www.mycampus talk .com AUGUST 2015
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“Ugly Duckling” Goes Hollywood Gwendoline Yeo Joins American Crime
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BREAKINâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; IT DOWN!
CONTENTS
GOOD
P10
READING
09 Life Filter
P37
10 Navigating the Shades of Grey:
Gwendoline Yeo 12 Two Feet on the Ground: Atticus Shaffer 14 Freshman Follies 23 What Type of Professor Do You Have? 32 Multitasking vs. Time Management 35 How to Have a Facebook-Free Relationship 37 Your Body in Love 58 Roundabouts
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P38
P34
P12 P20
P09
P14
Totally useless fact: Every time you lick a stamp, you consume 1/10 of a calorie.
breakin’ it down!
FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT 15 Aquavault® A Safety Solution
for Students 16 Queries for Quiet Minds P45 20 Your Folks’ Not-So Smart Phone 25 Games 30 You Know You’re in College … 34 Break the Silence 38 My Blind Date Went Blind 40 Sore Thumbs 42 Music Reviews 44 Gadgets 50 Wishing Well P23 52 Flicks
P44 P32
P40
P35
P42
P52
Totally useless fact: The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
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august 2015
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WHAT’S on!
Editors ‘
LETTER New semester, new start Like any major change in life, the first few weeks of college can be an intimidating time. Collectively, making new friends, getting used to a new terrain, actually going to class and figuring out how to balance everything can be stressful. As for those of you returning to classes, it’s back to the ole’ grind stone, a reunion with friends and the toleration of roommates. To coincide with the new semester, we here at CT have conjured up a plethora of fun and fascinating material that will not only entertain you between classes, but also educate. Desperate Housewives Gwendoline Yeo discusses her upcoming role in
American Crime. Atticus Shaffer dishes on his life as a child actor, as well as his role on ABC-sitcom The Middle. Learn some tricks of the trade to escape looling TOO much like a Freshman. Also, you can learn the tell-tale signs of just what kind of professors you may have this year. This semester, much like any other, you’re going to walk into class with a head full of dreams and often walk out with a head full of worries. To take your mind off of things, pick up CT, for a laugh and distract yourself from real life for awhile.
Daniel Sutphin
Editor-IN-CHIEF Lauren Douglass
CONTENT EDITOR Daniel Sutphin
art director DANIEL TIDBURY
Graphic Design Jane Dominguez Daniel Tidbury
Contributing Writers Marc Douglass Lauren Douglass Daniel Sutphin Kelly Herman Brian Hodges John Scheck Sarah G. Mason Mike Capshaw kirsten neilsen Elizabeth putfark
FASHIon FEATURES Danielle Boudrea
SPeCIAL PROJECTS Jenna Herman
If you have any comments you’d like to share with CT, send them in to mail@mycampustalk.com and you’ll be entered into a drawing to win prizes!! You may only be entered once, so don’t send us 50 comments thinking you’ll enhance your chances of winning! Employees of Campus Talk magazine, their relatives, their twins from alternate universes and their healthcare providers are prohibited from entering this drawing. Everyone else is eligible to participate… except for pandas. No pandas allowed.
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Promotions Amanda Liles Karen Jones AnnMarie DeFeo Georgia Summerville
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Campus Talk is a humor magazine dedicated to relieving students of the pressures of everyday college life. Among essay exams, crowded classrooms, boring professors and messy roommates, Campus Talk offers a welcome diversion for those students “just trying to get away from it all.” Different viewpoints may grace our pages but may not all represent the opinions of Campus Talk Magazine or its staff. Campus Talk should not be read by anyone suffering from heart ailments, unfunny syndrome or halitosis. All images depicted are purely coincidental. Copyright 2009. All rights reserved, What’s Happening Publications, Inc.
Totally useless fact: Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every 2 weeks otherwise it will digest itself.
NOT-SO-GREAT EXPECTATIONS
Life by john scheck
Filter
I won’t get any argument when I say that we’re slammed with a daily tsunami of choices and staggering amounts of information that pour over us in a wide range of formats. We have access to almost every movie, piece of music, magazine and book in the world. It’s an exciting time to live in, but it’s one filled with trivialities vying for our attention, distractions, dead ends, and many, many things that should be an insult to our collective intelligence. We all need some sort of a filter, or at least I do. I definitely need a filter to ensure that I spend my time with things worthy of an adult mind. Things worthy of an adult mind do not include that video you posted on Facebook of your uncle getting hit in the crotch with a football.
In Haruki Murakami’s novel Norwegian Wood, one character refuses to read any book written in the last 25 years to shield himself from the glare of vulgar popular opinion. This is an interesting concept but I had to read a 250-page book that I didn’t think very highly of to find it. See what I mean about needing a filter? We would have more time to write the great American novel if we weren’t spending so much time reading mediocre books. And then there are all of the tech trends that rob us of our valuable free time, too.
We probably just need to lower our expectations. Instead of that masterpiece of music, film, literature or science we dreamed of a few years ago, we need to set our sights a little lower. Not there, a lot lower. We still have room for a lot of creativity but without being too ambitious. Imagine War and Peace reduced to a 140-character Tweet which would mean that the cliff notes would be about 50 characters for those of you who are too busy to read the original. And 140-character communications not being brief enough, the supremacy of Twitter is being challenged by a new tech upstart with a messaging system that limits users to a single vulgar noise. Seriously Twitter, 140 characters? Who has that kind of time? We now live in an age in which more young people have selfie sticks than library cards. I don’t know if this is true but if it is then there really is no hope for us as a species. “Selfie” is short for “selfish” or “solipsistic” which is a philosophy that the self is the only existent thing. “I think, therefore I am” in our era can be replaced with “Hey everyone, look at me!” Workers spend something like 81 work days a year on emails alone. Just think what it would be like to do away with this terrible waste and spend all of that time looking at cute cat videos or posting Facebook pictures of your food. Imagine a world in which we needn’t even get out of bed in the morning because we can just watch the big screen while eating a pint of ice cream. Living in the Information Age is exhausting so it makes sense to never get out of bed. Totally useless fact: ‘Stewardesses’ is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.
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acting dream
‘ Desperate Housewives’’ Gwendoline Yeo on her upcoming role in ‘American Crime’ Interview by Lauren Douglass
Navigating Shades of Grey Best known as the sultry “Xiao Mei” from hit series Desperate Housewives, Gwendoline Yeo is gearing up for another big break in primetime with ABC’s highly anticipated new crime drama, American Crime. The former Miss Asian America and Miss Chinatown USA graduated from UCLA at just 19, then immediately moved on to pursuing her acting dreams.
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Totally useless fact: More Monopoly money is printed in a year, than real money throughout the world.
acting dream
Here, she shares with us some of the I try to wake up lessons she’s learned from her career daily and be spent in Hollywood, as well as secrets grateful for that day from some of LA’s most exciting sets. How did you get started in acting? I was an ugly duckling that wanted to go to college, so when a neighbor said why don’t you do a pageant I laughed, but then I won! Then I did two other pageants in the next four years or so, then went to UCLA where I did some cheesy Chinese commercials. I also worked odd jobs, and one of my odd jobs was playing the sitter at parties where I’d make something like $6 an hour. One year I was sitting for a Chinese New Year party and met some people who were connect to NPR. They learned a little of my story and said they wanted to give me half an hour of programing. So I wrote this one woman show about coming to America from Singapore and being raised in a tough family, and it sort of opened me up to storytelling. So basically, it was about discovering that I’m a storyteller. And acting really is about expressing and telling a story. Tell me about American Crime. In American Crime, there’s a murder of a military war veteran who’s the son of Barb and Russ, played by Felicity Huffman and Timothy Hutton. The show is basically about all the collateral damage from that one inciting incident in an area that happens to be racially defined. At first glance, it’s a show about race, but I think on a much deeper level it’s more simply about family and love. It focuses on a section of people who have been born into lives where they’ve been dealt not as good of a hand as a richer family and they’re just doing the best they can. It’s really a lot of lonely disconnected individuals trying to connect to each other. There’s also the Elvis Nolasco and Penelope Ann Miller couple – the black and the white couple. I feel that they represent the Romeo and Juliet of the story. They’re meth addicts, and they love each other, but they’re not meant to be, or are they? I think John Ridley interweaves a lot into 11 episodes! What are some of the challenges that you’ve faced in Hollywood? I think a battle that continues for me is being authentic. It’s sort of my occupational hazard
– working in an inauthentic world. And I’m not saying it’s all Hollywood’s fault. I think I live my world, sometimes naively, in a very black and white way, when really it’s a constant navigation of shades of grey. And whether that means being more diplomatic or as your career grows, having to manage a bigger team of people. I think it’s the business side of show business that I do find harder to navigate, because the work part of it is a breeze! How would your friends describe you? My friends…verses my family? [Laughs.] My favorite is my big brother, who I’m very close to, who says I am emotionally very deep but also very funny. My mom says that I’m responsible, but also goofy. I would say that my best friends say I’m authentic and honest and a loving person. “Smart and beautiful” I hear sometimes, which I always wince at. Because you’re always the ugly duckling inside at work, which I feel builds empathy. Stephen Hawking said that the way to end nuclear aggression is through empathy, and I do find that that’s a huge trait that I wish more people would be willing to expose – not just in Hollywood but everywhere. Can you describe some of your best memories from your days on Desperate Housewives? I don’t know why this came to mind, but once, it was the height of summer, and I’m on Wisteria Lane sitting in Eva Longoria’s makeshift house on Universal studios lot. It was so hot, and I was wearing this pregnancy suit with huge boobs and a huge belly. Eventually, I got so hot that I just unzipped my moo moo and sat there in my suit, fanning myself because it’s so hot! Of course she took a picture. I also remember the first time I met Marcia Ann Cross and the others. I slipped into the van and there they were, just smiling human beings! They were larger than life, but then they weren’t – they were just human beings, and really kind. As the van pulled up to Wisteria Lane, I was like “Oh my gosh, it’s Wisteria Lane!” They all laughed, but not in a
condescending way. I felt like such a dork, but they were like no, it’s great – we’re so lucky to be here. And the food was really good! The lobster and steak Fridays – I was like wow! Life is really hard! Do you watch any of The Real Housewives franchise on Bravo? I do, and I feel like it was definitely the model for it. I really liked the Housewives of Beverly Hills because it’s so close to home. It’s so hyped, I know, but a lot of that stuff is so real! It’s a guilty pleasure. I don’t like the drama in my personal life, but I think it makes for good TV! I also think that it’s nice that women who are over 30 are still being portrayed as sexy and having things happen in their lives. I think that’s been exposed in the reality scene, but also in scripted TV where you’ve got leading women who have a story to tell. I think it’s cool. What do you think has been the biggest lesson that you’ve learned so far in your career? I was watching Rene Zellweger on Inside the Actors Studio a few years ago and she said if you don’t have your own constitution about what’s ok and what’s not, you’re going to be lost. And I took that really seriously. I wrote a constitution for myself, asking, what are my parameters? What am I willing to compromise in terms of how I’m spoken to? How much navigation am I willing to deal with; where does my integrity lie? Is money before work or work before money? I think it’s important to really take a look and be clear on where you stand. I really have to re-ground myself and try to stay true to that. Because my priorities are really daily happiness and peace, and not just winning some game or getting to a certain paycheck. But without your own constitution, you’re doomed to a life of restlessness and never feeling satisfied, and that’s not a good feeling to have. I think I try to wake up daily and be grateful for that day – that I’m successful now and I’m grateful for what I have now – no matter how cheesy that sounds!
Totally useless fact: To escape the grip of a crocodile’s jaws, push your thumbs into its eyeballs - it will let you go instantly.
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ABCâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S THE MIDDLE
TWO FEET ON THE GROUND Atticus Shaffer: The Student, The Role Model, The Actor
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Totally useless fact: One quarter of the bones in your body are in your feet.
ABC’S THE MIDDLE
Atticus stands stoic on his goals. Staying grounded as he heightens his Hollywood stature not only shines clear in his perspective but also in his maturity. At only 17, the ambitious actor and voice-over artist has performed in more than 20 productions, including the ongoing ABC series, The Middle, and Tim Burton’s Frankenweenie, as well as a slew of voice-over and live action gigs from the big screen to the small screen. With school still a primary focus and a hit series on steady pace, Atticus details his start, his future and the evolution of Brick! You started acting at such a young age. Is it something you wanted to do or something your parents encouraged you to do? It is something that I literally fell into. My mom and I would always read stories and books out loud together and we’d do character voices together. I loved to read and mess around with my voice and do these cool character voices. I became the poster child for my hospital and I would go to banquets and make speeches and what not. I never got stage fright. I actually enjoy talking to people of all varying ages. My mom thought that this couldn’t end with banquets and speeches – she thought I had a cute voice that could serve as a cute cartoon character or a book on tape reader. Through a course of events, we found out info on a manager and we met with her. She didn’t know what to do with me either, but she signed me on and thought maybe I could get some voice work or whatever. Her daughter/assistant accidentally sent me on an audition for a CBS show called The Class – a guest starring role. I booked it and everything just snowballed from there. When you initially got the role for Brick, was that quirkiness an initial trait of the character or was that you bringing more of yourself into the character? Brick is actually based on one of the show creator’s sons; he is pretty much the outline of Brick. It’s cool because he is the silhouette of the character and then I come in and work with the directors, writers and producers, and we all work together to fill in the blanks. That happened a lot during the first and second season. Lately it’s been more what you see in Brick as he grows up and matures. How does the evolution of Brick relate to you in your own life. I am three years older in real life than Brick. He’s growing up and maturing, but I’ve already gone through what he is going
through, so I can relate and take that and apply it to the character. Especially now, this year, Brick has really matured in his emotions. Before, he was always the “matter of fact” kid, which obviously he still is, but there are now situations where he understands the depth of them and he wants to overcome the different obstacles. It’s cool because it shows him persevering when he does get faced with an obstacle or challenge. Do you worry about being typecast in later roles? As an actor, and one in a series that is successful, that always is a risk – that’s the challenge. I need to maintain consistent as Brick, but I do need to be able to say I’m not going to be caught in a rut. I have to branch out. When I first joined the show, I was also on two voice-over projects. I was on Fishhooks, a Disney animated show that went for three seasons. They (On Fishhooks) let me be very random and fluctuate my voice and do different voices. At the same time, I was recording for Tim Burton’s Frankenweenie, which was a completely different character. So right out of the gate I was doing multiple different characters. How does prep for voice-over differ from live action? When you first get into voice-over work, you think it’s just standing there – yes sir, no sir, do whatever. It is that, somewhat, but it also couples with who is it for, what is the project and how does that differentiate. You have to portray everything through your voice. There is no live-action choreography, there is no facial expression, you have to portray everything with your voice and the intonation within it. Then, the animators listen to your voice and animate it. It’s actually pretty different but to me, it’s an art form because it is so focused on your voice. After that, animators start to focus on your body and mannerisms to add to the character.
Totally useless fact: Seattle’s Fremont Bridge rises up and down more than any drawbridge in the world.
How do you feel in regards to the stigma of child star ? I have worked with a large plethora of people with many different backgrounds. I am a person influenced by the morals that I have gained through those experiences, as well as from my family. I know I did not get here by myself. So I want to give thanks and be a good stuart for others. My mindset is that if actors have gotten to a negative point, and that is what they know, then that is what they have to deal with. My hope is that they know they need to get to a better path. They need to know that they are role models and should do the right thing, that they are people that should do the right thing. If there were more people that were on that mindset there would be less of a stigma. Do you see yourself pursuing college in the future or sticking with acting? I am very adamant on the idea that college is important and school is important. My goal is to graduate from high school and college, and then enroll for film school for directing and writing. How do you balance school and acting? I am home schooled, that does help a lot in this business. My mom and I already set up the curriculum and we also have a studio tutor on set, that is there. (When I was younger she was also a social worker). On set, it’s one of those things where whenever we get 20 minutes – between scenes or whatever – I go back to my trailer and do my school work. I love learning. I love being able to learn anything I can. This whole experience has been learning for me. Book learning, whether it be a book I read or research, I enjoy that. It’s really cool to be able to still maintain my studies and still see my friends on the weekends – I’m a huge video gamer and with technology now, you’re able to connect with your friends whenever via any device you have. My parents, my friends: They keep me grounded. campus talk
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FRESHMAN FOLLIES! By Daniel Sutphin
How 2
Not Look Like a
Freshman
Quick impressions are left when traversing a campus – many faces grow familiar while others immediately fade. Whether your new acquaintances are long-lasting or not, nobody wants to look the fool, especially with so many new people crowded together.
Stressors abound on a freshman’s agenda, but one simple goal can lead to a much easier experience: Try not to look like a freshman! With this goal in mind, you will find yourself better prepared, more organized, more responsible and well on your way to upperclassman status. the Lanyard/ID Don’t Sit in the There’s a reason you have pockets, Front Row in Class 1useDitch 6 them to store important items. Some things don’t change; even If you don’t have pockets, then most likely you are wearing gym clothes – stop wearing gym shorts to places that aren’t a gym.
2
Know Your Campus Take a day before classes to start to learn your routes. There is nothing more annoying to upperclassman than being stopped to give directions.
in college, nobody likes a kiss-ass. Sit in the middle. If you can’t see, get better glasses.
Don’t Ask Everyone You Meet if They 7 Are a Freshman
If you don’t like admitting you’re a freshman, it’s doubtful anyone else will either. It’s just tacky!
Leave Behind the High Don’t Lock School letterman Yourself Out 3 8 High school is over. It’s time to take of Your Dorm Room responsibility for yourself, move forward in life and stop relying on childhood concepts.
This doesn’t mean dig out the laniard again. Wear pants with pockets or keep an extra key in your backpack.
anyway, but if you do, don’t barrel in with straight shots and keg stands that you can’t physically handle and pass out at some stranger’s house; control yourself and call a cab. And again, don’t drink until you’re 21!
You’re not going to like every person you meet and they aren’t all going to like you. Don’t be rude, but be casual. You don’t want to look like the puppy at its first day of doggy day care.
that won’t require you to bring EVERY book you own to campus. Not only do you look more unorganized, but also because your back will be killing you by the end of the day.
If you take these simple tips into consideration, not only will your life be easier on a day-to-day-basis, but you also won’t drive people away with your ‘newb’ demeanor and incessant inquiries.
Pace Yourself Don’t Try to Be at Parties Best Friends 4 9 You shouldn’t be drinking underage with Everyone
Simplify Your Belongings 5 Try to schedule yourself in a manner
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Totally useless fact: Right-handed people live, on average; nine years longer than left handed people.
TRANSFORM TOMORROW
TODAY.
From the vibrant exterior to the dedicated staff, an atmosphere of care and comfort surrounds UF Health Shands Childrenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Hospital.
By supporting the Sebastian Ferrero Foundation, you can be part of the healing that transforms lives. Join us at Noche de Gala, and help give children and their families a brighter tomorrow.
For sponsorship and ticket information, visit NochedeGala.org
we want to know uy who How does the g wplow If 7-11 is open 24 drives the sno the hours a day, 365 days a year, get to work in w s? g in n r o are there lo hy m cks on the door If you tied s? b u t t ered toast back of a c to the at a height, w and dropped it from hat would happen? If a cow laughed If nothing ever real hard, would milk come sticks to Teflon, out her nose? how do they make Teflon stick to If you’re in a vehicle the pan? going the speed of light, what happens Why do they put when you turn on Braille dots on the keypad of the the headlights? drive-up ATM? Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Queries for Quiet Minds There are some questions in life to which you might not ever get a quality answer. As frustrating as it is too sit and ponder such impossibilities, the only way to figure out the right answer, is to know how to ask the right question. To help further your already “expansive” knowledge on life and how everything works, CT has collected some of life’s ultimate questions, as well as a few others for good measure.
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Totally useless fact: Ten percent of the Russian government’s income comes from the sale of vodka.
safety first!
AquaVault
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A secure solution beyond your water adventures, the AquaVault® outdoor travel safe is made of durable high impact ABS thermoplastic to withstand aggressive attempts on your valuables, and is perfect for any dorm room or apartment. The 120-square-inch cargo hull is roomy enough for wallets, watches, mobile phones, jewelry, keys and other valuables. AquaVault®is a unique, patented personal safe with international patents pending that was created with the vision to revolutionize the level of safety and comfort you want to experience while you enjoy your time outdoors. While trust is a crucial thing between roommates, AquaVault® is both a visual and Totally useless fact: A giraffe can go without water longer than a camel.
functional deterrent to any would-be thief. This allows you to enjoy your experience and focus on the important parts with peace of mind. Plus, AquaVault® is compact and easy to store – crucial for small rooms or closets. The AquaVault® personal safe is made of durable high impact ABS thermoplastic to withstand aggressive attempts on your valuables.
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When you see it around town…
…you’ll say to yourself, “hey, that’s the What’s Happening Truck!”
FOR OUTDOOR ADVERTISING OPPORTUNITIES, CONTACT SHANE AT 352-371-5881 OR EMAIL US AT: INFO@THEWHATSHAPPENINGTRUCK.COM
CHARTED
WHEN MY SIBLINGS NEED TO GET ON THE COMPUTER
HIPSTER VS HOMELESS
LONG HAIR
ANY OTHER TIME
ACTUALLY HOMELESS
WALK TO EVERY DESTINATION
IPHONE
EAT & DRINK CHEAP THINGS
LONG BEARDS
WHEN I’M ONLINE
SECOND-HAND CLOTHES
HOMELESS HIPSTER
COMPUTER LAB USAGE
GUYS WHO BRING THEIR GUITARS TO COLLEGE
NUMBER OF PEOPLE WHO WHISH GUITAR PLAYER WOULD STOP PLAYING THE ONLY THREE SONGS HE KNOWS OVER & OVER
ACTION THEY THINK THEY WILL GET TIME SPENT ON RAGE COMICS
ACTION THEY ACTUALLY GET
Totally useless fact: Nearly 80% of all animals on earth have six legs.
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yo mamma!
YOUR MOM GOES TO COLLEGE hone tp Your folks’ not-so smar
By
Daniel Sutphin
ds now entering or rents of undergra pa e th at th hool – back y sa It’s likely to or some sort of sc – ge lle co to nt we u could say – attending college e technology – yo th Y, DA EIR zmos. TH IN of gadgets and gi in the ‘80s. BACK modern montage r ou to d re pa m lacked co a car break down, on campus or have e-time lifestyle d de an str e ar u Next time yo ccess-all-th art phone and all-a ring your parents’ day and appreciate your sm du d rre cu plication oc because if the com to use something called ... ve ha d ul age, you wo
Fun Uses For Phone Booths • Changing into Your Superman Costume • Time travel like Doctor Who
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• Re-enact Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure (Ask your parents) taking • Pretend you traveled through time by e. a selfie in the booth with your smart phon
Totally useless fact: Ninety percent of all species that have become extinct have been birds.
yo mamma
hone P y a P he T ) (Ahhhhhhhhh are sparse in ATM, pay phones cognize this an ith w ed us nf Not to be co kids might re mmunities. (You Gray is most modern co program Doctor Who.) William C en BB th e rarity from th in 1889. It was firstnted the device said to have inve ge A. Long. The coin-booth was , the or ce vi Ge de ostpay” developed by Hartford, CT. A “p r the call was in nk ba a at d le te instal ed af d coins to be plac machine require made. booths ging telephone nies began chan ore accessibility for pa m co s, 70 19 e m In th low pay phones to al rents used in to non-enclosed phones you’re pa y pa e th ike (L disabled people the ‘80s). ce the advent of en removed sin be ve ha red with es on ph Most pay n tend to be cove Those that remai asons. . es on ph ile ob m r re porsed for othe graffiti or re-pur
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We guarantee the best donor fees in our marketing area! Totally useless fact: There is approximately one chicken for every human004SH_3_8583x10_0394_4cFHr.indd being in the world.
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y, unn F Fake ut B AGE T N I V DY O R A P AD
CHOOSE WISELY By Chad Squitieri
What Type of
Professor
Do You Have? People come in all types of shapes and sizes, and professors are no exception. There are some who you probably wouldn’t mind hanging out with after class, some who remind you of your parents and some who should just retire. The type of professor you have can change the entire way you view their course, which is why it’s important to scope out the cool profs right way and not get stuck with the Ben Stein-like ones. Bueller?
THE SMARTA$$
Stay away from the Smarta$$ Professor. This is the type of professor that feels the need to constantly remind you of how much more intelligent they are than you. The one that is impossible to come in contact with, and squeezes his Graduate Assistants of all the free labor they are willing to provide him. The kind that thinks he can impress the freshman girls in his lectures by using unnecessarily long words in place of short ones and feels the need to laugh at students when they ask questions in front of the class. The Smarta$$ Professor is the type that gives other professors bad reps, and instead of lecturing should stick to writing articles for scholarly journals which other smart ass Professors can pretend to read.
THE BRO THE COACH
Remember the football coach in high school that taught physical education when he wasn’t doing squat thrusts? And not the Coach that took their job seriously, but the one that would chuckle when they showed the human reproduction videos. Well take that guy, add a PhD, and that is the Coach Professor. The Coach Professor is the one that after three PowerPoint slides deep into his first poorly thrown together lecture, you can tell that he doesn’t care about his job. Key signs that let you know you have the Coach Professor are if he comes to class smelling like beer and wearing hangover glasses or if he skips class more than you do.
Totally useless fact: Most collect calls are made on father’s day.
THE BROKEN PROFESSOR
The Broken Professor has been teaching for several years, only to come to the sad conclusion that nobody cares about the field of study they have dedicated their entire life to teaching. With their degree in something along the lines of Canadian Literature or Australian Art History, the Broken Professor mopes into class everyday and you can literally smell the emptiness resonating from inside them. However, the Broken Professor is the easiest of all the professors to reach, as they can be found weeping in their office long after their scheduled office hours.
This is the type of professor that you can’t tell if he’s cool, or just cool for a professor. The Bro tends to make a lot of pop culture references in class as though he googled “cool college stuff” and used what popped up as his talking points. While the Bro is a cool and laidback professor to have, by the end of the semester you’ll find yourself in a sort of teenage rebellion phase. You’ll start acting out and doing poorly on exams, just so the Bro will act more like a professor, instead of your bro, and actually punish you. However, this will only lead to a lower G.P.A and is not a recommended choice of plan. If the Bro Professor asks you to come over after class to listen to Jack Johnson and play GameCube, drop the class. campus talk
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oooh, nasty!
irty? d e r a s e t a roomm photos. r u o y k in h T ut these ur
Check eoto send us picturees toof yo
Feel fre ment or roommat â&#x20AC;&#x2122;d love to nasty aparytca mpustalk.com, wlde for you. mail@m em off to the wor show th
Need a new apartment or roommate, go to www.collegerentals.com.
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Totally useless fact: The winner was J. Frank Duryea, whose average speed was 71/2 miles per hour.
T S U AUG
play with yourself
GO FIGURE
CR O S SWORD
SN OW FL AK ES
C RYPTO QUIP{
SUDOKU
Totally useless fact: Each of us generates about 3.5 pounds of rubbish a day, most of it paper.
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play with yourself
UOTE TO Q
LETTER BOX
C RYP
Wishing well
SPOT THE DIFFERENCE
TRY SQUARES 26
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Totally useless fact: Women manage the money and pay the bills in 75% of all Americans households.
T S U G AU
you sooooo cheated
WORD HUNT!
! t o n k fear
MEGA MAZE whereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s frank?
Totally useless fact: It has NEVER rained in Calama, a town in the Atacama Desert of Chile.
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tic tac toe!
Use this space for TIC TAC TOE, or anything else you can think of to spare the borEdom of class!
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Totally useless fact: The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.
hahahaha
Q: What do you call the security guards who work at the Samsung store? A: Guardians of the Galaxy.
Remember to
send all jokes funny@mycampus talk.com and you could win a Campus Talk t-shirt.
Q: Who earns a living driving their customers away? A: A taxi driver
Q: Why did the computer go to the doctor? A: Because it had a virus! Q: What do you call a baby monkey? A: A Chimp off the old block
Q: What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? A: It barked with de-light!
Q: How do you shoot a killer bee? A: With a bee-bee gun
Q: Where do bees go to the bathroom? A: At the BP station!
Get Out and About!
Spring is an exciting time to be in Gainesville. Between UF sports, concerts and art festivals, thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s always something to do. So take a break from campus and get out and about in Gainesville. For more information and a complete listing of events visit our website.
Q: What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? A: Swimming trunks. Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? A: Frostbite
Events in Gainesville Aug : A T-Rex Named Sue Florida Museum of Natural History Aug 8: Paddle Yoga Drift SUP, High Springs Aug : Tours of Historic Haile Homestead 10 AM on the 8th, 15th, 22nd and 29th Aug 13: Annual Civil War Syposium Matheson History Museum, 6 PM Aug 15: The Civil War Battle of Gainesville Sweetwater Park, South of Matheson History Museum, 10 AM Sept 2&3: Preview: Peter and the Starcatcher Hippodrome Theater, 8 PM
www.visitgainesville.com 352.374.5260
VisitGainesvilleFlorida Totally useless fact: Daylight Saving Time is not observed in most of the state of Arizona and parts of Indiana.
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Cereal ma a complet kes meal any e of the da time y.
GOTTA BE TRUE!
You Know You’re In College When… hYowou almost forgo
Settlin g for a C+ is accep table if it mea gettin ns g two e x t r a nig party hts of ing du ring t he w e ek.
to driv e.
You get real y good with excuses for skipping class.
e h t e r a s . e m t t a a c o v d a s ’ devil
can be stretch
four meals. 30
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You’ll drink anything if it’s free
cheat... l l i t s e l Peop more t s u j s ’ it ogically l o n h c e t d. advance
Two slices of p
t
izza and garlic
ed out into thre
rolls
e or
g food n i r e d r O .m. is a at 1 a on comm rence. occur
you hear more stupid nicknames than you ever thought possible
Totally useless fact: Bees have 5 eyes. There are 3 small eyes on the top of a bee’s head and 2 larger ones in front.
CHARTED
WHAT RELATIVES TALK ABOUT AT FAMILY EVENTS
WHY PEOPLE BETA TEST GAMES TO MAKE SURE THERE ARE NO BUGS OR GLITCHES
HAVE YOU GOT A BOYFRIEND YET?
AWKWARD SILENCE OTHER THINGS
WHEN I APPRECIATE SCENERY MOST
TO PLAY THE GAME BEFORE IT’S OFFICIALLY RELEASED
WHY MY GRADES AREN’T GOOD I’VE GOT 100% SYNCHRONIZATION IN ASSASSIN’S CREED
IN ACTUAL PLACES
ON VIDEO GAMES
I’M TOO BUSY HANGING OUT WITH FRIENDS
THE DOG ATE MY HOMEWORK
I DON’T UNDERSTAND THE MATERIAL
Totally useless fact: Butterflies taste with their hind feet.
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TIME IS ON MY SIDE?
By Daniel Sutphin
Multitasking vs. Time Management
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august 2015
Totally useless fact: It is illegal to hunt camels in the state of Arizona.
One of the greatest differences between the end of high school and the end of college is the pace by which time seems to pass. While the 24 hours in each day do not change, they do seem to disappear much quicker than they did back when afternoons were filled with careless cruises around town, or lazy lounges on the couch. To resolve these time issues, many students elect to multitask. After all, multitasking was shoved down our throats as a solution to completing many obligations throughout the day, or just an excuse to keep playing that video game while “studying” for the big exam. Modern research, however, has turned to negate multitask support. Rather than making a person more productive, multitasking can actually cause someone to waste around 20–40 percent of his or her time, depending on the tasks, according to the pubmed.gov-published Executive control of cognitive processes in task switching. “Task-switching” is the evolved term for what was once-believed to be productive multi-tasking. “When it comes to attention and productivity, our brains have a finite amount,” says Guy Winch, PhD, author of Emotional First Aid: Practical Strategies for Treating Failure, Rejection, Guilt and Other Everyday Psychological Injuries. Jumping between several tasks, Winch explains, actually wastes productivity. Because a person’s attention is expended on the act of switching gears, he or she can never get fully “in the zone” for any one activity. But with so many classes, papers, jobs, friends, phones, messages, emails (it’s tiring just to list them), how can you be expected to complete anything without having a multitask-lifestyle? The answer is simple (and you’ve heard it before): Time Management. Michael E. Reese’s Time Management: How to Get More Done in a Multitasking World lists several efficient time management tips.
• Make a Priority List according to how important they are. • Synchronize your Calendars to avoid task confusion. • Make a Plan of Action for each project. Have a sequence to help point out progress. • Handle the Most Important Tasks First to allow more time for tasks that are less important. • Keep Goals as Realistic as Possible to allow for more control over time, and a better chance of reaching your goal. • Veer Away From Interruptions by blocking off several hours wherein you choose not to be distracted at all. • Prioritize the Unpleasant yet Urgent Tasks to free yourself of the unwanted task as early as possible. • Take Advantage of Downtime by checking emails/messages, or working on scheduling tasks for the next day. • Take Regular Breaks by conducting tasks, undistracted, for 45 solid minutes, with 15 minutes of the hour remaining for a break.
SEX
PRACTICE
SAFE
...because she won’t be wearing these.
• Learn to Say No properly so you can save time and focus on the things that matter more to you. •F orgive Yourself for the Imperfections; trying to perfect one project can leave all other responsibilities neglected. •B e Flexible and Adjust Accordingly. Try out different methods so you can adopt what works best. Check Out Reese’s Time Management for more tips on saving yourself time and becoming more productive
elf. d Protect Yous Play Smart an Time.
very Use A Condom E
Message brought to you by
Totally useless fact: Only female mosquito’s’ bite and most are attracted to the color blue twice as much as to any other color. campus talk
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SCHOOL/WORK TOPICS
What was (is) your least favorite subject?
Where did (do) you go to school?
What was (is) your favorite subject?
By Daniel Sutphin
Break the Silence: Conversation 101 Prove the Studies Wrong and Make Face-to-Face Conversation Multiple studies have been conducted to reveal that modern youth are having more and more trouble communicating in real life. Whether that is completely true or not, even before social networking, breaking the ice with a new person can be difficult. As always, CT has your best interest at heart, so here are some easy-to-remember ice breakers to help you kick off your next award, “real-life” conversation.
If you had $10 million, would you still be working/going to school?
What do you do for a living?
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Were you the class clown or teacher’s pet?
What is something that you have gotten in trouble for at school/ work?
august 2015
What was your least favorite job that you’ve ever had?
What’s the first thing you do after school/ work?
What is your dream job?
Totally useless fact: If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death.
ZERO TOLERANCE
Go to a Nice Dinner
Choose a decent restaurant for you and your partner. When you go inside and sit down, order some drinks and start looking through the menu. Comment on the items and discuss what the two of you may want to eat. After ordering, attempt to have a conversation about your interests, your day or the environment around you. While doing so, TURN YOUR PHONE OFF!
Go for a Walk in the Park
In most modern towns, there are parks or trails available. Go pick up your partner and go to one of these locations. (If it is within walking distance, you two can walk there.) While outside (I know, outside is scary), choose a path to walk or find a nice bench to sit on with your partner. Try talking about the surrounding plants or trees. Maybe get a bird book and see who can name the most birds that may happen by your location. While doing so, TURN YOUR PHONE OFF!
Go Bowling
How to
Have a Facebook-Free
Relationship Everyone’s favorite anti-social, social networking pastime is killing relationships. By Daniel Sutphin
Posting photos, locations and all those little “Like, SO important” thoughts, may seem harmless enough, but studies conducted over the past few years are finding different results. In 2013, Russell B. Clayton, a doctoral student in the University of Missouri School of Journalism, conducted a study showing that individuals who use Facebook excessively are far more likely to experience Facebookrelated conflict with their romantic partners, which then may cause negative relationship outcomes including emotional and physical cheating, breakup and divorce.
Clayton and his team surveyed Facebook users, ages 18 to 82 years old. They asked participants to detail the frequency in which they used Facebook and whether or not conflict occurred between their partners, or former partners as a result. The results showed that high levels of Facebook use among couples significantly predicted Facebook-related conflict, which then significantly predicted negative relationship outcomes such as cheating, breakup, and divorce. In light of such a survey, CT’s team of nightlife experts has collected some methods to resolve your Facebook couple woes.
Totally useless fact: There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.
Sure it’s kind of basic, but there’s nothing like some fun, simple competition to spark a fun night out. The two of you can get some snacks from the snack bar, pick out shoes and make up funny nicknames for your scorecard. Take some time to focus on the form and even try to help each other in a teamoriented manner and potentially improve your bowling skills. If neither of you know much about the game, then put up the bumpers and just go nuts. While doing all of this, TURN OFF YOUR STUPID SMART PHONE!
Stay Home and Binge-Watch a show on Netflix
There’s hardly any other activity more personable than curling up on the couch with your partner and watching a new show. The warmth of your partner next to you and the shared experience is cheap, simple and unifying. The only way it could not be unifying is if you don’t TURN OFF YOUR STUPID SMART PHONE! The concept is simple: Instead of spending all of your time documenting your shenanigans and feelings with the disconnected faces littering Facebook with selfies and narrowminded opinions, why not try documenting your life with a person who is physically (that means in real life) next to you. By doing so, the time and actual sharing of life and life events will bring you two closer together and relieve your love of any unnecessary riff-raff that comes along with social media. Clayton’s study was released in Volume: 16, Issue 10 on October 22, 2013, of Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking.
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r o f e c r u o s Your ! e s i d n a h c logo mer
WWW.WHATSHAPPENING PROMOTIONS.COM
352-371-5881
PART OF
beating heart
Your Body in Love By Kirsten Nielsen
Those first few months of love are heady – your pulse races, your knees go weak, and you daydream constantly. You swear you can physically feel how strongly you are drawn to the other person, while your friends and family just smile and shake their heads. You might not be wrong: Studies have shown that being in love can change our body chemistry in real and measurable ways.
Love makes you feel high
That euphoric state? Not just in your mind. Scientists at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine in NYC studied MRI scans of college students and found that falling in love activates the same neural system in your brain that lights up when you take cocaine. So if you feel like you’re addicted to your new lover, you aren’t far from the truth!
Love makes your pain go away
That warm fuzzy feeling you get while cuddling isn’t just in your head. According to researchers at Stanford University, feelings of intense love activate the same areas of the brain that painkillers target. Being in love also causes endorphins and oxytocin to flood your body, leading to feelings of well-being and security.
Totally useless fact: The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley’s gum.
Love makes you obsessive
Everyone has experienced that allencompassing infatuation that occurs in the early stages of dating. You’re incapable of talking or thinking about anything other than your sweetheart, and your friends are going to abandon you if you don’t stop daydreaming. This obsessiveness is chemically based: researchers in Italy found that the biochemical effects of romantic love are indistinguishable from obsessive-compulsive disorder. campus talk
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SIGHT FOR THE BLIND
My Blind Date Went Blind: A Review
One can consider him or herself lucky to have never suffered a blind date. From the initial, awkward hello to the potentially even more awkward goodbye, rarely does any positive outcome occur from the exchange. But, as in many aspects of life, being able to laugh at oneself and the events that occur is healthy and often amusing. Author Virginia Vitzthum captured this amusement in her book My Blind Date Went Blind!: And Other True Stories of Dates Gone Wrong. A hilarious collection of more than 50 true stories of dates gone crazily wrong – though sometimes with a happy ending – My Blind Date Went Blind! is as much fun as sharing stories with a best friend. Until you’ve survived a bad blind date, it’s difficult to understand the level of cringeworthy woe that can occur, such as: • The date who shows up with his soon-to-be ex-wife in the backseat • The date who thinks it’s sexy to eat a bowl of noodles in one mouthful, tearing off the dangling ends with both hands. • The date who can’t pay for the $2.00 matinee when he discovers the price went up to $3.00. 38
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• The forgetful woman who administers the same pop quiz – Can you spell “segue”? Who is Frank Lloyd Wright? – two dates in a row. • The rabid Harry Potter fan who just won’t stop calling (with updates about his therapeutic progress). • And the date featured in the title (My Blind Date Went Blind), who loses his vision in the middle of dinner – a literal moment of hysterical blindness – and needs to be walked home. (Oh, and he wasn’t able to pay the check either, of course.) Social media and dating sites have made it somewhat easier to avoid these sort of human experiences, but even with the depth of online meet and greets, deception can occur. Be ready for your next blind date with Vitzthum’s embarrassingly funny catalogue of true accounts on the dating front lines.
Totally useless fact: Annual growth of WWW traffic is 314,000%
how do you plead?
TRIAL
WE HAVE PUPPIES THAT NEED FOSTER HOMES & FOREVER HOMES!
by jury
The following quotations are taken from official court records across the nation. Each, shows how funny and embarrassing it is that recorders operate at all times in courts of law, so that even the slightest inadvertence is preserved for posterity. Lawyer: “Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?” Witness: “The victim lived.”
Lawyer: “You don’t know what it was, and you didn’t know what it looked like, but can you describe it?”
Lawyer: “Did you blow your horn or anything?” Witness: “After the accident?” Lawyer: “Before the accident.” Witness: “Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.”
Lawyer: “Now sir, I’m sure you are an intelligent and honest man” Witness: “Thank you. If I weren’t under oath, I’d return the compliment.”
Lawyer: “Have you lived in this town all your life?” Witness: “Not yet.”
Lawyer: “You were there until the time you left, is that true?” Lawyer: “So you were gone until you returned?” Lawyer: “Do you have any children or anything of that kind?”
Lawyer: “Mrs. Jones, is your appearance this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?” Witness: “No. This is how I dress when I go to work.”
Lawyer: “Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?”
Lawyer: “The youngest son, the 20 year old, how old is he?”
Lawyer: (realizing he was on the verge of asking a stupid question) “Your Honor, I’d like to strike the next question.”
Lawyer: “How long have you been a French Canadian?”
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Lawyer: “You say that the stairs went down to the basement?” Witness: “Yes.” Lawyer: “And these stairs, did they go up also?”
Lawyer: “Sir, what is your IQ?” Witness: “Wel l, I can see pret ty well, I think. ” Lawyer: “And who is this person you are speaking of?” Witness: “My ex-widow said it. Lawyer: “Were you alone or by yourself?”
tor, did Lawyer: “Doc shot in as w you say he the woods?” I said he Witness: “No, e was shot in th .” on gi re r lumba
Totally useless fact: 60% of all people using the Internet, use it for pornography.
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game on!
Sore Thumbs By Daniel Sutphin
Lost Dimension PS3, Vita July 28 A bit of a throwback visually, FuRyu’s Lost Dimension finds its greatest appeal in the game’s tactical RPG gameplay, featuring a visual novel-like system where the gamer’s choices affect the fate of the game and the characters. An extraterrestrial being, aptly dubbed “The End”, arrives to end the world. Taking place in a near future with the world on the fritz, a group of 11 psychically gifted warriors – each with his or hers own unique abilities – team to challenge this destruction. But The End is not the only threat, as traitors exist amongst the group. As the protagonist, players fight as 18 year-old Sho Kasugai. With his ability, “Vision”, Sho looks into the future to learn hints as to the traitors’ identities. He can also read the thoughts of the other characters, as as well question them. Players form bonds of friendship, but must be mindful of which allies to keep close, as The End mandates the player must begin eliminating teammates. Players should be cautious to accuse the correct traitors, as they will team with The End in the final battle. 40
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F1 2015 PS4, Xbox One, PC July 21 Although limited – as most racing games tend to be – F1 2015 new EGO game engine not only brings more visual realness to the Formula One gaming franchise, but also an even more precise physics-based handling model. Inclusive for both seasoned players and those new to the series, the new model offers enhancements and additions in over 20 areas, including engine and transmission, aerodynamics, fuel tank, force feedback, suspension and most notably a brand new tire physics model. The game upgrades immerse players into the glamorous, exciting and prestigious motorsport, recreating the breathtaking handling characteristics of the world’s fastest and most responsive racing cars.
Godzilla the Game PS3, PS4 July 14 The massive beast Godzilla returns to trample Tokyo, based on the Toho movie monster. Having first appeared in 1954, scientists studied Godzilla and found that they could harness energy from the monster. Called “G-Energy,” the source of power has bettered the lives of all mankind. Gameplay picks up 60 years later. The multiple game modes spark Bandai Namco’s greatest appeal for the latest rendition of the Godzilla concept. The mission-oriented, Destruction mode, lets gamers simulate the conquering reptile itself, as Godzilla stomps through the city to destroy all of the G-Energy Generators. G-Force – mankind’s last hope – and occasional bosses at Godzilla, trying to prevent the monster from destroying the generators and reaching 100-percent destruction. King of the Monsters mode lets players fight as Godzilla, battling other monsters such as Mothra and Jet Jaguar, as well as other classic enemies. Evolution mode extends from Destruction mode, allowing players to unlock new attacks and abilities, which can be transferred to online multiplayer matches. Totally useless fact: Sex burns 360 calories per hour.
game on!
Sore Thumbs By Daniel Sutphin
Until Dawn PS4 August 25 The new horror, adventure game from Sony and Supermassive Games follows the story of eight friends. In classic, horrorflick fashion, the friends become trapped on a remote mountain getaway. The trip quickly turns sour as they begin to notice signs that they are not alone. Fear runs high, as players must make snap decisions that could mean life or death for everyone involved. Each choice – large or small –made while playing as each of the friends will lead to each player’s own unique story.
Gears of War: Ultimate Edition Xbox One, PC August 25 A remastered release of the acclaimed first game in the Gears of War shooter franchise, Microsoft, Epic and The Coalition pulled out all the stops on the Ultimate Edition. Meticulously designed in 1080p and modernized for Xbox One, Gears of War: Ultimate Edition is packed full of new content, including five campaign chapters never released on Xbox, as well as early access to the Gears of War 4 multiplayer beta.
Everybody’s Gone to the Rapture PS4 A discovery mystery game, Everybody’s Gone to the Rapture drops players in the middle of a small English valley in 1984. Providing a non-linear, open world, the game opens on a surreal scene without any story available to guide the player. Through innovative interactive storytelling, players must wander the territory to learn about the devastating events that lead to the end of world, the beginning of the character’s.
Totally useless fact: Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it.
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Music Reviews By Daniel Sutphin
Rhythm & Blues
(but mostly riffraff)
Hiatus Kaiyote Choose Your Weapon Hiatus Kaiyote shines slightly brighter then the crowded, surgically-induced glow of modern popular music. Sadly Choose Your Weapon takes so long to finally get into a structured song, that it’s impossible to make it through the overly-extended 18-track LP. Cluttered with dissonant noises and unnecessary effects, what could be a tight, succinct album of R&B/Jazz/Funk glory turns into a blurred soundscape of noises and ill-timed instrumentals. Singer Nai Palm’s voice is unique and strong, reminiscent of the soft, smooth caress of Sade, blended with the provocative, harsh vibrato of Erykah Badu. When actual songs begin (almost 4 minutes into the album) the music is captivating and moving, reminiscent to some of Prince’s early ‘90s jazz/ funk experimentations. Standouts include the single Breathing Underwater, Fingerprints, and Jekyll. 42
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Walk of the Earth Sing It All Away On Sing It All Away had potential of being a unique indie attempt from the five-piece, but due to overproduction, any individuality of the groups dynamic musicianship is lost in tinny vocal effects, unnecessary use of group vocals and even a far-too reaching attempt at blending some light EDM. Home We’ll Go at one point begins to use an EDM swell only to break and return with a banjo. While this may sound unique on paper, any attempt is lost with the overall “Glee shine” with which the producers drowned the band’s music. The “Glee shine” is tolerable in a few standouts, which include Boomerang, Sing It All Away, and the welcomed change of pace of Heart Is a Weapon.
Life of Dillon Prologue EP Also complete with the Glee shine, Life of Dillon’s new EP sounds like they heard Avicii’s remake of Aloe Blacc’s Wake Me Up and tried to make a whole EP with it – Bluebirds intro immediately harkens the feel of Wake Me Up. It’s not to say the band’s path is a bad one to take; Avicii’s take on Blacc’s hit has over 227 million views on YouTube. The opening track Overload sets up the EP well, and carves out a slightly more unique attempt. David Keiffer’s voice sings with solid tone, and a minor scratch to his voice, which separates him from a lot of the cookie-cutter pop/acoustic acts. The touch of mandolin in the back also distracts well from the tinny, electronic drums. Toys stands out as well on the five-track album, bringing some piano to expand the trio’s over sound, and a welcomed break from the rest of the tracks’ over-production. Dreams has a solid message but the chorus sounds far too much like Uncle Kraker’s Follow Me.
Coin Coin Although still relying on too much production, Coin’s self-titled LP, does break some from the pop-mold – a straightforward drum tone, and clear vocals that are not so heavily layered and condensed. Opening track Atlas does suffer from the unnecessary group vocal trend at times, but the crunch in the opening guitar riff cuts through the riffraff, reminiscent of some of Kings of Leon’s earlier work. Run stands out the strongest with its punchy drums, and choppy opening guitar riff. It’s A Trap also works well bringing up the rear of the album, moving swiftly with its busy percussion, countered by singer Joe Memmel’s tenor/alto sustain.
Totally useless fact: The pop you hear when you crack your knuckles is actually a bubble of gas burning.
Music Reviews
Throwback Thrives in Modern Takes By Daniel Sutphin
Leon Bridges Coming Home Sometimes a throwback sound isn’t a bad thing – the aptly-titled Coming Home being one such exception. There isn’t any hiding on Leon Bridges’ influence on this album. Complete with classic Motown tones – from the wet, reverb-heavy vocals to the crisp snap of the drums – hearing this album harkens back to the image of kids dancing by an old AM/FM radio. Bridges sticks to his proverbial “guns” throughout the album with well-calculated horns, keys and a tight rhythm section. Smooth Sailin’ departs slightly from the Motown sound, reminiscent of some of the bluesier work of Gary Clark Jr. Other standouts include Pull Away with its gospel-infused pace and back up vocals, and River, which sparks feelings of Otis Redding and his classic Dock of the Bay – minus the rhythm section.
Wolf Alice My Love Is Cool After five years of sound searching, Wolf Alice has released their debut album. The album exemplifies such a search, as the tones and personality of each song tends to jump from track to track, and even within each song’s structure.
Bully Feels Like Fuzz-heavy guitar reminiscent to Silversun Pickups and the band’s hit, Laze Eye, Bully’s greatest strength is in the guitar work of Clayton Parker and Alicia Bognanno’s vocals, which often resemble that of a mix of Gwen Stefani and Courtney Love grit. The guitars balance a blend of fuzz-pop and shoegazer atmosphere to create a nostalgic ‘80s indie throwback sound (think Pixies and The Replacements) with a bit of a Strokes kick. I Remember, PIcture and Brainfreeze stand out in the album but only slightly, as the entire album is short, tight, harsh and rarely strays from an obviously-focused sound.
Miguel Wildheart Miguel picks up where he left off with Wildheart, maintaining the alt-R&B sound, he helped bring back to the musical forefront with his second full-length album. The opening track sets the gritty, yet shiny, tone for the 13-track LP. Combing fuzz-guitar, ambient synth and crisp, but hollowed-out drums, the album often rides a line between sounding like the sounds of Prince’s more experimental days and pop crooners from the ‘90s, such as Usher or Ginuwine. The opening track A Beautiful Exit, … Goingtohell and Leaves standout amongst a collection of tracks that often are intriguing but fall flat at the hook.
Totally useless fact: You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching TV
With dynamics that leave listeners guessing at every turn, the refinement of their eclectic sound is most evident on You’re a Germ, which starts slow only to jump, beautifully, into an upbeat rocker that carries through the end of the song. Freazy maintains this tonal focus with a shining score of ambient guitars and synth sliding within and out of each other. Fluffy is anything but its title, launching into a heavy punch of sound and pushing through with hollowed-out, yet moving verses and an overall feel that reminisces of PJ Harvey and Silverfish. Despite the high-energy of these tracks, often time My Love is Cool feels downtrodden with overly-extended fade-ins and a reliance on drone synth, leaving the listener waiting for the song to finally develop. campus talk
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get these in your life By Jenna Herman
PureGear: Hip Case All smart phone case features combine with PureGear’s new Hip Case+.
Clip It, prop it, store it and protect It with its 4-in-1 system. Its built-in kickstand provides hands-free media viewing. The durable holster allows for 180-degree rotating clip. Within its rubberized, ergonomic feel, you can even store an ID and credit card in the two-slot holder. $34.99 www.pure-gear.com
Onanoff: SoundCover
A unique iPad smart cover, Onanoff packs built-in flat panel stereo speakers, offering powerful and high quality sound. Onanoff amplifies iPad’s volume by up to 400 percent, bringing your iPad’s music, movies, conference calls and games to life with two built-in flat panel speakers. SoundCover also doubles as a carrier for your device when on-the-go! $199 Onanoff.com
Penclic: Penclic Bluetooth Mouse (B2)
Sleek and precise, the Penclic is lightweight and functions like a pen for quick, certain movement. Its bluetooth capability frees up USB ports, offering superior navigation at your fingertips. Acting like a pen, Penclic Mouse’s ergonomics create a relaxed working position, enhancing user experience and allowing forearm to relax on work surface. It features 5 buttons, a scroll wheel and a laser sensor that operates on almost any surface without a pad or tablet $89.95 www.penclic.se
808 Audio: HEX XS With wireless stereo speakers turning the norm for mobile music experiences, 808 Audio has released HEX XS. Rich sound streams directly from your Bluetooth enabled device. The built-in rechargeable battery allows for up to 12 hours of play-time. With its bass resonator, HEX XS produces true stereo sound, filling the space with clear and accurate audio and rich bass. $59.99 808Audio.com
Pronto
Compatibility is key to getting the most out of a smart phone device. Pronto expands your iPhone's capabilities by allowing it to sync with any TV, set-top box, DVD and Blu-ray player. Paired with the free Peel Smart Remote app, Pronto offers customized viewing recommendations based on your interests and viewing habits. Palm-sized and lightweight, the Pronto fits in the smallest of spaces and allows for easy mobility and is optimized to control more than 3,000 entertainment devices, including all major TV brands. Compatible with: iPhone 4s, iPhone 5, iPhone 5c, iPhone 5s, iPhone 6, iPhone 6 Plus and iPod Touch. $49.99 www.getpronto.com
TrackR:bravo A small, coin-sized device, the TrackR: bravo simply attaches to your
valuable items. Download the TrackR app, and bravo will locate any lost or misplaced item in moments by ringing your missing keys with The TrackR’s Distance Indicator or via Crowd GPS. Forget the bulk! With its sleek, anodized aluminum construction, Bravo shines thinnest and most durable tracking device. $29.99 www.thetrackr.com 44
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Totally useless fact: In a lifetime the average human produces enough quarts of spit to fill 2 swimming pools.
What in the world?
What do you call it when rain falls when the sun is shining?
I Have No Expression For This.
Sunshower.
Totally useless fact: Barbieâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s measurements, if she were life-size, would be 39-29-33
The Devil is Beating His Wife.
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RIDDLE ME THIS!
MIND
#1 Two words is my a nswer. In order to keep me , you have to give me. What am I?
GAMES in in a r b r u o y p e e k To ing g n u lo e il h w e p sha on your couch…
#5
e gs to me. With on in n ea m o tw e ar e Ther rI oken, with the othe I may need to be br my te characteristic is hold on. My favori What am I? charming dimple.
#2
1) Your word, 2) A mirror, 3) A wedding ring (at least it used to), 4) The moon, 5) A tie
me I’m p o r d u If yo but k c a r c sure to smile a give me lways a and I’ll k ac smile b 46
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#3
What holds two people together but touches only one?
#4 I’
m white ; I’m ro und, but not always aro und. Sometimes yo u see me , sometimes you don’t . What am I?
Totally useless fact: The human heart creates enough pressure to squirt blood 30ft.
hahahaha
Remember to
send all jokes funny@mycampus talk.com and you could win a Campus Talk t-shirt.
Q: Why do fish live in salt water? A: Because pepper makes them sneeze!
Q: Why is England the wettest country? A: Because the queen has reigned there for years!
Q: What bow can’t be tied? A: A rainbow!
Q: Why did the birdie go to the hospital? A: To get a tweetment Q: What is the best day to go to the beach? A: Sunday, of course!
Q: What has one head, one foot and four legs? A: A Bed
Q: What season is it when you are on a trampoline? A: Spring time
Q: Where did the computer go to dance? A: To a disc-o
Q: Why did the banana go to the Doctor? A: Because it was not peeling well
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Totally useless fact: One third of all cancers are sun related.
Happy, um, birthday, or something
Thanks for the birthday wishes from everyone who noticed my name today in the upper right corner of their Facebook page.
Totally useless fact: It has been estimated that humans use only 10% of their brain.
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take a seat
A Wishing Well of Well-Wishes
Job Interviews You can prepare well but if you don’t present well at the interview, you won’t get the job. You will never be able to present well if you don’t prepare well for the interview. All the best for striking a balance.
The trick to do well in a job interview is to understand that if you don’t get the job, it won’t be the end of the world but if you do, it will change your world. Good luck.
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Go out there and show the company, for them you are the one who’s meant to be. Good luck.
A 10 minute slot– that’s the time frame to show them what you’ve got. Good luck.
In front of all the mammoth battles you’ve fought in your life, your job interview is a dwarf. Good luck.
May luck be by your side and confidence be in your stride. May you finish your job interview with success and pride. Good luck.
Your interview is just that start of your story, much success in your life you are still yet to see. Good luck.
Only the best things happen to best friends like you. Best wishes for your job interview, hope you give it your best shot.
You don’t need to prepare for your job interview – your life has been your biggest preparation. Good luck.
You are the perfect candidate, the best that a company can ever get. Good luck.
The only problem with meeting so many new people is that most of them are going to be parting ways in a few years. Watching friends leave can always be tough, but you have to stay strong and be an adult. Coming up with the right words can be frustrating, so here are some well-wishes to tell your friend as they embark on his or her future. If bagging a great job seems very tough, to succeed you’ll need to want it bad enough. Good luck.
Your fate is in your hands, not in the hands of your job interviewer. Good luck.
As long as you are honest, you will be the best and pass this acidic test. Good luck for the interview.
Will I be good enough for the job? Will this job be good enough for me? Two different attitudes – you choose. Good luck. Your job interviewers don’t know how lucky they’re going to get today. Good luck.
Totally useless fact: Most Egyptians died by the time they were 30 about 300 years ago.
GET THE CANDY!
flicks
Fantastic Four WHAT: Action, Adventure, Sci-Fi WHO: Miles Teller, Kate Mara,
Michael B. Jordan WHEN: August 7 Another Marvel movie, another reboot – the NEWEST attempt at Fantastic Four features a young, new cast and a new look to strengthen the potential franchise. After teleporting to an alternate and dangerous universe, four young outsiders alter their physical form in exciting ways. The four must learn to harness their new abilities and work together to save Earth from a former friend turned enemy.
By daniel sutphin
She’s Funny That Way WHAT: Comedy WHO: Imogen Poots, Owen Wilson,
Straight Outta Compton The Man from U.N.C.L.E. WHAT: Action, Adventure, Comedy WHO: Alicia Vikander,
Henry Cavill, Armie Hammer WHEN: August 14 Yet another reboot, this time of the 1960’s TV series starring Robert Vaughn, David McCallum, Leo G. Carroll – and they say Hollywood’s not out of ideas – The Man from U.N.C.L.E. tells the story of 1960s CIA agent Napoleon Solo and KGB operative Illya Kuryakin and their struggle to work together on a joint mission against a mysterious criminal organization. 52
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WHAT: Biography, Drama, Music WHO: O’Shea Jackson Jr.,
Corey Hawkins, Jason Mitchell WHEN: August 14 With music as their weapon, five young men, using brutally honest rhymes and hardcore beats, put their frustration and anger about life in the most dangerous place in America. Going back to where it all began, Straight Outta Compton tells the true story of how these cultural rebels-armed only with their lyrics, swagger, bravado and raw talent-stood up to the authorities that meant to keep them down and formed the world’s most dangerous group, N.W.A.
American Ultra WHAT: Action, Comedy WHO: Kristen Stewart, Jesse
Eisenberg, Walton Goggins WHEN: August 21 The popularly awkward, Jesse Eisenberg brings some grace to his stage presence as a stoner, who is, unknowingly, a government agent. Marked as a liability and targeted for extermination, he quickly reveals that he is too well-trained and too high for them to handle.
Jennifer Aniston Rhys Ifan, Kathryn Hahn WHEN: August 21 An all star comedic cast teams up with renowned director Peter Bogdanovich (Paper Moon, Mask) for a screwball comedy featuring the interconnected personal lives of the cast and crew of a Broadway production. A cooky love triangle forms, when an established director (Wilson) casts his call girl-turned-actress “Izzy” (Poots) in a new play to star alongside his wife Delta (Hahn) and her ex-lover Seth Gilbert (Ifans). Aniston joins the twisted tale as Izzy’s therapist Jane, who is consumed with her own failing relationship with Arnold’s playwright (Forte), who is also developing a crush on Izzy.
Totally useless fact: 1 in 8 Americans has worked at a McDonalds restaurant.
rent me! Child 44
Scan the
WHAT: Drama, Thriller WHO: Tom Hardy, Joel Kinnaman,
code the
to see trailer!
Small Screen The Divergent Series: Insurgent WHAT: Adventure, Sci-Fi, Thriller WHO: Shailene Woodley, Ansel Elgort,
Theo James WHEN: August 4 Stakes are raised for Tris on her search for allies and answers in the futurists Chicago ruins. Now fugitives on the run, Tris (Woodley) and Four (James) search to find out what Tris’s family sacrificed their lives to protect, and why the Erudite leaders will do anything to stop them.
Far From The Madding Crowd WHAT: Drama, Romance WHO: Carey Mulligan, Matthias Schoenaerts,
Michael Sheen WHEN: August 4 Based on the book by Thomas Hardy, Bathsheba Everdene, an independent and headstrong woman in Victorian England, grabs the attention of three very different suitors: Gabriel Oak, a sheep farmer; Frank Troy, a reckless Sergeant; and William Boldwood, a prosperous and mature bachelor.
Totally useless fact: 70% of all boats sold are used for fishing.
Noomi Rapace, Gary Oldman WHEN: August 4 Tom Hardy’s star power and on-film presence continues to make a mark in the drama/action genre. Formerly Bane of the Dark Knight Rises and lead actor in The Drop, Hardy takes the role of Leo Demidov, a military police officer in Stalin’s Soviet Union. Leo never questions his patriotic duty until the young son of his friend is found brutally killed and he must deny the accusation of murder despite the evidence. Leo is banished to a work camp after his wife is marked as a traitor. There, he stumbles across a series of child murders matching the death of his friend’s son. As he tracks down the murderer, the danger that awaits is more connected than he could have imagined.
True Story WHAT: Drama, Mystery, Thriller WHO: James Franco, Jonah Hill, Felicity Jones WHEN: August 4
A legendary game of cat-and-mouse forms when disgraced New York Times reporter Michael Finkel meets accused killer Christian Longo. The twist: Longo has also taken on Finkel’s identity. Based on actual events, Finkel’s incessant pursuit of Longo’s true story encompasses murder, love, deceit and redemption. campus talk
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so funny!
John was starving! He was stuck in a small hick town, lost and hungry. He was happy when he saw a small restaurant coming up on his right. John quickly pulled over, parked his car, and walked inside. John noticed a blackboard with a sign written in yellow chalk, “Today’s Special: Vegetable Soup with Fried Chicken and Grilled Vegetables.” “I’ll take the special”, said John to the waiter when he came to take his order. A few minutes after receiving his order John called over the waiter, he was fuming mad. “IS THIS THE SPECIAL!? It says vegetable soup, BUT THERE ARE NO VEGETABLES! It says grilled vegetables, BUT THEY AREN’T GRILLED THEY ARE BAKED!? And it says fried chicken, AND THE CHICKEN ISN’T FRIED!?" The waiter was not used to city folks and their attitudes and, frankly, he was not going to put up with this behavior. “My dear man,” said the waiter looking down at John over his glasses, “that is what makes it so special!!!” 54
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Totally useless fact: A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
you sooooo cheated
S R E W ANS
CR OS SWORD
WORD HUNT!
T S U G U A
SUDOKU QUOTE
fear knot!
QUIP{
GO FIGURE
TRY SQUARES
C RYPTO
whereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s frank?
LETTER BOX
MEGA MAZE
SNOWFL AKES
Totally useless fact: You were born with 300 bones, but by the time you are an adult you will only have 206.
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spotted!
we are your friends
Spot The Differences
August 28, 2015
Vanessa Lengies Zac Efron Emily Ratajkowski
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RENT
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VISIT PARADISE FOR ALL YOUR NEEDS ON THE CORNER OF 34TH ST & W UNIVERISTY AVE
Totally useless fact: If you go blind in one eye you only lose about one fifth of your vision but all your sense of depth.
spotted!
CHECK
LIST
1) Bald guy has vest motif missing, 2) Right guy has bracelet missing, 3) Zack has wheel missing from board, 4) Left guy's hat is different color, 5) Bald guy's tattoo is missing, 6) Railing on right, second from bottom missing, 7) Guy on right has pendant missing, 8) Zack now has a hat, 9) Right guy has shoes cases missing.
Every Day is Gameday
In Gainesville every day is Gameday, only the venues change! So whether you love going outdoors or simply going out to eat, weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve got just what youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re looking for. Paddle the Santa Fe River, dine at one of our delicious local restaurants or search for treasures at local boutiques and vintage shops downtown. Gainesville, where nature and culture meet.
Totally useless fact: Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
VisitGainesville.com
352.374.5260
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don’t stop now!
it’s really
T that O N
complicated! By Daniel Sutphin
5
illustration By jane dominguez
1 As roundabouts become more common practice on inner-city roadways in America, it’s becoming equally obvious that most motorists, bicyclists and pedestrians remain untrained in the practice of to how to properly navigate this inherently simple action. Thus, getting caught in a roundabout stalemate is quite inevitable and, depending on the sensitivity of your road-rage trigger, a cause for BLACK-OUT-LEVEL PROPORTIONS OF ANGER AND HATRED, AS WELL AS BORDER-LINE LITERAL DESIRES FOR INFLICTING BLOODY MURDER!!!! (Deep breath. Deep breath.) Having often been caught in such maddening dilemmas (deep breath), especially as schools of novice motorists flood the town with each new semester (deep breath), it has become clear that it might be beneficial to provide some tips and rules of the roundabout, if for no other reason than to prevent ourselves from receiving reckless driving tickets and/or potential murder charges. 58
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Figure 1:
A. When approaching a roundabout, DO NOT stop to observe the area, or more commonly, to send some frivolous text. B. Try the correct process of reducing your speed to 10-15 mph and proceed into the intersection. If there is already traffic in the roundabout, then you can yield and/or stop.
don’t stop now!
Figure 2: A. When approaching a roundabout and needing to turn left, DO NOT just say, “F*ck it,” and turn left at the splitter island. B. Keep to the right of the island, so you don’t cause an accident and ruin the day for some unsuspecting motorist because you were too lazy or incompetent to follow a clearly designated rule.
4
Figure 4: A. After entering the roundabout,
DO NOT repeatedly start and stop as you make your way through. Sorry that the science behind such primitive directions has bested your mental processes, but that’s just annoying and hazardous. B. Continue forward as the roundabout, by name, implies. The only reason you should stop once in the roundabout is to avoid a collision.
3
2
STOP SIGNS: a thing of the past
Figure 3: A. When approaching a roundabout, DO NOT wait until the last second to figure out which street you need. B. Try thinking ahead and use your TURN SIGNAL (since that’s what it’s there for) to inform the other drivers of your destination ahead of time.
Figure 5: A. After entering the roundabout, if you miss your street DO NOT stop and back up or perform some other shenanigan you might neurotically invent on the spot. B. Travel around the ROUNDabout again and exit at your desired street. For more information and tips on roundabouts, visit www.dot.state.fl.us.
In regards to the adoption of roundabouts, the Florida Department of Transportation stated that they allow traffic to move safely and efficiently through an intersection. The benefits of this are said to include reduction of speeds, reduction in pollution and fuel use, reduction in the severity of accidents, and increase in time for drivers to judge and react to other vehicles and pedestrians. These benefits, however, remain out of reach in the common, more-realistic dilemma that most of us have experienced, since so many roundabout users seem to just ignore the signs and rules, opting to either hurl themselves headlong into the intersection without any regard for their surroundings, or over-cautiously stop and go all the way around it.
Be sure to keep your eyes open when implementing these guidelines, because MOST PEOPLE DRIVE LIKE MORONS! campus talk
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FLOOR PLANS FILLING UP FAST! RESERVE YOUR SPACE TODAY!
one liners!
p u k c Pi Lines
the e v a h u o y Do time e h t , o N time? n my w o d e t i r to w number? ed If I follow , you home would you keep me?
www.thepolosgainesville.com
facebook.com/ThePolos twitter.com@ThePolosGNV 60
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You’re so hot you must’ve started global warming.
How much does a polar beat weight? En ough to break t he ice!
Can you kiss m e on the cheek s oI can at least sa ou y y d l u Co a cute girl kiss step e s a ed e l p he m t m o r e tonight? away f u’re o bar? Y all g meltin ! the ice Totally useless fact: The strongest muscle (Relative to size) in the body is the tongue.
...or you could just grab your copy of Gator Bucks!
www.GatorBucks.com
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www.TivoliGainesville.com 2841 SW 13th Street 352.379.8090
Totally useless fact: A Boeing 747â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s wingspan is longer than the Wright brotherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s first flight.