MARCH/APRIL 2019 • ISSUE 58
FREE
LADDERS OF LIGHT A NEW EXHIBITION AT SALISBURY CATHEDRAL
HOUSE CALLS
AND THEY'RE OFF...
OUR HOME & GARDEN SPECIAL
AVON VALE RACES RETURNS THIS MARCH - FIND OUT MORE & WIN TICKETS WORTH £40!
+ LOCAL LISTINGS MAGNA MAZDA EASTER RECIPES & MUCH MORE
FOOD & DRINK // PUZZLES // PROPERTY // LISTINGS // COMMENT
contents
March/April 2019 // issue 58
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Published by Wired Publishing Editor Lisa Rockliffe Contributors Craig Gates-Mutton, Phil Rockliffe, Andy Diffey Advertising Enquiries Lisa Rockliffe e: lisa@wired-publishing.co.uk t: 01225 807775 General Enquiries e: info@wired-publishing.co.uk t: 01225 807775 www.wired-publishing.co.uk Address 20 Azalea Drive, Trowbridge, Wiltshire BA14 9GG
pring has sprung! OK, let me re-phrase. At the time of writing (important disclaimer!) spring has sprung! Yes, there is no guarantee that a second winter isn’t just around the corner, bringing with it ‘The Beast From The East Mark II’, but for now, the weather is fine, the early bulbs are in bud and there is a definite sense of light and air - it must be time for our annual home and gardens special then! From p20-27 we have included stacks of ways to improve your home and garden in 2019, from shutters to sofas, garden centres to building companies and even fashion conscious furniture, you’ll find it in our dedicated section. Away from the home for a moment (admittedly only as far as the garage), we’ve found out more about the 30th anniversary edition of the iconic Mazda MX-5. We’ve also discovered some wonderful Easter recipes that will be perfect for making with the kids over the coming weeks.
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As well as all that, catch up with everything that’s going on in our great listings pages. Plus loads more of course. Enjoy! Lisa Rockliffe, Editor
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in this issue... LOCAL LISTINGS What’s on in March & April
FEATURES 4
LOCAL NEWS
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MOTORING
This magazine is printed on paper sourced from sustainable forests. Please recycle it when you are done, or pass it on! The publishers shall not be held liable for any loss occasioned by the failure of an advertisement to appear, or any damage or inconvenience caused by errors, omissions or misprints. Reproduction of this magazine in whole, or in part is strictly prohibited wihout prior permission of the publishers.
Avon Vale Races
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Salisbury Cathedral
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Getting a great lawn
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Front Cover: Avon Vale Races
Calculating rental demand
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Southons & Co Ltd
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FOOD & DRINK Easter recipes to make with kids
House Calls
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HOMES & GARDENS
The Mazda MX-5
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COMPETITIONS & PUZZLES Win tickets to Avon Vale Races
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Quiz, wordsearch & sudoku
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COMMENT The Last Word
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THESOUTHWILTSMAGAZINE
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| events
listings local
MARCH & APRIL
MARTIN KEMP’S BACK TO THE 80S DJ SET 29 March, 8pm Tickets: £22 The Spandau Ballet star will be taking to the decks and spinning all the best of the hits from the 80’s.
Jools Holland & His Rhythm & Blues Orchestra, City Hall
SALISBURY SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA 30 March, 7.30pm Tickets: £18 (Concs £10) Salisbury Symphony Orchestra return for their annual Spring concert at The City Hall Salisbury.
CITY HALL
Malthouse Lane, Salisbury, SP2 7TU Box Office: 01722 434434 cityhallsalisbury.co.uk For full listings go to the website. TOMMY EMMANUEL ACCOMPLICE ONE TOUR 11 March, 7.30pm Tickets: £29.50 If you like guitar playing, it simply doesn’t get any better than Tommy. CILLA & THE SHADES OF THE 60S 21 March, 7.30pm Tickets: £26 A hugely entertaining production celebrating the life and music
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of the legendary Cilla Black as well as a special selection of her contemporaries. WANNABE - THE SPICE GIRLS SHOW 22 March, 7.30pm Tickets: £25 Featuring the greatest Spice Girls hits, this musical celebration recreates the era of Girl Power! JIVE TALKIN’ 23 March, 7.30pm Tickets: £20.50 The timeless repertoire of the Bee Gees is brought to life in this stunning stage production that is taking the country by storm. Martin Kemp DJ Set, City Hall
RUMOURS OF FLEETWOOD MAC 6 April, 8pm Tickets: from £24.50 A brand new show celebrating 50 years of the very best of Fleetwood Mac. MIKE AND THE MECHANICS 9 April, 7.30pm Tickets: from £37 Mike & The Mechanics, who have sold over ten million records worldwide – announce their 2019 nationwide ‘Looking Back Over My Shoulder Tour’. COLLABRO 11 April, 7.30pm Tickets: from £21.50 Collabro are a UK-based musical theatre group and winners of the eighth series of Britain’s Got Talent in 2014. SEVEN DRUNKEN NIGHTS 27 April, 7.30pm
Send your listings to info@wired-publishing.co.uk
events | Tickets: £24.50 Seven Drunken Nights brings to life the music of Ireland’s favourite sons – ‘The Dubliners’. JOOLS HOLLAND & HIS RHYTHM & BLUES ORCHESTRA 30 April, 7.30pm Tickets: from £37 As always, Jools continues to dazzle audiences with his Rhythm & Blues Orchestra and their exuberant live performances.Accompanying Jools will be the supremely talented Ruby Turner.
SALISBURY PLAYHOUSE
Malthouse Lane, Salisbury SP2 7RA Tel: 01722 320333 wiltshirecreative.co.uk THE MIRROR CRACK’D 15 February - 9 March, various times Tickets: from £12 Times are changing. Girls are wearing trousers and Hollywood has come to a sleepy English village in the shape of a beautiful film star. Miss Marple begins to question her place in the world until a mysterious death calls into question the past of all those present. Everyone’s version of events is different. Can Miss Marple unravel the tangle of lies? BALLET BOYZ 12 & 13 March, 7.30pm
Applauded across the globe for their stunning live performances, films and TV appearances, BalletBoyz are back with two new works, both set to original scores. THE LIFE I LEAD 14 – 16 March, various times Tickets: from £13 Best remembered for playing Mr Banks in Disney’s Mary Poppins, David Tomlinson was renowned for playing the classic English gent. In this new comedy Miles Jupp one of Britain’s leading stand-up comedians and actors brings David Tomlinson’s remarkable story to life. MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING 19 - 23 March, various times Tickets: from £13 Six years of war are finally over. Returning soldiers swap the battlefield for a landscape of love, masked balls and much-needed laughter. Two young dreamers fall head over heels, while two others resume their combative courtship. HANDBAGGED 4 - 20 April, various times Tickets: from £12 Tea at four. Handbags at dawn. With great theatricality, Handbagged imagines what may have happened at the Queen’s infamous weekly meetings with Margaret Thatcher.
AROUND THE WORLD IN 80 DAYS 23 - 27 April, various times Tickets: from £13 Theresa Heskins’ celebrated production features a hugely talented cast of eight playing over 125 characters in this imaginative, high-spirited escapade that includes six trains, five boats, four fights, three dances, two circus acts and an elephant! THE REMAINS OF THE DAY 30 April - 11 May, various times Tickets: from £13 1930s England. Darlington Hall runs like clockwork under one of the last truly great butlers. Reserved and dutiful like his father before him and with the funny and forthright housekeeper Miss Kenton by his side, Stevens faithfully serves his employer. Meanwhile, England stands on a precipice, as fascism builds and boils in Europe.
SALISBURY MUSEUM
The Kings House, 65 The Close, Salisbury SP1 2EN Tel: 01722 332151 salisburymuseum.org.uk THE ORIGINS OF PHOTOGRAPHY IN SALISBURY 1839 – 1919 19 January – 4 May This exhibition provides an overview of the rise of photography in Salisbury during the first decade or so of the medium’s existence up to the end of the First World War. CREATIVE WILTSHIRE: A CELEBRATION OF ART IN WILTSHIRE 19 January – 4 May Creative Wiltshire is a Heritage Lottery Funded project running from 20142019 which aims to collect and celebrate the work of the county’s creative people.
Miles Jupp stars in The Life I Lead, Salisbury Playhouse
Send your listings to info@wired-publishing.co.uk
UNDER FIVE’S FRIDAY: PLAYSONGSPLUS 8 March, 10am & 10.50am A musical under five’s friday with THESOUTHWILTSMAGAZINE
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| events Nickie and Gill from PlaysongsPlus. BEER TASTING WITH SIMON JACKSON 21 March, 6.30pm Celebrate spring with a talk about the history of beer and a tutored tasting of a selection of British beer styles accompanied by a selection of British Cheese and pub snacks. CAPTAIN SWING & THE BLACKSMITH - A TALK BY BEATRICE PARVIN 23 March, 2.30pm Beatrice Parvin’s novel Captain Swing and the Blacksmith is set in Wiltshire in the 1840s. It tells the story of working people through the land they toiled and the songs they sang.
SALISBURY ARTS CENTRE
Bedwin Street, Salisbury, SP1 3UT Box Office: 01722 321744 wiltshirecreative.co.uk
When a kind old lady offers Snow White a juicy red apple, the girl is sorely tempted. On the other hand, how does she know it’s not poisoned? She’s nearly been poisoned twice this week already, and it’s not pleasant. This is the wonderfully wicked, age-old story of a vengeful queen, a magic mirror and a child as bright as the moonlit snow. NICK HARPER 16 March, 8pm Tickets: £15.50 (Concs £13.50) Following sell-out performances of A Wiltshire Tale at the Arts Centre in 2018, musician Nick Harper returns with a new show that centres on his growing up surrounded by some of Megson, Salisbury Arts Centre the 60s’ most revered songwriters and A night of up and coming standmusicians as they visited his parents’ up comedians from the London Kilburn home at the height of the acoustic explosion in swingin’ London. comedy circuit introduced by a guest compere.
MEGSON 21 March, 7.30pm Tickets: £16 (Concs £14) KENDAL MOUNTAIN FESTIVAL The husband & wife duo bring an 13 March, 7.30pm infectious mix of heavenly vocals, Tickets: £18 lush harmonies and driving rhythmic A one-of-a-kind evening celebrating guitars. Comprising Debs and Stu exploration of some of the wildest places on earth. Hear from the hilarious Hanna, Megson have gained fame on the British folk scene, not only for their and very talented British adventurer arresting & intelligent songwriting, Anna McNuff who will be sharing but for their exquisite musicianship stories from her explorations across and northern humour. the globe.
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BEST OF BEF 15 March, 8pm Tickets: £14 (Concs £12) An exhilarating medley of circus, theatre and illusion all in one astounding evening. Each year The Birmingham European Festival packages up three of their favourite shows and sends them on a tour of the UK. Out on the road this year, there’ll be a daredevil, an illusionist and a juggling-computer-musical genius.
THE ISLE OF BRIMSKER 28 March, 11am & 1.30pm Tickets: £10 A lighthouse keeper lives on a desolate outcrop surrounded by stormy seas. Duty-bound to maintain the light that guides boats away from danger, she lives a solitary existence. One day a runaway lands on the shore, together they face the inevitable. Change is on the horizon but not in the form she expects.
MIRROR MIRROR 16 March, 12.30pm & 3pm Tickets: £9
BARNSTORMERS COMEDY 29 March & 26 April, 8.30pm Tickets: from £11
THESOUTHWILTSMAGAZINE
ISOBEL THATCHER 30 March, 12noon FREE Isobel is an award-winning acoustic singer-songwriter originally from Salisbury but now based in London, whose voice and song-writing has been compared to artists such as KT Tunstall and Bonnie Raitt. MATT PANG: LONG SHOT 12 April, 7pm Tickets: £12 (Concs £10) Join us for a catapultastic evening of Cara Dillon, Salisbury Arts Centre
Send your listings to info@wired-publishing.co.uk
events | clowning, contraptions, comedy and courage, as one man’s belief in the near impossible is put to the test. This show will have you on the edge of your seat. Or hiding behind it. Either way, it’s going to be a blast. STUART GOLDSMITH: END OF 13 April, 8pm Tickets: £12.50 Stu’s back with a comic odyssey on how it works out in the end. Intelligent stand-up comedy for everybody, but of particular interest to people over thirty who’ve lost touch with all their old friends and can’t eat just one pain au chocolat. Featuring ultimates, absolutes and surprisingly few conclusions. CARA DILLON 27 April, 8pm Tickets: £20 According to Mojo Magazine, Cara Dillon has “quite possibly the world’s most beautiful female voice”. Join this exceptional Irish singer for a collection of beautiful and moving songs, including material from her new album Wanderer.
SALISBURY CATHEDRAL
6 The Close, Salisbury SP1 2EF Tel: 01722 555198 salisburycathedral.org.uk LADDERS OF LIGHT Until 3 April Award-winning poet and broadcaster Lemn Sissay MBE and visual artist Mary Branson, create a work of art and poetry that challenges us, playfully at times, to adopt a different perspective to today’s United Kingdom.
ALAN POWER ‘MY JOURNEY THROUGH GREAT GARDENS’ 13 March, 7.30pm Tickets: £12 (Concs £10) An illustrated lecture by Stourhead’s Head Gardener and broadcaster, Alan Power. RICHARD DIGANCE 15 March, 7.30pm Tickets: £16 (Concs £14) Don’t miss this performance from this BAFTA Nominated entertainer and recipient of The Gold Award from The British Academy of Composers and Songwriters.
BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY (12A) 20 April, 7.30pm Tickets: £7 A chronicle of the years leading up to Queen’s legendary appearance at the Live Aid (1985) concert. Features an Oscar-winning performance in the lead role by Rami Malek.
OTHER WILTON HOUSE ANTIQUES FAIR Wilton House, Wilton 8-10 March Tickets: £6 Held at the beautiful Palladian home of the Earl & Countess of Pembroke, the Wilton House Antiques Fair, now in its 42nd year, is an independent, three-day event hosting over 40 exhibitors. wiltonhouse.co.uk
THE FLEETWOOD MAC SONGBOOK 16 March, 7.30pm Tickets: £16 (Concs £14) The Fleetwood Mac Songbook is made up of six experienced musicians who are dedicated to PICTURE SALISBURY celebrating one of the all-time great Arundells, Salisbury SP1 2EN Rock, Pop & Blues bands in the world. 23 March – 21 May, 11am Tickets: £3.50 SINNOBER An exhibition by the Salisbury Group 23 March, 7.30pm of Artists at Arundells, in which the Tickets: £12 (Concs £10) work on display depicts the city and Sinnober is the mercurial jazzthe surrounding countryside so loved folk-rock fusionist creation of by Sir Edward during his twenty years multi-instrumentalist song writers living in the area. A percentage of any Sebastian and Natalie Brice. They sales will go to the Sir Edward Heath will be performing songs from their Charitable Foundation. For more critically acclaimed new album information call 01722 326280 or visit Projection with guest musicians. salisburygroupofartists.co.uk Bohemian Rhapsody (12A) Shaftesbury Arts Centre
SHAFTESBURY ARTS CENTRE
13 Bell Street, Shaftesbury SP7 8AR Box Office: 01747 854321 shaftesburyartscentre.org.uk For full listings go to the website. Send your listings to info@wired-publishing.co.uk
THESOUTHWILTSMAGAZINE
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| local news
ARUNDELLS: A PM’S HOUSE
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he beautiful former home of Sir Edward Heath - with its peaceful garden and unique collection of paintings, ceramics, photographs, cartoons, sailing and musical memorabilia - is located within Salisbury’s Cathedral Close and has Robin & Harold Wilson
something of interest for everyone. A wide range of events are being arranged including piano concerts, garden theatre, an evening of jazz music and a series of lectures and talks with keynote speakers.
WEDNESDAY 27 MARCH All Bloody Facts & No Bloody Vision: Growing Up with Harold Wilson Join Robin Wilson for an interesting and highly enjoyable evening talk about life with Harold Wilson. Using many family photographs, the talk will cover Robin’s childhood at home, and his father’s time in office.
THURSDAY 25 APRIL Piano Concert A concert of piano music with Dominic Seligman and Clara Rodriguez, the virtuoso Venezuelan pianist. To be performed within the Drawing
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Room at Arundells upon Sir Edward’s Steinway piano.
THURSDAY 11 JULY The Secret Garden Performed within the beautiful garden at Arundells by the Chapterhouse Theatre Company. The perfect way to enjoy a summer evening. Bring a picnic and folding chairs. Please visit the website for information and call 01722 331440 for tickets. • arundells.org
“A wide range of events are being arranged including piano concerts, garden theatre, an evening of jazz music and a series of lectures and talks”
local news |
LONGBRIDGE DEVERILL HOUSE
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ongbridge Deverill is a gracious Victorian house set among beautiful, mature landscaped gardens. It was originally built by the Thynnes of Longleat as a Vicarage. It is conveniently situated in the village of Longbridge Deverill, only 3 miles from Warminster,
Longbridge Deverill House has beautiful mature gardens to enjoy
on the main A350 close to Mere, Shaftesbury and Salisbury. All rooms are different and individually decorated, all have en-suite facilities and some also have their own private patios. There are lovely views over the beautiful gardens and rooms are accessible by passenger lift. Pets are welcome and residents are also encouraged to personalise their rooms with their cherished possessions. The highly qualified and experienced staff team work with each resident to formulate an individual plan of care tailored to meet needs, wishes and lifestyle choices. The team strives to enhance privacy and dignity through the unique bonds and relationships they build with residents.
As well as an Activities Co-ordinator, the House provides visiting professionals for foot care, movement to music, yoga, aromatherapy and massage (all of which is included within the fees). Longbridge Deverill House is adjacent to the purpose built Nursing Home, where 24 hour nursing care is provided along with a specialist dementia unit for those with more advanced dementia. The facilities and entertainments within the nursing home are available for residents of Longbridge Deverill House if they wish. To find out more call 01985 214040, email info@equality-care.co.uk or see the website. • equality-care.co.uk
YOUR PRIDE IS OUR PASSION
MOTORCYCLES
NEW & USED SALES Service & Repairs | All Makes & Parts
Landscaped gardens
Pets are welcome
SALISBURY’S INDEPENDENT MOTORCYCLE SPECIALIST
We offer a special lifestyle with large ensuite rooms, many ground floor with private patios. Dedicated activities co-ordinator and daily programme of activities. You’ll be able to enjoy outings, entertainments, massage, physiotherapy and chiropody. Conveniently situated on the A350 within easy reach of Mere, Shaftesbury and Salisbury.
If you are looking for care and comfort, tailored to suit your needs contact the manager on 01985 214040 or visit www.equalitycare.co.uk Separate Nursing Home also on site • Ensuite room with patio available now
01722 337999 | 07767 364833
www.sjsmotorcycles.co.uk Unit 3, Norton Enterprise Park, Whittle Road, Churchfields Ind Est, Salisbury SP2 7YS
THESOUTHWILTSMAGAZINE
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| local news
AVON VALE RACES
The much loved annual Avon Vale Races take place this year on Saturday 30 March.
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he horse sits foursquare at the centre of Wiltshire country life and the county's sporting and social scene. Several thousand horses are trained for racing and eventing within the county boundary, ranging from top trainers Alan King at Barbury, Neil Mulholland outside Bath, and eventer Mark Todd near Marlborough. It's no coincidence then that the county has white horses etched into the chalk downland from Westbury to Swindon. Horse sports dominate in a way our ball sport teams have not been able to. Spring is a time when jump racing takes centre stage at every level. The big festivals at Cheltenham and Aintree rely on a strong grass roots interest from country folk who love their racing. And there's nowhere that typifies the unbridled enthusiasm and optimism of racing folk better than the annual Avon Vale Races at Larkhill, scheduled this year for Saturday 30 March.
The six race card is hugely competitive, but it's by no means the only entertainment on offer
"Larkhill, whose course stretches across the wilderness of Salisbury Plain, is a perfect environment for racing." racing. Its large galloping track once made it a candidate to stage the Grand National when Aintree looked close to closure in the '70s. Now the Avon Vale Races are the 5th chapter in a season of seven fixtures at Larkhill, and among the most vibrant.
Wiltshire air. A dog show offers entertainment for others in between the races.
Above all, this is good clean fun, suitable for allowing children to let off steam, or to bring grandparents for one of the best views in England, and The Avon Vale is a Point-to-Point The six race card is archly competitive, it’s inexpensive. Admission is just £10 meeting, so named after the first ever recorded steeplechase between and prefaced by a parade of the Avon per adult and under 16s enter free. It’s Vale hounds - a tradition that plays one of very few days out where you the two villages of Doneraile and Buttevant in Tipperary in 1752; Point- to the core of the sport's heritage. To might(!) end up returning home with more money than you started! to-Point because the two competitors all intents and purposes, this is like a professional race meeting, but with chose identifiable “points” at each • avonvaleraces.com location, being the spires of the village infinitely more charm. Spectators may walk the course (gum boots churches. A Steeple Chase became and woollens obligatory), or stroll part of the English language and among the horse lines to see their common parlance from that point, fancy close up; there are lots of shops, and a word that is recognized by racing folk all over the world whatever a busy bar supplied by local brewer Wadworth, maker of the famous 6X, their language. and bookmakers ready to accept your flutter. Better still, you can park Larkhill, whose course stretches your car right on the winning rails across the wilderness of Salisbury and enjoy a great picnic in the fresh Plain, is a perfect environment for
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competition |
WIN ONE OF 5 SPECIAL ENTRY TICKETS TO AVON VALE RACES!
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he Avon Vale Races at Larkhill Racecourse on Saturday 30 March is one of Wiltshire’s best loved racing fixtures with an action-packed programme to enjoy from 11am onwards. Enjoy a day
of six steeplechases, a parade of hounds, the chance to practice your race-riding skills on their mechanical horse, dozens of shops and plenty of fresh air! The first race is at 1pm, the last around 4pm. Avon Vale Races is a great day out, enter our competition to win tickets!
COMPETITION TIME The South Wilts Magazine has teamed up with the Avon Vale Races to offer 5 lucky winners a RESERVED PARKING LABEL WORTH £40, which affords a trackside parking position by the winning line and admission for four occupants. All you have to do to be in with a chance of winning is email your answer to the following question to comp@wired-publishing.co.uk
HOW MANY STEEPLECHASES ARE SCHEDULED AT THIS YEAR’S AVON VALE RACES? Email your answers now. Good luck! Closing date for entries is 25.03.19. Entrants must be 18 or over. Prize is as stated and is not transferrable. The winners will be picked at random from all the entrants received.
SATURDAY 30 MARCH GATES OPEN 11AM FIRST RACE 1PM
• Six Steeplechases • Parade of Hounds • Licensed Bar • Bookmakers • Shops galore • Food from Larkhill Nosebag • Jockey coaching • Children’s entertainments • Trackside Reserved Parking from £40!
BUY EARLY & SAVE £££s! At Larkhill Racecourse, near Amesbury SP4 8AT
avonvaleraces.com THESOUTHWILTSMAGAZINE
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| local news
SPRING IN THE CATHEDRAL Salisbury Cathedral sees in spring with a compelling new art exhibition, a fascinating discussion series in partnership with BBC Wiltshire and an evening of exquisite music to herald in Easter. 'Ladders of Light' by Mary Branson
commentators and social and political observers – individuals on the “inside”, who influence our news, views and understanding of the world around us. You can hear them and others discuss ‘How should we talk to each other?’ on 6 March, ‘What is a good life?’ on 13 March and ‘How should we be governed?’ on 20 March. For more information and to buy tickets (£7.50pp) please visit the website. The conversations will take place in front of an audience and will be broadcast the following day on BBC Wiltshire at 7pm. They will also be available after broadcast on BBC Sounds.
and is on show in the Cathedral until 3 April.
Continuing this theme of social responsibility, a high-profile line up has been secured for a new discussion series at the Cathedral in March. The Salisbury Conversations: Crossing Divides with BBC Wiltshire will see Nazir Afzal, the lawyer who In his poem, ‘Magniloquent Cartilage’, prosecuted the Rochdale grooming Lemn challenges us to view the world gang, Jim Waterson the Guardian’s from an alternative perspective. His "The installation was poem is echoed in Mary’s striking commissioned by installation ‘Ladders of Light’, a Sky Arts and is part of multitude of seemingly fragile, illuminated ladders that reach up into Art 50, an initiative to the upper gallery of the Cathedral and fund 50 new pieces of across the Nave. The installation was art across the country" commissioned by Sky Arts and is part of Art 50, an initiative to fund 50 new Media Editor and Natalie Haynes, pieces of art across the country and comedian, classicist and author of the from all disciplines exploring what ‘Ancient Guide to Modern Life’ join it means to be British. It will feature other experts as panellists over three in a 5-hour TV special that will be evenings. They are not the celebrities transmitted on Sky Arts on 29 March of politics or government but rather
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The Cathedral Choir will perform a special Passiontide concert on Wednesday 17 April. J S Bach’s ‘St Matthew Passion’ is the crowning achievement of one of the greatest composers of all time and the culmination of a tradition of musical passion settings performed during Holy Week, the week before Easter. It is written for two choruses, two orchestras and six soloists. The first performance was in 1727 at the Good Friday Vespers in Leipzig’s Saint Thomas’ Church. Salisbury's Cathedral Choir is joined by soloists James Oxley (Evangelist) and Henry Waddington (Christus) and the period instrument ensemble Florilegium for a performance of this famous piece sung in English. Tickets are available online and from 01722 320333 and cost from £10-£30. For information about Cathedral services visit the website. • salisburycathedral.org.uk
image © Ash Mills
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spectacular new installation ‘Ladders of Light - a new constitution for the UK’ sees two artists, award-winning poet and broadcaster Lemn Sissay MBE and visual artist Mary Branson, creating work that challenges us to adopt a different perspective on today’s United Kingdom.
image Š Ash Mills
| recipes
EASTER TREATS
Get ready for Easter with these fantastic fun recipes that are ideal for making with the kids. These recipes come courtesy of Tesco.
Bunny twist bakes Makes 6
Method Mix the flour, yeast, salt, spices and sugar together in a large mixing bowl. Make a well in the centre and pour in the olive oil and 150ml lukewarm water. Mix well until the dough starts to come together
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Roll the dough into a large sausage shape and cut into 6 even pieces. Roll one piece of dough into a thin strand (about 35cm long). Cut 1cm off the end and roll into a smooth ball for the tail; set aside. Lie one long strand in a ‘U’ shape on the work surface. Hold one end in each hand and cross over each other twice to form a twist, leaving a small loop at the bottom to form the body and to leave a hole for the tail. Line a baking tray with baking paper. Carefully transfer the bunny twist to the tray and flatten slightly to help it hold its shape. Pinch or trim the ends
of the dough into pointed shapes to make the ears. Brush the hole in the loop (the bunny body) with a little water and place the reserved ball for the tail inside. Repeat steps 2-4 with the remaining pieces of dough to form 6 bunny shapes. Cover the tray loosely with oiled clingfilm (to stop it sticking) and set aside in a warm place to rise for 45 mins, or until doubled in size. Preheat the oven to 180°C, 160°C fan. Brush the bunnies with the beaten egg and bake for 30-35 mins until lightly golden. They should sound hollow when tapped underneath. If adding the fluffy tails, lightly brush or dab the tails with honey and sprinkle over the coconut. Leave to cool slightly on a wire rack before serving, or cool completely and store in an air-tight container until needed.
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Ingredients 250g strong white flour, plus extra for dusting 7g fast-action yeast ½ tsp salt 1 tsp mixed spice ½ tsp cinnamon 2 tsp caster sugar 1½ tbsp olive oil, plus extra for greasing 1 free-range egg, beaten For the fluffy coconut tails (optional): 1 tsp honey 3 tsp desiccated coconut
(add a splash more warm water if needed), then tip onto a floured work surface and knead for 5-7 mins until you have a smooth, springy dough.
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GREAT VALUE LIGHT LUNCH MENU
2 COURSES JUST £12.45! AVAILABLE TUESDAY TO FRIDAY.
Tom & Zara welcome you to The White Hart. We are situated in the heart of Bishopstone, near Salisbury, in a traditional 18th century family pub & restaurant. We have a lovely large beer garden and children’s play area. There is a large, easy access, car park and plenty of room for larger dining parties, with set menus available on request. We are very proud of our locally sourced delicious homemade food; daily fish specials and wide choice of menus that aim to cater for everyone. • FRESHLY COOKED FOOD • DAILY SPECIALS • FAMILY FRIENDLY • LARGE GARDEN • CHILDREN’S PLAY AREA • REAL ALES • CAR PARK
BOOK NOW FOR MOTHER’S DAY & EASTER WEEKEND! thewhitehart.bishopstone@gmail.com • 01722 780244 Butts Lane, Bishopstone, Salisbury SP5 4AA
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| recipes
BEE CUpCAKES Makes 12
Ingredients 125g unsalted butter, softened 125g golden caster sugar 2 eggs 125g self-raising flour 1 tsp baking powder 1 orange, zested 2 tbsp milk 50g white chocolate chips For the icing 100g white chocolate 150g unsalted butter, softened 140g icing sugar, sifted For the bees 100g yellow fondant icing 50g black fondant icing 12 white chocolate buttons black or brown writing icing pen
and the milk, and carefully fold the mixture until it is smooth. Stir in the white chocolate drops.
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Put the butter and icing sugar into a large bowl then beat with an electric whisk until pale and fluffy. Fold in the melted chocolate and the remaining Using a teaspoon, the kids can divide zest. Place a straight nozzle into the the mixture between the cupcake base of a piping bag and fill with cases then smooth the tops with the icing. the back of the teaspoon. Put the muffin tin into the oven and bake Once the cupcakes are cool, pipe the the cupcakes for 18 mins, or until icing onto the top of each cupcake well-risen, golden and lightly springy in a swirl that looks like a beehive. to touch. For the bees, break and roll the Remove the tin from the oven and yellow fondant icing into 12 small carefully transfer the cupcakes to a slightly oval shaped balls about wire rack to cool completely. 2.5-3cm long. Break off a piece of black fondant and roll it with the tips Meanwhile, make the icing. Break of your fingertips on a board until the white chocolate into squares, it is a sausage shape approximately Method put in a non-metallic bowl and melt 3mm thick and 14cm long. Cut this Preheat the oven to 180°C, 160°C fan. the chocolate in 30-sec bursts in the into 2 pieces and then wrap 1 piece Fill a 12-hole muffin tin with yellow microwave, stirring between each round the yellow body to make a paper cupcake cases. burst, until just melted; set aside to stripe. Wrap the other sausage round cool. Alternatively, if you don’t have the body next to the first stripe. Cut Put 125g butter into a large bowl, a microwave, put the chocolate the white chocolate buttons in half add the caster sugar and beat with squares into a bowl that fits snugly then put them on the back of the an electric whisk until pale and fluffy. over a pan of gently simmering body to resemble wings. Draw eyes Crack the eggs into the bowl one at water on a gentle heat. Make sure and a smiley mouth on the front of a time and beat well between each the water does not touch the each bee using the writing icing pen, addition. Sift over the flour and baking bottom of the bowl or the chocolate then set aside for 10 mins to allow powder, and fold in using a large will seize. Leave, stirring occasionally, the icing to set. Put a bee onto the metal spoon. Add half the orange zest until the chocolate has melted. side of each cupcake and serve.
apricot jam, for brushing 1kg white fondant icing 250g pack pink fondant icing 50g white chocolate, melted black writing icing pen
Meringue chicks Makes 22
Method Put the Maderia cakes, roughly broken up, into a blender and whizz to fine crumbs. Add the vanilla buttercream icing and blend together. Roll into 20 balls, then freeze for 30 mins.
Ingredients 2 medium egg whites, at room temperature 120g caster sugar (or double the weight of your egg whites) ½ tsp vanilla extract yellow food colour gel black food colour gel orange food colour gel
Pipe 22 small circles onto the lined baking tray, 2cm apart, then carefully pipe a smaller circle on top of each one, finishing with a peak.
Push a long lollipop stick into each ball and brush with warm apricot jam. Take the white fondant icing and roll small pieces to the thickness of pound coins. Use to cover the balls, pressing it round with your fingers. Cut away the excess icing from around the stick.
Make ears using pieces of white fondant icing. Take a pack of readymade pink fondant icing, pull off small pieces and flatten and press onto Bake for 40 mins. When the meringues each ear. Melt the white chocolate; are ready they will pull off the paper dip the base of each ear in the easily. If they don’t, return them to the chocolate and hold in place on the oven for a few more mins until they do. cake pop until secure. Make a nose Set aside to cool for 30 mins. from pink fondant, stick on with Method melted chocolate, and then draw on Preheat the oven to 130°C, 110°C Put 2 drops each of the black and a mouth and eyes with a black writing fan. Line 2 baking trays with nonstick orange food colour gels in separate icing pen. baking paper. Put the egg whites small bowls. Using a new fine in a large, clean, non-plastic bowl paintbrush, mix 1-2 drops of water Put the cake pops in the stand (you’ll and beat with an electric whisk, into each colour. Paint eyes, beaks, need a cake pop stand or florists’ foam starting on a low speed and gradually feet and head feathers onto the in cups) to keep them upright. while increasing to high. Whisk for around chicks. Leave to dry for 30 mins. The you make the rest. Chill until ready 4minutes or until you have a stiff mix chicks can be stored in an airtight to serve. that holds its peaks. container at room temperature for Find more recipes at: realfood.tesco.com up to 1 week. As part of a healthy Add the sugar, 1 tbsp at a time, diet, we recommend this recipe for a whisking well between additions, special occasion or treat. until all the sugar is incorporated. Continue whisking for a further 5 mins or until the sugar has completely dissolved. Once the Makes 20 meringue is smooth and glossy, whisk Ingredients in the vanilla and a little yellow food 2 x 300g Madeira cakes, colour gel until the mixture is bright roughly broken up yellow and not streaky. Spoon the 300g ready-made vanilla meringue into a piping bag fitted buttercream icing with a round 1cm nozzle.
BUNNY CAKE POPS
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| motoring
THE MAZDA MX-5
The new 2019 Mazda MX-5 is available now at MAGNA MAZDA.
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he 2019 Mazda MX-5 has been named Best Sports Car for less than £30,000 at the annual What Car? Awards. What Car’s recognition of the 2.0 Sport Nav+ means the current fourth-generation of Mazda’s iconic sports car has won an award from What Car? every year since its debut. Launched in September last year, the upgraded 2019 Mazda MX-5 benefits from enhanced dynamic performance, improved safety
equipment and driver comfort refinements. At the forefront of this technical upgrade is a more powerful and higher-revving version of the 2.0-litre Skyactiv-G engine. Substantially redesigned with lighter pistons and con-rod, the 2.0-litre engine also features revisions to the camshafts and exhaust valves, fuel injectors, throttle valve and air intake. The end result is an increase from 160ps to 184ps and a heightened redline, which rises from 6,800 to 7,500rpm. In addition with higher fuel pressure and more efficient
“the upgraded 2019 Mazda MX-5 benefits from enhanced dynamic performance, improved safety equipment and driver comfort refinements.”
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combustion, there’s an increase in torque across the rev range, while peak torque rises by 5Nm. As a result on the convertible 0-62mph performance improves by 0.8 of a second to 6.5seconds, while manual and automatic RF models see a 0.6 and 0.5 second increase, respectively, while tuning of the main silencer delivers a cleaner more powerful engine note. Across all models in the range, the 2019 MX-5 now features telescopic steering adjustment to further enhance driver comfort and
motoring | improve the famous Jinba Ittai ‘car-and-driver as one’ ethos that sits at the heart of the MX-5 experience.
The 2019 MX-5 now features telescopic steering adjustment to enhance driver comfort
Commenting on its victory, What Car? Editor Steve Huntingford said: “the sports car class feels like a natural fit for the MX-5, because it now produces more power than ever before while putting an even bigger smile on your face. It’s one of the most entertaining cars on sale today and it remains affordable to buy and run.” Starting from £18,995, the MX-5 convertible is offered in SE+, SE-L Nav+, Sport Nav+ and new GT Sport Nav+ trim, while from £22,595 the RF is available in SE-L Nav+, Sport Nav+, and GT Sport Nav+,with the higher
two trims available with an automatic gearbox. Standard safety equipment has increased with Sport Nav+ cars and above now featuring Front Smart City Brake Support, Lane Departure Warning System, Rear Smart City Brake Support, Traffic Sign Recognition and Driver Attention Alert, while Blind Spot Monitoring System with Rear Cross Traffic Alert, Adaptive LED
headlights and a reversing camera are standard on GT Sport Nav+ and optional as a safety pack on Sport Nav+. Until March 2019 you can buy the new MX-5 with their 0% finance offer. This includes a prepaid servicing option at preferential rate of £299 for the first three services on your car. Terms and conditions apply - ask at the showroom for full details. To test drive the MX-5 pop into the Magna Mazda showroom in Downton, near Salisbury or call 01725 513777 to find out more. • magnamazda.co.uk
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• Extensions • Conversions • New Builds • Maintenance • Property Refurbishment • Kitchens & Bathrooms
01747 820422
Unit 1, Wylye Road, Hindon, Salisbury SP3 6ER
enquiries@pfparsons.co.uk www.pfparsons.co.uk
GREAT OFFERS IN STORE ALL YEAR ROUND! 01985 847031 | sofacoplus@yahoo.co.uk | sofaco.co.uk | 15 George Street, Warminster, BA12 8QA
home & garden |
HOUSE CALLS
From electricals to shutters, sofas and even gardens. If you want to spruce up your home inside and out this spring, you’ve come to the right place! shutters, to more traditional whites and woods, we have the perfect solution for you. Call or visit the website for more information, inspiration and a personal quotation. 01722 440714 | justshutters.co.uk
P F PARSONS LTD
Good lighting can transform your outside space
ARBARO ELECTRICALS
JUST SHUTTERS Why not consider adding a touch of luxury and style to your windows and doors by adding statement shutters from Just Shutters? Whether you are looking to make the most of light or space, add privacy to your home, or bring the outside in, Just Shutters stunning Plantation Shutters can add the wow factor to your room. With the UK’s broadest range of styles and finishes, Just Shutters can match any
Maybe you are giving one of your rooms a refresh and need to improve the lighting. You might want to make the most of your outdoor space with some beautiful uplighting. You may require a whole house rewire. Whatever your reason for needing an electrician, speak to Arbaro Electricals. Run by Mark Derbyshire, a Part P and IET 18th Edition certified electrician, and certified by STROMA as part of the “Why not consider Government backed Competent Persons Scheme, they can provide adding a touch of you with a wide range of electrical luxury and style to services. So whether you want a your windows and new socket installed, changes to doors by adding your indoor outdoor lighting or PAT statement shutters Testing, installations or rewires, Mark can help. Call for your free quotation from Just Shutters?” or email mark.derbyshire@ decor and design tastes; from these arbaroconsulting.co.uk 07799 867482 | arbaroconsulting.co.uk chic and contemporary light grey
P F Parsons Ltd Building Contractors are based in Hindon and have been established for over 30 years. The company carries out all types of general building work, from small works to conservatories, extensions and can also assist with building new properties from scratch. If you are looking to invest in your garden and home then give P F Parsons a call to discuss your project. They could build a stunning new conservatory, an extension that opens out onto a beautiful patio, a new porch and entrance way and much more besides. They can discuss any building project either at their office or on site and have an extensive portfolio of photographs available to give you an idea of just what can be done with your home. 01747 820422 | pfparsons.co.uk
LAKESIDE GARDEN CENTRE Lakeside Garden Centre is a family run business that has been serving gardeners in the West of England for over forty years. You can be assured of a warm, friendly welcome, top-quality products and knowledgeable advice for everyone from the novice to the expert. THESOUTHWILTSMAGAZINE
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| home & garden
P F Parsons Ltd can help on any building project, large or small
edge of the Longleat estate. What really marks this garden centre apart is the beautiful setting - no visit to Lakeside is complete without a stroll around the lake and a chance to meet the ducks and geese that have settled there. 01985 217413 | fonthill-lakeside.com
Stock up on plants at Lakeside
Sofa Co Plus supply top quality sofas
SOFA CO PLUS Sofa Co is an independent boutique furniture store based on George Street in Warminster since late 2009. It has established a reputation for supplying top quality sofas from some of the finest manufacturers in the UK, Europe and South Africa. There are beautiful UK built sofas, stunning leather sofas from South Africa and funky colourful designs from Spanish manufacturer Fama.
As well as sofas, you can also expect In addition to the wide range of to find mirrors, lighting, throws, trees, shrubs, patio plants and cushions and always a display of perennials, you will also find a select contemporary artwork – they even range of quality garden furniture, offer a re-upholstery service, from a barbecues and gift items. Lakeside is seat pad repair to a full re-cover of situated on the A350 in Crockerton, a sofa. Head over to their store and just outside Warminster, on the enjoy a coffee and a browse, and
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you might be surprised by the great value prices on offer too. 01985 847031 | sofaco.co.uk
SOUTHONS & CO LTD Southons has been supplying quality furniture since 1907. They are a family-run business, with an emphasis on personal customer service. Situated in the heart of Salisbury, their destination store is attractively laid out over two large floors with room set displays, so whether you are after a new bed, a sofa, some furniture for a dining room or anything else for the home, be sure to pop in to see their fantastic selection, which includes the industry’s leading brands. Find out more about their fantastic range of Natuzzi furniture on p27. 01722 322458 | southonsfurniture.co.uk
"Situated in the heart of Salisbury, their destination store is attractively laid out over two large floors with room set displays" Southons & Co Ltd
haus
haus.life
haus_lifestyle
/hauslifestyle
V I N TA G E & H A N D M A D E I T E M S FOR THE MODERN HOME
Head to www.hauslife.co.uk to see our collection of jewellery, accessories and homewares. Use code HAUS10 for an exclusive £10 off your first order!*
www.hauslife.co.uk *minimum spend of £40 applies
| home & garden
CREATING THE PERFECT LAWN
If you want your grass to be greener the best thing you can do is call in the experts at LawnTender to do it for you!
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aving the perfect lawn that is the envy of your neighbours is actually quite straight forward; get someone else to do it for you! Kevin Maul and Sue Jacobs are the people you are looking for, as they run the South Wilts and East Somerset office of LawnTender.
we will assess its condition and appearance. Then we will discuss our findings with you (in person or by leaving a note if you’re not home)
Now located in south Westbury, central to the area they cover, which includes all the major towns and cities between Bath and Andover, plus all the surrounding villages and hamlets too. LawnTender offers a comprehensive lawn care service either on an individual treatment basis or as part of an annual scheduled programme.
detailing anything we feel is needed, such as simply raising the mower height, or sharpening the blade, to giving consideration to further procedures such as having the lawn aerated or scarified at the appropriate time of year.”
Kevin says, “It is not often that we get called to see a lawn that is beyond repair and will only recommend re-turfing as a last resort.” He added, “Although we provide a variety of lawn care services, we will never recommend a treatment or procedure that you don’t need. Each time we visit to treat your lawn
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different people. Some have invested in new lawns and want to keep them in good order. There are those who have retired and find it difficult to
“LawnTender offers a comprehensive lawn care service either on an individual treatment basis or as part of an annual scheduled programme.”
The services on offer include scheduled weed and feed applications, using slow release, non burn (no watering in required), commercial fertiliser and selective weedkillers, along with moss control and lawn turf disease treatments. They are NPTC qualified and have full public liability for your peace of mind. Sue says, “Our strength is that we supply a professional service to many
continue maintaining their lawns as they used to. Then finally, those who have tried all the D.I.Y. treatments and realised that it is more cost effective to hand the job over to us.” Kevin and Sue have always placed high focus on their strong customer service, providing personal ongoing advice, feedback, and technical support throughout the season. These core values have resulted in strong customer loyalty with many customers now being on their books for over twelve years. Would you like to join them? Then call 01373 859016 to arrange a free, no obligation lawn assessment and quotation. • lawntender.co.uk
• A programme of pre-scheduled lawn treatments • Professional feeds - non scorch and no flush growth • Expert scarification and aeration service • Cost effective and time saving • Ongoing advice and support
| house & home
CALCULATING RENTAL DEMAND
When you are investing in property, picking the right area for maximum return on your investment is paramount. Here are some essential things to consider, courtesy of MARYAM CALVERT at Northwood Salisbury.
C
alculating rental demand in High demand for rental properties in some areas drives rental costs up an area is not as difficult as it used to be for the average property hunter. Generally, you should expect those regions in which demand outweighs the number of properties available to deliver higher rents and vice versa. Whether you are a tenant looking for somewhere to set down roots or a buy to let landlord searching for the best investment, “For tenants, demand for rental properties can picking the best area is paramount. At not only determine the price you may have to Northwood, our agents have the local knowledge and expertise to help you pay but whether you get a place to live at all.” to secure your ideal property. have money left over at the end of For tenants, demand for rental the month. properties can not only determine THE DEMAND FOR the price you may have to pay but RENTAL PROPERTIES Outside London, demand for rental whether you get a place to live at all. Demand is often driven by the properties can vary dramatically. In London, according to the Telegraph, economy of the location concerned. Demand is set to continue to increase an average of 8.9 people contest each You should expect high demand for across the board. It’s calculated that room available for rent. In Swindon, the rental properties in London because over a third of young people will ratio is 6 to 1 and Norwich 5.6 to 1. The it’s the capital and a hub for many rent for their entire lives rather than greatest demand is seen in our larger business sectors. Rentals in London buy their own home. Here are just a cities. Some of this is driven by the are also in demand because of the few hotspots for potential landlord employment profile of the area but price of properties, the transient investment: it can also be affected by issues such population and difficulties in getting as having a large student population. onto the housing market ladder in the • Manchester is a good place to invest Lower rents can be an indication of with a 5.55% increase in rental yields first place. reduced rental demand (they can over the last year. also be driven by lower house prices For tenants, demand and its effect and less appealing locations). Hull is • Colchester is next on the list with a on prices is extremely important. currently economical with rents on yield of 3.78%, while Luton is third, According to recent research by average around £395 per calendar partly because of its closeness to The Independent, renters are month, while Burnley is not far behind London and easy access by rail. spending half their wages on rent. on £400 pcm. • Glasgow, Aberdeen and Paisley are In London, this rises in some cases good choices if you are looking to to a staggering 89%. When there are Whether you are renting or invest in Scotland, particularly when not enough houses or flats to meet investing come and speak to us at you take into account some lower 56 Castle Street, Salisbury or call demand prices rise naturally and, house prices which deliver bigger 01722 330066. with wages still largely stagnating, that can present problems for tenants yields than in other parts of the • northwooduk.com country. hoping to find a good deal and still
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house & home |
FASHION CONSCIOUS FURNITURE Get ahead of the curve this spring/summer with a trip to Southons of Salisbury.
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urniture has become a fashion item. There are fabric colours that are the season’s favourites and this year, for sofas and soft furnishings, it’s mustard yellow, teal blue and an amazing dusty pink. Last year it was a lime green and the year before pastels. Different wood colours also come in and out of vogue, for example a few years ago light wood was very trendy, but now mid to darker woods with a heavier grain are becoming increasingly popular.
The season’s favourite shades for sofas and soft furnishings are mustard, teal and an amazing dusty pink
As furniture tends to be fashion-led, it’s important the surroundings in which it’s displayed reflect the most-up-to date colours and styles. The Natuzzi Edition range of sofas, chairs and accessories is displayed in Southons in a special studio gallery created by Natuzzi’s own Italian designers; even down to where the furniture is positioned as well as the type of accessories and promotional material used. All the plans for the layout and interior design of the studio, even the wall colour, have to be approved by Pasquale Natuzzi himself, the founder and chairman of the company. Natuzzi Editions’ ethos is to create a look that is luxuriously smooth and exquisitely styled. They even have a visualizer who is the person responsible for adding the finishing touches to ensure the gallery genuinely adheres to the design ethics laid down by Natuzzi Editions.
Natuzzi's range of sofas is displayed in its own special studio gallery
When you visit Southon's Natuzzi Editions Gallery in Catherine Street Salisbury, you will experience the height of Italian chic with beautifully
"When you see the leather samples, you'll be amazed by the selection of colours to choose from and there's something for every budget" designed sofas, chairs and corner units displayed using stylish accessories. When you see the leather samples, you'll be amazed by the selection of colours to choose from and, because they are available in different grades of leather, there’s something for every budget. Natuzzi Editions’ designers don’t only concentrate on style, they also aim
to create sofas and chairs that offer complete comfort with reclining seats and adjustable lumbar support as optional extras. Up to the moment designer furniture that combines style and comfort at affordable prices, what could be better! • southonsfurniture.co.uk THESOUTHWILTSMAGAZINE
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| puzzles
TEA BREAK TEASERS
EU COUNTRY WORDSEARCH
What/who is missing from the grid? AUSTRIA BELGIUM BULGARIA CROATIA CYPRUS DENMARK ESTONIA FINLAND
SUDOKU
MEDIUM
FRANCE GERMANY GREECE HUNGARY IRELAND ITALY LATVIA
WIN A £20 iTUNES VOUCHER! Email your answers to these trivia questions to comp@wired-publishing.co.uk by 15.04.19 to be in with a chance of winning a £20 iTunes voucher. Good luck!
Q1: How many countries will be left in the EU when we leave? Q2: Which of these was the last to join? LAST MONTH’S SOLUTIONS Wordsearch missing word: Long Tailed Tit Quiz answers: 1:The Robin 2: The Wurzels 3: Hedge Sparrow 4: Long Tailed Tit 5: Bearded, Blue, Great, Willow, Marsh, Long Tailed, Crested and Coal
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Q3: In what year was the Euro introduced (first as just an accounting currency)? Q4: When Denmark, Ireland and The UK joined in 1973 how many members were there in total? Q5: After we leave how many countries that are part of the European continent will not be part of The EU? Be sure to include your contact details so we can get in touch with you if you are our winner!
| last word
E
THE ‘B’ WORD...
very month I have to find a small space in my schedule to sit down, hopefully with a bit of peace and quiet, to write what I think is a relatively humorous piece about a random subject that has come to me at some point over the previous couple of weeks. Sometimes thinking of what to write about is easy but more often than not it takes a while - I have done over 100 of these things now, most topics have been covered! I need a subject that has legs, something I can extract more than just a few lines of humour from and ideally, a subject that’s not too contentious. Two and a half years ago something momentous happened in this country, something very contentious and something I’ve managed to avoid even mentioning, I think, until now. March 2019 though is now
The main problem I have with it, from a writing level I mean, is how to extract any laughs at all from something so important. It’s a subject so divisive that, if we believe the media (traditional and social) anyway - a dodgy enough practice in itself - it ends friendships and has members of the same family not speaking to each other. How on earth am I going to raise even the smallest giggle writing about the biggest thing to happen to this country in a generation? I could, I suppose, write about the politicians. They would seem to be the obvious choice, on both sides, as to be quite honest they end up doing and saying the most ridiculous things but they just look and sound rather pathetic. It would be like trying to get you to laugh at a poor bedraggled puppy who has been out in the rain for hours and is looking at you with eyes that say
“Two and a half years ago something momentous happened in this country, something very contentious and something I’ve managed to avoid even mentioning, I think, until now.” here and this month (please look away now if you are of a nervous disposition as I am going to mention the dreaded B-word) we are going to be leaving the EU. Brexit is upon us. I was going to put a spoiler alert but, honestly, what’s the point? If you aren’t aware of it now then…. well I don’t really know what to say it’s been everywhere for so long you would, almost literally, have to be living on another planet not to have heard and even then I’m sure something would have reached you.
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“Please make it stop”. I can’t do that though as the very people who are supposed to be running the country, the people we voted for, the educated, serious, people of power in this country are running around in circles with, it seems, no more idea of what is going than…well…a puppy!! I could write about the people. The poor souls who voted this way or that, in or out, but the decision they made on 23 June 2016 was, for them, a very personal decision
that, hopefully, was thought about seriously and not taken lightly, a cross marked on a piece of paper that would change their lives for ever. How can you laugh at that? I voted that day, it’s so long ago I can barely remember in which box I made my mark, but whichever way you voted one thing is for certain, at the end of this month things will change… Whatever happens, whatever deal is struck let’s hope it is for the better. Next month I will be mostly writing about clowns and comedians… things that are supposed to make you laugh… No more bedraggled puppies, I promise. Phil Rockliffe