’s easier to leave things to the night before,” she said. “[The common perception is that] it’s just something that people do to get their work done and not that big of a deal.”

CORNELIUS Although the use of study drugs is illegal without a prescription, many Whitman students don’t see it as a serious problem.

Pioneer survey: Use of study drugs among Whitman students

LERCHIN AND MOWE of students who have taken a study drug:

Results compiled from a Pioneer survey completed April 2010 and 194 students participated.

A&E

The Pioneer ISSUE 11 APR. 22, 2010 Page 6

THE DOGS: Riding wave of publicity, Chicago band looks to recording ����, page 1 exciting energy and just about anyUIJOH HPFT BU B %PHT TIPX 8F SF BMM drenched in sweat by the end of a gig and feeling so much love for each other and for what we’re doing. We somehow always get put in really tight spaces and our touring band, which includes seven members and two drum sets, DBO KVTU CBSFMZ GJU PO UIF TUBHF #VU JU kind of just ups the energy. It’s just impossible to not smile.� #FJOH TFQBSBUFE BU DPMMFHF 5IF %PHT BSF MJNJUFE UP QMBZJOH EVSJOH TDIPPM CSFBLT 5IJT TVNNFS IPXFWFS the amount of touring that will take place is still uncertain. i-BTU TVNNFS XF CPPLFE B MPU PG gigs during spring break; this spring break none of us came home, so we don’t have a whole lot planned,� said #BDINBOO i* N TVSF XF MM QMBZ TPNF We had a really good kind of tour last year, we played around the Midwest and stuff went really well, so I’m sure we’ll be able to get ourselves in with some gigs. And I know our sister CBOE -FBGCJSE SFBMMZ XBOUT UP HP PO B tour with us, which I don’t think we’ll be able to do this summer, but maybe after school next year we’ll just go on tour. We’ll see what happens.�

5IF CBOE XJMM CF CVTZ IPXFWFS 5IF members are already working on independent songwriting and are in constant communication. “We’ve been talking a lot about what we want the [next] record to be like.

Right now we’re bouncing around 50 PS EFNPT w TBJE #BDINBOO i8F SFcord every summer. It’s probably going to be even more nuts [than last sum-

mer] because Peter, our lead singer, isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t going to be back until July 5, so weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re gonna have like two months to record the whole thing.â&#x20AC;? #BOE NFNCFS +BNFT ,SJWDIFOJB who handles production for their albums as well as contributing vocals, guitar and percussion, spoke over the challenges of the last album and where the band hopes to take their next recording project. i5IF GJSTU USBDL <PO 'SFF 8SJUF> A*O My Room, Not Alone,â&#x20AC;&#x2122; thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s like two hundred tracks on that specific song,â&#x20AC;? said Krivchenia. â&#x20AC;&#x153;It was a lot of fun to mix, but it taught me a lot. I want to focus on setting certain limitations for us in terms of sound and what we record. Not to put us in a prison, but I want to put a focus on a certain thing so thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a more cohesive blend to the album.â&#x20AC;?

Krivchenia was enthusiastic about the prospect of free time in a profesTJPOBM TUVEJP BT PQQPTFE UP 5IF %PHT own basement studio, but emphasized that the band maintains their creative perspective and avoids obsessing over production. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re always like, Oh, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s be nice to have it sound really good when we track it, but at the same time itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s like, fuck it, as long as it has the energy that weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re trying to show people, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s fine, you know? I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t think weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re ever going to be studio bitches,â&#x20AC;? said Krivchenia. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re just like, it sounds cool, it has a vibe.â&#x20AC;?

5P DIFDL PVU 5IF %PHT BOE EPXOload a complimentary copy of Free Write, visit their Web site at thedogsmusic.net, and their blog, at thedogblogblog.blogspot.com.

KWCW SHOW OF T HE W EEK

BULLION

â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Barefootâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Formal moved to TKE amidst weather concerns Sophomore Plateau bassist Matt Sweeney performs at this yearâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Barefoot Formal. Initially slated to take place on Reid side lawn, this yearâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s dance was moved to the Tau Kappa Epsilon house due to the threat of thunderstorms and redubbed â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Shoes Encouragedâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Formal. Other performers included Red Light Blue Light (who performed at last yearâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Barefoot Formal) and senior DJs Graham Brewer and Graham Toben. For an exclusive look at the rest of Plateau, see â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Plateau hones latest album for touring,â&#x20AC;&#x2122; this page.

PIO PICKS &BDI XFFL The Pioneer highlights a few events happening on campus or in Walla Walla during the weekend.

Here are this weekâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s picks: 84th Annual Choral Contest For more information, see â&#x20AC;&#x153;Newly GPSNFE (PTQFM $IPJS KPJOT $IPSBM $POUFTU MJOFVQ w Q Friday, April 23, at 7:30 p.m. Cordiner Hall. Free.

Visual Art Majors Senior Thesis Exhibition - Opening Reception Join this yearâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s seniors in the studio art department as they show off what

theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve been working on all year.

The exhibition will remain open through graduation in the Sheehan Gallery, but this opening reception will be a special chance to meet the student artists. Friday, April 23, at 5:30 p.m. Olin 130. Free.

Imagine Festival This annual event put on by the *OUFSDVMUVSBM $FOUFS GFBUVSFT B number of performances, both by Whitman students and visiting groups. The highlight of the event XJMM CF UIF #IBOHSB EBODF HSPVQ

Gajjde Punjabi, traveling all the way from the University of Washington.

Also performing will be the WhitNBO HSPVQ %BCCMFT JO #MPPN BOE UIF 8IJUNBO %BODF 5FBN " UBDP truck will also be on site. Saturday, April 24, 1-3 p.m. Reid Side Lawn.

Free.

Renaissance Faire This yearâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Faire will feature the usual array of activities including unicycle jousting, fake sword fightJOH NJOVUF )BNMFU BOE 7BSTJUZ Nordic. Saturday, April 24, 10 a.m.

Plateau hones latest album for touring

by CAITLIN HARDEE Staff Reporter

They rock your campus parties. They rehearse in your buildings. They cruise your quiet streets in a vast, suspicious beige van full of instruments and equipment. They are Plateau, and with the release of their self-titled album, XF NFU UIF CBOE JO UIF ,8$8 TUVEJP to discuss the record, the touring experience and that sketchy vehicle. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Folkswagenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;?â&#x20AC;? said drummer and sophomore Alex Folkerth, laughing. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a sexual plot, really,â&#x20AC;? said lead vocalist and guitarist junior Adrian 5VPIZ â&#x20AC;&#x153;We tour in the van,â&#x20AC;? said Folkerth. â&#x20AC;&#x153;My grandfather Joe Romano was a jazz musician who used to tour in the same van. He passed away about a year ago, and I inherited the vanâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;still putting it to good use.â&#x20AC;?

For Plateau, touring and performing live is an essential part of the bandâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s identityâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;extending even to the recording process. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We definitely started as a live band, and we wanted our recordings to reflect that, so we recorded in Hunter, in the auditorium, just recorded everything live,â&#x20AC;? said Folkerth. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We did overdub some vocals and lead guitar, but basically itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a live recording.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;We didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t do the bit-by-bit thing MJLF FWFSZPOF FMTF EPFT w TBJE 5VPIZ The band composed their material BT B DPMMBCPSBUJWF FÄ&#x152;PSU XJUI 5VPIZ taking the lead in songwriting. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I bring in the tunes, and then they interpret them, and always for the CFTU w TBJE 5VPIZ i4PNFUJNFT * NJHIU have a set idea of what I want, but usually what they want is better than what I want. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s really a group process.â&#x20AC;?

And which songs were the band members most proud of? â&#x20AC;&#x153;I am most proud of â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;The Slide,â&#x20AC;&#x2122;â&#x20AC;? said

bassist and vocalist sophomore Matthew Sweeney. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I really like â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m Asking Why,â&#x20AC;&#x2122;â&#x20AC;? said Folkerth. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s something about the sound that turned out really well for me. I like listening to that one.â&#x20AC;? i* LJOEB MJLF A"XBZ w TBJE 5VPIZ â&#x20AC;&#x153;And â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Half Asleep,â&#x20AC;&#x2122; thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a good one.

A-JGF *OTJEF B -FUUFS "OE CBTJDBMMZ FWery song is my favorite.â&#x20AC;? i$IFFST w TBJE 'PMLFSUI â&#x20AC;&#x153;Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s myâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;ourâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;lives on a record,â&#x20AC;?

5VPIZ TBJE DPODMVEJOH Plateau recorded the album in April of 2009. Throughout the rest of the year, Folkerth produced and polished UIF USBDLT XIJMF 5VPIZ TQFOU B TFNFTter abroad in Scotland. Revealing the friendship and camaraderie that have kept them connected, each band member spoke warmly of the otherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s abilities and their dynamic together. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Folk is the best producer,â&#x20AC;? said 5VPIZ i4XFFO T UIF NBTUFS PG IBSNPOZ UIF %BWJE $SPTCZ w â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve never clicked with a group of QFPQMF MJLF * DMJDL XJUI 1MBUFBV w 5VPIZ continued. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve got Folkerth whoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s just fuckinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; amazing on the drums, he can interpret your mind. And Sweenâ&#x20AC;&#x201D; Sween brings some sort of a bassline that youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve never pictured, but itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s fantastic . . .â&#x20AC;? i-FU JU OPU HP VOTBJE UIBU "ESJBO T also talented,â&#x20AC;? said Sweeney. The band laughed.

Plateauâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s reunion following the fall semester provided the perfect time for a January release, and now the band is honing and practicing their material for live gigs. The guys are working with B SFQFSUPJSF PG UP MJWF USBDLT GPS B set length of about an hour and a half.

For Whitman students who saw Folkerth and Sweeney perform last semester with King Friday, that bandâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s repertoire has not been wholly abandoned. King Friday, a recording proj-

ect of Sweeneyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s and Folkerthâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s, turned JOUP B MJWF CBOE XJUI Ä&#x2022;STU ZFBS #P 4BHBM BOE KVOJPS #BJMFZ "SBOHP 8JUI 5VPIZ T SFUVSO UIF QFSGPSNBODF GPcus for Sweeney and Folkerth is back on Plateauâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;but the creative products remain. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Sween is a fantastic songwriter,â&#x20AC;?

TBJE 5VPIZ â&#x20AC;&#x153;We do play actually a King Friday TPOH GSPN &OUFS Ä&#x2021;F ,JOH w 'PMLFSUI said, adding. â&#x20AC;&#x153;And weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re going to try and incorporate more, cause Sweenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a great songwriter and needs to be heard,â&#x20AC;? said 5VPIZ Harnessing their material, the band took to the road for a round of live performances over the spring break, in cities ranging from Olympia, Wash. to Pullman, Wash. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Whitman almost has this saturation point of creative people, with not enough people that are in audiences,â&#x20AC;? said Folkerth. â&#x20AC;&#x153;So itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s really nice to go to Pullman, not to stereotype the big public school, but thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s just not a lot of bands that play at Pullman that are students. So itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s really cool to go up there and theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re like, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Ohhh, you guys are a band, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re really good! Oh, play at our party.â&#x20AC;&#x2122;â&#x20AC;?

Plateau has been busy at Whitman too. Performances at Rosaacs last FriEBZ BOE UIF #BSFGPPU 'PSNBM PO 4BUVSday rounded out last weekend, and today, Apr. 22, the band has hit the road again for another show in Pullman. On June 5, the band will perform at The 3BX 4QBDF JO &MMFOTCVSH 8BTI â&#x20AC;&#x153;Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re trying to plan some gigs throughout the summerâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;in Seattle, we hope to make it to Portlandâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;we hope UP DSVJTF BSPVOE B CJU w TBJE 5VPIZ 5P TUBZ VQ UP EBUF XJUI UIF CBOE BOE BDDFTT GSFF EPXOMPBET PG PG UIF album tracks, check out their MySpace at myspace.com/plateauwhitman.

â&#x20AC;&#x153;Jazz with Jonas and Robbyâ&#x20AC;? is hosted by first-years Jonas Myers and Robby Seager every Saturday from 2-4 p.m.

Priding themselves on inexperience and on-air awkwardness, Myers and Seager maintain witty banter between the music. The mission of the show is to introduce its listeners to all sorts of jazz (which is perfect studying music), including swing from the â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;30s, bebop from the â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;60s, hip-hop/ jazz fusion from the â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;90s and everything in between. This eclectic mix is accompanied by in-depth discussion of the music, often including insightful personal stories. The show is also entertaining due to Myersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; and Seagerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s trademark gimmicks, such as the argument over whether the show is called â&#x20AC;&#x153;Jazz with Jonas and Robbyâ&#x20AC;? or â&#x20AC;&#x153;Jazz with Robby and Jonas,â&#x20AC;? as well as their â&#x20AC;&#x153;Thing of the week . . . of the week,â&#x20AC;? and other humorous interjections which have no relation to the music whatsoever.

A few of the favorites: t #PPHJFMBTUJD +PTIVB 3FENBO &MBTtic) t 3PTFUUB "SU 5BUVN "SU 5BUVN T Finest Hour) t %BZ %SFBN "MMFO 5PVTTBJOU Ä&#x2021;F #SJHIU .JTTJTTJQQJ

t $BSFMFTT -PWF %S +PIO %S +PIO Plays Mac Rebennack) 5VOF JO UP +B[[ XJUI +POBT BOE 3PCCZ 4BUVSEBZT Q N POMZ PO ,8$8 90.5 FM. Stream online at kwcw.net. contributed by KWCW

Music departmentâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s first-ever â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Jazz Bashâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; aims to expand audiences

by LIZ SIENG Staff Reporter

In addition to the music department's two jazz ensembles, there are usually one or two student-organized jazz groups that perform on campus each year. With three such groups playing UIJT ZFBS JU TFFNFE UP %BWJE (MFOO director of jazz studies and professor of music, an ideal time to put into action an idea he had been contemplating for some time.

On April 27, the Whitman Music %FQBSUNFOU XJMM IPTU JUT GJSTU FWFS PVUEPPS KB[[ NVTJD GFTUJWBM 5IF DPOcert will take place on the Reid side MBXO BOE XJMM GFBUVSF +B[[ &OTFNCMFT 0OF BOE 5XP BT XFMM BT UIF UISFF TUVEFOU PSHBOJ[FE KB[[ CBOET 5IF ,MF[NBUJDT 5IF .BUU #BDINBOO 4FYUFU BOE UIF 8IJUNBO +B[[ $PMMFDUJWF

I thought this would be a good opportunity to break tradition and try something new . . .

Playing outside will attract a lot of people.

- David Glenn, director of jazz

â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve been thinking about it for years; my graduate school had one in the spring end of the school year,â&#x20AC;? said Glenn.

Glenn, who has played in numerous outdoor jazz festivals in the United 4UBUFT BOE JO &VSPQF QSPQPTFE UIF idea of an outdoor bash just a few weeks ago to jazz musicians in the department. Students were receptive to the idea and quickly agreed to perform. i8F SF FYDJUFE UIBU %BWF QVU JU BMM UPHFUIFS w TBJE KVOJPS .BUU #BDINBOO â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m excited to play outside, especially during dinner hours.â&#x20AC;?

"T B KB[[ NVTJDJBO #BDINBOO QMBZT in the ensembles and his own student band. Glenn explained that the festival will serve as an alternative to the jazz ensembles' usual spring concerts.

In the past, end of the year jazz perforNBODFT UPPL QMBDF BU .FSDIBOU T %FMJcatessen downtown on Main Street in Walla Walla. After the Olive Marketplace restaurant replaced Merchantâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s this past year, Glenn began thinking

of new ideas for a concert venue. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Rather than replicate that experience, I thought this would be a good opportunity to break that tradition and try something new,â&#x20AC;? said Glenn. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I think it will work a lot better. Playing outside will attract a lot of people, especially those who donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know that itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s happening.â&#x20AC;? %VSJOH QFSGPSNBODFT BU .FSchantâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s, Glenn explained, few students attended and only one of the two jazz FOTFNCMFT QMBZFE #FDBVTF PG UIF openness of the event, Glenn and jazz students expect to attract people from campus and the community. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s great to have a crowd watching, especially for the people on campus to DPNF w TBJE #BDINBOO BCPVU UIF .BUU #BDINBOO 4FYUFU i" MPU PG UJNFT XF SF playing wine cellars or restaurants, and [Whitman] people donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t necessarily come. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s good exposure for us; we love playing concerts.â&#x20AC;?

5ISPVHIPVU UIF TDIPPM ZFBS TUVdent run jazz groups often play at venues in Walla Walla in addition to concerts on campus. +VOJPS 3PTT &VTUJT PG UIF 8IJUNBO +B[[ $PMMFDUJWF FYQMBJOFE UIBU IJT group has several gigs left to play before school ends, mostly for wineries and festivals in Walla Walla. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t surprised though I was DFSUBJOMZ FYDJUFE w TBJE &VTUJT i"Dtually Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m not surprised because it seems like something like this should IBQQFO FBDI ZFBS -JUUMF FWFOUT MJLF this give us musical opportunities to perform.â&#x20AC;? &VTUJT FYQMBJOFE UIBU UIF TUVEFOU groups are made up of musicians from the jazz ensembles and that several are members in multiple student bands.

He said that his hope for the event is that it will begin a trend of attracting students and local community members to Whitman jazz events.

Glenn mentioned the possibility of having outdoor festivals for future end of the year performances and perIBQT QMBZJOH JO 3FJE $PGGFFIPVTF GPS the end of fall performances. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m hoping that it does become a tradition,â&#x20AC;? said Glenn, pointing at 3FJE $FOUFS GSPN JOTJEF IJT PGGJDF JO the music building. â&#x20AC;&#x153;It could work really well here. We certainly have a good space, right across the street.â&#x20AC;?

5IF +B[[ #BTI XJMM UBLF QMBDF 5VFTday, April 27, from 4:30-6:30 p.m. on Reid side lawn.

A&E

The Pioneer ISSUE 11 APR. 22, 2010 Page 7

MOVIE REVIEW

‘Kick-Ass’ too serious; ‘Secret in Their Eyes’ deserving of Oscar win

by BECQUER MEDAKSEGIN Movie Reviewer

Kick-Ass When the red band trailer for this movie was released online in late December, it hit the populist pond of docile, naïve, and/ or sensitive folks with a cannonball splash.

They had no idea what had hit them: This cute, 11-year-old-girl said what? Does she even know what that means? How can these Mephistophelean types represent children in this way?

Last week, “Kick-Ass” had a wide release and, though the movie is a pathetic mish-mash of the worst aspects films like “Superbad,” “Superman” and “Kill Bill,” it hopefully defied the violently purist visions of children to which many parents foolishly still hold on. The film, directed by Matthew Vaughn (“Stardust”) and starring Nicholas Cage and Christopher Mintz-Plasse (McLovin’ from “Superbad”), is an actionpacked orgy about a teenage boy who tries to become a real life superhero, but finds that there’s a lot more to the pseudo-profession than just kicking ass and taking names.

The violence is certifiably gratuitous—though the fight scenes could use a cue from Yuen Woo-ping (“Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon,” “The Matrix” and “Kill Bill”)—and the acting is as young and immature as the actors themselves. An adaptation of a Mark Millar comic book, the biggest pitfall of “KickAss” is that it wanders down the path of self-assured seriousness instead of chiseling some teeth for the rabble-rousing, biting parody it could have been.

If you were expecting some sort

of over-the-top critique of postmodern superhero consumerism, I suggest you wait until Quentin Tarantino decides to go at it alone with a pop-culture encyclopedia. If you’re looking for a montage of ensanguined fight scenes championed by some puny, underdog teenagers, however, this movie might be right up your dark ally. Either way, keep in mind that “KickAss” is meant to push buttons, not gracefully and artistically sew them.

The Secret in Their Eyes Laced with melancholic beauty of the kind that inspired Chopin’s Op. 28 preludes, Juan José Campanella’s Oscar-winning film for Best Foreign Language Film, “The Secret in Their Eyes,” explores the haunting memory of the cold case of a 25-yearold who was raped and murdered in the

mid-‘70s. The film, at once set in the 1974 past and the 1999 present, methodically transports the viewer between these time periods with a grace unparalleled by any Hollywood schematic, yet still manages to maintain an air of mystery likely gathered from Mr. Campanella’s time in the United States directing several episodes of “House” and “Law & Order.”

Fortunately, the insight he gathered from that work eschewed the numbing contrivances upon which those shows are so proudly based. Ricardo Darín—the Argentine equivalent of George Clooney, with a little less pizzazz—leads an excellent cast of national actors that include Soledad Villamil and Guillermo Francella.

Benjamin (Darín), a recently retired criminal court investigator, has decided to take up the laborious hobby of becoming a writer and, in a nostalgic effort to relive part of his career, decides to write a novel based on the aforementioned unresolved rape and murder. He shares his plans with Irene (Villamil), the beautiful judge and former colleague he has secretly loved since they first met, who is hesitant at first to explore the depths of his project.

Clues unfurl slowly, situating Benjamin in the middle of a judicial thriller whose increases in intensity and artistry are in lockstep with one another. The film is a tribute to the excellence of Argentine cinema over the years, and, for that matter, to the Academy’s ability to recogO. JOHNSON nize gems at a distance from their American backyards. I can assure you that if you go through the trouble of finding it, “The Secret in Their Eyes” will reward you in the end.

Amsterdam’s ‘Things We Didn’t See Coming’ is stark, but only in content Book Reviewer

Visceral in its depiction of a not-sodistant dystopia, “Things We Didn’t See Coming” explores the limits of human relationships—the rare instances that drive us together and all the moments that drive us a part. Amsterdam follows one man through a series of short stories that spans three decades and all physical and societal levels of an apocalyptic world. The Age Book of the Year for 2009, Steven Amsterdam’s debut collection was praised by Harper’s Magazine: “The strength of Amsterdam’s book, as of [Margaret] Atwood’s recent work, lies in its eschewing of pie-in-the-sky theorizing that so often mars science fiction.”

Amsterdam’s future is not composed of handy robots, sleek architecture and hovering cars. No, in fact, any seemingly positive advance in this society’s technology arises out of a need to survive.

Trucks become huge and are equipped with televisions and refrigerators because people are forced to live their lives inside them. This post-apocalyptic world is ripe with disease, extreme weather and survival crime, but this is not a story of tremendous fear and isolation (try “The Road”); rather, it is a collection that embraces the connection that is forced, rejected or embraced when vast numbers of people are forced to remain in continuous competition for survival and still attempt to re-create some form of consistent governance.

The collection begins with “What We Know Now,” introducing us to the main character, and unnamed narrator, as a child in 1999 with a father preparing for the impending Y2K crisis. As the narra-

‘Swim’ occasionally irritates

by ANDREW HALL Music Reviewer

Caribou's fifth album, Swim, is the headiest thing Dan Snaith has done in some time.

In spite of Andorra's focus on lush melodies, '60s pop and arrangements made to accentuate those leanings, across nine new songs he dives into more cerebral territory.

He places percussion at the forefront and anchors a world of textures and effects around his drums, yielding what could simultaneously be his most danceable and psychedelic material yet.

That said, Snaith is not shooting to make dance music here; his rhythms rarely give way to straightforward thumps, and when they do, they're unexpected and violent, like on "Found Out," where the kick-snare comes in suddenly following the synths that loop throughout much of the song, and then breaks down and gives way to distorted, clattering toms only two minutes later. "Bowls" comes next, and more than anything else, it sounds like arpeggiated harps and bells bouncing violently between the left and right stereo channels before aggressive bass hits, and the arrangement sounds almost like a rewriting of house music tropes, gleefully defiant and ringing out the entire time.

On "Leave House" he channels the late cellist and disco auteur Arthur Russell almost completely, evoking his late-period electronic compositions and processing his vocals through a similar set of effects, rendering it reverbed and ghostlike; sounds float around him.

Yet most of these songs also lack straightforward verse-chorus structures.

Not that that's anything new for Caribou, whose early material was entirely instrumental, but it marks a departure from Andorra's comparatively tight construction. "Hannibal" reveals both an easilydigestible rhythm and a pop song, but not until four minutes in, and it ends al-

tor grows he makes his way alone in the world, taking varying government jobs (working at barricades, convincing people to leave their homes for dry ground during a never-ending rainstorm) or stealing necessary supplies like water and food. Along the way he meets Margo, who is present through the three center stories as both companion and obstacle: “As long as I have known her, I have never known peace.” Our narrator encounters disease, ego and inefficient government as his life progresses all with the dark backdrop of suffering and

“Things We Didn’t See Coming” by Steven Amsterdam, Pantheon 2009, 199 pages

constant change, which never seems to be for the better.

Works like this, which string together the life of a character or family through sections or stories, really are the best of both worlds (see Susan Minot’s “Monkeys” for a particularly wonderful example). Each story is self-contained but

through the course of the book, a reader can truly gain an emotional attachment to characters as well as revel in their shifting views and opinions. In a way, I would probably have been unable or unwilling to truly accept that Amsterdam’s “I” remained the same character, but this narrator grows and learns as his environment deteriorates and mutates around him in a way that becomes hard to question considering the circumstances. The landscape and the tragedy are both always different in each of Amsterdam’s stories though they all possess the same sense of inevitable strain and disappointment.

Large chunks of time are absent from our narrator’s life, and theses excluded periods seem to be the ones that hold the most important and perhaps consequential moments of his life. What happened to cunning, reckless Margo?

How did his family separate and disintegrate? Hints are provided in the lovely, yet abrupt endings of most stories, but it seems that these excluded years might actually hold the best stories of all.

Apocalypse, tragedy, hungry people, desperate people, big trucks and sex are written all over this book, but behind these ideas which are clearly depressing, or made depressing in one story or another, Amsterdam inserts a barrage of humor that feels most right when it is out of place and inappropriate. “Things We Didn’t See Coming” starts out strong, fizzles in the middle but leaves on a commanding note in the final story, “Best Medicine.” Dystopia is never barrels of fun, but Amsterdam creates a world that weighs on you with such absurdity and discomfort that it becomes the kind of baggage you almost hate to see go.

SONG

Swim, Caribou; Merge, 2010

most immediately after establishing itself.

Only two moments provide easy points of entry, and those are opener "Odessa" and closer "Jamelia." "Odessa" is the only moment across the entire disc in which Snaith places his increasingly-strong singing at the forefront, and it pulls off the IDM/psych-pop/indie-dance crossover thing within the context of the pop song effortlessly without sacrificing texture or interesting production; an entire album of these would, more or less, kill. "Jamelia" opens dissonant and gives way to Snaith's loudest, most impassioned-sounding vocals yet in a stunning build that, frustratingly, only hits once.

At times, Swim listens like a complete and total assault of ideas. Snaith rarely lets something ride for more than a minute, and when he does, it's something unexpected, even contrary to the notions of hooks and immediacy. Beyond its bookends, it unravels slowly, and though few moments stand out, taken as a whole it proves as compelling as it is occasionally irritating, much like 2005's The Milk of Human Kindness—its closest point of reference within his back catalog. It does, however, prove that Snaith is one who refuses to be content with simply rehashing concepts within his palette and is still among the most interesting electronic musicians working now.

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BOOK REVIEW

by CHRISTINE TEXEIRA

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by KARL WALLULIS Puzzlemaster

ACROSS 1. Unit of meat 5. Barely misses the basket 9. Cock’s counterpart 12. C or D, e.g.

13. Bibliography abbr.

14. “My two cents,” in chatspeak 15. Filibuster, say 17. Auction datum 18. 4/20/10 campus event 20. Half a sleigh?

21. Pre-1917 rulers 22. Phys. exam data 25. Butt 27. Petty squabble 29. 4/22/10 campus event 33. “The Odyssey,” for one 34. VCR remote button 35. Certain colonizer 36. __ Donna 39. British john 41. 4/23/10 Whitman event 46. V - II 47. Bootlegger’s trade 48. Journalist Koppel 49. Village 50. Canal of cong 51. Snake’s head?

52. Chances 53. Some state pols

28

44

45

DOWN 1. Recipe direction 2. Unaccompanied 3. Obligatory 17-Across 4. Contentions 5. Hit F5 while browsing 6. Couple 7. “__/Sade” (1967 film) 8. Winter vehicles 9. Classical Latin name for the island of Ireland 10. Carbon __ (global warming issue) 11. Silently approves 16. “Chill out, bra” 19. Journalist Conde 22. Luck, poetically 23. Champion’s collection 24. “Juiced” topic 26. Formal title 28. Nobel’s invention 30. Eastern dignitary 31. Has a purpose 32. Mega-superstars 37. Cuban dance 38. Not sotto voce 40. Catchall multiple choice option 41. Invoke in a paper 42. Rotary phone feature 43. Yet another name for 9-Down 44. Take scissors to 45. Golfers’ accessories

Opinion

The Pioneer ISSUE 11 APR. 22, 2010 Page 8

A

Rethinking tech: Fountain Impulsiveness key to pens worthwhile experience living meaningful life I’m a gadget geek.

I love having the latest, greatest thing (no, I do not have an iPad yet).

Over this semester, though, I’ve picked up a new BLAIR FRANK love for a particular gadget, or Columnist rather a family of gadgets: fountain pens. Before you start making assumptions about my writing instruments of choice, let me tell you a bit: Fountain pens don’t require dipping. You won’t find me walking around with an inkwell and quill around campus. Instead, these pens are often well-designed pieces of art made of plastic or metal, and have a means of storing ink beyond just a few lines’ worth.

They’re also the best writing experience I’ve ever had. Nothing compares, in my experience, to the smoothness and precision that a good fountain pen can provide. Ever since I picked up my first one, I’ve had nothing but good experiences with the pens that I’ve acquired.

I was able to write for five hours straight with a fountain pen over spring break, without even so much as a hint of a cramp. “ B u t Blair!” I hear

you say, “You’re the tech columnist!

You’re supposed to be writing about computers and video games, not pens!”

Well, I disagree. Fountain pens are the epitome of a technological experience.

Each one has to be precision made.

While I do most of my writing on my laptop, it’s nice to have a writing implement I can take with me, along with a notebook, so I can quickly jot down notes.

Fountain pens even have a better impact on the environment: Refilling the same fountain pen saves the plastic or wood and graphite

ALDEN

required by traditional pens and pencils.

Plus it means that you can use a wide variety of inks. In the three pens I have inked right now, one of them has a re d-black, t h e other one a grey, and the third a dark teal.

For the sake of argument, let’s say that my little primer here has provided you a significant enough impetus to look into becoming a fountain pen user.

Where do you start? If you want just a taste of the FP experience without having to sink a lot of time or money into it, try the Pilot Varsity. They’re like any other disposable pen, save for the fact that they use fountain pen nibs instead of a traditional rollerball or ballpoint design.

If you feel like fountain pens are definitely for you, check out the Lamy Safari. I’m a huge fan of Lamy’s pens. They come in four styles: broad (the widest, wettest line you can get), medium, fine and extra-fine. Try one you think is right for you. (I’m a fan of their fine nibs.) The best part of the Safari is that the nibs are interchangeable. Want to try a broad nib where you usually used a fine? Just swap out one nib for another.

If you just want to find some more information, check out the Fountain Pen Network at fountainpennetwork.com.

It’s a huge, friendly community of folks who love fountain pens and are happy to help other people who might be interested or need some advice. You can find me on there—I’m “belril.”

So, I hope I’ve piqued your interest. If you see me on campus and want to give one of my pens a try, just holler. I’ll be happy to show you.

LET T ER TO T HE EDI TOR Dear Editor, In last week’s issue, William Witwer wrote a column urging the Catholic Church to “change the policies that may have contributed to the problem (i.e. doctrine requiring celibacy, prohibition against women being priests).” He also admitted, however, that he was “not sure what the facts are, exactly . . . “ I urge him to do some investigation into the facts, surely a proper activity for a journalist. If he had done so, he would have discovered that the rate of sexual abuse by Catholic priests is no different than that of clergy in other denominations, and in fact of men in other positions which involve frequent contact with youth (teachers, coaches, etc.).

For evidence on this, I suggest he read the recent Newsweek article, “Mean Men” (available online at http://www.newsweek.com/id/236096), as well as the Seattle Times investigation into the moving around of serial abusing coaches in the state of Washington in 2003, “Coaches Who Prey” (http://seattletimes.nwsource.

com/news/local/coaches/). The data and cases cited in both articles would at least strongly indicate that the requirement for priestly celibacy has nothing to do with the problem. Moreover, while it is true that women do not abuse children at the same rate as men, I am fairly sure that neither Mr. Witwer, nor any reasonable individual, would want to bar men from the clergy and all positions involving contact with youth.

Finally, to suggest that the Catholic Church has done nothing to improve institutional response and prevent serial abuse by individual priests is to demonstrate ignorance of policies put in place by the current so-called “hyper-conservative” pope while head of the Congregation for the Faith. These have streamlined the process by which priests are suspended and removed from ministry when substantiated claims are made against them. This has been admitted by even the most liberal Catholic publication in this country, the National Catholic Reporter (see http:// ncronline.org/blogs/all-things-catholic/

keeping-record-straight-benedict-andcrisis), a magazine that generally goes out of its way to advocate for so-called “modernization” of doctrine along the lines suggested by Mr. Witwer.

Obviously in the past the Church has been at fault in her handling of cases and treatment of victims, as she herself has both admitted and apologized for repeatedly, and she can always work to do better, but there has been a sea-change in the response to abuse in the last 20 years, resulting in a dramatic drop in number of reported incidents. The vast majority of the cases under discussion, horrible as they are, date from before the 1980s. To suggest that there has been no genuine attempt to “shift focus” and “fix [the] problem” is simply wrong. I suggest Mr. Witwer follow Jon Stewart’s own advice, and get his news from some source other than The Daily Show.

Sincerely, Claire Valente Adjunct Assistant Professor of General Studies

POLI T IC AL C ARTOON

Europe’s Next Eruption:

DOUGLAS

I did an idiotic thing the other day.

On what amounted to little more than a dare between a few friends, we all, in our infinite wisJOEY KERN dom, decided to pierce both of our Columnist ears. This decision, remarkably, was not made in a drunken stupor.

Were this the case, it would be easier to justify. But, alas, no, this was merely an impulsive decision, made knowing full well that the result would be the douche-y appearance I have since donned.

Now, I have two absurdly large fauxdiamond studs in my ears and, in all honesty, I’m keeping them. Not because I look good or because it was a good decision, but because I think it’s kind of funny.

What I can extract from this circumstance, this particular instance of dumbassery, is the fun in impulsiveness, in spontaneity.

There is something inherently monotonous about what we do in day-today life; hell, that’s why the term dayto-day life exists. It is used as a catchall phrase to describe the things we do everyday that are deemed so ordinary and so routine as to not be worthy of mentioning.

Now, these routine tasks are in no means something to be avoided because, obviously, they have a purpose, and, incidentally, they do not land you the title of Jersey Shore look-alike on the fourth floor of Jewett. But, something must be said for breaking from routine, doing things that may not make all that much sense and getting a story out of it.

Drunken people understand this concept exceptionally well, which is why many a morning detective has emerged with stories gruesome, hilarious or pretty much legendary. Unfortunately they perhaps take it a bit too far, which is why sober people should practice impulsiveness responsibly.

This cunning strategy nets the hilarity of the story without the possibility of waking up to find you razed Olin to the ground.

What it comes down to is that impulse makes your life worth relating to people. What stories do we tell people we have just met? Do we talk about that one time we went to class, sat through it in silence, went home and went to bed?

Hell no we don’t. We tell stories of the dumbest, most singularly idiotic and spectacular of the things we have done.

We talk about things that, on the surface, we wish we hadn’t done, or at least wonder why we did. We do this, but then, we come to recognize ourselves through these things, through these impulsive exaggerations of our own personalities. In a way then, impulsive decisions are part of what makes a person worth knowing, if a person is only as good as the stories they tell, which, in some cases, is true, then there is much to be gained in acting on impulse.

Life slows back down to monotony when too much time is spent deliberating about everything you do. If everyone thought everything through, where would be the hilarious tattoos? The bungee jumping? The skydiving? If you agree with Jack London when he says, “The proper function of a man is to live, not to exist,” then you can see the essence of what it is to follow impulse and act spontaneously. What you’re doing when you jump out of that plane, when you do a gainer off that cliff, is not settling with existing but rather, living.

Embrace Obama’s pretentiousness, not Tea Party’s anti-elitism Many of his more conservative opponents see President Obama as either an elitist Washington insider, or a radical Muslim socialist bent on tearing WILLIAM WITWER our country apart.

Columnist Or, in spite of the apparent contradictions, both at the same time. Such is the detrimentally divisive political climate we live in.

Though the radical liberal label is almost laughable (he’s a fairly conservative Democrat, whatever his opposition says), the elitist one is much harder to shake. For one thing, he went to Harvard Law School and was president of the Law Review there. He speaks with eloquence and heavily emphasized diction; even the most conservative of politicians grudgingly acknowledges this skill, though most turn it into a criticism of his ability to get things done—i.e. he can only give brilliant speeches rather than enact policy.

And, by many appearances, he is an elitist, as he attended the school with the best reputation in the country and became that middle-class dream of a position, a lawyer (and a writer); his skills with the English language do, at least in my opinion, place him among the elite.

Many Tea Party members feel that he does not represent the “real America,” that his public persona reeks with the stench of a high-brow academic mindset. I guess they miss the folksiness of President Bush.

I don’t. I think that his command of our language demonstrates his intelligence, even if it is not as politically appealing as, say, Ronald Reagan. I think his membership in the elite and pretentious Harvard University shows a commitment to learning and is representative of how extraordinary he really is.

Because, in all fairness, the appearance of pretentiousness (which is generally just intelligence) is only a bad thing when it attacks people without just cause.

I don’t mean that pretentiousness is good in all forms. I just think that it’s good to have high standards for who gets to lead our country. Devoid of poli-

tics, would you rather have a Texas daddy’s boy who don’t speak real good and who got C’s at Yale, or a brilliant student in charge of the Harvard Law Review? I think pretentiousness (as in standards) should be celebrated, because they lead to better results, or at leas the hope that better results are possible.

I do not mean to suggest that every person who smokes self-wrapped cigarettes, likes to talk about movies and bands you’ve never heard of and just generally likes to assert the depth and breadth of their intelligence—i.e. pretentiousness in its conventional form— should be running our country. Nor do I wish to assert that those who are not entrenched in the celebrated institutions of this country are somehow lesser; I just perceive it as an offensive criticism that Obama being a member of the elite is a bad thing.

Because, in all fairness, the appearance of pretentiousness (which is generally just intelligence) is only a bad thing when it attacks people without just cause.

Not that I don’t understand the populist anger; the Tea Party members are angry with the direction that the country is going, the size of the government, the influence of lobbyists, the lack of accessible jobs. They see Obama’s intellectualism as cold and without empathy, though they wouldn’t agree with him anyway. I just don’t think we should be critical of him for this trait. Politics aside, the fact that he was elected shows that maybe, just maybe, Americans do actually have standards and pretensions about the quality of their leadership.

That being said though, Obama needs to be more emotional come election season, because many Americans vote with their hearts, not their heads. In this sense, the issues matter less than how they are presented. Yet Obama’s pretensions should not be used against him, even though they will be.

OPINION

April 22, 2010

9

Violence in video games deserves California: Failed same treatment as violence in film state, complete reform only possible option

It’s a perennial favorite of news organizations: Some new video game is the scourge of modern society, due to some sort of BLAIR FRANK possibly objectionable content Columnist that has suburban mothers locking up computers and X-Boxes. Whenever someone goes out and commits some reprehensible act, it’s all about the video games. In my experience, if you were to go into a room filled with teenaged males, you’d find that the vast majority of them will have played some sort of violent video game.* Why then are people always shocked that when some angry, teenaged prick decides to go shoot someplace up he happened to play “Call of Duty” or “Grand Theft Auto?”

I’m sorry if this sounds controversial or is difficult to understand, but killing video game characters and people are two completely different things. To illustrate my point, consider “The Matrix” and its related sequels. These are not friendly movies.

Neo and Trinity don’t show up in an office building with bags and trench coats full of firearms to give everyone a friendly hug. They show up to shoot the living daylights out of the place.

And somehow, it managed to reach critical acclaim. On some level, there is a common agreement between the moviegoers and the filmmakers that none of it is real.

Compare that to one of my personal favorite games: “Bioshock.” The main character is not there to give hugs either. You spend your time running around an underwater dystopia shooting people.** Philosophically, it addresses questions similar to “The Matrix.” It has one of the best crafted stories of the entire genre, to date.

It’s about as violent as “The Matrix,” and again, there is the same unspoken agreement between the player and the game designers that it’s not real. When I’m killing enemies in a video game, I know that all I’m doing is changing some ones and zeroes in a data file.

But what about kids? Parents don’t want 10-year-old Billy playing “Gears of War.” That’s fine. Parents need to look at their kids’ video game intake and figure out what the best thing to do is, just as they would with movies

or television. My parents didn’t let me see “Saving Private Ryan” when it came out, because I was seven. That was the smart thing to do. Video Games, like movies, are clearly labeled. Anyone who’s under the age of 14 or 15 probably shouldn’t be playing a game rated “Mature,” just like they probably shouldn’t watch an R-rated movie.

In a condensed form, it all comes down to a matter of choice. I can choose whether or not to play “Grand Theft Auto” (to date, I have not). Parents can choose what’s right for their kids. Just because something exists, doesn’t mean that everyone has to play it. *Granted, I don’t have copious amounts of scientific data to back this up, but I would hope that as a teenaged male (for one more year, anyhow) my experience would carry a little weight. **If you want to be technical, they’re “splicers,” people who have modified their genetic structure to the point where they’ve gone crazy.

Last weekend, the California Democratic party convened for its annual meeting where it debated and amended a party platform that addresses 23 LISA CURTIS issues ranging Columnist from “business and the economy” to the last category, “world peace.”

Unfortunately, none of the 9,000 words managed to address the true issue: California is a failed state.

While the term “failed state” is usually reserved for sovereign states that have been taken over by warlords or Somali pirates, it also applies to one of the 50 domestic states whose government cannot address or solve the problems it faces. That pretty much sums up my home state of California.

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Republicans’ self-serving attack on financial reform distorts truth Do not be deceived by Republican scare tactics. Financial reform is not about government bailouts. To avert another financial meltdown, Wall Street must be regulated properly.

After nearly a year of refuting ridiculous rumors about “death panels” and government takeovers, President Obama signed health JAMES SLEDD care reform into Columnist law last month.

The Obama Administration’s next priority is financial reform legislation that could prevent a financial collapse like the one that precipitated the Great Recession of 2008.

You’d think that anyone whose memory reaches back to the fall of 2008—with banks failing left and right, the Dow plummeting and millions of Americans losing their jobs—would support such a bill. But sadly, partisan politics has once again trumped logic in the halls of Congress. In a too-familiar tactic, Republican leaders have self-servingly attempted to defeat the bill by misleading the American people.

Senator Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.), the highest-ranking Republican in the Senate, declared on April 13 that “we cannot allow endless taxpayer-funded bailouts. That’s why we must not pass the financial reform bill that’s about to hit the floor.”

Senator McConnell’s statement is malicious and false.

First, the bill would not balloon the federal deficit by allowing “endless taxpayer-funded bailouts.” Rather, the bill would help prevent the same collapses that caused 2008’s financial crisis.

The Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation has the right to seize any bank that it deems likely to fail. Congress created the FDIC after the Great Depression made clear that without

regulation, bank failures can send the economy into a downward spiral.

In the 1930s, banks were just that: places to deposit money and secure loans. Sub-prime mortgages and advanced financial derivatives didn’t exist, and the FDIC’s power was adequate to keep the financial industry stable. The FDIC is no longer adequate to regulate today’s complex financial industry. The proposed financial reform bill would extend regulatory authority like the FDIC’s to complicated financial institutions like Citigroup and Lehman Brothers.

You’d think that anyone whose memory reaches back to the fall of 2008—with banks failing left and right, the Dow plummeting and millions of Americans losing their jobs —would support such a bill.

Seizures under the new financial reform bill would not be “taxpayer funded,” as Senator McConnell alleges. Just as banks fund the FDIC through an insurance premium, the money for any “bailouts” under the new bill would come from the financial institutions themselves. Furthermore, the bill will make any future seizures far less likely by prohibiting the risky (and in some cases outright fraudulent) investment practices that led to the financial collapse.

Simply put, financial reform makes sense. The government should regulate financial institutions to prevent them from engaging in risky practices. The government should be able

the Pioneer EDITORIAL

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to seize institutions that put the entire economy in danger by making poor decisions.

So why are Senator McConnell and other Republicans working so hard to defeat it?

Despite their rhetoric, it’s not because Republican leaders have remade their party into the defender of middle-class America. Top-level Republicans remain allied with financial institutions. Wall Street executives and lobbyists are dedicated to defeating the proposed financial reforms and have held meetings with Republican brass while debating the bill.

Rather, the Republicans’ motivation for opposing the bill is transparent and self-serving. After proving unable to prevent health care reform, the GOP is desperate to hand President Obama a political defeat. And a recently leaked memo from a top Republican strategist shows that the party’s tactic of choice is linking any legislation to 2008’s bank bailouts, which are immensely unpopular.

This tactic is dishonest on numerous levels. Despite Republican efforts to link bailouts to the Obama Administration’s expansion of government, the bank bailouts where not Obama’s idea. Rather, they were the brainchild of Henry Paulson, Secretary of the Treasury under George W. Bush.

Many Republicans, including Senator McConnell, voted for the bailout bill, which most economists agree was distasteful but necessary.

Despite their claims, Republicans are not opposing financial reform to protect taxpayers. They are doing so to protect their vested interests on Wall Street and to hand President Obama a political defeat. The pawns in their game are the American People, who might face a future economic crisis if the GOP blocks meaningful reforms.

On ly t h r e e states in the country have the supermajority requirement, that is, the requirement that both houses of a legislature have two-thirds votes to pass a budget. Sixteen states have the same supermajority requirement for raising taxes. California got this second supermajority requirement—commonly known as Proposition 13—because of an ill-advised experiment in direct democracy.

Twenty-four states have the referendum and initiative process that allows citizens to place proposals on the ballot. California is the only state that does not allow its legislature to amend initiatives that its voters have passed, no matter how crazy. As it turns out, voters like to receive benefits from the state but they don’t like to pay for them.

Prop 13 exemplifies that insanity. It was passed in 1978 in order to lower property taxes and keep them from exceeding 2 percent per year while at the same time specifying the supermajority for future tax increases. Lowering taxes and virtually preventing future tax increases sounds great until you think

about what those taxes pay for, like schools, libraries, fire departments and other public services.

The combination of the supermajorities required to pass a budget and raise taxes has made solving California’s $30 billion budget gap virtually impossible, as evidenced by the reoccurring budget stalemates. Since they can’t raise taxes, the state legislature has resorted to cutting public services.

In the 1950s and ‘60s California had the best public education system in the world. Now the legislature is dismantling it. Tuition, fees and other costs for community colleges, state colleges and universities and the UC system have skyrocketed. For me, the education cuts hit home. My sister at the University of California at Santa Barbara will have to pay an additional $1,344 in tuition next fall. My cousin recently dropped out of a community college in Hayward because she couldn’t get the classes she needed to graduate.

But education isn’t the only issue facing the golden state.

Los Angeles has the biggest homeless population in America, one of over 85,000, a third of which are veterans. The L.A. County Jail is the largest mental health facility but it doesn’t seem to be working since California has the worst recidivism rate in the country. California has started paying courts with I.O.U.s, causing the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court to say that California “no longer administers justice” because the courts are closed part of the time and cases are absurdly backlogged.

California uses too much water and has let the infrastructure to transport it crumble. It has the worst credit rating of all 50 states a n d the

une m ploySLOANE m e n t rate has reached a new high of 12.6 percent.

The situation is dismal but it is not hopeless. Instead of mindlessly reviewing its 23-issue platform, the California Democratic party should have been calling for a constitutional convention.

Repair California, a group pushing for a constitutional convention, found that 71 percent of Californians would vote yes on a proposition to call a convention to fix California’s broken system of government. Unfortunately, the organization has since run out of funds, just like everything else in the state.

Many Californian leaders have said that it is too risky to have a convention because “anything could happen.”

What they don’t seem to understand is that “anything” would be better.

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Sports

The Pioneer ISSUE 11 APR. 22, 2010 Page 10

TKE, Kappa rule Greekend

by MELISSA NAVARRO and MAX RAUSCH Staff Reporter and Sports Editor

The springtime tradition of Greekend kicked off last Thursday, Apr. 14, complete with food, fun and football.

Members of Whitman Greek groups played a series of flag football games in pursuit of the prestigious title of Greekend champion.

Kappa Kappa Gamma went undefeated to win the sorority tournament, avenging last year’s last-place finish, while Tau Kappa Epsilon took home the glory among the fraternities by defeating Phi Delta Theta 14-7 on Sunday.

In the first game of the tournament, Kappa Kappa Gamma defeated Kappa Alpha Theta 19-7. Kappa kept things rolling in Sunday’s de facto championship game as they defeated defending champion Delta Gamma 13-7 to earn the title of Greekend Champions.

For senior Kappa captain Rachel Constantino-Wallace, the victory was especially meaningful in her last year playing Greekend football.

“It was great to win, especially coming off the two losses last year,” said Constantino-Wallace.

The early loss proved to motivate the Theta team as they upset defending champion Delta Gamma 13-7 late Saturday in the game of the weekend.

DG led 7-0 for most of the game until the Thetas scored 13 unanswered points in the final minutes to steal the victory from the shocked DGs. Sophomore Lea Gariando began the Theta comeback with under two minutes left in the game when she picked off DG quarterback Lauren Parsons’s pass and returned the ball 50 yards for a tying touchdown. Theta’s defense held the DGs scoreless on their next possession and got the ball back with just over a minute left. Then the fireworks started.

With 10 seconds left in the game and the ball on the DG 25-yard line, the Thetas completed a perfectly executed half back pass as senior quarterback Emily Ufheil-Somers dished the ball to fellow senior Julia Russell, who connected with sophomore Emily Coba in the end zone for the goahead score.

DG did not go away quietly, down to their last play. Parsons’s Hail Mary pass found the hands of senior Hilary White; however, Coba saved the day for the Thetas as she pulled White’s flag just shy of the end zone.

“We were all shocked about the win. Goes to show how much respect people have for the DGs,” said senior James Bevan-Lee, Theta’s coach.

“There’s no denying their athletic ability.”

Theta’s victory over DG was particularly impressive considering they did

PHOTOS BY JACOBSON Above: Graham Brewer ‘10 looks on as Sam Chasan ‘10 of TKE lays a block against Phi’s Bidnam Lee defender and clears the way for Christopher TobinCampbell ‘10 during a 14-7 victory. Right: Kenna Little ‘13 of Kappa Kappa Gamma takes down DG receiver Hilary White ‘10 during a 13-7 Kappa victory.

not field a team during the fall football season, while the DG team advanced all the way to the semi-finals.

Theta’s Greekend team featured a combination of players who played for section teams in the fall. While one predominately Theta team, FYeAh!, advanced all the way to the intramural championship game, the Thetas still faced the challenge of putting together a Greekend team in only three weeks.

“I think the Thetas are a good mixture of players. There are a lot of girls who play [for different teams in the fall]; having them all come together in one team was great,” said Bevan-Lee. Bevan-Lee credited the Thetas’ work ethic—they practiced at least three times a week for the three weeks leading up to Greekend—as the main catalyst for their victory.

In the fraternity division, Phi and TKE advanced to Sunday’s championship game thanks to forfeit victories over Beta Theta Pi and Sigma Chi, respectively.

“It was a bit of a let-down that Beta and the Sigs didn’t field a team,” said senior TKE Graham Brewer. “It was disappointing to only play one game.”

As the defending Greekend and Intermural champions, TKE entered the

game with big expectations.

“Because we fielded the same team as [when we won] last year, we knew we would win,” said Brewer. “We definitely expected to win.”

The TKEs lived up to their expectations early. They kicked off the scoring on their second drive as senior Christopher “TC” Tobin-Campbell caught a short slant and outran the Phi defense, giving TKE an early 7-0 lead. TKE expanded their lead to 14-0 when sophomore Gene Kim fooled the Phi defense with a center sneak midway through the first half.

The Phis got on the board in the closing minutes of the first half as senior quarterback Ben Kron hit fellow senior Jonny Tat at the goal line for a touchdown to narrow the TKEs’ lead to 14-7 at half-time. This proved to be the final margin as the game turned into a defensive battle of attrition in the second half.

No team really threatened the end zone until the Phis almost scored on their last offensive play of the game as Kron hooked up with Tat on another long pass; however, referee junior Chris Barton called Kron down right before he released the pass, negating the resulting touchdown and securing the win for TKE.

Pirates pillage Missionaries

by LINDSAY FAIRCHILD Staff Reporter

This past weekend, the Northwest Conference Tournament marked the end of the season for the Whitman women, and the collegiate careers of seniors Divneet Kaur and Hadley DeBree. On Friday, April 16, the Missionaries had two matches. The first was a 5-0 rout of sixth-seeded Pacific University, while the second came down to the wire, upsetting the number two-seeded Linfield College, 5-4. With both victories under their belt, the Missionaries advanced to the finals on Saturday against topseeded Whitworth University. But the Pirates proved to be too much, dispatching Whitman, 5-3.

Going into the tournament as the number three seed, Whitman had a battle to fight. Unlike the number one or two seeds, they did not have a first round bye. However, they easily dispatched Pacific, winning 5-0. In doubles, junior Elise Otto and first-year Alyssa Roberg won a hard-fought match at number one, 9-8 (7-4); DeBree and Kaur won 8-4 at number two; and first-year Kate Kunkel-Patterson and sophomore Emily Rolston won 8-6 at number three.

Going into the singles matches up 3-0, Whitman quickly ended the match.

Otto defeated her opponent at number one singles 6-1, 6-1, and Kaur, at number three singles, blanked her opponent 6-0, 6-0 to end the match at 5-0.

Later that Friday afternoon, Whitman took on a more formidable opponent in

number two-seeded Linfield. Otto and Roberg started off the doubles match with an 8-5 win at number one doubles, but the teams of Kaur/DeBree and Kunkel-Patterson/Rolston fell 5-8 and 8-9 at number two and three doubles, respectively.

On the singles side, Roberg fell at number one, 3-6, 4-6, but Otto quickly answered back at number two, winning by the same score. DeBree fell at number three 4-6, 6-2, 4-6. However, the last three of the singles line-up all pulled out victories. Kaur bested her opponent at number four 6-1, 6-4; Rolston won 6-1, 6-2 at number five and Kunkel-Patterson came back from being down a set 1-6, 6-4, 6-2.

Having lost to Linfield twice during the season 5-4, the upset put the Missionaries in good spirits.

"Anytime you play a closely matched team and it comes down to 4-4 and the last match on decides it, it creates an amazing atmosphere that is a thrill to be a part of; pulling out that last match is a feeling that is hard to describe if you've never been a part of it," said Head Coach John Hein. "Linfield has a proud and wonderful program that always shows up to play and while we have been close for years, they have found a way to eek out wins time after time, so for Hadley and Div in their senior year it was definitely a sweet thing to beat the Wildcats."

On Saturday, the Missionaries had high hopes going into a match-up with Whitworth University, the number one

seed and favorite to win the tournament.

Just as with Linfield, Whitman dropped two before singles-play started. Otto and Roberg got the win 8-5 at number one doubles. DeBree and Kaur fell 3-8 at number two and Kunkel-Patterson and Rolston fell 5-8 at number three.

In singles, Otto and Kaur showed sparks, winning 6-4, 6-2 at number two and 6-2, 6-3 at number four, respectively, while the rest of the Missionaries struggled. DeBree fell 1-6, 0-6 at number three, Rolston at number five fell 0-6, 4-6, and Kunkel-Patterson fell 6-2, 7-6 (7-5) at number six. Kunkel-Patterson's match clinched the the fifth victory and the tournament title for Whitworth University, and left the number one singles match with Roberg unfinished, but down 7-6 (7-5), 4-1.

"We fought like champions and left it all on the court against Whitworth," said Hein. "We can be very proud of everything we've accomplished.”

Placing second at the conference tournament puts a cap on the best season the Whitman women have had in the past decade. Though not advancing further in the post-season, Hein received the Northwest Conference Coach of the Year Award along with first team All-Conference honors for Otto and Roberg.

With only two graduating seniors, the Missionaries will look to return to the conference finals next year and to much more success in the years to come.

JACOBSON Divneet Kaur ‘10 returns a forehand from the baseline during practice in preparation for the Northwest Conference Championships. The third-seeded Missionaries made it to the finals but fell short against a top-ranked Whitworth University 5-3.

A

SPORTS

April 22, 2010

11

Put me Whitman ruggers TOUR OF WALLA WALLA in, Coach; storm Ankeny I’m ready to play The transition from college football to the NFL is the last consolidation of talent that players must survive before they reach MAX RAUSCH the promised Sports Editor land of chartered flights and multimillion dollar contracts. Players lucky enough to get drafted must adjust to being a rookie in an unfamiliar town after two to four years of being the “big man on campus.” The learning curve is steep and even college’s best players struggle to excel.

Almost every player who has successfully made the transition from college to pro ball has commented on how much faster the game is on Sundays and how, as a result their room for error shrinks. Even Heisman Trophy winners—the award is given every year to college football’s best player—are not guaranteed success at the next level. Nebraska’s Eric Crouch and Oklahoma’s Jason White, the 2001 and 2003 Heisman Trophy winners respectively, never took a single snap on a Sunday.

Their plight has led me to consider the future of another Heisman Trophy winning quarterback, Tim Tebow.

Tebow is undoubtedly one of the best college football players of all time. In his four years at Florida he was a Heisman finalist three times, won two BCS National Championships and set more records than I can list. However, he is not the traditional blue chip quarterback NFL coaches and owners love to draft in the first round. His rough and tumble playing style and unorthodox mechanics have scared a lot of teams away. Should an NFL owner give him a shot at playing on Sundays? I have compiled a list of pros and cons for NFL teams considering drafting the football missionary.

Pro: Tebow is a winner. In his last two years as a starter at Florida, Tebow was 26-2, enough said.

Con: Tebow has terrible throwing mechanics. Even he knows this, which is why he spent the entire winter working with various quarterback’s coaches to raise his arm angle and speed up his delivery. On average NFL quarterbacks have about four seconds to throw the ball before they are knocked into next week by one of the four, 350-pound behemoths trying to seriously injure him. If you have ever seen Tebow play you know it takes him about three seconds just to go through his wind up.

It is hard to believe that three months of work can erase 21 years of muscle memory.

Pro: Tebow is a leader. In 2008 during his post-game press conference after the top-ranked Gators' 31-30 loss to unranked Ole Miss he gave a speech straight out of a sports movie montage, apologizing for the loss and promising “Gator Nation” that for the remainder of the season they would see “no team play harder.” The Gators never lost another game that year and eventually defeated Oklahoma 24-14 in the National Championship game.

Tebow’s speech was so influential in the team's turnaround, the University of Florida erected a statue outside The Swamp in honor of the occasion. How many current college students do you know with their own statue?

Con: College success doesn’t translate to the pros. NFL players and coaches respect and demand talent, something that Tebow is definitely lacking in certain areas. His competitive fire might not be able to carry him through any further. Plus his religiously tinged leadership could be questioned at the professional level.

When he tried to lead a prayer before the Wonderlic test—administered to every player at the NFL combine last month—he was promptly told to “shut the fuck up.”

Pro: Teams don’t have to worry about Tebow getting in trouble off the field. This is a guy who doesn’t have so much as a speeding ticket on his record. In the age of Mike Vick, Ben Roethlisberger and Plaxico Burress this is an invaluable quality.

The pros have it 3-2. I say give the guy a chance. He may not be the next Peyton Manning, but this guy will go to bat for any team that gives him the opportunity. Plus God is on his side, which is nice.

by BAILEY ARANGO Staff Reporter

Last Saturday, April 17, the Whitman men's and women's club rugby teams welcomed their counterparts from Eastern Washington and Spokane (Gonzaga) to Walla Walla for the first ever Whitman Round Robin Tournament on Ankeny Field. However, at the end of the day, no clear winners emerged as all six teams finished 1-1.

The Whitman Motherruckers started out their day strong with a victory over the Spokane Marmots, a regional club team.

Junior captain Emily Lorente saw the win as indicative of the Motherruckers improvement over the course of the season.

“Our team has improved immensely and the Marmots are a team that beat us earlier this spring,” said Lorente.

Although the Motherruckers lost a 1510 nail-biter to Eastern Washington in

BOWMAN Carrie Beckman ‘13 leads a pack of advancing Motherruckers. Both Whitman teams finished the tournament 1-1.

their second game, Lorente was still overwhelmingly positive about the weekend as a whole.

“The games went very well. We lost a very close game against Eastern, a highly competitive opponent," said Lorente. "We played some superb rugby, and three of our first-year players scored their very first tries this weekend. It was a great end to a great season.”

First-year Emmy Coleman, one of the Motherruckers who scored for the first time this weekend, echoed an overwhelmingly positive sentiment even following the last-second loss.

“It was awesome,” Coleman said. “Even though we lost, having three players score

their first tries in one day was great.”

The Whitman men fared just as well in their first match of the day, upsetting the traditional northwest powerhouse Eastern Washington Eagles 21-19, thanks to two tries from sophomore sensation Matt McMillan and clutch kicking from fellow sophomore John Henry Heckendorn. The win was particularly impressive considering the Eagles decimated the Reapers 91-0 on Ankeny just last fall.

"We came out strong against Eastern and made crucial open field tackles to stop their offensive powerhouse players," said McMillan. "We played smart, hard-nosed rugby, and didn't make a lot of mistakes and I think that was what really made the difference in the final outcome."

The surprise victory over Eastern seemed to zap the Reapers' energy as they came out flat in the first half of their second game against the Spokane Outlaws, a team made up of mostly Gonzaga University students, falling behind 20-0 early.

Despite a furious second half comeback, led by Heckendorn, the Reapers could not overcome their first half deficit, eventually falling to the Outlaws by a final score of 20-12. Despite the loss, Men's Head Coach Eric McAlvey had nothing but praise for his team Saturday.

“This past weekend we played the best rugby of the year," said McAlvey. "The boys played with intensity and did not back down against the much larger, more athletic teams. They played two great games of team rugby.”

Although both teams' seasons are drawing to a close, the optimism for next season is just beginning. McAlvey especially is hopeful for an improvement on their 4-5 finish.

“The team has been very solid this year," said McAlvey. "We began the year with a large roster, lost a few guys through the typical attrition, but they have really come together this spring. We are graduating only four seniors this year, so we look to have the foundation in place for next year.”

Lorente was just as glowing with her assessment of the Motherruckers' coming season.

“Our team has improved immensely since the beginning of last fall, and our program is really looking up," she said. "We have the most dedicated, motivated, badass team I have seen here at Whitman, and I am very excited to see the coming years of Whitman Motherruckers rugby.”

The Motherruckers finished their season on Saturday, April 17, while the Reapers will close out their season this weekend with their annual alumni game Saturday, April 24.

Men’s tennis advances to NCAA nationals

by ALLAN CRUM Staff Reporter

The Whitman men’s tennis team took first place in this weekend’s Northwest Conference Tennis Tournament, earning themselves a berth in the NCAA Division III Championship Tournament beginning May 8 in Claremont, Calif. The Missionaries defeated upstart Willamette University Saturday afternoon in the conference finals to qualify for nationals for the fourth year in a row.

Whitman, ranked number five in the West region and number 21 nationally, rolled through the young Bearcats 5-1 on the strength of impressive performances from a multitude of players. Senior Matt Solomon and junior Etienne Moshevich cruised to an 8-1 victory in number one doubles that set the tone for the afternoon.

The Missionaries also picked up points from senior Christoph Fuchs 6-1, 6-0 victory at number five singles. The doubles team comprised of first-year Jeff Tolman and sophomore Conor Holton-Burke pitched in with an 8-5 win at number three doubles. Tolman and Holton-Burke also contributed individually with 6-4, 6-3 and 6-3, 6-2 wins at number two and sixsingles, respectively. The only loss came at no. 2 doubles where junior Quin Miller and Fuchs fell 5-8.

Solomon was recently named the Northwest Conference Player of the Year for the second time in three years, but on Saturday his team played so well that the team victory was decided before the end of his number one singles match against Josh Wong (although it was match point).

He was joined on the All-NWC First Team

by Tolman, who scored Whitman’s winning team point in number two singles.

Moshevich and fellow junior Chris Bailey were voted to the All-NWC Second Team.

As the number one seed, the Missionaries had a first round bye before facing Pacific Lutheran University in the semifinals this passed Friday afternoon, also winning that matchup, 5-1. Willamette, the number three seed, flattened bottom-seeded

University of Puget Sound 6-0 in the first round and upset number two seeded Linfield College for the opportunity to play the top-seeded Missionaries in the finals.

The final score was not unexpected: The Bearcats had previously succumbed to Whitman by scores of 7-2 and 8-1.

The Missionaries’ combined accolades for the season are astounding: Besides the national team ranking and all-conference teams, Solomon is ranked number five in the West region, Tolman—again, he’s only a first-year—holds the number 25 spot, and the doubles pairing of Moshevich and Solomon is ranked number five in the region.

This weekend’s action served as another reminder of Whitman’s recent dominance with the racquet, a four-year run permanently atop the Northwest Conference.

The Missionaries finished with a perfect conference record and broke the 20 win mark for the fourth consecutive year.

Head Coach Jeff Northam has put together an asphalt juggernaut that will be very tough to beat in the national tournament. “[We’re expecting] to play our best tennis at the end of the year,” said Northam.

“As far as advancing, it depends on the draw. [One region will host] three of the top six schools in the country. Historically, we’ve had bad draws. We’ll have to wait and see.”

Seniors Solomon, Fuchs, Jake Cappel, Nadeem Kassam, Jasper Follows, David Deming and Thomas Roston will close their careers without losing a single decision to a conference opponent. Many have been to the NCAA tournament. Solomon alone has gone three times, and along with the rest of the seniors will be looked at to provide some serious leadership.

“We have a lot of guys with a lot of experience,” said Moshevich. “In the past, we’ve squeeked by [in the NWC championships], but this year, a bunch of guys played big. We’re hungry. Our whole team believes that we won’t only do well, but that we can win.”

FENNELL Last weekend nearly 350 riders converged on Eastern Washington for the fourth annual Tour of Walla Walla. Whitman’s Ben Chaddock ‘10 led after the first stage and finished fourth overall, earning $350 in the process. Chaddock was the highest placing rider not affiliated with a professional team.

S

Golf: Both men and women are com-

ing off of a disappointing weekend, where they both finished last in their respective three-way matches. This weekend, April 24-25, will be their last chance to shine as they travel to Portland, Ore. to compete in the Northwest Conference Golf Championships at Heron Lakes Golf Course. For seniors Kelsi Evans it will be her last collegiate golf tournament.

Baseball: The Missionaries are com-

ing off an uplifting weekend where they snapped a fourteen-game losing streak during their last home stand of the season against Willamette University. They will travel to Atherton, Calif. to take on Menlo College in a pair of doubleheaders on Saturday and Sunday. The Missionaries will be looking to this outof-conference jolt to finish the season strong with only one more weekend in their schedule.

S FRIDAY, Apr. 16

Women’s Tennis: Northwest Conference Tournament Whitman College 5, Pacific University 0 Singles--Otto d. Goya 6-1, 6-1; Kaur d.

Wong 6-0, 6-0; Doubles--Otto/Roberg d. Goya/Yoshimoto 9-8 (7-4); DeBree/ Kaur d. Wong/Mizuno 8-4; Kunkel-Patterson/Rolston d. Velligas/Soga 8-6 Whitman College 5, Linfield College 4 Singles--Olbrich (LC) d. Roberg 6-3, 6-4; Otto (WC) d. Katter 6-3, 6-4; Larson (LC) d. DeBree 6-4, 2-6, 6-4; Kaur (WC) d. Click 6-1, 6-4; Rolston (WC) d.

Nip 6-1, 6-2; Kunkel-Patterson (WC) d.

Watanabe 1-6, 6-4, 6-2; Doubles--Otto/ Roberg (WC) d. Katter/Olbrich 8-5; Click/Watanabe (LC) d. Kaur/DeBree 8-5; Larson/Franceschina (LC) d. Kunkel-Patterson/Rolston 9-8 (7-3) Men’s Tennis: Northwest Conference Tournament Whitman College 5, Pacific Lutheran University 1 Singles--Solomon (WC) d. Trudel 4-6, 6-2, 6-2; Tolman (WC) d. Peterson 6-4, 7-5; Moshevich (WC) d. Floyd 6-2, 6-1; Doubles--Solomon/Moshevich (WC) d.

Peterson/Trudel 8-4; Sheldon/Manser (PLU) d. Fuchs/Miller 9-7; Tolman/Kassam (WC) d. Smoots/Dickey 8-6 Men’s Tennis: Whitman College 5, Willamette University 1 Singles--Tolman (WC) d. Baumgartner 6-4, 6-3; Fuchs (WC) d. Lagattuta 6-1, 6-0; Holton-Burke (WC) d. Mack 6-3, 6-2; Doubles--Moshevich/Solomon (WC) d. Wong/Ferguson 8-1; Houser/ Mack (WU) d. Fuchs/Miller 8-5; Tolman/Holton-Burke (WC) d. Lagattuta/ Baumgartner

SATURDAY, Apr. 17

Baseball: Willamette University 13, Whitman College 3

L--Tolleson (1-7) Score by Inning R Willamette....111 522 010 - 13 Whitman.......001 200 000 - 3

H 16 6

E 1 1

Willamette University 9, Whitman College 10 W--Tolleson (2-4) Score by Inning R H E Willamette.....300 040 002 - 9 16 1 Whitman.......210 030 004 - 10 16 1

Women’s Tennis: Whitworth University 5, Whitman College 3 Singles--Otto (WC) d. Marshall 6-4, 6-2; Towne (WU) d. DeBree 6-1, 6-0; Kaur (WC) d. Bosman 6-2, 6-3; Staudinger (WU) d. Rolston 6-0, 6-4; Wingfield (WU) d. Kunkel-Patterson 6-2, 7-6 (75); Doubles--Otto/Roberg (WC) d.

Bosman/Marshall 8-5; Burns/Staudinger (WU) d. DeBree/Kaur 8-3; Towne/ Wingfield (WU) d. Kunkel-Patterson/ Rolston 8-5

Men’s Tennis: Willamette University 1, Whitman College 5 Singles--Tolman (WC) d. Baumgartner 6-4, 6-3; Fuchs (WC) d. Laguttata 6-1, 6-0; Holton-Burke (WC) d. Mack 6-3, 6-2; Doubles--Moshevich/Solomon (WC) d. Wong/Ferguson 8-1; Houser/ Mack (WU) d. Fuchs/Miller 8-5; Tolman/Holton-Burke (WC) d. Laguttata/ Baumgartner 8-5

Women’s Golf: 1. Whitworth University (329, +41), 2. Pacific University (341), DNF--Whitman College Individual Scores-- 7. Holland (88, +16), 12. Lodine (+20), 13. Evans (+24), DNF--Hayer

Men’s Golf: 1. Whitworth University (300, +12), 2. Pacific University (331), 3. Whitman College (334) Individual Scores-- t-6. Campbell(81, +9), t-8. Clark (+11), t-8. Raher (+11), t-12. Brandel (+15), 14. Abercrombie (+16), 16. Devine (+22)

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Backpage

The Pioneer

attempting humor since 1922...ish

ISSUE 11 APR. 22, 2010 Page 12

O C E A N C AT S !

BASHAM

Curiosity: A Cat-astrophe MY LAST WORDS: “WHAT’S THAT THING IN YOUR HAN—ARE THOSE TREATS?” I THOUGHT I’D ALWAYS BE ABLE TO CHASE MICE. THEN, I TRIED PEOPLE FOOD AND COULDN’T STOP.

CURIOSITY Watch Out!

The latest scare campaign from Felines Against Curiosity and Curiosity Related Tragedies (FACCRT)

NO ONE EVER THINKS THEY’LL END UP AN INTERNET MEME. CURIOSITY WILL MAKE THAT HAPPEN.

CURIOSITY That Shit is Fucked Up

Parent-child activities Chad and Daryl’s record of father-son bonding activities for the Xanga Neu fraternity: DAY 1: Chad and Daryl ate out at Pita Pit and shared a common love for “The Wire” and a secret passion for playing the piano.

DAY 2: The two played “Guitar Hero” in Daryl’s room after a quick lifting sesh at the gym.

DAY 3: Broke in the new mitt on Ankeny with a game of father-son catch.

DAY 4: Chad taught Daryl how to shave. Chad used a Mach 3 turbo;, Daryl used a spoon. Chad assured Daryl that “one day, you’ll be using a real man’s razor like your Pop.” DAY 5: A day of fishing at Bennington Lake. The two threw back some Bud Lights and shared stories of adventure and late-night escapades, each ending with Chad’s moral: “Being a man’s about integrity and doing the right thing. Just follow your heart son.”

DAY 6: After a long day of schoolwork and rugby practice, Chad comes home late to Daryl, who fell asleep on his couch while watching “The Wire,” gripping a picture he drew of the two shotgunning beers, written at the bottom: “I think you are the best dad.” Chad sheds a tear, covers Daryl with a blanket and vows never to let work come in the way of time with his son.

DAY 7: Chad PDFs his economics class after missing Daryl’s tennis match which Chad promised he’d make it to. Over a game of chess, Chad smiles at Daryl and tells him, “Daryl, men gotta work hard, but sometimes men gotta make hard decisions. I hope I never let you down again.” They shake hands and go to chapter together.

Megan and Denise’s record of mother-daughter bonding activities for the sorority Delta Delta Delta: DAY 1: Megan and Denise walk to Sweet Basil Pizzeria to share a pizza and then go to Starbucks for some iced tea.

DAY 2: Megan and Denise go to Open Mic Night at Reid and whisper whenever a cute boy is performing. Megan unintentionally points out Denise’s boyfriend and says, “I think that guy’s a TKE. I’d do him.” Denise grows uncomfortable.

DAY 3: Megan invites Denise over to her Prentiss dorm room for a spa day. Megan hands Denise a bowl of cucumbers and a sea-salt exfoliating mixture and asks Denise to give her a facial. When Denise asks if she gets one, Megan says “if we have enough facial stuff left.” No “facial stuff ” remains.

DAY 4: Megan texts Denise: “I have something to show u. Come ovr with a 4 pk of Mike’s Hard Lemonade @ 9 2nite.” Denise arrives with the Mike’s, Megan proceeds to chug all four bottles of Mike’s, burps, and says, “And that’s how to be a true sorority girl. Let’s go to TKE.” Denise goes back to Anderson at 9:15 p.m.

DAY 5: While straightening Megan’s hair for the “Space Aged Women and Prometheus Men” function, Denise questions Megan’s lack of shirt. Megan responds, “This is how Tri-Delts do it.” Megan then requests Denise’s boyfriend’s cellphone number “for a project they’re working on together.” Denise does not oblige.

DAY 6: Denise and Megan study together at the library. While checking her Facebook, Denise sees a picture of Megan licking Denise’s boyfriend’s cheek in the TKE basement with caption “flirrrrt. Just like TRI-DELTS do it!”

DAY 7: Denise deactivates from the Delta Delta Delta sorority. Megan is expelled from the Delta Delta Delta sorority for smoking marijuana during chapter.

NO ONE THINKS A SIX-HOUR-LONG MUSICAL FEATURING FUZZY LEOTARDS IS HUMANE. CURIOSITY WILL CHANGE THAT.

Curiosity Seriously, it’s that awful

CURIOSITY LOL FML

g n i r u Feat

FORMER GREEKS

guest writers: Malea Castellanos and Orion Hughes-Knowles

What the basement of your frat says about you DANCE FLOOR:

How long has that stain been there? Nobody knows. Your beer-soaked, cramped, slippery dance floor says that you are a fun-loving, energetic party animal. Who has time for dancing anyway with all that bottle breaking and impromptu boxing to get to later?

SONG

BEER PONG TABLE:

The staple of any good fraternity basement, the beer pong table must meet all professional and safety regulations. This will be where everyone at your party will be spending the majority of his of her time, so anything more or less than perfection will not be tolerated.

DJ BOOT H:

DJs must be sophomores or juniors with an intricate knowledge of early- to mid2000s rap and techno. Anything more or less will be 100 percent unacceptable.

WALL S:

To get the most respect from your many visitors, your walls should be absolutely filthy. We’re talking dirt, mystery stains and Megan Fox posters. Under a backlight, this thing should look like a five-year-old’s glow-in-the-dark sticker collection. The stench should be so palpable that you can smell the basement from the top floor of the house.

SONG