PARENTLINK
THE
a parenting resource from the Youth Ministry @ Winfree
January 2012
OFFER HOPE TO SELF-HARMERS The problems facing today’s young people may not be bigger than what teenagers faced 20 years ago, but they’re multiplying. To cope with stress, abuse, broken homes, peer pressure, addictions, depression, and low selfesteem, many teenagers harm themselves through cutting, eating disorders, and engaging in risky behavior. When life gets tough, there’s no help or hope found in paralyzing guilt, rejection, or searching for scapegoats. Instead, it’s essential for parents to stick with and accept teenagers, seek help, extend forgiveness, and promote healing. First, honestly evaluate any signs of self-destructive behavior. Watch for scratches, scars, burns, isolation, fainting, tooth decay, a drastic change in eating habits, or a fixation on perceived physical flaws. Gently but persistently bring the problem to light. Avoid the extremes of blowing up or delicately sidestepping the problem. State the facts while expressing genuine concern. Explain that you’ll help your teenager find other ways to work through tough emotions. Work to identify the root cause and sustaining factors, including your current family culture. Then include your teenager as much as possible in an action plan. Work with a trusted physician or counselor, giving your teen some say in the process. This can be the time when teenagers begin walking down the road to freedom, and you can help set them on that course.
TIPS >>> Group’s Emergency Response Handbook for Parents offers guidelines about how to talk to teenagers who are hurting:
“You’re scaring me.” Expressing shock or horror reinforces the belief that teens are isolated, different, and even deserving of the inflicted pain.
“If I find you doing this again...” Self-destructive behavior isn’t a character issue. Rules and consequences won’t affect emotions, although you can limit negative influences.
“You’re too skinny.” This brings the focus back to body image and makes weight loss the center of attention.
2012 is here! What will it hold for the Youth Ministry here at Winfree? I don’t fully know, so I hope and pray for God’s presence in all we do. My trust is in the Lord! I hope each of you experience Christ’s love in a spectacular way in the days and months to follow. There is certainly a lot of activity around the ideas of belong, believe and become. These three key components will help provide the framework for all we are and do. As always, it’s my privilege to serve alongside you. I hope God surprises us all in a mighty way this year! God Bless ~ Rusty
PONDER THIS What To Say
What Not To Say
Rusty’s Ramblings
“I know you’ve been hurting yourself.” The only effective way to deal with this problem is to face it headon. Accusations and demands usually backfire, but a humble, honest explanation of the truth can be a first step to freedom.
“Have you noticed any circumstances, events, or patterns that occur before you react this way?” Upon reflection, teenagers may realize they feel the urge to engage in self -destructive behavior at certain times. Work together to find other means of responding to emotional pain.
“Let’s get help.” Assure teenagers you love them unconditionally and will walk with them through whatever it takes to find healing.
What self-destructive behavior or choices of your own might be influencing your teenagers?
What adjectives would best describe your home life? How can you make it more conducive to honest expressions of emotion?
GOING DEEPER Expert Insights for Parents of Teenagers By Megan Hutchinson I’ve been blessed to come alongside hurting teens for many years and have recognized that they all have one thing in common: something significant is missing deep within. And that something is very basic and is intentionally designed by God. Kids want to be 1.) nurtured patiently, 2.) accepted as they are, and 3.) loved genuinely. If these are absent from teenagers’ primary relationships, there inevitably will be pain. Typically, that pain begins to surface during the adolescent years, when developmental changes are at their peak. And that’s where parents and youth workers come in. We’re privileged to be part of these kids’ lives just when they’re hurting the
most. Here’s how you can meet their three key needs:
3. Genuine Love. Be the hands, heart, and mouthpiece of Jesus with kids. See each one as a precious soul cherished 1. Patient Nurture. Be tender and and loved by the Creator himself. empathic. Come alongside young Consistently show up in their lives people and help them grow as if with encouragement, belief, and hope they’re a fragile plant in need of gen- for what they cannot see for themtleness and care. Nurturing is powerful selves. Just as Jesus modeled with the because it validates the very emotion woman at the well, love teenagers the that’s gone ignored and subdued in way they are, but then refuse to leave each hurting teen. them the way they are. 2. Unconditional Acceptance. This means welcoming teenagers as they are. Respect who they are as people, not as “kids” who need special treatment. Embrace teenagers regardless of your personal preferences or moral positions…no strings attached.
Megan Hutchinson, co-creator of the curriculum Life Hurts, God Heals, writes at SimplyYouthMinistry.com.
RESOURCE The three-week series Scarred: Preparing for the Hurt in Life (Simply Youth Ministry) by Doug Fields and Megan Hutchinson helps young people prepare to deal with life’s pain but also shows them how God can use that pain to create beauty.
BIBLE FOCUS Dear friends, don’t be surprised at the fiery trials you are going through, as if something strange were happening to you. Instead, be very glad—for these trials make you partners with Christ in his suffering, so that you will have the wonderful joy of seeing his glory when it is revealed to all the world. 1 Peter 4:12-13
For more details and/or periodic updates check out: www.winfreechurch.com >>>> Register for “ParentLink” monthly newsletter and Discover links for Facebook, the Winfree blog & much more… “LIVE” small group curriculum updates are sent via email, so you’re informed about what we’re talking about on Sunday mornings. Take time to talk about them as a family.
SAVE the DATES Spring & Summer 2012 January 6 January 8, 15, 22 January 29 February 12 & 19 February 3 February 5 February 10-11 February 25-26 March 4, 11, 18 & 25 March 2 March 30-April 1 April 8, 15, 22 & 29 April 6 April 28 May 6 & 20 May 4 May 20 June 3
Middle School Game Night @ 6 ● bring $5 & a friend ● The Gathering Starts back on the 8th with a Parent Meeting @ 6PM secret activity (CCPS is closed 1/30) The Gathering @ 5:30 High School dinner & movie(tbd) ● bring $5 & a friend ● Souper-Bowl of Caring (proceeds to benefit Friends of the Homeless) The Art of Marriage Weekend 30 Hour Famine The Gathering @ 5:30 Middle School Game Night ● bring $5 & a friend ● Mission Madness ( DEADLINE to sign-up is March 16) $80 The Gathering @ 5:30 Stations of the Cross on Good Friday MDBA – Kingdom Builders Saturday – Amelia Baptist Church The Gathering @ 5:30 High School dinner & movie(tbd) ● bring $5 & a friend ● Graduate Recognition Sunday Start of Summer Cookout Summer Mission Projects/Camps
Impact VA – High School Vacation Bible School Passport Camp – Middle School Winfree Sports Camp & Carnival
Chesterfield, VA Midlothian, VA Wingate, NC Midlothian, VA
June 24-30 July 9-13 July 15-20 August 6-10
$ 275 FREE $ 275 FREE
$ 50 due by Jan 31 Register by June 30 $50 due by Jan 31 Register by July 30
** Fundraising opportunities will be offered throughout the year. Money will not be the reason a kid doesn’t participate, so ask about scholarships and/or creative payment plans. ALL discussions are confidential!!** Please stay tuned for a more detailed summer calendar to be released later. Don’t forget to stay on top of things by registering for the Parent Link monthly newsletter and email updates at www.winfreechurch.com Continue to pray for The Youth Ministry @ Winfree as we create a community for people to belong, discover more about the One worth believing in and become all God has created us to be. Sincerely, Rusty Lee You can reach me via winfreeyouth@gmail.com or 564.4441(mbl) or 794.5031(office)
JANUARY 2012 Sun
Mon
Tue
Wed
Thurs
Fri
Sat
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
9
10
11 Supper @ 5:45
12
13
14
19
20
21
New Year’s Day
8 “LIVE” Small Groups @ 11
Sign up in the office
KICK-OFF Gathering @ 5:30 PM PARENTS’ PRAY & PREP 15 “LIVE” Small Groups @ 11
16
17
18 Supper @ 5:45 Sign up in the office
MLK Jr. B.day Observance
The Gathering @ 5:30 PM
22 “LIVE” Small Groups @ 11
23
24
25 Supper @ 5:45 Sign up in the office
26
Did you save the dates on page 3 ? 27
28
The Gathering @ 5:30 PM
29 “LIVE” Small Groups @ 11
30
Coming February 5… All funds donated go to support Friends of the Homeless.
31
Any and all questions, comments, and especially praises can be directed to Rusty Lee by; phone, 564.4441, email, winfreeyouth@gmail.com or in person.