The Last Word

ALL THE SMALL THINGS

I’m writing this a few days after Valentine’s Day which traditionally, amongst other things, demands the exchange of cards. I always try to outdo my wife and ‘win’ at cards but this year I came second by quite a stretch! My card wasn’t dreadful, it referenced the ongoing ‘debate’ we have about the heating in the house, when it should come on, how warm/cool it should be etc etc and was pretty funny if I say so myself... just not funny enough to win. I am in the camp of the house always being too cold and resent having to layer up, inside my own house, to watch the latest Only Connect or University

Challenge. This got me thinking though about the small, continuous little niggles that every relationship

has and if they happened all at once would probably mean the end of most of them but luckily they only happen one at a time, even if that is ten times a day!! And, thankfully, husbands and wives also come with redeeming features!

While researching this piece... yes contrary to popular belief I do a small amount of background to each one of these... I read that the most common niggle between couples is how the dishwasher is stacked. Really??? Why should it matter how a dishwasher is stacked? As long as everything gets cleaned is surely the point? Actually it matters quite a lot, if it isn’t stacked in the correct way things get missed and they have to go through again so throwing as much in as possible is a false economy. Yes, you’ve guessed correctly, the dishwasher is a definite bone of contention in the Rockliffe household. I’m with Jon Richardson on this one, check out his standup routine on YouTube about the subject if you can, it’s very funny and also has the kudos of being correct.

I was having a chat with one of my wife’s friends the other day and they mentioned something that really gets their goat about their partner. Now I wouldn’t like to be pinned down as to whether or not

this happens in our house (given that my wife reads this column I have to be careful) so I’ll leave you to draw your own conclusions. My wife’s friend was bemoaning that when her husband uses something from a cupboard, in the kitchen say, he doesn’t put it back when he’s finished with it. Instead he leaves said item on the counter right under/over the actual cupboard in which it dwells, assuming, I guess, that someone else (his wife) will come along after him and put it away. I can immediately see how frustrating that might be. I’m just

“Why should it matter how a dishwasher is stacked? As long as everything gets cleaned is surely the point? Actually it matters quite a lot”

really pleased it doesn’t happen in our house!! (Ed’s note, he’s got me there!)

In the interest of fairness it must be mentioned that my wife and the aforementioned husband have no right of reply here and one imagines they might have their own spousal niggles they’d like to air. But they don’t have their own column and I do so... unlucky!

It’s good that as adults we have learned to compromise otherwise every day would be a nightmare. Can you imagine getting properly up in the air about all those small things your significant other does that annoy you. There actually is a (sursprisingly insightful) blog post out there called ‘My Wife Divorced me Over Dishes’. The divorce rate in England and Wales is 33.3% as it is, my guess would be that if we let all those things get to us it would be somewhere near 90%!!!

Phil Rockliffe