THE MAGAZINE November 2018 - Issue 19
Mrs. Frances Brady Page 12
National Adoption Month
Adoption
Story of the
Rowena Nguyen Page 28
Wilson Family
Patricia Pope Page 30
Page 18
The Geneva Foundation Planting Seeds Today For A Better Tomorrow
Page 6
CONGRATULATIONS to Vicksburg Municipal Court
Judge Toni Walker Terrett
for being elected to serve as Ninth District Circuit Judge for subdistrict 9-1 in Mississippi!
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Joanne’s
CEO, Publisher & Editor Joanne Bell Cover Photo Joanne Bell, Dutourdumonde/ Adobe Stock Contributing Writers Roikensha Craig Alexis Davis Tonja Murphy Dr. Talya Straughter Layout Design Michelle Zischke Facebook Woman To Woman With Joanne The Magazine Subscribe! Visit: bit.ly/joannemag Contact us at: woman2woman.joanne@ yahoo.com 601-398-6733 P.O. Box 2031 Ridgeland, Ms 39158 All rights reserved. No portion of Woman to Woman with Joanne may be reproduced without written permission from the publisher. The management of Woman to Woman with Joanne is not responisble for opinions expressed by its writers. Woman to Woman with Joanne maintains the unrestricted right to edit or refuse all submitted material. All advertisements are subject to approval by the publisher. The production of Woman to Woman is funded by advertising and sponsorship.
Desk
BY JOANNE BELL, FOUNDER
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he month of November is National Adoption Month among so many other things. It’s the month with a day set aside for us to specifically give thanks. The stories and articles in this month’s issue alone are reasons to be thankful. There are children grateful for being adopted, Grandmothers grateful to be cancer free and afforded another chance at life, a mother who is learning to lean and depend on Jesus. What are you thankful for? Who are you thankful for? We all have so many reasons to be thankful, but we spend a lot of our time complaining about what we don’t have or wishing we had more of what we already have.
This month, take minute everyday to give thanks for something. Say thank you more often and stop thinking we deserve something or feeling like people owe us something. Life is but a mist, we have to get to the point where we decide to enjoy the time we have. Just give thanks. Just say thank you. This Thanksgiving, I pray that you all take a minute to look around the dinner table at who is not there this year that was there last year. Take a minute to slow down and enjoy the day, not just rush through it running from house to house. Take a minute and breathe. Then say thank you.
Love ya much!
In This Issue
Joanne
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Cover Story: The Geneva Foundation ............................................................6-11 Cover Story: Mrs. Frances Brady ............................................................................12 Tonja Murphy: Your Maidservant Has Nothing But A ..............................15 Adoption Story of Wilson Family........................................................................18-21 em-pa-thy...................................................................................................................................22 Roikensha Craig: Fulfilling my Unique Ministry....................................24-25 Rowena Nguyen...........................................................................................................28-29 Fenton Pope: In Honor of my wife, Patricia Pope ......................................30 Recipe: Chcolate Bourbon Pecan Pie Custard Cake.....................................31 Fall 2018 Highlights.....................................................................................................32-33 Recipe: Cheesy Monkey Bread....................................................................................34 Dr. Straughter: Understanding Sexual Assault .............................................35 Upcoming Events for 2018............................................................................................38
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Cover Story The Geneva Foundation
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P
lanting seeds today for a better tomorrow” is the motto of the Geneva Foundation. The better tomorrow, however, that you are planting seeds for today may not always be clearly defined. In my painful crises, I would never have imagined my desperate cry out to God for relief would become a music CD over four decades later.
empty bread bag, and then place them inside the tank of the toilet. When it was the next person’s turn, we would remove the lid, read the note, and leave a message of our own.
We had to pick our opportunities to sneak to be together. Because of this, we learned the schedules of my Dad and my Aunt and Uncle, when they were to leave and when they were to June 2nd marked the conclusion return. At those times when they all of the New Beginnings Class, a sixleft, this was the perfect time to sneak month follow-up series through the woods that The story behind the for the graduates of separated us, to meet in music Inspiration came the middle, and hug and the Darkness to Light program in Grenada, MS. during a very difficult love on each other. A few weeks prior, I was time in my life. fortunate to record a new Saying good-bye was music CD single, entitled “Oh Help me always difficult. As we departed to Lord,” a song written over 40 years ago. go our separate ways, I remember us looking back at each other for a final glimpse through the tears. Often we would turn back and charge into each other’s arms hurting and crying. I remember crying out to God “Oh, help me Lord! Oh help me Lord, Oh help me Lord!” The story behind the music Inspiration came during a very difficult time in my life. A time when my two younger sisters were separated from me. During those times, if you were a victim of abuse, especially sexual abuse, you were considered tainted, or spoiled goods. Because of this, the younger girls were taken out of our home and were living with my Uncle and Aunt. So, instead of intervening on my behalf, the adults decided to break us up, which was very painful for all three of us. My sisters and I would have controlled visits under the watchful eye of my Aunt. During these times we could barely speak to each other. And we certainly could not say what we felt or what was really on our minds. We would take turns going to the bathroom. In doing so, we would write notes to each other, put them in an
Introducing Audria Williams Smith
I would have loved to sing the song myself, but I believe God assumes He has given me enough already and He gave the musical gifts to my relatives. My niece, Audria Williams Smith, a powerful young Evangelist in her own right, (and now a new artist on the Southern Charm Entertainment label), poured her soul into a stirring debut audio performance, followed by the video that accompanies the music. Although never having met her Grandma Geneva, Audria was able to express the desperation I felt in the absence of my mother as I reached A year ago, over 40 years later, I toward heaven with my tears and began to reminisce about the song. In prayers. Special thanks to producer, a passing conversation with my sister Roland Pollard, and Sheila, the song came up. As I continue on the background vocalist, She told me she had written path of my process, Sheldon Gooch. down the words I sang and seeking the perfect they had been in a large, old will of God in my life, Greater Now family Bible all these years. I was amazed. One week later, I will carry you with Zion Church of a CD single of the song was me for strength and God in Christ encouragement. produced. My brother, Elder
Dennis E. Williams, who is also my Pastor, and his First Lady, Patsy Williams, welcomed the Geneva Foundation to Greater New Zion Church of God in Christ which hosted the official launch of the Oh Help Me Lord CD production. Friends and family came to my home church in Brookhaven, MS to celebrate with me at this event. Some of the graduates of the Dark to Light class from Grenada, MS also travelled the distance to attend.
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Among the speakers were my sister in law, Patsy Williams, who rendered a powerful prose as a tribute, my beautiful sister, Joyce Rice, gave the welcome, my long–time friend and mentor, Joe Price gave words of encouragement, and Minister Sheldon Gooch emceed. I was deeply touched as I looked out into the audience at those who now share my story and music with me. The event concluded with a live performance of the song, Oh Help Me Lord by Evangelist Audria Williams Smith. Afterwards we enjoyed a spread of delicacies in the fellowship hall in the reception which followed. So many friends from past and present offered to me their heartfelt expressions, each of which I will forever remember. I am especially thankful for the close relationship I have maintained with my two sisters. We are redeeming the time. Many thanks to each and every one of you. As I continue on the path of my process, seeking the perfect will of God in my life, I will carry you with me for strength and encouragement. Thank you for your support of the Geneva Foundation and for the seeds of friendship you have sown into my life. May they return to you in abundance
as I work to plant seeds today for a better tomorrow, fulfilling Geneva’s mission and vision:
Mission - The Geneva Foundation
exists to sow into the lives of those whose needs have been neglected as a direct result of physical, emotional, or sexual abuse; to help those who have experienced this type of hardship to improve their quality of life, particularly for children and troubled females; and to aid them in charting a new course through education, counseling, and recovery.
Vision - A statewide agency with multiple service/program centers,
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effectively impacting the community with education, intervention, and healing for those experiencing or witnessing sexual abuse as well as for those who are coping with an abusive past.
The Geneva Foundation – Planting Seeds Today For A Better Tomorrow For more informationan about The Geneva Foundation please visit: www.genevafoundationinc.org
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Mrs. Frances Brady The Legacy of Geneva Goes to Prison
Ms. Sanders faithfully calls this and it grieves my heart to think that a healing program, “Darkness to Light.” precious girl had to take on so much She has delivered this program through responsibility while going through so classes in communities throughout much abuse. She had so much taken from the state, funding them from her own her while so young. I can’t say enough pocket and with earnings from the praises for her, I trust her and believe in businesses she owns. Kolean Sanders her. And she knows where to look for is preparing to work with local judicial her strength.” Mrs. Brady is glad to play a authorities and law enforcement to host part of the work Kolean was doing. “This a Darkness to Light class in Brookhaven, (sexual abuse) has got to be stopped! It is Ms. However, the quest of reaching the the most heinous thing anybody can do.” female inmate population of Mississippi, is financially daunting. She knew God Indeed, Kolean does acknowledge would help her, but she God as her source and Indeed, Kolean does didn’t know how. her strength. But she here are currently over 2.2 acknowledge God as her is grateful to have met million individuals serving time As only God can do source and her strength. such a beautiful soul, as in federal and state prisons, and Ms. Sanders was Mrs. Frances ‘Frannie’ millions of people cycle through local introduced to Mrs. Frances Brady, a Brady. She is also very grateful to Mr. jails every year. September 2018 Bureau spirit filled Philanthropist from Kolean’s Joe Price, a positive influence, a business of Prisons stats indicate that 7% of hometown of Brookhaven, MS. Ms. mentor and a friend for 30 years, for the overall jail and prison population is Brady was moved by the story of Ms. introducing them. female. This ratio matches the prison Sanders’ Healing Program as told to her population in Mississippi. by a friend of hers and Koleans’ mentor, Mrs. Brady said she supports the Geneva Foundation because, “She According to a recent study, conducted Mr. Joe Price. Ms. Brady was moved by this story and as she would later state touched my heart, and there is a need by the Vera Institute of Justice, 86 a nudging in her heart. She called a here, (Brookhaven).” She added that percent of women who have spent time meeting with Ms. Sanders to discuss the she had two daughters and a sister, in jail report that they had been sexually Geneva Foundation and its’ mission and that, while there are many other very assaulted at some point in their lives. Mrs. Brady felt compelled to assist Kolean worthwhile causes, this one was more Sexual violence is so pronounced in her mission. This meeting resulted in important due to the prevalence of this among jailed and incarcerated women Mrs. Frances ‘Frannie’ Brady agreeing to issue in Brookhaven. “I give because God that Senator Cory Booker, (Dsponsor the first step in the Darkness to has blessed me to be able to give beyond NJ) labeled the overarching phenomenon Light Program, which my tithes,” She said, quoting Luke 12:48, as “a survivor-ofSexual violence is so pronounced is the reading of the “‘For unto whomsoever much is given, sexual-trauma to among jailed and incarcerated Geneva Foundation of him shall be much required.” Of the prisoner pipeline.” book, ‘The Legacy of prison mission she says, “It makes me women that Senator Cory Geneva – The Gift of feel absolutely wonderful to be able to With these facts Booker, (D-NJ) labeled the a Mother’s Wisdom’, assist in reaching women who are inside. in mind, Ms. Kolean overarching phenomenon as a motivational My heart goes out to those women. Any Sanders, Founder “a survivor-of-sexual-trauma personal testimony way I can be of help, I will do my best to of the Geneva to prisoner pipeline.” of Ms. Sanders. One do my best. I would gladly stand next to Foundation, Inc., hundred of these Kolean Sanders and proclaim that we’re decided to take books will be donated into the system, doing this.” a stand and reach out to incarcerated starting with the local jails in and around females within the state of Mississippi. the Brookhaven Area. Kolean is grateful to Mrs. Frannie Through the Geneva Foundation she for believing in her and the Geneva created an education program that When asked why she chose to Foundation, for showing support focuses on helping females to process support Kolean Sanders, Ms. Brady for reaching women in prison, and and heal from past abuses, to eliminate tearfully replied, “because she has for planting seeds today for a better the shame of being victimized, and to suffered too long with her personal past.” tomorrow. take steps toward a new life of recovery. A supporter of many great causes, she said, “I support Kolean, and I love her, Photo Credit: goldnetz/Adobe Stock
T
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Life Insurance If someone you love relies on your income, you need life insurance.
Call Joanne for a free quote at 601-398-6733.
Photo Credit: eugenesergeev/Adobe Stock
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Your Maidservant Has Nothing But A Jar Of Oil By Tonja Murphy any times, we skip to the end of the widow woman’s story in 2 Kings where she and her sons live happily ever after. Sure, she was told to go, sell the oil, pay her debt, and live on the rest, but there’s so much more to this story. The chapter begins with her crying out that her husband-who feared the Lord-is dead, and the creditors are coming to take her sons to be slaves to work off the debt. So, the prophet Elisha asked her, “What shall I do for you? Tell me, what do you have in the house?”
M
“Your maidservant has nothing but a jar of oil.” 2 Kings 4:2b
some of the strong women I know, she may have found it quite difficult to seek assistance from her neighbors as instructed. Often, we find it hard to ask for help. Unwillingness to seek help can stem from pride, mismanagement of resources, or simply not trusting and surrendering to God our vulnerability. Our heart says yes, but our bank of resources is depleted or nonexistent, and we still won’t ask for help. What if the widow woman didn’t ask for help? Scripture states she would have lost her children to slavery. When we ask, God’s provision flows from Him, through His people, and onto us.
“So she went from him and shut the door behind her and her sons.” 2 Kings 4:5
Initially, she said she had nothing and then added “but a jar of oil.” I imagine it seemed inconsequential to her. The widow had given away everything A couple of things happened here. in her house to satisfy the debts of The widow did as she was instructed, her now dead husband. This left her collected the jars, and involved her with only a small jar of oil; however, children in the process of filling the she probably avoided giving it away jars. What an opportunity to witness because during biblical times and even God’s love through a miracle! A family now oil is valuable. Like the widow, was coming together in a way that only we often discount that small thing we God could have orchestrated. One possess that is valuable. What is the day, the widow’s sons would share this one thing you have that you would miracle with their children. This is how not ordinarily consider of use to your we prepare our children to function as current circumstance? Look at journals a family and to maintain a household. you may have that tell the story of how Talk about a generational blessing! God walked with you through some of the worst moments of life. You “Then she came and told the are better for the journey and have man of God.” 2 Kings 4:7a a story that can bring life to others. What about that hobby that Like the widow, The widow went back to needs to be fine-tuned into we often discount give a report of what she’d a profitable business? God that small thing done and to receive more didn’t put it in your heart, instruction. She could have mind, or spirit for you to sit we possess that is done her own thing after valuable. idly and not use your gift. Elisha told her to fill the jars,
“Go, borrow vessels from everywhere, from all your neighbors—empty vessels.” 2 Kings 4:3 If the widow woman is anything like
but she came back for teaching. God is available to all of us for instruction beyond what He initially requires of us. I’ve been guilty of this more times than I care to put in this column, but I’m so thankful I’ve gotten out of my own way and gone back for further instruction on a regular basis.
“Go, sell the oil and pay your debt; and you and your sons live on the rest.” 2 Kings 4:7b Sell, pay, live. The widow could have easily said, “Forget the creditors,” and just lived. But instead, she again followed the instruction of the prophet to sell the oil, pay her debts, and then live. I’ve seen people receive financial blessings and forget their debts. The latest clothes, car, or gadgets top their lists. As a result, they deplete their blessings and circle back to God, receive correction in love, and change their behaviors when He blesses the next time. It’s not uncommon to see the story of the widow reenacted in our lives today. We fall on hard times, try to figure out our circumstances, and end up where we should have initially started: seeing God as our source. Whether you need to ask for help, come to the realization of what is in your hands to remedy a situation, or going to God before making a bold step, remember what the widow did and reflect on knowing it is better to surrender it all to God in the beginning, than waiting until there is nearly nothing left. Tonja Murphy is an author, motivational speaker, and self-professed Queen of Crockpots. She can be reached at 769218-9254 or www.tonjamurphy. com.
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National Adoption Month
Adoption Story of Wilson Family
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or Kescha Wilson, a Mississippi native, her first introduction into the world of adoption was as a child when she received her first Cabbage Patch Doll for Christmas. It was the only doll that she liked and there was something about signing the adoption birth certificate that cemented a loving connection to adoption in her mind. Whether there were shows about adoption on television or campaigns to help children in war torn countries, it was a feeling she could never quite shake. In her heart, she was sure she would adopt someday. In fact, she wrote in her senior high school book that she would adopt multiple children from different parts of the world. Little did she know it was a prophetic vision that began unfolding nearly 20 years later.
We met with a New Jersey clinic on to becoming parents. Man, was it the cutting edge of reproductive interesting. science and began an aggressive treatment regimen. During one of the The anticipation of the home study preliminary fertility screening tests, I process was a little nerve wrecking. I lay in the recovery room near a woman did not know what to expect. A social who was in deep mourning. She was worker came into our house to see wailing and crying out to God. Her if our home was ready and able to grief was something I could physically receive a child. My brain translated the feel. It was in those moments, that I home study as the “Are we worthy to heard God’s voice say “Get up. This have children process.” In my mind, is not your path.” It was clear to me I thought I should have an apron that fertility treatment was a great on when the social worker arrived, advance medical option. In My brain translated cookies baked, and the top fact, I have subsequently the home study as of the kitchen cabinets referred many friends and vacuumed. It’s what any the “Are we worthy colleagues who struggled normal Type A person to have children with infertility. But it was would do right? Can you process.” not my individual path or tell I was just a little bit our collective destiny. We uptight about this process? never returned to see that fertility Whew! Luckily, we had a wonderful specialist again even though we had social worker experienced with nervous Their adoption story as told by made a huge financial investment. families. Plus, my husband who is a Kescha: Fertility treatments are not cheap! As known jokester had ratted me out we left the office, my mind immediately about the apron, cookies, and excessive When I met my husband at a training went to my childhood dream of vacuuming. He also refused to wear academy for our jobs adopting. I had no clue the plaid Urkel shirt I bought him and It was in those as Federal Investigators, that infertility would be the rehearse scenes from a very popular moments, that I I didn’t know we had road that we would travel childhood show we loved. I kid! But, the so much in common. to get there. It took nearly process was unsettling for me. I can heard God’s voice Until one flirtatious three years of healing laugh at myself now. say “Get up. This is comment by him and my not your path.” before that dream would no nonsense response begin to manifest. We also went through a very landed us discussing a very personal intensive training where we were story. We discovered that both of our Shortly after a new assignment afforded the opportunity of talking fathers were battling the same type of and relocation to another state for to adoptive parents, birth families, cancer. That started a fast friendship work, my husband suggested we and adult adoptees. This training was and many hours of talking. We dated go to an information session for instrumental in breaking stereotypes long distance as we were eventually a local Christian adoption agency. and negative perceptions that are often assigned to different areas of the We scheduled a meeting and the shared about adoption in the world. It country. Fairly early in our marriage, my second we learned about domestic was a whirlwind of information and in dad lost his battle with cancer. Within and international adoption, it was the midst of our process; my husband’s months of his death, we were thrust clear what we were called to do. We dad lost his battle with cancer and into a medical crisis of our own. In the went home, put together a game his mother died suddenly a few short midst of seeing multiple doctors, we plan and began the arduous adoption months later. We temporarily halted were told that there was a separate process. This process consisted the process to grieve and reassess medical complication that would make of multiple interviews, background if we were on the right path. When our chances of having children very investigations, financial reviews, and a we re-initiated the process, we were slim. We were immediately referred home study. We provided submission clearer than ever about our calling to to fertility specialists. At the time, no statements about how we grew up, adopt. Our home study and adoption one we knew in our immediate circle how we planned to raise our children, application were finalized. We created shared a similar diagnosis or had and what role our faith had in our a personal storybook that was struggled with infertility. We went to lives. I didn’t know there could be a shown to potential birth families for many different sources looking for help Ph.D. level dissertation and defense consideration. and we came out feeling very alone. WOMAN TO WOMAN WITH JOANNE: THE MAGAZINE •19
The quote by Jody Landers sums up my feelings perfectly, “A child born to another woman calls me mommy. The magnitude of that tragedy & the depth of that privilege are not lost on me.”
Within a few months, we were scheduled to interview with a birth family in the process of making an adoption plan. Before the interview started, our social worker called to tell us that we had been chosen by another birth family to adopt their baby girl who was 4 days old and in a different area of the state. We completed the interview with one family and drove several hours to meet this baby. That experience was something that I could not begin to describe. We were flooded with a rush of emotions. We didn’t know what to expect. We tried to obey all traffic laws, but we were a complete wreck and speeding down the highway in disbelief. We finally made it to the meet location and within minutes of laying eyes on her, I knew she was the baby God intended for us to parent. My husband instantly melted into a big ball of chocolate and it was certainly love at first sight for him. We initiated the legal portion of her unique adoption. By the time she was 10 days old, we brought her home. We couldn’t believe how blessed we were.
our home at three months old. There was an instantaneous bond between our two children upon first meeting. Once our then two-year old daughter laid eyes on him, she said, “she loved him and he was so cute.” He certainly added a wonderful dynamic to our family. Our hearts were full and our family was full. During our journey, we learned of so many myths surrounding adoption. We also learned about all of the insensitive things we often say and do as it relates to adopted children, birth families, and couples facing infertility. I would feel it irresponsible to never mention the good, bad, and ugly of our total experience. Our experience was through private domestic adoption and our story is just one story in the vast, colorful adoption mosaic. The quote by Jody Landers sums up my feelings perfectly, “A child born to another woman calls me mommy. The magnitude of that tragedy & the depth of that privilege are not lost on me.”
Many couples struggling with infertility often suffer in silence because of the erroneous assumptions, unsolicited A year or so later, we began feeling the advice, and projected fears of others. call to consider adopting again. We It’s important that I share some of the had not yet started the full application common concerns that many couples process when we were contacted to like us have experienced. Telling consider a special adoption case. We couples that they will get pregnant as quickly jumped into motion to prepare soon as they adopt, asking couples for another child and went through the have they prayed about it, insinuating home study process again. This time that couples have sinned and infertility no apron, cookies, or is a consequence of We are more than excessive vacuuming. something they did, We were quickly giving sexual advice, grateful for the two approved to receive or suggesting couples families that chose to another baby. However, pass the parenting baton should just get over that adoption did not their desire to have to us so we could help work out. This can also run this leg of the race children can be a be a harsh reality of detrimental position to on their behalf. the adoption process. take. A few months later, we were being interviewed by another With birth families, we as a society birth family for a one-month old baby often judge and label birth mothers as boy. We met with the family and began abandoning, neglecting, and giving up the legal process of adopting him. We their children. When in fact, most birth welcomed this precious baby boy into families are making an adoption plan
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rooted in selfless and sacrificial love. There are cases where this happens, but it is not every case or even the majority. We also often stereotype birthmothers as movie characters like the one in Losing Isaiah. In no way, shape, or form should we ask or push our personal preferences regarding which kids should be adopted or accepted into the families of others. In fact, adoption in my opinion is a ministry. The people called to adopt are also called to a specific area of adoption…whether international, infant, fostering, sibling groups, older kids, or those who have special health concerns. Inquiring details about the adoption story of the child can be invasive. Often families will share that information if and when they deem appropriate. By all means, no adoptee wants to feel like a second-class citizen. It was also a huge learning curve for us to become more sensitive to these struggles and aware of the things we unconsciously say. We too had to clean up our misconceptions.
recalibrate at every turn I’ve needed to. In parenting them, I have discovered a new dimension to my purpose and felt called to rearrange my life to better support my family and a much richer mission. Out of that shift, a business was birthed. I started my company, Design Her Queendom, to help Type A Supermoms design the custom-made lives they were born to have instead of living the cookie cutter lives they’ve been told they should live. This global
movement is helping women to prevent and recover from burnout and build lives that are divinely authentic (and custom) to them. My family happens to be beneficiaries of this great awakening. Most will continue to say our children are lucky. But, my husband and I know how blessed we truly are. Not only have my borders and territory increased, but the depth of my spiritual walk and the love in my heart has too. And it’s just merely a snapshot of the real impact adoption has had on our lives.
It is also common practice to congratulate the adoptive parents on how great we are and how lucky the children are to have been “rescued or saved by us.” That’s not quite the way we see it. We are more than grateful for the two families that chose to pass the parenting baton to us so we could help run this leg of the race on their behalf. Their love and sacrifice will never be forgotten in our home. The impact of adoption has changed the trajectory of our lives. It has opened our hearts to vulnerable children and equally to the parents who make very hard and loving choices. We are committed to our children knowing they have a shared legacy. Sometimes, we often think that the story ends at adoption. These two beautiful children became the catalysts for an entire life shift for me. They have stretched me in areas where I was rigid, challenged me in areas where I have been stubborn, and forced me to Photo Credit: volgariver, kenkuza /Adobe Stock
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em•pa•thy By Alexis Davis there is a feeling missing from our society these days So many people on this planet but everyone only sees their world, their reality they can’t seem to connect with what others need forever only thinking me, me, me when all anyone needs is empathy so much is hidden behind pain and shame everyone silently suffering and hoping someone will care it is so easy to feel that ourselves are to blame but what we really need is an opportunity to share what will it take to make you see? when is the time that you will hurt for me? maybe you will wait until long after their fate is sealed you will wait for the day that their body is lowered into the earth finally, finally all the pain will be lost but then felt by others their face is at peace as you finally shed a tear
somehow, the only time we hurt for another is when it is too late for it to matter we finally care when they are rotting in a grave then we grieve for the pain they endured during life if we had only learned sooner how to help there is so much power in listening just hearing their fear and hurt instead of waiting until they’ve gone into the dirt all they ever needed was empathy feel for someone without asking for anything in return hurt for somebody whose pain you will never understand cry for anyone whether you know them or not laugh for everybody when they find their happiness love can help us survive -A. R. Davis Photo Credit: Lumppini /Adobe Stock
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Fulfilling My Unique Ministry…… Motherhood By Roikensha Craig
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or the past 3 years, I have shared my joys, challenges, mishaps and humor related to managing a career, marriage and children. Recently, I became a stay-at-home mom. All I can say is, “OMG! The tables have really turned!” It seems as if I have gone from a 6pm – 10pm mommy, to a 24/7, no break, no down time, no fringe benefits mommy! My first thoughts were, “Lord, since I am home, I want to get this right”... for real. I began to express to God how I wanted to be even more effective in my new role as a stayat-home mom. I wanted to know His expectations! What were His expectations of me as a mother? What did He want me to know, at core, no matter what I might experience?
ensure new hires will perform well on the job, sharpen skills, as well as promote job retention. As I begin to think about this even more, it made me wonder how crucial it was for me, as a mother, to fulfil Proverbs 22:6. Everyday, it is my ministry to train my children. As a result of this training, my daughters will one day be prepared for the world and hopefully, be able to thrive independently and successfully as an adult. Over the past several months, I have had an opportunity to see His Word and His guidance unfold and become manifested in the following experiences, thoughts and actions. • He wants me to teach, love and support my daughters, His precious children.
One scripture has become a staple in everything I “Train up a child in • He wants me to do. Proverbs 22:6 states, the way he should raise my daughters to “Train up a child in the love Him, fear Him and go, and when he way he should go, and admonish Him. is old he will not when he is old he will not depart from it.” depart from it.” Wow! • He wants me to know, Proverbs 22:6 I begin to think of the everything I need is significance of the key word “train” inside of me to raise the daughters in this scripture. In order to be He gave to me. successful, an individual’s exposure and access to beneficial training • He wants me to trust Him, talk to is vital. In the real world, before Him and lean on Him. beginning any new job, the average employer will provide a series of • He wants me to take care of my trainings to new hires. This is to body. 24 • WOMAN TO WOMAN WITH JOANNE: THE MAGAZINE • Issue 19•November 2018
• He wants me to feed my mind and thoughts with His Word and positive things. • He wants me to spend time in His presence consistently. • He wants me to know He is with me at all times. Teaching, loving and supporting my children are not always easy. I say this because to love also means to chasten...to discipline. I believe discipline by far, is my highest level of love in action. This is also, for me, the most difficult task of motherhood. Knowing when to laugh and when not to laugh at their “cute” antics. The times I say, “Walk please,” “Inside voice please,” “Repeat the words to this scripture after me,” “Let me put your bow in,” “You have had enough,” “Use your words,” “No more iPad, time to read a book,” “Let me place a bracelet on your wrist,” “No more pink lemonade,” “Wake up, let’s get ready for church,” or “You can choose between an apple or banana,” are basically a mere portion of the numerous ways I train my children on a daily basis. Sometimes I worry it is not enough. Will they “get it?” Will they know the path they are
supposed to take? As a mother, I completely! It has become my must believe and stand firm in the mantra. “I will think on things that Word of God. His instructions are are true, noble, just, pure, lovely, a clear – “Train up a good report, virtuous, My “multi-tasking” child in the way he praiseworthy – I will abilities might look should go, and when meditate on these completely different he is old he will not things!” As a mother, from another mom’s depart from it.” Philippians 4:8 propels multi-tasking abilities! me to greatness. It And guess what? To be clear, training challenges me to think It is okay. and rearing children of the positive things! is down-right This causes me to frustrating! As a mother of 2 girls realize my strengths, my small under the age of 6, I would often and big successes and overall, my become frustrated. I would doubt progress. Fulfilling the ministry my “motherly” skills and intuition. of motherhood is a serious task. At times, I thought I was not Trusting God, spending time in good enough to be a mother. I His presence and embracing our felt like I was failing my daughters “uniqueness” enables us to fulfill miserably. The day I buried these our ministry of motherhood negative thoughts was the same successfully. day I realized I was comparing myself to other mothers. I realized Prayer: that the way one mom manages Father, I thank you for the children is not necessarily a cookie cutter you gave to me. Thank you for fit for my style. My “multi-tasking” choosing me to be a mother to your abilities might look completely precious little ones. Father, in Your different from another mom’s Word, You remind us to be strong multi-tasking abilities! And guess and courageous, do not be afraid; what? It is okay. I do not have to do not be discouraged, for the Lord do everything I see other moms your God will be with you wherever doing for their children. I learned you go. Being a mother is not I could take the good strategies always easy, it takes patience, sense and skills from other moms and of humor, prayer, common sense, modify them to be conducive to wittiness, prayer, prayer, prayer and my scenario. As mothers, we can prayer! I thank You for Your power sometimes be pretty brutal toward that enables me to be a strong and ourselves. This is not acceptable. courageous mother! We must embrace our ministry of motherhood. Embrace our I thank You for upholding me “uniqueness” within motherhood. through Your Word. I strive to train And be patient in the process of my children up in the way they becoming the mother for our should go. You promised that if I children, as it is surely a process. do this, when they are old, they will not depart from that training. What I know for sure, is that all Father, I ask that you continue to mothers have a God-given ministry guide me in every understanding of to fulfill. How we fulfill this ministry, my children. Help me to be able to will be unique to each mother. motivate, love and discipline them I have embraced Philippians 4:8 according to their individual needs. Photo Credit: KCULP /Adobe Stock
Show me how to teach them to walk in Your will for their life. Show me how to create a hunger in them for Your Word and Your truth. Father, show me how to discipline them without breaking the zeal, selfinitiative, confidence and curiosity you placed into them. Give me the wisdom to impart into them as they grow up and enable them to make wise decisions. Father, I pray Your angels watch over them in every place they might be. Uphold and protect them when they are surrounded by individuals who may not have their best interests at heart. In the name of Jesus, I rebuke the antics of satan, who only comes to steal, kill and destroy. Father, you are good. You are faithful. Thank You Lord. In Jesus name, I pray. Amen. Roikensha Craig is the Founder and President of “The M Life”. The M Life is an organization designed to enhance and strengthen the lives of mothers from all walks of life. Our motive is to honor God’s Holy word as the foundation and only source of everlasting strength for mothers. You can follow Roikensha on Facebook @TheMLife, Twitter @ TheMLife1, Instagram @themlife_ managingeverything. The website is www.themlife.org. She resides in the Washington, DC area.
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26 • WOMAN TO WOMAN WITH JOANNE: THE MAGAZINE • Issue 19•November 2018
STEVEN JAMES INSURANCE AGENCY
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O Rowena Nguyen
Owner of Bella Nails in Madison, Mississippi
W N E R
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B
orn in The Philippines, Rowe Nguyen moved to the United States when she was 10 years old. They lived in Las Vegas, Nevada for two years before moving to Jackson, Mississippi. She was adopted by her first cousin who was married to a man who was originally from Crystal Springs, Mississippi named Marvin Jones Williams. She grew up in South Jackson where she attended Whitten Middle School and graduated from Forrest Hill High School. Living in Mississippi was a bit boring to Rowe because she was used to everything being within walking distance in the Philippines and Las Vegas. In Mississippi, you had to drive for a while to get to anything.
his brother but I was afraid. I had saved up $10k waiting tables and I was afraid to spend it all on a business. But it turned out to be the best $10k we could have spent. After some time, we decided to split the partnership with his brother and open our own Nail Salon and named it after our daughter Bella. We decided to open Bella Nails in Madison, Mississippi and things were awesome and the business boomed. I enjoy talking to my clients to learn more about them and how they live life.
as much as I can. I am learning how ask God to show me the way and where to go and what to do. I am learning to step out on faith and learning how to journal and express what I feel to free my mind. I have been attending Pinelake’s Madison Campus in Madison Mississippi for 3 years. I grew up Catholic and Catholics don’t read the Bible. I felt like I wasn’t connected there and I decided I wanted something different. I have always talked to God and had that great respect for Him. I wanted something more. Then God started challenging me to start studying and to read the Bible and to go to Bible Studies. There were so many reasons and excuses to not go, either I was tired or didn’t have time, or I always put it off and said I will do it later when I have more time. God showed me that I had put my husband on a pedestal and that I had put my marriage before Him.
I know I don’t want to do nails for the rest of my life but after the kids and everything, I feel a little stuck. I feel that God is calling me to something else because my heart is uneasy now. I feel She remembers: I think I had a boring there is a Ministry inside of me but I’m childhood. I was a shy kid and very not quite sure what God is calling me quiet and I didn’t do a lot of activities to do right now. I try my best to share other than choir because it was the God with people but sometimes I don’t only activity that I feel like I’m very good I feel there is a Ministry didn’t have to stay at it. inside of me but I’m not after school for. What really got my attention was quite sure what God is I loved competing I think I compare when my marriage started getting calling me to do right now. myself to others and rocky. Then, I told God I was so sorry in the choir’s state I try my best to share God I know that’s human, competitions. My and I committed to study and follow with people but sometimes teacher Libby Walden but I don’t want to Him and asked if He could fix it. I felt was a great teacher like maybe it could have been avoided if I don’t feel like I’m very do that. That’s the and she is still great to constant battle that I had obeyed and started going to Bible good at it. this day. I face. I have never Studies like He was nudging me to do. felt good enough and I know that’s I met my now husband in 10th the enemy’s trick. God is opening up Don’t try to do anything on your grade and the relationship went really my mind to so many different things. own. He gives great direction. I didn’t fast, and I poured all of myself into In comparing myself to other women, know to seek God first but I have the relationship. When you’re kids you thinking they are so smart and so learned and He has taught me and don’t really know what you’re doing talented and organized, I started to helped me through it. The enemy is even though you think you do. beat myself up because I always around trying to Don’t try to do didn’t finish college. But anything on your own. tempt people and I was After graduation, I really didn’t God opened my eyes easily tempted because I know what to do with my life. My to see that even though I didn’t finish didn’t know much of God’s Word. But husband encouraged me to do nails, so college, I don’t have to have a diploma my Grandmother instilled something in I went to nail school. After I finished to know Him and tell people about His me that gave me the great Fear of God. nail school, my husband goodness towards me. He is able to I am so glad we have the Holy Spirit wanted to start a teach me everything I need to know. with us and that we can have that inner business knowing that something is not right. with I am learning to let my light shine Seek God first in any decision, in any and to hear the voice of God and obey area, in any relationship, even with your His word. I talk to God and career. Seek him first. spend time with Him Photo Credit: Pierell /Adobe Stock WOMAN TO WOMAN WITH JOANNE: THE MAGAZINE •29
In Honor of my wife,
P
Patricia Pope By Fenton Pope
atricia Pope was born and raised in Covington County in Collins, Mississippi. Her parents were the late Archie and Ora Lee Fairley. She is the oldest of her 5 siblings. Her husband Fenton Pope and their three daughters Kim Pope Chatman, Sonja Pope Loftin and Youlanda Pope are owners and operators of Pope’s Cattle and Timber Farm Northwest of Collins in Southern Covington County. She is the proud Grandmother of Six Grandchildren that help with the farm. She is an active member of the Mt. Zion Ora Baptist Church of Collins MS. Patricia attended Collins High School and is a member of the graduating class of 1971. She has always had a special love for children and has dedicated her adult life to working with Five County and Sanderson Farm Child Care. On August 7th 2017, she had a life changing event when her Colonoscopy indicated that she had stage 3 Colorectal Cancer. On August 9th she met with her family doctor to discuss the pros and cons of getting treatment, and being the strong woman that she is, she told the doctor that she was ready for whatever lay ahead. On August 16th she had a scan to determine the exact location of the tumor, and after the location was pinpointed her doctor told her that she would have to have surgery to remove it.
the Chemo and the Radiation doctors to discuss a starting date for the treatment and she started treatment on September 5th 2017. The Chemo was given 24/7 through the port and the Radiation was given at the Cancer Center 5 days a week for 28 treatments. After finishing 1/2 of the treatment the surgery was scheduled for December 11, 2017 at Ochsner’s Clinic in New Orleans, Louisiana. The surgery went well and she was discharged to go home on December 15th 2017. After we got home and they got the lab test results, they called her and told her that the tumor she had was a rare type that was less likely to come back and she didn’t need the other 1/2 of the Chemo and Radiation. This was great news for her, her family and friends who have been by her side throughout this phase of her life. As her husband and care taker, I have seen her go through a lot of pain and discomfort, but at the same time I have seen a person that still has the faith and love that she has always shown in taking care of her family. We just thank God for her and all she brings to this family. We are so thankful that she is Cancer Free and doing what she has always done in showing her love by being a mentor for other Cancer patients. She said, “Through
it all, I have seen the lows and the highs of the effects of After he met with the Chemotherapy cancer and what it can do to a person. But I never lost the and Radiation doctors, they decided faith, because God is still in to put in a port and give her 1/2 of the Chemo and Radiation to shrink the charge of my life. Thank you, tumor before doing the surgery. On Lord!!!” August 23rd her doctor performed the surgery to put the port in place. On August 25th she met with both Photo Credit: Acik /Adobe Stock 30 • WOMAN TO WOMAN WITH JOANNE: THE MAGAZINE • Issue 19•November 2018
Incredibly Gooey Collapsing Chocolate Bourbon Pecan Pie Custard Cake By halfbakedharvest Course: Dessert Cuisine: American Prep Time 12 minutes Cook Time 18 minutes Total Time 30 minutes Servings 8 Servings Calories 375 kcal
Instructions Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Grease an 8-inch (for a tall, fat cake) or 9 to 10 -inch (for a shorter thinner cake) spring form pan thoroughly. Line the bottom of the pan with parchment paper and then grease the paper. In the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the whisk attachment, or using a hand held mixer in a large bowl, whisk the egg yolks, whole eggs and powdered sugar until just combined and frothy. Turn the mixer off completely while you warm the maple syrup. Add the maple syrup and molasses to a small sauce pan and bring up to a bubble, reduce the heat and simmer for about 2 minutes. Remove from the heat and slowly pour in the bourbon.
Ingredients 6 egg yolks at room temperature* 4 whole eggs at room temperature* 2 tablespoons powdered sugar 6 tablespoons honey or pure maple syrup I like honey a little better 2 tablespoons molasses 2-4 tablespoons bourbon optional 1 vanilla bean seeds scrapped* 9 tablespoons cake flour* 4-5 ounces dark or semi-sweet chocolate chopped 1 1/4 cups whole pecans Using a sifter, sift the cake flour over the batter. Add the vanilla bean seeds and then whisk on low speed until the flour is completely incorporated. I like to use a spatula and scrap the bottom of the bowl to be sure there is no flour down there. Stir in the chocolate chips and pecans. Pour the batter into the prepared spring form pan. Use a spoon to make sure all the pecans and chocolate chips are even distributed throughout the cake.
Bake for 17-19 minutes. Go 17 minutes for a super gooey cake and 19 for a little stiffer cake. Every oven is different, Turn your mixer to medium-high speed and while the mixer but just be sure to remove the cake while the center is still is running, slowly pour the hot maple bourbon mixture down giggly. If the cake does not giggle, it is already overcooked. the side of the bowl. Do not stop whisking the eggs during this You have to use your best judgment, but I found 18 minutes time. Once all the maple bourbon mixture has been added, was perfect. Once the cake is done, let it cool in the pan for continue to whisk the mixture on high speed until the batter 20-30 minutes. The cake will fall as it cools, this is what you leaves ribbons behind the whisk, about 3-5 minutes. Once you want to happen! see ribbons, turn the mixer off. Now grab the bowl and tap it against the counter a few times to remove any air bubbles. Slice and serve warm are at room temp. Photo Credit: Nattha99 /Adobe Stock
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Fall 2018 Highlights
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Understanding
Sexual Assault By Dr. Talya Straughter
I
t is unfortunate that sexual assault happens and there should be a conversation around the culture. For clarity in this article, sexual assault is defined as any sexual contact or behavior that happens to someone without their consent. Other names such as rape, sexual abuse and sexual violence also fall under this umbrella. Examples of sexual violence include forced kissing, touching, and vaginal, oral or anal penetration. Sexual assault can happen between two people who are in a romantic relationship. It can also happen between acquaintances or between strangers. It can happen when the victim is alert and rational or no longer wants the sexual contact. Lastly, both males and females can be victims of sexual violence. There is no cookie cutter response to sexual assault. Victims can range from being calm and flat to angry. There are many reasons why a sexual assault victim may not report the assault to the police. It is not easy to talk about sexual assault. The experience of re-telling what happened may cause the person to relive the trauma. Some other reasons for not immediately reporting the assault or not reporting it at all include fear
of not being believed, being blamed for the assault, being in shock that the assault happened, carrying around shame, retaliation by the offender or being “re-victimized” if the case matriculates through the criminal justice system. Reporting a sexual assault incident is the exception and not the norm. A 2016 survey completed by the Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs, Bureau of Justice Statistics, concluded that only 310 out of every 1,000 sexual assaults are reported to police. That means about 2 out of 3 go unreported. During this difficult time, there are some ways that one can support a survivor as they heal. Here are some tips that you can follow:
5. Respect the person’s decision about reporting- a person has the decision to report or not to report. Only they know if they are up to the enormous challenge that reporting entails. Do not make a report without consulting the person. Regaining control is beneficial during a survivor’s healing process. Simply being with a person and creating a safe silence is very useful as well. Non-judgmental support helps survivors tremendously as they recover from this traumatic event. If the survivor you care about or you are in need of support, you may contact my office or the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673. Talya Straughter is a licensed professional counselor in private practice in Ridgeland, MS. She can be reached at 601-952-0515, ext. 4 or talyastraughtercounseling@ gmail.com.
1. Believe the victim and reassure them that you know the assault was not their fault. 2. Validating the survivor’s feelings and understanding that they did the best they could under the stressful encounter. Just because a person submitted to an assault does not make them a willing participant.
Photo Credit: Jose Ignacio Soto /Adobe Stock
3. Create a safe space- By allowing the victim to talk at his or her own pace, despite your own possible discomfort with too much silence, or detail or repetition. 4. Being a willing listener is important when the person does decide to talk. Getting professional help during this time is beneficial during the healing process. WOMAN TO WOMAN WITH JOANNE: THE MAGAZINE •35
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Are you putting more money into bills than you are into savings? Could your family financially survive without your income? Would an extra $1000 a month make a significant difference in your household? Would you like to learn more about the answer to these questions? Contact us for more answers to these questions and a free financial analysis. Paxton Payton - (601) 942-2386 Shinita Payton - (601) 594-0382
Upcoming Events for
2018 Woman To Woman With Joanne’s Let’s Talk Sessions provide a safe environment for women to come and share whatever is on their heart - burdens, struggles, joys. We invite women to share openly without fear of being judged, talked about, or broadcast all over social media. Let’s Talk Sessions are held at the Mantle once a month.
November
November 15th - Let’s Talk Session, 7pm - 8pm 622 Duling Ave, Jackson, MS 39216
December
December 14th - Let’s Talk Session, 7pm - 8pm 622 Duling Ave, Jackson, MS 39216
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A SPECIAL THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS State Bank & Trust Renasant Bank Allstate Steven James Agency Sanjo Security Systems CNC Integrated Payment Systems
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