Flourish January 2016

M a g a z i n e

John v. Jane Be Charmed or Sound the Alarm

Are Men and Women Really THAT Different?

Go Florida Wild at

Plantation

The “Re-Building” Blocks to a Better Alachua County

on Crystal River North Florida JANUARY 2016 Volume 1 Issue 37 www.MYFLOURISHMAGAZINE.COM

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Welcome

…to the world of Flourish where we bring you tips, profiles and fun to help you create your own flourishing life. This month we took a chilly swim with the Manatees at Plantation on Crystal River and got up-close underwater (a baby manatee swam right up to our group). We delve into the reasons why men and women can be so different (or maybe not) and take a look into family and parenting tips.

A special contributing guest author, Casey Adolfsson, can relate to the hangups of the tech invasion and its unexpected negative influence. So grab a cup of hot tea and take us along on your downtime!

What’s Inside…

Relationships

06 Men and Women: Not So Different After All 14 Date Night in Gainesville

Family

16 How To Respond To The Temper Tantrum 23 How to Manage Your Kids with Different Personalities 24 Are You a Tech Widow?

Money & Business

11 Sit For Success 26 How to Ask for a Raise 27 The Biggest Little Money Wasters

Fashion & Beauty 20 Choosing a Lip Color 21 Hard Candy Glam

Reviews

18 In Review: Beauty 22 New Year Gear

Lauren Douglass

08 Rebuilding Together in Alachua County 12 Go Florida Wild at Plantation on Crystal River 28 Way Back When: The Brick and Bridle Club

Features

30 Newberry, BBQ, Cousins & College Football

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Flourish Magazine | January/2016

The best preparation for tomorrow is doing your best today.

Crossword Puzzle PUBLISHERS Lauren Douglass Marc Douglass Managing Editor Elizabeth Putfark COPY EDITOR Daniel Sutphin Assistant EDITOR Mike Capshaw ART DIRECTOR Daniel Tidbury GRAPHIC DESIGN Mickey Cuthbertson Jane Dominguez Becky Snowden Daniel Tidbury PROMOTIONS Amanda Liles Karen Jones AnnMarie DeFeo Anita Knittel ACCOUNTING Lynsey Parrish CIRCULATION Adam Simmons SPECIAL PROJECTS Lauren Kolansky Daniel Sutphin ADVERTISING DIRECTOR Shane Howell (shane@whpinc.com) ADVERTISING & SALES Shane Howell Mike Capshaw Susan Noddle

Sudoku Puzzle

WRITERS Mike Capshaw Isabelle Crane Joe Graedan, MS Teresa Graedon, PhD Ginger Henderson Susan Meeker Syliana Resvanis Amy Smith Susan T. Spencer Kelly Stamps Kristi Story Debbie Travis Vivienne Van Eijkelenborg

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Start by doing what’s necessary; then do what’s possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible.

Flourish Magazine | January/2016

5

Men and Women:

By Elizabeth Putfark

Not So Different After All? You’ve heard it before.

Men are from Mars; women are from Venus. We’re just “wired” differently.

Think like a man; think like a woman. Typical guy; typical girl.

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Flourish Magazine | January/2016

So where do these distinct categories and differences come from? Turns out, it’s not our brains.

A new research study took on the ancient question of how different men and women really are in a unique way – by isolating the brain and seeing if gender could be determined based on image analysis alone.

The verdict? Not really.

Led by behavioral neuroscientist Daphna Joel, researchers identified a

number of structural differences between the more than 1,400 individual brains studied. They did find some patterns. Some forms were more common in men, others more common in women, and others common to both. For instance, men often had a larger hippocampus, an area of the brain involved with memory, than women.

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart.

However, in all cases the overlap was as significant as the divergence. Some women had a larger, or more “male-typical” left hippocampus, while some men had a smaller hippocampus even than the average female.

In the end, fewer than 8 percent of the brains studied were exclusively one gender or the other.

The rest were an amalgamation of traits loosely categorized as more masculine or more feminine.

Scientists thus concluded that it is impossible to tell the sex of an individual based on MRI imaging of the brain. At best, they can be placed along a continuum of “maleness” and “femaleness.”

The results of the study, published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences in December, fly in the face of much of what we’ve been taught about gender and the brain.

In the mid-19th century, scientists officially declared that men and women had distinctly different brains.

The very fact that such an assumption stood unchallenged for over a century says a great deal about how we tend to think about gender—that is, we’re generally more comfortable talking about it in terms of difference, rather than sameness.

Yet as this study suggests, the differences may not be as inherent as we once thought. Instead, gendered thought patterns that have been identified by teachers, psychiatrists, and laymen through the ages must be at least partially, if not largely, socially rather than biologically derived.

For instance, how often have you heard that men are better at compartmentalizing their thoughts than women, “shutting off” certain areas of their brains in order to focus on others? Or how about that women are better able to multitask, maneuvering deftly through a labyrinth of activities?

If we accept that these differences do not come from the uniquely gendered makeup of our minds, we can begin to consider how we’re socialized to operate the way we do. We might think less in terms of catering to one gender’s strengths or weaknesses, and more in terms of finding the best common methods and techniques.

Our tendencies might shift from excusing certain behaviors in men that would be unacceptable in women, and vice versa.

And rather than looking for more ways to differentiate between what’s typically male and what’s typically female, perhaps our time will be better spent looking for what’s common to both.

I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.

Flourish Magazine | January/2016

7

Rebuilding Together

When we hear the term, “people in need,” we think of different things. We might think of someone asking for change, children without lunch money, victims of natural disaster, or, at least as often as not, people living in some other country.

By Elizabeth Putfark

in Alachua County Local grassroots chapter of national nonprofit gives homeowners in need a helping hand What we don’t like to think about is our own hometown.

Yet that’s the first thing that came to mind for Gainesville native, Melissa Miller, when as a high school student she began volunteering for construction-based mission work.

Inspired by the efforts she saw in remote towns and landscapes, Miller came home to Gainesville on fire to begin the same kind of labor here in Alachua County: the labor of helping low income, elderly and disabled homeowners to make necessary safety repairs on their homes to improve their quality of life, and 8

Flourish Magazine | January/2016

subsequently the quality of life in Gainesville.

“She actually had the vision, that early in her life,” explains RD Bonner, Director of Programs for Rebuilding Together of North Central Florida.

“This is what she felt called to do.”

Miller started by gathering high school friends and fellow youth group members and getting them excited for the cause. They would meet up on Saturdays with $20 and a sack lunch and go around doing home repairs for people in town.

“What we’re trying to convey is we’re not rebuilding for you – we’re rebuilding together.”

I believe in living today. Not in yesterday, nor in tomorrow.

After earning her degree in building construction at the University of Florida, Miller and her core group of fellow volunteers founded the nonprofit group, Rebuilding Gainesville. By 2008, the group’s growth prompted them to align with national nonprofit, Rebuilding Together, and they changed their name to Rebuilding Together North Central Florida.

In order to be considered, homeowners are asked to come into the Rebuilding Together NCF office and fill out an application during open application cycles which typically run from January to June. Health and safety are always predominate concerns, and most service recipients fall into one or more of four categories: low income, disabled, elderly or veteran.

Of course, owner involvement means more than simply increasing knowhow in the local populace. It’s more about building community.

“We did one [project] recently where there were as many family members of the homeowner as there were volunteers. That’s the ultimate vision.

What we’re trying to convey is that we’re not rebuilding for you, we’re rebuilding together.”

One of the most important questions And they’ve been on the application is how willing is the Who Can Volunteer? growing ever since. owner to get themselves, their friends Volunteers come from all over the county, both as individuals and as According to the group’s and their family involved. groups. Bonner finds that the majority data, 2014 saw over 400 local of the volunteers for each project volunteers complete 33 projects “Right there on the first day we come from Rebuilding Together NCF’s with more than 4,500 hours of have them write on the application, local corporate, church and service labor. In total, they estimate that are you willing to help us and to get club sponsors, each of which Rebuilding Together NCF added more your friends and family assembles teams of representatives to than $122,745 of value to Alachua involved in the take on projects. While some groups County in that single year. process?” admits have plenty of experienced repair Bonner. “We workers within their unit (the Rotary How Does it Work? really want it to Club, Walmart and local construction Home repair projects are be an companies for example), others are chosen on a case-by-case educational basis that takes into account experience for assigned skilled laborers to help with plumbing, electric and other more both the need of the everyone nuanced tasks. Youth volunteers as homeowner and the involved.” nature of young as 14 are also welcome, the repair. although all those under 18 require adult accompaniment.

Regardless of the makeup of the group, many of the people who volunteer, including friends and family of the homeowner, end up asking to be a part of future projects.

“As we’re leaving the worksite, everyone seems to feel like they had the most fun out of anyone – and that includes the homeowner and their family! People find that it feels really good first to be a part of a larger, collaborative effort, but second in something that’s all happening locally.”

Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase

perfection we can catch excellence.

Flourish Magazine | January/2016

9

How you choose to help “If you are a roofer or a plumber and depends on personal skill set, you’re reading this article, you should time and availability. Bonner call me!” laughs Bonner. suggest that the best impact you can make is to engage The easiest way to contribute is a group you’re a part of to simply to write out a check. become a sponsor, do a Rebuilding Together has found that for little fundraising, then take every dollar donated, they’re able to on a project of your own. create four dollars’ worth of market Of course, individuals are value in repairs. Bonner promises, also invited to join specific “We will stretch your dollar!” projects, particularly skilled laborers.

To find out more about Rebuilding Together NCF, visit www.ebuildingtogetherncf.org.

Do They Need My Help?

Although part of a national group, all the funding, resources and labor for Rebuilding Together NCF come from Alachua County. In turn, all the donations go directly to work in our community.

In 2011, a study identified 7,500 substandard homes in Alachua County – a number that Bonner estimates to have grown significantly in the five years since. “Given the economy since then and the ageing housing stock, I would have to estimate that number has far exceeded what it once was, despite our best efforts,” he explains. “This is definitely a cause where the need is far greater than our capacity to serve.”

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“If you are a roofer or a plumber and you’re reading this article, you should call me!”

How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.

Go Florida Wild at

Plantation

There’s a lot to do in Florida that you can’t do just anywhere – trophy fishing, competitive golfing, and strolling the miles of lapping waterfronts. At Plantation on Crystal River, you can do all of that, plus one more activity that you won’t find anywhere else in the world: swimming with West Indian Manatees.

on Crystal River

The luxury resort offers Manatee tours in the underwater world of the Crystal River – the only place in the world where it’s legal for divers to interact with the endangered West Indian Manatee in the wild.

Equipped with the resort’s own wetsuits and snorkel gear, guests are invited to swim alongside the gentle giants as they play, eat, and socialize. If you’re staying at the hotel, your tour begins with breakfast downstairs before the adventure launches from the resort’s own dock.

You’ll learn about the endangered species in a pre-tour educational 12 Flourish Magazine | January/2016

session, then experience the underwater natural habitat that as many as 700 manatees call home for a portion of each year.

Photos and video of the once-in-alifetime experience can be included in any tour package, leaving you free to embrace each moment. Whether you’re a seasoned diver or first-time snorkeler, the team at Plantation will help you swim like a fish – or better yet, a manatee!

Plantation at Crystal River is nestled along Florida’s Nature Coast, surrounded by the Kings Bay Natural Try to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud.

Springs and more than 25,000 surface acres of lakes, rivers, wildlife refuges and state parks. For more than 50 years it has played host to weddings, corporate retreats, family reunions and getaways for visitors from around the world.

outstanding customer service with a down-home feel.

The green and eco-friendly hotel sits on 232 lush acres blanketed with emerald fields and dotted with grand oaks. Guests of the hotel enjoy a tiki bar, pool deck and hot tub all overlooking the water, as well as

The grounds are a birdwatcher’s paradise, home to hundreds of species of fowl including Osprey, Blue Heron, Red- and Yellow-Bellied Warblers, Neotropic Cormorant, Eagles and Grey-Horned Owls, to name a few.

In addition to manatee tours, Plantation offers a wide variety of outdoor entertainment.

And it’s not just birds flying through the air; golf balls whiz by regularly, too.

Plantation is fully equipped with a challenging 27-hole competitive golf course designed by renowned course architect, Mark Mahannah. True to the traditional “Florida” style, the course features numerous water and bunker obstacles to keep players on their toes.

We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.

Anglers will find their paradise at Plantation as well.

Grouper, trout, redfish and tarpon, as well as largemouth bass, bluegill, redar sunfish and black crappie fill the waters just outside the hotel’s luxurious accommodations. Guests can bring their boat in tow, rent one for their stay, or head out with a pro on a guided charter straight from Plantation’s own docks. The on-site marina also rents kayaks for a fun paddle around local waters.

So the next time you want a unique location for a personal, professional, or family getaway, look no further than Plantation at Crystal River. At just over an hour’s drive from Gainesville, this hidden gem will keep you coming back year after year.

Flourish Magazine | January/2016 13

Date Night in Gainesville

The only thing worse than having nothing to do on a Friday night is the pressure of a new date to do it with.

Whether you’ve been together a day, a month, or many years, every couple benefits from spicing things up on date night.

By Elizabeth Putfark And lucky for you, Gainesville is a perfect place for couples. To help you find the romance in our city, we’ve compiled a list of some of our favorite unconventional ways to step out on the town.

For Adventure…

Hit the water. Try a kayaking trip down the Ichetucknee River, or paddleboarding on Lake Santa Fey. A simple google search will show you plenty of options for local rentals. If you’re more of a water admirer than a water enthusiast, enjoy the view at Newnans Lake.

Although arrangements might take a little more effort than a dinner reservation, the endorphins that come from fresh air and exercise will be well worth it.

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For Connection…

Don’t be afraid to dig deep. Treat your date to a day of rejuvenation at one of Gainesville’s many spas or meditation centers. Although generally the choice of older, more established couples, spa days can be great for relaxing together no matter your commitment level.

skee ball and other favorites accompanied by local brews.

Dress sporty and be ready to indulge in a little smack talk. If Hollywood has taught us anything, it’s that witty banter between rivals is a definite recipe for romantic success.

Especially if your date works in a high stress environment, sharing a day of pampering might be the best way to break down some barriers and get closer, faster.

For Flirty Fun… Go retro. Take your date to one of Gainesville’s local arcades or fun parks. Glide around the rink at Skate Station Funworks, then head outside for a friendly contest in the batting cages. Or head to Barcade for Believe you can and you’re halfway there.

For Ambiance…

Let nature do the work. Take your date to the Kanapaha Botanical Gardens to see magnificent flowers and fauna all arranged for peaceful perusal.

If you prefer something a little wilder, head into the deep wilderness of Devil’s Millhopper or take a ride down the Hawthorne Bike Trail. Take a camera along (ideally NOT your camera phone) and have a friendly competition for best photo of the day.

Surrounding yourselves with the beauty of nature will take the pressure off conversation and let you enjoy the comfort of simple companionship.

For Philanthropy…

Give back together. Volunteering is a great way to see the best in someone special, and the worst in someone less than stellar. Stock shelves at a local soup kitchen, walk dogs at the humane society or buy a bag of carrots and feed them to the rescued horses at the Mill Creek Horse Sanctuary.

Although we usually think of dates as ways to treat the one we love, we forget that a healthy dose of perspective, blended with the feel-good boost that comes from giving back, is often the best treat around.

If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.

Flourish Magazine | January/2016 15

Temper Tantrum How to Respond to The

Emotions are expressed in different ways as children age. Finding a way to help your child manage their “big” feelings can sometimes be a challenging experience.

By Lauren Douglass

From Toddlerhood to the Teenage Years Toddlers may use hitting or screaming, adolescents might act out or teenagers could turn to destructive behaviors in order to express their internal environment. As parents, we want to find a reliable, loving way to help our children handle their frustrations at changing activities or completing learning skills. One such way is with HandInHandParenting.org.

It has been so valuable that I can’t help but want to pass this information along to any other struggling parent.

When my daughter was a toddler, her reaction over the most varied of situations left me at times confused, affected and wanting to cry myself.

How can my calm, playful child turn into a hitting, screaming alien when I simply ask her to pick up a toy or put on her shoes? Is she hungry? Tired?

Or… maybe angry? What am I missing here? Parenting can certainly be a bit of a minefield and guesswork at times.

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But that is where Hand In Hand Parenting comes to the rescue.

Their core value is my little lifesaver – The Stay Listen!

What this means is that when your child is expressing their anger or conducting themselves in a manner reasonably unacceptable, that moment is when you need to stay and listen to your child through their emotional expression. The following steps will eliminate the struggle every time and faster than any timeout I have ever tried to use.

Get on the child’s eye level. Put your hand on their shoulder or lovingly take them in your arms. Then explain and repeat the limit you are setting in a calm, compassionate tone of voice.

Stay until they have fully expressed their feelings.

It is really that simple. Stay with your

child, listen to their crying (as long as that may be, and yes, even in public) and calmly repeat the limit you setting. It is difficult in the beginning, and you are going to doubt the process until you see the results. This is NOT permissive parenting where you let them do as they please. You are still setting and maintaining the limit and defining the acceptable behavior, but you are controlling your emotional reaction to it.

Next time, when your toddler is throwing a fit, say to them, “I know this is hard, but you cannot throw food (insert other behavior), but I will stay with you until you calm down.”

Check that you are eye level and having some sort of caring physical contact or sitting close by. This communicates that they are important, you can be trusted and allows a chance to work out their emotional reaction without becoming We know what we are, but know not what we may be.

not Just For Any Home isolated. An invaluable skill which can be used throughout their lives, that we all want to teach our children, is how to manage feelings while completing necessary life tasks.

As our children grow, many times their feelings can come out as outbursts over one thing or another, but that is the exact time when you get eye level, ask them what is going on and speak in a calm tone. They are looking for that connection – children need this because they are flooded with emotions and still learning how to process. Isn’t that when creating an environment where your child feels connected to you most important? When you cry, if someone listens to why you are crying and gives you a hug, does it make you feel better? Yes – and the same goes for your child.

Make a tantrum a great teachable moment to demonstrate how to work out frustrations in a safe environment and talk about examples to move through feelings in healthy, effective ways. Directing to any physical activity is a great way to channel frustration and anger like hitting a pillow, doing a foot stomp or jumping in place are good quick go-tos that avoid hurting anyone or anything around. Talking and role playing works well for handling fear. Writing and coloring are great for sadness.

Those are the skills we want to teach – not just quick fixes for controlling their outbursts.

As children age, they are going to continue to challenge parental or social requests at different stages and for different reasons. Maintaining this response of staylistening will help you navigate those tricky times and set the stage for an open dialog during the teenage years when communication is vital. I highly recommend visiting the site if you are having a difficult time at any age or in preparation as a parent.

Many age/stage examples, resources, and other parenting advice is available on HandInHandParenting org. It has truly been a lifesaver in our household!

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Flourish Magazine | January/2016 17

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SinfulColors Velvet Ribbon Get Red Carpet Red with a gilded touch.

Toluene, formaldehyde and DBP free, this bold, vibrant, must-have color is made in the USA. $4 Walmart.com

Enessa Lavendar Balancing Cleanser A perfect balancing cleanser that won’t strip the skin, this lavender scented wash draws out impurities, toxins and debris while delivering skin-balancing ingredients. $29.95, shop.enessa.com

Trilipiderm All Body Moisture Retention Cream SPF 30 Made with natural, plant-derived botanical ingredients, Tilipiderm hydrates and contributes essential lipids to the skin of women and men of all ages. Solve dryness and prevent its return with the unique formula that mimics components of human skin to repair damaged skin. $5.95–$42.50 ShopTrilipiderm.com

Creamy Coconut Cleanser Made using a coconut-based surfactant system guaranteed not to dry out skin, this gentle cleanser lathers as you massage it onto your face, neck and décolletage. Made from organic coconut pulp and fig and honeysuckle extract. $24 WholeFoods.

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Change your thoughts and you change your world.

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Bridget Crystal Drop Earrings The Bridget Earrings feature fancy cushion-cut stones for that signature Swarovski sparkle. These beautiful crystal stones are available in seven gorgeous color options. $98 isabellegracejewelry.com

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flourishchildrensfoundation.org The Flourish Children’s Foundation is dedicated to bringing joy and warmth to disadvantaged children and their families through compassion, community charities, live events for children and families, and much more.

There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.

Flourish Magazine | January/2016 19

Lip Trends in 2015 Stain-effects deeper shades that diffuse outwards for a two-tone look Flaming color red is the game and bold the only rule Natural proportions forget the liner and let your lip’s natural shape rule the day Baby balm Nude or lip balm lips pair perfectly with dramatic eyes Very Berry berry-stained looks go great with every skin tone

Choosing a

Lip Color

By Kirsten Nielsen

that’s Perfect for You

Worried that you’ll never be able to pull off red lipstick, or sport that shade of fuchsia you’ve always wanted to try? Fear not! If you take into account your skin tone and coloring, you can rock almost any color you want.

Undertone The first characteristic you want to consider is undertone. Is your skin predominantly “warm” or “cool”?

Those with yellow or golden skin tones will look best in warm lip colors such as brick red, peach or reddish pink. Those with blue or pink undertones in their skin will look best 20 Flourish Magazine | January/2016

in cool lip colors such as icy pink, fuchsia or blue-based red.

Saturation After determining warm versus cool, consider whether you tend towards bright or muted colors in general. Do you normally wear vibrant colors like hot pink and emerald green, or does your coloring look better in soft coral and sage? Those with pure coloring will look drab in muted colors, while those with soft coloring will be overpowered by bright colors. If you like bright colors, look for lip colors in saturated hues like bright orange or

coral. If you want more muted hues, look for lip colors that have been toned down by white, gray or black.

Contrast Finally, consider the overall contrast level of your coloring. If your skin, hair and eyes are very similar in lightness or darkness, you are probably lowcontrast. If you have, for example, very light skin with very dark hair and eyes, you are probably high-contract. You can also determine contrast by looking over your wardrobe: do you wear a lot of very light colors next to very dark colors, or is the majority of your closet the same tone? Those with low-contrast coloring should look towards lip shades that are in line with their coloring: light shades for those with light coloring, or dark shades for dark coloring. Those with high-contrast coloring should look for the opposite: dark lip shades look striking with light skin and dark hair.

Put your heart, mind, and soul into even your smallest acts. This is the secret of success.

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Wear alone or mix and match. $6 Walmart.com Inspired by camera filtering technology, these shades have Eye’s the Limit been carefully selected Shimmer Shadow Primer to reflect light, leaving A shimmering pink champagne eye your skin enticingly shadow primer adds shimmer to any look radiant in all types of while increasing the vibrancy and lasting lighting. Compact power of your eye shadow. Transform any includes mirror and eye design into a crease-proof, budge-proof blending brush for long wearing formula. Also works as an eye beauty on the go. $8 Walmart.com. shadow or highlighter. $5 Walmart.com Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship.

Flourish Magazine | January/2016 21

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Navigate the minefield of dining etiquette, manners and table setting with aplomb with the help of this irreplaceable tome. An Independent Publishers Award National Medalist, this user-friendly manual includes in-depth table setting information and beautifully illustrated graphics for prepping a table for any occasion. $24.95 Amazon.com You must do the things you think you cannot do.

If you haven’t heard the term yet, well, that’s because it’s pretty new. But as someone who has lost their family’s conversational connection to the pings and tweets of the devices we all use every day, the struggle is real! You might be able to relate and maybe you would like to make a change. Follow along as I describe my transformation into becoming a Tech Widow but, most importantly, how I stopped being one!

Are you a

Years ago, I didn’t know what it was like to be a Tech Widow. That is until I married an Early Adopter. An Early Adopter is someone whose love of gadgetry always has him or her on the lookout for the next best thing.

They are always on the front lines of a cutting edge technology and can go by other clever names like Techie, Geek or sometimes even selfdescribed as a Gadget Freak.

Tech Widow?

By Casey Adolfsson

Photo by Susannah Peddie 24 Flourish Magazine | January/2016

Early Adopters like my hubby saw the writing on the wall or the arrangement of the pixels as it were for emerging technologies.

He was the first person I met with a Smartphone. Like others, he saw how these modern pieces of metal and plastic, which fit into your pocket, would change the way we communicate and transform how we share moments and thoughts with just the tap of a finger. While I couldn’t see past my AOL Messenger and continued to IM, people like my husband were checking their emails on small handheld devices and sending texts rather than dialing a phone.

Fast forward to years after the invasion began, I found myself focusing on the evolution of something else… my husband’s nightstand. Where a glass of water and the latest Newsweek used to lie was now a continuous growing collection of devices that seemed to multiply monthly. With the ability to follow up on an email, check the latest football scores or settle an argument about who starred in

A hero is someone who has given his or her life to something bigger than oneself.

what movie, there was so much this swipe of a screen had given us. However, the marketers that encouraged upgrading and purchasing of even more megabytes and minutes forgot to mention one big thing – what we would lose in the process.

• Set time limits for devices and stick That time was before these little to them: kids and parents alike. conveniences made their way onto our dinner table. It now appeared that • Schedule any important family we could not bear the idea of being conversations. If I need my unreachable or go without regular husband’s undivided attention, I ask updates on the news or laughing out him and wait until he can separate loud at adorable kitten pictures for as from the device. Then we talk. long as took to eat a plate of spaghetti.

This was my slippery slope into becoming a Tech Widow. Hubby no longer seemed to be able to have a conversation without a device in his hand, which he would glance at with increasing frequency. Eventually, it progressed into an opened laptop that put more distance between us than the quarter thickness of its screen.

I realized I had a choice. I could either stay on board and continue to ride this tech-train or fight my widowhood and ensure that my children would not become tech-orphans by reclaiming my husband from Techdom.

These are a few of our agreed on rules, so I suggest you incorporate these savers or set your own. My name might be a dirty word in your house for a couple of days, but soon you should feel your family reconnecting.

But how does one do this? The devices were already inside the walls, and I have no power over the allure of the internet!

So go find your partner and pry his phone out of his hand and hug him like you haven’t seen him in years.

Then you can talk to him about your upcoming tech rules…

It didn’t happen overnight and truth telling – I kinda sorta let it happen. I didn’t rant and rave about this lack of attention. I made excuses for him when he couldn’t seem to put his phone away in front of others. I reminded myself that he loved me and his obsession was putting food on the table and a roof over our heads. I also began to enjoy the benefits of carrying one small bookshaped thing when we traveled versus the ten books that always put me over the weight limit. And who doesn’t love a digital shopping list you’re unlikely to lose or the school nurse’s ability to always reach you?

But it was when we both would sit side-by-side not speaking, instead staring at our little blinding white screens, that I started thinking about our relationship before the techinvasion. We used to talk about our day during dinner, even if it was boring, or maybe watch a TV show together – you know, the ones where you had to wait a whole week to see the next episode. We would have interesting conversations and use actual spoken words while looking into each other’s eyes across the bread basket.

It wasn’t easy, especially since hubby successfully presides over a little corner of the Tech World – a corner that has paid for our home and ensured a secure future for our children. While his obsession was keeping us in the black, it was stealing my best friend and soul mate’s attention. So with hubby more preoccupied than ever and our little minis following in his footsteps with their tablets and phones, I saw the truth of our situation. That is – I would have to be the unpopular one!

Casey Adolfsson is a mother of two, a recovering Tech Widow who is still happily married to a Tech Titan, and the author of Merciful, available now on amazon. Read more from her and her wit at CaseyAdolfsson.com

Feeling like the Grinch at Christmas knowing I was about to steal their “joy,” I did something simple.

I made some rules…

• NO tech allowed at the dinner table as actual speaking conversations are a must!

• During the evening, text and call alerts should be the only sound your device can make. We do not need to hear that you have a tweet every few minutes. It is distracting to the rest of the family.

Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you.

Flourish Magazine | January/2016 25

Dos and Don’ts of

Asking for a

aise R

By Susan Meeker

Want a raise but not sure how to ask for it? It’s no small wonder – after all, budget cuts and company downsizes are in the news all the time. Still, the time comes in every job when you know you’re due for a pay upgrade, and more often than not it’s up to you to take Gather evidence before lodging the initiative.

How to request a salary bump without risking awkwardness or offense…

Use what you know about your boss to determine whether you need to ready to make a quick pitch on the fly, your request. Be prepared with records or to schedule a meeting to sit down of your achievements, the current and discuss a raise. market, or new duties allocated your The good news is, with just a little way before scheduling a meeting. Sites Request, don’t demand preparation and a lot of tact, you can like Salaryfairy.com offer online wage leave your boss’s office looking even Emphasize that you want to discuss, evaluations based on experience, better than before (whether with or reconsider or revisit your current education, location and the present without the requested raise). salary when you broach the topic, and market, and may provide valuable focus on positives. Keep in mind the Know your worth evidence for presenting your case. difference in perspective that you’re Before you even think about talking both bringing to the table, and let the to your boss, consider why you Pick your moment tone be informative rather than deserve more than you’re making Find out when your company persuasive. Chances are, the reasons now. According to Forbes, three typically doles out pay raises. you offer won’t have been on your answers are generally acceptable: Most companies budget for annual boss’s radar until now.

1) you’ve consistently outshined other increases, although bi-annual raises employees in your pay bracket for are common in high-turnover If denied, remember to ask how you some time, 2) new duties have been industries like retail and food-service. can improve your performance to added to your job description that Once you know, schedule your secure a raise in the future. Your boss entitle you to more benefits, or 3) your conversation a few months in will appreciate your understanding advance; if you wait for your annual job title has experienced a dramatic and initiative, and you’ll be at the rise in demand within your industry performance review, the budget forefront of her mind the next time (think mostly tech and finance). might already be set. raises come around!

26 Flourish Magazine | January/2016

I hated every minute of training, but I said, ‘Don’t quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.’

Biggest Little Money Wasters

By Isabelle Crane

You might think of yourself as the ultimate penny-pincher, but these little habits could be costing you big time!

Throwing Out Leftovers The Natural Resources Defense Council claims that Americans throw away an average of 25 percent of their food and drinks. That’s a quarter of your grocery budget!

Ditching Class Whether it’s a night class, gym class or cooking class, if you’re paying for it, GET THERE! Otherwise it’s eating up income to no end.

We can’t help everyone, but everyone can help someone.

Splurging at Gas Stations That same granola bar that’s 90 cents at the grocery is $1.75 at a convenience store, so pack your snacks and resist impulse buys!

Drinking Bottled Water You can pick up a filter for $18 and fill a $10 BPA free bottle infinite times. They’ll pay for themselves inside of one week!

Neglecting Your Health Whether it’s your heart, your teeth, your eyes or your mind, keeping your body in good working order can save you thousands in the long run.

Flourish Magazine | January/2016 27

k c a B y n a W he W

The

Above right: Two UF students (1947) wrestle for control of the reins in a “cowboy” version of Musical Chairs. www.floridamemory.com/items/show/66441 Photo Credit: State Archives of Florida, Florida Memory, http://floridamemory.com/items/show/66441

You don’t know fun until you’ve played Cowboy Musical Chairs – at least, that’s probably what these two University of Florida students (C. A. Robbins and B. Hibbs) would have told you back in 1947 as they wrestled for the last available seat.

This event was one of many highlights in the annual “Block and Bridle” club rodeo, a celebration and tribute to the agrarian roots of UF students raised in the heart of Florida cattle country.

28 Flourish Magazine | January/2016

AND

Block Bridle In the cowboy version of this childhood classic, two lines of chairs are placed on opposite ends of a rodeo arena. The action begins with all cowboys and cowgirls seated on one side (where there are enough seats for everyone) holding onto their steeds be the reins. When the music starts, they have to mount up, race to the other end and claim one of the remaining chairs, all while maintaining control over their horse. One chair

Club

gets removed every round so that a horse and rider pair gets eliminated after each crossing.

The rough-riding, wholesome fun of Cowboy Musical Chairs is a great testament to the enduring legacy of

When the sun is shining I can do anything; no mountain is too high, no trouble too difficult to overcome.

while also making a positive impact on the agricultural industry by investing in the next generation.

Nowadays, the club’s mission remains the same.

In the Gainesville chapter, students at UF and Santa Fe the Block College are invited to join and Bridle club, with other students, faculty which still thrives and industry leaders as they at UF in Gainesville prepare for careers in animal today. The organization science related fields. With was established in 1919 by over 92 regional branches students from animal in colleges and universities husbandry programs around around the United States, the country. Their aim was students have the to provide members with opportunity to network and professional development compete at the national level through areas of service, in contests related to the education and leadership, animal agricultural industry.

The Block and Bridle Emblem The club emblem is and always has been a large “B” accentuated on the top with a meat block and cleaver, and on the bottom with an equestrian bridle. While overtly agrarian, the symbolism of the insignia goes far beyond the physical tools it depicts.

The straight and perpendicular backbone of the “B” symbolizes the upright character, sincerity and morality of

initiated members, while its curves speak to those same members’ social pleasure, energy and determination. The meat cleaver represents the material aspects of agrarian life, including the hard physical labor required, while the bridle in the lower half stands for the self-control endemic to those who respect themselves, their company and their livestock.

Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.

Flourish Magazine | January/2016 29

Newberry,

Story and photos by Mike Capshaw

BBQ, Cousins &

College Football

Cousins land small town west of Gainesville on recruiting radars For all the schools never to produce a single major college football player, consider this: Newberry High, a Class 1A team, has three reporting multiple FBS scholarship offers.

All three are 6-foot-4.

All three play defensive line.

All three are cousins.

No kidding.

Newberry, a shovel pass west of Gainesville, is home to tasty BBQ and an annual Watermelon Festival, among other things. The cousins and college recruits – Cory Durden, Malik Neal and Ja’len Parks – will vouch for the BBQ, but also recommend you try the seafood.

Durden and Parks, who say “we’re cousins, but we’re more like brothers,” are dominating defensive tackles with amazing quickness and size. They’re only juniors, but former Newberry coach Kepa Sarduy said, “They’re ready for college now.”

Parks (6-4, 290 pounds) is verbally committed to Florida State, but like with most pledges these days, it’s essentially a placeholder. Besides,

30 Flourish Magazine | January/2016

there’s plenty of time for young minds to wander over the next year.

The earliest FSU can officially lock up Parks’ signature is Feb. 1, 2017.

“I’m committed, but my options are open,” said Parks, the No. 9 defensive tackle in the country in 247sports. com’s composite rankings. “There’s nothing set in stone or anything like that. I just want to see what else is out there and may take a few trips.”

Despite matching offers from Florida, Miami and countless others, Newberry’s DT duo is Florida State’s to lose.

“I’m keeping my options open, too, but Florida State is my favorite,” said Durden (6-4, 283), the No. 25 defensive tackle in the nation.

“Alabama would be an interesting offer, but Florida State is like a family atmosphere for me.”

Durden said several family members have attended FSU, but said he doesn’t expect another relative, Malik Neal, to study the Tomahawk Chop in college.

Neal (6-4, 210) hasn’t been offered by the ‘Noles, but he has plenty of top colleges to choose from with offers

Florida and Florida State are among colleges recruiting Newberry defensive linemen Malik Neal, Cory Durden and Ja’Len Parks, who also happen to be cousins.

from Colorado, Oregon State, South Florida, Troy, Utah and Western Kentucky.

“I don’t want to commit too early, just so I can see what’s all is out there,” Neal said.

Not that all people in small towns are related, but this is not the first time Newberry produced talented relatives.

It is home to former Florida Gators Mike and Ricky Nattiel and Edwin and Keith Ross as well.

Let your life lightly dance on the edges of Time like dew on the tip of a leaf.

Events What’s Happening:

January January 1st 5pm Food Truck Rally @ Cymplify 8:30am Haile Farmers Market @ Haile Village Center

January 2nd 2pm Gators Swimming & Diving vs.

Florida State @ Stephen C. O’Connell Center 8pm Gators Men’s Basketball vs. Georgia @ Stephen C. O’Connell Center

January 3rd 1pm Gators Women’s Basketball vs.

Mississippi State @ Stephen C. O’Connell Center

January 5th 7pm Wet Talks: Springs Lovers’ Show and Tell @ Thomas Center Galleries

January 6th 7pm Collected Stories @ The Hippodrome Theatre (Add. Dates)

January 7th 2PM Steve Berry: Author Series @ Millhopper Branch Library

January 9th 14th Annual Tour de Felasco 10am Collectors Day @ 3215 Hull Road

10am Dudley Kids - Weights and Scales @ Dudley Farm Historic State Park 10am Second Saturday Kids Day @ Dudley Farm Historic State Park 1pm 40th Annual Camellia Show @ Kanapaha Botanical Gardens 7:30pm Toronto Symphony Orchestra @ Phillips Center for the Performing Arts

January 10th 2:30pm How to Write a Travel Narrative @ Millhopper Branch Library (Add. Dates)

January 14th 7pm Gators Women’s Basketball vs. Georgia @ Stephen C. O’Connell Center

January 15th 6:45pm Gators Gymnastics vs. UCLA @ Stephen C. O’Connell Center 7:30pm Jewel Box Concert: Elio’s Quartet @ The Historic Thomas Center 7:30pm Vocalosity: The AcaPerfect Concert Experience @ Phillips Center for the Performing Arts

January 16th 7:30pm Breathe @ Squitieri Theatre Curtis M Phillips Center

The bird is powered by its own life and by its motivation.

January 17th 7pm Gators Women’s Basketball vs.

LSU @ Stephen C. O’Connell Center

January 19th 7:30pm 42nd Street @ Phillips Center for the Performing Arts

January 20th 4pm Union Street Farmers Market @ Downtown Gainesville

January 21st 11:45am Florida Arbor Day @ Matheson History Museum 7pm Gators Women’s Basketball vs. Alabama @ Stephen C. O’Connell Center

January 22nd 7:30pm Gainesville Orchestra @ Santa Fe Fine Arts Hall

January 23rd 11am Gators Swimming & Diving vs. Auburn @ Stephen C. O’Connell Center 1:30pm Bamboo Workshop at Kanapaha @ Kanapaha Botanical Gardens 2:30pm Victoria Christopher Murray: Author Series @ Headquarters Library 8pm Gators Men’s Basketball vs. Auburn @ Stephen C. O’Connell Center

January 24th 2pm Attacca Quartet @ University Auditorium

January 26th 7pm Disney’s Beauty and The Beast @ Phillips Center for the Performing Arts

January 29th 9:00 AM Gators Gymnastics vs. Alabama @ Stephen C. O’Connell Center 7:30pm Blaze @ Phillips Center for the Performing Arts

January 30th 10am 30th Annual Hoggetowne Medieval Faire @ Alachua County Fairgrounds 10am Floridiana Show & Rare Book Sale @ Matheson History Museum 12pm Gators Men’s Basketball vs.

West Virginia @ Stephen C. O’Connell Center

January 31st 10am 30th Annual Hoggetowne Medieval Faire @ Alachua County Fairgrounds 1pm Gators Women’s Basketball vs. Kentucky @ Stephen C. O’Connell Center

Flourish Magazine | January/2016 31