Goughs

COPING WITH SEPARATION

Heidi Cordoza, Associate Family Solicitor at GOUGHS SOLICITORS, talks about helping your children cope with separation.

Separating from your spouse or partner is a difficult and emotional process and can be just the same for any children. You will need to have important discussions about arrangements for the children and there is no 'one size fits all' when it comes to how best to deal with a separation. When it comes to your children, you know them best.

Children will have many questions and worries when find out that their parents are separating; who will they live with; where will they live; how much time will they spend with the other parent; will they still go to the same school; is it their fault...

Associate Family Solicitor Heidi Cordoza

COMMUNICATION IS KEY

• Separation not only affects adults; it changes children’s lives too. • Talk to your children, let them know what is happening and that it’s not their fault.

• Tell your children how their lives will change as a result: where they will go to school; when they will see each parent; that they will have two homes. Talk to your children about the plans but make sure you, as parents, make the decisions. Avoid giving them choices as they may feel torn and will not always know what's best for them. • It is hugely important for children’s self-esteem and development for them to have a positive image of both parents, so try to portray a positive view of their other parent, even if this is not something you are feeling. • Be honest and realistic with them.

"Talk to your children about the plans but make sure you, as parents, make the decisions."

WORKING TOGETHER

• Show a united front. It is important for the children to see that, despite the separation, you remain committed parents putting their interests first. • Conflict and lack of agreement will only serve to create further upset and uncertainty for the children. • Don’t involve the children in disagreements or make the children choose between you.

REASSURANCE

that it is OK for them to feel angry, upset, or hurt. • Children need to feel and know they continue to be loved and cared for by both parents, and that this will not change because of the separation. • Children cope well if there is no long-term parental conflict. • You can help children cope by ensuring you are taking care of yourself.

If you are separating or divorcing, there is bound to be an impact on children within your family unit. If you are struggling with child arrangements, Goughs Solicitors are here to support and guide you. Contact us today via the website for your free 30-minute family consultation. Alternatively you can email info@goughs.co.uk